1 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:36,000 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:42,520 Goooooooood evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, 3 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:46,120 and to a greater or lesser extent, good evening and welcome to QI, 4 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:50,600 where tonight, my companions and I are plunging into the jungle. 5 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:55,480 And helping me swing my machete are, the King of the Jungle, Greg Proops. 6 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:58,240 APPLAUSE 7 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:04,080 The King of the Swingers, Reginald D Hunter. 8 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,880 APPLAUSE 9 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:10,240 A jungle VIP, David O'Doherty. 10 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:13,800 APPLAUSE 11 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,920 And a bit of an animal, Alan Davies. 12 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,160 APPLAUSE 13 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:27,360 Well, before we begin, we ought to hear your beastly buzzers. Reginald goes... 14 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,080 LION ROARS 15 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,440 David goes... 16 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:33,600 BIRD SCREECHES 17 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,320 Greg goes... 18 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,320 ELEPHANT TRUMPETS 19 00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:39,720 And Alan goes... 20 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,640 CRICKET CHIRPS 21 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,280 All creatures in the jungle are of equal value. 22 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:49,600 So, first question. Where will the lion sleep tonight? 23 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:56,280 Ah, no. Is this going to be a trick where they don't sleep in the night? 24 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:59,000 Where they don't sleep in the jungle? 25 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,080 You're right. 26 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:01,920 Man, I am nailing this game! 27 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,520 Because of course there is a famous song. 28 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,320 In the jungle the lion sleeps tonight. 29 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:08,600 Wimoweh, wimoweh. 30 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:09,920 By Tight Fit. 31 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,600 - Well, by all kinds of people, actually. - But mainly Tight Fit. 32 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,000 But what you managed to avoid was falling into the trap 33 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,840 that lions sleep in the jungle, because where do lions live? 34 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,800 Office buildings. 35 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,640 I was going to say Luton. I don't know why. 36 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:32,240 Don't they live in like the veldt or something like that? 37 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,560 The savannah. It's dry, it's certainly not jungle. 38 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:35,920 You wouldn't get a lion there. 39 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:39,680 And also, quite rightly, one of you said, they don't sleep at night. 40 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,760 Actually they do sleep a bit at night, 41 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,360 but most of their waking hours are at night. 42 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,920 They sleep a hell of a lot, because they're cats. 43 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,680 And what do cats do? 44 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,480 Sleep in the jungle, er, forest? 45 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,520 They do a lot of sleeping. 46 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,240 That's what I was going to say. 47 00:02:56,240 --> 00:03:00,120 Yeah. They basically let big animals spend 23 hours a day 48 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,680 eating grass and then they kill them and eat them all 49 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,040 and get all that nutrient that lasts them for a week. 50 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:07,520 So instead of eating vegetables, 51 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,640 you eat something that does eat vegetables. 52 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,800 Exactly right. That's true. 53 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,640 I feel better about my diet now. 54 00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:16,440 Yeah, I'm glad about that. 55 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:21,040 But the song The Lion Sleeps Tonight was the most popular song 56 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:23,480 ever to come out of Africa. 57 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:26,800 It was written by a man called Solomon Linda. 58 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,760 He and the Evening Birds, as the band were called, 59 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:33,400 recorded a song called Mbube, which is the Zulu word for lion. 60 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:38,560 And they chanted, "Mbube, uyi Mbube" - lion, you're a lion. 61 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:43,160 And he was paid the princely sum of ?1. 62 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:48,720 No more than that. In 1949, Pete Seeger gave it to the Weavers. 63 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,640 They made a huge hit out of it. 64 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,600 And then it just carried on being a hit, 65 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,360 and all kinds of people, like Tight Fit. 66 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:55,520 Tight Fit! 67 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,200 But, more importantly, perhaps... 68 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:02,080 It's better than Loose Fit for a band, I suppose. 69 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:05,640 Disney, in 1994, incorporated it into...? 70 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,000 The Lion King. 71 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,840 Into The Lion King. Now, it's estimated that if Solomon Linda... 72 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,080 - I'll get points for that. - Will you? 73 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,400 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - For knowing Lion King? 74 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,200 If Solomon Linda had been paid standard composer royalties, 75 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,080 he would have earned, just from the Broadway version... 76 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:21,960 ?2. 77 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:25,720 Just from the Broadway version alone... ?3. 78 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,520 5 million. 79 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:31,320 - Oh! - Just in five years. That's just five years of it. 80 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,680 I've got a question now. The pound that he earned, who paid him that? 81 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,680 Was it somebody British? 82 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,080 No, someone South African, I fear. 83 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:42,560 So what were them people doing with y'all money? 84 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,440 It's a good and fair question. 85 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:49,200 It's not the first time that musicians, artists, composers 86 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:52,760 have been exploited, but it is a pretty extreme example of it. 87 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,840 So just from the song being used in the Lion King, the musical 88 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,400 on Broadway, he'd have made 5 million? 89 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,280 Yes. That shows you how much Elton John makes. 90 00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:02,960 That's what I was going to say. 91 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:04,680 No wonder Tim Rice is always grinning! 92 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:08,160 Yeah, exactly. There's a lot of money in musicals. 93 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,360 It is staggering, isn't it? 94 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:13,200 But, fortunately, there was some good that came out it, 95 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,560 because a South African journalist called Rian Malan 96 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,680 brought the case to international notice 97 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:23,000 and Solomon Linda's family sued and came to a settlement. 98 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,080 So the heirs of Solomon Linda have at least benefited from it. 99 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,840 Which is a good story. 100 00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:29,200 That's good, that's good. 101 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,640 Isn't it? 102 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:34,120 Nice to see that, you know, natives weren't exploited again, you know. 103 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:38,640 That's a good story there, if I was, yeah, I would tell that story to... 104 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:40,200 And yet we opened by saying 105 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,480 that the whole thing was predicated on a black lie. 106 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:45,400 - In the jungle, the mighty jungle. - Lions do not sleep in the jungle. 107 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,520 The Lion Sleeps Tonight. 108 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:49,200 It doesn't sleep at night, doesn't sleep in the jungle. 109 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,680 He's lucky to get a ?1 for it, if you ask me. 110 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:54,200 Anyway, so that's it. 111 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,680 Now, what would be the best way for Tarzan to get around the jungle? 112 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:58,960 Well... 113 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,160 Without a family, I would guess. 114 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,120 Without being tied down. 115 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,080 Is that Johnny Weissmuller? 116 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,400 That's Johnny Weissmuller, who made his name as a... 117 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,880 - German Olympic swimmer. - Olympic swimmer, that's right. 118 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:15,320 - Is that Maureen O'Sullivan? - That's Maureen O'Sullivan. 119 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:16,840 Was the boy just called Boy? 120 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:18,160 Boy, yes. 121 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:22,360 Yes, he was, the boy was called Boy and the chimpanzee was called? 122 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:23,520 Cheetah. 123 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,120 Cheetah, yes. 124 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:29,600 - He gets around by swimming and swinging on... What does he swing on, Greg? - Vines. 125 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,240 SIREN BLARES 126 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:32,840 You trapped him! 127 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,840 Oh, Alan! You wicked, wicked, that was diabolical! 128 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,200 I feel really good tonight, 129 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,720 I feel like I've finally nailed this game. 130 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:52,840 I didn't know you were going to use your Jedi powers on me, Davies. 131 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:54,840 I came in here with every good intention 132 00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:57,880 and the next thing I know, I'm providing answers to you. 133 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:02,560 Tarzan, in the movies, does appear to swing on vines, 134 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:03,880 or lianas, as they're called. 135 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,280 But it's impossible to do so, 136 00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,440 because they grow from roots in the ground. 137 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:10,600 So, if you tried to swing, you'd just fall straight down. 138 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,880 You might get some that are twisted into the branches, 139 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,800 but no animal or ape conveys themselves by swinging on woods. 140 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,120 But what about when you see, 141 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,720 you know, gibbons and whatnot, flinging through the jungle? 142 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:25,160 Ah, now that's a very different kind of action, which is brachiation. 143 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,720 Using their arms to move along. 144 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,720 And gibbons do that and are excellent at it, 145 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:33,600 and as you can see, There you are, yeah. That... 146 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,200 CRICKETS CHIRP 147 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,200 Orang-utan. 148 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,440 Four. 149 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,880 You're in a competitive mood tonight. 150 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,440 ELEPHANT TRUMPETS 151 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,720 I'd like to say that Alan is Tarzan's chimp, 152 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,520 because "cheaters" never prosper. 153 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,000 Hey, very good! 154 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,480 But Edgar Rice Burroughs, who created Tarzan, of course, he said, 155 00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:59,600 "He leaps through the trees unaided." 156 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,120 "He could drop 20 feet at a stretch from limb to limb 157 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,880 "in rapid descent to the ground, 158 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,600 "or he could gain the utmost pinnacle 159 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:09,800 "of the loftiest tropical giant with ease and the swiftness of a squirrel." 160 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:14,800 And also, why would it be a vine in the middle of the jungle? 161 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,720 Because a vine is? 162 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:17,880 Grapes grow on vines. 163 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:18,960 Exactly. 164 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:22,360 But, you know, as in the manner of grapevines, 165 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:24,800 now, as legend has it, Tarzan, the reason he used a vine 166 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,760 was not because of its strength 167 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,680 or, you know, the fact that it came up out of the ground, 168 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,080 it was more so because early on, 169 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,840 when he heard about his girlfriend cheating on him, 170 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:38,880 it came, he heard it via one of those vines. 171 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,520 A lot of people don't know that. 172 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,800 I would say fewer than a handful really. 173 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:49,120 Was it his friend Marvin who told him that, by any chance? 174 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,360 You know the story too! 175 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,640 I know the story as well, there you go. 176 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,960 That's why they let you host the show, you smart! 177 00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,280 And why is, if you've got a vine, 178 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:03,800 why is wine based on the Latin for vine, when we have a vine, 179 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:07,400 wine and vine, shouldn't they be, why isn't wine called vine? 180 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,840 When I was taught Latin, we were taught to pronounce the V as a W. 181 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,880 So it would be "weni, widi, wici," 182 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:17,600 I came, I saw, I conquered, is what Caesar said, or "Caesar" said, yeah. 183 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,560 Is Kaiser in German from Caesar, then? 184 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,200 Caesar, yes it is. As is Tsar. 185 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,080 See, you learn something every day. 186 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,880 I'm not talking to you any more. 187 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:29,120 The more you say vine, the less I'm going to say vine. 188 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:32,040 But the Germans say Wein and spell it with a W. 189 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,120 - Ah. - So why is it called a Caesar salad, then? 190 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,560 It was invented by someone called Caesar. 191 00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,920 I've had a bottle of Caesar salad where it's on the label 192 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,720 and the man who invented it is on the label. 193 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:44,560 - Points to Alan Davies. - Yes. 194 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:47,560 - It was, in fact, a cook called Caesar Cardini. - Yeah. 195 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:49,120 Well done, Alan. 196 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,040 - Well. - Damn, you're doing well. Yeah. 197 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:54,480 APPLAUSE 198 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,440 Wow, it's interesting that the two people who be on this show 199 00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:00,200 every week are doing the best. All right, there. 200 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:04,120 Yeah, you've got time to catch up, Reginald, don't you worry. 201 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,920 I just hope for a chance, I want a chance. 202 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:09,000 There are questions coming your way that will thrill you. 203 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,880 - All right, then. - So, what do you think these monkeys are called? 204 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:13,960 They are two different species. 205 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,520 - Is one a Bonobo? - No. 206 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,520 Bonobos look more like chimpanzees. 207 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,280 - Aren't they the horniest animals on Earth as well? - Yes. 208 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,320 Anything you put in front of Bonobo, it will shag. 209 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,280 LAUGHTER 210 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:30,760 Honestly, they are the most sexually, absolutely... 211 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,520 Even Russell Grant? 212 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,480 Bonobos really, actually lions too. 213 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:42,360 - When lionesses are at it they'll shag up to 50 times a day. - Really? 214 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:45,120 It's a ten second business with the lion, but also the lions 215 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,560 shag each other. About 8% of all lion sex is gay. So... 216 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:52,040 - 8% of lion sex is gay?! - Yeah. 217 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,280 Yeah, OK. 218 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:57,920 Did you get that like, out of a book of lion facts, 219 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,400 or did you get that from a gay man? 220 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:01,720 LAUGHTER 221 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:06,720 I know there are a lot of people who would have us believe that only mankind is gay. 222 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:10,840 In fact, the latest count, there are about, I believe, 223 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:15,280 642 species of animal that exhibit homosexual activity. 224 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:20,320 But there's only one species that exhibits homophobia. 225 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,800 That's mankind. 226 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,480 So who's natural? Huh? 227 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,680 I was hoping you were going to elephants then, I really did. 228 00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:30,240 Come to Mardi Gras, it'll be great. 229 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,680 How did they come up with the figure 8%? That's a lot of research. 230 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:38,160 - It is. - I saw the Lion King and I didn't see any stuff going on. 231 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:41,320 But I did feel the love. 232 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:45,680 That night. The circle of life has a whole new meaning. 233 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,080 It certainly does! 234 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,600 The red-faced one needed some factor 50 before... 235 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:56,800 I can tell you they come from completely different parts of the world. 236 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,560 What's the most noticeable thing about the one on the left? 237 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:02,760 - Its nose! - Its nose. Its huge nose. 238 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,680 Can you think of another word for nose, a rather technical word? 239 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:09,400 - Olfactory? - Proboscis monkey? - Is the right answer. 240 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,360 That's a proboscis monkey. 241 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:20,600 The males have the longest noses, often going below their chin, 242 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:24,320 they're so long, and the females find that very attractive. 243 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:29,120 There we are. It's an unusual look, I grant you. 244 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,120 It's a flaccid penis, that's what that is. 245 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:36,400 A human could not get its hair like that without a hairbrush or a comb. 246 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:40,160 - A lot of product. - That's remarkable. - It is very impressive. 247 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:44,040 - It's a very 1950s kind of a vibe. - It is. It's quite rockabilly, isn't it? 248 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,080 Yeah. 249 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,760 Well, they're charming animals, and they live mostly in Indonesia 250 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,640 and South East Asia, but what about the red-faced one? 251 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,680 - Where might that come from? - That one's called a cabeza rojo. 252 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,040 In Spanish, which not a lot of people know here. 253 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:06,200 - Why did it have a Spanish name? - Because it's from South America. 254 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:09,240 Is the right answer! But in fact, the first one, the proboscis monkey... 255 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,480 I'm coming up on a point, Alan. 256 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:18,080 The first one is called orang belanda. Now "orang" means "man". 257 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,720 An orang utan is "man of the jungle". 258 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:23,120 But this means, basically, 259 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:28,240 the big-nosed one is their word for Dutchmen, who were their colonists, 260 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:33,680 and they thought those monkeys looked like their colonial masters. 261 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,600 And so they called them Dutchmen, basically. 262 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,640 - And this one is even sadder. - It's so rude. 263 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:42,640 I know. This one is the uakari monkey, which is South American, 264 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:48,080 comes from the Peruvian Amazon and is very red-faced and is known by the locals, 265 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,760 unfortunately, as English monkeys, 266 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,920 because they look like tourists from England! 267 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,760 Slightly bald and red-faced. 268 00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,760 If you give them a towel, 269 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,280 will they fight Germans for space near the pool? 270 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:05,520 - Are you people all that hairy when you take your shirts off? - Oh, definitely. 271 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,720 It's a sweet, charming, very human face. 272 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,720 Yeah, but in a perpetual state of embarrassment. 273 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,640 I thought at first it was its bum, 274 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:21,400 and yet it weirdly had a bum that looked a bit like a face. 275 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,040 Anyway, that's the uakari monkey, 276 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:27,920 a rather beautiful creature in its own way. 277 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,800 Unfortunately, when they get to zoos, they're very lethargic 278 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:34,840 and unhappy, but they're very active and sociable in the wild. 279 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,280 - I get quite lethargic in zoos. - I know. 280 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:41,240 A robin red-breast in a cage puts all heaven in a rage, 281 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:42,880 as William Blake said. 282 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,800 Also, the ice cream is very expensive in zoos, so that's another depressing aspect. 283 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,160 There's that too. 284 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:54,080 Anyway, why don't ginger ants use soap? 285 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:59,320 Cos they like to feel it when they get together. 286 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,720 Well, getting together is what it's all about. 287 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:05,560 Ginger ants, also known as fire ants, live in the jungle. 288 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:09,160 And in jungles you can get huge downpours that will suddenly cause 289 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,320 gigantic rivers to appear where none were before. 290 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,280 And what's to stop the ants drowning? 291 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,760 What's their strategy to keep themselves afloat? 292 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,640 Find a bar of soap? 293 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,480 No, the soap is the bad thing. 294 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,040 That, they don't want that? 295 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,640 They don't want the soap. Let's say no to soap. 296 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,640 No soap. All right, then. 297 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:29,920 I assume they'd climb a tree. 298 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:33,240 If they could, they would, and we're going to see them climb a tree, 299 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,160 but first they have to cross the water, if they're suddenly deluged. 300 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:37,720 Do they sail on little rafts? 301 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,800 They make a raft of themselves. 302 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,080 No! 303 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:44,080 They cling together all their little bits, like this, 304 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,520 and they make a raft like that, even carrying their eggs 305 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:47,880 and their precious cargo. 306 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,160 That's the fish underneath having a nibble at them, 307 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:51,200 but they are, and there 308 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,600 they're getting towards a tree. 309 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:53,960 They try and climb that tree, 310 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,760 because then they'll be safe. 311 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,280 But it's a really smart strategy. 312 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:02,440 There they go, he's got,... the first one's up 313 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,800 and then all the other ones are following. 314 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,880 Isn't that amazing? 315 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,800 - It is amazing. - And they all survive. 316 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,200 Even the ones on the bottom? 317 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:13,960 Yeah. What happens is that none of the ants become submerged 318 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:18,520 because of the plastron layer of air between their bodies and the water, 319 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,200 and that's from "piastroni", Italian for "breastplate", 320 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,520 which is rather pleasing. 321 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,800 A turtle's underbelly is also called the plastron 322 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:29,880 and so is a man's stiff, formal shirt-front. 323 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,080 So you can actually have... 324 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,480 LAUGHTER 325 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,880 Yeah, that was a relief, wasn't it? 326 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:40,120 You can actually have half a million fire ants connecting together 327 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:44,560 in this way and they can assemble themselves in less than 100 seconds. 328 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,600 And they can float for days, even weeks, 329 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,560 and migrate immense distances. 330 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:50,880 Isn't that interesting? 331 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,640 That's how I came over from Dublin this morning. 332 00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,080 But if you put a tiny drop of soap anywhere near it, 333 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,240 the detergent would break the surface tension 334 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:01,680 and they would drown. 335 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,800 But I've got an interesting experiment, 336 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,320 and I do love, as you know, to do an interesting experiment. 337 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,720 He does love an experiment. 338 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,480 Now, these will represent red ants. 339 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,440 And this is just, I just find this magical. 340 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,600 And it's something you can do at home, ladies and gentlemen, 341 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,840 this is what's fun about it. And... 342 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:19,040 Will we form an island 343 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,640 and swim across the jar of water? 344 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,000 No. This is red coloured sand 345 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,360 and this is floating on top. 346 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:28,160 You'll notice wherever I drop it, it tends to start clinging together. 347 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:31,200 So you've got, here's your little raft of red ants, 348 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,200 there they are, in the water. 349 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,840 And I can put my finger in it, like that, 350 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,720 and my finger will come out completely dry. 351 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:39,760 Absolutely dry. 352 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,040 - That's bizarre. - Holy cow! 353 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:43,640 Yeah, there you are, there you are. 354 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,320 And I've got no sand on my finger at all. And it just, but... 355 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,640 Are you a devil? 356 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,360 Watch this. This will excite you. 357 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,240 I'm going to pour all this in here. 358 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,160 - Blue ants are attacking red ants! - Goodness! 359 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,360 Yeah, all these blue ants here, it's just horrible. 360 00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,400 And look at that, it's all clustered down below. 361 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,320 But this is the magic part. 362 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,560 I get my spoon and I get, all this sand that's underwater now, 363 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:07,000 and I just pick up a little bit of it, like so. 364 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,440 And it's completely dry. 365 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:09,720 - No way! - It's utterly dry. 366 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:10,760 Witchcraft! 367 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,640 - Sorcery! - Burn him! 368 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:15,320 It's completely dry. It is, look. 369 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:16,360 Witch! 370 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:17,640 Sand, absolutely dry, 371 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,840 even though there are drops of water next to it. 372 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,560 - Isn't that magical? - That really is. - That's just sand and water? 373 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,040 Well, I can tell you. 374 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:27,400 It's the special nature of the sand. It's been, as it were, coated. 375 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:33,760 And, without wishing to give away the name of a brand of spray 376 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:38,600 that you are encouraged when you buy suede shoes to use 377 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,520 to protect your suede shoes, 378 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:44,600 that might be called something that rhymed with Gotch Scard... 379 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:50,840 If you wanted to try this experiment at home, 380 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,560 you would get a can of that Gotch Scard 381 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,280 and spray the sand with it and you will 382 00:18:56,280 --> 00:19:00,720 be able to amaze your friends, if, but only if, you're as sad as I am. 383 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:03,640 But there you are. Hooray! 384 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,440 APPLAUSE 385 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,800 - The fun you can have with things. - Yes. 386 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,080 It's nice, it's good. 387 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,200 It is. Very fun. 388 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,480 Exactly. 389 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:21,400 Well, anyway, what goes at 40mph and smells of curry? 390 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,000 Ah, no. 391 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,480 - BIRD SCREECH - Yea? 392 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,040 Usain Balti. 393 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:29,800 APPLAUSE 394 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,120 That's very good! 395 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,640 I have to say that's impressive. 396 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,960 I have to give you points for that, it's just too good. 397 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,520 I will give you this clue. 398 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:54,120 An astonishing number of animals in the wild smell of other things. 399 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,600 And there is an animal that smells of curry. 400 00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:01,000 And there's no reason for it to, because it doesn't live in India, it doesn't eat chillies. 401 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,560 But 40mph is pretty quick. 402 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,560 That's the thing. It's the fastest of its species. 403 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:09,280 And it's a signature species for a whole nation, a whole continent. 404 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,680 The ostrich goes about 40mph. 405 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,200 It does, but this is not a bird. 406 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:13,840 - Kangaroo. - Yes. 407 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,880 It's the western grey kangaroo. 408 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:19,680 The fastest of all the kangaroos, and amazingly... 409 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:20,880 It smells of curry? 410 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,240 - AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: - "Ah, Jesus, smells of a curry. Smell that, mate." 411 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,440 That's just an Australian who's had a curry the night before, 412 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,320 done a particularly stinky fart, 413 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,520 and then tried to blame it on a passing kangaroo. 414 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,720 "Oh, did you see that kangaroo go by there? 415 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:44,160 "Jeez, what a stink! It's like a curry!" 416 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,960 Anyway, that's one animal that smells unusual. 417 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,720 You're not going to get this next one 418 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,960 because it's such an unusual animal, but it's rather pleasing to think 419 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:56,120 the binturong smells like a freshly made batch of popcorn. 420 00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:58,920 It's also called a bearcat, 421 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:02,200 but it's actually more like a civet than either a bear or a cat, 422 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,800 but apparently it smells of freshly baked popcorn. 423 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,320 Isn't that a lovely thing for an animal to smell of? 424 00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:09,720 Is it slightly overpriced? 425 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:14,920 And is the medium one almost exactly the same as a large one? 426 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,480 Does it smell like salted or sugar popcorn? 427 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,800 - Ah, now, there's a good question. - Yeah! 428 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,640 Their birth is apparently fascinating, 429 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,920 because originally they're just in a tiny egg, 430 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:28,320 and then on a very hot day, suddenly just pop into the air. 431 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,720 I'm going to show you another animal 432 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:35,200 and it's a common blue butterfly that has been described by 433 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,760 the famous naturalist Geoffrey Grigson as having a particular smell. 434 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,720 - Finger of fudge. - Yes! 435 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:42,800 What?! 436 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,480 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 437 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,160 Unbelievable! 438 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:55,480 Unglaublich. I mean, I've got to accept that, because the answer is chocolate. 439 00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:58,640 - Wow. - That is amazing. 440 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,400 How does he do it? 441 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:05,000 Yeah, you two have developed some bizarre understanding where... 442 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:10,680 Yeah, how does a man be on this show every week come up with all the answers? I don't know. 443 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:17,760 He's having a spurt, like an adolescent having a growth spurt. 444 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:22,240 A brain spurt. It's very impressive. Sorry. 445 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,240 My father. 446 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,360 Taking of Alan having a spurt is not what I'm meant to be doing. 447 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:33,440 - So chocolate is ground-up butterflies? - Well, no... 448 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,280 It just so happens that that species, 449 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,400 according to Geoffrey Grigson, smells of chocolate. 450 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,640 Well, there you are. I am staggered by Alan's knowledge. 451 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:48,800 Now, as long as we're in the jungle, let's have a dubious jungle theory. 452 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,960 'A dubious theory from Stephen Fry.' 453 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:54,840 Ah, dear. 454 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:58,480 At least 10% of the Amazonian rainforest was deliberately 455 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:02,440 created by human activity over a period of 1,500 years 456 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,480 more than 1,000 years ago. 457 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:08,080 It's an enormous orchard twice the area of Great Britain. 458 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,720 Dubious or not? 459 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:13,080 Look at the evidence on jungleschmungle.co.uk 460 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:14,840 and decide for yourself. 461 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,960 'A dubious theory from Stephen Fry.' 462 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,120 This is a genuine theory. 463 00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:23,880 Can you understand the idea that the Amazon, which we think 464 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:27,520 of as the wildest place on Earth might actually have been, a lot of it... 465 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,040 Is there a large part of it, then, 466 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,200 that bears fruit that we would consume? 467 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:37,560 Not only that, there is real evidence that a large part, 468 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:41,040 certainly not the majority, but a large part of it is composed 469 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:45,600 of soil that is of human origin, called terra preta, 470 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,280 which is "black earth" in Portuguese. 471 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,800 It contains charcoal, bone, manure and pottery 472 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,840 and can only be humanly produced as a soil for growing. 473 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:58,120 It was created deliberately over 1,500 years, 474 00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:01,720 rich in nutrients that last thousands of years. 475 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,920 BBC Four made a programme about it called Unnatural Histories, 476 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:08,880 arguing that an advanced civilisation of five to six million people 477 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:13,200 flourished along the Amazon in the 1540s and then diseases 478 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:18,080 brought by the Spanish such as smallpox and flu wiped out up to 95% 479 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,440 of the population, and by the 18th century, the rainforest was empty. 480 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:25,240 They left no buildings and only the soil behind. 481 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,800 Extraordinary thought, isn't it? 482 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,680 - And they left Amazon.co.uk. - They did give us that, thank goodness. 483 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,960 They say in North America as well, 484 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:36,360 they always low-ball the amount of Indians who were there, 485 00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:41,000 but after the Spanish came the first time, because they travelled 486 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,640 with their pigs, they had every manner of pig-borne disease, 487 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:47,280 and when they came back 100 years later, everyone was dead. 488 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,840 There was a quarter of the population that they had then. 489 00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,480 I don't think it's strange that that would have happened. 490 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,440 And because they didn't leave buildings, 491 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,360 we don't give them any credit, except that they left 492 00:24:57,360 --> 00:25:00,400 - an enormous forest which makes the planet breathe. - I know. 493 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,920 And, indeed, developed a type of soil that is still amongst 494 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:06,800 the most fertile and useful soil there is on earth. 495 00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:10,360 It is remarkable. Not amusing, but true. 496 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,400 Rather like my bottom. 497 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:19,360 I don't know how that happened. 498 00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:22,600 So you saying true like, your bottom will always be there, 499 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:26,560 - like it's true, your bottom is true. - It is a bottom of truth. 500 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:32,560 All right. That's a bold statement to make about yourself on national TV. Very impressive. 501 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,240 It's the measure of bottoms, it's the first bottom 502 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,440 and other bottoms are compared always to that one. 503 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,520 - That's right. - That's why it's known as the true bottom. 504 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,200 Or the arse of verity. 505 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,480 - Very fertile. - Whoa! 506 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:51,320 - OK. Let's just move away. - You started it! 507 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,440 I did. I just painted myself into a corner. I don't know how I managed that. 508 00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:01,440 All right. Moving on. Describe the world's most hideous lunch. 509 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,640 There's a pretty rotten fruit you can get in Indonesia that stinks. 510 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,320 - Well, the durian fruit you're thinking of? - Yes. 511 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,240 - Yes. It's actually delicious, but.. - It smells like rotting flesh. 512 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,760 Yeah. This is actually an animal thing. 513 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:16,440 It's just one of those cruel tricks of nature, you know, 514 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,840 that certain species find ways of eating other species 515 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,480 that are cunning and cruel. 516 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,640 It's not going to be a burrowing parasite thing? 517 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:26,080 Well, it's sort of... 518 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:27,360 In your Jap's eye. 519 00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:29,000 Oh! 520 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,280 Or in your eye, even. 521 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:33,040 Think of a little, innocent frog. 522 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,560 A frog sees a larva, a little bug of some kind, 523 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,000 it will dart its tongue out. 524 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,720 There you go, there's the big frog and there's the little larva, 525 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:42,440 and the frog's going to win. 526 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:45,160 The frog's going to poke its tongue out and it's going to eat. 527 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,880 - It's not that small a larva. - I agree. 528 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,280 I mean, I still think that's quite an ambitious meal 529 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:50,520 for that frog to take on. 530 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,640 I agree. One of two things happens. 531 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:54,800 One is the larva will simply attack the frog 532 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,280 and latch itself with its quite strong horns, 533 00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,680 which you might just be able to discern in the picture... 534 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:00,920 What I would do. 535 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:02,360 - ..onto the back. - I would do that. 536 00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:04,240 And then just eat it from the inside out. 537 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,080 Yeah, that's exactly what I would do. 538 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,200 Until there's nothing left but a pile of bones. 539 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:09,800 It would simply eat the whole thing. 540 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:11,880 Really? One larva? 541 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,720 Yeah. But if it so happens the frog is really quick 542 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,840 and gets the larva into its stomach, it will then an hour later 543 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:23,040 regurgitate it, and the larvae will still be alive and will then eat. 544 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,160 Holy cow! 545 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,240 So it will be eaten and then eat the thing that ate it, 546 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:30,400 which is pretty unusual in the world of nature. 547 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,080 So you can have your frog and eat it? 548 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:37,560 You can, exactly. It's a pretty unpleasant process. 549 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,720 It makes you wonder about all things bright and beautiful. 550 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,480 But we have no footage. Do we have footage? 551 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:44,800 We have footage, I'm afraid. 552 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:47,360 Oh, no! Don't eat that larva! 553 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:50,480 Two hours later. 554 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:52,320 - Oh! - "I don't feel so good!" 555 00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:56,200 Oh, having a vomit and out, it's pulling out of its own mouth 556 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:59,640 the thing that is then going to eat it. 557 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,680 It's just so, and there, oh, it's just being eaten, 558 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:04,920 it's eating its chin. 559 00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:06,560 It's basically just... 560 00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:08,760 - He was a prince as well! - I know. 561 00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:12,800 It's really not a nice relationship. 562 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:14,360 And there they are. Poor frog. 563 00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:17,320 Wait a minute, I didn't see the end, who won? 564 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:19,680 It looked pretty intense, 565 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,720 but it looked like it could go either way, really, you know what I mean. 566 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,320 We were too tasteful to show you the outcome, it was horrible. 567 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:28,640 - Too tasteful? That's what's up. - They shake hands and then they say, 568 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,720 "We've both learned a valuable lesson here." 569 00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,240 It's called the Epomis beetle larva. 570 00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:38,160 About 10% of predator/prey relationships are where 571 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:40,800 a smaller animal can eat a bigger one, 572 00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:42,840 but those are all active attacks. 573 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:44,720 This is the luring technique. 574 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,120 It actually waves and says, "Eat me! Eat me!" 575 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,480 It actually draws attention to itself 576 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,920 so that the frog approaches it and eats it. 577 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,480 Did you know that 8% of predator/prey relationships are homosexual? 578 00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,400 A lot of people don't know that. 579 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,640 But while on the subject of frogs, what's this little frog doing? 580 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:04,400 What's this chap up to? 581 00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:09,600 Wow! It's practising first position? 582 00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:12,520 No. What's going on in the background? 583 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:15,520 He's trying to build up his nerve into jumping in that gushing stream. 584 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,280 And he's going, argh, I can do this! 585 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:18,480 He's facing the other way. 586 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:19,920 Ah, I can do this. 587 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,800 Is he fishing? Is he catching things in his webbed...? 588 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:23,920 No. 589 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:28,680 I was thinking maybe there was a plane load of frogs trying to land. 590 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:32,480 APPLAUSE 591 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:38,880 But you know, air traffic controller frog. 592 00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:43,480 What is it about the background? 593 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,200 Running water. Water stream, I mean... 594 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,520 Yeah, and what does that create? 595 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:50,920 If you've got a waterfall behind you, 596 00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:52,960 how do you communicate with your neighbour? 597 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,640 - How do you shout? - It's sign language? - Yes. 598 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,560 - No! - It's semaphore. 599 00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:58,600 - Really? - Stop it! 600 00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:02,600 It's the semaphore frog, because it lives by waterfalls and cataracts, 601 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:03,880 and so little... 602 00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:05,000 (IMITATES FROG) 603 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:06,200 ..won't get heard. 604 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,240 So that's how it communicates. 605 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,040 Basically, it's saying to other males, 606 00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:11,920 "This is my territory, keep away." 607 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:13,960 Or it's saying to girls, "Here I am." 608 00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:15,960 Unless it's 8%, of course. 609 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,160 It is a wonderful sight. 610 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:23,520 It's solved the problem of the fact that it can't vocalise, 611 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:25,760 because it lives in a noisy environment. 612 00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:29,760 There are other ways of attracting mates which are unusual. 613 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:31,200 CRICKETS CHIRP 614 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:32,320 Yes? 615 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,000 The internet. 616 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:36,720 LAUGHTER 617 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,360 If only you'd said what you often call the internet. 618 00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:42,040 - What do you sometimes call the internet? - The interweb. 619 00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:43,160 - Yes. - Web, spiders. 620 00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:44,880 Spiders, yes. 621 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:48,480 Spiders make webs to catch prey so they can eat, survive and thrive. 622 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:53,480 Yes. But there's a particular breed of spider, they ejaculate into a pad 623 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:58,000 of webbing and transfer the sperm-laden pad to their "palps", 624 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,320 which are like their antennae, 625 00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:03,640 and then they wave them around to attract the female. 626 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,920 "I've got some sperm here. I've got some sperm for you." 627 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:10,880 I used to do that, I used to do that to my ex-girlfriend, because... 628 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,160 I mean... 629 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,520 Why am I not surprised by the word "ex" in there? 630 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:20,560 Yeah, I mean she just wanted to have a baby so bad, 631 00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:22,760 it was just really easy to get her excited like that. 632 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:23,800 "I've got some sperm." 633 00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:25,840 And she'd come running and I'd be like, 634 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:27,600 "I'm kidding, I'm kidding." 635 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:30,160 You're probably each well out of it. 636 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:31,480 Yeah, she's the better for it. 637 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:33,920 I mean, in fact, I take pride in believing that I helped her 638 00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:35,640 prepare for the next cat that she... 639 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:39,920 And think what you're saving on triple ply tissues. There you are. 640 00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:41,000 Wow! 641 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,280 Sorry. 642 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,280 In some weird English way, I feel dealt with. 643 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:54,000 By the way, the credit for the video tape of that extraordinary frog 644 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,360 waving its hands belongs to the School of Environment 645 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,600 of Life Sciences at the University of Salford. 646 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:00,440 Thank you, University of Salford. 647 00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:03,040 Anyway, Alan, what I'd like you to do is press your buzzer. 648 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,520 - It's not a trap. - It's going to be a trap. 649 00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:11,120 Yeah, press your buzzer. 650 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:12,520 CRICKETS CHIRP 651 00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:15,640 What are those and how do they make that noise? 652 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,160 Now, this could be one of two things. 653 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:19,440 Right. 654 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:22,040 There's the one that makes the noise by inflating its thorax, 655 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:26,120 and the one that makes a noise by rubbing its back legs together... 656 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:29,360 SIREN BLARES 657 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:33,240 So I think it was the first one. 658 00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:39,520 There is actually no insect that makes a noise 659 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,320 by rubbing its back legs together. 660 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:42,560 Ah. 661 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:45,280 But do you know what the animal was in fact you were listening to? 662 00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,320 - Cicada. - It's a cricket, in fact. 663 00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:50,000 It's been known for thousands of years that crickets 664 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,280 don't chirp by rubbing their legs together. 665 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:53,800 So where did that come from then? 666 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:56,680 It's just one of those weird fallacies that people cling to, 667 00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:59,560 and I've clung to fallacies, and it's, it's a... 668 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,920 LAUGHTER 669 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,760 He did say weird phallus, didn't he? 670 00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:06,320 This, this is all, this is... 671 00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,440 He said it's a weird phallus that people cling to. 672 00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,560 He said that, didn't he? 673 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:12,160 - He said, he said fallacies. - Oh. 674 00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:13,520 That means many phalluses. 675 00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:16,160 Yeah, thank you. 676 00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:19,960 Rubbing body... Oh, God, it's getting worse, sorry. 677 00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:23,080 Rubbing body parts to make sound is called stridulation. 678 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:26,440 And crickets have a large vein along the bottom of each wing, 679 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:29,480 covered with comb-like teeth. 680 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:33,000 The chirp comes from the scraping on the top of one wing 681 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,560 over the bottom of the other. Nothing to do with legs at all. 682 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,320 - So it's the wings, not their legs. - It's the wings, not their legs. 683 00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:40,800 And only male crickets chirp, the females don't. 684 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:45,040 Four songs, one to attract a female, two to court a nearby female, 685 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,480 three to warn off another male, 686 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:51,120 and four to celebrate a successful mating session. 687 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:52,320 Really? 688 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,320 Or, four to say to the female, "Why don't you say something?!" 689 00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:58,440 Yes, quite. 690 00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,000 So, basically, it's like they're high-fiving themselves. 691 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:02,600 - Yes, they are. - After their...Wooo! 692 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,280 Yes, success! 693 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:07,040 I would just order pizza. 694 00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:10,440 That's what we tend to do, but they just high-five themselves, 695 00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:12,480 as you say. But this, listen to this, 696 00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:15,720 this is the most extraordinary cricket of all. 697 00:34:15,720 --> 00:34:17,520 It's the snowy tree cricket. 698 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:22,040 And if you count the times, because they're very susceptible 699 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:27,480 to temperature, if you count the times they chirp in 14 seconds 700 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:32,360 and add 40, you will get the temperature in Fahrenheit. 701 00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:34,600 No way, shut up! 702 00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:36,400 Yes way, absolute way. 703 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:39,480 I know it sounds mad, it's from the 1897 masterpiece by Amos Dolbear, 704 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:42,800 The Cricket as a Thermometer. 705 00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:47,840 But it is extraordinary, isn't it? 706 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,920 I'd still prefer a thermometer up my bum if I was in hospital than a... 707 00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,520 Amazing, isn't it? 708 00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:00,880 Dolbear's Law. Now you know. 709 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,120 Anyway, what lives underwater 710 00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:07,280 and is the loudest animal in the world for its size? 711 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:08,920 - ELEPHANT TRUMPETS - Greg Proops? 712 00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:10,320 Oprah. 713 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,080 Good answer, but untrue. 714 00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:17,640 - Is it going to be a blue whale? - SIRENS BLARE 715 00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:21,320 Oh, Alan, you and your blue, you were doing so well. 716 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,600 No, it's the largest in relation to its size, 717 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:26,280 the noise it makes is quite astounding. 718 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:29,760 When I tell you that its size is two millimetres, 719 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:33,840 and it creates a sound of over 99 decibels, 720 00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:37,000 which is like a freight train passing by. 721 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:38,800 It's an incredibly loud noise, 722 00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:40,800 and it's a little lake creature, actually. 723 00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:44,760 Do you know those things that seem to walk on water, do you remember what they're called? 724 00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:46,360 Our Lord? 725 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:54,760 APPLAUSE 726 00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:58,040 You could call this the Jesus insect if you wanted. It's a water boatman. 727 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,200 The water boatman is a beautiful little creature 728 00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:03,440 and it uses the surface tension of the water, there you see, 729 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:05,280 to walk along the water. 730 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,840 That's a pond skater, of course. 731 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:11,520 So unlike a blue whale in almost every respect. 732 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:15,080 It really is. The noise it gives out is like a passing freight train. 733 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:18,320 We have a theory how they produce it, and we'd like you 734 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,800 to try out our theory. 735 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:23,080 They use their penises against their tummies. 736 00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:25,120 Penii? 737 00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:26,360 Penii, if you like. 738 00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,880 Penises if you wanted to speak in English, but... 739 00:36:30,240 --> 00:36:32,680 But by all means penii, if you like. 740 00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,680 They rub their penises on their tummy 741 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:38,800 and somehow create a noise of 99.2 decibels. 742 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,200 - But that's just a theory though, right? - Yeah. 743 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:44,200 Because I put my penis against my belly, it don't make no noise. 744 00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,800 If you really whack it though, if you... 745 00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,400 (MIMES WHIP NOISE) 746 00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:50,640 Steady, steady. 747 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,880 It depends on if I have to get up in a hurry. 748 00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:55,000 Like, if I got an hour or so... 749 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:58,200 Imagine that it's a penis, all right. 750 00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:01,080 If you'd pass that to Greg. 751 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:05,600 You know, imagining is not helping, but all right. 752 00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:07,000 Obviously there's yours, Alan. 753 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,120 No. 754 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:13,080 APPLAUSE 755 00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:14,880 You can have a normal one. 756 00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:16,280 Now this is quite complicated, 757 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:19,160 but you should have a little bowl of rosin, 758 00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:22,240 as in the kind of stuff that ballet dancers use 759 00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:25,080 to keep their shoes from sliding on the stage 760 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:27,880 and string players use for their bows. Ordinary rosin. 761 00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:31,160 Oh, very good. Listen to that noise. Keep doing that. 762 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:34,080 HIGH-PITCHED TONE 763 00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:39,480 You're rubbing, you're trying to, it gets surprisingly loud, 764 00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:40,760 doesn't it? 765 00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:44,440 HIGH-PITCHED TONE CONTINUES 766 00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:46,240 Oh, God, yes! 767 00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,400 I don't seem to be attracting any boatmen or women. 768 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:53,440 HIGH-PITCHED TONE 769 00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:54,560 I'm not getting 99 decibels. 770 00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:56,120 TONE INCREASES IN VOLUME 771 00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:58,200 There, you see that? 772 00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:00,520 This is still louder, though. 773 00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:08,280 - Is that yours? - But isn't that surprising? 774 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:09,560 Wow! 775 00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:11,440 TONE INCREASES IN VOLUME 776 00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,360 - Yeah. - Aaah! 777 00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:14,800 Aaaaaah! 778 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:18,360 It's like Mars Attacks and our brains will explode. 779 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:21,520 Solo! 780 00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:24,000 Alan's very good at it, isn't he? 781 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,880 Have you given him a wand? Is that a wand? 782 00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:29,560 APPLAUSE 783 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:36,840 It's a very interesting thing. 784 00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:39,360 You can pop your little ones down now. Yeah. 785 00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:45,400 It is surprising how...how loud it can be. 786 00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:47,760 No females have approached, Stephen. 787 00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:51,160 I could do it under the table, then no-one knows... 788 00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:55,520 HIGH-PITCHED TONE 789 00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:57,880 Miss, Miss, Alan's doing it again! 790 00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:01,800 TONE INCREASES IN VOLUME 791 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:06,080 You're very good at it! Alan, you have a natural talent at last. 792 00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,280 And he's doing that with his penis. 793 00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:12,080 He put the rod down hours ago. 794 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:17,200 - It actually is 99 decibels? - About 90% of it is lost underwater, 795 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,880 but you can still hear it above water, because it's so loud. 796 00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:24,360 - How loud is a blue whale? Come on! - Oh, it's loud. 797 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:28,600 - The blue whale is capable of 188 decibels. - Ah! - Which is a lot more. 798 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:32,280 Way more! And its cock is enormous! 799 00:39:33,720 --> 00:39:35,800 But we were talking about proportionality. 800 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:40,320 If it was able to rub its cock on its belly, it would be DEAFENING! 801 00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:44,600 It can't, you see. That's what nature provides, 802 00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:46,360 because their flippers are too short. 803 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,520 If they could get access to their enormous penis, 804 00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:50,160 they would deafen the oceans. 805 00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:54,440 So, the water boatman makes a big noise 806 00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:57,040 with its mighty, stridulating penis. 807 00:39:57,040 --> 00:40:01,480 Anyway, throughout the show tonight, there's been a species of 808 00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:05,680 striped animal in full view here in the studio. 809 00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:07,880 Let me know when you see it. 810 00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:11,560 There is a striped animal somewhere in the studio in full view. 811 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:16,360 - Er, are people stripey? - Yes! - Really? 812 00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:21,280 All human beings have stripes, very regular stripes, on their skin. 813 00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:24,800 They were discovered in 1901 by a dermatologist, 814 00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:26,920 and they're called Blashcko lines. 815 00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:30,520 He studied 140 patients who had a particular kind of skin disease, 816 00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:33,960 and he drew up the map that followed the exact lines. 817 00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:37,400 They just don't show unless you have that particular condition. 818 00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:42,520 - It's almost like camouflage if we lived in pasta. - Yes! 819 00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:45,520 It would be. Maybe that's how it evolved. 820 00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:49,000 But in cases of animals that are obviously striped like zebras... 821 00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:54,960 - Tigers! - And tigers. Zebras, for example... - Want a point for that? 822 00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:58,360 - Oh, yeah. - Is a zebra white with black stripes or black with white stripes? 823 00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:02,960 - Yes. - Which? - It's black with... What do you think, Greg? 824 00:41:04,720 --> 00:41:06,960 Thank you, Alan. 825 00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:10,760 One, they smell like chocolate, so I'd say chocolate. 826 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,640 I would say they are black with white lines, 827 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,040 that's what I would say. 828 00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:19,160 - No, they're white with black stripes. - Well, you would say that, wouldn't you, white man! 829 00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,040 APPLAUSE 830 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:27,440 - But they have black noses. - They do have black noses. - That's ridiculous. 831 00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:30,840 That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'm not playing any more. 832 00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:32,560 - I'm furious. - It was discovered... 833 00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:34,760 Ooooh! 834 00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:39,680 Now, we don't throw our toys out of the pram. 835 00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:41,760 Humans are not only striped, incidentally, 836 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:43,160 we are also bioluminescent. 837 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:46,240 We give off light, and this, again, was a recent discovery, 838 00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:49,600 a Japanese discovery. In 2009 they photographed 839 00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:54,320 the faint glow of human bioluminescence for the first time. 840 00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:58,960 It's 1,000 times weaker than our eyes can detect, unfortunately. 841 00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,720 But it is there. We do give off a small amount of light. 842 00:42:01,720 --> 00:42:05,480 It's a shame he's got his pants on, cos I'd like to see how luminous your cock is! 843 00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:11,560 You must get yourself a job in one of those body scanning units at Heathrow, 844 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:14,040 and you would have the most amusing time 845 00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:17,280 looking at people's willies as they walk through. 846 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:20,560 The green bit is a mystery. 847 00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,960 I don't know whether that is the photograph 848 00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:25,280 and the sensitivity of the camera is such that... 849 00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:27,120 That's bio-Hulk-inescence. 850 00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:32,920 That's the Credible Hulk, who was slightly different... 851 00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:36,480 I like the Credible Hulk. He's a Hulk, but I believe him. 852 00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:41,560 He goes a little bit green and slightly peeved. 853 00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:46,400 I would watch the Credible Hulk. There you are. 854 00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:50,520 Anyway, it's time for the final scores. 855 00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:55,360 I'm sorry to say, that in last place with minus 10 is Alan Davies. 856 00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,160 APPLAUSE 857 00:42:57,160 --> 00:42:59,640 How did I get minus 10? 858 00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:04,000 And just behind, with minus eight, is Greg Proops. 859 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,360 APPLAUSE 860 00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:12,720 Then, with minus six, is David O'Doherty. 861 00:43:12,720 --> 00:43:14,480 APPLAUSE 862 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:22,720 With one plus point, Reginald D Hunter. 863 00:43:22,720 --> 00:43:25,000 APPLAUSE 864 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:26,480 Well done. 865 00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:37,200 Well, that's all from David, Reginald, Greg, Alan and me. 866 00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:41,360 Remember, snakes are more afraid of you than you are of them. 867 00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:43,600 Unfortunately, this is not true of mosquitoes, 868 00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:45,480 spiders, bears or tigers. 869 00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:47,960 But don't have nightmares. Good night.