1 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,720 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:40,000 Gu-u-u-u...ten Abend! 3 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:45,520 Guten Abend, guten Abend, guten Abend and willkommen to QI. 4 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:47,720 Tonight we're dallying in Deutschland, 5 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:51,800 and joining me on the panel we have the Germanic Rob Brydon. 6 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,520 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 7 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:57,360 Joined by the Teutonic Sean Lock. 8 00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,440 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 9 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,320 The Wagnerian Jo Brand. 10 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,760 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 11 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,600 And the Gerry-built Alan Davies. 12 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:13,040 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 13 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:20,680 And tonight, to attract my attention with an achtung, the panel have 14 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,520 the very latest in precision-engineered buzzers. Rob goes... 15 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,640 THE GERMAN NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS 16 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,360 Sean goes... 17 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,360 OOMPAH BAND MUSIC 18 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,880 Jo goes... 19 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:40,320 MUSIC: "The Ride of the Valkyries" by Wagner 20 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:42,400 And Alan goes... 21 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:45,080 SONG: # Don't let's be beastly to the Germans... # 22 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,360 And I should warn you that I will be cracking down very hard, 23 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:54,560 panellistas, on any mention of the war. 24 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:58,760 Don't mention the war. 25 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,840 You have been war-ned. 26 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:05,040 So, since we're talking about Germany, let's define our terms. 27 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:09,400 There are some words that we don't have in English, and we sometimes borrow them from Germany. 28 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:15,760 I want you to give me a sentence using, correctly, the word schadenfreude. 29 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,320 A whole sentence? If you can manage! 30 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,920 That, er, that statue's all covered in schadenfreude. 31 00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:24,720 It's a sentence but... 32 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,920 It must have been a cold night. 33 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,880 Look at the size of my schadenfreude. 34 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,160 Any other thoughts? Familiar with the phrase? 35 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,960 MUSIC: "The Ride of the Valkyries" by Wagner 36 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,680 Whoah! Ooh! Yes. 37 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:43,720 I enjoyed the schadenfreude I experienced when my husband was killed by a local gangster. 38 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:47,480 Is the correct use of the word schadenfreude. 39 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,240 APPLAUSE 40 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,400 Correct but deeply in need of therapy. 41 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,880 Yes. So schadenfreude means... 42 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,560 Pleasure in the misfortune of others. 43 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:01,480 Yes, and there is no English phrase for it so we had to borrow 44 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,520 it from the Germans. Does the word gemuetlichkeit mean anything to you? 45 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,200 How dare you! That sounds kind of Jewish. 46 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:09,600 That's like a Jackie Mason, 47 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,640 AS JACKIE MASON: The geudehuntitheit, gemutlichkeit, I don't know what he's talking about. 48 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:15,360 Why should it be? How ironic that it's actually German. 49 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,600 Well, it's not ironic because Yiddish is German that Jews use. Yes. 50 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,560 I knew that. Is gesundheit Yiddish? 51 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:26,400 Gesundheit is German. It just means literally "soundness" or "health". Yes. 52 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,480 But gemuetlichkeit mean anything to you? No idea. 53 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:34,120 No? It's a word that, particularly in Austria and Bavaria, but all round Germany, it sort of signifies 54 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:39,520 a kind of cosiness, a charm, an ease, a relaxed, pleasant feeling. 55 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,360 Swingers' party? 56 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:46,840 Well, gemuetlich people are also good community people. They're very kind to their neighbours. 57 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:49,880 Is it the German brand name for Rohypnol? 58 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:56,200 You are such cynics! It was considered so important for things like Austrian holidays. 59 00:03:56,200 --> 00:04:00,800 There was a reasonably famous case in the early '70s of a man who sued a travel company 60 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:04,280 because there was no gemuetlichkeit on his holiday and he won. 61 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:06,280 He won for lack of gemuetlichkeit. 62 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,920 What was that? Like lack of a good, a nice feeling? A nice, warm feeling. 63 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:14,120 It was called Jarvis versus Swan Tours Limited in 1973. 64 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,040 It was precedent in English contract law, apparently. 65 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:21,400 OK, well, zugzwang mean anything to you? It's used in chess. 66 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:22,960 Checkmate, stalemate? 67 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,560 No, it's slightly like stalemate. It isn't though. 68 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:30,680 It's for one player where his disadvantage is that he has to move. 69 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:34,600 And in chess you have to move, obviously. If your opponent has moved, it's your move. 70 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,920 You can't just say, I pass, you can now move. 71 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:41,320 And by moving, you weaken your position, sometimes fatally, and that's called being in zugzwang. 72 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,120 Right. Yeah. But anyway, so, I'll try one more. 73 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:47,160 Zeitgeist. You'll know that one. Zeitgeist. Yes, I've heard of that. 74 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:53,640 There's sort of something in the air that everyone feels and it leads to similar ideas happening. 75 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,960 Spirit of the age. Spirit of the age. 76 00:04:55,960 --> 00:05:00,080 It literally means, "time ghost" or "time spirit". Yeah, exactly. 77 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,920 Well, you did pretty well on your German. 78 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:06,800 Turns out that German words are not in the zeitgeist. It seems not. 79 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,520 It seems that they aren't. They're not in your... 80 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:14,920 See what I did there? Did a German word joke. I didn't even know I had one. 81 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:18,800 German words are not in your weltanschauung. Indeed. Yes. 82 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:22,080 Well, good, we use a loan word when we're overwhelmed with that 83 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:25,600 weltschmerz and angst because we don't have one of our own. 84 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,880 One of the many ways that our German friends have 85 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,480 contributed to the gestalt of the English language. 86 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:34,200 How upset are the Germans about the 1966 World Cup? 87 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,360 Well, very, I would say. 88 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:36,840 BUZZER Ooh! 89 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:39,520 You see. 90 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:44,280 Well, they would be, surely, I would have thought, a proud nation like the Germans. 91 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:48,000 They were upset at the time but I said, how upset ARE they? 92 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:51,960 They barely remember it. If you asked average German who won the World Cup in 1966... 93 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,520 Yes, they're pretending. No. Because the fact is... 94 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:58,600 "The World Cup? No, I don't remember." No, because we care about it, they don't. 95 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:02,040 They care about their scores against Holland. That's their big thing. 96 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:06,160 They really honestly, if you asked the average German, they just... '66? 97 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:10,720 They really don't know. "Oh, did you? Well done." International... For us it was like everything. 98 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:16,160 Wow! We won. But they, in 1974, beat the Dutch, and that to them was the one they really, really care about. 99 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:20,920 But they surely, the Dutch have never provided a great deal of opposition to them. 100 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:25,760 Generally in history, they've just walked into Holland whenever they fancied it. Oh, in that sense. 101 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:30,800 Any time they want, they just go into Holland, like, spin the windmills... 102 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,880 BUZZER I haven't mentioned it yet! 103 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,800 I didn't say it! Come on! 104 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,240 APPLAUSE 105 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,320 I was talking about... 106 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:44,080 I was talking about the great, er, geschmerzschliff, er... 107 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:47,480 in 1762 where they just walked into Holland. 108 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,880 But they can just enter, oh, I'll mention the war... 109 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,240 You have to! 110 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:54,360 Surely they're denying their true rivalry, which would be with us. 111 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:56,760 Why? That they are in denial. 112 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,680 We may think that, but it's up to them to decide. 113 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:04,080 I mean, you can't force a German... Well, they're wrong. ..to care about whether they beat us or not. 114 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,120 Well, they bloody well should! Yes! 115 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:10,080 I'm sure you're very upset by it, but I mean, they just don't care that much. 116 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,320 And there are other things, like the sun-lounge hogging with the towel. Yes. 117 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,640 Is that something you've actually experienced? Yes. 118 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:16,920 There's some pictures. 119 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:20,960 These are some of Alan's holiday photos that he's brought with him. 120 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:24,560 It turns out that a German lawyer called Ralf Hoecker actually did a study, 121 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:29,800 and he confirms that we think it but Germans are blissfully unaware of their reputation in this case. 122 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:33,200 No. But a study... They don't care, is the right description of it. 123 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:36,360 They don't know that's what we think of them. But, Halifax travel insurance... 124 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:40,200 They think it's common sense to go down before breakfast, 125 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:44,080 basically at dawn, and take all the beds around the pool. 126 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,800 It turns out Halifax Travel Insurance in 2009 confirmed with a study 127 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,760 that Germans are the most likely to reserve sun loungers with towels. 128 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,400 And which nation do you think is the second most likely to? 129 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,800 The Dutch? The British. The British! LAUGHTER 130 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:59,120 Very close. Who turn up ten minutes later going, "Oh, God!" Exactly! 131 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:03,560 While the French and Italians and Portuguese are having breakfast and not really caring. 132 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:07,080 Well, and also, they're in their own countries. OK, well, that's true. 133 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,800 Enjoying the lovely food and the weather. 134 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,200 APPLAUSE 135 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,480 That is highly true. Highly true. 136 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,040 I had a run-in with some Germans on holiday once. 137 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:23,240 I'm sad to say, because I like Germans on the whole. 138 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:28,800 And I had to walk through the hotel past a group of Germans who didn't realise I understood German, 139 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:34,160 and as I went past, one of them said, "Ha, there goes the sad, fat English..." 140 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:41,840 er, something rude. And so I railed at them in my pidgin German, which made them laugh even more. 141 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:46,240 And then the next morning I had to walk past them on my way round 142 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:49,480 the pool, because obviously they'd sat down in all the nice chairs. 143 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,240 And I went past with my head held high like that, 144 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,240 sat down on a deckchair, went through it. 145 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,120 Oh, no! Jo! 146 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:59,480 LAUGHTER 147 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,760 And they pointed and laughed. They had sabotaged it. 148 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:04,240 It's like they left the one chair. 149 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:08,320 They'd already weakened it, perforated it in some way. 150 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:09,960 Ja. Ze English fat... 151 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,680 Oh, ho ho! No, no, that's very good. 152 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:17,840 I remember that. The other stereotype we have with Germans, of course, 153 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:21,560 is they're efficient and they think that of themselves as well. 154 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:25,160 But they anticipate that we think of them as lederhosen-wearing beer drinkers, 155 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:27,440 but what do they think of us? 156 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:30,680 What are the six major thoughts that Germans have about the British? 157 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:33,840 That we're probably a bit smelly? Beery? 158 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:37,040 Untidy, they would say. Untidy? Scruffy? They think of us as untidy. 159 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:41,520 Violent? Well, that we come in mobs, certainly. ROB: Yes. 160 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,760 That we're obsessed with royalty, apparently. 161 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:47,680 They think we're all obsessed with royalty. That we drink tea all the time, 162 00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:51,720 that we're rather reserved and we can't cook. 163 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:55,000 So they've been over then. Yes, they've visited. 164 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,200 A pretty accurate summation, I fear. 165 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,040 If not, they've certainly read our newspapers. 166 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,160 There you are. The fact is, we may think of the Germans 167 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:06,440 as our great rivals on the football field, but they're more interested in caning the Dutch. 168 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,880 But why did the Germans confiscate the Dutchmen's trousers? 169 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,240 What? The Dutch? 170 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,960 Is there some special Dutch trouser? Am I missing some Dutch trouser thing? 171 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:18,800 When was the World Cup held in Germany? '74 and 2006. 172 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:26,040 2006. Now, and in 2006, a group of Dutch fans, in fact hundreds of thousands of Dutch fans, 173 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:30,400 thought it would be rather charming to buy some orange lederhosen that were provided for them, 174 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:35,040 which had two big pockets they could put beer in, and they had a lion's tail. 175 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:40,240 They were called "leeuwenhosen" in Dutch, which means lion trouser, lion pants. There they are. 176 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:44,520 Big pockets for their beer. They look like they work for easyJet. They do, don't they? 177 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,200 They do. It's the same colour. 178 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,160 The colour of Holland, they're orange. House of Nassau. 179 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:53,880 But these were confiscated en masse to such an extent that all the Dutch fans 180 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:58,240 that came to the first Dutch game, against the Cote d'Ivoire - the Ivory Coast - 181 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:01,520 had them taken away, so they had to watch in their underpants. 182 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,040 Why? 183 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,440 So, that's my question. Why? 184 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:10,320 Why, Alan? They could be used as a catapult. 185 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:14,440 No, I'm afraid it's a more... They probably thought, it's not going to be a very good match. 186 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,600 We want shots of loads of people in their pants during the game. 187 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,680 But they manufactured... Did they have some kind of logo on them? 188 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:24,720 Well, they do, you can see. What does it say? Oh, it's because of the sponsorship. 189 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:30,200 I fear it's true, that the official FIFA beer was not Bavaria and therefore it wasn't allowed. 190 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,160 And this happens a lot, I'm afraid. 191 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,960 At Wimbledon it's happened. 192 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:39,720 Some woman had her yoghurt taken away from her because it wasn't the official yoghurt of Wimbledon! 193 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:43,440 That's outrageous! Just horrible. Pathetic. It's Britishly pathetic. 194 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,200 And it's outrageous as well. 195 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,280 I'll take your yoghurt... 196 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:52,400 The Bavaria beer company, that scam was a complete waste of trousers. 197 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,600 It was a waste of trousers. "We've got a brilliant idea. Oh... 198 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,320 No, exactly. 199 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,080 They should have got them to tattoo, "Bavarian beer", 200 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:04,400 on their foreheads and then they'd have had to laser them before they go into the game. 201 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,320 I think they'll... Bzzt. Bzzt. 202 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,000 And these people with just burnt foreheads watching the game. 203 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,480 That would have been good. I'd have liked that. 204 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,240 You know when Premiership footballers get booked 205 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,520 if they take their shirts off when they score a goal. 206 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,080 It's because that's the time you see the sponsor, isn't it? 207 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:23,120 When they've scored a goal, you see the sponsor on the shirt. 208 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:27,600 That's why FIFA made it a bookable offence to take off your shirt when you've scored a goal. 209 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,840 That's when you get all the coverage. Oh, right. 210 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,440 You know, The Beano, you know. 211 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:35,920 The Beano are going, "Christ, we've paid hundreds of millions to sponsor Man United 212 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:39,240 "and Ronaldo takes his shirt off". 213 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:43,240 All you're seeing is some nipples. Yes. So what does lederhosen mean? 214 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,520 Leather trousers? Leather pants, leather trousers, absolutely. 215 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:49,560 It's one of those rather typical things where the upper classes decided to ape the peasantry 216 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:54,040 in the 18th century and had these incredibly expensive wedding and country feasts 217 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:57,480 in which they pretended to be... rather like, you know Marie Antoinette 218 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,320 with her silver milk churns pretending to be a milkmaid. 219 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:05,840 Now, the socks that that man in the middle is wearing are very long socks and, just out of interest for you, 220 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:08,640 that's something that I've turned to recently. 221 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:12,000 I now favour the longer sock. 222 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,560 Do you? Could you take me through your reasoning? 223 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:18,520 Yes, I can. Well, I'll show you. The gentleman's sock. The half-hose. It's called the half-hose. 224 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:22,840 Now, Jo, you as a lady, you're going to think this sock 225 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:25,480 is going to stop a lot sooner than it does. 226 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,240 So, watch this. Look at that. 227 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,600 Surely, surely we've reached the peak? Oh, my goodness me! 228 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,520 Surely we've peaked? No, surely? 229 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,760 Oh, my word! 230 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,520 Surely! He's wearing tights. 231 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,280 Ah! 232 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,840 APPLAUSE 233 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:45,320 Can I say, not so much for Jo, but Stephen, Alan and Sean. 234 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:49,120 I urge you to give it a go. 235 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:52,200 Because it gives you a feeling of security. 236 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,400 LAUGHTER 237 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,720 They do make you look like a knobhead. LAUGHTER 238 00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:58,760 Sorry. 239 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,000 Rob... One of the problems men have... They do. 240 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,760 There's a problem men have, Jo... Stephen, Stephen... 241 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:08,120 We wear away the hair on our shins by tight, short socks, don't we? 242 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:11,360 Is that one of the things you're... No, sorry, can I just say. 243 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:12,960 By just carrying on the conversation, 244 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,920 you imply that you agree with what Jo has said. 245 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:19,320 What was going through my mind is, how difficult it would ever be 246 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:23,440 for a man to say that to a woman. I thought, no, I won't go there. 247 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:27,400 That we allow women to be rude to us and that's fine if they want to. 248 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:31,040 Could you come down on one side or the other? JO: Or on yours, yes. 249 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:34,760 It's true, but it's just as true that women make themselves look ridiculous occasionally, too. 250 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,120 It doesn't make you look cool, put it that way. 251 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:40,600 Nobody's going to go, "I'm going to get a pair of those". 252 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:46,120 Well, at the risk of turning this into Ready Steady Cook, why don't we let the audience decide? 253 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,000 LAUGHTER 254 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,640 All those who think Rob is really onto something 255 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:54,160 with the gentlemen's half hose, as I believe they are technically called, 256 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:59,480 the long sock, the Brydon long sock, could you please shout out, "Long sock!" 257 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,640 AUDIENCE: LONG SOCK! 258 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:05,440 Oh, it's not good! It's not good. I fear without having to ask... 259 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,960 There's no need to carry on. No, OK. 260 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,160 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 261 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,920 There's a class of ethnic immigrant now long-established in America 262 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,880 known as Pennsylvania Dutch. Where do you think they originally came from? 263 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,960 Germany. 264 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,920 Yes, the Rhineland and Switzerland. I double bluffed you. 265 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,960 Exactly, very good. But why would they be called Dutch? 266 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:34,040 Because the Americans couldn't be bothered? 267 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:39,480 No, because they rightly recognised the word Dutch and Deutsch are the same word. Deutsch is Dutch. 268 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:43,160 It was partly because what we now call the Dutch Dutch, 269 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,040 the Hollanders, were at war with Britain many times and, 270 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,400 indeed, of course, invaded... You mentioned the war. 271 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:52,440 "At war with," not, "The war." You did! 272 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,400 LAUGHTER 273 00:15:55,480 --> 00:16:01,680 It's a minefield! Oh, my lord! 274 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,120 APPLAUSE 275 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:09,360 Could I just say, Jo, bit of a knobhead. 276 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:12,600 LAUGHTER 277 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,840 What would you use this for? 278 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,040 I have a picture of them here. 279 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,920 To frighten the children. 280 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:22,240 It's a German invention... Put a torch behind it, 281 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:25,360 and then you creep up into their bedroom at night when they're asleep, 282 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,440 just move it very slowly across the room. 283 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,000 It's a thing that is used in the lavatory, in the WC. Air freshener? 284 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:37,760 No. It's a habit, it's for men to do something when they go to the lavatory, it's to encourage them... 285 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:42,960 Anything to do with the seat? It is to do with the seat. Dive off it into the toilet? 286 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,280 No. Noble guess, but doomed, no. 287 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,120 Is it so they don't have to touch the seat? 288 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,080 It's if they lift the seat, 289 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:56,000 which men do tend to do before having a pee, this... I have one here. 290 00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:02,080 "Hello, this is your toilet speaking. Wouldn't you rather like to sit down? 291 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:05,080 "Oh, you'd prefer to stand? Well, then you may leave now." 292 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:09,120 Poor German men don't actually get to go to the toilet then, do they? 293 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:13,760 No wonder they're wearing that lederhosen and slapping themselves all the time. 294 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:18,760 The point is in Germany they think it's somehow unhygienic because of splashing and things. 295 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,240 They want the men to sit, so that's how it's attached. 296 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:25,200 So when you lift up the seat, it starts speaking at you, loud enough, 297 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,360 in a public lavatory, for others to hear. 298 00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,600 So the men sit and have a pee. 299 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,720 That's the idea. Splashing is a problem. 300 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:37,160 We've got builders in at the moment, and they all using the lower loo. 301 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,760 It is like the Center Parcs log flume in there. 302 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:41,440 LAUGHTER 303 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:45,960 I tell you. Is that why you've got the long socks? 304 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,440 Yes. 305 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,360 APPLAUSE 306 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:59,080 What I say to you and to every person here is, don't knock it till you try... Yeah, I was the same as you. 307 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:00,640 I thought they were ridiculous. 308 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,360 Then I put them on and I'm loving it. 309 00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:05,080 How good can it be, though? 310 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:09,760 Just a long sock? Exactly, exactly. But have you tried it, Sean? No. 311 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,760 Exactly. Try it, then come back to me. 312 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,840 I'm just going to wonder what's going to happen to you 313 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,360 when you go, like, skydiving. "Wow, this is incredible! 314 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,520 "Forget the socks, this is amazing!" 315 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,720 LAUGHTER 316 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,320 I have been skydiving. 317 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,000 Have you tried jelly? That's nice. 318 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,400 LAUGHTER 319 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,040 "Oh, my God! 320 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,960 "The socks were good, this is incredible!" 321 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:35,160 They laughed at Edison, you know? 322 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,240 They laughed at a lot of weirdos as well, though, Rob. 323 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:40,120 LAUGHTER 324 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,800 No, they did, I'm just... 325 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,440 Anyway, these are called a Spuk, which is German for spook, 326 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:52,760 but it's also an acronym, S-P-U-K, that stands for StehPinkler Unter Kontrolle. 327 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:58,520 Stehpinkeln is to stand urinating, as opposed to Sitzpinkeln, which is to sit urinating. 328 00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:04,920 You're going to think I'm making this up, but when I sit down, if I'm wearing a heavy cord, 329 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:11,720 a jumbo cord, for example, one of the things that annoys me more than anything else is when I... 330 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:13,840 Is when I put my trousers on and 331 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:18,480 I sit down, sometimes it captures the long sock and takes it down to the ankle. No! 332 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,600 LAUGHTER 333 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:24,480 And I sometimes will pull the sock up while I'm sitting there, 334 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:29,360 just to have a nice feeling of control of the sock reaching the knee. 335 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:31,480 Just a minute, Rob. 336 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,360 You're not a knobhead, you wear long socks and jumbo cords? 337 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:35,880 LAUGHTER 338 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,560 I said, "if" I'm wearing. 339 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,920 Sometimes I'll wear jumbo cord. 340 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:45,160 You know what my dilemma is in that situation? What I often do is if I'm sitting on the toilet, 341 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:48,760 I often take my glasses off, right, because I don't like wearing them... 342 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:53,520 For distance? I don't need them! I'm sat there for a while, I don't need my glasses. 343 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:57,920 So I often take my glasses off, and the pants act like a little hammock for the glasses. 344 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:04,400 LAUGHTER 345 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:10,600 It gets worse. I put them in there, and then I might be sat there for some time because 346 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:14,520 my diet isn't the healthiest, I eat far more meat than I should, 347 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,360 so I might sit there for ten or 15 minutes. 348 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:21,920 When I'm finished, I stand up to pull my trousers up, I forget about my glasses. Oh, no! 349 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,320 And I go, "Oh, my glasses!" 350 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,400 And I've rammed my glasses deep into my under regions. 351 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,960 Woah. 352 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,000 I cleaned this pair, I think. 353 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,680 LAUGHTER 354 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,640 Well, I hope no one else... 355 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,480 Thanks for sharing! Yes, quite. 356 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:48,040 Well, anyway, the Spuk is a hi-tech weapon in the German battle against men weeing on the floor. 357 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:53,760 What do naked German students do for a living? 358 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,440 LAUGHTER 359 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,160 The Nacktputzservice, if that means anything to you? 360 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,480 You can hire a naked person... 361 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,040 Not just for life modelling are anything like that? 362 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,960 Not for life modelling, for doing housework. 363 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:10,400 Germans like to have naked students doing their hoovering and their housework. 364 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,080 How bizarre! 365 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:16,000 Because nudism is a very German thing, Germans sort of... 366 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,320 I won't say invented nudism, that's ridiculous, 367 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:23,720 but as the kind of movement, we know it, it did spring from Germany. FKK. FKK, very good! 368 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,760 Frei Korpus Kultur? Frei Korpus Kultur? 369 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:30,920 Frei Koerper Kultur, ja, exactly, free body culture. 370 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,040 How do you know about FKK? 371 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,840 I just know about it, it's famous. 372 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:38,400 In the '30s, wasn't it? There were a lot of nudists. Until Hitler. 373 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,560 I know some stuff. Yes, I know you do, I was just interested. 374 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:46,080 No, Goering in particular, of all the higher echelon Nazis, loathed nudism and spoke out against it 375 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:49,560 and said the police must be trained to stop anybody going naked. 376 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,000 But after that period which must not be mentioned, 377 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,880 it sprang up again, and now in Switzerland and places where there's an open border, 378 00:21:55,880 --> 00:22:00,280 in Poland, for example, hordes of naked German hikers are crossing the border and going hiking. 379 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:04,400 The Poles don't like it, the Swiss hate it, they all find it disgusting. 380 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:09,240 They love it in Germany, don't they? Not only, of course, in beaches, but in the centre of Munich, 381 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,760 the English garden, the Englischer Garten, has a nudist area, 382 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:15,040 and the biggest park in Berlin, the Tiergarten, has a nudist area, too. 383 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:19,160 I can't really imagine Hyde Park having a nude area, can you? 384 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:24,040 Cos if you're a naturist in this country, I mean, it's just...you're on a hiding to nothing, aren't you? 385 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:27,080 It's not really the country for it. It's not, it's not designed. 386 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:31,800 You're asking for punishment, aren't you? Germany does have decent summers, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. 387 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:36,040 If it doesn't, it just expands to somewhere where the summers are better. 388 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,640 LAUGHTER 389 00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:40,200 No! 390 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:48,320 If I was a nudist, what I do, I'd go nude, but just for a laugh, just before I left the caravan, 391 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:52,040 I'd just get a little bit of tissue paper and stick it... 392 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:56,640 Oh, no! See how long before someone mentioned it. 393 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,800 You're playing volleyball...! 394 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:05,320 "Who wants to come for a smoothie? Come on! I'm buying!" 395 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:08,000 Someone goes, "Sean, you've got..." "What?!" 396 00:23:11,120 --> 00:23:14,280 Anyway, Nacktputzservice is the popular German practice 397 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:17,080 of hiring students to clean your house in the nude. 398 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,480 It's all in the finest tradition of the home of modern nudism. 399 00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:24,800 What's the most repeated TV show of all time? 400 00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,640 Top Gear. 401 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,400 It is, isn't it? It is. 402 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:32,680 There's not a time of day when it is not possible to watch Top Gear. 403 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,400 It's true, it is on con... 404 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,600 And it's always a different one. Ah. But this one is one programme. 405 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,520 Oh, one show that... One show that's the most repeated show. 406 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,080 It's a German show. It's a British comedian, two British comedians... 407 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,800 The Duchess. Sorry? It's called the Duchess, or something like that? 408 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,120 I think you know what I'm referring to here. 409 00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:54,080 The Waiter, or Lady Somebody? 410 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,680 It's a British comic being a waiter to a posh... 411 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,200 It's called Dinner For One... That's right. 412 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:04,880 And it's shown on every channel in Germany on December 31st, 413 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:08,240 every year, and has been since 1972. 414 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,480 Ooh, and I know who's in it as well. Yes? Freddie Frinton. 415 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:17,240 Freddie Frinton, you're right, plays a butler who has to serve a Christmas dinner for his mistress, 416 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,840 played by May Ward, who's rather mad and old, 417 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:25,200 and pretend that there are other people there, and he pours drinks for them and get drunk himself. 418 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,160 You can see a bit of it, here you are. 419 00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:49,160 All right, it's broad humour, but it was... 420 00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:54,280 It's all very well in its own way, but what's going on with it every single channel, every single year? 421 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:59,080 It's become a cult. It's unavoidable in Germany. They've parties for it. It's just a tradition. 422 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,760 It was a sketch done in 1920. 423 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,360 They used to do it in the halls, 424 00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:04,680 and all round the other places like that. 425 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,920 A German TV presenter saw it in 1963 and thought it was amusing 426 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,440 and said, "Come and do it on German television." 427 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:15,560 They did it on German television once, and they did it again to record it. In 1972, they showed it. 428 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,680 They've showed it ever since. It's became so popular. 429 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:23,200 I think, to give Germans credit, they laugh as much ironically at it as we would if we saw it. 430 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:27,360 It's just one of those things that happens to have become an extraordinary tradition. 431 00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:31,720 I saw it in Denmark. And it spread to Denmark, and Austria, and all round. 432 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,360 Is there any dialogue at all? 433 00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:36,960 Yes, this line, "The same procedure as last year, Miss Sophie?" 434 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,120 And she says, "The same procedure as last year, James." 435 00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:43,000 At the very end, when she's going up to bed and she says, 436 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,920 "The same procedure as last year," 437 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,400 he says, "I'll do my best." That's the sort of punch line, you know? 438 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,720 I'm quite glad we have got The Great Escape over here. 439 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,080 That's our tradition. 440 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:56,400 Not on every channel. Not on every channel, I agree. 441 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:57,640 It's pretty extreme. 442 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:01,520 It's almost impossible to avoid Dinner For One with Freddy Frinton. 443 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:05,400 What did Uncle Wiggly Wings ever do for Germany? 444 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:09,200 It sounds like a children's character, Uncle Wiggly Wings? 445 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,240 He was someone who helped children. 446 00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:12,560 What we're looking at here, 447 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,040 we're looking from a high point, down on children. 448 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:18,600 Abandoned orphans calling a helicopter to "Please airlift me out of here"? 449 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,920 Airlift is a good word, stick with the word airlift. 450 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,160 What does airlift in Germany bring to mind? Berlin. 451 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:24,440 The Berlin airlift. The war? 452 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,240 No, it doesn't! It's not the war! 453 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:31,880 No, it's during the Cold War... 454 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,200 The Cold War you can mention. 455 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,480 When they blockaded West Berlin. 456 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:40,560 Yes, the Russians completely closed off the city of Berlin, 457 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:44,040 which was in their sector, the eastern sector, in 1948. 458 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:48,880 For over a year, Berlin was completely cut off from the rest of the world. 459 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:53,720 So, they dropped food, millions of tons of food, the American and British and so on. 460 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,800 There was an American pilot who had two sticks of gum. 461 00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:58,600 He gave it to some kids and said, 462 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:03,640 "If you share it amongst each other, I'll come back tomorrow and I'll give you more candy." 463 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:09,080 When he flew over, he wiggled his wings over them and dropped some chocolate. He'd do this each day. 464 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:10,600 More and more children came. 465 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,640 It became a huge propaganda coup for over a year. 466 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,240 It was called Operation Little Vittles. 467 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,960 Children in America provided their own candy. 468 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:24,040 Of course, the candy corporations caught on. Huge tonnage of sweets. 469 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:28,560 It sounds lovely. But you imagine a Terry's Chocolate Orange... 470 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:29,800 LAUGHTER 471 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:33,600 ..heading down at you at great speed? See what that boy's holding up there? 472 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:38,440 The little hanky-style parachutes. That's no match for the Terry's Chocolate Orange. 473 00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:42,280 The chocolate orange could have landed like the bouncing bomb... 474 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:43,360 did in the war. 475 00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:44,360 Oh, now, now! 476 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:55,800 If a chocolate orange were to land like a bouncing bomb, that would be a good thing. 477 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,200 If you hit, it would go bump... Ah! 478 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,560 It would be lovely, wouldn't it? It would just open up nicely. 479 00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:02,760 Oh, it'd be gorgeous. 480 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:06,720 2,223,000 tons of supplies were dropped. 481 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,640 Not in the one go? No... 482 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,240 Because that would have just buried them. 483 00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,000 Over a year. That's the airlift itself. 484 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,080 During the Berlin airlift, American pilot Gail Halvorsen 485 00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:21,840 used handkerchief parachutes to drop sweets to the children in Berlin. 486 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,640 He was known as Uncle Wiggly Wings. 487 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:27,920 What's bound to happen eventually when you get into an argument on the internet? 488 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:31,360 You'd go away at some point and have a word with yourself, and go, 489 00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:32,800 "Why am I wasting my life?" 490 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:36,760 Yes. There's plenty of people I could have an argument with outside. 491 00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:42,040 It's one of the most dispiriting views of the world, an internet message board. 492 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:47,280 When you see what some people will write, and how worked up they'll get about it. 493 00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,840 "Well you ngh-ing ngh-huh, it just shows that you're a ngh-ing ngh, 494 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:54,200 "and all the other nghs have been ngh-ing with their own ngh, 495 00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:58,600 "for the last ngh. Why don't you ngh ngh ngh ngh ngh?" 496 00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,480 Sounds like they've got a problem with their keyboard. 497 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,680 LAUGHTER 498 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:11,760 There's a thing called Godwin's rule. 499 00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:16,360 Do you know this? It's called Godwin's rule of Nazi analogies. 500 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:19,680 It's basically says that as an online discussion grows longer, 501 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:23,680 the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one. 502 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:26,920 It actually happened. 503 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:28,720 Eventually, someone will say, 504 00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:33,840 "That's what Hitler did", or "That's what the Nazis did", or "That argument..." See what I mean? 505 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:39,760 There's a sort of unwritten rule that the moment that happens, that thread is over, that ends it, 506 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:44,440 and that the person who uses that pathetic analogy is deemed to have lost the argument. 507 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:48,880 Imagine if you're having an internet discussion about the founding of the Nazi party? 508 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,080 Well, that obviously would be an exception. 509 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:54,000 You start it off and they go, "Right, that's it, it's over." 510 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,680 I'm just trying to get a nice discussion going. 511 00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:59,440 I think that would be allowed. And who's this Godwin? 512 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,400 He's general councillor for the Wikimedia Foundation, 513 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,280 but it's a very, very apt and intelligent observation. 514 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:08,920 Any argument deteriorates to that point, you might as well end it. 515 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:10,920 It's nearly always inappropriate. 516 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:14,240 People will say, "Hitler liked that, therefore it's bad." 517 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:17,000 "Hitler didn't like that, therefore it's good." 518 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,720 Hitler, for example, was massively opposed to fox-hunting. 519 00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:23,480 He thought it was cruel and terrible, so he banned it. 520 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:27,680 "Therefore, it must be right..." but that's just a mad argument. 521 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:29,600 Oh, my God, look at his socks! 522 00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:30,800 Hey! 523 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:34,560 Whoa! 524 00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:36,080 APPLAUSE 525 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:37,840 I've lost the argument. 526 00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:42,600 But, you see, he's brought in Hitler. Hitler's socks are bad. 527 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,080 I have a feeling that, in the broader picture, 528 00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:47,040 I've come off the worst out of this. 529 00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:52,120 Reductio Ad Hitlerum, it's called. Are you saying he looks like a knob-head? 530 00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:55,200 So you're saying Hitler looks like knob-head now, are you? 531 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:59,080 He looks like he's turning round to someone saying, 532 00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:01,200 "Look, I'm ready, are you?" 533 00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:04,240 You've been hours getting dressed. Let's just go out. 534 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:10,080 Say what you like about him, great socks. 535 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:13,440 Fine, fine socks. 536 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,520 Godwin's law states that as an online discussion grows longer, 537 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:20,240 the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one. 538 00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:24,160 How would you use a monopoly set to escape from a prison? 539 00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:27,120 I could see how you might use a Buckaroo. 540 00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:29,200 LAUGHTER 541 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:31,800 Just fly over the fence. 542 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:35,320 You'd probably just keep ending up on barbed-wire. 543 00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:38,680 Try it with the bucket. 544 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:42,440 Is it the old covering up the hole with it, like in Shawshank? 545 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:46,200 No. There was a man whose nickname was Clutty, Clutty Hutton. 546 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:49,000 Who, in Britain, bought a box of Monopoly boards, 547 00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:55,280 and turned them into escape kits that he then set up through MI9, with these pretend charities. 548 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,880 So you get a get out of jail free card? 549 00:31:57,880 --> 00:31:59,520 LAUGHTER 550 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:11,000 That's a very good idea. It was. 551 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:14,920 Hidden IN the Monopoly board were incredibly useful things. 552 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,880 Like a small dog, a tiny hat, 553 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,120 and a little ship. 554 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:25,200 There would be real money interspersed with the Monopoly money. There would be maps on silk. 555 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:28,280 They tried it on paper, it's too bulky and rustly. 556 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:32,520 On parachute silk, you get an enormous amount of detail on tiny... 557 00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:36,920 That's an example of his earlier work, putting a compass in a military tunic button. 558 00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:40,320 The Germans got wise to this. They'd unscrew the buttons and they'd see it. 559 00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:44,600 Then they reversed the thread so when the Germans unscrewed it, they in fact tightened the button. 560 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:48,760 Then they got wise to that, so then they used razor blades, which were magnetised at one end, 561 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,880 so when they were attached to something metal they'd spin round, 562 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:55,680 the G of Gillette would point north, which was very good. They were well-disguised. 563 00:32:55,680 --> 00:33:01,320 They said, "Now, look, we've put the normal thread on, old Kraut, he's unscrewing it. 564 00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:06,880 "What we've done is, we've put it the other way, so when he's unscrewing it, he's actually tightening it. 565 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:11,480 "Now we've gone a step further. We've done one here, you can't get the top off." 566 00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:14,160 "Isn't there a flaw in that, Sir?" 567 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,160 "No, don't complicate it! Don't complicate it, Perkins! 568 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:20,880 "No one is going to see this bloody compass, that's for sure. 569 00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:26,120 "Give it a try, you won't get it off. In many ways, it's become what I call, a button." 570 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,680 LAUGHTER 571 00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:33,880 If I was a German camp commandant, I'd have made them all wear duffle coats. 572 00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:40,920 If it was me, if I was in charge, I'd have started shipping out giant Jengas. 573 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:45,360 Would you? Then you just build them up. You know the Jengas you get in pub gardens? 574 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,240 Massive one, just hop over the fence. 575 00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:50,880 Brilliant. If only you'd been in charge then. 576 00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:55,000 Or snakes and ladders, but with actual ladders. 577 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,600 LAUGHTER 578 00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,040 And real snakes! Yeah. 579 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:02,200 Scare the Germans. Scare the Germans. 580 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:06,080 Good, British snakes who didn't like the look of the German soldiers 581 00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:08,200 and would go up to them and go, "Sss!" 582 00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:11,560 What about if they gave them toy tanks, but really big ones 583 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:16,440 and then they could just drive straight out and turn around. And go, "Take this, Gerry!" 584 00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:18,160 Boom! Boom! 585 00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:22,880 What if they were to send the prisoners of war a very long socks 586 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:28,080 and concealed inside the socks, are big files to file down the bars. 587 00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:31,280 They sent them blankets, which when wettened, gave the outline 588 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:33,360 of a great coat which they could cut out, 589 00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:36,320 it was like a tailor's template to make a greatcoat with. 590 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:39,600 And pens with hidden sacks of dye in, to make them different colours. 591 00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:44,560 And playing cards that when you threw them in water, they peeled aside to have money in them. 592 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,280 Some really clever stuff. 593 00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:50,360 I can't believe the Germans gave them their post after a while. 594 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,920 Well, they had to hide the fact that they got all that. 595 00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:58,440 Monopoly boards were amongst the ordinary items which were sent to help escaping prisoners. 596 00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:03,520 But now it's time to navigate our way through the hostile territory of General Von Ignorance. 597 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,520 So, fingers on buzzers, if you please. 598 00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:08,440 Who wrote Brideshead Revisited? 599 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:11,160 It was Evelyn Waugh. 600 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:15,360 LAUGHTER 601 00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:21,040 Sorry. Yes. Of course he did, Evelyn Waugh wrote Brideshead. 602 00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:22,080 Of course he did. 603 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:25,600 I was checking whether or not you'd remembered not to mention wars. 604 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:28,560 It's not pronounced like that, is it. It's Evelyn Woff. 605 00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:32,800 If only it were. Firstly, what breed of dog is this in fact? 606 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:36,120 A German shepherd. 607 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,680 Is the right answer. You avoided saying Alsatian. 608 00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:40,880 They used to be called Alsatians until... 609 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:44,400 They became German Shepherds. 610 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:47,280 Until 1977. It was a First World War thing, 611 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:52,200 this whole business of not liking anything with the word German in it. 612 00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:53,840 Is that why it was stopped? Really? 613 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:58,360 It was that reason. Anything with the name German in it was taboo for a long time. 614 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,240 They were called Alsatian wolfhounds. 615 00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:03,360 And then the wolfhound was dropped and they were called Alsatians. 616 00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:05,480 We used to have one. Did you? Nice? Friendly? 617 00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:08,920 Yeah, it was lovely. But it did kill next door's dog. Ah! 618 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,800 Whoops! Oops! 619 00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:16,560 When it happened did you say, "Well, he's never done that before." 620 00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:20,360 You had to go to court, didn't you, over all that? Yeah. 621 00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:23,680 And then you had to go to prison, didn't you? 622 00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:27,160 And then I sent you some Monopoly, and... 623 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:29,960 Happy days. 624 00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:33,760 The term Alsatian was coined in 1918. 625 00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:37,960 But the Schaeferhund officially reverted to being a German shepherd in 1977. 626 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:42,680 A trip to the Munich Oktoberfest might be nice. When would be the best time to go? 627 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:44,480 September. Yes. 628 00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:49,400 It's not October. It occasionally leaks into October, depending on the way the months are. 629 00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:54,000 You'd definitely leak if you drank all of that beer. You certainly would. 630 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,800 It is possibly the world's largest regular festival or fair. 631 00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,240 Over six million people cram into it. 632 00:37:00,240 --> 00:37:03,360 I didn't like it, actually. I spent one night there. 633 00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:06,720 Two nights there. Everyone was so drunk, it was idiotic. 634 00:37:06,720 --> 00:37:12,280 Just these huge, long tents full of pissed up Australians. Who I love! 635 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,480 I went to the World Cup in '98, in France. 636 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:19,960 And in Bordeaux, they had built, in a similar size to that, 637 00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:23,520 in the middle of the town square they put temporary bars up. 638 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,840 And then Scotland played Norway and the Scots arrived. 639 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:33,280 And they drank more beer in the weekend than they normally drink in Bordeaux in a year. 640 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:36,200 Every single one of these bars served only lager. 641 00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:40,440 There were no food stalls at all and no toilets. 642 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:46,160 Oh! It was unbelievable. But it was one of the best nights of my life. 643 00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:51,040 Then one of them went to me, "Alan!" Shouted right across the bar, "Alan! 644 00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:53,240 "Alan... Alan... 645 00:37:53,240 --> 00:37:56,320 "Partridge! Partridge!" 646 00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:04,480 Then he started going, "Aha!" 647 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,000 "Aha!" 648 00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:11,560 Every time I saw him for the rest of the night, "Aha!" 649 00:38:14,720 --> 00:38:17,000 It was very funny. 650 00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:23,880 Yeah, it's a huge, huge event. They drink 6,940,600 litres of beer. 651 00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:28,080 Horrifying, isn't it? Most of the Oktoberfest takes place in September. 652 00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:32,560 It knocks into a cocked hat the idea that Germans don't know have had a good time. 653 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:35,280 Now, a musical question. What's wrong with this? 654 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:38,120 # Cream-coloured ponies and crisp apple strudels 655 00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:41,320 # Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles. # 656 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:44,760 Schnitzel with noodles? Yes, schnitzel with noodles. 657 00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:47,520 Schnitzel is almost never served with noodles. 658 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,760 It might be occasionally now, simply because of the song. 659 00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:53,880 But it basically rhymes with strudels, let's be honest. 660 00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,960 That's why. Could have had it with a poodle, then. Yes. 661 00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,480 You've ruined the film for a lot of people. 662 00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:03,600 I hope not. I mustn't tell my kids that. 663 00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,960 No, please don't. It's a wonderful song. Who wrote the lyrics? 664 00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,040 It was Rodgers and... Hammerstein? 665 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:12,680 The lyrics were therefore Oscar Hammerstein the Second, yes. 666 00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,200 How does the film end? 667 00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:18,080 There it is. They sing Farewell. They get over the border into... 668 00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:19,640 Where did they get to? 669 00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:21,680 Supposedly into Switzerland. 670 00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:28,280 Actually, they wind up in Bavaria, quite near Hitler's private house. 671 00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:33,280 Hitler's sitting down to have supper and this family singing about goat herds arrives. 672 00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:37,840 It's all very odd. But there's the border. There's Salzburg, there's Bavaria. 673 00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,320 In fact, what the family did do, you're right, 674 00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:44,040 they walked the 100 kilometres all the way down to where Innsbruck is, 675 00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:47,040 towards the Italian border. That's the way they did it. 676 00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:49,320 The Italian border was conveniently open. 677 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:54,240 They very luckily got there the day before the Italian border was closed. It was very fortunate. 678 00:39:54,240 --> 00:39:57,200 It's a little bit of artistic licence. But it's worth it, 679 00:39:57,200 --> 00:40:00,680 of course, for one of the great masterpieces of modern "culture". 680 00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:06,360 Good. Lastly, what happens in Germany at 11:11 on 11th of November every year? 681 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,360 IN GERMAN ACCENT: Everything carries on as normal. 682 00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,920 LAUGHTER 683 00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:15,200 No, there is something special happens. The 11th of September? 684 00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,720 11th of November. 11:11 on the 11th of the 11th. 685 00:40:17,720 --> 00:40:21,520 The phone rings and the British Prime Minister says, "Ha, ha, ha, ha. 686 00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:24,400 "We won." 687 00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:32,000 Which war, though? Which war? 688 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:36,280 Well, we celebrate on the 11th of the 11th, the Armistice of the First World War. 689 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:39,720 They don't celebrate the Armistice, perhaps not surprisingly. 690 00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:43,520 They have a much older celebration that takes place there, oddly enough. 691 00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:49,280 It's their carnival and it runs all the way from 11th of November, right through to Ash Wednesday. It's huge. 692 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:53,920 As I say, it starts quite slowly in November, then there is December, Christmas, 693 00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:57,960 through January, then it reaches fever pitch at the time of Mardi Gras. 694 00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,280 Carnival, what does carnival mean? 695 00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:03,400 The word carnival? Eating Valerie. 696 00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,080 Carne is meat. 697 00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:11,120 There's an incorrect belief that it means "Goodbye to meat", vale, as in valediction. 698 00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:16,800 But it actually means carne levare, to leave the meat, to remove meat from your diet. 699 00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:20,000 Carnival season in Germany officially begins at 11:11 700 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:22,480 on the 11th day of the 11th month every year. 701 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:25,640 Resistance has proved futile. For us, the game is over. 702 00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:30,080 All that remains is for the scores to be meted out. 703 00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,920 And, yes, in first place, our fluent German speaker. 704 00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:40,000 Ah, und ein magnificent, ein ausgezeichnet minus sechs... Jo Brand! 705 00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:42,120 CHEERING 706 00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:55,000 Auf Platz zwei, mit minus sieben, Rob Brydon. 707 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,080 CHEERING 708 00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:02,560 that good or bad? I don't know. Minus seven. Minus seven. 709 00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:07,920 Aber auf Platz drei, mit minus sechsunddreissig, Alan Davies! 710 00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:09,080 Thank you. 711 00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:10,880 CHEERING 712 00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:12,120 Minus 36? 713 00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:21,280 Auf dem letzten Platz, Gott in Himmel... LAUGHTER 714 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:24,720 MIMICS MACHINE GUN 715 00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:27,520 Minus sechsundsiebzig, Sean Lock. 716 00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:28,640 Thank you. 717 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:30,440 CHEERING 718 00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:43,120 As I am sure you know, that is minus 76. Possibly a record. 719 00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:49,920 So, it's auf Wiedersehen und gute Nacht von dieser QI Ausgabe, und von Rob, Sean, Jo, Alan und mir. 720 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:54,520 I leave you a story about the Bloomsbury Group writer Lytton Strachey, 721 00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:57,840 who was... How shall I put it? A confirmed bachelor. 722 00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:00,560 And also a conscientious objector and a pacifist. 723 00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:03,600 And he appeared before the conscientious objection board 724 00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:06,520 and they were obviously going to quiz him on whether or not 725 00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:09,400 he truly was or just a coward trying to get out of serving. 726 00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:11,640 They said, "Mr Strachey, are you married?" 727 00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:14,440 "No", he said. They said, "Well, do you have a sister?" 728 00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:16,320 He said, "Yes, I do have a sister." 729 00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:21,240 They said, "Well, suppose a German soldier came and tried to rape her. What would you do?" 730 00:43:21,240 --> 00:43:26,760 He said, "In that case, I would endeavour to place myself between them." Good night. 731 00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:29,000 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 732 00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,400 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 733 00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:39,440 E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk