1 00:00:30,150 --> 00:00:32,710 Gooooood evening! Good evening, good evening, 2 00:00:32,710 --> 00:00:35,150 good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, 3 00:00:35,150 --> 00:00:37,310 good evening and welcome to QI, 4 00:00:37,310 --> 00:00:40,830 where tonight is a khaotic klutter of K-words. 5 00:00:40,830 --> 00:00:43,310 Let's klock the kontestants. 6 00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:45,910 The kind-hearted Sara Pascoe. 7 00:00:49,590 --> 00:00:52,750 The kallipygian Jack Whitehall. 8 00:00:57,430 --> 00:01:00,110 The k-nowledgeable David Mitchell. 9 00:01:03,710 --> 00:01:07,590 And k-nock me down with a kangaroo, it's Alan Davies. 10 00:01:13,190 --> 00:01:17,550 And this week's call signs are all K creatures. Sara goes... 11 00:01:19,590 --> 00:01:20,990 Do you know what that is? 12 00:01:22,270 --> 00:01:24,310 - Is it a bird? - Yes. 13 00:01:24,310 --> 00:01:27,430 OK. It's a bird. 14 00:01:27,430 --> 00:01:29,550 Famous movie, kind of British, wonderful. 15 00:01:29,550 --> 00:01:31,550 The man who was in love with a kestrel. 16 00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:33,150 - Shorten kestrel to the... - Kes. 17 00:01:33,150 --> 00:01:34,790 - Kes, yeah. - Oh, that was my question! 18 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:37,350 Very good. And Jack goes... 19 00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:41,430 - You probably know that. - Ke... 20 00:01:41,430 --> 00:01:45,110 That is Kevin Bacon getting into really hot water. 21 00:01:46,310 --> 00:01:48,870 I'd know that sound anywhere. 22 00:01:48,870 --> 00:01:51,470 - He likes it lukewarm. - He does. 23 00:01:51,470 --> 00:01:52,973 - Kookaburra. - Is the right answer. 24 00:01:52,997 --> 00:01:56,110 It's a kookaburra. David goes... 25 00:02:01,190 --> 00:02:03,990 Is that a Klingon spacecraft? 26 00:02:05,470 --> 00:02:07,230 - Killer bee. - Killer bee! 27 00:02:07,230 --> 00:02:09,110 - Killer bee? - Exactly, there you go. 28 00:02:09,110 --> 00:02:10,510 And Alan goes... 29 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,950 That's a genuine animal recording. 30 00:02:20,070 --> 00:02:22,230 - Kangaroo? - No. 31 00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:23,863 - Koala? - Yes! 32 00:02:23,887 --> 00:02:24,430 Yes, come on! 33 00:02:24,430 --> 00:02:27,310 It's a koala. Who'd have thought a koala sounded like that? 34 00:02:27,310 --> 00:02:28,350 Anyway, there we go. 35 00:02:28,350 --> 00:02:31,230 Just before we start, I've got a bit of very good news for you, David, 36 00:02:31,230 --> 00:02:34,150 cos your old nemesis, Colin, the QI scorer, 37 00:02:34,150 --> 00:02:36,430 has been replaced by a new scorer, called Murray, 38 00:02:36,430 --> 00:02:38,470 who happens to be a huge fan of yours, 39 00:02:38,470 --> 00:02:40,510 so, I think that bodes well for this evening. 40 00:02:40,510 --> 00:02:43,030 - Well, I'm very glad to hear it, yes. - Excellent, yeah. 41 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:45,470 You've told me too late to bribe him. 42 00:02:46,990 --> 00:02:50,230 - What's happened to Colin, though? - He's been promoted, actually. 43 00:02:50,230 --> 00:02:54,350 He's probably counting votes in the House of Lords or something similar. 44 00:02:54,350 --> 00:02:56,430 We're one step away from the House of Lords. 45 00:02:56,430 --> 00:02:58,270 Yes, we are, exactly. 46 00:02:58,270 --> 00:03:01,190 I think this programme would be an excellent house of reform. 47 00:03:01,190 --> 00:03:02,390 It would, wouldn't it? 48 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,710 You know, just let all the legislation come before us, 49 00:03:04,710 --> 00:03:07,870 we'll fiddle with it. Hopefully, you know, gag it up a bit. 50 00:03:07,870 --> 00:03:10,110 - Yeah. - Send it on to the Queen. 51 00:03:10,110 --> 00:03:11,270 Exactly. 52 00:03:11,270 --> 00:03:15,870 "My government... Will find six penises on this particular insect." 53 00:03:17,750 --> 00:03:19,710 That's what it tends to be about on QI. 54 00:03:19,710 --> 00:03:21,710 Anyway, let's kick off. What is this? 55 00:03:21,710 --> 00:03:23,310 It's a noise, listen out carefully. 56 00:03:25,910 --> 00:03:27,150 And beginning with K. 57 00:03:27,150 --> 00:03:29,030 - Yeah? - A klaxon. 58 00:03:36,710 --> 00:03:40,270 In a strange sort of way, pop just ate itself, didn't it? 59 00:03:40,270 --> 00:03:41,670 A klaxon gave a klaxon. 60 00:03:41,670 --> 00:03:44,350 We call it the klaxon, it's not actually a klaxon. 61 00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:45,227 Is that a brand name? 62 00:03:45,251 --> 00:03:47,270 - Like with a Tannoy or a Hoover? - Brilliant. 63 00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:48,830 - You're absolutely right. - Oh, OK. 64 00:03:48,830 --> 00:03:51,030 - Just like Tannoy or Hoover. - So what is it, an alarm? 65 00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:53,990 It's basically a siren, a noise, an alarm noise, exactly. 66 00:03:53,990 --> 00:03:56,950 A Klaxon has a very specific sound, which belongs to a company 67 00:03:56,950 --> 00:03:59,990 called Lovell-McConnell Manufacturing. 68 00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,990 They were first fitted to cars. 69 00:04:01,990 --> 00:04:04,470 And they were the first electric thing ever to be attached 70 00:04:04,470 --> 00:04:07,030 - to an automobile, the Klaxon. - So what is...? 71 00:04:07,030 --> 00:04:08,710 So they needed an alarm before a light? 72 00:04:08,710 --> 00:04:11,300 The sound we heard was just, you'd just call it some general word, 73 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:14,910 but technically it's not a Klaxon. Now, automobiles, America. 74 00:04:14,910 --> 00:04:16,300 The land of the free, the land of the automobile, 75 00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:19,110 as you can imagine in places like Pennsylvania 76 00:04:19,110 --> 00:04:21,350 they must have welcomed them when they arrived, yes? 77 00:04:22,390 --> 00:04:23,430 - No. - No. 78 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,230 Is the right answer. 79 00:04:25,230 --> 00:04:27,270 Alan, you're really getting the hang of this. 80 00:04:27,270 --> 00:04:29,630 - I've played this before. - Yes. 81 00:04:29,630 --> 00:04:32,470 - You get to intuit. - You would be astounded 82 00:04:32,470 --> 00:04:35,230 by the Farmers' Anti Automobile Association of Pennsylvania, 83 00:04:35,230 --> 00:04:38,350 with its list of impractical requirements for motorists. 84 00:04:38,350 --> 00:04:40,790 "Automobiles travelling on country roads at night 85 00:04:40,790 --> 00:04:42,710 must send up a rocket every mile." 86 00:04:44,710 --> 00:04:47,830 "And then wait ten minutes for the road to clear." 87 00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:50,870 "The driver may then proceed with caution, blowing his horn 88 00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:52,590 and shooting off Roman candles." 89 00:04:53,910 --> 00:04:56,750 "If the driver of an automobile sees a team of horses approaching, 90 00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:59,070 he is to stop, pull to one side of the road..." 91 00:04:59,070 --> 00:05:00,710 - And kill himself. - Almost. 92 00:05:00,710 --> 00:05:03,150 "...cover his machine with a blanket or dust cover, 93 00:05:03,150 --> 00:05:05,750 which is painted or coloured to blend into the scenery." 94 00:05:07,670 --> 00:05:10,790 "In case a horse is unwilling to pass an automobile on the road, 95 00:05:10,790 --> 00:05:13,910 the driver of the car must take the machine apart 96 00:05:13,910 --> 00:05:17,750 as rapidly as possible and conceal the parts in the bushes." 97 00:05:18,950 --> 00:05:22,870 They really didn't want motorcars in Pennsylvania. 98 00:05:22,870 --> 00:05:25,870 Honking the horn, is that a sensible, safe thing to do, 99 00:05:25,870 --> 00:05:27,304 does it avoid accidents? 100 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:28,630 No, it'll frighten the horses. 101 00:05:28,630 --> 00:05:31,150 Well, obviously, let's assume we're talking about now, 102 00:05:31,150 --> 00:05:33,950 - when there aren't any, or very few. - Wouldn't it raise aggression? 103 00:05:33,950 --> 00:05:36,710 Hearing a loud noise makes you probably release adrenaline, 104 00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:39,910 and then your instincts would be flawed, I would have thought. 105 00:05:39,910 --> 00:05:42,710 - I think you're absolutely right... - Have you ever driven in Italy? 106 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:43,104 Oh, yeah. 107 00:05:43,128 --> 00:05:47,190 I've been on tour in Italy and the word "go" is "die" in Italy. 108 00:05:47,190 --> 00:05:48,550 - Avante. - "Die, die, die!" 109 00:05:48,550 --> 00:05:50,270 You're like, "Fuuuck!" 110 00:05:50,270 --> 00:05:52,950 "We're all 19 and I'm not a driver." 111 00:05:52,950 --> 00:05:54,300 No, but you're absolutely right, there is no evidence 112 00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:56,470 that using the horn contributes to safety. 113 00:05:56,470 --> 00:06:00,270 There's something interesting with police sirens, isn't there? 114 00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:03,477 Because they... It's two different notes, and the reason is... 115 00:06:03,501 --> 00:06:06,110 If you hear one note for a long time, 116 00:06:06,110 --> 00:06:07,829 you can't tell where it's coming from. 117 00:06:07,853 --> 00:06:10,150 That's exactly right, you genuinely can't tell. 118 00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:12,430 You say, "Is that in front of me, or is it behind me?" 119 00:06:12,430 --> 00:06:14,300 You just don't know. In America, they have a very good rule 120 00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,510 when you hear a siren on the road. 121 00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,430 You just simply stop driving. 122 00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:20,910 - Yeah. - And go and have a meal. 123 00:06:23,070 --> 00:06:25,030 But it somehow works out incredibly well 124 00:06:25,030 --> 00:06:26,910 and the emergency vehicle weaves through. 125 00:06:26,910 --> 00:06:29,510 - But they have wider roads. - They have much wider roads. 126 00:06:29,510 --> 00:06:31,300 But it does work fantastically and everybody does it. 127 00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:34,310 I usually try and see which of the emergency services it is 128 00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:35,830 and then decide. 129 00:06:37,310 --> 00:06:39,390 "Oh, it's only an ambulance, they don't count." 130 00:06:39,390 --> 00:06:40,750 Or, "It's only a fireman." 131 00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:41,990 "What is that, then? 132 00:06:41,990 --> 00:06:43,270 - "Fire engine. Oh..." - If it's the police, 133 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:46,950 there's something, sort of, vaguely right wing about it. 134 00:06:46,950 --> 00:06:47,793 I don't know. 135 00:06:47,817 --> 00:06:51,190 So where were we? Yes. Horn sounding does not, it seems, 136 00:06:51,190 --> 00:06:53,750 contribute to the safety of drivers, at all. 137 00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:55,150 In Britain, we're actually... 138 00:06:55,150 --> 00:06:57,550 We have almost zero tolerance of hooting your horn. 139 00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:00,190 But even more intolerant were the Nazis. 140 00:07:00,190 --> 00:07:02,030 And in 1936, they started putting... 141 00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:03,430 They're not known for their intolerance! 142 00:07:03,430 --> 00:07:06,710 No, I know, it's quite surprising. 143 00:07:06,710 --> 00:07:07,830 But we thought we knew... 144 00:07:07,830 --> 00:07:10,750 "This hooting has become intolerable." 145 00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:12,590 "A new camp, I think." 146 00:07:12,590 --> 00:07:14,300 We thought we knew everything they were intolerant of, 147 00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,500 but it turns out even hooting your horn, 148 00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:19,510 they would actually punish the driver by putting yellow dots on their car. 149 00:07:19,510 --> 00:07:22,150 It was like a sign, like, "He is a hooter, he sounds his horn." 150 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:23,630 and people would turn their back. 151 00:07:23,630 --> 00:07:26,390 I've completely changed my opinion of the Nazis. 152 00:07:26,390 --> 00:07:29,190 I thought they were a pretty reasonable bunch of guys, 153 00:07:29,190 --> 00:07:31,110 but this yellow dot business! 154 00:07:31,110 --> 00:07:34,230 It is just... They're shocking, aren't they? Anyway, there you go. 155 00:07:34,230 --> 00:07:36,300 So the QI klaxon isn't a Klaxon, at all. 156 00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:39,510 On the other hand, what is this stuff here? 157 00:07:40,910 --> 00:07:42,190 Nice and loud, isn't it? 158 00:07:42,190 --> 00:07:43,390 Is it Velcro? 159 00:07:46,990 --> 00:07:51,110 According to the website of Velcro Industries BV, 160 00:07:51,110 --> 00:07:54,510 there's no such thing as velcro. 161 00:07:54,510 --> 00:07:56,310 "Velcro is the name of our companies 162 00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:59,350 and the registered trademark for our products." 163 00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:03,110 "It is not the generic name of that product that fastens shoes, pockets 164 00:08:03,110 --> 00:08:04,590 and hundreds of other things." 165 00:08:04,590 --> 00:08:08,310 "That product should be referred to hook-and-loop fastener." 166 00:08:09,630 --> 00:08:13,470 "This matters," they say, "because many terms that we use frequently 167 00:08:13,470 --> 00:08:16,190 in our everyday language were once trademarks, 168 00:08:16,190 --> 00:08:19,190 like escalator, thermos, cellophane and nylon." 169 00:08:19,190 --> 00:08:22,150 Notice they don't mention heroin, which was also a trademark once. 170 00:08:22,150 --> 00:08:24,830 "All these terms lost their distinction as trademarks 171 00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:29,030 because their owners allowed them to be MISUSED by the public." 172 00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:32,070 "So, now you know. You can't buy a piece of velcro, 173 00:08:32,070 --> 00:08:35,550 but you can purchase all of the Velcro-BRAND 174 00:08:35,550 --> 00:08:37,190 hook-and-loop fasteners you need." 175 00:08:37,190 --> 00:08:38,470 THIS is velcro! 176 00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:47,630 "Hook-and-loop fastener"! Even the inventor of it called it velcro! 177 00:08:47,630 --> 00:08:49,390 Do you know why it's called velcro? 178 00:08:49,390 --> 00:08:54,270 It was a Swiss guy and he noticed the way burs caught to his socks 179 00:08:54,270 --> 00:08:56,150 and he kept having to pull them off. 180 00:08:56,150 --> 00:08:56,881 Bird? 181 00:08:56,905 --> 00:08:59,270 He noticed there was a hook action on a bur. Little green... 182 00:08:59,270 --> 00:09:01,211 - I thought you said birds. - No, burs. 183 00:09:01,235 --> 00:09:02,750 I thought he was kicking in the air. 184 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:03,910 Burrrrrr. 185 00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:06,670 Little burrrrs. Little green, round things, with hooks on them. 186 00:09:06,670 --> 00:09:08,300 They stick on your socks and other bits like that. 187 00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:10,990 He noticed that effect and he reproduced it. 188 00:09:10,990 --> 00:09:12,830 And he used the words for velvet 189 00:09:12,830 --> 00:09:17,630 and hook, which are velours - vel - and crochet - cro. 190 00:09:17,630 --> 00:09:20,830 George de Mestral, his name was. 191 00:09:20,830 --> 00:09:23,300 And he took it from nature, as so many good ideas come from. 192 00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:28,030 Another similar, kind of, copyright issue with the well-known musical, 193 00:09:28,030 --> 00:09:30,510 often performed in schools, by Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice, 194 00:09:30,510 --> 00:09:32,555 one of their very first works, which is...? 195 00:09:32,579 --> 00:09:33,830 Technicolour Yawn. 196 00:09:33,830 --> 00:09:35,030 Technicolour, exactly. 197 00:09:35,030 --> 00:09:36,950 Have you noticed the way it's always spelled 198 00:09:36,950 --> 00:09:39,190 and what follows the word Technicolor? 199 00:09:39,190 --> 00:09:40,390 Er, no? 200 00:09:40,390 --> 00:09:43,630 Again, it's a trade name. They have to spell it like that, 201 00:09:43,630 --> 00:09:46,310 the American way, in order to use the word Technicolor. 202 00:09:46,310 --> 00:09:48,300 They have to show it's a registered trademark. 203 00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:51,470 See, God really missed a trick, not doing more of that in the Bible. 204 00:09:52,430 --> 00:09:56,790 He came up with the idea originally. They just added some songs. 205 00:09:56,790 --> 00:09:59,830 Eve took the Apple™ - registered trademark... 206 00:09:59,830 --> 00:10:02,390 Not that it was an apple, of course, in the Garden of Eden. 207 00:10:02,390 --> 00:10:06,190 How DO you register a word? I mean, what if I registered "the"? 208 00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:07,300 No, it's quite important it doesn't exist, 209 00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:12,350 which is why you get things like Nu-Kleen, spelt N-U-K-L-E-N-E, 210 00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:14,320 so that you can register that spelling of it. 211 00:10:14,344 --> 00:10:15,270 So Apple could... 212 00:10:15,270 --> 00:10:17,150 Apple did have a big fight on their hands 213 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,790 with another company called Apple, 214 00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:21,550 the famous Beatles one, which took years and years to resolve. 215 00:10:21,550 --> 00:10:23,637 But the original inventor of the apple... 216 00:10:23,661 --> 00:10:25,630 No, the fruit was nature. 217 00:10:25,630 --> 00:10:30,190 Perhaps nature, perhaps God or gods, has never sued. 218 00:10:30,190 --> 00:10:32,510 It's only called apple in the English language. 219 00:10:32,510 --> 00:10:35,630 Right. They don't call the computers Pommes in France? 220 00:10:35,630 --> 00:10:38,790 Oh, the computers! The computer... God, this is confusing. 221 00:10:38,790 --> 00:10:41,310 You were talking about the inventor of the fruit just then 222 00:10:41,310 --> 00:10:42,510 and now you've suddenly sidestepped, 223 00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:46,150 with the blithe disregard of a bloody pansy... 224 00:10:47,550 --> 00:10:50,470 - That's not... - I've never thought that flower 225 00:10:50,470 --> 00:10:53,910 is particularly disregarding of me, or blithe. 226 00:10:53,910 --> 00:10:55,341 I think they look like they're frowning. 227 00:10:55,365 --> 00:10:57,300 I know what you mean. Like snapdragons. 228 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,910 - I'm so lost on this. - The pansy, the flower. 229 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,510 I just don't know what they look like. 230 00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:04,670 We have a generation that don't know what pansies look like? 231 00:11:04,670 --> 00:11:05,371 The flowers? 232 00:11:05,395 --> 00:11:07,470 I know they're flowers! I got that bit. 233 00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:08,710 How would you not know...? 234 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:12,270 Cos we're too busy texting and listening to JLS and going out. 235 00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:16,510 - Do you know what a WKD is? - Cry, my beloved country! 236 00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:21,910 Oh, hell's teeth and a bucket of blood. This is... 237 00:11:21,910 --> 00:11:25,670 Don't worry, we'll be sorted when the Jägerbomb round comes along. 238 00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,470 I know what a Jägerbomb is. 239 00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:32,470 My dad genuinely referred to it as a "Jaguar bomb", the other day. 240 00:11:33,990 --> 00:11:37,750 He uses emoticons in text, as well, my dad. He's 74 years old 241 00:11:37,750 --> 00:11:40,070 and he used the little faces that teenage girls use... 242 00:11:40,070 --> 00:11:41,790 Not that I text teenage girls. 243 00:11:44,390 --> 00:11:46,790 - Your sister uses them. - He sent me a message 244 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:49,030 and it was the most harrowing thing I've ever read, 245 00:11:49,030 --> 00:11:51,870 but it shouldn't have been. It went, "Dear Jack, Are you coming over 246 00:11:51,870 --> 00:11:54,230 for Sunday lunch? Your sister's going to be there." 247 00:11:54,230 --> 00:11:55,510 ;) 248 00:12:02,150 --> 00:12:04,870 That's wrong. Deeply wrong. 249 00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:06,790 - How did that happen? - "Family roast." 250 00:12:10,070 --> 00:12:11,950 Oh, lordy, lordy, lord. 251 00:12:11,950 --> 00:12:15,390 Anyway, according to Velcro, there's no such thing as velcro. 252 00:12:15,390 --> 00:12:17,590 Except for this, which is velcro. 253 00:12:17,590 --> 00:12:21,270 Um... Now everyone knows what knees, knuckles and kidneys are, 254 00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:25,190 but what's the point of these less familiar K-parts of the body? 255 00:12:25,190 --> 00:12:26,710 Kiesselbach's plexus. 256 00:12:26,710 --> 00:12:28,390 The valves of Kerckring. 257 00:12:28,390 --> 00:12:30,710 The end-bulbs of Krause. 258 00:12:30,710 --> 00:12:33,150 The pores of Kohn. 259 00:12:33,150 --> 00:12:36,790 That is the best nickname for someone's balls ever. 260 00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:40,150 "Behold the End-Bulbs of Krause!" 261 00:12:41,110 --> 00:12:45,070 - "Kneel before the End-Bulbs of Krause." - Kneel before them! 262 00:12:45,070 --> 00:12:48,950 - Are these not all Star Trek movies? - No. It does! 263 00:12:48,950 --> 00:12:52,950 Star Trek 19 - The Valves of Kerckring. Kiesselbach's Plexus. 264 00:12:52,950 --> 00:12:57,030 They are magnificent names. They are all parts of the human anatomy. 265 00:12:57,030 --> 00:13:01,350 The valves of Kerckring are actually folds. Would that help you at all? 266 00:13:01,350 --> 00:13:03,063 Where do we have lots and lots of folds? 267 00:13:03,087 --> 00:13:04,861 - Intestines? - Yes. 268 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:07,550 - Well done. Get in there! - Yes! 269 00:13:07,550 --> 00:13:11,630 You got in there with our smaller gut. There it is, the valves of Kerckring. 270 00:13:11,630 --> 00:13:14,350 This is like the QI version of that game, Operation. 271 00:13:14,350 --> 00:13:17,270 - Yes. Bzzzz! - So what had Kerckring done 272 00:13:17,270 --> 00:13:21,230 that someone named disgusting, shitty bits of the body after him? 273 00:13:21,230 --> 00:13:24,230 He was a 17th-century Dutch anatomist, who was a friend 274 00:13:24,230 --> 00:13:26,870 and co-evil of the philosopher Spinoza. 275 00:13:26,870 --> 00:13:29,630 And, as you know from those wonderful Rembrandt paintings, 276 00:13:29,630 --> 00:13:33,830 anatomy was a big subject in Holland, they were fascinated and curious. 277 00:13:33,830 --> 00:13:35,300 Some fantastic discoveries being made 278 00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,300 and one of them was this lower intestine, 279 00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:40,270 which is 22 feet long and a few inches wide. 280 00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:42,870 But if unfolded, it would cover a tennis court. 281 00:13:42,870 --> 00:13:44,300 - Just yours. - But surely that's... 282 00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:47,390 A tennis court! And mine. Well, two tennis courts. 283 00:13:47,390 --> 00:13:48,300 The whole of the tennis court, or just the lines? 284 00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:52,670 No, the whole of the tennis court. Including for doubles play. 285 00:13:52,670 --> 00:13:54,270 It's pretty astonishing, isn't it? 286 00:13:54,270 --> 00:13:55,300 What's interesting about the intestines, 287 00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:58,390 we used to be herbivores, which is why we have so much intestine. 288 00:13:58,390 --> 00:14:00,910 Because when you only eat plants, 289 00:14:00,910 --> 00:14:03,230 you have to take a really long time digesting them, 290 00:14:03,230 --> 00:14:06,030 to get everything out of them. Now we're carnivores, 291 00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:08,830 and this is why we have digestive problems, with dairy and stuff. 292 00:14:08,830 --> 00:14:11,270 But giant pandas, who are carnivores, they have very... 293 00:14:11,270 --> 00:14:13,070 - Are they? - They were carnivores. 294 00:14:13,070 --> 00:14:13,534 Were they? 295 00:14:13,558 --> 00:14:16,677 We're one of only three species that have changed over, one to the other. 296 00:14:16,701 --> 00:14:18,870 It's us, pandas and a squirrel. 297 00:14:20,550 --> 00:14:21,990 Squirrels used to be carnivore? 298 00:14:21,990 --> 00:14:24,310 - A kind of squirrel that I can't remember. - Oh, right. 299 00:14:24,310 --> 00:14:27,110 Giant pandas have such a problem cos they have a short intestine, 300 00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:29,350 without these flaps, so they only eat bamboo, 301 00:14:29,350 --> 00:14:30,870 which goes straight through them, 302 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,044 meaning they have to eat it all day long. 303 00:14:32,068 --> 00:14:33,070 I know, It's so boring! 304 00:14:33,070 --> 00:14:35,110 - That's why they never have sex. - Yeah, exactly. 305 00:14:35,110 --> 00:14:39,830 As we all know, you cannot have sex on indigestion. It's impossible. 306 00:14:39,830 --> 00:14:41,510 You definitely get points for that. 307 00:14:41,510 --> 00:14:44,590 What happened that the pandas gave up on meat? 308 00:14:44,590 --> 00:14:47,030 Evolution and their circumstances, their environs. 309 00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:48,750 It's not working for them, evolution. 310 00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:51,070 You're going to get logically cross with them now! 311 00:14:51,070 --> 00:14:52,629 I mean, it seems... 312 00:14:52,653 --> 00:14:54,590 - They took a wrong step. -...idiotic. 313 00:14:54,590 --> 00:14:58,910 They can't... There's like 25 minutes a year they can have sex 314 00:14:58,910 --> 00:15:02,870 and it will work - if they can be bothered, which they never can. 315 00:15:02,870 --> 00:15:05,830 - They look ridiculous. - Oh, what?! 316 00:15:05,830 --> 00:15:07,750 Let's not bring looks into this. 317 00:15:07,750 --> 00:15:10,870 I'm not saying they're not sweet, but they're not dignified, are they? 318 00:15:10,870 --> 00:15:12,750 Oh, but that's what makes them so lovely. 319 00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:14,300 You're not going, "Ah, the wise panda..." 320 00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:17,430 Never mind what the panda thinks, the panda's an idiot. 321 00:15:17,430 --> 00:15:19,270 Maybe they used to... 322 00:15:19,270 --> 00:15:21,710 If you want to make Bungle in Rainbow seem high-status, 323 00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:23,350 bring on a panda. 324 00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:26,430 I'm with David on this. If you're in danger, you eat what you get. 325 00:15:26,430 --> 00:15:28,270 If a rhino turned round and was like, 326 00:15:28,270 --> 00:15:31,670 "Sorry, no carbs before Marbs," then it deserves to die. 327 00:15:31,670 --> 00:15:33,270 Young person reference. 328 00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:36,430 I think they probably used to eat things that don't exist any more. 329 00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:38,070 Oh, like dinosaurs. 330 00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:42,150 - Little dinosaurs. - Yeah. Lovely little crunchy ones. 331 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:44,390 Who really liked pandas. 332 00:15:44,390 --> 00:15:48,270 They used to go up and go, "Ah, look, really cu... Oh!" 333 00:15:48,270 --> 00:15:49,790 THAT would be evolution - 334 00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:53,387 you evolved to look cute to something you want to eat. 335 00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,390 Yes. Anyway, back to parts of the body, 336 00:15:55,390 --> 00:15:58,030 those are the valves of Kerckring. 337 00:15:58,030 --> 00:16:00,350 What about these, then, the pores of Kohn? 338 00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:01,463 The bell ends of... 339 00:16:01,487 --> 00:16:03,750 No, we're going to come to the bell ends, Alan. 340 00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:07,270 Wait for the bell ends. They will come, but the pores of Kohn. 341 00:16:13,550 --> 00:16:15,670 I don't know what's going to come out. 342 00:16:18,070 --> 00:16:20,030 I never know what's going to issue from me. 343 00:16:20,030 --> 00:16:22,230 It's another ring tone, I can't wait. 344 00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:28,470 - That is Twitter, in a nutshell. - I'm so sorry. 345 00:16:29,870 --> 00:16:33,550 The pores of Kohn are incredibly important. We need them deeply. 346 00:16:33,550 --> 00:16:34,300 But they're not pores... 347 00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:36,350 They are holes in the surface of the skin. 348 00:16:36,350 --> 00:16:39,350 Not in the skin, those are where we have, obviously, millions of pores. 349 00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:41,870 - They're an internal pore. - They're internal pores. 350 00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:43,550 - Is it on bones? - No, not in bones. 351 00:16:43,550 --> 00:16:45,670 They're in order to equalise pressure. 352 00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:46,830 In the lungs. 353 00:16:46,830 --> 00:16:48,950 As a backup system, in the lungs. Exactly right. 354 00:16:48,950 --> 00:16:52,830 Named after a German pathologist who was expelled by the Nazis in 1933, 355 00:16:52,830 --> 00:16:53,870 but there they are. 356 00:16:53,870 --> 00:16:55,150 Did he beep his horn? 357 00:16:56,190 --> 00:16:59,550 "I've found some pores in the lungs!" 358 00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,350 I wish it were, for such a nice, good reason. 359 00:17:03,350 --> 00:17:05,390 "Out, get out!" 360 00:17:05,390 --> 00:17:06,138 There you go. 361 00:17:06,162 --> 00:17:09,470 And amazingly, they form an emergency backup system, 362 00:17:09,470 --> 00:17:13,990 along with the canals of Lambert and the fenestrations of Boren. 363 00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:16,910 I thought you were going to say Butler, that would have been perfect. 364 00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:20,310 Fenestration... Defenestration is chucking someone out of a window. 365 00:17:20,310 --> 00:17:22,950 Fenestration is presumably chucking someone in. 366 00:17:22,950 --> 00:17:25,470 It's just a window shaping... A window making thing. 367 00:17:25,470 --> 00:17:28,270 The defenestration of Prague, wasn't it, was a historical event? 368 00:17:28,270 --> 00:17:29,300 I don't quite know what happened there, but... 369 00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:32,590 - People got thrown out of windows. - Out of windows, yes. 370 00:17:32,590 --> 00:17:33,735 The whole city wasn't thrown out of a window. 371 00:17:33,759 --> 00:17:35,870 - In Prague. - Yes. 372 00:17:35,870 --> 00:17:38,710 The defenestration of Amsterdam was a historical event 373 00:17:38,710 --> 00:17:41,630 that happened on a stag do that I attended. 374 00:17:41,630 --> 00:17:42,950 I'm sure it did. 375 00:17:42,950 --> 00:17:44,990 These prostitutes do not like getting touched. 376 00:17:44,990 --> 00:17:46,559 Oh, stop. 377 00:17:46,583 --> 00:17:48,510 - Not me! - Oh, right, phew! 378 00:17:48,510 --> 00:17:50,270 - You mean the window ones? - Yes. 379 00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,910 Sorry, I've got you. For a minute, I was really disturbed. 380 00:17:52,910 --> 00:17:55,070 - I'm not there. - No, no, of course not. 381 00:17:55,070 --> 00:17:56,990 By the way, if I was, that's how I'd do it. 382 00:17:59,030 --> 00:18:02,190 You'd never be out of work, I promise you. 383 00:18:02,190 --> 00:18:04,910 The end-bulbs... 384 00:18:04,910 --> 00:18:07,910 We're coming to the end-bulbs. 385 00:18:07,910 --> 00:18:12,070 The end-bulbs of Krause. Now, what could they be? 386 00:18:12,070 --> 00:18:13,190 The helmet. 387 00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:16,270 We have them on the genitalia, in mulberry-like clusters, 388 00:18:16,270 --> 00:18:18,870 - as a matter of fact. - Mulberry-like clusters? 389 00:18:18,870 --> 00:18:21,270 - We have a lot of them. - The little funny bits on the... 390 00:18:21,270 --> 00:18:24,310 Pimple bits on the... On the.. Right... That are all... 391 00:18:26,030 --> 00:18:28,110 Don't do that! 392 00:18:29,550 --> 00:18:31,350 They're those bits, there. 393 00:18:31,350 --> 00:18:33,188 Those middle bits. 394 00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:35,190 - Those middle bits there and there. - Here. 395 00:18:37,510 --> 00:18:39,990 You know when you take it out to go to the loo, right? 396 00:18:41,110 --> 00:18:43,430 And then you get the winch down. 397 00:18:43,430 --> 00:18:45,703 I have to take a stepladder to go to the loo. 398 00:18:45,727 --> 00:18:48,030 Behave! No, they're smaller than that, 399 00:18:48,030 --> 00:18:50,670 but they are incredibly sensitive to a particular condition. 400 00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,790 - A lady. - To what, ladies? 401 00:18:52,790 --> 00:18:55,190 - To a particular lady. - A particular lady. No. 402 00:18:55,190 --> 00:18:56,870 We also have them all over the skin, 403 00:18:56,870 --> 00:19:00,270 but they are very concentrated on the genitalia, for a particular reason, 404 00:19:00,270 --> 00:19:03,950 particularly the male genitalia are sensitive to the... Your swinging... 405 00:19:03,950 --> 00:19:05,990 - Don't do that! - What did he do? 406 00:19:05,990 --> 00:19:07,200 Are you having a look? 407 00:19:07,224 --> 00:19:08,070 - Is that cheating? - Yes! 408 00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:11,630 You have a special isolated camera above you, 409 00:19:11,630 --> 00:19:13,710 - just thought I'd warn you. - Oh, really? 410 00:19:13,710 --> 00:19:15,790 - Well, I do. Anyway. - Sorry, Colin. 411 00:19:16,950 --> 00:19:20,950 But, no, as you know, the survival of spermatozoa 412 00:19:20,950 --> 00:19:24,550 is very dependent on a very narrow range of what? 413 00:19:24,550 --> 00:19:26,550 - Temperature. - Temperature, exactly. 414 00:19:26,550 --> 00:19:28,230 - That's why we've got balls. - Yeah. 415 00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:30,163 Cos they have to be kept separate from the... 416 00:19:30,187 --> 00:19:30,710 Precisely. 417 00:19:30,710 --> 00:19:33,300 It's like hanging milk outside a student room... 418 00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:35,110 - Yes. -...to keep it cold. 419 00:19:35,110 --> 00:19:37,630 So, if it's very, very warm, they sort of tend to droop down, 420 00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:39,910 and sort of swing a bit and get the air round them. 421 00:19:39,910 --> 00:19:41,300 If it's very cold, they shrink up and... 422 00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:43,750 - They tend to head home. - Yeah, exactly. 423 00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,830 And snuggle up, to the blood supply. 424 00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:47,350 Or if you're watching Loose Women. 425 00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:49,390 Maybe. Yes. I should imagine that would... 426 00:19:49,390 --> 00:19:51,790 - In a cold room. - Yes, in a cold room. 427 00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:53,790 So, yes, these end-bulbs of Krause 428 00:19:53,790 --> 00:19:55,790 are tiny little bits all over the skin, 429 00:19:55,790 --> 00:19:57,300 not just the genitalia, they're not as big as... 430 00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:59,910 - Whose willy's that? - No, no, they're not just... 431 00:19:59,910 --> 00:20:01,230 To make it clear, they're all over the body. 432 00:20:01,230 --> 00:20:03,300 - They're goose pimples. - He needs to see a doctor. 433 00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:06,950 They're not the goose pimples. They're tiny and sense cold. 434 00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:09,270 - Could you see an end-bulb of Krause? - I don't think so. 435 00:20:09,270 --> 00:20:10,990 - They're too small to see. - Yeah. 436 00:20:10,990 --> 00:20:12,420 But they're there working out if it's cold. 437 00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:13,190 Yes. 438 00:20:13,190 --> 00:20:15,230 - If it's hot, they knock off. - Yeah. Absolutely right. 439 00:20:15,230 --> 00:20:18,470 They're activated by temperatures lower than 20 degrees Celsius. 440 00:20:18,470 --> 00:20:21,110 Oh, they're pretty busy in this country, then. 441 00:20:21,110 --> 00:20:22,990 They certainly are, they certainly are. 442 00:20:22,990 --> 00:20:25,870 And so that leaves us with Kiesselbach's plexus. 443 00:20:25,870 --> 00:20:30,190 And plexus, as in complex, is a sort of network. 444 00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:32,150 So it's a nerve-endings thing, is it? 445 00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:33,230 - The brain. - The brain, yeah. 446 00:20:33,230 --> 00:20:37,190 No, actually, it's a network of connected arteries. 447 00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:37,835 The heart? 448 00:20:37,859 --> 00:20:39,790 - No. - I'm just going to say things. 449 00:20:39,790 --> 00:20:42,030 And that's it, I've completely... 450 00:20:43,030 --> 00:20:45,510 No, it's in the nasal septum. 451 00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:47,390 Yeah, it's a little network of arteries. 452 00:20:47,390 --> 00:20:50,270 It's around the point where we're most likely to have a nosebleed. 453 00:20:50,270 --> 00:20:51,300 We've covered this before, Alan. 454 00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:54,670 When you have a nose bleed you should pinch your nose and lean...? 455 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:55,375 Forwards. 456 00:20:55,399 --> 00:20:56,425 - Well remembered. - Lean back. 457 00:20:56,449 --> 00:20:59,350 - Ah! No. No. Forward. - Oh, well, just in time. 458 00:20:59,350 --> 00:21:02,710 If you lean back, the blood might go down your throat. Anyway. 459 00:21:02,710 --> 00:21:05,950 This picture of Tara Palmer-Tomkinson with her make-up off is amazing. 460 00:21:08,590 --> 00:21:13,390 That's terrible. Now, why do doctors hit your knee with a hammer? 461 00:21:13,390 --> 00:21:15,430 To test your reflexes. 462 00:21:15,430 --> 00:21:16,550 Yes. 463 00:21:17,550 --> 00:21:19,338 - That's correct, but what reflexes are they? - What?! 464 00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:22,030 - The reflexes of the... - I was convinced! 465 00:21:23,830 --> 00:21:24,722 It's a muscle... 466 00:21:24,746 --> 00:21:27,110 You know the scorer. You so know Murray. 467 00:21:28,790 --> 00:21:31,590 It's always a really cold hammer, so maybe they're testing 468 00:21:31,590 --> 00:21:34,670 the end-bulbs of Kurchel-bircher-koucher-butcher. 469 00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:36,656 Just checking. 470 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,230 No, it's not the end-bulbs of Krause. 471 00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:39,590 - Cos they don't like you. - Yes. 472 00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:42,150 There's nerves that run from the thigh upwards to the...? 473 00:21:42,150 --> 00:21:44,070 - Head. - No. 474 00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:45,870 No, you would think that. 475 00:21:45,870 --> 00:21:48,710 It's something to do... The expression is a knee-jerk response. 476 00:21:48,710 --> 00:21:53,030 - Because it doesn't go to the brain. - You're absolutely right. 477 00:21:53,030 --> 00:21:56,150 - It communicates amongst itself. - It goes up to the spinal column. 478 00:21:56,150 --> 00:21:58,150 It doesn't go all the way up to the brain at all. 479 00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:00,590 So it is unmediated by the brain entirely. 480 00:22:00,590 --> 00:22:03,590 - It is absolutely a knee-jerk reflex. - And it only happens in two times. 481 00:22:03,590 --> 00:22:05,910 One is when you get hit on the knee with a little hammer 482 00:22:05,910 --> 00:22:08,510 and the other is when you're asleep on a crowded train... 483 00:22:09,670 --> 00:22:11,030 The only two times. 484 00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:14,830 And you never see a doctor rushing off with a little hammer. 485 00:22:14,830 --> 00:22:18,270 What are they hoping to see, doctors, when they tap you on the knee? 486 00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:20,470 They want you to do that, they want you to kick. 487 00:22:20,470 --> 00:22:22,030 Though, actually, if it's too big, 488 00:22:22,030 --> 00:22:24,350 it could be a sign of really bad things. 489 00:22:24,350 --> 00:22:28,230 - So that is a pretty healthy one. - Sorry, is this footage on a loop? 490 00:22:28,230 --> 00:22:29,990 - It's on a loop, yes. - Oh, sorry. 491 00:22:29,990 --> 00:22:31,790 "This is the worst medical ever." 492 00:22:33,150 --> 00:22:35,910 "Just stop with the bloody knee!" 493 00:22:35,910 --> 00:22:38,630 "Grab my balls, I'll cough and then let's leave." 494 00:22:38,630 --> 00:22:42,030 No, it's the relative strength of the twitch that is really important. 495 00:22:42,030 --> 00:22:45,830 Too much of a twitch might indicate a brain tumour, stroke, 496 00:22:45,830 --> 00:22:48,750 liver disease, multiple sclerosis or tetanus. 497 00:22:48,750 --> 00:22:51,150 And too little might mean botulism, 498 00:22:51,150 --> 00:22:53,270 damaged nervous system or an infected spine. 499 00:22:53,270 --> 00:22:55,910 And none at all could well be an index or a sign of... 500 00:22:55,910 --> 00:22:57,670 Or wooden leg. 501 00:22:59,790 --> 00:23:01,990 - Wooden leg. - Or death. 502 00:23:01,990 --> 00:23:04,110 - You're dead, yeah. - Or, death, or...? 503 00:23:04,110 --> 00:23:05,350 Syphilis. 504 00:23:06,350 --> 00:23:10,630 "Oooh!" As if that was tonight's star prize. 505 00:23:10,630 --> 00:23:13,190 "Forget gonorrhoea, go for syphilis." 506 00:23:13,190 --> 00:23:14,910 "You keep the chlamydia, all right? That's yours." 507 00:23:14,910 --> 00:23:17,190 "No-one can take that away, the chlamydia's yours." 508 00:23:17,190 --> 00:23:18,590 - "The genital warts are yours." - Don't point at me, I haven't got... 509 00:23:18,590 --> 00:23:20,300 I'm pointing at both of you. 510 00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:21,300 I think the whole point with chlamydia 511 00:23:21,300 --> 00:23:23,383 - is people CAN take it away from you. - Yes, you can do that. 512 00:23:23,407 --> 00:23:25,990 You're so right. Anyway, yeah. 513 00:23:25,990 --> 00:23:29,070 What if you did a murder with your reflex? 514 00:23:29,070 --> 00:23:31,870 If someone, sort of, attacked your knee and then the reflex, 515 00:23:31,870 --> 00:23:34,150 you had a knife attached to your shoe or something... 516 00:23:35,350 --> 00:23:37,100 ...and you killed them, would you be able to say, 517 00:23:37,100 --> 00:23:39,390 "Ah, but the reflex, it didn't go to my brain, 518 00:23:39,390 --> 00:23:42,750 it only went to the bottom of my spine, so I didn't really do it. 519 00:23:42,750 --> 00:23:43,381 Yes. 520 00:23:43,405 --> 00:23:45,710 It happens if you're driving and have an automated response, 521 00:23:45,710 --> 00:23:48,510 it's called, like, murder by automata, but you don't go to prison. 522 00:23:48,510 --> 00:23:49,550 So if you sneeze, for instance... 523 00:23:49,550 --> 00:23:53,870 ...and you run someone over... Someone sneezed, literally. 524 00:23:53,870 --> 00:23:55,670 Talk about a reflex! 525 00:23:55,670 --> 00:23:58,790 -That means there's been a murder! - There's a killer! 526 00:23:58,790 --> 00:24:00,190 They've just murdered someone! 527 00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:04,270 Now they know they'll get away with it. 528 00:24:04,270 --> 00:24:05,630 It's something like... 529 00:24:05,630 --> 00:24:08,750 If you walk into a room with a gun cocked, sneeze, it goes off, 530 00:24:08,750 --> 00:24:11,310 you kill someone, you're in the clear? 531 00:24:11,310 --> 00:24:13,430 So if you want to kill your wife, what you do is, 532 00:24:13,430 --> 00:24:16,110 you drive to Dover, get her right up against a cliff, 533 00:24:16,110 --> 00:24:19,710 and then you put your leg behind her and then get a doctor to tap a knee. 534 00:24:19,710 --> 00:24:21,470 - Off she goes. - That, I'm afraid, would... 535 00:24:21,470 --> 00:24:23,600 - The doctor would go to prison. - That would act up. 536 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,305 - The doctor would go to prison? - I think so. 537 00:24:25,329 --> 00:24:27,950 What if he was sneezing as he tapped her knee? 538 00:24:29,230 --> 00:24:31,430 - The perfect crime. - Yeah. 539 00:24:32,750 --> 00:24:35,990 - Broadchurch, series two, sorted. - Yeah. 540 00:24:35,990 --> 00:24:39,670 I love this imaginary super-compliant wife you've found. 541 00:24:40,830 --> 00:24:43,790 - Who allows herself to be taken... - "Come and stand there." 542 00:24:43,790 --> 00:24:45,790 "What are we doing here?! It's freezing." 543 00:24:45,790 --> 00:24:47,630 "And why has the GP come with us?" 544 00:24:47,630 --> 00:24:51,070 "Isn't it a lovely view, my love? Stand still." 545 00:24:52,710 --> 00:24:55,310 So, when you're hammered, a knee-jerk response 546 00:24:55,310 --> 00:24:57,350 is a total no-brainer. Ha! Ha! Ha! 547 00:24:57,350 --> 00:24:59,190 Now, why did... 548 00:24:59,190 --> 00:25:02,910 Why did McCartney's knees displease the Chinese? 549 00:25:02,910 --> 00:25:05,310 There is a thing with Paul McCartney where some people 550 00:25:05,310 --> 00:25:07,430 don't believe he's Paul McCartney any more. 551 00:25:07,430 --> 00:25:09,790 They believe he died and then they had a competition - 552 00:25:09,790 --> 00:25:13,670 a Paul McCarntney-alike competition - and the winner is now Paul McCartney. 553 00:25:13,670 --> 00:25:16,550 There's a similar theory about the Pope, isn't there? 554 00:25:16,550 --> 00:25:19,750 It's not, like, the same guy. There's been more than one. 555 00:25:20,950 --> 00:25:21,990 Gracious! 556 00:25:21,990 --> 00:25:24,910 Yeah, cos, otherwise, he'd be 2,000 years old. 557 00:25:25,950 --> 00:25:31,550 There's a conspiracy theory, with Tony Mortimer, from East 17, that... 558 00:25:31,550 --> 00:25:33,150 - Oh? - No, I made that up. 559 00:25:35,350 --> 00:25:36,830 I thought it could run. 560 00:25:36,830 --> 00:25:38,300 Actually, I'm afraid, we're not talking about Paul McCartney, 561 00:25:38,300 --> 00:25:41,670 this is actually, the first Earl McCartney, in the 18th century. 562 00:25:41,670 --> 00:25:44,390 There is a picture of him and, you can see, he's down on one knee, 563 00:25:44,390 --> 00:25:48,390 bowing, quite straight-backed, to who might that be, that figure? 564 00:25:48,390 --> 00:25:50,190 - Some... - It will be an Emperor. 565 00:25:50,190 --> 00:25:51,920 - The Emperor of..? - China? 566 00:25:51,944 --> 00:25:53,590 The Emperor of China, absolutely. 567 00:25:53,590 --> 00:25:57,110 Now, in order to demonstrate obeisance to the Emperor of China, 568 00:25:57,110 --> 00:25:59,430 you have to do a particular thing - to knock your head. 569 00:25:59,430 --> 00:26:01,590 In other words, knock your head on the ground. 570 00:26:01,590 --> 00:26:03,670 Do you know what the Chinese for that is? 571 00:26:03,670 --> 00:26:06,430 - Kowtow? - Kowtow is the right answer! 572 00:26:06,430 --> 00:26:08,750 To kowtow. Yeah, well done. Well done. 573 00:26:13,030 --> 00:26:18,590 And in an act that shocked the world and was described afterwards 574 00:26:18,590 --> 00:26:21,310 as possibly the most significant act in world history... 575 00:26:21,310 --> 00:26:22,451 He refused to kowtow? 576 00:26:22,475 --> 00:26:24,790 ...he refused to kowtow to the Emperor. 577 00:26:24,790 --> 00:26:27,300 He had a trade delegation and, not surprisingly, the trade delegation 578 00:26:27,300 --> 00:26:31,470 was refused, was rebuffed. Chinese scholars nowadays, 579 00:26:31,470 --> 00:26:34,990 sinologists, believe that, in fact, they were just not interested 580 00:26:34,990 --> 00:26:37,630 in having trade relations with Europe and the rest of the world 581 00:26:37,630 --> 00:26:41,990 and, indeed, the following year, a Dutch trade leader kowtowed 582 00:26:41,990 --> 00:26:48,030 something like 30 times, including to a biscuit or some sweetmeat 583 00:26:48,030 --> 00:26:51,350 that had been sent to him by the Emperor. He even kowtowed to that 584 00:26:51,350 --> 00:26:53,550 in public, to show how willing he was to kowtow. 585 00:26:53,550 --> 00:26:54,748 He got rebuffed, as well. 586 00:26:54,772 --> 00:26:57,430 Can't you do something else to greet him? 587 00:26:57,430 --> 00:26:59,990 You saw in that opening picture, a straight-backed... 588 00:26:59,990 --> 00:27:03,510 - It's not like he went, " 'sup, bitch?" - Oh, no! 589 00:27:03,510 --> 00:27:04,870 He didn't moon him. 590 00:27:04,870 --> 00:27:09,790 Yeah, exactly. This was in 1793 that this incident, 591 00:27:09,790 --> 00:27:13,300 called one of "the most decisive moments in world history" happened. 592 00:27:13,300 --> 00:27:17,300 But, obviously, trade with China was fantastically important then, 593 00:27:17,300 --> 00:27:19,350 as it is fantastically important now. 594 00:27:19,350 --> 00:27:21,990 See in back of that shot, there is a man dismantling his car, 595 00:27:21,990 --> 00:27:25,950 out of respect. And he's draped it with that landscape. 596 00:27:25,950 --> 00:27:28,550 That isn't real landscape, that is a sheet. 597 00:27:30,350 --> 00:27:33,830 There's a Ford Mondeo behind that. 598 00:27:33,830 --> 00:27:35,910 And a very small-headed horse. 599 00:27:35,910 --> 00:27:39,750 They do this to make men look taller. Charles I's statue 600 00:27:39,750 --> 00:27:42,190 at the end of Whitehall, at Trafalgar Square, 601 00:27:42,190 --> 00:27:45,110 has got a really tiny head, because Charles I was so short. 602 00:27:45,110 --> 00:27:47,710 He loved being painted on a horse cos he was a very short man. 603 00:27:47,710 --> 00:27:49,550 There is a really wonderful secret thing 604 00:27:49,550 --> 00:27:52,310 about the Oliver Cromwell statue outside... 605 00:27:52,310 --> 00:27:54,710 - Oh, the Oliver Cromwell... - His flies are undone. 606 00:27:54,710 --> 00:27:56,950 The one outside the Houses of Parliament 607 00:27:56,950 --> 00:27:59,030 that looks at a Charles I bust on Westminster Abbey. 608 00:27:59,030 --> 00:28:00,830 A tiny bust, about that big. 609 00:28:00,830 --> 00:28:04,310 They wanted to leave them staring at each other for all eternity, these enemies. 610 00:28:04,310 --> 00:28:07,310 You see this big thing of Cromwell outside the Houses of Parliament... 611 00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:09,300 - And a tiny, little Charles head. - ...and you would never see it, 612 00:28:09,300 --> 00:28:11,430 there's a little chapel on the Westminster Abbey side - 613 00:28:11,430 --> 00:28:15,110 and, there's a little circle with this tiny face, staring at him. 614 00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:16,430 There are little symbols... 615 00:28:16,430 --> 00:28:18,950 Do you know about the black dots? This is really boring! 616 00:28:18,950 --> 00:28:24,110 - No, this is great! This is all... - She saw it on Cash in the Attic. 617 00:28:24,110 --> 00:28:27,750 Opposite Banqueting House, where Charles I as executed, 618 00:28:27,750 --> 00:28:30,630 at the Horseguards' entrance, 619 00:28:30,630 --> 00:28:33,750 on the clock, at quarter past two, there's a black dot, 620 00:28:33,750 --> 00:28:36,750 which is the time he was executed, to remind people, as they walk past. 621 00:28:36,750 --> 00:28:38,950 There's symbols all over London to remind people. 622 00:28:38,950 --> 00:28:40,670 I used to do tour guiding on buses. 623 00:28:40,670 --> 00:28:43,990 - I don't just know loads about Charles I! - I'm really impressed! 624 00:28:43,990 --> 00:28:46,870 What a fantastic tour guide of London you must have been. 625 00:28:46,870 --> 00:28:50,270 That is superb information. Now, what happened to the botanist 626 00:28:50,270 --> 00:28:52,270 who couldn't tell heads from coconuts? 627 00:28:53,300 --> 00:28:56,510 Is this the man who mistook his wife for a hat? 628 00:28:56,510 --> 00:28:59,463 - It's not. That's wonderful. - So, all of a sudden... 629 00:28:59,487 --> 00:29:00,670 - Is that a Channel 4 documentary? - No. 630 00:29:02,070 --> 00:29:03,790 I know what you mean, though. 631 00:29:03,790 --> 00:29:08,990 It's a, kind of... Something happens in the brain and it's interesting. 632 00:29:08,990 --> 00:29:12,430 The two halves of the brain are separated, for example, and... 633 00:29:12,430 --> 00:29:15,510 They don't communicate very well, but we find out so much about 634 00:29:15,510 --> 00:29:17,300 how the brain works from people who have brain damage. 635 00:29:17,300 --> 00:29:21,990 And, so, the man who mistook his wife for a hat, he was married and, 636 00:29:21,990 --> 00:29:24,790 when he left Oliver Sacks' office for first time, 637 00:29:24,790 --> 00:29:28,790 he tried to take her head off - sort of, "Oh, my hat's stuck." 638 00:29:28,790 --> 00:29:31,870 And he did lovely things, like when he was walking along the road, 639 00:29:31,870 --> 00:29:35,310 he would pat bollards, thinking they were children playing. 640 00:29:35,310 --> 00:29:38,070 In other cases, they can't feel one half of their body. 641 00:29:38,070 --> 00:29:41,390 They go absolutely terrified by their hand. Like an alien thing. 642 00:29:41,390 --> 00:29:44,350 And phantom limbs. In hospitals, people jumping out of bed... 643 00:29:44,350 --> 00:29:46,830 You can't feel your own hand, it's like someone else's? 644 00:29:46,830 --> 00:29:51,350 Whatever this is, I want it! Sounds amazing! 645 00:29:51,350 --> 00:29:53,510 I sat on it for months and it didn't work. That's brilliant! 646 00:29:54,510 --> 00:29:58,390 - There's cases of people in hospitals... - What's it called? 647 00:29:58,390 --> 00:30:00,870 Anyamaneumamneuaneuma. 648 00:30:00,870 --> 00:30:02,550 Buy the book by Oliver Sacks. 649 00:30:02,550 --> 00:30:05,590 Actually, it isn't a fascinating neurological condition he had, 650 00:30:05,590 --> 00:30:08,030 it was merely incompetence at language. 651 00:30:08,030 --> 00:30:11,630 In Indonesia, on the island of Ambon in 1913, 652 00:30:11,630 --> 00:30:17,430 a very popular Canadian botanist, by the name of Charles Budd Robinson, 653 00:30:17,430 --> 00:30:20,710 was merrily having a nice time, getting with the local people, 654 00:30:20,710 --> 00:30:23,550 and he asked the villagers if they could get a boy to climb a palm 655 00:30:23,550 --> 00:30:27,150 and chop down a coconut, which would be "perong kelapa". 656 00:30:27,150 --> 00:30:29,590 Unfortunately, he said "patong kepala", 657 00:30:29,590 --> 00:30:33,070 which means, "to find a boy and chop of his head." 658 00:30:33,070 --> 00:30:36,510 So they thought he was a headhunter, which they had in those parts then, 659 00:30:36,510 --> 00:30:38,790 - and they murdered him. - We've all done that. 660 00:30:40,230 --> 00:30:41,990 I was in Marbella once... 661 00:30:43,470 --> 00:30:48,270 In Italy, penne arrabiata is a pasta sauce, 662 00:30:48,270 --> 00:30:50,190 but pene, with one N, is "penis", 663 00:30:50,190 --> 00:30:52,430 so you're always asking for an angry penis, 664 00:30:52,430 --> 00:30:54,830 - if you pronounce that wrong. - You have do the double-N. 665 00:30:54,830 --> 00:30:58,364 Yes, it's not "penay", but pen-nay". It's really difficult. 666 00:30:58,388 --> 00:31:00,110 No-one wants an angry penis for dinner. 667 00:31:00,110 --> 00:31:04,070 That explains a lot. I worked as a waiter in Italy. 668 00:31:04,070 --> 00:31:06,590 I had no idea they wanted pasta. 669 00:31:10,670 --> 00:31:14,630 If you said, "pene puttanesca," that would mean a prostitute's penis. 670 00:31:14,630 --> 00:31:17,950 - That's what puttanesca means. - Some people do like that. 671 00:31:20,990 --> 00:31:23,390 There you go. So, in fact, funnily enough, 672 00:31:23,390 --> 00:31:25,790 that same slip is part of their tourist trade. 673 00:31:25,790 --> 00:31:27,830 The difference between kelapa and kepala, 674 00:31:27,830 --> 00:31:31,430 cos you have kelapa kepala sold on the island as mementoes, 675 00:31:31,430 --> 00:31:34,030 which are coconuts shaped into heads. There you are. 676 00:31:34,030 --> 00:31:37,070 - Oh, they're beautiful. - Aren't they lovely? 677 00:31:37,070 --> 00:31:40,150 They must be worth 10 or 15 pence. 678 00:31:41,230 --> 00:31:43,300 There is an Indonesian tongue twister that goes, 679 00:31:43,300 --> 00:31:48,300 "Kelapa diparut, kepala digaruk, kepala diparut, kepala digaruk", 680 00:31:48,300 --> 00:31:51,470 which means, "Coconut being grated, head being scratched." 681 00:31:51,470 --> 00:31:55,300 Don't say it, though, or someone will kill you. 682 00:31:55,300 --> 00:31:58,100 And we've even got a fantastic Finnish little one. It goes: 683 00:31:58,100 --> 00:32:03,150 "Kokoa kokoon koko kokko, Koko Kokkoko? Koko kokko." 684 00:32:03,150 --> 00:32:06,190 - What's the question mark? - "How now, brown cow." 685 00:32:06,190 --> 00:32:08,030 "Collect all the wood for the bonfire." 686 00:32:08,030 --> 00:32:10,590 "ALL the wood for the bonfire?" "Yes, all the wood." 687 00:32:12,190 --> 00:32:14,070 They're always such stupid things. 688 00:32:14,070 --> 00:32:17,630 Anyway, Charles Robinson lost his nut for a coconut. 689 00:32:17,630 --> 00:32:20,710 What's a knocker-uppers' knocker-upper? 690 00:32:20,710 --> 00:32:24,510 That would be the person that wakes the person 691 00:32:24,510 --> 00:32:26,390 that went round the streets waking people, 692 00:32:26,390 --> 00:32:28,830 by bashing their windows with a long stick. 693 00:32:28,830 --> 00:32:33,430 Is completely utterly and entirely the right answer. Absolutely, yes. 694 00:32:37,190 --> 00:32:39,350 It seems obvious, when you think about it, 695 00:32:39,350 --> 00:32:42,150 that after the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, 696 00:32:42,150 --> 00:32:43,710 as people flocked into cities, 697 00:32:43,710 --> 00:32:46,190 they didn't work the usual daylight hours they had worked 698 00:32:46,190 --> 00:32:49,790 in the countryside and there were no such things as alarm clocks. 699 00:32:49,790 --> 00:32:53,510 So they had to be woken up for getting to t'mill 700 00:32:53,510 --> 00:32:55,510 by a tap on the window, by a man with a long stick. 701 00:32:55,510 --> 00:32:57,390 So do these guys stay up all night? 702 00:32:57,390 --> 00:33:00,870 That's the point. A knocker-uppers' knocker-upper, 703 00:33:00,870 --> 00:33:04,070 as David rightly said, was someone who did stay up all night. 704 00:33:04,070 --> 00:33:07,310 And then their last act was to wake up the sleeping knocker-uppers. 705 00:33:07,310 --> 00:33:10,270 And then they'd go to bed and be on night shift, as it were. 706 00:33:10,270 --> 00:33:13,950 There was a Dorset knocker-upper called Caroline Jane Cousins, 707 00:33:13,950 --> 00:33:17,390 known as Granny Cousins, who used a lantern on the long pole, 708 00:33:17,390 --> 00:33:19,990 so in winter time it would send a bit of light, as well as a tap. 709 00:33:19,990 --> 00:33:22,560 Like one of the SAD lamps, kind of, happens gradually. 710 00:33:22,584 --> 00:33:23,750 Exactly. 711 00:33:23,750 --> 00:33:27,150 Did any of them have nice breakfasts? 712 00:33:27,150 --> 00:33:29,750 A nice breakfast for people who work in t'mill. 713 00:33:29,750 --> 00:33:32,190 Bacon and eggs on the end of a pole. Very nice. 714 00:33:32,190 --> 00:33:34,470 They still do this in some Premier Inns. 715 00:33:36,350 --> 00:33:38,270 Lenny Henry wakes you up. 716 00:33:39,550 --> 00:33:43,070 There was a famous Limehouse knocker-upper called Mary Smith, 717 00:33:43,070 --> 00:33:44,870 but she had a fantastic technique, 718 00:33:44,870 --> 00:33:47,670 which was shooting peas out of a pea shooter at the windows. 719 00:33:47,670 --> 00:33:49,670 - Isn't that cool? - That's very cool. 720 00:33:49,670 --> 00:33:52,190 And doesn't she look a marvellous sight. 721 00:33:52,190 --> 00:33:54,030 - Mary is my kind of woman. - Yeah? 722 00:33:54,030 --> 00:33:56,150 Put it this way, if Mary was round mine, 723 00:33:56,150 --> 00:33:59,150 she would not be getting up at four o'clock in the morning, Stephen. 724 00:33:59,150 --> 00:34:02,910 But it's a wonderful photograph, the way she's got her hand on her hips. 725 00:34:02,910 --> 00:34:05,990 But anyway, there you are, a knocker-uppers' knocker-upper 726 00:34:05,990 --> 00:34:08,470 was a human alarm clock's human alarm clock. 727 00:34:08,470 --> 00:34:11,750 Now, which organisation do these people represent? 728 00:34:12,990 --> 00:34:15,030 The BNP. 729 00:34:15,030 --> 00:34:17,270 - The Ku Klux Klan. - The what what what? 730 00:34:17,270 --> 00:34:20,470 - The Ku Klux Klan. - No, those are not Klansmen. 731 00:34:20,470 --> 00:34:22,910 - Druids. - Nor are they Druids. 732 00:34:22,910 --> 00:34:26,230 The Dressing Gown Enthusiasts of Northern England. 733 00:34:26,230 --> 00:34:28,910 It's a bit more than a dressing gown, though, isn't it? 734 00:34:28,910 --> 00:34:30,259 - Are they religious people? - They are. 735 00:34:30,283 --> 00:34:31,030 OK. 736 00:34:31,030 --> 00:34:34,200 Is it the worst Halloween party, where everyone's turned up the same? 737 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:35,470 Yes. 738 00:34:35,470 --> 00:34:36,630 No, it isn't! 739 00:34:37,830 --> 00:34:39,230 What a gesture. 740 00:34:39,230 --> 00:34:43,300 Is it some sort of Catholic procession in Spain? 741 00:34:43,300 --> 00:34:45,830 Spain. Spanish Catholics. Absolutely right. 742 00:34:45,830 --> 00:34:49,030 They're Penitents and they are called capirotes, 743 00:34:49,030 --> 00:34:51,230 these particular things they wear. 744 00:34:51,230 --> 00:34:55,270 They must be aware that, these days, that has other connotations now. 745 00:34:55,270 --> 00:34:57,230 They like to reclaim it. 746 00:34:57,230 --> 00:34:59,470 - I'm not sure they've quite succeeded. - No! 747 00:35:00,830 --> 00:35:04,790 The mystery is why an ultra-Protestant, ultra-racist, 748 00:35:04,790 --> 00:35:09,630 white organisation would choose a Spanish Catholic piece of headgear 749 00:35:09,630 --> 00:35:13,310 to represent them, because this had been going for 1,000 or so years. 750 00:35:13,310 --> 00:35:16,110 All the way through the Inquisition, these were used. 751 00:35:16,110 --> 00:35:18,230 They were very much a symbol of the Inquisition. 752 00:35:18,230 --> 00:35:20,350 Isn't there something about the Ku Klux Klan, 753 00:35:20,350 --> 00:35:22,870 they think they're the Knights Templar, as well? 754 00:35:22,870 --> 00:35:25,870 I don't think any of this Knights Templar thing is particularly true, 755 00:35:25,870 --> 00:35:28,270 but there are more plausible theories about its origin. 756 00:35:28,270 --> 00:35:30,670 No, I didn't think they WERE the Knights Templar! 757 00:35:30,670 --> 00:35:34,190 Just they thought they were. It's because they're so CROSS. 758 00:35:34,190 --> 00:35:36,750 The Klan's deep roots may reside 759 00:35:36,750 --> 00:35:40,070 in the horse-whispering societies in rural Aberdeenshire, 760 00:35:40,070 --> 00:35:43,750 of all places, where there were six from the town of Buchan, supposedly, 761 00:35:43,750 --> 00:35:47,070 who went over to America and joined the Confederate Army 762 00:35:47,070 --> 00:35:51,310 and, afterwards, formed this club of Confederate people in the South, 763 00:35:51,310 --> 00:35:54,910 which was largely for pranks and high-spirited larks. 764 00:35:54,910 --> 00:35:59,190 Until some appalling man called Nathan Forrest joined it 765 00:35:59,190 --> 00:36:03,470 and started turning it into an excuse for burning black churches 766 00:36:03,470 --> 00:36:07,030 and lynching black people and murdering them. 767 00:36:07,030 --> 00:36:08,630 Where does Ku Klux come from? 768 00:36:08,630 --> 00:36:11,310 It's from the Greek, kuklos, meaning a circle, 769 00:36:11,310 --> 00:36:14,030 so it's the circle and Klan, obviously, as in clan. 770 00:36:14,030 --> 00:36:16,470 So hence the idea of the Scottish origins. There's also another thing, 771 00:36:16,470 --> 00:36:21,110 which is the Crann Tara, which was the way one clan would declare war 772 00:36:21,110 --> 00:36:24,190 on another, which is the very potent image of the Klan, 773 00:36:24,190 --> 00:36:27,470 it's most potent image, apart from the little pointy hat. 774 00:36:27,470 --> 00:36:30,230 - A burning cross. - The burning cross. 775 00:36:30,230 --> 00:36:34,190 Anyway, Spanish Catholics look like that. It ain't the Klan. 776 00:36:34,190 --> 00:36:36,470 Now, what colour is a red kite? 777 00:36:37,710 --> 00:36:38,496 Blue! 778 00:36:39,300 --> 00:36:41,300 - Is it black? - Red. White. 779 00:36:41,300 --> 00:36:43,645 Oh, thank you, Alan. Somebody had to do it. 780 00:36:43,669 --> 00:36:44,910 Very good of you. 781 00:36:44,910 --> 00:36:47,350 - The thing is they were named... - Is it a bird? 782 00:36:47,350 --> 00:36:50,190 They were named before the English language had a word for orange, 783 00:36:50,190 --> 00:36:52,830 we just used the word red for anything that was orange as well. 784 00:36:52,830 --> 00:36:54,670 We had the word orange for a fruit, 785 00:36:54,670 --> 00:36:56,300 but didn't use it for the colour till the 16th century. 786 00:36:56,300 --> 00:36:58,300 We always think it was the colour that named the fruit, 787 00:36:58,300 --> 00:37:00,790 - it's the fruit that named the colour. - Exactly right. 788 00:37:00,790 --> 00:37:03,710 So it's true of a robin red-breast, which is clearly orange, not red. 789 00:37:03,710 --> 00:37:05,910 We call it a red-breast. Same with the red squirrel, 790 00:37:05,910 --> 00:37:09,030 there we are, that's orange. No two ways about it. 791 00:37:09,030 --> 00:37:12,070 And indeed red-headed people. It's not red, if they had red hair... 792 00:37:12,070 --> 00:37:14,470 Some people do through modern use of dyes, don't they? 793 00:37:14,470 --> 00:37:17,230 - Some of your young friends, I expect. - Yes. 794 00:37:17,230 --> 00:37:18,270 Absolutely. 795 00:37:19,390 --> 00:37:22,110 And red deer, similarly, are not red. 796 00:37:22,110 --> 00:37:24,070 But they were all named before the word orange 797 00:37:24,070 --> 00:37:25,257 existed as a colour choice. 798 00:37:25,281 --> 00:37:28,910 In those days, people would say, "What's the name of that red fruit?" 799 00:37:28,910 --> 00:37:30,300 - "Oh, the orange?" - Yes. 800 00:37:30,300 --> 00:37:32,830 - "Yeah, yeah, pass me one of them." - Exactly. 801 00:37:33,950 --> 00:37:37,150 It could have been that, not the orange that made it catch on, 802 00:37:37,150 --> 00:37:40,390 but the front of a robin. So we could all have, 803 00:37:40,390 --> 00:37:43,830 you know, "Front Of A Robin" brand phones. 804 00:37:43,830 --> 00:37:47,150 "What colour is it? Oh, it's front of a robin." 805 00:37:47,150 --> 00:37:49,310 - It would be confusing. - "I'm just eating an orange." 806 00:37:49,310 --> 00:37:51,870 "It's such a bright shade of front of a robin." 807 00:37:52,950 --> 00:37:55,350 And when people were getting bullied in the playground, 808 00:37:55,350 --> 00:37:56,870 it would be way less offensive. 809 00:37:56,870 --> 00:37:59,990 "Oi, front of a robin pubes," like that. 810 00:38:01,310 --> 00:38:04,270 But why is a robin associated with Christmas? 811 00:38:04,270 --> 00:38:08,510 Oh, is this something to do with Jesus? I know he's very Christmassy. 812 00:38:09,830 --> 00:38:12,430 - Is Jesus Christmassy? - Do you know, I don't think he is. 813 00:38:12,430 --> 00:38:16,500 Considering he started it all, I don't think he's all that Christmassy. 814 00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:19,110 I don't think you can hold it against him, really... 815 00:38:19,110 --> 00:38:19,972 No, it's not his fault. 816 00:38:19,996 --> 00:38:22,262 ...that he's not entering into the spirit of Christmas. 817 00:38:22,286 --> 00:38:23,870 - I'm not saying I hold... - "Cheer up." 818 00:38:23,870 --> 00:38:27,350 "Watch Morecambe and Wise and have some Quality Street." 819 00:38:27,350 --> 00:38:28,950 "You're bringing everyone down!" 820 00:38:28,950 --> 00:38:31,590 Well, I'm just saying, I'm not surprised he's lost control 821 00:38:31,590 --> 00:38:35,750 of the festival, to commercialism and Father Christmas, 822 00:38:35,750 --> 00:38:37,750 because he's not putting the effort in. 823 00:38:37,750 --> 00:38:39,950 He is at Easter time, but we're not that into Easter. 824 00:38:39,950 --> 00:38:42,390 Yeah, he's losing that to bloody eggs and bunnies. 825 00:38:42,390 --> 00:38:43,630 That's true, that's true. 826 00:38:43,630 --> 00:38:45,230 I was thinking about Jesus, because isn't there a story where 827 00:38:45,230 --> 00:38:49,230 the robin takes thorns out of his hands and then gets its red breast. 828 00:38:49,230 --> 00:38:50,830 It's a lovely idea, there may well be. 829 00:38:50,830 --> 00:38:52,870 They may have tried to post-connect the robin to... 830 00:38:52,870 --> 00:38:55,310 Because it's obviously only in Britain that there's... 831 00:38:55,310 --> 00:38:57,300 there wouldn't be as much snow around the Mediterranean, 832 00:38:57,300 --> 00:38:59,300 - certainly not in Palestine. - Oh, yeah, of course. 833 00:38:59,300 --> 00:39:01,510 - Again, not Christmassy, is it? - No. 834 00:39:01,510 --> 00:39:03,305 Where Jesus lived wasn't very Christmassy. 835 00:39:03,329 --> 00:39:06,630 No, it really wasn't. I love the fact you're so angry about this. 836 00:39:06,630 --> 00:39:08,070 - I actually know this. - Yes? 837 00:39:08,070 --> 00:39:10,950 A robin is associated with Christmas because it's the only bird 838 00:39:10,950 --> 00:39:13,870 within the natural world that round the period of December 839 00:39:13,870 --> 00:39:17,150 flies back to its original nest with its robin parents, 840 00:39:17,150 --> 00:39:18,830 gives them a little bit of alcohol, 841 00:39:18,830 --> 00:39:21,430 and then has to sit there as they're a little bit racist. 842 00:39:22,830 --> 00:39:26,510 - I learnt it in biology. - Well, that's very good. 843 00:39:26,510 --> 00:39:29,070 The actual reason is because we associate Christmas 844 00:39:29,070 --> 00:39:32,310 with Christmas cards and Christmas cards were delivered by postmen 845 00:39:32,310 --> 00:39:34,230 wearing red, bright red uniforms, 846 00:39:34,230 --> 00:39:36,190 who were known as red breasts, or robins. 847 00:39:36,190 --> 00:39:38,830 That was their nickname. The robins come round for Christmas. 848 00:39:38,830 --> 00:39:41,070 So people started putting on Christmas cards a robin 849 00:39:41,070 --> 00:39:43,710 to show that a robin would be delivering it. It was that reason. 850 00:39:43,710 --> 00:39:45,470 - That's amazing. - Which is unusual. 851 00:39:45,470 --> 00:39:47,510 - It is amazing. - But to return to our red kites, 852 00:39:47,510 --> 00:39:49,162 do you know anything about red kites in Britain? 853 00:39:49,186 --> 00:39:49,870 No. 854 00:39:49,870 --> 00:39:52,300 I think they were reintroduced, they'd gone extinct in England 855 00:39:52,300 --> 00:39:54,390 - and they were reintroduced successfully. - That's right. 856 00:39:54,390 --> 00:39:55,532 Now there's loads of them 857 00:39:55,556 --> 00:39:56,300 - in the south of England. - There are. 858 00:39:56,300 --> 00:40:00,310 The thing was, in medieval times, it was the law that you had to kill one 859 00:40:00,310 --> 00:40:02,030 if you saw one. You actually had to. 860 00:40:02,030 --> 00:40:03,470 - Had to kill it? - Yes, you had to. 861 00:40:03,470 --> 00:40:06,990 If you were seen observing a red kite without trying to kill it, 862 00:40:06,990 --> 00:40:09,590 you were breaking the law. That was really absurd. 863 00:40:09,590 --> 00:40:11,430 So the numbers drastically reduced. 864 00:40:11,430 --> 00:40:15,550 Fortunately there now are 1,800 breeding pairs of red kites, 865 00:40:15,550 --> 00:40:17,990 it's been a hugely successful reintroduction. 866 00:40:17,990 --> 00:40:20,950 And lastly, how did the monkey wrench get its name? 867 00:40:24,150 --> 00:40:25,950 I'm nervous of this, 868 00:40:25,950 --> 00:40:29,550 because this was a fact that came up on the Unbelievable Truth. 869 00:40:29,550 --> 00:40:32,550 The marvellous Radio 4 quiz show that you do. 870 00:40:32,550 --> 00:40:35,230 It has happened before that facts we've asserted 871 00:40:35,230 --> 00:40:37,910 on the Unbelievable Truth have been... 872 00:40:37,910 --> 00:40:43,790 I think the word is "mocked" on this programme, for being factually incorrect. 873 00:40:43,790 --> 00:40:47,950 And you know, I'll be honest with you, I don't do all the fact checking. 874 00:40:47,950 --> 00:40:50,390 - Ditto, ditto, ditto, I have to say. - Yeah. 875 00:40:50,390 --> 00:40:52,870 But, on that show, what was given to me 876 00:40:52,870 --> 00:40:56,310 on a piece of paper to read out, was the fact that the monkey wrench 877 00:40:56,310 --> 00:40:59,870 was named after a person, whose name was something like Moncka. 878 00:40:59,870 --> 00:41:02,830 And he was some kind of, I don't know, technical... 879 00:41:04,630 --> 00:41:06,150 That's so unfair. 880 00:41:06,150 --> 00:41:08,030 You could not have parenthesised it more 881 00:41:08,030 --> 00:41:10,350 but, nonetheless, we are beastly rivals of yours, 882 00:41:10,350 --> 00:41:12,910 and you did mock us in your last series, when you... 883 00:41:12,910 --> 00:41:16,550 Yeah, again, the person that handed me the piece of paper put on it 884 00:41:16,550 --> 00:41:18,350 a piece of QI-fact-error mockery. 885 00:41:18,350 --> 00:41:20,070 We... Exactly. We had said... 886 00:41:20,070 --> 00:41:22,350 It's turning into war! And all I want is peace. 887 00:41:22,350 --> 00:41:24,390 I know, you're right. From now on, it is peace. 888 00:41:24,390 --> 00:41:26,950 But we're like, in this war we're like the Southern States, 889 00:41:26,950 --> 00:41:28,390 we haven't got the resources 890 00:41:28,390 --> 00:41:30,830 and we're going to turn to racism as a result. 891 00:41:33,910 --> 00:41:37,910 "That Jew boy Fry said..." I hope you don't go that far. 892 00:41:37,910 --> 00:41:41,310 But, no, we incorrectly said that Descartes, Rene Descartes, 893 00:41:41,310 --> 00:41:43,150 believed that monkeys could speak, 894 00:41:43,150 --> 00:41:45,910 but didn't because, if they did, it would put them to work. 895 00:41:45,910 --> 00:41:48,830 In fact Descartes reported that he had heard this belief, 896 00:41:48,830 --> 00:41:51,550 and you correctly said that and then mocked us, correctly. 897 00:41:51,550 --> 00:41:53,510 It was a rap over the knuckles. 898 00:41:53,510 --> 00:41:56,590 But there you go, that's minus 50 to David, of course. 899 00:41:56,590 --> 00:41:58,070 So what is the truth? 900 00:41:58,070 --> 00:42:02,950 The answer actually... It's a kind of rather gigantic not quite sure. 901 00:42:02,950 --> 00:42:05,830 - The Americans claim it. - So we might be right! 902 00:42:05,830 --> 00:42:08,910 No, we know that it isn't Mr Moncky, because there was an article 903 00:42:08,910 --> 00:42:14,190 written in the 1880s, said that the true inventor, Charles Moncky, 904 00:42:14,190 --> 00:42:18,150 was dying in poverty, despite inventing this incredibly useful thing. 905 00:42:18,150 --> 00:42:20,750 The problem here is the term monkey wrench was used in England 906 00:42:20,750 --> 00:42:23,670 as early as 1807, and these articles were written in the 1880s. 907 00:42:23,670 --> 00:42:27,190 So it's just obviously completely impossible for that to be the case. 908 00:42:27,190 --> 00:42:29,950 It's generally believed that the face of it reminded people 909 00:42:29,950 --> 00:42:31,790 of the jaws of a monkey, you know. 910 00:42:31,790 --> 00:42:34,510 Or that a monkey version of something in the navy 911 00:42:34,510 --> 00:42:36,230 is a sort of rigging up of something. 912 00:42:36,230 --> 00:42:37,990 But it's not all bad news for Mr Moncky, 913 00:42:37,990 --> 00:42:41,550 because he is the originator of the phrase "spank the moncky." 914 00:42:42,630 --> 00:42:44,990 So, you know, he didn't die in vain. 915 00:42:44,990 --> 00:42:47,390 Exactly. Well, there we go. 916 00:42:47,390 --> 00:42:48,870 So, I'm sorry about that minus 50. 917 00:42:48,870 --> 00:42:51,950 Nobody knows how or why a monkey wrench is so-called, 918 00:42:51,950 --> 00:42:54,590 though we do know that it wasn't for the reason given on David's 919 00:42:54,590 --> 00:42:56,950 otherwise excellent and superb radio show. 920 00:42:56,950 --> 00:42:59,423 Which brings us to the matter of scores. 921 00:42:59,447 --> 00:43:00,070 Oh, dear. 922 00:43:00,070 --> 00:43:01,590 Goodnessly graciously... 923 00:43:01,590 --> 00:43:04,550 Murray can't help me now, can he? 924 00:43:04,550 --> 00:43:07,535 I'm afraid it's pretty inevitable that in last place, with minus 41, 925 00:43:07,559 --> 00:43:09,230 is David Mitchell. 926 00:43:14,510 --> 00:43:17,390 That means... It means I was on 9! 927 00:43:17,390 --> 00:43:19,350 Yes, it does, you were on plus 9. 928 00:43:19,350 --> 00:43:22,910 And you saved Alan from ignominy, who is on minus 20 in third place. 929 00:43:22,910 --> 00:43:24,470 Thank you very much. 930 00:43:28,790 --> 00:43:31,990 A magnificent second place for Jack Whitehall, minus 7. 931 00:43:36,430 --> 00:43:38,950 But what a QI kind of mind, what an incredible score, 932 00:43:38,950 --> 00:43:42,910 what an amazing debut from Sara Pascoe, with plus 28! 933 00:43:46,870 --> 00:43:48,430 Superb! 934 00:43:51,270 --> 00:43:53,550 Well, that's all for this week, 935 00:43:53,550 --> 00:43:56,470 so it's good night and thank you from Sara, Jack, David, Alan and me. 936 00:43:56,470 --> 00:43:57,510 Good night.