1 00:00:31,716 --> 00:00:34,876 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:34,876 --> 00:00:36,795 Good evening, good evening. 3 00:00:36,795 --> 00:00:39,995 Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, 4 00:00:39,995 --> 00:00:43,675 and welcome to QI and to an evening of levity. 5 00:00:43,675 --> 00:00:47,835 Let's see who's got the "light" stuff - 6 00:00:47,835 --> 00:00:49,875 the light-fantastic Sue Perkins... 7 00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:54,555 APPLAUSE 8 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,555 ..the light-footed Josh Widdicombe... 9 00:00:56,555 --> 00:00:59,595 CHEERING 10 00:00:59,595 --> 00:01:02,635 ..the lightly-armed Frank Skinner... 11 00:01:02,635 --> 00:01:05,835 CHEERING 12 00:01:05,835 --> 00:01:09,715 ..and the light's on but nobody's home, Alan Davies. 13 00:01:09,715 --> 00:01:12,475 APPLAUSE 14 00:01:15,195 --> 00:01:17,235 So, light up your lamps, 15 00:01:17,235 --> 00:01:22,035 and the Latin L, which is of course 50 in Roman numerals, if you can 16 00:01:22,035 --> 00:01:24,635 tell me what they have in common, 17 00:01:24,635 --> 00:01:26,595 all these little buzzer noises. 18 00:01:26,595 --> 00:01:28,075 Sue goes... 19 00:01:28,075 --> 00:01:30,155 OWL HOOTS 20 00:01:30,155 --> 00:01:31,515 Josh goes... 21 00:01:31,515 --> 00:01:33,955 BEARD CLIPPERS BUZZ 22 00:01:33,955 --> 00:01:36,714 Frank goes... 23 00:01:36,714 --> 00:01:38,274 CLOTH RIPS 24 00:01:38,274 --> 00:01:40,034 And Alan goes... 25 00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,834 PIG SQUEALS 26 00:01:42,834 --> 00:01:44,834 Any thoughts? 27 00:01:44,834 --> 00:01:48,754 They're all noises made by Jeremy Clarkson during the intimate act. 28 00:01:48,754 --> 00:01:52,074 LAUGHTER 29 00:01:52,074 --> 00:01:56,034 We've kept you two apart whenever we've done a show, for good reasons. 30 00:01:56,034 --> 00:01:58,954 Yeah. Yeah, so you've got an owl. 31 00:01:58,954 --> 00:02:02,554 He howls like an owl. "He squeal like a pig." 32 00:02:05,794 --> 00:02:09,154 And it definitely, definitely ends... 33 00:02:09,154 --> 00:02:11,834 RIPPING 34 00:02:13,554 --> 00:02:15,634 That's the final rip to the trouser. 35 00:02:15,634 --> 00:02:17,474 APPLAUSE 36 00:02:17,474 --> 00:02:19,914 It's hard not to say that you've probably... 37 00:02:19,914 --> 00:02:21,914 That's when Richard Hammond pops out. 38 00:02:21,914 --> 00:02:24,274 - Oh! - Oh! I must say! 39 00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:27,314 That's the final rip of stonewashed denim, isn't it, that noise? 40 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:29,434 Would it help if I said it was L for law. 41 00:02:29,434 --> 00:02:32,914 - Law with a W, not an O-R-E. - No. 42 00:02:32,914 --> 00:02:35,913 Jewish law, which was known as, for eating? 43 00:02:35,913 --> 00:02:38,073 For...kosher. 44 00:02:38,073 --> 00:02:41,833 - Kosher, yes. And I said levity was our theme, levit... - Leviticus. 45 00:02:41,833 --> 00:02:44,433 - Leviticus. Leviticus! - Oh! So shellfish and... 46 00:02:44,433 --> 00:02:47,193 - Well, we didn't hear any shellfish, did we? - No, we didn't. - No. 47 00:02:47,193 --> 00:02:49,953 - Unless, I wasn't sure about Josh's. - But we heard an owl. - Yeah. 48 00:02:49,953 --> 00:02:54,033 A beard being shaved, the rending of cloth and a pig. 49 00:02:54,033 --> 00:02:57,073 Ah, and a pig. So they're all things prohibited by... 50 00:02:57,073 --> 00:03:00,153 - Anything to do with a pig is forbidden. - Brian Blessed! 51 00:03:00,153 --> 00:03:04,993 AS BRIAN BLESSED: No, Brian Blessed is not kosher, no. 52 00:03:04,993 --> 00:03:08,833 No! Oh, dear, dear. 53 00:03:08,833 --> 00:03:12,313 So that's what they have in common. All your buzzers are forbidden by Jewish law. 54 00:03:12,313 --> 00:03:15,553 - That's very awkward, because I'm Jewish, so... - Also... 55 00:03:15,553 --> 00:03:18,513 - I can't take part in this for the rest of the show. - No. 56 00:03:18,513 --> 00:03:21,193 - No, I understand. - Also, if I were to go round and 57 00:03:21,193 --> 00:03:22,913 say, "Josh, can have sex with you?" 58 00:03:22,913 --> 00:03:27,073 - just on the top of my head, that would also be... - Sex on the top of your head? 59 00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:29,913 - On the top of his head? - That's not the bit I had an issue with. No. 60 00:03:29,913 --> 00:03:33,193 - That would be an over-protected thing. - I've never heard of kosher sex. 61 00:03:33,193 --> 00:03:37,112 - That would be an abomination, according to Leviticus. - It would indeed, Stephen. 62 00:03:37,112 --> 00:03:40,392 So, they're all things forbidden in the Book of Leviticus - you mustn't 63 00:03:40,392 --> 00:03:41,672 eat an owl, trim your beard, 64 00:03:41,672 --> 00:03:44,352 tear your clothes or have anything to do with a pig. Sorry. 65 00:03:44,352 --> 00:03:47,152 No, what does it mean "nothing to do with it"? 66 00:03:47,152 --> 00:03:50,192 What if he comes up to you, you just have to go... 67 00:03:50,192 --> 00:03:51,712 You have to shun him, Josh. 68 00:03:51,712 --> 00:03:54,792 - Blank him. - Blank him. I know... Sorry, mate, not interested! 69 00:03:54,792 --> 00:03:57,112 - I just blanked him. - Snub. - Like a chugger in the street. 70 00:03:57,112 --> 00:04:01,952 - Snub that pig. - Pretend you're on your phone, sorry. - Yeah, blank him. 71 00:04:01,952 --> 00:04:05,992 Now, one of our questions tonight is likely lavatorial. 72 00:04:05,992 --> 00:04:09,872 See if you can flush it out by going for a Spend-A-Penny bonus. 73 00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:16,032 All you have to do is brandish your baton and buzz your buzzer. 74 00:04:16,032 --> 00:04:18,352 And there are lots of points for it, lots. 75 00:04:18,352 --> 00:04:21,832 It's really worth risking that the answer might be something 76 00:04:21,832 --> 00:04:24,272 lavatorial. 77 00:04:24,272 --> 00:04:28,392 But first here's a lark. You each have a balloon, as I do. 78 00:04:28,392 --> 00:04:32,192 And what I want you to do is, oooh, is a levitation trick. 79 00:04:32,192 --> 00:04:34,751 It's all to do with static electricity, 80 00:04:34,751 --> 00:04:36,271 as you might have guessed. 81 00:04:37,831 --> 00:04:42,391 Well, the idea is to... Oh, that's already, whoa, that's... 82 00:04:42,391 --> 00:04:44,951 Oh, oh, no, that doesn't. Oh, no! 83 00:04:47,431 --> 00:04:49,511 Yes! Yes! 84 00:04:49,511 --> 00:04:51,231 - Wow! - Yes, oh! 85 00:04:52,431 --> 00:04:53,951 Alan got it. 86 00:04:55,831 --> 00:04:58,471 You charge up the plastic and the balloon, 87 00:04:58,471 --> 00:05:00,391 but you have to charge both of them. 88 00:05:00,391 --> 00:05:02,351 Well, yes, you can use your hair. 89 00:05:02,351 --> 00:05:04,471 If anybody's hair can do this, it's Alan's. 90 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,351 I take that as a slight. 91 00:05:06,351 --> 00:05:07,551 I can't get it off now. 92 00:05:07,551 --> 00:05:11,111 I know, that's as well, as it sticks to your fingers, you have to just... 93 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:14,231 - Oh, and now, oh, not quite. - Yes! Yes! 94 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,511 Oh, brilliant! 95 00:05:15,511 --> 00:05:18,111 Aargh! 96 00:05:19,671 --> 00:05:22,751 Patrick McGoohan in The Prisoner there, very good. 97 00:05:22,751 --> 00:05:25,031 It's that sort of fatal thing they get in Star Trek 98 00:05:25,031 --> 00:05:26,511 when they didn't have any money. 99 00:05:26,511 --> 00:05:29,791 Ooh, put some music on, and they go, "Arrgh!" 100 00:05:32,111 --> 00:05:34,710 Someone in a red top. 101 00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:37,350 Thank you, Alan. We can show you now... 102 00:05:37,350 --> 00:05:39,710 Zara, one of our runners, who turned out to be 103 00:05:39,710 --> 00:05:42,710 rather a master of this art, or a mistress, whichever you prefer. 104 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,150 Here she is. 105 00:05:44,150 --> 00:05:46,310 - No! - Yeah. - That's weird. 106 00:05:46,310 --> 00:05:49,030 Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! 107 00:05:49,030 --> 00:05:51,870 - Is that not just the draught from the balloon? - Yeah... 108 00:05:51,870 --> 00:05:53,670 Well, it looks a bit like it, but actually, 109 00:05:53,670 --> 00:05:56,310 if you try that without having charged them, it won't do that. 110 00:05:56,310 --> 00:05:57,950 How's her head staying up? 111 00:05:57,950 --> 00:05:59,950 LAUGHTER 112 00:05:59,950 --> 00:06:02,350 There's somebody fanning her from below! 113 00:06:02,350 --> 00:06:04,110 It's the Black Theatre of Prague. 114 00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:07,110 The fact is, yes, scientifically, you should be able to do it 115 00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:09,790 repeatably and predictably, but it's quite hard. 116 00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:13,070 But I promise you this, I will show you, before this evening is 117 00:06:13,070 --> 00:06:15,670 over, a levitation effect that will blow your socks off. 118 00:06:15,670 --> 00:06:17,910 Not literally, but will really impress you. 119 00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,150 That's going to come. 120 00:06:19,150 --> 00:06:22,190 Meanwhile, what's the funny thing about lightning? 121 00:06:22,190 --> 00:06:24,750 Oh. The funny thing about it? 122 00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:27,590 Well, given that it is a natural phenomenon that mankind 123 00:06:27,590 --> 00:06:30,350 has been aware of for all the time that we've been on the planet. 124 00:06:30,350 --> 00:06:33,909 It makes you laugh. We're still captivated, freaked-out and surprised by it... 125 00:06:33,909 --> 00:06:37,869 - We're captivated, and surprised and don't understand it. - Oh! 126 00:06:37,869 --> 00:06:40,149 - No. - We can't explain it. - We know a little bit about it. 127 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:42,429 - Oh, we do... - We know that thunderbolt and lightning 128 00:06:42,429 --> 00:06:44,709 - is very, very frightening. - Very, very frightening! 129 00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:49,509 - It's white, it's forked. - Yes. - Or sheet. 130 00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:52,669 - It's electric. - "Or sheet," you say? No, not "or sheet". 131 00:06:52,669 --> 00:06:55,909 Sheet lightning is the same as forked lightning, it's just hidden by a cloud. 132 00:06:55,909 --> 00:06:58,429 Oh, so it's an illuminated cloud that gives that band of... 133 00:06:58,429 --> 00:07:00,669 - Yeah, it's just basically... Exactly. - OK. 134 00:07:00,669 --> 00:07:03,909 But one of the myths about it is that it will always strike 135 00:07:03,909 --> 00:07:05,509 what part of a building? 136 00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:07,749 - Highest. - The highest point, and that's not true. 137 00:07:07,749 --> 00:07:10,229 We've got a photograph to show you how untrue that is, of it 138 00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:13,229 hitting Grant's Tomb there. There's a branch of it hitting the top, 139 00:07:13,229 --> 00:07:16,589 but the huge part of the fork there is hitting two thirds of the way up. 140 00:07:16,589 --> 00:07:18,869 Half of lightning goes up from the ground, 141 00:07:18,869 --> 00:07:21,229 and at about 300 feet up they meet each other. 142 00:07:21,229 --> 00:07:24,029 - I know, it's weird. Yes, so... - What? Lightning goes upwards? 143 00:07:24,029 --> 00:07:25,269 - Oh, yes, absolutely. - Wrong. 144 00:07:25,269 --> 00:07:26,709 No! 145 00:07:28,029 --> 00:07:30,189 90% of strikes on the Empire State Building, 146 00:07:30,189 --> 00:07:33,509 for example, are ascending strikes, rather than descending strikes. 147 00:07:33,509 --> 00:07:36,468 I know it seems astonishing, but photography allows us to see 148 00:07:36,468 --> 00:07:39,468 this phenomenon of it coming up from the ground 149 00:07:39,468 --> 00:07:42,308 and meeting with the sky forks, as it were. 150 00:07:42,308 --> 00:07:45,028 - Wow. - "Sky Fawkes". - "Sky Fawkes". - Weird. 151 00:07:45,028 --> 00:07:48,428 My dad used to, whenever there was lightning, we had to open 152 00:07:48,428 --> 00:07:52,348 the knife drawer and put a tea towel over the knives and forks, to 153 00:07:52,348 --> 00:07:55,908 avoid it coming through the window and striking, and turn the TV off. 154 00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:58,268 It's the only time the TV was ever turned off, 155 00:07:58,268 --> 00:08:00,428 it was quite a big thing. 156 00:08:00,428 --> 00:08:02,228 The drawer is closed, is that not doing it? 157 00:08:02,228 --> 00:08:04,468 He'd open the drawer to cover it with the tea towel. 158 00:08:04,468 --> 00:08:07,348 - No, there's something about the tea towel. - Individually cover? 159 00:08:07,348 --> 00:08:09,948 You know, tea towels have got that earthing quality. 160 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,508 JOSH: Did you not have anything else that was metal? 161 00:08:12,508 --> 00:08:14,988 Just the knives and forks. The taps. 162 00:08:14,988 --> 00:08:17,868 No, I think that's all we had. That was it. 163 00:08:17,868 --> 00:08:20,708 And can I say we had no piercings in our family. 164 00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:23,108 How can lightning be beautiful? 165 00:08:23,108 --> 00:08:25,308 Can you picture a beauty that comes from lightning? 166 00:08:25,308 --> 00:08:27,788 I mean, obviously, there's something stark and amazing 167 00:08:27,788 --> 00:08:30,428 about photographs of lightning, which is not un-beautiful, 168 00:08:30,428 --> 00:08:34,547 but actually, the effect of lightning can be staggeringly beautiful. 169 00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:37,467 - Oh! - It's called a Lichtenberg figure, 170 00:08:37,467 --> 00:08:40,707 after a very remarkable scientist called Lichtenberg, 171 00:08:40,707 --> 00:08:43,947 and he noticed, when people had been struck by lightning, 172 00:08:43,947 --> 00:08:45,747 there was a very remarkable... 173 00:08:45,747 --> 00:08:50,747 - Pattern. - Yeah. And he... I don't know if you can see it here. 174 00:08:50,747 --> 00:08:53,307 You can see pictures of it there. There, I'm holding one. 175 00:08:53,307 --> 00:08:56,387 That's...this is artificially produced, 176 00:08:56,387 --> 00:08:58,387 and it's like a beautiful fern-y kind of thing. 177 00:08:58,387 --> 00:08:59,947 But you'd get that level of detail, 178 00:08:59,947 --> 00:09:01,547 - would you, on the skin? - Absolutely. 179 00:09:01,547 --> 00:09:04,107 We'll show it on the human skin. There. 180 00:09:04,107 --> 00:09:08,387 - ..nipples, as well. - I mean, it's not... LAUGHTER 181 00:09:08,387 --> 00:09:10,787 It's not a price worth paying, though, for that, is it? 182 00:09:10,787 --> 00:09:13,667 It looks like a tattoo where there's a plant on the side of his face. 183 00:09:13,667 --> 00:09:15,867 LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH 184 00:09:15,867 --> 00:09:17,547 Round the back, there's a massive pot. 185 00:09:17,547 --> 00:09:19,707 LAUGHTER Does that remain like that? 186 00:09:19,707 --> 00:09:22,467 Let's just say one wouldn't throw it out of bed. 187 00:09:22,467 --> 00:09:24,827 LAUGHTER 188 00:09:24,827 --> 00:09:28,667 That would be cruel if you'd been struck by lightning! 189 00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:31,827 Let's all just say that. Yeah, so... 190 00:09:31,827 --> 00:09:34,266 From lightning to lighthouses. 191 00:09:34,266 --> 00:09:37,506 How many men does it take to crew in a lighthouse? 192 00:09:37,506 --> 00:09:39,666 - "Crew in"? - Work it? - Yes. Crew in. 193 00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,146 - JOSH: Oh! - Yeah, go on? 194 00:09:41,146 --> 00:09:42,786 It's zero these days. 195 00:09:42,786 --> 00:09:44,426 You're right, these days it is zero. 196 00:09:44,426 --> 00:09:46,906 But we're talking about the past. How many used it to be 197 00:09:46,906 --> 00:09:49,066 - before they were automated? - ALAN: One. 198 00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:51,146 - Well, no... - Two. - The fact is, 199 00:09:51,146 --> 00:09:54,986 there always used to be two, in the early days of the lighthouses, 200 00:09:54,986 --> 00:09:58,426 until something rather unfortunate happened off the coast of Pembrokeshire, 201 00:09:58,426 --> 00:10:01,186 where Thomas Howell and Thomas Griffith, 202 00:10:01,186 --> 00:10:03,186 who you would never guess were actually Welsh, 203 00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:06,506 and they were a two-man team in 1801, 204 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:09,026 and they were known to quarrel. 205 00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:12,626 And unfortunately, Griffith fell ill and died, 206 00:10:12,626 --> 00:10:14,386 and Howell was rather worried, 207 00:10:14,386 --> 00:10:16,826 because he thought people might imagine he killed him, 208 00:10:16,826 --> 00:10:20,226 so he wanted to preserve the body, so he made a sort of wooden coffin 209 00:10:20,226 --> 00:10:23,306 and lashed it to the outside of the lighthouse, 210 00:10:23,306 --> 00:10:27,066 and unfortunately, a storm arose and smashed this coffin, 211 00:10:27,066 --> 00:10:30,826 and so the hand of Griffith started waving, 212 00:10:30,826 --> 00:10:33,705 - as if beckoning Howell... - And ships started thinking, 213 00:10:33,705 --> 00:10:36,225 "Oh, that person's calling us over there!" 214 00:10:36,225 --> 00:10:38,265 LAUGHTER 215 00:10:38,265 --> 00:10:41,825 By the time, weeks later, he was relieved of his duty, 216 00:10:41,825 --> 00:10:44,945 he'd gone almost insane. People didn't recognise him, 217 00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:47,345 he was described as just about demented. 218 00:10:47,345 --> 00:10:51,425 Because he'd just wanted to keep the body to prove he hadn't killed him. 219 00:10:51,425 --> 00:10:54,345 So he went mad because he was frightened because the corpse was... 220 00:10:54,345 --> 00:10:56,745 - flailing around? - He was frightened people would say, 221 00:10:56,745 --> 00:10:59,385 "Oh, well, we all know you had rows with him and you killed him," 222 00:10:59,385 --> 00:11:01,545 so he wanted to keep the body as fresh as possible 223 00:11:01,545 --> 00:11:03,385 to show it hadn't been poisoned or beaten. 224 00:11:03,385 --> 00:11:05,625 But, of course, by lashing him to the lighthouse... 225 00:11:05,625 --> 00:11:07,705 - I think that makes him look more guilty. - I know! 226 00:11:07,705 --> 00:11:09,425 - It's most unfortunate. - He killed him. 227 00:11:09,425 --> 00:11:10,985 - Yeah. - But people believed him. 228 00:11:10,985 --> 00:11:13,745 It's kind of quite a niche scenario that you've gone... 229 00:11:13,745 --> 00:11:15,465 "Well, in case that happens again, 230 00:11:15,465 --> 00:11:17,625 "we should get another person in," surely? 231 00:11:17,625 --> 00:11:20,585 - I know! It doesn't make sense. - They're all sitting round... 232 00:11:20,585 --> 00:11:25,265 "I'm only here in case one of you two kills each other!" 233 00:11:25,265 --> 00:11:28,425 Someone to go, "Don't lash him to the side, his arm will do that! 234 00:11:28,425 --> 00:11:29,825 "We've seen it before!" 235 00:11:29,825 --> 00:11:32,904 "Sorry, I DID kill him in the night." "Oh, you idiot..." 236 00:11:32,904 --> 00:11:36,144 It does seem potty, I grant you. 237 00:11:36,144 --> 00:11:38,944 Who's the most famous person who kept a lighthouse? 238 00:11:38,944 --> 00:11:40,184 What about Grace Darling? 239 00:11:40,184 --> 00:11:41,464 THAT'S the one we're after. 240 00:11:41,464 --> 00:11:43,704 Though I think her dad was the lighthouse keeper. 241 00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:45,504 Her dad was the lighthouse keeper. 242 00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:47,784 And there was a shipwreck and she rode bravely out... 243 00:11:47,784 --> 00:11:51,184 And there she is in Ladybird book fashion, doing exactly that, 244 00:11:51,184 --> 00:11:53,864 looking utterly transcendent and beautiful and lovely. 245 00:11:53,864 --> 00:11:55,704 She's completely dry. Just... 246 00:11:55,704 --> 00:11:58,104 LAUGHTER 247 00:11:58,104 --> 00:12:01,064 Just thinking, "Is that an arm...?" 248 00:12:01,064 --> 00:12:03,704 It was in 1838, and a stormy night off the coast of... 249 00:12:03,704 --> 00:12:05,984 which part of Britain did she come from, do you know? 250 00:12:05,984 --> 00:12:07,664 Scotland? 251 00:12:07,664 --> 00:12:08,704 A bit further down. 252 00:12:08,704 --> 00:12:10,304 England. 253 00:12:10,304 --> 00:12:12,504 - Wasn't it Cornwall? - No, it wasn't Cornwall. 254 00:12:12,504 --> 00:12:15,104 It was Northumberland, or the Northumbrian coast. 255 00:12:15,104 --> 00:12:18,504 She was awarded the Gold Medal of the Royal Humane Society, 256 00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:21,744 and she was sent £50 by Queen Victoria, 257 00:12:21,744 --> 00:12:25,064 and poems were written about her by William Wordsworth, 258 00:12:25,064 --> 00:12:29,024 Algernon Swinburne, and even more excitingly, William McGonagall. 259 00:12:29,024 --> 00:12:30,824 Which is fantastic. 260 00:12:30,824 --> 00:12:34,543 And she had crowds of tourists flocking to see her. 261 00:12:34,543 --> 00:12:38,223 She was the celebrity of her age. Rescued nine survivors 262 00:12:38,223 --> 00:12:40,503 from a shipwreck off the Northumbrian coast, 263 00:12:40,503 --> 00:12:43,143 which was what made her a hero, or heroine. 264 00:12:43,143 --> 00:12:46,343 Well, there you are. They had three men in every lighthouse 265 00:12:46,343 --> 00:12:49,063 in case one of them died and gave the other the willies. 266 00:12:49,063 --> 00:12:50,903 What's the most famous lighthouse...? 267 00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:53,783 LAUGHTER 268 00:12:53,783 --> 00:12:55,783 It's legal now. It's fine, it's legal. 269 00:12:55,783 --> 00:12:58,263 What is the most famous lighthouse in the world? 270 00:12:58,263 --> 00:13:01,383 Oh, I don't know, the one on the Needles is quite famous. 271 00:13:01,383 --> 00:13:03,103 The Needles is quite famous, yes. 272 00:13:03,103 --> 00:13:04,663 I mean, there was one that was the... 273 00:13:04,663 --> 00:13:06,503 one of the Seven Wonders of the World. 274 00:13:06,503 --> 00:13:10,663 Oh, which is in Spain, is it not? Or, is that Hercules's Tower or something, there's a... 275 00:13:10,663 --> 00:13:11,823 It's something Hercules. 276 00:13:11,823 --> 00:13:16,023 Faros, Faros, it's the Alexandrian lighthouse. 277 00:13:16,023 --> 00:13:19,023 I love the way you looked at me as though I got that right, 278 00:13:19,023 --> 00:13:21,983 whilst telling me that every aspect of it was wrong. 279 00:13:21,983 --> 00:13:25,703 - You were, you know... - I loved that, it made me feel good about myself. 280 00:13:25,703 --> 00:13:29,023 - You were wrestling the puppy knowledge with great affection. - Yeah. 281 00:13:29,023 --> 00:13:32,262 Actually all those lighthouses, the Eddystone, the Kenilworth, 282 00:13:32,262 --> 00:13:34,462 might be known by quite a section of the population, 283 00:13:34,462 --> 00:13:36,942 but this one, everyone knows the name of this one. 284 00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:40,422 What they probably don't know is that it was originally a lighthouse. 285 00:13:40,422 --> 00:13:43,062 - Empire State Building. - Not the Empire State Building. 286 00:13:43,062 --> 00:13:45,862 - Statue of Liberty. - Yes! The Statue of Liberty, well done. 287 00:13:45,862 --> 00:13:48,182 - Oh, of course. - Absolutely right. There it is. 288 00:13:48,182 --> 00:13:50,182 It was visible from 24 miles out to sea. 289 00:13:50,182 --> 00:13:52,342 It was a gift to America from...? 290 00:13:52,342 --> 00:13:53,982 France. 291 00:13:53,982 --> 00:13:57,582 From the French, yes. And originally what colour was it? 292 00:13:57,582 --> 00:13:59,862 - Orange. - Was it? 293 00:13:59,862 --> 00:14:02,222 Not red and white like, oh, like that! 294 00:14:02,222 --> 00:14:05,542 Well, it was always intended to go green, because it's copper colour. 295 00:14:05,542 --> 00:14:08,382 That's the gayest lighthouse I've ever seen. It's copper colour. 296 00:14:08,382 --> 00:14:12,102 You're absolutely right, Alan, it has a thin sheet of copper leaf, as it were, over it. 297 00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:16,302 - So it can go that... - Originally it shone copperly, - but like all copper does... 298 00:14:16,302 --> 00:14:17,862 - Oxidizes. - Yeah. - Gets verdigris. 299 00:14:17,862 --> 00:14:21,462 And so you get copper carbonate and verdigris is the name for it, exactly. 300 00:14:21,462 --> 00:14:25,022 You see those domes and things, that green colour that is Lady Liberty. 301 00:14:25,022 --> 00:14:30,062 And there's her torch. And in 1986 was the centenary, 302 00:14:30,062 --> 00:14:32,541 and they decided to give her a bit of a makeover. 303 00:14:32,541 --> 00:14:35,901 And actually, the one bit that didn't need the makeover 304 00:14:35,901 --> 00:14:38,421 was the copper skin, except in the torch. 305 00:14:38,421 --> 00:14:43,221 And it needed a special technique called repousse or repoussage, 306 00:14:43,221 --> 00:14:46,581 and no American craftsman could be found who could do it, 307 00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:49,101 so a French team came over. 308 00:14:49,101 --> 00:14:52,701 And Americans, we think of them as very...you know, capitalist, 309 00:14:52,701 --> 00:14:55,581 - as America is a capitalist county, obviously... - And fat. - And fat! 310 00:14:55,581 --> 00:14:57,061 It's also very unionised, 311 00:14:57,061 --> 00:15:00,701 and the American labourers were totally antagonistic. 312 00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:01,741 Da Teamsters? 313 00:15:01,741 --> 00:15:04,381 They gave the French... yeah, they were like Teamsters. 314 00:15:04,381 --> 00:15:07,141 They gave the French workers the complete cold shoulder. 315 00:15:07,141 --> 00:15:09,021 The French workers wore uniforms, 316 00:15:09,021 --> 00:15:12,301 and every lunchtime, set up a long table with a tablecloth 317 00:15:12,301 --> 00:15:14,301 and had wine and fantastic food... 318 00:15:14,301 --> 00:15:17,901 and the Americans sat alone eating burgers and other things 319 00:15:17,901 --> 00:15:20,381 and letting their stomachs push out further and further. 320 00:15:20,381 --> 00:15:23,821 And the French used this wonderful technique of little hammers. 321 00:15:23,821 --> 00:15:27,741 "Marteaux", you know? And someone from the French team said, 322 00:15:27,741 --> 00:15:31,220 FRENCH ACCENT: "We did everything by hand. The Americans couldn't believe 323 00:15:31,220 --> 00:15:33,140 "that the best way to rivet is with hammers. 324 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:35,420 "It's cheaper, faster and better, 325 00:15:35,420 --> 00:15:37,980 "but they will always try to find some machine." 326 00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:41,580 And that is absolutely... You go ice fishing with Americans, 327 00:15:41,580 --> 00:15:44,220 they have these... you know, extraordinary motor augers 328 00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:46,700 - that drill a hole. - Oh, yeah, like in Fargo. - Exactly. 329 00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:50,580 - Yeah. In the Titanic museum in Belfast... - Mmm. 330 00:15:50,580 --> 00:15:52,180 ..which is quite good. 331 00:15:52,180 --> 00:15:53,820 LAUGHTER 332 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,100 They'll be using that on all their promotion. 333 00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:57,500 "Quite good" - Alan Davies. 334 00:15:57,500 --> 00:16:00,500 IRISH ACCENT: You'd better do a bit better, there, Belfast, now. 335 00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,180 Not good enough, really, for Alan! 336 00:16:02,180 --> 00:16:04,220 LAUGHTER 337 00:16:04,220 --> 00:16:07,860 I think that's one of his best ones. You go there and they've got 338 00:16:07,860 --> 00:16:10,780 the reconstruction of the building of it, and that's the best bit. 339 00:16:10,780 --> 00:16:13,500 - Yeah. - And lots and lots of the rivets were done by hand. 340 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:16,580 - Yes, they were. - And you'd got hundreds of riveters, 341 00:16:16,580 --> 00:16:19,260 and they would do an incredible number of rivets in an hour, 342 00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:23,220 and in awful conditions. Very cramped, hot...and so... 343 00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:26,780 It's really quite absorbing. Riveting, I meant(!) 344 00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:28,220 LAUGHTER 345 00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:30,540 I was at the airport in Belfast, 346 00:16:30,540 --> 00:16:34,939 and I bought the journal of the Titanic Society - 347 00:16:34,939 --> 00:16:37,939 a sort of photocopy, but quite a fat thing. 348 00:16:37,939 --> 00:16:40,979 And I read it. It's about, I suppose, a hundred pages, 349 00:16:40,979 --> 00:16:44,099 and lots of stuff about the captain and the way it was put together - 350 00:16:44,099 --> 00:16:48,099 not one reference in the entire book to the fact that it sank. 351 00:16:48,099 --> 00:16:50,459 LAUGHTER 352 00:16:50,459 --> 00:16:52,739 I love it when people are positive! 353 00:16:52,739 --> 00:16:54,979 LAUGHTER 354 00:16:54,979 --> 00:16:59,699 With the Titanic Society, their ship is always half-empty of water. 355 00:16:59,699 --> 00:17:03,139 LAUGHTER 356 00:17:03,139 --> 00:17:06,099 There's a wonderful Thomas Hardy poem 357 00:17:06,099 --> 00:17:08,459 called The Convergence Of The Twain, 358 00:17:08,459 --> 00:17:11,659 and it takes the point of view of the iceberg and the Titanic, 359 00:17:11,659 --> 00:17:13,219 and the two converge. 360 00:17:13,219 --> 00:17:16,859 And what's rather wonderful is, each verse is the shape of the Titanic. 361 00:17:16,859 --> 00:17:19,659 It has two or three words at the top, then a long line, 362 00:17:19,659 --> 00:17:22,019 then a shorter line, and a shorter line, 363 00:17:22,019 --> 00:17:23,819 so each verse is boat-shaped. 364 00:17:23,819 --> 00:17:26,619 He should have done it so it wasn't just that, but it animated. 365 00:17:26,619 --> 00:17:29,259 - LAUGHTER - I know! - The iceberg coming at it. 366 00:17:29,259 --> 00:17:31,338 Yeah! Like a flicker book. 367 00:17:31,338 --> 00:17:35,658 Was it Bill Tidy who did the most fantastic cartoon of all time? 368 00:17:35,658 --> 00:17:39,338 - And it was a queue of people... - Oh, I love this one, yeah. 369 00:17:39,338 --> 00:17:44,338 .."information about Titanic", and people are queuing up 370 00:17:44,338 --> 00:17:47,938 to find out about survivors, women in shawls, and at the back, 371 00:17:47,938 --> 00:17:50,978 there's two polar bears standing, calling, 372 00:17:50,978 --> 00:17:52,938 "Any news about the iceberg?" 373 00:17:52,938 --> 00:17:55,458 LAUGHTER 374 00:17:55,458 --> 00:17:59,058 - I love that! So great. - Perfect. But I've always thought that 375 00:17:59,058 --> 00:18:02,258 had I been on the Titanic when it hit that iceberg, 376 00:18:02,258 --> 00:18:04,218 even though you know you're going to perish, 377 00:18:04,218 --> 00:18:08,338 seeing, like, 40 penguins fall over is probably about as funny... 378 00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:12,218 - LAUGHTER - I think the possibility of - seeing penguins in the North Pole, 379 00:18:12,218 --> 00:18:17,098 or the northern reaches of the planet, is pretty remote. 380 00:18:17,098 --> 00:18:19,538 - But there are... - They come from Antarctica. 381 00:18:19,538 --> 00:18:21,938 Oh, damn that global warming! 382 00:18:23,378 --> 00:18:26,818 You might have seen a Fox's Glacier Mint, probably. 383 00:18:26,818 --> 00:18:28,418 JOSH: What did happen to the iceberg? 384 00:18:28,418 --> 00:18:31,457 - Now gone, broken up... - It moved on with its life. 385 00:18:31,457 --> 00:18:33,897 - Did it? - Yeah. - It didn't face any punishment, or...? 386 00:18:33,897 --> 00:18:36,777 Now, it would be followed around by the press! 387 00:18:36,777 --> 00:18:39,017 LAUGHTER 388 00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:41,737 Raking over its life, you know? 389 00:18:41,737 --> 00:18:44,417 "Who is this bastard iceberg? 390 00:18:44,417 --> 00:18:47,257 "He's always been a bastard. He's foreign..." 391 00:18:47,257 --> 00:18:49,177 LAUGHTER 392 00:18:49,177 --> 00:18:52,697 "Other foreign icebergs we hate who've ruined our good stuff..." 393 00:18:52,697 --> 00:18:54,657 Nigel Farage, exactly, is... 394 00:18:56,697 --> 00:18:59,737 You don't want an iceberg moving in next door to you, do you? 395 00:18:59,737 --> 00:19:04,497 APPLAUSE 396 00:19:07,217 --> 00:19:09,697 Anyway, the Statue of Liberty used to be a lighthouse 397 00:19:09,697 --> 00:19:11,457 and in those days it was brown. 398 00:19:11,457 --> 00:19:12,857 Now for some light relief. 399 00:19:12,857 --> 00:19:16,297 What's the most interesting thing you can do with a sausage? 400 00:19:18,137 --> 00:19:20,017 Well, she's used hers for a hairpiece. 401 00:19:20,017 --> 00:19:22,537 - She's coiled that round. - A lovely little... Yeah. 402 00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:25,777 What's the most interesting thing? It's got to be something to do... 403 00:19:25,777 --> 00:19:28,697 - With the loo. - It's got to be. - Yes. 404 00:19:28,697 --> 00:19:31,216 I'm going to give you the points, because there is a way, 405 00:19:31,216 --> 00:19:34,136 which is very lavatorial, in which you can improve a sausage, 406 00:19:34,136 --> 00:19:36,496 which is quite interesting and very surprising. 407 00:19:36,496 --> 00:19:37,776 What, poo in it? 408 00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:39,456 - Yes. - Oh... Come on! Really? 409 00:19:39,456 --> 00:19:42,416 Baby faeces in a sausage will improve a sausage. Now... 410 00:19:42,416 --> 00:19:45,576 Oh, no, and I've been throwing them away! 411 00:19:47,056 --> 00:19:50,336 - Bear with me here. - You need to get some casings and eat that. - Yeah. 412 00:19:50,336 --> 00:19:51,776 Bear with me here. 413 00:19:51,776 --> 00:19:55,576 According to a study in the journal Meat Science - 414 00:19:55,576 --> 00:19:57,576 M-E-A-T Science - 415 00:19:57,576 --> 00:20:01,856 you make sausages healthier by adding bacteria 416 00:20:01,856 --> 00:20:04,696 extracted from babies' faeces. 417 00:20:04,696 --> 00:20:07,096 Now, the point is, many sausages, pepperoni... 418 00:20:07,096 --> 00:20:10,616 What are they doing in laboratories, for God's sake?! 419 00:20:10,616 --> 00:20:13,536 What they try and do is improve things for us to make us healthy. 420 00:20:13,536 --> 00:20:17,496 And pepperoni and salami are made with bacterial fermentation. 421 00:20:17,496 --> 00:20:20,256 And the best way you can do that is to use what are known as 422 00:20:20,256 --> 00:20:23,776 pro-biotic bacteria, ie, bacteria that are said to be good for you. 423 00:20:23,776 --> 00:20:28,016 And, oddly enough, this Catalonian team 424 00:20:28,016 --> 00:20:31,295 decided that one of the best types would be baby faeces, 425 00:20:31,295 --> 00:20:33,375 because, by definition, they would have 426 00:20:33,375 --> 00:20:35,895 passed through the human system and passed out again, 427 00:20:35,895 --> 00:20:37,895 and because baby faeces are easy to obtain - 428 00:20:37,895 --> 00:20:39,415 in fact, the study used nappies 429 00:20:39,415 --> 00:20:41,495 provided by mother and baby support groups. 430 00:20:41,495 --> 00:20:42,735 Still don't make it right. 431 00:20:42,735 --> 00:20:45,735 Professional tasters confirmed that sausages tasted the same... 432 00:20:45,735 --> 00:20:48,175 - Oh! - Who does that for a living?! 433 00:20:48,175 --> 00:20:49,855 - I know. - Did they know what they...? 434 00:20:49,855 --> 00:20:51,855 They tasted the same, you wouldn't notice. 435 00:20:51,855 --> 00:20:53,935 That's a rough day down the Jobcentre, that is. 436 00:20:53,935 --> 00:20:56,695 They are lower in both fat and salt and therefore healthier. 437 00:20:56,695 --> 00:20:58,455 But it's poo, Stephen! 438 00:20:58,455 --> 00:21:00,135 It's literally poo! 439 00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:03,575 It gives a new meaning to potty mouth, doesn't it? 440 00:21:03,575 --> 00:21:06,695 But it does mean that Alan gets his Spend-A-Penny bonus, 441 00:21:06,695 --> 00:21:08,855 - which is very good news. - Shut the front door. 442 00:21:08,855 --> 00:21:11,175 APPLAUSE 443 00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:15,575 Though, in fact, that was a supplementary question, 444 00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:17,135 because the original question 445 00:21:17,135 --> 00:21:19,295 involved the use of sausages in history. 446 00:21:19,295 --> 00:21:22,655 Sausages...such that a country... We showed you a photograph 447 00:21:22,655 --> 00:21:25,535 that shows a country that is really fond of sausages... 448 00:21:25,535 --> 00:21:27,335 - Germany? - Yes. 449 00:21:27,335 --> 00:21:30,054 It's so useful with the sausages, for Germany, at a particular 450 00:21:30,054 --> 00:21:32,774 time in history, that people were banned from eating them 451 00:21:32,774 --> 00:21:35,774 and they were banned in Poland, in Austria, 452 00:21:35,774 --> 00:21:37,014 in northern France, and... 453 00:21:37,014 --> 00:21:39,054 Were they using them as part of the war effort? 454 00:21:39,054 --> 00:21:40,294 Yes, World War I. 455 00:21:40,294 --> 00:21:44,014 The Germans had a very impressive weapon, which terrorised London. 456 00:21:44,014 --> 00:21:45,734 GERMAN ACCENT: The Bratwurst lasso. 457 00:21:45,734 --> 00:21:48,574 Which can take a human head off at 100 paces. 458 00:21:48,574 --> 00:21:50,774 - The Zeppelin. - The Zeppelin, is exactly right. 459 00:21:50,774 --> 00:21:54,014 The Graf Zeppelin, the Count Zeppelin invented this dirigible. 460 00:21:54,014 --> 00:21:56,374 Are you saying that's one enormous sausage? 461 00:21:56,374 --> 00:21:57,694 Well... 462 00:21:57,694 --> 00:22:00,574 They flew and they dropped baby excrement over London. 463 00:22:00,574 --> 00:22:02,734 What made it lighter than air? 464 00:22:02,734 --> 00:22:04,254 - Helium. - Helium. 465 00:22:04,254 --> 00:22:05,694 - Not helium, no. - Hydrogen. 466 00:22:05,694 --> 00:22:07,934 Hydrogen, that's why they were so dangerous, 467 00:22:07,934 --> 00:22:09,974 because hydrogen is very combustible. 468 00:22:09,974 --> 00:22:11,454 And they would go over London 469 00:22:11,454 --> 00:22:13,774 and the chappie at the bottom in the little gondola 470 00:22:13,774 --> 00:22:16,054 - would drop a bomb... - You make it sound really lovely. 471 00:22:16,054 --> 00:22:18,014 "The little chappie would go over London..." 472 00:22:18,014 --> 00:22:20,854 But the thing is, the hydrogen would easily leak from the patches, 473 00:22:20,854 --> 00:22:23,854 and they found that sausage skins would go over the joins, 474 00:22:23,854 --> 00:22:26,974 and they would latch onto each other, a bit like Velcro, 475 00:22:26,974 --> 00:22:29,733 they would stick to each other and they'd seal the whole thing 476 00:22:29,733 --> 00:22:31,933 so the hydrogen wouldn't leak. Well, now... 477 00:22:31,933 --> 00:22:33,653 God, more bad news for pigs! 478 00:22:33,653 --> 00:22:35,413 LAUGHTER 479 00:22:35,413 --> 00:22:38,413 It was cattle rather than pigs, it was beef sausages. 480 00:22:38,413 --> 00:22:42,133 So they would just fly like an apocalyptic cow balloon 481 00:22:42,133 --> 00:22:44,533 - over the top of London and just drop... - Yeah. 482 00:22:44,533 --> 00:22:47,453 And bullets would go through and they wouldn't be enough 483 00:22:47,453 --> 00:22:50,613 to bring it down, and it took two years for the British to learn 484 00:22:50,613 --> 00:22:54,733 how to use incendiary bullets to cause the hydrogen to blow up. 485 00:22:54,733 --> 00:22:56,853 Were they ever struck by lightning? 486 00:22:56,853 --> 00:22:59,773 Yes, three Zeppelins were downed by lightning. 487 00:22:59,773 --> 00:23:02,253 - Yeah, how about that? - That's brilliant. 488 00:23:02,253 --> 00:23:04,253 It shows that God was on our side. 489 00:23:05,533 --> 00:23:09,133 A quarter of a million cows they used, per Zeppelin - 490 00:23:09,133 --> 00:23:10,573 that's pretty impressive. 491 00:23:10,573 --> 00:23:13,293 So a quarter of a million cows went into the making of a Zeppelin? 492 00:23:13,293 --> 00:23:15,293 Per Zeppelin, yeah. Which is why they had to 493 00:23:15,293 --> 00:23:17,133 stop the Germans, the Austrians, the Poles 494 00:23:17,133 --> 00:23:19,013 and those in Northern France at the time 495 00:23:19,013 --> 00:23:20,493 from getting their sausages. 496 00:23:20,493 --> 00:23:23,373 What a shame they didn't do a big cow's face on the front of it. 497 00:23:23,373 --> 00:23:25,493 Oh, that would have been brilliant, wouldn't it? 498 00:23:25,493 --> 00:23:28,533 They just don't have those artistic flourishes, the Germans, do they? 499 00:23:28,533 --> 00:23:32,052 - Everything's very functional. - That was my problem with the Nazis(!) 500 00:23:33,612 --> 00:23:36,372 We spoke earlier about lightning and the Empire Strike... 501 00:23:36,372 --> 00:23:39,012 - er, Empire State Building. - Empire Strikes Back! 502 00:23:39,012 --> 00:23:41,852 Confusing me and driving me... The Empire State Building. 503 00:23:41,852 --> 00:23:44,532 What's the connection between the Empire State Building 504 00:23:44,532 --> 00:23:45,972 and big dirigible balloons? 505 00:23:45,972 --> 00:23:48,412 - It was a mooring place. - Yes, a mooring place. 506 00:23:48,412 --> 00:23:51,772 They originally thought they'd be able to land passengers on the top. 507 00:23:51,772 --> 00:23:53,772 - I've seen that picture. - Wow. That... 508 00:23:53,772 --> 00:23:57,452 One of these did actually moor itself, in 40mph winds, 509 00:23:57,452 --> 00:23:59,572 - for a few minutes. - What they needed to do, 510 00:23:59,572 --> 00:24:02,132 they needed to rub the top of it with a towel... 511 00:24:02,132 --> 00:24:04,212 LAUGHTER 512 00:24:04,212 --> 00:24:07,572 - Somebody rubbing the airship. - That would have done it. 513 00:24:07,572 --> 00:24:10,372 And what is the mast for? Do you know what the mast is...? 514 00:24:10,372 --> 00:24:13,332 The mast was only there to be taller than the Chrysler Building. 515 00:24:13,332 --> 00:24:14,492 You're absolutely right. 516 00:24:14,492 --> 00:24:16,612 The Chrysler Building, they didn't know... 517 00:24:16,612 --> 00:24:19,412 APPLAUSE 518 00:24:20,692 --> 00:24:23,052 Were they built at the same sort of time, and competing? 519 00:24:23,052 --> 00:24:25,652 Yeah, the Chrysler Building was going to be the taller one, 520 00:24:25,652 --> 00:24:28,412 and they took the mast up the inside of the Empire State Building 521 00:24:28,412 --> 00:24:29,891 and stuck it on the top at the end. 522 00:24:29,891 --> 00:24:33,171 The Chrysler Building, I think we can all agree, is more beautiful, 523 00:24:33,171 --> 00:24:35,531 although they're both quite marvellously decorated. 524 00:24:35,531 --> 00:24:38,011 - They are. - But the Chrysler Building is stunning. 525 00:24:38,011 --> 00:24:41,091 Well, there we are. The linings in German airships 526 00:24:41,091 --> 00:24:43,211 caused a sausage shortage in World War I. 527 00:24:43,211 --> 00:24:46,891 What was the charge for the world's first charity single? 528 00:24:46,891 --> 00:24:49,491 Oh, it's not going to be Band Aid, is it? 529 00:24:49,491 --> 00:24:52,171 - Is the clue in charge? - Yes, it certainly is. 530 00:24:52,171 --> 00:24:54,171 The Charge of the Light Brigade? 531 00:24:54,171 --> 00:24:55,771 Well done, you. 532 00:24:55,771 --> 00:24:59,451 Absolutely. So that's the beginning of the puzzle opened up. 533 00:24:59,451 --> 00:25:01,371 So, how can the Charge of the Light Brigade 534 00:25:01,371 --> 00:25:03,931 have anything to do with a charity single? 535 00:25:03,931 --> 00:25:06,651 You can't really release... They didn't release a single. 536 00:25:06,651 --> 00:25:09,411 Well, not a single, as it wasn't called a single in those days. 537 00:25:09,411 --> 00:25:13,211 Tennyson, there are cylinder recordings of Alfred Lord Tennyson. 538 00:25:13,211 --> 00:25:14,891 - Indeed. Yeah. - So maybe he read 539 00:25:14,891 --> 00:25:18,051 - the Charge of the Light Brigade onto cylinder. - He may have done. 540 00:25:18,051 --> 00:25:21,611 His voice, "I am Alfred Tennyson," you do hear that, absolutely. 541 00:25:21,611 --> 00:25:24,771 He did live into the age of the phonograph, as it was then called. 542 00:25:24,771 --> 00:25:27,411 But this is actually slightly more touching, in a way. 543 00:25:27,411 --> 00:25:31,770 There was actually a bugler who recorded the Charge, 544 00:25:31,770 --> 00:25:33,970 which is a particular call on the bugle, 545 00:25:33,970 --> 00:25:39,650 and he was himself a survivor of the Charge of the Light Brigade, 546 00:25:39,650 --> 00:25:42,050 and I'll give you all the full details of it. 547 00:25:42,050 --> 00:25:44,730 He plays the charge that he blew on the day, 548 00:25:44,730 --> 00:25:46,770 on a bugle that was used at Balaclava, 549 00:25:46,770 --> 00:25:49,770 which had also previously been used at Waterloo. 550 00:25:49,770 --> 00:25:52,250 - It's a heck of a historic bugle. - That's a pedigree, yeah. 551 00:25:52,250 --> 00:25:54,370 It was recorded as a charity single to raise money 552 00:25:54,370 --> 00:25:56,970 for veterans of the Charge who had fallen on hard times. 553 00:25:56,970 --> 00:25:58,130 And we can play it... 554 00:25:58,130 --> 00:26:01,570 That's the last thing they want to hear, though, isn't it? 555 00:26:01,570 --> 00:26:03,890 They'd be terrified. Oh, my God! 556 00:26:04,850 --> 00:26:07,370 But we can hear it now. 557 00:26:07,370 --> 00:26:13,210 SCRATCHY RECORDING OF BUGLE PLAYING 558 00:26:18,490 --> 00:26:19,730 There you are. 559 00:26:19,730 --> 00:26:21,930 That was Martin Landfried, who was a bugler 560 00:26:21,930 --> 00:26:26,570 and he made that recording in 1890, and the Light Brigade was 1854. 561 00:26:26,570 --> 00:26:28,169 Incredible quality. 562 00:26:28,169 --> 00:26:30,169 It's not bad quality, really, is it? 563 00:26:30,169 --> 00:26:31,729 And that was to help all veterans? 564 00:26:31,729 --> 00:26:34,369 Or just specifically veterans of that particular failed...? 565 00:26:34,369 --> 00:26:36,969 - Specifically the veterans of the Charge, yeah. - Yeah. 566 00:26:36,969 --> 00:26:40,529 So the call we hear brought the line from a canter to an all-out gallop, 567 00:26:40,529 --> 00:26:45,289 but almost all of what we would call a charge was actually a trot. 568 00:26:45,289 --> 00:26:48,529 So the whole thing was called an advance until the last 200 yards, 569 00:26:48,529 --> 00:26:51,489 when the Charge was sounded, and then, bang! 570 00:26:51,489 --> 00:26:53,329 But at Balaclava, they did more galloping 571 00:26:53,329 --> 00:26:55,249 than they would at a normal British charge, 572 00:26:55,249 --> 00:26:58,009 which was one thing that made it so hopelessly extraordinary. 573 00:26:58,009 --> 00:27:00,729 Half a league, which is 1½ miles, cos a league is three miles. 574 00:27:00,729 --> 00:27:03,009 So "Half a league, half a league, half a league onward 575 00:27:03,009 --> 00:27:05,129 "Into the valley of Death rode the six hundred." 576 00:27:05,129 --> 00:27:07,369 Is that why they failed, because they sort of peaked? 577 00:27:07,369 --> 00:27:09,689 Well, they failed because they simply rode into guns. 578 00:27:09,689 --> 00:27:11,169 - Yeah. - It was insane. 579 00:27:11,169 --> 00:27:14,969 The fact is, the Charge of the Light Brigade was pretty disastrous. 580 00:27:14,969 --> 00:27:17,449 But it did cause the first charity single. 581 00:27:17,449 --> 00:27:19,489 So, bugler Martin Landfried lifted 582 00:27:19,489 --> 00:27:22,889 the spirits of the Light Brigade at Balaclava. 583 00:27:22,889 --> 00:27:25,369 How did Chicago get completely screwed up? 584 00:27:26,769 --> 00:27:29,008 They put Catherine Zeta-Jones in it. 585 00:27:29,008 --> 00:27:31,448 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 586 00:27:31,448 --> 00:27:33,128 You are a naughty girl. 587 00:27:35,008 --> 00:27:37,608 - I love that film, it's brilliant. - Didn't she get an Oscar? 588 00:27:37,608 --> 00:27:40,448 - Yeah, she won an Oscar. - I'm joking, she was really good. 589 00:27:40,448 --> 00:27:41,968 - I liked it. - It was a cheap shot. 590 00:27:41,968 --> 00:27:43,848 The sort of Bob Fosse-style choreography. 591 00:27:43,848 --> 00:27:45,568 - They boarded it up with screws. - Sort of. 592 00:27:45,568 --> 00:27:47,248 - Is it literally screwed up? - It was. 593 00:27:47,248 --> 00:27:49,728 Is it to do with Prohibition? Because it's the Windy City? 594 00:27:49,728 --> 00:27:50,968 Not because it's windy, no. 595 00:27:50,968 --> 00:27:53,648 Or Barack Obama. It's always prohibition or Barack Obama. 596 00:27:53,648 --> 00:27:55,928 - No, it was before either. - Valentine's Day Massacre. 597 00:27:55,928 --> 00:27:59,088 It's always Prohibition or Barack Obama or Valentine's Day Massacre. 598 00:27:59,088 --> 00:28:01,448 - Before any of those things. - So it's, what, Victorian? 599 00:28:01,448 --> 00:28:03,648 Literally the founding of Chicago. 600 00:28:03,648 --> 00:28:06,128 It was a huge stop off on Lake...? 601 00:28:06,128 --> 00:28:07,568 Michigan. 602 00:28:07,568 --> 00:28:08,928 Michigan, Lake Michigan. 603 00:28:08,928 --> 00:28:11,008 And, unfortunately, it was built on a swamp, 604 00:28:11,008 --> 00:28:15,808 and typhus and typhoid were absolutely ravaging the population. 605 00:28:15,808 --> 00:28:18,448 So they decided, with good old American know-how 606 00:28:18,448 --> 00:28:22,008 and sort of optimism, they would jack the city up, 607 00:28:22,008 --> 00:28:24,848 they would screw it up with screw jacks, as they're called. 608 00:28:24,848 --> 00:28:27,168 And there you can see the grey bit all along the bottom, 609 00:28:27,168 --> 00:28:29,327 because they literally were screwing it up, 610 00:28:29,327 --> 00:28:30,767 while people were living in it. 611 00:28:30,767 --> 00:28:32,847 There was the Tremont Hotel, for example, 612 00:28:32,847 --> 00:28:35,927 which covered a whole acre, which they screwed up, there it is. 613 00:28:35,927 --> 00:28:38,527 They screwed it up and they didn't even close the hotel 614 00:28:38,527 --> 00:28:40,647 while it was being lifted up off the ground. 615 00:28:40,647 --> 00:28:44,087 And underneath, in the space, the crawl space, you might say, 616 00:28:44,087 --> 00:28:46,247 they put sewage and fresh water and so on, 617 00:28:46,247 --> 00:28:48,647 and it was a resounding success. And Chicago became... 618 00:28:48,647 --> 00:28:51,007 So there wasn't someone who went to bed in that hotel 619 00:28:51,007 --> 00:28:53,607 and woke up and went, "What the hell has gone on?" 620 00:28:53,607 --> 00:28:55,767 - "I'm on a different floor!" - Yeah! 621 00:28:55,767 --> 00:28:58,367 And, also, the river was full of sewage, 622 00:28:58,367 --> 00:29:01,327 it flowed into the clean Michigan, and so with an ingenious 623 00:29:01,327 --> 00:29:04,967 system of locks they made it reverse in the other direction. 624 00:29:04,967 --> 00:29:06,967 And once a year they dye the river, 625 00:29:06,967 --> 00:29:09,727 which goes beautifully like a Venetian canal, 626 00:29:09,727 --> 00:29:12,087 they dye it green. Why would they do that? 627 00:29:12,087 --> 00:29:13,287 - Paddy's Day. - Indeed. 628 00:29:13,287 --> 00:29:16,327 Cos there are lots of Irish and they have the bagpipes and so on. 629 00:29:16,327 --> 00:29:18,207 And it's a beautiful city, I love it. 630 00:29:18,207 --> 00:29:21,007 That is actually for real, we haven't done that with Photoshop. 631 00:29:21,007 --> 00:29:22,967 - Really? - Yeah. That is how it looks. 632 00:29:22,967 --> 00:29:24,407 So what dye, what...? 633 00:29:24,407 --> 00:29:25,847 Green dye. 634 00:29:25,847 --> 00:29:27,646 LAUGHTER 635 00:29:27,646 --> 00:29:29,246 APPLAUSE 636 00:29:29,246 --> 00:29:31,126 I'm sorry, I can't do better than that. 637 00:29:31,126 --> 00:29:33,126 - I'll accept that. No, no. - I wish I could help. 638 00:29:33,126 --> 00:29:35,686 Probably named viridian or something, emerald. 639 00:29:35,686 --> 00:29:37,726 The towns and cities further down the river 640 00:29:37,726 --> 00:29:39,846 get St Patrick's Day on the wrong day. 641 00:29:39,846 --> 00:29:42,006 LAUGHTER 642 00:29:42,006 --> 00:29:44,726 Yes, the entire city of Chicago was jacked ten feet in the air 643 00:29:44,726 --> 00:29:46,086 to make room for the plumbing. 644 00:29:46,086 --> 00:29:49,006 Now let's lighten the mood with a little light General Ignorance. 645 00:29:49,006 --> 00:29:51,126 Fingers lightly on your buzzers, please. 646 00:29:51,126 --> 00:29:53,846 Name one of the rules in a walking race. 647 00:29:53,846 --> 00:29:55,366 You're not allowed to run, are you? 648 00:29:55,366 --> 00:29:58,766 Well, you certainly can't run, but how do you judge that? 649 00:29:58,766 --> 00:30:00,766 Isn't it that some part of your foot 650 00:30:00,766 --> 00:30:02,806 has to be in contact with the ground? 651 00:30:02,806 --> 00:30:04,086 Oooh... 652 00:30:04,086 --> 00:30:05,246 KLAXON BLARES 653 00:30:05,246 --> 00:30:07,046 There you are, you see. 654 00:30:08,486 --> 00:30:10,566 Are those shorts strictly legal, though? 655 00:30:10,566 --> 00:30:12,766 - No. - Oh, hello! - There's a little bit of swinging. 656 00:30:12,766 --> 00:30:15,406 - Oh, God, you can really see it! - Just cover that with your hand. 657 00:30:15,406 --> 00:30:17,326 - Oh, dear. - Oh, that's really... 658 00:30:17,326 --> 00:30:19,366 Please make that stop. Oh! Wahey! 659 00:30:19,366 --> 00:30:21,166 Please make that stop. 660 00:30:21,166 --> 00:30:23,246 - Oh, that's so wrong. - Oh, dear. 661 00:30:23,246 --> 00:30:25,446 Ah, he's getting nearer! Oh! 662 00:30:25,446 --> 00:30:26,805 Look at the feet! 663 00:30:26,805 --> 00:30:28,045 God, no, no! 664 00:30:28,045 --> 00:30:30,405 - Look at the feet! - God, no! 665 00:30:30,405 --> 00:30:32,765 I feel like we've gone back to the sausage round. 666 00:30:32,765 --> 00:30:34,165 It's gone, it's gone. 667 00:30:34,165 --> 00:30:36,325 Look at the feet, don't look at the trunks. 668 00:30:36,325 --> 00:30:39,165 That isn't a tip to one of the rules we should know, is it? 669 00:30:39,165 --> 00:30:41,325 - No pants. - Yeah. Swinging basket. 670 00:30:41,325 --> 00:30:44,085 Keep the junk in the trunk, I think is one of the rules. 671 00:30:44,085 --> 00:30:46,725 No, the fact is, I will read you the rule if you want to know it. 672 00:30:46,725 --> 00:30:48,565 - It's the... - Why are penises so funny? 673 00:30:48,565 --> 00:30:51,725 From the International Association of Athletics Federations, 674 00:30:51,725 --> 00:30:54,165 the rule book says, "Race walking," as it's called, 675 00:30:54,165 --> 00:30:57,125 "is a progression of steps so taken that the walker makes contact with 676 00:30:57,125 --> 00:30:59,605 "the ground so that no visible to the human eye 677 00:30:59,605 --> 00:31:01,445 "loss of contact occurs." 678 00:31:01,445 --> 00:31:04,365 All Olympic walkers, when you slow them down on TV, have moments, 679 00:31:04,365 --> 00:31:07,605 a few milliseconds, sometimes, when both feet are off the ground, 680 00:31:07,605 --> 00:31:09,285 but it's not visible to the human eye. 681 00:31:09,285 --> 00:31:11,365 But, of course, nowadays you can freeze frame 682 00:31:11,365 --> 00:31:13,405 just about anything incredibly accurately, 683 00:31:13,405 --> 00:31:15,645 so Olympic Games broadcasters and Olympic judges 684 00:31:15,645 --> 00:31:18,085 get absolutely bombarded with calls from people 685 00:31:18,085 --> 00:31:20,285 furious cos they've seen both feet off the ground 686 00:31:20,285 --> 00:31:22,765 and they're convinced that must be against the rules. 687 00:31:22,765 --> 00:31:25,845 - But, actually, it isn't. - How do you get into it? That's... - I know. 688 00:31:25,845 --> 00:31:28,244 Because it looks so silly, the bottom swinging... 689 00:31:28,244 --> 00:31:30,644 We've all... I know people that are fast walkers, 690 00:31:30,644 --> 00:31:32,764 but you never go... "You should go for this." 691 00:31:32,764 --> 00:31:35,604 - No, I know. - But it's that action with the elbows 692 00:31:35,604 --> 00:31:39,364 - that I find really weird. - It's very hard to talk about it without... 693 00:31:39,364 --> 00:31:41,964 It's like when you go on a spiral staircase and you do that. 694 00:31:41,964 --> 00:31:43,884 I'm feeling my bum going now. 695 00:31:43,884 --> 00:31:46,964 I've actually picked several stitches out of this upholstery. 696 00:31:46,964 --> 00:31:49,764 Have you seen that video, the two women finishing, 697 00:31:49,764 --> 00:31:53,604 trying to finish the walking race? I'm not sure if it's the Olympics. 698 00:31:53,604 --> 00:31:55,124 - And they end up crawling. - Oh, no. 699 00:31:55,124 --> 00:31:57,564 - It is absolutely... - Because they're so exhausted? 700 00:31:57,564 --> 00:31:59,324 They're so exhausted. 701 00:31:59,324 --> 00:32:02,284 Both their legs have gone... Never seen legs go like jelly. 702 00:32:02,284 --> 00:32:04,884 My legs went to jelly. I did this thing with Bear Grylls 703 00:32:04,884 --> 00:32:07,404 where I had to do this rappel down a sheer face. 704 00:32:07,404 --> 00:32:10,524 I have never been so terrified in my entire life. 705 00:32:10,524 --> 00:32:13,684 - I got there, I... - Sorry, you rappelled down Bear Grylls' face? 706 00:32:13,684 --> 00:32:16,564 - LAUGHTER - Kind of(!) If you like. 707 00:32:16,564 --> 00:32:17,844 He chose the face. 708 00:32:17,844 --> 00:32:19,724 LAUGHTER 709 00:32:19,724 --> 00:32:21,444 And then your legs went to jelly. 710 00:32:21,444 --> 00:32:24,084 LAUGHTER 711 00:32:24,084 --> 00:32:26,843 The really frightening thing was, he took me to the edge 712 00:32:26,843 --> 00:32:28,483 and then there was 45 minutes of... 713 00:32:28,483 --> 00:32:30,883 Sorry, Bear Grylls took you to the edge... 714 00:32:30,883 --> 00:32:32,203 LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH 715 00:32:32,203 --> 00:32:35,243 APPLAUSE 716 00:32:35,243 --> 00:32:39,243 And then what? Then there was a tantalising 45 minutes... 717 00:32:39,243 --> 00:32:41,203 I mean, that's a wait. That is a wait. 718 00:32:41,203 --> 00:32:43,403 - That's high-tensile, that is. - I'm so sorry. 719 00:32:43,403 --> 00:32:44,883 - The real thing! - Yeah. 720 00:32:44,883 --> 00:32:46,603 Sometimes I don't know what comes out. 721 00:32:46,603 --> 00:32:48,283 To be on the cusp for 45 minutes... 722 00:32:48,283 --> 00:32:52,443 There was 45 minutes of true talking about safety things 723 00:32:52,443 --> 00:32:55,563 and about the sound people hiding themselves in nooks and crannies 724 00:32:55,563 --> 00:32:58,043 so that a helicopter shot could go round... 725 00:32:58,043 --> 00:32:59,203 Top drawer porn. 726 00:32:59,203 --> 00:33:01,923 LAUGHTER 727 00:33:01,923 --> 00:33:05,763 You don't get many aerial shots, do you? 728 00:33:05,763 --> 00:33:07,483 You won't get that on Redtube. 729 00:33:07,483 --> 00:33:11,283 So once I'd got down this sheer face, I found my legs had - 730 00:33:11,283 --> 00:33:15,123 exactly the same - just gave way. I couldn't stand. 731 00:33:15,123 --> 00:33:17,523 So I had to arse-luge all my way down this slope... 732 00:33:17,523 --> 00:33:19,443 LAUGHTER 733 00:33:19,443 --> 00:33:23,283 And it ripped the entire outer layer of trousering. 734 00:33:23,283 --> 00:33:25,403 Did it sound like this? RIPPING CLOTH 735 00:33:25,403 --> 00:33:27,322 - Yes, it did! - Hang on... 736 00:33:27,322 --> 00:33:29,362 PIG SQUEALS 737 00:33:29,362 --> 00:33:31,162 LAUGHTER 738 00:33:31,162 --> 00:33:33,202 He is terrible. Anyway. 739 00:33:33,202 --> 00:33:35,202 Race walking is often seen as a comical event 740 00:33:35,202 --> 00:33:37,162 and someone once described it as like having 741 00:33:37,162 --> 00:33:39,562 a competition to see who can whisper the loudest. 742 00:33:39,562 --> 00:33:43,282 Now, here's the crew of the International Space Station. 743 00:33:43,282 --> 00:33:44,722 Why are they weightless? 744 00:33:46,922 --> 00:33:48,802 - Oh... - Yes? 745 00:33:48,802 --> 00:33:52,082 - Because they're in zero gravity. - Oh, dear! 746 00:33:55,282 --> 00:33:57,042 - A common misapprehension. - Yeah. 747 00:33:57,042 --> 00:33:58,282 No, that's not it at all. 748 00:33:58,282 --> 00:34:01,122 There's a huge amount of gravity, they're very close to the Earth. 749 00:34:01,122 --> 00:34:03,682 - The moon is... - Oh, so they weren't in flight at that point? 750 00:34:03,682 --> 00:34:05,522 No, they were orbiting the Earth. 751 00:34:05,522 --> 00:34:07,762 But they're in free-fall, a bit like sky divers. 752 00:34:07,762 --> 00:34:09,482 And, fortunately, unlike sky divers, 753 00:34:09,482 --> 00:34:11,882 they're also travelling sideways at the same time. 754 00:34:11,882 --> 00:34:14,042 If they weren't, they would crash into the earth. 755 00:34:14,042 --> 00:34:16,922 So there's certainly not zero gravity, there's a lot of gravity. 756 00:34:16,922 --> 00:34:20,002 The Space Station, and the astronauts in free-fall inside it, 757 00:34:20,002 --> 00:34:23,442 is plummeting towards the Earth but, because of its curvature, 758 00:34:23,442 --> 00:34:26,521 the ground is falling away from them at the same speed 759 00:34:26,521 --> 00:34:27,921 as they're falling towards it. 760 00:34:27,921 --> 00:34:30,801 To put it another way, the Space Station is constantly falling, 761 00:34:30,801 --> 00:34:33,761 but its tremendous horizontal speed means that it always falls 762 00:34:33,761 --> 00:34:34,961 over the horizon. 763 00:34:34,961 --> 00:34:37,121 They love karaoke, don't they? They love that. 764 00:34:37,121 --> 00:34:39,401 But it's not that there is no gravity acting on them. 765 00:34:39,401 --> 00:34:41,921 There's a huge amount of gravity acting on the spacecraft, 766 00:34:41,921 --> 00:34:43,441 or it would just be lost in space. 767 00:34:43,441 --> 00:34:46,281 So, you didn't do so well on that, so maybe you'll do better on this. 768 00:34:46,281 --> 00:34:49,281 Why do spacecraft get hot on re-entry? 769 00:34:49,281 --> 00:34:50,961 Why do they get hot? 770 00:34:50,961 --> 00:34:54,121 - Friction? - Oh, darling Sue, thank you. 771 00:34:54,121 --> 00:34:56,601 - Yeah, you're welcome. - We hoped for that. 772 00:34:56,601 --> 00:34:59,961 Yeah. Well, you came to the right place if you wanted idiot. 773 00:34:59,961 --> 00:35:02,881 No! You're not idiotic, most of us would have said friction. 774 00:35:02,881 --> 00:35:05,761 It's not friction, actually. It's what's called a bow shock. 775 00:35:05,761 --> 00:35:08,361 It's the pressure on the air in front of it, 776 00:35:08,361 --> 00:35:11,321 like a bow wave of a ship, and the faster you go 777 00:35:11,321 --> 00:35:15,841 the hotter it becomes, because of this enormous pressure on the air. 778 00:35:15,841 --> 00:35:18,761 And there are other examples of that sort of effect, 779 00:35:18,761 --> 00:35:20,641 like a sonic boom, for example, 780 00:35:20,641 --> 00:35:24,201 when you're going faster, which is also a sort of bow shock. 781 00:35:24,201 --> 00:35:26,480 Everything I know about space is entirely taken 782 00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,240 from Sandra Bullock's performance in Gravity. 783 00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:32,120 Everything I know about space comes from reading The Right Stuff, 784 00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:36,000 and I know that if you get it wrong, when you re-enter, 785 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,600 - you can skip off the atmosphere. - Oh, absolutely. 786 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:39,680 No, what, like a stone? 787 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,120 Yeah, then you'll just never come back. 788 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:44,440 - Then you just keep going. Yeah. - Yeah. 789 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:48,040 Well, the fact is, spacecraft heat up on re-entry 790 00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,360 because of the bow shock, not the friction. 791 00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:51,680 What do beavers eat? 792 00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:54,200 Good beaver shot. 793 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:57,640 - LAUGHTER - Yes, Josh. 794 00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,640 Erm...wood. 795 00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,560 ..is the right answer. We were hoping you might say fish. 796 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,800 They are, in fact, completely vegan. They just eat wood and plants 797 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:08,760 and algae, seaweed, things like that. 798 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,160 Absolute nightmare at a dinner party. 799 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,640 The wood course. So they dam the river just for breeding purposes? 800 00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,840 They dam the river for breeding, exactly. For creating a lodge. 801 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:19,520 I've seen one. I've stood on one. 802 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:20,920 You stood on one? 803 00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,560 - Oh, you can. They're really solid. - Oh! 804 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:25,479 Did you deliberately stand on it? 805 00:36:25,479 --> 00:36:28,239 - Yeah, well, it... - You can. You're invited to. - Is it like surfing? 806 00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:31,159 - It's like a tourist thing. - They don't mind. They don't seem to mind. 807 00:36:31,159 --> 00:36:32,599 You can get from the bank onto it, 808 00:36:32,599 --> 00:36:35,719 and it's this great construction of logs and branches. 809 00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:38,239 Oh, I thought you stood on a beaver! You didn't stand on... 810 00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:41,879 LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH 811 00:36:41,879 --> 00:36:43,679 I thought you were beaver-surfing! 812 00:36:47,639 --> 00:36:50,759 We've all got the internet, after all! 813 00:36:50,759 --> 00:36:52,759 Beaver-surfing is quite different. 814 00:36:52,759 --> 00:36:55,359 I'll tell you a very interesting beaver fact, though. 815 00:36:55,359 --> 00:36:57,999 If you take a beaver out of its natural environment, 816 00:36:57,999 --> 00:36:59,159 which is by a river, 817 00:36:59,159 --> 00:37:01,879 and put it in the middle of a forest far from a river, 818 00:37:01,879 --> 00:37:05,479 and turn on a tape recorder which has the sound of a gurgling river, 819 00:37:05,479 --> 00:37:06,999 it will build a dam. 820 00:37:06,999 --> 00:37:09,799 It doesn't need to see or feel the water. 821 00:37:09,799 --> 00:37:12,159 Unfortunately, in Scotland and places like that where 822 00:37:12,159 --> 00:37:15,079 there have been attempts to try and reintroduce the beaver, 823 00:37:15,079 --> 00:37:16,999 people wrongly think they eat fish 824 00:37:16,999 --> 00:37:19,799 and that they'll threaten the salmon or trout or whatever, 825 00:37:19,799 --> 00:37:21,599 but, of course, they don't eat fish. 826 00:37:21,599 --> 00:37:23,679 - They just destroy forests! - Well, yeah! 827 00:37:23,679 --> 00:37:26,358 Well, they have a nibble, anyway. 828 00:37:26,358 --> 00:37:29,598 And, finally, who fancies a quantum-locking levitation lark? 829 00:37:29,598 --> 00:37:32,758 And to help me tonight we have Professor Andrew Boothroyd 830 00:37:32,758 --> 00:37:34,918 of the Physics Department of Oxford University. 831 00:37:34,918 --> 00:37:36,278 Hello, Andrew! 832 00:37:36,278 --> 00:37:38,398 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 833 00:37:40,078 --> 00:37:43,198 So, here we go, this is going to go over my head, so I'm going to duck. 834 00:37:43,198 --> 00:37:45,278 Ta-da! There it is. 835 00:37:45,278 --> 00:37:48,878 An exciting tray and what looks like a bit of sort of Scalextric 836 00:37:48,878 --> 00:37:50,638 and let's just line it up there. 837 00:37:50,638 --> 00:37:53,278 We've got a little bucket here, what's in this bucket, Andrew? 838 00:37:53,278 --> 00:37:54,918 That's a bucket of liquid nitrogen. 839 00:37:54,918 --> 00:37:57,318 Liquid nitrogen which, as you know, is extremely cold, 840 00:37:57,318 --> 00:37:59,918 and I'm going to dip a rose into it, just to show how cold it is. 841 00:37:59,918 --> 00:38:02,478 I'd better put these gloves on first. Health and safety. 842 00:38:02,478 --> 00:38:04,678 Heston Blumenthal's making a rose dish! 843 00:38:06,158 --> 00:38:10,758 Oh, and these. All safety. Safety, safety, safety. 844 00:38:10,758 --> 00:38:13,798 - Yeah, as long as you're safe, that's the main thing! - Yeah, quite. 845 00:38:13,798 --> 00:38:14,998 Here we go. 846 00:38:14,998 --> 00:38:18,198 So, I'm going to dip a rose into this, you might have had this... 847 00:38:18,198 --> 00:38:19,678 Ooh! Bubbles away. 848 00:38:22,518 --> 00:38:24,118 It's really cold now. 849 00:38:24,118 --> 00:38:26,477 And it might even shatter. 850 00:38:27,797 --> 00:38:29,037 Oh! 851 00:38:29,037 --> 00:38:31,037 Look at that, like glass. 852 00:38:31,037 --> 00:38:34,077 - Shall I not touch the bit that's landed on me?! - No, that's fine. 853 00:38:34,077 --> 00:38:35,597 LAUGHTER 854 00:38:35,597 --> 00:38:36,997 Is it burning into your skin? 855 00:38:36,997 --> 00:38:38,477 It shatters like glass. 856 00:38:38,477 --> 00:38:42,117 I've got a little wart on my finger, is this a chance to burn it off? 857 00:38:43,197 --> 00:38:45,917 - You might get a little cryo... - And the rest of your hand. 858 00:38:45,917 --> 00:38:49,117 It would be a great way of dumping someone on Valentine's Day. 859 00:38:49,117 --> 00:38:50,597 LAUGHTER 860 00:38:51,997 --> 00:38:54,477 So, what have we got here, Andrew? 861 00:38:54,477 --> 00:38:58,197 We've got here a piece of ordinary-looking black ceramic, 862 00:38:58,197 --> 00:39:00,837 which, when we cool it down to very low temperatures, 863 00:39:00,837 --> 00:39:02,877 acquires a very extraordinary property. 864 00:39:02,877 --> 00:39:05,477 - OK. - So if you'd just like to cool it down with liquid nitrogen. 865 00:39:05,477 --> 00:39:07,997 - I shall baste it with liquid nitrogen. - Oh, my word. 866 00:39:09,997 --> 00:39:12,197 - There we are. - And we have a second one over here. 867 00:39:12,197 --> 00:39:15,477 - Oh, right. - Do that one, too. - I'll cool that, as well. 868 00:39:15,477 --> 00:39:17,917 This is like the beginning of every pop video in the '80s. 869 00:39:19,197 --> 00:39:20,997 Tell me what's particular about this? 870 00:39:20,997 --> 00:39:23,637 It loses all its resistance, its electrical resistance, 871 00:39:23,637 --> 00:39:26,156 - and becomes what's known as a superconductor. - Ah, yes. 872 00:39:26,156 --> 00:39:27,596 That's one thing. 873 00:39:27,596 --> 00:39:30,036 And the other thing is that it acquires the property 874 00:39:30,036 --> 00:39:32,996 that it can bend magnetic field lines 875 00:39:32,996 --> 00:39:35,636 in such a way that it will always try 876 00:39:35,636 --> 00:39:40,076 to resist any motion, even if that means hovering above the ground. 877 00:39:40,076 --> 00:39:42,036 All right. So let's pick it up 878 00:39:42,036 --> 00:39:43,316 and pop it... 879 00:39:43,316 --> 00:39:44,476 Whoops! 880 00:39:46,116 --> 00:39:47,516 There it goes. 881 00:39:47,516 --> 00:39:49,396 - Whoa! - Oh, wow! - Cool. 882 00:39:49,396 --> 00:39:52,036 - Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it? - Literally. 883 00:39:52,036 --> 00:39:56,076 That makes no effect and you can just give it a tip... 884 00:39:56,076 --> 00:39:58,116 SUE: Oh, that's very strange. 885 00:39:58,116 --> 00:39:59,476 Yeah. There we are. 886 00:39:59,476 --> 00:40:01,596 And as it warms up it'll slowly sink. 887 00:40:01,596 --> 00:40:03,396 - Oh, wow. - There you go. 888 00:40:03,396 --> 00:40:07,236 Is this what you do most days at the Oxford University? 889 00:40:07,236 --> 00:40:09,196 Almost every day. 890 00:40:09,196 --> 00:40:10,636 It's not a bad old job. 891 00:40:10,636 --> 00:40:12,076 So this one here, 892 00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:13,676 is very exciting. 893 00:40:13,676 --> 00:40:16,796 And now it's nice and slidey. 894 00:40:16,796 --> 00:40:18,676 But look at this. 895 00:40:20,876 --> 00:40:22,876 Cool. And what's happening there? 896 00:40:22,876 --> 00:40:25,875 - It's the magnetic field, isn't it? - That's correct. - It's interrupted 897 00:40:25,875 --> 00:40:28,555 - by this superconductivity. - But it's not like a normal magnet, 898 00:40:28,555 --> 00:40:30,995 cos a normal magnet would repel when it's up that way 899 00:40:30,995 --> 00:40:32,395 and then it would just fall off. 900 00:40:32,395 --> 00:40:34,915 So this is both repelling and attracting at the same time. 901 00:40:34,915 --> 00:40:36,875 I'm going to give it one more little go 902 00:40:36,875 --> 00:40:39,115 and then we can try it on the track. 903 00:40:39,115 --> 00:40:41,875 I thought you were going to say, "And then we can try it on Alan." 904 00:40:41,875 --> 00:40:43,995 - LAUGHTER - That would not be nice. 905 00:40:43,995 --> 00:40:46,555 No! Upside down in a bucket of nitrogen. 906 00:40:47,915 --> 00:40:49,355 There we go. Pop it there. 907 00:40:50,875 --> 00:40:52,955 - Oh, wow! - Fantastic. 908 00:40:52,955 --> 00:40:55,675 - Round it goes. - That's cool. - That's amazing. - Isn't it good? 909 00:40:55,675 --> 00:40:57,955 FRANK: Can someone pass the Sellotape? 910 00:40:57,955 --> 00:41:00,235 - It's like a steam train. - And it's like a steam train, 911 00:41:00,235 --> 00:41:01,635 it can go the other way. 912 00:41:01,635 --> 00:41:04,715 - We can put the wrong type of leaf on the track. - LAUGHTER 913 00:41:06,995 --> 00:41:09,595 And is this going to get us to Mars? That's the main question. 914 00:41:09,595 --> 00:41:11,035 Well, what do you think, Andrew? 915 00:41:11,035 --> 00:41:13,435 Are there any practical applications we can think of? 916 00:41:13,435 --> 00:41:15,555 You could use it as a piece of transport like that, 917 00:41:15,555 --> 00:41:18,475 but it's expensive because of the cost of cooling the nitrogen. 918 00:41:18,475 --> 00:41:19,715 So it's not efficient. 919 00:41:19,715 --> 00:41:21,955 But if we could find a superconductor 920 00:41:21,955 --> 00:41:25,234 that worked at room temperature, then it would be viable. 921 00:41:25,234 --> 00:41:27,314 - Right. - SUE: Are you working on that? 922 00:41:27,314 --> 00:41:29,394 We are, yes indeed, yes, I am. I trust you. 923 00:41:29,394 --> 00:41:30,714 JOSH: I bet they're not! 924 00:41:30,714 --> 00:41:34,154 They're just playing with this all the time, that's what I'd be doing. 925 00:41:34,154 --> 00:41:35,554 I know, isn't it gorgeous? 926 00:41:35,554 --> 00:41:38,074 So you'd think it would almost be like a maglev train. 927 00:41:38,074 --> 00:41:39,514 That's what it would be like. 928 00:41:39,514 --> 00:41:41,554 - Oh, there we go again. I love that. - Oh, I love it. 929 00:41:41,554 --> 00:41:43,394 And this, of course, can go on here, as well. 930 00:41:43,394 --> 00:41:46,434 - Oh! - Oh! Oh! Oh! 931 00:41:46,434 --> 00:41:48,794 Argh! Ahhh! 932 00:41:48,794 --> 00:41:51,074 Don't be too scared. It's all right. 933 00:41:51,074 --> 00:41:52,954 LAUGHTER 934 00:41:52,954 --> 00:41:55,114 What a pussy! 935 00:41:55,114 --> 00:41:56,234 Sorry! 936 00:41:56,234 --> 00:41:58,314 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 937 00:41:59,514 --> 00:42:01,794 - That's my favourite one. - Boing! 938 00:42:01,794 --> 00:42:04,474 Oh, it's coming round, it's coming round, it's coming round! 939 00:42:04,474 --> 00:42:07,834 Unfortunately, this one is less insulated and it'll probably get... 940 00:42:07,834 --> 00:42:10,074 - Oh, that's stopped it. - It's doing pretty well. 941 00:42:10,074 --> 00:42:12,834 - It is, isn't it? - Oh, my God, that's coming for me. Oh, no. 942 00:42:13,914 --> 00:42:15,114 Cool. 943 00:42:15,114 --> 00:42:16,714 Oh, there you go. Bless its heart. 944 00:42:16,714 --> 00:42:20,114 That would be like the best Christmas present in the world. 945 00:42:20,114 --> 00:42:21,594 What is the magnet made of? 946 00:42:21,594 --> 00:42:23,433 It's rather exciting names - boron and...? 947 00:42:23,433 --> 00:42:25,473 The magnet is made of neodymium, iron and boron 948 00:42:25,473 --> 00:42:27,913 - and that's what the track is made of. - Neodymium? 949 00:42:27,913 --> 00:42:30,153 - Neodymium and iron and boron. - Wonderful. 950 00:42:30,153 --> 00:42:32,473 The superconductor is made of gadolinium, barium, 951 00:42:32,473 --> 00:42:33,633 copper and oxygen. 952 00:42:33,633 --> 00:42:36,193 SUE: But you can just use sticky-backed plastic... 953 00:42:36,193 --> 00:42:37,953 LAUGHTER 954 00:42:37,953 --> 00:42:39,633 ..and a Fairy Liquid bottle. 955 00:42:39,633 --> 00:42:43,553 Well, there you have the miracle that is quantum levitation. 956 00:42:43,553 --> 00:42:46,433 - Thanks to Andrew Boothroyd. - SUE: Amazing, Andrew, amazing. 957 00:42:46,433 --> 00:42:49,193 - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Thank you, Andrew. - Thank you so much. 958 00:42:55,513 --> 00:42:58,553 For once I can say what could be cooler than that? 959 00:42:58,553 --> 00:43:00,873 That's all the levity we've got time for, 960 00:43:00,873 --> 00:43:02,553 so let's have a look at the scores. 961 00:43:02,553 --> 00:43:03,873 It's very exciting. 962 00:43:03,873 --> 00:43:08,073 I'm afraid, bringing up the rear with minus 14 is Sue Perkins. 963 00:43:08,073 --> 00:43:10,673 APPLAUSE 964 00:43:12,593 --> 00:43:16,673 With minus seven, in third place, is Frank Skinner. 965 00:43:16,673 --> 00:43:18,353 APPLAUSE 966 00:43:21,513 --> 00:43:25,352 Well, in a brilliant second is Josh Widdicombe, with five. 967 00:43:25,352 --> 00:43:26,912 APPLAUSE 968 00:43:29,872 --> 00:43:33,352 - Be still, my pulsing member, in first place... - LAUGHTER 969 00:43:33,352 --> 00:43:36,032 ..with 11 points, is Alan Davies! 970 00:43:36,032 --> 00:43:40,352 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 971 00:43:41,832 --> 00:43:44,912 Well, thanks for watching and good night 972 00:43:44,912 --> 00:43:46,752 from Sue, Frank, Josh, Alan and me. 973 00:43:46,752 --> 00:43:50,152 We leave you to ponder upon the last words of the French satirist, 974 00:43:50,152 --> 00:43:52,672 Francois Rabelais, in 1553. 975 00:43:52,672 --> 00:43:54,512 These were his dying words - 976 00:43:54,512 --> 00:43:58,312 "I have nothing, I owe much, the rest I leave to the poor." 977 00:43:58,312 --> 00:44:00,072 Good night and thank you. 978 00:44:00,072 --> 00:44:02,712 APPLAUSE