1 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,560 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:34,440 Goo-oo-oo-ood evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, 3 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,960 good evening, good evening, good evening, 4 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,760 and welcome to the Quite Interesting world of Kitsch, 5 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:43,080 where tonight everything is in the worst possible taste. 6 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:46,120 Let's meet those '70s icons, 7 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:50,640 the girl off the Athena tennis poster, Sue Perkins. 8 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:53,680 APPLAUSE 9 00:00:55,920 --> 00:01:01,400 And complete with medallion and chest wig, it's Reginald D Hunter. 10 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,720 APPLAUSE 11 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:11,040 Our man on the water bed in black satin pyjamas, Jimmy Carr. 12 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:14,840 That is a troubling image. 13 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:20,400 And not really giving a flying duck, Alan Davies. 14 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:21,560 Thank you very much. 15 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:25,040 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 16 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:30,640 Now, if you want to avail yourself of my avocado bathroom en-suite 17 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,840 with all the trimmings, all you have to do is call. 18 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,440 - Sue goes... - DING-DONG! 19 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:41,560 - Reginald goes... - THEME FROM "THE STING" 20 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:45,400 - Jimmy goes... - CAR HOOTER 21 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,680 - Brilliant. - And Alan goes... - QUACK QUACK 22 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,720 There we are. 23 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:55,120 So, here's a load of old tat that includes 24 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:57,080 everything but the kitsch sink. 25 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,160 Have a look. 26 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:01,480 A flowery chair. 27 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,080 A cute balloon. 28 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,920 A Tiffany lamp 29 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:10,880 and a donkey cigarette dispenser. 30 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,000 Now, which is kitsch? 31 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,080 See, I don't know where kitsch becomes tacky, 32 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:18,000 there's a sort of hinterland, isn't there? 33 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:22,240 Hmm. We're going, unusually for QI, by dictionary definition. 34 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,360 It's a quality, something that a kitsch thing must have 35 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:29,440 - in order to be kitsch. - Ubiquity? - No. - Popular? - Ordinary? 36 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,080 Ordinary. Worthless. 37 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,640 - Yes. - Worthless. - It would be that chair, wouldn't it? 38 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:36,080 Well, the Tiffany lamps, I saw a Tiffany lamp in a store, 39 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:38,320 in the Kings Road, and I thought, "Oh, it's kind of 40 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,280 "a kitschy kind of thing, but it's all right." 41 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,520 And it was like 80 grand or something ludicrous. 42 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,520 - Oh, yes. - So you bought it. - They sold a very... 43 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,880 - So I bought three. - Yes, quite. 44 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:52,240 There was one from the 1890s that was sold for 2.8 million. 45 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,600 They are far from worthless, the originals. 46 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,600 But as you know, there are many imitations, which would, 47 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:00,000 I suppose, count as kitsch, because essentially 48 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:04,360 it's a stained-glass Art Nouveau lamp, with a bronze fitting. 49 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:07,160 2.8 million and then you can just very easily knock it over, 50 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,240 - can't you? - That would be... 51 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,760 Just come in pissed and you'd knock it over. 52 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:14,120 But that's true of Ming china, I suppose, as well. 53 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:16,520 So what about the balloon animal, is that...? 54 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,360 Is that not the one, that's not a balloon animal, is it? 55 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,080 That is... What's the guy called? 56 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,400 - The American artist. - The Pop Art guy. - Yes. 57 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,760 The guy who makes...who was dating La Cicciolina, Jeff Koons, is it? 58 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,400 Jeff Koons is the right answer, 59 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,840 and his work goes for a huge amount of money, vast. 60 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:35,040 I mean, one of his pieces went for 38 million. 61 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,440 - It really did look like a dog. - STEPHEN LAUGHS 62 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:41,160 Yes, he does balloon animals. That is a balloon animal, as you can see. 63 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:46,160 Also, he has three Michael Jackson and Bubbles porcelain figures, 64 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,360 which sold for 5.6 million, 65 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:54,120 and he just does stuff that is kitsch in every sense, 66 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:57,240 - but the worthless sense. - But wasn't Warhol doing the same thing 67 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:59,560 with, you know, pictures of Elvis and Marilyn? 68 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:03,280 Yes, they're not really so much kitsch, as kind of... I don't know. 69 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:06,920 - They raise the everyday to... - Yeah, re-appropriation of everyday culture. 70 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,960 Exactly right. Kitsch somehow implies something more ornamental, 71 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,120 more "tchotchke", as they would say in Yiddish. 72 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,280 It's no use just using another word I don't know! 73 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,720 - LAUGHTER That's not helping anyone! - No! 74 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,400 "It's a bit more tchotchke!" "Oh, right, now I get ya!" 75 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,680 "It IS a bit more tchotchke, now you say it!" 76 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:24,840 Well, we'll have one more from our little conveyor belt 77 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,720 and that's a chintz armchair. 78 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,880 Chintz has become somewhat unfashionable, 79 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:32,560 but when it first arrived from - do you know where it first came from? 80 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:33,600 Bournemouth. 81 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:38,080 - LAUGHTER - Originally... I think it comes from John Lewis. 82 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,160 Let's move a little bit away. 83 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,200 - China. - India is the answer. 84 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,960 - Oh. - It arrived as early as the 1680s in Europe, 85 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:50,800 and was so successful and so remarkably popular 86 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:54,000 that, in the court of Versailles, Louis declared 87 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,800 that it should be illegal everywhere, except in his court, 88 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,640 because it was ruining the French textile industry. 89 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:03,520 And the same happened in Britain in 1720 - all chintz was banned 90 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,080 because our own weavers were going out of business, 91 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:08,600 because it was considered such a luxury item. 92 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,920 I'm just getting a lot of retinal feedback from it. It's... 93 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,600 Yes, the word chintzy is not a compliment these days. 94 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:17,480 Here's a really... I'll be so impressed, I'll give you 50 points 95 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,800 - if you can tell me something really unusual... - OK. 96 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,640 ..about the word chintz it shares with 97 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:24,560 - only two other words in the English language, as far as I know. - Oh, OK! 98 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,520 - Is it to do with the Scrabble score? - No! - Is it...? 99 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,640 - It'll be something to do with the Z. - Not exactly. 100 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,360 They're all six letter words. 101 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,480 Almost, chintz and biopsy. 102 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:39,160 Do all the letters of the alphabet appear in those words in order? 103 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,360 Not ALL the letters of the alphabet, no! 104 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,440 LAUGHTER I mean, I'm not... 105 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,920 - I'm not up on spelling! - The letters are in order. 106 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:49,520 - The letters are in alphabetical order! - Well, I kind of got that! 107 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,960 You kind of did, yes, you said ALL the letters of the alphabet! 108 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,560 - LAUGHTER - All 26! 109 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,760 All right, knock off a few of them! 110 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,640 - I got 20 more... - But it's amazing how rare that is - 111 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,440 biopsy, almost and chintz are in alphabetical order. 112 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,720 Um, if you know of any more, please DON'T write in. 113 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,040 LAUGHTER 114 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:10,240 You try and you think of a couple of words, you know, you think, er... 115 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:11,920 Horse? No. 116 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,680 LAUGHTER 117 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:16,040 - Dog? No. - It does rather come off to... - SUE: Almond? No. 118 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,000 JIMMY: Do you know what the issue with that is? 119 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,200 - And then, you give up! - Yes! 120 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:22,080 Basically, you could say to anyone, "Oh, yeah, armadillo as well 121 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:25,040 "is the other one." People never bother working these things out. 122 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,640 If you say it's an anagram, people never sit down and do it. 123 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,520 No, but I just have, and that isn't. 124 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,640 SUE: Yeah, that isn't right. LAUGHTER 125 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,640 It's got an A in the middle! 126 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:34,960 All right. 127 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,280 LAUGHTER 128 00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:39,800 - The A was the only give away there! - It really was a bit of a giveaway 129 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:43,240 So there's a chintz chair. And finally we had on our conveyor belt, 130 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,600 this lovely object here. 131 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,400 - Oh, my God, you're so lucky! - Oh, I want that! 132 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,520 You put...yeah, out comes a cigarette. 133 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:53,320 - Wouldn't want to smoke it, though. - It poos a cigarette. 134 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:54,520 I think, instead of going, 135 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,200 "Oh, we're going to get rid of all cigarette advertising," 136 00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:00,760 - I think they should say they all come out of donkeys' arses. - Yes. 137 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,520 This would be kitsch, because it's worthless. 138 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,080 Well, it's £6. 139 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,680 And it's pretty kitsch, to be honest, isn't it? 140 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,520 I like it. I'll buy it for a fiver. 141 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,600 - It's yours. - Oh, you are a darling. - There, yours to cut out and keep. 142 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:16,480 - Hello! - Isn't anything coming out there? 143 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,960 Get off! He's just prolapsed. 144 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,880 You've prolapsed my donkey! 145 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,360 - Did you just finger her ass? - Yes. 146 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,720 I literally did. 147 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,680 APPLAUSE 148 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,320 Well, you're not to. 149 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:34,720 Yeah. I'm putting that away from your roaming anal fingers. 150 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,360 - Excellent. So, now... - ALAN: Er, so... 151 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,280 - QUACK QUACK - Yeah? 152 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,680 Fry's in alphabetical order. 153 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:44,160 LAUGHTER 154 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,840 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 155 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,640 The important thing is... There are lots of words in alphabetical order! 156 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:57,120 - The important thing - it has to be six letters. - SUE: So is ant! 157 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,960 That's what's so hard about it. 158 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:03,320 So, let's look at some things that may or may not be kitsch, 159 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,240 like the fluffy dice. 160 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,680 I like the way we can go from like heavy, you know, 161 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:11,240 obscure depthful meaning words to donkeys' ass-holes in the same... 162 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,200 That's what we like to think of as the QI difference. 163 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:17,360 - Uh-huh. Range. - Fluffy dice. Is there a word for that? 164 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,360 - Tacky is the word I would probably use. Is that wrong of me? - Yeah. 165 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,440 But they're used ironically now, aren't they? 166 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:23,840 That's what's so interesting. 167 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,560 When they first came out, it would have been a tacky thing to have 168 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,200 in your Cortina in the late '70s, and now it's an ironic thing. 169 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,600 Ditto those things behind me that are also on the screen, lava lamps. 170 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,520 - Yeah. - And those... - I've got a lava lamp. 171 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:35,760 - Have you? - Yeah. 172 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:39,280 Excellent. And the word one tends to use of that is? 173 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:40,360 Arsehole? 174 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:42,080 LAUGHTER 175 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,440 - Hippy. - I was going to suggest retro. 176 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,680 Oh, sorry. 177 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,400 - QUACK QUACK Retro. - Yeah. 178 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:54,560 - So, have you got any of these, Reg? - Any of...no. 179 00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:58,080 In fact, I can say safely that I've never had any of those things. 180 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:01,000 Not one? No gnomes in your garden? 181 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,400 - No, man! - Are they kitsch, or just...? 182 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:06,560 - They're again, postmodern ironic now, aren't they? - Yes, they are. 183 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:08,320 Gnomes seem to suggests something, 184 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,640 and I don't know what they suggest, but I know for years 185 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:13,120 when people see gnomes, they go, "Oh, you've got a gnome." 186 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,280 you're like, "What does that mean?" 187 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,480 "Oh, man, ha-ha-ha!" And you don't know what that means. 188 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:21,200 Do Americans have gnomes in their gardens? 189 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,680 - I mean the fake ones, right? - Yes. Yeah, obviously. 190 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,640 - SUE: - We've all got a real one. 191 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,280 I don't know whether, 192 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:32,520 because sometimes you see them and you don't know if it's like 193 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,840 - an Irish offshoot of something, or... - Yes. 194 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,360 On the end there, that doll with the, er... 195 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,680 Do you know what that is? 196 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,680 Well, my aunt had one and it was supposed to obscure the fact 197 00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,760 that you are a person who owns toilet paper? 198 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,640 That's it, explained, well done. It is indeed. 199 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,520 - You're not that type of person. - No, I don't. 200 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:52,400 I don't have a bottom and I don't push things out of it every day 201 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,600 and therefore I would have no need 202 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,720 for any sort of paper to wipe that residue. 203 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,600 The donkey shit pusher would have been horrified. 204 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,600 So kitsch is really in the eye of the beholder. 205 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,200 Now, why should you worry about a man in fluffy slippers? 206 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,800 I think I wouldn't have any problem with his fluffy slippers, 207 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,400 - it's more the dressing gown I would have issues with. - Yeah. 208 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,920 It's supposed to be a giraffe dressing gown. 209 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,880 - I don't want to know where the neck is. - Well... 210 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:21,040 As ever, we've given you a picture that is completely inappropriate. 211 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:24,840 And if I told you the slippers in question were made of human blood, 212 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:28,560 - the blood of a young man's arm... - I'm worried now! 213 00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,520 ..and of emu feathers? 214 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:33,960 - There's no way to know that off a first glance! No way? - No. 215 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,040 - So now, where do emus live? - ALAN: - Australia. 216 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,960 - Yeah, he just took the words out of your mouth. - Well, he did. 217 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,960 Certain indigenous Australian peoples... 218 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,880 - Aborigines, I'm going to say? - Yeah, in their belief systems, 219 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,280 if someone committed a crime, 220 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:51,320 then they had a figure called a kurdaitcha, 221 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,600 who wore these slippers and, in order to wear the slippers, 222 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,800 which is quite tricky, he had to dislocate his small toes. 223 00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,280 That was part of the thing - 224 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,920 the little hole for the small toe to poke out of, um, 225 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,400 and he would find the perpetrator of this crime, 226 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:10,720 whatever it might be, and he would point a bone at him 227 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:14,800 and the perpetrator of the crime would freeze and then die, 228 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,560 presumably through psychosomatic or a sort of, you know, just because 229 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:21,640 he was so terrified that the taboo was real that he did die. 230 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:25,160 You would've thought, if someone is coming after you to kill you, 231 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,680 - with toes dislocated, you could get away. - Yes! 232 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:30,760 - Well... - There's one great advantage they're giving you. 233 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,040 Couldn't they just have made wider slippers? 234 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,920 I mean, so that you could fit all of the toes in without having 235 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,920 - to dislocate and then stick the weird gnarly one at you. - I agree, 236 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,680 the dislocation is an odd part of it, but when you think about it, 237 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,520 in order for us to pass judgment on people, 238 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,880 we have to put something made of horsehair on our head. 239 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:49,560 I mean, we have our own tribal ways of dealing with injustice. 240 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:52,440 - Are those boomerangs there in their hands? - Um... 241 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,400 They're probably kylies, yes. 242 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,960 - Do you know the boomerang joke? - Go on, then. 243 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,320 It'll come back to you. 244 00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,480 Ow! 245 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,080 LAUGHTER 246 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,120 I walked into that one! 247 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,560 - Oh, dear! - It sounds a little bit like, you know, 248 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,880 bringing someone in for questioning and then to, like, intimidate them, 249 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,560 you start torturing yourself in front of them, like, "Ah! 250 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:16,120 "How do you like that? Now, tell me where your momma at! Ah!" 251 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,360 That would freak someone out, you're right! 252 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:21,400 - But I don't know if they'd tell you the truth. - "I'd rather not talk!" 253 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,240 What was that one we had where you put your shoes on back to front 254 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,280 and then...people can't find you? 255 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,080 LAUGHTER 256 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,920 The invisibility shoes or the shoes where...? 257 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,960 - You turned them around. - Well, that would sort of work. 258 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,880 - And then, you walk along and... - People walk the opposite direction? 259 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,920 - JIMMY: Difficult to put on backwards. - Quite difficult. - Lose some toes! 260 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:51,040 - Special shoes! - There's another kind of special shoe - the cow shoe. 261 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:54,160 - Who do you think might use the cow shoe? - A cow. 262 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,480 - Well... - LAUGHTER 263 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:59,440 They already have cow's feet, they don't need to pretend to be cows. 264 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,920 I want to be a cow! Or a horse! 265 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:05,280 No! Humans wore them, but they gave out cow footprints. 266 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,440 SUE: Oh, like...? JIMMY: Rustlers. 267 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,000 Well, actually, rustlers probably did use them as well. 268 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,160 - It was during Prohibition. - Right. Bootleggers? - Yeah, bootleggers. 269 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:16,680 So they could move their cases of stuff across the desert... 270 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:20,160 - A cow field? - ..looking as if... Yeah, a cow field, exactly! 271 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,800 So, sort of, they would think cows have gone from one bar to another! 272 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,560 LAUGHTER 273 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:29,240 "That cow looks like it was pissed and only had two legs!" 274 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:32,360 "It went downstairs to the club, it came up again! 275 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,040 "It got in the taxi!" 276 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,960 "This cow stood against the fence and then there's a big puddle of..." 277 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,720 While on the subject of rustlers, 278 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,520 there was a rustler called George "Big Nose" Parrot, 279 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:45,840 who was a cattle rustler, and he was hanged, 280 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:49,160 - and a Dr John... - ALAN SQUAWKS 281 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:50,720 LAUGHTER 282 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:54,080 And he was skinned. 283 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,280 - Was he? - Oh, that's unnecessary! 284 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:59,960 And Dr John Osborne made a pair of shoes out of his skin. 285 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:03,600 - And he became Governor of Wyoming... - Of course he did. 286 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,720 - ..for Democratic... - No-one would challenge him. He's a nutter! 287 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,240 He wore those shoes at his inaugural ball. 288 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,680 - You sound made up about him! - He's a charmer! 289 00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:14,160 At what stage did that become unacceptable, then? 290 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:18,160 It was as late as 1893. I think it would've been unacceptable... 291 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:21,320 Did he wait until the man was dead and then he, like, capitalised 292 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:22,960 and said, "I will seize the skin," 293 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:26,280 or he killed the man and then he started raking the man's skin off 294 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,600 - and, like, "I got what I wanted, that's why I caused your death"? - No! 295 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,960 - He was hanged first. - Hanged first, then he went, "Nobody want this?" 296 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,080 - Yeah, quite! - LAUGHTER 297 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,480 "It's only going to waste otherwise!" 298 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,480 He was standing there barefoot looking at this man... 299 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,120 LAUGHTER 300 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,520 Not pleasant, I grant you, 301 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,320 but life was cheap in those days, in the West! 302 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,760 So, stop me now when you know what I'm talking about. 303 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,920 Originally made out of shower curtains, 304 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,720 could be used as wallpaper, works as a burglar alarm, 305 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,040 prevents sweaty toilet syndrome, 306 00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:01,000 covered Farrah Fawcett when she modelled for Playboy. 307 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:06,600 Good for stress relief and wraps things up so they don't break. 308 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,920 - Nylon. Lino. - What was the toilet syndrome? 309 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,360 Don't worry about that, that's quite hard to guess. 310 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,360 - Rubber? - It wraps things up and... 311 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,200 Plastic, cellophane? Clingfilm. 312 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,840 - Bubble wrap. - Bubble wrap! Yes. 313 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,360 I'll tell you a few things about bubble wrap. 314 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,240 It was invented in... Guess what year it was invented. 315 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:31,680 - 1947. - It was 1957, in 1957 by Alfred Fielding and Marc Chavannes, 316 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:35,600 who put two shower curtains together hoping to find some use for it, 317 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:39,320 - and it wasn't until they... - What?! - That's how they invented it?! 318 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,440 That's a crazy shot in the dark, isn't it? 319 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,800 I'm just going to put a couple of pencils together 320 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:47,400 and see if we come up with anything. 321 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:50,480 - Does this... What? - They were clearly covering the bed. 322 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,720 - Yeah. - To protect the mattress. - Oh, now! They thought it... 323 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,880 And as they lay there, they heard, "Pop-pop-pop!" 324 00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,320 "Was that you?" "No, it wasn't me." We might be onto something here. 325 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:01,760 Must be the shower curtain. 326 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,560 They thought it could be sold as wallpaper, it didn't work. 327 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,440 Nor did greenhouse insulation, which they also used it for. 328 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,640 And it wasn't until 1960, three years later, 329 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,600 they hit on the idea of wrapping up components for IBM. 330 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,560 And since then, the Sealed Air Corporation now makes enough 331 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,760 every year to encircle the world ten times. 332 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,360 That's pretty impressive, isn't it? 333 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,440 That's good if we ever have to send the world anywhere. 334 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,960 But unfortunately you'd send it Royal Mail 335 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,640 and it would get lost, so... 336 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:29,880 The thing about that is, where does it all go, then? 337 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:33,080 Because it just goes in the bin, doesn't it, bubble wrap? 338 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:37,320 - Once you've popped it. - Or you sit in front of the telly relieving yourself. 339 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,200 LAUGHTER 340 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,360 You know what I mean. 341 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:48,320 Yes. But let's get back to the bubble wrap. 342 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,880 If you put it in the bin, where does it all go? 343 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,560 It goes in that sort of whirlpool, between...in Hawaii. 344 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,440 - Oh, the great Pacific gyre. - Yeah. - The size of Texas. 345 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,400 That vast eddy which is just full of bin liners. 346 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,440 The sweaty toilet thing, you stick it inside of a cistern, 347 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,120 because in hot tropical countries, 348 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:10,520 the toilet cistern sweats and it apparently cures that. 349 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:14,280 Now, I've got this little test for you. Here we are. 350 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,880 And with any luck, the audience might have some bubble wrap too. 351 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,360 They're waving their bubble wrap. Thank you, audience. 352 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:23,320 Do not pop it. This is a really important exercise. 353 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:26,960 - What do you mean don't pop it? - Don't pop it, do not... No! 354 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:31,080 - No! No! This is really important. - Why? - OK. - No problem. - Why not though? 355 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,560 This is a test of your worthiness. Don't pop it yet. 356 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,520 One of mine's already popped, I didn't do it. 357 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,280 That's all right, as long as you didn't, 358 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:40,200 because in 2013, a group of Yale psychologists, 359 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,200 they found another use for bubble wrap, 360 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,360 which was to measure aggression, all right? 361 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:49,920 They showed pictures of "cute" animals, all right? 362 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,760 - Ooh! - Oh, now, now, wait, wait, wait. 363 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,000 - Oh, the two little chicks! - Ooh! - Stop it. 364 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:58,200 People were told to pop bubble wrap as they watched. 365 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,840 They thought that it was a test for their motor activity and memory. 366 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:05,520 But in fact it was a test for what's called "cute aggression". 367 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:08,280 If you see something very cute, you start popping more and more. 368 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:11,160 Not because they wanted to hurt the animals, but because they were 369 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,120 frustrated at not being able to touch them and cuddle them. 370 00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:16,920 And this is called cute aggression. 371 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,760 It's when you kind of go, "Oooh!" like that. 372 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,840 So, audience, hold your bubble wrap, 373 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:25,840 we're going to show you some very cute animals and it's all up to you. 374 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,560 Let's start with the cuteness. 375 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:32,080 - Oh, dear! - That's not... come on, that's not that cute. 376 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,920 - Oh, it is. - He looks sort of dead. 377 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,160 He's not that cute, yeah, I think he's been shot. 378 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,480 - Oh! That's horrible. - He does look like he's been shot. 379 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,360 Oh, the blue-eyed one! 380 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:45,720 No, not that cute, not worth a pop. 381 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,240 THEY ALL POP BUBBLES 382 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,200 - You did it! - Definitely. 383 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,800 Yeah, that's getting quite a few pops. 384 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,760 - Look at his little eye. - No, I'm not gone yet. 385 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,280 I want a dog and then I'm going to pop my load. 386 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,880 That's the first time I've heard that phrase since last night. 387 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,720 - Oh, there... - Oh! 388 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,080 - That's pretty cute. - That was the last one. 389 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:10,760 Not cute, ginger. 390 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,760 All right. You can put away your bubble wrap now. 391 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,760 That kitten is basically saying, 392 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,800 "Help me, they're about to close the lid on this box." 393 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,160 - He's probably the Schrodinger's cat. - Yeah, he is. 394 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:27,280 - He's about to do the experiment. - I'm not going to exist in a minute. 395 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,840 You may like to know that the last Monday in January is 396 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,200 Bubble Wrap Awareness Day. 397 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,160 - Oh, good. - It's the appreciation of bubble wrap day. 398 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,240 - That's in my diary. - I'm sure they have a website. - Yeah. - They must do. 399 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:41,160 And Rhett Allain of Wired magazine calculated that you need 400 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:45,920 to wrap yourself in 39 layers of bubble wrap 401 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:49,280 in order to survive falling out of a sixth floor window. 402 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,640 Oh, please, don't try that at home! 403 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,960 - So... - Because you don't have a six-storey house? 404 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:02,240 - It may be that. - So if you wrapped yourself in bubble wrap six times, 405 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,880 - you could jump out of a building and you'd be... - No, 39 times. 406 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:08,840 - 36. 39. - 39. - Oh, thank God we clarified! - Yeah. 407 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:13,080 - So you're going to go up to the sixth storey of your house... - Yeah. 408 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:17,160 I'm going up to the 39th storey and wrapping myself six times. 409 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:21,640 - Which by my calculations, I should be fine. - Oh, dear! 410 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,560 Just out of interest, do you know what a group of kittens is called? 411 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,120 There is a group name for kittens. 412 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:28,440 - A puke. - No, no, no... 413 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,040 - Is it a "sack of"? - No, it also begins... 414 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:32,880 AUDIENCE GROANS 415 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,160 SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE 416 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,360 You are bad! 417 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,200 No, a group of kittens is actually called a kindle, oddly enough. 418 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,040 - Really? - Yeah! - A kindle of kittens. 419 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,160 - SOME PEOPLE: Aw! - Aw! 420 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,000 - Just for kittens, is it for cats? - Just for kittens. 421 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:49,040 Anyway, so... here are tonight's specials. 422 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,640 There we are. 423 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,600 See if you can read that. They're on the board, as well. 424 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,840 Plats du jour. Sea kittens. 425 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,840 - Sea kittens. - Sea kittens is a madey-uppy phrase, 426 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,280 by people who don't want us to eat fish. 427 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:05,280 Oh, so they try to make us go into a bubble wrap mode, 428 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,360 by calling it sea kitten instead of cod. 429 00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:10,120 So that would be a group of people who are very against anything 430 00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:13,320 to do with any kind of aggression or beastliness to animals. 431 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,080 - Vegans. - Which would be vegetarians. 432 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,320 No, an actual specific organisation. 433 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,680 - PETA? - PETA, or... - PETA is the right answer. 434 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,360 The People's... Oh, what is it? 435 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,960 Something for Ethical Treatment of Animals. 436 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,080 Something for Ethical Treatment of Animals. 437 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:29,080 People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. I assume. 438 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:32,040 Not Porpoises for the Ethical Treatment of Animals 439 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,840 Not Pig-Eaters for the Ethical Treatment of Animals 440 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:38,240 And so they thought that if they called all fish sea kittens, 441 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:42,040 people would say, "I wouldn't want to put a hook in a sea kitten." 442 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:43,840 - So that was the idea. - A lake puppy. 443 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,800 I think, if anything, it would make me want to try kittens. 444 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,400 It's obviously not worked, though, in that case, have they? 445 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,680 And we've also got Nymphs of Dawn. 446 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,920 - Nymphs of the Golden Dawn. - I know one thing there. 447 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,680 - Yes, go on? - I've certainly had the Nymphs of the Golden Dawn. 448 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,280 - Which are Nymphs of the Golden Dawn? - Which are they? - Yes. 449 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:00,840 Are they oysters? 450 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,680 - They're not oysters, no. - Then I was mis-sold! 451 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,880 They were first served for the Prince of Wales... 452 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,840 - Sounds like a strip club. - ..in 1908. 453 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,560 They were served for the Prince of Wales in 1908, 454 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,840 who would have been the future George V. 455 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:18,000 They were actually a creation of one of the great chefs, 456 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,520 - or THE great chef, really, of the 19th... - Auguste Escoffier. 457 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,160 Very well said. 458 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:26,560 And he persuaded the British to eat this dish, specifically 459 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:32,200 the Prince of Wales, by calling it Cuisses de Nymphes de l'Aurore! 460 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,560 Thighs of the nymphs of dawn. 461 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:37,520 - Frogs' legs. - Yeah. - Frogs' legs is the right answer. 462 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,440 And there's a picture of frogs' legs. 463 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,320 And they are now a standard dish, which people eat very happily. 464 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,800 Tastes like chicken, as everything does that you're a bit scared of. 465 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,160 And it's, um... 466 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,280 - I'd say that rooster's testicles DON'T taste like chicken. - No? 467 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:53,000 - I've had them. - Have you? - I've had rooster's testicles. 468 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,800 One of these things you do, isn't it, with Giles Coren? 469 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:58,520 - You force yourself to eat testicles? - Oh, I didn't force myself. 470 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,160 - And his testicles? - Um... His testicles taste like chicken. 471 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,320 - Oh, right, OK, never mind! - LAUGHTER 472 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:06,120 We've got a couple left. Mendip Wallfish. 473 00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:10,840 Is that what PETA calls kittens, so we wouldn't harm them? 474 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:12,400 No, where are the Mendips? 475 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,560 Is it between your bum and your testicles? 476 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,440 LAUGHTER 477 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,880 Mendips, men dip. 478 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,760 Are they sort of Gloucester area? 479 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:24,760 - A bit further south, yes, Somerset. - Somerset. 480 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,440 Like the Quantocks. The Mendip Hills. 481 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,840 - I know where my Quantocks are. - Yes, they all sound rude, 482 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,280 don't they, like the Trossachs? 483 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,720 But this was served in the Miners' Arms in Priddy in Somerset. 484 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,320 And they served it as Mendip Wallfish because, 485 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,280 like frogs' legs, it's one of those things 486 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,720 - that British people tend to go yuck! - Snails. - Snails? 487 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,320 Snails is the right answer. Somerset snails. 488 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,240 And unlike the French way of serving them, which is with...? 489 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,480 - Garlic. - Butter? - Garlic and butter, exactly. 490 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,560 It's pretty similar, except it's with cider, herbs and seasoning. 491 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,640 - It's almost like moules. - It's a bit like moules, yeah! - Yeah. 492 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,720 And it's a Mendip Wallfish. 493 00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:01,400 Rocky Mountain Oysters, I think, are testicles. 494 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,240 You're absolutely right, bulls' testicles, can be sheep or pigs. 495 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,720 - They're prairie oysters. Yeah. - Prairie oysters, yeah. 496 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,040 Also called prairie oysters. 497 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:11,880 There are lots of names for them, some of which are quite amusing. 498 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,720 - Ball sack. - How did you get that photo? 499 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:20,480 They're pretty good, aren't they? They're called Cowboy Caviar... 500 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:24,000 - Oh, God! - ..Montana Tender Groins... 501 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,120 I had that once. 502 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:28,920 ..Dusted Nuts, Bull Fries... 503 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,760 Dusted Nuts is quite on the nose, isn't it? 504 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,720 Plate of knackers. 505 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:36,680 - Bull's bollocks. - Yeah. 506 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:40,880 - Bull fries. - Cream of bollock soup. 507 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,720 - Wow! - They're also called Swinging Beef. 508 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:45,640 Which is a good title for them. 509 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,840 Swinging Beef is what I'm calling my autobiography. 510 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:53,200 Or they're sometimes called criadillas or huevos de toro, 511 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:57,040 - which is... - Huevos de toro. - Huevos de toro is bull's eggs. Yeah. 512 00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:58,880 What are they called in English? 513 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:02,880 - Plums on a plate. - Very good. - It's not sweetbreads... 514 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,600 - Sweetmeat. - Sweetbread. That's the thymus gland, isn't it? 515 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,720 - You're very right. - It's pancreas. - Spot on. 516 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,520 The pancreas or the thymus gland is sweetbreads. 517 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,480 The testicles are sweetmeats. Very good. 518 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,800 We found our way through those unusual foods. 519 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:19,360 Now, I'll put the blackboard away, and it's time to ask you this. 520 00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:21,880 What is Kaninhoppning? 521 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:26,680 Kanin is, I think may be related to the English word "coney". 522 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,640 - Does that help? - Rabbit, like a... - Rabbit. - OK. - So rabbit hopping. 523 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,680 So hopping like a bunny. Bunny hopping. 524 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,680 Hopping like a bunny, but it's a sport. 525 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,080 - Rabbit. - Oh, for sure it is. - Show jumping. 526 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,440 Show jumping for rabbits is the right answer. 527 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,720 - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - Sure, sure. 528 00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:45,520 Ahh! 529 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,560 - Argh! - POPPING 530 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,920 - It's not that big a sport in Britain... - Cute. 531 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,320 ..but in Denmark and the Scandiwegian countries 532 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:55,760 they take it pretty seriously, 533 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,320 and they have world records and championships and... 534 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,760 Who's winning? Who's the current world champion? 535 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,200 Well, I can tell you the world record holder for the long jump 536 00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,280 is Yaboo, who is Danish. 537 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,640 - Three metres. - With Flopsy a close second. 538 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:13,720 Tosen has the high jump record, at 99.5cm. 539 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,520 They haven't yet broken the metre, on the high jump. 540 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:20,520 But there are nearly a thousand rabbit show jumpers in Sweden alone. 541 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,960 And the sport is also practised in the UK, Denmark and the US. 542 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,560 And Lisbeth Jansson has written two books about the sport. 543 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,480 Do they dope test them afterwards? 544 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,600 She does say that the sport will allow a rabbit to live 545 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,720 twice as long, up to 10 or 12 years, 546 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,680 as compared to the average five years that one in a hutch will live. 547 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,680 Yeah. It's very important to take care of your rabbit properly, 548 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,520 you've got to bathe them in hot water with potatoes and onions. 549 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,040 Oh, now! 550 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,000 Let's have some footage of some working show jumping. 551 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,400 - Large footage. - Here they go. - Sure, OK. 552 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:55,800 Oh, cute. Oh, it's cute! 553 00:26:57,360 --> 00:26:59,120 Oh, I can't bear it. 554 00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:02,640 That's a big one. Oh! 555 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,240 Oh, he's going to refuse. No, he's up. 556 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,040 - Oh! - Just shattered now. 557 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,280 Over he goes! 558 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,920 - Oh, he's had enough. - And a final little one. Bravo! 559 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,000 APPLAUSE 560 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,080 Well, as you could see, they weren't being led, the human is not allowed 561 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,240 to get ahead of the rabbit, or that's a forfeit. 562 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:25,880 So the rabbit has to lead the human, 563 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,920 I don't know if you noticed in that footage. 564 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:29,480 The human was just behind. 565 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:32,720 OK, so, solve this one for me, will you, please? 566 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,160 - I'm going to give you all muddled-up... - Oh, doom! 567 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,200 - Can you do these? Oh, there we go. - It smacks of bullying at school. 568 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:42,360 - Bullying at school? - Yeah, anyone who couldn't do this got bullied. 569 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:44,720 How many combinations do you think there are? 570 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:47,160 - I think there's... - Too many for my small brain. 571 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:50,440 - It's actually 40... - One thousand. - 43.25 quintillion. 572 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,360 Shall I tell you how we did it in Croydon? We just picked them off. 573 00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:56,200 - There you go. - Wa-hey! Jimmy's done it. 574 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,400 APPLAUSE 575 00:27:58,400 --> 00:27:59,760 Alan! 576 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:03,040 Alan, you're so close. Oh, you almost had it. 577 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:05,480 - No, no, I've forgotten... - You've messed it up. 578 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,200 - Oh! - Just start picking them off. 579 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,240 Do you know what's completely tragic? 580 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:13,280 We told Jimmy and Alan how to do it with six moves. 581 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:16,600 Jimmy remembered, but Alan, unfortunately... 582 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,520 Oh, he's done it! Have you? Yay! 583 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,760 APPLAUSE 584 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,040 Any luck, Reginald? 585 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,280 Well, I didn't receive that instruction. 586 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,680 - You didn't get the benefit... - You and me, exactly. 587 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,360 - It was unfair on you two. - It's fun. 588 00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:35,440 - It is fun, isn't it? - It just brought back a lot of bad school memories. 589 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,720 As I say, it is a staggering number. 590 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,000 It is more possible combinations 591 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,640 - than light travels inches in a century. - God! 592 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,560 There's the number up on the screen, 593 00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,240 it is such a huge number. it's inconceivably vast. 594 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:51,120 But you can make it impossible, do you know how to do that? 595 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:52,400 Take the stickers off? 596 00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:54,960 Yeah, you sort of replace the stickers one with the other, 597 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,160 so that it's actually never doable, which would drive people insane. 598 00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:01,160 - But there are these. - The other way you can make it impossible 599 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:02,880 is to break someone's fingers. 600 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,520 - Yeah, really nice. - They'll come and shove a bone in your face. 601 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:07,320 There's the 4 x 4, and you can imagine 602 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,480 the combinations are even more gigantic. 603 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,360 It's probably 8 or 9, I imagine. 604 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,560 In 2010, which is quite a long time after the Rubik Cube became popular, 605 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:18,520 science and computing finally came up with the minimum 606 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,880 number of moves from any combination that it takes to solve the cube. 607 00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:24,040 Can you imagine how many that might be? 608 00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,760 - I bet it's 12. - 19. - Six. - It's 20. 609 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:30,760 It's called God's number and it's just extraordinary. 610 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,000 You say you were obsessed when you were a child. 611 00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,360 - Under pressure, can we see if you can do it now? - Oh, gosh! 612 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,720 - Come on, under pressure. - I can do the first two rows, but that's it. 613 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,320 - That's pretty messed up. - Oh, God! - OK, come on. 614 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:42,920 - Look, look... - You're on the clock. 615 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:44,600 We've got a lot of time ahead of us, 616 00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:47,640 I've got to decide which colours... All right, so that's going to be... 617 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,280 We need a backing track for this really. This needs... 618 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,440 Let's get green and... 619 00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,680 - SUE HUMS A TUNE - Oh, stop it! 620 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,520 Um... Oh, stop, stop! 621 00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:01,520 - CONTINUES HUMMING - You are being so unkind. 622 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:04,640 And you're out of time and I've had a birthday. 623 00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:06,440 Stop it. Blue goes there. 624 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,200 - We could do one of those fade out, fade in... - Yellow goes there. 625 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,480 Let's get some beers. Can we get some beers? 626 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,760 - Yeah, some time later, yeah, yeah. - Stop it. 627 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,160 Right, so I've got all the middle ones here. 628 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:18,400 Now we do the corners. 629 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:21,440 Might kick back, go to the bar, come back in a couple of hours. 630 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:25,040 That's it, so I've got those four there and those two middle ones. 631 00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:27,480 You should be able to do it within 20 moves, Stephen. 632 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,040 Yeah, I know that! 633 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:32,440 - But I can't. - It's God's number, you know. 634 00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,120 Yeah, don't be mean to me. 635 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:37,440 - It takes an atheist a lot longer. - Yeah. 636 00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:43,920 Anyway, there's the first layer. Yeah. Thank you. 637 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:45,880 - APPLAUSE - That's pretty impressive. 638 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:49,680 It gets quicker after that. Anyway, so there's your Rubik's Cube. 639 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:54,080 Now, what did the American army do with 100,000 of these? 640 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:59,440 Whoa, excuse me. There we go. Pass that on. That is yours there. 641 00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:02,160 - Oh, my God! Are these the originals? - That is fantastic. 642 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:06,160 - Can you see what is inside them? - Oh, wow! - I was looking the wrong way. 643 00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:10,160 There are too many layers of glass separating me and this image. 644 00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,920 - What are you seeing, Jimmy? - Hard-core pornography. 645 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:18,400 - And you? - I've got a target and a plane. - You've got planes. 646 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,720 - And you have got, Reginald? Hello? - I think I've seen the future! 647 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:24,760 - You have seen the future? - LAUGHTER 648 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,040 - What is happening in the future, Reg? - We are all on a plane. 649 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,480 - It is an assassin's cross hairs. - These are American... 650 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:34,120 - Do you know what these devices are called? - Viewmaster. 651 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:36,240 - Viewmaster. - It is written on it. - Oh... 652 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,960 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 653 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:40,520 Why do I bother? 654 00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:46,560 - It is also written up there. - They are made in Portland, Oregon. 655 00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,480 Yes, indeed. And they are a rather wonderful device. 656 00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:52,240 Invented in the 1930s. You have a disc like this. 657 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:56,880 You can pull it out, pop it in, and you press a lever 658 00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:58,720 and you get a 3-D picture. 659 00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,840 And what you have got are the army versions that were used 660 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:06,920 to help members of gunnery crews and various other things 661 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:08,960 to recognise the outlines and shapes 662 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,080 of either friendly or enemy aircraft. 663 00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:14,080 - And that is what you will see. - Thomas the Tank Engine, I have got. 664 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:15,880 We have given Alan Thomas the Tank Engine. 665 00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:18,080 We thought he would be confused by the aeroplanes. 666 00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:19,240 LAUGHTER 667 00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:22,440 So what does your card say when you pull it out, Alan? What does it say? 668 00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:24,720 Percy found himself under the coal chute. 669 00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:26,720 "I don't like getting dirty." 670 00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,600 LAUGHTER 671 00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:34,400 - Filth. - Ours say Hell Driver, Dauntless, Vengeance, Texan... 672 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:37,200 it gives all the details of the planes in the photograph. 673 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:41,000 - I'd like to see that. - Yes, they are rather good. Have a swap. 674 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,800 Sorry, so you had ones for goodies and ones for baddies, then? 675 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:45,520 Oh, the Thomas is beautiful! 676 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,360 LAUGHTER 677 00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:51,040 - It is 3-D! - I've got the original Nolan sisters here, I'm happy. 678 00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:55,040 - Whose side was Thomas on in the Second World War? - I can't remember. 679 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:57,960 I think you look a little bit like a Doctor Who baddie. 680 00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:00,120 Anyway, they did have a serious purpose. 681 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:03,720 - In fact, they handed out how many? - 12. - 100,000. 682 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:07,040 So that was in the war and then they went, "Well, afterwards, 683 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:08,280 "what shall we do with them?" 684 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,240 which is often the way with military things. 685 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,880 Whenever there is a war, you always get something out of it. 686 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:14,040 Like the bazooka. 687 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:17,080 The bazooka obviously has a use in everyday life as well. 688 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:18,480 For cooking chicken. 689 00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:20,640 - LAUGHTER - And for playing Greek music. 690 00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:26,520 Is it true...? I went on holiday to Vietnam and I fired a machine gun. 691 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:28,920 You could pay money for bullets and fire them. 692 00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,240 - They have got old guns from the war. - Really? 693 00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,000 Someone told me that if you... 694 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:38,080 They have a bazooka and you can fire it at a cow. 695 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:39,800 LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH 696 00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,920 - I have heard that. - You have heard that? - There's a very... 697 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:44,640 Is it a myth? 698 00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,160 There is certainly an eccentric man who has a large estate 699 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:51,800 in Shropshire and he has an old-fashioned Roman ballista, 700 00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,000 one of those catapult things. 701 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:58,120 And what he does for fun is catapult cows through the air. 702 00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:01,560 - LAUGHTER - Dead cows. He doesn't do it with live cows. 703 00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:06,440 - Not at the end of it, anyway. - No! They do go a huge distance. 704 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:10,160 And there is something highly comical about seeing a cow 705 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:14,840 just sailing through the air, going hundreds of yards through the air. 706 00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:17,720 - And there is a butcher underneath. - It's a bit of a mess. 707 00:34:17,720 --> 00:34:19,200 And all the other cows are going, 708 00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:23,120 "If we just wrap ourselves in bubble wrap 39 times, it won't happen." 709 00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:24,720 "We'll be fine." Exactly. 710 00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:26,320 Six million discs they used, 711 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:29,240 the American army, to hand out to their 100,000 people. 712 00:34:29,240 --> 00:34:31,520 So that was a military thing before it was a toy? 713 00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:34,200 No, it was a toy first but the American Army 714 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,320 and Navy saw the value in it... 715 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:40,360 Sounds like another defence contract to me. 716 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:41,520 Yes. Sorry? 717 00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:43,360 The internet was originally a military... 718 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,720 And sat nav, as well, that was a military thing. 719 00:34:45,720 --> 00:34:47,840 Deal Or No Deal, that was a military thing. 720 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:49,000 LAUGHTER 721 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,120 - It still is. - Absolutely right, yes. 722 00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:55,760 Now, I'd like to take a picture as a memento of this lovely evening. 723 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,800 - LAUGHTER - Oh, they're in love. 724 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,680 What, what...? 725 00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:06,600 Reg, it was a fantastic weekend we spent. What? 726 00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,280 - That mohair look is working for you. - Yeah, it really is. 727 00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:12,360 - That softer knit. Sexy. - Reggie takes Jimmy to Georgia. 728 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:14,560 That's so disturbing, in so many ways. 729 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,240 Oh, there you are. Oh, don't you look lovely! 730 00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,160 - Yeah. - There we are. Now, what's the quickest way to develop it? 731 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,880 - What should I do to develop it? - Shake it, shake it, baby. 732 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:30,480 - HOOTER - Oh! - Oh, Sue! 733 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,040 Oh, no, I'm a buffoon. 734 00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:35,400 The quickest way to develop it is to take it to Boots, the chemist. 735 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,800 No, it isn't. That would take a lot longer. 736 00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:39,800 It's quicker to do an oil painting. 737 00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,800 It does take a bit of time. Let's have you two, as well. 738 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,800 Smile. Aaah. That's so cute. 739 00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,280 Now, what they used to do, the old pros, when they took 740 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:55,560 photographs with proper film, they used to do a little Polaroid first. 741 00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:57,480 Oh, yeah, always do a Polaroid first. 742 00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,200 - They used to put it under their arms. - Their arse cheeks usually. 743 00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:03,320 I'm sorry? Arse cheeks?! Fair enough. 744 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:05,480 We had different photographers. 745 00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,400 I think Polaroids, it's sort of a slippery slope, though, 746 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:12,240 - because photography used to be... - Between your arse cheeks, go on. 747 00:36:12,240 --> 00:36:15,000 It used to be you went on holiday, took photos, then you got back. 748 00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:16,120 Don't shake it. 749 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:18,600 You went to the chemist, put them in, and it took a week. 750 00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:22,360 LAUGHTER 751 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:25,800 I want to see that shot. 752 00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:29,880 I didn't realise you were pulling that face, Reg. 753 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:34,000 - I didn't realise you was pulling your face. - Nothing. 754 00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,800 What I'm saying is, you used to get photos from a holiday, 755 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,840 the last two shots were of the dog, because you hadn't taken enough, 756 00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:42,680 then you'd go to the chemist, then you'd remember the holiday. 757 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,600 - Now we reminisce instantly and it's ruined it. - It's true. 758 00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:49,160 You go, "Oh, look at us, we were so young four minutes ago." 759 00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:53,040 And you go to one of those rock gigs, where people perform, 760 00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:55,600 and everybody watches them through their cameras, 761 00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:57,960 - instead of watching the real people. - I like that. 762 00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:01,280 When I do a stand-up show, someone will be taping it on their phone. 763 00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:03,480 As if like, "Now is not a good time for me." 764 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:07,400 I'm going to take this and enjoy it later on in this supreme quality. 765 00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,600 - They just can't enjoy the moment. - It's so bizarre. 766 00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:11,120 You used to get your pictures back 767 00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:13,880 - and they'd have a sticker on sometimes, wouldn't they? - Yes. 768 00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:15,440 Saying, "This picture is shit." 769 00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:21,400 - Those old disc cameras. - Or this picture has been sent to the police. 770 00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:23,000 A copy of it. 771 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,040 Well, can you tell me who invented the Polaroid photograph? 772 00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:28,520 - Do you remember his name? - Mr Roid. 773 00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:31,880 - He had a brother named Haemor. - Very good. 774 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,080 Was it Eastman or Kodak or...? 775 00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:37,680 It wasn't Eastman or Kodak, no. 776 00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:39,000 "Fuji!" 777 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:41,640 No, it wasn't Fuji. 778 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:44,240 Land, his name was Land, was his name. 779 00:37:44,240 --> 00:37:46,200 And he made polarised sunglasses 780 00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,400 and that's why he called it Polaroid. 781 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,600 - There he is, Mr Land. - "I feel the need!" 782 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:52,480 I feel the need for speed. Indeed. 783 00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,400 - Oh, you can ride my tail any time. - Yeah. - Yeah. 784 00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:58,280 And then the Polaroid camera was launched in 1948. 785 00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:00,560 Because the company was already called Polaroid, 786 00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:02,040 he called it a Polaroid camera. 787 00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:04,920 It used to be Polaroids were always a bit grimy, weren't they? 788 00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:08,000 - Absolutely. - If you ever found a box of Polaroids in your parents' room, 789 00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:10,600 - it was worth leaving those alone. - Hello! 790 00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:13,440 That's a mental scarring right there. 791 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:16,720 - Oh, years of... - Hang on, what's that? Oh, no! 792 00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:19,760 Well, anyway, the point is, 793 00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:22,480 shaking a Polaroid had no effect on how quickly it developed. 794 00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:24,800 Now, here is a classic piece of kitsch. 795 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:28,880 Why is every fourth monkey like a search engine? 796 00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:32,720 - Fourth monkey? - Fourth. - There are three monkeys... - Ah... - See... 797 00:38:32,720 --> 00:38:37,360 - That is the strange thing. - See no evil... - Speak no evil... 798 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:39,400 see no evil, hear no evil... 799 00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:40,600 Google no evil! 800 00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:44,240 Well, Google is right, but what is Google's motto? 801 00:38:44,240 --> 00:38:45,680 Feeling Lucky? 802 00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:48,600 LAUGHTER 803 00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,800 - Come on, you are just looking for points! - It is true, yes. 804 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:53,560 But as a corporation, they have this... 805 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:55,440 one that has been mocked many times, 806 00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:57,640 but it is their sort of mission statement. 807 00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:01,800 - Is it "don't do evil"? - Don't do evil is their motto. - Don't do evil? 808 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:05,640 - Their motto is...what? - That is clutching its knackers! - I know! 809 00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:07,080 LAUGHTER 810 00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:10,640 I think it has just heard about prairie oysters and gone, hang on... 811 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,400 No, these are Koshin monkeys. We know the three. 812 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:17,320 The fourth was considered, when it came to the West, a bit too rude. 813 00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:21,640 It was "do no evil". And it was expressed by covering its genitals. 814 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,400 How ironic, though, that the fourth monkey should do no evil and 815 00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:28,880 hold its knackers when Google is a search engine for the porn industry! 816 00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:32,120 - I know! - Probably the most searched for thing on the internet. I gather. 817 00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:34,480 - It is true, but that was... - LAUGHTER 818 00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,800 I didn't realise you could get other stuff on it until recently. 819 00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:40,200 I used to refer to the internet as the pornography. 820 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:41,760 "I was on the pornography last night 821 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:44,640 "and do you know, you can book train tickets on it as well?" 822 00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:46,200 It is pornography and cats. 823 00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:50,160 If you ever find a video of a tabby banging a tortoiseshell, 824 00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:52,160 the internet will eat itself. 825 00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:56,720 - LAUGHTER It is like finding out about the 13th apostle. - Exactly. 826 00:39:56,720 --> 00:40:00,960 Because the first three are basically "don't grass anyone up". 827 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:04,280 And the fourth one is "actually, don't get involved". 828 00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:09,400 And lastly, to wrap up our kitsch-fest, here's some karaoke. 829 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:13,560 What is the world's most dangerous song? 830 00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:16,560 Is this the song that's playing most often during traffic accidents? 831 00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:18,680 No, it's not that, this really is a karaoke issue, 832 00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:21,200 - at least six people in the Philippines... - My Way. 833 00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:23,760 - ..have been murdered for singing? - My Way. - My Way! 834 00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:26,840 - Exactly. - Sorry, murdered for singing My Way? - Yes. 835 00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:30,520 What, because they didn't do it right? They did it their way! 836 00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,280 They murdered My Way and were murdered as a result. 837 00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,120 So singing, "And now the end is nigh..." 838 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:41,120 - Yeah, exactly. "At last I face the final curt..." - Argh! 839 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:44,440 But in Thailand, the song to be wary of is even more dangerous. 840 00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:47,720 In 2008, a gunman shot dead eight of his neighbours 841 00:40:47,720 --> 00:40:50,920 after becoming enraged at the noise from karaoke parties, 842 00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:55,680 at which they sang this American song, by a good old mountain boy. 843 00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:58,520 From West Virginia, Take Me Home... 844 00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:02,000 - Oh, John Denver. - Yes, that's it, Take Me Home, Country Roads 845 00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,640 became the song that killed eight people. 846 00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,760 - And thus they were taken home. - Thus they were taken home, exactly. 847 00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,680 Most people credit the invention of karaoke to a Japanese fellow 848 00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:13,640 - called Daisuke Inoue in 1971. - Oh, he's to blame. 849 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:17,080 Well, yes, but he didn't make any money out of it whatsoever. 850 00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:20,960 But he has patented a cockroach killer which is specifically 851 00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:24,280 designed to kill cockroaches that live in karaoke machines. 852 00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:29,840 - Presumably by playing them Peter Andre. - Yes, presumably. 853 00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:31,160 Now, this will be very good. 854 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:34,400 You will get lots of points if you can guess what the prize was 855 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:37,680 in 2010 for the Karaoke World Championships held in Moscow. 856 00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:41,840 - The prize was one million... something. - Karaoke machines. - No. 857 00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:46,240 - Roubles...? - Not roubles. - Prairie... - Barrels of oil? - Yeah. 858 00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:49,440 - Prairie oysters, you were going to say? - Prairie oysters. 859 00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:53,240 - Dumplings, is the answer. - Dumplings? - One million dumplings. 860 00:41:53,240 --> 00:41:55,960 - How do you take them home?! - They like dumplings a lot. 861 00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:57,320 They do love their dumplings. 862 00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:00,280 They have got to be pretty moreish before you get to 1,000,000. 863 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:01,720 It is a hell of a number, isn't it? 864 00:42:01,720 --> 00:42:03,760 I suppose you just shared it with everybody. 865 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:07,040 Well, you'll be excited to know that we come now to the scores, 866 00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:11,800 and how fascinating they are. 867 00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:15,880 In first place, with a towering plus 9, is Jimmy Carr. 868 00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:17,440 Oh, come on! 869 00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:20,920 Yes! Finally. I've never won this before, it's brilliant. 870 00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:24,080 APPLAUSE 871 00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:29,960 In second place, with a very impressive plus 6, 872 00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:31,600 is Alan Davies! 873 00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:35,760 - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Wow! 874 00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:41,960 In third place, with a highly respectable zero, 875 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:43,760 is Reginald D Hunter. 876 00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:46,520 APPLAUSE 877 00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:52,560 And I'm afraid sweeping up the dead karaoke cockroaches tonight, 878 00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:55,120 with minus 8, is Sue Perkins. 879 00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:57,800 APPLAUSE 880 00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:06,160 My thanks to Sue, Jimmy, Reginald and Alan, and good night.