1 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,280 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:32,960 How lovely! 3 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:34,720 Very nice! Lovely! 4 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:37,840 Thank you very much. 5 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:40,120 Good evening and welcome to QI, 6 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,920 where tonight we are nurturing nature, 7 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,480 and our guests are a natural selection. 8 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,480 A natural woman, Cariad Lloyd. 9 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,640 A natural gas, Ross Noble. 10 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:01,680 A natural resource, David Baddiel. 11 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,760 And a natural disaster, Alan Davies. 12 00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:17,320 And we have a natural selection of buzzers. 13 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:18,640 Cariad goes... 14 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:19,960 CICADAS CHIRP 15 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:22,160 Oh, that's rather pretty, isn't it? Ross goes... 16 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:24,040 DUCK QUACKS 17 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:29,080 I went out with somebody like that once. 18 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,560 David goes... 19 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,520 ELEPHANT TRUMPETS 20 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,440 Wow. Alan goes... 21 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,480 MONKEY YELPS 22 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:44,000 YELPING CONTINUES 23 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,600 SHOTS FIRE AND YELPING CEASES 24 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,480 LAUGHTER 25 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,960 I don't know if that means you can ever press it again. 26 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:59,440 - I'm afraid to in case another one dies. - I know! 27 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:04,040 Question one concerns the most natural noise in the world. 28 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,640 Why do bees hum? 29 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:08,480 People hum, 30 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,000 I've noticed this, when people are a bit embarrassed. 31 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,440 - Oh, right. - Because they don't know what to say, 32 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:15,760 - and I wondered if bees did it. - Yeah, so, no. 33 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,200 Is it something to do with pollen? 34 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,080 - Yes. - So it's about finding pollen? 35 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,680 It is to do with pollen. 36 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,480 Is it sending out a vibration? 37 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,320 Absolutely right, absolutely right, that there are bees... 38 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:29,520 It looked like people were going to applaud, there, 39 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:31,600 but they weren't sure if they wanted to applaud. 40 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,000 Some bees, not all bees, 41 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,480 literally shake pollen out of flowers 42 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,520 by humming very loudly at them. 43 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:41,120 - Do they? - Isn't it astonishing? They hold on to the flower and they beat 44 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,320 their wing muscles phenomenally fast and those rapid muscle contractions 45 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,080 produce forces up to 30G, 46 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:51,160 so that is about three times what you would get from a fighter jet 47 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:54,240 making a tight turn. I mean, it's absolutely astonishing. 48 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:57,240 It's also the reason why they banned sex toys from Kew Gardens. 49 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,520 Because... It's true... 50 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,760 Is that actually in the rule book? "No sex toys"? 51 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:11,480 That's certainly why I got thrown out! 52 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,200 - They got confiscated. - Exactly. 53 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,760 HE IMITATES BUZZING 54 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,840 "What are you doing?! We need that pollen." 55 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,760 "I'm sorry, I can't turn it off!" 56 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,760 How big was the sex toy? 57 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,240 That was like a fishing rod! 58 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:28,000 - I don't want to know. - She's a very lucky woman, my wife. 59 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,080 But it is incredible, 60 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,880 that thing you can see on their leg there is called a corbicula, 61 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,680 and it is the little basket that they keep the pollen in. 62 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:40,160 Scientists, they did research, and the best bit of the bee 63 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,280 - is its knees. - Oh, right. 64 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,000 Shortly followed by the testicles of a dog. 65 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:57,120 - All in science, all in science. - No, I'm glad you brought it up. 66 00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:00,760 There is a bee that, when it goes near, it creates, like, electricity. 67 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,440 So, this is an extraordinary thing - 68 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,800 it can also harness electrostatic forces, 69 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,520 so when a bee flies through the air, the friction that it causes, 70 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,760 it causes their bodies to build up a positive charge. 71 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:12,080 This is incredible - when they get close to the flower, 72 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,120 which usually carries a negative charge, 73 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:18,520 the grains of pollen literally jump from the plant to the insect. 74 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,760 They learn to distinguish the different electrical fields around 75 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:23,520 different flowers so they can tell 76 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,760 which plants have nearly been depleted of pollen, 77 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,880 - and they don't bother with those. - Do they work for npower? 78 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,840 - ROSS: - You said SOME bees. - Yeah. 79 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:33,560 - Some are electric, some acoustic bees? - Yes. 80 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:37,520 There's a wasp in the background going, "Judas!" 81 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,440 - And they don't hum, they go... - HE HUMS 82 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,120 I'm good in the library... 83 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,000 - DAVID: - That does sound like... 84 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,080 Dylan obviously sounds like a bee, doesn't he? 85 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,680 - ROSS: - Yeah. He does. 86 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,680 And that's why, a lot of his gigs, pollen all over him. 87 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,360 HE SINGS 88 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,400 He's got terrible hay fever. 89 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,800 What's extraordinary - there's a recent study 90 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,720 at the Jiangxi Agricultural University in Nanchang in China, 91 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,800 and they attached radio frequency identification tags 92 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:11,400 - to 300 honeybees - look at that! - Wow! 93 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,560 That... Seriously, that's dedication, isn't it? 94 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,480 What, so they can control them with a... 95 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,680 - They turn them into drones... No. DAVID: - What, like an Xbox? 96 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,760 No. They wanted to see how much foraging they did, 97 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:24,000 and what they discovered, which is extraordinary, 98 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,160 is that they forage in anticipation of a rainy day, 99 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,360 and the weird thing is that they don't actually need 100 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:29,600 to save for a rainy day. 101 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:30,640 But they do it anyway 102 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,440 - They're just really practical. - Fantastically practical! 103 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,960 "I know I don't need to, but you never know!" 104 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,680 - Those tiny little helmets they've got on... - Yes. 105 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,600 They're little radio identification tags. 106 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,880 - So they're like the badges that people wear at conferences. - Yes. 107 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,880 Has anybody ever heard bees having sex? 108 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:51,640 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. It was one of the worst porn films I ever saw. 109 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,560 - There it is, in fact. - They got kicked out of Kew Gardens for that. 110 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,840 The extraordinary thing is that it makes an audible sound. 111 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:04,440 It's a very female-centred society - the women do all the work. 112 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,400 I know, Cariad, no change there. 113 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,040 - No change. - And the drones, the boys - 114 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,920 their sole job is to mate with the queen, and hardly any of them get 115 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,920 a chance to do so, but if you manage to mate with the queen, 116 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:19,480 once you have done so, your phallus ejaculates from your body, 117 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,040 the whole thing tears off with an audible pop. 118 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,640 CARIAD LAUGHS 119 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,480 "I've finished!" 120 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,640 I think most blokes would think that's worth it. 121 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,720 Well, it actually plugs up the vagina. 122 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,480 That's the whole point - it stops the semen coming back out again. 123 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,640 So all of the drones want to mate with the queen, 124 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,120 but only a very few of them are able to do so. 125 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,400 It's like Beyonce and Jay Z, so many want Queen B - 126 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:50,520 she chooses one, who lets her down, then she steals his phallus, 127 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,440 and makes an album about it. 128 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:02,040 She has sex with multiple drones, and then... 129 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,960 - Beyonce?! - Not Beyonce! 130 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,000 What does she do with all the spare, er...? 131 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,760 The spare? 132 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,320 They get ejected eventually - she gets rid of them. 133 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:13,840 That must be intimidating - 134 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,600 you go in to see the queen, and they're all on a shelf. 135 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,040 It's not a shelf! It's a dartboard! 136 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,920 "Don't open the door!" Boom! 137 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,800 The bee that's just had sex with her, 138 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:36,480 he walks out, and there's a big long queue, and then his cock just hits 139 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,280 him on the back of the head. 140 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:39,760 "Take that with you!" 141 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,240 "Oh, sorry." 142 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,080 But how long do you think they have sex for? 143 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,600 I'm thinking if you know that was going to happen, 144 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,440 you'd be making it last as long... 145 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,200 It's anywhere between ten and 80 minutes. 146 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,120 - OK. - And sometimes while they're flying, 147 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:54,880 which must be... That must be, you know... 148 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,400 Is that like the Mile High Club for bees? 149 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,720 "Woohoo! This is better than I imagined... Oh, no!" 150 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,600 "No!" 151 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,520 Now, describe nature's Top Gear. 152 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,320 Nature's drugs? 153 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,120 - Oh, is that a thing? Drugs? - Gear, you know, your gear, man. 154 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,920 Don't... 155 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:22,320 "I've got some top gear for ya." 156 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:32,240 OK, it's not gear in the sense of drugs. 157 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:34,600 What other kind of gears are there? 158 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,920 - In a car. - The cogs of something? - Yes, yes, yes. 159 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:38,600 Nature is full of tremendous wonders, 160 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,240 and nothing I think more wonderful 161 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,760 than the immature planthopper, or a nymph and gears. 162 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,160 Now, you can't really tell, cos it's a massive picture, 163 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,120 but they're only three millimetres long... 164 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,000 I'm really glad that's a massive picture. 165 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,040 They tend on the whole to move very slowly, cos they don't want to 166 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:55,120 attract attention, which is really sweet, 167 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:59,000 but they are able to jump up to one metre from a standing start. 168 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,520 So, that is 300 times their own body length. 169 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:02,920 Imagine if it was me, 170 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:06,480 I would be able to jump, from a standing start, a third of a mile. 171 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:07,960 I'd love to see that. 172 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,600 And now, the thing is, if you jump that far, 173 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,920 and you don't get your timing spot on, 174 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:16,200 you spiral out of control, so they have little, tiny, 175 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,520 tiny gears, that enable them to synchronise their legs 176 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,360 within 30 millionths of a second. 177 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:26,600 You can see here, the top of each hind leg has a circular set 178 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:30,240 of minute teeth, and just before takeoff, the insect's thighs, 179 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,560 they squeeze together. 180 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,720 You can see they're kind of ratcheting up, 181 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,680 causing the teeth to mesh like gears, and the legs are then locked 182 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:41,120 together, and then they can thrust off like that in perfect unison. 183 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,520 That's amazing! 184 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,520 It's amazing, but it looked like CCTV of it, 185 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,160 so I wonder if it had committed a crime. 186 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,520 "Seen fleeing the scene!" 187 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,840 In 2011 in Papua New Guinea, they found a weevil 188 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,760 whose legs are screwed into the body, and... 189 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,880 - That's such a phallus sticking out. - It is, isn't it? 190 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:02,440 I'm really struggling with everything else on the screen. 191 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,800 You could take the front legs off while it was sleeping, 192 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:06,960 put it on the back... 193 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,520 Interchangeable - "I want that one." 194 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,560 Yes, but... 195 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,640 - ..why do you think they might do this? - It takes its legs off? 196 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,760 - No, it doesn't take them off... - It tightens them. 197 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,520 It tightens them, so it can pull along the length of the leg 198 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,240 in order to make it rotate in its socket. 199 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,800 So they can rotate the back legs 130 degrees, 200 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,000 - and get a better grip. - Wow! 201 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,880 Or they can rotate the front 90 degrees and get a better grip. 202 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,560 - Why haven't we evolved to do that? - Because you'd get drunk, 203 00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:35,960 you'd put your legs on wrong, and you'd go, 204 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,280 "I'm off!" Oof! And you'd shoot off that way. 205 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:41,640 Now, nobody will be surprised to hear 206 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,240 that cows emit a lot of methane, 207 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:48,320 so, what would you use to ensure your cow meets emissions standards? 208 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,720 Is this about cows farting? 209 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,720 Well, it doesn't come out just one end, does it? 210 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,480 - Farts don't come out of just one end? - No, the methane. 211 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,560 - Oh, are they burping as well? - They do. 212 00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,920 I know how they feel. It's difficult being a gassy lady. 213 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:03,640 - Are you a gassy person? - I'm SO gassy. - Are you? - Yeah, it's insane. 214 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:05,960 Are you responsible for global warming? Is it you? 215 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,480 In an area of North London, yes. 216 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,120 - That's me - soz. - I don't know why that is 217 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,840 that some people are and some aren't. 218 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:14,120 In my entire life - this is a very odd thing to admit - 219 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:15,760 I have never farted. 220 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,320 - What?! - What?! 221 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,840 - Seriously. - That is a very bold claim. 222 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,800 - I know! - So what you mean is, you haven't let rip? 223 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:27,320 - No! So... - Have you found yourself ever rising off a seat? 224 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:33,640 Perhaps you just have incredibly taut buttocks. 225 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,760 I'm happy to take that claim, yes. 226 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,720 Only dogs can hear them. 227 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:46,360 - Oh! - They're just on a different frequency from everybody else's. 228 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:49,480 It's no wonder our dog goes mad every now and then. 229 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:53,720 Is the dog down there going, "Blame it on Sandi"? 230 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,720 Come on, now, what are we going to do? 231 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,640 We need... So, a badly tuned car belches out all sorts of pollutants. 232 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,440 - What do we do? - Is it something to do with what you're feeding them? 233 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,120 Er, no, it's an actual device. 234 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:05,840 A catalytic converter? 235 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:10,120 It is - a catalytic converter for cows. 236 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:13,200 These particular catalytic converters go in the nose 237 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,000 of the cow, so they go like that. 238 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,440 That's a scientific drawing right there! 239 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:18,840 Very technical. 240 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:22,160 Is that a gin and tonic going into its nose? 241 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:25,600 It doesn't have to be cows - it can be sheep or goats or whatever, 242 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:30,240 and the apparatus is retained in the nostril by one or more springs or 243 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:34,520 other mechanical devices, and configured to ignite in the presence 244 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,200 of methane gas. 245 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,000 Incredible, cos then it would be like a sort of a cow-dragon. 246 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,280 Yeah. 247 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,360 And then late at night, if you were lost in the hills... 248 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,840 - Yeah. - ..warm milk. 249 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:49,440 Ah, here's the thing. You don't need to get lost, because it can also be 250 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,760 fitted with a GPS tracker. 251 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,560 Is it actually succeeding, this, 252 00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:57,800 in stopping the methane emissions from cows? 253 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,760 Not yet. It's a brand-new notion as to how to do it. 254 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:04,040 Something that is succeeding is fistulating cows. 255 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,600 - What, they've got holes in? - Yeah, they've got holes in them. 256 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:10,080 I've seen this. When you look in, all it is is grass, 257 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,280 like a big hopper full of grass, honestly, it is, 258 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:18,000 and I've seen a documentary where, a doctor or a vet, I suppose... 259 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,400 I'd hope so. 260 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,880 ..put his arm in, rummaging around and showing you the... 261 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,880 It's really weird and the cow's just standing looking, it looked fine. 262 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,080 They don't seem to be the slightest bit bothered by it. 263 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,760 It is a sort of rubber cannula, it unscrews, a bit like a petrol cap, 264 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:32,600 and you're quite right, you can put your hand right inside the cow. 265 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:33,920 Why might you want to do that? 266 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,200 Because he's got a very busy day, and you want to have 267 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,440 a business meeting with James Herriot. 268 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:42,320 He's got his hand up the cow's bum, and he goes... 269 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,920 - You shake his hand. - ..put it in, shake the hand... 270 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,400 - DAVID: - You've sorted that deal with James Herriot. 271 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,080 - That's it. - So it just vents? It vents the cow? 272 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,920 No, you actually want to get to the stomach contents. 273 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:58,000 - Why might you want to do that? - There's something in there that...? 274 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,440 Yeah, so, basically, 275 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,160 you may have a sick cow, and the cow that is fistulated 276 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:03,720 is perfectly healthy. 277 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,120 You want to get some of the bacteria from the stomach 278 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:10,360 of the healthy cow, and give it directly to the other cow. 279 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,760 - It is a cunning plan. - It IS a cunning plan. 280 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:15,840 You also can check exactly what the nutrients that the cow was eating, 281 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,920 how they're breaking down in the stomach. 282 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,960 - Doesn't it...? - It doesn't bother them in the slightest. 283 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,480 - Are you sure? - Absolutely. 284 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,680 Honestly, it's the weirdest thing I've ever seen. 285 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:28,200 It would bother ME, I think, if I had one of those here. 286 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,640 Which is a shame, because we were going to do... 287 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:32,680 an experiment. 288 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:35,280 - ROSS: - Yeah, but come on, that would be a hell of a party piece, 289 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,520 - though, wouldn't it? - What? If you had it in your head? 290 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,760 No, no, just, you know, "Baddiel's here, come on, 291 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:42,240 "let's see what he's had for dinner." 292 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,160 - DAVID: - And then if you were a bit peaky, 293 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:47,240 someone would reach inside, and give my bacteria to Ross Noble. 294 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,680 - That's what would happen. - It would be a strange thing. 295 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,000 - ROSS: - Yeah, like, say you had the last French fancy... 296 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,480 - DAVID: - You can't just have it if you wanted my food! 297 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,600 That's not how it works. You have to be ill. 298 00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:00,480 - ROSS: - So I'm... "Oh! I need a French fancy!" 299 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,840 "Gat Baddiel - he's polished off the lot!" 300 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:03,960 Then you came round... 301 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,520 - DAVID: - I hate to tell you this, Ross - 302 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,200 you can't die of needing to eat French fancies. 303 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:12,040 - ROSS: - Right. Well, if you go to any Parisian hospital... 304 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:16,000 ..and find somebody who is fancy-deficient... 305 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,560 Yeah, you could be saving lives. 306 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,320 You've understood that the French fancy direct from his stomach 307 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,000 is not going to look as attractive as when he first ate it? 308 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,520 That's the thing about Mr Kipling - 309 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:28,800 he makes such exceedingly good cakes... 310 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,520 - whatever form they're in. - Yeah. 311 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:34,240 Have a look at these, and tell me what's going on here. 312 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,480 Different cow, different look. 313 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:39,920 He's saying, "I wanted it to be a zebra." And so... 314 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,200 "I've done my best." 315 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,880 - What do you reckon? - He's painted it for some reason. - Yeah. 316 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:45,440 Why might you paint a cow? 317 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:46,560 To disguise it? 318 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,640 In fact, quite the opposite - it's World War II, 319 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,720 and it was farmers trying to stop people running over their cows 320 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,840 - during the blackout. - Oh! 321 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,200 - They painted them white. - Why didn't they just write... 322 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,720 "COW"? 323 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,600 No, no, because then, if it was behind a bush, 324 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:06,080 it would say, "OW." 325 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,400 - DAVID: - "Ow, I'm being fistulated." 326 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,880 Or, "STOP," you know? That would be... 327 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,840 Wouldn't it be funnier to write "PIG," 328 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,160 then people would stop and go, "That's never a pig!" 329 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,120 But surely that would draw the attention of the Luftwaffe, 330 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:21,320 wouldn't it? 331 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,480 - DAVID: - Yeah, but if the Luftwaffe just bomb cows, 332 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,960 that's not such a big problem. 333 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,120 No, by the end of the first month of the war, 334 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,320 1,130 human road deaths had been attributed to the blackout, 335 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,520 so it was really a serious issue, and people were... 336 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:33,720 Always knocking into cows? 337 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:37,600 - I don't know - no bovine casualties were listed. - Oh, OK. 338 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,840 So, if you want to do your bit to save the planet, 339 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,440 invest in a pair of cattle-ytic converters. 340 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,120 AUDIENCE GROANS 341 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:46,520 Oh, all right! 342 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,640 Not sure about that. 343 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:54,640 What's the point of licking your own eyeballs? 344 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,760 Oh, quite a lot of animals lick their eyeballs. 345 00:16:56,760 --> 00:17:00,040 - Lizards do that. - They do. Why do they? - For moisture. - For moisture. 346 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,000 So, this is the palmato gecko, lives in the Namib Desert, 347 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,680 so kind of Namibia, Angola, South Africa, that area. 348 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:07,840 It's one of the driest places on Earth, 349 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,120 so it needs to use all its ingenuity to get moisture, 350 00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:12,640 so it gets a little bit of moisture from its diet of insects, 351 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:17,120 but it perches on a sand dune, and it waits for the early morning fog 352 00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:20,400 to condense as water droplets on its absolutely massive eyes, 353 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:22,720 - and then it licks it off with its very long tongue. - Wow! 354 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,800 - That is very clever. - They also don't have eyelids, so licking also helps 355 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,760 - to keep their eyes clean. - I mean, to be fair, I have been to that desert. 356 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,400 I rode a motorbike across that desert. 357 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,960 - DAVID: - I've been there, too. - ROSS: - Have you? - DAVID: - Yeah. 358 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,280 Fight, fight, fight! 359 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,360 Lick your eyes, lick your eyes! 360 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,120 It's amazing, it's an incredible place. 361 00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:42,800 Yes, extraordinary and incredible. 362 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,360 The Namib Desert - extremely arid - 363 00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:46,560 they only get a few millimetres of rain every year, 364 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,920 so the fog that rolls in from the sea in the morning 365 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,760 is incredibly important, and there's a wonderful little creature 366 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:53,560 called the fogstand beetle, 367 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:56,520 and it doesn't use its eyes, but it uses its rear end, 368 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:59,600 - so what it does is it... - Oh! - ..props itself up at an angle of 45 degrees, 369 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,920 and the water condenses onto its hard wing cases, 370 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,040 and then it rolls down into its mouth. 371 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,200 That's horrible. 372 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,840 - If I came across you, standing with your head on the ground... - Yeah... 373 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,480 ..letting your arse-water roll down to... 374 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,800 Arse-water? It's not coming out of its arse! 375 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,320 We know where it's travelled. 376 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,320 It's come down its undercarriage. 377 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,960 Have a look at this Welwitschia plant. 378 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:28,200 Its ability to survive is absolutely astonishing, 379 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:29,320 and it is testified by... 380 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,080 Not doing too well there by the look of it. 381 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:34,840 The thing is, some of the individual plants are about 2,000 years old. 382 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:35,880 Wow! 383 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,320 So the roots are buried about 30 metres below the ground, 384 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:39,520 searching for moisture, 385 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,440 and it also absorbs water through its pores, its stomata, 386 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,040 on its huge, frayed leaves. 387 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,280 Oh, God, imagine if you went away and asked a friend to look after it, 388 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,320 - and it didn't survive. - It died! 389 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:51,480 "It's 2,000 years old!" 390 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:53,960 - "Sorry, I was busy." - "I left the window open." 391 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,360 Quick supplementary question - 392 00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:58,760 what do they call a ship of the desert in Namibia? 393 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,040 You mean a camel? 394 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:01,680 KLAXON BLARES 395 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,120 How stupid of me. 396 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,600 The question was "in Namibia." 397 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,640 - Is it not camel, it's the other one? - What's the other one? - Dramadon? 398 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:13,680 - Dromedary? - A Dromadon's from Star Wars. 399 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,920 Hey! There is nothing wrong with something from Star Wars. 400 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,160 There are different kinds - 401 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,520 there are Bactrian camels, and there are dromedaries. 402 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,520 Do you know how you can remember which is which? 403 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,560 - No. - Cos one's got two humps and one's got one. 404 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,600 The dromedary begins with a D, which is one hump, 405 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,000 and the Bactrian begins with B, which is two humps, 406 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,360 so that's how you can remember, and it's completely the wrong answer. 407 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,840 Is it a Toyota pick-up, or something like that? 408 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,800 - It's nearer that. - It's an actual ship. 409 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,720 - It's an actual ship. - Oh! I know this, there's a coastline... 410 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,120 Don't click your fingers at me! 411 00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:43,480 Sorry! I wasn't clicking them AT you. 412 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,920 Suddenly I've turned into a waiter with no English! 413 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,800 - ROSS: - Skeleton Coast. - DAVID: - Yeah, the Skeleton Coast in Namibia. 414 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,840 - ROSS: - Skeleton. - DAVID: - Yeah, stop saying skeleton! 415 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,360 Guys, you should have your own programme about Namibia, 416 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,320 where you can fight about how much you love... 417 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:58,960 This is sort of extraordinary, 418 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,200 to see a ship right in the desert like that. 419 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,040 That's the so-called Skeleton Coast. 420 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,480 It's long been a menace to shipping, and carcasses of hundreds of vessels 421 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,400 litter the coast, but you also get silting and encroachment 422 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:13,920 of the desert, so you sometimes get ships as much as 500 metres inland. 423 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,880 There are ghost towns as well in Namibia, 424 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:19,040 that are completely covered in sand, but you can go and stay there. 425 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,920 Yeah, a bit like Tatooine. 426 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,200 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 427 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,680 - Star Wars. - ROSS: - Star Wars. - Star Wars reference. - Star Wars. 428 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:30,920 OK, Star Wars. OK. 429 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:33,280 Moving on. 430 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:38,280 What does the world's fussiest eater eat? 431 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,880 Is the world's fussiest eater not a human being? 432 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:41,920 Correct. 433 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:45,760 Is it something that is so fussy, it just doesn't eat, and then dies? 434 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:47,640 No, it is very specific. 435 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,200 It only likes one thing on the menu. 436 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,560 Is it bees' penises? 437 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:56,440 Well, you're not far off the area that we need to be looking to. 438 00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,760 It's so deeply unpleasant, 439 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:03,880 there are few parasites who have cornered a market so decisively. 440 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:05,480 It's a little leech. 441 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:07,280 It rarely sees the light of day, 442 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:10,160 because it lives up a hippopotamus's bottom. 443 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,640 That is where it lives. 444 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,760 It's called the Placobdelloides jaegerskioeldi. 445 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,480 Here's the thing, hippos have incredibly tough skin, right? 446 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:24,040 So, if the leech is looking for a blood meal off the hippo, 447 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,800 it really has to go to the rectal region, because that's where 448 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,800 the blood vessels are - the skin is vascular. 449 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,640 - Where the best restaurants are. - Seriously, best place to hang out. 450 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,840 It is literally a pain in the arse, this leech. 451 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,560 So it's a big, gaping hole, like that, and it's like... 452 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:37,800 HE GURGLES 453 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:39,240 Much like the sarlacc pit. 454 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,440 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 455 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,920 Here's the thing - has anybody ever seen a hippo being excused? 456 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,040 No, I've not seen that. 457 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,800 Well, it's the most extraordinary thing, because they are noted 458 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,840 for the violence of their bowel movements, OK? 459 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:56,480 So, they fire out an absolute explosion of slurry. 460 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,280 I know how they feel, guys. 461 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,080 A hippo is incredibly... 462 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,400 We went to a zoo in Spain, and they had a hippo, 463 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,480 and they are incredibly heavy. 464 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,560 - Yeah. - They weigh 3,000 kilograms. 465 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:11,520 What were you doing at this zoo? 466 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,240 - What do you mean? - "Come on!" 467 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:15,920 I wasn't carrying it! 468 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,880 It's got a little plaque - you can read all about it. 469 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,240 I thought you were going, "Come on, kids!" 470 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,280 "There's no-one here - we'll get another one!" 471 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,000 They're incredibly heavy, but they're incredibly dangerous. 472 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,600 - They weigh the same as 150 people. - Yeah. - I made that number up. 473 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,360 Oh, sorry. He was just saying it wasn't 150 people. 474 00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:35,440 I just made that up. It might be about 50. 475 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,880 - I was trying to get attention, that was... - Yes. 476 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,560 Why are the bowel movements so violent? I'm interested. 477 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:45,160 Well, OK. So, it is extraordinary. 478 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,080 What's amazing is that the leech is able to hold on while... 479 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,720 It has a fantastic grip. 480 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,720 It's got a pair of suckers, front and rear, 481 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,400 which provide incredible anchorage. 482 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,640 So, while this poo is spraying everywhere... 483 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,240 And we don't know the reason, but there's a really nice story, 484 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,840 which I like, which is the San people, which is the wonderful 485 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,800 - hunter-gatherers of southern Africa... - The Sand People, you say? 486 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:08,920 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 487 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,040 - Oh, yeah! - Yeah, you've got to be careful, 488 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,440 cos they're a lot more aggressive than the Jawas. 489 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:18,640 - Yeah. - You can get them mixed up easily, but those Sand People - 490 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:19,800 don't trust them. 491 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,680 It's like I've moved into a parallel universe. 492 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,840 The thing about the Sand People is, they always travel in single file. 493 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,200 Do they? 494 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:29,800 - IMITATING ALEC GUINNESS: - Beware of the Sand People. 495 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:31,840 What...? 496 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,920 Yes, Ross, is it something helpful? 497 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:35,360 Yeah, it is. It is. 498 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,040 I have a slight confession. 499 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,000 - Yes? - Right. 500 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,040 I recently... 501 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,280 - whilst bored in a hotel room... - Yeah. 502 00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,040 ..er... No! 503 00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:53,600 If you go online and type in, "Hippos pooing", there are... 504 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,200 Sorry, I'm just going to stop you there. Why would you do that? 505 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:57,440 Just, I was... 506 00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,760 Start with dogs. 507 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,880 Work your way up. Bears. 508 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:03,240 In the woods. 509 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,400 And there are huge amounts of videos 510 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,160 - of people filming hippos at zoos... - Yes. 511 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,760 ..who, the tail goes up, and they go... 512 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,080 It's unbelievable. 513 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,760 People... I don't know how it... It just sort of... 514 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:21,760 No! 515 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,160 But that's the thing... 516 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,240 You've got a leech. 517 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:29,280 Urgh... 518 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,440 There's a reason that the hunter-gatherer people 519 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:37,240 of South Africa, the San people, which I really, really like... 520 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,120 So, when the Creator assigned each animal its place in nature, 521 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:42,280 the hippos really wanted to live in the water, 522 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,840 but it was feared that they might eat all the fish, 523 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:47,400 so they were finally allowed to live in the water on the condition 524 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:50,520 that they would eat grass instead of fish, and would fling their dung, 525 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:53,560 so that it could be checked and inspected for fish bones, 526 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,000 and that is the reason. 527 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:56,080 Isn't that sweet? 528 00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:57,960 Is this scientific research? 529 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,440 - Yes. - Yes. It is. - OK. 530 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:01,960 Leeches aren't the only animals 531 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,800 having trouble penetrating tough skin - 532 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,840 vultures are consummate scavengers. 533 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,000 Their beaks are designed for ripping and tearing, 534 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,520 and they can't get into the carcass, so a lion has to open it first. 535 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,880 If that doesn't happen, they have to find a soft entry point 536 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:19,120 and they thrust their heads into eye sockets and nostrils, 537 00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:21,840 and here is a fantastic description from National Geographic. 538 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:26,480 "A Ruppell vulture is eight inches into the wildebeest's anus 539 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:30,360 "before another bird wrenches it away, then slithers its own head, 540 00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:33,760 "like an arm into an evening glove, up the intestinal tract." 541 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:36,480 Got very lyrical there. 542 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,560 It is. "It's dirty work sticking your head up someone else's bottom, 543 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:41,880 "but the vulture's sparsely-feathered head and neck 544 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,600 "are just what is needed to keep gore, guts and faecal matter 545 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:48,000 "from clinging after a deep carcass dive." 546 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:54,480 So, the world's fussiest eater won't eat anything but hippo's arse. 547 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,800 In fact, they've taken the little leeches into the lab 548 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,360 and offered them other things to eat, and they refuse. 549 00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:03,680 - They only want... - Does it eat hippo poo or hippo arse? 550 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,600 They're leeches, so it wants the actual... 551 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,360 So it's not interested in the dung at all? 552 00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,600 - No, it doesn't want the dung. - It just hears it coming. 553 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:10,800 Yeah. Whaaa! 554 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,760 It's like living in a wind tunnel for them. 555 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:26,880 Now, what is this plucky little bird up to? 556 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,640 - Ah! - Cleaning the teeth, cleaning the teeth, surely. 557 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,000 KLAXON BLARES 558 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,360 Oh! 559 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:36,440 So, all we can say about this particular bird 560 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,360 is the word "Photoshop." 561 00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:39,520 Oh! 562 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,560 It is a digital reconstruction, as the copyright owner readily admits. 563 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,040 It's the so-called story of the crocodile bird. 564 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,480 It goes back to Herodotus writing in the 5th century BC, 565 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:50,640 but it has never happened. 566 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:51,680 Herodotus wrote, 567 00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:54,000 "When the crocodile comes ashore and opens its mouth, 568 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,560 "the trochilus flies into its mouth and eats the leeches. 569 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,400 "The crocodile is pleased by this service, 570 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,200 "and takes care not to hurt the trochilus," 571 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,360 which is usually identified as the Egyptian plover. 572 00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:04,760 You'd think it was perfect, the bird and the teeth... 573 00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:06,720 He was making it all up, though, wasn't he? 574 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,240 He made that up, indeed, and indeed, this photo is made up. 575 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:10,560 That whole story is made up. 576 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,360 There's no reliable evidence whatsoever that this ever happens. 577 00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:15,840 Mainly because crocodiles regularly shed their teeth - 578 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:17,720 they have no need for them to be cleaned. 579 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:19,920 - They just get new ones. - Why would he make that up? 580 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,680 - ROSS: - Cos it... Wasn't it furry ants? Didn't he... 581 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:23,920 Did he talk about furry ants? 582 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:27,280 I'm sure he said that there was, like, massive furry ants. 583 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,080 CARIAD LAUGHS 584 00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:31,040 Stop looking at me like I'm insane! 585 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,440 No, I love that. It's like... 586 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,200 "Stop looking at me like I'm insane"? 587 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,240 - No, but... - How often do you say that every day? 588 00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:40,840 You know my wife. 589 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:43,520 The thing is, all of history is littered 590 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:45,880 with people saying things for sure that they weren't. 591 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:48,760 - DAVID: - Yeah, but I don't understand with Herodotus and the bird 592 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,240 and the crocodile - he stood to gain nothing from that lie. 593 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,960 Yeah, but it's a great story - there's a notion of symbiosis. 594 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,280 The vicious crocodile and the tiny little bird, 595 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,160 and this wonderful image of the two of them working together. 596 00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:01,720 He was in the pub and everyone was like, "Go on, Herodotus!" 597 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:02,920 Yeah, "Tell us a story!" 598 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,040 "Tell us that one about the bird and the crocodile 599 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,720 "that makes us feel like we can all get on no matter our size!" 600 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,920 There are birds who DO provide cleaning services. 601 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,960 Or is it sharks get cleaned by fish? 602 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:17,480 Well, the cleaner wrasse fish provides cleaning services 603 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,080 to other fish, and they set up a sort of cleaning station, 604 00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:22,480 and they do this little dance to attract... 605 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:24,240 So that's a massive Moray eel, 606 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:27,800 and then it cleans the teeth and the gills of the client - 607 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,720 I'm sure you can call it the client - 608 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,960 and they get a good valeting in return for, you know, 609 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:33,240 scraps for the fish. 610 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,720 If you go scuba diving and you meet a Napoleon wrasse, you can give it 611 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:40,040 a hard-boiled egg, and all the shell comes out of its gills. 612 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:41,160 - Wow! - Right! 613 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,040 - It's quite a sight. - Yeah. - Wow! 614 00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:49,640 - So it... - Don't you wonder who discovered that? 615 00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:53,320 "I know - I'm going to go diving with a boiled egg." 616 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,640 I think it was Humpty Dumpty. 617 00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:00,360 He fell off the pier, and he went, "I'm not having that again. 618 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,520 "The job that the king's horses have done's rubbish, and this is..." 619 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:05,080 And then he's fallen in the water... 620 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:08,120 I don't know if you give it a Creme Egg you get all tinfoil... 621 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:12,320 A Kinder egg, a toy comes out! 622 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:18,000 Warthogs - Ugandan warthogs - they are groomed by mongoose. 623 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,360 - Oh, look at that! - Aww! - Oh, you see, the warthog's my favourite. 624 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:24,560 It's licking its arsehole, it's licking its arsehole! 625 00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:25,840 Oh! 626 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,440 Oh, it just keeled over in pleasure. 627 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:31,480 "Oh-ho-ho!" 628 00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:34,520 This is what Ross's special videos were. 629 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:36,280 - Look at them! - Aww! 630 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:37,400 So cute. 631 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:41,040 So, years and years ago, in 1975 - in fact, 1975 to 1977 - 632 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:42,640 there was a golf course in Zimbabwe 633 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:44,400 called the Elephant Hills Golf Course, 634 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,880 and I had the good fortune to play there just the one time, 635 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:51,560 but they had special rules to deal with warthog-related matters 636 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:55,080 to do with golf, and the rule was, if you hit a warthog - 637 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,600 and they were everywhere - I'm going to read it out... 638 00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:00,920 "It does not entitle the player to replay the shot, 639 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:04,600 "except when the ball strikes the upright tail, in which case 640 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:08,240 "it shall be deemed to have struck a miniature moving flagpole." 641 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:11,680 So, anyway. 642 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:13,880 The nilgai lives in northern India. 643 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:16,080 "Nilgai" means "blue bull." 644 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,720 Its scientific name is Boselaphus tragocamelus, 645 00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:21,760 which means ox-deer-goat-camel. 646 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,400 It used to be called the nilgor, meaning "blue horse," 647 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:25,760 so which is it? 648 00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:28,800 Is it a bull, an ox, a deer, a goat, a camel, or a horse? 649 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:30,360 - Is that it? - That is it. 650 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,720 - It doesn't look like an ox. - It's an antelope, isn't it? 651 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:33,960 It is, absolutely. 652 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:36,840 It is possibly the most misnamed animal in the bestiary, 653 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:38,840 because it is actually an antelope. 654 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:41,800 The scientific name Boselaphus tragocamelus was first used 655 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:44,880 by an English zoologist called Philip Sclater in 1833. 656 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:46,720 He was actually a trained ornithologist, 657 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:48,920 so it's no wonder he didn't entirely... 658 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,320 "It's not my remit, guys." 659 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:52,840 Other than zoological misnomers, 660 00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,200 what can you tell me about the nine-eyed eel? 661 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:56,920 Does it have no eyes? 662 00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,160 - No, it's got eyes. - It's got eyes! 663 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:00,960 Is it more than one eel? 664 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:04,160 - Er, no. - Is it that those aren't the eyes - it's markings on its body? 665 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:07,640 - That is absolutely right, yes. - Ah, brilliant! Clever. 666 00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,480 It is actually a two-eyed Scottish lamprey... 667 00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:15,320 - What a lovely mouth it's got! - Hideous, isn't it? 668 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:18,480 So, it's got seven gills on each side, and two eyes, 669 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,760 and one nostril, so strictly speaking, 670 00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,160 I suppose you could call it 17-eyed, it should have been, 671 00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:24,720 but the mistake was the gills. 672 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,360 Lamprey used to be much-eaten. 673 00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,360 The Queen was sent a lamprey pie by the people of Gloucester every year. 674 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,400 It's a parasite, and what it's doing there is it's digging a little hole 675 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,920 into the side of a fish, and then it has an anticoagulant, 676 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,400 - so that the blood will continue to flow... - Oh! 677 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,240 ..and then it eats off the fish, but apparently they're delicious. 678 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,440 King Henry I died of a surfeit of lampreys. 679 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,640 That'd be quite easy to avoid, I would have thought. 680 00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,400 If the doctors had spotted it early, it's quite easy to cure that. 681 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:49,440 But you can't say to a king, "You've had enough." 682 00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:51,600 "I'm starting to feel unwell!" 683 00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:55,320 If you find a dead one, if you blow on it, can you play it like a flute? 684 00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:59,640 - DAVID: - Why does it have to be dead? - ROSS: - Because it's a parasite. 685 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:02,360 If you try to play that like a flute you'd probably go... 686 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,920 Now, can you describe a bearded tit? 687 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,520 If anyone says "David Baddiel," I'm leaving. 688 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,040 Well, once you get past 30, it does happen. 689 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:20,560 We don't always talk about it. 690 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,200 No woman should be without tweezers. 691 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:23,240 No. 692 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:25,600 Or the skill of plaiting. 693 00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:29,160 - That's true. Give the children something to hang on to. - Exactly. 694 00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:32,120 Save on a sports bra. Tie them together around the back. Bosh. 695 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:33,280 Off. 696 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,480 I sometimes feel, when I speak to you, Ross, 697 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:39,320 that I haven't thought things through. 698 00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:43,080 All I'm saying is, "You're welcome." 699 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:44,960 Thank you. 700 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:47,240 There are many, many tits in the woods, aren't there? 701 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,520 - There are, my darling. Yes. - Is this not one of them? 702 00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:53,080 No, it's not a tit at all, and indeed, it hasn't got a beard. 703 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,400 It has, in fact, got a rather fine... 704 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,200 what I can only describe as a Fu Manchu moustache. 705 00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:01,960 It's not even closely related to - can I call them "true tits"? 706 00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:03,400 - You can. - I'm going to. 707 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,240 It's more accurately called the bearded reedling. 708 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:08,760 It's actually a unique songbird, 709 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:13,040 and no other living species seems to be particularly closely related. 710 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:14,720 I wonder if the person who invented 711 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,520 - the word for birds that are called tits... - Yeah. 712 00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:20,320 ..how upset they would be to know that now no-one 713 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,320 says them without sniggering. 714 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,840 Unless when he did it, he was like, "Tits!" 715 00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:30,560 He's the same bloke that, when he had chickens, he went, "Cock!" 716 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:32,120 Yes! 717 00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:33,240 Come on! 718 00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:36,520 I don't know how you boys get there so quickly. 719 00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:40,680 APPLAUSE 720 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:47,160 So much focus on something so undependable. Now... 721 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:49,920 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 722 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,200 Oh, yes, there's been a regime change! 723 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:04,800 Are you saying your tits are undependable? 724 00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:07,640 Seriously, it is a weird thing, isn't it? 725 00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:08,880 Boys are constantly fiddling 726 00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:10,760 because your bits are not in the right place. 727 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:14,160 You never see a woman going, "Ooh, how's that got up there?" 728 00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:16,240 You see it all the time. 729 00:34:16,240 --> 00:34:17,920 My Gran...like that. 730 00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:23,680 - DAVID: - Your gran used to do that? 731 00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:25,400 Was your gran Les Dawson? 732 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:30,920 So, who eats royal excrement? 733 00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:33,000 Is it bees again - is it because of royal jelly? 734 00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,520 No, they are the only mammals to live in colonies 735 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:36,920 with a single queen. 736 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:38,360 The royal family? 737 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,680 No - in fact, they are naked mole-rats. 738 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:47,080 - They are known as sand puppies. - Oh, yeah, I've seen these before. 739 00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,320 That's Boris Johnson in the morning. 740 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:51,920 APPLAUSE 741 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:52,960 "One eyelash! 742 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:55,520 "One eyelash, and a long one - that's all I need! 743 00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:00,640 "I want it straight up. Straight up! 744 00:35:02,720 --> 00:35:05,200 "And can you get these teeth in my mouth?" 745 00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,160 The teeth are unbelievable. 746 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:10,600 They protrude in order to dig, 747 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,000 and they're able to seal their lips behind the teeth, 748 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:15,560 so they don't get dirt in their mouths when they're digging. 749 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:17,360 They live in a colony with a queen. 750 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:19,800 All the other colony members are infertile, 751 00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:24,120 but they eat the pregnant queen's hormone-rich faeces, 752 00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:27,080 and that gives the subordinate rats a boost of oestrogen, 753 00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:29,560 and that makes them more attentive to the needs of the young. 754 00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:31,440 But they're not the only ones who eat dung. 755 00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,880 Baby elephants eat the dung of their mothers, and indeed, 756 00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:35,040 other members of the herd, 757 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,280 because the bacteria is actually very good for them. 758 00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:40,080 - So, in their vegetable diet... - Are they doing that right there? 759 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:42,920 But it happens to humans, as well. 760 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:44,480 You know when you take antibiotics, 761 00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:46,560 you should replace the good bacteria in your... 762 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:47,960 Aww... 763 00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:49,480 How cute is that? 764 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:51,640 We sometimes get the bacteria in our gut depleted. 765 00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:53,640 There's a thing called a poo pill, isn't there? 766 00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,040 There IS a poo pill. There's also a faecal transplant. 767 00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:59,560 Oh, yes, I've heard of that. Cos some people's guts have more bacteria than others. 768 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:04,360 - Yeah, and they've been doing it since the fourth century in China. It's known as yellow soup. - Oh...! 769 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,040 So if you see that on the menu, don't order it. 770 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,640 Which naturally brings us to the matter of general ignorance. 771 00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:12,600 Fingers on buzzers, please. 772 00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:14,800 So, a nice, easy one to start with. 773 00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:17,240 Which animal can jump the highest? 774 00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:18,560 - Yes? - Flea. 775 00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:19,840 KLAXON BLARES 776 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:21,120 Oh! 777 00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:28,440 It's not the flea. 778 00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:29,960 It's the kangaroo. 779 00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:31,120 Uh-oh. 780 00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:32,600 KLAXON BLARES 781 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,440 No. The record, in fact, for a red kangaroo is ten feet 782 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,720 over a pile of timber, so we're looking for something 783 00:36:37,720 --> 00:36:40,400 that can jump higher than that. 784 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:41,440 Yes, Cariad? 785 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:44,240 That one we learnt about earlier that has cogs for legs. 786 00:36:44,240 --> 00:36:45,760 - The planthopper? - Yeah. - No. 787 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:47,000 Again, no. 788 00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:49,120 KLAXON BLARES 789 00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:51,160 Anybody... Any more for any more? 790 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:52,840 A monkey with a jet pack. 791 00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:57,000 - DAVID: - Could be any animal with a jet pack, to be honest. 792 00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:00,720 - ROSS: - No, because you need to have the straps over the... 793 00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:02,080 The monkey's got to hold on. 794 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,480 If you put a jet pack on a horse, it's standing like that. 795 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:08,160 It's just going to shoot straight... 796 00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:11,440 - DAVID: - He's prancing. 797 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,240 - Its side. You could put it on its side. - That's two jet packs. 798 00:37:14,240 --> 00:37:17,920 We sometimes do experiments on this show, and why that hasn't come up... 799 00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:22,080 It's not that. It's not that. It's not even on land. 800 00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:23,400 Dolphin? Flying fish. 801 00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:26,120 No, it's the shortfin mako shark. 802 00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,800 It can jump 20 feet clear of the water. 803 00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:31,840 - That's terrifying. - Isn't that unbelievable? 804 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:33,400 Then pluck something out of the sky? 805 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,480 Yeah. A monkey on a jet pack. 806 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,360 More than a dolphin, even? 807 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:42,160 Yeah, it's one of the fastest swimming fish as well in the world. 808 00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:45,000 35km an hour. 22mph. 809 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:46,960 But it is the highest jumper. 810 00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:49,600 Wasn't flea right, relative to the flea's size, though? 811 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,240 Ah, but that wasn't the question. 812 00:37:51,240 --> 00:37:53,120 Which animal can jump the highest? 813 00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:54,960 Not in relation to its body size. 814 00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:56,880 - Oh, you're so strict! - I know. 815 00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:58,760 - I like it, though. - I know you do! 816 00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:03,840 Fleas can jump vertically to a height of about seven inches, 817 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:06,400 which I suppose, for a flea, is a fantastic amount. 818 00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,360 Froghoppers, which is also a tiny little bug - 819 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,160 they can jump four times further than fleas, and they're heavier, 820 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:12,640 as well, so a bit more impressive. 821 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:15,040 A tarantula can jump three feet. 822 00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:16,640 SILENCE 823 00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:18,680 LAUGHTER 824 00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:20,560 We all paused to be frightened of that. 825 00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:22,960 I'm scared to believe it in case it's like the hippo fact, 826 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,480 and you're just making it up again. 827 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:27,000 The myth, of course, is that elephants are the only mammals 828 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:29,600 that can't jump, but it's not the case - there are many others. 829 00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,280 - White men? - White men, yeah! White Men Can't Jump. 830 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:37,240 Hippos, rhinos, burrowing animals such as moles, and so on. 831 00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:40,720 What do wolves howl at? 832 00:38:40,720 --> 00:38:42,200 - Not the... - Oh, no. 833 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:47,160 - Yes? - Women walking past not wearing enough, because they're very sexist. 834 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:50,000 - I like that, and I want it to be correct. - But it's not. - It's not. 835 00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,720 That's what's always got me about the idea of the wolf whistle, 836 00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:54,720 cos wolves can't actually whistle. 837 00:38:54,720 --> 00:38:56,040 So, like, strictly speaking, 838 00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:58,600 if you're a builder on a building site and a woman walks past, 839 00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:00,160 you should go, "Phrrrrp!" 840 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:04,400 But what are they howling at? 841 00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:07,160 - DAVID: - Are they howling at other wolves? - The moon. - The moon? 842 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,320 - KLAXON BLARES No. - Other wolves. 843 00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:11,640 It is other wolves. They're very intelligent animals 844 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,400 with very strong family ties and complicated social relations, 845 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,040 and they howl in order to communicate. 846 00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,640 It so happens they sometimes howl when the moon is out. 847 00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,800 Would you like to hear a mouse howling at the moon? 848 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:22,560 - Yes, please! - Here we go. 849 00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:24,560 VERY HIGHPITCHED SQUEAK 850 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:27,560 - DAVID: - Is that your mic feeding back? 851 00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:29,400 Isn't that the sweetest thing? 852 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:30,720 That is brilliant. 853 00:39:30,720 --> 00:39:33,080 That is the southern grasshopper mouse 854 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,000 of southwestern USA and Mexico. 855 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,840 It's also known as the wolf mouse, because it has a reputation 856 00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,320 of howling at the moon. I love these little creatures. 857 00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,320 They're extremely aggressive hunters. 858 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:44,360 They catch and kill all sorts of prey, 859 00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:46,880 and they have a resistance to poison. 860 00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:50,080 They can actually catch and kill and eat a scorpion 861 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,760 while it's repeatedly stabbing it in the face. 862 00:39:54,240 --> 00:39:56,800 I think they're astonishing. I like little and aggressive. 863 00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:58,720 I have no trouble with that at all. 864 00:40:00,240 --> 00:40:02,240 How many Earths does the moon have? 865 00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:06,400 Yes? 866 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:08,600 One. 867 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,200 KLAXON BLARES 868 00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:14,400 So, there's a staple question, 869 00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:16,080 "How many moons does the Earth have?" 870 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,160 At various times, you'll get different answers - 871 00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:19,280 two, several, one, more. 872 00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:22,480 They're all arguable answers, but this is turning the question on its head - 873 00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:24,960 how many Earths does the moon have? 874 00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,720 Now, if you asked me about the ice planet Hoth... 875 00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:31,880 We'd be in there. We'd be in there straightaway. 876 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:33,360 - DAVID: - It's more than one, then? 877 00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:35,560 Well, it depends on what theory you believe in. 878 00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,840 So, the most widely accepted theory of how our moon was formed 879 00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:42,040 is the Big Splat, OK? So, that proposes that it was created... 880 00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,240 By a hippo? 881 00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:48,040 ..about four and a half billion years ago, there was a collision 882 00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:51,680 between the Earth and another Mars-sized planet known as Thea. 883 00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:55,160 And we've always assumed that the thing was a glancing blow, right, 884 00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,080 and Thea would have spun off into space and left a large debris from 885 00:40:58,080 --> 00:40:59,680 the collision, and that is our moon. 886 00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:01,720 There's a more recent development of this idea, 887 00:41:01,720 --> 00:41:04,080 which is that the collision was head-on, in which case, 888 00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:07,680 the Earth is a fusion of two planets, 889 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:11,080 and it would mean that the moon, in fact, has two Earths. 890 00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:12,880 If that is the thing that we believe. 891 00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:15,800 Speaking of the moon, did you know that the original video recording 892 00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:19,160 of the first moon landing on 20th July 1969 no longer exists? 893 00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:20,200 Did you know this? 894 00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:24,920 In 2006, NASA admitted they couldn't find the original videos, 895 00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,680 and it turned out the tapes had been erased and reused 896 00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:29,360 in the '80s to save money. 897 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,920 Luckily enough, there were some good archive copies found. 898 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:36,880 Does anybody know where I was on 20th July 1969? 899 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:38,280 Denmark? I don't know. 900 00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:39,760 Were you faking the footage? 901 00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:42,280 I was 11 years old. 902 00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:44,360 - Were you there, in America? - I was... - On the moon? 903 00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:45,880 I was in... 904 00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:49,880 - I was in Mission Control in Houston. - Yeah! - You were? - I was. 905 00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,600 My dad was a foreign correspondent, and that's why I was there, 906 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,720 and I said to this woman, "Are you all right?" 907 00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:56,160 She said, "I'm kinda nervous - 908 00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:58,640 "my boss is about to step out onto the moon." 909 00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,480 And I said, "Oh, don't worry, I'll hold your hand." Erm... 910 00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:03,640 So, when Neil Armstrong stepped out onto the moon, 911 00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:05,200 I was holding his secretary's hand. 912 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:06,840 Aww! Wow! 913 00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:09,000 APPLAUSE There you go. 914 00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:17,160 Sandi, you're like Earth's real-life Princess Leia. 915 00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:20,760 Cos you were watching it there. 916 00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:23,200 - Is that a good thing? - Yes! That's definitely a good thing. 917 00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,400 - Is that why you've had your hair done like her? - Yes! 918 00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:27,680 According to the latest version of the Big Splat, 919 00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:29,800 the Earth may be a fusion of two planets, 920 00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,760 which brings us to a nice, natural ending. 921 00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:35,360 Let's have a look at the scores. 922 00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:38,280 In last place, with minus 23, it's Alan. 923 00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:39,600 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 924 00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:45,880 In third place, with minus 16, it is David. 925 00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:47,200 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 926 00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:52,840 In second place, with minus five, it's Cariad. 927 00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:54,160 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 928 00:42:57,400 --> 00:42:59,680 And tonight's winner, with minus four, it's Ross. 929 00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:00,840 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 930 00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:12,160 So, it only remains for me to thank Cariad, David, 931 00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,520 Ross and Alan, and as we seem to have wandered onto the moon, 932 00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:19,280 I leave you with this tale from the News of the World long ago. 933 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:22,440 "A Guinness heiress yesterday protested that a busload 934 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:24,360 "of cheeky airmen mooned at her 935 00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,800 "when she visited the Greenham Common Peace Women. 936 00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,600 "'I don't know if they were American, 937 00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:31,240 "'because I only saw their buttocks,' 938 00:43:31,240 --> 00:43:33,840 "said novelist Lady Caroline Lowell, 51." 939 00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:34,960 Good night. 940 00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,960 APPLAUSE