1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:09,040 This programme contains strong language 2 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,160 APPLAUSE 3 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,280 Ja. Thank you. 4 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:36,960 Good evening and welcome to QI, where, tonight, 5 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,160 all I have to say is night-night. 6 00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:40,560 END CREDIT MUSIC 7 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,040 LAUGHTER 8 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:47,720 Sorry... Too quick. That's the title of the show. Can't get the staff. 9 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:50,960 Right. Tonight is indeed the night 10 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,160 and joining me to hold hands in the dark are, a night to remember, 11 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:55,800 it's Holly Walsh. 12 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,720 A night on the town, David Mitchell. 13 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,200 A night on the tiles, Noel Fielding. 14 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:14,800 And... 15 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,760 night after night after night, Alan Davies. 16 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,680 And their midnight buzzers buzz like this. Holly. 17 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:30,520 OWL HOOTS 18 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:33,920 David goes... 19 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:35,840 WOLF HOWLS 20 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,320 Noel goes... 21 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:43,800 HEAVY DOOR CREAKS OPEN 22 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,120 And Alan goes... 23 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:56,400 MAN SNORES HEAVILY 24 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,160 Have you finished? 25 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:02,120 What is the most mysterious thing you do in bed? 26 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,920 LAUGHTER 27 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:10,320 - You regrow, you regenerate your body parts, don't you? - OK, but... 28 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:11,880 LAUGHTER 29 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:16,320 That's what I call it anyway! "What are you doing in there?!" 30 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,520 "I'm regenerating!" 31 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,600 Do you mean bits that are broken, 32 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,640 you mend them? Is that what you mean? 33 00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:27,200 Don't you grow a new liver every seven years, or something? 34 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:31,200 There's no bit of you that is actually the age that you are. 35 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:34,040 No, I think it's every ten years, you're a totally new person. 36 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,880 You're totally new bones, everything. 37 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:37,240 No, you don't grow gums back. 38 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,560 Gums recede and they don't come back. 39 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,720 You can't go, "Oh, I think I'm going to grow my gums long this year." 40 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,640 It's probably quite good that the gums don't keep growing and 41 00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:51,800 growing and growing, though. Imagine having to get them trimmed. 42 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,680 That's going to be an extremely bloody... 43 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,560 - NOEL: - "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a gum-dresser." 44 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:05,160 Have to get head to toe in plastic, it's like CSI. 45 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:09,320 When someone comes in for a long overdue gum trimming. 46 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,520 - AUDIENCE: - Ugh...! 47 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:13,400 You've got to show them the back of their gums. 48 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:17,320 - So, the most mysterious thing that we do in bed, all of us? - Dreaming? 49 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:21,320 - It's also related to the most mysterious thing. - I sleep talk. 50 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:23,360 Do you? What do you say? Anything of interest? 51 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,880 I think the most memorable thing I said was I sat up in bed 52 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:29,200 and I said, "brilliant.com/awesome!" 53 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:33,240 And then I went straight back to sleep again. 54 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,960 Have you put brilliant.com/awesome into the internet 55 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,280 and seen what comes up? 56 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:39,880 Maybe it's a picture of you. 57 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,560 - NOEL: - Sleeping. - A hidden camera in Holly's bedroom. 58 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,840 So, the most mysterious thing that we do. 59 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,520 It involves dreaming, it involves sorting the body out. 60 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,400 What is the all-encompassing thing that we do 61 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,400 - and we don't really know why we do it? - Breathing? 62 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,520 - It's sleeping. - Sleeping. - We have no idea, 63 00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:00,280 - it is the most mysterious thing that we do in bed... - So obvious. 64 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:02,000 We just don't know why we do it. 65 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,720 Why would you end the day unconscious and basically paralysed 66 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:07,360 and leave yourself available to attack by predators unless 67 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:11,400 there is some fantastic evolutionary benefit that outweighs the risk? 68 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,200 The fact is, we just don't know. 69 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,040 People have thought it was to do with energy conservation, 70 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,280 which is ridiculous because you actually don't save much energy. 71 00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:20,720 - Really? - No, not when you sleep, no. 72 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,400 How many days can you go without sleep for before you die? 73 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:26,240 If you stay awake for 17 hours, it's the same as having 74 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,440 two glasses of wine in terms of how it would affect your performance. 75 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,040 Red wine or white wine? 76 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,840 - If it's white wine, then I'll just start crying. - Oh, would you? 77 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:36,400 Are you a bad drunk? 78 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,400 Yeah, I've never once drunk more than two glasses of white wine 79 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,240 and not used the phrase, "Why don't you just dump me, then?" 80 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,400 Even to people who you're not in a relationship with. 81 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,640 No, you save about 110 calories each night, 82 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:53,440 so a two-finger Kit Kat is 107, it's not a lot, is it? 83 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:55,920 - That's the only energy saving? - That's the only energy saving. 84 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,760 So, when you wake up in the morning, you can have a two-fingered Kit Kat. 85 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,640 - Help yourself! - Gratis. - Totally wipes it all out, frankly. 86 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:06,200 - It's a classy breakfast. - Yes! - "Morning, everyone." 87 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,160 So, the theory that I like best, 88 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:13,080 there have been some scientists at the University of Rochester 89 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,240 Medical Centre in New York, 90 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,240 and they think it's when our brains are cleaned. 91 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:18,040 And that maybe that's what's happening to us, 92 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:19,560 is that we are clearing the brain out. 93 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:21,880 There's a professor, Maiken Nedergaard. 94 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,560 I have instituted random Scandinavian facts, 95 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,440 which I call the randi-Scandis. 96 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:29,480 She's a neuroscientist, she's a woman and she's Danish. 97 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,600 This is a fantastic person to quote, and she says, 98 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,560 "You can think of it like having a house party. 99 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,080 "You can either entertain the guests or clean up the house, 100 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,040 "but you can't really do both at the same time." 101 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,280 That's the theory. But how much you sleep depends on 102 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:42,520 your own circadian rhythms. I don't sleep very much. 103 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,080 - Anybody here a good sleeper? - I've got a five-month-old baby, 104 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,760 so I only sleep in hour-and-a-half chunks at the moment. 105 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:49,640 So, have you just come for a break just tonight? 106 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,600 This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. 107 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,720 Genuinely, I went to the dentist the other day 108 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:55,960 and I had to have a filling. 109 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,240 And I lay back, and I was like, "I think this is the closest 110 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:01,000 "to having a relaxing time that I've had for five months." 111 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,720 It was so nice. 112 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:04,280 - NOEL: - Did he trim your gums? 113 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,640 Are you a good sleeper, Noel? Do you sleep well? 114 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:08,920 Yeah, I can sleep a lot, yeah. 115 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,760 Apparently, what you should do to find out how much you need to sleep 116 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,200 is you should spend a week not having an alarm clock at all 117 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,640 and you should let your body just wake up when it needs to, 118 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:17,680 and log how many hours. 119 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:19,960 And if you need six hours, and you need to get up at 7am, 120 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,480 then you know what time to go to bed. 121 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:24,640 Yes, but, Sandi, you need a wee at five... 122 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:25,920 no matter what. 123 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,600 Yes, it's very annoying. 124 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,320 And it's not like you particularly have that much wee to do. 125 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:37,640 You get there and you think, "Why have you woken me up for that? 126 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,520 "I would rather have just left that in the bed. 127 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:41,960 "I could have dealt with that..." 128 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:44,840 "..in the morning!" 129 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:49,000 Also, sometimes, the middle of the night wee, you can start thinking 130 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:53,560 about something stressful, or get frightened by noises in the house. 131 00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:57,600 It's best just to stay asleep till it gets light. 132 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,440 I think, really, the solution is some sort of an apparatus 133 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,160 where you can sleep on the loo. 134 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,520 My father was in hospital 135 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,880 and he had a catheter fitted for a couple of weeks, 136 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,920 and he said he'd never slept so well for about 50 years. 137 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,240 The best thing that had ever happened to him. 138 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,360 - HOLLY: - It's like when you go and stay in a hotel. 139 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,720 They say never use the kettle because people pee in it. 140 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:23,560 - No! - The kettle? - No! You see, I don't want to know those things! 141 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,520 How far away is the bathroom? 142 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:32,320 I always think that must be a man who pees in that kettle. 143 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,480 - NOEL: - I can say, on behalf of men all over the country, 144 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,800 we do not piss in kettles. 145 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,320 LAUGHTER 146 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:39,880 APPLAUSE 147 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,000 You've got to take the lid off, you've got to unplug it... 148 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,200 - Those lids are spiteful. - It's way too much effort. 149 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:51,400 I'm not making it up, it's a well-known fact. 150 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,160 I don't come on QI and talk bullshit. 151 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:56,920 I'm straight up with the facts. 152 00:07:56,920 --> 00:08:00,000 - NOEL: - So, when you go to a hotel room and there's water already 153 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,800 in the kettle, that's a bit suspect. I always get rid of that. 154 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,160 To be honest, boiled piss is probably... 155 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:08,480 It might change the flavour of the tea, but it's not... 156 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,360 it's not a bacterial threat, is it? 157 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,600 Another thing. Never eat the chocolate on the pillow. 158 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,120 Oh, where's that been?! 159 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,720 Anyway, moving on. 160 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,840 Describe the night of the horrified sheep. 161 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:27,440 So, it was an actual thing that happened, November 3rd, 1888 162 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,800 and something happened that spooked all sheep over 163 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:34,240 a 200 square mile area in Oxfordshire. 164 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:37,040 Tens of thousands of sheep panicked, they jumped fences, 165 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:38,800 - they ran for their lives. - Earthquake. 166 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:41,440 Well, that was one of the theories of the time, that there might 167 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,200 have been a small earthquake or something dropped from the sky, 168 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:48,360 but probably what happened is just one sheep panicked. 169 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,320 LAUGHTER 170 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,840 It's possible it was very dark, the sheep just went, 171 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,760 "Where's my friends? Where's my friends?" 172 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,080 Had he just gone "Baaa!" 173 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,200 And then all the other sheep must've been going, 174 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,360 "Sh! Sh! 175 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:03,760 "He'll think he's on his own!" 176 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,080 Then, when he panicked, they all went, "Oh, my God! 177 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,840 "What have we done?!" 178 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,280 Do you think if a sheep can't get to sleep, 179 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,040 do you think he counts his friends? 180 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,080 I wonder what the reason was that we decided to count them 181 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,000 in the first place at night. 182 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,560 Well, it must be really boring to count sheep. 183 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:27,360 - Yeah, it sends you off, yes. Well, I think you've nailed it. - Thanks. 184 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,840 The thing is about counting sheep, they look quite similar, 185 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,280 so you're never sure if it's the same one coming past. 186 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,520 Could just be one sheep on a loop. 187 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,320 And they take turns. 188 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,640 - HOLLY: - I tell you what I'd love to count. Kittens. 189 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,880 - Ah. - Imagine if 70,000 kittens ran past you. 190 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,240 That would just be the most adorable thing that ever happened to anyone. 191 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:49,320 See, I really struggle with this. I'm more of a dog person. 192 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:50,360 Puppies! 193 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:54,160 Probably why the kittens are all running, away from a dog, I think. 194 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:57,000 I always think that cats, you know when people say, like, 195 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,760 "An old woman died in her flat 196 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,840 "and she was eaten by her cats," I mean... 197 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,480 What kind of world do you live in?! 198 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,480 - Peeing in kettles and old women...? - Three days. 199 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:10,160 - Three days and your cat will eat your face. - Yeah. 200 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,480 Because it will have loosened up enough for it to get purchase. 201 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,200 - AUDIENCE: - Ugh! 202 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,080 - NOEL: - What sort of show is this? 203 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,720 They never say that, do they? About, you know, 204 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:24,000 an aged meat on a menu, you know with a 20-day-aged beef, 205 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,440 they never use the phrase, 206 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,840 "It will have loosened up enough to get purchase." 207 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,840 Of course, the thing that the cats don't like, 208 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,040 - they don't like orange peel. Did you know this? - Yeah. 209 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,960 - And spiders don't like conkers. - Yes. HOLLY: - What? 210 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,600 What, the game? They don't like the game? 211 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,400 Because they get their legs caught between them. 212 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,120 "I've got seven now!" 213 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:49,000 If you don't like spiders, put loads of conkers in your house 214 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,720 and there'll be fewer spiders but still some spiders. 215 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:55,680 So the best plan is to get over the fears of spiders, really. 216 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:58,440 But then there'll be, like, loads of eight-year-olds. 217 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:01,640 Hiding in corners. 218 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:05,080 Yeah, what you lose in spiders, you gain in schoolchildren with conkers. 219 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,680 Eight-year-olds don't like bullies, 220 00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:09,360 so just keep some bullies in the house. 221 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:12,640 It's getting quite busy in the house, though, isn't it? 222 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,720 - NOEL: - Bullies, how are we going to get rid of them? 223 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,000 - HOLLY: - Parental love. 224 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,840 So, we need more parents... 225 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,120 - And a school counsellor. - HOLLY: - Yeah. - 24 hour. 226 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,720 - NOEL: - And some tenderised face meat... 227 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:30,880 Have a look at this. Here is a night to remember. 228 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,120 This is the 9th of November, 1874. 229 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:36,200 The New York Herald front page article reported... 230 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:39,160 AMERICAN ACCENT: .."The wild animals broken loose from Central Park! 231 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:40,640 "Terrible scenes of mutilation!" 232 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:44,720 The article described 49 deaths and 200 injuries. 233 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:46,520 There's some excellent details in it. 234 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:49,920 It included a sighting of a lion in a church and, my favourite, 235 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,760 a rhinoceros in a sewer. 236 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,360 How did they get out of the sewer? 237 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:59,920 - Never mind that. How did it get in there? - A manhole cover. 238 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,440 It must have fallen in. 239 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,560 But it wasn't until the very last paragraph 240 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,520 that the article concluded, of course, 241 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:09,120 "The entire story given above is a pure fabrication. 242 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:10,520 "Not one word of it is true, 243 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,800 "not a single act or incident described has taken place. 244 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,960 "It's a huge hoax, a wild romance." 245 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,600 And then it went on to ask, which was the reason for the headline, 246 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:21,000 "What would we do in New York if this happened?" 247 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:24,440 It's one of the most notorious and, indeed, accidental media hoaxes. 248 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,400 But, in fact, it caused complete panic on the streets. 249 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:31,520 - Is that a huge risk? I mean, in zoos? - Well, yes. 250 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:35,280 You'd think maybe it's something we don't need to worry about 251 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:38,400 if you've got enough cages. But in February 2016, 252 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,000 the Ueno Zoo in Tokyo did their annual test to see 253 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,160 what they would do if an animal escapes 254 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:46,440 and what they did was they got the 27-year-old gorilla keeper 255 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:50,120 called Yumi Tamura to dress up as a zebra. 256 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,080 LAUGHTER 257 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:53,320 There she is. 258 00:12:55,800 --> 00:13:00,600 And there they all are dealing with it. So, yes... 259 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,760 LAUGHTER 260 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,880 Very fine death. Now, here's my favourite moment. 261 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,600 - Checking to see if animal is dead. - Wow. 262 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,360 The famous poke them with a stick. 263 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,760 So you feel safe, don't you? 264 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,960 If you're in Tokyo and an animal escapes. 265 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,560 I went to London Zoo recently 266 00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:27,400 and in the tiger enclosure there's a platform there 267 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:31,320 and you can get up to sort of eye-level and look at this thing. 268 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,960 And we're standing there with the kids 269 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,080 and a woman came in with her little boy 270 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:39,160 and she goes, "Look at it. Lazy." 271 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:43,040 - "Like Daddy." - LAUGHTER 272 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,520 Then just wheeled him away. 273 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:53,800 My wife goes, "Drip, drip, drip." 274 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,760 I remember taking my son to London Zoo and he must have been 275 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:59,560 about three years old and I thought it was so exciting for him. 276 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:02,280 I was showing him the elephants and I was showing him the rhinos, 277 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,000 and they were doing some renovations. 278 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,840 And the only time he took his dummy out of his mouth, 279 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:09,320 sat up in his buggy and went, "Look, Mum. A digger!" 280 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,960 LAUGHTER 281 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:16,000 No-one knows why tens of thousands of sheep went crazy in Oxfordshire 282 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,360 on the night of November 3rd, 1888. 283 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:21,560 They may have been surprised by the fact that it got dark, 284 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,760 or by the news that, earlier in the day, 285 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,120 Preston North End beat Notts County 7-0. 286 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,560 I'm really trying with the football thing, just so you know. 287 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:31,320 Doing my best. 288 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,160 We'll never know. 289 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:36,800 OK, how would a night witch travel? 290 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:37,840 Broomstick. 291 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,400 KLAXON 292 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,080 Er...no. 293 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,520 I just get an Uber, generally. 294 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,600 It actually doesn't look unlike you. 295 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:58,560 I think I might have met that witch in Camden. 296 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:03,320 So we are heading backwards in time to the Second World War. 297 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,880 Is the Night Witch something military? 298 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,800 - It is military. - Is it a code thing? A plane or something? 299 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,480 - Is it a Soviet thing? - Yes, it is a Soviet thing. 300 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:15,280 It is the 588th Night Bomber Regiment from the Soviet Union 301 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,920 and it was an all-female unit, from the mechanics to the pilots, 302 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:20,920 and they were known as the Night Witches. 303 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,280 What's incredible about them - 304 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:23,960 lots of the men didn't want them to fight, 305 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,520 so they were all given men's uniforms, 306 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,400 they were all made to cut their hair very short 307 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,040 and they were given rubbish aeroplanes. 308 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,520 So those aeroplanes you can see on the side there, 309 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,520 they're called Polikarpov Po-2 planes 310 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,680 and they're basically made of plywood and canvas. 311 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,760 They were just for training or for crop-dusting and that kind of thing, 312 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,120 so they had weight restrictions. 313 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:41,880 It meant they had to fly close to the ground, 314 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:43,520 it meant they couldn't take parachutes. 315 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,360 And there was sort of a whooshing noise, because they flew so low 316 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,160 and the Germans said it sounded like a broomstick overhead, 317 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:52,280 so they called them the Nachthexen, the Night Witches. 318 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,920 Amazing, actually. Of course, we had them in the UK as well. 319 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,200 Not in quite the same way. They weren't in combat. 320 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,480 I had the great privilege of meeting Joy Lofthouse, 321 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,480 who was 92 when I met her, and there she is. 322 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,560 She was part of the Air Transport Auxiliary. 323 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:08,400 We had 168 female pilots in World War II. 324 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,640 And Joy, amongst other aeroplanes, used to deliver Spitfires. 325 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,440 - She looks good for 92. - She does. 326 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,640 - She does. - Witches don't age. 327 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,600 I'm 1,000. 328 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,120 - But Night Witches is a great name, isn't it? - It is. 329 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,880 - Night Witches, it's terrifying. - Made me think about The Night Watch, 330 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,120 you know that wonderful painting by Rembrandt. 331 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:33,200 They did some restoration work on it and it was just dark varnish 332 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,920 and they had to rename it The Day Watch because it's actually, 333 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,800 - it turns out, much brighter. - Is that in the museum in Amsterdam? 334 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,360 It's in the Rijksmuseum. 335 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,040 And there's a bit of it that was missing or something. 336 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,200 I think they rehung it and they couldn't fit it in, 337 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,480 - so they had to cut a bit off. - SHE GASPS 338 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,760 And they put it in a room and it wouldn't fit, so they cut... 339 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,160 I mean, now, it's worth millions. 340 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,400 "It doesn't fit, we'll just have to take the end off. 341 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,400 "That bloke on the end doesn't look important." 342 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:00,360 Where is it? Did they throw it away or did they keep it? 343 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:01,400 I think they kept it. 344 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:05,000 To make one very long, thin painting for somewhere else. 345 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,480 - For a hall. - Yes, exactly. 346 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:10,280 - Coming up the stairs, it would look nice. Or in the bathroom. - Yeah. 347 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,560 So the whole thing about keeping an eye at night. 348 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,520 We used to have night watchmen in the UK. 349 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,120 In fact, walking around town at night, 350 00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:21,760 night walking was illegal from 1285 to 1827 and they used to 351 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,680 employ night watchmen to go around the streets. 352 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:28,240 - You weren't allowed to go around. - Until 1827? - Until 1827, yeah. 353 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,400 500 years, you weren't allowed to go out at night? 354 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,680 Well, in some places, we still have night watchmen. 355 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,760 So the oldest town in Denmark, which is called Ribe, 356 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:38,240 we still have night watchmen and you can hear them at night. 357 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:41,440 They have a song that they sing and every hour has a different verse, 358 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,280 so you can tell what time of night it is. 359 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,560 Also keeps you awake, so it's a bit irritating. 360 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:50,280 I went to boarding school and we had night watchmen at the school. 361 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,600 - Did you? - Yes. It was a mixed boarding school, 362 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,520 - to make sure that no-one was going to other people's dormitories. - Ah. 363 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:56,960 I was at a single sex school. 364 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,760 We didn't have a night watchman and they should have. 365 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,000 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 366 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,720 The Night Witches were the Germans' worst nightmare, 367 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:12,840 so my question is - what's your worst nightmare? 368 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:14,640 I don't have nightmares. 369 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:18,600 - I just occasionally have dreams that are quite stressful. - Oh, like what? 370 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:22,520 Increasingly, they involve having to do my A levels again. 371 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:26,400 For some reason, I've been busted back to the sixth form 372 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:29,200 and I have to do my A levels again. And I keep saying, 373 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,760 "This is ridiculous! I've been to university. 374 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,880 "Why am I having to do my A levels again?" 375 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,440 But I do have to do them again 376 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:40,640 - and I wake up all stressed by it... - NOEL: - And have to go to the toilet. 377 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,000 It's quite nice because I reflect, as I go to the toilet, 378 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,400 that I don't have to do my A levels again. It's good news. 379 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,000 Are you a nightmare person, Alan? 380 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,800 No, but I wish I had a dream recorder. 381 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,240 That's boring, though, when people tell you their dreams. 382 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,200 - They're so boring. - Not other people's dreams. 383 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,240 I don't want other people's dreams! My own dreams are amazing. 384 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,920 People always go, "Oh, my hands were made of coleslaw, 385 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,800 "and then you were in it, and you had really big..." 386 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:09,920 And you're, like, "This is so boring!" 387 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,240 Have you ever been...? 388 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,000 When you hear someone describe their dream 389 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,680 and they mention someone's in it, do you sit there, 390 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,800 rather hoping that you're going to crop up? 391 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,840 But you don't always, and you sort of go, 392 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,960 "I've not invaded this person's consciousness enough." 393 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,960 Sometimes I have dreams where 394 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:28,000 I need to fight someone and I have no strength. 395 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,560 And I'm supposed to get somewhere and I can never get there. 396 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:35,600 And I'm impressed by all the various obstacles I can put in my own way 397 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,560 that I invent in the night. 398 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,240 Those are the most common sort of ones. The thing about being chased, 399 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:41,920 not being able to get to the toilet in time, 400 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,320 being exposed publically naked is a very big thing, 401 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:48,440 and how you respond to that. So if it doesn't bother you, 402 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,280 that suggests you are secure in real life. If you're embarrassed, 403 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,520 it suggests you are uncomfortable about something. 404 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,840 If you don't notice that you're naked, I think you have 405 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,160 a lack of self-awareness is what it would probably be. 406 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,600 Do you sleep on your left or right side? 407 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,120 Cos that may have some impact on whether you dream or not. 408 00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:05,320 Do most people have one side? 409 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,160 Are you a tosser and turner? 410 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:08,600 Yeah, I think so. 411 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:12,000 Oh, my God, this is a dream and you're going to wake up 412 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:15,640 and go to the toilet in a minute. We're all in your dream! 413 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,080 - So, what did you say? Left or right? - Right. 414 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,040 That fits with the study that they did in 2004. 415 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,560 You're more likely to have disturbing dreams if you sleep 416 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,560 on your left-hand side, than if you sleep on your right-hand side. 417 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:30,200 - So, I'm good. You toss and turn? - It could be either way. 418 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,200 I didn't realise now I'm making a choice. 419 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:34,360 Yes! 420 00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:37,160 Am I just going for rest, or adventure? 421 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,040 LAUGHTER 422 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,760 What side does your wife sleep on? 423 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,800 I'm not aware of her having a preference 424 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:52,040 - for one side or the other. - So, you have one side of the bed, right? 425 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:55,200 - Yeah, yeah. - Surely, see... - NOEL: - "Yeah, I'm not an idiot." 426 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,720 So, my husband makes me sleep facing away from him 427 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,480 cos I breathe too loudly. 428 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,600 - NOEL: - That's quite weird, isn't it? 429 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,960 - HOLLY: - Like those two in the picture. 430 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,400 When I got married, another thing I found out, 431 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,600 that it wasn't usual to put your underwear and your socks on 432 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,680 before you put any of your clothes on. 433 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,440 - What, are you supposed to put them on afterwards? - No, no... 434 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,120 Did you marry a superhero? 435 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,960 - I get my underwear on and then I put my socks on. - Right. 436 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,360 - And then I put my outerwear on. - OK. And what's wrong with that? 437 00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:30,080 Well, apparently, it's weird to put your socks on before you put 438 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,800 your trousers and your top on. 439 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,400 I think your husband is telling you that things 440 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:36,600 he does are things that everyone does. 441 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,800 It's perfectly reasonable to put your socks on 442 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,680 before your trousers or shirt. 443 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,840 It's also perfectly reasonable to breathe while you're asleep. 444 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,960 LAUGHTER 445 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:53,880 The problem in your house is he keeps pissing in the kettle. 446 00:21:56,440 --> 00:22:00,120 There's a story from 1821 in Paris of a nocturnal apparition. 447 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:02,320 So this guy awoke to see a creature in his room 448 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:03,720 and he thought it was the devil. 449 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:07,600 So he called for his servant and then he immediately died of fright, 450 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:10,120 and the servant chased away the apparition, 451 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:13,800 and it rather fits in with the whole zoo thing, because it turned out 452 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,560 it was a large ape escaped from a nearby menagerie 453 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,320 - that had climbed down the chimney. - Wow. - I know! 454 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:22,800 So sometimes it's not a bad dream, it is a thing that has escaped. 455 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:26,600 Anyway... 456 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:29,760 what is the worst thing you can do on a bed of nails? 457 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,680 - Fall from a great height. - I would say so. 458 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,040 I'd say an orgy. 459 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,720 LAUGHTER 460 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,240 I'd say to get nailed on some nails would be a terrible thing. 461 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:42,280 Well, here's the thing. 462 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:45,080 So, I think you could have an orgy if you were fantastically 463 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,400 careful about how you got on and off. 464 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,960 Are we talking about the nails or the people? 465 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,760 LAUGHTER 466 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:55,040 It's about the even distribution of weight across the nails. 467 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,480 - I did do this. - Did you? 468 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,520 I went on a bed of nails with a contortionist. 469 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:01,000 What a night that was. 470 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,080 LAUGHTER 471 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:04,440 I filmed it. 472 00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:07,600 And he showed me how to lie down. 473 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,520 It's all right if you're lying down, but he said, "Be very, very careful, 474 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,000 "because your instinct when you get up is to put your weight 475 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,600 - "on your hands." - Oh! - Yeah. 476 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,480 And then that really hurts a lot. 477 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,680 When I was at school, one afternoon, for some reason, some 478 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,280 circus-skills people came round 479 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,840 and tried to teach us all circus skills. 480 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,960 I love the heavy note of disapproval in your voice. 481 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,040 "Waste of bloody time!" 482 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:34,680 I was seven. 483 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,600 You learn circus skills later. 484 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,000 What I needed was maths. 485 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:43,040 They came round and tried to teach us how to juggle, 486 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,200 we couldn't juggle. 487 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,760 Tried to put clown make-up on, 488 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,800 some of us had an allergic reaction, 489 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,080 you know. One of the things was a bed of nails. 490 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,960 They taught us how to lie on a bed of nails 491 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,160 and the way you lie on a bed of nails is 492 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:56,480 you just lie on it and it's fine. 493 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,840 But it's about getting on and off. You're absolutely right. 494 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:00,400 So, let's have a look and test this out. 495 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,240 You've got a very small bed of nails underneath the desk there. 496 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,480 If you bring it out. 497 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,280 I'm not going on, on the bottom. 498 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:09,560 Noel, if you would take a seat. 499 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:13,040 Take a balloon. 500 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,320 Take a balloon and place the balloon on the bed of nails. 501 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,000 Now, apply the pressure evenly. 502 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,720 It's actually... Clearly this is a condom. 503 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,520 See, that's your big problem with having an orgy on a bed of nails. 504 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,480 If you press down on the wood evenly, 505 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,600 it can withstand it for quite a long time. 506 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,080 - Can I put some real weight on it? - Go on. Burst it. Burst it. 507 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,000 - Go on, then, let's have a go. - AUDIENCE GASPS 508 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,280 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 509 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,400 - You've done a lot. - I'll try again. - Fantastic. 510 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,840 Oh. 511 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:49,640 A fantastic amount of pressure. 512 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,000 Great, I've got condom up my nose. 513 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:55,520 Again. 514 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,680 Put your beds of nails away. 515 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:00,760 Let's have a quick look. 516 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,720 We've got some video here of a woman. 517 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,560 Now, look how she gets on. 518 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,520 OK, now watch. This is actually slightly terrifying. 519 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:10,360 - So, she lies on the bed of nails and then... - Oh, no. 520 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:14,360 ..an anvil left over from the Roadrunner cartoons... 521 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:15,600 AUDIENCE GASPS 522 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,640 No! Her boobs! 523 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,680 I know. I know. 524 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:23,600 - Anvil in the boobs is worse than some nails in the back. - Yeah. 525 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:24,760 And rather pleasingly, 526 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,200 couple of spots which have been nicely popped there. 527 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,240 Maybe that's going to be the new pampering. 528 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:31,800 What, lying on a bed of nails? 529 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,120 Turns out, that's really good for the skin. 530 00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:38,640 You just get on the nails, anvil, couple of guys with some hammers. 531 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,880 Yeah. Anyway, beds of nails aren't too painful to sleep on, 532 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,960 so long as you climb on carefully. 533 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,240 How can you tell if a fish is asleep? 534 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,360 LAUGHTER 535 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:54,200 That is not asleep. That is just breakfast. 536 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:57,800 - He's still got his eyes open. - Well, that is the problem, isn't it? 537 00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,600 - HOLLY: - I think I know the answer to this. - Yes? 538 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:03,240 - It bobs on the top of the surface... - Then it's dead. 539 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,680 ..no, your parents put you to bed early and then in the morning, 540 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,720 it's fine, but it's just a different shape and colour. 541 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,840 I've heard that, with goldfish, when they bob on the surface, 542 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:15,320 it's often they're not dead. 543 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,440 Yeah, they sometimes get air caught inside them 544 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:18,880 and they can recover from that. 545 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,280 And so many viable goldfish have been, you know, 546 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:23,960 flushed down the loo as a result. 547 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,240 And they're in the sewers now with a rhino. 548 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,760 Does the fish stop eating? 549 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,080 No, so it's sort of the reverse of them swimming on the top. 550 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,680 If we had a tank of fish, you'd see them hovering near the bottom. 551 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,840 They go into a sort of trancelike state and if you then fed them, 552 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,360 it would take them noticeably longer to respond. 553 00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:43,400 And dolphins and whales, they sleep by something called logging. 554 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,800 They shut down half their brain along with the opposite eye. 555 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,960 And the alert side is watching for predators and obstacles and so on. 556 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,400 And then after about two hours, the sides reverse. 557 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:56,960 - So their brains get cleaned like 50-50. - Bit by bit. Yes. 558 00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,120 It's weird we haven't evolved to do that because you'd think 559 00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:03,280 we'd have survived better if we didn't totally close down. 560 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,400 Well, the even weirder thing is that some animals hibernate, 561 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:08,720 but they have to wake up in order to go to sleep. 562 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:12,080 And if they don't wake up, they'd actually end up sleep-deprived, 563 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:13,400 so they wake up to go to sleep. 564 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,000 - So it's a different sort of sleep? - It's a totally different thing. 565 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,600 And then there are ones that just go in to torpor to avoid the heat, 566 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,040 that's a different thing, that's not the same as hibernation. 567 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,240 Things like the water-holding frog, 568 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,920 the western swamp tortoise, which is actually a turtle, 569 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:30,480 and the African lungfish. So they go into a torpor to avoid the heat, 570 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,840 aestivation. It's just a short-term drop in temperature. 571 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:38,560 Now, where's the best place to sleep on the job? 572 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,960 I used to sleep in the boot of my car when I was at work. 573 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,280 Did you? 574 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:46,200 In the university holidays, I worked for a textbook company 575 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,760 and I could do what they needed me to do in about an hour. 576 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,640 - Right. - I'd just go out and I'd lie down in the back of my car, 577 00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,160 and I started taking a duvet in. 578 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,760 A boot duvet. I called it a boovet. 579 00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:58,960 LAUGHTER 580 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,560 I did get asked to leave after my boss saw me 581 00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:02,920 climbing out the back of my car. 582 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:04,040 - During working hours? - Yes. 583 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:06,400 Yes, I can see that that would have been a very bad thing. 584 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:07,640 Where I'd clearly been asleep. 585 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:11,240 - NOEL: - I had a job in a bakery and I lasted four hours. 586 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:12,360 What did you do wrong? 587 00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:14,640 Well, the boss popped out and when he came back, 588 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,840 I was lying on the floor eating eclairs without using my hands. 589 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:18,880 I was just going, 590 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:20,600 "A-rar-a-rar-ar!" 591 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:24,160 I looked up and went, "I'll go." 592 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,880 And then he didn't pay me and my mum marched down there and went, 593 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:29,480 "He did do four hours." 594 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:35,000 "He did do four hours and then you can deduct the cost of the eclairs." 595 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:36,080 So, that's not the answer. 596 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,320 What is the best place to sleep on the job? 597 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,560 Oh, is it British Leyland in the 1970s? 598 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:42,200 Oh, was that a popular thing? 599 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,000 I believe that in the Cowley works in Oxford, 600 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:49,120 they had a dormitory that was discovered by the management 601 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:51,520 where they had found, like, beds and duvets. 602 00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:55,360 Very much like the back of your car, but on the industrial scale. 603 00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:58,040 We're talking further away. 604 00:28:58,040 --> 00:28:59,760 - We're talking... - Space. 605 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:01,800 Space. We are indeed talking space. 606 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,480 Neuroscientists at Oxford University have been studying 607 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:07,200 hibernation and they've been studying hibernation of the 608 00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:10,480 Madagascan fat-tailed dwarf lemur. 609 00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:12,520 That's a name that won't leave the lemur alone. 610 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:13,880 No. It's just... 611 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,760 Look at your fat tail, you dwarf! 612 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,920 And they are trying to unlock the secret of suspended animation. 613 00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:26,200 And NASA have spent a huge amount of money, because astronauts 614 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,440 sleeping their way to the stars would use 615 00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,120 less water, less food, oxygen, avoid boredom. 616 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,480 - Their hair would grow though, wouldn't it? - Yes. 617 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:35,840 Their hair would grow. Here's the weird thing. 618 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:39,640 The genes for hibernation already exist in the human body 619 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:41,640 and, ironically, they're dormant. 620 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:45,160 - Of course. - It's something we have forgotten how to do. 621 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:46,880 The secret of suspended animation. 622 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:49,600 So, it would protect, for example, the health of astronauts. 623 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:52,200 They currently have to exercise six hours a day. 624 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,680 Otherwise their muscles and their bones and everything atrophies. 625 00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:57,760 And some animals can hibernate for six months 626 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:01,000 without suffering osteoporosis, or any muscle wastage whatsoever. 627 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,200 Apparently, lots of astronauts sleep on the launchpad 628 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,200 because there's nothing to do. 629 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,920 Marsha Ivins, and that is her there, 630 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:12,320 completed five missions for NASA and she said astronauts just take a nap. 631 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:14,960 "You're strapped in like a sack of potatoes while the system 632 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:16,800 "goes through thousands of prelaunch checks 633 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,480 "and occasionally you have to wake up and say, 'Roger,' 634 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,160 "or, 'Loud and clear,' but basically you just sleep." 635 00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:25,760 Anyway, sleeping in space could help us reach towards the stars. 636 00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:29,120 What's the most dangerous thing beginning with N 637 00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,680 that you could be stuck in a lift with? 638 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:33,040 Nigel Farage. 639 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:34,400 KLAXON 640 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:36,520 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 641 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:46,360 No. Not correct. 642 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:49,520 - NOEL: - Nitrogen. - Yes. It is liquid nitrogen. 643 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:51,320 I've no idea how that happened. 644 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:52,960 APPLAUSE 645 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:56,280 Liquid nitrogen explains it, 646 00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:58,880 because I'm pretty sure I've been in a lift with some nitrogen 647 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,000 and lived to tell the tale. 648 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,800 No, liquid nitrogen, it would need to be. 649 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:04,360 I like the idea, though, of you in a lift with liquid nitrogen. 650 00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:07,320 When it opened, it would be like Stars in Their Eyes. 651 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:09,560 - You'd come out as whoever you liked. - Yes, I suppose so, 652 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,640 except you wouldn't come out, is the thing. 653 00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:15,560 It can push the oxygen out of a lift and kill you. 654 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,400 So, if it is carried in a lift, it has to travel on its own. 655 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:20,920 Basically, what has to happen is somebody has to put it in 656 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:23,720 and then carefully press the button and shut the doors, and it goes up 657 00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,360 to the next floor, or down or wherever, 658 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:26,720 and somebody has to wait for it. 659 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:30,480 Why is so much liquid nitrogen needed on so many high floors? 660 00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,160 You can make ice cream out of it. 661 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:37,800 - I'm saying, make it on the ground floor. - Yeah. 662 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:41,440 Well, the cafe at Terminal 2 that Heston Blumenthal has at Heathrow, 663 00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,360 it has to go in a special security entrance 664 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,160 and be brought into the lift by itself. 665 00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:48,920 Oh, he's caused so much trouble just for his poxy ice cream. 666 00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,440 It does actually make better ice cream, because it's smaller 667 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,160 ice crystals so it's smoother, but do you know when it was invented, 668 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,320 the idea of making ice cream with liquid nitrogen? 669 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:57,920 1420s or something, wasn't it? 670 00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:00,840 Yes. I love the idea of that. 1420s. "What shall we do now?" 671 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:04,360 - 1890. - 1890. 672 00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:07,000 There was a cookbook called Fancy Ices written by a Mrs Marshall 673 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:08,960 and she used liquid nitrogen. 674 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:12,200 Now, what does the EU have against nightingales? 675 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:15,040 - Is it the noise they make? - Yes, it is the noise they make. 676 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:16,520 Why might it be? 677 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:18,720 - It's too loud. - It's too loud, it breaks... 678 00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:20,160 They're breaking regulations. 679 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:21,640 Yes, they are. 680 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:25,160 They're breaking EU health and safety rules. 681 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:27,440 There we are, you can have a listen. 682 00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:28,480 They're too loud. 683 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:29,760 Ah! Argh! 684 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,560 It's quite piercing, isn't it? 685 00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:36,240 That's a male nightingale marking his territory there 686 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:41,320 and he can sing at 95 decibels, which is the same as a chainsaw. 687 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:44,080 And our health and safety rules for the EU say you shouldn't be 688 00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:45,760 exposed to anything over 87. 689 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,920 But the weird thing is, they've done some research in Berlin 690 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,160 and they have found that birds are now raising the volume 691 00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,760 by 14 decibels to drown out the city sounds. 692 00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:55,200 - They are having to. - Are they really? 693 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:58,840 - Yep. - I've heard that. In the cities, all the birds are louder. 694 00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:00,840 - Noisy city birds. - Yeah, yeah. 695 00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,720 And they go out to the country, "HELLO, EVERYONE! 696 00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:08,400 "GOT ANY GOOD WORMS OR SPIDERS? 697 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:12,400 "I'VE EATEN NOTHING BUT OLD BURGERS ALL WEEK." 698 00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:15,280 I must say, I've never heard a nightingale song before and 699 00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:19,800 I'm afraid to say I expected more. 700 00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:23,200 I thought a nightingale song was, like, incredibly beautiful 701 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,600 - and that was kind of a bit... - Irritating at best. 702 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,040 A bit pleasant, but also a bit irritating. 703 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,080 Isn't there a Vera Lynn song about it? 704 00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:33,120 Nightingale In Berkeley Square, absolutely right. 705 00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:36,000 Indeed, the BBC's very first outside broadcast, in 1924, 706 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,280 that was a cellist called Beatrice Harrison and it was 707 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,640 a duet with Beatrice Harrison and a nightingale. 708 00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,040 And she had noticed that nearby nightingales were joining in 709 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,920 whenever she was practising and so she approached John Reith 710 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:47,840 and he was rather dubious about the idea. 711 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:51,600 But in fact it was broadcast and one million people listened to her 712 00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:53,600 playing along with a nightingale. 713 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,600 Now, night draws on. 714 00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:57,600 Would anyone like a nightcap? 715 00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:58,840 Yes. 716 00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:00,520 KLAXON 717 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:07,360 At this point, I would like to ask whether the word "No" 718 00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:09,520 is also attached to a buzzer? 719 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,760 And, therefore, precisely how we could fucking win? 720 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:14,880 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 721 00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,920 No, you don't want a nightcap, is the answer. 722 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:24,920 Is it a deadly mushroom or something? 723 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,320 Well, it's from around the turn of the 19th century. 724 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:30,200 - Condemned prisoners... - The judge's black hat? Is that a nightcap? 725 00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:31,480 No, it's your own nightcap. 726 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:34,160 Say you were a condemned prisoner in Tyburn and Newgate, 727 00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:36,240 you'd bring your nightcap to the execution 728 00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:37,720 and, after having your prayers, 729 00:34:37,720 --> 00:34:40,800 the hangman would pull it down over your face in place of a hood. 730 00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:44,840 - So your nightcap would become... - Not this one because it's quite tight. 731 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:48,160 That's a tremendous incentive to forget your nightcap, isn't it? 732 00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:51,600 - "I'm so sorry, I don't think this can go ahead." - "I feel an idiot!" 733 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,320 So, the nightcap as a drink, the notion of capping off the evening, 734 00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:55,520 that's a different use of it. 735 00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,200 That kind of nightcap you might very well want, but the idea that 736 00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,880 you had a nightcap as a condemned person, that you don't want. 737 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:02,360 Although, in America, it just means 738 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,320 the second game of a double-header in baseball. 739 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:06,240 It's known as the nightcap. 740 00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:11,120 Now, we step into the dark and stormy night of General Ignorance. 741 00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:15,000 Fingers on buzzers. Where is this cheese from? 742 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,600 I'll give you a clue, it begins with S. 743 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,720 MAN SNORES HEAVILY Alan. 744 00:35:20,720 --> 00:35:22,440 Shropshire. 745 00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:23,960 KLAXON 746 00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,160 I don't know what made you think of it. 747 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:30,320 Sometimes, you know... 748 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:33,480 Sometimes you say the obvious one and then you go, "Yes." 749 00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:34,600 - No. - Never to me. 750 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,120 No, it doesn't come from Shropshire. Anything else? 751 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,040 Begins with an S, does not come from Shropshire. 752 00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,400 Spain, Sussex, Surrey, Scotland. 753 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,440 Scotland. It comes from Scotland. It absolutely does. 754 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:47,880 And it was originally called Inverness-shire Blue or Blue Stuart. 755 00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:50,960 And I don't know why they thought if they renamed it Shropshire, 756 00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:53,320 people would be more likely to buy it. 757 00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:56,360 - It was a PR job. - So, is it is quite a recent invention? 758 00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:59,000 It's a fairly recent cheese, yeah. Rather like Stinking Bishop. 759 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,520 Oh, yeah, that's like a made-up olde worlde thing, isn't it? Yeah. 760 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,960 - It's a... 1973 it was invented. - Like Hobnobs. They're quite recent. 761 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:07,440 - Are they? - Yeah, the Hobnobs. 762 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:09,400 Oh, that's an old biscuit, I'll have a Hobnob. 763 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,320 It's about something like 1981. 764 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:12,520 LAUGHER 765 00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:15,280 I resent the Hobnobs' quick entry into sort of... 766 00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:17,960 It's a quick biscuit to refer to in a joke. 767 00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:19,840 You go, "Oh, a Hobnob," or whatever. 768 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:21,480 No, Hobnob. You're new. 769 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,600 LAUGHTER 770 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:27,320 Leave the biscuit references to the rich tea and the digestive. 771 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:29,480 They've genuinely... They've done the time. 772 00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,000 It's like a bloody ploughman's lunch. 773 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,440 Ad executive's inventions. 774 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,680 And tonight's show was sponsored by Hobnobs... 775 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:40,960 to whom we can only apologise. 776 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:44,000 Stinking Bishop is actually named after the perry, 777 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,000 so the pear drink it's steeped in. 778 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,560 The pear itself was bred by a man called Mr Bishop 779 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:52,000 and he was so bad-tempered, he was known as Stinking Bishop. 780 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,080 So bad-tempered that once, 781 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:57,560 his kettle failed to boil as fast as he wanted it to, 782 00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:00,760 so he shot it. LAUGHTER 783 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:02,640 And then he pissed in it. 784 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:09,160 Does anybody know the price of the most expensive cheese in the world? 785 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:10,600 It's called pule. 786 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,600 1,000 euros. 787 00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:16,560 You're not far off. It is £700 a pound. 788 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,080 - HOLLY: - What's so special about it? - It's made from donkey milk. 789 00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:22,960 I don't know if you've ever tried to milk a donkey, but... 790 00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:25,880 It kicks in the face a lot. 791 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,520 You have to dress as an ice hockey goalkeeper. 792 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:33,240 25 litres of donkey milk to make one kilo of cheese - of the pule. 793 00:37:33,240 --> 00:37:37,360 - Is it very delicious? - I've never had it. It's rather crumbly, apparently, 794 00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:39,440 and meant to be a delicacy. It would be at that price. 795 00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:40,920 You wouldn't want to have a lot. 796 00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,040 You wouldn't want to think, "Oh, I'm tired," 797 00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,400 - just open the fridge, cracker... - Melt it on toast. - Yes. 798 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:49,920 I bought a rather nice lump of some sort of fancy cheddar 799 00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:53,120 and it was in a waxy dome, you know. 800 00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:55,840 - Babybel. - Not a Babybel... 801 00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,480 LAUGHTER 802 00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,720 ..I'll have you know. 803 00:38:00,720 --> 00:38:06,200 It could have been a very old Babybel. Like a pre-war Babybel. 804 00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:09,360 Anyway... Cost quite a lot. 805 00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:12,280 I thought, "I'm going to enjoy that." And then when I came home, 806 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:16,080 my wife had grated it on the kids' jacket potatoes. 807 00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:17,880 She couldn't understand my indignation. 808 00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,200 You sound ridiculous when you're in the kitchen going, 809 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:22,960 "That's a very expensive cheese!" 810 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:26,520 LAUGHTER 811 00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:32,080 - And she said, "It's a Babybel." - Yeah. 812 00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,840 Now, it's a beautiful morning, look, there's a rainbow. 813 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:36,520 What colours can you see? 814 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,120 # Red and yellow 815 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:42,680 # And... # 816 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:47,880 - You're being very cautious. - Purple and blue? 817 00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:49,320 Something, purple and blue? 818 00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:51,000 KLAXON 819 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:56,560 - Orange? - Not if it's early or late in the day. 820 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,120 You will only see red, orange and yellow in rainbows 821 00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:01,560 and that is because when the sun is low in the sky, 822 00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:05,000 the light has to pass through much more of the Earth's atmosphere 823 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,440 and only the red wavelengths will make it. 824 00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,880 Has anybody ever seen an upside-down rainbow? 825 00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:13,760 - I don't think so. - HOLLY: - Have we all seen one? 826 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:16,040 Well, it is a thing. You can see them in the sky. 827 00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:19,320 They're called circumzenithal or Bravais' arcs. 828 00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:21,840 So, a rainbow is formed when light refracts through raindrops, 829 00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:22,880 we all know that. 830 00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:25,600 But the upside-down ones are made by light refracting through 831 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:27,960 - ice crystals in the clouds. Isn't it beautiful? - Cool. 832 00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,040 It is seriously cool. 833 00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:34,320 Now, when is Sunday and how long does it last? 834 00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:36,640 Oh, I'm not getting into that one, someone else can do that. 835 00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:38,000 Anybody else to buzz? 836 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,240 WOLF HOWLS Yes, David. 837 00:39:40,240 --> 00:39:43,720 Between Saturday and Monday and 24 hours. 838 00:39:43,720 --> 00:39:46,080 Oh, dear. KLAXON 839 00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:54,480 No, is the answer. 840 00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:56,200 So, it is not Sunday. It is sun day. 841 00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:58,600 - And it is... - Is it the summer solstice? 842 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:00,320 It is the one day in the year. 843 00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:03,760 Where might they be so thrilled to see the sun? 844 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:05,520 Oh, is it somewhere in Scotland? 845 00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:07,920 LAUGHTER 846 00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,280 Slightly further north. 847 00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:13,120 Oh, is it when the sun appears at the end of the Arctic winter 848 00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:14,720 - or something like that? - Yeah, it is. 849 00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:18,000 It's in a place called Uummannaq in north-western Greenland. 850 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:19,320 It takes place on 4th February 851 00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,480 and it's when the sun first appears after winter, 852 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,360 and it lasts for six minutes. 853 00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:25,080 But it is so exciting... 854 00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:27,280 Farming's going well there, isn't it? 855 00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:32,080 Think of their garden. 856 00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,160 Come on, Titchmarsh, show us your stuff. 857 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:36,640 It looks like where the Thunderbirds live. 858 00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,320 "Why do we live here?" "I don't know." 859 00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:42,920 And they celebrate that day. 860 00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:46,080 The schoolchildren take the day off and they have hot chocolate 861 00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:47,160 and doughnuts and so on 862 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:49,840 and they organise sites that everybody can see the sun. 863 00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:52,800 I bet you they still get their tops off when it comes out, like here. 864 00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:53,840 Do you think? 865 00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,280 I think just loads of middle-aged men go out 866 00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:57,880 just in their boxer shorts, 867 00:40:57,880 --> 00:40:59,480 just to get a bit of a tan. 868 00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:02,000 - Where does that happen? - In Lewisham. 869 00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,160 Every park in the UK. 870 00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:07,600 Speaking on behalf of middle-aged men, 871 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:10,160 there's no way we would strip down to our boxes in any park. 872 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,720 You two are really making a lot of statements on behalf of 873 00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:14,800 all men this evening. 874 00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:16,920 Yeah, as are you, kettle pisser. 875 00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:18,200 LAUGHTER 876 00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:23,440 From someone who sleeps in the boot of her own car. 877 00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,520 Did anybody ever go to that fantastic exhibition in the 878 00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:31,600 Turbine Hall at the Tate called the Weather Project, 879 00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:34,520 - where they just had a large sun? - I did. - Did you see it? 880 00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:35,880 Yeah. It was amazing. 881 00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:38,640 I went to an exhibition at the Tate and it was on pop art and 882 00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:41,280 there was a room that was set aside from everyone else, because it 883 00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,920 was very explicit by this artist called Jeff Koons who does 884 00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:47,960 basically high art, but pornography. 885 00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:50,720 And this middle-class woman and her two kids came up and the guy 886 00:41:50,720 --> 00:41:52,280 on the door stopped them and said, 887 00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,840 "This is for over 18s only, you can't come in." And the woman said, 888 00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:57,640 "I'll go in and have a look and I'll come back out and tell you what I saw." 889 00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:59,440 So she went into the room and she came back out 890 00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:02,240 a split-second later, completely ashen-faced. 891 00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:04,440 And I heard her lean down to these two kids and she said, 892 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:07,000 "What happens between a man and a woman is a beautiful thing. 893 00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:10,720 "What I saw in that room is of no help to anyone." 894 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:16,600 That's what you said after the circus skills workshop. 895 00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:21,320 I'm trying to get my head around long division. 896 00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:22,920 I don't need this bullshit. 897 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,640 Don't try and tempt me with Hobnobs. 898 00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,360 Take your unicycle and go. 899 00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:36,520 Anyway, let's have a look at the scores. 900 00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:40,640 And the winner with a full three points, 901 00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:41,680 it's Holly! 902 00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:50,200 Second place, with -8, it's Noel. 903 00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:57,240 In third place with -10, Alan. 904 00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,360 David, it's a magnificent loss, can I say? 905 00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:07,520 -37, in last place, it's David Mitchell. 906 00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:18,960 So, it's thanks to Holly, David, Noel and Alan. 907 00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:21,040 That's all from this quite interesting night, 908 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:25,640 apart from this Neolithic newspaper nugget from the Western Daily Press. 909 00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:28,960 A student who woke up after a drunken night out with the words 910 00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,840 "Barry is a twat" tattooed on his arm 911 00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:34,400 says he has no idea who Barry is. 912 00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:37,200 Night-night.