1 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,960 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:37,040 Hello, and welcome to a show dedicated to the naked truth. 3 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,200 Joining me, and full of naked ambition, 4 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,040 are tonight's skinny dippers. 5 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,720 In the buff, Richard Osman! 6 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,080 - APPLAUSE - Hi. 7 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,920 In the altogether, Lee Mack! 8 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:51,880 - APPLAUSE - Hello. 9 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,720 In her birthday suit, Lolly Adefope! 10 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,720 APPLAUSE 11 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,520 And indescribable Alan Davies! 12 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,600 APPLAUSE 13 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:08,720 Right, let's hear their buzzers. 14 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,400 Lolly goes... 15 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,200 MUSIC: The Stripper 16 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:16,840 Richard goes... 17 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:20,680 MUSIC: The Stripper 18 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:23,720 Lee goes... 19 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,080 MUSIC: The Stripper 20 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,240 And Alan goes... 21 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:32,840 MUSIC ENDS 22 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:38,000 TRICKLING 23 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,560 What the... 24 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,120 Well, I need to go now. Don't you? 25 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,520 - Yeah. - So, Alan, we're going to start with you. 26 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:54,720 - Oh, OK. - Are you normal or weird? 27 00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,520 I think I'm normal, Sandi. 28 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,720 KLAXON 29 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,880 - All right, weird. - Feel bad. 30 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:05,640 Yes, you are weird. 31 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:06,960 Anybody here normal? 32 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,320 I would say, uh, I'll go weird. 33 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,040 Yes. Normal, do you feel normal, Lolly? 34 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,840 I feel very much at home here. 35 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:17,320 OK. You must have a strange house, but there we are. 36 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,160 What about you, Richard? Normal? 37 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,840 I'm going to go out on a crazy limb. 38 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,800 - Yeah. - And say maybe I'm a little bit weird. 39 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,680 Yes. The fact is, nobody is normal. 40 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:28,120 So, say you took an average of every single person here in this room, 41 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:32,280 and we took height and shoe size and collar size and all those things, 42 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,240 you won't find anybody who's average in all respects. 43 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,440 It just doesn't exist. 44 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,440 And it's called the jaggedness principle. 45 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,200 And it really matters. In the 1940s, the US Air Force, they thought, 46 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,080 "I know what we'll do. We'll design a cockpit that fits absolutely 47 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:47,040 - "everybody." OK? - The cockpit has yet to be designed... 48 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:50,440 - Yes, that is... - ..that will fit my proportions. 49 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:51,960 In what way? 50 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,320 - Oh, in a plane? - In a plane. 51 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:54,920 Oh, I'm sorry! 52 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,960 How embarrassing, I thought you were talking about... 53 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:02,160 Yes, I try so hard with you boys. 54 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:05,360 So they took the measurements of over 4,000 pilots and they designed 55 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:09,240 this cockpit seat based on these ten different body measurements. 56 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:12,240 And it didn't fit a single pilot. 57 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,800 Because there isn't any such thing as normal, 58 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:18,600 and in the end they had to develop the adjustable seat for aeroplanes, 59 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,920 because of the jaggedness principle. 60 00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:23,600 So, take me and Richard. Richard, you come here, just for a moment. 61 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,720 - Oh, goodness. - So, if you wanted to do... 62 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:29,120 Where's the sun?! Where's the sun?! 63 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:36,920 If there was a jacket to be had for the average quiz show presenter... 64 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:41,440 Can I just say, I'm very proud of Sandi and her time at the school... 65 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:46,520 and I'm so pleased that she's won the grammar prize, well done. 66 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,360 You do know that people watching won't know who's - 67 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:54,400 and I don't use the word lightly - abnormally heighted? 68 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,240 It could be that you're 25 foot. 69 00:03:56,240 --> 00:04:00,080 - We need some proportions. - I'm five foot nine, to give an indication. 70 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:03,720 I used to work with the brilliant Humphrey Lyttelton, 71 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:07,320 and Humphrey was exactly the same height as me when he was kneeling. 72 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,920 - I bet I am. - Shall we try that? - Yeah. 73 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,520 OK. Right, here we go. 74 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,400 Oh, just about. 75 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:19,920 APPLAUSE 76 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:26,080 Play you at netball any day. 77 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:29,120 So, trying to find an average person's unbelievably difficult. 78 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,320 The Australian Bureau of Statistics used the national census to try and 79 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,480 find an average Australian. 80 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,280 So here's what they announced. She was a 37-year-old woman. 81 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:39,040 She had a son and daughter, he was six and she was nine. 82 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:40,680 The woman is five foot four and 11st. 83 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,280 She's got a three-bedroom house with about £200,000 left 84 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:46,200 on the mortgage. Her family came originally from the UK. 85 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,920 That is the average Australian. 86 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:52,080 And then they couldn't find a single person in the entire country who 87 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:53,960 - matched it. - I think it's me. 88 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,960 - Are you five foot four? - Yeah. 89 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,640 Are you Australian? 90 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,760 So close! 91 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,640 OK, try this one, all right? 92 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,320 So this is a 2014 dating site. 93 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:06,880 They surveyed 2,000 London men. 94 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,520 So the ideal London woman, here's what she looks like. 95 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,000 Five foot six. 96 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,480 - Five foot four. - Five foot four, OK. 97 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,880 9st. 34C bust, drinks white wine, 98 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,000 has no tattoos and supports Tottenham. 99 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,960 Oh! 100 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,200 No wonder she's single. 101 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,640 Yeah, well... I've got more on her. 102 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:27,160 I've got more. Brown hair. 103 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,920 Brown hair. She drove an Audi TT, she was either a nurse or a teacher. 104 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,600 She liked roast dinners. 105 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,800 She had an exotic foreign accent. 106 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,520 She loved Dirty Dancing, the movie, 107 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,960 and the top television show was Friends. 108 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,160 - Oh, she sounds like an idiot. - She does! 109 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,760 That's what a man's really looking for in a woman, 110 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,360 somebody who likes Dirty Dancing. They're so rare to find. 111 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:51,360 - I know. - I don't think I have any of those... 112 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,720 - Don't have... - ..qualities. - You've got brown hair. 113 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,040 - It's kind of black. - OK. 114 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,520 So, if you're not normal, you could be weird. 115 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:00,920 In fact, we are all at the table weird. 116 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:04,480 It stands for Western educated from industrialised rich democratic 117 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,000 countries. So why might that be a problem? 118 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:10,000 - That be an issue? - The problem is because they're missing the C off 119 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,560 the end of WEIRD. Yeah, countries. 120 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,680 - Oh, I see. - So the acronym works pretty well. 121 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:17,600 - Doesn't really scan though, does it? - No. - WEIRDC. 122 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,160 The problem is that whenever we do sociological research or 123 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:23,320 psychological research, 96% of the people who participate 124 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,840 in these kind of studies, they're usually students, are weird. 125 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:29,640 Even though that only represents 12% of the world's population. 126 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,720 Surely NORMAL could be an acronym for something? 127 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,000 - Yes. - Yes, what could it be? 128 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,560 It ends in "Arsenal loving," I know that. 129 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,320 I'm just trying... 130 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,920 Yeah, C's for something else there, isn't it? 131 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,880 LAUGHTER 132 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:50,040 - Nordic men, Arsenal loving. - Yeah, like John Jensen. 133 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,920 - Johnny Jensen! Aah! - Is he a Danish footballer? - He was, yeah. 134 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,840 I used to work in a bookmakers, and John Jensen used to come in, 135 00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:59,560 put bets on, and he put 50 quid once and it won about 400 quid 136 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,560 and he never collected it. 137 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,120 - Wow. - If John Jensen's at home watching this, he'll be like, 138 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:07,160 "This is unbelievable. They are literally just talking about me." 139 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,280 You're not allowed to tell people that they've got a bet that won, 140 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,440 because they might have accidentally put that bet on 141 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,040 and meant something else. 142 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:17,640 He could be sitting at home going... SHE SPEAKS DANISH 143 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:21,120 - Yeah, John Jensen. - Was he the Swedish Chef or something? 144 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,880 He scored in the final of the European Championships, 145 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:28,600 when Denmark won the tournament in 1992. 146 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:32,280 Stunning goal against Germany, Arsenal signed him 147 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,840 and he didn't score again for three years. 148 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,920 - I was only two then. - Yeah. 149 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:41,560 OK, I'm going to just cry for a minute. 150 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:48,120 - Are you a football fan? - COYS, COYS, COYS is all I know. - What is that? 151 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:49,320 Come on, you Spurs. 152 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:53,760 - RICHARD: - Suddenly, the perfect woman hoves into view... 153 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,160 - She likes white wine. - I know a football joke. 154 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,520 Oh, I bet Ozil might have asthma now, 155 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,720 because of all the dust on Arsenal's trophy cabinet. 156 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:03,800 Oh! 157 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,280 I might not know anything about football, 158 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,360 but I think you've caused a frisson. 159 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,280 That's the noise of a frisson, isn't it? 160 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:17,000 John Jensen's throwing stuff at the telly right now. 161 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,840 He can't afford a telly, he left his money at the bookmakers. 162 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:23,280 He's not watching the telly now, he's round at William Hill's, 163 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,640 banging on the window. 164 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:30,280 Anyway, none of us is normal, but we might just be weird. 165 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,280 Now, let's look at some naked apes. 166 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:36,080 What did the Neanderthal take with him when he went clubbing? 167 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:41,320 Are you meaning a club to club things with? 168 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,480 KLAXON 169 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:48,800 Over the years, I thought I'd get better at this. 170 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:52,880 We've all been hoping, Alan. 171 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,320 Given that Alan got a klaxon for saying clubs... 172 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:57,400 - Yes. - ..I'm guessing he didn't use clubs. 173 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,280 - Very good. - Or she. - No, he or she did not use... 174 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,000 See, that's how to do it. 175 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,960 They lived above the tree line. 176 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,320 They lived in the desert. There weren't any trees. 177 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,200 Otherwise you'd use a branch! 178 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,920 Yeah, but they had spears and arrows 179 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:10,840 which had presumably got wooden shafts. 180 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,160 They couldn't get near enough to club anything. 181 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,560 - It was too dangerous. - For all we know, they didn't have clubs. 182 00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:19,560 I mean, the main thing about it is that we've never, ever seen anything 183 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:22,520 shaped remotely like a club. No artefact anywhere. 184 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,360 I base all my knowledge of Neanderthal men 185 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,200 from the Wacky Races. 186 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,080 The Flintstones, obviously, which is incredibly accurate. 187 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,880 All those people living with dinosaurs. 188 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:32,560 - Running in the cars. - Yeah, exactly! 189 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:33,960 To be fair, we've got Wacky Races, 190 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,200 we've got Flintstones and we've got Captain Caveman. 191 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,960 So that's three separate bits of evidence 192 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,880 - that suggests they did have clubs. - Yeah. 193 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,480 - Unless they're all making it up. - Yeah. 194 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,880 So they didn't take clubs but they took cameras? 195 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,160 Yes. 196 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,760 That's one of the earliest photographs. 197 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,120 That's incredible. They couldn't say cheese, though, 198 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,560 - because they didn't have cheese. - Cheese? 199 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:56,080 - For the photograph. - Oh, I see. 200 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,200 I wonder what they said. 201 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,520 Bison's quite good. "Bison." 202 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,960 To be fair, you are just saying "bison" and then smiling. 203 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:09,200 - Bison. - Yeah. - You could say anything, couldn't you? 204 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,480 Stick of rock. 205 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:13,520 But we've never ever... 206 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,520 There's never been a painting, there's never been an artefact... 207 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,520 To be fair, most wooden artefacts will rot. 208 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,240 So you'd get paintings of spears and we get spearheads that you find, 209 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,120 but you don't actually get the wooden... 210 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,920 - You don't get the wooden pole, right? - Yeah. 211 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,760 So they might have had clubs that rotted away. 212 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,640 I understand that you don't want to go too near an animal with a club. 213 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:32,080 But if you're fighting neighbouring tribes... 214 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,040 Probably you would just pick up a stick. 215 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,320 - But a stick is a club. - Well, it's not shaped like a club, 216 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,400 - that's the point. - When is a club a stick? 217 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,240 - Yeah. - When you cover it in chocolate. 218 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,520 There's the makings of a double act here. 219 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,440 What they do find a lot of in Neanderthal sites is bones, though, 220 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,600 so they might have done that thing like from Tales of the Unexpected 221 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,720 where they got a frozen leg of lamb and used that as a club, 222 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,080 and then ate the evidence. 223 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,640 The freezer was also an early invention... 224 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,120 I'm sorry, Lolly. 225 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,920 - I apologise. - No, I'm really learning a lot. 226 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,400 You're learning? That's good. 227 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,800 Because I feel like knowledge is draining from me as we speak. 228 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,840 Now a question about the bare necessities of life, such as shelter. 229 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,320 So who lived here? 230 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,840 - Massive bats. - Massive...? - No, I said massive. 231 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,120 OK. And what did you say? 232 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:18,960 And I said "not bats". 233 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:22,680 - Not bats, OK. - So between us the answer is massive not bats. 234 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,480 It's a type of not bat, the massive not bat. 235 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,600 We could go through a long list of things that didn't live there. 236 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,720 Oh, er...John Jensen. 237 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,680 - And he's still playing, or not still playing? - No. 238 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:38,280 He probably has a kickabout with his kids in the garden, you know. 239 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,120 I know he's not betting any more. 240 00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:44,280 Anyway, these caves, I can tell you they're in Brazil... 241 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,360 Brazilians. 242 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:47,840 Is not correct. 243 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,400 They sometimes went as deep as 70 feet, they had multiple chambers. 244 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,640 Is it some sort of massive animal? 245 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,480 - Yes. - Is it termites? 246 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,840 No, but that would be huge, wouldn't they? 247 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,720 That would be massive. An army of termites. 248 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,640 Yeah, like a load of termites going, "Go!" 249 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,240 And then making a massive tunnel. 250 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,360 I love that. Little tiny hard hats, running. 251 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:10,200 They'd build like a little cart, and then they all ride down it together. 252 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:11,840 Whee! 253 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:14,800 Suddenly my answer not anywhere near as interesting, if I'm honest. 254 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,360 Is it a burrowing mammal? 255 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,960 It is. It's a giant ground sloth. 256 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:23,360 They lived from about 2.8 million years ago to about 10,000 years ago, 257 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:26,000 and some of them were as big as an adult elephant. 258 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,600 The largest species, the megatherium, 259 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,400 weighed up to four tonnes 260 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,840 and it was 20 foot long from nose to tail. 261 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:36,200 So they still have some living relatives today, which is the tree sloths. 262 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,840 The difference in scale, I mean... 263 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,080 Say imagine me and Richard. 264 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:42,880 To be comparably larger, Richard would need to be about 50 foot tall. 265 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:47,200 - So I'd need to be three foot taller than I currently am? - Yes. 266 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,680 What's the largest burrowing animal today? 267 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,200 Oh, that would be the giant "not bat". 268 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,760 Badgers are quite big. 269 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:57,760 Wombats, do they go under? 270 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:01,520 - Giant badger? - I like the question, "Do wombats go under?" 271 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,000 - Is it wombat? - No, it's not a wombat. 272 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,640 - Two bats. - Two bats! 273 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,000 I'm going to go with Lolly. It's not bats, OK? 274 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,120 It's not bats. 275 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:12,800 Is it humans? 276 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,720 - No, it's the polar bear. - The polar bear burrows? 277 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,920 - Yeah, they dig... - Hang on, Alan, I don't think humans burrow either. 278 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,800 - You said humans! - We made the Channel Tunnel. 279 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,200 Well, they made the Chunnel, yes. 280 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,080 Actually, I think you should win that. 281 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,400 That's very good. But it's not the largest animal, is it? 282 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,080 The polar bear, they dig a maternity den 283 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,720 either in the snow, or in the earth. 284 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,160 So they are the largest burrowing animal. 285 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,360 Speaking of caves, anybody been to Nottingham? 286 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:34,960 I've been to Nottingham, yeah. 287 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:36,600 Hey. Whoa, so have I, mate. Come on. 288 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,120 - LOLLY: - I actually went to university really near Nottingham. 289 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,920 - Did you? - So let's all chill out, actually. - This is a small world! 290 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,400 - Alan? - Yeah, I've been there. 291 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,520 No way! Alan's been as well, Sandi. 292 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,520 I made my professional debut at Nottingham Playhouse. 293 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,480 - Did you? - I did. 294 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,400 Anyway, the city centre was once known as Tiggua Cobaucc, 295 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,040 which means "the place of caves". 296 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,040 So from as early as the 11th century, people lived in caves in Nottingham. 297 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,720 Under the Nottingham Inclosure Act of 1845, 298 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:04,760 it is still illegal to rent out a cave to anybody in Nottingham. 299 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,000 They were trying to stop unscrupulous landlords renting them out 300 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,560 to the poor. I'd quite like to live in a cave, though. 301 00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,120 Don't you think it would be fine? 302 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,960 Um, no. 303 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,160 No? Oh. 304 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,000 What's your reservation? 305 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,680 Wi-Fi. 306 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,760 If you had a good hub? 307 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:28,120 That picture on the right, at the back, is that a downstairs toilet? 308 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,520 It does look awfully like some kind of font, doesn't it? 309 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:34,040 Or like a sundial, but...no light. 310 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:39,040 The world's worst sundial. 311 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,840 The classic underground sundial. 312 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,640 "Where do we put the sundial?" "In the basement." 313 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,000 Do you know what the original name for Nottingham is? 314 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,680 - Is it Ingham? - It's got Nottingham in it. 315 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,880 No, but it's not just Ingham and then they changed it to "Not-Ingham"? 316 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,320 - No. - Nottinghampton. 317 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,200 Nottingham is the shortened version of its original name. 318 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,680 - Snottingham? - Exactly right. 319 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:07,200 - Come on! - It was ruled by a Saxon chief named Snot. 320 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,880 And it was literally "the homestead of Snot's people." 321 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:14,600 It was Snottingham and then, I don't know why they dropped the S, because 322 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,800 - I think it's perfectly charming. - I think they should put it back. 323 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,800 Now, your ancestors could make fire using things that they found. 324 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:25,440 You have something on a tray and I will give you 20 points to anybody 325 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:29,360 who can start a fire with the things you have got there. 326 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,360 Can I use my lighter that I've got in my pocket? 327 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:34,920 Just going to get out my fire blanket. 328 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:38,680 Oh, now, look, can't you put that in the lemon, won't that work? 329 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:42,040 - Supposedly doesn't. - Can't you get a charge out of citrus fruit? 330 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,080 - You can. - Am I about to? 331 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:48,040 Not enough to upset yourself, I don't think. 332 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,360 Meanwhile, I'm going to use this to look for a match. 333 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,880 Does it matter if we open that? Would that help? 334 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:03,600 You don't want to open it, but you can actually use a can of soda. 335 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,800 Is that what it is, just a can of fizzy pop? 336 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,720 It is a can of fizzy pop, yeah. What would you use two sticks for? 337 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,880 - You don't necessarily have to do it. - Well, rubbing together, isn't it? 338 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,760 - Yeah. - You're supposed to go like that. 339 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,960 You need to sharpen it into a point and then rub it the quickest way. 340 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,320 That's not going to work, is it? 341 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:22,520 - Be here all day doing this. - Be freezing cold, with someone in the dark 342 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,400 going, "Where are the caves, for crying out loud?!" 343 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:29,360 - "Can't go in them." "Why?!" - "I can't see this sundial without light. 344 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:32,880 Ow! Ow! Ow! 345 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,680 I'm going to show you a very quick way that you could make it... 346 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,080 Please don't try this. 347 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,640 Is there any reason why we don't get the safety stuff? 348 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,960 Because you're not actually going to be able to do it, that's why. 349 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,280 Oh! 350 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:47,120 So what you do is you take a nine-volt battery 351 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,920 and some steel wool, 352 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,400 - you place it on here like this... - Oh, wow. 353 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:53,680 Whoa! 354 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,440 - And there you are. - So cool. 355 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,240 That's all you have to do. And then you would add some kindling. 356 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,440 I have to get my fire blanket out. 357 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,240 There we go. 358 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,920 - I think you just got it there. - Do you think it'll be all right? 359 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,480 APPLAUSE 360 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:18,840 - So you can do it with these? - If you look at the base of your tin, 361 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,360 you can see that it is a concave shape. 362 00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:25,000 If you polished that, you would be able to reflect enough sunlight 363 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,000 in order to be able to make fire. 364 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,240 And, in fact, we can demonstrate this in the studio, 365 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:32,120 but obviously we're going to need experts so we have with us 366 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:35,280 our friends from the Festival of the Spoken Nerd. 367 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,200 The science comedy phenomenon, 368 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,920 they tour all over the UK and have brought one of their experiments 369 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:43,560 from their show - please welcome, Matt, Steve and Helen, the nurse. 370 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,200 APPLAUSE 371 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,640 I was right, wasn't I, that the tin of pop is a kind of...? 372 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:57,040 Yes, it's almost the right shape to focus light in. 373 00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:00,040 This is a natural paraboloid which is the perfect shape, 374 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,840 so we can use this to set fire to something. 375 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:04,640 Don't just point it at me. 376 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:08,600 Alan, your hair does look a bit like... 377 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:12,160 - You could go up in seconds! - Put a nine-bulb battery on my head. 378 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:16,720 We've got a graphic here of the two dishes we've set up and if you cut 379 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:20,480 one in half, so we can swivel one around, and if you unpeel it, it's 380 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,400 just a parabola, and the amazing thing about a parabola 381 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:26,440 is that any line which comes directly down, 382 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,600 parallel with the axes, will go through exactly the same spot, 383 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,840 the focal point. And the same thing works in reverse so if something 384 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,880 emits from the focal point it'll be sent out as a parallel... 385 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:39,120 That's how the Death Star works, isn't it? 386 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:40,880 That's essentially the cleverest thing 387 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,240 that's ever been said near you, Lee, isn't it? 388 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,560 We're going to give this a go but, please, can you put your 389 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,520 - sunglasses on? - Because these are going to protect us, aren't they?! 390 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:51,720 So about 200 years ago, 391 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:55,240 this was a party trick where they would put a super hot cannonball 392 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,960 at one focal point and gunpowder at the other. 393 00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,800 We thought we wouldn't try that. 394 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,960 We asked, and apparently we're not allowed 395 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,400 because it's no longer the past. 396 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,280 But they have let us bring a heat lamp, 397 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,840 and nitrocellulose, so that's flash cotton. 398 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,480 This will be the past one day, you know. 399 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,480 Not on Dave. 400 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,600 APPLAUSE 401 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,800 - OK. Are we ready? - Yeah. 402 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,400 - LEE: - Don't worry, it's not right in my eye! 403 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,280 ALL: Oh! 404 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:33,960 APPLAUSE 405 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:39,360 Fantastic. Fantastic, guys, thank you so much. 406 00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,280 Let's pop our trays away. 407 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,760 It's easier to start a fire now we've all got Tinder on our phones. 408 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,920 GROANING 409 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,480 We don't ALL have Tinder on our phones. 410 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,560 Yeah, some of us are Grindr people. 411 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:05,160 Right. What are the bare necessities of life today? 412 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:09,320 - So, you said that you needed... Wi-Fi. - Wi-Fi. 413 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,560 You consider that to be a necessity? 414 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:15,400 Wi-Fi and...a good book. 415 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,560 ALL: Aww. 416 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,680 Were you just trying to look good there? 417 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,320 - Yeah. - So, top five most essential things for British people. 418 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,320 Knowing when the bins go out. 419 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,800 Especially when there's been a bank holiday. 420 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,920 And somebody breaks ranks and puts their bins out 421 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,360 and everyone goes, "Oh, should I? 422 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:34,240 "It was a bank holiday, but what if they know something I don't know?" 423 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,240 Suddenly everyone's bins are out. 424 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,800 I like get up early and put the wrong coloured bin out, 425 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,600 and see if everyone copies. 426 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,240 And when they've all gone to work, swap it round again. 427 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,880 It is a weird sort of British obsession. 428 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,880 I remember when I first came to live in Britain, I was 14 years old, 429 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,480 and people talked about putting cream or jam on their scone first, 430 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,880 and I realised that they...cared. 431 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,720 - What an example of first world problems. - I know! 432 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,320 You know when you get it, it's a "scoan", and when you've eaten it, 433 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,760 it "sconn". 434 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,160 LAUGHTER AND GROANS 435 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,040 You got the "ohhh". 436 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,360 John Jensen chuckling away - 437 00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:18,400 "I wasn't sure about this programme at first, but..." 438 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:23,720 So you are right, Lolly - an internet connection is the very first thing 439 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,360 people decided was most important. What's next? 440 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:30,240 - Mobile phone. - Mobile phone came in at 19. 441 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,200 - Mobile phone charger. - Mobile phone charger? 442 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:38,200 I think you'll find a plug socket becomes increasingly important. 443 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,320 By that theory, we've got to say computer, if Wi-Fi's important. 444 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:44,200 - TV, actually, is the second one. - What are they using the Wi-Fi for? 445 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:45,960 It's just nice to know that you've got Wi-Fi, 446 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,240 in case you do need it. 447 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:51,000 Also, the people who answered this question would have been weird. 448 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,160 So is food and water and shelter not on the list? 449 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:58,000 Not at all. It goes internet connection, TV, 450 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,440 a cuddle is third... ALL: Aww! 451 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:04,840 - ..a trustworthy best friend is number four... - And a club. 452 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,360 Number five, the thing you'd want when you come back from a club, 453 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:11,400 a daily shower was number five. 454 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,800 Daily?! 455 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:16,840 Shower?! 456 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:19,720 A cup of tea at number seven, 457 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,680 having somebody say "I love you" number eight. 458 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,160 - What, after a cup of tea? - After a cup of tea. 459 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,200 I have to say, coffee, wine, chocolate and a night on the sofa 460 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,640 all beat owning a phone. 461 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,800 But how are you going to tell anyone you had such a nice time 462 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:34,240 if you don't have a phone? 463 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,480 What's the point of doing it if you're not going to show off? 464 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:38,560 Are you serious, Lolly, 465 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,120 that you can't have a good time without telling somebody? 466 00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:44,000 Why would you do it otherwise, if you can't...? 467 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:48,640 So do you get this thing, separation anxiety, 468 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,720 if you're separated from your telephone? 469 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,080 Yeah. If I'm on, like, a tall bridge, 470 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:56,720 the person I'm with will be scared cos they might fall in to the water, 471 00:22:56,720 --> 00:23:00,200 and I'll just be concerned I'm going to drop my phone in the water. 472 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,200 You see how things have changed? 473 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,520 Some years ago when I had my first mobile phone I was visiting an elderly friend 474 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,200 and the phone rang, and she said, "Who was that?" I said, "My agent." 475 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,440 And she said, "Oh! How did she know you were here?" 476 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,520 I did that thing with my phone the other day, 477 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,560 you know when you leave the house you look for your phone, 478 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:20,640 I was like, where have I put it? It's not in the kitchen, 479 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,440 checking in jackets, and literally ten minutes later, 480 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,120 I realised it was in my hand. 481 00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:28,200 Have you done the thing where you can't find your phone 482 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,320 so you ring it, and then you realise 483 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,280 you're ringing it from the phone...? 484 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:33,800 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 485 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,200 And it doesn't help, because it's engaged. 486 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,600 There was a study done in California State University. 487 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,400 They got half the students who took part 488 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,680 to turn off their phone and put it away out of sight, 489 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,440 and the other half actually had their phones taken away 490 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,680 and measure the levels of anxiety every ten minutes. 491 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,440 People who used the phone very little, 492 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:55,880 there was hardly any increase, 493 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,960 but people who were heavy users of the telephone, 494 00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,960 it went up every ten minutes for the whole hour 495 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,600 until they became unbelievably anxious. 496 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,120 And apparently some people call it FOMO - do you know about FOMO? 497 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:09,320 - Fear Of Missing Out. - Fear Of Missing Out. And FOBO - 498 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:10,920 - do you know FOBO? - Fear Of... 499 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,880 Bogging off. 500 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:15,200 Fear Of Being Offline. 501 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,360 But I don't know whether it's to do with the telephone 502 00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:20,640 or people just aren't any good any more at just having nothing to do. 503 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,280 So they did this extraordinary study in 2014 - 504 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,600 a guy called Timothy Wilson at the University of Virginia - 505 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,680 and he put people in an empty room 506 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,040 and they didn't have anything at all in there 507 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:35,120 apart from a device that was attached to their ankle 508 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,280 with which they could decide 509 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,480 to give themselves an electric shock. 510 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,600 18 out of 42 of the people who did it - 511 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,880 I have to say more men than women - 512 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,240 chose to give themselves at least one... LAUGHTER 513 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,800 Is that because the women didn't know how to operate it? 514 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:55,400 ALL: Ooh! 515 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,000 Just asking. 516 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,920 You do know there's been a regime change, don't you? 517 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,320 And now a question about naked ambition. 518 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:09,520 Do you know what this man does faster than anyone in the world? 519 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,160 It's actually amazing. 520 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:15,440 - Hair growing? - Oh, yeah, hair growing, because I want to see that. 521 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,000 What's the thing that we talk about, it's always impressive, 522 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,240 you go, wow, he's the fastest in the world at that? 523 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,560 - Running. - Running, yes. 524 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,200 He's not faster than Usain Bolt, you're not going to say that? 525 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:29,120 In a way. He ran the mile faster than the current world flat record. 526 00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:30,320 So downhill runner? 527 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:31,840 He's a downhill runner. 528 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:35,920 He's a British athlete, and when he was a 16-year-old schoolboy, 529 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,520 he ran the fastest mile ever. 530 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:42,720 In 1996, the Meltham Maniac Mile, 531 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:46,080 so it's one mile down a fantastically steep hill 532 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:50,520 just outside Huddersfield. The course drops 400 feet... 533 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,120 It has since been banned, this race. 534 00:25:53,120 --> 00:25:55,440 For health and safety reasons. 535 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:57,840 But he completed it in three minutes and 24 seconds. 536 00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,120 - Do you have to keep running? - You can't stop. 537 00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:01,640 - You can't roll? - No, you can't roll. 538 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:05,280 This is the most British race, I think, of all time because it says 539 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:08,760 that the course started at the cattle grid by Tinker Lane. 540 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,040 Did they stop it after a terrible injury, 541 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,200 or just because something COULD happen there? 542 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,640 We can find out because Craig Wheeler, 543 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,440 fastest man over a mile, is in the audience. 544 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,320 APPLAUSE 545 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,760 Can you go to the top of the steps and run down? 546 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:34,800 - So, Craig, why did they stop it? - No idea, obviously this day and age, 547 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,960 - health and safety in anything. - And they ran it the other way as well, 548 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,320 in the opposite direction, didn't they? It was called the murder mile. 549 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,760 - That's the one. - We've got a VT actually, Craig, of you, 550 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:46,440 I don't know if you can talk us through it, but was there 551 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,360 any moment when you were running that you actually thought you were 552 00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:52,480 just going to do what Lolly suggested and roll down? 553 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,720 Most of the race I thought I was going to go flat on my face. 554 00:26:55,720 --> 00:27:00,080 - LEE: - Did we actually see him stop then or does he just carry on? 555 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,120 "I can't stop!" 556 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:09,160 20 seconds faster than the world record for the flat mile. 557 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,080 Was it Record Breakers that you were doing? 558 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:14,880 Yes. I went back the following year to try to break the record with 559 00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,880 Record Breakers and I fell two seconds short. 560 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:21,440 Which is still the second fastest time ever. 561 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:24,640 So you're first and second? 562 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:26,240 - Yes. - There's a proper champion. 563 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:29,040 That was Craig Wheeler, the fastest man ever. 564 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:34,160 Now, would you like to see a very small lady completely naked? 565 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,040 What's the difference between completely... 566 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,720 In that case, definitely yes. 567 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,400 What's the difference between completely naked and naked? 568 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:46,080 I think a chiffon scarf doesn't count as completely naked. 569 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:47,840 Or white socks. That turns me on. 570 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,240 Naked, pair of white socks, and very small. 571 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,280 - Is that the offer? - Yeah. Do you want to have a look? 572 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,440 "Do you want to have a look"! This show's gone downhill 573 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:56,920 quicker than that bloke. 574 00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:00,720 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 575 00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:04,200 Have a look at this. 576 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,640 It's incredible. Look at that. 577 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,520 So this is a sculpture created by the South African artist 578 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:15,640 Jonty Hurwitz and this woman is roughly 100 microns tall. 579 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,720 So she is far too small to be seen with the naked eye and she is 580 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:22,680 in fact depicted standing in the eye of a needle. 581 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,680 - Oh, come on! - How did he do it? - It's science. 582 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,680 Can I just say, you just said the words "It's science" like there's 583 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,240 - no way I'm going to understand it. - LAUGHTER 584 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,640 I was trying to lead you in gently, but you went. 585 00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,000 She sort of did a surfer on an eyelash and is the culmination 586 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:38,720 of lots and lots of development of science, 587 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:40,520 because you need multi-photon lithography, 588 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,520 a kind of laser printing, you need photogrammetry, 589 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:45,840 taking measurements with photographs and they are called nano sculptures. 590 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:50,000 - Yeah, and of course, the first thing they do is do a naked woman. - Yes. 591 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:53,320 But if you think about how small this is - so a nano means one billion, 592 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:56,120 so a nanometre is one billionth of a metre. 593 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,720 That is about the length that a fingernail grows in a second. 594 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:01,440 There's a lovely quote from Hurwitz. 595 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,200 He says, "The nano works that I present to you here represent more 596 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:05,640 "than just a feature of science. 597 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,400 "They represent the moment of history that we ourselves are able to 598 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:11,840 "create a full human form on the same scale as the sperm that 599 00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:14,160 "creates us in order to facilitate the creation." 600 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,280 Well, I must say, as a blurb for a show ... 601 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:18,640 - Yeah. - That is... - LAUGHTER 602 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,320 - Too long. - It's too long. - Too long. 603 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,800 Be great if he tried to carve that under the statue, wouldn't it? 604 00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,160 Hard enough doing the nipples, I can't do all that. 605 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,360 He's not modest, is he, he's really not. 606 00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:30,760 What, that that I just did? 607 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:34,320 Yeah, it's just the dawn of a new humanity, nothing complicated. 608 00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,800 Also, we've only got his word for it he did it. 609 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,400 - Are you saying it doesn't exist? - Well, all you've got to do is stick 610 00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:41,600 a picture of a naked woman on the bottom of a microscope. 611 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:45,200 - Right. - Hugo, oh, look at that. Oh, that's a naked woman. Amazing. 612 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:47,760 I mean, you know what you're like when you've lost your phone, 613 00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:49,200 imagine misplacing that as well. 614 00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:52,320 On the day of the exhibition. 615 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,680 You've got the thing ready and somebody loses 616 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,360 a button just before the exhibition. 617 00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,720 - "Anybody got a needle? Oh..." - Oh, dear. 618 00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:02,040 Yes. 619 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:05,560 Now, what's the best thing anyone's ever done in the nude? 620 00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:08,360 Running downhill? 621 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,160 - That would hurt, wouldn't it? - If you were a woman, 622 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,000 it could take your eye out. 623 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,280 If you're me it could take your eye out. 624 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,160 So one day you're able to sit as comfortably as you are, Lee. 625 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:24,240 Someone discovered something? 626 00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:27,280 Was Alexander Fleming in the nude when he discovered penicillin? 627 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,480 It's something that's absolutely extraordinary, 628 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:32,280 it was mostly done in the nude. It is, if I'm frank with you, 629 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:33,880 it's for the purposes of this question. 630 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:35,840 They did it for the purposes of this question? 631 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:37,960 Well, the answer is for the purposes of this question. 632 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:40,480 It's World War II was won in the nude, 633 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:45,080 so who might have been in the nude winning World War II? 634 00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:46,520 Adolf Hitler? 635 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,520 And on the other side? 636 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:52,400 - Coronation Street. - On the less grumpy side? 637 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,120 Are you talking about our very own Winston? 638 00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:57,760 - Winston Churchill, yes. - I don't think Winston would be called less grumpy. 639 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:01,000 I thought Hitler was actually quite upbeat even though he was 640 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:04,960 - obviously a terrible guy. - You can say what you like about him, 641 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:08,720 at least he was always starting the day with a smile on his lips. 642 00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:11,520 He would wake people up and go, "Do you know what, 643 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,120 "this morning I was thinking, Poland's lovely." 644 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:20,640 He's got two tiny women, one on each finger. 645 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,280 "Talk, my pretties, talk." 646 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:27,360 It looks like he's just thrown a dart, actually. 647 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,600 Like he's got a dart board at the end of the bath. 648 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:32,600 That's like you're perfect... Having a dartboard at the end of your bath... 649 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,680 - That would be great, wouldn't it? - Imagine how clean you would be. 650 00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,320 - That would be fantastic. - Then you would have one of those targets in 651 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:42,560 a rifle range where you wind it up and get them out again and then wind it back. 652 00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:45,640 Is it a boy thing? Can you imagine having a dartboard at 653 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:47,440 - the end of your bath? - Yeah, definitely. 654 00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:49,360 - Love it. - Just me, then. 655 00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:52,280 You had something to do with dartboards. 656 00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:54,960 Something that he invented whilst in the bath? 657 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:56,960 He loved to be naked. 658 00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:00,320 In fact, he so often received people while he was in the bath that his 659 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:03,480 ministers and staff officers were nicknamed "companions of the bath". 660 00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:05,160 Oh, that old chestnut. 661 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:08,360 That's when he got out. 662 00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:19,840 Chief Usher at the White House, a man called JB West, 663 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,920 and he wrote about Churchill, "In his room, 664 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:25,400 "Mr Churchill wore no clothes at all most of the time during the day." 665 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:28,520 And there's a story that when Churchill was staying at the White House, 666 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,360 President Franklin Roosevelt called on him in his rooms, 667 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,720 and Churchill was nude, and Roosevelt said, "I'm sorry," 668 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:36,400 and Churchill said, "The Prime Minister of Great Britain has 669 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,960 "nothing to conceal from the President of the United States"! 670 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:44,160 And the President later told his secretary that, "You know, Grace, 671 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:47,000 "he's pink and white all over." 672 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,800 What colour was he expecting, just out of interest? 673 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:53,640 I think he wasn't expecting to know any colour, is the truth of it. 674 00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:56,480 Other famous nudists, Enid Blyton was a famous nudist. 675 00:32:56,480 --> 00:33:01,200 - Oh. - Apparently she liked to play naked tennis with her friends. 676 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:03,320 She didn't write that in any of the books. 677 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:05,760 No, she didn't. Benjamin Franklin regularly took 678 00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,160 what he called "air baths". 679 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:09,440 DH Lawrence once said he found inspiration by climbing 680 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:11,880 naked in mulberry trees. 681 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,760 And that's the US president John Quincy Adams 682 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:18,040 who regularly skinny-dipped in the Potomac River. 683 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,600 And apparently, once a tramp stole his clothes and he had to ask 684 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:24,280 a passer-by to go to the White House and get him some more. 685 00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:27,040 Every now and then, you see in the supermarket in the summer, 686 00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,600 you see a man who's topless, don't you? Do you mind that? 687 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,520 It's one of those things where it's like, 688 00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:33,440 you do your thing but for me, repulsive. 689 00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:34,800 Just don't do it. 690 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,520 - RICHARD: - The way to avoid that that is simply to go to Waitrose. 691 00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:41,000 APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER 692 00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:47,160 I've never understood that, it is... Actually, I'm the opposite, 693 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,680 I think it's completely fine to be absolutely naked in Lidl. 694 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:53,440 APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH 695 00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,520 "Unexpected item in bagging area." 696 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,600 You pay an extra 5p for that, I'm not doing that. 697 00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:03,320 But until 1938 in America, 698 00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:05,600 it was illegal for a man to be topless in public, 699 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,920 and that included on the beach. 700 00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:11,360 So, 1985, 42 topless men were arrested on 701 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:14,520 a beach in Atlantic City and the people responsible for the 702 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:17,880 arrests declared, "We'll have no gorillas on our beaches." 703 00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:22,120 And they used to monitor women's bathing suits as well, so in the 1920s, 704 00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:25,960 there were special deputy sheriffs sworn in on some beaches in New York. 705 00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,040 They were all women, they were called sheriffettes, 706 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:31,400 and their job was to measure the distance between the bottom of 707 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:33,480 a woman's swimsuit and her knees. 708 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:35,680 And, actually, when I was at boarding school, 709 00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,160 at the beginning of every year, you had to put your skirt on, 710 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:40,520 and then you had to kneel in front of Matron, 711 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:44,360 and the top of your hem had to touch the floor, and if it didn't, 712 00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:45,960 you had to go and get a new skirt. 713 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:47,320 Or a bigger pen. 714 00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:52,400 - Bigger pen? - Just get a bigger pen, and then you can have a shorter skirt. 715 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,160 Bigger pen, you see, so it reached the... 716 00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,440 It was "hem", it was "hem", Lee. 717 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,400 - There's the problem. - Oh, I thought you said pen! - Hem. - I wondered why 718 00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:02,320 everyone was looking at me, going, "What are you talking about?" 719 00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:05,280 I love that Lee has such confidence if he's thinking, 720 00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,280 there is no way that joke didn't work. 721 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:09,520 Yeah, must be a technical error on that, 722 00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:12,360 because this is gold, this stuff! 723 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:14,560 Oh, a hem! 724 00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:16,200 Yeah. 725 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,160 Now, while we are in that area, 726 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,920 what can't you do to a naked Osman in Kyrgyzstan? 727 00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:26,600 I genuinely turned round, then, 728 00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:30,280 because I thought Alan's head was blocking something else... 729 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:33,840 I thought you were going to say, "I remember that horse", then! 730 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,520 Two wonderful weeks with her! 731 00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:40,680 She looks exhausted. 732 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,920 I will just say, if you're going to pull out, it was cold. 733 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,520 It was colder than it looks, I'll tell you that. 734 00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:48,600 - Did you say in what country? - In Kyrgyzstan. 735 00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:50,560 Osman is a name across all the "-stan"s. 736 00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:53,840 - Where does it come from, Osman? - Well, the Ottoman Empire, really. 737 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:55,440 - So it comes from Turkey. - Right. 738 00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:57,600 But the whole of the Middle East is full of Osmans. 739 00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:00,000 If I ever grow abroad and they see my credit card, 740 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,880 they laugh their heads off that I'm an Osman. 741 00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,360 The fact that a very tall, very white guy is called Osman... 742 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:07,520 - Is called Osman. - They think is the funniest thing. 743 00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:10,520 OK, so it's not a person, I can tell you, a naked Osman. 744 00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:14,560 - Kill it, eat it. - You can't eat it any more, but you used to be able to. 745 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:17,240 - It's in the water. - Catch it. 746 00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:18,880 It's a trout-like fish. 747 00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:22,800 It used to be the most populous fish in Lake Issyk-Kul in north-east 748 00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:24,960 - Kyrgyzstan. - And it's called an osman? 749 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:28,120 - It's called a naked osman. - Oh, a naked osman. - Why is it called the naked osman? 750 00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,040 Something to do with the way it looks. 751 00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,440 Whoa, whoa, come on! 752 00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:36,800 But it's been overfished, so by 1986 was almost wiped out. 753 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,160 There has been a total ban, you'll be very pleased to know, 754 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:42,400 you can no longer catch a naked osman in Kyrgyzstan. 755 00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:46,960 That is terrific news, although if you do want to catch a naked osman... No, forget it... 756 00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,280 It's a fantastic lake, Lake Issyk-Kul, 757 00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,720 it's the second largest mountain lake in the world, 758 00:36:51,720 --> 00:36:53,320 obviously after Titicaca. 759 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:56,000 And what is extraordinary about it is that it is endorheic, 760 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,520 and that means it has got no outlets other than evaporation, 761 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:00,920 so it's much deeper now than it was in medieval times. 762 00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:04,840 It used to be a fantastically popular stopping route on the Silk Road, 763 00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:06,880 and there is, as far as we know, 764 00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:10,400 a 2,500-year-old city at the bottom of the lake. 765 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,240 - Oh, wow. - Cool. - So they've found all sorts of archaeological finds 766 00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:16,040 round there. All of which brings us to the place that isn't wearing a 767 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,440 stitch of general knowledge, it's General Ignorance, 768 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:20,360 so fingers on buzzers, please. 769 00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:23,120 First of all, how many shades of grey are there? 770 00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,480 MUSIC: The Stripper 771 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:29,840 One. 772 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:33,200 Is not right. 773 00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:36,680 Is it 49.9? 774 00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:43,360 - Unlimited? - No, well... 775 00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:46,520 Limited. 776 00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:55,880 For a very weird moment, I felt like Gypsy Rose Lee. 777 00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:58,120 Compelled to take my clothes off. 778 00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:02,120 The Pantone colour chart lists 104 shades of grey. 779 00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:07,280 There are 71 of white, and there are 110 of naked or nude, ie, 780 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:10,240 skin-coloured, but that one is really weird, 781 00:38:10,240 --> 00:38:13,000 because you can buy nude tights, you can buy naked shoes, 782 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:16,240 naked sticking plasters, but they all presume that somebody's white. 783 00:38:16,240 --> 00:38:18,720 - All of those colours. - I used to get that when I used to go in, 784 00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:20,840 and I'd ask for like a nude lip gloss, 785 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:25,000 and they'd give me a chalk white lip gloss! 786 00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:29,280 There are 104 shades of grey, which is quite frankly plenty. 787 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:33,760 When you are fishing, which fish should you throw back into the water? 788 00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:36,280 Yes, Lee? 789 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:39,160 The ones that are slightly undersized? 790 00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:40,600 KLAXON 791 00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:46,360 Oh, no, I didn't say that. There's a big difference between small and an slightly undersized. 792 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,360 I have to use that line all the time. 793 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,720 It would be awful, wouldn't it, in the bedroom if you said, 794 00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:55,960 that is not small, that slightly undersized, and that sound came in! 795 00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:00,920 What it is, is that we now think the reverse of what we used to think. 796 00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:03,520 We used to throw back the small ones, to give them a chance to grow. 797 00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,800 In fact, the population of larger older fish is much more stable. 798 00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:08,440 If there is a lack of food, for instance, 799 00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:11,200 then a few big fish will eat less and they will survive. 800 00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,040 And the older fish are also going to provide stability to the population 801 00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:16,760 because they are going to provide more and better quality offspring. 802 00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:18,840 So it is actually the reverse of what we used to think. 803 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,520 I cannot believe fishing just got more boring. 804 00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:24,280 So, anyway... 805 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,880 Now, name an extinct animal with teeth like sabres. 806 00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:30,000 MUSIC: The Stripper 807 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,200 Is it the sword-toothed cat? 808 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:39,400 Is it the rapier-toothed panther? 809 00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:42,600 - Any more for any more? - Is it the sabre-toothed tiger? 810 00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:46,120 KLAXON 811 00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,600 It isn't that, why isn't it that? 812 00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,360 Because they didn't actually have teeth like sabres? 813 00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:53,240 Because no such animal ever existed. 814 00:39:53,240 --> 00:39:55,920 - That's what I said. - That's exactly right. 815 00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:57,480 No wonder it's extinct. 816 00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,920 There's never been a sabre-tooth tiger or a lion. 817 00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:03,760 - Never been a lion? - Sabre-toothed lion. 818 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:06,520 Oh, I see, I thought you said there'd never been a lion, full stop. 819 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:08,560 I thought, have I just been falling for this? 820 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:10,080 It's a man in a costume at the zoo? 821 00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,840 Yeah, it's a lion with the hem of his skirt, no... 822 00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:15,240 Pen, what's he doing with a pen? 823 00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:19,680 There's never been a sabre-toothed tiger or a lion. 824 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:23,000 Sabre-toothed cats are not closely related to either tigers or lions, 825 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,600 in fact, they weren't even cats, strictly speaking. 826 00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:27,240 They were kind of stocky and bear-like. 827 00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:30,240 - It looks like a sloth. - It does look in the sloth area, doesn't it? 828 00:40:30,240 --> 00:40:34,200 And they ranged in size from the large pet cat to one the size of the 829 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:37,160 horse that you took on your holidays. 830 00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:39,040 When you say "took"... 831 00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:43,200 - To a thing. - Yeah. 832 00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:45,400 There was a sabre-toothed trout, 833 00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:48,000 that there was, six and a half feet long. 834 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,680 - Wow. - Shut the front door. 835 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:54,320 Yes. But there's no such thing as a sabre-toothed tiger and there never 836 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:57,320 has been. What is this noise? 837 00:40:57,320 --> 00:40:59,680 GROWLING 838 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:07,520 - Yes. - Is it Winston Churchill taking a meeting? 839 00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:13,920 That's his bath when they heard about the invasion of Poland! 840 00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:17,200 "Me, nervous? No, I'm not nervous." 841 00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:20,280 It is the noise of the small intestine 842 00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:23,880 cleaning itself in preparation for food. 843 00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:27,520 The noise is called bor-boring... borro-borrow...bub... 844 00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:30,960 The noise is called borborygmus, borborygmus. 845 00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,440 - What's it called? - It's your tummy rumbling. 846 00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,840 And it's one of the few physiological processes that we can 847 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:37,480 hear with the naked ear. 848 00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:39,960 Is that the one where, when you're with your wife, 849 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:41,760 and you don't know who's done the noise? 850 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:43,000 - Yeah. - That's true, isn't it? 851 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,440 If you're close to somebody and someone's tummy rumbles, 852 00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:47,360 - it's impossible to work out whose. - Yeah. 853 00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:50,880 - You would think if it was inside you, you'd be able to work it out, right, Lee? - Yeah. 854 00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:53,400 But you want to say that next time, "I believe that was you, 855 00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:55,160 "that borborygmus." 856 00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:58,800 I mean, you can't read it, so I'm not going to be able to say it, am I? 857 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,800 Finally, I'll give you 100 points if you can pat your head while 858 00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:04,160 rubbing your stomach. Anybody? 859 00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:05,760 - Pat your head... - And rub your stomach. 860 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:07,360 And rub your stomach. 861 00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,440 KLAXON 862 00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,000 Not there, not there. 863 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:13,200 - I didn't do it, Sandi. - You didn't do it, give it a go. 864 00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:16,000 Look at you, teacher's pet, "I didn't do it, can I have the points?" 865 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,600 Only cos you couldn't reach, it's quite high up, isn't it? 866 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:21,280 No, listen, currently I'm one point up on everybody. 867 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:25,080 - Have you worked it out? - No, but if I don't do anything at all, 868 00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:27,840 I make up a point on everybody, because you all did it wrong. 869 00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:29,960 Why did they do it wrong, Richard? 870 00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:31,920 Because the stomach was in the wrong place. 871 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:33,560 - And where is it? - I don't know. 872 00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:38,800 - It's much higher up than most people realise. - Here. 873 00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:40,880 No. 874 00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:43,320 It's just under your pecs, really. 875 00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:45,080 So it's not down here, it's up here. 876 00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,480 And did you know, this is the most extraordinary thing, 877 00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:49,800 the stomach lining blushes when you blush. 878 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:51,720 I don't think I can blush. 879 00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:57,000 That will be all that naked foundation you're wearing! 880 00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:01,200 I tell you what, it's a challenge for us though, isn't it, if you can't? 881 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:04,360 I bet Lee could make you blush. 882 00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:06,880 I like a challenge. 883 00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:09,880 So, to the scores, well, Richard was exactly right, 884 00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:12,640 with a magnificent one point, this week's winner, in first place, 885 00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:14,040 it's Richard! 886 00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,480 - APPLAUSE - Thank you. Thank you. 887 00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:21,080 Second place, with a fantastic debut of -8, Lolly! 888 00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,360 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 889 00:43:24,720 --> 00:43:28,920 In third place with -20, it's Lee! 890 00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:32,920 Thank you. I'm happy with that. 891 00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:38,200 And with -35, it's Alan! 892 00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:40,360 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 893 00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:48,840 My thanks to Lolly, Lee, Richard and Alan, 894 00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:52,920 and I leave you with this Neolithic newspaper nugget from The Sun, 895 00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:56,040 "This woman walked very close to me and it was obvious that underneath 896 00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:58,960 "her clothing she wore little or nothing." 897 00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:00,480 Goodnight!