1 00:00:24,020 --> 00:00:26,500 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:31,420 --> 00:00:34,020 Good evening. 3 00:00:34,140 --> 00:00:36,380 Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. 4 00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:39,980 Hello, and how do you do? 5 00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,700 We'll be staying in tonight, ladies and gentlemen, 6 00:00:42,860 --> 00:00:46,420 for a quite interesting look at house and home. 7 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:51,980 So, let's see who's "in da house," as my father likes to say. 8 00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:54,620 We have, very much at home, Danny Baker! 9 00:00:54,740 --> 00:00:56,860 Thank you. 10 00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:58,900 APPLAUSE 11 00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:02,980 And hitting a home run, Eddie Izzard. 12 00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:05,100 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 13 00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:12,020 And a beautifully streamlined homing pigeon, Bill Bailey. 14 00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:13,940 APPLAUSE 15 00:01:17,780 --> 00:01:21,780 And late with his homework again, my homeboy, Alan Davies. 16 00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:25,780 APPLAUSE 17 00:01:29,700 --> 00:01:34,660 Well, should my house guests need to attract my attention 18 00:01:34,820 --> 00:01:37,060 they'll need to ring my chimes. Danny goes... 19 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,020 SCHOOL BELL RINGS 20 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,060 And Eddie goes... 21 00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:42,060 DOOR BELL RINGS 22 00:01:42,180 --> 00:01:43,580 And Bill goes... 23 00:01:43,700 --> 00:01:46,100 BELLS RING A TUNE 24 00:01:46,220 --> 00:01:48,460 And Alan goes... 25 00:01:48,620 --> 00:01:50,540 KNOCKING 'Hello? Only me!' 26 00:01:50,660 --> 00:01:51,820 LAUGHTER 27 00:01:51,980 --> 00:01:55,020 So, eyes down, please, for a full house. 28 00:01:55,180 --> 00:01:59,540 Now here's a lovely, homely picture of a modern family. 29 00:01:59,700 --> 00:02:02,180 But of course they're all rather concerned 30 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:04,380 about their ecological footprint. 31 00:02:04,540 --> 00:02:07,980 Now how can they legally reduce it the most? 32 00:02:08,140 --> 00:02:10,860 What is the biggest thing they can do? Stop breathing. 33 00:02:10,980 --> 00:02:12,940 Stop, er, breathing. 34 00:02:13,060 --> 00:02:14,140 Yes, and defecating. 35 00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:15,980 DOOR BELL RINGS 36 00:02:16,140 --> 00:02:18,420 Are we using these? No, we never use them. 37 00:02:18,540 --> 00:02:20,820 It's sort of... Come in! Hello! 38 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:24,300 What just happened? Stop pooing. 39 00:02:24,420 --> 00:02:25,860 If they don't poo or pee ever... 40 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:26,980 They would die. 41 00:02:27,140 --> 00:02:30,740 I mean legally, and if you like, biologically viably. 42 00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:32,220 Oh, right. Biologically viably? 43 00:02:32,380 --> 00:02:34,300 Yeah, and legally. I mean, it's not... How many more... 44 00:02:34,460 --> 00:02:37,540 Go vegetarian. ..little things are you going to add on to this question? 45 00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:42,900 Well... OK, I'll trigger the screen. Go on. 46 00:02:43,020 --> 00:02:45,780 Don't drive, car. O-o-oh, no. 47 00:02:45,940 --> 00:02:50,100 Yes! That is not the biggest way they could help the environment, 48 00:02:50,220 --> 00:02:51,340 that particular family. 49 00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:55,860 Insulating your home. That would be reasonable, but getting rid of the car would be better. 50 00:02:56,020 --> 00:02:57,700 I know. Eat the dog! RINGS BELL 51 00:02:57,820 --> 00:02:59,260 Yes! 52 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,300 Yes! 53 00:03:00,420 --> 00:03:02,420 Or get rid of the dog. 54 00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:05,020 The dog is by far and away the most ecologically... 55 00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:08,180 Never turns the lights off, leaves the telly on all night. 56 00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:10,100 LAUGHTER 57 00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:13,780 Keeping a dog is the equivalent to two Toyota Land cruisers. 58 00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:16,460 What? Yeah, right. No! 59 00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:18,980 Yes, everyone in the audience is going, "what?" 60 00:03:19,140 --> 00:03:22,940 There's a simple reason. I'm getting rid of both of my Land Cruisers. 61 00:03:23,060 --> 00:03:25,100 And that is the meat it eats. 62 00:03:25,220 --> 00:03:27,340 It's that simple. Oh, yeah. 63 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,620 It seems a unfair to put it on the dog. I eat meat. 64 00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:33,060 Yes, but you can't get rid of a human being without being illegal. 65 00:03:33,220 --> 00:03:35,820 That's why I said legally. You can get rid of a dog. 66 00:03:35,980 --> 00:03:38,660 It may be unkind, but that's the point of the question. 67 00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:41,340 Can you do it? Oh, you could just have it put down. 68 00:03:41,460 --> 00:03:43,380 Yeah, legally, not ethically. 69 00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:45,940 Not ethically, no. Definitely not ethically. 70 00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:48,740 But it was there to surprise you. It is a shock. 71 00:03:48,900 --> 00:03:52,660 Even a cat, one cat, one little cat, 72 00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:54,980 is the equivalent to a Volkswagen Golf. 73 00:03:55,140 --> 00:03:58,380 And I'm including the manufacture of the car 74 00:03:58,500 --> 00:03:59,780 as well as the use of the car. 75 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:03,740 Wow. So, Stephen, just on a purely technical point... Yes. 76 00:04:03,860 --> 00:04:05,700 I've got four dogs, right. 77 00:04:05,820 --> 00:04:07,860 Oh! 78 00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:09,780 You're killing us all! 79 00:04:09,940 --> 00:04:12,300 Kill your dogs, will you!? I can hardly breathe! 80 00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,420 The planet's warming! 81 00:04:14,580 --> 00:04:17,660 I want to know, what kind of fleet of vehicles I can now own. 82 00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:22,540 I'm really keen to know. 83 00:04:22,660 --> 00:04:24,420 Eight Land Cruisers. Yes! 84 00:04:24,580 --> 00:04:26,620 You could have a lot of Land Cruisers. 85 00:04:26,780 --> 00:04:28,980 You'd be like Mad Max. You could go across deserts. 86 00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:32,180 If you had a bison you could have a Chieftain tank. 87 00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:35,860 If they ate veg is it better? They are just born to eat meat, I fear. 88 00:04:36,020 --> 00:04:40,980 Well our dogs eat rice. They will eat it, but not without meat. 89 00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:45,860 They'll eat it grudgingly. You leave out a Battenburg and that'll disappear instantly. 90 00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:51,620 They had a whole tin of Quality Street, one Christmas, and they took all the wrappers off. Unbelievable. 91 00:04:51,780 --> 00:04:54,220 Yeah, they unwrapped the sweets, the Alsatians. 92 00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,980 Did they look through the cellophane and go, "It's all yellow!" 93 00:04:57,140 --> 00:05:01,140 That's how we caught them. They had cellophane over their eyes like that, "wow, man." 94 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,500 A little bit of green foil under their claws. 95 00:05:03,660 --> 00:05:09,220 Yes. The thing is, I've got four dogs, two cats, birds, fish, rabbit, 96 00:05:09,380 --> 00:05:11,980 guinea pig - I could probably get like a jet or something. 97 00:05:12,140 --> 00:05:15,820 You probably are using the equivalent of a jet. It's quite serious. 98 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:18,620 Really? I can give you the figures. 99 00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:22,380 It takes 43 square metres of land to generate one kilogram of chicken, 100 00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:24,260 much more for other meats. 101 00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:28,500 But only 13 per kilo of cereal, you see? 102 00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:32,220 So someone worked out how much it took, and it's two Land Cruisers per 103 00:05:32,380 --> 00:05:35,900 dog, much more for German shepherds, for example, which eat a lot more. 104 00:05:36,020 --> 00:05:37,820 If you kept two hamsters, 105 00:05:37,980 --> 00:05:43,420 that's the same energy footprint as a plasma television. 106 00:05:43,540 --> 00:05:44,460 LAUGHTER 107 00:05:44,620 --> 00:05:49,420 And unfortunately, no, hamsters going round on a wheel will not power the plasma television. 108 00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:53,380 Is this some kind of Dr Dolittle death list you're reading from? 109 00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:57,100 How many pets have you got to get rid of to get a speedboat? 110 00:05:57,260 --> 00:05:59,980 They're not green shield stamps, you know! 111 00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:02,140 That's what they are in my mind, now. 112 00:06:02,260 --> 00:06:04,020 Nectar points! 113 00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:05,700 One dolphin. 114 00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:08,500 Oh, don't. Bless the dolphins. 115 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:13,060 The ecological footprint is a measure of the amount of land needed 116 00:06:13,220 --> 00:06:17,100 to regenerate consumed resources and deal with the resultant waste. 117 00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:19,740 Current figures calculated by the United Nations 118 00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:24,980 are that we are using 1.4 times more than the planet can restore. 119 00:06:25,140 --> 00:06:28,940 The thing is... Yes? We evolved from this planet, 120 00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:32,580 we are of this planet, we live on this planet, 121 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:36,060 so can't we do what we like? Yeah, absolutely. 122 00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:39,820 We are victims of our own evolution. I happen to have come in at this point. 123 00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:43,420 Now I have to turn the lights out and I can't see where I'm going when I go to bed. 124 00:06:43,580 --> 00:06:45,860 But we appear to be the first creatures 125 00:06:46,020 --> 00:06:49,300 to have evolved to have a knowledge of what we're doing. 126 00:06:49,460 --> 00:06:52,860 Consciousness, that's what we've got. That's where we went wrong. 127 00:06:53,020 --> 00:06:56,340 We also kill each other in huge quantities, that's a good thing. 128 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:59,740 Maybe we should big ourselves up sometimes. 129 00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:04,580 Last year thousands of people were killed in wars, thousands of people. That's right. 130 00:07:04,740 --> 00:07:08,140 That's the ecological paw print, and it's a bit of a shocker for us all. 131 00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:11,580 But having children is even more disastrous than having dogs. 132 00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:13,820 Unless they start wars. 133 00:07:13,940 --> 00:07:15,860 Unless they start wars. 134 00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:20,260 But as long as it's killing Nazis then we're kind of cool with that. 135 00:07:20,420 --> 00:07:22,580 And Hitler had a dog. He did, and he killed it! 136 00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:26,620 If you're going to have a war, use animals as weapons and that'll get rid of a few. 137 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:31,420 If you've got a mortar, chuck a few guinea-pigs down a mortar, phoom! 138 00:07:33,660 --> 00:07:37,860 That's half a plasma screen already. Exactly. Yeah, brilliant. 139 00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:42,260 Yes, but the one thing about evolution, evolution has never developed an animal with a wheel. 140 00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:45,300 And you would have thought by now, 141 00:07:45,460 --> 00:07:49,020 because they must have seen the car or the bike by now, 142 00:07:49,180 --> 00:07:52,900 but evolution, if it's going anywhere, no animal has a wheel. 143 00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:55,500 The paw's better than the wheel. A what? A paw. 144 00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:57,100 It's much better than a wheel. 145 00:07:57,260 --> 00:08:00,140 The Daleks proved this, Daleks couldn't go upstairs. 146 00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:02,300 Now they fly! We invented the wheel then 147 00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:07,140 after the wheel we had to invent the road and the railway line and things to put the wheel on. That's true. 148 00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:10,620 Had nature given us roads, then a wheel might well have been a good evolution. 149 00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:13,340 Where we're going, we don't need roads. 150 00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:15,100 How come some fish fly and we don't? 151 00:08:15,220 --> 00:08:17,180 Yeah. So... 152 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:23,460 What about a Blu-ray player? What are they, a mouse or something? 153 00:08:24,980 --> 00:08:28,100 I think a Blu-ray player would probably be a gerbil. Gerbil, right. 154 00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:36,940 A gecko would be an iPad. Nice! Oh, yes! 155 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:40,660 The most ecological would be the worm, because the worm eats us. 156 00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,740 And you cut it in two and you've got four. No, two. 157 00:08:45,940 --> 00:08:49,300 That's a conjoined worm, of course. You cut two in two you get four. 158 00:08:49,460 --> 00:08:52,100 You're doing wonderfully, thank you all very much. 159 00:08:52,260 --> 00:08:54,740 So there you are, yes, a medium-sized dog has a bigger 160 00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:58,690 ecological footprint than a large car, so draw your own conclusions. 161 00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:01,930 Many things can influence the value of the house, 162 00:09:02,090 --> 00:09:07,610 but what instantly reduces the value of a house in America by a third? 163 00:09:07,730 --> 00:09:09,650 OJ Simpson lived there. 164 00:09:11,730 --> 00:09:13,690 A third. Third. Third. 165 00:09:13,810 --> 00:09:15,730 LAUGHTER 166 00:09:15,850 --> 00:09:17,770 Third... 167 00:09:17,930 --> 00:09:20,170 Is it a tornado cutting it in...two thirds? 168 00:09:20,290 --> 00:09:21,930 LAUGHTER 169 00:09:22,090 --> 00:09:26,250 Two thirds of it is on one side of the San Andreas fault... 170 00:09:26,410 --> 00:09:31,610 I may say, what it is, is nonsense, but it's the kind of a nonsense 171 00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:34,610 that Americans, unfortunately, seem to believe in. 172 00:09:34,770 --> 00:09:37,250 Whether or not it's near to a drive-in? Portal to hell? 173 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:41,210 Well, kind of. It's buried on a graveyard? Haunted! 174 00:09:41,370 --> 00:09:43,210 Haunted is the right answer. Haunted. 175 00:09:43,370 --> 00:09:45,730 Obviously it won't be haunted because... 176 00:09:45,850 --> 00:09:47,450 There's no such thing as ghosts. 177 00:09:47,610 --> 00:09:50,930 Exactly. But, the point is the stigma of haunting is enough. 178 00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:54,010 If it's merely mentioned or that people seem to believe 179 00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:56,650 there are ghosts there, then it will reduce... 180 00:09:56,810 --> 00:09:58,570 Have they told you about the haunting? 181 00:09:58,730 --> 00:10:02,530 They told you about the ghost? There should be ghosts everywhere. 182 00:10:02,690 --> 00:10:07,650 There should be dinosaur ghosts, cows ghosts, sheep ghosts, worm ghosts... 183 00:10:07,810 --> 00:10:10,290 Yeah, dinosaur ghosts, that's a brilliant idea! 184 00:10:10,450 --> 00:10:12,250 There should be stromatolites ghosts... 185 00:10:12,410 --> 00:10:15,770 Exactly. The most plausible thing I ever heard on the ghost front 186 00:10:15,930 --> 00:10:18,450 is the idea it can be the atmospheric thing like 187 00:10:18,610 --> 00:10:23,370 a lightning bolt, it's because of a peculiarity and a magnetic force. 188 00:10:23,530 --> 00:10:27,330 These people are unaware they're ghosts and that's why 189 00:10:27,490 --> 00:10:32,650 they appear to walk through doors because as far as they're concerned, the door isn't there... 190 00:10:32,810 --> 00:10:37,490 and I can kind of buy that! I can buy that brains are affected by magnetic fields 191 00:10:37,650 --> 00:10:41,610 and there are certain circumstances where it's common for people to feel 192 00:10:41,770 --> 00:10:45,490 chill and dread and to hallucinate and indeed to die 193 00:10:45,650 --> 00:10:49,330 and this is quite common... Yeah, what a night that was. 194 00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:52,330 That's carbon monoxide poisoning. 195 00:10:52,490 --> 00:10:57,930 Oh! From gas boilers and so on and it causes all those symptoms. 196 00:10:58,050 --> 00:11:01,090 As for dead people coming back... 197 00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:04,090 There should be dead cows. I so agree with you! 198 00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:06,050 The Meatpacking District in New York. 199 00:11:06,210 --> 00:11:08,610 Yeah, why do you draw the line? Suddenly it's only human beings. 200 00:11:08,770 --> 00:11:11,650 Because if you pass a field and you see a cow, 201 00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:14,010 you don't say, "That's a ghost!" 202 00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:16,290 If you saw one in your house, you would. 203 00:11:16,450 --> 00:11:19,050 Yeah, but cows aren't going to be in the house. 204 00:11:19,210 --> 00:11:22,930 They are because... Houses are built on all kinds of pieces of land. 205 00:11:23,090 --> 00:11:25,970 I'm not advocating for the Ghost Party over here, but... 206 00:11:27,810 --> 00:11:31,770 I love the idea of a Ghost Party. Woooh! 207 00:11:31,930 --> 00:11:34,970 The other parties are just scaremongering. 208 00:11:38,770 --> 00:11:40,250 Very good. 209 00:11:40,370 --> 00:11:42,090 First appearance of the pipe. 210 00:11:42,250 --> 00:11:46,050 The pipe in high-definition for the first time. 211 00:11:46,170 --> 00:11:48,170 What happened to pipes? 212 00:11:48,330 --> 00:11:50,010 That's where they went. I love pipes. 213 00:11:50,170 --> 00:11:54,170 Would you like to meet the last ever winner of the pipe-smoker of the year? 214 00:11:54,290 --> 00:11:55,570 AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yes! 215 00:11:55,690 --> 00:11:57,210 How do you do! 216 00:11:57,370 --> 00:12:00,130 I answered no! You're a pipe-smoker? 217 00:12:00,290 --> 00:12:04,170 The first QI was about to start and I was asked to some press for it 218 00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:07,170 and I left the house to go to this interview 219 00:12:07,290 --> 00:12:09,290 and I realised I had no cigarettes - 220 00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:13,130 in those days I was a smoker - and I just saw a pipe 221 00:12:13,290 --> 00:12:16,530 and some tobacco and I put it in my pocket. 222 00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:19,010 You saw a pipe just lying there in the street? 223 00:12:19,170 --> 00:12:22,850 No, in my house! Two days after the Independent article opened, 224 00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:25,610 I was asked if I would be the pipe-smoker of the year! 225 00:12:25,730 --> 00:12:27,570 Did you accept? 226 00:12:27,690 --> 00:12:29,850 I said, yeah. Absolutely! 227 00:12:29,970 --> 00:12:32,930 APPLAUSE 228 00:12:34,490 --> 00:12:38,450 It confers a kind of respectability, I think. Trustworthiness. 229 00:12:38,610 --> 00:12:43,290 I never think you can truly give directions without a pipe and that's why I envy you, Bill. 230 00:12:43,450 --> 00:12:45,850 Really! Could you tell me where the station is? 231 00:12:45,970 --> 00:12:47,490 What you do, you go down there... 232 00:12:48,570 --> 00:12:51,250 HE MUMBLES 233 00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:54,330 And recognising a friend! Ah! Ah! 234 00:12:56,130 --> 00:12:57,210 Great prop for that. 235 00:12:58,130 --> 00:12:59,690 Ah! 236 00:13:01,010 --> 00:13:02,770 Now a good haunting 237 00:13:02,930 --> 00:13:05,450 can knock a third off the value of an American house. 238 00:13:05,610 --> 00:13:10,730 Describe the arrangements for moving house in the fourth largest island in South America. 239 00:13:13,490 --> 00:13:16,810 The fourth...? Largest island in South America. 240 00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:19,370 Look at your tats. I've got them covered up at the moment. 241 00:13:19,530 --> 00:13:24,010 I can tell you the third largest. They just get it in a van and go. 242 00:13:24,130 --> 00:13:25,810 What the hell is the fourth largest? 243 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,610 Its name is Chiloe. 244 00:13:28,730 --> 00:13:30,730 That helps. What? 245 00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:34,330 There are the people of Chiloe. It's off the coast of Chile. 246 00:13:34,490 --> 00:13:37,090 Obviously they'll get a yak first. Two yaks. 247 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:40,570 Actually they called it a yunta, which is like a team of cattle. 248 00:13:40,730 --> 00:13:46,930 The point is, when they move house, they literally move house. 249 00:13:47,090 --> 00:13:50,170 If they have a haunting, if there's a bad spirit, 250 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:54,410 rather than just leave the house and build a house somewhere else, 251 00:13:54,570 --> 00:13:59,530 they move the house thinking that the spirit will stay behind and I think we've got VT 252 00:13:59,650 --> 00:14:02,250 of them moving house. Here they go. 253 00:14:02,410 --> 00:14:06,090 That's the yunta, and they've got logs and there it goes. 254 00:14:09,050 --> 00:14:11,050 That's cos there's a ghost inside? 255 00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:14,970 What if the ghost can travel with them? Apparently the ghost doesn't. 256 00:14:15,090 --> 00:14:16,770 The ghost goes, "I'm still here!" 257 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,490 Apparently it doesn't. 258 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,610 The ghost gets left behind going, "What happened?" 259 00:14:21,770 --> 00:14:23,850 Do cows have any idea where they're going? 260 00:14:24,010 --> 00:14:27,090 Or are all the houses just at one end of the field? 261 00:14:28,810 --> 00:14:31,210 Possibly. 262 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:34,610 That is an adventure movie, isn't it? That just looks fantastic. 263 00:14:34,730 --> 00:14:37,010 It's Fitzcarraldo writ small. 264 00:14:37,130 --> 00:14:38,930 I think it's Die Hard with a cow. 265 00:14:39,090 --> 00:14:46,010 Or the guy in the window's going, "I want to stay here!" The person at the door's going, "What the hell? 266 00:14:46,170 --> 00:14:48,290 "I just came down because there was a rumbling." 267 00:14:48,410 --> 00:14:49,930 It's quite a sight. 268 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,850 Apparently tourists come from Chile to watch it. 269 00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:55,930 The ceremony is called the Minga. 270 00:14:56,090 --> 00:15:01,530 They have a great feast called the curanto and they dance a waltz. 271 00:15:01,690 --> 00:15:05,410 Now, when the inhabitants of Chiloe Island 272 00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:09,650 have unwanted supernatural house guests, they get their neighbours 273 00:15:09,810 --> 00:15:13,130 to pull the house with their cattle and the spirit is left behind. 274 00:15:13,290 --> 00:15:16,410 Even a ghost might turn its nose up at this property, however. 275 00:15:16,570 --> 00:15:20,610 Who on earth would live in a house like this? 276 00:15:20,730 --> 00:15:23,650 Is it the British space programme? 277 00:15:23,770 --> 00:15:26,530 LAUGHTER 278 00:15:26,690 --> 00:15:29,370 That's so sweet! We'll just build our way up there. 279 00:15:29,530 --> 00:15:32,610 As you can see, just opening up like a telescope. 280 00:15:32,730 --> 00:15:34,210 We'll get there eventually. 281 00:15:34,370 --> 00:15:36,290 DANNY: People who make wedding cakes. 282 00:15:36,410 --> 00:15:37,730 Oh! 283 00:15:37,850 --> 00:15:40,530 KLAXON SOUNDS 284 00:15:40,650 --> 00:15:44,450 We predicted that one, I'm afraid. 285 00:15:44,570 --> 00:15:45,850 It's deliberately unpleasant. 286 00:15:45,970 --> 00:15:47,450 What, living there? 287 00:15:47,570 --> 00:15:48,570 To look at. 288 00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:54,450 Oh, erm, it's so someone... A bad neighbour? Kind of. 289 00:15:54,610 --> 00:15:56,850 It's a class of building known as a spite building, 290 00:15:56,970 --> 00:15:58,090 spite house. 291 00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:03,130 It's built to annoy your neighbours deliberately, or your local authority. 292 00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:06,170 Deliberately to absolutely madden. 293 00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:07,930 It looks all right. I know, it looks OK. 294 00:16:08,090 --> 00:16:11,330 This is in Gaylordsville, Connecticut. 295 00:16:11,490 --> 00:16:12,890 LAUGHTER Yes. 296 00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:15,170 MOCKING: "Yes." Hmm, yes... 297 00:16:15,290 --> 00:16:16,250 LAUGHTER 298 00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:22,250 It was built in 1964 by a Polish immigrant... 299 00:16:22,410 --> 00:16:27,290 He was annoyed because the state had taken away a young girl he had adopted. 300 00:16:27,450 --> 00:16:30,450 Yes. You're right to give me that look. 301 00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:35,170 And he was so upset that he build this ugly... It doesn't look ugly, that's the thing. 302 00:16:35,330 --> 00:16:37,130 Apart from the front door being up in the air... 303 00:16:37,290 --> 00:16:38,250 I've seen worse. Looks like a lighthouse. 304 00:16:38,410 --> 00:16:42,330 It's an eyesore in the idyllic countryside to remind the world - and there's a plaque on it - 305 00:16:42,490 --> 00:16:46,330 "She was kidnapped away from freedom to the Godlessness of Hitlerism." 306 00:16:46,450 --> 00:16:47,650 Oh, it was Hitlerism. 307 00:16:47,770 --> 00:16:48,970 Hitlerism is the way he put it. 308 00:16:49,130 --> 00:16:53,210 He regarded the state as being fascistic... 309 00:16:53,370 --> 00:16:58,250 So he built it himself? He built it himself, yeah. I'd like to live in the top bit! 310 00:16:58,370 --> 00:16:59,890 It's sweet. I think it's appealing. 311 00:17:00,050 --> 00:17:02,170 It's like what Granddad in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang lived in. 312 00:17:02,290 --> 00:17:03,770 LAUGHTER 313 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,050 Yes, I'm not too keen on Flat D... 314 00:17:06,210 --> 00:17:09,530 I suppose over here we're used to it because of our follies. 315 00:17:09,690 --> 00:17:13,890 We have follies but there's one in California called the Alameda Spite House. 316 00:17:14,050 --> 00:17:19,130 That's actually built - it's a shallow house built in front of the house behind it, 317 00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:20,530 to block out its light. 318 00:17:20,690 --> 00:17:22,210 Haha! LAUGHTER 319 00:17:22,370 --> 00:17:25,010 So that really is spiteful. EDDIE: Yeah, wow. 320 00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:29,610 And people live in that or...? What happened was the city of Alameda 321 00:17:29,770 --> 00:17:33,770 took most of Charles Froling - who built the house. They took most of his land to build a street, 322 00:17:33,930 --> 00:17:36,730 a kind of compulsory purchase. He only had this ten-foot strip 323 00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:39,050 so he built that house and it's still occupied. 324 00:17:39,210 --> 00:17:41,730 The neighbour behind was on the side of the city council, 325 00:17:41,850 --> 00:17:43,090 which is why he built it. 326 00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:47,970 Blocking out all the light? And then in Boston, there's one called the Skinny House. 327 00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:53,650 That's very narrow and the house next to it, there was a plot of land left to two brothers, 328 00:17:53,810 --> 00:17:59,570 and one of them was away and the brother left behind built a huge house on the land, 329 00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:04,490 leaving a tiny strip for his brother, thinking, "Ha-ha, I've got the whole lot while he was away." 330 00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:09,010 The brother built on the remaining bit that thin house to ruin his brother's life. 331 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,730 LAUGHTER 332 00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:16,490 Anyway, you've got spite houses. There are also spite fences and spite walls, for example. 333 00:18:16,650 --> 00:18:20,050 So you can get some nasty things happening amongst neighbours, 334 00:18:20,170 --> 00:18:21,370 like this for example. 335 00:18:21,490 --> 00:18:23,690 LAUGHTER 336 00:18:23,850 --> 00:18:29,730 This householder built a house... She taken a very dim view of that! 337 00:18:29,850 --> 00:18:31,770 She's not happy. 338 00:18:31,930 --> 00:18:35,690 She built her house right on the borderline of someone else's land 339 00:18:35,850 --> 00:18:39,370 and that person said, "When you open your window, you're trespassing." 340 00:18:39,530 --> 00:18:43,770 When that window opened. So they built a wall right on their part so she couldn't even open the window. 341 00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:44,890 LAUGHTER 342 00:18:45,050 --> 00:18:49,250 I just love... That is a studied face of utter contempt. 343 00:18:49,410 --> 00:18:52,370 You won't be surprised to know, Bill, that's in the West Country. 344 00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:54,490 Erm... Are you implying something? 345 00:18:54,610 --> 00:18:55,850 Feelings run deep... 346 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,930 WEST COUNTRY ACCENT: Oh, that'll sort 'er! 347 00:18:58,050 --> 00:18:59,730 LAUGHTER 348 00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:02,970 That is how they build them in the West Country. 349 00:19:03,130 --> 00:19:07,530 ACCENT: Oi! I think we built this a bit close to the wall, Fred... 350 00:19:07,650 --> 00:19:09,250 Move it back a bit! 351 00:19:09,410 --> 00:19:12,930 They told me they'd be transparent bricks... 352 00:19:13,050 --> 00:19:14,090 Poor thing. 353 00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:18,450 It's easy, just leaned them on the wall, seemed to go all right... Oh, you want to open it outside? 354 00:19:18,570 --> 00:19:19,570 Oh, right, well... 355 00:19:19,690 --> 00:19:21,450 Oh, from London, are you? 356 00:19:21,570 --> 00:19:24,490 LAUGHTER 357 00:19:24,610 --> 00:19:27,010 Ooh, bit of fresh air, is it? 358 00:19:27,170 --> 00:19:30,970 In China, they're called nail houses, in fact. 359 00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:33,810 We've got a picture of a nail house - pretty extreme. 360 00:19:33,970 --> 00:19:38,370 That's a development all around and they've kept their own land, as you can see. 361 00:19:39,980 --> 00:19:43,540 When an amoeba splits up, who gets the house? 362 00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:44,780 Who gets the house? 363 00:19:44,940 --> 00:19:49,860 Yes. I thought the whole idea was if they split, they get two houses. In some sort of perfect world of... 364 00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:52,220 Do you know what sort of houses amoebas build? 365 00:19:52,340 --> 00:19:54,060 They are single-celled. 366 00:19:54,220 --> 00:19:59,340 Part of the amazing nature of all living creatures is that even incredibly simple ones like amoeba, 367 00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:01,180 you don't get much simpler, 368 00:20:01,340 --> 00:20:04,620 can actually build a protective house. 369 00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:08,260 They assemble grains of sand and they make that. 370 00:20:08,420 --> 00:20:12,140 It protects them. Even to the spikes. Those spikes are deliberate. 371 00:20:12,260 --> 00:20:14,060 Isn't it incredible? 372 00:20:14,220 --> 00:20:16,140 Is that just loads of grains of sand they pull around them? 373 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:20,780 Yeah, each one is about the size of a full-stop in an average newspaper. Tiny. Wow. 374 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:22,540 We've never heard that before. 375 00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:25,260 No. That is actually quite interesting. 376 00:20:25,380 --> 00:20:27,340 Hooray! We've made it. Finally. 377 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,300 APPLAUSE 378 00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:35,580 What is most interesting about it is that the other amoeba has got a camera! 379 00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:38,300 LAUGHTER 380 00:20:38,460 --> 00:20:42,860 You're right. That maybe is more astonishing even than the house. 381 00:20:43,020 --> 00:20:45,900 No, what happens is the amoeba goes along as a single-celled organism 382 00:20:46,060 --> 00:20:48,820 and the odd bit of sand, it absorbs and saves up, 383 00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:52,180 and some it uses to build this house. 384 00:20:52,340 --> 00:20:56,700 When it's time to split, it takes away the house and the half it leaves behind 385 00:20:56,860 --> 00:21:02,340 has got all the building materials left, so it can build its own house. So that's how they split it. 386 00:21:02,460 --> 00:21:04,420 Why have we never heard of that? 387 00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:08,540 I don't know, I suppose, really... They never mention that at all. 388 00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:12,260 It's a conspiracy to keep this information from us. 389 00:21:12,380 --> 00:21:13,820 Estate agents come along... 390 00:21:13,980 --> 00:21:18,500 This desirable piece of sand... In this increasingly popular part. 391 00:21:18,660 --> 00:21:23,260 But in terms of human splits and houses, in 2003 there was a Manhattan doctor 392 00:21:23,420 --> 00:21:28,580 who was who was so determined that his wife shouldn't get the house that he felt he had earned, 393 00:21:28,740 --> 00:21:31,460 that he blew it up with himself in it. 394 00:21:31,580 --> 00:21:34,300 That's a gesture, isn't it? 395 00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:37,420 But the really nice man, what a prince this guy is, 396 00:21:37,540 --> 00:21:39,180 New York surgeon, Richard Batista. 397 00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:40,820 BILL: Oh, yeah... 398 00:21:40,980 --> 00:21:43,940 His lovely wife, she had kidney disease and he donated one of his kidneys. 399 00:21:44,100 --> 00:21:48,580 A few years later, they divorced and he demanded it back. 400 00:21:48,740 --> 00:21:51,660 Being a real gent, he said he'd take 1.5 million instead. 401 00:21:51,820 --> 00:21:56,700 But you'll be happy to know that the court ruled it was a gift, and therefore non-refundable. 402 00:21:56,820 --> 00:21:57,820 DANNY: A gift! 403 00:21:59,540 --> 00:22:02,100 "What have you got me? It's a kidney!" 404 00:22:05,420 --> 00:22:09,660 Do you know what happens, couples in America who split up, do you know what happens 405 00:22:09,820 --> 00:22:13,540 when they have a dog? How the courts decide who gets the animal. 406 00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:16,220 They take it outside and see which one it runs to. 407 00:22:16,340 --> 00:22:19,020 Yes, a calling competition. 408 00:22:19,180 --> 00:22:22,660 They're careful about it, the animal is boarded overnight with a third party, 409 00:22:22,820 --> 00:22:26,220 so they're not trained to come to them in special new ways. 410 00:22:26,380 --> 00:22:29,100 And there's a vet on hand, because people have cheated 411 00:22:29,260 --> 00:22:32,220 by rubbing their hands in sausage meat and things like that, 412 00:22:32,380 --> 00:22:37,300 to attract the animal. "Come to me!" Putting a massive electromagnet in the dog. 413 00:22:37,420 --> 00:22:38,340 LAUGHTER 414 00:22:38,460 --> 00:22:40,140 HE HUMS MECHANICALLY 415 00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:48,460 There is a vet on hand to see fair play. Somehow you feel a movie in this. 416 00:22:48,620 --> 00:22:52,940 ALAN: Starring Jennifer Aniston. The one the animal comes to... 417 00:22:53,060 --> 00:22:54,300 Matthew McConaughey, perhaps! 418 00:22:54,460 --> 00:22:59,540 What kinds of divorce have been available for the last 10-12 years? 419 00:22:59,700 --> 00:23:02,620 New kinds of divorce? Totally new kind in the history of the planet. 420 00:23:02,780 --> 00:23:07,460 What, you mean divorce... A kind that was never available... Animal divorces? 421 00:23:07,620 --> 00:23:11,820 No, they've always been possible. This has technically never been possibly till now. 422 00:23:11,940 --> 00:23:13,100 Gay divorces? 423 00:23:13,220 --> 00:23:14,460 No, virtual. 424 00:23:14,620 --> 00:23:18,260 I'm talking about online. Talking about Second Life, for example. 425 00:23:18,420 --> 00:23:21,700 A Cornish couple, we're in the West Country again, 426 00:23:21,820 --> 00:23:25,300 David Pollard. I know David Pollard. 427 00:23:25,420 --> 00:23:26,820 LAUGHTER 428 00:23:26,940 --> 00:23:28,940 Just you be careful what you say! 429 00:23:29,060 --> 00:23:32,780 He did my windows! So watch it! 430 00:23:32,940 --> 00:23:36,260 They met online and married in the world of Second Life, 431 00:23:36,380 --> 00:23:37,900 then they married for real. 432 00:23:38,060 --> 00:23:41,180 But then they subsequently got divorced, also for real, 433 00:23:41,340 --> 00:23:45,660 when Amy's online avatar, "Laura Skye", 434 00:23:45,820 --> 00:23:50,340 caught David's online avatar, "Dave Barmy", 435 00:23:50,460 --> 00:23:52,860 canoodling with another avatar. 436 00:23:53,020 --> 00:23:55,940 Right? It wasn't real... Do people actually do this? 437 00:23:56,100 --> 00:24:00,020 Yes. This was a piece of bad luck for David's avatar, because he'd previously resisted 438 00:24:00,180 --> 00:24:04,700 the blandishments of an online private detective, hired by Amy's avatar, 439 00:24:04,820 --> 00:24:06,540 to operate a honey-trap. 440 00:24:06,660 --> 00:24:08,780 Go figure. 441 00:24:08,940 --> 00:24:11,300 They don't deserve broadband, these people, do they? 442 00:24:11,460 --> 00:24:15,140 If it was dial-up they wouldn't move very quickly. 443 00:24:15,300 --> 00:24:21,900 So they hired an avatar private eye... Yeah, she wanted to trap him to prove he'd been unfaithful. 444 00:24:22,020 --> 00:24:23,260 All avatars? Yeah. 445 00:24:23,420 --> 00:24:29,140 So in real life they were having sex, while... Or just sitting at a computer, presumably. 446 00:24:29,300 --> 00:24:33,300 It's a bit strange... These aren't the blue avatars out the film, are they? 447 00:24:33,420 --> 00:24:34,860 No, no! 448 00:24:34,980 --> 00:24:37,420 An avatar is... An online presence. 449 00:24:37,580 --> 00:24:42,100 You can set yourself up as a private detective in this online world? You can do anything. 450 00:24:42,260 --> 00:24:45,300 Could they have not hired an online assassin to kill everyone? 451 00:24:45,420 --> 00:24:46,820 We come on to this, now... 452 00:24:46,980 --> 00:24:51,580 This is...this is an RPG, a role-playing game, called MapleStory... 453 00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:54,540 An RPG is surely a rocket propelled grenade? 454 00:24:54,700 --> 00:24:57,620 It's also a role-playing game. I'm sorry. 455 00:24:57,780 --> 00:25:01,900 A Japanese piano... That's right, I'm not inviting you on any mercenary missions! 456 00:25:02,020 --> 00:25:03,180 LAUGHTER 457 00:25:03,300 --> 00:25:05,020 "Right, launch the RPG! 458 00:25:05,140 --> 00:25:06,660 "You wear that! 459 00:25:08,380 --> 00:25:09,340 "You're Spanish." 460 00:25:13,940 --> 00:25:15,100 "You're useless!" 461 00:25:16,060 --> 00:25:21,260 A Japanese piano teacher was arrested in 2008 after murdering her virtual husband 462 00:25:21,380 --> 00:25:22,940 inside a role-playing game 463 00:25:23,100 --> 00:25:26,900 after his avatar divorced her avatar without telling her. 464 00:25:27,060 --> 00:25:33,020 She hacked into the game, deleted the avatar that she'd spent a year training to battle monsters, 465 00:25:33,180 --> 00:25:38,180 and the last time online, she was looking at the possibility of a five-year stretch in real jail. 466 00:25:38,300 --> 00:25:40,380 Why? For killing an avatar. 467 00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:43,420 Because an avatar is a valuable commodity, especially in the far east, 468 00:25:43,540 --> 00:25:44,900 in South Korea and Japan. 469 00:25:45,060 --> 00:25:50,820 People spend years giving them qualities, values, alternative bank accounts and everything. 470 00:25:50,980 --> 00:25:54,820 And if you kill it or hack into it or do anything or steal from it, 471 00:25:54,940 --> 00:25:56,780 it's considered genuine theft, 472 00:25:56,940 --> 00:25:58,660 in those countries. That's mental, isn't it? 473 00:25:58,820 --> 00:26:03,620 Does anyone do this? I'm afraid they do. Do you do this? I do so not do it. 474 00:26:03,780 --> 00:26:06,660 I'm going to go into it and I'm going to be you. 475 00:26:08,980 --> 00:26:11,740 Is it not a virtual court case or something? 476 00:26:11,900 --> 00:26:15,780 No, that's the point, it's real, you can really be arrested for... 477 00:26:15,940 --> 00:26:19,820 Prison for five years? Yeah. For something that didn't exist. 478 00:26:19,980 --> 00:26:25,740 But it has value, because they can be traded, like a baseball card, like a Ming teapot, 479 00:26:25,900 --> 00:26:31,060 anything, it has actual value. Real value. Unless your phone is not working. Yeah, exactly. 480 00:26:31,220 --> 00:26:35,740 But there are plenty of things that only have value with the right conditions. 481 00:26:35,860 --> 00:26:36,900 Like what? 482 00:26:37,020 --> 00:26:39,740 A concert ticket. 483 00:26:39,900 --> 00:26:42,540 If the concert is cancelled it is no longer worth anything, 484 00:26:42,700 --> 00:26:46,140 but it could be worth a huge amount right up to the moment that 485 00:26:46,300 --> 00:26:48,060 the singer gets ill or something, things have timelines. 486 00:26:48,180 --> 00:26:49,140 A time-sensitive thing. 487 00:26:49,300 --> 00:26:52,620 Things can be time sensitive, or in the case of a virtual thing, 488 00:26:52,780 --> 00:26:55,540 electric current sensitive, but that's not too big a push. 489 00:26:55,660 --> 00:26:57,180 Right, I see. 490 00:26:57,300 --> 00:26:58,500 LAUGHTER 491 00:26:58,660 --> 00:27:01,420 You took me serious, as if I believe in them! 492 00:27:01,540 --> 00:27:03,220 I was just making the point. 493 00:27:03,380 --> 00:27:07,180 Do they do anything else with their lives? Do they have jobs and stuff? 494 00:27:07,340 --> 00:27:09,780 I don't think so, no. Do they have ghosts? 495 00:27:09,940 --> 00:27:14,460 They might well do. Avatar ghosts, who aren't really there but scare the pants off you. 496 00:27:14,580 --> 00:27:15,580 Like the new Tron. 497 00:27:15,740 --> 00:27:19,020 Are there religions and things? Who are these people? Are they on Directory Enquiries? 498 00:27:19,180 --> 00:27:21,740 Is this what they do when they're not answering the phone? 499 00:27:21,860 --> 00:27:23,500 "118... Yeah, I dunno, yeah." 500 00:27:23,620 --> 00:27:25,140 "I've hired a monster!" 501 00:27:25,300 --> 00:27:28,780 It's particularly popular in the far east. 502 00:27:28,940 --> 00:27:31,980 Who knows why? There must be cultural reasons. Right. 503 00:27:32,140 --> 00:27:36,860 To us, with our normal lives, going to cricket matches... Why do that, 504 00:27:37,020 --> 00:27:39,180 when you can watch EastEnders? Exactly. 505 00:27:40,540 --> 00:27:44,620 So, when... Yeah, we're going back to that amoeba, 506 00:27:44,780 --> 00:27:49,540 when Difflugia Coronata, this particular amoeba, gets too big for its little house, 507 00:27:49,660 --> 00:27:50,780 it divides it in half. 508 00:27:50,940 --> 00:27:55,460 One half gets the house, the other half gets the building materials it collected to build the new one. 509 00:27:55,620 --> 00:27:59,460 Amoebi make their houses out of grains of sand, 510 00:27:59,620 --> 00:28:03,700 but what kind of person builds a house out of straw? 511 00:28:03,820 --> 00:28:06,620 Not a...pig. 512 00:28:08,860 --> 00:28:11,260 Damn you. 513 00:28:11,380 --> 00:28:14,180 Damn you for the "not" word. A pig! 514 00:28:14,300 --> 00:28:16,220 KLAXON 515 00:28:17,940 --> 00:28:20,700 You just wanted to be spanked. I just wanted to hear the sound. 516 00:28:20,860 --> 00:28:24,820 I've been making it myself watching - "wooohoooh!" 517 00:28:24,940 --> 00:28:26,100 Like some demented child. 518 00:28:26,260 --> 00:28:29,300 What kind of a person would build a house out of straw? 519 00:28:29,460 --> 00:28:32,940 A straw person would live in a straw house, for example, a scarecrow. 520 00:28:34,780 --> 00:28:37,660 When they weren't working out in the field. 521 00:28:37,820 --> 00:28:41,100 Somewhere you could only get straw to make a house out of? 522 00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:44,260 Yeah. Does it have to be a person? Not a bird? 523 00:28:44,420 --> 00:28:47,780 The fact is it's an incredibly good building material for houses. 524 00:28:47,940 --> 00:28:50,620 There's almost nothing not to find remarkable about it. 525 00:28:50,780 --> 00:28:55,660 I was astonished by this. It's more fire-resistant than conventional buildings. 526 00:28:55,820 --> 00:29:01,220 You'd think it was a fire hazard but in fact the straw is so compacted, it just won't burn. 527 00:29:01,340 --> 00:29:02,820 There's no air in it. 528 00:29:02,980 --> 00:29:07,660 It's structurally sound and strong, it's resistant to earthquakes, inhospitable to insects 529 00:29:07,820 --> 00:29:10,500 and rodents, more so than wood, so particularly in America where 530 00:29:10,660 --> 00:29:13,380 houses are wood-framed, it's fantastically useful. 531 00:29:13,500 --> 00:29:15,100 Clean straw has no allergy issue. 532 00:29:15,260 --> 00:29:19,260 It's relatively cheap, it's a below zero carbon rating. 533 00:29:19,420 --> 00:29:22,540 Can be locally grown, excellent insulation and sound proofing 534 00:29:22,700 --> 00:29:25,460 compared to conventional buildings, it's biodegradable 535 00:29:25,620 --> 00:29:28,540 at the end of the building's life, it's easy to work with, 536 00:29:28,700 --> 00:29:31,900 necessary skills are easier to learn than bricklaying. 537 00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:34,060 Sounds great until it rains. 538 00:29:34,220 --> 00:29:38,140 No because that one on the right is that straw house. 539 00:29:38,300 --> 00:29:41,260 It's not left straw like that. You can clad it and plaster it. 540 00:29:41,380 --> 00:29:43,060 Clapboard and everything else. 541 00:29:43,220 --> 00:29:46,020 You would never know it was a straw house. You'd need a metal roof. 542 00:29:46,180 --> 00:29:52,900 Yeah, the whole thing isn't made of straw but it's straw where otherwise you'd be using concrete or wood. 543 00:29:53,020 --> 00:29:54,740 Why are we just learning this? 544 00:29:54,900 --> 00:29:59,420 I know! It was a 19th-century Nebraskan invention, a baled straw buildings. 545 00:29:59,580 --> 00:30:04,460 In Nebraska, they have huge grasslands and you'd start when it's the nearest material to you. 546 00:30:04,620 --> 00:30:07,620 There aren't that many trees and things for wood. 547 00:30:07,740 --> 00:30:10,420 So how big can the structures get? 548 00:30:10,580 --> 00:30:13,460 As big as any. You know... The sky's the limit. 549 00:30:13,620 --> 00:30:16,980 Big question - can a wolf blow it down? 550 00:30:17,140 --> 00:30:21,060 It'll huff and it'll puff and I think it will fail to blow it down. 551 00:30:21,220 --> 00:30:24,580 If a wolf came back and saw that... "Ha-ha! Oh..." 552 00:30:24,740 --> 00:30:28,500 The wolf would be going, "this is not supposed to happen! 553 00:30:28,620 --> 00:30:30,820 "I've got a brick one to come yet!" 554 00:30:30,980 --> 00:30:33,860 The wolf would be going, "I love what you've done here." 555 00:30:34,020 --> 00:30:38,660 The early Nebraskan settlers even tried them with balls of tumbleweed compressed. 556 00:30:38,780 --> 00:30:41,220 And it blew away? 557 00:30:41,380 --> 00:30:46,340 There was a house built of hay, it was a schoolhouse in Nebraska. 558 00:30:46,460 --> 00:30:49,140 It was eaten by a herd of cows. 559 00:30:49,300 --> 00:30:51,340 That was bad, but they wouldn't eat straw. 560 00:30:51,500 --> 00:30:54,780 This information throws everything into chaos. 561 00:30:54,940 --> 00:31:00,780 A man of straw is supposed to be weak and now we're learning it's right up there with concrete. 562 00:31:00,940 --> 00:31:03,380 Now the pigs have got a panic room anyway... 563 00:31:03,540 --> 00:31:06,940 Straw is cheap, strong, warm and fire and earthquake resistant, 564 00:31:07,100 --> 00:31:09,660 making it an excellent choice of building material. 565 00:31:09,780 --> 00:31:11,860 Now, the Queen is coming for tea. 566 00:31:12,020 --> 00:31:14,260 What should you do with your lavatory seat? 567 00:31:14,380 --> 00:31:17,620 Cover it with money! 568 00:31:17,780 --> 00:31:21,220 EDDIE: Wear it round your neck with pride. 569 00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:25,580 No. There is a rumour, an urban legend, a nonsense, a fallacy, 570 00:31:25,740 --> 00:31:29,300 that you have to get a new lavatory seat for the Queen's visit. 571 00:31:29,420 --> 00:31:31,060 Superglue it. 572 00:31:31,220 --> 00:31:38,100 Put clingfilm over the bowl. See if she complains! 573 00:31:41,500 --> 00:31:44,940 I don't know why that pleases me so much, but it really does. 574 00:31:45,100 --> 00:31:48,420 There was a rumour - but it's a nonsense - 575 00:31:48,580 --> 00:31:52,900 that she carried her own calfskin one around, a calfskin lavatory seat. Wow. 576 00:31:53,060 --> 00:31:56,180 But apparently Prince Charles did have his own. 577 00:31:56,340 --> 00:31:59,580 He was given one as a present and he liked it so he used to carry it around. 578 00:31:59,740 --> 00:32:02,380 Charlie's got his own seat and he goes around with it? 579 00:32:02,540 --> 00:32:05,180 No, he was given it and he used to take it around as a joke. 580 00:32:05,300 --> 00:32:08,900 As a joke? All right! 581 00:32:09,060 --> 00:32:14,540 I mean, the people who deal with royalty, they do say... HE MUTTERS 582 00:32:14,700 --> 00:32:17,460 And they would have bolted it on in a trice. 583 00:32:17,620 --> 00:32:19,820 Probably. No-one would take the joke. 584 00:32:19,940 --> 00:32:21,340 "We've made nine of them." 585 00:32:23,420 --> 00:32:27,100 I don't know how that works in the toilet but... 586 00:32:27,220 --> 00:32:30,500 People powering the toilet. 587 00:32:30,620 --> 00:32:32,700 Jet-powered toilets. Yes. 588 00:32:32,820 --> 00:32:34,980 A royal flush. 589 00:32:35,140 --> 00:32:38,460 You can be sucked out of a jet toilet. 590 00:32:38,620 --> 00:32:43,100 You can get wedged in and create a vacuum. 591 00:32:43,260 --> 00:32:46,140 Then the whole plane sucks in on itself. 592 00:32:46,260 --> 00:32:49,700 Like Oddjob... 593 00:32:49,860 --> 00:32:54,620 Goldfinger himself goes out of the window. But not out of the loo. 594 00:32:54,740 --> 00:32:57,460 ALAN IMITATES FLUSH 595 00:32:57,620 --> 00:33:00,300 Isn't it funny how you just have to press the button and then you think, 596 00:33:00,460 --> 00:33:02,940 I'll have to press it again because it didn't, and then woah! 597 00:33:03,100 --> 00:33:07,820 Stand well back. You don't leave your tie dangling over. Waah! 598 00:33:07,980 --> 00:33:12,740 What is that statistic? I'm not sure you have it to hand, 599 00:33:12,900 --> 00:33:18,940 people who are impaled by frozen spears of urine from overhead... I'm not sure those are... 600 00:33:19,100 --> 00:33:22,620 When you find them, they're just dead and it looks like they've wee'd themselves. 601 00:33:24,220 --> 00:33:28,820 The perfect crime! The perfect crime. If you're accurate enough it's the perfect murder! 602 00:33:28,980 --> 00:33:33,020 "Someone's wee'd on their head, how cruel. To do that to a dead person." 603 00:33:33,180 --> 00:33:35,900 They've managed to shit themselves in their brain, as well. 604 00:33:36,020 --> 00:33:37,620 Oh, stop! 605 00:33:37,740 --> 00:33:39,220 Right, moving on! 606 00:33:39,340 --> 00:33:41,860 "How do they do that?" 607 00:33:42,020 --> 00:33:46,620 According to Buckingham Palace, the idea that the Queen requires a new lavatory seat is a complete myth. 608 00:33:46,780 --> 00:33:49,480 Though you might want to run a damp cloth over the old one. 609 00:33:51,610 --> 00:33:53,930 Homing in now on General Ignorance. 610 00:33:54,050 --> 00:33:55,490 Fingers on buzzers, please. 611 00:33:55,650 --> 00:33:58,490 When did slavery become a criminal offence in England? 612 00:33:58,650 --> 00:34:04,010 It was one of these odd little New Labour laws, in about 1996, '97, '98. 613 00:34:04,130 --> 00:34:07,530 What an odd law, to outlaw slavery. 614 00:34:07,650 --> 00:34:09,490 It's political correctness gone mad! 615 00:34:09,650 --> 00:34:14,410 I'm going to be odd and say it was a bit late. Yes, that's exactly right. 616 00:34:14,570 --> 00:34:19,890 It was 1807 when the slave trade was ended, and then finally, in 1834, 617 00:34:20,050 --> 00:34:23,370 it was illegal anywhere in the British Empire to own a slave. 618 00:34:23,530 --> 00:34:30,170 It has never been illegal to have a slave in England until April 2010. 619 00:34:30,330 --> 00:34:34,250 I'm saying I could have had you as a slave. Legally. 620 00:34:34,410 --> 00:34:37,810 You mean this series I'm finally free? Yes! 621 00:34:37,930 --> 00:34:41,090 APPLAUSE 622 00:34:41,210 --> 00:34:42,770 Absolutely. 623 00:34:44,450 --> 00:34:46,370 You know what? 624 00:34:46,530 --> 00:34:50,610 I'll be one of those slaves that just goes back to the master. "I don't know what to do now. 625 00:34:50,730 --> 00:34:52,850 "Can I work for you anyway, please?" 626 00:34:53,010 --> 00:34:58,570 There are now estimated to be 27 million people held essentially in bondage, in slavery, on this planet. 627 00:34:58,730 --> 00:35:02,050 But the show will be over soon and you can go. Yeah. 628 00:35:02,210 --> 00:35:05,890 More than there ever were in the days of cotton picking and so on. 27 million? 27 million. 629 00:35:06,050 --> 00:35:11,130 In the world? Yeah. That is the estimate. It's a pretty grim problem, still, slavery. 630 00:35:11,290 --> 00:35:17,010 The point is it was never illegal in England because it was never recognised as a state of being. 631 00:35:17,130 --> 00:35:20,170 I wish I had known that! 632 00:35:20,330 --> 00:35:25,330 There were laws against kidnapping and abduction, and false imprisonment, 633 00:35:25,490 --> 00:35:28,650 and sexual trafficking and all that we might associate, 634 00:35:28,810 --> 00:35:33,130 though it was not illegal for one human to own another human, which it now is. 635 00:35:33,290 --> 00:35:37,890 This isn't one of those laws where they thought, "That needs clearing up. It's a loose end from history." 636 00:35:38,050 --> 00:35:43,290 It kind of was. In 1967, there were a number of obsolete crimes that were taken care of. 637 00:35:43,450 --> 00:35:48,530 Barratry had been illegal right up until 1967, which is vexatious lawsuits. 638 00:35:48,690 --> 00:35:55,010 Vexatious? What they call a vexatious litigate, someone who just keeps coming. 639 00:35:55,170 --> 00:36:00,090 Dorothy Squires. Yes. The singer, towards the end of her life when she did have a mania, 640 00:36:00,250 --> 00:36:03,490 but she was probably the last person to be done for vexatious... 641 00:36:03,650 --> 00:36:08,450 But if you kept prosecuting someone for it, you'd be prosecuted... Yourself. Yeah. 642 00:36:08,570 --> 00:36:10,370 Anyway, there's scolding. 643 00:36:10,530 --> 00:36:13,650 Scolding was a crime in 1966, but not in 1967. 644 00:36:13,810 --> 00:36:17,530 With hot water, you mean? No, not scalding. Scolding. Scolding! "You! 645 00:36:17,690 --> 00:36:21,650 "What time of the night do you call this, Eddie Izzard?" 646 00:36:21,810 --> 00:36:24,490 12.00. 12.30. I don't know. Give you a good scolding. 647 00:36:24,650 --> 00:36:26,890 And that was illegal? That was illegal. 648 00:36:27,050 --> 00:36:29,930 And now it's legal? Eavesdropping was illegal. 649 00:36:30,090 --> 00:36:33,010 Challenging someone to a fight was also illegal until 1967. 650 00:36:33,170 --> 00:36:37,370 What about going round a roundabout more than three times? 651 00:36:37,530 --> 00:36:40,330 That certainly wouldn't have been a medieval law, would it? 652 00:36:40,490 --> 00:36:44,490 Well, I don't know. If you had a horse and cart and a couple of hours spare. 653 00:36:44,650 --> 00:36:48,770 On the medieval roundabout. The medieval roundabout. Yes. Anyway. There you are. 654 00:36:48,930 --> 00:36:51,730 Due to a quirk of English law, it only became an offence 655 00:36:51,890 --> 00:36:55,770 to keep a slave in the year 2010, so you just missed your chance. 656 00:36:55,930 --> 00:36:59,250 Who lives in the tiniest houses in Europe? 657 00:36:59,410 --> 00:37:02,370 DING-DONG German. Belgians. French. Italians. Whoa. 658 00:37:02,490 --> 00:37:04,850 Slovenia? Slovenia? 659 00:37:04,970 --> 00:37:07,810 Whoa, interesting. No. 660 00:37:07,930 --> 00:37:10,010 Greece, Turkey. Albania. Albania. 661 00:37:10,130 --> 00:37:12,170 No. Lithuania. England. 662 00:37:12,290 --> 00:37:14,490 Ireland. Czech Republic. Wales. 663 00:37:14,610 --> 00:37:16,610 Well.. 664 00:37:16,770 --> 00:37:20,130 Wales? Well... Pygmies. Anglesey. The Welsh? 665 00:37:20,250 --> 00:37:23,170 Brittany... Britain! 666 00:37:23,290 --> 00:37:25,090 Britain. 667 00:37:25,210 --> 00:37:26,810 Great Britain. Great Britain? 668 00:37:26,970 --> 00:37:32,610 Britain, UK. We got that easy! Our country. Where we live. Us? Yes. We have. 669 00:37:32,770 --> 00:37:35,770 We have? We have, in Britain. We have the smallest by quite a way. 670 00:37:35,930 --> 00:37:39,250 It's rather embarrassing. Easily the pokiest accommodation in Europe. 671 00:37:39,410 --> 00:37:42,610 Yeah. In terms of overall floor space, that's where we live. 672 00:37:42,770 --> 00:37:45,850 Isn't that tragic? Compared to America. 673 00:37:46,010 --> 00:37:49,850 Yeah. We have a miserly 76 square metres on average. 674 00:37:50,010 --> 00:37:51,890 We're quite crammed together, aren't we? We are. 675 00:37:52,050 --> 00:37:56,250 But even given that, our houses are jolly titchy, it seems. 676 00:37:56,410 --> 00:37:58,890 Until you told us we weren't that bothered. But now... 677 00:37:59,050 --> 00:38:03,930 Where does the phrase, "There isn't room to swing a cat" come from? Cat o' nine tails? 678 00:38:04,050 --> 00:38:05,690 Cat o' nine tails? 679 00:38:05,850 --> 00:38:09,250 No, it's not, oddly enough. You'd think it was. 680 00:38:09,370 --> 00:38:11,490 It's the kind of thing people think. 681 00:38:11,650 --> 00:38:14,970 It's when they used to flog people with an actual cat. No, literally, 682 00:38:15,090 --> 00:38:16,690 it means what it says. 683 00:38:16,850 --> 00:38:21,210 It's just a kind of common folk expression meaning to swing a cat round. 684 00:38:21,370 --> 00:38:25,770 But the first use of cat o' nine tails was 1695 in the English language. 685 00:38:25,930 --> 00:38:30,010 And at least 40 years earlier than that there are references to not being able to swing a cat. 686 00:38:30,170 --> 00:38:32,210 It's so disappointing when you find that out. 687 00:38:32,330 --> 00:38:36,050 I think it's good. Meeeeow! 688 00:38:36,170 --> 00:38:37,930 LAUGHTER 689 00:38:38,090 --> 00:38:40,610 The whole nine yards? The whole nine yards? No. Alan's doing cat stuff. 690 00:38:40,770 --> 00:38:43,530 It's an American sports thing, isn't it? How would you swing it, though? 691 00:38:43,690 --> 00:38:47,890 There's that way, but there's also that way, up and down. 692 00:38:48,050 --> 00:38:50,210 LAUGHTER Round and round. 693 00:38:50,370 --> 00:38:53,610 I think it's by the tail, definitely, whatever. 694 00:38:53,770 --> 00:38:57,210 Do you do it in a big loopy swing, or do you get some speed up? 695 00:38:59,450 --> 00:39:03,770 It'd be nice to find a room where there was enough room to swing a cat. Just. Just. 696 00:39:03,930 --> 00:39:07,370 The cat's close and you just go, "Ah!" 697 00:39:07,490 --> 00:39:08,930 By a whisker! 698 00:39:09,050 --> 00:39:10,650 By a whisker. Literally. 699 00:39:10,810 --> 00:39:16,690 The whole nine yards, I believe, is not a sporting thing, it's America and the B52s going 700 00:39:16,850 --> 00:39:20,210 over Nazi Germany, and they shot the whole nine yards of bullets. 701 00:39:20,370 --> 00:39:23,170 Oh, right, it's a nine-yard... It's ten yards in American football. 702 00:39:23,330 --> 00:39:26,530 Everyone thought it was something to do with American football. 703 00:39:26,690 --> 00:39:28,810 Nice. If that's true, there will be points in it. 704 00:39:28,970 --> 00:39:31,170 I think that's quite interesting. Yes, I'm excited. 705 00:39:31,330 --> 00:39:35,130 So, yes, it turns out the British build the meanest houses in Europe. 706 00:39:35,290 --> 00:39:39,690 Why don't any bleaches claim to kill 100% of all germs? 707 00:39:39,850 --> 00:39:42,730 They'd get sued if you found a living germ left? 708 00:39:42,850 --> 00:39:44,770 KLAXON 709 00:39:47,330 --> 00:39:49,010 No, it's not that. 710 00:39:49,130 --> 00:39:50,690 It's because they don't kill... 711 00:39:50,850 --> 00:39:56,570 They probably do kill 100% of all germs, it's just almost impossible to prove. 712 00:39:56,730 --> 00:40:01,010 What's left behind, we just don't have the technology to inspect whether or not there 713 00:40:01,170 --> 00:40:07,530 are any germs left. The fact is, certainly you can prove 99.999% of germs are killed by bleach. 714 00:40:07,690 --> 00:40:10,610 When you wipe up afterwards, you put more germs back in. You often do. 715 00:40:10,770 --> 00:40:15,410 Because everyone pees on their hands and then goes and gets mints. 716 00:40:15,530 --> 00:40:18,370 Looking like that when they do. 717 00:40:18,530 --> 00:40:21,610 I save time. I just take the mints in the loo. 718 00:40:21,770 --> 00:40:28,490 Those are those things in the urinal, you can't eat them. I thought they were mints. 719 00:40:28,650 --> 00:40:34,570 Good! So, no bleach claims to kill 100% of germs because some microbial remnants 720 00:40:34,730 --> 00:40:37,570 left after the standard test are just too small to measure. 721 00:40:37,730 --> 00:40:43,450 They come pretty close, though. And so we end our weary journey homewards and it's time to look 722 00:40:43,610 --> 00:40:48,090 at the house of cards that represents our scoring system. 723 00:40:48,250 --> 00:40:53,690 Home and dry, in the lead, with an astonishing plus three, Bill Bailey! 724 00:40:53,810 --> 00:40:56,170 APPLAUSE 725 00:40:58,810 --> 00:41:01,170 Very well-played. 726 00:41:01,330 --> 00:41:07,250 Just about keeping the home fires burning with minus 16, Eddie Izzard! 727 00:41:07,370 --> 00:41:10,850 I'm second? Second? Second. 728 00:41:10,970 --> 00:41:14,410 I'm second. Minus 16. 729 00:41:14,570 --> 00:41:18,970 And with home in sight at minus 17, Danny Baker! 730 00:41:19,130 --> 00:41:22,610 Pipped me by a minus point. Minus one. 731 00:41:25,610 --> 00:41:31,810 It's a terrible shock, but finally, home alone with minus 19, Alan Davies! 732 00:41:31,930 --> 00:41:33,690 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 733 00:41:33,810 --> 00:41:35,730 THEME TUNE PLAYS 734 00:41:40,330 --> 00:41:42,330 That's all for this homely edition of QI, 735 00:41:42,490 --> 00:41:45,530 so it's good night from Eddie, Danny, Bill and Alan and myself. 736 00:41:45,690 --> 00:41:49,170 And now it's time to bolt the door, drink up your cocoa, and then off 737 00:41:49,330 --> 00:41:54,130 to bed with the lot of you, but not before I snuggle down with this thought from a recent survey. 738 00:41:54,290 --> 00:42:00,610 30 years ago, 65% of men, on leaving their house, kissed their wife goodbye. 739 00:42:00,770 --> 00:42:03,930 Today, 88% of men when they leave their wife, 740 00:42:04,090 --> 00:42:07,370 have to kiss their house goodbye. Good night. 741 00:42:25,810 --> 00:42:28,770 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd