1 00:00:24,644 --> 00:00:26,725 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:30,846 --> 00:00:36,567 Oh! Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de- hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi, 3 00:00:36,608 --> 00:00:40,567 and welcome to QI. We're off on our H for holidays this evening, 4 00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:43,849 leaving behind Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire 5 00:00:43,890 --> 00:00:46,689 in favour of Hong Kong, Honduras and Hawaii. 6 00:00:46,730 --> 00:00:50,089 Hitching a ride along the way are the globetrotting Rich Hall! 7 00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:54,571 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 8 00:00:54,612 --> 00:00:57,331 The jet-setting Rob Brydon. 9 00:00:57,372 --> 00:00:59,612 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 10 00:01:02,372 --> 00:01:04,693 The wanderlusty Bill Bailey! 11 00:01:04,734 --> 00:01:07,013 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 12 00:01:10,254 --> 00:01:12,774 And the itchy-footed Alan Davies. 13 00:01:12,815 --> 00:01:15,095 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 14 00:01:19,735 --> 00:01:23,376 Now, before we set off, let's hear a bit of world music. Rich goes... 15 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,537 BANJOS PLAY 16 00:01:26,576 --> 00:01:27,937 Lovely. Rob goes... 17 00:01:27,978 --> 00:01:30,177 HARP PLAYS 18 00:01:30,218 --> 00:01:32,457 Ah, I suppose it's a Welsh harp, probably. 19 00:01:32,498 --> 00:01:33,538 Bill goes... 20 00:01:33,579 --> 00:01:36,219 MORRIS DANCE MUSIC 21 00:01:36,260 --> 00:01:38,058 LAUGHTER 22 00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:39,379 Aw, and Alan goes... 23 00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:41,740 TIN WHISTLE JIG 24 00:01:41,781 --> 00:01:42,939 LAUGHTER 25 00:01:42,980 --> 00:01:44,060 Ah, tremendous. 26 00:01:44,101 --> 00:01:45,460 Right, now, settle down. 27 00:01:45,501 --> 00:01:48,580 The holidays are over and it's time to hand in our homework. 28 00:01:48,621 --> 00:01:51,702 I've been rather fed up with basically having to say things 29 00:01:51,743 --> 00:01:54,742 that are quite interesting to you and I thought it was time 30 00:01:54,783 --> 00:01:57,942 - that you said things to me that are quite interesting. - Right. 31 00:01:57,983 --> 00:02:01,423 I want you to interest me. I have sent you all off on your holidays, 32 00:02:01,464 --> 00:02:03,943 as you will remember, not at the expense of the BBC, 33 00:02:03,984 --> 00:02:06,424 at my own personal expense I have sent you. 34 00:02:06,465 --> 00:02:10,545 So there's a special prize of a half day holiday if you can report 35 00:02:10,586 --> 00:02:14,705 on the most interesting thing in the country that I've sent you to visit. 36 00:02:14,746 --> 00:02:18,027 Rob, you should start. Where did I send you, where did you go? 37 00:02:18,068 --> 00:02:20,227 - You sent me to Hungary. - Hungary. 38 00:02:20,268 --> 00:02:22,067 Because it had to begin with an H. 39 00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:24,867 Had to begin with an H, that was the fiendish plan. 40 00:02:24,908 --> 00:02:28,349 Very fiendishly clever. And I went to Hungary, Stephen. 41 00:02:28,390 --> 00:02:31,029 - Were they wearing trousers as tight as that? - They... 42 00:02:31,070 --> 00:02:33,550 - LAUGHTER - I was, interestingly enough. - You did? 43 00:02:33,591 --> 00:02:35,950 - Good. - I wore trousers very much like that, 44 00:02:35,991 --> 00:02:37,590 with the long sock, of course. 45 00:02:37,631 --> 00:02:39,311 - Ooh! - LAUGHTER 46 00:02:39,352 --> 00:02:43,071 - I went... - We know about your long socks, woah! - Don't we just. 47 00:02:43,112 --> 00:02:47,192 - I went to Hungary and I'll tell you what I brought back for you. - Yes. 48 00:02:48,192 --> 00:02:51,513 - Curious. Interesting. What am I showing you? - No gloves? 49 00:02:51,554 --> 00:02:55,953 - No gloves. Jazz hands? - I know, you're a really bad glove puppet. 50 00:02:55,994 --> 00:02:57,594 LAUGHTER 51 00:02:57,635 --> 00:03:00,435 Glove puppeteer who really has lost the plot. 52 00:03:00,476 --> 00:03:03,835 - Yeah. Naked glove puppetry. - No, no. Very clean hands. 53 00:03:03,876 --> 00:03:06,795 - Oh, clean hands and Hungary? - Yes. 54 00:03:06,836 --> 00:03:12,356 Have they jumped up in the corruption tables? Is that a euphemistic thing? 55 00:03:12,397 --> 00:03:15,598 - No, it's very literal. Very literal. - Ooh! 56 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:17,718 - They don't wipe their bums? - Oh! 57 00:03:17,759 --> 00:03:22,158 - Then they wouldn't be clean. - I don't think there's a need for that, Alan. 58 00:03:22,199 --> 00:03:24,199 Obsessively washing... OCD. 59 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:27,359 I do think there's a need to wipe your bottom. What I was saying 60 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,721 is I don't think there's a need for you to say "wiping bottoms". 61 00:03:30,762 --> 00:03:32,001 They don't use their... 62 00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:35,881 - I'm not suggesting you leave the loo with it just trailing. - Oh! 63 00:03:35,922 --> 00:03:39,762 They do wipe their bottoms but they don't use their hands to do it. 64 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:44,043 How else...you'd have to have a mighty appendage to do it any other way. 65 00:03:44,084 --> 00:03:46,684 You mean like an elephant cleaning itself. 66 00:03:46,725 --> 00:03:48,763 - Just whipping it back. - Oh, please! 67 00:03:48,804 --> 00:03:53,684 No, no. Right, OK, let's leave the lavatory now. 68 00:03:53,725 --> 00:03:56,645 Train a wombat to creep up behind you and just... 69 00:03:56,686 --> 00:03:58,405 LAUGHTER 70 00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:02,046 I've been trying for years to get my wombat to do that. 71 00:04:02,087 --> 00:04:07,648 No, clean pair of hands. Think, if you will, of medicine for a moment. 72 00:04:07,689 --> 00:04:11,208 Where might I be going with this? Medicine? 73 00:04:11,249 --> 00:04:13,729 The operation is very helpful. 74 00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:18,850 - Surgeons. - The importance of surgeons having clean hands... 75 00:04:18,891 --> 00:04:21,370 - Scrubbing up, they call it. - Thank you, Stephen. 76 00:04:21,411 --> 00:04:26,331 - Scrubbing up, as Stephen says, yes. That's it, opening doors and taps. - Doing the taps like that. 77 00:04:26,372 --> 00:04:30,451 Before you know it you've got a Eurovision act, haven't you? 78 00:04:30,492 --> 00:04:33,813 - Especially if you've got these on! - For a long time they didn't realise, 79 00:04:33,854 --> 00:04:37,853 doctors and surgeons didn't realise that it was actually very important 80 00:04:37,894 --> 00:04:41,253 to wash your hands before you operate, 81 00:04:41,294 --> 00:04:44,175 cos they weren't aware of the transference of germs. 82 00:04:44,216 --> 00:04:49,256 It was Ignaz Semmelweis, the Hungarian. 83 00:04:49,297 --> 00:04:50,655 He came up with this theory, 84 00:04:50,696 --> 00:04:53,216 because he was at the Vienna Infirmary, you see... 85 00:04:53,257 --> 00:04:57,056 - I've never sounded this knowledgeable on this show. - It's very impressive! 86 00:04:57,097 --> 00:05:02,177 - He started this whole idea of the important of cleanliness and hygiene. - You're absolutely right. 87 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:04,698 There is a museum in Budapest, to which I have been, 88 00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:07,619 called the Semmelweis Museum, which is where he lived. 89 00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:11,539 He died in poverty and insanity, in fact. I think he died in an insane asylum. 90 00:05:11,580 --> 00:05:17,020 - No-one recognised the absolute truth of what he said. - So excessively clean hands actually drive you mad. 91 00:05:17,061 --> 00:05:21,062 Well, no, what drives you mad is telling you truth and having nobody believe you. 92 00:05:21,103 --> 00:05:24,302 Doctors couldn't face the fact that he was basically saying that 93 00:05:24,343 --> 00:05:27,622 the thousands and thousands of deaths that took place in hospitals 94 00:05:27,663 --> 00:05:29,423 were probably the fault of doctors. 95 00:05:29,464 --> 00:05:32,224 - It implied they were a little unclean. - Yes, exactly. 96 00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:34,504 That museum is a wonderful place. 97 00:05:34,545 --> 00:05:37,944 When you go in there's a big sign, it says, "Now wash your hands." 98 00:05:37,985 --> 00:05:42,266 Very good. Yes, you're right. What else has Hungary given us? 99 00:05:42,307 --> 00:05:45,346 - Goulash. - Goulash. What does goulash mean, do you know? 100 00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:47,787 Goulash means stew of some kind. 101 00:05:47,828 --> 00:05:51,227 - LAUGHTER - In Hungarian it actually means... 102 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:52,628 HARP PLAYS 103 00:05:52,669 --> 00:05:55,028 It actually means cowboy. 104 00:05:55,069 --> 00:05:56,668 - I learned this... - Cowboy? 105 00:05:56,709 --> 00:06:00,589 - Cowboy. - Cowboy, you're right. - Ride 'em, Goulash. 106 00:06:00,630 --> 00:06:04,069 It's quite seductive when you press that harp button, 107 00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:06,630 - it's like we're going back in time. - Yes! 108 00:06:07,670 --> 00:06:08,871 Well, tell us, Rob. 109 00:06:08,912 --> 00:06:10,671 HARP PLAYS Tell us, tell us... 110 00:06:10,712 --> 00:06:12,351 LAUGHTER 111 00:06:12,392 --> 00:06:16,752 - It's 1974 and goulash means cowboy. - You're quite right. 112 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:20,512 - Rubik's Cube, of course, also comes from... - Yes! 113 00:06:20,553 --> 00:06:23,393 Erno Rubik was a Hungarian. What do they drink in Hungary? 114 00:06:23,434 --> 00:06:26,274 - They drink... - Bull's blood. 115 00:06:26,315 --> 00:06:31,835 Bull's blood, you're right, and bull's blood was responsible for one invention which was not credited. 116 00:06:31,876 --> 00:06:34,756 The very word tells you who we think invented it. Pasteurisation. 117 00:06:34,797 --> 00:06:37,356 It was not Louis Pasteur who first thought of that, 118 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,676 it was an Hungarian, but he wrote a paper on it that was in Hungarian 119 00:06:40,717 --> 00:06:42,557 and nobody else in the world read it. 120 00:06:42,598 --> 00:06:46,237 Because it's a very, you know, almost a unique language. 121 00:06:46,278 --> 00:06:49,078 The other thing that Hungary is famous for is Laszlo Biro. 122 00:06:49,119 --> 00:06:54,239 - The ball point pen. - He actually, he also invented the automatic gearbox. 123 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:57,479 Yes, he sold it to the Ford Motor Company, didn't he? 124 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:00,921 - That's right. Biro. - There's a lot more to Hungary than meets the eye, 125 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,921 so why not visit when you get the chance. 126 00:07:02,962 --> 00:07:04,641 Hungary, there's so much going on. 127 00:07:04,682 --> 00:07:05,682 LAUGHTER 128 00:07:05,723 --> 00:07:08,162 - My grandfather was born in Hungary. - Really? 129 00:07:08,203 --> 00:07:13,763 He used to say a Hungarian is the only man who can follow you into a revolving door and come out first. 130 00:07:13,804 --> 00:07:16,684 Isn't there something about the language that is uniquely odd? 131 00:07:16,725 --> 00:07:20,124 Well, it's unlike almost all European languages. 132 00:07:20,165 --> 00:07:22,844 But it's related to a language that's miles away? 133 00:07:22,885 --> 00:07:25,525 - Finnish. Finnish and Estonian. - Suomi? 134 00:07:25,566 --> 00:07:28,045 Suomi, yes, the Finnish language. 135 00:07:28,086 --> 00:07:29,206 LAUGHTER 136 00:07:29,247 --> 00:07:31,727 I thought you said, "You owe me." 137 00:07:31,768 --> 00:07:33,086 You owe me that, yeah! 138 00:07:33,127 --> 00:07:36,527 When you say Finnish, do you mean the people or the dishwasher tablets? 139 00:07:36,568 --> 00:07:37,928 LAUGHTER 140 00:07:37,969 --> 00:07:41,768 - That's got a language all its own, hasn't it? - It is, you're so right. 141 00:07:41,809 --> 00:07:45,329 - I prefer the liquid. - Powerball. You get all the Powerballs out... - Yeah. 142 00:07:45,370 --> 00:07:48,170 You can sell them to teenagers at a disco for ten quid. 143 00:07:50,290 --> 00:07:51,810 APPLAUSE 144 00:07:51,851 --> 00:07:53,890 - Powerball. - Wow! 145 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:58,892 They don't get high but their insides are fantastically clean. 146 00:07:58,933 --> 00:08:00,091 Yes, absolutely! 147 00:08:00,132 --> 00:08:03,213 - Wow. - Yeah, when they go to the toilets they clean them. 148 00:08:03,254 --> 00:08:05,653 LAUGHTER 149 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:10,093 Well done, Rob. That's excellent, I'm going to give you a lot of points for that! 150 00:08:10,134 --> 00:08:11,294 APPLAUSE 151 00:08:11,335 --> 00:08:14,575 Yup, Rob went to Hungary where they invented washing your hands, 152 00:08:14,616 --> 00:08:19,936 pasteurisation, the Rubik's Cube, which you mentioned, and, arguably, the word hello, did you know that? 153 00:08:19,976 --> 00:08:23,416 - Because of the telephone. - Yes. - Edison's... - One of his assistants. 154 00:08:23,457 --> 00:08:27,257 - Went "hallom". - Hallom. - Hallom. Hallom. 155 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:31,457 Hallom. Means "I can hear you", in I hear you. 156 00:08:31,498 --> 00:08:34,659 - I'm not so sure, I think that sounds a bit fanciful to me. - Yes. 157 00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:39,459 - Not what it means, but the fact it then bastardised... - Caused us to use the word hello on the phone. 158 00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:42,660 - I'm not buying that. - OK. - Which is why I didn't bring it up. 159 00:08:42,701 --> 00:08:43,780 Yeah, fair enough. 160 00:08:43,821 --> 00:08:47,300 - I used to collect stamps for about six months when I was 11. - Mm. 161 00:08:47,341 --> 00:08:53,022 - And you could send off for packets of stamps. - Yes, I remember that. 162 00:08:53,063 --> 00:08:57,142 About 40p, or something. You would get lots and lots of... 163 00:08:57,183 --> 00:08:59,023 Triangular ones and strange shapes. 164 00:08:59,064 --> 00:09:02,943 - I called Magyar stamps but apparently they're... - "Modjur". 165 00:09:02,984 --> 00:09:05,704 Those ones. You'd always get loads of those. 166 00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:08,104 They must have printed a lot of stamps, 167 00:09:08,145 --> 00:09:10,905 or no-one was sending any letters there, or... 168 00:09:10,946 --> 00:09:15,026 I collected stamps for a very brief period, like you, 169 00:09:15,067 --> 00:09:17,906 I was in my early teens, and I gave it up. I thought to myself, 170 00:09:17,947 --> 00:09:19,907 "Philately will get me nowhere." 171 00:09:19,948 --> 00:09:21,788 AUDIENCE GROAN 172 00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:24,027 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 173 00:09:24,068 --> 00:09:26,188 Rob, press this! 174 00:09:26,229 --> 00:09:27,989 Go back in time! 175 00:09:28,029 --> 00:09:30,109 HARP PLAYS 176 00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:34,069 I collected stamps for a period when I was an early teenager. I loved it. 177 00:09:34,110 --> 00:09:35,430 Yes, good, isn't it? 178 00:09:35,471 --> 00:09:37,231 APPLAUSE 179 00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:38,311 Phew! 180 00:09:38,352 --> 00:09:40,271 Well done, well done. 181 00:09:40,312 --> 00:09:42,151 Good news. 182 00:09:42,192 --> 00:09:47,112 Hungary, great success, lots of points. Bill, where did I send you? 183 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:50,232 Well, I went to the Kingdom of Bhutan. 184 00:09:50,273 --> 00:09:52,713 Which is in the Himalayas. 185 00:09:52,754 --> 00:09:57,394 It's actually the only country in the world which is a carbon sink. 186 00:09:57,435 --> 00:10:02,715 Which means that it actually absorbs more CO2 than it actually gives out. 187 00:10:02,756 --> 00:10:06,636 - So the greenest country on Earth? - It's the greenest country on Earth. 188 00:10:06,677 --> 00:10:09,797 It's written into the constitution 189 00:10:09,838 --> 00:10:14,678 that the forest area of Bhutan shall never dip below 60%. 190 00:10:14,719 --> 00:10:17,358 - Wow. - And the cows are not allowed to fart. - No. 191 00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,079 LAUGHTER It's a Buddhist country, 192 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,239 and the national sports are archery and darts. 193 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:26,719 But not darts as we know it. Jocky Wilson style, many lagers 194 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,200 and shouting. 195 00:10:28,241 --> 00:10:31,680 They're huge, they're quite big darts. Quite lethal. 196 00:10:31,721 --> 00:10:34,922 That's the archery. That's the big dart he's chucking. 197 00:10:34,963 --> 00:10:38,962 - It's obviously miles away. It's not like the oche. - Yes. 198 00:10:39,003 --> 00:10:40,683 Or he's rubbish at it. 199 00:10:42,282 --> 00:10:45,444 Yes... It's not a target, it's actually a hunting skill. 200 00:10:45,485 --> 00:10:48,324 He's trying to bring down a seagull there. 201 00:10:48,365 --> 00:10:54,085 A beautiful, green country. And its main export is hydroelectric power. 202 00:10:54,126 --> 00:10:56,486 So it's even exporting renewable energy. 203 00:10:56,527 --> 00:10:58,646 So it's a wonderful paradise. 204 00:10:58,687 --> 00:11:02,806 - There is a... - Invade! - Yeah. - I remember something about penises. 205 00:11:02,847 --> 00:11:07,687 A friend of mine went there and sent me back a photograph of penises... 206 00:11:07,728 --> 00:11:11,889 Yeah, they paint phalluses on the doors as a fertility symbol. 207 00:11:11,930 --> 00:11:13,488 - So, you see, you... - Oh! 208 00:11:13,529 --> 00:11:17,850 - Wow! Actually in full flight. - Well... - Yeah. 209 00:11:17,891 --> 00:11:21,410 That seems to be quite a graphic one. 210 00:11:21,451 --> 00:11:22,691 Look at that. Goodness me. 211 00:11:22,732 --> 00:11:26,171 - Yes. - That's probably a monastery of some kind. - Monks? 212 00:11:26,212 --> 00:11:29,691 This is part of the religious thing, is it? The monks... 213 00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:34,932 Yes, it's a very old tradition, but, yes, it's a Buddhist country, 214 00:11:34,973 --> 00:11:39,573 so it's very sort of peace loving and, um, beautiful place. 215 00:11:39,614 --> 00:11:43,815 The general state of Bhutan is measured not in money, 216 00:11:43,856 --> 00:11:45,214 but in happiness. 217 00:11:45,255 --> 00:11:48,296 - Oh! - It's sort of their equivalent of currency. 218 00:11:48,337 --> 00:11:50,055 It's gorgeous. 219 00:11:50,096 --> 00:11:52,536 Well, I have to say, Bill, that is fantastic. 220 00:11:52,577 --> 00:11:55,376 It makes me want to go there, I've never been. Thank you! 221 00:11:55,417 --> 00:11:57,897 Bill Bailey and Bhutan. 222 00:11:57,938 --> 00:12:00,217 APPLAUSE 223 00:12:01,338 --> 00:12:02,938 Yeah. 224 00:12:02,979 --> 00:12:06,419 - Yes? - Can I take this off? I'm getting a rash. 225 00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:08,739 - OK. - Thank you. I'm allergic to souvenirs. 226 00:12:11,019 --> 00:12:13,060 Anyway, Bill Bailey was in Bhutan 227 00:12:13,101 --> 00:12:15,501 where they have the world's only carbon sink. 228 00:12:15,541 --> 00:12:18,981 Dance is the national sport and they pursue Gross National Happiness 229 00:12:19,022 --> 00:12:22,382 by painting huge phalluses on the doors. Rich, tell us where you've been. 230 00:12:22,423 --> 00:12:24,022 I, Stephen, have been to Hawaii. 231 00:12:24,063 --> 00:12:27,543 - Hey! - Yeah. - What can you tell us... Aloha! 232 00:12:27,584 --> 00:12:31,943 OK, I'll tell you many interesting things about Hawaii. 233 00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:36,145 It was discovered by Captain Cook after he discovered Sydney Harbour. 234 00:12:36,186 --> 00:12:39,665 And then moved to New Zealand, met very friendly people 235 00:12:39,706 --> 00:12:41,666 and he got to Hawaii and they ate him. 236 00:12:41,706 --> 00:12:43,266 It's true, isn't it? 237 00:12:43,307 --> 00:12:44,946 Yeah, they're very happy... 238 00:12:44,987 --> 00:12:46,946 cannibals. 239 00:12:48,106 --> 00:12:52,547 - I have here an outrigger canoe. - Oh, yeah. I've been on one of those. 240 00:12:52,588 --> 00:12:55,068 This part keeps it afloat, the outrigger part. 241 00:12:55,109 --> 00:12:58,348 You tear through the waves, when you come back you ride the waves. 242 00:12:58,389 --> 00:13:00,109 - Basically, it's surfing. - Yeah. 243 00:13:00,150 --> 00:13:02,510 This wood is called wiliwili. 244 00:13:02,551 --> 00:13:05,950 - Excuse me? - Which means...wili twice. 245 00:13:05,991 --> 00:13:08,150 Because Hawaiians like to repeat stuff a lot. 246 00:13:08,191 --> 00:13:10,871 - Yes! - They only have 12 letters, so... 247 00:13:10,912 --> 00:13:14,191 I know a word beginning with W they repeat that is one we use a lot 248 00:13:14,232 --> 00:13:17,953 - on the internet. - Wikipedia. - Wikipedia. Wiki is... 249 00:13:17,994 --> 00:13:20,393 Wikiwiki means quick quick. 250 00:13:20,434 --> 00:13:25,554 - How many letters did you say they have? - 12. - Five of those are O. 251 00:13:29,274 --> 00:13:31,595 - Hawaii Five-O. - Oh! 252 00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:34,555 See, nobody got it. I thought you were just going "Ooh." 253 00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:36,516 No. Hawaii Five-O. 254 00:13:36,557 --> 00:13:40,597 - Oh, very good. - Some of them come with a pamphlet to explain them. 255 00:13:40,638 --> 00:13:42,437 LAUGHTER 256 00:13:42,478 --> 00:13:45,918 - If you could just read this, please. - Read this literature about the joke. 257 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,398 You'll enjoy it much more. 258 00:13:47,439 --> 00:13:48,839 There's also a word... 259 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,119 - If you can't think of a word in Hawaii just say "Da kine". - Right. 260 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,320 That means any word you can't think of. 261 00:13:54,361 --> 00:13:56,720 It's a fantastic way of communicating. 262 00:13:56,761 --> 00:14:01,120 - The majority of land is owned by the Doyle pineapple company. - Dole. 263 00:14:01,161 --> 00:14:02,841 - Dole. - Yeah, Dole. 264 00:14:02,882 --> 00:14:05,761 I thought they'd sold out, cos I was there a year and a half ago, 265 00:14:05,802 --> 00:14:08,842 and they'd closed down some of the pineapple plantations. 266 00:14:08,883 --> 00:14:11,722 - They bought it back. - Oh, have they? - Just after you left. 267 00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:19,324 - And the highest mountain on the planet is in Hawaii. - Yes! 268 00:14:19,365 --> 00:14:23,005 Why do we say it's higher than Everest? 269 00:14:23,046 --> 00:14:27,005 Because the island of Maui is actually... 270 00:14:27,046 --> 00:14:31,247 The mountain itself is called Mauna Loa. And from the... 271 00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:34,767 - If you count from the base... - It is the highest mountain in the world. 272 00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:37,927 Excellent. Surfing, what can you tell us about surfing? 273 00:14:37,968 --> 00:14:41,929 Surfing was invented by the Polynesians. 274 00:14:41,970 --> 00:14:44,689 I've never surfed... You may be surprised to know. 275 00:14:44,730 --> 00:14:47,050 - I've seen some surfing movies. - You've crowd surfed! 276 00:14:47,091 --> 00:14:50,170 - At Blackadder recordings. - Oh, yes, naturally. 277 00:14:50,211 --> 00:14:51,691 There was a mosh pit there. 278 00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:56,251 It's really, really hard. I surfed when I was younger. 279 00:14:56,292 --> 00:15:01,012 It's very hard to get out behind the waves, so that you catch 'em. 280 00:15:01,053 --> 00:15:04,933 It's very tiring. I took some lessons in Bondi in Australia, 281 00:15:04,974 --> 00:15:07,254 the getting up is very hard. 282 00:15:07,295 --> 00:15:10,334 You know, that chap seems to have got the hang of it. 283 00:15:11,694 --> 00:15:14,534 You lean forward, then when the moment comes, 284 00:15:14,575 --> 00:15:16,975 you've got to hop up in a fluid motion. 285 00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:18,855 - I go surfing in Devon. - Do you? 286 00:15:18,896 --> 00:15:22,136 - It's great. - Oh, right. - In the winter, it's hardcore, surfing. 287 00:15:22,177 --> 00:15:24,296 You have to wear a wetsuit, hood, gloves, 288 00:15:24,337 --> 00:15:26,657 - you know, the whole bit. - Overcoat. 289 00:15:26,698 --> 00:15:29,577 Sometimes. Sometimes you're in up to your waist. 290 00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:35,018 So how good are you? Could you do something like that? 291 00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:36,659 Oh, yeah. 292 00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:38,580 Seriously, though, can you do it? 293 00:15:38,621 --> 00:15:41,020 I've got up on the board. 294 00:15:42,220 --> 00:15:47,261 - That's more than most of us can do. - It's very hard to get up on the board. 295 00:15:47,302 --> 00:15:50,741 I stood on the board and I was so excited about it, 296 00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:53,102 I immediately fell off. 297 00:15:53,143 --> 00:15:55,103 I went, "Look..." Oh. 298 00:15:56,182 --> 00:15:57,543 Have you done it, Alan? 299 00:15:57,584 --> 00:16:00,264 I've been on those boogie board things, 300 00:16:00,305 --> 00:16:02,304 - where you go on your tummy. - Nah... 301 00:16:02,345 --> 00:16:04,785 It's good fun. 302 00:16:04,826 --> 00:16:07,345 In Australia, I couldn't, like Rich was saying, 303 00:16:07,386 --> 00:16:09,665 I couldn't get past the waves. 304 00:16:09,706 --> 00:16:13,506 We did a bit of splashing and got a bit tired. 305 00:16:13,547 --> 00:16:16,466 They get a guy on a jet ski to tow you out. That's the way to do it. 306 00:16:16,507 --> 00:16:22,227 Well, wonderful. Thank you, Rich Hall, with your gems on Hawaii. 307 00:16:22,268 --> 00:16:24,068 APPLAUSE 308 00:16:24,109 --> 00:16:27,868 Now, unfortunately, Alan didn't get a holiday this year 309 00:16:27,909 --> 00:16:29,909 because, well, he was in detention, 310 00:16:29,950 --> 00:16:32,469 - but well done, everybody else. - APPLAUSE 311 00:16:34,270 --> 00:16:35,951 Let's get hydrographical. 312 00:16:35,992 --> 00:16:41,232 - Where in the world are you most likely to see fish falling from the skies? - Ooh! 313 00:16:41,273 --> 00:16:43,191 Sardinia. 314 00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:48,152 Good. Good effort. I like that. 315 00:16:48,193 --> 00:16:49,993 APPLAUSE 316 00:16:51,153 --> 00:16:52,234 Finland! 317 00:16:52,275 --> 00:16:55,874 Finland. Very good as well. Oh, he's coming up with fish related puns. 318 00:16:55,915 --> 00:17:00,435 There's a frog interloping on that picture. It's not just fish. 319 00:17:00,476 --> 00:17:02,836 - No. - Is that a clue? 320 00:17:02,877 --> 00:17:05,676 - Well, sort of, there are... - Bay of Biscay. 321 00:17:05,717 --> 00:17:07,517 No, not the Bay of Biscay. 322 00:17:07,558 --> 00:17:11,557 - Um... - They get carried up, don't they? It's to do with climatic conditions. 323 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,317 In a tornado. So, like in the Bay of Pigs. 324 00:17:14,358 --> 00:17:18,959 - Begins with H, it's nearer the Bay of Pigs. - Honduras. - Honduras. 325 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,799 There is a festival every year. We can't show you film of it, 326 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:28,441 but supposedly in almost every culture there are stories of fish falling from the sky. 327 00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:31,361 There is, in Yoro, the Yoro district of Honduras, 328 00:17:31,402 --> 00:17:33,802 they have this festival to celebrate it. 329 00:17:33,843 --> 00:17:37,202 But the frogs go back to, when did frogs fall from the sky? 330 00:17:37,243 --> 00:17:40,642 - Exodus. - Exodus, exactly right. The plagues in Egypt. 331 00:17:40,683 --> 00:17:44,444 It was the pharaoh in the plagues, the locusts, frogs. 332 00:17:44,485 --> 00:17:48,324 Yes, and what explanations are there for these stories? 333 00:17:48,365 --> 00:17:51,965 It's winds, high pressure or something and they get kind of "whoosh!" 334 00:17:52,006 --> 00:17:53,725 Sucked up into a kind of tornado. 335 00:17:53,766 --> 00:17:56,605 - Convection. - Sucked up into the sky, carried along, 336 00:17:56,646 --> 00:17:58,646 a bit like your picture's illustrating, 337 00:17:58,687 --> 00:18:00,567 then all of a sudden, "Whoosh!" 338 00:18:00,608 --> 00:18:02,967 That's the theory. Again, it's quite hard to prove. 339 00:18:03,008 --> 00:18:04,447 I thought that had been proved. 340 00:18:04,488 --> 00:18:08,768 - Not to my knowledge. - Tornadoes only happen on land, don't they? - Yes. 341 00:18:08,809 --> 00:18:11,449 Different words for them if they're on the water or land. 342 00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:12,849 I've seen a tornado on the sea. 343 00:18:12,890 --> 00:18:14,569 - Have you? - Down in Devon. - Really? 344 00:18:14,610 --> 00:18:18,730 I've definitely seen that exact thing. Didn't last very long, 345 00:18:18,771 --> 00:18:22,610 and not enough time for a fish to swim up it, or be sucked up. 346 00:18:22,651 --> 00:18:26,852 - No. - But there was a momentary sort of...the kind of twister, 347 00:18:26,893 --> 00:18:29,492 - dip down into the water. - Water spout. 348 00:18:29,533 --> 00:18:31,012 - Briefly. - Water spout, that's it. 349 00:18:31,053 --> 00:18:32,852 That is one of the theories. 350 00:18:32,893 --> 00:18:37,414 Another is that a river or the sea may, at night, burst over somewhere, 351 00:18:37,455 --> 00:18:41,935 depositing fish and then withdraw, and people see the fish in the land 352 00:18:41,976 --> 00:18:46,415 where it shouldn't be, and assume that they've dropped from the sky. 353 00:18:46,456 --> 00:18:50,016 It's certainly true that fish eggs drop from the sky. 354 00:18:50,057 --> 00:18:52,177 - Yes. - Why would that be? 355 00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,176 - Birds eat them. - Birds, exactly. 356 00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:57,618 Occasionally they will hatch cos they land in water and puzzle people. 357 00:18:57,659 --> 00:19:02,899 In certain parts of Honduras it rains fish every single year, or so the locals claim. 358 00:19:02,940 --> 00:19:07,860 How would you like to spend two weeks lying on a pile of parrotfish droppings, 359 00:19:07,901 --> 00:19:13,461 covered in phenylbenzimidazole sulfonic acid? 360 00:19:13,502 --> 00:19:16,581 - Does that sound like a good... - Is that sun cream? 361 00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:19,142 Oh, very good. Excellent. 362 00:19:19,183 --> 00:19:20,461 APPLAUSE 363 00:19:22,142 --> 00:19:25,222 So that may not be such a bad thing after all. 364 00:19:25,263 --> 00:19:28,063 - That's lying on a beach covered in sun cream. - Yes. 365 00:19:28,104 --> 00:19:30,623 Parrotfish droppings is a special kind of beach, 366 00:19:30,664 --> 00:19:33,144 - the kind we most like. - White sand? 367 00:19:33,185 --> 00:19:37,105 Soft, white, coral island sand is parrotfish droppings. 368 00:19:37,146 --> 00:19:40,745 It's called a parrotfish because it has a beak like a parrot's 369 00:19:40,786 --> 00:19:43,266 and it scrapes away and eats at coral. 370 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,386 And it excretes this white sand. 371 00:19:46,427 --> 00:19:50,828 And each fish will excrete over a ton of it in a year. 372 00:19:50,869 --> 00:19:53,108 - Good work. - And lots of them. 373 00:19:53,149 --> 00:19:57,028 That builds up as the white soft sand that is the particularly prized sand 374 00:19:57,069 --> 00:19:59,709 of such a beautiful island as that, for example. 375 00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:02,469 Each fish excretes a ton of... 376 00:20:02,510 --> 00:20:04,030 What?! 377 00:20:05,511 --> 00:20:08,071 - A little parrotfish like that? - Yeah. 378 00:20:08,112 --> 00:20:10,992 Every single day, it's eating it, a ton a year. 379 00:20:11,033 --> 00:20:13,632 I suppose, if you're constantly processing. 380 00:20:13,673 --> 00:20:16,153 How much does your average man excrete in a year? 381 00:20:16,194 --> 00:20:19,913 - I don't know why I'm looking at you. Why would you know? - I'm afraid I don't. 382 00:20:19,954 --> 00:20:22,513 Your classical education has failed you again. 383 00:20:24,754 --> 00:20:27,595 Stephen'd knock that up in an afternoon. 384 00:20:30,915 --> 00:20:34,356 The average man will excrete the Isle of Sheppey. 385 00:20:34,397 --> 00:20:35,836 By lunchtime. 386 00:20:37,077 --> 00:20:38,836 And the sun cream? 387 00:20:38,877 --> 00:20:43,198 What's the maximum sun protection factor, the SPF...? 388 00:20:43,239 --> 00:20:44,397 - 50, isn't it? - 50, yes. 389 00:20:44,438 --> 00:20:46,878 What does it mean when it's SPF 50? 390 00:20:46,919 --> 00:20:50,759 You can stay 50 times as long in the sun as you would do 391 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,680 if, say, for example, 392 00:20:52,721 --> 00:20:55,680 the sun was so hot, you were going to burn in one minute, 393 00:20:55,721 --> 00:20:59,280 - if you put that on, you can stay 50 minutes. - That's right. 394 00:20:59,321 --> 00:21:02,841 Or if you put it on in England, you can stay for a lifetime. 395 00:21:05,321 --> 00:21:08,203 While with sand, sand castles. 396 00:21:08,244 --> 00:21:10,843 What do we know about sand castles? 397 00:21:10,884 --> 00:21:14,244 - You need moisture. - You need moisture, how much moisture? 398 00:21:14,285 --> 00:21:19,045 I would guess, having some experience of this, 399 00:21:19,086 --> 00:21:22,445 about a third of the overall amount of sa... 400 00:21:22,486 --> 00:21:24,126 - It's found out to be an eighth. - Yes. 401 00:21:24,167 --> 00:21:28,206 People are very serious about it and these are sand castle competitions, 402 00:21:28,247 --> 00:21:30,407 sand sculpture, as they call it. 403 00:21:30,447 --> 00:21:33,407 Do you know where they have the world championship? 404 00:21:33,448 --> 00:21:35,568 - California, I bet. - You'd think it would be. 405 00:21:35,609 --> 00:21:38,408 We might have a picture of a sand sculpture competition. 406 00:21:38,449 --> 00:21:40,609 You might be able to guess where that is. 407 00:21:40,650 --> 00:21:42,649 - Spain. - Canadia. - It's Canadia, yeah. 408 00:21:42,690 --> 00:21:45,890 - Vancouver. - That's extraordinary, isn't it? - Yeah. 409 00:21:45,931 --> 00:21:50,371 Imagine you tipped a couple of buckets out and then you looked over 410 00:21:50,412 --> 00:21:55,011 and, "Oh, no, that's really...really put that to shame, hasn't it?" 411 00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:58,932 Yes! They do take it very seriously, but there are very strict rules. 412 00:21:58,973 --> 00:22:04,093 Six metres by six metres is your patch and you're only allowed to use sand in your square bit, 413 00:22:04,134 --> 00:22:07,493 and you can't add anything. No adornments, no little flags, 414 00:22:07,534 --> 00:22:11,335 no flour and sugar which apparently some cheaters use. 415 00:22:11,376 --> 00:22:12,574 To get more consistency. 416 00:22:12,615 --> 00:22:15,135 Once you've finished it's then sprayed by the judges 417 00:22:15,176 --> 00:22:17,296 so that it doesn't crumble then it's judged. 418 00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:19,976 What would you imagine is the world record? 419 00:22:20,017 --> 00:22:21,537 The longest? 420 00:22:21,578 --> 00:22:22,737 One mile. 421 00:22:22,778 --> 00:22:23,936 LAUGHTER 422 00:22:23,977 --> 00:22:26,577 - 16 miles. - 16 miles. 423 00:22:26,618 --> 00:22:28,217 Very long, absolutely. 424 00:22:28,258 --> 00:22:32,259 Stretched for over 16 miles, was in Myrtle Beach, Florida. 425 00:22:32,300 --> 00:22:34,979 - South Carolina. - Is it South Carolina? 426 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:38,819 It is the redneck capital, you would not wish Myrtle Beach on anybody. 427 00:22:38,860 --> 00:22:40,540 - Is it a bad place? - Just a bunch of... 428 00:22:40,581 --> 00:22:42,340 BANJO PLAYS Those kind of people. 429 00:22:42,381 --> 00:22:44,420 LAUGHTER 430 00:22:47,581 --> 00:22:49,781 "How y'all doin?" Wooo! 431 00:22:49,822 --> 00:22:51,422 Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. 432 00:22:51,463 --> 00:22:56,663 Is this a 16-mile long beach that somebody then said was a beach sculpture? 433 00:22:56,704 --> 00:22:58,464 In the shape of a beach? 434 00:22:59,423 --> 00:23:01,664 Perfectly representing a beach. Yeah. 435 00:23:01,705 --> 00:23:05,904 And they go to the judges, here is is, it's a beach. 436 00:23:05,945 --> 00:23:08,025 Oh, my God, it's brilliant. 437 00:23:08,066 --> 00:23:09,306 Well done. Anyway, 438 00:23:09,347 --> 00:23:12,786 There we were, somehow, talking about sand, 439 00:23:12,827 --> 00:23:14,827 and coral, and how lovely it all was. 440 00:23:14,868 --> 00:23:17,627 Sand of coral beaches is made from the excrement of parrotfish. 441 00:23:17,668 --> 00:23:21,307 Now what's so lucky about the unluckiest man in the world? 442 00:23:21,348 --> 00:23:25,309 That's not him, that's an amusing assemblage of superstitions. 443 00:23:25,350 --> 00:23:27,469 He got killed by a horseshoe. 444 00:23:28,589 --> 00:23:33,070 This man is either the unluckiest or the luckiest, depends which way you look at it. 445 00:23:33,111 --> 00:23:35,751 Something like he's had more operations or accidents... 446 00:23:35,792 --> 00:23:39,231 More Claims Direct things than anyone, but he's still alive. 447 00:23:39,272 --> 00:23:43,152 Bear in mind we're after places and things beginning with H, 448 00:23:43,193 --> 00:23:46,712 and if I tell you his name, this may help. 449 00:23:46,753 --> 00:23:49,433 His name is Tsutomu Yamaguchi. 450 00:23:50,313 --> 00:23:53,834 I say "is", he actually died in January 2010. 451 00:23:54,794 --> 00:23:58,435 At age 93, so he lived a long time, so he wasn't that unlucky, you may say. 452 00:23:58,476 --> 00:24:01,396 So where's the H...? 453 00:24:01,437 --> 00:24:04,756 - Yamaguchi would suggest he came from... - H...Holland. 454 00:24:06,997 --> 00:24:08,036 Harwich. 455 00:24:08,077 --> 00:24:11,438 - You can do better than that. - I'd have said Japan. 456 00:24:11,479 --> 00:24:14,478 Japan. Now think of a place in Japan that begins with H. 457 00:24:14,519 --> 00:24:16,598 - Hokkaido. - Hiroshima. - Oh, Hiroshima. 458 00:24:16,639 --> 00:24:19,239 Hiroshima. Right. 459 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,400 - He was... - The bomb landed on him and bounced off. 460 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:29,000 No. He was in Hiroshima on business when the bomb went off. 461 00:24:29,041 --> 00:24:31,961 He was badly burned, he spent a night there. 462 00:24:32,002 --> 00:24:35,522 - He went to hospital in Nagasaki. - The next day... 463 00:24:35,563 --> 00:24:37,563 he got on a train, bizarrely, 464 00:24:37,604 --> 00:24:41,163 which shows that, even though the atom bomb fell, 465 00:24:41,204 --> 00:24:43,244 the trains were working. 466 00:24:43,285 --> 00:24:47,284 So he got on a train to Nagasaki and a bomb fell again. 467 00:24:47,325 --> 00:24:49,764 And he was celebrated. 468 00:24:49,805 --> 00:24:52,245 He became a sort of hero, but only in his '90s. 469 00:24:52,286 --> 00:24:55,005 He was officially recognised as the man bombed twice. 470 00:24:55,046 --> 00:24:57,646 He claims that there were over 100 people he met 471 00:24:57,687 --> 00:25:01,287 who also had that same, or a similar, experience. 472 00:25:01,328 --> 00:25:04,088 And he had a network of friends. 473 00:25:04,129 --> 00:25:07,808 But he was a cheerful fellow, as you can see, and died aged 93. 474 00:25:07,849 --> 00:25:09,849 He doesn't look that cheerful there. 475 00:25:09,890 --> 00:25:12,969 - Wedged between two mushroom clouds. - It's happening again! 476 00:25:13,010 --> 00:25:15,290 - What are the chances? - It is astonishing. 477 00:25:15,331 --> 00:25:18,610 He's either the luckiest because he survived an atom bomb twice 478 00:25:18,651 --> 00:25:21,330 - or the unluckiest... - He lived till 93, so at least, 479 00:25:21,371 --> 00:25:24,331 - you know, his life was not curtailed. - No, exactly. 480 00:25:24,372 --> 00:25:28,412 Is the glass half-empty, is it half-full? 481 00:25:28,453 --> 00:25:30,853 Either way, it's radioactive. 482 00:25:32,733 --> 00:25:34,853 So don't drink it. 483 00:25:34,894 --> 00:25:36,533 He never got the train again. 484 00:25:36,574 --> 00:25:40,334 The astonishing thing to me is that you drop an atom bomb on Hiroshima 485 00:25:40,375 --> 00:25:42,734 and the train service is working the next day. 486 00:25:42,775 --> 00:25:44,935 - In our country... - Keep calm and carry on! - Uh-huh. 487 00:25:44,976 --> 00:25:49,856 - A couple of leaves. That's it. - Yeah, that's it for the rest of the winter. 488 00:25:49,897 --> 00:25:54,217 "It's the wrong kind of bomb." "Oh it's the wrong kind of bomb(!)" 489 00:25:54,258 --> 00:25:55,417 LAUGHTER 490 00:25:55,458 --> 00:25:59,498 Clearly the right kind of bomb! "It's fine, everybody. Don't worry. Right kind of bomb." 491 00:25:59,539 --> 00:26:04,899 "A right kind of bomb has landed on the 4.30 from Potters Bar. 492 00:26:04,940 --> 00:26:08,819 "Please proceed to the nuclear area." 493 00:26:08,860 --> 00:26:11,340 I suspect they weren't privately owned. 494 00:26:11,381 --> 00:26:13,660 "The sandwiches have not been affected." 495 00:26:13,701 --> 00:26:15,621 LAUGHTER 496 00:26:15,662 --> 00:26:18,102 They could withstand a nuclear blast anyway! 497 00:26:18,143 --> 00:26:21,982 There you are. Extraordinary man, there. Tsutomu Yamaguchi. 498 00:26:22,023 --> 00:26:24,182 Either the luckiest or unluckiest man in history. 499 00:26:24,223 --> 00:26:26,223 Hit by two nuclear bombs - survived them both. 500 00:26:26,264 --> 00:26:30,063 But what was the largest steam engine of all time used for? 501 00:26:30,104 --> 00:26:31,464 I know that one. 502 00:26:31,505 --> 00:26:32,504 BUZZER 503 00:26:32,545 --> 00:26:34,824 The SS Great Britain. 504 00:26:34,865 --> 00:26:37,705 No. Again places beginning with H. 505 00:26:37,746 --> 00:26:41,146 - Oh... A HUGE boat. - Holland. - Holland. 506 00:26:41,187 --> 00:26:44,107 I said Holland before! LAUGHTER 507 00:26:44,148 --> 00:26:48,107 - Will it be reclaiming land? - Yeah, you're absolutely right. 508 00:26:48,148 --> 00:26:53,228 - Tugging the sea back. - Exactly. Reclaiming land. The Polder Land they call it 509 00:26:53,269 --> 00:26:57,229 - in Holland. Some might say that the Haarlemmermeer... - Yeah. 510 00:26:57,270 --> 00:27:00,909 ..is the largest man-made structure, if you can call it man-made, on earth. 511 00:27:00,950 --> 00:27:05,550 It's obviously nature, but... Schiphol Airport is on reclaimed land. 512 00:27:05,591 --> 00:27:07,511 First to go when the old Polar Cap melts. 513 00:27:07,552 --> 00:27:11,351 - Blub, blub... - I'm afraid it will have a... - Yeah. 514 00:27:11,392 --> 00:27:13,672 It's a constant battle against nature. 515 00:27:13,713 --> 00:27:15,033 Schiphol. Crazy place. 516 00:27:15,074 --> 00:27:17,913 Yeah, I went through Schiphol Airport and I had a guitar with me 517 00:27:17,954 --> 00:27:19,874 and the bloke said, "What is in the case please?" 518 00:27:19,915 --> 00:27:23,194 I went, "Here we go. Anything to do with drugs." 519 00:27:23,235 --> 00:27:26,434 I opened up and I went, "It's a guitar. It's a guitar." 520 00:27:26,475 --> 00:27:28,835 They're so cool. The guy's there, I went, "It's a guitar". 521 00:27:28,876 --> 00:27:31,995 He went, "That's no guitar, that's a Gibson 71 with a flying pickup!" 522 00:27:32,036 --> 00:27:34,556 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 523 00:27:34,597 --> 00:27:39,437 - Oh that's funny. - So I went, "You guys, you guys are cool, yeah?" 524 00:27:39,478 --> 00:27:42,078 "Hey let's jam a little bit." 525 00:27:42,118 --> 00:27:44,598 "No, I've got to go. You're weird!" 526 00:27:44,639 --> 00:27:46,279 LAUGHTER 527 00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:49,759 - "Get off!" - Charming English friendliness! 528 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:54,760 "Hey, we have an amplifier system in the Customs Office. Come on, guys!" 529 00:27:56,440 --> 00:28:01,081 The Dutch indeed reclaimed a lot of their land because it's low lying, it's the Low Countries. 530 00:28:01,122 --> 00:28:02,962 They're called that not by accident. 531 00:28:03,003 --> 00:28:06,122 One of the flattest places in the world, Holland. Very, very flat. 532 00:28:06,163 --> 00:28:08,003 Yes. Talk to be about dykes. 533 00:28:08,044 --> 00:28:10,043 Dykes. OK, Um... 534 00:28:10,084 --> 00:28:11,403 LAUGHTER 535 00:28:11,444 --> 00:28:14,723 All right, in a normal way or in.. 536 00:28:14,764 --> 00:28:18,924 or in some crazy kind of double entendre way? 537 00:28:18,965 --> 00:28:20,045 What is a dyke? 538 00:28:20,086 --> 00:28:21,965 A dyke is a kind of a levee, as you would say. 539 00:28:22,006 --> 00:28:24,685 What's the difference between a dyke and a dam then? 540 00:28:24,726 --> 00:28:26,806 It is an old word for dam, actually. 541 00:28:26,847 --> 00:28:30,406 The famous story of the boy that put the finger in the hole 542 00:28:30,447 --> 00:28:31,607 and stepped in the dyke, yeah. 543 00:28:31,648 --> 00:28:34,807 - And stemmed the flow. - The odd thing about that story 544 00:28:34,848 --> 00:28:36,328 is that it's not Dutch. 545 00:28:36,369 --> 00:28:39,689 Is it not? No, it's an American story written in the 19th century. 546 00:28:39,729 --> 00:28:44,010 Yeah. And most Dutch people don't know it. They know so many Americans and British people 547 00:28:44,051 --> 00:28:48,250 know it, they actually have statues of this boy, Hans or whatever, who put his finger... 548 00:28:48,291 --> 00:28:50,210 in a dyke. 549 00:28:50,251 --> 00:28:51,410 Why dyke for lesbian? 550 00:28:51,451 --> 00:28:53,451 Oh, now, that's a tricky one. 551 00:28:53,492 --> 00:28:56,011 Well, bulldyker was the original phrase. 552 00:28:56,052 --> 00:28:59,613 It was a verb to mean to engage in lesbian activities - 553 00:28:59,654 --> 00:29:01,372 was attested from 1921, 554 00:29:01,413 --> 00:29:04,013 cos about 20-odd years before that, 555 00:29:04,054 --> 00:29:06,733 the word dyke was slang for the vulva. 556 00:29:06,774 --> 00:29:08,774 Oh, good lord! 557 00:29:08,815 --> 00:29:11,614 - Right. - Why didn't they just call it a family run around 558 00:29:11,655 --> 00:29:13,415 with an excellent safety record. 559 00:29:13,456 --> 00:29:15,416 LAUGHTER 560 00:29:19,256 --> 00:29:20,577 You're silly! 561 00:29:20,618 --> 00:29:23,657 - I am a bit silly, Stephen, you're right. - You are silly. 562 00:29:23,698 --> 00:29:26,298 Very charming. The largest steam engine of all time... 563 00:29:26,339 --> 00:29:29,658 - HE LAUGHS - was used to drain a large chunk of the Netherlands. 564 00:29:29,699 --> 00:29:31,899 Now imagine you're in the middle of Epping Forest 565 00:29:31,940 --> 00:29:35,499 and you know the closest pub is due north. 566 00:29:35,540 --> 00:29:38,620 Where you want to be is due north but you haven't got a compass. 567 00:29:38,661 --> 00:29:43,140 How can you make sure that you walk straight to this pub 568 00:29:43,181 --> 00:29:44,621 you know is due north? 569 00:29:44,662 --> 00:29:47,622 I would follow the trail of sovereign rings. 570 00:29:47,663 --> 00:29:50,062 Let's imagine there is no sovereign rings. 571 00:29:50,103 --> 00:29:53,302 Follow the Epping New Road and it goes straight north right the way through. 572 00:29:53,343 --> 00:29:54,903 If you found it that would be helpful. 573 00:29:54,944 --> 00:29:57,504 - You find a tree... - Yeah? 574 00:29:57,545 --> 00:30:00,064 - With moss on it. - Oh? 575 00:30:00,105 --> 00:30:02,865 ALARM SHRIEKS 576 00:30:04,184 --> 00:30:05,545 - Why do you say moss? - He's right. 577 00:30:05,586 --> 00:30:08,626 - I've heard that. - The opposite side's dry and you sit there 578 00:30:08,667 --> 00:30:10,506 and wait for someone to come along 579 00:30:10,547 --> 00:30:12,106 and ask them where the pub is. 580 00:30:12,147 --> 00:30:16,027 No, you had heard, and many people have heard and seem to think 581 00:30:16,068 --> 00:30:18,388 that moss grows on the north side of trees. 582 00:30:18,429 --> 00:30:19,427 But it's not true. 583 00:30:19,468 --> 00:30:23,149 - Find a pine needle... - It will grow on the north but also the east and west and south. 584 00:30:23,190 --> 00:30:24,988 So don't rely on that as a kind of... 585 00:30:25,029 --> 00:30:26,349 That would not be helpful. 586 00:30:26,390 --> 00:30:28,830 What other ways are there of finding north without a compass? 587 00:30:28,871 --> 00:30:30,869 Sun rising and sun setting, that's a good one. 588 00:30:30,910 --> 00:30:33,270 Due east and due west, but only in an equinox, 589 00:30:33,311 --> 00:30:34,990 which only happens twice a year. 590 00:30:35,031 --> 00:30:36,631 Wait for an equinox. 591 00:30:36,672 --> 00:30:38,832 Might be difficult if you're... 592 00:30:38,873 --> 00:30:40,231 No more than 6 months. 593 00:30:40,272 --> 00:30:42,712 You might be in the solstice which is the opposite. 594 00:30:42,753 --> 00:30:44,233 Do you know the one with a watch? 595 00:30:44,274 --> 00:30:45,752 Go and buy a watch. 596 00:30:45,793 --> 00:30:47,153 No, no, no. 597 00:30:47,194 --> 00:30:49,314 Buy a watch with a compass on it. 598 00:30:49,355 --> 00:30:52,314 That would be cheating, but no, you point the hour hand, 599 00:30:52,355 --> 00:30:53,954 the little hand, at the sun, 600 00:30:53,995 --> 00:30:55,275 exactly at the sun 601 00:30:55,316 --> 00:31:00,076 and then exactly between that and 12, is roughly south. 602 00:31:00,117 --> 00:31:03,836 So you go to the opposite direction of that. 603 00:31:03,877 --> 00:31:06,516 Unless it's daylight standard time. 604 00:31:06,557 --> 00:31:10,077 Then you're swinging a couple miles from the pub. 605 00:31:10,118 --> 00:31:12,157 Just travel always with Bear Grylls and Ray Mears, 606 00:31:12,198 --> 00:31:16,039 and they will make you a compass out of their toes. 607 00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,919 - Or something. - Or their eyebrows. 608 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,800 You can float a pine-needle on water. 609 00:31:21,841 --> 00:31:25,000 - Yes, you could do that... - Just to kill time. 610 00:31:25,041 --> 00:31:27,920 You can float a razorblade in water 611 00:31:27,961 --> 00:31:31,602 And if it's magnetised it would as a compass. 612 00:31:31,643 --> 00:31:35,962 All of which aimless rambling brings us to the tourist trap of general ignorance. 613 00:31:36,003 --> 00:31:37,643 What was the answer to the last one? 614 00:31:37,684 --> 00:31:43,163 If you get lost in Epping Forest, just listen for the traffic and then go towards it. 615 00:31:43,204 --> 00:31:46,925 You could use the stars, cos the stars are fixed points. 616 00:31:46,966 --> 00:31:48,524 so wait for night, yeah? 617 00:31:48,565 --> 00:31:50,085 Do you know how to read the stars? 618 00:31:50,126 --> 00:31:52,286 Seriously, listen for the traffic. 619 00:31:52,327 --> 00:31:53,965 LAUGHTER 620 00:31:54,006 --> 00:31:55,486 Be much quicker. 621 00:31:55,527 --> 00:31:59,246 You wait for the stars, I'll, er, go over there. 622 00:32:00,847 --> 00:32:02,648 What's that constellation there? 623 00:32:02,689 --> 00:32:05,007 - Uranus? - Yeah, the plough, the dipper. 624 00:32:05,048 --> 00:32:10,569 And do you know how you might find the north star, what is the name of the north star? 625 00:32:10,610 --> 00:32:12,049 Um... Star du nord? 626 00:32:12,090 --> 00:32:14,210 LAUGHTER 627 00:32:15,129 --> 00:32:16,810 Polaris. It's called Polaris. 628 00:32:16,851 --> 00:32:18,771 You take, on the right hand, 629 00:32:18,812 --> 00:32:22,931 those two there, sort of form the end of the cart or whatever, 630 00:32:22,972 --> 00:32:27,492 if you follow them up in a line you will get to the north star above. 631 00:32:27,533 --> 00:32:30,652 which is, as it were, hangs over the North Pole. 632 00:32:30,693 --> 00:32:32,413 You just keep heading towards it? 633 00:32:32,454 --> 00:32:36,734 - As it were. - As it were, yes. You look at it and you're heading north. 634 00:32:36,775 --> 00:32:39,455 I mean they're mostly really good navigators, 635 00:32:39,496 --> 00:32:41,094 even today they use it still, 636 00:32:41,135 --> 00:32:43,415 if things go wrong with GPS or whatever. 637 00:32:43,456 --> 00:32:47,856 They know that it's a degree out and they know how to compensate for it over long distances. 638 00:32:47,897 --> 00:32:51,136 Still very reliable. There are 57 stars to be used... 639 00:32:51,177 --> 00:32:53,377 What if you're in the southern hemisphere? 640 00:32:53,418 --> 00:32:55,578 I guess you use the Southern Cross do you? 641 00:32:55,619 --> 00:32:59,618 - Yes. - But the strange thing, if you are lost, and you hear people say 642 00:32:59,659 --> 00:33:02,979 "I ended up where I started," this happens all the time. 643 00:33:03,020 --> 00:33:06,899 If you blindfold someone and tell them to walk in a straight line, 644 00:33:06,940 --> 00:33:10,901 within 66 feet they will be back where they started. That quickly. 645 00:33:10,942 --> 00:33:13,781 You go in circles. We all do. 646 00:33:13,822 --> 00:33:14,901 Why do you think that is? 647 00:33:14,942 --> 00:33:17,381 - Homing pigeons, we're descended from homing pigeons. 648 00:33:17,422 --> 00:33:21,863 - Yeah. We're asymmetrical. - One leg shorter than the other? 649 00:33:21,904 --> 00:33:23,703 LAUGHTER 650 00:33:23,744 --> 00:33:25,663 A lot of loose change in one pocket. 651 00:33:28,183 --> 00:33:30,504 Is it some evolutionary sort of, er... 652 00:33:30,545 --> 00:33:32,785 - To help you find the cave in the dark. - Yeah. 653 00:33:32,826 --> 00:33:34,625 So you don't wander off. 654 00:33:34,666 --> 00:33:37,546 Nice thought, I like that thought. 655 00:33:37,587 --> 00:33:40,386 So fingers on buzzers, please. 656 00:33:40,427 --> 00:33:42,587 Which country contains the most of the River Nile? 657 00:33:44,627 --> 00:33:45,827 BUZZER 658 00:33:45,868 --> 00:33:48,987 - Egypt. - Oh! - HOOTER AND BELL 659 00:33:49,028 --> 00:33:51,228 - Anybody else? - Is it Uganda? 660 00:33:51,269 --> 00:33:54,868 Not... It is... The Nile does go through Uganda, but that's not the most of it. 661 00:33:54,909 --> 00:33:57,750 - Most of the River Nile is in... - Chad. - No. - Belgium. 662 00:33:57,791 --> 00:33:59,269 LAUGHTER 663 00:33:59,310 --> 00:34:02,270 - You're groping. - Buying time, I'm buying time. Romania. 664 00:34:02,311 --> 00:34:04,990 - Djibouti. - Sudan is the right answer. 665 00:34:05,031 --> 00:34:07,791 If you look at a map you will see it is massively the most. 666 00:34:07,832 --> 00:34:09,352 It is the largest country in Africa. 667 00:34:09,393 --> 00:34:11,392 Look how much of the Nile goes through Sudan. 668 00:34:11,433 --> 00:34:12,992 It nearly decides to come back again. 669 00:34:13,033 --> 00:34:16,473 It does. It goes up and then back down again all the way through to Uganda. 670 00:34:16,514 --> 00:34:20,033 So why...? Does Egypt have the sponsorship deal? 671 00:34:20,074 --> 00:34:23,674 Like when Pepsi sponsor The Rolling Stones. Is there some kind of...? 672 00:34:23,715 --> 00:34:28,835 - It's the fertility from the delta down through there. - Is a lot of Sudan desert? - Yeah. 673 00:34:28,876 --> 00:34:30,436 - Pretty much I fear. - OK. 674 00:34:30,476 --> 00:34:35,237 But it's huge. It is the biggest country in Africa, Sudan, in fact. 675 00:34:35,278 --> 00:34:40,438 - But the bottom is called...? - Lake Victoria. - Victoria, yes. 676 00:34:40,479 --> 00:34:43,438 And where is the source of the Nile? 677 00:34:43,479 --> 00:34:50,800 - It's not the um... - It's Rwanda, in fact, though it was thought to be where it ends in Uganda - 678 00:34:50,841 --> 00:34:55,361 the green one there. Jinja, the north of Lake Victoria. 679 00:34:55,402 --> 00:34:58,561 - The source of The Nile is Rwanda. - It's now determined to be Rwanda, yes. 680 00:34:58,602 --> 00:35:02,361 A bit controversial because it goes into the Lake and out the other side. 681 00:35:02,402 --> 00:35:05,242 But apparently that's what riverologists, as it were, now claim. 682 00:35:05,283 --> 00:35:08,242 How long is it? It must be... thousands of... 683 00:35:08,283 --> 00:35:10,723 3,000 miles. 684 00:35:10,764 --> 00:35:12,164 3,000 miles? 4,000 miles. 685 00:35:12,205 --> 00:35:14,844 Any advance or retardation? 686 00:35:14,885 --> 00:35:17,804 I'll say 5,000 miles to enter into the spirit of things. 687 00:35:17,845 --> 00:35:21,085 - It's 4,184 miles. - Sounds about right. 688 00:35:21,126 --> 00:35:24,246 You said 5,000 and you said 3,000. 689 00:35:24,287 --> 00:35:26,166 I said 4,172. 690 00:35:26,207 --> 00:35:27,607 LAUGHTER 691 00:35:27,648 --> 00:35:29,407 Just very quietly when people were talking. 692 00:35:29,448 --> 00:35:31,207 You big cheater. 693 00:35:31,248 --> 00:35:33,008 HE MUMBLES 694 00:35:33,049 --> 00:35:35,328 A big cheetah. Grrr! 695 00:35:35,369 --> 00:35:38,209 4,182 miles long. 696 00:35:38,250 --> 00:35:39,648 Jolly long. 697 00:35:39,689 --> 00:35:42,970 What does this part of the world belong to? 698 00:35:44,289 --> 00:35:46,250 There's Sudan again, there's Egypt, 699 00:35:46,291 --> 00:35:48,291 which country owns that circled area? 700 00:35:48,332 --> 00:35:51,291 Well it's coloured in yellow, 701 00:35:51,332 --> 00:35:53,052 colour of Egypt. 702 00:35:53,093 --> 00:35:55,612 Is it one of ours, sir? Do we still hang on to it? 703 00:35:55,653 --> 00:36:02,453 It's called Bir Twalli. Does it belong to Sudan or to Egypt, which do you think? 704 00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:04,334 HORN SOUNDS Sudan! 705 00:36:04,375 --> 00:36:05,693 Oh, what a pity! 706 00:36:05,734 --> 00:36:07,854 ALARM RINGS 707 00:36:11,775 --> 00:36:13,455 So it belongs to? 708 00:36:13,496 --> 00:36:15,136 Could have been the other one then? 709 00:36:15,176 --> 00:36:17,976 Could have been the other one, yeah the one above. 710 00:36:18,017 --> 00:36:19,377 Which is? 711 00:36:19,418 --> 00:36:23,497 Maybe. But what's that other stripy area next to it? 712 00:36:23,538 --> 00:36:26,978 - Good question. - That's the query my pitch and no mistake, officer. 713 00:36:27,019 --> 00:36:31,698 Oh, wait a minute, isn't that the loose coalition area between Egyptand Sudan? 714 00:36:31,739 --> 00:36:33,979 The Lib Dems. The Lib Dems own it! 715 00:36:34,020 --> 00:36:36,020 LAUGHTER 716 00:36:36,061 --> 00:36:39,140 It's known as the Hala'ib Triangle. 717 00:36:39,181 --> 00:36:41,021 The British drew that line and said, 718 00:36:41,062 --> 00:36:42,941 you can be Egypt and you can be Sudan. 719 00:36:42,982 --> 00:36:47,501 But the point is that the Bir Tawil is pretty arid, nothing much there of any interest. 720 00:36:47,542 --> 00:36:51,463 But the one next to it, which is disputed, is worth having. 721 00:36:51,504 --> 00:36:56,224 - Oil. - Yeah. The problem is both Egypt and Sudan deny that they own that 722 00:36:56,265 --> 00:36:59,464 because they think if they deny they own that, they'd be getting more 723 00:36:59,505 --> 00:37:03,184 of a chance for someone to arbitrate that they do have the valuable one. 724 00:37:03,225 --> 00:37:06,586 Each country is desperate to say that it doesn't own it, 725 00:37:06,627 --> 00:37:07,625 which is rather rare. 726 00:37:07,666 --> 00:37:09,386 It's available, let's snap it up. 727 00:37:09,427 --> 00:37:10,906 LAUGHTER 728 00:37:10,947 --> 00:37:12,307 So this is ongoing. 729 00:37:12,348 --> 00:37:14,027 Ongoing, yeah. Dispute. 730 00:37:14,068 --> 00:37:17,428 Meanwhile, Saudi Arabia have tunnelled beneath the Red Sea... 731 00:37:17,469 --> 00:37:21,348 And stolen the triangle and taken it away! 732 00:37:21,389 --> 00:37:24,428 The area of Bir Tawill sits between Egypt and Sudan. 733 00:37:24,469 --> 00:37:28,430 Both countries are fighting over the right to not own it. 734 00:37:28,470 --> 00:37:33,031 So we're currently now, not giving too much away, in a studio in London 735 00:37:33,072 --> 00:37:37,311 Where is the nearest piece of American soil to us here? 736 00:37:37,352 --> 00:37:39,711 Grosvenor Square? 737 00:37:39,752 --> 00:37:42,392 - No! - HOOTER AND BELL 738 00:37:42,433 --> 00:37:46,833 A pity, but the fact is that most people wrongly think... 739 00:37:46,874 --> 00:37:50,994 You're right that the American Embassy is in Grosvenor Square - at the moment. 740 00:37:51,035 --> 00:37:56,035 They're about to move it. But an embassy is not considered the sovereign soil of the nation 741 00:37:56,076 --> 00:38:00,515 whose embassy it is. It belongs to Britain, the soil there. It's not American soil. This is a myth, 742 00:38:00,556 --> 00:38:03,837 this idea that the moment you step foot you're on American soil. 743 00:38:03,878 --> 00:38:06,877 They wanted to buy the lease. Who owns Grosvenor Square? 744 00:38:06,918 --> 00:38:08,477 The Duke Of Westminster I expect. 745 00:38:08,518 --> 00:38:11,117 The Grosvenor family, yeah, the Duke Of Westminster. 746 00:38:11,158 --> 00:38:13,998 They asked for the freehold, and do you know what he said? 747 00:38:14,039 --> 00:38:18,839 He said, "Yes, if you give my family back the State Of Virginia which you confiscated from us... 748 00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:20,600 LAUGHTER 749 00:38:20,641 --> 00:38:24,120 - So... - Yeah! - ..they decided not to. 750 00:38:24,161 --> 00:38:28,361 - Um... - Good work, the Duke Of Westminster. I like him already. - Very funny. 751 00:38:28,402 --> 00:38:31,401 But there IS American soil in Britain. The nearest to us is in Surrey. 752 00:38:31,442 --> 00:38:33,962 It's a tiny area. It's a memorial, 753 00:38:34,003 --> 00:38:39,083 a place in Surry famous for an extraordinary British event in 1215. Do you know what that is? 754 00:38:39,124 --> 00:38:40,283 The signing of the Magna Carta. 755 00:38:40,324 --> 00:38:41,923 BILL BAILEY: I know where it is. BUZZER 756 00:38:41,964 --> 00:38:44,124 - Runnymede. - Runnymede. - Runnymede? - Yes. 757 00:38:44,165 --> 00:38:46,725 But what is the memorial in Runnymede? 758 00:38:46,766 --> 00:38:49,245 - There's a JFK memorial. - It's the memorial to John F Kennedy. 759 00:38:49,286 --> 00:38:51,406 - I've been there. I've been there. - Yeah! 760 00:38:51,447 --> 00:38:56,167 And it's deliberately this sort of isometric, or whatever the word is, asymmetric steps, 761 00:38:56,208 --> 00:38:59,127 higgledy-piggledy, to suggest a journey of pilgrimage towards him 762 00:38:59,168 --> 00:39:01,368 and it is officially American soil. 763 00:39:01,409 --> 00:39:05,248 Anyway, embassies belong to the country they're sityuated in. 764 00:39:05,289 --> 00:39:07,968 So the US embassy is not American territory, 765 00:39:08,009 --> 00:39:10,649 but there is some US soil at the JFK Memorial. 766 00:39:10,690 --> 00:39:15,210 what might land on your head if you live under a flight path? 767 00:39:15,251 --> 00:39:17,131 I know what you get if you sit under a cow. 768 00:39:17,172 --> 00:39:18,810 LAUGHTER 769 00:39:18,851 --> 00:39:21,571 - Right. - A pat on the head! - Heyyy! 770 00:39:21,612 --> 00:39:24,171 Very nice. 771 00:39:24,212 --> 00:39:26,972 Urine, frozen urine. 772 00:39:27,013 --> 00:39:29,372 - Frozen urine. - HOOTER AND BELL 773 00:39:29,413 --> 00:39:33,014 Nay! No! That won't happen. 774 00:39:33,055 --> 00:39:35,774 They do not jettison their poo or their pee. 775 00:39:35,815 --> 00:39:39,175 - Is this the blue ice? - I think that's loo water that's frozen. 776 00:39:39,216 --> 00:39:41,935 But it just doesn't happen. It's completely sealed in. 777 00:39:41,976 --> 00:39:46,776 - Is it pollution? - You might get ordinary ice from the wings because... 778 00:39:46,817 --> 00:39:51,857 - Wings, yeah. - From the engines and the wings, but you will not get poo or pee water. 779 00:39:51,898 --> 00:39:55,097 - Cos they don't jettison it? - They never jettison it. 780 00:39:55,138 --> 00:39:58,258 - Unless they're over Kent. - Unless they're over Kent. 781 00:39:58,299 --> 00:39:59,899 Unless you do it out the window. 782 00:39:59,940 --> 00:40:01,939 Yes. Oh, my goodness, that's a closey, isn't it? 783 00:40:01,980 --> 00:40:03,659 Good gracious. 784 00:40:03,700 --> 00:40:06,459 - There we go. - Very cheap flat indeed. 785 00:40:06,500 --> 00:40:11,540 - but some trains still however do, just when you flush... - Do they? 786 00:40:11,581 --> 00:40:16,741 - ..it goes onto the track. - Is that why they say don't do it while waiting in the station? 787 00:40:17,221 --> 00:40:20,503 I thought that was because they might be changing the barrel. 788 00:40:20,544 --> 00:40:25,544 - Like in a pub with beer? Goodness me! What a thought. - Taking a barrel out at Crewe. 789 00:40:25,585 --> 00:40:28,744 So aeroplanes don't dump their waste while in flight. 790 00:40:28,785 --> 00:40:31,545 If some ice falls off a plane it probably came from the wings. 791 00:40:31,586 --> 00:40:34,145 Which country has the lowest age of consent in Europe? 792 00:40:34,186 --> 00:40:36,426 Kazakhstan. 793 00:40:36,467 --> 00:40:38,586 In Europe. In Europe. 794 00:40:38,627 --> 00:40:39,666 BUZZER 795 00:40:39,707 --> 00:40:43,146 - Holland. - No. Not Holland. 796 00:40:43,187 --> 00:40:48,547 - Is it a H? - No, it's not. Well there's... The person who runs it is a double H. 797 00:40:48,588 --> 00:40:54,709 - Oh, er, Holiness? - Yes! - His Holiness? - Yes. - The Vatican. - The Vatican City 798 00:40:54,750 --> 00:40:59,390 has the lowest age of consent. Age of 12 is the age of consent in the Vatican City. 799 00:40:59,431 --> 00:41:02,951 - Gasp! - Yes, quite! - 12? - It's for peculiar reasons. 800 00:41:02,992 --> 00:41:06,631 - It's because... - I think we know what the reasons are, Stephen. 801 00:41:06,672 --> 00:41:08,072 LAUGHTER 802 00:41:08,113 --> 00:41:12,993 It's to do with the Lateran Treaty in which the Vatican City became a sort of sovereign state. 803 00:41:13,034 --> 00:41:19,193 So they elected to choose the laws of Italy from 1924 and it so happened that then Italy 804 00:41:19,234 --> 00:41:25,395 changed its consent from 12 to 16 and the Vatican didn't and they've never bothered to change it since. 805 00:41:25,436 --> 00:41:27,515 But is it something that's followed, 806 00:41:27,556 --> 00:41:30,475 or is it just, it's one of those old laws but in reality 807 00:41:30,516 --> 00:41:33,036 it's frowned upon, if you were to, you know... 808 00:41:33,077 --> 00:41:35,757 Oh, I don't think they would, no, I think it would be frowned upon. 809 00:41:35,798 --> 00:41:38,998 I'm not even sure they have citizens who are likely to get married, 810 00:41:39,039 --> 00:41:41,038 or even... Who knows. It's very peculiar. 811 00:41:41,079 --> 00:41:43,999 The only people who can vote are Cardinals under the age of 80. 812 00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:49,840 That's the only voting they have is for the Pope and the people who vote for the Pope are Cardinals. 813 00:41:49,881 --> 00:41:51,600 Peculiar city in that sense. 814 00:41:51,641 --> 00:41:54,601 It also has the highest crime rate. 815 00:41:54,642 --> 00:41:58,721 Yeah. By a long way as I... What would you say its population is? 816 00:41:58,762 --> 00:41:59,762 Five. 817 00:41:59,803 --> 00:42:00,881 LAUGHTER 818 00:42:00,922 --> 00:42:05,203 - Five... I'd say 800. - 500 is the answer. 819 00:42:05,244 --> 00:42:10,604 - Yes. - 500, but there are 600 offences per year. - What sort of offences? 820 00:42:10,645 --> 00:42:14,884 - Well. - Family. A really bad family. They've got tyres out in the front drive. 821 00:42:14,925 --> 00:42:17,204 If you knock on the door they knock you out. 822 00:42:17,245 --> 00:42:20,326 Proportionately, per capita, it has the highest rate in the world. 823 00:42:20,367 --> 00:42:24,846 - A lot of 11 year-olds getting married. - Yeah. That's what it is exactly. 824 00:42:24,887 --> 00:42:29,047 But it has the most helipads and TV stations per capita in the world as well. 825 00:42:29,088 --> 00:42:31,488 - It's a strange place. - Nuts. - Yeah. 826 00:42:31,529 --> 00:42:36,249 The Vatican City has the lowest age of consent and the highest crime rate anywhere in Europe. 827 00:42:36,290 --> 00:42:40,609 But alas our holiday romance is nearly over. Let's see who's scored. 828 00:42:40,650 --> 00:42:47,011 Uh. Ah! We have a clear winner. A clear winner with plus 7 it's Rob Brydon! 829 00:42:47,052 --> 00:42:49,291 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 830 00:42:49,332 --> 00:42:51,171 APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH 831 00:42:52,172 --> 00:42:58,892 And...only 12 points behind on minus five, Rich Hall. 832 00:42:58,933 --> 00:43:00,773 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 833 00:43:03,693 --> 00:43:06,294 In third place on minus 22, Bill Bailey. 834 00:43:06,335 --> 00:43:09,014 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 835 00:43:09,055 --> 00:43:13,816 And with minus 28 is Alan Davies. 836 00:43:13,857 --> 00:43:15,736 APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH 837 00:43:21,537 --> 00:43:25,698 So all that's left for me to do is to thank Rich, Rob, Bill and of course Alan 838 00:43:25,739 --> 00:43:27,178 and I leave you with this. 839 00:43:27,219 --> 00:43:29,858 The extremely fragile jazz singer Billie Holiday said, 840 00:43:29,899 --> 00:43:32,619 "Mom and Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. 841 00:43:32,660 --> 00:43:35,859 "He was 18, she was 16, and I was three." 842 00:43:35,900 --> 00:43:37,460 Goodnight. 843 00:43:37,501 --> 00:43:39,381 APPLAUSE