1 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:29,720 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 2 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:35,920 Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening 3 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:40,080 and welcome to QI for another reckless poke of the screwdriver 4 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:42,520 into the fuse box of the unknown. 5 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,480 Joining me in the cupboard under the stairs tonight 6 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:48,720 are the slightly shocking Sean Lock... Thank you. 7 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,640 The very current Rich Hall. 8 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,640 The positively electro-magnetic Jo Brand! 9 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:09,120 And the wiry young shaver socket, Alan Davies. 10 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:17,560 Tonight, we cast an eclectic light on the subject of electricity. 11 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,680 Let's complete the circuit. Sean goes... 12 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,680 Jo goes... 13 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,800 Rich goes... 14 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:35,280 And Alan goes... 15 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,560 Good old Alan. 16 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,840 Now, don't forget, each edition in the E-series 17 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,960 encloses an elephant. 18 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:53,360 The first to spot it by waving your elephant card 19 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:56,640 will win our generous "Elephant in the room" bonus. 20 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,760 ELEPHANT CHARGING CALL Like so. 21 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:03,120 Otherwise, simply electrify me with interestingness. 22 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:07,320 Anyway, the atmosphere's already absolutely... Electric. 23 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,640 You'll have to do better than that! 24 00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:17,880 Now, question one, I think. 25 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,040 I'm naked. 26 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:24,040 It's pouring with rain. 27 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:28,360 Can you give me a good reason why I should crouch down with my bottom in the air? 28 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:34,080 Jo? Steven, I wouldn't have thought you'd need a good reason. 29 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:45,360 Thank you for that. I don't think you need a reason cos nobody will ask what you're doing. 30 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:48,480 It's a clear signal you want some time alone. 31 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,480 I'm just picturing that image. 32 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:55,360 One of the most erotic I've ever... 33 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,840 It would make a great Athena poster! 34 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:03,800 Your buttocks in the rain. On bedroom walls up and down the country. 35 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:09,720 I think it's because your bottom is the least likely part to be struck by lightning. 36 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:14,400 You're sort of in the right... I'm going with the electric thing. 37 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:18,720 Right. It's to do with lightning. It's a good stance to adopt 38 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:23,480 if you're caught in a lightning storm. Can't you just moon? 39 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,960 Lightning, everyone! 40 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,680 What should you not do? 41 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,680 Climb to the top of a pylon, or something like that? 42 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,320 Hold a 40-foot metal pole. 43 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,440 "Come on!" 44 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:42,600 Don't put on a metal hat on the golf course. Don't stand under a tree. 45 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,760 What's the problem with being under a tree? 46 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:49,160 They're more likely to be struck by lightning. What happens? 47 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,720 A big flash, a lot of flame. 48 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,320 All the squirrels fall on your head. 49 00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:02,600 You might get burned. The sap boils in an instantaneous way 50 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,000 and the tree explodes. 51 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,840 You're covered in splinters. The best thing is to get into a car. 52 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:11,120 Really? Yeah. Drive away from the rain. 53 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:15,000 Close the door and stay in the car. It acts as a "Faraday cage". 54 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,400 It bars electro-magnetic fields. 55 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:21,480 It's 30 million volts you can get in a bolt of lightning. 56 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,040 Why can't we harness that power, Stephen? 57 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,880 Are you more likely to be struck if you're a man or woman? Man. 58 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,800 Men are out and about a lot more, aren't they? 59 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:38,200 You're six times more likely to be struck if you're a man. 60 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,240 The man has to hold the umbrella, 61 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:45,080 cos if the woman holds it, it keeps jabbing the man in the eye. 62 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:48,040 That's why he's more likely to be struck. 63 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,760 Is it because women wear more rubber than men? 64 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:55,720 It conducts through them. A lot of women wear rubber pants. Do they? 65 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,240 Did you not know that? No. No. 66 00:04:58,240 --> 00:04:59,960 Not really my area. 67 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:03,920 The...wire... Do you have wire in bras? 68 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:11,440 Does one? You do if you have massive knockers that are in danger of injuring people. 69 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:15,160 I do fall into that category. You're not doing badly. 70 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:19,080 Thank you. A fulsome pair of fun-bags there. 71 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:25,240 Do you know what? That was almost heterosexual. 72 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,600 Well. I may be on the turn. 73 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,480 It wasn't, though, was it? 74 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:34,760 I'd like to hear you whisper that when you're bent over naked in the rain! 75 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:38,360 "A fulsome pair of fun bags"! 76 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:42,160 People around you are getting struck by lightning. Never mind! 77 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:47,640 The wire won't attract the lightning but it will superheat when you're struck. 78 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,600 So your bosoms blow up. 79 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,640 How exciting! I'm gonna have a go! 80 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:56,920 There's an actor I worked with and he was walking along the street 81 00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,400 and a manhole cover next to him got struck by lightning. 82 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,480 It flew up in the air and landed on his head. 83 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,320 Instead of being hit by a manhole 84 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:09,000 he should have been showing his man hole to the lightning. 85 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:18,120 The quite interesting thing is, how often does lightning strike the earth on an average day? 86 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,880 Four. Four?! 87 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,000 We've got four. I can say it's more than four. 88 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,520 If anybody would like to... Is it five? 89 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,400 It's 17 million times a day. 90 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,040 No way! No! 91 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,800 It's about 200 times a second. 92 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,600 Why can't we harness that power, Stephen? 93 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,800 Perhaps we should. 94 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,800 How many people in Britain are killed each year by lightning strikes? 95 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,960 12. 30. Two. 96 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,040 It's between three and six. 97 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,560 Not very many. Four or five? 98 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,680 Four or five would do it! In America? 99 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,000 Probably a lot more because there's more of us. 100 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:07,040 400 Americans a year die of it. About 1,000 are injured. One American, seven times he was struck. 101 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,880 A park ranger at the Shenandoah National Park. 102 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:11,320 I know that guy! 103 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,000 Well, he did die in 1983. 104 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,920 I knew him in 1982, the last time he got hit. 105 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:20,800 Do you know how he died? He was very testy. 106 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,720 Very irritable. 107 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,640 His name was Roy Sullivan. 108 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:31,120 That's not what they called him, though. They called him "Burnie". 109 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,360 He shot himself in 1983. 110 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:43,760 Jeez. He should have just crouched down with his man-hole in the air! 111 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:47,760 If you're caught in an electrical storm, don't shelter under a tree. 112 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,720 The best thing is get into your car. 113 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:56,280 Failing that, crouch down to a ball with your head down to your knees and hands clasped behind your head. 114 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,040 Now, I have a conundrum for you. 115 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,600 Can horses catch eels? 116 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,200 Rather attractive horse, isn't it? 117 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:15,160 Not a bad looking eel, either! You prefer the eel? I like the eel. 118 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,640 You can do more with the eel, but the horse... 119 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,920 It's very hard to get a horse down your pants. 120 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,320 It genuinely is a very attractive horse. 121 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,600 Mmm. Nice hair. 122 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,840 I bet he's a wanker, that horse. 123 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,000 Bet he runs round going, "Look at me!" 124 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:42,160 Anyway, can horses catch eels? That's the question. 125 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,560 I think they can. How would they go about it? 126 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,520 With a net. 127 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,320 There was this German who observed in South America 128 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:56,320 the way humans used horses to catch eels. 129 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:59,040 A particular kind of eel. Was it an electric eel? 130 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,960 It was, because that's our theme of the day. 131 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,920 An electric eel. How would you use a horse to catch... 132 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,960 Why can't you catch an electric eel... Do they hold a fork with bread on it 133 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:12,800 and try and get the eels to toast it with their electricity? 134 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,800 You have to be on a horse or you'll get electrocuted. 135 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:21,480 Or something. The problem with electric eels is you get a very nasty shock. 650 volts. 136 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:25,400 Put you right off it. The horses were sent into the water. 137 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,960 The eels would go crazy and discharge all their electricity 138 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:32,480 until their batteries were flat and they could be harvested. 139 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,640 The poor horses had heart attacks and died of fright 140 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:39,800 and drowned and got very upset. So it was rather mean. Got very upset? 141 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:43,440 Yes. "Distressed" is the word we use of animals. 142 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,920 "Don't like it in the water. There's eels!" 143 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,080 Oww! 144 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,520 They wouldn't do it to that nice pretty one, I hope. 145 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,280 You like the tousled hair look. 146 00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:01,040 There are boys all over England doing themselves in your style now. 147 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,640 They'll send you horsey photos. 148 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,440 CLEARS THROAT 149 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:12,680 Half of an electric eel's whole physiology is devoted to creating electricity. 150 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:16,640 They have a powerful kick, but once it's used up, they're easy to catch. 151 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,560 They're not actually eels. They're a knife fish. 152 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:23,080 69 species there are of electric fish, 153 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,720 including the torpedo fish. 154 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,920 That comes from the Latin "torpore" meaning "to numb". 155 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,560 It was used as an anaesthetic by the Romans 156 00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:34,280 and from that the underwater missile was named. 157 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,920 Here's a big question. 158 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:40,360 In 1903, Thomas Alva Edison released a movie 159 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:44,680 whose title consisted of three words two of which begin with "E". 160 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:46,600 What was it, and who starred in it? 161 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,680 I know, we've nearly forgotten them, but here it is. 162 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,640 ELEPHANT TRUMPETING 163 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,440 You're absolutely right. 164 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,240 It was called "Electrocuting An Elephant". 165 00:10:56,240 --> 00:11:00,120 He made a film in which an elephant was electrocuted. ..Hooray! 166 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:03,000 You win those points. How many points? Ten points. 167 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,240 APPLAUSE 168 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:12,720 Now why would Edison want to electrocute an elephant? 169 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,840 He wanted to electrocute the biggest thing he could, to show he was good at it. 170 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,360 Actually, it was the reverse, you see. 171 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:24,440 He believed his direct current was safe and wouldn't hurt people and didn't electrocute. 172 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,640 He wanted to destroy the reputation of alternating current 173 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:34,560 which was owned by Westinghouse, so he used the word "Westinghoused" to mean electrocuted. 174 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:37,880 This elephant Topsy was sentenced to death on Coney Island 175 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,680 because Topsy had killed three human beings. 176 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:44,440 Was he going to be hanged, poisoned? What would happen to Topsy? 177 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:48,120 Hanged?! It's quite a picture, isn't it? 178 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,240 Oh, poor elephant! 179 00:11:56,240 --> 00:12:02,040 So Edison won the right to electrocute him in public to show how dangerous it was. 180 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,760 "This thing in your homes will kill an elephant." 181 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,600 He filmed it as a PR film. Like a snuff film! 182 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,160 A snuff film, exactly. 183 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:14,040 He gave it 460g of cyanide and potassium, in carrots, 184 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,600 he had wooden sandals lined with copper put on her feet - 185 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,240 it was a she elephant - 186 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,520 and then a current of 6,600 volts sent through her body. 187 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:26,400 She died without a trumpet or a groan. He filmed the event. 188 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:29,760 He wanted electrocution to be known as "Westinghoused". 189 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:33,240 He trampled... He just went nuts and trampled people? 190 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:37,600 No, he hid in their rooms when they came home. He jumped out, strangled them... 191 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,640 He got away with it for months. 192 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:46,200 Nobody would have caught him but... A cunning disguise! ..he left tell-tale signs around the flat! 193 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,240 A big elephant-shaped hole in the wall! 194 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:53,360 The first murder on Topsy's hands was killing a trainer 195 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,160 who, frankly, deserved to die 196 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:59,160 because the trainer gave her a lit cigarette to eat. 197 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,320 And it killed him? Yeah! 198 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:06,960 "Don't do that again!" 199 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:12,120 I like the sound of Topsy. She's a little bit... 200 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:15,640 Some elephants are evolving that don't have tusks. Did you know? 201 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:19,840 Because the ones with tusks get poached. Get shot. 202 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:23,040 So the ones with smaller tusks don't get shot. 203 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:27,000 So the small tusk gene lives on more frequently 204 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,120 and there's elephants that don't grow tusks. 205 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,680 I like that. I like it. 206 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:40,120 There's some tigers now that are being made of Axminster. 207 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,840 Now stop it! 208 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,720 Nice animals. Not as sexy as certain horses, but... 209 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,440 Raaarghh! Anyway, 210 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,960 let's raise the stakes now with something more technical. 211 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:57,440 How fast do the electrons move along an electric wire? 212 00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,120 They don't. 213 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,160 KLAXON SOUNDS 214 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,400 The very words we thought you might use. 215 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,520 Really? 216 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:11,720 I would have said something... It's really very, very fast. 217 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:15,120 KLAXON 218 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,880 I would have said that. I didn't say that. 219 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:23,480 I would have said about 30 or 40 miles an hour. Deceptively slow. 220 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:28,040 I would have said it's a bit of a crap question, really. Why so? 221 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:31,040 Well, because modern physicists see electrons 222 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:35,840 as something you would call probability density functions. 223 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,840 That is an absolutely precise description 224 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:42,120 of what quantum physics does call an electron. 225 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:46,000 I'm immensely impressed. I have to give you five points, if not ten! 226 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,320 Astounding! 227 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,560 It was exactly that. 228 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,960 They do call them that. They are dimensionalist entities 229 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,680 that are quite hard to understand. 230 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:01,840 They do travel along electrical wires, and you're right to say slow. 231 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:05,680 They're actually 0.03 miles per hour. 232 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:07,400 Snail's pace along the wire. 233 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:11,360 But electricity itself is incredibly quick. 234 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,520 Think of waves. If you had a tube full of marbles, 235 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:19,320 and you pushed a marble in one end, another marble would come out the other end, 236 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:23,040 almost instantly, but the marbles inside are travelling slowly. 237 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:25,360 It's the wave front that moves very fast. 238 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:28,200 That's how the electrons travel along, 239 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,840 literally at a snail's pace, 240 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:35,760 the speed of a snail. Does that work if you get ten snails together? If you push the end snail? 241 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,000 We'll try that later. 242 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,720 It's a lovely experiment. It must be done. 243 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,680 Now we come on to our experimental round. 244 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,680 What is the most interesting thing you can do 245 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:52,080 with the objects on the trays beneath your desks? 246 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,960 Oh! 247 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,800 Tell them what you have in front of you. 248 00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:59,000 I have lasagne... Lasagne. 249 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,440 A gherkin, which I'm liable to eat cos I'm ravenous. 250 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,200 I've got a bit of cable. 251 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:09,160 You can heat it up. Heat the gherkin. Heat the lasagne. 252 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:10,800 MAKES CLICKING NOISES 253 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:15,960 Plug the thing into the thing. I think this is how Alan Sugar started Amstrad. 254 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,120 LAUGHTER 255 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:20,160 APPLAUSE 256 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,160 It's one of is first computers. "There you go, 30 quid." 257 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:28,320 You're absolutely right. You've done the right thing. 258 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:32,120 It's some kind of... Gherkins because they're pickled. 259 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:35,040 And then... I don't know anything. 260 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,680 That's honest, if nothing else. 261 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:41,360 Jesus! 262 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,120 Yes? 263 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:46,680 This is part of Kate Moss's new range at Top Shop. 264 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,200 Size zero! 265 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,600 It's... Nothing's happening! 266 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,240 No, but the gherkin will behave as a light bulb. 267 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:58,080 If you put a charge through a gherkin, it will glow. 268 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:02,720 The lasagne can provide the power. Because it's salty, and salt is an electrolyte, 269 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,400 the two types of metal in the lid and in the pan, 270 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,400 as long as they don't touch each other and short out... 271 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,160 One of our elves experimented over the weekend 272 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,960 demonstrating how a gherkin light bulb works. 273 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:17,760 You can see a lit gherkin. This is one of our elves. 274 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,720 Wow! Isn't that great? 275 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,760 It's like kids' TV in the '70s, isn't it? Yeah! 276 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:34,840 Where's the lasagne? ..Then we unplug. 277 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,760 Well, unfortunately, you would need a lasagne 278 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:43,680 perhaps appropriately, the size of the floor plan of the Gherkin Building. 279 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:46,320 I'm having one of those when I get home tonight! 280 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,680 About five football pitches-worth. 281 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:54,560 If I'm cycling home tonight, I shouldn't put a lasagne on the crossbar. 282 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:58,280 "No, I have got lights, Officer!" 283 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,960 "Careful, it's hot!" 284 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,600 These will be in the shops soon. 285 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,360 The lasagne pod! 286 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,760 As far as trying this at home goes, 287 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:25,560 wiring a gherkin to the electric lights, 288 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:31,000 don't, obviously. Be sensible and don't do anything because I tell you to or tell you not to. 289 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,040 Live your own lives! 290 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,640 Be sensible. Try and do that. 291 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,320 Shag horses! Yeah! Come on! 292 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:47,960 Now, in an abrupt "volte-face", 293 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,440 we turn face-to-face with the ghastly spectre 294 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,960 of general ignorance. Fingers on electrical devices. 295 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,160 What is the difference between a ship and a boat? 296 00:18:58,160 --> 00:18:59,800 Yes, Jo? 297 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,760 Has a ship got curtains? 298 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:11,440 That's just about the oddest answer I've ever heard to any question. 299 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,960 No? It may have curtains, but so may a boat. 300 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,080 Ships are bigger. KLAXON 301 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:27,600 They are bigger. Ships have lifeboats. Boats don't have any because they're already a boat. 302 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,440 We're talking navy here. In the navy, 303 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:39,760 a ship is any vessel which is... 304 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:40,840 ..Named. 305 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,000 No. Surface. 306 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,840 Ships, frigates, destroyers, anything like that 307 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:49,080 except little dinghies and life-boats, which are boats. 308 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,800 A boat is a submarine? A boat is a submarine 309 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,840 and some are bigger than three frigates put together. 310 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,560 So what's the difference? A boat is a submarine. 311 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,480 A submarine goes underwater. 312 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,200 LAUGHTER 313 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,280 Sorry, Stephen. What about like a... 314 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,440 But what about... 315 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,920 What about like a rowing boat? Is that a ship, then? 316 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:15,480 They don't have them in the navy! Yes, you do! 317 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:20,320 They don't have rowing boats in the navy, do they? They might have oars on a lifeboat. 318 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:24,240 But it's not a vessel of the line. Is it a rowing ship, then? 319 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,640 If it's the navy, yes, it's a rowing ship. 320 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,920 So the only boats in the navy are submarines. 321 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,600 Yes. That's complete bollocks! 322 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:37,000 It's true. The only vessels of the line that are called a boat 323 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,720 are submarines in the navy. 324 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,600 I... I fail to agree. 325 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:44,480 I'll tell you something else. 326 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,440 There's not two moons. 327 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,000 In German there's das Schiff and das Boot. Das "boht". 328 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,720 Spelt with two o's, but pronounced "boat". No, it isn't. It is. 329 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:59,240 It's pronounced "boht". Not unless you're from Newcastle! 330 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,000 I was in Germany for the World Cup 331 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,880 and two lads came up and said, "Do you know where t' jump house is?" 332 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,320 Jump house. Jump house? 333 00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:14,640 Jump house is the slang term for a brothel, turns out. 334 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:18,000 Modern German. Soon as they said it, I knew. "Up there". 335 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:23,640 GERMAN ACCENT There's something so camp about modern German. 336 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,960 Know what they call a mobile phone? It's so camp! Handy. 337 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,520 Mein Handy. 338 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,640 SPEAKS GERMAN 339 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,120 Mein handy! 340 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:34,920 Oh, where is my handy? 341 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:38,200 Are you hosting the Baftas this year? 342 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,160 No. No? 343 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:43,200 It's a shame. You could do it in that voice. 344 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,440 GERMAN ACCENT Hello and welcome to the Baftas. 345 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,240 Stop it! No. 346 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,760 APPLAUSE 347 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,320 Anyway, it's a purely naval tradition. 348 00:21:56,320 --> 00:22:01,560 In true English you could call it a ship or a boat, and who could say nay. 349 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,800 But that was the nature of our question, foolish as it was. 350 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:08,240 As well as inventing the battery, Alessandro Volta, 351 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:12,600 after whom the volt is named, also discovered methane. 352 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:16,880 Which animal contributes most methane to the atmosphere? 353 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:18,920 Yes? The cow. 354 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,880 KLAXON 355 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,960 Ants. 356 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,560 No, termites. 357 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,720 Is the right answer! 358 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:34,280 Well done! 359 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:35,800 I only... 360 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:42,240 I only know that because I had a swanky business lunch with the producer and he let it slip! 361 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:43,480 STEPHEN GASPS 362 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:50,560 What do I do? For the honesty, I'm inclined to let you keep your points. 363 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:54,080 What sort of showbiz lunch do you talk about termite farts? 364 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,640 Where's your career going? 365 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:58,400 This IS my career, mate. 366 00:22:58,400 --> 00:22:59,880 You're in it! 367 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:04,760 Can I say, I was there and I completely ignored it. 368 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,440 Methane is a much worse greenhouse gas than CO2. 369 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:12,920 In fact, it's about 23 times worse! 370 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,600 They are staggeringly populous. 371 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:19,120 Why don't we feed them on something like a clear soup? 372 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:26,240 A nice broth that hasn't got pungent vegetable matter in it. Like that. 373 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,280 You could never make that many termite bowls. 374 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,040 How do cows produce methane? What do cows do? 375 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,520 Farting. They don't fart it. They burp it, oddly enough. 376 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,280 Oh. So if you went round with a lighter 377 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,440 and they went... (BURPS) 378 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:46,080 Presumably, yes! Maybe that's where the dragon myth came from. Very good! 379 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:49,760 It burped a bit of methane, set light to it, "Oh! The dragon!" 380 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:54,360 How did you two end up having dinner with the producer? 381 00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:58,160 Uh-oh! You weren't invited? Enjoying lunch. You weren't invited? 382 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,880 No. I wasn't either. Want to see what I got? 383 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,200 That. 384 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,440 LAUGHTER 385 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,080 Why did they get it? 386 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,600 Back to termites. 387 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:13,160 They have suicide bombers. Termites have suicide bombers 388 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,920 who guard the hill. 389 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:18,840 When predators approach, they explode and produce a sticky mess 390 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,640 which glues the place up and prevents ants attacking. 391 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:23,640 All righty. Now. 392 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:28,360 Why do thousands of Americans call the emergency services on Christmas Day? 393 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,360 Cos they haven't got any friends? 394 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,360 They're lonely and drunk. 395 00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:39,000 They get a touch-tone phone and go... 396 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:43,400 TO TUNE OF JINGLE BELLS "9-1-1 9-1-1 64324". 397 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,520 APPLAUSE 398 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,040 Very good. Is it cos they eat so much 399 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,560 that their fingers chub up... KLAXON 400 00:24:58,120 --> 00:24:59,640 That's not the reason. 401 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,360 What happens on Christmas Day in particular? 402 00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:07,760 Presents in the morning? Presents. Do they phone the fire brigade to thank them for the presents? 403 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:13,080 Do they get things that they hurt themselves with? Or make calls with! 404 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,640 Suppose somebody gave you a mobile phone. Is it a handy? 405 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:20,000 Ein Handy... Ein handy. ..fur Weihnacht. 406 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,960 It's your first mobile and you're excited. 407 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,600 And you slip and it goes up your arse. 408 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:29,360 So you phone the emergency service just to see if it's worked? 409 00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:32,640 You can't call anybody else cos you haven't got a network. 410 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,800 All phones in America, whether they have a sim card or not 411 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:40,320 have to, by law, be able to call 911, the emergency services. 412 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,280 Doesn't that annoy them? Must drive them frantic. 413 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:46,360 Lastly, we've come to the end of our quizlet. 414 00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:50,360 We have one more question on electricity, our favourite subject. 415 00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:57,080 Why wouldn't a Russian family call their son Power Station or Industrialisation? 416 00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,280 Cos they're not names. Don't be stupid. They're not names? 417 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:02,280 No. They are. 418 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,560 BUZZER They are names. 419 00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:10,080 Why wouldn't they call them... They're girls' names. 420 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:14,000 They're girls' names is the right answer! Well done! 421 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,800 Power station is "Electrostanzia". 422 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:18,520 It's a girl's name. 423 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,280 "Industrializazia" is also a girl's name. 424 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:25,120 But if you had a boy, you could call him "Kombine", combine harvester, 425 00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:27,720 or you could call him... 426 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,040 SPEAKS RUSSIAN 427 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:31,920 ..which is 23rd February. 428 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:38,600 But this is actually a tradition in the rustic area. In Ukraine, 429 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,120 there are names like... 430 00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:41,400 SPEAKS RUSSIAN 431 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,000 .."Don't kill me, Father" 432 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:46,680 Would you believe? 433 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,320 Is it like the... It's a Red Indian thing 434 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:54,080 where you come out the wigwam and the first thing you see... Do they see a power station? 435 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:58,480 Do you know what my husband's Native American name is? 436 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,000 "Sits in front of telly farting". 437 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,880 If you say it quickly, it sounds quite nice. 438 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:08,080 Especially if you say it in a Russian accent. 439 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:11,440 SAYS IT WITH RUSSIAN ACCENT 440 00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:13,880 I like your camp German accent the best. 441 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,880 I'd like you to... Can you just do Handy again for me? 442 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:18,640 Where's mein Handy? 443 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,520 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 444 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,360 Very bad. 445 00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:29,680 Before we close, Stephen, the horse is actually here! 446 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:35,760 Now, then, I don't know about you. But I have, I think, reached... 447 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:37,720 Neigh! 448 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:41,720 I have reached the end of my fuse and it's time to look at the scores. 449 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,360 With her name in lights, 450 00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:48,520 with ten points it's Jo Brand! 451 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,840 In second place with one point, Rich Hall! 452 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:02,080 In third place with minus 12 points, it's Sean Lock! 453 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,320 Thank you! 454 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:06,360 And finally... 455 00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:09,880 with minus 21 points, it's Alan Davies! 456 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,840 So with our duties electrically discharged, 457 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,440 it's goodbye from Rich, Sean, Jo, Alan and me. 458 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:23,800 Good night! 459 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,560 Subtitles by Moira Diamond Red Bee Media - 2007 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net