1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:14,000 This programme contains some strong language. 2 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:33,240 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 3 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,040 Well... 4 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:39,120 goo-oo-oo-ood evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, 5 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:40,800 good evening, good evening, 6 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:44,840 and to some extent, good evening, and welcome to QI, 7 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,400 where tonight, the joint is jumping! 8 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:51,160 Lots of hoops to get through, so let's meet our jumpers. 9 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:54,760 A classy thoroughbred, Julian Clary. 10 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:56,440 APPLAUSE 11 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:04,400 Fit as a flea, Ross Noble. 12 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,160 APPLAUSE 13 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:12,360 The human pogo stick, Bill Bailey. 14 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,600 APPLAUSE 15 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:20,560 And a nice, warm, woolly top, Alan Davies. 16 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,000 Very kind. 17 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,640 APPLAUSE 18 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,040 There we are. 19 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:29,920 So, they've all got buzzers, and Julian goes... 20 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,360 MUSIC: "Jump Around" by House of Pain 21 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,680 - I'm not happy. - LAUGHTER 22 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,000 Something to do with jumping in there, I believe, in the pop music sphere. 23 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,440 Ross goes... 24 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:46,080 MUSIC: "Jump (For My Love)" by the Pointer Sisters 25 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:48,520 Good overbite. 26 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,560 That also had "jump". Bill goes... 27 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,400 MUSIC: "Jump" by Van Halen 28 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,040 I've no idea what that means. 29 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:02,560 That was a Van Halen! 30 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:03,920 Alan goes... 31 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,320 MUSIC: "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport" by Rolf Harris 32 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:07,880 LAUGHTER 33 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:11,280 Aw. A little jumpy thing, too. 34 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,880 So, it's "jumpers". 35 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:19,760 First tonight, I'd like you all to give me your impression of some Mexican jumping beans. 36 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,560 MEXICAN VOICE: "Hello there, we are jumping beans." LAUGHTER 37 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,880 "We like to do the jumping, we cannot help ourselves." 38 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,160 "Higher!" 39 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,120 # La cucaracha, la cucaracha. # 40 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,040 I have to say, there is... 41 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:31,960 They're not jumping. 42 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:34,760 - ..a slight embarrassment here. - What's happened? 43 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:38,200 We ordered the Mexican jumping beans over the internet, 44 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:42,200 and they arrived in fully jumping form... 45 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,040 but they have since died. 46 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:45,760 LAUGHTER 47 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:50,160 I think you've been had. This is a hazelnut. 48 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,440 Yeah. 49 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,800 It looks like... I know it looks like a hazelnut. 50 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,520 Here they are. 51 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,760 They're more like "Mexican fidgeting beans." 52 00:02:58,760 --> 00:02:59,960 LAUGHTER 53 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,520 Yeah. 54 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:06,160 - Can I just say that, in a wildlife documentary, that's a pretty poor excuse, isn't it? - Yeah, it is. 55 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,880 "We had some snakes earlier, but when they came in the post..." 56 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,000 LAUGHTER 57 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:15,960 - "DHL tried to wedge them through the..." - I know. It's deeply shaming. 58 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:19,120 - How were they mistreated, then? What's happened? - Well... 59 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,320 Because Springwatch will hear of this! 60 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:23,400 - I know. - LAUGHTER 61 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,920 Can we revive them with some powdered Doritos? LAUGHTER 62 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,520 Play some Mexican music and they'll be up and running again. 63 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,320 STEPHEN HUMS LA CUCARACHA 64 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,880 - I've cracked one open, there's something in it. - There is. 65 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,760 - A tiny battery. - Yes. 66 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,840 LAUGHTER There's a creature. 67 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:41,000 There IS a creature in there, there's a larva. 68 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,560 - A larva which has now sadly died... - They've hatched. They've become... 69 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:48,640 Is it a flea of some kind? Is it a Coleoptera? Is it from the Coleopteras? 70 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,920 You're wanting to say "beetle", aren't you? 71 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,800 - I want to say "beetle". I said "Coleoptera". - Which is even... - To try and do my best. 72 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,960 ..a really smart way of saying "beetle". 73 00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:00,680 Yeah, because this is that sort of programme, isn't it? It's not BBC Breakfast, 74 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,080 where they have pinheads who wouldn't know a... 75 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,640 I want you to say not "Coleoptera", but "Lepidoptera". 76 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,000 Oh! You mean butterflies? 77 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,320 - Well...moths. - Moths? 78 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,600 - Yes. They're the larva of a moth. - Ah, right. 79 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,720 And to be fair, they are seeds, not beans. 80 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:23,120 Up to 20 million of them are exported from Mexico, every year, 81 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,680 around the world, as a novelty... 82 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,400 For comedy purposes. 83 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,120 Yeah, for comedy purposes. 84 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,360 Anyway, the "Mexican jumping bean" isn't really a bean, 85 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,400 but it does jump and it does come from Mexico. 86 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,000 - From the Sonoran Desert, in fact. - Oh, right. 87 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,640 In Sonora, we're going to stay. 88 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:43,840 What's unusual about Bailey's pocket mouse? 89 00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:46,360 LAUGHTER 90 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,520 Wait a minute! 91 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,160 Obviously, Bailey's pocket mouse doesn't look like that. 92 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,520 No. 93 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:57,280 If you take away the handsome features, that's it - Bailey's pocket mouse. 94 00:04:57,280 --> 00:05:00,200 Is it some sort of desert mouse that doesn't drink, or something? 95 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,360 Well, you're almost right. You're very close. 96 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:04,320 Oh, it does drink, but only Bailey's. 97 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,960 LAUGHTER 98 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,680 That's right. 99 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,440 It shins up the bottle, like that. 100 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,640 And it brings its own miniature parasol. 101 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:16,920 There is a particular oil-bearing plant in Mexico... 102 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:18,120 Jojoba. 103 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:19,200 Yes! 104 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,960 APPLAUSE 105 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:24,120 And it was thought for many years that the Bailey's mouse 106 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:27,120 was the only one that could tolerate eating it, 107 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:31,280 because it is, basically, disgusting to all other animals. 108 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:33,600 So they can survive on shampoo? 109 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,960 Well, that's the point, yeah. It has then become a useful oil. 110 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:42,280 Since whaling stopped, it has some of the same properties as whale oil. 111 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,200 A lot easier to apprehend. 112 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:48,360 Yeah, than a whale, exactly. You just get hold of a jojoba plant 113 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,080 and it gives off this oil. 114 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,880 But very few animals eat it. And very few animals are tolerant of it, 115 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,280 because it is a disgusting oil. 116 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:59,240 But not if you're a Bailey's mouse, it's not. 117 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:03,320 Exactly. And it was thought to be the only animal that could eat it, 118 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:05,720 and, in fact, three others have since been discovered 119 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,400 that are also capable of surviving on jojoba. 120 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:09,440 Pete Burns. 121 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,760 LAUGHTER 122 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:14,480 Pete Burns is one. Shaun Ryder is another. 123 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,400 Yes. 124 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:20,320 - Bez. - And Bez, yes. That's your three go-to jojoba guys. 125 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:25,080 As an oil, it's a laxative, and so some people use it as a frying oil, 126 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,840 except that when you fry things in it, 127 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:29,600 it just runs through you. 128 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,560 So it's just a good way of keeping on a diet. 129 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,920 But mostly Jojoba is used for? 130 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,240 - Shampoo. - Your skin. 131 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,680 Your skin, shampoo, cosmetics and things. 132 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:40,920 Yes. 133 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:44,560 - Who was it who made jojoba famous? - Billy Connolly. 134 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:48,120 Billy Connolly, exactly, did a famous routine about... 135 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:51,920 - BILLY CONNOLLY VOICE: - "Jojoba. What's that? What the fuck's that, jojoba? Jojoba?!" 136 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:53,680 LAUGHTER 137 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,760 He has a way of repeating words, Billy Connolly, 138 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:58,720 that I remember many years ago, 139 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,480 when, for the first time, he was elected President of Israel, 140 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,200 - and I got this phone call... - Billy Connolly was?! - No. 141 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,160 LAUGHTER 142 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,600 I may have... 143 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:11,360 BILLY CONNOLLY VOICE: "Mate, I'll tell you what. Israel, it's a lovely place." 144 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,600 I may have phrased this the wrong way, but this particular person had been, 145 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:18,640 and the phone rang and it was Billy Connolly. He didn't introduce himself, he just went, 146 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:21,120 "Benjamin Netanyahu?!" 147 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,880 LAUGHTER 148 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:27,520 And I said, "What?" He said, "Benjamin Netanyahu?!" 149 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:31,960 And I said, "Sorry, who is this?" He went, "Benjamin Netanyahu?! 150 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:37,120 "What's that about? For fuck's sake, Benjamin Netanyahu?!" 151 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:38,800 And then he put the phone down. 152 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,920 LAUGHTER 153 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:45,760 It was Billy Connolly riffing on the name "Benjamin Netanyahu." 154 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,680 Yeah, and he would have done the same with "jojoba." 155 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,560 - "Jojoba." - "Jojoba." 156 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,560 - "The month before November," that was the joke, wasn't it? - Exactly. 157 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,200 Sometimes Paul O'Grady phones me up and just goes... 158 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,560 - PAUL O'GRADY VOICE: - "Ooh, ah, ah, fucking shite..." 159 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,080 LAUGHTER 160 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,920 Then hangs up. 161 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:09,240 "What's that, get that, no, stop it. No, don't." 162 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:12,320 - He doesn't say, "No, don't." - Doesn't he? - No, that's Frankie Howerd. 163 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:13,840 Oh, damn! 164 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:15,120 LAUGHTER 165 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,640 So easily confused. 166 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,800 That was your jojoba. 167 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:23,240 Now, who put jolly jumpers on their skyscrapers? 168 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:27,640 Is it Cockney rhyming slang? "Jumpers on your skyscrapers." 169 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,640 Doesn't rhyme with anything, how could it be? LAUGHTER 170 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:34,080 It makes no sense at all. Cockney not-rhyming slang. 171 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,880 COCKNEY VOICE: "I'll put a jumper on the skyscraper." "What's a skyscraper?" 172 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,800 It rhymes with "rapers," that's all I can... 173 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,120 Oh, stop it. Stop it right now. No. 174 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,800 They swoop out of the sky and have you. 175 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,600 - COCKNEY ACCENT: - "A horrible bunch of skyscrapers." 176 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:51,280 Go back in time, go back in time, before tall buildings. 177 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:55,280 - What was a skyscraper before there were such things? - A tree? 178 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,280 - No. - LAUGHTER 179 00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:01,040 - A hut. - Was it an erection? - LAUGHTER 180 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:05,440 No. No, it wasn't that. 181 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,880 Some sort of plane or aviation device? Was it an aviation device? 182 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,080 Look at the picture, and think... 183 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,040 - A sail, a mast...! - Oh! 184 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,760 Yes. The top one was called the skyscraper, 185 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,320 but above it, there would be another one, 186 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:21,440 which was called the jolly jumper. 187 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:25,600 And the jolly jumper was the highest sail on a boat. 188 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:30,280 So, it would be a sailor who would put a jolly jumper on a skyscraper. 189 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,120 Ah! 190 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,520 - Isn't that pleasing? - That is quite... 191 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,520 Yeah. I'm glad you're interested. 192 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,840 Crow's nest - vest! 193 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,480 LAUGHTER 194 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,160 Spinnaker... Spinnaker... 195 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,640 Football commentator! 196 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,160 LAUGHTER 197 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:50,240 So, but, anyway, talking on skyscrapers and jumping - 198 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,840 and jumping is of course our theme - 199 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:56,840 there's a famous kind of jumping that originated in Polynesia. 200 00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:00,320 - Bungee? - Bungee? - Bungee jumping - how did that begin? 201 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,680 - It was the tribesmen with the twines, tying themselves up. - Yes. 202 00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:07,360 - They used vines. - Yeah. Vines, twines... Yeah. 203 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:10,320 - Rhyming slang, wasn't it? - Vine, twine... 204 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,640 - Swine, bine... Yeah. - No, no, vines. So, they tie it round, and then they jump, 205 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,640 - but they didn't sort of go like that. - They'd tie it round their ankle. 206 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,520 - It would go into the mud, their head, right into the mud. - Exactly. 207 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,520 And we have film of precisely that. Here you are - it's pretty scary. 208 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,240 Whoa! 209 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:29,120 - That's... - What an idiot! Ha-ha-ha! 210 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:30,840 LAUGHTER 211 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,640 Look at them, laughing their heads off! 212 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,440 That's the Pentecost Islands, in the South Seas, 213 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:38,120 where it was first observed. 214 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,600 And do you know who brought it to the world's attention? 215 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,600 - Butlins. - Er, no. - LAUGHTER 216 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,040 It was David Attenborough, 50 years ago, 217 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,320 did a documentary in which he showed this, 218 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,800 and then Oxford Dangerous Sports Society started doing it 219 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,800 - off Clifton Suspension Bridge... - Yes. 220 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,480 But the first official bungee jumping 221 00:10:56,480 --> 00:11:00,400 - was done by AJ Hackett in New Zealand. - New Zealand, Queenstown. 222 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,760 Near Queenstown. There's the bridge. 223 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,360 And you're about to see a superhero - 224 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,400 a man of astounding courage and bravery - 225 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:12,240 do a bungee jump off the original AJ Hackett bridge. 226 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,520 There he is. Can you see him there? He's fat, 227 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,080 he's... It's... It's me! 228 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,520 - ALL: Whoa! - Ooh, ow! 229 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,640 There I am. That was me bungee jumping, 230 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,080 just last... Earlier this year, in fact. 231 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,720 - Goodness me! - And do you know, the weird thing is, 232 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:33,200 I am the biggest coward in the world. The moment... The moment 233 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,840 I was picked up by the relief boat, 234 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,240 I said, "I want to do it again!" 235 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,680 The adrenalin surge is so enormous, 236 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:45,240 it is the biggest fun I've ever had. 237 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,920 Does it... Does it pull at your ankles?! 238 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:51,200 The major problem usually is detached retinas, actually. 239 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,480 - Yes. - People get pop-eyed. 240 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,680 What about when we went scuba-diving and your mask was too tight? 241 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,960 Oh! No, no, no. 242 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,800 - His eyes nearly came out of his head! - Oh! 243 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,680 LAUGHTER 244 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:06,640 Inside the mask, these massive eyes! 245 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,800 We're all going, "Look at Bill! 246 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,640 "Check he's all right!" When we found out he was all right, 247 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,080 I laughed... I laughed my head off! 248 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,560 - No, wait... - The thing is... 249 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:20,000 Wait, wait, wait, wait! Rewind! 250 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,760 Can we just go back to the bit where you said, 251 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,640 when you checked we were all right, you laughed your... 252 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:29,240 You were laughing from the minute my face came out of the water. 253 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,880 LAUGHTER 254 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:34,600 There was blood pouring out of my eyes, 255 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,360 - and every... - You had no idea at all! - I had no idea. 256 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:40,320 I was going, "What?" And people were going, "Oh, my...!" 257 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,520 - "Aaagh!" - "Oh, my God!" 258 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:45,600 I went, "What? What?" Like Carrie or something, 259 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:49,640 - with blood streaming from my eyes. - These huge great eyeballs - 260 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,920 - it took quite a long time for them to recede as well. - Yes, it did. 261 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,880 And a lot of laughing was going on. 262 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,240 I thought you had some sort of magnifying mask on, 263 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:01,800 - but when you took the mask off, they were still enormous! - Enormous. 264 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:05,680 - Oh! - Anyway, there's an even more extreme form of jumping, 265 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,200 which is bungee in the dark, 266 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:10,600 - where you can't tell how far you've fallen. - Bungee in the dark? 267 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,040 < That's a cocktail! 268 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,640 Bungee In The Dark, please! 269 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:18,400 You have no idea how far you're going to fall! 270 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,400 What are bungee ropes usually made of? 271 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,680 - Elastic. - Erm, latex, yeah. 272 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:27,520 - Oh, I've got a suit in latex! - Have you? 273 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,400 Just had it made. 274 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:32,800 I would like a photograph sent to me of that, please. 275 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:36,200 - LAUGHTER - In 2008, one Carl Dionisio 276 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:41,360 used one made from 18,500 whats 277 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,520 - joined together? - Socks. - Also latex... 278 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,360 - Elastic bands? - Tights? - Condoms? 279 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,160 Condoms is the right answer. 280 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,400 That's the greatest condom bungee of all time. 281 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:54,280 If they all inflated, it would be like the scene from Up 282 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,920 - when the house turns... - LAUGHTER 283 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,840 - It would indeed. - And was there just loads of really tired women? 284 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,800 - Just... Just in his garden? - Yes! 285 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:07,240 Anyway, so jumping off a bridge turns out to be as easy 286 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:10,520 as falling off a log. Now, how could these weights 287 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:14,440 give you an extra 6.5 inches? 288 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,040 Hang 'em from your cock. 289 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:20,760 ALARM 290 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,600 APPLAUSE 291 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,240 Oh, dear. 292 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:34,000 - Wow. - Is it to do with stretching out your spine? - No. 293 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,840 - There's some sort of inscription on here. - Yes - in what language? 294 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,160 Sort of...San... Greek, I'd say. 295 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,880 - If we put... - Greek is the right answer. 296 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,960 Ah, right. This is the new Greek currency. 297 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,440 Er... LAUGHTER 298 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,400 APPLAUSE 299 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:58,000 Hang on a second, I'll just get Wilma. 300 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,240 Erm... 301 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,920 You had it the wrong way up! 302 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,280 - I got no signal, nothing! - Just do it that way. 303 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,240 No, the other way up - that's it. 304 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:11,960 The mad thing is, if Bill and I were to put these two things together, 305 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,480 we would unleash the apocalypse. 306 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,520 - So, you're not allowed to, yeah. - Keep them away. 307 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,680 They're called halteres, they're Greek, 308 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:24,320 and they gave you an extra 6.5 inches advantage 309 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:27,600 - at a sporting event. - Yeah? - Yeah. 310 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,920 Punting with rocks. 311 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:33,120 Is it that if you're hurling them with the other hand, 312 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:35,880 - and that weight gives you more of a spin? - That's a thought. 313 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:39,760 It's certainly an event in which you are judged 314 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,320 by the greatest distance you have covered. 315 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,800 - Well, the long jump is... - Long jumping. 316 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:49,840 You use these. At first, when people found them, 317 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,600 they thought they might be used as a handicap system 318 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:56,920 for people who were better at long jumping, to hold them back. 319 00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:00,640 But actually, you wind it up, you wind it up and wind it up 320 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:04,960 and then you jump, and it gives you an extra 6.5 inches advantage. 321 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,840 And also, you look like that. 322 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:12,440 You can see them depicted there, a pair of them hanging on the plate. 323 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:15,280 Is there some sort of checking system in the Olympics 324 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:17,560 to check that people aren't, you know, 325 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,000 - giving themselves an advantage? - Well, nowadays, 326 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,320 you would not be allowed to do that, to use these. 327 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,600 Metal implants in their knuckles. 328 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,360 LAUGHTER You get nipples, and then, you know, 329 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:31,720 the piercings - big magnet at the other end... 330 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,480 Urrrgh! 331 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:37,600 You go knockers-first across the line. 332 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:42,160 So, the hammer, then? I don't understand... 333 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:46,880 That's Celtic. Putting the shot was Celtic, but the original Greek ones 334 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:50,640 were the discus, the javelin and standing long jumps. 335 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:54,600 Standing long jumps existed until 1912 in the Olympics. 336 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,720 You didn't run up, you just went, yagh! 337 00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,160 And the record, bizarrely, 338 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:04,080 it is pure coincidence, but the record for the standing long jump 339 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,360 is 12ft, two inches. 340 00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:08,800 - No way. - And it so happens... - What? 341 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:12,920 ..that the distance between there and there 342 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,560 is exactly 12ft, two inches. 343 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,440 And I'm going to do it for you now! 344 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:17,840 LAUGHTER 345 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:21,880 The world record standing long jump is exactly that distance. 346 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:25,800 Was it set by that man with the flat cap and the cigarette on the right? 347 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,200 He was furious that this bloke was doing it 348 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,360 because the other bloke copyrighted the idea. 349 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,200 Yeah, exactly! 350 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,720 Have you heard of Fierljeppen? 351 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,920 Leppen. It sounds Scandinavian. 352 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,640 It exists in East Anglia and Frisia, 353 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,120 mostly in Holland, though. 354 00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:43,760 Oh, jumping, jumping the... 355 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:45,680 - Jumping the canals. - ..the dykes. 356 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,480 Jumping between the dykes using a pole. It's a big sport. 357 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,680 We do it in Norfolk, where I come from. 358 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,480 You know they've got bridges now? 359 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,080 It's so much less fun. 360 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,880 And you can actually see some... 361 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,160 LAUGHTER 362 00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,840 Mock ye not. 363 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:03,480 Watch some film of some splendid Fierljeppen performers 364 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:05,000 and you will be impressed. 365 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,560 Here you are. Big run. 366 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,920 Whoa! And... 367 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:13,360 Yes! And didn't even fall over. 368 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,960 Oh, look at that. 369 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,320 Less fortunate. 370 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,520 Just to prove it's not as easy as you think. 371 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,440 And...oh... 372 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,400 There you are. Fierljeppen. 373 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,480 Oh... That's a good one. 374 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:32,320 Yeah. You could watch that forever, couldn't you? 375 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,640 They should do that instead of straightforward pole dancing, 376 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,520 they should just have a loose brass pole, 377 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,320 then a woman in her pants runs out. 378 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:45,400 "Wahey!" And then it's less sexual, you know, 379 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,800 you can watch her arcing. 380 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,400 - I think it is sexual, mate. 381 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:53,280 You're in desperate, desperate need of help, Ross. 382 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:58,120 Now, you have some jump leads and some of old foam. 383 00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,440 Show me how to telephone a catfish. 384 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:04,920 - Oh. - Jump leads and bits of foam. - All right. 385 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,360 I want you to show me... 386 00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:09,160 - Is that actually your phone? - Oh, yeah... 387 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:10,600 LAUGHTER 388 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:14,160 Using... Using these implements, 389 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,840 how you would telephone... 390 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:19,960 Oh, we thought you said foam. 391 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,200 We were looking for a sponge! 392 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,800 LAUGHTER 393 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,400 - JULIAN: - What have we got to do? 394 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:29,080 Using these items, you should be able to telephone a catfish. 395 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,200 This is like Blue Peter, isn't it? 396 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,600 Yes, isn't it? 397 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:33,640 LAUGHTER 398 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,160 Catfish! 399 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,200 LAUGHTER 400 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,920 - What you have to do... - Argh! 401 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,880 ..telephone...catfish. 402 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,920 Hello, 118 118? 403 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,560 Can I have the number of a catfish, please? 404 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,480 Thank you. 405 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:54,280 You're in America, catfish - there, you can see one behind you - 406 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,000 a highly popular dish all over the southern states, 407 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,760 Louisiana and places like that, 408 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:04,440 there's a way of catching catfish using a telephone. 409 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,400 - OK, I'm just going to chuck something out here. - Throw it at me. 410 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,400 I'll tell you what the thing is. 411 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,400 - There's a small electric current... - Ah! 412 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,640 - ..that passes through a phone line... - Yeah. 413 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,320 ..so you isolate... 414 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,640 It passes here, here, here and here. 415 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,560 LAUGHTER 416 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:23,920 Yes, the current passes here, here, here and here. 417 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,960 Point A, B... Listen carefully, we'll say this only once. 418 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,760 Then you place the...er... These are called 419 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,720 the, um, powerful bulldog, um, clips - 420 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,480 upon the two terminals here and here. 421 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,680 Thus electrocuting... Aaaaagh! 422 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:43,160 I think you've connected the same wire to itself. 423 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,880 Yes, yes, there are a few teething problems, obviously. 424 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,240 So there we are, there we have a current. 425 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:52,040 There's a copper bit there, that must be doing something. 426 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:55,880 - Now you place these in the water, near the catfish. - Yes. 427 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:59,520 Then you dial - I don't know - 1 800 Catfish... 428 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,680 LAUGHTER 429 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:05,080 And it causes a small current to pass through the water, 430 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,480 - stunning the catfish, which floats to the surface. - You're absolutely right. 431 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,120 It was in the early days of telephones actually, to be honest, 432 00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,480 when they used these magnetos, 433 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,760 it was the old dialaphone thing, 434 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,880 and you would take that from your phone, the old wind-up phone, 435 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:20,240 and you'd crank the handle, 436 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,880 the fish would be stunned by the electrical current 437 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,160 and you would simply scoop them up and take them home. 438 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,800 So it's not specific to catfish? 439 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,440 Well, it was used for catfish 440 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:34,160 and it was so successful that it became essentially illegal 441 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:37,120 because it over-fished the catfish population. 442 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:39,600 I've seen someone doing that in Thailand with a car battery 443 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,880 - slung over his shoulder on a strap. - I know, they do it. 444 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:46,920 And a pole, and just wading up to his knees and zapping fish. 445 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,160 And as you'll know, Bill, 446 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,600 - in Indonesia, they use cyanide and dynamite to fish. - On the tourists! 447 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,200 Yeah. LAUGHTER 448 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,040 In Georgia in 1955 449 00:21:56,040 --> 00:22:00,920 you could get 30 days on a chain gang for telephoning a fish. 450 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,920 It was called, literally, telephoning the fish. 451 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:05,800 There's an academic study called, 452 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:09,480 Telephoning Fish: An Examination Of The Creative Deviance 453 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:13,280 Used By Wildlife Violators In The United States. 454 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:14,800 - Cor! - It was that big of a problem. 455 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,960 You could probably smash a rabbit's head in with that as well. 456 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:22,680 BILL: There's a lot of wildlife could meet a terrible end from this stuff. 457 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:26,760 You know, round a panther... 458 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,320 LAUGHTER 459 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,360 There was another thing they used to do which was a way of poaching deer. 460 00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:35,280 In the evenings the deer would mingle with cattle. 461 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,600 - Socially? - Socially, yeah. 462 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,400 And you could crawl up behind a cow, with a pistol, 463 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,880 and you'd shoot the deer. 464 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,480 But the problem is, 465 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,000 you're in the middle of a field and you're miles from home, 466 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,360 so what you would then do is you would get an air pump, 467 00:22:50,360 --> 00:22:53,440 and you would place it up the rectum of the deer, 468 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,400 and you would pump it full of air 469 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:57,840 and you'd put it on the river 470 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,240 and it would float downstream to your partner, 471 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,080 who would then place it on the boat. 472 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,600 It was a way of transporting poached deer, 473 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,800 - by pumping them up. - By pumping them with air. 474 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,520 - Up the jacksy. - I thought they were standing behind the cow 475 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,600 to shoot the deer so the other deer would think the cow did it. 476 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,360 LAUGHTER 477 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:19,680 But actually it goes further back than that. 478 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:23,320 Native Americans used walnuts and buckeye leaves 479 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,960 to grind and drop in the water 480 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:28,280 which would instantly de-oxygenate the water downstream 481 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,480 and the fish would come straight to the surface. 482 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,960 - Cunning. - Which is very, very clever. 483 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:34,760 There are ways of catching fish 484 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,640 that are sort of unfair. 485 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:40,600 It's very easy. I've caught mackerel with nothing that resembles 486 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:44,560 - a lure of fish. - A simple shopping trolley. 487 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:49,760 Just by... They're so stupid, they really are, 488 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,520 that anything - you could just lower a piece of paper 489 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:53,960 with "hook" written on it! 490 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,800 LAUGHTER 491 00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:59,320 Poor mackerel! 492 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,840 "Go on, swim to the shore and fling yourself onto the beach." "OK!" 493 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:06,680 So it's time to put away our telephones and our objects, if we can. 494 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:10,440 All right, OK, so much for telephoning fish, 495 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,720 how about jumping camels? 496 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,840 - What? - Jumping camels? 497 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,480 - Jumping camels? - Yeah. 498 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:20,880 What, do you mean without any kind of a chit-chat before, just...? 499 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,440 "Jump the beast." 500 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,640 - Just straight in. - In the Yemen. - In the desert as well. - In the Yemen. 501 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,560 I don't believe a camel can jump. I don't think it can lift itself. 502 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:32,920 It's not the camels jumping. 503 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,800 - Do you jump from one camel to another? - It's more than that. 504 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,720 - Think Eddie Kidd. - Oh, jumping over, right. - Yeah. 505 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,040 Stunt bikes. 506 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,160 - Stunt, not bike, though. - Oh. 507 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:47,680 - Just simply by your own human power, leaping over camels. - What?! 508 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,800 The record is six. 509 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:55,360 One human being can run up and leap over six dromedaries. 510 00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:58,320 - With a trampoline or something? - No, there's a small amount of dirt 511 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,720 laid up as a kind of jumping-off point, but no trampoline. 512 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:03,320 No bicycle pump involved? 513 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:04,560 LAUGHTER 514 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,400 No bicycle pump. 515 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:10,360 Yemen has some of the world's severest water shortages. 516 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:13,440 It's got a 50th of the average of the world's water supply. 517 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:17,600 Despite the fact that they have so little water, 518 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,480 40% of the water they have 519 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:22,400 - is spent on cultivating what? - Golf courses. 520 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,200 No, they don't have that in Yemen, no. 521 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,440 Something that they're addicted to. 522 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,720 - Coffee? Tea? - Something they chew. 523 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,840 - Oh, khat? - Chewing gum! 524 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:34,680 Khat! Khat is the right answer. 525 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,360 - Khat, there it is, khat. - They chew cats? 526 00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:40,000 - You can see it behind you. - Not cats. 527 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,600 Khat. Khat is a herb, it's a slight stimulant. 528 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:46,680 It's not like cocaine or speed or anything like that. 529 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:50,040 - No. - It's not like an amphetamine, it's more like an espresso. 530 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:53,280 - Well... - It gives you a kind of buzz. - Yeah, it's like an Aero. 531 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,280 - Or... - LAUGHTER 532 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,600 It's about a third of the economic activity of the Yemen... 533 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,280 - No wonder they're doing so well. - ..goes into khat. 534 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,240 Do they have khat houses in London 535 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,160 where people actually go around and chew it? 536 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,600 Yemeni blokes just sit around... 537 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:12,640 for days on end. 538 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,000 All the men get huge pouchy cheeks 539 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:18,240 because they fill with so much... 540 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,880 Well, I know where I'm going for my holidays! 541 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:22,880 LAUGHTER 542 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:27,640 All right, OK. 543 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:30,680 So... 544 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:31,960 while we're there... 545 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,720 what did the environmentalist say to the camel? 546 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:38,160 "Stop farting." Is it that they produce a lot of methane? 547 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,040 Yes, they do. Where in particular? 548 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,680 ROSS: Out of their arse? 549 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:46,160 - Why did I ask? - Just a guess. 550 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,200 APPLAUSE 551 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:53,120 - But no, there is a particular place where camels are... - Known for it. 552 00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:57,120 - ..extremely numerous. - Egypt. - Yes, but this is a place where... 553 00:26:57,120 --> 00:26:58,720 Australia, is it Australia? 554 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:01,080 - Australia. - They've got more wild camels in Australia 555 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:02,920 than anywhere else on the planet. 556 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,520 Exactly, they have the highest number of feral camels. 557 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,560 In fact, they have 1.2 million of them. 558 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,760 - They're like rats, they're vermin. - Yeah. 559 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:12,400 - They get in your house, it's a nightmare. - And you can see... 560 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:15,440 Only that sign could be Australia, couldn't it? Look at it. 561 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:17,440 Camel, wombat, kangaroo. 562 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,800 But the fact is, they export them to Arabia, 563 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,840 - for meat and for racing. - That's right. 564 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:26,720 Because they're a finer, a finer sort of species of camel. 565 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,760 They were brought over originally as a pack animal to Australia. 566 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:32,600 They seemed very natural because Australia is a dry country 567 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:35,480 and camels survive well, obviously, in dry climates. 568 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:39,120 People thought, "perfect". But of course, they bred and bred and bred 569 00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:42,840 and suddenly you've got these 1.2 million camels. 570 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:47,680 And they do an enormous amount of anal wind expulsion. 571 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,800 They were on at Download, actually. 572 00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:52,360 45... 573 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:58,040 - It's actually... - They supported Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark! 574 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,080 - To be fair to them, it's not so much anal as oral. - Oh, yeah. 575 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,800 It's 45 kilograms of methane a year. 576 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,280 God, you wouldn't want to stick one of them in a river! 577 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,360 It'd be like a speed boat, wouldn't it? 578 00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:11,480 "I've shot a camel." Vrrrrroooom! 579 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:15,040 It's the equivalent of a metric tonne of CO2, 580 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,320 in its impact on global warming. 581 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:20,920 It's quite extraordinary. It's a sixth the amount of the average car. 582 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:25,960 So, now there's a company called Northwest Carbon, 583 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:29,280 which has set up a thing where you offset your carbon footprint, 584 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,240 if you're an Australian car driver, 585 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,840 by paying this company to go and shoot camels. 586 00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:37,280 Which is... 587 00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:38,840 basically a bit unfair, 588 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:40,560 because, let's face it, 589 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:45,720 Europeans with cars are as unnatural to Australia as camels are, 590 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:47,440 and it seems a bit unfair. 591 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:50,200 - Why shouldn't the camels shoot the humans? - Yes. 592 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:51,720 Here's a thing, though. 593 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,000 While we're talking about all this whole business of ecology, 594 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:59,320 Sainsbury's, the supermarket chain, very useful supermarket chain. 595 00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:03,280 The great thing about Sainsbury's, it keeps the scum out of Waitrose. 596 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,720 APPLAUSE 597 00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:13,120 - All right, here's an initiative announced by Sainsbury's. - Go on. 598 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:17,960 By reducing the diameter of the tube of a loo roll 599 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:22,800 from 123mm to 112mm, 600 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:25,920 right, just 11mm reduction, 601 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:30,000 they will be able to fit more rolls into the same lorry. 602 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:33,440 Given the scale of the loo roll market - 603 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,960 we use 45 to 50 rolls a year each! 604 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,440 And that's including you. 605 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,000 I do that of a weekend. 606 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:43,840 Yes, all right. 607 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:49,480 This will mean 500 fewer lorry trips a year, 608 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:51,120 just by doing that, 609 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:55,440 by reducing the centre tube by 11mm. 610 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:59,360 - Wow. - This is the principal difference between men and women, in my view. 611 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:03,480 The amount of loo roll that women use is unbelievable. 612 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,440 I mean, a roll can go in one visit. 613 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:08,880 - Really? - To be fair, though... 614 00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:10,560 Just wrapping it round. 615 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:11,800 What's that? 616 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:18,560 At least women don't pee all over the floor. 617 00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,320 You know that's not true. 618 00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,000 APPLAUSE 619 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,520 Ah, a lot of women clapping there. 620 00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:27,640 Obviously, they do use more loo roll 621 00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:30,600 but it's a lot harder for them to shake than it is for us, 622 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:31,960 do you know what I mean? 623 00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,120 Cheeky flick, everything's fine. 624 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,880 For a woman to do that, she's got to get on a swing. 625 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:42,480 Or one of those power plates, you know, the ones that go... 626 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:44,920 Right. 627 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:46,560 Just, go like this. 628 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:47,680 One of those. 629 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:51,560 You wouldn't need a power plate. All you need is a vibrating loo. 630 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,240 Oh, that's it, there you go. 631 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,640 You sit on it, you have a wee, press a button... 632 00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:59,800 Trouble with that is, they'd never get off it. 633 00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:01,040 "Where is she?" 634 00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:02,800 APPLAUSE 635 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:06,880 "Are you coming out of there?" "I'm nearly there!" 636 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:08,360 Oh, God. Oh, God. 637 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,720 "I think I've got diarrhoea." 638 00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,160 Now here's the question, here's... 639 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:16,080 The Shake n' Vac. Drink and leave the water. 640 00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:20,200 I have to tell you, I have to tell you that the little baby Jesus, 641 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:22,800 whom I have never believed in, until this minute, 642 00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,360 has told me to change the subject. 643 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:29,240 - So... - Aw! - All right. We're going to jump. - I was just getting started. 644 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,360 - We're going to jump to Spain. - We're on a roll. 645 00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,000 We're on a roll! We're on a roll! 646 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:37,480 - We're on a roll! - Come on! Come on! 647 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:41,160 APPLAUSE 648 00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:44,120 Why do these babies have nothing to fear? 649 00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:48,240 There are men jumping over them, but why have they nothing to fear? 650 00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:52,160 - Yes. - It's a real event that happens in Spain. 651 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:53,520 Baby jumping? 652 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,480 Baby jumping, it's the baby jumping festival, El Colacho. 653 00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,360 - El Colacho! - Yes. - Yes, of course. 654 00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:04,320 Near Burgos in Northern Spain, in the Castrillo de Murcia. 655 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:08,800 The reason is that these babies have been purged of their original sin 656 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:13,760 in this ceremony, so that if they die, they won't go to hell. 657 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:17,080 Burgos has the largest cathedral in Spain. 658 00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:20,200 - It's absolutely enormous. - It's a very huge cathedral. Yeah. 659 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,040 I love the concept of original sin. 660 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:25,200 It's like you go to confess and you go in and the priest goes, 661 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:27,880 "That's not original enough." 662 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,840 - It's derivative sin. - "All right, then, I got a transit van 663 00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,120 "and then pushed it into a bouncy castle." 664 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:36,800 "Yep, I haven't heard that before. You can have a blessing." 665 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:40,800 The Catholic Church is slightly embarrassed about this festival... 666 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:42,400 I was thinking, on the vibrating loo, 667 00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:44,960 you'd have different speeds, wouldn't you? 668 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:48,200 Like a dial. 669 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:51,600 Like side to side, forwards and backwards, round and round. 670 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:53,000 But basically... 671 00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:57,200 Al, then one like the waltzers that goes like that. 672 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,920 There are no reports of injured babies. 673 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:08,240 Oh, all right. 674 00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:12,120 So you may prefer to indulge in a Japanese ceremony 675 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,480 called the Hadaka Matsuri. 676 00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:17,000 It's the Naked Festival. 677 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:21,200 - Raw baby-eating. - Yeah, it takes place in Okayama. There they are. 678 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,200 A 500-year-old event. 679 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:28,560 It culminates in 9,000 men in loincloths, wrestling in mud. 680 00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:30,720 Are they all men? Some of them look like women. 681 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,560 - They're all men. - There's a woman in the middle there, surely. 682 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:35,360 No, she's a man. He's a man. 683 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,840 And in the end, the lucky man 684 00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:44,880 gets thrown a pair of sticks by a Shinto priest at around midnight 685 00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:49,000 and the winner thrusts the sticks into a wooden box filled with rice 686 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,040 and is granted a year of happiness. 687 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:55,440 It seems a perfectly normal way to behave to me, don't you think? 688 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,200 So run me through it again. 689 00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:02,760 - You get a pair of sticks... - 9,000 naked men wrestle in mud... 690 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:04,880 BILL: With great big pouchy mouths! 691 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:09,400 ..and then eventually... 692 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:13,440 a Shinto priest throws two sticks to the winner, 693 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:17,000 who sticks it in some rice and is granted happiness. 694 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,960 - OK. - Yeah. - I love rice. 695 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:25,640 Five stars on Trip Adviser, this, wouldn't it? Yeah. 696 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:30,040 All right, jumping out of planes now. 697 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:34,040 OK, what happens if you wear your parachute upside down? 698 00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:35,560 MUSIC: "Jump" by Van Halen 699 00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,040 Are you going to say you get back on the plane? 700 00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:39,960 Yes, Bill? You were in first. 701 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:43,480 I was going to say that you... it just comes out the wrong way... 702 00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:46,040 and...you're fine. 703 00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:47,440 LAUGHTER 704 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:50,400 - It's inside out. - Yes. 705 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,360 You go upwards and you get back on the plane. 706 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,200 ALARM 707 00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,320 I think you'd be all right, wouldn't you? 708 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:02,040 The parachute would catch the air anyway and open? 709 00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:03,440 I have some experience of this. 710 00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:05,760 - Yes, go on, tell us. - I've done a tandem jump. 711 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:09,360 I was once tossed through a hatch, strapped to a Red Devil. 712 00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:11,680 LAUGHTER 713 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,160 My life sort of flashed before me. 714 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,200 - Yes. - And I thought the parachute wasn't going to come up. 715 00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,600 But obviously it did, or I wouldn't be here. 716 00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:25,360 But I did ask...Keith, his name was. 717 00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:26,800 Keith the Red Devil. 718 00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:31,240 Yes. ..what would happen. It doesn't bear thinking about, apparently. 719 00:35:31,240 --> 00:35:33,280 - You would die. - You really would die. 720 00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:36,640 Did you ask him this on the way down? "Keith? Keith?" 721 00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:38,440 "Shut up! Just shut up!" 722 00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,440 You can't speak at all. Before the parachute goes up, 723 00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:45,040 you're falling so quickly your cheeks are out here. 724 00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:48,000 - Pouch-like. - Pouch-like. 725 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,080 You see, a theme is emerging. 726 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:54,280 And, um, and I had a camera attached to my helmet... 727 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:56,040 - which, um... - LAUGHTER 728 00:35:56,040 --> 00:36:00,040 Behave. Everyone is to behave. 729 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,720 Just because Julian said "helmet", 730 00:36:03,720 --> 00:36:07,080 it's not a cue for laughter. 731 00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:10,240 - This is a butch moment. - It's a night out, isn't it? 732 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:16,120 Anyway, you couldn't speak because of the velocity of the wind 733 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:17,720 filling up every orifice. 734 00:36:17,720 --> 00:36:19,640 Can I have a point? 735 00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:22,280 You certainly can. You're absolutely right, yes. 736 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:23,480 APPLAUSE 737 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,360 The problem with the early days of parachuting was 738 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:33,960 the standard-shaped parachute would cause a lot of waving back and forwards, 739 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:38,160 so someone said maybe a V-shaped parachute would be a good idea, 740 00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:41,960 a 61-year-old water colourist called Cocker. 741 00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,600 Cocking, I beg your pardon, Cocking. 742 00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,760 - Robert Cocking. - Can we have, like, an innuendo buzzer? 743 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:51,400 - Cock, helmet... - His name was Robert Cocking. 744 00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:55,400 And he tried out, in 1837, the V-shaped 745 00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:59,680 and he became parachuting's first fatality. 746 00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,240 You've probably got this on the cards, but you know the... 747 00:37:04,240 --> 00:37:08,800 The SAS, you know how they do the old abseiling out of the helicopters? 748 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:12,240 - Yes. - Rappelling, you're thinking of. - What? 749 00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:13,840 Rappelling. 750 00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,280 How dare you. 751 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,080 BILL: Speed rappelling. 752 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:22,480 Yeah, they experimented parachuting out of helicopters 753 00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:25,320 and, of course, the downdraught caved the thing in 754 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:26,520 and they'd just die. 755 00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,240 So that's why they did the rappelling, 756 00:37:29,240 --> 00:37:30,760 as I like to call it. 757 00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:32,000 LAUGHTER 758 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:35,320 Very good. It sucks up into the updraught, which you don't want. 759 00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:38,560 You don't want to get sucked up into... Oh, what? 760 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:40,840 Stop it, stop it. 761 00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:42,440 IMITATES INNUENDO ALARM 762 00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:44,680 Cocking... 763 00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:47,280 BILL IMITATES INNUENDO ALARM 764 00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:49,800 A massive down draught... Whoop! 765 00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:53,360 Cocking tried to involve himself with a balloon and he went up 766 00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:56,040 too fast and it was a big disaster. 767 00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:57,440 Went up too fast. 768 00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,920 Yep, "went up too fast", tick. 769 00:37:59,920 --> 00:38:04,240 He died on the spot and the landlord of the pub where he landed 770 00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:06,920 charged people sixpence to look at his body 771 00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,480 and made ?10, which is quite a successful... 772 00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,680 He was lying there stiff as a board. Whoop, whoop. 773 00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:17,080 His widow successfully sued him and he had to pay the ?10 back. 774 00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,640 But who was it who proposed a parachute, back in 1485? 775 00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:21,880 Proposed a parachute? 776 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,200 Yes, suggested the idea of a parachute. 777 00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:27,400 - Bound to be Da Vinci. - It was indeed Leonardo Da Vinci. 778 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,200 BILL: Leonardo DiCaprio. 779 00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,880 He never tested it practically. 780 00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:37,800 The first actual jump with a parachute was made in 1783. 781 00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:39,920 Which is quite early, isn't it? 782 00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:42,240 By somebody called Louis-Sebastien Lenormand, 783 00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:43,840 from a height of only four metres. 784 00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:46,080 So there you are, that's your parachuting. 785 00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:50,400 Now, this is fun. It's a dubious theory about jumping foxes. 786 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,640 - NEWSREEL: - "A dubious theory, from Stephen Fry." 787 00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:55,120 NEEDLE SCRATCHES 788 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:58,200 According to researchers from the Czech Republic, 789 00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:02,880 foxes prefer to pounce on their prey in a north-easterly direction. 790 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:09,200 As long as they do so, they are successful 73% of the time. 791 00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:11,200 If they jump in some other direction, 792 00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,640 they are much less successful - 18% of the time. 793 00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:16,440 So the researchers think 794 00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:20,520 they must be using the Earth's magnetic field in some way 795 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:22,560 which we don't yet understand. 796 00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:27,600 Dubious or not? Visit foxyschmoxy.co.uk 797 00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:30,480 and then decide for yourself, if you dare. 798 00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:33,840 - NEWSREEL: - "A dubious theory, from Stephen Fry." 799 00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:35,200 NEEDLE SCRATCHES 800 00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:38,680 - Yes, it is actually true that foxes do... - Really? 801 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:43,600 Yep, the vast majority of their pounces, on mice, in particular, 802 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,760 are in exactly that direction. 803 00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:50,520 In the northern hemisphere, the magnetic field tilts downwards 804 00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:54,200 at about 65 degrees. 805 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,240 The fox searches for the spot 806 00:39:56,240 --> 00:39:59,440 where the angle of the sound hitting its ears 807 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:03,000 matches the slope of the Earth's magnetic field. 808 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,440 It knows it's then a fixed distance away 809 00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:09,720 and can accurately leap on the mouse. 810 00:40:09,720 --> 00:40:12,880 It seems to be that it does have some very strong bearing 811 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:14,800 on the Earth's magnetic fields. 812 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:18,280 While we're on the subject of snow, we should look at avalanches. 813 00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:23,200 What should you not do if there's a danger of an avalanche? 814 00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:24,600 Make a loud noise. 815 00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:27,520 - ALARM - Ooh, Julian, Julian, 816 00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:29,720 I wish you hadn't said that. 817 00:40:29,720 --> 00:40:33,400 No. Although it's a convenient plot device in movies, 818 00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:37,280 the idea of a gunshot, or a shout or a loud noise 819 00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:40,280 causing an avalanche is a complete fallacy. 820 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:44,640 - Oh, I'm sure I've seen it in a film. - As I say, it does happen in films. 821 00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:46,760 But not in real life. 822 00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:51,000 Look at this one here. Look at it, coming straight at the camera. 823 00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:52,440 This is scary. 824 00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:54,000 Look at that. 825 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:55,280 Jesus. 826 00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:56,880 I mean, that is... Argh. 827 00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,560 ALAN: I'd love it if it came over Julian and Ross. 828 00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:04,440 It's going to hit the camera at any minute. 829 00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:08,240 Bang. All right, so... 830 00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:10,640 we're now going to have something incredibly exciting - 831 00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:14,000 at least, I hope it's exciting. It's a jolly jape. 832 00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:16,640 - I do love my jolly japes. - I love a jolly jape. 833 00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,320 I've got here a little... 834 00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:23,280 What I'm going to try and do is try and create something 835 00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:25,960 that will make you think, "No! 836 00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:29,000 "No, Stephen, this is not possible! 837 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:32,240 "Stephen, I will now bow down and worship you forever." 838 00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:35,000 I'm going to try and create... 839 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,920 a square bubble. 840 00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:42,120 - No! - "Shut up, Stephen!" 841 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:45,320 - I'm on the verge of worshipping you forever. - Yeah, exactly. 842 00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:47,760 How would you not be? A square bubble. 843 00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:50,320 - Shut the front door. - So I've got this here, 844 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:52,040 can you see that bubble there? 845 00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:53,360 - Oh! - Wow! 846 00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:55,840 It's not yet square, 847 00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:57,160 but if I blow... 848 00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:00,680 Look at that! 849 00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:02,160 No way! 850 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:03,840 - Square bubble. - Oh! 851 00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:05,400 Square bubble! 852 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:10,400 APPLAUSE 853 00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:13,680 How amazing is that? 854 00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:15,120 Very cool. 855 00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:18,960 On television, virtually live, "as live", as we say, 856 00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:22,720 it's probably the only interesting and important thing 857 00:42:22,720 --> 00:42:24,440 I've ever done in my life. 858 00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:28,920 But I'm proud, and thank you for enjoying my square bubble. 859 00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:30,720 Well, that's the jolly jape. 860 00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:34,920 And on that bubble-shell, I jump over to the scoreboard. 861 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:38,480 I suppose I have to begin at the bottom. 862 00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:39,640 - Julian... - No! 863 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:42,640 Unfortunately, you scored minus seven points. 864 00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:45,400 APPLAUSE 865 00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:50,800 - Alan, you are at third place, with minus four. - Thank you. 866 00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:52,840 APPLAUSE 867 00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:58,080 In second place, with five points, 868 00:42:58,080 --> 00:42:59,400 Ross Noble. 869 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,080 APPLAUSE 870 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:04,840 And just one point ahead, 871 00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:07,640 on plus six, is Bill Bailey. 872 00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:10,240 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 873 00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:19,800 Well, that's all from Julian, Ross, Bill, Alan and me. 874 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:24,320 Be adorable to each other always. Good night. 875 00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:27,160 APPLAUSE 876 00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:49,560 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd