2 00:00:28,740 --> 00:00:34,020 Goooood evening, good evening, good evening, good evening 3 00:00:34,020 --> 00:00:36,660 and welcome to QI. 4 00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:38,860 Where will this get me? 5 00:00:38,860 --> 00:00:40,900 I'm going to find my broom, here. 6 00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:44,980 If I were to move my hands together like this, what would happen? 7 00:00:44,980 --> 00:00:47,060 Whether I did this one a bit more than that one, 8 00:00:47,060 --> 00:00:50,580 or that one a bit more than that one. What would happen, at the end? When my hands met. 9 00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:52,780 - The heavy end would fall down. - No. 10 00:00:52,780 --> 00:00:54,980 - Shut up! - Extraordinary, when you do this, 11 00:00:54,980 --> 00:00:58,780 you will always find it meets at the centre of gravity. 12 00:00:58,780 --> 00:00:59,820 - Always. - Oh! 13 00:00:59,820 --> 00:01:02,300 Because the resistance from the heavy end slows... 14 00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:06,140 Yeah, exactly, so as long as you're just sort of doing it without thinking, you know, 15 00:01:06,140 --> 00:01:08,220 it just meets up like that. And it balances. 16 00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:11,740 It doesn't actually look a very natural implement in your hand, Stephen. 17 00:01:11,740 --> 00:01:14,380 Try it, you've all got... No. But you've got one. 18 00:01:14,380 --> 00:01:17,860 - Maybe it'll look more natural in yours. - Yeah, I am a drudge. 19 00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:21,660 - You can ride it home tonight. - Here we go. 20 00:01:21,660 --> 00:01:24,020 You've all got one, so try it. 21 00:01:24,020 --> 00:01:26,260 Obviously... 22 00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:29,980 - His fell apart! - Everybody except Alan. Now try properly. 23 00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:33,700 Obviously the left hand won't move as far as the right one. 24 00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:36,700 DANNY: Mine's not going at all. What? Oh, no, it's... 25 00:01:36,700 --> 00:01:39,060 Is it working for you, Marcus? Please God! 26 00:01:39,060 --> 00:01:42,220 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no... - Jo isn't even trying. - It does, it does. 27 00:01:42,220 --> 00:01:45,700 - Ah, there you go. - I can tell you, there are women all over the country going, 28 00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:48,740 "look at the silly bastards, we've got to clean the floor with it." 29 00:01:48,740 --> 00:01:53,060 - DANNY: Oh man, this is... - I've been trying this all afternoon and I can't make it do anything else. - No! 30 00:01:53,060 --> 00:01:57,020 It's like, it's got the Uri Geller touch about it, it's just... 31 00:01:57,020 --> 00:02:00,140 - Aaaah, cool! - That is bizarre. - Aaah! 32 00:02:00,140 --> 00:02:03,500 - Well, that's really disappointing. - This one's Kate Moss. 33 00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:04,980 Yeah, baby. 34 00:02:04,980 --> 00:02:09,220 I'm completely astounded. We're all very disappointed. 35 00:02:09,220 --> 00:02:11,420 Every single person who's tried this... 36 00:02:11,420 --> 00:02:13,500 Is there any money in doing it wrong? 37 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:16,780 LAUGHTER 38 00:02:16,780 --> 00:02:20,140 APPLAUSE 39 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:24,420 - It's just like... I'm not doing it on purpose, I promise I'm not... - Close your eyes. - Look at that! 40 00:02:24,420 --> 00:02:27,900 There, that's good. You've found the centre of gravity perfectly, there. 41 00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,860 - Last time, last time, last time. Last time. It's level, yes? - Yeah. 42 00:02:32,860 --> 00:02:36,900 Level. It's going, I can feel it's going... 43 00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,940 - Aah! - Hurray! 44 00:02:38,940 --> 00:02:40,860 Phew! 45 00:02:41,980 --> 00:02:44,060 Didn't Muhammad Ali say that, didn't he? 46 00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:47,100 He said he was so fast he could get into bed before the light went off. 47 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:51,580 - Yeah, and I think someone said, "just get a bedside light." - Yeah, exactly. 48 00:02:51,580 --> 00:02:53,220 Or just one of those ones. CLAPS HANDS 49 00:02:53,220 --> 00:02:56,020 And then you can clap when you're in bed and who doesn't like that? 50 00:02:56,020 --> 00:02:58,180 BILL: Ah, yes, but that's very interesting then, 51 00:02:58,180 --> 00:03:01,220 - cos then, you see, the sound... - You've just turned the camera off. - What? 52 00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:03,860 You've just turned the camera off, could you do two? 53 00:03:03,860 --> 00:03:05,620 Could you do two, now? 54 00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:08,740 - Thank you. - LAUGHTER 55 00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:11,740 We use the same system, we didn't expect anybody to clap. 56 00:03:11,740 --> 00:03:14,660 - What? What just happened? - You turned the camera off by clapping. 57 00:03:14,660 --> 00:03:18,180 Just the whole universe, just... POWER DOWN NOISE 58 00:03:18,180 --> 00:03:20,220 - Yeah. - And... POWER UP NOISE. 59 00:03:20,220 --> 00:03:22,900 Yeah, and you're back again now. That's it. Don't clap though. 60 00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:26,900 POWERING UP: What... NORMAL SPEED: ..would happen...? 61 00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:30,420 - If? - No, I was just saying, it was rhetorical. - Oh, I see. 62 00:03:30,420 --> 00:03:32,740 I was just saying... 63 00:03:32,740 --> 00:03:36,020 There's a question. What would happen, Stephen? Discuss. 64 00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:40,780 - Yes. "Let's see whose house it is." - "It is." 65 00:03:40,780 --> 00:03:42,180 Now, that's interesting. 66 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:46,820 Why do you think you can balance it with the centre of gravity so high? 67 00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:49,660 - Cos we know where the centre of gravity is. - Because I'm a genius! 68 00:03:49,660 --> 00:03:52,900 - LAUGHTER - Yes. That's right. 69 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:56,260 But if you try and do that from the bottom end, but not grasping the brushes, 70 00:03:56,260 --> 00:03:58,900 literally just balancing on your palm, it'll just fall over. 71 00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:00,540 You mustn't grasp it. 72 00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:04,620 LAUGHTER Like that? 73 00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:08,820 - Hello. Hello. That's really good, actually. - Yes. 74 00:04:08,820 --> 00:04:10,420 I'm just going to rip... 75 00:04:10,420 --> 00:04:14,460 I think the show's broom techy might need a word after the programme. 76 00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:16,660 APPLAUSE 77 00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:25,380 Has anyone ever tested to see how quickly asparagus makes your wee smell? 78 00:04:25,380 --> 00:04:29,740 Oh, that's... It's amazingly quick. But there are some people to whom that doesn't have the effect. 79 00:04:29,740 --> 00:04:33,700 Just as some people have their pee going red when they eat beetroot and other people don't. 80 00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:36,700 - I don't go red when I've had beetroot. - I don't. - Oh, God no, no not pee. 81 00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:39,740 - What are you talking about? - Have you never had the disaster? 82 00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:41,820 What, do you mean? Other juice? 83 00:04:41,820 --> 00:04:45,100 Oh, no, again, we're back on shitting, but I was having 84 00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:48,020 a poo one morning and turned round and it was bright red. 85 00:04:48,020 --> 00:04:51,020 And I just thought, "well, that's it, that's arse cancer." 86 00:04:51,020 --> 00:04:52,940 - Arse cancer! - And I'm history. 87 00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:56,020 And so I thought, "well fair enough, you know, I've had a great life. 88 00:04:56,020 --> 00:04:59,140 - "I've had a great life, and just relax." - Yeah. Yeah. 89 00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:03,340 And so this went on for several days and each morning, bright red. 90 00:05:03,340 --> 00:05:05,580 - Bright red? - Yeah. Beetroot. 91 00:05:05,580 --> 00:05:07,140 Yeah. 92 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,980 - You shouldn't put them there. - Beetroot stains. But the relief. 93 00:05:09,980 --> 00:05:12,060 LAUGHTER 94 00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:14,940 But what would...? I mean, if you just thought, "Oh, that's it." 95 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:18,380 And then you just go on a bender for five days. 96 00:05:18,380 --> 00:05:20,380 - Ha ha! Phone up all your ex girlfriends. - I did. 97 00:05:20,380 --> 00:05:23,180 - Three days I didn't tell anyone, I was a bit weepy. - Oh, really? 98 00:05:23,180 --> 00:05:25,180 And then mentioned it to somebody who said, 99 00:05:25,180 --> 00:05:30,260 "No, have you been eating beetroot?" And I had, I'd bought a load of beetroot salad and that was it. 100 00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:34,860 I had a very similar experience, and I went, "Oh, my God! I'm an alien." 101 00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:37,780 So I then phoned the doctor and they go, 102 00:05:37,780 --> 00:05:39,660 "Oh, you'd better bring a sample in." 103 00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:43,060 So got a sample in a jar and went into the doctor's, 104 00:05:43,060 --> 00:05:45,700 obviously keeping it out of sight, 105 00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:50,540 and went up to the desk and they said, "Name?" 106 00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:53,220 And you know, "B Bailey," like that. 107 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:55,380 And they said, "What's it for?" And I went, 108 00:05:55,380 --> 00:05:58,980 QUIETLY: "It's an abnormal bowel movement," like that. 109 00:05:58,980 --> 00:06:02,620 And they went, "No, what's the initial for?" And I went, "Oh, Christ!" 110 00:06:02,620 --> 00:06:04,740 LAUGHTER 111 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,820 You didn't hear that! 112 00:06:08,540 --> 00:06:11,380 Now, everyone knows what knees, knuckles and kidneys are, 113 00:06:11,380 --> 00:06:15,420 but what's the point of these less familiar K-parts of the body? 114 00:06:15,420 --> 00:06:21,420 Kiesselbach's plexus. The valves of Kerckring. The end-bulbs of Krause. 115 00:06:21,420 --> 00:06:23,580 The pores of Kohn. 116 00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:26,100 That is the best nickname for someone's balls ever. 117 00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:29,700 Behold the End-Bulbs of Krause! 118 00:06:32,220 --> 00:06:34,020 Kneel before the End-Bulbs of Krause. 119 00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:35,420 Kneel before them. 120 00:06:35,420 --> 00:06:37,540 Are these not all Star Trek movies? 121 00:06:37,540 --> 00:06:41,260 - No, I know, it does, doesn't it? Star Trek 19. - Down the years. 122 00:06:41,260 --> 00:06:43,420 The Valves of Kerckring. Kiesselbach's Plexus. 123 00:06:43,420 --> 00:06:44,820 They are magnificent names. 124 00:06:44,820 --> 00:06:47,340 They are all parts of the human anatomy. 125 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:48,900 The Pores of Kohn. 126 00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:51,860 - The bell ends of... - No, we're going to come to the bell ends, Alan. 127 00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:53,260 Wait for the bell ends. 128 00:06:53,260 --> 00:06:55,380 They will come, but the Pores of Kohn... 129 00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:56,420 LAUGHTER 130 00:07:01,940 --> 00:07:04,060 I don't know what's going to come out. 131 00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:08,460 I never know what's going to issue from me. 132 00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:10,580 It's another ring tone, I can't wait. 133 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,780 That is Twitter in a nut shell. 134 00:07:15,780 --> 00:07:16,980 I'm so sorry. 135 00:07:18,260 --> 00:07:19,660 Who gave Moses the horn? 136 00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:24,060 - BUZZER - Yes, Jimmy? 137 00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:25,300 His wife, Joan of Arc. 138 00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:28,700 And that is a joke from Bill and Ted's Big Adventure. 139 00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:30,580 That would be... That was Noah. 140 00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,820 - Noah's wife was... - Oh, who was it? 141 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:35,260 - Moses. - Oh, well, wrong Biblical... 142 00:07:35,260 --> 00:07:38,220 Wrong patriarch. I'm no expert in this area. Was there a horn of plenty? 143 00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:40,060 - Is it a horn of plenty? - No, it isn't. 144 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:43,220 Do you happen to know which saint was the first to translate 145 00:07:43,220 --> 00:07:45,140 the Bible into Latin? 146 00:07:45,140 --> 00:07:47,660 Was it Saint Lee? 147 00:07:47,660 --> 00:07:51,260 No, I like that. He was saintly, but no, 148 00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:54,020 you either know this or you don't. It was Saint Jerome. 149 00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:56,980 And he made a few elementary errors. 150 00:07:56,980 --> 00:07:59,700 I don't know if we have anyone in the audience called Karen? 151 00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:02,340 - Do we have anyone called Karen? - MAN: Yeah. 152 00:08:02,340 --> 00:08:03,620 LAUGHTER 153 00:08:03,620 --> 00:08:05,180 Very good, very good. 154 00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:07,860 But if there is a real Karen in the audience, you will know, 155 00:08:07,860 --> 00:08:11,220 probably, that your name means "rain of light" in Hebrew. 156 00:08:11,220 --> 00:08:15,380 But also the same word in Hebrew can mean "horn". 157 00:08:15,380 --> 00:08:19,060 And so St Jerome chose to take the meaning that Moses got down 158 00:08:19,060 --> 00:08:23,940 the mountain with horns instead of with shining radiant light. 159 00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:25,980 And so many artists, including Michelangelo, 160 00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:28,820 represented Moses as having horns. There is Michelangelo's... 161 00:08:28,820 --> 00:08:31,060 Classic Angelo. 162 00:08:32,060 --> 00:08:36,540 Anyway, Moses wasn't so much horny, he was more sort of shiny. So... 163 00:08:37,820 --> 00:08:42,260 What about these, then? Let me see, the end-bulbs of Krause. 164 00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:43,460 The helmet. 165 00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:46,460 We have them on the genitalia in mulberry-like clusters, 166 00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:48,500 - as a matter of fact. - Mulberry-like clusters? 167 00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:50,620 We have a lot of them on the genitals. 168 00:08:50,620 --> 00:08:52,020 The little funny bits on the... 169 00:08:52,020 --> 00:08:54,620 Pimple bits on the...on the right, that are all... 170 00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:56,220 LAUGHTER 171 00:08:56,220 --> 00:08:58,620 Don't do that! 172 00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:01,180 They're those bits, there. 173 00:09:01,180 --> 00:09:03,060 - It's up there. - These middle bits. 174 00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:06,340 On that, and that's... Those middle bits there and there. Here. 175 00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,860 You know when you take it out to go to the loo, right? 176 00:09:10,860 --> 00:09:12,940 And then you get the winch down. 177 00:09:12,940 --> 00:09:15,300 - Stop it. - I have to take a step ladder to go to the loo. 178 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,860 Behave. No, they're smaller than that, 179 00:09:17,860 --> 00:09:21,180 - but they are incredibly sensitive to a particular condition. - A lady. 180 00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:22,580 To what, ladies? 181 00:09:22,580 --> 00:09:24,300 To a particular lady. 182 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:25,980 A particular lady. No. 183 00:09:25,980 --> 00:09:29,540 We also have them all over the skin, but they are very concentrated on the genitalia, 184 00:09:29,540 --> 00:09:34,060 particularly the male genitalia are very sensitive to the...your swinging... 185 00:09:34,060 --> 00:09:36,100 - Don't do that! - What did he do? 186 00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:38,300 - Are you having a look? - Is that cheating? - Yes. 187 00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:41,220 You have a special isolated camera above you, 188 00:09:41,220 --> 00:09:43,580 - I just thought I'd warn you. - Oh, really? 189 00:09:43,580 --> 00:09:46,620 - Well, I do. Anyway... - Sorry Colin. 190 00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:51,020 While we're in playful mood, I have one of my knick-knacks to show you. 191 00:09:51,020 --> 00:09:52,740 - ALL: Oooh! - Yes. 192 00:09:52,740 --> 00:09:56,260 Now this, the great Lord Kelvin, in the 1890s, 193 00:09:56,260 --> 00:09:58,780 was wandering along a beach with a friend, Hugh Blackburn, 194 00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:01,260 who was a mathematician, and they found a pebble 195 00:10:01,260 --> 00:10:03,820 and a surface on which to spin it, and they found it had 196 00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,740 a peculiar property, not unlike this, which is called a Tippe Top. 197 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,420 And you give it a spin... 198 00:10:08,420 --> 00:10:10,180 Ooh! 199 00:10:10,180 --> 00:10:12,300 It turns upside down. 200 00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:15,420 Now, what you sort of don't notice is that it's still going clockwise, 201 00:10:15,420 --> 00:10:18,660 - but it's upside down, so it has reversed the direction of spin. - Oh. 202 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,100 Ah. 203 00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:22,220 And engineers and mathematicians like Bohr 204 00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:24,420 and Pauli were fascinated by this. 205 00:10:24,420 --> 00:10:26,180 And it is quite fun. You can have a go. 206 00:10:26,180 --> 00:10:28,060 That's what makes... There, you'll... 207 00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:36,060 We can show you some VT of it being done properly by one of our elves, 208 00:10:36,060 --> 00:10:39,260 and you can see a slightly better spin there. 209 00:10:39,260 --> 00:10:40,540 It keeps its... 210 00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:43,060 So this is about, you know where they were saying... 211 00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:45,140 And it's still going... Sorry. 212 00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:48,020 Where they were saying that the earth axis is going to change, 213 00:10:48,020 --> 00:10:50,380 and that north's going to be south, it's much like this. 214 00:10:50,380 --> 00:10:53,780 - Sorry, Liza, is the world going to turn upside down? - Apparently so. 215 00:10:53,780 --> 00:10:55,500 That's the first anyone's told me. 216 00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:58,220 The magnetic fields will close. We know that they will swop. 217 00:10:58,220 --> 00:11:01,420 - Soon? - Tuesday. It's happening on Tuesday. 218 00:11:03,180 --> 00:11:06,500 I have some snuff for you to try, in different flavours. 219 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:09,300 You can see whether the lid is lying or not. 220 00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:10,460 Arrgh! 221 00:11:10,460 --> 00:11:13,540 In special QI lids. You can take it if you want. 222 00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,780 You obviously inhale it up the nose. 223 00:11:15,780 --> 00:11:18,380 - You do it all, right? - Oh! 224 00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:19,940 You're going to spill... 225 00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:22,540 Don't do it all, no. It's very sharp. 226 00:11:22,540 --> 00:11:24,140 - HAAA! - It is, it's sharp. 227 00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:30,060 Nothing. Nothing. 228 00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:31,220 LAUGHTER 229 00:11:31,220 --> 00:11:34,540 Oh, really! No! 230 00:11:34,540 --> 00:11:36,060 Nothing. 231 00:11:36,060 --> 00:11:37,900 Oh, you're licking it. 232 00:11:37,900 --> 00:11:39,740 - OOOOH! - On the gums. 233 00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,620 Oh, a moustache. 234 00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:44,060 It is quite sharp. 235 00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:46,140 You've had a go. What's your flavour, Alan? 236 00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:48,780 It says Christmas Pudding. 237 00:11:48,780 --> 00:11:50,700 You've got Christmas Pudding. 238 00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:52,220 The only time I've had a... 239 00:11:52,220 --> 00:11:53,700 LAUGHTER 240 00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:55,100 Ross Noble! 241 00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:57,820 Honestly, it's fine, it's good, put it in your eyes. 242 00:11:57,820 --> 00:11:59,020 It's good. 243 00:12:03,380 --> 00:12:06,060 This is probably the only time my nan's going to watch me 244 00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:08,620 on telly and I'll be like that the whole show. 245 00:12:09,820 --> 00:12:11,780 What do you reckon, Colin? 246 00:12:11,780 --> 00:12:16,020 Oh, that is the... This flavour says Kitty Litter. 247 00:12:16,020 --> 00:12:18,460 LAUGHTER 248 00:12:18,460 --> 00:12:20,380 That is awful! 249 00:12:20,380 --> 00:12:21,900 You're not a fan? 250 00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:23,500 I'm not a fan. It says Champagne. 251 00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:26,500 Yeah, they're different. There are so many, I mean hundreds, 252 00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:29,900 thousands of different flavours or sorts, as they're called. 253 00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:31,940 - Ugh! - What does yours say on the lid, Noel? 254 00:12:31,940 --> 00:12:33,900 - What flavour? - Yeah. - Jealousy. 255 00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:37,420 - By Calvin Klein. - Whisky And Honey. 256 00:12:37,420 --> 00:12:40,260 - Whisky And Honey. Does it taste...? Yours, Ross? - No, not really. 257 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,100 - When you've come down? - I can't see! 258 00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:45,460 It could say anything. 259 00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:48,940 - Noel will read it to you. - Who's talking to me?! 260 00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:52,100 Your flavour's Madness. 261 00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:54,380 The problem is, it makes your snot brown, 262 00:12:54,380 --> 00:12:56,980 so there are snuff handkerchiefs, brown silk handkerchiefs 263 00:12:56,980 --> 00:13:00,380 or dark-coloured silk handkerchiefs. But you'll see, you'll get a... 264 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:05,620 - HE SNORTS - It'll look as if you've - wiped your arse, I'm afraid. 265 00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:06,820 ALL: Ugh! 266 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:11,420 That, from here, looks like the Turin Shroud. 267 00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:14,660 I can see the face of our Lord! 268 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:23,980 Even though you know it's snuff, you're like, "Urggh!" 269 00:13:23,980 --> 00:13:26,580 - Even though, exactly. - "He's shat in his hanky!" 270 00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:31,500 Now, let's test your beer goggles, as it were. 271 00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,660 A man in the audience is going to hold up a picture 272 00:13:33,660 --> 00:13:35,980 - and I want you to tell me who's that of? - Marilyn Monroe. 273 00:13:35,980 --> 00:13:39,140 Marilyn Monroe, yeah, you can see the picture behind it there, 274 00:13:39,140 --> 00:13:40,260 Marilyn Monroe. 275 00:13:40,260 --> 00:13:43,020 Now, Sam, walk towards us, if you'd be kind enough. 276 00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:45,420 I don't think it... I wouldn't, I think... 277 00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:47,940 It's supposed to look like her, but I'm suspicious. 278 00:13:47,940 --> 00:13:50,940 - Albert Einstein. - Albert Einstein. 279 00:13:50,940 --> 00:13:52,340 BRENDAN: Holy crap! 280 00:13:52,340 --> 00:13:54,540 It is, it is rather extraordinary. It's both. 281 00:13:54,540 --> 00:13:57,180 - They're related. - No! 282 00:13:57,180 --> 00:14:00,060 - You would... - Never in the same room, Brendan. 283 00:14:00,060 --> 00:14:02,660 You'd hardly imagine they would be, would you? 284 00:14:02,660 --> 00:14:06,300 I think Marilyn Monroe did have quite a bad facial hair problem. 285 00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:12,740 From a distance the image does look like Marilyn Monroe, because what 286 00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:16,860 they do is, it's created by the MIT, this illusion, the Massachusetts 287 00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:20,540 Institute of Technology, as I'm sure you know, they remove 288 00:14:20,540 --> 00:14:24,020 Marilyn's fine-grained features, like wrinkles and little blemishes, 289 00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:26,940 and they remove Einstein's coarser features, like 290 00:14:26,940 --> 00:14:29,940 the shape of his mouth and nose, and then they superimpose the two. 291 00:14:29,940 --> 00:14:32,780 And from a distance we see just the broader strokes, 292 00:14:32,780 --> 00:14:34,540 we see her, Marilyn Monroe. 293 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:38,300 And close up we see the fine details of Albert Einstein. 294 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:41,700 And we've done another version, just to show this really does work. 295 00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:44,500 It's not just Marilyn. Who's that? 296 00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:47,940 BRENDAN: Handsome man. That's Stephen Fry, I know him well. 297 00:14:47,940 --> 00:14:52,380 That's me. That's me! Hurray. And if you come towards us. Hello? 298 00:14:52,380 --> 00:14:53,500 Ah! 299 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:54,940 Hello? 300 00:14:54,940 --> 00:14:57,060 It's Alan Davies! 301 00:14:57,060 --> 00:14:58,940 Hey! 302 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:01,500 How about that? 303 00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,140 Who is it now? 304 00:15:03,140 --> 00:15:05,140 Oh, yeah, look at that. 305 00:15:05,140 --> 00:15:07,860 Yeah, we have to be that close. That's fantastic. 306 00:15:07,860 --> 00:15:10,740 It is an extraordinary illusion. I hope they've done two of them 307 00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:14,780 - so we can have one each in our bedrooms. - I want one in my house. - What distance do you want it? 308 00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:17,100 I want to be far away from it, Stephen. 309 00:15:20,060 --> 00:15:22,860 - Toss you for it. - Oh! 310 00:15:22,860 --> 00:15:24,300 Sorry. 311 00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:27,580 And I like the fact you can have words, 312 00:15:27,580 --> 00:15:30,500 and they're both good old English words, aren't they? Spigot. 313 00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:33,540 - Spigot. A wonderful word. - Yes. - Say it, Alan. 314 00:15:33,540 --> 00:15:36,500 - We had a Mrs Bigott on our street. - Mrs Bigot, you didn't? 315 00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:39,420 - That was her actual name. - Mrs Bigot? - Mrs Bigot? - Hmm. 316 00:15:39,420 --> 00:15:42,700 - That's fantastic, and was she? - I think it was a double T. - Oh, right, Bigott. 317 00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:44,740 Everyone was a bigot on our street, Stephen. 318 00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:48,540 I knew a person called Mrs Willy and she would say Wiley, 319 00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:51,420 - and it literally was W-I-L-L-Y. - Oh, my God. 320 00:15:51,420 --> 00:15:53,020 - "That's Wiley." - Oh. 321 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:55,380 - Joan Willy. - Joan Willy. 322 00:15:55,380 --> 00:15:59,180 - We had a Mrs Pennis. - Oh, no! 323 00:15:59,180 --> 00:16:01,700 - P-E-N-I-S? - She had to... N-N. 324 00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:04,020 She had to come out of the phone book in the end. 325 00:16:04,020 --> 00:16:07,300 - Because everybody rang up and said, "Is that Mrs Penis?" - Exactly. 326 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,820 - "I know you boys!" - Yeah. Furious. 327 00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:11,820 - "You kids, pesky varmints." - Yes. 328 00:16:11,820 --> 00:16:13,220 I feel bad I did that now. 329 00:16:14,420 --> 00:16:16,980 - We had a Rosy Balls at school. - Oh! 330 00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:21,180 Congratulations Rosy, if you're watching. 331 00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:22,660 Rosy Balls. 332 00:16:22,660 --> 00:16:25,060 At a clergy conference, I met a Father Christmas. 333 00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:26,900 Oh, how fabulous. 334 00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:30,620 - I've met a Mary Christmas. - A Mary Christmas? - Yeah. 335 00:16:30,620 --> 00:16:33,700 In Sligo, a lovely man called Dita, Dita Christmas, 336 00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:36,420 - and he said, "This is my wife, Mary." - Wow. 337 00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:39,420 And we literally laughed into her face. 338 00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:45,300 Now, who fancies one of my knick-knacks to celebrate 339 00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:47,540 the beauty of chemistry? 340 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:52,300 I've got a bottle here of alcohol, but this is not drinking alcohol. I'm just going to... 341 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:54,540 That was full at the start of tonight. 342 00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:57,260 What I'm going to do is, I'm going to make a cloud, 343 00:16:57,260 --> 00:16:59,220 which I think you'll find is rather exciting. 344 00:16:59,220 --> 00:17:01,340 I've got a pump here, and Alan, I'm going 345 00:17:01,340 --> 00:17:03,500 to ask you to pump for me, would you. 346 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,060 - Every Monday. - That's it. 347 00:17:06,060 --> 00:17:09,700 And by doing this I'm just making it evaporate a little, and I'm going 348 00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:12,540 to stick the plunger in as soon as I can, so I don't get too much. 349 00:17:12,540 --> 00:17:16,340 - Now by pumping it in, you're applying pressure to this... There you go. - Shall I pump? 350 00:17:16,340 --> 00:17:20,580 About ten. Two, three, four, five, 351 00:17:20,580 --> 00:17:24,100 six, seven, eight, nine, ten. 352 00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:26,660 - That'll do. - Is it going to blow up? Is it going to explode? 353 00:17:26,660 --> 00:17:28,980 - And... Oh! Cloud. - Oh, look at that. 354 00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:30,540 I've made a cloud. 355 00:17:30,540 --> 00:17:32,700 But...pop it in. 356 00:17:37,860 --> 00:17:39,260 We can now make it disappear. 357 00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:43,900 Gone cloud. 358 00:17:43,900 --> 00:17:45,980 Come back, cloud! 359 00:17:45,980 --> 00:17:49,940 Oh, isn't that exciting. 360 00:17:49,940 --> 00:17:51,300 APPLAUSE 361 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:54,140 Now what starts with K and is killed by curiosity? 362 00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:56,100 - A kitten. - Oh! 363 00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:59,100 - ALARM BLARES - Oh, no. 364 00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:01,020 I'm sorry. 365 00:18:01,020 --> 00:18:04,020 It's an animal species, but not a cat. 366 00:18:04,020 --> 00:18:06,860 - A lot of these begin with K. - Kangaroo. 367 00:18:06,860 --> 00:18:10,620 - No, but right hemisphere. - Koala. - Again, the right hemisphere, not the right country. 368 00:18:10,620 --> 00:18:12,900 - Kiwi. - Sorry? - Kiwi? Kiwi. 369 00:18:12,900 --> 00:18:15,820 - The right type of animal. - A kea. 370 00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:17,860 Kea is the right answer. Very good. A kea is? 371 00:18:17,860 --> 00:18:20,180 - A New Zealand parrot. - A flightless bird. 372 00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:23,220 No, it's not flightless in this case, oddly enough, it's a parrot. 373 00:18:23,220 --> 00:18:25,620 And there was a bounty put on them some years ago. 374 00:18:25,620 --> 00:18:28,020 Kea, which as you can see, look quite ravenous - 375 00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:30,980 they look almost like eagles, but they are parrots - would ride 376 00:18:30,980 --> 00:18:35,220 the sheep and peck away at them and eat the fat off the poor sheep. 377 00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:37,940 And so there was a bounty put on their heads 378 00:18:37,940 --> 00:18:41,540 and New Zealanders found keas were very curious animals. 379 00:18:41,540 --> 00:18:44,900 It's partly a result of having grown-up in a country with no 380 00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:46,820 mammals for millions of years. 381 00:18:46,820 --> 00:18:51,220 Anyway, what you do is, you stand behind a rock and wait for a 382 00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:54,300 kea to come along, and then you drop behind the rock and disappear. 383 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,620 And the kea thinks, "That's odd." 384 00:18:57,900 --> 00:19:00,180 And he wanders up and he takes a look over, 385 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:03,380 and you just, with your club, just go bang, like that. 386 00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:05,620 That's the beauty of it, you've only just started, 387 00:19:05,620 --> 00:19:07,820 because you don't have to move, you put the kea down. 388 00:19:07,820 --> 00:19:10,460 The kea's friend goes, "Where's Kevin?" 389 00:19:10,460 --> 00:19:12,020 Where's Kevin! 390 00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:14,460 - Wanders round like that. - Are they all called Kevin? 391 00:19:14,460 --> 00:19:17,380 And then you drop down again and he goes, "Hello, what happened there? 392 00:19:17,380 --> 00:19:20,180 "There was someone and then there wasn't. How does that happen?" 393 00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:24,260 And he looks over, bash! And then, "Where's Keith?" and then so on. 394 00:19:24,260 --> 00:19:25,420 All the Ks. 395 00:19:25,420 --> 00:19:28,140 And you get a huge swag bag of kea. 396 00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:31,420 Wine doesn't taste as nice in a mug. 397 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,820 Wine, no that's very true. 398 00:19:32,820 --> 00:19:35,220 And I think tea doesn't taste good out of a... 399 00:19:35,220 --> 00:19:37,700 It's because of the amount of air you take in. 400 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:42,140 - Yes, that's probably true isn't it? - No, no, it IS true, Stephen. - Yes, no, sorry. 401 00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:51,340 It's the thinness of the glass. 402 00:19:51,340 --> 00:19:53,700 It's the amount of air you're taking as you sip. 403 00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:56,300 If you like tea, just make one cup in a glass 404 00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:57,900 and try the tea out of a glass. 405 00:19:57,900 --> 00:19:59,860 - It is divine. - Delicious, you're right. 406 00:19:59,860 --> 00:20:02,340 - Because it minimises... - My wife likes a thin mug. 407 00:20:02,340 --> 00:20:05,220 Well that's your own business, but I'm just saying... 408 00:20:05,220 --> 00:20:06,260 LAUGHTER 409 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:14,700 I'd leave if I were you. I think I'll go. 410 00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:16,540 I'm getting a pummelling off these two. 411 00:20:16,540 --> 00:20:18,020 Sorry, it was, it was... 412 00:20:18,020 --> 00:20:20,620 - But it is due to the air. - Pitch, half volley and then... 413 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:24,500 Who thought that Fry and Carroll would be a double act? Look at them go! 414 00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:27,220 - Well, that's why they taste wine, they go... - HE SLURPS 415 00:20:27,220 --> 00:20:30,140 - Yeah, to get the... - To maximise the air they get in. - But... 416 00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:31,940 - OPERATIC RING TONE - Is that your phone? 417 00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:33,180 Yes. 418 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:41,780 It's Heston Blumenthal. 419 00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:45,380 Now it's time for one of my knick-knacks, 420 00:20:45,380 --> 00:20:48,340 - a little scientific experiment. And all I have to do... - ALL: Oooh! 421 00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:52,100 - I know, it's terribly exciting, isn't it, is bring up this. - Ah ha. 422 00:20:52,100 --> 00:20:53,780 I don't know if you can see in here 423 00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:57,060 the tiny little grains of a kind of a little crystalline matter. 424 00:20:57,060 --> 00:20:58,780 And a bottle here. 425 00:20:58,780 --> 00:21:00,860 Salt and vinegar. 426 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:03,940 It looks like salt and vinegar. Bizarrely, that is what is 427 00:21:03,940 --> 00:21:06,860 used for flavouring salt and vinegar - sodium acetate. 428 00:21:06,860 --> 00:21:10,420 It's got caustic soda and vinegar, which is what makes sodium acetate. 429 00:21:10,420 --> 00:21:12,020 It's then dissolved slowly in water. 430 00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:16,020 It's very unstable - if I shook it, it would instantly crystallise, so I'm going to be careful. 431 00:21:16,020 --> 00:21:18,860 But if you add it to crystals, it also crystallises, 432 00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:21,620 - and I hope to make a dildo for you. - Oh, good. 433 00:21:21,620 --> 00:21:23,020 A dildo just out of this liquid. 434 00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:25,900 I'm going to stand up to do it, if the camera allows me to, because 435 00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:29,420 it needs a steady hand and I need to keep rising as I'm slowly pouring. 436 00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:34,020 It's a bit like making mayonnaise, very slowly adding the oil. 437 00:21:34,020 --> 00:21:37,100 - It's nothing like making mayonnaise. - No, you very slowly... 438 00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:39,380 You're making a phallus. 439 00:21:39,380 --> 00:21:41,300 But in terms of the pouring... 440 00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,500 This could ruin Mothers' Day for some people. 441 00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:44,900 I'm just going to slowly pour it. 442 00:21:44,900 --> 00:21:47,340 Can you see there's a tiny bit of crystal on there? 443 00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:49,620 - So a really very small amount. - Yeah. - OK. - Here we are. 444 00:21:49,620 --> 00:21:52,700 I've got to have a steady slow stream. 445 00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:54,140 Let's just hope it works. 446 00:21:59,420 --> 00:22:02,180 - Ooooh! - Ooh, I say! 447 00:22:04,340 --> 00:22:06,580 JOHNNY VEGAS: It's a snowman dildo. 448 00:22:09,100 --> 00:22:11,060 ♪ We're walking in the air 449 00:22:11,060 --> 00:22:12,100 LAUGHTER 450 00:22:15,420 --> 00:22:19,140 ♪ We're going to land for just a while. ♪ 451 00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:22,780 Snowman needs his private time! 452 00:22:26,380 --> 00:22:27,740 Get off me back. 453 00:22:29,100 --> 00:22:31,060 It's not very easy to be very accurate. 454 00:22:31,060 --> 00:22:32,660 I've got to keep doing higher, 455 00:22:32,660 --> 00:22:35,020 otherwise it'll blow back into the bottle. 456 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,900 But there you go. How's that? 457 00:22:36,900 --> 00:22:37,940 APPLAUSE 458 00:22:43,700 --> 00:22:45,180 There you go. 459 00:22:47,100 --> 00:22:49,820 What is there to say about long-necked Karen? 460 00:22:51,420 --> 00:22:53,300 She's got lovely eyes. 461 00:22:57,140 --> 00:22:59,100 Yeah, you're always the first to see the nice. 462 00:22:59,100 --> 00:23:01,540 That's one of those Family Fortunes ones, isn't it, 463 00:23:01,540 --> 00:23:03,820 - we've had this before. - Oh, yes, "Survey said..." 464 00:23:03,820 --> 00:23:05,580 Name a bird with a long neck. 465 00:23:08,380 --> 00:23:10,420 And the bloke goes, "Naomi Campbell." 466 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:16,860 Well, this is clearly not Naomi. 467 00:23:16,860 --> 00:23:17,940 No, Emu. 468 00:23:19,220 --> 00:23:21,580 Karen is the answer here. Who is this Karen? 469 00:23:21,580 --> 00:23:24,100 - Is it a tribe or something? - Say again? 470 00:23:24,100 --> 00:23:26,220 - Tribe, is it a tribe? - Tribe. 471 00:23:26,220 --> 00:23:27,380 The Karen tribe. 472 00:23:27,380 --> 00:23:28,700 The Karen tribe. 473 00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:31,820 "Oh, hello, all right? Lovely to see you." 474 00:23:31,820 --> 00:23:35,060 "Hiya, y'all right?" 475 00:23:35,060 --> 00:23:37,620 The neighbouring Tracey tribe is... 476 00:23:39,100 --> 00:23:40,620 They hate the Traceys. 477 00:23:40,620 --> 00:23:42,180 "Stay away from Gary!" 478 00:23:45,060 --> 00:23:46,660 Here come the Garys. 479 00:23:46,660 --> 00:23:48,940 Huurrrr! Not bovvered. 480 00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:55,700 But the tribe we're talking about, the Padaung Karen tribe, from? 481 00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:58,580 Do they put rings round the... and do all that extending over time? 482 00:23:58,580 --> 00:24:01,020 Exactly, let's have a look at them. There we are, look at that. 483 00:24:01,020 --> 00:24:04,300 - Oh, my word. - Wow! - Wow, isn't that impressive? 484 00:24:04,300 --> 00:24:07,260 It looks like she's kind of being bred with a Slinky. 485 00:24:09,660 --> 00:24:11,740 They're so-called giraffe-necked. 486 00:24:11,740 --> 00:24:15,220 - At the end of the day, oh! - Well, they can't at the end of the... 487 00:24:22,780 --> 00:24:25,580 "Beryl, Beryl, why are the curtains on the floor? Oh." 488 00:24:25,580 --> 00:24:29,060 You know when you have a Jack-in-the-box ready to go? 489 00:24:29,060 --> 00:24:31,460 - Oh, yes. - P-ding! 490 00:24:31,460 --> 00:24:35,380 Maybe that's what would happen, rather than go down, it just goes... 491 00:24:45,700 --> 00:24:50,100 My mother-in-law makes absolutely no sound when she moves. 492 00:24:53,740 --> 00:24:55,660 That's remarkable, like Jeeves. 493 00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:57,460 She is the stealthiest person. 494 00:24:58,700 --> 00:25:01,500 You've got a stealth mother-in-law. Is she sprayed black? 495 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:04,900 Honestly, she could be a brilliant spy, you know. 496 00:25:04,900 --> 00:25:07,460 You might be in a room and looking in a thing or something, 497 00:25:07,460 --> 00:25:10,460 and then suddenly she'll go, "Hello." "Oh, Jesus! 498 00:25:10,460 --> 00:25:13,260 "Where did you come from?! Where did you come from?! 499 00:25:13,260 --> 00:25:15,540 "It's a long way from the door." 500 00:25:15,540 --> 00:25:18,540 Anybody would have gone, "Ahem," made a little noise. Nothing. 501 00:25:18,540 --> 00:25:20,300 Oh, that's terrible. 502 00:25:20,300 --> 00:25:22,900 It's like the famous story of the boy who was, you know, 503 00:25:22,900 --> 00:25:26,460 having a play with himself in his bedroom, with his eyes closed. 504 00:25:26,460 --> 00:25:29,420 And by the way, I was not playing with myself. 505 00:25:29,420 --> 00:25:32,060 - No, no not you. - In this story, before you conflate them. 506 00:25:32,060 --> 00:25:35,340 - No, that's true. - What's that story or that thing where Alan Davies 507 00:25:35,340 --> 00:25:37,300 and his mother-in-law comes up behind him? 508 00:25:37,300 --> 00:25:40,740 - Let's just separate those two things. - All right. 509 00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:43,900 But he closes his eyes in bliss and when he opens them afterwards, 510 00:25:43,900 --> 00:25:46,580 he just finds a cup of tea next to him. 511 00:25:48,540 --> 00:25:50,420 It sounds so appalling. 512 00:25:50,420 --> 00:25:54,300 She thought, "Well, your father always likes a cup of tea afterwards." 513 00:25:55,740 --> 00:25:56,980 And a biscuit. 514 00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:01,620 Oh, gracious. Oh! 515 00:26:01,620 --> 00:26:03,500 No. 516 00:26:05,460 --> 00:26:09,460 Now, we have something, here's some potassium iodide, 517 00:26:09,460 --> 00:26:11,740 it's a catalyst for my next experiment. 518 00:26:11,740 --> 00:26:13,380 - ALL: Oooh! - Yes. 519 00:26:13,380 --> 00:26:15,860 My next experiment also involves me having, 520 00:26:15,860 --> 00:26:18,340 for health and safety reasons, to wear these. 521 00:26:18,340 --> 00:26:20,500 Cowabunga, dude, you look awesome. 522 00:26:20,500 --> 00:26:22,980 Tell us, O mighty king. 523 00:26:22,980 --> 00:26:24,740 And... Oooh! 524 00:26:24,740 --> 00:26:26,140 "Oh, stop it, no." 525 00:26:26,140 --> 00:26:28,300 I can tell from that sample you've had asparagus. 526 00:26:29,860 --> 00:26:34,060 Well, what that is, is H2O2. 527 00:26:34,060 --> 00:26:37,780 - Does anyone know what H2O2 is? - Water water. - Water water? 528 00:26:37,780 --> 00:26:41,780 - Double water. - It's H2O, it's water with an extra oxygen molecule, 529 00:26:41,780 --> 00:26:44,980 - but it has a different name. - MAN IN AUDIENCE: Hydrogen peroxide. 530 00:26:44,980 --> 00:26:47,740 They're a good audience! Hydrogen peroxide. Well, that's partly 531 00:26:47,740 --> 00:26:51,100 - because three-quarters of the women have got blonde hair. - Yes. 532 00:26:51,100 --> 00:26:54,260 But it's quite unstable and it's always trying to 533 00:26:54,260 --> 00:26:57,820 lose its extra molecule and turn to water and to oxygen gas. 534 00:26:57,820 --> 00:27:00,780 And we've mixed it here with some ordinary detergent, 535 00:27:00,780 --> 00:27:02,980 some washing up liquid. 536 00:27:02,980 --> 00:27:04,740 So, could you go and stand next to Bill, 537 00:27:04,740 --> 00:27:07,660 - because it's not really violent, but it's kind of... - Well, why...? 538 00:27:07,660 --> 00:27:11,020 - Let's just say... - Hang on, hold on, hold on, hold on. 539 00:27:11,020 --> 00:27:13,860 What am I, a human shield or something? 540 00:27:13,860 --> 00:27:17,100 It's all right, you can be this side of him, it's not that violent. 541 00:27:17,100 --> 00:27:19,980 You don't seem much concerned with MY safety. 542 00:27:19,980 --> 00:27:23,220 You can stand next to Jeremy, that's a good point. 543 00:27:23,220 --> 00:27:24,660 It's that much nearer Alan. 544 00:27:24,660 --> 00:27:26,980 You'll see, it's not going to be that violent... 545 00:27:26,980 --> 00:27:30,100 - It isn't dangerous. - It might be dangerous. - It isn't dangerous. - It isn't. 546 00:27:30,100 --> 00:27:31,620 Just hold me. 547 00:27:33,220 --> 00:27:34,860 It's basically... 548 00:27:34,860 --> 00:27:36,460 Do you want to sit on my knee? 549 00:27:38,660 --> 00:27:41,620 - Don't stop, I liked it. - Here we go, are you ready? 550 00:27:41,620 --> 00:27:44,380 Do you want to count me down, audience? Count me down from three. 551 00:27:44,380 --> 00:27:47,140 - Three... - Oh, what comes next? 552 00:27:47,140 --> 00:27:48,460 ALL: Three, two, one. 553 00:27:50,300 --> 00:27:52,540 ALL EXCLAIM 554 00:27:52,540 --> 00:27:54,540 - Oh, very good. - There you go. 555 00:27:57,780 --> 00:28:00,940 I think you'll agree, that's quite a money shot. 556 00:28:04,260 --> 00:28:07,220 JEREMY: Stephen, are you suggesting if I get some of that potassium...? 557 00:28:07,220 --> 00:28:09,740 - That that will really make you perform in bed? No. - No. 558 00:28:11,380 --> 00:28:13,660 - No. That's amazing. - Well, that's magnificent... 559 00:28:16,260 --> 00:28:18,620 - JIMMY: - Oh, yeah, that's it, baby. - It's still flowing. 560 00:28:18,620 --> 00:28:23,180 - That's the stuff. - It's a rather horrible yellow at the edges, though, isn't it? 561 00:28:23,180 --> 00:28:25,660 Yeah, it does get like that. It's horrible. 562 00:28:27,180 --> 00:28:28,660 So, good night.