1 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:33,480 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:42,760 Goooood evening, and welcome to QI, 3 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:45,680 which tonight is a veritable Liblabble. 4 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,240 This is a newly minted and completely useless word, 5 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:49,600 coined by my Elves. 6 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,880 It's the collective noun for a group of Ls. 7 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:57,600 And here are some. El Salvador, the Reverend Richard Coles. 8 00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,360 APPLAUSE 9 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,920 El-egant, Sara Pascoe. 10 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:06,760 APPLAUSE 11 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,160 One L of a guy, Bill Bailey. 12 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,160 APPLAUSE 13 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:17,600 And a snowball's chance in L, Alan Davies. 14 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:20,120 APPLAUSE 15 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,000 Now, let's hear their L-ish buzzers. Sara goes... 16 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:32,520 MUSIC: Crocodile Rock by Elton John 17 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,280 Aah. Bill goes... 18 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:39,920 MUSIC: Saturday's Kids by The Jam 19 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:41,480 Richard goes... 20 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:48,000 MUSIC: Y Brawd Houdini By Meic Stevens 21 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,520 And Alan goes... 22 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,720 MUSIC: Speedy Gonzales by Pat Boone 23 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,120 # You better come home, Speedy Gonzales... # 24 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:13,680 - Well, let's not do a show, let's just listen to that all day. - Listen to that. 25 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,840 All right, well, let's leap in with some laughter. 26 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,960 What has four legs and a sense of humour? 27 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,760 BILL'S SONG 28 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:20,800 Bill? 29 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,240 Ant and Dec. 30 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,760 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 31 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,560 - It covers the facts. - It does. 32 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:33,600 - I can't really take anything away from you. - It's technically correct. 33 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:36,600 - It is. I'm going to give you... - I deserve points. - You will get them. - Ooh! 34 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,120 RICHARD'S SONG 35 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:41,040 - Richard? - Lester Piggott's tax return? 36 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,880 Whoa, very good, very good, very good. 37 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,960 Not very topical, so some of the younger members 38 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,400 of the audience won't know what that is. 39 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:48,520 A laughing hyena. 40 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:52,640 Yeah, hyenas have four legs and they do laugh, that's true, but do they have a sense of humour? 41 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,280 Or is it just the sound they mimic, or at least to our... 42 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:57,240 I don't think it's laughing, is it, more... 43 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,600 - IMPRESSION - It's a call, it's a call, yeah. 44 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,120 - Impressive, that was very good. - Well, yeah. - Yeah. Anyway. - A pantomime horse. 45 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:07,480 - Well, no, it's not a pantomime horse. - A pig. - Pig. - Er, no... - Is it a mammal? 46 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,360 - Yes. - OK, so what's a sense of humour...? - Cow. 47 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:15,280 We know this because it's an animal that has been much observed. 48 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:20,160 OK, is this, I know that they can make rats laugh. 49 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:21,840 - Yeah, ah. - Is that what it is? - Yes. 50 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,360 - OK, so rats. They tickle rats. - They tickle rats! 51 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:27,400 And they, and the rats make tiny little laughs. And it's so interesting. 52 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,200 In fact they're so high, human ears can't hear them, 53 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,080 and we have film of it, it's an Estonian/American researcher, 54 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:37,080 and there he is. He rejoices in the name of Dr Jaak Panksepp. 55 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,880 Now it may at first look as if he's actually torturing, 56 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:43,400 but it is, you will see it returns to his hand, it likes this. 57 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:46,440 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 58 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,200 It's going, "Help me!" 59 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:55,200 "The others are in cages!" 60 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,760 "Can you hear me, anyone?!" 61 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,520 - Yes? - So I read, I read quite a lot about this, because actually it's 62 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:04,520 all to do with how they have sex as well, so it's really interesting 63 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,480 that if a woman has a bad, not a woman, a female rat, sorry... 64 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,200 I really anthropomorphized... 65 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:11,160 - A lady rat. - A lady rat. - A lady rat. 66 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:12,800 - Could be a lady, yes. - A lady rat. 67 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,800 If a lady rat has a bad sexual experience with a male rat, 68 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:17,760 she will never have sex with him again, 69 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,480 and even if he's the only available male, she won't. 70 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:23,520 And if she has a good sexual experience with a fake rat, 71 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,080 she will keep going back to that one. 72 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,760 And it's really interesting, and that's a whole thing with all 73 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:30,520 the tickling and the play, there's quite a lot of interplay with 74 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:34,160 - the male and female rats to do with love-making. - You're absolutely right. 75 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:37,840 Did you know, Stephen, that there's a research that shows that bees are pessimists? 76 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,120 STEPHEN LAUGHS 77 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,560 I'm not making this up, I read this in the New Scientist. 78 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,720 They would do some sort of stimulus to a bee 79 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,240 when a good thing happened, so it would know that something 80 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,920 nice was happening, and then another thing when a bad thing was 81 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,440 happening, so it'd know that something bad was happening. 82 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,600 And then they did a sort of neutral stimulus 83 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,560 and the bees all behaved as if it were the bad thing about to happen, 84 00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,680 they opted for the glass being half empty. 85 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,640 - Goodness me. - Rather than half full. So bees are pessimists. 86 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,960 - That is... - That's right, when you see bees, 87 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,760 a lot of the time, when they're buzzing round a plant, they're 88 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:10,920 actually, what they're actually saying is, "What's the point?" 89 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:15,320 - "Whatever." - I could get the nectar, I could go back to the hive, but really, where am I going with this? 90 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,480 - Exactly. - But even worse than that, because this is all, I always think that 91 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:21,280 bees, it's weird for them, because flowers really are using them 92 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,880 - for a three-way, because flowers can't have sex with each other. - Absolutely right. 93 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:29,280 - Oh, so it's like the bee comes in... - So they need the bee to do it with both of them, and the bee is like, 94 00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:32,200 I'm not even in a relationship, I'm just the person you bring in. 95 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,680 - You get off, you get off. - I'm just a, I'm just a, I'm just a gimp for you. Yeah. - Yeah. 96 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,880 - Yeah, exactly, "I'm a toy." - "I'm a go-bee-tween." 97 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,120 - A go-bee-tween! - Yeah. - Oh, I like what you've done there. 98 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:44,600 APPLAUSE 99 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,760 The queen bee, who you'd think might be the one who's having 100 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:56,440 the good life, lays 3,500 eggs a day 101 00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:01,560 - for two years and then dies in excruciating pain, I presume. - Yeah. 102 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,640 - This is why... - She doesn't even have any Sudocrem or anything. 103 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,240 I know, exactly, and it's just the luck of the draw as to 104 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,880 - which female bee is going to be chosen as the queen. - Yes. - Me? Oh. Sash. 105 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,360 Tiara. 106 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,440 All of this, it proves that that saying, you know, we have to, 107 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,160 when you explain to kids about, you know, sexual reproduction, 108 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,560 you tell them about the birds and the bees, it's 109 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,760 - just not fit for purpose at all, is it really? - It really isn't. 110 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,840 - The birds, yeah, just about. Bees, no. - No. - You know. - A horrible life. 111 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:33,240 We're going to be sexless lackeys for a monstrous sugar-giant, you know. 112 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,000 APPLAUSE 113 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,120 That isn't... 114 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:41,800 I'm not telling that to any kids. They'll go, "OK." 115 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:46,440 But in terms of human and animal senses of humour, there is 116 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,000 Koko, a gorilla born in San Francisco Zoo you may 117 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:53,200 know about, who knows supposedly 2,000 words and 1,000 118 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:57,440 sign language words, and is said to comprehend both puns and slapstick. 119 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:01,080 The puns, and you believe it or don't, she was once asked, 120 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,520 "What can you think of that is hard?" 121 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:09,000 And she replied "a rock" and "work." Which is extraordinary. 122 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,320 Excellent, yeah. It is amazing, yeah. 123 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:15,080 - That that's a category slip, you know, it's a genuine sort of pun. - That's a zeugma isn't it? 124 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:18,680 - It's like a zeugma, yeah. - A zeugma. - She only needs a couple more and she could do a... 125 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,920 - You get, that's a good word, so that's it, zeugma or zeugma, yeah. - zeugma. 126 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,760 Slapstick, she once tied her trainer's shoelaces together 127 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,400 and then signed the words, "chase me." 128 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,280 Brilliant. 129 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:33,560 And the brilliant Miriam Rothschild, of whom you may have heard, she did 130 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,480 much work on pond life of various animals, and the extraordinary 131 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:40,680 life cycles of incredible species, but she also had a parrot 132 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:45,680 that could imitate her calling the dog and whistling and saying 133 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:49,680 for a walk, and the dog would arrive and then the parrot would laugh. 134 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,080 Extraordinary thing. 135 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:56,080 You know this joke, you must know it, it's a friend who has a parrot, 136 00:07:56,080 --> 00:08:00,720 and the sports results are going and he goes, "Norwich one, Ipswich two." 137 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,440 And the parrot goes, "Oh, no! Ooh!" 138 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,880 And you're thinking "What's going on there?" 139 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:09,040 "Well, every time Norwich lose, the parrot cries and bursts into tears." 140 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,280 And he says, "Well, what happens when Norwich win?" 141 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,240 "I don't know, I've only had it four years!" 142 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,920 That came from the heart, ladies and gentlemen. There you are, anyway. 143 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,040 There are all kinds of different human laughter, 144 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,600 which have been categorised by a Dr Dirk Wildgruber, 145 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,760 of the University of Tubingen, in Deutschland. 146 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,000 There are, some types are joyful laughter... 147 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,800 ONE PERSON IN AUDIENCE LAUGHS 148 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,200 Thank you, audience! 149 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:36,800 That was sarcastic joyful laughter, which is slightly different. 150 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,000 Terrifying. 151 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,680 - Joyful laughter... - BILL AND SARA LAUGH 152 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:44,840 - Social laughter. - LAUGHS POLITELY 153 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:48,200 - Taunting laughter. - LAUGHS OBNOXIOUSLY 154 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,160 Aaah. Oh, dear. 155 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:54,080 - Schadenfreude laughter. - LAUGHS SMUGLY 156 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:57,600 Any other kinds that are in your head? 157 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,680 Laughter when people, you tell them something and then they laugh, 158 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:05,080 like they've got it and then they realise they don't, and they go, "Ha-ha! What?" 159 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:08,960 And there's also of course, the Sid James type of sexual laughter. 160 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,000 CACKLES 161 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:14,040 When we were doing Jonathon Creek, we had these two prop boys 162 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,320 and they used lots of rhyming slang. 163 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:19,000 And there was another one who didn't know any of it. 164 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,720 All the time he'd say. "What do they mean?" 165 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,200 One morning, they said, 166 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,040 "We had a lovely bit of Sinatra on in the van this morning." 167 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,440 And he went, "Ha-ha," the other fella. 168 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:29,880 "Ha-ha." 169 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,760 And they looked at him like, 170 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,240 "We were just playing some Frank Sinatra!" 171 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,400 LAUGHTER 172 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,600 He said, "Oh, sorry. I thought it was a slang thing." 173 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,200 That doesn't mean you laugh. 174 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,560 "Well, I just thought it was going to be funny cos it was a slang thing. 175 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:46,920 "Normally it's a slang thing and then we all laugh. 176 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,360 "I never understand it." 177 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:52,480 There's a very particular kind of laughter you get 178 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,560 when people occasionally listen to your sermon. 179 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:57,720 It's a sort of polite laugh, like what you get in a Shakespeare play. 180 00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,560 Oh, yeah - teachers at Shakespeare. 181 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:02,520 - LAUGHS POLITELY - You are a card! 182 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:07,440 Because even I...sin. 183 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:11,760 How do and when do rats get sad? 184 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,040 CROWD AWS 185 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,520 When they stop tickling them? 186 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,400 When you stop tickling them. Might be slightly disappointed. 187 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:18,440 Aw! 188 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:21,000 When they're cold. In the sewers, they all sleep together, 189 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,640 when the frost comes they all freeze to death... 190 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:29,200 A few found sleeping in a circle, and the reason they're all connected 191 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,760 is cos the urine that comes out of them constantly is frozen, 192 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:36,080 and it's just a solid urine disc with rats in it. 193 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:39,000 Sad, sad - think of the word sad. 194 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,680 Seasonal affective disorder. 195 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:43,880 - Seasonal affective disorder. - In the winter. - No! 196 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:45,400 They get sad in the summer? 197 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:50,240 The winter is for people like us who are diurnal, 198 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:51,280 who live by day. 199 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,000 Rats are nocturnal. 200 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,400 So we have circadian rhythms, and they have...? 201 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,680 For an extra point. 202 00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:58,880 Circu... 203 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,600 Circanoctium. 204 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:02,640 Oh, circanoctia! 205 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,200 They have around-the-night rhythms, 206 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,040 we have around-the-day rhythms. 207 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,680 In Scandiwegian countries, 208 00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:13,480 where in winter it's very dark for a very long time, 209 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,160 they use things almost like usherette trays, 210 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:17,680 with ultra-violet tubes, 211 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,960 and they get about an hour or two of that and it cheers them up, 212 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:23,640 cos melatonin is produced in the brain that cheers them up. 213 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,440 It's one of the things that cheers you up. 214 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:28,160 But they found, with rats, somatostatin, 215 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:32,160 which is a depressive, was caused in those that had too much sunlight. 216 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:36,360 So what do they provide? Sunglasses for the rats? 217 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:37,560 There you are. 218 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:40,400 Rats get sad in summer, not in winter. 219 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:43,400 Here's something that sounds ludicrous, but is no laughing matter. 220 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,920 What's a really ostentatious way to turn off a gas fire? 221 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:49,680 RICHARD'S SONG 222 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,640 Send a flood. 223 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:53,520 LAUGHTER 224 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,320 APPLAUSE 225 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:01,440 You and your God! 226 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,800 Yes, rats... 227 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,040 It's trying to use, in a benign way, 228 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:10,800 the most powerful force that man has ever harnessed. 229 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,440 Sarcasm! 230 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,440 LAUGHTER 231 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:21,080 Call yourself a gas fire?! 232 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:24,800 Where would we be without sarcasm, eh?! 233 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,760 Sarcasm needs a pipe. 234 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:31,360 You need a pipe with sarcasm? Yeah, great(!) 235 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:32,560 It's the sarcasm... 236 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,080 It's the sarcasm slammer. 237 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,120 Yeah. 238 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,800 Fusion power. 239 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,640 Fission power is the one we've yet to harness. 240 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,080 We hope not, but fission is the one we have harnessed. 241 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:43,200 For nuclear bombs. 242 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,240 Yeah. 243 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,960 The first one was the A-bomb. 244 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,680 And the father of the H-bomb was... 245 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,600 Penn and Teller. 246 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,880 Edward Teller, you're absolutely right. 247 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:55,040 Teller, like a lot of scientists, was an idealist 248 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:59,200 and he felt that we had this enormous source of power, surely we can't only use it for weapons! 249 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,400 And he quoted the Bible - he quoted Isaiah, saying, 250 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:05,560 "We've got these weapons, let's use them for something peaceful." 251 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,200 What's the Isaiah quotation. 252 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,800 You would beat your sword into a ploughshare. 253 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,920 That's right! We'll beat your swords into ploughshares. 254 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:16,480 And he dreamt up all kinds of weird plans to use H-bombs, 255 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:19,280 like for example, widening the Panama Canal. 256 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:24,520 Yeah, I know, it seems a little bit speculative. 257 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:25,920 Crossrail. 258 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,400 Yeah, Crossrail! 259 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:29,720 What's that one? H2N2? 260 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,120 HS2. 261 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,560 HS2, yeah. 262 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,000 Through Buckinghamshire, just basically a huge... 263 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,240 HE MIMICS EXPLOSIONS 264 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,080 Finished! 265 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,760 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 266 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,640 Yeah, and they thought not just the Panama Canal, 267 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,080 we'll get one through... 268 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,880 Well anywhere really! 269 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,920 Using 22 nuclear bombs to build a massive road 270 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:55,560 and railway path through the Bristol Mountains in California - 271 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,320 Project Carryall. 272 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,600 There was another one, 273 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:03,360 using 1,000 nukes to blast a city-sized airship into space. 274 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,640 They spent money on all these - Operation Plowshare, it was called. 275 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,360 And the Russians did the same. 276 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,600 What's the smallest nuclear bomb you could have, 277 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,880 like to just knock out a bit of a building 278 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,920 if you were doing an extension? 279 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,920 Two things were actually tried, cos the rest were just shelved 280 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:22,080 and the money stopped coming in. One was detonating nukes underground 281 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,680 to create steam to generate electricity. 282 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:25,800 This was abandoned 283 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,960 when it turned out to be impossible to contain the explosions. 284 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:32,120 Using nukes for fracking natural gas. 285 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,320 Which worked, but the gas was radioactive. 286 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,280 Bit of a PR disaster in your kitchen... 287 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:43,720 Light the oven. My hair! My hair! 288 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,640 It's going to play very well in the Tory home counties. 289 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,000 Not only are we going to frack you, we're going to blow 290 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,640 you up with a nuclear device. 291 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,680 Exactly. But there was one very successful one the Russians did, 292 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,440 they used five times, four of them completely successful, 293 00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,000 but none of them with any fallout that was destructive, 294 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,880 and that was putting out huge gas field fires. 295 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,280 And so successful it was, that the Americans considered 296 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:07,000 using it in the deep water... 297 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,040 The BP thing. 298 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,720 The BP thing in the Gulf of Mexico. Yeah. 299 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,440 In the deep water horizon, as it was called. 300 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,400 They were going to nuke it? 301 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,720 - Well, they were, yeah. - A lot of spin in that. 302 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,480 Look away now. 303 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,800 India's first nuclear device - do you know what it was 304 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,800 called and when it might have been? 305 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:27,880 It was a curry. 306 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,040 LAUGHTER 307 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,160 It was so strong... 308 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:37,800 ..that it literally blew your head off. 309 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,280 The vindaloo bomb... 310 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:43,760 People's eyes were watering for 1,000 square miles! 311 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:47,360 God, that's so strong! Oh, the smell of it! 312 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,400 Aah! 313 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,400 It was actually called the Smiling Buddha. 314 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,920 It was set off in 1974. 315 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:54,960 Now for something a little more local. 316 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:58,440 Name some domestic appliances that really nobody wants. 317 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,360 RICHARD'S SONG 318 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,800 - Richard? - In a vicarage, a tie rack. 319 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,360 LAUGHTER 320 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,040 That is good. 321 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:08,560 Very good, yes. 322 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,600 I can't take that away from you. 323 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:16,000 BILL'S SONG I appeal, I'm appealing, sir, that, just a very... 324 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:20,640 It's an act of great pedantry - that's not technically an appliance 325 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,120 Unless it's an electronic tie rack. 326 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,160 - RICHARD'S SONG - An auto steam tie rack. 327 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:29,240 There are electric tie racks, yeah, there are tie racks that go, bzzzzz. 328 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:32,480 - Really? - Yeah, there are, I promise you, electric ones. - Such a thing exists? 329 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:35,680 - I promise you. - Wow. - And that actually takes us to what the right answer is, 330 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:36,880 when you said steam. Yeah? 331 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,400 Those Corby trouser presses that you have in hotel rooms, 332 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,120 - I've never heard of anyone using them. - Brilliant. 333 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,920 Do you mean others don't? Am I the only one? 334 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,840 - You've used one? - I use them. - I - use them. - I've used them. 335 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:50,760 - Oh, OK, well, I've got that wrong. - But not necessarily for trousers. 336 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,880 Anyway, there's a whole load of appliances that were 337 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:03,760 made in the 1920s and '30s, when a lot of British people were 338 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:08,160 starting to get a little bit more prosperous, just before the Crash. 339 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:12,720 And they thought about going "On the electric", as it used to be said. 340 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,240 "We're going on the electric." 341 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:17,560 And what would be the main, the killer app that would put them on the electric? 342 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,120 - The thing they wanted to have most. - Electric light? - Heat. 343 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,520 That would be one. 344 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:25,200 - Plug-in radio? - The wireless set. Yeah. - Yeah. 345 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,560 And who were the other main suppliers, other than electricity? 346 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:29,840 That had already been there. 347 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,080 - Gas. - Gas. 348 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,120 They thought, well, what we'll do is provide gas-powered radios, 349 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:36,520 to stop people from going on the electric. 350 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,520 And there's an example of one. 351 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:43,320 And they put them out and they said, "Not only will you get the BBC, 352 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:46,280 "but you will warm the room slightly." 353 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:47,800 Slightly. 354 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,560 Through the glow of your contentment. 355 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:52,280 Increase the chances of your house exploding. 356 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,800 And not only did they produce wirelesses, 357 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,640 they produced trouser presses, oddly enough, washing machines, 358 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,960 washing-up machines, everything that you can think 359 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,880 of that is a household appliance, a white good, as we would now say. 360 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,040 There were gas-powered fridges, weren't there? 361 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:09,160 Yes, there were indeed. Very much so. But they just didn't catch on, 362 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,480 because electricity was just more reliable. 363 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,920 It's not that the gas actually powered the radio 364 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,920 so much as that the gas created the current that powered the radio. 365 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:21,760 So it was still electric, it's just you used your existing gas main. 366 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:23,920 How does that work? How can gas create electricity? 367 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:29,360 Get heat, and then you put it in a machine... 368 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,160 A special machine with a magnet in it. 369 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,640 Well, they burn coal for power stations. 370 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,800 That's turning a turbo - you haven't got a turbo. 371 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,760 It's the difference between cold and heat - 372 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,720 it's the thermoelectric effect. 373 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,960 Russians used it with kerosene, way out in Siberia 374 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,040 and places that were incredibly cold. 375 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,800 They actually recommended - God bless communism - 376 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:55,000 people open the window to hear the radio better. 377 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,040 So that the distinction between the cold outside 378 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:01,760 and the hot inside was even greater, which created this current. 379 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,560 Talking of radio, in the 1930s, 380 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,160 there was a magnificent programme that I would have loved. 381 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,280 There was a fellow called FH Wallace, 382 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,880 who was the Phil "The Power" Taylor of his day. 383 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,240 By which I mean... 384 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,040 Darts professional. 385 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:16,760 Yes, a great darts player. 386 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:20,080 And he played in The Alexander Arms in Eastbourne, 387 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:23,240 and he, on the radio, would throw three darts, from 301 down, 388 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,160 and his score would be announced, then there would be a pause while 389 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,680 people at home could throw three darts and write down their score 390 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,120 And if they beat him, they didn't get a prize, 391 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:36,840 they could say, "Pat yourself on the back when you go to work tomorrow." 392 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,600 That was a whole radio series. 393 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,680 I'm not saying people were easily pleased in those days but... 394 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,120 Why didn't they just fast forward to the internet 395 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:48,160 and people on those kind of Gala Bingo sites, 396 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:51,120 like, "You get a free £5." 397 00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:53,240 They're just doing that on their own - 398 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,360 pat on the back, you lost 56 quid! 399 00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:57,640 Anyway, moving on... 400 00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,840 Now for some uneasy listening. 401 00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,640 What's the most depressing radio programme of all time? 402 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,040 Oh, Simon Bates, by miles. 403 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:09,360 "But that's, surely that's the story of people who fell in love." 404 00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:12,600 "She did die of the cancer. But..." 405 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,840 "He battled through the cancer and then here's their song. 406 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,760 "Too Drunk To Fuck by the great..." 407 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,920 STEPHEN LAUGHS 408 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,600 For those who are not familiar with what we're talking about, 409 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,960 Simon Bates used to run a series called Our Song. 410 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,280 - Our Tune. - Our Tune. - Our Tune. 411 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:34,360 HE SINGS TUNE 412 00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:37,200 And people wrote in basically with the most depressing story of how 413 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:41,800 - they were in love with someone who then died of some appalling disease. - Oh, God, it was nauseating. Christ! 414 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,720 And he'd read out the, "We met and we fell in love," and all that. "She was then..." 415 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:49,520 - It was a series of awful disasters, accidents. - Diagnosed with this or run over. 416 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,520 She was run over by a vehicle, she lost all the use of her limbs and... 417 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:56,080 - I'm sure people sent them in and just made it up. - I think so. - They must have done. 418 00:20:56,080 --> 00:21:00,680 "Sadly she did die, but to this day, you know, Knock Three Times is our song and always will be." 419 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:04,280 She was caught up in a nuclear explosion 420 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,960 that was used to put out a fire. 421 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:10,120 Then a rat burrowed its way through her leg 422 00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:12,400 and wee'd in her eye. 423 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:16,840 And she struggled on, with a gas radio for a companion. 424 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,760 This was Radio One, 425 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:22,160 - this was supposed to be the hip young station. - Yeah. This was hip. 426 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,240 I have to say I have several correspondents who would say 427 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,120 - that Saturday Live was the most depressing radio station. - Really? 428 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,680 Yeah. 429 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,240 KLAXON 430 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:41,320 - We don't think your radio show... - No, I like it. - Well, we have to, you know of this thing now 431 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:45,080 that you're interactive with your audience, so actually, as you're broadcasting live 432 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,440 you have a screen in front of you, with a Twitter feed on. 433 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,800 - Not advisable, ladies and gentlemen, I have to say. - No. 434 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,840 It's a very good moral and spiritual discipline, as everything you 435 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:57,560 say is immediately commented on by some regular Twitter... 436 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,880 With #SaturdayLive, or #RichardColes is a... 437 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:01,280 I remember one time... 438 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:02,760 #Smug-Maester twat vicar. 439 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,880 Oh, crumbs! 440 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,360 I swear there is someone who does #smug-maester 441 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:12,600 and another one #twatvicar. 442 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:16,240 - Oh, that's horrible. - Oh, Richard, that's so unfair. - And it's my mother. 443 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,560 LAUGHTER 444 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:24,240 I did a thing once, I wrote an article in which the joke was, 445 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,920 in the article was on me, but I did call Frank Lampard a twat. 446 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,040 And it was a joke. 447 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:32,600 Anyway, he complained about it 448 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:36,840 and I thought, "Oh, I'd better find the article, because I can't even 449 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:40,440 "remember what I wrote," So I Googled Frank Lampard twat, nothing came up, 450 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:44,160 and then I Googled my own name with twat, and so much stuff came up. 451 00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:49,560 - That's dangerous. - That was really dangerous. 452 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:53,240 - And then I started Googling my name with any other term of abuse. - Ooh! 453 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:56,800 And I had really one of the worst evenings of my life. 454 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,720 Never ever do that. Never Google yourself. 455 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,680 And that should be like one of the, 456 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,760 that should be, you know, a commandment. 457 00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:07,520 - You know. "Thou shalt not Google thyself." - "Thou shalt not Google thyself." 458 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,000 There was an awful time, which I think has passed, 459 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,960 - when if you put in the C word into Google, the first return... - Your name would come up! 460 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,960 No. 461 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,920 Thank you! Virtually... 462 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,760 Excuse me?! Virtually that. 463 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:29,200 - If you typed in the C word, the first thing that came up was "Englishman." - Oh. 464 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:33,280 If you want to learn some new words, you could always do the Guardian Easter piece, 465 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:37,120 on the online edition, and then read the below the line comments afterwards. 466 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:41,040 - Oh, it's like looking into a sewer, isn't it? - That's quite fun. - Let's not go there. 467 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,680 I don't know, sometimes it's good though, I have to say. 468 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:47,920 There was Ronan Keating doing a version of Fairy Tale Of New York, by The Pogues. 469 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:49,760 - He didn't, did he? - Yes, he did. 470 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:54,000 - It is as horrific as it sounds. He has to... - McGowan he is not. 471 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,680 He has to Irish himself up a bit to be in the Pogues. 472 00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:01,600 But there's a tsunami of hate which of course accompanies it on the YouTube comments. 473 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,520 But my favourite YouTube comment of all time, it just says: 474 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:08,240 "This is the worst thing that ever happened." 475 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:09,720 And it sort of is! 476 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:15,160 I used to do this listener complaint programme for Radio 5, when that first started, 477 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:18,760 there used to be live people calling in, and there was a woman who phoned up once, 478 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,520 and I saw her name, it was Margery from Hemel Hempstead. 479 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:25,320 And I took the call and I said, "Margery, from Hemel Hempstead, what's your complaint?" 480 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:30,480 And she said, "I'm absolutely disgusted with everything." and put the phone down. 481 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:33,200 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 482 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,120 Oh, bless her, bless her. 483 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,600 Well, the most depressing radio of all time may have been 484 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,320 Simon Bates, it certainly isn't Saturday Live, which I urge 485 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,280 you to listen to every Saturday, with Richard at the microphone. 486 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,280 Drahtfunk. Drahtfunk. 487 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:46,680 Drahtfunk. 488 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:50,560 Yeah. Wire radio. And what happened is, the Swiss and the Norwegians 489 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,520 and the Swedish discovered that they could use, 490 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:56,520 first of all electricity, which they had bored holes through 491 00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:00,080 the mountains for, they could use electricity to transmit radio, 492 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,520 and then, when phone lines were installed, phone. 493 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,320 And the Germans used this in the war. 494 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,880 And they used it for very depressing broadcasts about bomber raids 495 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:12,640 that were coming over, because it couldn't be scrambled. 496 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,560 And nor would the bombers be able to use live radio that the 497 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,200 Germans had, to fix their position, so they could 498 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:22,560 close their radio stations down, during the night, and use these. 499 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,320 And German people would listen and they'd get grid references, 500 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,320 you know, there's a bomber wave coming and it's on F14 and 501 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:32,160 the people of Stuttgart or wherever it might be would go, "Oh, God, it's coming towards us." 502 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,360 And they'd be able to get into the shelters. So, it was depressing. 503 00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:37,600 It was depressing radio, it was always bad news. 504 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:39,840 - Did they play songs in-between? - No, they didn't. 505 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:44,400 - Missing a trick there. - The Beach Boys. 506 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,560 Have you ever heard Radio Pyongyang? 507 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:48,440 - Never have. - You've got to listen to it. 508 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:53,240 It's mostly songs about the Great Leader and how marvellous he is, 509 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,520 interspersed with incredibly terrifying 510 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:57,960 broadcasts by the lady who read the news, 511 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,200 who's got that rather dramatic sort of thing. 512 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,280 The awful thing is, if you buy a radio in North Korea, 513 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:04,560 - it's pre-tuned. - Of course. 514 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,720 You can only get Radio Pyongyang. 515 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:08,160 That's the only thing you can get. 516 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:11,480 But people try to smuggle in sets from China for a bit of variety. 517 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:15,400 You'll get Gardener's Question Time. 518 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:16,880 Anyway, moving on. 519 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:20,240 Alan, would I enjoy kissing any of the gunner's daughters? 520 00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:28,080 Yes, you would. No, you wouldn't. 521 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:35,360 - There are no daughters. - Well... - By kissing, do you mean...? 522 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:37,480 Yes. In all those cases, you're right. 523 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:41,200 You're right to be cagey. Of course it's nothing to do with The Arsenal. 524 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:45,080 Isn't there a band, there's a band from Seattle called Kissing The Gunner's Daughter. 525 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:48,360 - Is there really? - Yes, there is, yeah. - Well, do you know what it refers to? 526 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:50,480 I do actually, yes. It's a naval term, isn't it? 527 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:53,640 - Yes, it is naval. - It's a rather unpleasant term. 528 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:54,840 Describe. 529 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:59,520 For being strapped to a cannon and then being beaten? 530 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:01,800 - Yes, whipped with the famous... - The cat o' nine tails. 531 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:06,360 - With the cat o' nine tails. Absolutely right. - Yes. - It was horrific. 532 00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:08,760 What's extraordinary is that it's still in use. 533 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,520 Not in the British Navy, or not in Britain. 534 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,960 Did you know that the victim had to make their own cat? 535 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,600 - Often they did, not always, but often they did. - Yeah. 536 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,040 Sometimes it was their best friend, which was miserable. 537 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,480 That's right, you'd make out of blancmange. 538 00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,440 Oh, this, yes, it's all I had. 539 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:27,560 There's another naval punishment, you can get "firked." 540 00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,640 I'm sorry? 541 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,400 You can get firked. 542 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,200 - Explain? - You get firked... 543 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:39,320 - If you're... This is true, I'm not making it up. - Yeah, don't keep saying it, explain it. 544 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,240 It was the punishment, 545 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:46,160 if you were a cook in the galley and you ruined the meal, you got firked. 546 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:48,960 I'm not making that up. 547 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,480 You really like saying it though, don't you? 548 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:52,640 Just keep saying it, man. 549 00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:54,800 I just can't, I don't know what you mean, Stephen. 550 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,800 But they would take the staves from a firkin and beat you with that, 551 00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:59,360 and it was called being firked. 552 00:27:59,360 --> 00:28:01,320 Oh, a firkin being a large barrel. 553 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,480 A firkin being, well, not a very large barrel, 554 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:06,840 but they, you were beaten with the staves from a firkin, firked. That's true. 555 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:10,120 Wow, that's brilliant. Well, also, apart from the gunner's daughter, 556 00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:13,520 at the time the Royal Navy enlisted boys as young as nine, 557 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,400 who were running errands and so on, helped with the cooking. 558 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,600 And these cabin boys were punished in a marginally more humane 559 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,600 way, by being bent over a gun and lashed on the bare bottom. 560 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,480 This was called "Kissing the gunner's daughter". 561 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,720 And the lash itself was known as the "boy's pussy". 562 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,200 Which sounds all wrong. 563 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,280 Or it was called the "boy's cat" or just "pussy". 564 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,800 It had only five strands of whip cord, with no knots in it. 565 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:40,680 It was sort of um, Sony's My First Cat 'O Nine Tails. 566 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,160 Isn't it? 567 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:43,280 Yeah, its true level. 568 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:47,120 It was the innocent version. And that was kissing the gunner's daughter. Pretty nasty. 569 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,240 From lashings to lese-majeste. 570 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:54,760 Why was George III very nearly, literally, toast is 1776? 571 00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:55,800 1776, you say? 572 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,280 It's a rather important year... 573 00:28:58,280 --> 00:28:59,960 RICHARD'S SONG 574 00:28:59,960 --> 00:29:02,720 Was it the firing of the colonies? 575 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:03,760 Very good. 576 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,800 Well, it is the year of course of American independence. 577 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:10,040 But the fact is, there's a rather marvellous MP, 578 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,080 who dies in 1813, 579 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:14,000 and was well ahead of his time and 580 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:15,480 about whom more should be known. 581 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,320 His name was Hartley, David Hartley, 582 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:20,760 and he was a scientist, a friend of Benjamin Franklin 583 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,440 and was the first MP to present a bill opposing slavery. 584 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:25,560 Decades ahead of anyone else. 585 00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:30,440 But his main claim to fame, was him work on fireproofing of houses, 586 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:35,160 which he achieved by placing metal sheets under the floorboards, 587 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,440 so the joists wouldn't catch fire. 588 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,840 And they were so successful that he invited George III 589 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,640 to his house in Putney, 590 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:43,840 which was a special fire-proof house. 591 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,040 Breakfast was served in one of the rooms, 592 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:48,560 the kettle was boiled on a fire made on the bare floorboards 593 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:50,680 Hartley went upstairs, set fire to a bed, 594 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:52,480 which set fire to the curtains, 595 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,440 while Hartley lit two more fires on the stairs, 596 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,480 so it's like a sort of stuntman, 597 00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,360 one under the stairs - all burn merrily. 598 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:03,200 And they all died of smoke inhalation. 599 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,640 He put fires under the rooms, 600 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:09,320 on the floor below the royal family, with tar, pitch and kindling, 601 00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:11,120 and set fire to it. 602 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,200 And everyone survived, it was all fine. 603 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,720 And he was made somewhat of a local hero... 604 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:17,440 Local fire officer. 605 00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,040 It all, as it were, caught on, 606 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:23,680 cos a lot of people thought, well, this is the way to avoid fires. 607 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,440 It was a most impressive thing. 608 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,200 It would be an amazing assassination attempt, 609 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,680 to say, "Hey, I've made a fire-proof house. 610 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:35,600 "Why don't you come round and I'll show you?" 611 00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:39,160 Ah, Guy Fawkes number two. See you later! 612 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:40,960 - True. - Teething issues. 613 00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:42,400 Fortunately, they trusted him. 614 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:44,800 But his major and lasting achievement is the he invented 615 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,120 the fire curtain for theatres. 616 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:50,440 So in the interval, when you see a fire curtain drop down rather dully, 617 00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:53,280 or something that just says "fire curtain"... 618 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,520 So he's the real Mr Sands. 619 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,160 Exactly. Explain about Mr Sands. 620 00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,120 Sometimes it's Dr Sands. 621 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,080 They do this in the tube and in theatres, 622 00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,760 if you hear an announcement asking for Dr Sands, 623 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,080 it means there's a fire somewhere in the building. 624 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:09,680 So if your name is actually Mr Sands and you want to go to the theatre, 625 00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:13,320 and you go there and ask for your tickets, 626 00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:15,960 people will start running away. 627 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:18,720 Theatre's burnt down all the time, didn't they? 628 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:22,280 - Extraordinarily so. - There was a lovely story of, was it Sheridan, his theatre 629 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:25,520 caught fire and he was outside and he was sitting there having a drink. 630 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:29,320 Someone said, "Mr Sheridan, surely you should be throwing buckets of water on this." 631 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:34,280 He said, "Can't a man take sack by his own fireside?" 632 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,840 The only difference now in the Globe in Southbank, 633 00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,400 the only difference between that and the original is that 634 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,240 you're not allowed to have a thatched roof in London any more. 635 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,520 It's the only difference from the Elizabethan one. 636 00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:48,520 Yes, Shakespeare's Globe caught fire and was put out by beer. 637 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:50,320 - Was it? - Yeah, in his day. 638 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,920 Which is rather pleasing - I don't know why, but it is. 639 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:56,200 Now, let's get a little lachrymose. What are Dutch tears? 640 00:31:58,240 --> 00:31:59,720 I don't know. 641 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:03,520 Dutch courage is when you drink booze, it's a euphemism for something. 642 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:06,080 Well, because we went to war with Holland so many times, 643 00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:09,760 at least three Dutch wars, that we tended to use the word Dutch, 644 00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:12,240 Dutch wife, Dutch uncle, Dutch, you know, courage. 645 00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,400 - So it'll be some sort of tear drop thing. - It is a tear shaped thing. 646 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:20,440 Actually, from Mecklenburg, or at least it was introduced to... 647 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:25,560 Britain from Mecklenburg, by Prince Rupert of the Rhine. 648 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,480 Does that mean anything to you? I don't know. 649 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,480 Why are you saying that in that way? 650 00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:32,280 Prince Rupert of the Rhine, played by Timothy Dalton, 651 00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:36,240 - in the film Cromwell, you may remember, a very dashing figure. - Of course. 652 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,040 Probably was responsible for Charles I losing the civil war. 653 00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:41,440 - Is it some sort of ammunition? - It's not. 654 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,600 - In fact I'm going to show you what it is... - Is it a decorative thing? 655 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:48,400 It's very extraordinary, I'm going to pick up this object here. 656 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,640 It's a light box. And I'm going to turn it on. 657 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,160 I'm going to get my little camera here. 658 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:58,560 And maybe you can see, there we are. 659 00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,360 It's a sort of tadpole-y like thing. 660 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,080 What it is, is a... 661 00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:06,160 If I turn it you can see this is actually a polarised filter, 662 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,280 so what you're seeing is this moire effect in the middle. 663 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,680 Because if you take an ordinary drop of molten glass 664 00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:15,360 and you drop it into cold water it instantly solidifies, of course. 665 00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:19,040 The outer part, the part that hits the water solidifies first. 666 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:24,160 The inner part doesn't have time to get as hard as the outer part, 667 00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:26,520 tries to contract, there's no space for it to contract, 668 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,360 so there is a kind of tension built into it. 669 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,880 This a kind of time bomb waiting to happen, 670 00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:35,360 but it's held together by the hard outer casing. 671 00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:37,240 And if I were to clip off the tail, it would 672 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,680 release all the energy inside it. 673 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:41,720 And it would explode. 674 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:43,480 And not only would it explode, it would 675 00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:47,760 explode at a speed three times greater than a sniper's bullet. 676 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:50,560 Incredibly fast. In fact so fast... 677 00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:52,920 So that's how much kind of energy is stuffed inside it. 678 00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:54,960 So fast I'm going to have to do it in a little bowl. 679 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:56,920 So I'm going to put the camera aside here. 680 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,720 But firstly, I'll show you that it's really solid, 681 00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:05,520 because I can smack it with a hammer and it won't even vaguely be hurt. 682 00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:07,240 Look. 683 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:10,600 Maybe you can start being a cameraman now, young Alan. 684 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:14,920 That's it, put those on just in case it breaks. There you are. 685 00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:18,800 - Ready, sir. - Yeah. Now can you see that there? 686 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:22,240 - I don't know, it hasn't got any kind of view-finder. - No, no, look at, there. 687 00:34:22,240 --> 00:34:25,880 - It's like the Chuckle Brothers. - Oh, look, there. 688 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:29,040 APPLAUSE 689 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:30,680 That's horrific! 690 00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:31,920 Oh, no. 691 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:37,040 That's glass and I'm absolutely hammering it... 692 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:42,760 - All right? Mind your finger. - That is so bloody solid. 693 00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:46,600 This looks like one of the weirdest court scenes I've ever seen. 694 00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,680 Order! 695 00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:50,480 - I will have order! - Order! 696 00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,960 So, you have to believe me that you hammer it and hammer it 697 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:56,000 and hammer it and hammer it, and we've now got one, I'm going to put 698 00:34:56,000 --> 00:35:00,760 these gloves on, because health and safety above all is my watch word. There we are. 699 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:02,320 But also they look good. 700 00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,560 And, oh, Alan, you old queen. 701 00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,640 I'm just filling in, I'm just filling in. 702 00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:11,440 So here we are. Now... 703 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,240 Oh, that's, that's making me feel giddy. 704 00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:19,360 I don't know if you can see here. 705 00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:23,120 But I've got one in here. Now you have to try and be... 706 00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:25,720 Oh, don't. 707 00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:27,080 That's awful. 708 00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:30,280 What you have to try and be now is try and be a good cameraman, Alan. 709 00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:34,480 Can you, let's see, can you see...? 710 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:36,320 Can you see that one in there? 711 00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:39,240 And all I have to do is try and clip the tail. 712 00:35:39,240 --> 00:35:40,960 Oh, Lord. 713 00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:42,520 Oh, God. I'm quite scared. 714 00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:45,280 If I clip the tail, it should release the energy of this... 715 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:47,200 Whoa! 716 00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:50,400 There you are, the whole thing exploded. So having hit it there... 717 00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:53,400 - APPLAUSE - Dutch tears. Thank you. 718 00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:57,760 Thank you very much indeed. 719 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,360 Thank you to my glamorous assistant. 720 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:08,120 We can probably see a little slowed down version of that. 721 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,200 - Wow. - It's pretty amazing. 722 00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,640 And that's just clipping the absolute end of the tail. 723 00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:16,720 Even though you can smash the head of it and it won't be hurt. 724 00:36:16,720 --> 00:36:20,040 We have, in the audience, Stephen Ramsey, from Imperial College, 725 00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:23,560 who's kindly leant us these Rupert's Tears. Stephen, are you there? 726 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:25,600 - Hi, Steven. - Thank you very much. 727 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:27,640 When was this effect discovered? 728 00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:30,760 I think, when you had the glass blowers working from the hot furnace, 729 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:34,560 they gathered the glass on their irons, and to get rid of the excess glass on their iron, 730 00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:38,000 they would stand them into the hot water, and some of these droplets 731 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:42,440 would drop off and get the super-hardened toughened glass, 732 00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:45,040 and I think someone, probably by accident thought, 733 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:46,680 "I'll snap the end off that." 734 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:48,400 And suddenly had an explosion. 735 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,840 I believe that super-hard toughened effect is what we all 736 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:54,000 - rely on for windscreens in cars. - Yes. That's how toughened glass 737 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,840 was first made, by pulling the glass and blowing cold air onto the surface 738 00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:04,160 - to super-cool it. - Theoretically, could it put out a gas fire? 739 00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:09,240 When Will Byrne approached me to make these Rupert Drops for the show, 740 00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:12,720 and in my lifetime as a glass blower, I've made them many times, 741 00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:16,120 and I always have a two-litre glass vessel that I put on my bench 742 00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:17,560 and drop the hot glass in. 743 00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:20,080 And I dropped one in and thought, "Oh, good." 744 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:23,400 And as I watched, it exploded and the shockwave blew a two-inch hole 745 00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:24,920 - in the glass vessel. - Wow. 746 00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:28,400 Thank you for introducing Will Byrne, who is our Science Elf. 747 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,200 And thank you, Stephen Ramsay. 748 00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:36,960 That was very exciting, I love a laboratory lark. 749 00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:39,880 Now it's time to tweak the tail of General Ignorance. 750 00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:43,200 So fingers on buzzers, please. Here's a question about Lent. 751 00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:45,680 Whom should you visit on Mothering Sunday? 752 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:47,520 RICHARD'S SONG 753 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:48,600 Yes? 754 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:49,760 Your vicar. 755 00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:54,640 - Explain. - Well, Mothering Sunday was the return of usually 756 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:58,040 children in service to the mother church of where they lived. 757 00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:02,000 - That's correct. - So it wasn't going to see your mother, you'd go to the mother church, 758 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:05,320 - and they'd pick primroses to take to their nearest and dearest. - Correct. 759 00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:07,600 - That's what I think. - You're absolutely right. 760 00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:09,840 And as a churchman I suppose you should know that. 761 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,240 Most of us believe, of course, it is just a greeting card 762 00:38:12,240 --> 00:38:14,880 opportunity or a flower opportunity to be nice to your mother, 763 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:18,600 which is what it's become. But it's actually nothing to do with your biological mother, 764 00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:20,920 it's to do with your mother church, as you rightly say. 765 00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:23,760 Do you think that excuse is going to hold up next year for any of us? 766 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:26,400 But I think I knew when I was young that it was called 767 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,320 Mothering Sunday, rather than Mother's Day. 768 00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:30,560 Mothering, yes. It's always been Mothering Sunday. 769 00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:32,680 They tend to call it Mother's Day now, don't they? 770 00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:35,480 - It's just another chance to sell another card. - Oh, totally. 771 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:40,400 Do you know sometimes, a greetings card is the most marked-up thing on general sale. 772 00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:42,200 But I said, what about cinema popcorn? 773 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:45,440 - Ooh, very good. - Oh, no. - The mark-up. 774 00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:47,560 - Oh, it must be enormous. - I thought it was eggs. 775 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:48,680 Eggs? 776 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:52,440 - Because an omelette costs so much more than an egg. - That's true. 777 00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:54,200 LAUGHTER 778 00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:59,240 Your mind works in mysterious ways, its wonders to perform. 779 00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:02,240 On Mothering Sunday you visited your mother church, 780 00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:03,920 not necessarily your mother. 781 00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,520 Now, what colour are the flags on the moon? 782 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:11,800 Do they look different when you're there? Are there no flags? 783 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,200 - There's no moon. Oh, God. - There are flags. 784 00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,520 I just feel about 100 klaxons waiting for me. 785 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:23,560 Five times bitten, five times shy. 786 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:24,800 Yeah? 787 00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:26,680 - RICHARD'S SONG - Are they grey? 788 00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:28,520 Grey is probably a reasonable answer. 789 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:32,080 One thing you can be absolutely certain is they're not red, white and blue. 790 00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:35,720 The temperature extremes are really remarkable on the moon. 791 00:39:35,720 --> 00:39:39,680 From 100 degrees Celsius heat for 14 days 792 00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:44,080 and then 14 days of 150 degrees minus Celsius. 793 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:46,440 And so it's going through all that. 794 00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:49,840 Plus, there's no atmosphere, and so no protection from ultraviolet light. 795 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:53,480 And we know enough what a set of curtains or a sofa that's in, 796 00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:57,120 you know, daylight, in a couple of years can get faded, 797 00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,480 so you can imagine what a flag would be like. 798 00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,000 And they're made of nylon, 799 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,440 so bleached white probably powdered nothingness by now. 800 00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:07,880 This came up at Mother's Union the other day, the space... 801 00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:10,840 - The Voyager... - That's my favourite... 802 00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:13,600 - So much does. - The Voyager space craft, yes. 803 00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:16,400 - Yes. - Still going. - The furthest man-made object from earth. - Yeah. 804 00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:21,360 It's 1977. Would it look scruffy? 805 00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,240 That's a really good question. 806 00:40:23,240 --> 00:40:25,840 I mean, would the paint have gone, in, I don't know, solar...? 807 00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:28,680 I imagine when it went through the Kuiper belt and things like that, 808 00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:32,200 - it probably would have got a bit of bashing. - It would have had a few knocks and dents. 809 00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:34,560 My favourite thing about the Voyager that I like is that 810 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:37,320 they think that it's left our solar system, they're not sure. 811 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:40,680 And they've estimated that the time it will take to reach 812 00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:44,400 the next solar system is 40,000 years. 813 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,360 I know. It's phenomenal, isn't it? 814 00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:51,920 And it's going to go out of radio transaction in about ten year's time and then it's just gone. 815 00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:55,440 And I thought West Anglian Trains were bad, but there you are. 816 00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:59,920 Anyway, all the stars and stripes on the moon are now plain white, 817 00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:02,520 or possibly grey, if they've survived at all. 818 00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:05,680 What was the first man-made sonic boom? 819 00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:07,640 - RICHARD'S SONG - Whip crack. 820 00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:10,320 Whip crack. Whip crack-away. Whip crack-away. 821 00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:12,720 KLAXON 822 00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:15,080 You're right - whip cracks are sonic booms. 823 00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:17,000 There's been recent development 824 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,600 in the field of sonic booms, 825 00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:21,880 or in the field of a strange thing called food physics. 826 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:25,640 Oh, dear. 827 00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,120 You wouldn't think there was such a thing as food physics. 828 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,560 - Is it popcorn? - It might be popcorn. 829 00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,120 It's basically crunchy food. 830 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,960 It's a bizarre idea that someone might think, 831 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,880 "Hang on, do we really understand crunchy food?" 832 00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:42,320 Dr van Vliet, a Dutch food physicist, 833 00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:45,960 spent the last seven years figuring out how crunch works. 834 00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:48,760 And he basically said crispiness and crunchiness appeal to us 835 00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:50,920 because they signal freshness. 836 00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:53,200 The staler the chip, obviously the quieter it is, 837 00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:55,920 or any fruit that gets soft and mushy. 838 00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:58,480 For food to go "crunch" when it's bitten, there has to be 839 00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:00,480 what's called a brittle fracture. 840 00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:03,040 A sudden high-speed crack which actually 841 00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:07,040 travels at at least 300 metres per second. 842 00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,840 Which is the speed of sound. 843 00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:10,880 So you're getting a sonic boom from... 844 00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:12,200 - CRUNCHING NOISE - Yeah. 845 00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:15,280 So in a sense we eat by our ears, cos a lot of our interest 846 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:18,280 and appetite is engendered by the fact we know food is crunchy. 847 00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:22,440 But you wouldn't want any crunchy hummus. 848 00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:25,520 Maybe that's it. Maybe that's the way to go - crunchy hummus. 849 00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:28,280 It's a good name for a band anyway. 850 00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:32,520 Each crunch in crunchy foods is a teeny-weeny sonic boom. 851 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:34,800 And with that, it's the scores. 852 00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:36,640 I simply don't know what to say. 853 00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:39,040 Despite his superior knowledge and his holiness, 854 00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:42,880 in last place with minus eight, it's the Reverend Richard Coles. 855 00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:46,560 Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. 856 00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,080 APPLAUSE 857 00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,360 Third place, with minus six is Bill Bailey. 858 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:53,960 APPLAUSE 859 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:55,520 Third again. 860 00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:59,160 I just don't know how I'm going to say this, 861 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,080 in second place with minus one... 862 00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:02,840 is Sara Pascoe. 863 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,000 APPLAUSE 864 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,840 I can't believe Alan's the winner. 865 00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:11,120 Yeah. You've got there before me, because in first place, and this may 866 00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:15,360 be a first for first place, with plus four is Alan Davies! 867 00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:17,680 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 868 00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:29,320 It only remains for me to thank Sara, Bill, Richard and Alan. 869 00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,880 I leave you with the last words of someone who was not 870 00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:34,280 so much scraping the barrel as draining it. 871 00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:37,160 Dylan Thomas's last triumphant uttering... 872 00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:41,120 "I've had 18 straight whiskies, I think that's the record." 873 00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:44,040 And then he died. Good night. 874 00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,080 APPLAUSE