1 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:35,319 Goo-ood evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening. 2 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,879 Good evening and welcome to QI, 3 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:44,519 where we have an ill-assorted imbroglio of interesting items initiated by I. 4 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:49,480 So, when was the First World War first named as such? 5 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:56,079 At the outbreak, the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand. 6 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:57,760 You think they called it the First World War straightaway? 7 00:00:57,761 --> 00:01:00,159 Before it started. 8 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:05,759 It would be an act of a pessimist to call it the First World War that early, surely? 9 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,999 It's going to be some point after 1939, isn't it? 10 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,319 A realist, surely. 11 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:13,919 There's going to be more of these. 12 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,279 BUZZER AND BELL RINGS 13 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:22,159 Excuse me, I think what I said, people in the box, is after 1939. 14 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:25,839 Which may contain 1939 but does not mean it. 15 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,800 BUZZER AND BELL RINGS. 16 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,439 0K, no-no-no. 17 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:38,039 After 1939 and after the Second World War are not synonymous. 18 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:43,239 Now, this is just giving you time to type. 19 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:46,720 BUZZER AND BELL RINGS 20 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:52,760 Why don't you just type Mitchell is a cock. 21 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:59,279 I'm going to an offer you a reward, 22 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:04,199 I've got a plate here of insect related foods, Sarah, and you can choose your award. 23 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,719 This is a lolly which has got ants in it. 24 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:09,439 This is a scorpion brittle, like a peanut brittle 25 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:10,959 and it's got a scorpion in it. 26 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,639 I don't know if you can see it? 27 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,839 Or just some dried bugs here. Would you like one of those? 28 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,479 And where's the treat part? 29 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,919 Chocolate ant, would you like chocolate ant? 30 00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,599 I'll suck it. 31 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,479 Would you like... No. 32 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:27,199 Are you sure, are you going to risk any one of these? I'll have a look at them. 33 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,039 If I had a chocolate ant would you have one? 34 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:31,399 I'll let you go first. 35 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,759 I've eaten it. I'm not really bothered, to be honest. No. 36 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:38,400 You made me eat it. 37 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,119 According to PR Week, the magazine, the bible of PR people. 38 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:50,719 I've done the PR Week awards. Have you? I have indeed. 39 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:54,199 I'm sure you went down very well. Oh, yes, I did. Well, everyone said you did. 40 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:59,199 Did you make merry with them? I did, I was a little bit cheeky. 41 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:04,279 I just did a really good, clever joke. What was it, sorry? Oh, I don't know. 42 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:07,399 I wouldn't put that much pressure on it, Alan. 43 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,520 I heard it. I'm sorry. 44 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,039 Well, you know did the PR Week awards. 45 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:17,239 Did you go down well, and I said, "Everyone said he did." 46 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,039 Oh, right. 47 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,559 Very good. 48 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,640 They all went, "Excellent, excellent, excellent." 49 00:03:23,641 --> 00:03:25,719 Do it again. 50 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,079 I actually presented the PR Week Awards. 51 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:32,919 Oh, was it a success, did you go down well? Everyone said he did. 52 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,920 Get out of town. Get out of town. 53 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:40,760 I actually filled in for one of you. 54 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,879 I was called as your replacement 55 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,199 and they didn't have time to reassign the hotel room 56 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,280 and my... My boy. 57 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:55,480 Only one? One?! 58 00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:01,599 I opened up the minibar, oh, there's a couple of boys. 59 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,719 A mini boy. 60 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:07,599 No, there were no boys, but... 61 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,999 There's your boy on a rope in the shower. 62 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,839 I don't know what you think of me, 63 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,119 you've got it all wrong. 64 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:19,719 The thing was they didn't realise, the staff in the hotel didn't realise 65 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,359 the room had been reassigned. 66 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,479 So, somebody phoned up and my wife answered 67 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:28,039 He went, "Hello." And she went, 68 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:33,159 "Yes, hello, could I order some coffees? She doesn't speak like that, I don't know why... 69 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:36,559 She's like the Queen, "Hello, could I have some coffee?" 70 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,960 No, she said, "Hello, can I have some coffee, please? 71 00:04:38,961 --> 00:04:42,880 And the bloke, he said, "Certainly, Mrs Fry." 72 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,680 As if to say, "Well done, sir. Finally seen sense." 73 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,119 STEPHEN COUGHS 74 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,399 Are you OK? 75 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:57,479 Excuse me. 76 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,439 Take a moment. 77 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,240 How's that ant working out? 78 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:09,199 Oh, no, they're delicious they could solve the problems of starvation by killing us. 79 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,799 I have got a problem in my throat. 80 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,279 Look at that man looming over you. "At last, 81 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,400 "I got you, Fry." 82 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,079 Maybe that was a mistake. 83 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:25,399 One brave ant, what we're going to do, we're going to cover you in chocolate. 84 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,679 We're going to put you in front of Stephen Fry. You're going to go down there, 85 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,559 you're going to sort things out. 86 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,639 Once you're inside, release it. 87 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:37,599 They've got a terrible bitter aftertaste the smoked insects, the little ants. 88 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,360 I had them at Bug World in Liverpool. 89 00:05:39,361 --> 00:05:41,999 Were you supposed to eat them because isn't that..? 90 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,679 You can eat them at the end. 91 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,240 Exactly, is it shut now because you ate everything? 92 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:52,640 Going to the National History Museum just lifting the cases. 93 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,799 I've also got acid reflux, I have to say. 94 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:04,999 One little ant, and here am I supposed to be advertising it as the future of humanity, 95 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,560 and I have to say I feel like shit at the moment. 96 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,040 That has not gone down well 97 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:19,520 Did you hear that when the Pope was in England, 98 00:06:19,521 --> 00:06:24,519 did you hear about the Irishman who went to visit the Holy Father, he said, 99 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,079 "I need a miracle, can you do something about my hearing?" 100 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,999 And the Pope grabbed him by the ears and just pressed really hard, 101 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:34,159 "In nomine, et fili, et spiritus, sancti, amen." 102 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,839 He said, "How is your hearing now?" 103 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:39,720 "I don't know, it's not till Wednesday." 104 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,720 Sorry, I'm very sorry. 105 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,799 I'm going to give an ingenious interview now 106 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,999 because I wonder if you know about shape-memory alloys? 107 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,079 You know we have one. This is called titinol. 108 00:06:56,080 --> 00:07:00,639 This is a spoon, as you can see, it's a perfectly normal spoon. 109 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:04,519 Did I say titinol, sorry, that's the Frankie Howerd in me. 110 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,320 It is called Nitinol. 111 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:13,559 Because of its nickel and titanium 112 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:19,119 and I've got the glass of cold water here just to show you this. 113 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,639 You pop it in the glass of cold water, 114 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,199 don't expect anything to happen, nothing does, it's a spoon. 115 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,239 But it's a double crystalline structure which was only discovered in 1962. 116 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,919 If I put it into a glass of hot water 117 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:33,919 it instantly reverts to a memorised shape, like so. 118 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,319 I should put it here so the camera can see it. 119 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,559 Like that, just like that. 120 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,239 I have not bent it, I have not done a Uri Geller trick. 121 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,239 That's rather weird. 122 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,959 What do you mean a memorised shape, though? 123 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,839 Under hot conditions that is its structure. 124 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:55,599 Under cold conditions, I mean I can straighten it. Like that. There it is. 125 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,400 If somebody put you in cold water, would you be straight? 126 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,559 It seems strange, when you were talking about it earlier, a shrimp, 127 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,878 it is an insect but we'll quite happily eat that. Yes. 128 00:08:10,879 --> 00:08:13,080 Pick the legs off it, take the head off and delicious. 129 00:08:13,081 --> 00:08:15,679 I know, and lobsters and things, as you say, 130 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,120 we'll happily eat them as a treat. 131 00:08:17,121 --> 00:08:19,680 But these, oh, God. 132 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,559 It's not done me any favours. 133 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,040 I felt so confident, I was going to have the scorpion as well. 134 00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:28,239 I'm not now. 135 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:29,719 I'll have the scorpion. 136 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,719 Do you want the scorpion? 137 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,239 Oh, my dear fellow, there you are. 138 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,559 I've had those. 139 00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:38,359 The aftertaste of them is just horrendous. 140 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:42,079 It is there for hours. I'll have that. 141 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,240 Are you going to eat it now? 142 00:08:43,241 --> 00:08:45,359 If I put all mouth it might... 143 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,639 I'll break it in half. That's a good idea. 144 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:50,239 Make it manageable. 145 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:53,320 Half the poison, half the fun. 146 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,479 That's God telling me something, isn't it? 147 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,279 It is. Wow, that is one tough... 148 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,319 I think the scorpion might be alive. I think it might be like Han Solo. 149 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:13,359 Not any more, it's not. 150 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:14,879 Tail end, or front? 151 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:18,399 I would go for the front, the tail end might have a sting in it. 152 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,480 Always ask a lady. 153 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:27,280 Ohh, James Carr. 154 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:34,559 Oh. Well, you could hardly break the thing so... 155 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:36,600 Come back in nine hours. 156 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,239 You're having one too, good for you, excellent. 157 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,959 Well, I've been licking the brittle. I thought I'm going to be here all night. 158 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:47,799 I was eating like a Club biscuit. Just to get all the chocolate off. 159 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:51,279 Is it quite sweet in there, it's basically sugar? It's horrible. 160 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,999 Can't feel my toes. 161 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,400 Oh, dear. 162 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,479 It's like hemlock, it just works all the way up. 163 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:04,079 It's like bonfire night with death. 164 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,440 Go on, Sarah, you know you want to. 165 00:10:05,441 --> 00:10:08,919 You've got to be joking. Have a lick, anyway. 166 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:10,880 Is this why you had the chocolate ant? 167 00:10:10,881 --> 00:10:14,280 What if we all develop superpowers as a result of this? 168 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,839 Oh, 169 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,839 Alan had the ant. 170 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,759 How could you eat that? 171 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,719 You saw what it did to me. 172 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,519 He has the problem of nausea? 173 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:31,839 That is a repellent. It is, isn't it? 174 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:35,199 As soon as you break the chocolate it whiffs. I know, it's not nice. 175 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,120 Hang on, hang on, something's happening. 176 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:45,199 Hurray. 177 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:49,560 Oh, my God. 178 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,879 Johnny the scorpion. 179 00:10:55,880 --> 00:11:00,759 Are scorpions known for forward rolls? 180 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,560 Definitely. 181 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,799 Now, I'm going to hand out some more toys. 182 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:08,919 So, there's even more fun to be had. Quoits. 183 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,519 I ought to tell you the winner gets the teddy bear. 184 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:14,759 Well, the fluffy toy should I say. You've got to be joking. 185 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:18,319 Oh, you've really raised the stakes, now. You will get the fluffy toy. 186 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,239 We'll start with, Dave. Good luck. 187 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:23,879 Who says this shows been dumbed down? 188 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,799 ALL: Oh. 189 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:26,920 ALL: Oh. 190 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,400 It's like being on a fairground. For the pride of it. Come on. 191 00:11:30,401 --> 00:11:32,839 I've got a bit of dirt on my poor kit. 192 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,040 Let's have a read? 193 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,800 Oh, the tension. 194 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,080 ALL: Oh. 195 00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:49,039 Did you see that? 196 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:53,119 I saw it. 197 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,319 I was there. 198 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,799 He'll be unbearable. 199 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,159 It's all right, he's already unbearable. 200 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:03,439 I was only joking before, I've got my own dirty mags in the dressing room. 201 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,919 Don't let him get it. Watch out for the bloke. 202 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:07,840 Don't let him get it. 203 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,200 ALL: Yes! 204 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,439 And you get the cuddly toy. 205 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,159 Oh, no. 206 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:23,879 And here it is. 207 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,319 Oh, it's like the fairground. 208 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,559 I never said it would be that one. 209 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:33,759 Anything off the bottom, anything off the bottom. 210 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:37,159 If Lee was a nice man, he'd give that to you, Ronnie, but... 211 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,240 That's true, I would. 212 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:44,359 We have here a list of job interview questions you shouldn't ask 213 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,560 if you are on this side of the table, as it were. 214 00:12:46,561 --> 00:12:50,439 If we're the panel. You're not supposed ask "Are you a smoker?" I don't know why. 215 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,079 Are you originally from the OK... 216 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,280 From the UK, is a no. 217 00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:00,200 If you're interviewing for a cowboy, that's... 218 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:05,399 I was going to say it's not OK to say are you from the UK. I just screwed it up. 219 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:09,239 Do you have children who need to be looked after, you shouldn't ask. 220 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:14,239 In the event of a fire, will you stop working? Can't ask that. 221 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:17,439 Do you plan to have children in future, you are not supposed to ask. 222 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:20,119 Then, what are your weaknesses, is a common question. 223 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:24,399 The temptation, of course, is to attempt to subvert it 224 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,199 by naming a weakness which is actually a strength. 225 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,119 Oh, my trouble is I'm just a terrible perfectionist. 226 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:33,479 I just can't stop working at things until they are completely perfect. 227 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,799 I'm so punctual. 228 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,799 Yes, my problem is I'm really nice, I think I'm too nice. 229 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:41,559 And that is transparent, so don't do that. 230 00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,960 So you're supposed to say one that is not terrible, 231 00:13:43,961 --> 00:13:48,039 like I tend to get bogged down in details but I'm making a real effort about that. 232 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,040 I'm a terrible thief. 233 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:57,199 I love other people's stuff. 234 00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:00,679 I also can't conc... Oh, look there's a squirrel. 235 00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,439 What are your weaknesses? 236 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:06,040 Heroin and masturbating, not necessarily in that order. 237 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:10,679 What are your strengths? Now, here's another one. 238 00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:13,200 I've got an odour, I've got a powerful odour. 239 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,840 It will only get stronger as the day goes on. 240 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,159 You're still wearing your "I don't want a bloody job" hat, aren't you? 241 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,880 These feet stink by four o'clock. 242 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,679 I've tried a scorpion and an ant. Well done. That's it. 243 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:37,799 That's like the start of a really bad musical. 244 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,278 ♪ I tried a scorpion I tried an ant. ♪ 245 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,480 ♪ Tried an ant. ♪ 246 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,319 ♪ That's it! ♪ 247 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,039 ♪ Try a bug Try a bug. 248 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:46,640 ♪ No. ♪ Jimmy Carr, what have you eaten? 249 00:14:46,641 --> 00:14:50,440 I haven't tried anything. ♪ Now, I'm an insect sycophant. ♪ 250 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,919 It's like that terrible joke I'm sure you must have been told 251 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:59,199 about the couple who adopt a German baby. 252 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,519 Ha-ha-ha. You know it, yes? You must know it. 253 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:05,240 Is there only one joke that involves a German baby? 254 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,519 It doesn't speak. You know the one where he doesn't speak? 255 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:13,719 Until he's about five. Then they go and take him to be tested. 256 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,160 Cos they think is he stupid? Is he deaf and dumb? 257 00:15:16,161 --> 00:15:20,200 Everything functioning normally, he's fine and then one day. 258 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:29,319 Go home. They give him, he has some apple strudel and he says... 259 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,919 (WITH A GERMAN ACCENT) This Apfel Strudel is a bit tepid. 260 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:36,159 And they say, "Wolfgang? You've never spoken before. 261 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,599 "After all these years, now you finally speak. 262 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,799 "Why haven't you spoken before?" He says... 263 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:45,080 Up until now everything had been satisfactory. 264 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,080 It's a great joke. 265 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,999 Very pleasing. Like a relay joke. 266 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:02,200 This is the most fun a Danish person has had with a German since 1943. 267 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,559 So have you had anything? No. You should try an ant, really. 268 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:12,200 I think you should have an ant. No, well, you're not me mum, so... 269 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,240 You might all end up with super powers, 270 00:16:17,241 --> 00:16:19,839 but, you know, you'll need somebody to save. 271 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:23,839 Oh, that's true. We'll need someone to push us round. 272 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:27,239 We'll need some home help, once we get our super powers. We will. 273 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:30,239 We'll all be delirious. Oh, goodness. 274 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,279 Remember, never put anything in your mouth that hasn't been boiled. 275 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:36,079 I thought that was an old mother's thing. 276 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,199 My mum said, 277 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,439 "You don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to." 278 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:41,760 Well. That was my sex chat. 279 00:16:41,761 --> 00:16:44,119 You're talking to a man with a scorpion lolly. 280 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,320 JIMMY: That was your sex chat? Yeah. 281 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:53,079 Didn't mention your vagina, then, just your mouth. 282 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,279 Well.. 283 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,600 Oh, no. 284 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,080 I don't know what came over me. 285 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:06,159 This is my first time on the show. I know. 286 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,360 Don't make me put a scorpion up my nunny. 287 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:15,239 Anyway, we've got this little example of a, sort of, 288 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:16,879 optical illusion here. 289 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,839 If you photograph it in the right way, as you're about to see, 290 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:22,239 the eye plays extraordinary tricks on you. 291 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,399 So there it is. This is Einstein. There he is in profile. 292 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,719 And there's the inverted bit, but hello. 293 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:32,439 Your eye tells you that's poking outwards, and yet it isn't. 294 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:33,799 That's the inside bit, 295 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:37,039 and your eye refuses to believe it until... 296 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,280 you get to that. 297 00:17:38,281 --> 00:17:41,959 Oh, you're twisting my melon, man. Isn't that extraordinary? 298 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,399 Why does it do that? Well, it does that 299 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,559 because your brain is programmed to recognise human faces, 300 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,760 and it's one of the first things babies do, is look at faces. 301 00:17:49,761 --> 00:17:54,439 And you expect to see a face, and even though you know it isn't a real face, 302 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,359 your brain fills in the gaps. 303 00:17:56,360 --> 00:18:01,039 Do it again. And does this, Stephen, does it only work with Einstein? 304 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,439 No. Would it work with another man? 305 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,400 It would work with any human being. Aa-aah. 306 00:18:05,401 --> 00:18:08,999 It is really creepy, it's amazing, isn't it? But it's done it... 307 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,119 I can't believe it did the same trick twice. 308 00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:14,159 We're not going to fall for it this time. 309 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,040 No way, not three times on the run. 310 00:18:16,041 --> 00:18:19,559 OK, outside, outside, outside, outside. Outside, outside. 311 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:25,480 This is going to be inside, Lee. Inside, inside, inside, inside, inside. Aaah, aaah. 312 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,799 How'd it do it? It's so clever, isn't it? We literally filmed this. 313 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:35,159 I mean, you can see, that's all it is. This is a great trick. 314 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,360 I might cut my head in half and scoop out my brain. 315 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:43,680 What a wonderful thing! 316 00:18:43,681 --> 00:18:46,919 It would make the most wonderful blancmange or something, wouldn't it? 317 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:50,919 Are we going to bother with the rest of the show? Cos I could happily... 318 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,879 Watch it go. I'm... It's lovely chatting and everything, 319 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:57,639 and I love what we do, but let's just... You're hypnotised. 320 00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:00,479 Shakespeare coined over 1,000 new words, 321 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,399 but not all of them caught on. 322 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,120 Here are some of the ones that didn't. 323 00:19:04,121 --> 00:19:06,439 See if you can put them into a sentence for me. 324 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:11,720 Swoltery. Quatch. Quatch. I've got a swoltery quatch at the moment. 325 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,760 Already we're there, aren't we? 326 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:23,559 It wappened when I put my kickie-wickies on. 327 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:28,359 Your foxship, what wappened, cockled boggler? Carlot? 328 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:31,679 That's a thing - that's where people sell second-hand cars. That's a sexy garage. 329 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:37,319 Well, that's true, actually. A boggler is a very clumsy burglar. 330 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:38,959 Urr-rrgh. 331 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:42,600 A burglar that can't believe the stuff he's getting his hands on. 332 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,359 Look at this DVD player! 333 00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:51,639 What is a kickie-wickie? Is that like Russell Brand's version of a football or something? 334 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:56,159 It's an affectionate term for a wife. Aw. Ah, my dear kickie-wickie. 335 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,759 A kickie-wickie is not an affectionate term for a wife! 336 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:01,400 Kickie. Domestic violence was a lot more acceptable. 337 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,279 Ah, the old smashie-washie. 338 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,079 The old battery-wattery. 339 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,399 Punchie-wunchie. 340 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:13,319 Well, you've all done very well. So you can have some balloons as a reward. 341 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,439 You should find some balloons down there. 342 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,959 They're modelling balloons, and all I want to do is to see what you can make 343 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,640 in as quick a time as you can. 344 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,520 Stop it. 345 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,839 Behave. 346 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,959 There's an example behind you. Excuse me, 347 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,440 but I have never, ever seen brown balloons before. 348 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:40,039 It is a first. What sort of...? What are you celebrating with...? 349 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,639 Ah, they've put out the brown balloons! 350 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:47,279 It is an usual colour, I'll grant you. Starfish. 351 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,720 A starfish, well done. 352 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:53,079 Oh, hello. Oh, something's happening there. Sausages. 353 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:54,360 Sausages. Excellent. 354 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,799 I'm still scared of balloons banging, ever since I was a kid. 355 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,120 These balloons are special, kind of, balloonable... 356 00:21:03,121 --> 00:21:04,640 That's a condom, this one. 357 00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:11,439 It looks... 358 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:16,399 Yes. Oh, very good. Brian's having the most trouble, I'd say. Yes. 359 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:20,559 No, you're on, you've got two together, you've done well. 360 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:24,599 Oh, Alan! It's a three-legged dog. It's excellent! 361 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,039 Alan! Triumph! 362 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,120 It's a three-legged dog with an erection. 363 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,400 A three-legged dog with an erection. That may be a first. 364 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:38,120 You know, in America, there are two... Oh, hello! Very fine! 365 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:48,320 That'll be a joy at Ascot. That's superb, superb. 366 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:50,959 That's the, er... That. 367 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:54,240 Yeah? That's the gonorrhoea molecule. 368 00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:01,039 Very fine. Kids love it at parties. 369 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:04,999 "Can you get us another one of them molecules? 370 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,000 "With venereal diseases?" 371 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,079 Of all these moons... Like, this is the one thing I wanted to ask you. 372 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:17,200 Of all these moons, which one's most likely to be the home to ewoks? 373 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,439 It would be, er, Titan. 374 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,839 Titan, yeah? Titan, it's got a thicker atmosphere than the Earth. 375 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:28,000 So, you'd need to be furry. 376 00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:31,760 Good answer. 377 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:42,279 We just have to destroy the one that has Jar Jar Binks on it, though. 378 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:45,559 It's very important when you're learning, 379 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:49,439 studying, to know which notes to take. Not just to take any old notes. Exactly. I saw that. 380 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,959 Intelligence at work. Now... 381 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,279 There is something unique as well about the Brazil nut. 382 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:59,039 As you probably know, there are people who are allergic to nuts, 383 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:03,959 but the Brazil nut, uniquely, amongst all the nuts, 384 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,399 this is really unfortunate, 385 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:11,799 you can sexually transmit Brazil nut to a partner. 386 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,279 That is to say, if a male has eaten a Brazil nut 387 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:18,959 and they inseminate a person who is allergic, 388 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:24,959 that person's allergy will... they will be affected by it. 389 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:28,200 That's a good murder plot. Isn't it? 390 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,560 It is amazing. 391 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:39,479 I actually feel right in the middle of an episode of House now. 392 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:42,839 Cos that is... How on Earth has that been found out? 393 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,600 Surely, the woman would feel the Brazil nut. 394 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,079 I think you may have slightly misunderstood. 395 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,879 A man would too, really. 396 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:56,760 May contain nuts. 397 00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:59,960 Can you imagine the circuit of Saturn's moon, Titan? 398 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,199 That's so cold that it's got liquid methane. Hold on, I know a Titan. 399 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:08,639 Titan's the one where the ewoks live! 400 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:12,679 Titan, yes. Yeah! That place. Go on. You see. 401 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,719 So, hang on, I've got it, I've got it. 402 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,719 So, basically, you're saying you can shatter an ewok? Yes. 403 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:21,999 Because it got lakes of liquid methane because it's so cold. Wow! 404 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,759 And the methane behaves exactly like water on Earth. 405 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:26,879 So, you get rain, methane rain. 406 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,039 You get methane snow, methane ice and lakes of methane. 407 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:33,879 There's a lake there which is as large as Lake Superior. Of methane? 408 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:37,799 Which is essentially a fart. Liquid fart? Yeah, exactly. 409 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:39,959 I don't want to go there, strike it off. 410 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,999 If I could stand on a planet and throw an ewok 411 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,599 into a lake of fart, that'd just be... 412 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,799 that'd be like... Smash it into a fart. 413 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,239 Well, you couldn't because it would shatter. 414 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,160 Even better! 415 00:24:54,480 --> 00:25:00,039 So, right. So, I could be tossing ewoks into a lake of fart. Ah. 416 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:03,319 That's your heaven. Everyone has their own heaven - that's yours. 417 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:08,559 That is, ah... When you say tossing ewoks into a lake of fart? Steady. 418 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:12,879 No. That's exactly what I meant. Ooh. 419 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,079 You know what, after this show finishes, 420 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:18,239 I'm off, I don't care, you'll never see me again. 421 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:22,439 "Where is he?" "He's off tossing ewoks again. 422 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:26,600 "Into his lake of fart on a pedalo made of smoke." 423 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,240 The fact is, there was so much promise with robots 424 00:25:30,241 --> 00:25:33,119 and a lot of artificial intelligence research. 425 00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:36,599 And the fact is... Sorry, is it just this atmosphere? Are you thirsty? 426 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:39,000 I could do with... Can we have a drink? Thank you. 427 00:25:39,001 --> 00:25:41,759 I've got a friend, here, that's going to bring me a drink. 428 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:45,040 It's not that YO! Sushi, is it? When the thing comes round. No, no. Here we are. 429 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,200 ROBOT: This is for you. Thank you. 430 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:01,480 That's very kind of you. Welcome to QI, Asimo. 431 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:04,800 Thank you, Stephen. It is great to be here. 432 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:10,199 Isn't he marvellous? Here I am, brain the size of a planet... 433 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:11,680 opening doors. 434 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:17,239 So, you're the most advanced humanoid robot on the planet, 435 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:23,759 is that right? That is what they tell me. Why don't you show us what you can do? 436 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,799 I would love to. 437 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,599 Is it going to kill me? Honestly. 438 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:32,239 I promise you, you're going to be impressed. 439 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:38,119 I mean, this is... It's this movement that is so simple to us. 440 00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:41,279 You know, they can do calculations we could never dream of doing. 441 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,919 Any computer. But this movement he's doing, he's going to go down a step. 442 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:46,159 Right? 443 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,439 Give him time. 444 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,520 If he falls over, that's 20 million quid up the Swanee, isn't it? 445 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,280 Now. 446 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,879 Now he's going to do something that I think no-one in this room will ever have seen, 447 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,119 which is, I think, truly miraculous. 448 00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:10,199 Studio audience killed by runaway robot. 449 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:13,959 No, he is going to run. I'd like you to run, Asimo. 450 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:18,559 And this takes him a bit of time, but both feet will leave the ground, and he will run. 451 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,559 Here he goes. 452 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:21,960 Oh! 453 00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:25,480 Isn't that amazing? 454 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,280 Isn't that incredible? 455 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,799 Well done. 456 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,359 Well done, Asimo. I think it's only fair that you get some points. 457 00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:42,480 Thanks, but what I would really like is a dance with Jo. 458 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:49,000 I think that can be arranged. 459 00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:54,160 He wouldn't say that if he'd met me. 460 00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:02,280 Hi, Jo. Hi, Asimo. I'm married. Sorry. 461 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,360 FUNKY MUSIC 462 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,880 Oh, yes. 463 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,240 Well done, everybody. 464 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:45,240 And bowing! 465 00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:49,959 STEPHEN LAUGHS 466 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:51,599 Amazing. 467 00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:55,119 I've scored. Thank you. Thank you very much, Asimo. 468 00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,439 Goodbye, then. 469 00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:00,440 What's the battery life on one of these? Love you. 470 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,999 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 471 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,000 Synced and cleaned by Major4579 472 00:29:17,020 --> 00:29:20,420 E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net