1 00:00:30,700 --> 00:00:33,795 Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening 2 00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:39,160 and welcome to QI. 3 00:00:43,180 --> 00:00:46,420 Coming to you tonight from... 4 00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:50,170 the other side. 5 00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:53,300 The hilly bourne from whence no traveller returns. 6 00:00:53,410 --> 00:00:54,980 The darkling plain, 7 00:00:55,570 --> 00:00:57,350 the place we go 8 00:00:57,510 --> 00:00:59,030 when we are... 9 00:01:00,455 --> 00:01:02,490 Dead! 10 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:06,400 But, before we descend into darkness, it's time to meet the panel: 11 00:01:06,460 --> 00:01:10,220 the bucket-kicking Clive Anderson... 12 00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:16,200 the clog-popping Sean Lock... 13 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:23,140 the mortal-coil off-shuffling Andy Parsons... 14 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:30,000 - and our very own Alan pushing-up-the-Davies. - Very good. 15 00:01:34,390 --> 00:01:39,100 And tonight the buzzers are suitably dolorous. Clive goes: 16 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,200 ("Twilight Zone" theme) 17 00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:43,690 Sean goes: 18 00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:50,300 Andy goes: 19 00:01:50,350 --> 00:01:53,000 (sound of the shower-stabbing scene from "Psycho") 20 00:01:53,820 --> 00:01:55,670 And Alan goes: 21 00:01:55,770 --> 00:02:02,000 ("Always look on the bright side of life!" from Monty Python's "Life of Brian") 22 00:02:03,250 --> 00:02:05,880 So, let's start with something terrifying. 23 00:02:05,980 --> 00:02:08,620 This is a marmot, 24 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:11,700 a pot-bellied member of the squirrel family. 25 00:02:11,950 --> 00:02:15,900 It's about the size of a cat and squeaks loudly when anxious or alarmed. 26 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,740 - Ritz! They're eating Ritz biscuits. - Yeah, they seem to be, don't they. 27 00:02:18,750 --> 00:02:25,520 - Or they're Mini Cheddars. - Given the right conditions, it's a dangerous, a deadly merciless killer of humans. 28 00:02:25,620 --> 00:02:26,950 How? 29 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:32,000 - Clive. - Er, lead piping in the billiard room. 30 00:02:34,015 --> 00:02:35,580 Colonel Marmot! 31 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,530 Are these the ones that live in the Gobi Desert? 32 00:02:38,570 --> 00:02:41,650 - The Mongolian and Russian Steppes. - Yes. I've seen loads of these then, 33 00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:44,590 and I did a... a railway journey for the BBC, oddly enough. And they scurry around. 34 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,460 None of them killed any humans in front of me while they were doing that, but... 35 00:02:47,510 --> 00:02:49,915 No, and yet they're more responsible for death 36 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:53,000 - than any other animal except the... - Do they get caught up in machinery somehow? 37 00:02:53,450 --> 00:02:55,500 No. The maxim or the marmot. 38 00:02:56,540 --> 00:02:58,640 Is it to do with the Ritz crackers? 39 00:02:58,740 --> 00:03:04,000 They sort of spit on the Ritz crackers, put them all back into the packet. 40 00:03:05,140 --> 00:03:08,430 Do you know, oddly, Andy, the spitting part is good. 41 00:03:08,530 --> 00:03:11,265 When they spit and cough, billions die. 42 00:03:11,266 --> 00:03:13,000 - Well, millions. - Are they carriers of TB, 43 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,330 - like badgers are allegedly... ? - Worse. - The plague. 44 00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:16,820 "Plague" is the right answer. 45 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:21,600 - They've got the plague! - They are the actual original animal source of... 46 00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:25,130 - Not the rats? - No, they cough and spit onto the fleas, 47 00:03:25,230 --> 00:03:27,680 which catch the disease, which then goes to the rats, 48 00:03:27,780 --> 00:03:31,880 which then came to Europe and wiped out half the population of Europe in the fourteenth century. 49 00:03:31,930 --> 00:03:35,835 The problem with them coughing is obviously the fact that they've got those dry crackers. 50 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,890 Just give them a drink of water next to it. 51 00:03:40,070 --> 00:03:42,000 Have the biscuit, a little water, no coughing. 52 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,720 No coughing. 53 00:03:44,260 --> 00:03:46,500 Do you know why it's called "bubonic"? Do you know what that... 54 00:03:46,550 --> 00:03:48,760 Those big round things come up under your... 55 00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:52,400 - buboes are... - The buboes, but the bubo itself actually comes from the Greek "boubon", 56 00:03:52,450 --> 00:03:54,090 - which is "groin". - Groin. 57 00:03:54,140 --> 00:03:58,000 One of the areas where you get a big swelling, when you get the bubonic plague. 58 00:03:58,370 --> 00:04:01,750 - How often...? - ...do I get a swelling? - Yes, sorry. No. 59 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,260 No. Not as often as I used to, I'm sorry to say. 60 00:04:05,410 --> 00:04:08,290 Given that's all they've got to do is just paint that red cross on, 61 00:04:08,340 --> 00:04:10,480 they've not done a great job, have they? 62 00:04:11,530 --> 00:04:14,444 - What's wrong with that? - Well it's well to the left, isn't it there? They're... 63 00:04:14,450 --> 00:04:17,580 You know, you'd have thought if all you've got to do all day is go 'round doing a red cross, 64 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:20,000 you'd have more pride in your work than that. 65 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:24,730 You're not... You're not hanging around doing it though, are you? "There's plague in here. Let's... Oh I'll just do a..." 66 00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:26,790 A really long stick they do it with. 67 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,630 - You're just waiting for a marmot to come flying out and bite you or spit at you. - Knock on the door and say... 68 00:04:30,730 --> 00:04:34,000 Anyway. Yes, almost a million Britons fell victim to the Black Death. 69 00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:39,000 what illness do British doctors now treat more than any other? 70 00:04:41,710 --> 00:04:44,740 The widest disease in these sort of quizzes is normally dental caries, 71 00:04:44,810 --> 00:04:47,690 but I suppose dentists treat that rather than doctors. 72 00:04:47,790 --> 00:04:49,880 - This is doctors, specifically. - Is it cancer? 73 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,670 Oh, dear, no, it's not cancer. 74 00:04:51,990 --> 00:04:53,350 No-nee-no-nee-no. 75 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,370 - Flu. - Nor is it flu. 76 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:04,300 Is it a little niggle that you're not quite sure what it is... 77 00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:11,470 but you think it'll be enough to keep you off work for the rest of the week? 78 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:16,480 Three million, one hundred thousand people in Britain every year. 79 00:05:16,580 --> 00:05:17,790 Pregnancy? 80 00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:20,830 Pregnancy isn't a disease, Alan, surely. 81 00:05:20,930 --> 00:05:23,390 It would be if Alan got it. 82 00:05:24,130 --> 00:05:25,760 No, it would be a surprise; it wouldn't be... 83 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:29,200 I'll give you a clue, then: It begins with "D". 84 00:05:29,350 --> 00:05:31,200 Death. 85 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:34,130 No. Doctors don't treat death, unfortunately. No. 86 00:05:34,140 --> 00:05:35,270 - Deafness. - Dermatitis. 87 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:37,200 Not deafness, not dermatitis. 88 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,300 Give us a second letter. 89 00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:44,000 - It's got to be a vowel, isn't it? - Do a "sounds like". - Yes. 90 00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:47,790 It sounds like "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned..." 91 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:51,590 - Dinned! - No, no, no. When do... 92 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,000 - Confession. - Confession. It sounds like confession, 93 00:05:54,070 --> 00:05:55,570 - begins with a "D" - Depression! - Depression! 94 00:05:55,590 --> 00:05:57,760 Thank you very much indeed! 95 00:05:59,670 --> 00:06:01,240 Well done. 96 00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:09,450 Between 7 and 10 percent of women suffer from depression and about 3 to 5 percent of men. 97 00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:13,600 And this is what they call unipolar depression, i.e., not manic depression. 98 00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:16,000 If you're gonna to be depressed, you're luckier if you get manic depression 99 00:06:16,060 --> 00:06:20,500 than if you just get plain depression, 'cause you get the upside of mania. 100 00:06:20,550 --> 00:06:21,300 "I can conquer the world!" 101 00:06:21,370 --> 00:06:23,000 That kind of feeling, exactly. 102 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:27,770 But now you can't say manic depression, can you? You've got to say bipolar disorder now, haven't you? Isn't that right? 103 00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:30,560 Actually, the best people on the subject, 104 00:06:30,610 --> 00:06:34,880 - Kay Redfield Jamison, in America, for example, has written... - That's a brilliant book. An Unquiet Mind. 105 00:06:34,890 --> 00:06:38,350 Yeah, Unquiet Mind is a fantastic. She calls it "manic depression", or "madness"! 106 00:06:38,450 --> 00:06:41,700 She's seriously manic depressive and takes a lot of Lithium. 107 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,480 She's also a professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University. 108 00:06:44,580 --> 00:06:46,700 Do depressed people mind what you call them? 109 00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:48,540 Erm, generally speaking not, to be honest. 110 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,180 I mean one of the great advantages of, certainly, manic depression is a sense of humour. 111 00:06:51,260 --> 00:06:54,500 Kind of keeps you going, because of the loony things you do when you're manic. 112 00:06:54,590 --> 00:06:57,520 There was one person who took apart a car, 113 00:06:57,540 --> 00:06:59,910 , bit by bit, on a huge area. He laid out a sheet, 114 00:07:00,065 --> 00:07:03,300 took apart the engine, sort of did outlines around each part 115 00:07:03,330 --> 00:07:06,300 and numbered them, named them... everything was fantastic. 116 00:07:06,350 --> 00:07:09,700 Then, of course, he got the mood swing and was depressed and he kicked it all over. "Fuck it!" 117 00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:17,080 The whole thing to pieces, he was. And so no car, basically. Bits everywhere. 118 00:07:17,180 --> 00:07:21,950 But that's bipolar depression. What about just generally feeling a bit miserable and sad about life, does that count as depression? 119 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:26,100 It's arguably... Of course, a very, very difficult condition to diagnose, 120 00:07:26,140 --> 00:07:29,050 and people who are cynical about it and think, "Oh, just walk it off," 121 00:07:29,110 --> 00:07:31,020 you know, there is, of course, some truth in that, 122 00:07:31,021 --> 00:07:34,750 inasmuch as exercise is shown to be credibly helpful for depression. 123 00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:37,600 Is that the theory with the... You know, you go into a chemist, 124 00:07:37,670 --> 00:07:39,900 and you can only buy a certain amount of Paracetamol, 125 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,420 'cause they're worried that you're going to take too much of it. 126 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,460 You could always walk down the street, obviously 127 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:47,500 and then go to the next chemist and buy another lot, couldn't you? 128 00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:49,690 But are they hoping that that little walk will make you think, 129 00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:51,540 "Oh, actually, life's not that bad"? 130 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,930 You pass an off licence and a strip club... 131 00:07:55,030 --> 00:07:59,015 - Something to cheer you up, you see. - You see someone fall in the canal... 132 00:08:01,210 --> 00:08:04,050 Swimming with dolphins. That's apparently a very good treatment for depression. 133 00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:06,250 Not if they reject you. 134 00:08:08,470 --> 00:08:10,140 Not if they go... 135 00:08:11,710 --> 00:08:12,960 and off they go. 136 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,330 That takes you to another level. 137 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:18,970 The problem is often the other way round; is severe bruising 138 00:08:18,980 --> 00:08:20,815 because the dolphins get too interested in you 139 00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:23,410 and because their penises are a foot long and S-shaped, 140 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:27,560 - you can be in serious trouble. - And that's just the ladies! 141 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:32,530 Yeah. But, while on the subject of depression, what is the saddest song you know? 142 00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:35,000 Otis Redding. "Sad Song." 143 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:38,065 - That's . . . that's gotta be sad. - I saw something... That song, 144 00:08:38,066 --> 00:08:42,000 Labour used it, with D-Ream: "Things Can Only Get Better"? 145 00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:45,700 Because if you're in a situation where things can only get better, 146 00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:47,650 you are seriously screwed up, aren't you? 147 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,380 Well, there is a song which has caused suicide. 148 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:53,800 - Oh, I know this. Billie Holiday, isn't it? Erm... - Say it! You know it. 149 00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:55,900 - She sang it. - I know, but I...I know, but it's 150 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,000 - She didn't write it, but... It sounds like a New Order. - Say that again? 151 00:08:58,100 --> 00:09:02,000 - "Strange Fruit". - Not "Strange Fruit", but that is a great song, "Strange Fruit". 152 00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:06,500 - "Gloomy Sunday." - She said it: "Gloomy Sunday." Well done. Award yourself two points. Yeah. 153 00:09:12,350 --> 00:09:14,480 Erm, "Gloomy Sunday". 154 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,160 If you promise not to hurl yourself off the edge of the set, 155 00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:24,500 then I will allow you to hear a little of "Gloomy Sunday" sung by Miss Billie Holiday. 156 00:09:28,710 --> 00:09:30,710 Oh, Jesus! 157 00:09:39,710 --> 00:09:41,290 You've always got the antidote! 158 00:09:43,510 --> 00:09:45,499 Now you know what to do if you're feeling down. 159 00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:50,000 - I have to say, I've just been looking at the scoreboard, and at the moment the audience is winning. - Yes. 160 00:09:51,850 --> 00:09:54,050 Monday's supposed to be the most depressing day of the week. 161 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:57,400 Imagine you'd had a Sunday like that and you had Monday to look forward to. 162 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,480 No, well, this is a song written by one Rezso Seress in 1933, 163 00:10:01,490 --> 00:10:04,420 a Hungarian, inspired by the end of a relationship. 164 00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:06,900 It became an instant hit, and so flushed with success, 165 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:09,790 he went to his girlfriend and suggested they get back together. 166 00:10:09,890 --> 00:10:11,900 A day later she poisoned herself, 167 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,450 leaving a two word suicide note: "Gloomy Sunday". 168 00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:17,590 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 169 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,760 Yeah. A hundred suicides, apparently, have been linked to the song. 170 00:10:19,810 --> 00:10:22,150 The New York Times had this great big headline: 171 00:10:22,190 --> 00:10:25,750 "Hundreds of Hungarians kill themselves under the influence of a song." 172 00:10:25,770 --> 00:10:27,220 Soon Americans were joining them, 173 00:10:27,270 --> 00:10:30,420 and the ghoulish reputation of the "Hungarian suicide song" 174 00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:33,140 touched almost every country where it was played. 175 00:10:33,190 --> 00:10:35,680 Victims included teenagers and octogenarians. 176 00:10:35,730 --> 00:10:37,470 One man heard a beggar humming the song, 177 00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:42,000 immediately gave him all his possessions, jumped to his death off a bridge. Erm... 178 00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:45,000 That's great busking, isn't it? 179 00:10:46,190 --> 00:10:51,620 The composer himself ended it all by throwing himself from his apartment window in 1968 at the age of seventy. 180 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:57,000 Well, that was a horrible mess, wasn't it, that. A seventy year-old hitting the pavement. 181 00:10:57,430 --> 00:10:59,480 Why is that worse than anyone else hitting the pavement? 182 00:10:59,490 --> 00:11:04,210 Well, you know, a young person has got a bit of fat in... on them, something to cushion the splat. 183 00:11:04,220 --> 00:11:07,790 But this would just be, just be... be bones and skin; just "crunch". 184 00:11:07,890 --> 00:11:12,000 like a bag of crisps hitting the pavement. "Crunch!" 185 00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:14,310 You don't do that at seventy; that's not right. 186 00:11:14,410 --> 00:11:16,800 There was one bloke, wasn't there... He was on the first floor, 187 00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:19,090 split up with his missus; She left him, 188 00:11:19,092 --> 00:11:22,300 went downstairs, walked out. He jumped out of the window to commit suicide, 189 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,700 he lands on her, she dies, he lives, 190 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:30,500 but he thinks, "great", and he went on, didn't he. That was, there was a famous case that I... I know all... 191 00:11:30,700 --> 00:11:33,500 I think the word is "Result!" 192 00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:37,730 - A lot of people kill themselves by throwing themselves off Beachy Head. - That is very popular indeed. 193 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:40,800 And there are dozens of other cliffs, but people, they're like lemmings, 194 00:11:40,810 --> 00:11:42,200 almost literally like lemmings. 195 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,700 They want to just go somewhere famous to do it, so they... 196 00:11:44,710 --> 00:11:48,000 so it's either the Northern Line or Beachy Head. 197 00:11:48,070 --> 00:11:50,540 I went to Beachy Head very early in the morning, right? Not... 198 00:11:50,590 --> 00:11:52,140 - Just as the sun was rising? - Not to commit suicide, 199 00:11:52,180 --> 00:11:53,970 no, but I'd gone to a fishmongers which wasn't open 200 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,240 in Eastbourne. 201 00:11:55,290 --> 00:11:58,920 Funnily enough, you'd think the fishmonger would open early, doesn't open until ten! 202 00:11:58,970 --> 00:12:00,700 What's going on? 203 00:12:00,770 --> 00:12:03,400 Anyway listen round! And, er... 204 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:06,065 Yes, thank you! 205 00:12:07,340 --> 00:12:10,230 All right, Alfred? Nice to see you're in. 206 00:12:11,110 --> 00:12:13,380 - And so I thought I'd go up to Beachy Head, just to see what it's like. - Yes. 207 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,670 And there was these two guys, sort of sentinels. 208 00:12:15,710 --> 00:12:17,300 One of them had a guitar and the other one had a flute, 209 00:12:17,340 --> 00:12:21,530 and I was... I was wandering along, and they sort of went,"Hi, hi!" like this, 210 00:12:21,570 --> 00:12:23,370 and I went, "All right?" like that. 211 00:12:23,940 --> 00:12:26,340 - Because I... I'm not cheerful. - Grumpy sod, yeah. 212 00:12:26,380 --> 00:12:29,340 And eventually they sort of go...They were going, "Hi," and they sort of beckoned me over, 213 00:12:29,390 --> 00:12:30,755 and they said, "Everything all right?" I said, "Yeah, fine." 214 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,760 And they... they said, er, "You're not thinking of, er...?" 215 00:12:33,810 --> 00:12:37,000 Not... not exactly that, but they were there to... to prevent people... 216 00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:39,430 - Oh! Bless them. - They didn't stop... - Yeah, but get this. Listen to this. 217 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:44,100 I said, "Well, how... how often are you here?" They said, "A week... Once a week." I said, "Oh, right."" 218 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:48,070 Even better... Even better, I said, "How long are you here for?" He said "About an hour." 219 00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:54,500 This man Seress, anyway. The BBC banned the song until the year 2002. 220 00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:57,000 It's only just been allowed to be played. 221 00:12:57,040 --> 00:13:00,400 That is how seriously people take this suicide song. 222 00:13:00,410 --> 00:13:06,560 Anyway, that's probably enough gloom. Let's play a game. Time for Killer Mushroom Roulette! 223 00:13:07,610 --> 00:13:11,240 If you wondered what the, er, skull and crossbones cards on your table were for, 224 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:15,390 I'm going to show you on screen four types of mushroom, 225 00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:18,300 numbered one to four. All you've got to do is write down the number 226 00:13:18,310 --> 00:13:20,600 of the one you may safely eat. 227 00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:24,630 Is it one, Death Cap? Two, Peppery Milk Cap? 228 00:13:24,730 --> 00:13:30,090 Three, Destroying Angel? Or four, Trumpet of Death? 229 00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:33,730 One of them is safe to eat, highly nutritious, and very pleasant. 230 00:13:33,735 --> 00:13:35,570 The others--will kill you! 231 00:13:35,630 --> 00:13:37,680 Can we try them all first? 232 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,160 - You get one each. - Yeah. - Somebody told me, 233 00:13:40,230 --> 00:13:43,570 - there are very, very few killer mushrooms... - There are very few. 234 00:13:43,610 --> 00:13:49,330 - and we're so ludicrously scared of these. - We are. There are three thousand, five hundred species of mushrooms in the UK; 235 00:13:49,380 --> 00:13:52,430 about a hundred are poisonous and only fifteen of those are lethal. 236 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,575 One of them I'm sure I've seen in Carluccio's. 237 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,250 - That's very possible. - So I've gone for that one. 238 00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:59,940 - All right, so what have you written there? - I've written number one. 239 00:13:59,990 --> 00:14:01,250 So you think Death Cap, number one, you can eat? 240 00:14:01,255 --> 00:14:03,770 - The reason being...am I allowed to give a reason? - Yes, please do. 241 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:08,125 Is it... It looks a bit, I think, like a penis. 242 00:14:09,090 --> 00:14:11,180 And you can safely eat a penis, can't you? You can. 243 00:14:11,220 --> 00:14:14,100 Well, that wasn't going to be my logic, but yes. 244 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,840 - Clive, you've gone for? - Well, I'm afraid... I've gone for the same answer I'm afraid. - Number one. 245 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:23,590 but I thought that Trumpet of Death looked like a penis, but, er, there it is. 246 00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,900 - That's a worry, Clive. - Well, what can I say? 247 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,100 What have you got there, Sean? 248 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:30,000 - Number one. - Number one as well. 249 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,800 I've gone for number four. 250 00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:36,350 Well, the ten points go to Alan Davies! 251 00:14:38,350 --> 00:14:39,885 Very good. 252 00:14:40,750 --> 00:14:45,050 You all used the same kind of logic, knowing that the one that would sound deadly, is probably good 253 00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:47,600 but unfortunately, you all went for the Death Cap, 254 00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:49,620 and in fact it's the Trumpet of Death that is the one. 255 00:14:49,690 --> 00:14:52,400 It's also called a Black Morae or a Horn of Plenty 256 00:14:52,470 --> 00:14:55,090 - and is delicious and nutty. - But that wouldn't be on a menu. 257 00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:58,000 "Trumpet of Death omelette". 258 00:14:58,090 --> 00:14:59,800 You're quite right, though; it's very, very rare. 259 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,150 The last recorded death by mushroom in Britain 260 00:15:02,210 --> 00:15:05,700 is too long ago for anyone, basically, to be confident about. 261 00:15:05,750 --> 00:15:07,999 They are pretty nasty: they'll destroy your liver and kidney, 262 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,500 particularly the Death Cap and the Destroying Angel. 263 00:15:10,530 --> 00:15:13,130 - Do you have to eat a lot of them? - Quite a few actually, yeah. 264 00:15:13,190 --> 00:15:14,900 But the thing is, there's no known antidote. 265 00:15:14,950 --> 00:15:16,990 The Peppery Milk Cap is more likely to be gastric. 266 00:15:17,020 --> 00:15:20,200 You'll have a really bad time, but it can kill you if you have a lot of those. 267 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:24,500 Despite its black colour, the Trumpet of Death is very tasty and goes particularly well with fish. 268 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:27,120 Italians call it the poor man's truffle. 269 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:32,000 Er, what did the Nazis use Trumpets of Jericho for? 270 00:15:32,060 --> 00:15:33,970 Was it lift music? 271 00:15:35,330 --> 00:15:36,600 No, it wasn't. 272 00:15:37,050 --> 00:15:38,760 Did they come up with some foul weapon 273 00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:43,290 that was to bring down the walls of, er, cities and towns and things? 274 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:47,500 - Oh, dear. I'm afraid... - Yes, I . . . I kind of thought that was going to happen, but, er... 275 00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:52,800 Joshua in the Bible, of course, brought down, supposedly, the walls of the city of Jericho using Trumpet, 276 00:15:52,850 --> 00:15:55,910 though, apparently, archeologists say Jericho had no walls, but never mind 277 00:15:55,950 --> 00:15:59,400 - Erm, so it was a pretty easy... easy job. - Not after him anyway. 278 00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:03,800 Erm. Who knows? No, er, this is the Ju87. Does that help? 279 00:16:03,820 --> 00:16:07,070 - Junkers. - Junkers, absolutely, known as a particular kind. 280 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,090 - Aircraft. 88. - Stukas. 281 00:16:09,110 --> 00:16:12,580 - Stuka, ah, yes. - The Stuka, ja. - That's a bird! - It's the siren, the whistling siren when they dive in. 282 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:16,320 The whistling sound. That's right, they had a... 283 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,635 Just took me all back, I was a kid doing war. 284 00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:24,000 No, but then the Stukas start coming. 285 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,400 Yeah, do you want to hear them? 286 00:16:29,370 --> 00:16:31,260 It's that noise. 287 00:16:31,540 --> 00:16:34,390 That noise was a propeller driving a... 288 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:37,510 - a siren, just deliberately put on to scare the bejesus... - Screaming, screaming siren. 289 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,200 That's right. They called it the Trumpet of Jericho, yeah. 290 00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:42,300 And it destroyed more shipping and tanks than any other aircraft 291 00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:45,210 in the whole of World War II, including Kamikaze pilots. 292 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:48,270 It was extremely successful, except when it was up against fighters 293 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:51,030 and it sent them over in the Battle of Britain to try and bomb air strips, 294 00:16:51,060 --> 00:16:54,850 but the old Hurricanes and Spits were far too nimble and they got thirty down in one day, I believe. 295 00:16:55,660 --> 00:16:59,000 - Well, the Americans did the same by using Wagner in their helicopters. - They still do. 296 00:16:59,010 --> 00:17:02,850 - Do they still? - They still play loud, extremely loud rock music 297 00:17:02,870 --> 00:17:05,000 - to terrify the opposition. - I've noticed that, in their bedrooms! 298 00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:09,800 They played it to themselves in the tanks, during the Iraq War. 299 00:17:09,810 --> 00:17:12,175 I mean you just want to go and say, "I tell you what, lovely army, 300 00:17:12,176 --> 00:17:15,865 very nice vehicles and things... Do you have any grown-ups anywhere?" 301 00:17:16,810 --> 00:17:19,130 - "Who's in charge of you?" - "Don't shout, 302 00:17:19,150 --> 00:17:24,300 and don't think it's clever to wear sunglasses if you're a General. Eurgh." Pathetic! 303 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:29,870 Of all the objections to warfare, it's the use of sunglasses! 304 00:17:29,890 --> 00:17:32,830 They're trying to be like at Patton. They think it's sexy and cool. 305 00:17:32,850 --> 00:17:34,490 - Well, it's from films, isn't it? - If you think you're sexy and cool, you're... 306 00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:36,990 - you're just going to be a ghastly tactician. - What about that General, 307 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,490 who said to the troops, "You've got it all wrong 308 00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,540 It's like he was trying to get in with the kids 309 00:17:40,550 --> 00:17:45,600 - and he said, "When the order is given to attack, it's hammer time." - Yeah. 310 00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:49,000 And they all looked at him. So he said it again, more serious. "It's hammer time!" 311 00:17:49,010 --> 00:17:52,500 What, he thought they'd put on, like, big balloony trousers and go... 312 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:58,000 "Can't touch this!" 313 00:17:58,670 --> 00:18:01,940 Right next to the ruins of Jericho, as it happens, 314 00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:05,690 there is more death and diving. What lives in the Dead Sea? 315 00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:07,690 - Not much. - Isn't there a fish that lives in it? 316 00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:10,900 - No fish, no. - It's really stingy. If you get it in your eyes, it really stings. 317 00:18:10,910 --> 00:18:12,910 - Oh, it would sting. - There must be a nematode worm, 318 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,770 - because nematode worms live everywhere. - They seem to, don't they? No, it's not actually. 319 00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:18,490 You've avoided saying "nothing", which would have got a big raspberry. 320 00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:22,000 Is it a rabbit? It's rabbits always going like that."Ahh. Ahh." 321 00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:25,810 "Ahh." It just escaped... 322 00:18:26,820 --> 00:18:29,590 Er, no, in fact, there are small little things called "extremophiles", 323 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,850 which are almost like bacteria, but a much much older life form than bacteria. 324 00:18:32,860 --> 00:18:34,490 They look quite tasty. 325 00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:37,300 - They look like piles. So, erm... - They do. 326 00:18:38,790 --> 00:18:41,950 - So what else do we know about the Dead Sea? - It's below sea level. 327 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,250 The lowest place on Earth. 328 00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:47,200 The lowest place in England is in Norfolk. 329 00:18:47,220 --> 00:18:50,000 But that's not the Dead Sea, it's just dead boring. 330 00:18:50,110 --> 00:18:52,380 - The Fens. - The Fens aren't really in Norfolk. 331 00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:54,000 - Cambridgeshire. - Cambridgeshire more. 332 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:59,080 - Talking about lowest exposed areas, I've just had a look at that picture. - Yeah. 333 00:18:59,090 --> 00:19:01,000 What's he doing with his hands there? 334 00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:03,100 He's strangling a rabbit. 335 00:19:05,130 --> 00:19:08,600 - That's an old... That's an old euphemism. - More rabbits. 336 00:19:08,650 --> 00:19:10,900 - I'm just going over there to strangle a rabbit. - Strangle a rabbit. Ahh. 337 00:19:10,930 --> 00:19:12,500 So can you actually do that in the Dead Sea, 338 00:19:12,530 --> 00:19:17,500 - you can lie around without having to... - Toss yourself off, yeah, it's fine, yeah. 339 00:19:17,510 --> 00:19:20,264 They've got so many problems with the Palestinians. 340 00:19:20,265 --> 00:19:24,480 They go, "Ah, have a wank. We don't mind." 341 00:19:24,490 --> 00:19:27,750 - The sea is supposed to be salty, not the jokes! - Oh, very good. 342 00:19:29,090 --> 00:19:32,180 - They send people there on the National Health, - They do, they do. 343 00:19:32,181 --> 00:19:33,840 - if they've got psoriasis. - Quite a lot of conditions it's supposed to help. 344 00:19:33,850 --> 00:19:36,990 The other thing is... it's... Despite the myth, people do drown in the Dead Sea. 345 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,710 If you face the wrong way, people can't turn themselves 'round. 346 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,700 There's too much resistance from the water, apparently. 347 00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:46,000 - It's called natural selection, isn't it? - Yeah, I think you may be right. 348 00:19:46,380 --> 00:19:50,600 Do you know that there are about two hundred and fifty drownings of people in Britain each year, 349 00:19:50,610 --> 00:19:54,000 of which roughly a third are intentional. 350 00:19:54,050 --> 00:19:59,000 Bearing that in mind, can you tell me what's interesting about this sad little rodent? 351 00:19:59,820 --> 00:20:03,900 It doesn't matter whether he's upside down or right way up. 352 00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:05,900 He looks exactly the same. 353 00:20:05,990 --> 00:20:10,190 - You certainly... - No one cares. - Is this... - If he falls on his back, nobody turns him round. 354 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:14,400 - So is this a lemming? - It's a lemming. - And he looks like the devil's arsehole, his mouth. 355 00:20:14,470 --> 00:20:16,780 You certainly wouldn't want a blow-job off him, would you? 356 00:20:16,790 --> 00:20:19,300 It'd be a scrapey experience. 357 00:20:19,310 --> 00:20:21,300 It is a lemming, it's a Norway lemming. 358 00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:24,200 They don't actually jump off cliffs. 359 00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:27,600 - They don't jump off cliffs. - It was invented by Disney or somebody? 360 00:20:27,630 --> 00:20:30,900 Oh, dear me. It was not invented by Disney, no. 361 00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:33,233 There were two myths about it, one that they commit mass suicide, 362 00:20:33,235 --> 00:20:35,480 - the other that it was Disney who invented the myth. - Ah, right. 363 00:20:35,490 --> 00:20:39,190 In fact, they didn't. As early as 1908 in an Arthur Mee's Children's Encyclopedia, 364 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,870 he talks about them throwing themselves off cliffs into the water. 365 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:45,250 They have done it. It was when their migratory path hit a cliff. 366 00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:47,900 They don't really migrate, but they're fantastic breeders. 367 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,800 A mother can produce eighty in a year, 368 00:20:49,890 --> 00:20:53,900 and when the population swells, they have to move off to find places where they can eat. 369 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,260 So what are we saying, they do throw themselves off cliffs, or they don't throw themselves off? 370 00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:57,800 - They don't. They don't at all. - They don't. 371 00:20:57,810 --> 00:20:59,750 The Disney film though, you're quite right, was completely faked. 372 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,960 I mean they made this film called "White Wilderness"; 373 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:05,280 they had to bus in lemmings from thousands of... 374 00:21:05,290 --> 00:21:07,440 And they... they tossed them off the cliff, did they? 375 00:21:07,450 --> 00:21:11,350 They did, well they sort of dropped them in front of camera in a close-up, in a rather pathetic attempt to do it. 376 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:14,000 They're not any more suicidal than any other animal. 377 00:21:14,060 --> 00:21:18,190 He's actually trying to do his impression of Einstein in that picture. 378 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,510 But his tongue is stuck on both of his teeth. 379 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:23,000 Yes, it's a rather sweet little tongue, don't you think? 380 00:21:23,060 --> 00:21:25,850 It's a little pretty pink tongue, rather nice. 381 00:21:26,860 --> 00:21:29,900 - Watch out for the teeth, Stephen. - Yes. 382 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:35,730 Anyway, er, this delivers us, damp, but not down-hearted, into the valley of General Ignorance. 383 00:21:35,740 --> 00:21:38,090 So, fingers on trumpets please. 384 00:21:38,190 --> 00:21:41,040 What was the curse of Tutankhamun? 385 00:21:41,710 --> 00:21:43,620 You have to queue up for ages. 386 00:21:45,630 --> 00:21:47,990 - The one that's going to lose me another ten points... - Yes? 387 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,950 is that anybody interfering with his tomb would be forever cursed. 388 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:55,900 So the mere fact, yeah, you see. "Death to all who enter here," yes. 389 00:21:55,990 --> 00:21:57,655 The fact is, there is no curse. There never was. 390 00:21:57,700 --> 00:22:01,700 There's no inscription that even comes close to being a curse of Tutankhamun, 391 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,200 or of any Egyptian tomb ever. 392 00:22:04,220 --> 00:22:09,000 He looks like Tiger Woods eating a cornetto. 393 00:22:11,370 --> 00:22:13,670 You're absolutely right! 394 00:22:14,030 --> 00:22:15,920 - Erm, Lord Carnarvon, who, er... - Ah, that's the one. 395 00:22:16,180 --> 00:22:19,780 was one of the people with Howard Carter, who first uncovered or excavated the tomb, 396 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,790 died very, very soon afterwards from a shaving accident, 397 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:25,945 probably an infected mosquito bite that he cut. 398 00:22:26,150 --> 00:22:27,420 And people though, "Ooh, it's cursed!" 399 00:22:27,700 --> 00:22:32,000 There was one of the party that had excavated it who died in about 1978, aged ninety-three 400 00:22:32,220 --> 00:22:34,220 and the headline was, "Curse of Tutankhamun 401 00:22:34,221 --> 00:22:35,980 strikes again!" 402 00:22:37,850 --> 00:22:41,740 Jane Loudon Webb wrote a novel called The Mummy in 1828, 403 00:22:42,210 --> 00:22:46,210 about a mummy coming to life and chasing those who had, er, desecrated its tomb. 404 00:22:46,550 --> 00:22:49,450 But the fact is that thorough research has shown that only six died 405 00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:51,330 within the first decade of the opening 406 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:54,430 and Howard Carter, surely the number one target as the chief of it, er, 407 00:22:54,950 --> 00:22:56,285 lived for another seventeen years. 408 00:22:56,650 --> 00:23:01,700 - None of these superstitions should be worried about... touch wood - Hey! Ha ha. 409 00:23:01,780 --> 00:23:07,011 Now, the Great Fire of London destroyed thirteen thousand, two hundred houses, 410 00:23:07,030 --> 00:23:15,300 eighty seven churches, forty four livery halls, and over four fifths of the City of London, with a capital "C." 411 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:18,900 How many people died in that five-day conflagration? 412 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,990 I think it's four people, some very low figure of... 413 00:23:23,010 --> 00:23:26,400 - I'm going to give you the points, 'cause it's five people. - Five people, oh well. 414 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,000 Yes, very good. 415 00:23:28,050 --> 00:23:30,000 Very good. 416 00:23:33,470 --> 00:23:37,900 Only five are recorded. The maid of the baker who started the fire; 417 00:23:37,910 --> 00:23:40,655 Paul Lowell, a Shoe Lane watchmaker; 418 00:23:40,690 --> 00:23:43,990 an old man who rescued a blanket from St Paul's, but succumbed to the smoke; 419 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,600 and two others who fell into their cellars 420 00:23:45,650 --> 00:23:48,800 in an ill-fated attempt to recover their goods and chattels. 421 00:23:48,820 --> 00:23:52,200 The Mayor, actually, Thomas Bludworth, went back to bed on the first night 422 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,900 saying, "a woman might piss it out." 423 00:23:54,970 --> 00:23:58,890 The previous Great Fire, in 1212, killed three thousand people. 424 00:23:58,910 --> 00:24:06,000 - When does the nursery rhyme Ring A Ring O' Roses date from? -Ring A Ring O' Roses - Whence? - Oh, Sean? 425 00:24:06,270 --> 00:24:08,520 1102. 426 00:24:09,380 --> 00:24:12,200 A wild stab in the dark, and not correct, I'm sorry to say. 427 00:24:12,270 --> 00:24:15,300 The plague. The bubonic plague. 428 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,900 Oh dear me, no, I'm afraid not. 429 00:24:18,980 --> 00:24:21,600 Well, it's nothing to do with the plague or the Black Death at all, er... 430 00:24:21,670 --> 00:24:23,600 It's a complete misconception. 431 00:24:23,650 --> 00:24:26,800 Apart from anything else, this ring... A posy is supposed to be a ring of lesions; 432 00:24:26,830 --> 00:24:30,500 it doesn't happen. People don't sneeze when they have the plague. 433 00:24:30,550 --> 00:24:32,800 Obviously! 434 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:37,100 They do, it's the... it's the marmots that sneeze on you, you told us that! 435 00:24:37,150 --> 00:24:40,100 Is that not the reason why people say "bless you" when you sneeze? 436 00:24:40,130 --> 00:24:42,910 No, that's... that's 'cause of the devil getting into you when you sneeze. 437 00:24:42,911 --> 00:24:45,175 - I thought it was because you had the plague. - No, no, it's the devil. 438 00:24:45,176 --> 00:24:47,820 People get quite testy sometimes, if they sneeze and you don't say bless you. 439 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:52,000 - If you don't say bless you, yes. - "You didn't say bless you." "Oh, fuck off." 440 00:24:54,290 --> 00:24:57,800 That was one hell of a garden party at Buckingham Palace, wasn't it? 441 00:24:57,830 --> 00:25:00,000 It really was. 442 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,790 You made quite a name for yourself. 443 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,300 It's a very late eighteenth century American song; 444 00:25:06,390 --> 00:25:10,000 first recorded in 1881, but apparently written earlier; 445 00:25:10,100 --> 00:25:12,300 has nothing to do with the plague whatsoever. 446 00:25:12,350 --> 00:25:15,220 So, what did the man who invented lateral thinking suggest 447 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:18,510 as a solution to solve the Middle East conflict? 448 00:25:18,530 --> 00:25:21,520 - Is that Edward de Bono in the middle, is he... is he lateral thinking? - Edward de Bono is the man. Yes. 449 00:25:21,530 --> 00:25:22,970 He invented lateral thinking. 450 00:25:22,990 --> 00:25:25,920 Have a game of football; sort it out that way. 451 00:25:25,940 --> 00:25:28,210 They could play in the old Gaza Strip, couldn't they? 452 00:25:28,230 --> 00:25:30,480 Yeah, I'll give you fifty points if you get this, 453 00:25:30,500 --> 00:25:32,800 - 'cause it's so peculiar. - Thinking laterally. 454 00:25:32,820 --> 00:25:36,250 Well laterally. I mean so lateral, it's off the scale. 455 00:25:36,251 --> 00:25:38,110 - They play Monopoly. - It's weirder than that. 456 00:25:38,130 --> 00:25:39,970 They all go to the Dead Sea, right, 457 00:25:39,990 --> 00:25:42,880 they flip over the wrong way, 458 00:25:42,900 --> 00:25:46,090 and whoever can turn over quickest wins. 459 00:25:46,110 --> 00:25:49,510 But this man, this premier thinker of our time, Edward de Bono, 460 00:25:49,530 --> 00:25:54,000 suggested sending Marmite to the Middle East. 461 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:58,000 He reasoned thus, and I use the word "reasoned" quite loosely, erm 462 00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:01,990 He reasoned that on both sides of the conflict there was a lot of unleavened bread being eaten, 463 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:06,380 and unleavened bread has a shortage of zinc. 464 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,650 And a lack of zinc causes aggression. 465 00:26:09,670 --> 00:26:12,690 So he planned, as the easiest way as he saw it, 466 00:26:12,710 --> 00:26:15,160 to restore the zinc levels to both sides 467 00:26:15,180 --> 00:26:17,320 was to send them lots of Marmite, which is rich in the stuff. 468 00:26:17,340 --> 00:26:20,810 But the whole point about Marmite. They advertise it on the basis that some people love it and some people hate it. 469 00:26:20,830 --> 00:26:22,325 So he'd have solved the problem, then they'd have wars 470 00:26:22,326 --> 00:26:26,490 between the... the pro-Marmiters and the anti-Marmiters! They'd be back to warfare again! 471 00:26:26,810 --> 00:26:28,000 He didn't think it through, did he? 472 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,600 - Where do you stand on Bovril, do you like it? - I never stand on Bovril. 473 00:26:30,620 --> 00:26:35,000 It's a stupid thing to do. But I quite like the taste of it, I have to say. 474 00:26:35,030 --> 00:26:38,240 And did he put that forward as a serious suggestion, or was it one of those days 475 00:26:38,260 --> 00:26:42,410 - where he just... when he was taking the day off? - Five to five on a Friday. 476 00:26:42,430 --> 00:26:44,440 All right, here's one." 477 00:26:45,180 --> 00:26:47,540 This was a... a Foreign Office committee he was talking to, 478 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,600 it wasn't just something he said in the pub. He was on a think-tank and 479 00:26:50,620 --> 00:26:54,530 he was reporting to the Foreign Office and they were listening to him. "Marmite." 480 00:26:55,550 --> 00:26:58,410 They should have done it in Ulster. 481 00:26:58,430 --> 00:27:01,580 - Yes. - Should have made that the homeland for the Jews. 482 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,220 Just for fun! 483 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:08,770 Like a sort of problem theme park, all in one place. 484 00:27:08,790 --> 00:27:13,960 Well, I think we've come to the end. That leaves the divertissement of the score. 485 00:27:13,980 --> 00:27:17,580 We're going to start with tonight's "I'm afraid didn't do quite as well as anybody else-er", 486 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:23,000 - and it's Clive Anderson with minus-twenty-four points. - Oh, least! I got many more than that. 487 00:27:24,290 --> 00:27:29,330 And in a very creditable third place, Alan Davies with minus-fifteen. 488 00:27:31,330 --> 00:27:36,020 - Then comes Sean with minus-eight. - Thank you. 489 00:27:36,580 --> 00:27:41,695 With a staggering zero, it's Andy Parsons. 490 00:27:43,850 --> 00:27:47,200 But that means tonight's shock winner, 491 00:27:47,260 --> 00:27:51,000 with two points, is the audience! 492 00:27:56,340 --> 00:27:58,490 Bravo. Never happened before. 493 00:27:59,460 --> 00:28:05,520 Well, on that bombshell, the time has come to leave the shadow of the valley of death behind us. 494 00:28:05,540 --> 00:28:11,110 Thank you to Clive, Andy, Sean, and Alan, and I leave you 495 00:28:11,130 --> 00:28:14,880 with this thought, courtesy of the great Johnny Carson. 496 00:28:14,900 --> 00:28:19,940 "For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off." 497 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:24,000 Do be careful out there. Good night. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net