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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Well, well, well, well, well,
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howdy, howdy, howdy-doody
and welcome.
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Welcome to a QI that's all about
hypnosis, hallucinations
and hysteria.
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And with me tonight are
the hypnotic Ronni Ancona...
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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..the hysterical Robert Webb...
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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..the histrionic Phill Jupitus...
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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..and His Majesty Alan Davies.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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With such a theme, we're all buzzing
with excitement of course
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and Ronnie goes...
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'You are feeling sleepy.'
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And Robert goes...
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'Very sleepy.'
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And Phill goes...
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'Your eyelids are heavy.'
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And Alan goes...
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SNORING
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So if I hypnotised you
but then cut off your leg,
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how much fuss would you make?
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Doesn't it depend what you've
gone in for the hypnosis for?
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I mean, if you'd gone into stop
smoking, I'd be a bit miffed really.
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That's a very good point.
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Assuming...
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Assuming you'd gone in
because you had gangrene
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or you needed to lose your leg...
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They never used hypnosis
as an anaesthetic, did they?
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Surely you'd be screaming in agony.
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Oddly enough, no. It was used before
ether in the 1830s very commonly
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or reasonably commonly at least,
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once Mesmer had sort of,
as it were, introduced the world
to the idea of hypnotism.
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What seems to be the case is that
most of the discomfort we feel -
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even in an operation like sawing off
a leg - is the ANXIETY of pain.
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If you can relieve yourself
of the anxiety,
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an enormous amount of the pain goes
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and a good example to prove this
is people who are in some way
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allergic to or resistant to
anaesthetic
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and so can't be put under
because it's too risky.
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So they're injected with Valium,
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which is an anti-anxiety drug and
all it does is tranquillise them.
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It doesn't send them to sleep,
it just makes them feel less anxious
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and you can do extraordinary things
to someone in that condition.
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PHILL: If I was going in for surgery,
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I'd feel anxious when I saw the man
in the top hat
with the crazy eyebrows.
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It would be a worry, I agree, but
it has a long history. In the 1830s
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there was a Scottish doctor
who did a lot of operations in India
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where there is a really unpleasant
disease called filariasis
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which causes
hydroceles of the scrotum.
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Now anything scrotal
you might say is a worry.
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It makes your scrotum
go into a triangle?
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No, that would be isosceles!
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LAUGHTER
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This is hydroceles.
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And he never ate Dairylea again.
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These are large tumours
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and the operation was so
uncomfortable, people would go for
years not daring to go to a doctor
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but this meant the tumours grew
very big, and when I say very big...
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Oh! I mean 46 kg scrotum.
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Literally,
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there was a case of a man who was
using his scrotum as a writing desk.
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I'm sorry, but that is true.
He'd just...like that.
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Writing... That's a good attitude
to have. You're right.
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I would get a Sharpie
and I would paint the face
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like the front of
a space hopper on mine.
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I'd make it look like a hedgehog...
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winking.
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This was the 1830s, of course,
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when there was
no general anaesthetic,
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it was before ether or chloroform.
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So this Scottish doctor's name
was Esdaile. He would put them under
and it worked.
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He saved a lot of discomfort.
SCOTTISH ACCENT: Your eyes
are feeling heavy.
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No' as heavy as my testicles, Doctor!
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You're kind of suggesting
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that a lot of pain is just
a manifestation of anxiety, isn't it?
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The fact is, pain is created
by the brain. It's not a real thing.
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It's just information, isn't it?
Information.
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The brain can create it,
the brain can be told not to.
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It's bloody sore information!
It doesn't help.
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You land a mallet on your thumb,
"It's just information!
It's just information!"
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It doesn't really help. I tried to
be hypnotised to stop smoking once
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and he was such a nice man and it
so wasn't going anywhere, I fainted.
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Even when it's a nice man, just
save the embarrassment, you mustn't
fake it, but I did. Did it work?
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Do you smoke, have you given up?
No, I did give up,
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but with prescription drugs,
not with hypnotism. Superb.
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Yes, hypnotic anaesthesia can be
surprisingly effective
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though it seems to work
mostly by helping you relax.
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You need answer
only one of the following.
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What's the best way to
hypnotise either A - an alligator,
B - a tiger shark or C - a chicken?
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I've seen them do it to sharks.
And what do they do?
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Don't they lie them on their backs
or something? Exactly right,
you flip it over.
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But I thought sharks had to
keep moving in order to survive.
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Which is why whales have learned
to tip them over, to make them
suffocate and it will kill them.
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There's a very small hammerhead shark
being flipped. That is a toy shark.
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Or a really big diver.
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A frighteningly big diver.
I think we'd have heard of him!
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I think we would.
'Your lids are heavy.'
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I think I know how to do chickens.
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Yes? It's weird because it actually
looks like you're...oppressing them
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quite violently,
but you have to hold them
to the ground and draw a line. Yes!
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You draw a line from their
beak along
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and they just stare at it.
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That's what they do.
It's called tonic immobility in
animals and that's an example of it.
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There's another way
to do it to chickens.
Take a stick or a paddle...
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In this case, a light flagellation
paddle I happen to have
in the house. You fix eyes to it
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and hold it up to it and it will
apparently stare at it forever.
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Our producer tried it on his -
we're the kind of show
whose producers have chickens -
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and he says it didn't work at all,
they just went off to eat things.
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You just made that up, didn't you?
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No, no, it is in all the books.
It says that that is a way
to hypnotise them.
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ROBERT: In all the books?!
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In all of the chicken-hypnotising
books? All of them?
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How many are there?
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This is why you can't ever
let your chickens watch the Muppets.
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LAUGHTER
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Frogs, lizards, crocodiles, sharks,
all go into a trance
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if they're turned over
onto their backs and held there
for just a few seconds.
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Rabbits and guinea pigs do the same
if you stroke them
or roll them over first.
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Do you know how you wake up
rabbits and guinea pigs
if they're in that state?
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You let a dog in.
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The kinder way
is to blow on their nose.
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On the nose? Yes,
a little blow on the nose will do.
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What have I hypnotised, do you know?
Hugh Laurie.
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STEPHEN LAUGHS
No, I did on a television programme.
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When I was in Maine, doing
this documentary about America...
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What is the most famous animal
in Maine? A lobster?
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A lobster, we have a lobster in here.
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Ooh! There it is.
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Now how did I do this?
LAUGHTER
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I stroked... I remember.
There you are.
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You stroke him here, that's it.
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He goes completely still.
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I remember the one I did in Maine,
it was...
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I could stand him up on his own.
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You can see, there it is.
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They seem smaller there.
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There he is, completely still,
not moving a muscle.
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PHILL LAUGHS
A mussel!
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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
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There he is, completely still,
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and if I lift him up,
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his tail will come up usually
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and he'll wake up.
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Erm...have I killed you?
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No, there he is.
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He's all right. He's still asleep.
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Anyway...
LAUGHTER
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There we are,
he's quite active now, under there.
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So dinner's sorted.
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So he's going back to the zoo,
Stephen?
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Of course, I'm going to throw him
back into the sea, naturally.
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You truly are a Renaissance man.
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I wear tights, put it that way.
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What about, though... I mean
that's humans hypnotising animals.
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Can animals hypnotise humans?
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There was a dog -
Oscar the hypno-dog -
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who was... There he is, look.
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Those are pretty amazing eyes.
ALAN: I'm feeling it now.
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I'll go and get the biscuits.
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The thing is,
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he can keep up that stare into a
human's eyes for a very long time.
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LAUGHTER
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ROBERT: Depending on what human
wants to be stared at!
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Does he charge hourly? ALAN: Pack
it in, Oscar. Stop looking at me.
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Hugh Lennon was his trainer.
He did go missing and a reward
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was posted for his return,
though the public were warned
not to look into his eyes.
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Does that sound like a publicity
stunt to try and get tickets?
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"Oscar the hypno-dog is loose!
Don't look at him!"
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"I've seen him. He's in the park."
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Presumably when he's running around,
someone thought they'd find him and
go, "It's Oscar the hypno-dog,"
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and he'd go,
"I'm not the dog you're looking for.
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"I'm a Pomeranian."
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So, yes, dogs can apparently
hypnotise humans. Snakes...
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maybe not humans, but they're said
to be able to freeze a rabbit
by staring at them.
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They're very gullible, rabbits.
Oh, please! They believe anything.
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They're quite grumpy. Grumpy?
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Yes. They can be aggressive.
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They're not supposed to be very
good pets. They're very grumpy...
and violent.
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I like the Dutch ones you can ride.
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Surely not?
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They're huge, they're massive!
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OK, maybe not ride.
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Crush.
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That is a rabbit costume.
A Dutchman wearing a rabbit costume.
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DUTCH ACCENT: "OK, I am wearing
a saddle and it's time to go."
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I love rabbits.
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Oh, my...
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"Wow, I am thinking maybe I should
have had a smaller celebrity."
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So, yes, many animals
can be put into a trance,
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but it's probably better
to practise on the ones
lower down the food chain first.
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You're at death's door.
Why is your whole life
flashing before your eyes?
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Is it...? 'Very sleepy.'
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Is it the influence of
the early-'80s film Flash Gordon
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where Dr Zarkov,
played by Topol, has his...
They try to empty his brain.
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It's a myth that it ever happened
before Flash Gordon.
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Since we saw Topol,
since we saw it happen to him,
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that's what we all think
will happen.
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That's my...
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theory.
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I love it. ALAN: Hard to disprove.
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It's hard to disprove except
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in quoting a letter
from Admiral Beaufort,
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who gave us the Beaufort Scale.
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Jiffy Beaufort?
Rear Admiral Sir Francis Beaufort.
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He had a narrow escape from drowning
in Portsmouth harbour in 1795.
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He saw everything.
"Each circumstance associated with
home were the first reflections.
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"They took a wider range - our
last cruise, a former shipwreck,
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"my school and boyish pursuits
and adventures.
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"Every past incident of my life
seemed to glance across
my recollection
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"in retrograde succession
in minutest detail."
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There are many examples
of people talking about it,
so why do we think this happens?
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Is it some sort of panic response?
It's just like the brain
just downloads everything.
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Yes... It's doing your best bits.
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Doing your best bits?
Just prior to...
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It's a montage. Maybe it's
your brain trying to find
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a piece of your life that can help
you in your present situation.
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Yes, very good, Ronni, that is the
current and most convincing theory
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that if you are in
a crisis situation, your brain,
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which registers almost everything
that happens to you in your life -
not always consciously, it goes in -
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and something weird happens and it
plays back all the incidents of your
life to find a match, as it were.
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This happened and then this.
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There was a recent case of a man who
was attacked by a great white shark.
He was about to die
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and he remembered a DVD his son
had been watching years before
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in which someone said,
if a shark comes,
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plunge your hands into the gills and
he did that and he saved himself.
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It's quite risky though,
if you're on the brink of death
and you're re-running
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and you're like,
"No, not my Dad's 70th birthday!
230
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:37,940
"No, not that time!"
231
00:13:37,940 --> 00:13:43,460
Probably nowadays...
The point is, I think,
if you're a doctor or a fireman
232
00:13:43,460 --> 00:13:45,620
or something with
a level of expertise,
233
00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:49,300
you're in a bad situation, all
kinds of similar scenarios play out
234
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:53,860
and with what seems to be
uncanny instinct you say,
"We need to do this."
235
00:13:53,860 --> 00:13:57,620
Sometimes even before the event,
before the building has fallen,
236
00:13:57,620 --> 00:14:00,700
because you've been in buildings
where things have fallen.
237
00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:05,140
You've unconsciously registered
a creak, a bending of the wall
and you say, "Get out!"
238
00:14:05,140 --> 00:14:10,700
But the point is, when you're
dying or drowning, there is nothing,
so your brain just dumps everything.
239
00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:14,580
It tries every scenario
that seems mismatched
and people genuinely get...
240
00:14:14,580 --> 00:14:19,620
It'd be handy if you get to
the end of your life flashing before
your eyes and this woman says,
241
00:14:19,620 --> 00:14:23,780
"And now that life is available
to watch on BBC iPlayer."
242
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:27,020
Or if you lose your keys, just
put your face down in the basin,
243
00:14:27,020 --> 00:14:32,580
start drowning yourself until you
get to the point you last had them.
244
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,900
It might work.
245
00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:37,220
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
246
00:14:37,220 --> 00:14:42,580
It would be terrible if you're
drowning and then it's Topol's life.
247
00:14:42,580 --> 00:14:45,740
Yeah. That would be someone
else's life. "Oh, no, Fiddler?
248
00:14:45,740 --> 00:14:47,100
"I wasn't in Fiddler."
249
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:51,700
IMPERSONATES BRIAN BLESSED: Or Brian
Blessed on the birds in the trees.
250
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:55,380
IMPERSONATES BRIAN BLESSED: I've
been up Everest, you know.
251
00:14:55,380 --> 00:14:57,100
Do you think with rising crime,
252
00:14:57,100 --> 00:15:00,900
that death's door has become
more security-conscious?
253
00:15:02,380 --> 00:15:04,900
Do you think they've got
an entry phone
254
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:06,740
or a couple of bouncers going,
255
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:09,980
"Well, we used to be able
to leave death's doors open
256
00:15:09,980 --> 00:15:13,180
"but now we have kids coming in,
nicking bodies, drinking."
257
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:18,900
You see people sitting forlornly
on Death Avenue saying, "I put
the wrong number in three times.
258
00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:24,020
"I've got to wait an hour
before it accepts my next input."
It's possible.
259
00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:27,380
You wouldn't mind being turned away
though. Possibly not.
260
00:15:27,380 --> 00:15:31,420
In many languages,
there's a phrase for
your life flashing before your eyes,
261
00:15:31,420 --> 00:15:33,340
showing the prevalence of the idea.
262
00:15:33,340 --> 00:15:36,180
Persian, Portuguese, Italian,
Russian, German, Norwegian,
263
00:15:36,180 --> 00:15:38,860
Romanian, Spanish, Swedish,
Arabian, Dutch and French.
264
00:15:38,860 --> 00:15:41,980
So it seems to be a common
phenomenon and may be explicable.
265
00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:45,180
It seems people's lives do
flash before their eyes in a crisis
266
00:15:45,180 --> 00:15:47,380
though it doesn't normally
do much good.
267
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:50,540
Maybe it's hypnotherapy you need,
268
00:15:50,540 --> 00:15:56,380
so why not consult Zoe D Katze,
PhD, CHt, DAPA?
269
00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:58,580
That's a pretty good series of...
270
00:15:58,580 --> 00:16:00,900
I would say...
271
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:02,820
Anagrams. Hell of an anagram.
272
00:16:02,820 --> 00:16:05,100
Is she invisible?
There's nobody there.
273
00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:06,580
'Your eyelids are heavy.'
274
00:16:06,580 --> 00:16:10,620
Is she an animal hypnotherapist?
She is an animal hypnotherapist.
275
00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:11,900
She's a cat.
276
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:15,900
Eh?! Zoe D Katze is a cat
with a PhD,
277
00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:18,140
a CHt and that diploma.
278
00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:20,060
LAUGHTER
279
00:16:21,460 --> 00:16:24,860
Oh, Zoe! I think Oscar
is sitting opposite her.
280
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:28,220
It's a man called Steve Eichel
who is an academic
281
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:31,740
who wanted to demonstrate the ease
with which you can get
282
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:38,300
a doctorate online or any of these
apparently important professional
283
00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:41,620
Hypnotherapy Association
qualifications,
284
00:16:41,620 --> 00:16:45,020
all of which were given to a cat.
Oh, great.
285
00:16:45,020 --> 00:16:49,620
The point is once you get one,
you can use the others to parlay
286
00:16:49,620 --> 00:16:51,740
until you get a whole list of them.
287
00:16:51,740 --> 00:16:55,940
She has a doctorate
in counselling psychology
from a mail-order university
288
00:16:55,940 --> 00:16:58,740
and the CHt is
a certified hypnotherapist -
289
00:16:58,740 --> 00:17:01,420
in the National Guild Of Hypnotists,
no less -
290
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:05,700
and the DAPA is a Diplomat of the
American Psychotherapy Association,
291
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:10,940
both qualifications which are
supposed to connote genuine
professional standing.
292
00:17:10,940 --> 00:17:17,540
There you are, do be on the lookout,
gentlemen and ladies, when you go to
see them. If you can get a cat...
293
00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:19,860
Oh, my cat's only got a BA!
294
00:17:19,860 --> 00:17:20,980
LAUGHTER
295
00:17:20,980 --> 00:17:23,500
It is astonishing, isn't it?
296
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,900
There are also what are called
diploma mills and degree mills,
297
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:32,140
which give out either a fake
diploma from a real university
298
00:17:32,140 --> 00:17:35,980
or, as it were, a real one from
a fake college that doesn't exist,
299
00:17:35,980 --> 00:17:39,900
like they make up one
that says "Christ's College, Oxford"
or something.
300
00:17:39,900 --> 00:17:43,540
Are those hats falling from the sky
or are there hands beneath them?
301
00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:48,540
There are. Is that how you
get your hat? They're dropped out of
a plane and you have to catch one?
302
00:17:48,540 --> 00:17:51,740
Throw it in the air at your
excitement of having got a degree.
303
00:17:51,740 --> 00:17:55,020
I like to think that underneath
that photo there's about 60 cats.
304
00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:57,300
Miaow!
305
00:17:57,300 --> 00:18:00,340
The thing is, that if you were a cat,
306
00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:04,780
because of the tassels, you wouldn't
leave them alone, would you?
307
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:18,020
I've got diplomas for all of you.
Alan, you can put that on the wall.
308
00:18:18,020 --> 00:18:19,140
ABSO?
309
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:22,300
Ronni, ABSO. That's a QI award.
310
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:25,340
Academy of Advanced Banter.
It actually has...
311
00:18:25,340 --> 00:18:29,460
Do you get letters from
the American Biographer's
Association or something?
312
00:18:29,460 --> 00:18:35,100
And they say, "You have
been selected as one of
the men of the year..."
313
00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:40,140
Oh, it's a scam. "..by the
American Biographer's Association
for expertise in your field."
314
00:18:40,140 --> 00:18:43,300
All you have to do is pay 700.
315
00:18:43,300 --> 00:18:47,660
And it says, yes, "If you would
send 695, we'll send you a plaque."
316
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,500
I've got 12.
317
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:53,260
LAUGHTER
Well, there you are, yes,
318
00:18:53,260 --> 00:18:55,540
pseudo-credentialing,
it's a big issue.
319
00:18:55,540 --> 00:18:59,860
Other qualifications which the same
Eichel who gave Zoe the cat her...
320
00:18:59,860 --> 00:19:02,620
or managed to get her
these qualifications,
321
00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:05,940
he found energy therapist
qualifications easily got,
322
00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:09,940
past-life regression therapist
and alien abduction therapist.
323
00:19:12,060 --> 00:19:14,340
That's sad.
I want to do that course.
324
00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:18,980
Yes. I'm going to get
a guinea pig and make it
an alien abduction therapist.
325
00:19:18,980 --> 00:19:20,980
Show me where they probed you.
326
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,180
"Are you qualified to do that?"
327
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:26,580
"Yes, I am."
328
00:19:26,580 --> 00:19:30,060
Yes, the Zoe the cat is a cat, but
that doesn't make her a bad person.
329
00:19:30,060 --> 00:19:34,980
I need your help.
How can we persuade the audience
to elect me Pope
330
00:19:34,980 --> 00:19:37,860
without them noticing
that we've done it?
331
00:19:41,420 --> 00:19:42,740
That's odd.
332
00:19:42,740 --> 00:19:44,100
That's wrong.
333
00:19:47,740 --> 00:19:49,540
My hand is not that liver-spotted!
334
00:19:49,540 --> 00:19:51,780
I'm having that.
335
00:19:51,780 --> 00:19:54,980
You wouldn't wear such cheap
cassocks either.
336
00:19:54,980 --> 00:19:57,700
No, I wouldn't either.
No, that's so odd.
337
00:19:57,700 --> 00:19:59,300
Is there a technique?
338
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:02,660
Suppose I wanted to sell
them something without telling them.
339
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:05,900
Some sort of mass suggestion.
Subliminal advertising.
340
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,380
Subliminal advertising...
341
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:10,700
KLAXON BLARES
342
00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:13,180
Horribly cruel of me
to try and pull it out of you
343
00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:14,820
and then punish you for it.
344
00:20:14,820 --> 00:20:20,540
No, the fact is, subliminal
advertising has never been
shown to work, it's a complete myth.
345
00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:25,060
Although it's banned by
most broadcasting authorities
and the FCC in America,
346
00:20:25,060 --> 00:20:27,420
it's not actually
ever been shown to work.
347
00:20:27,420 --> 00:20:31,620
In fact, the person
who invented it in 1957 -
a man called Vicary - in 1962
348
00:20:31,620 --> 00:20:33,900
he admitted he'd
falsified the evidence.
349
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:37,300
He claimed he'd used it and sold
lots of cola and burgers
350
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:41,460
by putting in a flash frame,
a single frame
out of 24 frames a second.
351
00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:44,340
Obviously the eye doesn't
consciously register...
352
00:20:44,340 --> 00:20:46,340
LAUGHTER
353
00:20:46,340 --> 00:20:50,180
It just hasn't been shown to work.
I remember they did one
in the Young Ones.
354
00:20:50,180 --> 00:20:53,180
They did it all the time
in the Young Ones. Yes, they did.
355
00:20:53,180 --> 00:20:56,700
It's like going back to my childhood
and I'm remembering it all now.
356
00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:58,100
Your childhood?! Well...
357
00:20:58,100 --> 00:21:01,660
Yes, Ronni, deal with it.
LAUGHTER
358
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:06,220
Anyway, sound -
do we know any stories
of audio subliminal messages?
359
00:21:06,220 --> 00:21:13,940
Oh, the court cases about
"backward masking" they call it,
which is, you know, satanic messages.
360
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:17,300
Judas Priest. Yes, perhaps the most
alarming story was two boys
361
00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:19,820
who committed suicide,
or attempted suicide,
362
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:23,300
and their parents took Judas Priest
to court. They did.
363
00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:26,180
Do you know what the message
was supposedly in the track?
364
00:21:26,180 --> 00:21:31,180
It was... "Do it, do it now."
"Do it, do it now." Yes.
365
00:21:31,180 --> 00:21:35,420
So Halford, as part of the court
case, went in with a load of records
366
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:40,500
and played them backwards
and then just read out
a list of things you could hear
367
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:43,460
in records when played
backwards just to show how...
368
00:21:43,460 --> 00:21:46,420
He also said, "I don't wish
to paint myself as greedy,
369
00:21:46,420 --> 00:21:51,140
"but if we were going to put a
message in it would be, 'Buy more
of our records.'" He also said,
370
00:21:51,140 --> 00:21:53,740
"Do it doesn't mean kill yourself."
371
00:21:53,740 --> 00:21:57,660
Stephen, the song WAS called
Suicide Solution. Oh, was it? Yes.
372
00:22:03,540 --> 00:22:06,380
Finally, being in a pop quiz
pays off!
373
00:22:06,380 --> 00:22:11,300
They say that you can put things
under your pillow,
374
00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:17,140
like students have lectures
on tapes and they put them under
the pillow and while you're asleep.
375
00:22:17,140 --> 00:22:20,860
Yes, hypnopaedia, it is called.
I know it sounds...
376
00:22:20,860 --> 00:22:23,460
like interfering with a child
while they sleep.
377
00:22:23,460 --> 00:22:25,900
"We thought it was one of
them hypnophiles."
378
00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:32,020
Yes, paedia as in Wikipedia and
encyclopaedia, as in learning,
and hypno as in sleep.
379
00:22:32,020 --> 00:22:36,180
There are pillows you can buy now
that actually have speakers built
380
00:22:36,180 --> 00:22:40,220
into them, but frankly, there is no
real evidence that it works in terms
381
00:22:40,220 --> 00:22:43,860
of what's being taught, but if you
sell someone classical music
382
00:22:43,860 --> 00:22:48,820
and say, "Contains subliminal music
that will increase your
self-confidence,"
383
00:22:48,820 --> 00:22:52,180
it is shown that that will work,
even if it's just the music.
384
00:22:52,180 --> 00:22:56,900
Back to self-hypnosis,
if you bang your head on the pillow
the number of times...
385
00:22:56,900 --> 00:22:59,220
Do you know, weirdly,
I found that worked.
386
00:22:59,220 --> 00:23:04,660
At prep school, I used to do that
to get up early to raid the kitchen
and things like that and do stuff.
387
00:23:04,660 --> 00:23:07,540
What did the banging...
If you want to wake up at 4am,
388
00:23:07,540 --> 00:23:10,140
you bang your head four times
on the pillow.
389
00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:12,300
Or you have a child.
It sounds mad...
390
00:23:12,300 --> 00:23:18,540
Or you have a child, obviously.
It's just the power of suggestion,
391
00:23:18,540 --> 00:23:24,340
this is the thing, isn't it? But also
hypnosis is if you keep telling
yourself something will happen...
392
00:23:24,340 --> 00:23:28,580
Yes, a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yes, it's kind of like
autohypnosis, isn't it?
393
00:23:28,580 --> 00:23:30,340
It kind of is, yes.
394
00:23:30,340 --> 00:23:36,380
Other subliminal images have been
seen, Lenin, for example, was seen
by some in the Labour Party rose,
395
00:23:36,380 --> 00:23:39,900
I don't know if you can there.
396
00:23:41,660 --> 00:23:45,900
That's someone from Planet of the
Apes. It's more like that, isn't it?
397
00:23:45,900 --> 00:23:50,580
But there we are. So, yes,
subliminal advertising doesn't...
398
00:23:50,580 --> 00:23:53,700
work. Seriously though,
I'd be very pleased.
399
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:57,980
Anyway, what kind of behaviour
would you expect from
a superstitious pigeon?
400
00:23:57,980 --> 00:24:04,740
They always wear their feathers
in exactly the same colour and
exactly the same order every day.
401
00:24:04,740 --> 00:24:09,660
Well, it is just that sort of
superstition that pigeons have
been found to exhibit.
402
00:24:09,660 --> 00:24:15,540
It's quite interesting, a very
well-known American psychiatrist
called B F Skinner,
403
00:24:15,540 --> 00:24:20,420
he found that if you feed pigeons
at predetermined intervals,
404
00:24:20,420 --> 00:24:24,420
the pigeons, because they can't
predict when the food is coming,
405
00:24:24,420 --> 00:24:28,860
they seem to register what they were
doing at the time the food arrived
406
00:24:28,860 --> 00:24:33,540
and repeat the action to make
the food come next time,
which is a very human thing.
407
00:24:33,540 --> 00:24:36,940
It's like humans blowing on dice
before a game of craps.
408
00:24:36,940 --> 00:24:42,300
They would walk in anti-clockwise
circles because maybe twice
they were walking anticlockwise
409
00:24:42,300 --> 00:24:46,060
when the food arrived and they think
that must be why the food comes.
410
00:24:46,060 --> 00:24:49,820
That's not superstitious, that's
just hopeful. It's superstitious.
411
00:24:49,820 --> 00:24:53,820
Last time I won this game,
I was wearing one red sock
and one blue, so I'll wear
412
00:24:53,820 --> 00:24:57,100
a red sock and a blue sock again,
sportsmen do it all the time.
413
00:24:57,100 --> 00:25:01,460
They repeat actions
that happened before...
People do it all the time.
414
00:25:01,460 --> 00:25:06,340
It's called magical thinking,
where you think you're having an
effect on the world. Exactly.
415
00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:07,900
And you're not. You're not.
416
00:25:07,900 --> 00:25:13,660
I can't watch this match because
the last round, I didn't watch
and we won.
417
00:25:13,660 --> 00:25:18,860
Or I was standing up when England
scored a goal, so I've got to stand
up for the rest of the match.
418
00:25:18,860 --> 00:25:24,620
I'm going to go to the toilet now,
we'll definitely score.
All that. We do it all the time.
419
00:25:24,860 --> 00:25:29,100
My uncle, when he lights a cigar,
we always score. Yes, it happens
to all of us.
420
00:25:29,100 --> 00:25:32,860
They're all dead now,
because I killed them.
421
00:25:32,860 --> 00:25:38,060
It's almost like a form
of megalomania, isn't it,
in a bizarre sort of way.
422
00:25:38,060 --> 00:25:42,460
That we could possibly affect
the outcome. Yes. That is
the nature of superstition.
423
00:25:42,460 --> 00:25:44,540
It's quite hard, it has to be said,
424
00:25:44,540 --> 00:25:49,260
to find any definition
of superstition that doesn't also
cover religion.
425
00:25:49,260 --> 00:25:54,300
It makes the same promises, the same
suggestions of individual actions...
426
00:25:54,300 --> 00:25:56,420
You convince yourself
you're involved
427
00:25:56,420 --> 00:26:01,980
in the world somehow -
if I wear my lucky scarf,
then I'm really in the game.
428
00:26:01,980 --> 00:26:06,860
And you're just wearing a scarf.
Yes, that's right, it is.
429
00:26:06,860 --> 00:26:11,420
And each religion will regard
other religions as superstition
and theirs as not being.
430
00:26:11,420 --> 00:26:13,540
I am religious,
you are superstitious.
431
00:26:13,540 --> 00:26:17,060
In the Catholic Church, it is a sin
to be superstitious.
432
00:26:17,060 --> 00:26:21,620
You'll change that when you're Pope.
I'll change that when I'm Pope, yes.
433
00:26:21,620 --> 00:26:23,820
APPLAUSE
No, no, stop.
434
00:26:23,820 --> 00:26:28,260
What are we going to do
with the gold?
435
00:26:28,260 --> 00:26:36,140
"And as Pope Stephen walks out onto
the balcony, underneath the ladder,
with several black cats..."
436
00:26:36,140 --> 00:26:40,380
American psychologist B F Skinner
managed to train pigeons
to be superstitious
437
00:26:40,380 --> 00:26:45,220
by giving them arbitrary food
rewards and keeping his fingers
crossed, and best of luck to him.
438
00:26:45,220 --> 00:26:49,540
Now, what's hysterical about
wandering womb trouble?
439
00:26:49,540 --> 00:26:54,780
Wandering womb. Hysterical as in,
that's Janet Leigh in Psycho.
It certainly is.
440
00:26:54,780 --> 00:26:59,620
But she didn't have a wandering
womb, she was being stabbed
to death by a maniac. She was.
441
00:26:59,620 --> 00:27:05,140
She was hysterical for a very good
reason. Yes. What does hysterical
mean? Where does the word come from?
442
00:27:05,140 --> 00:27:06,740
'You're feeling sleepy.'
443
00:27:06,740 --> 00:27:10,460
I think this is something to do
with hysterectomies. Yes.
444
00:27:10,460 --> 00:27:12,540
Originally...
445
00:27:12,540 --> 00:27:16,620
The Greek word for uterus
is hystera, so the word hysteria?
446
00:27:16,620 --> 00:27:20,380
Yes, it was Hippocrates also
who thought
447
00:27:20,380 --> 00:27:28,220
that there was a correlation between
mental unbalance and the womb
becoming wandering around the body.
448
00:27:28,220 --> 00:27:31,780
He thought the womb, like an animal,
moved around the female body.
449
00:27:31,780 --> 00:27:36,260
I've got a very good female friend
who's a gynaecologist
who was telling me.
450
00:27:36,260 --> 00:27:38,500
That is how the word hysteria
came about,
451
00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:42,660
it was associated entirely
with women from the same root
as hysterectomy.
452
00:27:42,660 --> 00:27:48,380
She's hysterical, slap her! Yes,
slap her, that was the attitude that
men had towards women's illnesses or
453
00:27:48,380 --> 00:27:54,060
particularly neuroses, that somehow
it was to do with them being women,
and women of a certain age
454
00:27:54,060 --> 00:27:59,220
were associated with all kinds
of what were called hysterias,
hysterical responses.
455
00:27:59,220 --> 00:28:02,060
But it was Freud who said
that almost
456
00:28:02,060 --> 00:28:07,060
for every real condition,
you might have a hysterical version
which was created by the mind,
457
00:28:07,060 --> 00:28:10,180
but it was as real, it wasn't
feigned, that's the point.
458
00:28:10,180 --> 00:28:15,460
This was before hysterical became
a synonym for hilarious? Yes.
459
00:28:15,460 --> 00:28:20,700
"You have a hysterical condition."
"Well, it doesn't feel
very hysterical to me!"
460
00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:25,580
But there is such a thing as
hysterical blindness and muteness,
461
00:28:25,580 --> 00:28:32,020
people will lose the ability to see,
although physically there is nothing
wrong with their eyes at all.
462
00:28:32,020 --> 00:28:34,340
So, what about Hitler?
463
00:28:34,340 --> 00:28:36,100
What about Hitler?
464
00:28:36,100 --> 00:28:39,580
Leave Hitler alone. Week after week,
you have a go at Hitler.
465
00:28:39,580 --> 00:28:44,020
Do we know about Hitler
and blindness? I mean,
he's not blind there, obviously.
466
00:28:44,020 --> 00:28:48,460
But do you know any stories
about his blindness?
No. I thought he was colour blind.
467
00:28:48,460 --> 00:28:54,300
In the First World War, after a gas
attack, he apparently went blind
and dumb for some time.
468
00:28:54,300 --> 00:28:56,980
That was close, wasn't it? Yes.
469
00:28:56,980 --> 00:28:59,660
Someone else would have
taken his place.
470
00:28:59,660 --> 00:29:02,380
It was in hospital, during that,
that he had a vision
471
00:29:02,380 --> 00:29:05,460
that he would lead Germany
to greatness, unfortunately.
472
00:29:05,460 --> 00:29:09,300
But it's quite interesting...
That went very well, didn't it?
473
00:29:09,300 --> 00:29:12,820
Don't listen to visions
when you've just had a gas attack.
474
00:29:12,820 --> 00:29:16,780
Yes. Wouldn't it be terrible
if that was an evil Labrador,
475
00:29:16,780 --> 00:29:20,580
like Oscar, and it just said,
"You will rule the world!"
476
00:29:22,140 --> 00:29:23,700
Hypno-dog. Hypno-dog, yes.
477
00:29:23,700 --> 00:29:26,980
An American psychiatrist called
Walter Langer wrote a report
478
00:29:26,980 --> 00:29:29,860
on Hitler during the war
and it was quite interesting.
479
00:29:29,860 --> 00:29:33,980
He said both that he thought
it was hysterical blindness
and speechlessness,
480
00:29:33,980 --> 00:29:39,660
they were definitely that,
but also predicted - this is
a Freudian analysis -
481
00:29:39,660 --> 00:29:46,260
that in Hitler's symbolic vision,
as it were, Austria is his father
in 1914, old, exhausted, dying,
482
00:29:46,260 --> 00:29:52,180
and Germany is his symbolic mother,
young, vigorous, married to
Austria and about to be violated.
483
00:29:52,180 --> 00:29:56,660
Whatever you make of this,
it is undoubtedly the case
that unlike almost all Germans,
484
00:29:56,660 --> 00:30:02,220
Hitler called Germany Mutterland,
not Vaterland.
Motherland, not Fatherland.
485
00:30:02,220 --> 00:30:07,700
Langer went on to say that the most
likely outcome of Hitler's life
was that he would
486
00:30:07,700 --> 00:30:11,500
commit suicide, probably, he said,
in a symbolic womb,
487
00:30:11,500 --> 00:30:14,300
which is quite an impressive piece
of prophecy.
488
00:30:14,300 --> 00:30:18,540
Maybe there is something in
this Freudian lark after all.
489
00:30:18,540 --> 00:30:22,020
Anyway, hysteria, as Ronni rightly
knew, used to be attributed
490
00:30:22,020 --> 00:30:25,500
to the womb roaming about the body,
interfering with other organs.
491
00:30:25,500 --> 00:30:29,100
Doctors thought it would cause
anything from a nervous breakdown
to blindness.
492
00:30:29,100 --> 00:30:34,220
Now a question which will test
your reflexes. Watch the film here
of the setting sun.
493
00:30:34,220 --> 00:30:39,380
All I want you to do is to hit
your buzzer at the moment the sun
has dropped below the horizon.
494
00:30:41,460 --> 00:30:42,980
It's speeded up, obviously.
495
00:30:50,340 --> 00:30:52,020
'Eyelids are heavy.'
496
00:30:52,020 --> 00:30:53,220
You got there first.
497
00:30:53,220 --> 00:30:56,420
KLAXON
498
00:30:56,420 --> 00:31:00,980
Well too late! Well too late!
499
00:31:00,980 --> 00:31:04,940
That is the moment at which
the sun is below the horizon.
500
00:31:04,940 --> 00:31:07,780
What we see is a mirage.
501
00:31:07,780 --> 00:31:09,860
I know it sounds crazy,
but it's true.
502
00:31:09,860 --> 00:31:12,380
You're looking at me as if to say...
503
00:31:12,380 --> 00:31:14,900
Is this to do with how far away
it is? It's to do with
504
00:31:14,900 --> 00:31:19,500
the bending of light and the eye
not accepting it, but it is
genuinely below the horizon.
505
00:31:19,500 --> 00:31:25,380
Physically, the Earth has turned
such that it is not there.
506
00:31:26,700 --> 00:31:30,940
I know you're looking very cross
and "That can't be true!" about it.
507
00:31:30,940 --> 00:31:33,860
That's a film of it, though.
508
00:31:33,860 --> 00:31:40,300
I know, but you can get thermal
mirages and there's nothing there,
on the roadside, water puddles.
509
00:31:40,300 --> 00:31:42,540
You get rainbows
and they're not there.
510
00:31:42,540 --> 00:31:47,020
That's a photograph, but it's not
there. There's no water there,
it's just air.
511
00:31:47,020 --> 00:31:52,060
I'll try and explain. Light from
the setting sun passes through our
atmosphere at a shallow angle
512
00:31:52,060 --> 00:31:54,940
and gradually bends
as the air density increases,
513
00:31:54,940 --> 00:31:59,700
not dissimilar to the image
of your legs in a swimming pool.
The effect artificially raises
514
00:31:59,700 --> 00:32:03,020
the sun in the last few minutes
of its decline, and by coincidence,
515
00:32:03,020 --> 00:32:07,540
the amount of bending is pretty much
equal to the diameter of the sun.
516
00:32:07,540 --> 00:32:12,620
So it's exactly as it's there,
but it's actually disappeared.
517
00:32:12,620 --> 00:32:17,620
I hate this show. Oh, Phill!
518
00:32:17,620 --> 00:32:22,340
Be interested, please.
The sun is there. I know.
519
00:32:22,340 --> 00:32:24,420
And you're like, "No."
520
00:32:25,580 --> 00:32:32,900
"It's the sun!"
"Not there. Mirage."
521
00:32:32,900 --> 00:32:35,140
Have you ever seen a mirage?
522
00:32:35,140 --> 00:32:41,020
Yes. Where? Travelling through
the desert in America,
you see them all the time.
523
00:32:41,020 --> 00:32:46,060
The standard ones in the roads.
What appear to be huge puddles of
shimmering lakes of water,
524
00:32:46,060 --> 00:32:49,580
which are not there. You must have
seen those in the roads.
525
00:32:49,580 --> 00:32:52,900
Yes, but I grew up in Scotland,
and they are there.
526
00:32:57,140 --> 00:33:03,540
Fair enough. In New Zealand, you get
quite bad sunstrike off the roads,
causes accidents.
527
00:33:03,540 --> 00:33:05,020
And what does that entail?
528
00:33:05,020 --> 00:33:09,500
Because New Zealand is so low on
the planet, if you see what I mean,
529
00:33:09,500 --> 00:33:13,980
and the sun comes through quite
a lot of atmosphere to get to it,
530
00:33:13,980 --> 00:33:19,340
and the angle of it when it hits
the road causes a lot of blindness
in the eyes of drivers.
531
00:33:19,340 --> 00:33:23,140
Right. I daresay that the drivers
in New Zealand, as they see
532
00:33:23,140 --> 00:33:29,620
the sun setting, are reassured
to know that it's not there.
533
00:33:34,220 --> 00:33:38,220
APPLAUSE
534
00:33:38,220 --> 00:33:42,260
Yes, the fact is that despite
Phill's reluctance to understand it,
535
00:33:42,260 --> 00:33:45,900
that the setting sun is actually
below the horizon the moment
536
00:33:45,900 --> 00:33:48,180
that its lower edge
seems to touch the sea.
537
00:33:48,180 --> 00:33:52,420
So to the place where everything
you think you know proves
to be an illusion,
538
00:33:52,420 --> 00:33:56,380
the nightmare that we call
General Ignorance.
Fingers on buzzers, please.
539
00:33:56,380 --> 00:33:58,460
What shape is this staircase?
540
00:33:58,460 --> 00:34:00,020
'Eyelids are heavy.'
541
00:34:00,020 --> 00:34:02,540
Yes, Phill. It's not there.
542
00:34:03,460 --> 00:34:05,180
Now, Phill!
543
00:34:05,180 --> 00:34:08,380
APPLAUSE
544
00:34:11,460 --> 00:34:13,340
'Very sleepy.'
545
00:34:13,340 --> 00:34:15,180
Spiral.
546
00:34:15,180 --> 00:34:18,140
KLAXON
547
00:34:19,100 --> 00:34:21,220
I'm very happy for you.
548
00:34:21,220 --> 00:34:23,580
'Eyelids are heavy.' It is a helix?
549
00:34:23,580 --> 00:34:26,140
Yes, it's helical,
well done, exactly right.
550
00:34:26,140 --> 00:34:31,340
It's terribly pedantic, but a spiral
is when it gets bigger and bigger
and wider and wider,
551
00:34:31,340 --> 00:34:36,100
and a helix, it stays the same,
as a staircase does. (I knew that!)
552
00:34:36,100 --> 00:34:38,860
But you just wanted the forfeit,
didn't you? Yes.
553
00:34:38,860 --> 00:34:42,020
Very well, so what's that?
554
00:34:42,020 --> 00:34:45,100
A double helix. A double helix,
exactly, and that is?
555
00:34:45,100 --> 00:34:49,260
That is... What is that? Tell me
what animal that is, Stephen.
556
00:34:49,260 --> 00:34:53,380
I can't tell you by looking
at it, I'm afraid.
That is a Hypno-Labrador.
557
00:34:53,380 --> 00:35:00,140
DNA. We've got a lot of it in our
bodies. If it was all stretched out,
how far would it reach?
558
00:35:00,140 --> 00:35:02,820
Is it something mega,
like to the moon and back?
559
00:35:02,820 --> 00:35:06,620
It's so much more mega.
A tenth of a light year,
outside the solar system,
560
00:35:06,620 --> 00:35:08,460
that's how long that much of it is,
561
00:35:08,460 --> 00:35:15,220
50 trillion cells, 23 chromosomes
per cell, 220 million base pairs
per chromosome.
562
00:35:15,220 --> 00:35:21,500
That really does kick the "If you get
your skin out, it's half a tennis
court" in the knackers, doesn't it?
563
00:35:21,500 --> 00:35:24,140
Half a light year... a tennis court.
564
00:35:24,140 --> 00:35:27,700
So do you know about the
Argentine blue bill or lake duck?
565
00:35:27,700 --> 00:35:31,700
It has a part of his body
that is corkscrew shaped. Is it
going to be its neck?
566
00:35:31,700 --> 00:35:33,780
It's not going to be its neck.
567
00:35:33,780 --> 00:35:36,700
Legs? Nor its legs. It's its penis.
568
00:35:36,700 --> 00:35:40,620
There are quite a few animals
that have spiral penises.
569
00:35:40,620 --> 00:35:43,500
When it procreates, does it kind of
spin in like a screw?
570
00:35:46,900 --> 00:35:52,020
If push comes to shove and you're in
Argentina with a bottle of Merlot...
571
00:35:52,020 --> 00:35:55,620
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
572
00:35:55,620 --> 00:36:02,100
A very decent... It's a win double,
because you get your wine out
573
00:36:02,100 --> 00:36:05,420
and you get a pleasured duck.
574
00:36:05,420 --> 00:36:10,740
HE QUACKS LOUDLY
575
00:36:10,740 --> 00:36:13,340
Oh, this is corked.
576
00:36:13,340 --> 00:36:16,820
Then you ask the wine waiter
to bring you the bill.
577
00:36:21,940 --> 00:36:28,020
Not only does it have a corkscrew,
it has the longest penis, relative
to its body size, of any vertebrate.
578
00:36:28,020 --> 00:36:32,220
It's the length of its whole body.
Did you know that or did
the duck tell you?
579
00:36:35,260 --> 00:36:39,820
"It's as long as I am."
What about the earwig, hasn't
the earwig got a penis?
580
00:36:39,820 --> 00:36:44,580
The earwig doesn't have a brush
at the end of its penis like that
animal does. A brush? A brush.
581
00:36:44,580 --> 00:36:51,460
Wow, it can clean up after!
What do you think the brush is for?
582
00:36:51,460 --> 00:36:53,660
Brushing down the curtains.
583
00:36:53,660 --> 00:36:56,580
What you think the brush is for
on the lake duck's penis?
584
00:36:56,580 --> 00:36:58,940
What is the one aim of
the male of the species?
585
00:36:58,940 --> 00:37:02,860
For brushing the feathers out of
the way of the lady duck's doodah?
586
00:37:02,860 --> 00:37:05,700
No, what is the purpose
of the male's...
587
00:37:05,700 --> 00:37:10,180
Sorry, the lady duck's punani.
Releasing spermatozoa into the...
588
00:37:10,180 --> 00:37:15,260
Releasing yours. Oh, right.
Not anybody else's, that's why
males fight with other males.
589
00:37:15,260 --> 00:37:20,540
So the brush is to remove any sperm
from the previous drake who may
have been there. No, stop it!
590
00:37:20,540 --> 00:37:26,740
So you clean out the previous sperm,
so it's yours...
A little spring clean!
591
00:37:29,380 --> 00:37:34,220
And the weird thing, even weirder,
is the lady duck,
592
00:37:34,220 --> 00:37:41,900
her vagina is corkscrewed, but it's
corkscrewed in the opposite way.
593
00:37:41,900 --> 00:37:47,780
"I can't believe it, a left-hand
thread at this time of the night!"
594
00:37:47,780 --> 00:37:52,100
It is quite astonishing,
isn't it, it really is.
I feel bad talking about it.
595
00:37:52,100 --> 00:37:57,700
And you know the other thing,
Stephen? Male duck's imperial,
lady duck's metric. Nightmare!
596
00:37:57,700 --> 00:38:02,300
So true. Ridiculous.
There you are, nature.
597
00:38:02,300 --> 00:38:08,060
Wonderful nature. So, strictly
speaking, a spiral staircase
is actually helical.
598
00:38:08,060 --> 00:38:12,580
So why are there so many lavatories
in the Pentagon?
599
00:38:12,580 --> 00:38:15,420
Er, one each?
600
00:38:15,420 --> 00:38:18,980
Do you know how many people work
in the Pentagon? Thousands.
601
00:38:18,980 --> 00:38:20,620
23,000.
602
00:38:20,620 --> 00:38:25,460
There aren't 23,000 lavatories,
so, no, I'm afraid it's a really
ghastly reason.
603
00:38:25,460 --> 00:38:27,980
Where is it? Virginia.
604
00:38:27,980 --> 00:38:33,540
Virginia is a southern state
and it had laws, not nice laws.
605
00:38:33,540 --> 00:38:39,420
Oh, no. Segregation. By law,
you had to have one lavatory
for white people
606
00:38:39,420 --> 00:38:42,420
and one for black people,
so there were double the number.
607
00:38:42,420 --> 00:38:45,020
I'm afraid it's true,
it's a horrible truth.
608
00:38:45,020 --> 00:38:49,140
It shouldn't have happened,
because it was built in the '40s
under the presidency of FDR,
609
00:38:49,140 --> 00:38:54,540
who had specifically outlawed
racial segregation in federal...
610
00:38:54,540 --> 00:38:58,820
he couldn't legislate for the states
but he could say that no
federal building...
611
00:38:58,820 --> 00:39:01,740
So when he arrived for his first
inspection, he was told,
612
00:39:01,740 --> 00:39:04,940
he was furious that there were
all these lavatories.
613
00:39:04,940 --> 00:39:09,940
Well, it's not very PC, it's true,
but have you ever been
for a queue in the ladies' loo?
614
00:39:09,940 --> 00:39:13,620
So it's nice for you that there
are so many, yes. You racist.
615
00:39:16,420 --> 00:39:19,260
But although they built them all
for that reason,
616
00:39:19,260 --> 00:39:22,900
they were banned from using it and
they were never racially segregated.
617
00:39:22,900 --> 00:39:25,620
Look at all the tennis courts
they've got as well.
618
00:39:25,620 --> 00:39:31,140
That centre bit alone, just to give
you a sense of the scale of it,
is five acres, just the middle bit.
619
00:39:31,140 --> 00:39:38,300
17 and a half miles of corridor,
at least 284 lavatories,
six separate zip codes,
620
00:39:38,300 --> 00:39:45,380
just the Pentagon, but apparently,
it takes only seven minutes to walk
from one place to another.
621
00:39:45,380 --> 00:39:46,940
Only one cleaner, they have.
622
00:39:46,940 --> 00:39:53,980
Yes, poor darling. Racial
segregation in Britain, did it ever
happen in the Second World War?
623
00:39:53,980 --> 00:39:57,660
I assume yes,
judging by the leading question.
624
00:39:57,660 --> 00:40:00,420
For one reason only.
Because of the Americans.
625
00:40:00,420 --> 00:40:06,260
Because of the Americans and in fact
it is at least something we can be
vaguely proud of, is that
626
00:40:06,260 --> 00:40:11,060
the Americans in the bases who used
pubs insisted that they had pubs
for whites and blacks only
627
00:40:11,060 --> 00:40:14,940
and the British public said, no,
we're not going to do that.
628
00:40:14,940 --> 00:40:18,260
White Americans would come in and
see black people and start fights
629
00:40:18,260 --> 00:40:22,900
and the British would fight
with the blacks against them.
We thought it was intolerable.
630
00:40:22,900 --> 00:40:26,340
There were propaganda films
that they showed American GIs
631
00:40:26,340 --> 00:40:29,660
who were going to be stationed
over here before they came,
632
00:40:29,660 --> 00:40:33,260
with a little old lady coming into
a railway carriage
633
00:40:34,260 --> 00:40:37,740
and there is a black GI
and a white GI and she says,
634
00:40:37,740 --> 00:40:41,500
"Oh, you must come round
for some tea, both of you."
635
00:40:41,500 --> 00:40:47,340
And the voice-over is, "This would
never happen in our country, but
you will have to be prepared."
636
00:40:47,340 --> 00:40:51,660
And they were preparing GIs...
That the British would invite
black people...
637
00:40:51,660 --> 00:40:54,660
Yes. Preparing them
for the horrors of tea.
638
00:40:54,660 --> 00:41:00,460
It's rather eye-watering to think
that in our parents' lifetimes,
such a thing might have happened.
639
00:41:00,460 --> 00:41:06,140
"You may be offered buns." Yes.
"These are safe to eat."
640
00:41:06,140 --> 00:41:09,300
Anyway, they built twice as many
restrooms as they needed
641
00:41:09,300 --> 00:41:12,620
in the Pentagon so they could keep
them racially segregated.
642
00:41:12,620 --> 00:41:16,460
Name something invented
by Vyacheslav Molotov.
643
00:41:16,460 --> 00:41:19,380
'Very sleepy.'
644
00:41:19,380 --> 00:41:21,380
A Molotov cocktail.
645
00:41:21,380 --> 00:41:22,820
Oh!
646
00:41:22,820 --> 00:41:26,300
KLAXON
647
00:41:30,300 --> 00:41:33,020
He didn't invent
the Molotov cocktail.
648
00:41:33,020 --> 00:41:37,460
He invented the Sloe Comfortable
Screw Against the Wall.
649
00:41:40,780 --> 00:41:44,580
Which he is drinking there. Yes,
having one right now. Pina colada.
650
00:41:44,580 --> 00:41:48,060
Well, he invented some grim things
like death lists.
651
00:41:48,060 --> 00:41:51,860
The Molotov line, like
the Maginot line, a defensive line,
various other things.
652
00:41:51,860 --> 00:41:56,740
He was a Bolshevik. He was a
Bolshevik, he was the Foreign
Minister under Stalin, all the way.
653
00:41:56,740 --> 00:41:58,300
He lived until 1986.
654
00:41:58,300 --> 00:42:01,620
A very exciting job,
Foreign Minister under Stalin.
655
00:42:01,620 --> 00:42:05,460
You can imagine, absolutely.
Every day, "What are we going
to do today?"
656
00:42:05,460 --> 00:42:08,300
"I don't know. Have you asked him?"
"He hasn't woken up yet."
657
00:42:08,300 --> 00:42:11,860
He claimed his country, in the war
against Finland, was dropping
food parcels
658
00:42:11,860 --> 00:42:13,580
when it was dropping cluster bombs.
659
00:42:13,580 --> 00:42:19,420
So the Finns called them
Molotov's breadbaskets,
these bombs that came down.
660
00:42:19,420 --> 00:42:24,140
When they fought against the Soviet
tanks... Don't forget, the Finns
beat the Russians.
661
00:42:24,140 --> 00:42:27,620
It was quite an amazing war. They
used petrol bombs and they said,
662
00:42:27,620 --> 00:42:30,700
"These are Molotov cocktails to go
with the bread you're giving us,"
663
00:42:30,700 --> 00:42:34,140
so it was kind of their joke.
But they humiliated Russia, Finland,
664
00:42:34,140 --> 00:42:39,260
it was an extraordinary achievement.
Very, very well done. Yes, very well
done, Finland, absolutely.
665
00:42:39,260 --> 00:42:43,860
Which brings me to the real matter
of the scores, and my goodness,
are they interesting or not?
666
00:42:43,860 --> 00:42:45,740
Well, they are quite interesting.
667
00:42:45,740 --> 00:42:49,620
I'm afraid in fourth place,
with minus 32, it's Robert Webb.
668
00:42:49,620 --> 00:42:51,660
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
669
00:42:56,060 --> 00:43:01,220
And in third place
with minus 17, Ronni Ancona.
670
00:43:01,220 --> 00:43:03,260
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
671
00:43:07,420 --> 00:43:11,140
In second place, Alan Davies with
minus eight. Thanks very much.
672
00:43:11,140 --> 00:43:13,220
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
673
00:43:13,220 --> 00:43:15,700
Which means our runaway winner,
674
00:43:15,700 --> 00:43:19,540
our solar sceptic
with minus two, Phill Jupitus.
675
00:43:19,540 --> 00:43:22,380
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I'm not here. I'm not here.
676
00:43:29,380 --> 00:43:32,780
That's all from QI. Goodnight from
Ronni, Robert, Phill, Alan and me,
677
00:43:32,780 --> 00:43:35,140
and I will leave you
with this thought.
678
00:43:35,140 --> 00:43:38,460
You will tune in again next week,
you will. Goodnight.
679
00:43:57,180 --> 00:44:00,220
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
680
00:44:00,220 --> 00:44:03,260
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk