3
00:00:29,450 --> 00:00:32,250
Good evening, good evening,
good evening, good evening,

4
00:00:32,250 --> 00:00:34,450
good evening and welcome to QI.

5
00:00:35,730 --> 00:00:37,650
What does encyclopaedia mean?

6
00:00:37,650 --> 00:00:40,050
Because it sounds like
a kiddy-fiddler on a bike.

7
00:00:40,050 --> 00:00:42,050
LAUGHTER

8
00:00:42,050 --> 00:00:43,930
No, I think...

9
00:00:43,930 --> 00:00:45,570
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

10
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,730
Sometimes it is very tricky,
I grant you.

11
00:00:51,730 --> 00:00:54,090
It could get an idiot into
trouble. But...

12
00:00:56,210 --> 00:00:57,650
That seems so...

13
00:00:57,650 --> 00:00:58,970
LAUGHTER

14
00:00:58,970 --> 00:01:00,690
No. I didn't mean that in that way.

15
00:01:00,690 --> 00:01:03,530
I don't know what you're
laughing at.

16
00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:05,970
The entry for "woman"
in the original version

17
00:01:05,970 --> 00:01:10,810
of the Encyclopaedia Britannica just
says, "the female of man, see homo."

18
00:01:10,810 --> 00:01:12,930
LAUGHTER

19
00:01:12,930 --> 00:01:15,330
He will tell you everything
you need to know.

20
00:01:15,330 --> 00:01:18,130
- Yes, exactly. Because he's
their best friend. - Ah.

21
00:01:18,130 --> 00:01:20,450
JIMMY LAUGHS

22
00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:23,170
In the 1960s, an American called
Dr Harvey Einbinder, who so

23
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:26,330
- hated the Encyclopaedia Britannica,
he wrote a book... - I hate it!

24
00:01:26,330 --> 00:01:28,890
Exactly, he wrote a book where he
listed all the things that

25
00:01:28,890 --> 00:01:31,330
were wrong in it.
It was 390 pages long.

26
00:01:31,330 --> 00:01:33,610
- Oh, I like the sound of him.
- The Myth of Britannica.

27
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:37,850
- What's his name? - Harvey Einbinder.
- Harvey. - Fabulous name, isn't it?

28
00:01:37,850 --> 00:01:39,730
Does he only have one binder?

29
00:01:39,730 --> 00:01:42,610
We meet at last, Mr Einbinder.
Yes.

30
00:01:42,610 --> 00:01:44,010
He's a massive binder!

31
00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:47,890
Don't touch my binder!

32
00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:51,930
- Maybe that's why he hated Encyclo...
- This is the binder you seek!

33
00:01:51,930 --> 00:01:55,530
Yes, Encyclopaedia Britannica
has 52 binders and I only have one!

34
00:01:55,530 --> 00:01:57,210
Ein Binder!

35
00:01:57,210 --> 00:02:00,010
He might have pronounced it
"ein BIN-der," for all I know.

36
00:02:00,010 --> 00:02:01,650
Ein Binder!

37
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:08,130
Now, how was it composed,
who wrote the entries and articles?

38
00:02:08,130 --> 00:02:09,530
People on the internet.

39
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,330
- That's now. - Sorry, yes.

40
00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:13,850
That was, that's your Wiki,
your wicked-pedia.

41
00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:17,410
- Was it a group of homos?
- No, it wasn't a group of homos.

42
00:02:17,410 --> 00:02:21,130
Well, if you ask a homo about
everything, obviously they are...

43
00:02:21,130 --> 00:02:23,770
- Yes, I see what you mean.
- The homos are the...

44
00:02:23,770 --> 00:02:25,690
I see where you're coming from.

45
00:02:25,690 --> 00:02:27,850
No, it was experts
in their chosen field.

46
00:02:27,850 --> 00:02:29,090
Prince Edward.

47
00:02:29,090 --> 00:02:31,970
So, no, in their day,
contributors have included...

48
00:02:31,970 --> 00:02:34,690
- Katie Price. - Sigmund Freud.

49
00:02:34,690 --> 00:02:37,730
That would be now,
but in the past included

50
00:02:37,730 --> 00:02:41,650
Sigmund Freud, Albert Einstein,
Leon Trotsky, Harry Houdini.

51
00:02:41,650 --> 00:02:43,610
I only know three of those people.

52
00:02:43,610 --> 00:02:46,330
And there's strangely no
women there at all,

53
00:02:46,330 --> 00:02:48,370
is that because they're all
off seeking homos?

54
00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:50,570
LAUGHTER

55
00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:52,050
- I'm incredibly sorry... - To ask.

56
00:02:52,050 --> 00:02:54,850
I apologise, I didn't do the picture
research for this particular

57
00:02:54,850 --> 00:02:56,370
item, and if I'd found, I'm sure...

58
00:02:56,370 --> 00:02:59,370
- That's all right, we're used to
it, don't worry. - Maybe Marie Curie...

59
00:02:59,370 --> 00:03:02,130
Someone must have written about
baking in the book.

60
00:03:02,130 --> 00:03:03,730
SHE LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY

61
00:03:03,730 --> 00:03:05,610
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

62
00:03:05,610 --> 00:03:08,490
I don't know
if there's points given for bravery,

63
00:03:08,490 --> 00:03:11,090
but there's a certain...
I think there's a certain,

64
00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:13,650
but I have to respect that slightly,
just in terms of...

65
00:03:13,650 --> 00:03:16,730
- That is panache, definitely.
- I'm hiding in plain sight, Jimmy.

66
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:19,970
Yeah. And maybe, I'd like to think
Marie Curie had been asked to do

67
00:03:19,970 --> 00:03:22,530
- one on radiation, for example.
- Yes. - Is she a good cook?

68
00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:23,860
LAUGHTER

69
00:03:28,060 --> 00:03:30,780
He keeps at it.
You've got to hand it to him.

70
00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:34,580
Just do that bit of singing again.
With the...?

71
00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:36,100
Just do that bit of singing again.

72
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:38,300
TREVOR SINGS AND CLICKS

73
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:41,460
That's the song.

74
00:03:41,460 --> 00:03:44,380
You don't know me well, Trevor, but
I'm on the turn, I'm telling you.

75
00:03:44,380 --> 00:03:47,500
LAUGHTER

76
00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:49,300
SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY LAUGHTER

77
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:56,540
You've only got Jason and Alan left
to seduce, Trevor, I have to say.

78
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,900
- I think he's a cracking fella.
- We're all...

79
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:00,660
LAUGHTER

80
00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:07,700
So, now I want you to take
one of those each,

81
00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:10,180
and tie yourselves together,
as it were.

82
00:04:10,180 --> 00:04:13,580
- This has gone quite dark now.
- It has, hasn't it?

83
00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:16,940
Is it just me?
It's like a party game in the '70s.

84
00:04:16,940 --> 00:04:19,380
So put each
one of those around your wrist.

85
00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:20,900
No, no, don't undo it.

86
00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:23,460
- Well, I can't get my hand
through that, can I? - Oh sorry.

87
00:04:23,460 --> 00:04:25,140
LAUGHTER

88
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,260
Little cock grab, that is.

89
00:04:27,260 --> 00:04:31,580
- Try with this one. - Cock ring! - Swap.

90
00:04:31,580 --> 00:04:34,500
- You can give me that one back.
- That's more like it.

91
00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:37,300
There we are.
Put your wrists through.

92
00:04:38,380 --> 00:04:41,980
- That's it, and then do that,
so that you're tied together. - OK.

93
00:04:41,980 --> 00:04:43,620
- Yes, is that right? - Is that good?

94
00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:47,220
Yes, that, without undoing
the knots, untie yourselves.

95
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,660
LAUGHTER

96
00:04:54,540 --> 00:04:56,980
- Oh, I see. - Don't turn around,
don't turn around.

97
00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:58,660
That hasn't helped.

98
00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:02,020
LAUGHTER

99
00:05:02,020 --> 00:05:03,540
DAVID: No!

100
00:05:08,260 --> 00:05:12,740
- No, that's it, you go through there.
- Yes! - Yes!

101
00:05:12,740 --> 00:05:15,900
No! Emphatically no!

102
00:05:17,540 --> 00:05:19,980
- Completely not. - OK, hang on.

103
00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:23,540
I'm going back up,
I'm going back over.

104
00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:24,820
LAUGHTER

105
00:05:24,820 --> 00:05:26,780
Right, go, go through.

106
00:05:26,780 --> 00:05:28,380
- Yes! - No!

107
00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:35,100
Hang on, I've got it,
I've got it. Right.

108
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:37,500
Right. I've got it.
If I do a forward flip...

109
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:41,420
Now...

110
00:05:43,420 --> 00:05:45,580
SUE: Right, let's
see if we can get...

111
00:05:47,060 --> 00:05:48,380
Oh, oh.

112
00:05:48,380 --> 00:05:50,700
I think technically
you are now married.

113
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,140
LAUGHTER

114
00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:53,340
You have let...

115
00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:56,580
I'm coming down, I'm coming down.

116
00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,700
You two hold it for
a second and watch,

117
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:01,900
because I think Sue
is onto something.

118
00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:03,500
OK. This is what we did

119
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,980
when we were regularly handcuffed
together as children.

120
00:06:05,980 --> 00:06:10,860
No, watch.
You mustn't untie the knot. But...

121
00:06:13,420 --> 00:06:14,700
Oh.

122
00:06:15,780 --> 00:06:17,500
Yeah!

123
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,420
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

124
00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:21,580
Well done. Brilliant!

125
00:06:25,460 --> 00:06:27,500
So, moving on to self knowledge.

126
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:30,020
How do you know
when you've had enough?

127
00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:31,940
Someone always tells me.

128
00:06:33,420 --> 00:06:36,140
It's normally, it's a
tap on the shoulder, isn't it?

129
00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:37,940
Yeah, I think Jimmy, Jimmy...

130
00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:40,540
That's, it's the cold steel
round both wrists.

131
00:06:40,540 --> 00:06:42,460
LAUGHTER

132
00:06:42,460 --> 00:06:43,980
And the clanging of the door.

133
00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:46,060
And the one phone call.

134
00:06:46,060 --> 00:06:47,660
JIMMY: One phone call.

135
00:06:47,660 --> 00:06:52,380
I've had enough.
Who am I speaking to?

136
00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:54,420
LAUGHTER

137
00:06:57,620 --> 00:07:01,300
This is, oh, this is exciting.

138
00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:03,380
This is a remarkable substance.

139
00:07:03,380 --> 00:07:08,060
It's called polyethylene oxide,
and it's very gloopy

140
00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:11,380
and also it reacts rather excitedly
under ultraviolet light.

141
00:07:11,380 --> 00:07:14,220
And Alan and Victoria,
you've got ultraviolet torches

142
00:07:14,220 --> 00:07:15,660
and you can point them at it.

143
00:07:15,660 --> 00:07:18,220
I think we might have some
ultraviolet light in the studio.

144
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:20,180
- Shall I point them now, sir?
- Yes, please do.

145
00:07:20,180 --> 00:07:21,620
Oh, look. See. Ooh!

146
00:07:21,620 --> 00:07:23,140
Wow!

147
00:07:23,140 --> 00:07:25,260
Now what I'm going to try
and do, I'm going

148
00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:29,300
to stand up to do this,
it's a very remarkable effect.

149
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:34,700
The effect is, when you pour it,
if I get it at the right angle,

150
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:38,540
it pulls itself out of the
flask and into here.

151
00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:41,300
It flows uphill and out
and down again.

152
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:42,860
All right.

153
00:07:42,860 --> 00:07:45,780
There we go, Oh, it's pulling itself
up, it's pulling itself up,

154
00:07:45,780 --> 00:07:48,380
you see what I mean? It's pulling
itself up from the bottom.

155
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:51,100
If you look at the top one,
it's actually flowing uphill there.

156
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:52,380
Did you see that?

157
00:07:52,380 --> 00:07:55,100
And then it thins
out into a little trail of snot.

158
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,260
I'll try that again,
so we'll just get a few takes.

159
00:07:57,260 --> 00:08:00,540
It's like when you have a wee after
a Berocca, isn't it, that?

160
00:08:00,540 --> 00:08:02,260
LAUGHTER

161
00:08:04,660 --> 00:08:05,980
It is!

162
00:08:05,980 --> 00:08:08,220
It's exactly what it's like.
Oh, my goodness.

163
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:11,700
It's so disgusting. Polyethylene
oxide, I don't know what else...

164
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:15,220
- What's it used for? - It's a very good
masturbatory lubricant.

165
00:08:15,220 --> 00:08:16,900
LAUGHTER

166
00:08:18,780 --> 00:08:21,740
- Particularly in the dark. - Yeah.

167
00:08:21,740 --> 00:08:23,780
APPLAUSE

168
00:08:26,820 --> 00:08:29,220
- All right, we'll try again.
- It's a little bit awkward

169
00:08:29,220 --> 00:08:32,380
getting two friends to hold
the torch though.

170
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:37,140
Yeah. There we go, that's pulling
itself up there nicely.

171
00:08:37,140 --> 00:08:39,900
APPLAUSE

172
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:41,620
Thank you.

173
00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:46,700
On the subject of keeping still,
how hard is it to be a nude model?

174
00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:50,660
LOUD LAUGHTER

175
00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:57,020
Don't you remember that, Alan?

176
00:08:57,020 --> 00:09:00,380
- I do not remember that.
- Oh, that was a good night.

177
00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:02,860
It's the woman second from the left
who seems to be, er,

178
00:09:02,860 --> 00:09:04,980
most enjoying the view.

179
00:09:04,980 --> 00:09:08,660
- The one with the orange scarf.
- Was it cold? Were you being...

180
00:09:08,660 --> 00:09:11,940
She's going to need a bigger pad
than that, I tell you that.

181
00:09:14,460 --> 00:09:17,540
They're all just drawing
sections of you, aren't they?

182
00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:19,340
I'll do the helmet.

183
00:09:19,340 --> 00:09:21,020
Yeah, oh you're
all right there, yeah.

184
00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:23,220
Were you,
were you being funny there, or...?

185
00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:25,220
- That's not really him.
- It's Photoshopped.

186
00:09:25,220 --> 00:09:27,300
- Oh, it's not real? Oh!
- No, we cleverly made it up.

187
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,380
LAUGHTER

188
00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:30,900
I've got this little test for you.
Here we are.

189
00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:33,820
And with any luck, the audience
might have some bubble wrap too.

190
00:09:33,820 --> 00:09:36,420
They're waving their bubble wrap
Thank you, audience.

191
00:09:36,420 --> 00:09:40,060
Do not pop it.
This is a really important exercise.

192
00:09:40,060 --> 00:09:42,380
- What do you mean, don't pop it?
- Don't pop it, do not...

193
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:45,620
- Ah! - No! No! No!
This is really important.

194
00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:47,340
- Why? - OK, OK. - No problem.
Why not though?

195
00:09:47,340 --> 00:09:49,620
This is a test of your worthiness.
Don't pop it yet.

196
00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:51,740
One of mine's already popped,
I didn't do it.

197
00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:53,620
No, that's all right, as
long as you didn't,

198
00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:57,020
because in 2013, a group of Yale
psychologists, they found another

199
00:09:57,020 --> 00:10:01,140
use for bubble wrap, which was to
measure aggression, all right.

200
00:10:01,140 --> 00:10:04,500
They showed pictures of cute
animals, all right.

201
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,380
SUE SQUEALS

202
00:10:06,380 --> 00:10:09,740
- Oh now, now, wait, wait, wait.
- Oh, the two little chicks...

203
00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:10,980
- Oooh. - Stop it.

204
00:10:10,980 --> 00:10:13,860
People were told to pop bubble
wrap as they watched.

205
00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:18,460
They thought that it was a test
for their motor activity and memory.

206
00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:21,380
In fact, it was a test for what's
called cute aggression.

207
00:10:21,380 --> 00:10:24,700
If you see something very cute,
you start popping more and more.

208
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:27,500
Not because they wanted to hurt
the animals, but because they were

209
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:30,300
frustrated at not being able to
touch them and cuddle them.

210
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:32,180
And this is called cute aggression.

211
00:10:32,180 --> 00:10:35,180
It's when you kind of go,
oooh, like that.

212
00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:37,700
So, audience, hold your bubble wrap,

213
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:41,700
we're going to show you some very
cute animals and it's all up to you.

214
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,660
Let's start with the cuteness.

215
00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:45,460
- Oh, dear. - AUDIENCE: Aw!

216
00:10:45,460 --> 00:10:47,980
- That's not, come on, that's not that
cute. - Oh, it is.

217
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,340
- He looks sort of dead.
- He's not that cute.

218
00:10:50,340 --> 00:10:53,300
- He's kind of dead. - He's not that
cute. I think he's been shot.

219
00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:54,500
LAUGHTER

220
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:55,900
Oh! That's horrible.

221
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:58,940
- He does look like he's been shot.
- Oh, the blue-eyed one.

222
00:10:58,940 --> 00:11:03,100
- No, not that cute, not worth a pop.
- All right.

223
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:04,500
Ah.

224
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:06,740
THEY ALL POP BUBBLE WRAP

225
00:11:06,740 --> 00:11:08,100
- You did it! - Definitely.

226
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:10,700
Yeah,
that's getting quite a few pops.

227
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:13,060
- Look at his little eye.
- No, I'm not gone yet.

228
00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:14,540
POPPING CONTINUES

229
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:16,380
I want a dog
and then I'm going to pop my load.

230
00:11:16,380 --> 00:11:17,540
LAUGHTER

231
00:11:17,540 --> 00:11:20,940
- That's the first time I've heard
that phrase since last night.
- Yes, I know.

232
00:11:20,940 --> 00:11:22,940
- Oh, there we go. - Aw! - AUDIENCE: Oh!

233
00:11:22,940 --> 00:11:24,300
THEY POP BUBBLE WRAP

234
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:27,020
- That's pretty cute. - That was the
last one. - Not cute, ginger.

235
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,260
LAUGHTER

236
00:11:29,260 --> 00:11:32,820
Now, how can you knock
a building down with a feather?

237
00:11:32,820 --> 00:11:34,660
Like the Shard, for example.

238
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:37,180
You could knock it down,
I could knock it down,

239
00:11:37,180 --> 00:11:40,260
if I prepared things correctly,
with a whisk of a feather.

240
00:11:40,260 --> 00:11:43,140
- But not using any electronics.
- A very, very large feather.

241
00:11:43,140 --> 00:11:46,060
No, using, I've actually got the
feather here that I'm going to use.

242
00:11:46,060 --> 00:11:47,860
It's nice and pink,
so it stands out.

243
00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:49,540
That would be the feather
I would use.

244
00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:51,900
Do you tickle the architect
while he's doing a,

245
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:55,780
coming up with the plans,
so that they're all off? Like that.

246
00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:58,620
- And it falls over. - And then they
make it, oh, it didn't work,

247
00:11:58,620 --> 00:12:01,220
well, Stephen was tickling me
with a feather.

248
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:05,140
A cunning thought, but no, this is
the existing, standing Shard.

249
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:08,860
And you could reduce that to
rubble with a feather?

250
00:12:08,860 --> 00:12:11,980
Yeah. Shall I show you?
I'll show you the principle.

251
00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:15,100
This is my little template to
show me where I have to go.

252
00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:19,740
You see, I've got them down here
and here's my big, oh, my big load.

253
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:20,940
- Oops. - Steady.

254
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:22,460
There we go.

255
00:12:22,460 --> 00:12:27,140
Now, what we've got here is,
in varying sizes, kind of dominos.

256
00:12:27,140 --> 00:12:28,660
You can see.

257
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:33,100
And the idea is that each one
is just one-and-a-half times bigger

258
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,740
than the one before it.

259
00:12:34,740 --> 00:12:37,380
And it may seem like a very
little amount,

260
00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:40,060
but what we're going to do is make
a really loud bang with this.

261
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:43,260
- Is that meant to be like the Shard?
- Dominos, it's the domino effect.

262
00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:45,300
- You would aim this at the Shard.
- Yes.

263
00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:47,820
And you would only need 24 of these.

264
00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:51,580
Each one just one-and-a-half times
bigger than the one before it.

265
00:12:51,580 --> 00:12:53,540
- That's the point.
- To bring down the Shard.

266
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:57,340
You'd only need 24, and the
last one would utterly destroy it.

267
00:12:57,340 --> 00:12:58,580
- Really? - Blimey.

268
00:12:58,580 --> 00:13:01,140
It would be, it's the exponential
increase of mass,

269
00:13:01,140 --> 00:13:03,740
just by going
one-and-a-half times bigger.

270
00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:06,380
It's all right,
it can only fall, yeah.

271
00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:09,820
I've got a splinter
off my broom now.

272
00:13:09,820 --> 00:13:11,100
LAUGHTER

273
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:13,500
Careful, careful. Right, here we go.

274
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:16,220
We've just made the security
services' job

275
00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:19,220
that much more harder,
you can bring down the Shard...

276
00:13:19,220 --> 00:13:21,020
Here we go, so you imagine...

277
00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:24,580
Who needs to hijack aircraft any
more, QI's given it away.

278
00:13:24,580 --> 00:13:28,980
So you imagine this increasing
up to just 24,

279
00:13:28,980 --> 00:13:31,820
and you'd start with one
movement of a feather,

280
00:13:31,820 --> 00:13:34,380
and all the potential energy
stored in these and all

281
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:38,660
the mass of them like that, and you
just have that effect like, whoa.

282
00:13:38,660 --> 00:13:40,940
- Wow! - There you go.

283
00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:42,460
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

284
00:13:42,460 --> 00:13:43,620
Excellent.

285
00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:46,340
- That's pretty good, isn't it? - Yeah.
- That's brilliant.

286
00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:49,980
Recent research, however, from the
Australian National University

287
00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:52,660
suggests that good-looking
men earn 22% more

288
00:13:52,660 --> 00:13:54,060
than not good-looking men.

289
00:13:54,060 --> 00:13:55,900
- Because they're attractive?
- Yeah, yes.

290
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:57,580
Or because they're from Australia?

291
00:13:57,580 --> 00:14:00,100
No, no, within Australia,
they're all Australian.

292
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:03,500
Within Australia, the
22 better-looking percentage.

293
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:07,740
A study of female golfers also
found that they were better,

294
00:14:07,740 --> 00:14:09,260
they shot lower scores.

295
00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:12,540
And the theory is that they were
more likely to have

296
00:14:12,540 --> 00:14:16,180
offers of sponsorship, and therefore
just played that much harder,

297
00:14:16,180 --> 00:14:18,100
knowing how much money
they would make.

298
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:19,740
Surely it's
about confidence as well.

299
00:14:19,740 --> 00:14:22,580
If you look in the mirror
and you think, oh-ho-ho, I'm a dish,

300
00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:25,540
then you get out there and think,
and I can play golf.

301
00:14:25,540 --> 00:14:26,980
Yeah, I suppose that's right.

302
00:14:26,980 --> 00:14:30,340
- But if you look in the mirror
and weep. - And think, what a dog.

303
00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:32,180
Well, I look in the mirror
and I like it.

304
00:14:32,180 --> 00:14:34,060
And so you bloody well should.

305
00:14:34,060 --> 00:14:36,540
I never look in a mirror,
my partner's much taller than me

306
00:14:36,540 --> 00:14:38,500
and she put them all up,
so I have never seen...

307
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:40,700
LAUGHTER

308
00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:43,220
I don't have mirrors,
I have windows at street level

309
00:14:43,220 --> 00:14:45,500
and I just pretend I'm
different people.

310
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:47,020
LAUGHTER

311
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:50,740
I just walk past at the same time
and go, I'm looking good today.

312
00:14:52,620 --> 00:14:56,060
Best get out to that meeting quick,
while I've got that nice suit on.

313
00:14:56,060 --> 00:14:57,500
Oh, dear.

314
00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,780
And then I realise I'm
wearing a bin bag.

315
00:15:01,940 --> 00:15:05,820
Now we have a Knick-Knack
exploding custard powder experiment.

316
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:08,700
For something to explode,
you need certain things,

317
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:12,980
you need something to light,
in this case custard powder.

318
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:15,660
You need something to light it
with and you need oxygen.

319
00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:18,260
But you need a little bit
more than that,

320
00:15:18,260 --> 00:15:22,260
because if I try and light this
custard powder, you will see...

321
00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:24,540
Boof!

322
00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:26,020
LAUGHTER

323
00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:29,380
- ..That nothing happens.
- The trick custard powder, ha-ha-ha!

324
00:15:29,380 --> 00:15:31,820
I blew his arm off! Ha-ha-ha.

325
00:15:31,820 --> 00:15:34,620
It doesn't, the whole point is,
nothing happens.

326
00:15:34,620 --> 00:15:37,100
Nothing would happen to that,
it's custard, you fool.

327
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:41,020
- I bet Heston could make it burn.
- Ah. He couldn't in this state. - No?

328
00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:44,460
What you need, in order to get
something like custard,

329
00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:48,180
or any powder, even metallic powder,
to burn and really burn,

330
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:51,500
is one of these ordinary everyday
objects like this.

331
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:56,060
As you may see, I have a funnel

332
00:15:56,060 --> 00:15:59,380
and I have some safety glasses,

333
00:15:59,380 --> 00:16:01,780
to save my beautiful eye lashes.

334
00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:05,620
And I have a lighter.

335
00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:07,060
I miss Jacques Cousteau.

336
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:11,380
And I have a pump.

337
00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:13,460
HE MIMICS BREATHING UNDERWATER

338
00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:15,660
I have a pump that rather
wants to fall over.

339
00:16:15,660 --> 00:16:18,420
So we'll just raise this here.
So it doesn't fall over.

340
00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:21,300
OK, now.

341
00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:23,180
LAUGHTER

342
00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:24,460
What I'm going to do...

343
00:16:24,460 --> 00:16:27,340
I don't want to know
what you're going to do!

344
00:16:27,340 --> 00:16:29,100
What I'm going to do is

345
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:33,100
I'm going to pour the custard powder
in this funnel.

346
00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:37,740
And I'm going to, I'm going
to present a flame across it.

347
00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:40,900
- ALAN GASPS
- Yes. Yes. Be afraid, be very afraid.

348
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:43,180
Can I use Alan as a human shield?

349
00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:45,740
No, you, you're the shield,
you're new!

350
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:50,860
Oh, my God!

351
00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:52,620
Oh, ho-ho-ho!

352
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:55,220
There's flame,
there's custard powder in there.

353
00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:57,660
I feel the need!
The need for speed!

354
00:16:57,660 --> 00:17:00,140
- All I need to do...
- Where are you going?!

355
00:17:00,140 --> 00:17:02,180
Why the fuck am I next to it?!

356
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:03,780
I'm going to the pump.

357
00:17:05,060 --> 00:17:08,220
I'm just going to the pump,
because I'm going to pump...

358
00:17:08,220 --> 00:17:09,900
We are now nearer than you!

359
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,740
Can you see what I'm going to do?
I'm pumping air...

360
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:16,220
There's just too many double
entendres, you pumping custard.

361
00:17:17,940 --> 00:17:20,660
Stop it. Are your ready for me
to pump the custard?!

362
00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:22,580
Oh, my God, don't do it!

363
00:17:22,580 --> 00:17:24,540
LAUGHTER

364
00:17:25,540 --> 00:17:27,180
All right.

365
00:17:29,100 --> 00:17:30,580
Oh, God!

366
00:17:30,580 --> 00:17:33,140
Yes, I'm ready for you
to pump your custard.

367
00:17:33,140 --> 00:17:35,460
I need a countdown
from the audience.

368
00:17:35,460 --> 00:17:38,420
This is not how I wanted to go,
I've got to be honest.

369
00:17:38,420 --> 00:17:41,580
Audience, I want you to count me
down from three...

370
00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:44,220
AUDIENCE: Three, two, one... Go!

371
00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:46,860
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

372
00:17:48,740 --> 00:17:51,180
Wasn't that dangerous?!

373
00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:53,740
Well, I've got,
it's quite warm there actually.

374
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,580
- There's... - Can you feel the heat?
- Yeah, I can feel the heat.

375
00:17:56,580 --> 00:17:59,740
If I'd been sitting there,
I could have been,

376
00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:01,340
I could have been ignited.

377
00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:04,860
You could have been
covered in hot custard.

378
00:18:08,660 --> 00:18:11,220
- Nobody knows what colour petrol is.
- Well quite, exactly.

379
00:18:11,220 --> 00:18:13,340
Because it goes into your car
and you don't see it.

380
00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:16,260
That's right. It could be any colour.
And no-one has ever checked.

381
00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:18,340
Nobody's ever gone,
what colour is this?

382
00:18:18,340 --> 00:18:21,060
They used to have pink or blue
diesel, didn't they, for farmers.

383
00:18:21,060 --> 00:18:22,660
- Yeah, red diesel. - For farmers.

384
00:18:22,660 --> 00:18:25,300
Which you are not allowed
to put in your car, and I don't.

385
00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:26,780
No. Quite right.

386
00:18:28,380 --> 00:18:30,660
Evading tax, Jeremy,
it's a slippery slope!

387
00:18:30,660 --> 00:18:32,260
All right, now.

388
00:18:32,260 --> 00:18:34,140
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

389
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,020
Just saying.

390
00:18:38,540 --> 00:18:40,940
There's various people who were
given the title of

391
00:18:40,940 --> 00:18:43,540
"the last man to know
everything there was to know."

392
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:47,500
Erasmus, Leibnitz, Von Humboldt, and
this man here, Kircher, his name is.

393
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:50,420
He was a
German Jesuit, Athanasius Kircher.

394
00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:52,900
And he certainly was very
interested in lots of things,

395
00:18:52,900 --> 00:18:56,420
he was lowered into Vesuvius,
he believed the Bubonic plague

396
00:18:56,420 --> 00:18:59,180
was caused by microbes,
well ahead of germ theory.

397
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:02,180
Claimed falsely to have interpreted
Egyptian hieroglyphics.

398
00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:03,900
He regarded things like magnetism

399
00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:06,820
and love as branches of the same
topic, attraction,

400
00:19:06,820 --> 00:19:09,140
which is a very QI way of looking
at things, I like that.

401
00:19:09,140 --> 00:19:12,580
- Yeah, yeah. - But the cats though,
what are the cats doing?

402
00:19:12,580 --> 00:19:14,860
Well, we'll come to that.
Some things he got right.

403
00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:17,300
He denied the possibility
of flying tortoises.

404
00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:18,860
LAUGHTER

405
00:19:18,860 --> 00:19:20,860
I don't know who'd raised
the possibility,

406
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,940
but he damn well squashed it
and said, no,

407
00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:25,620
- there won't be such a thing as
a flying tortoise. - Rubbish.

408
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:29,660
But he did invent the megaphone,
and the Katzenklavier.

409
00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:33,340
Klavier is in fact German for key,
from Klaven, Latin, key,

410
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:35,220
but it's a keyboard instrument.

411
00:19:35,220 --> 00:19:38,460
Key. The cat playing the piano,
he invented YouTube.

412
00:19:38,460 --> 00:19:39,580
LAUGHTER

413
00:19:39,580 --> 00:19:40,780
I'm afraid for cat-lovers

414
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,980
it's a little bit more disturbing
than that.

415
00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:44,620
Oh, cat string, gut string.

416
00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:47,540
No, not cat gut, no, arrange live
cats in the right order,

417
00:19:47,540 --> 00:19:48,980
- according to their voice. - Oh.

418
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:51,220
- And you play... - Drums.
- And there you go.

419
00:19:51,220 --> 00:19:53,620
Oh, brilliant.

420
00:19:53,620 --> 00:19:58,500
Oh. That's awesome! Oh
if only they had YouTube back then.

421
00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:00,300
LAUGHTER

422
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,860
The outrage on the cat's face.

423
00:20:01,860 --> 00:20:03,860
It's another thing for your list,
isn't it?

424
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:06,540
It's on the list.
Yes, right up there. Ho-ho.

425
00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:08,180
You've got to get one of those.

426
00:20:08,180 --> 00:20:10,500
Their tails are fixed in place
underneath hammers.

427
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:13,140
When a key is pressed,
the hammer hits the corresponding,

428
00:20:13,140 --> 00:20:15,740
you can even get chords
and of course there's dynamics.

429
00:20:15,740 --> 00:20:18,140
- The harder you hit,
it the more of a yowl.
- ALAN MEOWS

430
00:20:18,140 --> 00:20:20,900
It wouldn't necessarily have to be
cruel, you could get the same

431
00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:23,900
mechanism, but just have it sort
of tickle the bollocks of a cat.

432
00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:26,260
So it's more like, "meow!"
As opposed to, "MEOWWW!"

433
00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:28,020
- For a trill. - Yeah.

434
00:20:28,020 --> 00:20:31,660
HE MEOWS THE DOGGY IN THE WINDOW

435
00:20:31,660 --> 00:20:34,540
What do they think,
that you have an A cat and a B cat?

436
00:20:34,540 --> 00:20:36,660
- Yeah. - And a C cat?
- I guess you just go round.

437
00:20:36,660 --> 00:20:38,060
- Fantastic. - Yeah. Fantastic.

438
00:20:38,060 --> 00:20:41,140
But there are only six cats and
there are more than six keys, so...

439
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:43,980
Well, that's true,
that's a limited range, it's very...

440
00:20:43,980 --> 00:20:46,100
- Experimental music.
- Experimental music.

441
00:20:46,100 --> 00:20:48,940
All the other keys hit
mice inside the box.

442
00:20:48,940 --> 00:20:50,460
Ah, very good.

443
00:20:50,460 --> 00:20:52,660
Look at this. Phil, I've got this.

444
00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:55,340
- Ooh! - Wow, Christmas party! - Yeah.

445
00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:57,900
- Snow balls. - Yeah. Absolutely.
- Oh, I'll have some of that!

446
00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:00,100
It's going to be quite
a violent reaction to this.

447
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:03,060
I'm sure you've all seen dry ice as
they call it. And I've got here,

448
00:21:03,060 --> 00:21:04,860
this is sort of bubbles,
you blow...

449
00:21:04,860 --> 00:21:07,060
- I don't know where that's going...
- Blow bubbles.

450
00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:10,100
So what we're trying to do is make
little, little smoky bubbles.

451
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:12,180
It's a little sort of Christmassy
effect, here,

452
00:21:12,180 --> 00:21:14,900
God, I hope I can get the lid on
in time.

453
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:17,140
YELPING AND LAUGHING

454
00:21:17,140 --> 00:21:19,460
- Woo! - Get down there.

455
00:21:19,460 --> 00:21:21,740
Woo, hey, yeah, woo!

456
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:23,860
What are you doing, Fry?!
Get the lid on.

457
00:21:23,860 --> 00:21:25,740
- No! No! - Get the lid on!

458
00:21:25,740 --> 00:21:27,420
PHIL YELPS

459
00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:29,820
Lid, lid! Lid is on, lid is on!
Lid is on.

460
00:21:29,820 --> 00:21:31,780
It's going everywhere!

461
00:21:31,780 --> 00:21:33,740
LAUGHTER

462
00:21:33,740 --> 00:21:37,020
Bubbles. Here are my little bubbles.

463
00:21:37,020 --> 00:21:41,340
- Oh, oh! - There's one, look, big one!
Pop it. Ping!

464
00:21:41,340 --> 00:21:44,060
- Ooh! - Smokey bubble. - Ah.

465
00:21:44,060 --> 00:21:45,620
- Smokey bubble! - Oh, oh!

466
00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:46,980
- Smokey bubble! - Oh!

467
00:21:46,980 --> 00:21:48,540
Smokey bubble!

468
00:21:48,540 --> 00:21:50,380
APPLAUSE

469
00:21:50,380 --> 00:21:53,820
- Oh, you've really got it going now.
- There we are.

470
00:21:53,820 --> 00:21:56,780
I've gone completely reflective.

471
00:21:56,780 --> 00:21:59,780
Oh, there you are.
Look, you've made a bauble.

472
00:21:59,780 --> 00:22:00,980
Look at that.

473
00:22:00,980 --> 00:22:04,060
You've made a bauble,
because your little experiment,

474
00:22:04,060 --> 00:22:06,660
invented by Mr Tollens,
one of the things

475
00:22:06,660 --> 00:22:10,580
he used was silver nitrate, the same
thing used in film photography.

476
00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:12,500
- And that is silver. - Wow.

477
00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:14,900
You've got a beautiful silver
bauble that you've made

478
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:16,500
just by mixing those two chemicals.

479
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:19,260
Can I just say, I've just seen
myself, I didn't realise that

480
00:22:19,260 --> 00:22:22,780
I look like Last Christmas
by Weight Watcher's Wham.

481
00:22:22,780 --> 00:22:24,420
LAUGHTER

482
00:22:24,420 --> 00:22:29,060
There's one man in micromort
who we don't know is Yasuhiro Kubo.

483
00:22:29,060 --> 00:22:32,700
He is a Japanese sky diver,
who jumps out of a plane without

484
00:22:32,700 --> 00:22:36,820
a parachute, and then collects
it from a partner on the way down.

485
00:22:36,820 --> 00:22:39,740
And we don't know his micromort,
because he's still alive,

486
00:22:39,740 --> 00:22:43,820
and it may be that he'll do
4,000 jumps and then die.

487
00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:45,980
Be a good dumb show,
you could see if he,

488
00:22:45,980 --> 00:22:49,900
if you see them falling and then
he goes over to the bloke who's

489
00:22:49,900 --> 00:22:52,180
got the parachute,
and you see the bloke going...

490
00:22:54,300 --> 00:22:55,340
LAUGHTER

491
00:22:55,340 --> 00:22:57,700
- I knew there was something. - Yeah.

492
00:22:57,700 --> 00:22:59,820
HE MIMES SPEECH

493
00:23:05,020 --> 00:23:07,860
Oh, that is so distressing.
Anyway...

494
00:23:07,860 --> 00:23:09,940
LAUGHTER

495
00:23:09,940 --> 00:23:12,460
I'll show you this little
thing here.

496
00:23:12,460 --> 00:23:15,300
And what's strange about this is
that I can spin it one way,

497
00:23:15,300 --> 00:23:16,620
but not the other.

498
00:23:16,620 --> 00:23:19,540
If I spin it anticlockwise,
it goes very happily anticlockwise.

499
00:23:19,540 --> 00:23:22,220
But if I try and spin it clockwise,
it not only will resist,

500
00:23:22,220 --> 00:23:24,860
it will stop and spin anticlockwise.
As you'll see.

501
00:23:24,860 --> 00:23:26,820
So I'm now going to try and
spin it clockwise.

502
00:23:26,820 --> 00:23:28,980
Is it because of the shape,
the particular shape?

503
00:23:28,980 --> 00:23:31,740
- You'll see, well that obviously
is the reason, yes. - Yeah.

504
00:23:31,740 --> 00:23:34,860
- You're twisting its melons, man.
- Then it goes round again. - Yeah.

505
00:23:34,860 --> 00:23:36,460
So...

506
00:23:36,460 --> 00:23:38,380
And then round and round
and round again.

507
00:23:38,380 --> 00:23:41,460
- That's extraordinary, isn't it?
- I know, it is very mysterious.

508
00:23:41,460 --> 00:23:43,540
You've got to have the right
flick of the wrist,

509
00:23:43,540 --> 00:23:46,060
which you're clearly very
good at, Stephen, which is good.

510
00:23:47,340 --> 00:23:50,860
- What if you did a murder with
your reflex? - It does happen.

511
00:23:50,860 --> 00:23:54,020
If someone sort of attacked
your knee and then the reflex,

512
00:23:54,020 --> 00:23:56,260
you had a knife attached
to your shoe or something.

513
00:23:56,260 --> 00:23:57,340
You broke their neck.

514
00:23:57,340 --> 00:23:59,260
And you killed them,
would you be able to say,

515
00:23:59,260 --> 00:24:01,620
ah, but the reflex,
it didn't go to my brain, it

516
00:24:01,620 --> 00:24:04,700
- only went to the bottom of my spine,
so I didn't really do it. - Yes.

517
00:24:04,700 --> 00:24:06,300
But it does happen if you're driving,

518
00:24:06,300 --> 00:24:09,300
you have an automated response
called murder by autometer.

519
00:24:09,300 --> 00:24:10,340
You don't go to prison.

520
00:24:10,340 --> 00:24:12,980
If you sneeze, for instance,
and then you run someone over...

521
00:24:12,980 --> 00:24:14,620
- Someone sneezed, literally. - Yeah.

522
00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:15,860
LAUGHTER

523
00:24:15,860 --> 00:24:17,860
Literally at that moment.
Talk about a reflex!

524
00:24:17,860 --> 00:24:20,340
That means there's been a murder!
There's a killer!

525
00:24:20,340 --> 00:24:21,660
LAUGHTER

526
00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:23,300
They've just murdered someone.

527
00:24:23,300 --> 00:24:26,220
- Now they know they'll get
away with it. - Wow.

528
00:24:26,220 --> 00:24:27,780
- It's something like... - The SE1...

529
00:24:27,780 --> 00:24:30,500
So if I walk into a room with a gun
cocked, sneeze, it goes off,

530
00:24:30,500 --> 00:24:33,020
you kill someone,
you're in the clear?

531
00:24:33,020 --> 00:24:35,300
So, if you want to kill your wife,
what you do is,

532
00:24:35,300 --> 00:24:38,260
you drive down to Dover, you get
her right up against a cliff.

533
00:24:38,260 --> 00:24:41,540
You put your leg behind her and
then get a doctor to tap her knee.

534
00:24:41,540 --> 00:24:43,220
- Off she goes.
- That I'm afraid would...

535
00:24:43,220 --> 00:24:44,740
And the doctor would go to prison.

536
00:24:44,740 --> 00:24:47,620
- The doctor would go to prison.
I think so. - And you.

537
00:24:47,620 --> 00:24:50,980
What if he was sneezing as he tapped
her knee? Yes!

538
00:24:50,980 --> 00:24:53,180
- The perfect crime. - Yeah.

539
00:24:53,180 --> 00:24:57,100
Broadchurch series two sorted.

540
00:24:57,100 --> 00:24:58,780
LAUGHTER

541
00:24:58,780 --> 00:25:01,140
What I'm going to do is,
I've got three bricks here.

542
00:25:01,140 --> 00:25:03,300
STEPHEN WHIMPERS

543
00:25:03,300 --> 00:25:06,100
And it is, ah.

544
00:25:06,100 --> 00:25:09,180
It's like the first ever
game of Jenga.

545
00:25:09,180 --> 00:25:14,060
It is. All right, OK.
Yeah. Oh, God.

546
00:25:14,060 --> 00:25:16,460
I have to focus my energy.

547
00:25:16,460 --> 00:25:18,620
I know, it's, all right,
it sounds...

548
00:25:18,620 --> 00:25:21,740
But I have to focus, have to go
through, I have to...

549
00:25:21,740 --> 00:25:23,460
Oh, God.

550
00:25:23,460 --> 00:25:25,020
I'm so nervous now.

551
00:25:26,900 --> 00:25:28,780
APPLAUSE

552
00:25:34,340 --> 00:25:37,180
Didn't get them all.

553
00:25:37,180 --> 00:25:39,180
Last time I got them all.

554
00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:44,460
OK. But, even more...
Oh, I've got another one.

555
00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:46,820
Another load here
and this time, in theory...

556
00:25:46,820 --> 00:25:48,860
You're going to do it
with your penis.

557
00:25:48,860 --> 00:25:50,220
LAUGHTER

558
00:25:50,220 --> 00:25:53,060
In theory here, ow.

559
00:25:55,140 --> 00:25:56,580
STEPHEN MOANS

560
00:25:56,580 --> 00:25:58,900
So choose top middle or bottom?

561
00:25:58,900 --> 00:26:01,180
- Middle. - Oh, no.

562
00:26:02,420 --> 00:26:04,460
- OK. I'll try and
break just the middle then. - Top.

563
00:26:04,460 --> 00:26:06,900
I'll bet you Chuck Norris
is crapping himself.

564
00:26:06,900 --> 00:26:08,140
LAUGHTER

565
00:26:08,140 --> 00:26:10,620
I'm going to try
and break just the middle one.

566
00:26:10,620 --> 00:26:14,060
Again, this takes extreme focus
and extreme pain.

567
00:26:15,100 --> 00:26:16,420
Go through.

568
00:26:17,660 --> 00:26:20,900
- I just don't want to do this.
- You don't want to do it again.

569
00:26:22,300 --> 00:26:24,580
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

570
00:26:29,140 --> 00:26:33,340
That was a good one.
Oh, thank you very much indeed.

571
00:26:33,340 --> 00:26:34,740
Thank you.

572
00:26:36,460 --> 00:26:38,180
Has your crown slipped?

573
00:26:38,180 --> 00:26:42,660
Yeah, it's, look, it's done that,
you see, that's a... Like that.

574
00:26:42,660 --> 00:26:44,020
It's a medieval torture.

575
00:26:44,020 --> 00:26:47,180
Yeah, this is what they put round
royal dogs to stop them

576
00:26:47,180 --> 00:26:48,700
nibbling their stitches.

577
00:26:48,700 --> 00:26:50,100
Imagine the crown maker...

578
00:26:51,660 --> 00:26:55,020
- Has your head lost weight?
- Yes, it has, yes. Yeah.

579
00:26:55,020 --> 00:26:58,260
You've lost even more hair than
when we started, sorry.

580
00:26:58,260 --> 00:26:59,940
- That's right. - That's very unfair.

581
00:26:59,940 --> 00:27:03,300
- Yes, I do apologise. It's just...
- You're welcome to take it off.

582
00:27:03,300 --> 00:27:06,340
- We're going to need a bigger king.
- You can abdicate.

583
00:27:06,340 --> 00:27:07,980
LAUGHTER

584
00:27:07,980 --> 00:27:10,340
- No, that's going to hurt.
- Shall I...? - Just, no!

585
00:27:10,340 --> 00:27:13,380
- It's like watching a two-year-old
take their clothes off. - How's that?

586
00:27:13,380 --> 00:27:15,780
Bill, try
and get it down the other way.

587
00:27:15,780 --> 00:27:17,220
Shall I try and go through it?

588
00:27:17,220 --> 00:27:19,780
Yeah, try and go through it.
I think this is...

589
00:27:19,780 --> 00:27:21,300
LAUGHTER

590
00:27:21,300 --> 00:27:22,660
Come on, Bill.

591
00:27:25,420 --> 00:27:27,940
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

592
00:27:27,940 --> 00:27:30,860
And that's the last we
ever saw of him.

593
00:27:30,860 --> 00:27:32,940
That's not good,
that's not a good look.

594
00:27:32,940 --> 00:27:34,100
LAUGHTER

595
00:27:34,100 --> 00:27:36,740
I was thinking of Zoidberg
from Futurama.

596
00:27:36,740 --> 00:27:39,180
You honestly, you look fine.
You look fine.

597
00:27:39,180 --> 00:27:41,580
That's so like something
out of Lord of the Rings now.

598
00:27:41,580 --> 00:27:43,540
- It's a great look.
- Even more than ever.

599
00:27:43,540 --> 00:27:47,620
I'm going to wear, I'm going
to put this as my passport photo.

600
00:27:47,620 --> 00:27:48,900
What do you do?

601
00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:50,780
I'm a fighting king,
what do you want?

602
00:27:52,820 --> 00:27:55,500
And now it's time for one
of my Knick-Knacks.

603
00:27:55,500 --> 00:27:57,220
Crikey, how did that get there?!

604
00:27:57,220 --> 00:27:59,260
LAUGHTER

605
00:28:01,340 --> 00:28:03,140
APPLAUSE

606
00:28:06,820 --> 00:28:08,420
I'm going to demonstrate...

607
00:28:08,420 --> 00:28:11,260
- What a marvellous outing
for the word "crikey." - Yes.

608
00:28:11,260 --> 00:28:14,100
I'm going to demonstrate to you how
a chain reaction takes place.

609
00:28:14,100 --> 00:28:16,180
Imagine these are little atoms,

610
00:28:16,180 --> 00:28:22,100
and what I have is a series of
mouse trap, ow, mouse traps.

611
00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:24,460
Used for obviously killing mice!

612
00:28:24,460 --> 00:28:25,900
HE YELPS

613
00:28:25,900 --> 00:28:30,420
And fortunately no mice will be
harmed in this experiment.

614
00:28:30,420 --> 00:28:34,620
All you will see is the spectacular
sight of random and explosive

615
00:28:34,620 --> 00:28:38,460
chain reaction caused by one atom
touching another,

616
00:28:38,460 --> 00:28:39,700
which are all in...

617
00:28:39,700 --> 00:28:42,020
Ball number 16,
the eighth appearance this year.

618
00:28:42,020 --> 00:28:44,500
Yes. So are you ready?

619
00:28:44,500 --> 00:28:46,500
- Yes. - Here we go.

620
00:28:49,700 --> 00:28:52,820
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

621
00:28:52,820 --> 00:28:55,380
JASON: All that,
all that for three seconds.

622
00:28:56,860 --> 00:28:59,740
It's a lot of effort for the money.

623
00:29:01,140 --> 00:29:03,020
Good night.