1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:09,840 This programme contains some strong language. 2 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:33,760 Gooooooood evening, good evening, good evening, good evening 3 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,040 and welcome to QI, 4 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:38,560 where tonight we're on the move with K for Kinetic. 5 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,040 Let's meet motor-mouth Danny Baker. 6 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,640 Thank you. Good evening. Thank you. 7 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,880 Speed-freak Marcus Brigstocke. 8 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,080 Go-go girl Jo Brand. 9 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,720 Go-go girl? 10 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:00,600 And poetry in motion - Alan Davies. 11 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,880 Thank you. That's nice. 12 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:09,080 And let's hear your beats, bruvs. 13 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:10,680 Danny goes... 14 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,480 # I like to move it, move it... # 15 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,200 Yeah. It's too loud for me today. 16 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,800 Marcus goes... 17 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,640 # I've got the moves like Jagger... # 18 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:22,360 Jo goes... 19 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,560 # Moving on up Nothing can stop me... # 20 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,160 And Alan goes... 21 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:31,280 # Saturday night at the movies Who cares what picture you see... # 22 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:33,000 Movies. 23 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,400 Kinema was originally what cinema was called. 24 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,400 From the same word as kinetic - it was kinematic moving, 25 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:41,600 i.e. moving pictures. 26 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,840 Well, "kinetic" of course means anything to do with movement, 27 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:48,280 so, for heaven's sake, let's get moving. Where will this get me? 28 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,040 I'm going to find my broom here. 29 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:54,120 If I were to move my hands together like this, what would happen? 30 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,120 Whether I did this one a bit more than that one, 31 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:57,840 or that one a bit more than that one. 32 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,240 What would happen, at the end, when my hands met? 33 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,760 - The heavy end would fall down. - No. - Shut up! 34 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,840 When you do this, 35 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:08,960 you will always find it meets at the centre of gravity. Always. 36 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,280 Because the resistance from the heavy end slows... 37 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,600 Yeah, exactly, so as long as 38 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,320 you're just sort of doing it without thinking, you know, 39 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:17,440 it just meets up like that, and it balances. 40 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:19,920 It doesn't actually look a very natural implement 41 00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,080 in your hand, Stephen. 42 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:24,080 But you've got one. Maybe it'll look more natural in yours. 43 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,000 Yeah, I am a drudge. 44 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,760 You can ride it home tonight. 45 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:32,160 - Here we go. - You've all got one, so try it. 46 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:38,240 - Obviously... - His fell apart! - ..everybody except Alan. 47 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:39,960 Now try properly. 48 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,160 Obviously the left hand won't move as far as the right one. 49 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:48,720 Is it working for you, Marcus? Please, God! 50 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,440 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Jo isn't even trying. 51 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,360 No, well, I can tell you, there are women all over the country going, 52 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:56,320 "Look at the silly bastards. We've got to clean the floor with it." 53 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,720 - Oh, man, this is... - I've been trying this all afternoon 54 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:02,480 - and I can't make it do anything else. - No! 55 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,920 It's like it's got the Uri Geller touch about it, it's just... 56 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,800 Ohhh, cool. 57 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,640 That is bizarre. 58 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:12,080 - Ah. - Well, that's really disappointing. 59 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,600 - This one's Kate Moss. - Yeah, baby. 60 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,520 I'm completely astounded. 61 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,400 We're all very disappointed. 62 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,520 Every single person who's tried this... 63 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:22,520 Is there any money in doing it wrong? 64 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:26,000 LAUGHTER 65 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,720 APPLAUSE 66 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,480 It's just like, I'm not doing it on purpose, I promise I'm not... 67 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,240 - Close your eyes. - Look at that! 68 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:37,000 There, that's good. You've found the centre of gravity perfectly there. 69 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:40,600 The thing is, you're tilting it, Danny. 70 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,160 You've got to keep it straight. 71 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,520 No. I promise you, I'm trying to tilt it. It's not... 72 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:49,560 No, you're tilting it. That's working perfectly. 73 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:50,640 Well... 74 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,000 Physical comedy so early in the show. 75 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,320 I know. You can't beat it. 76 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:59,320 - Last time, last time, last time. Last time. It's level, yes? - Yeah. 77 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,240 Level. It's going, I can feel it's going... Aah. 78 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:03,280 Hooray! 79 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,160 Phew! 80 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,520 - Human error. - And this - now, that's interesting. 81 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:15,760 Why do you think you can balance it with the centre of gravity so high? 82 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:19,400 - Because we know where the centre of gravity is. - Because I am a genius! 83 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,720 - LAUGHTER - That's right. 84 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,960 But if you try and do that from the bottom end, 85 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,480 but not grasping the brushes, 86 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,600 literally just balancing it on your palm, 87 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:31,400 - it'll just fall over. Not... You mustn't grasp it. - Like that. 88 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:36,520 - Hello. That's really good, actually. - Yes. 89 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,320 I'm just going to rip... 90 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:43,080 I think the show's broom techy might need a word after the programme. 91 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:46,440 APPLAUSE 92 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:52,680 - Well, thank you very much, my science elves... - Exactly. 93 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:55,560 ..for all your moments of inertia and your centres of mass. 94 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:59,120 I like this. This game's brilliant, because you don't need to be clever. 95 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:05,040 No, exactly. You just need to know a variety of broom-related tricks. 96 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:08,080 - Well, the centre of gravity is the issue there, isn't it? - Yeah. 97 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,200 Discovered by Archimedes, supposedly. 98 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,560 Could anyone hear him speak, Archimedes? Was it just a...? 99 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:14,800 HE MAKES SQUEAKING NOISE 100 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:18,640 It did sound as if it was coming through dense undergrowth. 101 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,480 There's a man in the bushes. "No, it's me, it's me." 102 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,120 Behind you, there's a man in the bush. 103 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,160 "No, I'm telling you, it's me speaking." 104 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,640 Anyway, listen, the idea is that you will always find 105 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:34,520 the centre of gravity of a broom, as you zoom your hands together. 106 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:37,520 Try it at home. Jesus, God! 107 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:42,320 Here is a tricky bit of maths for you on a centre-of-gravity-related theme. 108 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:48,080 I am 6 ft 4½ ins tall, and weigh a little over... 109 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,120 Oh, Christ. 110 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,760 I thought I had every copy of that. 111 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,160 Attack of the 50-foot Stephen. 112 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,080 Anyway, yes. Nice. 113 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:04,560 I am 6 ft 4½ ins tall and I weigh a little bit over 14st. 114 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,880 Between 14st and something more than 14st. 115 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:13,240 So, how much would I weigh if I was 44,000 miles tall? 116 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:18,640 - Keeping the same ratios and proportions? - Yep, yep. How much would I weigh? 117 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:23,200 Well, there would come a point where the top part 118 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:28,400 of your extraordinary body would no longer be affected by earth's gravity, 119 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,200 so you'd weigh a bit less than one might expect, 120 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,520 but still a fair amount, I would think. 121 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,440 No, I'd actually be weightless, 122 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:39,200 - cos my centre of gravity would be outside... - Beyond the halfway point. 123 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,160 - Yes, would be in orbit. - How long would your penis be? 124 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:48,080 - It would depend... - Strikingly. 125 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,680 Grand Canyon would have to worry. 126 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,680 It would be like the Isle of Skye, wouldn't it? 127 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,280 You could change the tides. 128 00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:00,800 If you were weightless, but lying across the top, 129 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,360 then the penis could be affected by gravity whilst you weren't. 130 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,320 We've just done the calculations, 131 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,640 and my penis would be 3,384 miles long. 132 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,040 APPLAUSE 133 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,000 I thank you. 134 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,600 Which means if we do the division again we can figure out REALLY how big it is. 135 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:22,760 JO: Also, it would... 136 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:24,560 Too much information, I think. 137 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:27,160 It would be poking out of your dress, as well. 138 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,920 - You'd have to have a ball gown. - Literally. 139 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,360 There was... I think we've talked about this before, Alan. 140 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,520 There was a proposal made in the 19th century to build a tower 141 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,360 that went out into space as a way of getting out there. 142 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:47,440 Which seems ridiculous, but it would use the same principle. 143 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:50,760 If it was anchored to the ground and then went up high enough, 144 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:54,360 its centre of gravity would be in orbit and so it would be weightless. 145 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:55,840 But absolutely rigid and stable. 146 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,880 Here is the thing, while we are in space. 147 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,520 This made me space out about a year ago 148 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:05,040 when I realised that nobody knows which way this planet is up. 149 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:09,080 That's right. You can buy in Australia globes with Australia on the top. 150 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,280 Yeah. Because we don't know up and down. 151 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:15,760 If a UFO approaches, there is no particular reason it should approach with the North Pole at the top. 152 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:20,080 I think, though, if they came all this way they'd be fairly unlikely to go to Australia. 153 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:30,400 - This programme has been raised in Australian Parliament. - Yeah?! 154 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,720 Yeah. Someone said, 155 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:38,000 - AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: - "Why is the Australian taxpayer not paying for home-made Australian entertainment 156 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:41,440 "but playing for wall-to-wall bloody Stephen bloody Fry? 157 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:48,240 "It's QI, QI, QI. All the bloody time!" 158 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,520 I apologise. You don't have to watch us. 159 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:55,640 - No, we love it that we are so popular in Australia, don't we? - Yes. 160 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,720 Yeah, exactly. Very nice. 161 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:02,680 I was talking to an astronaut, believe it or not, about two months ago. 162 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,440 A British astronaut. He's been up three times into the station. 163 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:08,200 A very expensive phone call, that one. 164 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,760 Mike Foale, is it? 165 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:12,520 - Yeah. And I mean, just... - Wonderful guy. - Yeah, what a life. 166 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,760 And he's been up three times. And he said the most important thing is... 167 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,800 Cos they're doing repairs on the outside of the craft, 168 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,240 and they have to keep listening just for one message. 169 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:25,840 There's no talking backwards and forwards because they have to say, "Gentlemen, two minutes to sun up." 170 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,720 Because there's about eight different sun-ups as they go round, 171 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,560 and he said it's like a nuclear explosion. 172 00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:33,720 He said it's the one thing you have to remember. Visors down, every time. 173 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:37,480 - There's nothing to filter it? Yeah. - There's nothing. It would come straight at you. 174 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:40,040 And also, the spacesuit, while we're here. 175 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,600 I couldn't help but ask dumb questions. 176 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,200 Are they off-the-peg? Cos they all look the same. 177 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:51,080 - He said no. He said the suit itself costs £35 million. - What?! 178 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,200 Each one is tailored... 179 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:56,720 I know a chap on Jermyn Street that'll do it... 180 00:09:56,720 --> 00:10:00,920 Or, you know, you can get them in TK Maxx. 181 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:03,320 And he said, "No, you don't go and pick them up. 182 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,680 "You are measured for it about two years beforehand." 183 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:10,680 They'd be quite cross if he suddenly stacked a load of weight on just before... 184 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:13,240 - I don't know how that would work. - "We've made it." 185 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:16,160 "Sorry, I've been to a wedding. Had a hell of a weekend." 186 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:21,360 Good, good nuggets of fact, there. Thank you, Danny. 187 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:25,920 Now, what's the most interesting thing you can do with a hole, a stick, and a Greek? 188 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:29,440 Yes? 189 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:34,320 There's quite a few Greek men I'd like to put in a hole and hit with a stick. 190 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:38,280 - From holidays. - Oh, I see. Do you know the one in the middle? 191 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:44,200 - Do you know who that is? - That Greek man? I didn't go out with a boy. 192 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:49,640 - As you can tell by the photograph, he is now actually a man. - Zorba. - Right. Prince Philip. 193 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:55,240 - It is Prince Philip. Well done. - Of course it is! - You're so surprised when you get something right! 194 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,080 - Phil the Greek. - Phil the Greek, exactly. 195 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,240 Where's his arms gone? 196 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,440 Arms were added later... 197 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,160 ..when he became the Duke of Edinburgh. 198 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:10,360 - Alan, they put on a royal coat of arms. - Ah! 199 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,560 Thank you. 200 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:17,600 He's... He's nine years old there. 201 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:21,680 - He's going, "I hate this headscarf. I hate it." - They certainly go for national costume. 202 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,320 There's a hole, in case you want to know what one looks like. 203 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,080 And there's a stick, in case you want to know what one looks like. 204 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:30,520 There was a Greek who did something pretty amazing just with a hole and a stick. 205 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,440 Can you think of anything you might do? 206 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,400 Was it hide their sovereign debt? 207 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:39,440 - There is no hole big enough. - A very old Greek? - Pretty old. 208 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,040 Eratosthenes, his name was. 209 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,320 Did he drop a stick down a hole? 210 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:46,080 He looked down a hole at a particular time of year. 211 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:50,120 - Was it at Christmas? - Exact opposite. Christmas is the winter solstice. 212 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:51,400 - Right. - Summer solstice. 213 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,920 If you looked at the bottom of the well at exactly noon 214 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:58,200 - on the solstice, he saw no shadows whatsoever. - Ah! There you go! 215 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,200 And he worked out with extraordinary cunning, 216 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:06,840 he knew the distance from there to another place 500 miles away. 217 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:09,880 At exactly the same time he put a stick in the ground 218 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,960 - and the sun was at an angle... - Gotcha. 219 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,840 ..of 7.2 degrees from overhead. 220 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,760 So he worked out from this information that 221 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:22,520 the Earth's circumference had to be 25,000 miles. 222 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:26,320 He worked it out using a stick in the ground. 223 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:31,600 In fact, we now know the actual figure to be 24,859. 224 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,840 - That's how close he was. - Idiot(!) - I know. 225 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,680 And so his margin of error was less than 1%. 226 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:40,040 - With no technology other than a stick. - Wow. 227 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,720 I think that is pretty astonishing. 228 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,800 Eratosthenes was the librarian of the great library of Alexandria, 229 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:48,520 which is considered the greatest repository of knowledge in the ancient world. 230 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,520 And he was a musician, an astronomer, a poet. 231 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,280 He invented the term "geography". Mathematician, obviously. 232 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:55,840 He was known as Beta 233 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,600 because he was the second best at every discipline in the world 234 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,560 - that was known at the time. Which is pretty astonishing. - That is. 235 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:06,000 He was a great man. And his dates were around about 200ish BC. 236 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,400 Anyway, that was the great Eratosthenes, 237 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,520 who measured the Earth with a stick. 238 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:14,640 What would happen if the Earth suddenly stopped spinning? 239 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,840 - We'd all fly off it. - Oh! ALARM BLARES 240 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,880 Marcus-y, Marcus-y, Marcus-y, Marcus. 241 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,440 - Wouldn't we all fall off, then? - We wouldn't fall off, no. No. 242 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,760 - Oh, there would be numerous consequences, Stephen. - There would. 243 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:32,720 - Name a consequence? - Well, half of the world would be plunged into eternal darkness... 244 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:36,400 - That's a very good point. - ..and they would all leave and come and join the light side. 245 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,000 - Or would some of them go to the dark side? - Ah. 246 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:42,480 It would change the very nature of human life on the planet, 247 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:45,560 from the dark to the light people. What about the animals? 248 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:49,000 All the ones who like the dark, they'd have to get to the dark side. 249 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,640 All the moths would have to go... 250 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,360 All the moths would have to go that way. 251 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,200 The butterflies would have to go that way. 252 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,600 The moles would be really confused. 253 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,440 What about on Daybreak, when they start broadcasting? 254 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:04,960 - That would be confusing. - How do they know when to start Daybreak if they're on the light side? 255 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,960 The weather would be substantially changed. 256 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,640 I imagine it'd be enormously changed. 257 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,440 - Would there be big floods? - The seas would come to... 258 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:15,560 - Tsunamis, earthquakes. - Famine, pestilence. - Pestilence, exactly. 259 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,960 Moans will be heard over the face of the deep. 260 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,120 And your mobile wouldn't work. 261 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:24,200 You'd only be able to grow food on half of the world. 262 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,040 The other half would have to come to the light side for food. 263 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,880 - They could have mushrooms and rhubarb. - They would only be able to have fungi. 264 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:35,240 I'd live on that side. And what time would the four horsemen of the apocalypse turn up? 265 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,880 At the sound of the last trumpet. 266 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:39,760 Do you think they'd book an appointment, the four horsemen? 267 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:44,200 "Yeah, we will be round, you'll have to be in between eight and seven. 268 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,480 "He's at the lights." 269 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:50,000 Well, the point is, the Earth spins at about 1,000 miles an hour, 270 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,560 at the equator. 271 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,240 It's slower at the poles. 272 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,000 I remember my father explained to me how 273 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,840 the edges of a record were going faster than the bits in the middle. 274 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,880 I said, "That's not possible - how can that be?" 275 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:01,480 And he said, "Well, how can it not be?" 276 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,960 Yeah, like when you slam a door. The end bit is going very, very fast, 277 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:08,040 the other bit that traps your finger on the inside... 278 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,720 Yeah, it's going very, very slowly. Absolutely right. 279 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,960 - Get two children, put one there... - Less distance in the same time. 280 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:17,480 - If it stopped, would you fall over? - You'd certainly fall over. 281 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:21,840 The point is, the Earth spins at about 1,000 miles an hour at the equator. 282 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:26,400 It would have to be almost 17 times more than that to defeat the effect of gravity. 283 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,520 We would just scrape along the ground at 1,000 miles an hour, 284 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:32,520 and we'd, you know... Good to have shares in Savlon, 285 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,520 because we'd have any number of bruises. 286 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:39,320 If I scraped along the ground at 1,000 miles an hour, I'd kill a load of old ladies. 287 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,280 It wouldn't be pleasant. What we couldn't do 288 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,320 is have enough force to go out of the atmosphere. 289 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,880 If it slowed down over a number of years, we might not notice. 290 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,240 There is that. That would be very interesting. 291 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,960 I started writing a book about exactly this. And then... 292 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,600 - Yeah, and then... - Was it called The Decade The Earth Stood Still? 293 00:15:55,600 --> 00:16:00,200 It was called The 25th Hour, and I was really thrilled with it as an idea. 294 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:04,000 It was just the idea that some comet went past, the science was very fudged, 295 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,960 and it slowed the rotation of the Earth so we ended up with 25 hours. 296 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,880 And to begin with, everyone knew what to do with their extra time, 297 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:13,400 and then the banks got hold of it and they went, "No, we'll just make everyone work." 298 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,560 But it turned out time available was sitting perfectly balanced 299 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:20,680 against greed, and when you increased one, it all collapsed. 300 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,440 Anyway. The same thing got published by someone else for a record fee 301 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:27,360 - in the same month I came up with it. - How annoying! 302 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:31,320 At least, that's what my publisher told me. Very trustworthy chap. 303 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:35,880 There we are. The fact is, you wouldn't fly off, although it's a compelling image. 304 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:39,280 You'd just scrape along the ground and probably bump into things. 305 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:42,920 Now, what travels the wrong way along a motorway 306 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:44,360 at 12mph? 307 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,040 - # Moving... # - Yes, baby? 308 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:50,080 Is it an elderly man in a Morris Minor? 309 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:54,320 - No, it's one of those motorised wheelchairs, normally. - Oh! 310 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,240 KLAXON 311 00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:01,240 - Oh, no, I got half of that. - No, you were both going for the same thing. 312 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,960 Well, no, this is an effect we might all have experienced on motorways, 313 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,800 and a deeply unpleasant one, and yet a perplexing one. 314 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,840 There was a wonderful New Yorker cartoon, 315 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:11,360 which showed a huge traffic jam 316 00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:13,680 and a man looking in a puzzled way at a sign that said, 317 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:16,240 "Traffic jam clears inexplicably three miles ahead." 318 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,800 And that's the phenomenon we're looking at if you drive - 319 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,440 you know that sometimes you can be in this terrible traffic jam 320 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:22,960 and then it will magically clear. 321 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,080 There are no cones, no police, there's never... 322 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,200 Not been anything wrong. And you think, "What was that about?" 323 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,600 And there's a science which is like fluid dynamics, 324 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,000 but they use things called "kinematic wave equations". 325 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,360 And what happens is, a car will suddenly brake 326 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,040 and the car behind it will brake, 327 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,440 and the car behind it will brake, and so on and so on, 328 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,040 and it sends a ripple effect back through the traffic. 329 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,680 And the one ahead can start off again quite cheerfully, 330 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,560 saying, "Oh, it was only a pigeon diving at my windscreen." 331 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,720 But the other ones are still slowing down. 332 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,800 And they continue to, going backwards. 333 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:54,400 There you see them backing up. 334 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,240 And they continue to back up for quite long distances, 335 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,920 while the ones ahead are free. 336 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,760 But they've discovered that pulse backwards, of braking, 337 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,800 travels on average about 12mph and can cause big jams. 338 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,600 Presumably you get the same effect 339 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,280 when there's a police car in the slow lane doing 68 as well. 340 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,480 Oh, yes, that's so annoying, you inch past it. 341 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:12,680 Everyone, doing 68, yeah. 342 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,680 - If I just... I bet police love that. - Do you ever give them the look...? 343 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,920 They're going, "Oh, look, he's going 71. Shall we? Shall we?" 344 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:22,360 But of course we know nothing of traffic jams in this country. 345 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:26,520 Which country is the absolute heroic epicentre of the traffic jams, 346 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,960 - of all traffic jams? - I would think India. 347 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:33,400 No, it's China. China has epic - I mean epic - traffic jams. 348 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:37,720 They had one in 2010 that was over 80 miles long 349 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:42,040 and it moved on average less than a kilometre a day. 350 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,040 I'm not kidding you - that's how bad it was. 351 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:47,680 And they're so bad regularly, 352 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,120 that they now have quite profitable services 353 00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:51,800 where you call up this service 354 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,240 and they arrive on a motorbike, two people on a motorbike. 355 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,400 One gets in and takes your place in the traffic jam, 356 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,480 and you get on the back and the other one drives you through the traffic. 357 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,120 Do people bring you things? 358 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:04,040 - Like, will you get a phone-a-pizza and that kind of thing? - Probably. 359 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:07,040 They're an enterprising people, the Chinese, I should imagine so. 360 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:11,320 But it would be very difficult. I suppose if you bought the pizza on a motorbike, you'd be all right. 361 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,600 But it'd be quite frustrating to order the pizza, you know, 362 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:18,440 "We're at the lights, so we're four days away." 363 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:23,280 I was quite impressed. I went to Las Vegas last year 364 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,320 and they have those billboard trucks 365 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:31,280 that say they can deliver a hooker to your room in 25 minutes, 366 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,120 but the pizza still takes half an hour. 367 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,000 So what I worked out is that you could, 368 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:42,040 if you had the resources, get the hooker to pick up the pizza for you. 369 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:43,760 APPLAUSE 370 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:47,000 That's absolutely brilliant. 371 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:50,560 Oh, wonderful. Wonderful. 372 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:54,640 - You still have to pay for extra toppings. - I was going to say. 373 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:57,680 Oh, heavens above. There are all kinds of... Yes. Very fine. 374 00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,720 They're called phantom traffic jams, 375 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,680 when they are waves that flow backwards at 12mph. 376 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:07,040 So, you're a mosquito, it starts raining heavily, what happens next? 377 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,760 Umbrellas, they put umbrellas up. 378 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:11,800 That's a lovely idea. 379 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:17,200 They're flying about going like that, "Aah, I love it, aaah." 380 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,440 The problem they face is that one rain drop 381 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,240 is 50 times heavier than they are, 382 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,200 - so you'd imagine they're being knocked sideways by them. - Good. 383 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,080 - But, yes... And frankly good bloody riddance! - I bloody hate them! 384 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,000 But this is what happens... 385 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,040 - They just brush them aside. - Oh. - Oh. 386 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:32,960 And sometimes they actually ride on them. 387 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,800 We actually annoyingly don't have film of them riding on them, 388 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,640 and then they leap off just before they hit the ground and burst. 389 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,600 They very, sort of, elegantly cope with them. 390 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,160 Because they like wet weather... 391 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,200 I genuinely think that we have slept-walked 392 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,640 into being a mosquito nation. 393 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,920 - I don't remember mosquitoes. Gnats, yes. Swarms of gnats. - Yeah. 394 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,840 Mosquitoes were something you experienced abroad. 395 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,160 But now they say there's only one thing guaranteed, 396 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,320 if you're having a barbecue, to keep the mosquitoes away from the food - 397 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,360 that's hang a big bag of blood over by the neighbours' house, 398 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:03,400 and you'll find they'll always go that way. 399 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,520 But I don't remember mosquitoes being in this country... 400 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,040 Well, it's climate change. 401 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,480 - ..and I think the Daily Mail should look into it. - Yes. 402 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,920 You could obviously want to take the Tube to stay nice and dry 403 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,320 and avoid the problem of rain drops at all, 404 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,520 but there is, in fact, a special sub-species of mosquito 405 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,040 that lives only on the London Underground. 406 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:25,400 - Yeah? - Yeah, and it bites rats, dogs and people, 407 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,800 and it's called Culex pipiens molestus. 408 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:31,800 There it is. 409 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,880 It's not that big, don't worry. Please. 410 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,080 But I promise you, it is a horrible... 411 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,760 Would you like a seat? Thanks very much. 412 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,480 I've bitten four rats and I'm exhausted. 413 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,600 So, if it's raining is it best to run into the dry, 414 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,120 or to walk slowly into the dry? 415 00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:51,720 In order to be less wet. 416 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,320 I've just realised how much of my life I've spent, 417 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,320 when it rains, trying to work this out. 418 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,080 Going, "If I run, am I running into more rain drops?" 419 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,480 Yes, exactly. That's the point. 420 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:03,920 "Or if I walk.... So what's going to make me wetter?" 421 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,200 And by the time I've stopped and figured that out, I'm drenched. 422 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:08,800 Yes. 423 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,080 - You run, but you run sideways... - Ah, yours is... 424 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,640 ..in a very narrow shape. 425 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,680 - You're absolutely on the money here, Alan. - Really? 426 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,720 Is that right? 427 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,600 If... Yeah. If you're thin. So there are many, many variables. 428 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,520 Pull your tummy in, pull your tummy in. 429 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,560 It's all been thought through by a man called... 430 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,840 - So, fat people get wet? - No, well... - Fucking typical. 431 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,800 - That's a good title for a book... - It is. - Fat People... 432 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:36,040 Fat People Get Wet. 433 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,880 Isn't it a Randy Newman song? 434 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,760 # Fat people get wet... # 435 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,760 Professor Franco Bocci actually wrote a paper 436 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,320 in the European Journal Of Physics. 437 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,680 - He's a high-level physics man... - I love that journal. 438 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,800 Obviously it was sort of semi-jokey, 439 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:56,320 but it covered all the points you've made. 440 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:59,040 It recommends that if the rain is falling straight down, 441 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:00,920 or being blown towards you by the wind, 442 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,520 you should run as fast as you can until you reach shelter. 443 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:04,680 If the wind is behind you, 444 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,160 you should try and match the speed of the wind. 445 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:10,840 If the wind is from the side, 446 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,560 fat people should run as fast as they can. 447 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:19,640 Whereas very thin people might be better off walking. 448 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,600 The maths behind it is apparently fiendishly complex. 449 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,040 - If it's from the side, run as fast as you can. - Yeah. 450 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,080 Be pretty galling to be in that situation 451 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:30,320 and see a mosquito surfing past. Wheee! 452 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,920 So, now then, do you remember when snails were faster? 453 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,760 Yes. 454 00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,560 Good. You probably do. You probably do. 455 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,040 - Incrementally, by such a small amount. - Yeah? 456 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,360 They're slowing down? 457 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:48,440 Snails are slowing down, yes. 458 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:54,480 It's like that awful joke about the builder who turns round and stamps on a snail and says, 459 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,960 "That bastard's been following me round all day." 460 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,320 What about the bloke...? The snail who knocks on the door 461 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,720 and the bloke picks it up and he goes...throws it away. 462 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,240 Then about two days later, he hears "bing-bong", 463 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:08,720 and he opens the door and the snail goes, "What?" 464 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:14,840 But they do... Apparently, if you throw them away, 465 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:19,160 they do make their way back to where you flung them from. 466 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,840 I'm sure I read that. I'm sure someone painted up some... 467 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,200 - Not thinking of cats? - Oh, yes. 468 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:25,480 Yes, yes. 469 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,240 - You're thinking grandparents. - Grandparents! 470 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,760 - No, I'm sure... - But you are right about snails, 471 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,800 and of course they're the easiest animals on earth to mark, virtually. 472 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,040 I mean, because of the shell. 473 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:39,120 So, some scientists from Chile took the common garden snail, 474 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:42,280 and what they did on each one is they measured their metabolism 475 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:45,640 by the amount of CO2 they emitted at rest. 476 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,040 And then they released them into the wild, 477 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:51,200 and then later they went out 478 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,640 and found some dead ones and some still-living ones. 479 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,760 And they found that the size of the snails 480 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,440 had no effect on their survival and thriving rates, 481 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:00,920 but the metabolic rate did. 482 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:02,600 The lower the snail's metabolic rate, 483 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:04,240 the greater the chance of survival. 484 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,280 It seems that nature is selecting for snails with a slower metabolism, 485 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,160 giving it more time to do that kind of thing. 486 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,800 - Oh, yeah, look at him. - Yeah. Now that's lazy. That is lazy. 487 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,320 I mean, say what you want. 488 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,520 Are they slowing down because they've taken up smoking? 489 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,920 - Is that why they're slower? - It's a good point. 490 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:23,200 I think it's evolutionary pressure is slowing them down, as it were, 491 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:24,640 selecting them for slowing. 492 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:28,280 I think I read somewhere that they were the first things we farmed. 493 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:30,040 Do you know? I think that rings a bell. 494 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,560 I have a feeling they were the first things we farmed because... 495 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,400 Well, because they're relatively easy to farm. 496 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,480 I mean, it's a quiet day for a snail shepherd, you know. 497 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,560 I would think, but they found evidence 498 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,240 from very, very early man that... 499 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:47,680 - That we'd farmed them, yeah. - You're absolutely right. 500 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,280 In fact, we covered this, didn't we, Alan? Do you remember? 501 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:51,960 - Is your memory stirring? - Yes, we did. 502 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,640 That's what's happened with QI now. You'll have people like me 503 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:58,000 coming on and going, "I'm sure I heard somewhere..." 504 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,880 I can't think where the hell it was. 505 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:05,960 So, if you want to catch a snail, there's no hurry. 506 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,240 The longer you leave it, the slower it'll be going. 507 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,840 Who are Europe's biggest swingers? 508 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,360 - The Germans. - The Germans? 509 00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:17,880 - ALARM WAILS - Oh, dear. Here we go. 510 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,200 - Could be a long ride. - The Dutch. 511 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,760 - Dutch, that's an interesting one. - Ah, haha! 512 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,320 Damn and curses. 513 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:30,280 Don't say any Scandinavian countries, whatever you do. 514 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:33,520 - Very wise. - Do you mean swingers, like, that swing from things? 515 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:34,880 I literally do, yeah. 516 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:38,320 Or swingers that are married couples looking for some excitement? 517 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,480 Cunning you. You have seen through our ploy. 518 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,480 It is indeed the more literal former. 519 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:45,960 I don't know anything about that. 520 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,560 People who use swings in a sporting way. They have... 521 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:52,000 - I do about the other. - Yes, of course. 522 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,880 They have a national pastime, which is called kiiking, 523 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:59,840 - or kiiking, K-I-I-K. - Hungarians. 524 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,320 Oddly enough, it's one of only two other countries 525 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:05,640 that has a language which is based on the same language as Hungary. 526 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:07,240 - Iceland. - No. - Finland. 527 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:09,640 No, though Finland is one of them. 528 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:11,400 - It's Estonia, bizarrely. - Estonia. 529 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,360 Yeah, it's Estonia, Finland and Hungary 530 00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:15,640 are part of the Finno-ugric linguistic family. 531 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,680 I had a UKIP leaflet came through the door 532 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:20,720 saying that's how they're going to get in, using big swings. 533 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,120 All of them, apparently, the whole lot - 534 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:26,840 they're all just going to swing in in one day. 535 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,680 - Well, they will take up space in our parks... - That's right. 536 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,560 Swinging in a way that we've never seen before. Behold kiiking. 537 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:34,040 They can swing better than we can. 538 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:37,320 You'll see something that we thought was impossible when we were children. 539 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:40,840 - You start off like that... - He's not going to go round the top, is he? 540 00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:43,320 - He's not going to go over the top?! - Surely he couldn't. 541 00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:45,080 - Look at that, big leg thrusts. - Well... 542 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,160 Big leg thrusts at just the right moment. 543 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:48,880 He could have someone's eye out. 544 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:52,000 Hitting the resonance of the pendulum just at the right moment. 545 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,440 - He's been to see Matilda. - Oops. 546 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,120 Ah, now he's higher. Come on, baby! 547 00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:01,720 - There he goes! - Yes! 548 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,680 Wowzeroonie! And then nearly up then. 549 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:06,600 - So, that's the sport. - That's tremendous. 550 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,320 The interesting thing is, those arms, they are adjustable, 551 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,000 so everyone has a go. When they've all done it at that height, 552 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:13,920 you then extend the arms telescopically, 553 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,920 you bracket them up, and it's a bit like the high jump or something. 554 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:18,400 All those who can't do it drop out 555 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,080 until you've got a winner who's got the longest arm setting 556 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:22,920 and has done a complete 360 degree turn. 557 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:26,480 You'd have to raise the height of the axis though, wouldn't you? 558 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:30,320 - That would be very important. - Yes. - Otherwise... 559 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:34,040 - Oh, heavens, yes. - I mean, it's good, it's nice to win, but... 560 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:35,960 No. Exactly. 561 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,200 Well put. They look obviously immensely strong, 562 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:41,360 the thighs are very strong, getting that real sort of kick in 563 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:45,160 - because they haven't got Daddy pushing. - I'm imagining the thighs now. 564 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:47,080 Oh, stop it! Picture... 565 00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:49,440 They're immensely strong. 566 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:52,640 Mates would push you when you were little, and they wouldn't stop. 567 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:54,280 I know! And you screamed! 568 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:58,360 Have you seen the one where kids put a moped on its side? 569 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,480 And they put the back wheel of the moped against the bottom 570 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:05,920 of the roundabout when there's some children on it, and then hit it. 571 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,800 - Yeah? - Oh. Oh, my word. 572 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:12,960 It is one of those, you can't look, but you also can't look away. 573 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:16,320 They start going and they are like, "Ah, this is... Aaargh!" 574 00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:18,080 - And then come flying off. - Oh, my God! 575 00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:22,000 - The thing happens that you thought would happen with the Earth. - Exactly, yeah, yeah. 576 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,320 And they say kids don't get out enough these days, 577 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,560 but there they are, on YouTube, being brilliant. 578 00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:31,440 Developing new forms of torture for their fellows. 579 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:35,440 I think the thing about taking kids to the swings is that it is such 580 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:41,040 a weird mixture of incredibly stressful and really boring at the same time. 581 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:45,120 They could break their neck, but most of the time they don't, 582 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,760 and so you're just standing there going, 583 00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:53,240 "God, I've been here half an hour, and it seems like, you know, a year." 584 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,640 The other thing is, if they fall over, is the dog poo. 585 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:59,120 If they transfer it to their eyes, they go blind. 586 00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:00,520 Sandpits. 587 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:04,640 A sandpit, that was always full of turds and junkies' needles as well. 588 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:11,160 - And dog poo was chalky white, wasn't it? Which it no longer is. - Yes, pure. 589 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,560 That's because of the ingredients in the dog food. 590 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:16,800 Well, and the length of time it's left out. 591 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,760 Because now people pick it up and put it in a bag 592 00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:22,440 and then put the bag back where the poo was anyway. 593 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:26,400 Who...? Who is doing that? Who are they? 594 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,840 Who are those people? Or hang it from a tree. 595 00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:37,240 My children believe that bagged poo grows on trees. 596 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,760 I had to explain it to them. No wonder ash trees have surrendered. 597 00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:44,040 Yes! Dear, oh, dear! Most unfortunate. 598 00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:48,520 Anyway, the Estonians have taken swinging right over the top. 599 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:53,040 What happened to most of the people in Pompeii when Vesuvius erupted? 600 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:56,560 - # Moves like Jagger... # - Yes, Marcus? 601 00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,800 They choked on the dust and gases, 602 00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:05,640 but they were sort of set in dust before anything else touched them. 603 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:07,760 - Mmmm... - No? 604 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,760 - # Movies... # - Most of them got away. 605 00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,320 Is the right answer. Yes. 606 00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:16,200 Very good, yeah. Yeah. 607 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:18,960 APPLAUSE 608 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:23,600 A jolly encouraging and patronising round of applause to you, young Alan. 609 00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,120 You're absolutely right. Spot on. 610 00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:29,840 If we got all my patronising rounds of applause, 611 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:31,960 added them together... 612 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:35,600 Yes! It would probably tilt the earth off its axis. 613 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,280 Around 1,100 bodies were found at Pompeii. 614 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:42,400 But at least 15,000 people, which is 83% of the population, escaped. 615 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,160 But we know one person who did not escape, don't we, Alan? 616 00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:48,720 Who, out of his natural curiosity, sat down on a chair and 617 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:52,520 tied a pillow to his head with a napkin and watched it and then suffocated. 618 00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:57,640 - Yes. - And his name was...? Your old friend. - Pliny. - Pliny! Hooray! 619 00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,680 - It's always Pliny. - It's always Pliny. - The elder? 620 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:03,800 - The elder. - Yes, not Pliny the Younger. 621 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:05,520 Certainly not Pliny the Wise. 622 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:15,400 Yes. Most of the ones you've seen of those bodies frozen, as it were, by the ash, 623 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,240 actually had holes in them as their flesh corrupted within, 624 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:19,760 and when they were discovered, 625 00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:23,400 it was deemed a neat idea to inject them with plaster of Paris, 626 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,760 so almost all the ones you have seen are probably casts, or indeed, 627 00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,440 casts of casts, because there are probably at least a dozen 628 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:31,800 of those around the world in different museums. 629 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,160 But they're a perfect representation. 630 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,640 Did you ever see it with the original cast? It was fabulous. 631 00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,200 - Ha ha! Very good! Very good! - Fabulous. - Very good. 632 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:44,320 Now, what's the world's highest waterfall? 633 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,120 That is to say, has the longest drop. 634 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,800 - Is it in South America? - No. 635 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,360 - It's not Angel Falls? - Angel. 636 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:54,320 KLAXON 637 00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:57,560 Oh, no. I've...soiled my clean sheet. 638 00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:00,520 Oh, Jo! 639 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:03,200 - What a tragedy. - It is. 640 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,160 Its drop is 11,500 feet. 641 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,000 Angel Falls is only 3,212 feet. 642 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,080 But you think, "Well, what is it called, then? 643 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,880 - "What's its name?" The weird thing is, it doesn't have a name. - Oh. 644 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:15,920 - It's actually underwater... - Underwater. 645 00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:17,880 ..between Greenland and Iceland. 646 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:19,920 Why does it count as a waterfall, though, 647 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,080 when there's loads of water there anyway? 648 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:25,000 Because it's a huge current of cold water dropping down, 649 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,160 and it is a waterfall within water. 650 00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:31,440 - In Iceland all the other water is warm, isn't it? - By comparison, very. 651 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,600 It's why the ice cap disappearing matters, 652 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:39,400 because the ice cap is incredibly cold water which is then very dense, 653 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:42,120 and it drops very fast to the ocean bed, 654 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,480 which draws warm water up, straight past us. 655 00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:50,600 If that process stops, then instead of being two or three degrees warmer and having peach trees on our lawn, 656 00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:53,880 we will actually probably sink back into an ice age. 657 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,880 Have you been talking to David Attenborough? 658 00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:59,480 No, I've been there. I went with a research vessel. 659 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,040 One of the best things that happened on that trip, 660 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:06,520 we reached the east coast of Greenland and went into a fjord, 661 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:10,040 and they wanted to film me floating between icebergs. 662 00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,040 I got in this survival suit, got in the sea, 663 00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:14,240 and as I was climbing down the ladder, this guy says, 664 00:34:14,240 --> 00:34:16,200 "Oh, there's a seal in the water." 665 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,640 And I thought, "That's good, it'll make the film really exciting. Brilliant." 666 00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:22,640 And as I let go of the ladder, like this, you can hear him say, 667 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,880 "Hang on, that's not a seal, it's a bear." 668 00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:31,160 And you can see this mother bear, 669 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:34,000 mercifully with two cubs on her back, otherwise 670 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:37,640 she'd have been a lot quicker, is going across the bay like this. 671 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,840 - And then she goes... - HE SNIFFS 672 00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,160 - In my direction. - Two cubs to feed. - In my direction. 673 00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:47,840 - Well, indeed, that's... - I must Brig-stock my larder. 674 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,040 Exactly. That's why she was crossing what would have been a frozen fjord, 675 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:53,280 she was looking for any ice on which she could hunt 676 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:57,160 and feed those cubs, and then we watched her climb a mile or so 677 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:01,280 up and down into the next fjord to find that one isn't frozen either. 678 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:04,400 - So, yes, very bleak and very beautiful and amazing. - Poignant. 679 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,120 But this... This doesn't have a name, right? 680 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,720 No, weirdly, it doesn't. The QI Waterfall. 681 00:35:09,720 --> 00:35:13,200 - The QI Waterfall, yes. - The Alan Davies Waterfall. 682 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:14,560 The Alan Davies Cascade. 683 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:19,040 - That would be a good name, wouldn't it? - Now you're talking. - Yeah. 684 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,960 That's a haircut as well, isn't it? 685 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:25,200 - LAUGHTER - Very good. 686 00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,600 It's also a position. 687 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:35,960 Oh, dear. Oh, dear. 688 00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,640 Can't do it any more - I need support. 689 00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:42,480 The unnamed QI Waterfall 690 00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:46,720 carries at least 175 million cubic feet of cold water per second. 691 00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:50,520 - It's the equivalent of 2,000 Niagaras at peak flow. - Wow. 692 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,480 Yeah. So, what's the world's biggest river? 693 00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:54,800 And where is it? 694 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:58,440 - Is it underwater? - KLAXON 695 00:36:00,720 --> 00:36:03,080 It's a nice thought. 696 00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:07,240 - Amazon. - Oh! - KLAXON 697 00:36:07,240 --> 00:36:10,040 - Hang on. There you go. - Nile. - Nile? Well, you just... 698 00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:12,560 KLAXON 699 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:18,640 - When you said biggest? - Yeah. - What do you mean? Widest, longest? 700 00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:20,760 - Carries the most water. - Carries the most water. 701 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,960 Well, you're going to be so angry. It's in the sky. 702 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,920 - They're called atmospheric rivers. - Oh! 703 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:28,560 Oh, now, I've got to say, 704 00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:31,760 sometimes, on behalf of the audience, I hate this programme. 705 00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:34,040 APPLAUSE 706 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:36,880 I agree. 707 00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:38,560 I agree and I'm really... 708 00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:40,840 This is hurting you far more than it hurts me. No... 709 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:42,640 They're known as atmospheric rivers. 710 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,640 They're vast ribbons of water vapour moving water around the world. 711 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,880 They appear in different places, different times. 712 00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:49,000 2,000 km long. 713 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,120 Are they the ones that are perfectly timed 714 00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:52,800 to coincide with bank holidays? 715 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,800 Yes, absolutely. In fact you're right. They're the ones. 716 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:58,400 2,000 kilometres long and only a few kilometres wide, 717 00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,800 but although they cover less than 10% of the globe, 718 00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:02,120 four or five of them 719 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:06,040 - contain 90% of all the world's water vapour at a time. - Wow. 720 00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,880 So the world's biggest rivers are in the sky - I'm sorry about that. 721 00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:12,160 But seriously, name the world's biggest river that isn't in the sky. 722 00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:18,040 Go on, Alan. Go on, Al. 723 00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:19,400 An actual river this time? 724 00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:22,200 - That isn't in the sky. No, that isn't in the sky. - Yes, but... 725 00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:26,400 Is it one of those ones that Alan's mentioned already? 726 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:27,960 - Do you think, maybe? - No. 727 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:32,320 There is a river under the Amazon called the Rio Hamza, 728 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,600 and it is actually bigger than the Amazon itself. 729 00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:38,640 - It was only discovered in 2011. - The Rio Hamza? 730 00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:42,320 - Yes, exactly, the Abu Hamza. - Is it sort of hook-shaped? 731 00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,840 It is a really sad coincidence, I'm afraid. 732 00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:50,720 - A river hated by the tabloids. - It's hated by the tabloids. 733 00:37:50,720 --> 00:37:55,000 Yes, they collected data from 241 abandoned deep wells 734 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:58,680 and it runs 6,000 km, like the Amazon above it, 735 00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:01,360 but is up to four times wider. 736 00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:05,440 And that's 200 to 400 km wide. 737 00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:08,680 - How far down is it? - 4km beneath the Amazon itself. 738 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:10,800 I mean, some people would say it's an aquaflow, 739 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,000 but it actually flows horizontally, like a river. 740 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:16,960 - And it is called "hio", which is "river flows". - Do things live in it? 741 00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:18,240 There must be organisms. 742 00:38:18,240 --> 00:38:20,240 No matter how crap a place is, 743 00:38:20,240 --> 00:38:23,160 Attenborough always goes, "Even here... 744 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:28,680 - "..something very stupid..." - Then something comes past going... 745 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,120 "..has built its house." 746 00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:34,360 - ..like the Muppets. - Yeah. He'll go anywhere, won't he? 747 00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:37,720 - The organism Muppet. - Yeah, yeah. - He's got a little light on his head. 748 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:41,880 It's true. 749 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:43,760 And here they are mating. 750 00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,360 It's absolutely true. 751 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:51,480 So, the biggest river that isn't in the sky is underground. 752 00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:53,800 So, what's the world's biggest animal? Alan? 753 00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,800 - Oh, don't, get me started. - Oh, it's...whatever you say... 754 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,200 # I've got the moves... # 755 00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:03,160 - It's the blue whale. - Is the right answer! - Oh, you bastard! 756 00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:06,320 APPLAUSE 757 00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:09,720 Poor Alan. 758 00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:15,360 - Oh, it's so unfair. - No-one's allowed to say "blue whale" except me. 759 00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:18,840 It's the biggest animal that's ever lived on the Earth, 760 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,320 - bigger than any dinosaur. - Absolutely correct, yeah. 761 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,360 - Magnificent things. - Tongue as big as a bus. 762 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,160 - And we know, we know... - Alan's so annoyed. 763 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:27,560 - We know next to nothing about them. - You're right. 764 00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:29,480 We don't know where they go, or anything. 765 00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:31,200 I know where they go, I know exactly, 766 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:32,680 I know everything about them. 767 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,080 They go on the minus side of the debit ledger, don't they? 768 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:38,920 - Yes, exactly. - Their tongue is the size of a Mini Cooper. 769 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,280 Or is it their heart? 770 00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:42,640 Oh, poor Alan, everyone's feeling so sorry for you. 771 00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:45,240 But they are... No, they are mysterious and extraordinary 772 00:39:45,240 --> 00:39:46,720 and beautiful animals. 773 00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:49,160 - And they're huge. - Oh, fuck off! 774 00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,400 - You tried. - It's been waiting for me for years. 775 00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:58,560 You tried, is all I can say. 776 00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:01,360 And it is of course the blue whale. Don't you listen to anything? 777 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:03,080 Now we're going to end. 778 00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:06,680 How can you knock a building down with a feather? 779 00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:08,080 Like the Shard, for example. 780 00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,280 You could knock it down - I could knock it down, 781 00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:14,200 if I prepared things correctly - with a whisk of a feather. 782 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:16,640 - Not using any electronics. - A very, very large feather. 783 00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:19,640 No, using... I've actually got the feather here that I'm going to use. 784 00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:21,320 It's nice and pink, so it stands out. 785 00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:23,120 That would be the feather I would use. 786 00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:26,480 Do you tickle the architect while he's doing... 787 00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,720 Coming up with the plans, so that they're all off? Like that. 788 00:40:29,720 --> 00:40:32,600 - And it falls over. - And then they make it. "Oh, it didn't work." 789 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,880 "Well, Stephen was tickling me with a feather." 790 00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:39,080 A cunning thought, but no. This is the existing standing Shard. 791 00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:42,800 - And you could reduce that to rubble with a feather? - Yeah. 792 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:45,840 Shall I show you? I'll show you the principle. 793 00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:48,640 This is my little template to show me where I have to go. 794 00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:53,280 You see, I've got them down here and here's my big... Oh! My big load. 795 00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,480 - Oops. - Steady. - There we go. 796 00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,600 Now, what we've got here is, 797 00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:01,360 in varying sizes, kind of dominos. 798 00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:03,240 You can see. And the idea is 799 00:41:03,240 --> 00:41:08,240 that each one is just 1½ times bigger than the one before it. 800 00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:10,440 And it may seem like a very little amount, 801 00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:13,360 but what we're going to do is make a really loud bang with this. 802 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,320 What, is that meant to be like the Shard? 803 00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:16,960 Dominos, it's the domino effect. 804 00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,000 - You would aim this at the Shard... - Yes. 805 00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,520 ..and you would only need 24 of these. 806 00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:25,720 Each one just 1½ times bigger than the one before it - 807 00:41:25,720 --> 00:41:27,040 that's the point. 808 00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:31,000 You'd only need 24 and the last one would utterly destroy it. 809 00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:34,440 - Really? - Blimey. - It's the exponential increase of mass, 810 00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:37,240 just by going 1½ times bigger. 811 00:41:37,240 --> 00:41:40,040 It's all right. It can only fall, yeah. 812 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:43,760 I've got a splinter off my broom now. 813 00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:47,720 Careful, careful. Right, here we go. 814 00:41:47,720 --> 00:41:51,000 We've just made the security services' job that much more hard. 815 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:54,200 - You can bring down the Shard... - Here we go. So... 816 00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:58,080 Who needs to hijack aircraft any more? QI's given it away. 817 00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:02,520 So you imagine this increasing up to just 24 818 00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,280 and you'd start with one movement of a feather, 819 00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:07,520 and all the potential energy stored in these 820 00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:09,240 and all the mass of them like that, 821 00:42:09,240 --> 00:42:11,280 and you just have that effect, like wow... 822 00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:14,400 - Wow! - There you go. 823 00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:18,800 - Excellent. - That's pretty good, isn't it? - Yeah. 824 00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:21,680 That's brilliant. Bravo. 825 00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:24,600 Where did you come by such a camp feather? 826 00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,720 The awful thing was, I was asked to choose a colour 827 00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:29,480 and I immediately went, "I think this one stands out." 828 00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:32,400 It is a lovely feather. 829 00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:34,080 There's a bird of paradise somewhere 830 00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:36,760 having a very problematic flirting season. 831 00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:40,520 Well, we've run out of energy for this week. 832 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:42,520 Let's see the movement on the scoreboard. 833 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:44,240 And oh, my word, isn't it fantastic? 834 00:42:44,240 --> 00:42:47,600 Clear winner - I want to say "as always", cos he's so brilliant. 835 00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,520 It's Danny Banker with plus eight! 836 00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:52,400 Thank you very much. I thank you very much. 837 00:42:55,520 --> 00:43:00,040 In fantastic second place with minus five, Marcus Brigstocke. 838 00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:04,040 - One mistake, Marcus, one mistake. - Yeah, I know, I know, I know. 839 00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:07,000 A very close third, with minus eight, Jo Brand. 840 00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:12,600 You must have minus 47, I think. 841 00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:16,920 But poor wee soul, with minus 56, in fourth place, it's Alan Davies. 842 00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:18,320 Whoo! 843 00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:26,920 Well, my thanks to Marcus, Danny, Jo and Alan. 844 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:30,440 And it's goodbye from me, and adore each other. Good night. 845 00:43:52,720 --> 00:43:55,760 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd