1 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,000 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:36,960 Go-oo-oo-ood evening, good evening, good evening 3 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,400 and welcome to QI. 4 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:44,440 Tonight, as Plato said, "Let no-one untrained in geometry enter here," 5 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,480 for our theme is geometry. 6 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:51,520 And sitting around our conic section tonight, we have the shapely Johnny Vegas. 7 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,680 APPLAUSE 8 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,040 The curvaceous Rob Brydon. 9 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,720 APPLAUSE 10 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,480 The hyperbolic David Mitchell. 11 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,880 APPLAUSE 12 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:14,520 And a square peg in a round hole, Alan Davies. 13 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,840 APPLAUSE 14 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:24,120 So let's hear your geometrical buzzers. Rob goes... 15 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:27,040 # Bermuda Triangle 16 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,680 # It makes people disappear... # 17 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:31,720 And Johnny goes... 18 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:36,320 # You're so square Baby, I don't care... # 19 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,640 David goes... 20 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:42,680 # Like a circle in a spiral Like a wheel within a wheel... # 21 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,920 And Alan goes... 22 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:50,040 # The wheels on the bus go round and round, all day long... # 23 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:57,200 I thought we'd begin tonight with some fashion tips. Johnny, you're looking very svelte. 24 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,640 What's your secret? 25 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,760 Well, it's a tidy neck. 26 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:07,280 - A tidy neck? - Yeah, and a button hole just left casual enough, 27 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:13,080 so if a lady should approach you, she's going, "There's room for change, but not too much." 28 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,240 Oh, that's the secret... 29 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:19,000 Two buttons down, part slag, part hero. 30 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:24,320 Anyone have any thoughts as to why he might be looking or might not be looking svelte? 31 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:27,760 Is it to do with the direction of his stripes? 32 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:31,040 It is to do with the direction of his stripes. 33 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:35,240 It is, look at the picture there. It's accentuating my breasts. 34 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:44,280 - On the left, that's Alexander Armstrong. - It does look a bit like him. - It does. - Extraordinary. 35 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:50,240 They make fat people wear stripes and you can tell how old they are. It's like cutting a tree in half. 36 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:56,160 - It's supposed to be that vertical stripes may you look slimmer, but they don't. - You're right. 37 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,760 - That's the point. - Absolutely right. 38 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:02,880 People should wear the... the horizontal ones 39 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,920 that Johnny is sporting. 40 00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:10,960 It's very interesting because almost everybody thinks that vertical stripes make people look slimmer. 41 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:16,320 In prisons, sometimes women have asked for vertical, rather than horizontal stripes, 42 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,640 so that they look leaner, or they think they do, 43 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:24,200 but research from a man called Dr Peter Thompson of York University 44 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:29,200 has found that the large majority think the one in the vertical stripe is larger 45 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:32,000 than the one in the horizontal stripe when they are the same size. 46 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:38,840 It's a bit like when you're hot. The best way to cool down is not by drinking a cold drink. 47 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:42,560 - Rob Brydon. - By going into an air-conditioned building. 48 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,520 And then having a cold drink. 49 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:50,920 Surely, this shows, actually, that it makes no difference at all 50 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:56,440 because we're determining whether wearing vertical or horizontal stripes makes you look thinner 51 00:03:56,440 --> 00:04:00,680 and you can't tell by looking. You have to do research. 52 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:05,240 The difference is so slight that you have to do research with hundreds and hundreds of people. 53 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:10,040 Basically, people look as fat or thin as they are. 54 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,240 - You are... - I beg to differ. 55 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:21,480 I have a friend who's quite short and he likes to wear vertical stripes because they make him look taller. 56 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:25,200 Only when he's not standing next to anyone. 57 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:29,360 It's not going to make him look taller than a taller man. 58 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:35,520 It's all relative. He'll just say, "There's a normal-sized man next to an enormous man!" 59 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:40,480 "Oh, he's taken his striped shirt off. It's a tiny man next to a normal man." 60 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,720 I've missed your angry logic, David, I have to say. 61 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:49,560 It just alternates, doesn't it? For ages, you think vertical stripes make people look thinner. 62 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:55,080 Then you say, "She's wearing vertical stripes, so she must be fatter than she looks." 63 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,920 So suddenly, horizontal stripes start making you look thin. 64 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:03,080 "She must be thin, otherwise she'd never dare wear horizontal stripes." 65 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:08,400 Then they go, "No, horizontal stripes make you look thinner." "Oh, she must be fat." 66 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:11,200 APPLAUSE 67 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:16,960 So these are the things that go through your mind when you see someone wearing stripes? 68 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:23,520 What happens when you see someone with polka dots and you're going, "She must be nine mile long"? 69 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:29,240 Contrary to popular belief, horizontal stripes are more slimming than vertical ones. 70 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:34,160 While we're admiring fine lines... David, you may know this cos you're bright. 71 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,640 Not that you others aren't. 72 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,160 I'll feel terrible if I don't! 73 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:43,680 Why do columns around the Parthenon look straight? 74 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,760 Because they are. 75 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:51,920 - You see, I don't think I know this and I think I'm going to say something embarrassing. - Go on. 76 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,920 It gets wider, so that it looks straight. 77 00:05:54,920 --> 00:06:00,440 It's further away at the top, so to stop it looking like it's tapering, they made it wider. 78 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:04,680 This was the theory for a long time. It's a thing called entasis. 79 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:09,920 If a column is exactly straight, from a distance it looks as if it bows inwards. 80 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:15,480 The secret is to make it bow slightly outwards, so from a distance, it looks straight. 81 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,840 But it turns out this isn't what they did after all. 82 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:26,000 - It's Alan's first answer which is they look straight cos they are straight. - That's not a question! 83 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,600 Why does this man look thin? Because he is! 84 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:36,840 That... That has taken me on a whole circle! 85 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:42,080 A train of thought going, "The reason they look straight is because they are." 86 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,880 This is why I struggled at school! 87 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:48,400 - It's the Q of QI... - If a train travels at 40mph 88 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:53,440 and leaves at 9 o'clock and arrives in Glasgow at 12 o'clock, how did it get there? 89 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,640 And you're going, "Cos it did!" 90 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,600 LAUGHTER 91 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:02,920 - It's sort of that. - It's not sort of that. It's very confusing! 92 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:07,840 It's the Q of QI. It is going round in a circle, but with a twiddly bit at the end. 93 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,840 Why does that look straight? 94 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,440 Because it's not. 95 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:18,400 That would have been a question. Why does that look straight? 96 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,760 Because it is! 97 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,520 Sometimes... 98 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,560 Because it is! 99 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:29,320 - Sometimes things look... - It's straight! 100 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:34,720 - Please don't be unhappy, Johnny. - I'm not. I'm just confused at the start! 101 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:39,320 Let me un-confuse you because the same man who discovered... 102 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:42,360 - I try! - You do, Johnny. 103 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:48,600 No, seriously, listen. The same man... Do you remember what his name was, who discovered that hoops...? 104 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:55,080 - Peter Thompson. - He also discovered that the straight lines on the Parthenon... - He's good with lines. 105 00:07:55,080 --> 00:08:00,360 - ..are straight because they're straight? - He is here tonight in the studio. 106 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:04,080 Where are you, Peter? He's wearing a straight moustache. 107 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:09,040 - Hello, Peter Thompson. - Hello. - You've upset Johnny, but what's your point? 108 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:14,920 He's looking fantastically slim tonight because he's wearing horizontal stripes. It is true... 109 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,120 I'll still have a heart attack. 110 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:21,600 - They won't stop that. - Thanks to the stripes, I'll be in denial. 111 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:25,720 DAVID: What do you have to wear to look not dead when you are? 112 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,240 Why am I looking so good? 113 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:33,520 You look good because you're wearing horizontal stripes. They make you look taller. 114 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:38,160 Vertical stripes will make you look wider, certainly. 115 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:44,320 - Which is against what everybody believes? - Yes, but someone has to do the science to show what is true. 116 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:49,760 If you're really fat, it won't make a lot of difference because the effect's not that big. 117 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,240 LAUGHTER 118 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,680 You may have aroused the beast within Johnny. 119 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:58,120 I give you my theory! 120 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:02,280 Peter Thompson, thank you very much indeed. Dr Thompson, everybody! 121 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:06,000 - APPLAUSE - Excellent. There you are. 122 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:14,600 Who was it, though, that first saw some pillars that looked straight 123 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:20,120 and thought that must be because they bulge, rather than that they're just straight? 124 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:24,120 I think it does exist, this entasis, but not on the Parthenon. 125 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:27,280 There are other places where it does happen, 126 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:30,520 where from the right distance, they look straight. 127 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:35,200 Other people believe they may be bowed for structural reasons, that it helps them stand up more. 128 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:39,520 Are you good on Greek Doric and other such columns? 129 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,720 I'm amazing, don't get me started. 130 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:45,400 Would you like to see some Greek columns and identify them for me? 131 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:50,920 - Those are the three classic orders. - I have these in a book in my loo and I've forgotten to memorise them. 132 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,360 Any thoughts? Anyone know? 133 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:58,360 The right-hand one they've got slightly wrong, haven't they? It's slightly too far to the right. 134 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:02,560 That's the way they hold up. That's the Corinthian order, the most decorated. 135 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:07,160 It starts on the left with the Doric and then the middle is Ionic. 136 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:10,840 There's one thing that's really missing, one thing that's so common. 137 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,480 The rest of the building. 138 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,120 LAUGHTER 139 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:17,640 Arches. They had so much, the Greeks, but never an arch. 140 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,120 So they didn't have a vault or dome. 141 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,040 - So nothing round in Greek architecture. - No arches at all? - No. 142 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:27,520 - It's all segmental and... - The Romans must have found that hilarious 143 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,000 when they invaded. 144 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,880 What, you say your husband's a builder? 145 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:35,600 When's he home, cos I've got some notes for him. 146 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,640 - What do the words mean? - Doric? - Yeah. 147 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:41,640 It's a part of Greece and Ionia was in the Ionian Sea. 148 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:47,480 - Corinth - Gulf of Corinth. - They're regions? - Yeah, named after regions. - For an extra point, Stephen, 149 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:52,880 what makes these different to Christopher Wren's columns at the Guildhall in Windsor? 150 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:56,520 - Let me turn the tables on you. - No, no, no... 151 00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:01,320 There are fables about how his columns don't reach the ceiling. 152 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:04,400 It's also said of his library at Trinity in Cambridge, 153 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,440 that they insisted on extra columns, 154 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:10,200 and the guides always tell you this, so it probably is true, and he said 155 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,840 it doesn't need them, but they said it would fall down. 156 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:17,680 So he put in extra columns, but left a gap about that thick. 157 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:23,200 This is what the guide at Windsor told me, to prove he could do it. 158 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,920 But my point is, if you'll let me get it out, 159 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,440 is that these DO touch the ceiling. 160 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:33,000 You're right, they do. Beautifully put and points for you at once. 161 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:37,800 Surely, even with Christopher Wren's buildings, some of the columns must... 162 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:41,480 No, you're thinking of David Copperfield. 163 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,440 Floating floors. 164 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,880 He was a great architect, but didn't invent the hover ceiling. 165 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:51,920 That was David Blaine, they just hovered like that. 166 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,320 - APPLAUSE - Very true. 167 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:58,760 I've seen so many people who've bought Council homes and put these up. 168 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:02,720 - Yeah, these columns. - I've passed them every day and never questioned. 169 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:06,080 - No. - The different styles and nuances. - Yeah. 170 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,520 And there's a name for every single part. 171 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,760 What about the two lions on the gate post? 172 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,640 - Do you have lions on your gate post? - Geoff and Marge. 173 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:19,600 That answer was quick enough for me to believe you do. 174 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:23,040 Very pleasing. Well, there you are. 175 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,480 The columns on the Parthenon look straight because they are straight. 176 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:31,880 Now look at these two shapes. They have names, right? 177 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:36,360 - Kerpow! - Well, one is the kiki and the other is the bouba. 178 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,960 - Tell me which is which. - Bouba's on the right, clearly. 179 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,200 - Would you agree with that? - Kiki's the spiky one. 180 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:49,040 - Would you agree? - I would say kiki is the splodgy one and bouba is the spiky one. - The other way round? 181 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:52,240 What would you say, Johnny? I hate to think! 182 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:57,160 I would say they should go back to their dating agency. 183 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,280 LAUGHTER 184 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:03,600 - And ask for a refund. - Shall we ask the audience what they think? 185 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,440 If you think kiki is the one on the left, put your hand up. 186 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,960 That's a huge majority. 187 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,800 Who thinks kiki may be the one on the right? 188 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:17,280 - There's a few of you going along with Rob. - Are you all Welsh? 189 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,880 There is no right or wrong answer. 190 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:21,920 Wolfgang Kohler was a, was a... 191 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:25,600 - A pirate! - That's the word I was after(!) 192 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,120 Arr-arr-arr-arr! 193 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,880 APPLAUSE 194 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,840 I was... 195 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:39,480 I wanted to say "psychologist". I looked at you and all I could think of was "psychiatrist". 196 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,240 I don't know if it's the same in other languages, 197 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,560 but in English, point sounds pointy, blob sounds blobby. 198 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:48,520 The point is it's true in all languages. 199 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:55,200 That "kiki" sound to anybody, whatever their culture, they would think that was the spiky one. 200 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:59,840 - Crack and blob. - And the bouba thing, they would think of as blobby. 201 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:05,880 - Is it a form of onomatopoeia? - It is a form of "honour", as you say, "matter", as you point out, "peer". 202 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:11,840 Well done. That's exactly what I would say. It seems to go deep within us, whatever our cultures. 203 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:17,040 In other languages, for example, in Huambisa, which is a South American language, 204 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:23,520 98% of people who didn't speak Huambisa, when seeing the words "chunchuikit" and "mauts", 205 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:29,560 thought that if one was a fish and one was a bird, "chunchuikit" would be a bird and "mauts" a fish. 206 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:33,280 - Flap-flap-flap. - Yeah, there is a deep onomatopoeia within... 207 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,440 And yet the Welsh word for "carrot" is "moron". 208 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,360 - LAUGHTER - Is it? 209 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,920 There we go again, bucking the trend. 210 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,960 If "moron" was going to be a word for a food, 211 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:49,000 I'd say it would be for something more like a mousse or a pate. 212 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,720 A potato. I would say a baked potato. 213 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:55,080 - They're quite blunt - carrots. - Yes, but... 214 00:14:55,080 --> 00:15:00,120 "Moron" is the Greek for "blunt", which is why it means "obtuse, blunt-witted". 215 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:04,440 "Oxy" is "sharp", "moron" is "blunt", hence oxymoron being a... 216 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:10,160 Carrot is right for carrot because it's crunchy. "Carrot", when you bite it, "carrot"... 217 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:16,440 Moron, there's nothing "moronny". Unless you're being inappropriate with your carrot and going... 218 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,920 What about onion rings? 219 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:27,600 - More-ish. - Exactly. - Yeah, moreish, rather than moron. - What rule do they come under? Onion rings? 220 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:32,760 Let's not... It's not that every single word in every language is onomatopoeic. 221 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:35,800 - They often are, though. - They often are, yes. 222 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,760 - Desk! - Yeah... - Desk! 223 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,200 Tin, tin, tin, tin. 224 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:45,000 Boo-oo-oo-ook. 225 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,240 Pen! 226 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:51,400 This is how you teach a chimp to speak. 227 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,920 Well, then, pay attention. Paper! 228 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,360 APPLAUSE 229 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,600 Very mean and most unjustified. 230 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:06,640 And mother and father in a lot of languages, "mother" is the "ma-ma" towards you 231 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,280 and "father" is the "ba" and "da" away from you. 232 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:16,400 - Speaking as a father, can I say that my parenting doesn't consist of that? - No, it's the baby doing that. 233 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:22,360 - The mother is towards me and the father is over there. He's "da", he's there. - But what if he's here? 234 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:26,600 - Yeah, all right, but mostly... - Don't get cross with me! 235 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:32,640 He's asked you some absolutely ludicrous things and you've sat there going, "Oh, your northern charm!" 236 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:37,760 I give you one query and you look at me like I'm an arse! 237 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:41,760 - I can't answer... - You've done this before on this show! 238 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,560 From now on, you're my friend and my pet, Rob. I'm very sorry. 239 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:50,680 Maybe I think you can take it more and that Johnny's a little more vulnerable. 240 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:54,200 He's got big, soft, sad eyes. Look, you see? 241 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,960 - My eyes are soft! - That's true. 242 00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:01,200 No, your eyes are keen. Mine are soft, yours are keen. 243 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:05,240 - Mine are not keen. - You're looking for a weakness, whereas I... 244 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:10,280 - I just... - Johnny has the eyes of trust. You have the eyes of prostitution. 245 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,120 LAUGHTER 246 00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,520 Whoa! 247 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:19,680 I thought I was watching the Mr Men behind Alan's head! 248 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,600 I'm giving them different names. 249 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,560 What names have you given them? 250 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,960 Mr Frost and Gonorrhea. 251 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,920 LAUGHTER 252 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:35,240 - He does look like Mr Frost, actually. - Whoa! - Yeah, but he doesn't look like Gonorrhea, but I... 253 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:39,840 I've never seen Mr Gonorrhea in the series with Arthur Lowe's voice. 254 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:41,560 It looks like a humpbacked duck. 255 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:45,920 - I don't know. I like the bright colours. - Yes, yes. 256 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:50,560 I like my eyes and the fact that you leave me alone when I go quiet. 257 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:55,240 Well done, everybody there, tarts and chimpanzees and all. 258 00:17:55,240 --> 00:18:00,600 After that display of topological trickery, perhaps we should get back to our books. 259 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:05,160 Can you tell me what the most successful textbook of all time is? 260 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:09,560 Is it the one that teaches you what LOL means and LMAO? 261 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,880 - It probably is now. - Yeah. 262 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,880 No, what's our theme for the day? 263 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,760 - Geometry. - It's the... - Logarithms. 264 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,200 - Not logarithms. - No, not logarithms! 265 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,000 LAUGHTER 266 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:27,320 - Oh! - Do you want my eyes? He might listen to you. 267 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,640 Stephen, is it logarithms? 268 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,200 No, but it's a jolly good guess. 269 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:37,240 - Some ancient geometrical textbook written probably by a Greek. - Kites For Beginners! 270 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,960 - Euclid. - Euclid is the right answer, David Mitchell. 271 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:44,680 Euclid, Euclid's Stoicheia, Euclid's Elements. 272 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:48,800 The propositions of Euclid are all about planes and conical sections 273 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,040 and all the forms of the circle and the square, 274 00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:57,880 the provable facts of geometry that are the basis of everything, the physics that came afterwards. 275 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:03,280 So he turned up and said, "This is why all the buildings have been falling down." 276 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,720 Engineering obviously owed a huge amount to it. 277 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:12,600 Many mathematicians believe his book is perhaps the most beautiful of all the mathematical books. 278 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:19,240 We're looking at one of the earliest editions. What does it say there? "The most" something "philosopher". 279 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,960 - I'm brilliant with Latin. - No, it's written in English. 280 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,600 LAUGHTER 281 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,840 APPLAUSE 282 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:34,280 But the names... You're right, the names are written in Greek there. 283 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:37,160 Yeah, and that's what threw me. 284 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:41,720 Queen Elizabeth I's court magician, John Dee. Have you heard of him? 285 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:45,240 - Hmm. - He was an extraordinary man who worked as a spy. 286 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:49,080 - Can you tell me the cipher he used as a spy? - Invisible ink? 287 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:52,200 No, he had a particular cipher, his call sign. 288 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:57,560 And a writer many, many years later, who was extremely learned in the ways of the world, 289 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:01,400 despite being thought of just as a thriller writer, used it... 290 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,000 - Ian Fleming. - Yes. - 007. 291 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:09,360 - Exactly. It was John Dee's call sign. - I sense points. - Yes, you will have seven points. 292 00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:13,560 - Seven points! - I could give you 700, written backwards. That's too much. 293 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,080 I'm not going to speak again! 294 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:21,480 He was also one of the people responsible for bringing Euclid to the attention of the world. 295 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:25,520 Although he was known as a magician, he was all kinds of different things. 296 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:29,280 - Was he an astrologer as well? - Absolutely right, yeah. 297 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:34,200 Interestingly, or quite interestingly, which is all we're after, it was a pop-up book, 298 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:38,880 Euclid, when John Dee produced it. Little pop-up geometric shapes. 299 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:43,040 Pop-up books were for adults way back then. 300 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:48,120 The thing is with pop-up books, when you read normal books, you end up putting them in front of you 301 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:51,200 and kicking them from behind cos you think they're lazy. 302 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,400 LAUGHTER 303 00:20:54,400 --> 00:21:00,600 - ALAN: Oh, come on, do something! - Come on, what's going to happen? 304 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:06,240 And then, as a 19-year-old, you explain the difference between an illustration and a pop-up. 305 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:08,560 That difference is? For points? 306 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:14,400 If you kick the book hard enough, you break the spine and it's hard to take it to a second-hand bookshop. 307 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:18,680 - Most of the pages fall out. - They would. - You could do a pop-down book. 308 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:23,640 - That'd be like a good murder weapon. - Hold a pop-up book upside down. 309 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,080 That'd be really bad if you're paranoid. 310 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:29,320 If you open a book and every time you open a page, it goes... 311 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,240 And what happenned to the giant? 312 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:35,640 Ssh! 313 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,960 Oh, now, um... 314 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:43,840 Euclid's Elements has been a mathematical bestseller for over 22 centuries. 315 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,840 Let's get our noses out of our text books and into our tuck boxes. 316 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,360 What do you call a left-handed lemon? 317 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:52,200 A potato. 318 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,040 No, but you're thinking along the right lines. 319 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:58,600 We're talking about molecules and their arrangement. 320 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:04,240 - You mean the opposite to a lemon? - Exactly. The mirror image of it's molecular arrangement. 321 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,920 - An orange. - Is the right answer! There's a lemon, obviously. 322 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,200 - Seven points? - There's an orange. Seven points! 323 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,480 You know I'm good at catching. 324 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:14,920 You can stop a roll. 325 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,320 No, you can't. 326 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,040 LAUGHTER 327 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,320 There's a lemon for you. 328 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:22,480 Who else wants one? Well done. 329 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:25,720 Have a lemon. There you are. 330 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,560 I'm all right, Stephen. LAUGHTER 331 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:32,880 Do they make scissors for both? 332 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,480 LAUGHTER 333 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:35,880 Or just... 334 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:37,920 Does... 335 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,320 APPLAUSE 336 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,840 Does a lemon cut out boys and girls together in a piece of paper 337 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,760 and the orange is going, "I'm rubbish at this!"? 338 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,000 "Cos I'm left-handed"? 339 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:52,120 Yeah, it just looks like a bunch of oranges falling over. 340 00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:55,200 It's along those lines, Johnny, yes. 341 00:22:55,200 --> 00:23:00,000 the arrangement of the aroma molecules is exactly the same, except a mirror-image. 342 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:04,040 The result is as different a smell as the smell of a lemon to an orange. 343 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:07,480 If you smell an orange from the wrong direction, it smells like a lemon? 344 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:11,760 It doesn't quite work like that because this particular quality - chirality - 345 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,360 is present in our nose molecules, too. 346 00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:18,160 It hooks onto them and we recognise them in the same way. 347 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:22,400 So the molecules, as it were, dock with other molecules? 348 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,280 They kind of do. It's all very chemical, obviously. 349 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:30,160 It's interesting because all these chemicals that are discovered to be right-handed and left-handed - 350 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,920 like glucose! Only right-handed glucose can be metabolised by the body. 351 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,760 And so natural glucose in sugar, for example, is all right-handed 352 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:42,040 and all the left-handed ones are the diet ones - sucrose and that sort of thing - 353 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:45,920 which aren't metabolised - you can eat as much as you like without gaining weight 354 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:50,480 because they don't get metabolised by the body. So there are useful sides to this handedness. 355 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,120 You've got to go in and ask for right-handed fruit? 356 00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:54,960 LAUGHTER 357 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:56,960 Are you left- or right-handed? 358 00:23:56,960 --> 00:24:04,240 I'm right handed, but my friend thinks he's right-handed but his wife thinks his handwriting's 359 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:08,520 - so bad because he's left-handed and lives in denial. - Oh! 360 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:12,720 Any left-handers? Are you all right-handed? Do you know the proportion 361 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:17,720 - of right-handed people around the world, as opposed to left-handed people? - Nine out of ten. 362 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,800 It's a little less, they think it's between 70 and 90. 363 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,320 - It'll be far less when the war comes. - The what? 364 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:26,120 - The Morecambes? - The war comes. 365 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:29,960 - What's a Warcombe? - The left-handed and the right-handed. - Warcombe? 366 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:33,160 - No, when the war... - Oh, when the war comes! I'm sorry. 367 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,920 LAUGHTER 368 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:41,520 - I'm so sorry. - Morecambe?! - I thought it was a family called the Warcombes! 369 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:46,440 Surely one day, the right-handed will rise up and crush the left-handed. 370 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:50,200 - They may do. - Yeah, cos there's no way I'm feasting on that. 371 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,400 Fair point. I think. 372 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,360 But yeah... 373 00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:59,440 So, yes. Is there a prevailing theory as to why right-handedness is the most common? 374 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:03,000 Isn't it sides of the brain? Different sides do different things, 375 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,720 you look off to the right when you're making up a lie, 376 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:08,600 you look to the left if you're recalling something real. 377 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:13,960 I would imagine it's to do with that and how straight the columns are within your brain. 378 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,640 And whether or not they actually touch the roof of your head. 379 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,360 The molecules that make oranges smell orangey and lemons smell lemony 380 00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:27,760 are the same, just mirror images, so a left-handed lemon, in a sense, is an orange. 381 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:31,880 - How many cricket pitches are there in Kansas? - One big one! 382 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:38,560 Well, certainly it's a big square shape, but not a cricket pitch shape, Kansas. 383 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:44,800 - It's to do with the measurement of corn, it's... It's nothing like that? - No, you're on the right lines. 384 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:50,200 Americans, how do they measure? Do they use the metric system, or a version of our imperial system? 385 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:55,720 - They use yards and feet and miles and things like that. - And the length of a cricket pitch, which is...? 386 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,480 - 22 yards. - 22 yards, and it's called a chain. 387 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:05,400 - OK. - And when America was being measured out, they used these ancient English measurements. 388 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,560 A chain is 22 yards, there are ten chains to a...? 389 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,520 A word that's still used in sport. 390 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:17,280 - Furlong? - A furlong! Brilliant. More points! Seven points! 80 chains to a...? 391 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:22,960 - Mile. - Mile. - Mile, yes. We're doing very well here! And an acre is ten square chains. 392 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:28,120 That's where an acre is derived. And this man, Gunter, Gunter's chain - 393 00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:33,560 he actually had a chain that he used, like that, to measure out the land. 394 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:39,200 So the whole of the northern Midwestern states were initially into blocks of 24 miles by 24. 395 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:44,520 Within that, sub-divided into 20 chains by 20 chains, known as forties, cos that would be 40 acres. 396 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:48,720 You may remember in The Grapes Of Wrath, that the farmstead is the smallest type 397 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,320 of farm, which is known as a forty. 398 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:54,760 - I know a thing about the forty... - Yes? - ..the 40 acres. 399 00:26:54,760 --> 00:27:00,320 - Yeah. - Did they not, when they had the emancipation of the slaves, were they not each entitled to a forty? 400 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:05,760 - That was indeed right. - And a mule. Which is why Spike Lee called his company 40 Acres and a Mule. 401 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:10,640 - That's the thing I know about the forty. - Seven points again! It's like the seven times table. 402 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:14,120 APPLAUSE 403 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:21,560 - And is the country still divided by the Willie Nelson Line? - Yes, you can see them there. 404 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:26,640 Because Kansas, which is one of the most rectangular of any of the states, almost perfectly so, 405 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,520 you can actually calculate how many it is. 406 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:37,360 And it's 3,474,386,388 cricket pitches would fit in. Apparently. 407 00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:41,560 - That's quite different to the answer I had in mind. - Is it? Well, you can save it 408 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,520 by telling me, what's the capital of Kansas? 409 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:50,640 - Arkansas. - No, that's another state! I need the name of the... 410 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:51,760 Kansas City? 411 00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:53,840 Oh, it's not, oh! 412 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,120 - All those sevens! - I've lost all my points! 413 00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:59,240 Squirreled all your sevens away. It's Topeka. 414 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:03,520 - Topeka, Kansas? - I've never even heard of Topeka. 415 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,320 - Topeka Mockingbird? - Topeka Mockingbird! 416 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,520 GURGLING CHUCKLE 417 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:16,280 Little gurgle! But actually, in terms of real cricket pitches for playing cricket on, 418 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:20,800 seven that we can find in Kansas. Which is more than you might expect. 419 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,400 Not in a state of that size, that's hardly any! 420 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:27,200 - Well, for America... - They've got room for more than 3 billion more! 421 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:31,080 They've got room for more, but... Is that you or Mike Gatting? 422 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:38,120 Of course, if you're talking about that area, Elvis would be one of the most famous citizens. 423 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,960 Now, where was Elvis born? Does anybody know? Tupelo. 424 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:42,880 Tupelo, Mississippi, yeah. 425 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,760 Of course, then moved to Memphis, in a different state, Tennessee. 426 00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:51,320 And that was where he became very, very famous and started off in 1955 427 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,640 with "That's All Right, Mama", which was the Sun Records label 428 00:28:54,640 --> 00:29:00,760 at that point, in Memphis. Then he signed with RCA Victor Records in New York. 429 00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:04,680 With them, he did "Heartbreak Hotel". Right the way through the movie years... 430 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:06,960 He turned his back on Sam Phillips, that was... 431 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,160 Well, no, because Sam came to his opening night in Vegas in '69, 432 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,960 and Elvis can be heard saying, "Sam, this one's for you." 433 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:16,200 I think Sam, with the greatest respect, is more my area than yours, 434 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:20,640 which is not something I ever thought I'd get a chance to say. 435 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:25,920 He then went on, until his untimely death in 1977. 436 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:28,200 I hadn't said anything for a while. 437 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,160 - LAUGHTER - The date of his death? 438 00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:32,040 August 16th, 1977. 439 00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,760 APPLAUSE 440 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:37,480 It's like Radio 2 in the middle of the night! 441 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,520 He has come out with such bilge! 442 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:46,720 And you sit there like we're in Rain Man, loving it! 443 00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,280 I come out with something factual, 444 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:54,320 and there are a lot of Elvis fans out there who will be loving that. 445 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:59,480 Why are they all catching? Why is nobody playing in the middle? Did no-one explain cricket for them? 446 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:02,240 They are, but they're behind that bloke. 447 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:07,280 - So he was waiting to go in? - Nothing to see! 448 00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:13,400 Anyway, after that bombshell... And I do love you, Rob, I want you to know that. I really, really do. 449 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:16,520 Yeah, but don't say it while you're reading something else. 450 00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:21,040 - I've got it written down. - That's what my dad always did on my birthday - 451 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:24,840 "Of course I love you, I'm reading it here, it's what your mother wrote." 452 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:29,080 Tell me the oldest international sporting fixture on Earth. 453 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:32,400 - England v Australia at cricket. - No. It is cricket, though. 454 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:36,920 - England v Scotland at cricket. - No, it's America v Canada at cricket. 455 00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,120 We'll take a bird's-eye view now. 456 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:44,800 What's the best place to go to look into the future? 457 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,880 - A sci-fi convention. - A sci-fi convention? - Yeah. 458 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:52,760 Right, OK. Maybe. 459 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:58,480 - When you see the stars and the sun, that's old light. - That's looking into the past. 460 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:04,320 - Do you have to go past that? - You look backwards because history teaches us the future. 461 00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:09,040 Because from history, we learn patterns. 462 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:11,880 And as Dr Phil says time and time again, 463 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:16,960 the greatest indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour. 464 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:21,000 - When are you going to realise he's not interested? - I'm so... 465 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,600 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 466 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:29,160 - Tell him you're interested. - I'm very interested. A very good answer. 467 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:32,680 Unlike when you speak, he's not frightened. 468 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:39,000 Just to return briefly... Just to pull the reins in a little, 469 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:42,920 there is a place where physically you can look into the future. 470 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:47,960 - You're not literally looking into the future. - Is it by the International Date Line? 471 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:53,560 - Exactly. - Does it have the magic hill where you're going up, even though you're... 472 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:59,080 - No, it's not that. No, this is literally the date line. - You see, that was stupid! 473 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:05,480 - It wasn't stupid. - I knew that was wrong and he went, "Of course not, Johnny." He just doesn't like you. 474 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:08,800 - This divides... - Thanks, Stephen. - That's fine. 475 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:16,040 So if you're on... Looking at it, we'd say the left-hand side of that red line, right? 476 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:19,440 In time, it's ahead of the right-hand side, 477 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:24,400 so if you were to fly from Los Angeles in America to Sydney, Australia, 478 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,440 you would lose a day, as I did a few months ago. 479 00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,360 If I stood perfectly on that line... 480 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:33,280 - You'd drown. - Let's just say... 481 00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:36,600 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 482 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:39,520 Unless you stood on the very spot. 483 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:42,640 If I stood on that line and there's an accident, 484 00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:47,920 could I jump over the line and stop yourself from doing it? 485 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,960 - LAUGHTER - Aside... 486 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:54,720 You could warn yourself. You could wave back and... 487 00:32:54,720 --> 00:33:00,640 - You're thinking of Michael J Fox. - Can you jump back and stop yourself making mistakes? 488 00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:06,080 - You can't literally do that, but... - You lost a day flying, so it was two days later... 489 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,720 I went on the 18th of December and I arrived on the 20th. 490 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:15,360 - Having only lived one day? - Yeah. - You were only a day older, yet the world was two days older. 491 00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:17,920 Part of the world was two days older. 492 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:23,160 If you did that every day, you'd live twice the number of days of most humans 493 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:28,200 and would appear, despite only having lived, say, 80 years, to have lived for 160. 494 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:33,720 - Yes. - "Amazing, a 160-year-old man! What did he achieve?" "Nothing. He had a lot of airline fuel." 495 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,840 Would you struggle to hold down a job? 496 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:41,120 - Yes. - Yeah. - Yes, you would. - In terms of a pension? 497 00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:46,120 You could maybe do it if you lived on the Diomede Islands. They're at the very top. 498 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:51,960 - What's that area of water between Russia and...? - Bering Strait. - Exactly. We can zoom in there. 499 00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:58,720 There's the International Date Line and Big Diomede and Small Diomede, the greater and the lesser Diomedes. 500 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:03,240 If you were stood with your child and he had a pet rabbit and it died, 501 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:07,280 could you jump over that time line with the rabbit... 502 00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:12,080 - It would come back to life, still be ill and die. - ..and jump back with it? 503 00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:16,120 I'm going to ask you what your opinion is. What do you think? 504 00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:19,800 I think, me personally, but I'm selfish, 505 00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:25,880 - what I would do, I'd get a jet ski and stay on the line and go round the world. - Right. 506 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:31,080 - Yes. - And stay at my perfect weight and this age for the rest of my life. 507 00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:34,920 I would go round the world continually following that line, 508 00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,920 shouting advice and being mistaken for God. 509 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,520 - LAUGHTER - And if... 510 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:44,040 if you followed the line all the way over the pole, where would you end up? 511 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,280 So the line doesn't go all the way round? 512 00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:52,320 - Yes, it does. The other side of the pole... - He'd end up in Greenwich, eventually. - The Greenwich Meridian. 513 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:55,280 Is it mean time where people go, "He's not God, he's Satan"? 514 00:34:55,280 --> 00:35:00,240 - The point is, the line is arbitrary. - "Fill yer boots!" - We decided to draw a line. 515 00:35:00,240 --> 00:35:03,720 Somewhere, we had to divide the world up, 516 00:35:03,720 --> 00:35:09,320 - for maps and for navigation... - How did we do that? - We decided that... 517 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:12,720 - We didn't! - Yes, we did, literally, Britain, we did. - But we didn't! 518 00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:15,640 No, our culture did, some hundred years ago. 519 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:20,520 - We nominated Greenwich to be the line... - So why can't... - When we discovered the Earth was round 520 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:23,600 and discovered how these things would best be parcelled out, 521 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:28,360 we said, let's have a meridian line, about which the rest will go, and we put it through Greenwich, 522 00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:33,400 - where the Naval colleges were. - So, a line is straight cos it's straight, but I can't be God on a jet ski? 523 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:36,520 That's about right. That seems to be the sum of it. 524 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:40,560 I wouldn't be surprised if my parents came in and had a word with you 525 00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:46,440 and asked if Johnny could be taken to another class because they feel Rob isn't learning. 526 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:48,640 APPLAUSE 527 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:54,080 That's exceptionally well expressed. 528 00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:59,400 Hang on. The International Date Line is wiggly. The Greenwich Meridian isn't. 529 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,520 It passes round territories and island groups. 530 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:06,560 So two houses on the same street aren't on two different days? 531 00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:10,760 It tries to avoid going through land. The closest it gets is there. 532 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:16,800 - Does Small Diomede look at Big Diomede and watch people get older faster? - Yeah, exactly. 533 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:21,720 If you're standing on Big Diomede, you are looking at the past. 534 00:36:21,720 --> 00:36:24,080 If you stand on Little one... 535 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:28,640 It's Friday and you're on Big Diomede, you see them on Thursday. 536 00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:32,920 - And you're already drunk. - Yeah. - And they're hungover! 537 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:35,160 - Are you ready to move on? - Yes. 538 00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:39,480 - So the best place to see into tomorrow... - I'm tired of being odd. 539 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:43,440 Oh, bless! The best place to see into tomorrow is the Diomede Islands 540 00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,120 on opposite sides of the International Date Line. 541 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,640 Where does the extra square in this diagram come from? 542 00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:55,440 Those two are the same size and made up of elements of the same size. 543 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,560 There's a white square there, a bit's missing. 544 00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:03,320 - Oh, yeah. - How can that be? - Because some of the triangles... 545 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:06,160 Have a look at it actually happening. 546 00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:10,000 That one goes there, that one goes there, that goes there... 547 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,680 Like so, like so, like so. 548 00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:18,520 - So now there's more space in there? - Yeah. That can't be possible, can it? 549 00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:20,920 Yet my eyes tell me it is. 550 00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:24,640 It's not even longer. It's the same, isn't it? 551 00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:26,760 - Yeah. - Um... 552 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:30,360 - It is a cheat. - That's witchcraft! - It is rather. 553 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:34,520 Funnily enough, it was a magician who discovered this. 554 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:41,000 - It's five blocks high, the same number of blocks long by the look of it. - It's a very small, subtle cheat. 555 00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:46,120 The hypotenuse in the top one and the bottom one seem to be the same, but they are curved. 556 00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:51,360 The red triangle has a ratio of 5 to 2, the blue triangle has a ratio of 8 to 3, 557 00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:54,240 so the two triangles are not similar. 558 00:37:54,240 --> 00:38:00,360 - It's going like that and like that? - One has a slightly dipped line, the other has a slightly "up" line. 559 00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:04,480 The eye assumes they're straight and is puzzled by that gap. 560 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:08,840 - We thought you'd like that. It's quite interesting. - I quite like it. 561 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,880 It's Curry's Paradox. It's simply a trick. 562 00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:16,000 The gap appears because the hypotenuse is imperceptibly bent. 563 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:21,400 - All of which brings... - Curry's Paradox? - Yeah. - Should you buy the insurance? 564 00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:24,400 LAUGHTER 565 00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:29,720 - Or just risk it? - All of which brings us squarely up against General Ignorance, 566 00:38:29,720 --> 00:38:34,200 so fingers on buzzers. What's the best place to punch a shark? 567 00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,840 In a pub. 568 00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:44,480 In a pub after loads of pork scratchings when he's really dehydrated 569 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:51,000 and then you look really hard and people who aren't sharks go, "Don't want to mess with him!" 570 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,560 - In the eye. - In the eye is right. 571 00:38:53,560 --> 00:39:00,160 A lot of people think the nose. They may be confusing it with dogs, but the eye is the best place. 572 00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:06,360 The eye or the gill. More people in the world are bitten by New Yorkers every year than they are by sharks. 573 00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:09,200 Not in the water, though! 574 00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:14,760 - You have to take into account the relative seriousness of that event. - Well, no, actually. 575 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:19,400 81% of victims attacked and bitten by sharks suffered minor injuries. 576 00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:23,080 How many New Yorkers a year bite someone's leg off? 577 00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:27,120 I don't know, but they may cause rabies and other hideous diseases. 578 00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:33,080 - Oh, well... - Certainly more people are killed in America by lavatory accidents than sharks. 579 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:38,400 What saddens me is 120 million sharks every year are killed by us human beings. 580 00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:43,840 - For their fins. - Just for their bloody fins! - Just for what? - Fins. - Shark fin soup. 581 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:48,680 The rest of their body is thrown in the water. A shark fin is tasteless as well. 582 00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:52,720 - Chicken stock is added to it to give it flavour. - But I hate sharks. 583 00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:56,080 They're beautiful animals. They don't harm anybody. 584 00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:57,880 Because you find them ugly? 585 00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:01,360 I think they're scary. They're incredibly scary. 586 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:05,880 Every cell in my body, when I see that, says, "It is the enemy!" 587 00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:10,920 They've got far more reason to be scared of a human than a human has of a shark. 588 00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:15,840 - Most mammals see human beings in the same way. - Look at the miracle of their teeth! 589 00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:19,920 That's extraordinary. They have rows of teeth. Their teeth go backwards. 590 00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:23,920 They bite, they fall out and the next one literally comes forward. 591 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:27,040 They've got a conveyor belt of rows of teeth. 592 00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:33,120 More impressive than that, Stephen, is how she's managed to do her lipstick under water. 593 00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:35,560 It is rather. Very pretty. 594 00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:40,840 Your talk of razor-sharp teeth on a conveyor belt is making them sound quite sweet(!) 595 00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:49,240 A shark's nose is a shade too close to its mouth to go jabbing around there, so go for the gills or eyes. 596 00:40:49,240 --> 00:40:51,480 How many legs does an octopus have? 597 00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:54,320 - Oh, I mean... - Ahh! - Ahh! 598 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:58,960 - The clue is in "octo". - Does it vary depending on the breed? - Two. 599 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:02,520 - Two legs is the right answer. - I saw one in panto. 600 00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:05,480 APPLAUSE 601 00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:10,720 That's to say, when octopuses move around on the bottom of the ocean, 602 00:41:10,720 --> 00:41:14,040 they use two of their tentacles for ambulatory gait 603 00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:20,880 and the other four they use for holding food, so they could be said to have two legs and six arms. 604 00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:24,400 How much of the moon can you see from the Ea-arth? 605 00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:26,880 LAUGHTER 606 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,320 Well... 607 00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:33,640 You can see one side of it. 608 00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:39,560 Yes. There is this strange thing called libration which is like vibration beginning with an L. 609 00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:43,960 It's a thing that was noted by quite a few of the early astronomers. 610 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:50,120 Can I say... Sorry, Stephen, but if that's an acceptable way of defining a word... 611 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:55,240 - What? - "Libration - it's like vibration, but beginning with an L." 612 00:41:55,240 --> 00:42:01,080 - Just so you could picture it in your heads. Is that bad? - I was with you already with "libration". 613 00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:04,600 I thought you might have heard it as "libation". 614 00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:10,240 - What does it mean? - I was about to tell you, then somebody came and said... - It wasn't me! 615 00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:13,280 I'll tell you. You get this jiggling effect. 616 00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:18,400 - Basically, you can see about 59% of the surface of the moon from Earth. - At one time? 617 00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:22,560 Obviously, when it's a new moon or whatever, it's a lot less, 618 00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:26,640 but you can see 59% of the surface, rather than just 50. 619 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:30,800 And that cosmic wobble brings us to the end of another QI show. 620 00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:34,840 It's time to check the form and see what scores we're dealing with. 621 00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:38,840 It's absolutely fascinating. It couldn't be "fascinating-er"! 622 00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:43,160 We have a tie, would you believe it, for third place - 623 00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:46,960 Rob and Johnny on plus two! 624 00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:49,680 APPLAUSE 625 00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:56,560 Well, in second place, of course, with four points, 626 00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:58,880 is David Mitchell! 627 00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:01,320 APPLAUSE 628 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:07,040 - I've got a feeling this is divisible by seven - 21 points for Alan Davies! - Thank you. 629 00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:09,080 CHEERING 630 00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:18,160 And that's all from this geometrical edition of QI, 631 00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:19,240 so it's good night 632 00:43:19,240 --> 00:43:22,240 from Johnny, Rob, David, Alan and me. Good night. 633 00:43:22,240 --> 00:43:25,080 APPLAUSE 634 00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:42,000 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 635 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:45,040 Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk