1 00:00:23,709 --> 00:00:26,988 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:31,146 --> 00:00:34,385 Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, 3 00:00:34,385 --> 00:00:36,105 and welcome to QI, 4 00:00:36,105 --> 00:00:39,384 the panel show where fortune favours the brains. 5 00:00:39,384 --> 00:00:41,063 Let's start with a lark. 6 00:00:41,063 --> 00:00:42,703 We like to do larks on the L series. 7 00:00:42,703 --> 00:00:45,702 I'm going to show you how your senses can deceive. 8 00:00:45,702 --> 00:00:50,141 What you've got here is a perfectly obvious real hand, 9 00:00:50,141 --> 00:00:53,260 your right hand, and a perfectly obvious fake hand. 10 00:00:53,260 --> 00:00:54,739 And you've each got a brush. 11 00:00:54,739 --> 00:00:59,298 So all I want you to do is brush each hand sort of simultaneously 12 00:00:59,298 --> 00:01:01,977 and what you should feel, Adam and Sara... 13 00:01:01,977 --> 00:01:03,736 Excruciating pain. 14 00:01:03,736 --> 00:01:05,776 Not yet, is that... 15 00:01:05,776 --> 00:01:09,455 As I shove hard into the hand until they roar! 16 00:01:09,455 --> 00:01:11,014 Sara, scream! 17 00:01:11,014 --> 00:01:13,853 We'll come to that. For the moment, just a gentle rubbing. 18 00:01:13,853 --> 00:01:15,413 Eventually... 19 00:01:15,413 --> 00:01:16,813 This hand will fall off. 20 00:01:18,372 --> 00:01:22,451 Eventually, you will feel in the rubber hand the same 21 00:01:22,451 --> 00:01:24,330 sensation you feel in your real hand. 22 00:01:24,330 --> 00:01:26,290 Which seems extraordinary, but you will, 23 00:01:26,290 --> 00:01:28,889 - and let me know when you do. - OK. 24 00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,888 It may not have happened yet. 25 00:01:30,888 --> 00:01:32,008 Then you will urinate. 26 00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:33,847 You have to keep going, I'm sorry. 27 00:01:33,847 --> 00:01:35,007 You have to keep going. 28 00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:36,767 Look, I'm doing... I'm keeping going. 29 00:01:36,767 --> 00:01:38,766 - It does now feel... - Have you started to feel it? 30 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,725 I am now starting to feel that this is my hand. 31 00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:43,285 - That's what happens. - I'm having trouble distinguishing. 32 00:01:43,285 --> 00:01:46,444 - Are you not, Sara? - No. - You're not feeling anything? Keep going, Alan. 33 00:01:46,444 --> 00:01:47,643 Oh, that's nice. 34 00:01:47,643 --> 00:01:50,602 - So you can feel that in the rubber hand? - Yeah, definitely. Lower. 35 00:01:50,602 --> 00:01:53,282 You play your cards right, might get a happy ending with this. 36 00:01:53,282 --> 00:01:54,841 You're not feeling anything, Sara? 37 00:01:54,841 --> 00:01:57,800 - It feels very much like my hand... - Oh, it now does feel like your hand? 38 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,799 - Not that hand, MY hand feels like my hand. - That would do, yes. 39 00:02:00,799 --> 00:02:03,599 My hand has never felt more like it belongs to me. 40 00:02:03,599 --> 00:02:05,238 I'm going faster. 41 00:02:05,238 --> 00:02:07,477 I think that will help. 42 00:02:07,477 --> 00:02:10,077 - OK. OK, I've got it, I've got it! - You've got it. 43 00:02:10,077 --> 00:02:11,716 I've got it. I've got it. 44 00:02:11,716 --> 00:02:13,476 Faster is better, keep up the speed. 45 00:02:13,476 --> 00:02:16,275 LAUGHTER 46 00:02:16,275 --> 00:02:18,274 Right. 47 00:02:18,274 --> 00:02:20,034 It's happening now! It's my hand! 48 00:02:20,034 --> 00:02:22,113 - It's my hand! - It really does feel like it? 49 00:02:22,113 --> 00:02:23,513 It's my hand now. 50 00:02:23,513 --> 00:02:26,112 It's bizarre, isn't it? It's genuinely bizarre. 51 00:02:26,112 --> 00:02:28,471 - And now you can get out the other brush. - What?! - What? 52 00:02:28,471 --> 00:02:29,911 They've got another brush. 53 00:02:31,550 --> 00:02:33,989 Which hand? Wait... No! no! 54 00:02:36,029 --> 00:02:37,348 That's amazing, isn't it? 55 00:02:37,348 --> 00:02:40,228 It is amazing, because I didn't believe it was going to happen. 56 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:42,387 No, you didn't believe, that's what's so good 57 00:02:42,387 --> 00:02:44,146 is you really didn't believe. 58 00:02:44,146 --> 00:02:48,265 We have borrowed some objects from the world-famous 59 00:02:48,265 --> 00:02:51,304 British Optical Association Museum 60 00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:54,423 and you each have...and I'm going to start with Phill, you have 61 00:02:54,423 --> 00:02:56,783 an optical object and I'd like you to tell me 62 00:02:56,783 --> 00:02:58,262 what you think it might be. 63 00:02:59,502 --> 00:03:01,341 Oh. Right. 64 00:03:02,381 --> 00:03:05,820 - Well, it's got a lovely leather surround. - Yes. 65 00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:09,659 Right, so why would you want to see things this red? 66 00:03:09,659 --> 00:03:13,498 - Yeah. - Is that literally rose-tinted glasses? Are you feeling...? 67 00:03:13,498 --> 00:03:15,897 Ah, the '80s! The Style Council! 68 00:03:17,536 --> 00:03:20,775 The Guardian with a decent header font. Oh! 69 00:03:21,775 --> 00:03:25,494 Araucaria, his crosswords were easy then. Oh! 70 00:03:25,494 --> 00:03:28,133 As you can see, they look like flying goggles 71 00:03:28,133 --> 00:03:30,852 and that's what they are, but they're not for flying. 72 00:03:30,852 --> 00:03:33,452 Then they're not flying goggles. Driving. 73 00:03:33,452 --> 00:03:36,811 - Well, they are for... - Don't be picky, he doesn't like that. 74 00:03:36,811 --> 00:03:39,330 They are for pilots. They're for night pilots. 75 00:03:39,330 --> 00:03:42,969 It's so they can acclimatise their eyes for darkness. 76 00:03:42,969 --> 00:03:44,168 Oh. 77 00:03:44,168 --> 00:03:47,887 I would say that rather they make everyone you bump into 78 00:03:47,887 --> 00:03:49,407 look like a Dutch prostitute. 79 00:03:50,646 --> 00:03:54,845 - There is an element of that. - Dance for me, Stephen! Dance for me. 80 00:03:54,845 --> 00:03:56,885 LAUGHTER 81 00:03:59,244 --> 00:04:00,363 You made me. 82 00:04:02,563 --> 00:04:04,002 All right. 83 00:04:04,002 --> 00:04:08,161 You are a unique individual, if you don't mind me saying. 84 00:04:08,161 --> 00:04:10,081 - Oh, I wish it wasn't. - Have a go. 85 00:04:10,081 --> 00:04:12,880 Why can't I dance without people laughing? I don't understand. 86 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:14,119 You bring joy! 87 00:04:14,119 --> 00:04:16,679 I missed that lesson that everybody else went to at school 88 00:04:16,679 --> 00:04:18,918 where they were taught how to dance at a discotheque. 89 00:04:22,757 --> 00:04:26,156 What did lucky old Edward VII use this for? 90 00:04:26,156 --> 00:04:29,715 - Oh, I say. - I say "lucky". I mean, it's an extraordinary contrivance. 91 00:04:29,715 --> 00:04:32,354 - Oh, God! - What do we know about this? 92 00:04:32,354 --> 00:04:33,833 Ah, ah. No, quite wrong. 93 00:04:33,833 --> 00:04:35,593 He didn't poo on yellow silk. 94 00:04:35,593 --> 00:04:38,552 - I thought it was a... - You thought it lifted up into a commode. 95 00:04:38,552 --> 00:04:41,111 Yes, I did, I thought it was... Is it sexual? 96 00:04:41,111 --> 00:04:42,431 It was sexual, yeah. 97 00:04:42,431 --> 00:04:45,070 It's sexual and I'm not going to say it on television, frankly, 98 00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:46,310 I'll just be in trouble. 99 00:04:46,310 --> 00:04:48,949 No, you won't. I mean, it's not, I mean it's... 100 00:04:48,949 --> 00:04:52,028 Well, I will a bit. For what I've got in mind, if I said that... 101 00:04:53,228 --> 00:04:54,547 I'll accept that, then. 102 00:04:54,547 --> 00:04:56,587 LAUGHTER 103 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:01,505 Anyway, Alan, what have you got that's optical? 104 00:05:01,505 --> 00:05:03,864 - It looks like an ordinary pair of glasses. - Yeah, it is. 105 00:05:03,864 --> 00:05:05,544 But it has three... 106 00:05:05,544 --> 00:05:07,423 Put them on and describe what you see. 107 00:05:12,662 --> 00:05:15,741 You won't be surprised to hear that my vision is somewhat obscured. 108 00:05:15,741 --> 00:05:16,821 Yes. 109 00:05:18,820 --> 00:05:22,659 Look at the audience. What do I...what can you see? 110 00:05:22,659 --> 00:05:25,498 They're kind of like binoculars, where you can really see... 111 00:05:25,498 --> 00:05:27,337 - Can you see me doing anything? - No. 112 00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:31,256 Are they not working, Alan? Dance. 113 00:05:31,256 --> 00:05:32,536 Dance! 114 00:05:34,855 --> 00:05:36,735 Whoa! 115 00:05:36,735 --> 00:05:39,014 APPLAUSE 116 00:05:39,014 --> 00:05:41,413 Are they meant to be for peripheral vision, then? 117 00:05:41,413 --> 00:05:44,532 - They were designed for drivers who had... - Jesus! 118 00:05:47,051 --> 00:05:51,250 ..who had bad eyesight and it was to improve their peripheral vision. 119 00:05:52,890 --> 00:05:54,849 But it clearly doesn't work. 120 00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:59,328 There'd be no chance of driving in these! 121 00:05:59,328 --> 00:06:01,767 You'd just be like that all the time. 122 00:06:06,206 --> 00:06:09,405 I found a very odd...I didn't know this was a rule. Recently, I always 123 00:06:09,405 --> 00:06:12,284 get headaches when I'm on tour, so I thought, "Well, I may as just 124 00:06:12,284 --> 00:06:15,643 "stock up on paracetamol, because I go through a couple a night." 125 00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:18,882 So I tried to buy about 48 packets of paracetamol. 126 00:06:18,882 --> 00:06:21,281 No, no, no, no, no. That'll kill you. 127 00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,680 Obviously I wasn't going to take them all at once, 128 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,000 - but obviously there's a rule. - They don't know that. 129 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,319 You're only allowed to buy... 130 00:06:27,319 --> 00:06:30,358 I just thought to myself, "That's saving no-one, is it?" 131 00:06:30,358 --> 00:06:32,638 No-one's got to that point and gone, "Oh, can I not? 132 00:06:32,638 --> 00:06:35,117 "All right, I'll stay alive, then, thank you very much." 133 00:06:35,117 --> 00:06:37,556 I go into a newsagents and order a bottle of vodka 134 00:06:37,556 --> 00:06:39,276 and they give me a quarter one now 135 00:06:39,276 --> 00:06:42,395 because they've heard bad things about me. 136 00:06:42,395 --> 00:06:44,994 Although there was a moment when the woman embarrassed me 137 00:06:44,994 --> 00:06:47,033 in front of a queue of people, where she said, 138 00:06:47,033 --> 00:06:49,273 "I can't sell you that many paracetamol," and I went, 139 00:06:49,273 --> 00:06:52,032 "Why is that?" and she said, "It's in case you kill yourself." 140 00:06:52,032 --> 00:06:55,151 She said those words to me and I... This was my panic, I went, 141 00:06:55,151 --> 00:06:58,190 "What? But there's a load of freezer stuff in there!" 142 00:06:58,190 --> 00:06:59,710 Like, that was my actual... 143 00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:01,749 LAUGHTER 144 00:07:04,428 --> 00:07:07,427 Like, that was the logic, you know? 145 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,867 "Look in my trolley there, there's some long-life milk. 146 00:07:09,867 --> 00:07:11,826 "Why would I go?" 147 00:07:11,826 --> 00:07:15,425 "Do you think I'm mad? Do you think I'd waste that?" 148 00:07:15,425 --> 00:07:19,424 "There's some Findus crispy pancakes I'm looking forward to!" 149 00:07:19,424 --> 00:07:22,383 "There's a Solero in there, I've got so much to live for!" 150 00:07:25,542 --> 00:07:27,501 Next up is Josh. What have you got? 151 00:07:27,501 --> 00:07:30,180 They're very fashionable, aren't they? 152 00:07:30,180 --> 00:07:32,980 If I were to tell you that these are... Despite their modern look, 153 00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:35,579 they're actually way over 100 years old. 154 00:07:35,579 --> 00:07:37,738 They're mid-19th century 155 00:07:37,738 --> 00:07:40,497 from the open carriage days of railways onwards, 156 00:07:40,497 --> 00:07:44,216 because of steam, smuts, so on, people got really stung in the eyes. 157 00:07:44,216 --> 00:07:46,975 I'm sorry, who's speaking now? 158 00:07:46,975 --> 00:07:48,215 Railway spectacles. 159 00:07:48,215 --> 00:07:50,654 LAUGHTER 160 00:07:50,654 --> 00:07:52,774 That makes no sense... 161 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,973 ..and yet it's funny. 162 00:07:55,973 --> 00:07:59,412 I think I could tell what they do better, Josh, if you'd dance for me. 163 00:08:02,371 --> 00:08:03,530 Whoa! 164 00:08:03,530 --> 00:08:05,570 APPLAUSE 165 00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:09,609 Now, what's this? Pass it down. 166 00:08:09,609 --> 00:08:11,928 All you've got to do is tell me what it is, have a taste. 167 00:08:11,928 --> 00:08:14,327 It's, I promise you, not poison, despite being green. 168 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,407 It's not wasabi, is it? 169 00:08:16,407 --> 00:08:17,566 Wasabi, there we go! 170 00:08:17,566 --> 00:08:20,245 ALARM BLARES 171 00:08:20,245 --> 00:08:23,405 You would be served this if you were to go out around London and go 172 00:08:23,405 --> 00:08:25,724 to most Japanese restaurants 173 00:08:25,724 --> 00:08:28,523 and we can have a taste and it's... Whoa! 174 00:08:28,523 --> 00:08:31,042 - Pretty hot. - I can't. - Do you find it too hot? - Yeah. 175 00:08:31,042 --> 00:08:34,121 I can't even... My mother thinks tomato and basil soup is too spicy. 176 00:08:34,121 --> 00:08:37,120 - Jesus! - "Oh, that's too spicy for me! What's in that, Aisling?" "Salt." 177 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:41,519 That is as close to wasabi as you could get without it being wasabi. 178 00:08:41,519 --> 00:08:44,558 I nearly took a mouthful of that, you know, it's not a joke. 179 00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:46,798 I can't take chilli, but I can take as much mustard... 180 00:08:46,798 --> 00:08:49,157 I put a load in because you said it wasn't... 181 00:08:49,157 --> 00:08:51,916 - You said it was not wasabi! - It's not wasabi. 182 00:08:51,916 --> 00:08:54,315 - Well, it's... - I'll tell you what it is. 183 00:08:55,515 --> 00:08:56,874 I'll tell you what it is. 184 00:08:56,874 --> 00:08:58,754 It's killed a man over there. 185 00:08:58,754 --> 00:09:00,393 This is not Jackass, it's QI! 186 00:09:00,393 --> 00:09:02,433 LAUGHTER 187 00:09:03,632 --> 00:09:05,632 What you're eating there is horseradish. 188 00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,871 You may say wasabi is Japanese horseradish, 189 00:09:07,871 --> 00:09:11,270 but the wasabi you get sold in British restaurants 190 00:09:11,270 --> 00:09:15,589 is almost always ordinary British horseradish dyed green. 191 00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,148 - No! - Yes. 192 00:09:17,148 --> 00:09:20,108 Because real wasabi, although it's related to horseradish, 193 00:09:20,108 --> 00:09:23,986 takes two years to mature and it's very expensive to transport. 194 00:09:23,986 --> 00:09:26,706 So it's much easier to use the British stuff - which grows 195 00:09:26,706 --> 00:09:30,105 on railway sidings and is cheap as chips - to use that instead. 196 00:09:30,105 --> 00:09:33,543 Do you know what, Stephen, that would have been lovely just 197 00:09:33,543 --> 00:09:36,942 if you'd explained it and used some bloody pictures... 198 00:09:36,942 --> 00:09:38,502 I'm sorry. 199 00:09:38,502 --> 00:09:41,261 ..rather than give us some and go, "Put that in your mouth!" 200 00:09:41,261 --> 00:09:43,221 I'm so sorry. 201 00:09:43,221 --> 00:09:46,020 I'll swear to God, I mean I can hear things like a dog does! 202 00:09:49,059 --> 00:09:50,378 It's done things in my head. 203 00:09:50,378 --> 00:09:53,218 It's like I've been waiting all my life to become a superhero 204 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,617 and all you had to do was give me a bloody spoonful of that! 205 00:09:55,617 --> 00:09:57,656 Yeah. It's opened... 206 00:09:57,656 --> 00:09:59,136 I'm seeing through walls! 207 00:10:04,254 --> 00:10:06,973 It's opened your Eustachian tube and your sinuses. 208 00:10:06,973 --> 00:10:09,293 Oh, yeah, yeah. Cancel my car, I'm flying home. 209 00:10:09,293 --> 00:10:11,332 LAUGHTER 210 00:10:13,891 --> 00:10:15,051 Jo, it's your turn. 211 00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:20,289 Oh, you've got a bonnet. 212 00:10:20,289 --> 00:10:21,809 Lovely bonnet. 213 00:10:21,809 --> 00:10:24,208 Oh, and something hanging from it, there you are. 214 00:10:27,687 --> 00:10:30,446 How cool is that? 215 00:10:30,446 --> 00:10:31,886 That's great, isn't it? 216 00:10:31,886 --> 00:10:34,805 You are Mrs Norris in Mansfield Park. 217 00:10:34,805 --> 00:10:36,565 It's a Jane Austen moment. 218 00:10:36,565 --> 00:10:40,004 If there had been a character from Mansfield Park in Colditz, she... 219 00:10:40,004 --> 00:10:42,043 LAUGHTER 220 00:10:43,163 --> 00:10:48,561 GERMAN ACCENT: "So, so, you wish to escape from my prison camp. 221 00:10:48,561 --> 00:10:51,240 "Not before we have done a little embroidery, no?" 222 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,280 LAUGHTER 223 00:10:55,519 --> 00:10:58,678 I think it's more sort of Dickensian, isn't it? 224 00:10:58,678 --> 00:11:00,957 Like Mrs Gamp, the Elderly Prostitute. 225 00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:05,956 "I say, sir, let me see your penis." 226 00:11:07,155 --> 00:11:10,594 Now, this is what these goggles were for! 227 00:11:10,594 --> 00:11:12,994 "Even with my monocle, it's awfully small." 228 00:11:12,994 --> 00:11:14,153 Oh! 229 00:11:17,112 --> 00:11:21,311 And now, in honour of Victoria, QI does Only Connect. 230 00:11:21,311 --> 00:11:22,991 Cue music. 231 00:11:22,991 --> 00:11:25,430 END OF ONLY CONNECT THEME 232 00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:28,669 - The greatest programme on television, after QI. - Oh, hello. 233 00:11:28,669 --> 00:11:30,388 Yes, does that ring any bells with you? 234 00:11:30,388 --> 00:11:32,508 Can you choose, please, an Egyptian hieroglyph? 235 00:11:32,508 --> 00:11:35,387 Oh, my goodness, I've never had the chance to do this before. 236 00:11:35,387 --> 00:11:37,466 Obviously the eye of Horus. 237 00:11:37,466 --> 00:11:39,706 Eye of Horus it is. 238 00:11:39,706 --> 00:11:43,424 You have to find the connection between these five things. 239 00:11:43,424 --> 00:11:44,464 First... 240 00:11:45,464 --> 00:11:48,143 John F Kennedy, Profiles In Courage. 241 00:11:48,143 --> 00:11:50,222 Lots of points, of course, if you get it from one. 242 00:11:50,222 --> 00:11:52,662 Anybody else is allowed to buzz if they think they know. 243 00:11:52,662 --> 00:11:54,661 And the second one. 244 00:11:54,661 --> 00:11:57,340 Schumann, Theme And Variations In E Flat. 245 00:11:57,340 --> 00:11:58,860 - Hmm. - Whoa. 246 00:11:58,860 --> 00:12:00,899 LAUGHTER 247 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,498 - Cue patronising Jack. - You can all piss off! 248 00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:09,217 What's it got to do with the Eye of Horus? 249 00:12:09,217 --> 00:12:11,536 No, that's... You choose... Have you never watched? 250 00:12:12,936 --> 00:12:15,535 - You've never watched Only Connect? - Not a whole one, no. 251 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:16,695 Not a whole one?! 252 00:12:18,014 --> 00:12:20,933 All you have to do is find what's in common. Only Connect, literally. 253 00:12:20,933 --> 00:12:22,973 I think the F stands for his middle name. 254 00:12:25,532 --> 00:12:26,771 That... 255 00:12:26,771 --> 00:12:28,411 How does that connect him? 256 00:12:30,011 --> 00:12:32,650 I don't know about Schumann, but if I was on a team 257 00:12:32,650 --> 00:12:36,728 on Only Connect, I'd ask them - is it like the second thing they wrote? 258 00:12:36,728 --> 00:12:38,848 Oh, that's very good. Let's have the third one, 259 00:12:38,848 --> 00:12:41,127 because I don't think you're getting it from two. 260 00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:43,287 John Prescott, Prezza. 261 00:12:43,287 --> 00:12:44,766 Goodness me. 262 00:12:44,766 --> 00:12:47,525 Schumann's nickname is Theme And Variations. 263 00:12:47,525 --> 00:12:50,124 Oh, was that one of the Sugababes' line-ups? 264 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,203 So I think we'd better have a look at the fourth one. 265 00:12:54,203 --> 00:12:55,923 Fewer points, but this might help. 266 00:12:55,923 --> 00:12:58,202 Alcoholics Anonymous and The 12 Steps. 267 00:12:59,322 --> 00:13:01,801 - I so can get this. - The last one will give it to you. 268 00:13:01,801 --> 00:13:04,680 - The last one is only for one point. - OK, hold on now. 269 00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:07,199 You can see why I never got to the end of the show. 270 00:13:08,839 --> 00:13:10,638 You'll see the last one and I think... 271 00:13:10,638 --> 00:13:13,118 - Struggle for the buzzer. - They all had ghost writers! 272 00:13:13,118 --> 00:13:14,477 Yes! 273 00:13:14,477 --> 00:13:16,916 Yes! Yes! Come on! 274 00:13:18,796 --> 00:13:20,115 Well done. 275 00:13:20,115 --> 00:13:22,155 APPLAUSE 276 00:13:25,874 --> 00:13:27,473 Well done, Jack. 277 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,513 CHEERING 278 00:13:32,632 --> 00:13:34,671 Aargh! 279 00:13:37,190 --> 00:13:38,430 Steady. 280 00:13:39,790 --> 00:13:41,309 Steady, whoa. 281 00:13:41,309 --> 00:13:42,509 Sorry, sorry. 282 00:13:45,308 --> 00:13:47,427 You've made a happy man feel very old. 283 00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,467 LAUGHTER 284 00:13:50,546 --> 00:13:52,786 You have Christmas trees in America, obviously. 285 00:13:52,786 --> 00:13:55,145 I have a year-round Christmas tree, actually. 286 00:13:55,145 --> 00:13:57,224 Well, you have a house that is just the most... 287 00:13:57,224 --> 00:13:58,624 It's year-round also. 288 00:13:58,624 --> 00:14:01,503 It is bizarre, it is the most bizarre. An extraordinary house. 289 00:14:01,503 --> 00:14:04,862 My house is 100 years old 290 00:14:04,862 --> 00:14:07,061 and in America, that's, like, prehistoric. 291 00:14:07,061 --> 00:14:08,461 Wow. 292 00:14:08,461 --> 00:14:11,980 But Bette Davis lived there and Robert Armstrong, 293 00:14:11,980 --> 00:14:13,579 who was in King Kong. 294 00:14:13,579 --> 00:14:16,619 - And your mother lives there, Debbie Reynolds. - We're neighbours now. 295 00:14:16,619 --> 00:14:18,778 Yeah. She lives in your garage, let's be honest. 296 00:14:18,778 --> 00:14:22,937 - Some nights, yes. - I'm using the American pronunciation of garage. 297 00:14:22,937 --> 00:14:25,256 Debbie Reynolds was in Singing In The Rain. 298 00:14:25,256 --> 00:14:26,735 She was? 299 00:14:28,895 --> 00:14:30,614 Did she never tell you that? 300 00:14:30,614 --> 00:14:32,534 She doesn't come up, no. 301 00:14:32,534 --> 00:14:35,333 - No. How, how old was she...? - I can't stop thinking about it. 302 00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:38,092 She was 19 years old. You'd better stop thinking about it. 303 00:14:38,092 --> 00:14:40,451 - She was 19 in that film? - Yeah. 304 00:14:40,451 --> 00:14:42,411 My God. What were you doing when you were 19? 305 00:14:42,411 --> 00:14:44,170 Nothing, that's right. 306 00:14:44,170 --> 00:14:47,409 She says that Gene Kelly rehearsed her until her feet bled. 307 00:14:47,409 --> 00:14:52,048 Yes, and she also said that Gene Kelly French kissed her 308 00:14:52,048 --> 00:14:53,208 and she vomited. 309 00:14:53,208 --> 00:14:55,247 LAUGHTER 310 00:14:55,247 --> 00:14:58,646 - During? During or after? - So romantic(!) 311 00:14:58,646 --> 00:15:00,245 - Was that part of the film? - No. 312 00:15:00,245 --> 00:15:02,805 - That's in the blooper reel at the end. - Oh. 313 00:15:02,805 --> 00:15:04,564 They did not... Donald O'Connor 314 00:15:04,564 --> 00:15:07,803 - and my mother were not wild about Gene Kelly. - No. 315 00:15:07,803 --> 00:15:10,522 - Oh, wow. I love this, more of this. - It's great. 316 00:15:10,522 --> 00:15:12,442 Well, but apparently he's not a good kisser 317 00:15:12,442 --> 00:15:16,001 and he didn't have a good sense of humour, but a great dancer. 318 00:15:16,001 --> 00:15:18,480 - Was Donald O'Connor a nice chap? - Yes, he was great. 319 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,599 - Because he's...I love him. - What's Chewbacca like? 320 00:15:23,838 --> 00:15:25,878 IMITATES CHEWBACCA 321 00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:29,477 He also... Try and ignore Stephen. 322 00:15:31,836 --> 00:15:33,835 AMERICAN ACCENT: "Laugh it up, fuzzball!" 323 00:15:33,835 --> 00:15:35,875 LAUGHTER 324 00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:47,711 I have the most delicate from this museum, it's a fan. 325 00:15:47,711 --> 00:15:50,550 It's an eventail. 326 00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:53,469 Beautiful fan for fanning yourself, obviously, 327 00:15:53,469 --> 00:15:56,948 but it has a secret lens in the middle 328 00:15:56,948 --> 00:15:58,548 so I can see what you are doing. 329 00:15:58,548 --> 00:16:02,147 So it allows people who apparently are fanning themselves 330 00:16:02,147 --> 00:16:05,386 and not taking any notice of anyone else, to have a very... 331 00:16:07,065 --> 00:16:08,985 - I'm not going to lie to you... - Yeah? 332 00:16:08,985 --> 00:16:10,984 There is a slight different technique 333 00:16:10,984 --> 00:16:13,743 when you start looking at me to when you're fanning yourself. 334 00:16:13,743 --> 00:16:16,263 Hmm. 335 00:16:16,263 --> 00:16:20,421 You are fanning yourself very slowly there, Stephen. 336 00:16:20,421 --> 00:16:22,461 HE GROWLS SUGGESTIVELY 337 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,660 I think I'm putting these back on. 338 00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:31,698 You must get this everywhere you go, you're going to get it everywhere. 339 00:16:31,698 --> 00:16:34,377 No, I've gotten used to it, you know, it'll take a couple 340 00:16:34,377 --> 00:16:37,256 of minutes for the navicomputer to calculate the coordinates. 341 00:16:37,256 --> 00:16:38,536 Yes. No, that's exactly it. 342 00:16:38,536 --> 00:16:41,935 That wasn't even my line and I... we all started saying those things. 343 00:16:41,935 --> 00:16:43,814 You still started to say it, that's right, 344 00:16:43,814 --> 00:16:45,974 for the jump into hyperspace. And it goes... 345 00:16:45,974 --> 00:16:48,093 MIMICS HYPERSPACE JUMP 346 00:16:48,093 --> 00:16:50,772 I remember you with Harrison Ford where he said he had a problem 347 00:16:50,772 --> 00:16:52,132 with the dialogue generally. 348 00:16:52,132 --> 00:16:54,851 He said, you can write this stuff, but you can't say it. 349 00:16:54,851 --> 00:16:57,010 "You can type it." It's very specific. 350 00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:58,930 Yeah, no, you cannot say, 351 00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:01,689 "I have placed a couple..." 352 00:17:01,689 --> 00:17:04,608 I can't say mine, "I've placed a couple..." No, I can't remember it. 353 00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:07,847 Come on, come on, come on. What is that speech that I did? 354 00:17:07,847 --> 00:17:09,367 You'd know it. 355 00:17:09,367 --> 00:17:11,726 I'll tell you what we've done, we've brought 300 nerds, 356 00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:13,925 - look that way. - Yeah. 357 00:17:13,925 --> 00:17:16,565 Oh, I know - "I've placed information vital 358 00:17:16,565 --> 00:17:19,963 "to the survival of the rebellion of the memory system of this R2 unit. 359 00:17:19,963 --> 00:17:22,483 - "My father will know how to retrieve it." - That's it! 360 00:17:22,483 --> 00:17:23,802 Control, alt, delete. 361 00:17:23,802 --> 00:17:25,842 APPLAUSE 362 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,000 And then there was the syphilis outbreak 363 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,079 in the 16th and 18th centuries. 364 00:17:35,079 --> 00:17:36,918 - Oh, then the party's over. - Yeah. 365 00:17:36,918 --> 00:17:39,358 - Filthy donkeys. - And goat wet-nurses were used there. 366 00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:42,077 And unfortunately they were used very unkindly because... 367 00:17:42,077 --> 00:17:45,596 - What's he up to? - Milking a goat?! 368 00:17:45,596 --> 00:17:46,995 Oh, OK, fair enough. 369 00:17:46,995 --> 00:17:49,155 "This better be for the baby!" 370 00:17:50,874 --> 00:17:53,833 I think that's a different bloke that usually does it, 371 00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:55,633 according to that goat's face. 372 00:17:57,872 --> 00:18:00,591 "Hang on a minute, that's not the grip I'm used to." 373 00:18:00,591 --> 00:18:02,591 "Oops. Hello!" 374 00:18:02,591 --> 00:18:03,630 "That's a bit firm!" 375 00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:08,109 Do you know what I've found odd about...? I don't have kids, 376 00:18:08,109 --> 00:18:11,508 so maybe women in the audience will know. But that... When you're 377 00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:14,587 breast-feeding your child, if you are say in a supermarket or something 378 00:18:14,587 --> 00:18:19,826 like that and someone else's baby cries, you leak, like a spider sense. 379 00:18:19,826 --> 00:18:22,185 - Yes. - Is it not true...? Any women have had...? 380 00:18:22,185 --> 00:18:25,544 - Yeah... - Yeah, it is. - There's a bloke up there going, "Yep." 381 00:18:27,343 --> 00:18:29,543 "I always leak when I hear a baby crying." 382 00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:31,582 LAUGHTER 383 00:18:34,061 --> 00:18:35,861 I don't even know why that's funny. 384 00:18:35,861 --> 00:18:37,860 Is that true, though? It is, isn't it? 385 00:18:37,860 --> 00:18:40,779 But if you have, you've presumably expressed into a pot and given it 386 00:18:40,779 --> 00:18:43,298 to the baby-sitter, because that's what happens, isn't it? 387 00:18:43,298 --> 00:18:44,858 Why would the baby-sitter want some? 388 00:18:47,577 --> 00:18:49,817 - "Thanks a million!" - There was an ice cream shop... 389 00:18:49,817 --> 00:18:51,856 - Shot glasses. - "Dinner would have been fine." 390 00:18:51,856 --> 00:18:54,615 "Help yourself to anything in the fridge." 391 00:18:54,615 --> 00:18:56,894 There was, for a very brief time, an ice cream shop 392 00:18:56,894 --> 00:18:58,774 here in London, which sold baby... 393 00:18:58,774 --> 00:19:00,453 human breast milk ice cream. 394 00:19:00,453 --> 00:19:01,733 You say a very brief time 395 00:19:01,733 --> 00:19:04,532 because it's the worst business plan of all time. 396 00:19:04,532 --> 00:19:05,812 I guess you're right. 397 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:08,851 You try it once, I think, like incest or country dancing. 398 00:19:08,851 --> 00:19:11,490 LAUGHTER 399 00:19:11,490 --> 00:19:13,329 I wish that were my own. 400 00:19:13,329 --> 00:19:15,369 You've not been to Devon, Stephen. 401 00:19:16,968 --> 00:19:19,048 I come from Norfolk, for God's sake! 402 00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:23,606 You know this thing now that you're interactive 403 00:19:23,606 --> 00:19:26,805 with your audience, so actually, as you're broadcasting live 404 00:19:26,805 --> 00:19:30,084 you have a screen in front of you with a Twitter feed on. 405 00:19:30,084 --> 00:19:32,964 - Not advisable, ladies and gentlemen, I have to say. - God! 406 00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:36,203 It's a very good moral and spiritual discipline, as everything you say 407 00:19:36,203 --> 00:19:39,442 is immediately commented on by some regular twitter... 408 00:19:39,442 --> 00:19:42,761 With #SaturdayLive, or #RichardColes is a... 409 00:19:42,761 --> 00:19:44,360 #Smug-MeisterTwatVicar. 410 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,400 LAUGHTER 411 00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:51,838 I swear there is someone who does #Smug-Meister 412 00:19:51,838 --> 00:19:53,837 and another one #TwatVicar... 413 00:19:53,837 --> 00:19:55,277 Oh, that's horrible. 414 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:58,196 - Oh, Richard, that's so unfair. - ..and it's my mother. 415 00:19:58,196 --> 00:20:00,235 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 416 00:20:04,754 --> 00:20:07,033 - The Father of History, what's he called? - Herodotus. 417 00:20:07,033 --> 00:20:09,433 Because it must have been a lot easier when he was around. 418 00:20:09,433 --> 00:20:11,512 - I'm not having a go at him... - No, fair point. 419 00:20:11,512 --> 00:20:13,511 ..but less things have happened back then. 420 00:20:13,511 --> 00:20:14,991 Fewer things, I think you mean. 421 00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:18,830 Some of the audience had you there. 422 00:20:18,830 --> 00:20:21,069 Common usage, I play common usage card. 423 00:20:21,069 --> 00:20:24,988 It's so like being back at school, it's unbelievable. 424 00:20:24,988 --> 00:20:28,547 Apparently you can say "less" if you want to now, apparently you can. 425 00:20:28,547 --> 00:20:31,346 Apparently you can just say what you like these days. 426 00:20:31,346 --> 00:20:33,106 You can literally say less if you want. 427 00:20:33,106 --> 00:20:36,544 Apparently you're not allowed to scream "idiot" at people. 428 00:20:37,664 --> 00:20:40,743 What was the point in getting an education at all?! 429 00:20:40,743 --> 00:20:44,142 I know how to use the apostrophe, apparently now it doesn't matter! 430 00:20:44,142 --> 00:20:46,182 APPLAUSE 431 00:20:53,579 --> 00:20:57,218 What I want, I want the time it took me to learn that back. 432 00:20:59,738 --> 00:21:03,456 We need to be less bothered about this, or fewer bothered. 433 00:21:03,456 --> 00:21:06,376 You need to be fewer bothered about this kind of thing. 434 00:21:06,376 --> 00:21:08,215 Just let it go, be fewer upset. 435 00:21:10,334 --> 00:21:13,094 Who fancies a quantum-locking levitation lark? 436 00:21:13,094 --> 00:21:15,813 And to help me tonight we have Professor Andrew Boothroyd 437 00:21:15,813 --> 00:21:18,172 of the Physics Department of Oxford University. 438 00:21:18,172 --> 00:21:19,452 Hello, Andrew. 439 00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:22,051 APPLAUSE 440 00:21:22,051 --> 00:21:24,410 So what have we got here, Andrew? 441 00:21:24,410 --> 00:21:28,169 We've got here a piece of ordinary-looking black ceramic 442 00:21:28,169 --> 00:21:30,648 which, when we cool it down to very low temperatures, 443 00:21:30,648 --> 00:21:32,848 - acquires a very extraordinary property. - OK. 444 00:21:32,848 --> 00:21:35,447 So if you'd just like to cool it down with liquid nitrogen. 445 00:21:35,447 --> 00:21:37,966 - I shall baste it with liquid nitrogen. - Oh, my word. 446 00:21:39,646 --> 00:21:42,165 - There we are. - And we have a second one over here. 447 00:21:42,165 --> 00:21:44,844 - Oh, right. - Do that one, too. - I'll cool that as well. 448 00:21:44,844 --> 00:21:48,443 This is like the beginning of every pop video in the '80s. 449 00:21:48,443 --> 00:21:50,242 Tell me what's particular about this? 450 00:21:50,242 --> 00:21:52,762 It loses all its resistance - its electrical resistance - 451 00:21:52,762 --> 00:21:55,081 and becomes what's known as a super-conductor. 452 00:21:55,081 --> 00:21:57,840 And the other thing is that it acquires the property 453 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,599 that it can bend magnetic field lines. 454 00:22:00,599 --> 00:22:03,358 All right. So let's pick it up and pop it... 455 00:22:03,358 --> 00:22:04,638 Oops. 456 00:22:06,038 --> 00:22:07,077 There it goes. 457 00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:08,717 Whoa! 458 00:22:08,717 --> 00:22:10,876 - Cool. - Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it? 459 00:22:10,876 --> 00:22:12,596 Literally. 460 00:22:12,596 --> 00:22:15,835 That makes no effect and you can just give it a tip. 461 00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:17,394 Oh, that's very strange. 462 00:22:17,394 --> 00:22:19,034 Yeah. There we are. 463 00:22:19,034 --> 00:22:21,833 And as it warms up, it'll slowly sink. 464 00:22:21,833 --> 00:22:24,032 - Oh, wow. - There you go. 465 00:22:24,032 --> 00:22:27,671 Is this what you do most days at the Oxford University? 466 00:22:27,671 --> 00:22:29,351 Almost every day. 467 00:22:29,351 --> 00:22:31,310 It's not a bad old job. 468 00:22:31,310 --> 00:22:33,829 This one here is very exciting. 469 00:22:33,829 --> 00:22:36,868 And now it's nice and slidey. 470 00:22:36,868 --> 00:22:38,668 But look at this. 471 00:22:41,027 --> 00:22:42,507 And what's happening there? 472 00:22:42,507 --> 00:22:44,506 It's the magnetic field, isn't it? 473 00:22:44,506 --> 00:22:47,265 - That's correct. - It's interrupted by this superconductivity. 474 00:22:47,265 --> 00:22:50,184 But it's not like a normal magnet because a normal magnet would repel 475 00:22:50,184 --> 00:22:52,744 when it's up that way and then it would just fall off. Yeah. 476 00:22:52,744 --> 00:22:55,223 So this is both repelling and attracting at the same time. 477 00:22:55,223 --> 00:22:58,302 I'll give it one more little go and then we can try it on... 478 00:22:58,302 --> 00:22:59,382 on the track. 479 00:22:59,382 --> 00:23:02,941 I thought you were going to say, "And then we can try it on Alan." 480 00:23:02,941 --> 00:23:04,700 - That would not be nice. - "No!" 481 00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:06,779 Upside down in a bucket of nitrogen. 482 00:23:07,779 --> 00:23:09,219 There we go. Pop it there. 483 00:23:10,418 --> 00:23:12,898 Oh, wow! Fantastic. 484 00:23:12,898 --> 00:23:14,497 - Round it goes. - That's cool. 485 00:23:14,497 --> 00:23:15,737 Isn't it good? 486 00:23:15,737 --> 00:23:18,616 It's got a little trail. It's like a steam train. 487 00:23:18,616 --> 00:23:20,855 And it's got a stream train. It can go the other way. 488 00:23:20,855 --> 00:23:23,134 We could put the wrong type of leaf on the track. 489 00:23:23,134 --> 00:23:25,174 LAUGHTER 490 00:23:27,213 --> 00:23:29,812 And is this going to get us to Mars? That's the main question. 491 00:23:29,812 --> 00:23:31,012 What do you think, Andrew? 492 00:23:31,012 --> 00:23:33,371 Are there any practical applications we can think of? 493 00:23:33,371 --> 00:23:35,571 You could use it as a piece of transport like that, 494 00:23:35,571 --> 00:23:38,530 but it's quite expensive because of the cost of cooling the nitrogen. 495 00:23:38,530 --> 00:23:40,129 Oh, right, so it's not efficient. 496 00:23:40,129 --> 00:23:42,889 But if we could find a superconductor that worked 497 00:23:42,889 --> 00:23:46,008 - at room temperature, then it would be viable. - Right. 498 00:23:46,008 --> 00:23:48,607 Are you working on that? We are, yes indeed. Yes, I am. 499 00:23:48,607 --> 00:23:51,166 I trust you. JOSH: I bet they're not. 500 00:23:51,166 --> 00:23:54,325 They're just playing with this all the time, that's what I'd be doing. 501 00:23:54,325 --> 00:23:55,565 I know, isn't it gorgeous? 502 00:23:55,565 --> 00:23:58,204 So you'd think it would almost be like a maglev train. 503 00:23:58,204 --> 00:24:00,923 - That's what it would be like. - Oh, there we go again. I love that. 504 00:24:00,923 --> 00:24:03,122 And this of course can go on here as well. 505 00:24:03,122 --> 00:24:05,882 That's my favourite one. That actually is... 506 00:24:05,882 --> 00:24:07,041 Boing! 507 00:24:08,041 --> 00:24:10,120 Oh, it's coming round, it's coming round! 508 00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:13,119 Unfortunately, this one is less insulated and it'll probably get... 509 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:15,279 - Oh, that's stopped it. - It's doing pretty well. 510 00:24:15,279 --> 00:24:18,798 - It is, isn't it? - Oh, my God, that's coming for me. Oh, no. 511 00:24:18,798 --> 00:24:21,197 - Cool. - Oh, there you go. Bless its heart. 512 00:24:21,197 --> 00:24:23,196 That would be like the best Christmas present 513 00:24:23,196 --> 00:24:24,876 in the world, wouldn't it? 514 00:24:24,876 --> 00:24:26,755 So you need... What is the magnet made of? 515 00:24:26,755 --> 00:24:28,715 It's rather exciting names. Boron and...? 516 00:24:28,715 --> 00:24:30,754 The magnet is made of neodymium, iron and boron 517 00:24:30,754 --> 00:24:33,113 - and that's what the track is made of. - Neodymium. 518 00:24:33,113 --> 00:24:34,753 Wonderful. Very good element... 519 00:24:34,753 --> 00:24:37,432 The superconductor is made of gadolinium, barium, 520 00:24:37,432 --> 00:24:38,672 copper and oxygen. 521 00:24:38,672 --> 00:24:43,550 But you can just use sticky-backed plastic and a Fairy Liquid bottle. 522 00:24:43,550 --> 00:24:45,790 And old egg cartons. 523 00:24:45,790 --> 00:24:48,509 Was it the Six Million Dollar Man when Steve Austin...? 524 00:24:48,509 --> 00:24:51,348 It would obviously cost a lot more now than six million... 525 00:24:51,348 --> 00:24:52,628 Oh, I could say. 526 00:24:52,628 --> 00:24:54,307 Steve Austin got a bionic eye... 527 00:24:54,307 --> 00:24:55,507 Lee Majors, yes. 528 00:24:55,507 --> 00:24:58,186 ..and all they gave him really was a zoom facility... 529 00:24:58,186 --> 00:24:59,825 Yeah - dung, dung, dung. Exactly. 530 00:24:59,825 --> 00:25:01,905 - ..so he could see things further away. - Yeah. 531 00:25:01,905 --> 00:25:03,504 That was pretty feeble, 532 00:25:03,504 --> 00:25:07,103 - but because they'd given him about eight extra cones... - That's true. 533 00:25:07,103 --> 00:25:10,102 - ..and he could have seen so much... - How could they have shown that to us? 534 00:25:10,102 --> 00:25:13,501 - X-rays. - Now we have the Instagram Eye and you could make it all sepia 535 00:25:13,501 --> 00:25:15,181 - and old-fashioned. - That's right. 536 00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:17,660 Yeah, but then our eyes would still only have three cones 537 00:25:17,660 --> 00:25:20,619 to watch him seeing something, so it would still look like our eyes. 538 00:25:20,619 --> 00:25:21,779 Extremely good point. 539 00:25:21,779 --> 00:25:25,418 He'd have needed a sidekick to say, "But what can you see?" 540 00:25:25,418 --> 00:25:28,217 "Like a bird, I can see ultraviolet light, which is where 541 00:25:28,217 --> 00:25:30,896 "the villain is revealed by this. 542 00:25:30,896 --> 00:25:32,376 "Let me run over there fast." 543 00:25:32,376 --> 00:25:35,335 And also, while we're on the subject of the Bionic Man, 544 00:25:35,335 --> 00:25:39,334 he had one leg that was really good and yet they showed him 545 00:25:39,334 --> 00:25:43,292 running at 70 when the reality was he would have been hopping 546 00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:46,851 at 70 because the other leg would have just been destroyed 547 00:25:46,851 --> 00:25:48,411 by the speed at which... 548 00:25:48,411 --> 00:25:51,370 Biomechanically, it would have been unable to cope. 549 00:25:51,370 --> 00:25:53,129 You've ruined my childhood. 550 00:25:53,129 --> 00:25:54,489 They would've been better off 551 00:25:54,489 --> 00:25:57,208 if they'd taken off both legs, given him two bionic legs... 552 00:25:57,208 --> 00:25:59,168 Yeah. Given him wheels, Adam, wheels. 553 00:25:59,168 --> 00:26:00,727 And his sex life would... 554 00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:02,407 And the sex would have been amazing. 555 00:26:02,407 --> 00:26:04,246 Yeah. 556 00:26:04,246 --> 00:26:06,885 - Bionic sex. - Well, there was the Bionic Woman, Lindsay Wagner, 557 00:26:06,885 --> 00:26:09,405 - and she had ears, didn't she? - Yes, she could hear anything. 558 00:26:09,405 --> 00:26:10,804 Lee Majors, Lindsay Wagner. 559 00:26:10,804 --> 00:26:13,963 - Well before anybody in this audience was born. - Fictional people. 560 00:26:13,963 --> 00:26:16,482 - Yes, they were totally made-y-uppy. - Yes, good. - I'm sorry. 561 00:26:16,482 --> 00:26:19,202 Before your time as well. Oh, God, we feel so old, don't we? 562 00:26:19,202 --> 00:26:21,041 Yeah, but it was great being in the '70s. 563 00:26:21,041 --> 00:26:22,521 - It was, yeah. - Almost perfection. 564 00:26:22,521 --> 00:26:24,680 We could go to university for free. Ha-ha-ha-ha! 565 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:25,760 (Up yours!) 566 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,799 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 567 00:26:34,077 --> 00:26:35,557 Let's have a liquid lark. 568 00:26:35,557 --> 00:26:39,276 I've got some liquid here in the form of our very own QI water, 569 00:26:39,276 --> 00:26:41,875 as you can see, and what I'm going to do is pour some... 570 00:26:41,875 --> 00:26:44,674 I'm going to not use the sporty... Oh, God, I can't even open it. 571 00:26:44,674 --> 00:26:47,953 I'm going to have to use the sporty bit, there we go. 572 00:26:47,953 --> 00:26:51,192 That's as much exercise as you get, isn't it? That's the... 573 00:26:52,192 --> 00:26:53,471 Oh, so sporty. 574 00:26:53,471 --> 00:26:57,270 Now what we do is we flatten this card on it and we turn it 575 00:26:57,270 --> 00:26:59,590 upside down and I want you to try and do this if you can. 576 00:26:59,590 --> 00:27:02,029 And... Oh, God, please work, please work, please work, 577 00:27:02,029 --> 00:27:03,668 please work, please work. 578 00:27:03,668 --> 00:27:05,108 There, holds up. 579 00:27:05,108 --> 00:27:06,787 Hurray. 580 00:27:06,787 --> 00:27:09,467 APPLAUSE 581 00:27:09,467 --> 00:27:12,226 So you should... You should be able to try that. Whoa. 582 00:27:14,105 --> 00:27:16,025 Terrific, terrific fun. 583 00:27:16,025 --> 00:27:18,504 - Yeah. - This could not possibly end in tears. 584 00:27:18,504 --> 00:27:20,463 - No, no, try it, honestly. - It could go on and on. 585 00:27:21,623 --> 00:27:24,862 You just...you just turn it over. 586 00:27:24,862 --> 00:27:26,421 There you are, you see, it does work! 587 00:27:26,421 --> 00:27:28,461 APPLAUSE 588 00:27:31,980 --> 00:27:33,779 Hang on, so, hang on. Where. 589 00:27:33,779 --> 00:27:35,099 And... 590 00:27:35,099 --> 00:27:36,139 Yay! 591 00:27:38,738 --> 00:27:40,457 Hurray! 592 00:27:40,457 --> 00:27:42,937 CHEERING 593 00:27:42,937 --> 00:27:47,255 And do you want to know something really extraordinary about this? 594 00:27:47,255 --> 00:27:48,935 Watch. This should work. 595 00:27:48,935 --> 00:27:50,174 Oh, leave it out. 596 00:27:52,414 --> 00:27:53,453 Shut up! 597 00:27:54,493 --> 00:27:56,013 Shut the front door. 598 00:27:57,772 --> 00:27:59,372 That's pretty amazing, isn't it? 599 00:27:59,372 --> 00:28:00,851 You're actually made of magic. 600 00:28:00,851 --> 00:28:03,050 Go on, let's have a look. Whoa! 601 00:28:05,010 --> 00:28:06,050 Ah! 602 00:28:08,529 --> 00:28:10,648 That's why we gave you these! 603 00:28:10,648 --> 00:28:11,688 Whoa... 604 00:28:13,207 --> 00:28:15,127 - Well, hang on a second. - Oh! 605 00:28:15,127 --> 00:28:16,566 What happened there?! 606 00:28:16,566 --> 00:28:18,606 APPLAUSE