1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:08,720 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,160 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 3 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:35,440 Hello! Thank you very much! 4 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:42,800 Hello, and welcome to QI, where tonight everything is new. 5 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,320 Please welcome the new faces. 6 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,080 New kid on the block, it's Jimmy Carr. 7 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,480 APPLAUSE 8 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,120 The new-fangled Clive Anderson. 9 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,720 - APPLAUSE - Oh, thank you. 10 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,360 The brand-new Jo Brand. 11 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:02,360 APPLAUSE 12 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:05,040 And the ruddy nuisance Alan Davies. 13 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:06,960 APPLAUSE 14 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,400 Let's hear your news. Jimmy goes... 15 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:16,960 # New York, New York. # 16 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:19,880 Clive goes... 17 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:24,320 # Happy New Year Happy New Year. # 18 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:25,600 Jo goes... 19 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:29,120 # Poppa's got a brand-new bag. # 20 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,440 And Alan goes... 21 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:36,880 # You won't find another fool like me. # 22 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,160 The New Seekers. 23 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,240 - So much better than the old seekers. - Absolutely. 24 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,720 So, a nice easy one to start with. 25 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,760 What is this island called? 26 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:49,240 Newfoundland. 27 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:50,960 KLAXON BLARES 28 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,960 No. 29 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,320 I'm going to have to shoot you now. 30 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:56,880 Eh, no. 31 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:58,600 It isn't the correct pronunciation. 32 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,400 NOOf'nd-lund. 33 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,960 KLAXON BLARES 34 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,320 Hey, hey, hey, enough violence on this show. 35 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,800 Noof'nd-LAND is the correct pronunciation 36 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,600 and in 1876 a man was killed 37 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,560 during a brawl over the correct pronunciation. 38 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,040 Well, we were lucky, weren't we? We got off lightly. 39 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,480 It was two mill workers, William Atchison and John Davis. 40 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:22,000 One thought it was NewFOUNDland and one thought it was NewfoundLAND. 41 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:25,520 Atchison threw a punch, Davis drew his gun and killed Atchison. 42 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:28,080 He got away, Davis, and he spent 37 years on the run, 43 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,760 - so it's a really... - Davis? - Yes, Davis. 44 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:32,480 Any relation? 45 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,120 - Possibly. - John Davis. 46 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:37,200 - Dangerous man. - I have a great-uncle who emigrated to Canada. 47 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,080 - Did he go to NewfoundLAND? - Noof-ndLAND. 48 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,160 I think he went to Quebec, actually. 49 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,360 Noof'ndLAND. 50 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,600 - And you inherited your shirt from him? - Yes. 51 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:49,840 Anyway, just to finish this story, Davis, who killed Atchison, 52 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,720 he ran away for 37 years and then, on his deathbed, 1912, 53 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:56,960 he's in a hospital in Peoria in Illinois and he felt so bad about it 54 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,200 that he confesses on his deathbed 55 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,160 and then recovered and had to go on the run again. 56 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,400 I think he said, "I did that murder in NEWfoundland." 57 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,040 "No, it's NewFOUNDland." 58 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,200 Actually, both men were right, because at the time, 59 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,240 both pronunciations were perfectly acceptable. 60 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,440 It's only fairly recently that people have got a bit... 61 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,120 What's it now? Without looking. 62 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,800 - Noof'ndLAND. - Noof'ndLAND. - Noof'ndLAND. - OK. 63 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,120 Presumably if people are watching this in Newfoundland, 64 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,600 they're shouting at the television. 65 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,840 - Yes, they probably are. - "They're all idiots!" 66 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,680 I have a constant argument with the pronunciation of Canadian places. 67 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:34,400 My other half is Canadian and everything seems to be pronounced 68 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,040 a little bit faster than it should be. 69 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,000 - So it's Trono, not Toronto. - Oh, is it? 70 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,760 - Trono? - Trono. Like, as quick as you possibly can. 71 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,960 Like, it's a crime to say it - Trono. 72 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:47,400 - I love Toronto. There used to be a bar there called... - Trono! 73 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,200 - Sorry, Trono. - Trono! Trono! 74 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,240 There used to be a bar there called the Betty Ford Clinic. 75 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,560 And what's not to like? 76 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,680 Some fantastic names in Newfoundland. 77 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:01,560 Conception Bay South is the second-largest town. 78 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:02,960 Conception Bay South is, yeah... 79 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,800 Conception Bay South, maybe there's a North. 80 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,720 That's what I call it, she doesn't like it. 81 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,400 She thinks it's too formal. 82 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:15,720 Come on, love, let's have a look at Conception Bay South. 83 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:19,320 I bought you dinner, we saw the movie you wanted, come on. 84 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:21,920 Before moving on to Conception Bay North, I suppose. 85 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,200 Well, that's a special treat for birthdays. 86 00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:29,000 - It's possible... - Which way up is she? Hang on. 87 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:35,280 It's possible that a girl may prefer the Newfoundland town of Dildo. 88 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,160 Or Eastern Tickle. 89 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,120 Which I like very much. 90 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:42,440 - Do you? - Yeah. 91 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:47,520 - Thanks for sharing. - Not bad for me age. Erm... 92 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,520 Newfoundland, what's interesting about it, 93 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,640 the very first part of the British Empire, 1583. 94 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:56,640 It's the very first bit of England's first overseas territory, 95 00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:00,760 Sir Humphrey Gilbert claimed Newfoundland in 1583. 96 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:04,200 Now, here is a chance for some easy points. 97 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:08,000 When Europeans first arrived in New York, what did they call it? 98 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,600 PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BAG PLAYS 99 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,320 - Jo. - New Amsterdam. 100 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,800 KLAXON BLARES 101 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,040 But it's an Elvis Costello song, it must be right. 102 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,160 And that's why I said it. 103 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,920 I think either the Spanish or the French were there first, 104 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,480 so it was either New Madrid or New Paris or nouvelle 105 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,720 cuisine or something like that. 106 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,640 It was the French and it was New Angouleme. 107 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:29,960 Well, there you go. 108 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,960 It was Giovanni da Verrazzano who first named it. 109 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,240 A Florentine working for the French crown and he absolutely wanted to 110 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,000 favour the French king, Francis I, 111 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,160 who was originally Francis of Angouleme, 112 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:41,320 that's where he came from. 113 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,320 He must have been very pleased when he got there 114 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,640 that he could buy a stick of rock to take home. 115 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,720 It's got New Angouleme all the way through it. 116 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,080 The weird thing about him, Verrazzano, 117 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,160 there's loads of things in New York named after him 118 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,880 and every single sign has his name misspelled. 119 00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,760 It's supposed to be double Z. 120 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,280 And nobody quite knows whether they didn't have enough Zs in the 121 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,040 sign-making department. 122 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,040 They've misspelled park way and bridge, as well, 123 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,960 so they're obviously not very good. 124 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,760 - So, here's a fact about New York... - Go. - ..which is quite interesting. 125 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,600 Gotham, I think I know the history of Gotham. 126 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,120 Because it's a small village outside Nottingham. 127 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:16,640 Where local idiots would live 128 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,800 and someone wrote this book called The Merry Men Of Gotham. 129 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,240 So, then, about 100 years later, 130 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,440 there's a writer in New York and he compares New York, 131 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,240 he says they're all mad here, it's like Gotham City here. 132 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,200 - Ah, OK. - They're all idiots. - I didn't know that. 133 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,800 Do you know why it's called Manhattan? 134 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,360 Is that a local Amerindian name? 135 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:36,320 It's a native Lenape American... It's actually quite a nice story. 136 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,840 So, 1609, Henry Hudson met a group of native Lenape Americans 137 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:42,120 and they were fishing and he offered them alcohol, 138 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,520 for the very first time, and there was a warrior 139 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,880 who swallowed the whole lot to test it and passed out 140 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,560 and everybody thought this is marvellous, and he then brought more 141 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:52,400 alcohol and they ended up getting fantastically drunk together 142 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,440 and the word, the native Lenape word, Manahactanienk, 143 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,280 means "the place we all got drunk". 144 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,040 I think the story is that it was also one of those places 145 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,640 that was sold for a few beads and so a few beads 146 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,440 were handed over and the Indians took those. 147 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,360 But they had the last laugh because they weren't even from that local area. 148 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,400 - They weren't from that area. - They didn't even own the place in the first place. 149 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,160 They just took the beads and said, "Thanks, OK, good luck with that." 150 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,760 Here is something that was fantastically new in New York 151 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,760 in 1909 at Coney Island, which is a glorious place to hang out. 152 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,520 They ought to bring this back, because it's a really fantastic thing. 153 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:27,800 This is one stretch of track running multiple trains and if the two meet 154 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,520 while travelling in opposite directions, 155 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,080 so the passengers are in the lower part, I think you can just see, 156 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,040 it goes up over the top. 157 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,960 I think you can just see the arms of some of the passengers and it carries on. 158 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:40,720 I'm sorry, but that's like a very well engineered train crash. 159 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:45,120 They should have that on the Northern Line, that'd be fantastic. 160 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,400 I think it's absolutely brilliant, I love that. 161 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,920 Yes, indeed, New York was originally New Angouleme. 162 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,960 Where would you find the most pyramids in the world? 163 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,800 PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BAG PLAYS 164 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:55,960 - Yes. - Egypt, fuck it. 165 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,920 KLAXON BLARES 166 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,080 I'm sure I've heard Mexico, 167 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,120 but I bet that's wrong as well, isn't it? 168 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,320 - KLAXON BLARES - Yes. - Yes, Mexico. 169 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,520 In the spirit of... I've seen one. I've seen one in Las Vegas. 170 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,120 Yes, there is one in Las Vegas. 171 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,800 KLAXON BLARES 172 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,960 - Let's go for it. - # New York. # 173 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,120 - Switzerland. - Yes. Let's try Switzerland. 174 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,400 - Switzerland's... - ONE PERSON LAUGHS LOUDLY 175 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:28,240 AUDIENCE LAUGH 176 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:31,800 That's so sweet. One man appreciates you. 177 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:36,400 So, wait a minute, so, Jo, Alan and I have all been penalised, 178 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,880 but you've come out ahead by saying Switzerland. 179 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:42,000 - Brilliant. - Is it the United States? 180 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:45,400 - Are there more pyramids in the United States? - No, it's nearer to Egypt. 181 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,640 Libya? Algeria? Tunisia? 182 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,560 It is... You've got it, you're in the right part of the world. 183 00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:52,440 - Sudan? - It is Sudan, absolutely right. 184 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,480 In fact, bizarrely, this is a photograph that I took myself 185 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,080 of the Sudanese pyramids. There's about... 186 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:01,120 You do your preparation for this show, don't you? 187 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,440 Sorry, what is the travel budget for this show? 188 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:07,640 Where's the licence fee money going? Hang on. 189 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:09,760 You went all the way over there to take this photo? 190 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:13,240 I made a long documentary about Sudan and I'd really recommend this, 191 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,200 because you go and there is nobody there. 192 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,840 - It is amazing. - The massive civil war could be part of the reason. 193 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,080 Yeah. I did go... LAUGHTER 194 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,400 I did go before the civil war. 195 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:26,960 In Egypt, between 118 and 138, in Sudan there are about 220. 196 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,640 They're all in the Meroe area. 197 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:32,520 This was ancient Nubia and you can climb them, you can go inside. 198 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:35,760 There's fantastic writing, they had the Meroitic handwriting. 199 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,880 - Incredible carvings. - Are they houses, these ones, or are they burial things? 200 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,640 No, they're burial things and what's really interesting about them, 201 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:44,720 the Egyptians' were clearly for the pharaohs and for the great and the good, 202 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,960 they were much more of a meritocracy, and so you get not such wealthy people 203 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,520 who had pyramids of their own, and what you can't see here is there 204 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,160 was an entire civilisation. 205 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:56,960 From the air, you can see the irrigation of tens of thousands of people 206 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,680 living there and then completely destroyed. 207 00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:03,280 There was an Italian treasure hunter called Giuseppe Ferlini 208 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:04,800 who, in the 1830s, 209 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,960 chopped the tops off to see if he could find gold inside. 210 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,920 I went to Mexico a couple of years ago, 211 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,560 to a place called Coba. 212 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,840 And you went through a pine forest for about a mile, 213 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:16,040 quite off the beaten track. 214 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,280 And there's just a pyramid in the middle of the jungle 215 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,800 and you go, "Wow, that's incredible!" Take some photos. 216 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,240 And the guy just goes, "You can climb it, if you want. Good luck. 217 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,200 "Don't fall off. There's no ambulance." 218 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:28,320 And you climb up and you realise there are seven other pyramids 219 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,080 - in the middle of this jungle. - Amazing! 220 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,400 And they haven't bothered putting a fence around it and... 221 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,400 I think Jimmy's story kind of assists my answer, 222 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:39,000 because he's indicating there are a lot of these hidden pyramids 223 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,440 in Mexico in the middle of forests. 224 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,920 You should see the amount in Switzerland, mate. 225 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:45,880 It's unbelievable. 226 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,560 The other new group in Sudan is the Nuer people. 227 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:51,960 They live on the Nile around Lake Nuer. 228 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:54,880 And their lives revolve entirely around cattle. 229 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,760 So the prestige is about how many cattle a man owns. 230 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:02,920 And they have fantastic rituals to do with sacrificing ox, 231 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,480 but they are so keen to keep the ox 232 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,640 that they'll replace the ox with a cucumber. 233 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:09,720 They want to sacrifice an ox, but it's, you know, an ox. 234 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,160 So they use a cucumber. 235 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,520 Most of the knowledge that we have about the Nuer 236 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,440 comes from an anthropologist called Edward Evans-Pritchard 237 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:20,080 and he worked there in the 1930s. 238 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,400 And they didn't think much of him when he arrived, 239 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,120 because he didn't have any cows, 240 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,400 so they wouldn't help him with his luggage. 241 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,720 Until he took out his cucumber and they were all... 242 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,400 ..suddenly impressed. 243 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:36,000 Now, on to nudity, newlyweds and New England. 244 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,840 Who got married in the Emperor's new clothes? 245 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,680 Oh, that is a fabulous wedding. 246 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:44,080 - The Emperor. - I want it to be that. 247 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:47,440 He doesn't do very much in the story, he just parades around. 248 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,960 He's a bit of an idiot, isn't he? 249 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,320 - I think that's the point of the story. - I believe it is. 250 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:55,120 The thing I like about that story is that two swindlers come, 251 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,840 and this idea that there were swindlers who would go 252 00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,760 from town to town swindling people. 253 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,880 And that's sort of died out, really, hasn't it? 254 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,240 - Social media's killed the swindling industry. - It has. 255 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:08,880 - Have you never had the e-mails? - Do you get many e-mails? Yeah. 256 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,240 - The swindlers are online. - You can trust everybody now. 257 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:15,520 There was a period of time when people got married naked in New England. 258 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,680 The 1700s. Why might they do that? 259 00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,200 - Was it to do with witches? - To prove you were a woman. 260 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,800 It's not to do with witches and not to prove that you're a woman. 261 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,640 Do you know there's still a thing with popes? 262 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:27,920 - The chair. - Where they have to carry the chair over the cardinals 263 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,840 to check if they had a female pope, 264 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,560 which is obviously a disaster. 265 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,840 They carry him over the top so they can check out his junk. 266 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,120 Sadly, it's a myth, unfortunately. 267 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:38,520 - It's a myth? - It's a want-it-to-be. 268 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,160 Do you know what? This is my issue with QI, 269 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,320 you say it's a myth, but I've heard it in a pub. 270 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:47,080 I'm pretty sure that's the case. Fact. 271 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:49,280 So, look, the bridegroom and the bride are both naked? 272 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,960 - No, just the bride. - Is it to do with the Bible? 273 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,440 It isn't to do with the Bible. It's to do with debt. 274 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,240 They were known as smock marriages, 275 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,240 sometimes just in their underwear 276 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,480 and if the bride clearly has no assets, 277 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,080 if she's got nothing, then the groom is not liable for her debts or, 278 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,320 more importantly, if she's a widow, for her husband's debts. 279 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,720 - Wow. - They didn't have to be visible, they just had to be naked. 280 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,680 So, there's a wonderful wedding that's talked about, February 1789, 281 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,560 a man called Major Moses Joy 282 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,600 and he married a widow called Hannah Ward 283 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,200 and she was starkers inside a closet 284 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,800 and basically she reached her arm through a hole in the door 285 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,400 to clasp his hand and then they got married 286 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:27,400 and then he'd left some clothes very nicely for her in the cupboard and then she came out fully dressed. 287 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:30,360 That's a bit like if a tree falls in a forest. 288 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,280 If you're naked and nobody can see you... 289 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,920 - It doesn't really count, does it? - You don't need to be naked, do you? 290 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,840 I'm sure Lady Gaga would argue she was wearing a wardrobe. 291 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:38,880 Mm. 292 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,200 Just a hell of a dress. 293 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,280 Did her head stick out the top of the wardrobe? 294 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,840 It was just her arm out, that was it. 295 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:46,720 - So it's a naked arm. - That's it, just the arm. 296 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,640 It might not have been her arm, in fact. 297 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,080 Could have been anyone's arm. 298 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,080 Was yours a nightmare, Jo, your wedding? 299 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:53,120 - Yeah. - Oh. 300 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:58,760 I couldn't fit in a wardrobe, I had to go in a marquee instead. 301 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:06,240 - No, it was lovely. - It's stressful, though, isn't it? 302 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,680 I was having a look at the planning nightmare that is a wedding. 303 00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:16,240 If you have 17 guests and two tables of ten that has 131,702 304 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,960 possible seating arrangements. 305 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,600 A wedding with 100 guests and ten tables has 306 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:25,200 65 trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion 307 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,200 possibilities as to where you want to seat people. 308 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,320 Crikey. I had a very little wedding. 309 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:33,640 I'd said to my friends, "Don't tell anyone or talk about it." 310 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:37,600 And one of my friends stayed at a local hotel and called a cab 311 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,200 to pick her up to take her to our wedding, 312 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:43,600 and she got in the cab and he went, "Where do you want to go?" 313 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,360 and she went, "I'm not telling you." 314 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,680 That's fabulous. They have a great tradition in Sweden, 315 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:52,440 here's a randy Scandi fact, 316 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,120 if the bride leaves the reception to go to the bathroom, 317 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:58,480 then all the women in the room kiss the groom. 318 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:04,040 And if the groom leaves, all the men may kiss the bride. 319 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,760 And that is how chlamydia started. 320 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,400 - It's a fine name for a child. - Yeah. 321 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:17,760 What's the biggest news item ever? 322 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:20,920 Has it got anything to do with the Kardashians? 323 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,240 I'm not even really sure who they are. So, no. 324 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:26,600 When was the golden era of the newspapers? 325 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:29,320 When was the biggest circulation? Would it be Titanic? 326 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:33,320 So, it's not an actual news item that we are looking for. 327 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,360 Not like the moon landing, which is a very big... 328 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:38,760 It's not a story. It's the actual news. 329 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,960 Did they do a live broadcast for, like, 36 hours or something? 330 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,040 Is it the size of the headline you're looking for? 331 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,200 - Yes. - The size... - In fact, you can help me, 332 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,480 because I have a copy of what we are looking for, 333 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,560 but I can't manage it on my own, so, Alan and Clive, 334 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,200 if you could come and help me. 335 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:57,360 What I'm talking about is the largest newspapers ever published. 336 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:01,360 These were... This is called the Universal Yankee Nation. 337 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,080 - There you go. - Oh, tiny print. 338 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,160 - Yes. - Yes. You seriously had to have... 339 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,560 - I mean... - Is this helping your presentation skills? 340 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:10,600 You all right, Sandi? 341 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,120 I don't want to hurt your feelings, but if Stephen was here, 342 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,920 his head would be poking over the top. 343 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:19,520 If I was good, I could've gone underneath, but I didn't want to play limbo with the newspaper. 344 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,760 Why did they design those? 345 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:23,080 Maybe there was a tax on each page of newsprint. 346 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,520 - That's exactly right. - Oh, right. 347 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:25,880 They were known as blanket sheets 348 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,880 or mammoth newspapers or leviathan newspapers. 349 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,520 It was the introduction of the cylinder printing presses that 350 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,800 made them possible. It was the fact that it was possible. 351 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,920 This particular newspaper was only published 352 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,680 for about a year and a half from 1841 to 1842, 353 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:41,640 but it was called the largest paper in all creation. 354 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:45,080 Would have been very useful if you're an extremely fat tramp 355 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:46,440 that was sleeping out. 356 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:50,120 Yes. Except it was only one page thick, so it wasn't... 357 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,840 - In the summer. - In the... Sleeping out. 358 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,200 What if you're two tramps having a liaison? 359 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,280 Yes, but they were designed for sharing. 360 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,600 But you said about the duties, it's why we had broadsheets. 361 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,000 - Yes, yes, there was a tax, wasn't there? - Yeah. There was a tax. 362 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,560 With a tax, there'd be people trying to avoid it, wouldn't there? 363 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,600 - I would imagine, yeah. - They would have ways of trying to get round it. 364 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,560 I guess. I guess some people would, 365 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,080 but, I mean, they'd be morally bankrupt, is what they'd be. 366 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,160 Getting their papers from Jersey or somewhere, 367 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,480 so it would be just crazy. 368 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,360 - Yes. - Is that...? Would that work? 369 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,240 So it was a bit like modern fizzy drinks tax. 370 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,400 It was to discourage people from buying newspapers. 371 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,960 Because they were so critical of the government and so... 372 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,960 - We'll tax them out of existence. - Yeah. For a really long time. 373 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:39,640 1712 till 1855. 374 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,040 And then when they took off the tax, all of the Daily Mails, 375 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:43,800 Daily Mirrors, popular press came in. 376 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,680 Because, you know, relatively poor people 377 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,360 - could afford to buy the news and find out what was going on. - Yes. 378 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:51,280 During the time of the tax, people would hire newspapers, 379 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,240 they would buy second-hand newspapers, 380 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,760 they would read them in coffee houses, 381 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:56,840 they would club together to share them. 382 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:58,960 There were even bootleg newspapers. 383 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,480 Second-hand newspapers wouldn't be much use, would they, really? 384 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:06,240 - Well, I... - "Oh, dear, the Titanic's sunk...14 years ago." 385 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,800 But, you know, when you're on holiday in the old days, 386 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,000 you'd read almost any English newspaper that you find. 387 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,960 I remember I'd been in Thailand for three weeks 388 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,440 and I found a copy of the Daily Mail 389 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,920 and I read this brilliant article in it by Norman Tebbit 390 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:19,840 and he said, "I can't be..." 391 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,120 - I'm just... - "I can't be the only person 392 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:25,200 "who's noticed a rise in serious crime 393 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,400 "since same-sex partnerships were brought in." 394 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,840 No, Norman, you can. 395 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,400 You can be the only person to... 396 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:38,040 APPLAUSE 397 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:39,960 But this is a thing of the past now. 398 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,880 Until a few years ago, when you were abroad, 399 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,160 you'd pay any money to get an English language... 400 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:45,400 Now, you just get it online. 401 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,640 So younger people think, "What are they talking about?" 402 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:50,040 It's a real shame, cos you go away and you know when people die. 403 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,680 It used to be you'd get back from holiday 404 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,120 and that would sort of cheer you up. 405 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:55,840 "The holiday's over but, oh, he's dead, is he? 406 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:57,840 "Oh...I liked him." 407 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:01,960 Anyway, what can you tell me about any of these...? 408 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:05,040 OK, so these are newspaper headlines 409 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,640 and I want to know what the story is. 410 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,920 Oh, this keeps on coming up. 411 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,440 "Once! One time!" 412 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,600 Well, apparently, in 1955, there was a man in New Guinea 413 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,160 and he went for a swim and there was a load of equipment 414 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,480 that had been abandoned after the war 415 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,040 and he noticed there was a steam-roller 416 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,640 and there was a bolt missing in a bolt hole. And what did he think? 417 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,560 - "I'll shag that." - Yes! 418 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:35,000 - That's a real view into a man's psyche, I think. - Yeah. 419 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,280 I think that's basically a message to any women watching - 420 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,400 "Make less effort. There's really no need." 421 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,520 So excited was he by the steam-roller 422 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,680 that he failed to notice that it was, in fact, 423 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,800 in an area where the tide was about to come in 424 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:52,040 and he got himself stuck as the tide was racing towards him. 425 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:55,240 And he didn't really want to call for help because, you know, awkward. 426 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:59,320 - He was a bit embarrassed. - Yeah. But anyway, he was released by a doctor. 427 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,200 He said, "It came away all right, but was very badly torn." 428 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,480 AUDIENCE SUCKS IN BREATH 429 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,440 Quite a low hiss, that one. More boys than girls on that one, then. 430 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,400 Try this one as another headline... 431 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,080 Any thoughts on that? 432 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,160 - Are they two...? - Are they towns? 433 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:21,880 It's a headline from an American newspaper 434 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,440 called the Bloomington Pantagraph. 435 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,440 And it referred to a couple in Illinois. 436 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,480 The town of Normal takes its name from 437 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,720 the Illinois Normal State University. 438 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,480 Oblong chose their name in 1880 439 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,480 because they were tired of their original name, 440 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:34,840 which was Henpeck. 441 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,480 Well, fair enough. 442 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,200 Is this one of those things where they had the headline on the shelf 443 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,400 and they were waiting for the story? 444 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,680 Yes, they almost had it typeset and ready to go. 445 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,280 This is a great local news story... 446 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:51,240 You would certainly think 447 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,600 the Catholic church have got more pressing matters. 448 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,200 This is a story from 2008 from the Arran Voice. 449 00:20:56,200 --> 00:21:00,160 "Northend Thistle football players on the Ormidale pitch last week 450 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,880 "held their breath as a wayward shot at goal from Ben Tattersfield 451 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,360 "sailed through the air towards the stained glass windows 452 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:07,520 "of Brodick Church. 453 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:11,000 "But, thankfully, the ball struck the surrounding sandstone frame 454 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,120 "and bounced harmlessly to the ground." 455 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:18,000 And this one, which is from Brighton and Hove, which I like very much... 456 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,160 - So is this somebody picking up dog poo... - Yeah. - ..and, for some reason, 457 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,600 they put it in their handbag, I think is the story. 458 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,080 And then the handbag gets stolen and the... 459 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,480 Well, it's similar to that. But this man on a bicycle 460 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,880 actually pinched a bag of poo out of the hands of a... 461 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,040 She was an elderly dog walker in Worthing. 462 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:39,720 What is there, a hunt? 463 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,520 I mean, you'd think, "Oh, thank God for that. He's taken the..." 464 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,680 I suppose it is hot property still, but... 465 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:46,680 A spokesman for Sussex Police said, 466 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,920 "The lady was not harmed and clearly the thief stole nothing of value. 467 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:52,640 "Anyone with information is asked to call Sussex Police." 468 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:57,080 It's not the sort of stolen goods anyone wants to handle, either. 469 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,160 No. I mean, there are loads of these. 470 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,160 "Driver fails to find horn and shouts, 'Toot! Toot!'" 471 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:06,560 "Black cat seen near M6." That's a headline. 472 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,320 "Police called to pull up drunk's knickers." 473 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:13,000 Who knows what happened? 474 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:17,120 In other news now, what would you see on Camel News? 475 00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,200 Is that the camel from the Camel cigarettes thing? 476 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:20,880 Is he doing a press conference going, 477 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:22,840 "Actually, I'm only meant to have one hump. 478 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,120 "Turns out smoking is not good for you." 479 00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:26,720 It's funny you should say that, 480 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,360 - because it is associated with Camel cigarettes. - Sponsored. 481 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:31,160 Yes, sponsored. Exactly right. 482 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,280 It was NBC's first daily news programme. 483 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:37,040 It ran from 1949 to 1956. 484 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,200 Did the guy...? Did he have a fag on as he was reading the news? 485 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,240 They had a no no-smoking policy. 486 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:47,960 So, er...you were not allowed to show any no smoking signs at all 487 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,360 anywhere in the news 488 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:52,760 and you were not allowed to show footage of real camels, 489 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,880 because it was thought to be damaging to the brand. 490 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:59,200 Yeah, Camel cigarettes, you can see how a camel would ruin it. 491 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,880 Well, they had in those days an actual camel called Jo, 492 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,360 who used to go around the United States giving out cigarettes. 493 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:07,000 I imagine he wasn't on his own. 494 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,080 You say they weren't allowed to show no smoking signs. 495 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,080 When was the first no smoking sign? 496 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,960 Cos I've seen a lot of old footage, people doing surgery going, 497 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,520 "Yeah, we'll have a... Oh, there you go." 498 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,440 Kind of they're constantly with a fag on. 499 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,840 Well, it certainly wasn't a problem on television. 500 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,280 There used to be a 1950s American television show 501 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,560 called Do You Trust Your Wife? 502 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,400 And it was sponsored by... 503 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:31,720 It was sponsored by L&M cigarettes 504 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,480 and there was a moment when the host, Johnny Carson, 505 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,920 asked a man what star sign his wife was and he said, "Cancer." 506 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,200 And it had to be redone as Aries, 507 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,080 because you couldn't have somebody who was a Cancer star sign 508 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,480 on an L&M cigarette... 509 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,080 But there weren't just cigarette sponsors. 510 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,280 We didn't really have that, did we? 511 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:52,960 I suppose soap operas, you know, 512 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:54,840 were presumably, originally, genuinely... 513 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,280 Soap flakes used to be the big thing to promote. 514 00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,920 But also car manufacturers. 515 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,960 So the very first news programme was sponsored by Oldsmobile. 516 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:05,040 And the Ford Motor Company, they sponsored a programme 517 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,320 and they only agreed to sponsor it if the Chrysler Building 518 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,800 was removed from the backdrop showing the New York skyline. 519 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,400 Programmes sponsored by Chevvy 520 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,080 weren't allowed to use the expression, "Ford a river." 521 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,720 I mean, it really was sort of ridiculous 522 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,520 about the stuff they did and didn't allow. 523 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,240 Anyway, moving on. 524 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,760 What's the one thing Nigel has in common with Corbyn? 525 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:26,640 Does it mean the same thing? 526 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:30,360 No. It's about the number of children named. 527 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:34,360 2014 is the last year that we have statistics for. 528 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:37,640 And only ten babies born in England were named Nigel. 529 00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:39,720 Yeah, Nigel's a name that's gone out of fashion. 530 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,880 Gone totally out of fashion. But there were also ten named Corbyn. 531 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:47,120 Oh, really? Are they all being kept in plastic boxes? 532 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:54,560 Well, in fact, only eight were kept. Two were thrown away. 533 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,400 "There's another Corbyn. Put it in the cupboard." 534 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,920 Is that Angelina Jolie's Amazon order? 535 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:06,840 APPLAUSE 536 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:11,720 The other ones with exactly ten instances in 2014 include... 537 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,280 - Timotei. - Timotei? 538 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,840 You are joking. 539 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,160 Veena Vishnu. 540 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,720 Wilfred. Apollo. 541 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,720 Sedrick, Barry and Gordon. 542 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,560 - Can anybody guess the peak year for Nigel? - '71. 543 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,640 When was Nigel Lawson Chancellor of the Exchequer? 544 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,640 - '62. - Not then. - No, not then. Not then. 545 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,680 You're close. '63 was the peak year for Nigel. 546 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,440 5,529. 547 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,480 - The peak year for Nigel! - I know. 548 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:40,520 Nigel's a bit like Clive. 549 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,720 They're sort of names that have sort of come and gone. 550 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:44,640 I don't think many people are called Nigel. 551 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,000 - Well, Alan is still very popular. - Alan is a good, solid name. 552 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,840 2014, 302 Alans born in the UK. 553 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,360 - Fine young men. - Yes. 554 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,840 14 boys called Arsalan. 555 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,320 Arsalan. A-R-S-A-L-A-N. 556 00:25:58,320 --> 00:25:59,480 Arsalan. 557 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,200 - Is that the lion from...? - No, that's Aslan. - Close enough. 558 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,680 It's actually a Muslim name for lion - Arsalan. 559 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,760 The girls' names for 2014, the N names, 560 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,920 were Noreen, Nile and Non. 561 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,440 N-O-N, Non. 562 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:14,040 "This is my Non child." 563 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,120 But the interesting thing is - World War I, 564 00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:21,920 lots of names that you wouldn't think now would have been popular... 565 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,960 Verdun was very popular. Ypres. Passchendaele. Heligoland. 566 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:29,280 - I mean, some extraordinary... - Carnage. Slaughter. 567 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,880 There were 84 Peaces and 120 Victorys 568 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:34,400 and 44 Poppys. 569 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:38,480 The royal family changed their name from Saxe-Coburg to Windsor 570 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,320 in the middle of the First World War because of anti-German sentiment. 571 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:42,720 But they only did it in 1917. 572 00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:45,520 So they were clearly waiting which way it was going to go. 573 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:48,960 "It's 1914. Shall we change our name or not?" 574 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:50,760 "Oooh, I don't know. It's..." 575 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,600 Anyway, as far as newborns are concerned, 576 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:56,560 Britain hit peak Nigel in 1963. 577 00:26:56,560 --> 00:27:00,640 What can you tell me about the false memory diet? 578 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:03,720 Hm... Do you develop a memory 579 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,000 that you remember that you've eaten a full meal 580 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,760 and that's a false memory and, therefore, you don't eat. 581 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:09,920 That's a false memory. 582 00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:12,880 It is a false memory, but it doesn't quite work like that. 583 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,880 It is a suggested way of getting people to not eat. 584 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,320 Oh, you put them off food they... 585 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,800 Yes, you put them off certain foods is exactly right. 586 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,560 You make them think they don't like hamburgers. 587 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,400 There was a study in 2011 and what they did was 588 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:27,360 they told people that there was a questionnaire 589 00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:28,920 and the questionnaire could identify 590 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,160 early childhood experiences with food 591 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,200 and then somebody would be told that certain foods had made them unwell. 592 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:38,000 So, as a child, for example, got sick after eating carrot. 593 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:39,360 Totally made up, 594 00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:42,600 but the participants believed it and went off that food. 595 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,600 And the researchers managed to put people off 596 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,240 an extraordinary array of things. 597 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,120 Strawberry ice cream. White wine. 598 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:49,800 Peach yoghurt. 599 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,240 Dill pickles. 600 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,240 It's not a great meal, but, erm... 601 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,880 You'd have to go through such a huge range of food 602 00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,640 in order to put people off enough food that they could have a diet. 603 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,280 - Well, I think you'd start with chips, wouldn't you? - I suppose so. 604 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,760 But there's still lots of other, you know, filling-up foods. 605 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:06,640 The woman who ran it, Elizabeth Loftus, 606 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:08,840 she said that if you picture a food you don't want to eat 607 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:10,560 and you imagine it making you unwell, 608 00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:12,480 then eventually you won't want to eat it any more 609 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,520 - and the cravings will go away. - Lettuce...! 610 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,720 Success, Jo. Success. 611 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,000 It worked! 612 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:24,080 - Lettuce is hard work, isn't it? - Oh, it is. 613 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,280 You know, lettuce is supposed to make you sleep well. 614 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,480 - Is it? - Yes, it is. - Cos it's so boring. 615 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:31,040 It's all right with chocolate on it. 616 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:34,840 There've been some really weird diets, though. 617 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,120 There was an 18th century doctor called Malcolm Flemming 618 00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:40,160 and he suggested eating soap as a weight loss method. 619 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:43,040 I mean, it 100% works. 620 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:44,880 No, it doesn't and don't do it. 621 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,160 That's basically the thing. And didn't Elvis...? 622 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,440 - Makes your wee smell lovely, though. - Yeah. 623 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,800 Elvis did the Sleeping Beauty diet, I think. 624 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:54,480 Which is the theory that you drug yourself 625 00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:55,680 and you sleep for several days 626 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:57,960 and then you don't eat during the time that you're asleep. 627 00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,760 It's called the Sleeping Beauty diet. 628 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,160 - I mean, Elvis didn't nail the diet thing. - He totally didn't. 629 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,320 What's so good about eye of newt? 630 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,000 Has it got very few calories in it? 631 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,440 I would imagine. It isn't to do with calories. 632 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:14,440 - Is it gluten-free? - It's nothing to do with food. 633 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,640 - So, this is Macbeth, is it? Is that what you're quoting? - It is in the Scottish play. 634 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:20,840 - But what's so great about eye of newt? - Medicinal properties. 635 00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:22,280 I think we studied this at school. 636 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,960 There's a whole list of things that sound like disgusting things, 637 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:28,400 but they're not really. They're references to plants or something. 638 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:29,760 Well, that is absolutely true. 639 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:32,040 But the thing about the eye of newt that is extraordinary, 640 00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,800 they did a study where they kept removing the lenses 641 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:38,000 - from the eye of a newt... - I bet it annoyed him. 642 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:41,080 Well, he systematically replaced it. 643 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:44,920 They did it for 16 years and they keep just replacing the lens. 644 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:47,600 They are able to regenerate new lenses. 645 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:49,360 That's brilliant. Why can't we do that? 646 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,240 - I don't know. It's so clever. - In some animals, the teeth replace... 647 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,000 Specsavers' worst nightmare. 648 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:58,000 And what's extraordinary about them, the lenses that are replaced 649 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,080 are just as good as the very first ones that they had 650 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,040 and they're able to continuously regenerate. 651 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:05,120 Are you sure he didn't have just insurance or something? 652 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:07,040 - Maybe. - So, sorry, that's one newt? 653 00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:09,840 - That's one newt. - I'm not a big fan of animal testing at the best of times. 654 00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:13,520 - No. - But 16 years, this poor newt's thinking, "Oh, him again." - Yeah. 655 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:16,920 "He's going to pull my bloody eye out. 656 00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:18,360 "I'll grow it back, dick." 657 00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:21,800 15 years in, is he not thinking, 658 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,000 "Are you not getting the message here? 659 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:25,400 "These grow back." 660 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:29,440 Presumably, there were periods when he couldn't see him coming. 661 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,000 - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - Of course. Of course. 662 00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,000 Did you know that they're not actually called newts? 663 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,040 - Did you know that? - What, newts aren't called newts? 664 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,160 - No, they're not. - They are, I tell you how you know, 665 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,200 - they're called newts. - They are ewts. It was an ewt. 666 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:43,960 - It's like an orange, isn't it? - Yes. - Yeah. 667 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:46,000 A nickname was an ickname. 668 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,600 It became nickname and newt is just because we're lazy. 669 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,760 Nigel wasn't a name, either. It was an Igel. 670 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:52,800 This is all new to me. 671 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:54,280 - An ickname? - Ickname, yeah. 672 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:56,280 - It's an extra name. - An additional name. 673 00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:58,120 There are lots of words like that. Apron is one. 674 00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,040 In fact, orange is the other way round, isn't it? 675 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,960 It was a norange was the word and we call it an orange. 676 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:04,040 Yes. My favourite... 677 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:05,360 It's not quite the same thing. 678 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:09,880 Apple-pie order. Which is French for nappe pliee, neatly folded linen. 679 00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:13,720 And we just call it apple-pie order, because we don't speak French. 680 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,560 The thing about the witches brew you mentioned about the Scottish play. 681 00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,200 - Yeah. - So you're absolutely right, so the eye of newt and toe of frog, 682 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:20,760 wool of bat and tongue of dog, 683 00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:24,760 probably wild mustard seed and buttercup leaves and moss and hound's-tongue. 684 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,720 Isn't that pretty? Hound's-tongue on the right. 685 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,840 And what herb was liver of blaspheming Jew, then? 686 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:31,160 Was that a particular... 687 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:33,160 I'm not sure that was entirely a herb. 688 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,160 - Is that marjoram? - Marjoram. 689 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:39,320 It's the worst Welsh rarebit they've ever had. 690 00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:40,600 The plant on the right stinks, 691 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,720 it's also known as mice and rats due to its smell. 692 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,600 People used to put it in their shoes to keep dogs away from their shoes. 693 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,120 Apparently it stinks. 694 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,440 They used to put it in their shoes because it stinks? 695 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:52,440 To keep dogs away. You know, dogs do love... 696 00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:54,760 - Steal their shoes. - Keep your shoes. - Shoes, exactly. 697 00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,840 And that's why, to this day, dogs don't wear shoes. Goodnight. 698 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,400 And toe of frog, not sustainable at all. 699 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:05,280 There is a terrible decline in the world frog population. 700 00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:06,840 They're absolutely plummeting. 701 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:10,000 In fact, it's now illegal to catch frogs for human consumption in France. 702 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:15,160 And India, which has been the biggest exporter to France of frogs, has just ceased exporting. 703 00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,520 I have a pond in my garden which used to be full of frogs, 704 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,000 they used to come and have orgies every year. 705 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,000 They're not there. All been replaced by newts now. 706 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,440 This sounds like an angry letter to the Daily Mail. 707 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:29,200 "These frogs, coming over here, having sex in our ponds." 708 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:34,600 The most extraordinary newt, just want to show you this. 709 00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:37,600 Unbelievable, it's called the rough-skinned newt. 710 00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:44,600 It has enough toxins to kill 25,000 mice and it's so toxic, this thing, 711 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:47,480 that the Native American tribes used to force-feed them to their enemies 712 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:48,640 to kill them. 713 00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:51,640 And the really incredible thing about them is that whatever 714 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:56,280 eats one, dies before the newt dissolves in its stomach. 715 00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:59,480 - That's how toxic it is and then it hops free. - Ergh. 716 00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:00,520 I know! Ergh! Ergh! 717 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:03,320 But newts are fantastic, they can regrow their eyes, 718 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:04,360 they can kill... 719 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:07,560 What is the measure of how toxic it is that it kills 25,000 mice? 720 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:10,280 That was such an odd end to that sentence. 721 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:13,160 - Well, it's poison. - Just four dogs would be a better... 722 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,400 How many humans can it kill? That's what we want to know. 723 00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:19,240 It's usually things like a mouse the size of Wales it can kill. 724 00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,440 What about the Spanish newt? They are extraordinary. 725 00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:24,960 When threatened, they can shoot their ribs out of their body 726 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:27,440 and stab their enemies with poison. 727 00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:29,280 Oh, I can do that. 728 00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:32,840 That seems counter-productive. 729 00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,520 I feel like if an enemy's coming towards you, I mean, 730 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:39,600 by all means defend yourself, but shooting a rib out... 731 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,960 Even if they don't attack, you're going to have to go to A&E. 732 00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:49,560 Now, it's time for a fresh new batch of general ignorance. 733 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,960 Although, I think we've done quite well so far. 734 00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:53,440 Fingers on buzzers. 735 00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:56,800 How long is New Zealand's Ninety Mile Beach? 736 00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,760 - Oh. - Oh, come on. You know you want to! 737 00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:01,920 - I think it is 90 miles long. - Go for it! 738 00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:05,720 KLAXON BLARES 739 00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:08,000 Well, are they going to exaggerate or...? 740 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,560 - What do you reckon? - I say it's 75 miles. 741 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:12,360 You're getting closer. Any more for any more? 742 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:15,200 I say it's six miles. 743 00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:17,960 Completely miscalculated. 744 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:19,680 It's 55 miles long. 745 00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:22,440 And one of the theories is that the mistake was because 746 00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:27,640 missionaries knew that it took a day to travel 30 miles and it took three 747 00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:30,400 days to travel the beach and so they made the calculation of 90 miles, 748 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:34,120 but, in fact, they forgot that you travel much slower on sand. 749 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:37,080 - So, do people go and walk up it and ask for their money back? - I don't think so. 750 00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:39,640 Or drown at the end because they just walk into the sea 751 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,040 thinking there's another 30 miles to go here. 752 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,320 Well, the Maori do rather better. They call it Te Oneroa-a-Tohe, 753 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,040 which just means The Long Beach of Tohe. 754 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:49,520 They're not giving it a number. Just can't be bothered. 755 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,600 But there are lots of misnamed things. 756 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,280 Melbourne's Shark Bay has been renamed... 757 00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:57,320 It's called Safety Beach now. 758 00:34:57,320 --> 00:35:01,000 And another famous misnaming - the Thousand Islands archipelago, 759 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,200 which is on the US-Canadian border, 760 00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:05,520 it's actually 1,864. 761 00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:10,480 So will they have to change the name to 1,864 Island Dressing now? 762 00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:12,680 - Well, they should do, shouldn't they? - Yes. 763 00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,440 Now, they have rules about what counts as an island. 764 00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:18,960 So you have to have at least one square foot of land, that's all, 765 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,800 above water level for the whole year. 766 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:24,000 And it has to have two living trees. 767 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:25,960 Then you're an island. 768 00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:27,680 It does look amazing, though, doesn't it? 769 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:29,640 Now, let's have a look at this. 770 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:33,240 OK. So, going to set this up. 771 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:36,640 - Quite good. Like that. - Wow. 772 00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:38,920 My question is, who invented this? 773 00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:40,840 Isn't it Winston Churchill? 774 00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,720 I want it to be Winston Churchill. 775 00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:47,640 You're so epically wrong there that the buzzer didn't even go off. 776 00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:49,840 Well, we normally call it Newton's balls, don't we? 777 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:53,680 - I think Newton's cradle would be... - I think Newton's cradle there. 778 00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,680 Sorry. I'm afraid... 779 00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:58,360 I'm afraid I went to a rougher school than you did. 780 00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:01,680 I think if Newton had that many balls, 781 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:03,880 it's no wonder he discovered gravity. 782 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,280 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 783 00:36:09,720 --> 00:36:12,720 - Who actually invented it? Do we know? - Galileo. 784 00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:16,120 - It's not quite as... - Was it like a toy manufacturer in the '50s? 785 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:18,240 - Sylvia Pankhurst. - I can't remember who it is. 786 00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:21,960 Is it JFK? Is it Marlon Brando? 787 00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:24,080 - It's earlier than that. - Is it Delia Smith? 788 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:25,840 LAUGHTER 789 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,480 It's a French priest in the 17th century... 790 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:29,560 - Charlemagne. - Abelard. 791 00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:33,400 - Called Abbe Edme Mariotte. - And then he started the hotel chain? 792 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:37,360 Yes, that's right. That's right, exactly. 793 00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:39,520 He was an amazing thinker, Mariotte. 794 00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,920 Do we have to guess which one he is there? 795 00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:44,560 He's the one at the back thinking, "If I put chocolates on pillows, 796 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:45,960 "people will stay here." 797 00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:49,680 I stayed at a hotel where they did that 798 00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:51,600 and I wished somebody had told me. 799 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:53,160 I woke up in the morning, honest to God, 800 00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,240 I thought I'd had a brain haemorrhage. 801 00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:00,320 Terrifying thing. 802 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:04,360 I made some red lentil and tomato soup the other week. 803 00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,200 - And my daughter... - This is going to end in tears. 804 00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:08,760 ..really liked it. 805 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,760 Going, "Oh, this is lovely. Lovely. Really delicious." 806 00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:13,000 And it was. 807 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:15,920 And then some virus was going round the school. 808 00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:19,400 Anyway, middle of the night, I could hear some wailing and screaming 809 00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:22,400 and I went into her bedroom and there she was in her white nightie 810 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,200 with white sheets and she'd barfed up. 811 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:28,200 And, honestly, it looked like she'd been disembowelled. 812 00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,480 One of the most alarming things I've ever seen, 813 00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:34,560 just a sea of red everywhere. 814 00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:38,080 All in her hair. It was like Carrie, you know Carrie? 815 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:42,400 I had to pick her up at arm's length and put her in the bath 816 00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,120 and then I didn't know what to do with her. 817 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:45,760 She's just covered in lentils. 818 00:37:48,240 --> 00:37:50,640 I was going to start hosing her down and she was going... 819 00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:52,960 HE WAILS 820 00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:55,640 - I could never have done that. - Hosing her down! 821 00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:57,960 It was very, very, very funny. 822 00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,360 LAUGHTER 823 00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:04,440 I could not have done that. My bath's full of gin. 824 00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:06,160 LAUGHTER 825 00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:09,080 When's the parenting book coming out? 826 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:10,160 The very first modern... 827 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:13,640 What we call Newton's cradle was created by an actor called Simon Prebble, he was called. 828 00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:15,880 And he sold it to Harrods in 1967. 829 00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:20,200 He wanted to promote it and so he made a giant version which had to be 830 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,080 taken down after one of the balls knocked out a child. 831 00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:26,120 LAUGHTER 832 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:31,600 Not good to laugh, people. Not good to laugh. 833 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,680 These chrome ones were created by a sculptor and film director 834 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:39,280 called Richard Loncraine. 835 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:42,120 Is Churchill not involved anywhere in this? 836 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,200 Nothing to do with Churchill. 837 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,120 Newton was an extraordinary boy, though. 838 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:47,640 Massive Pink Floyd fan. 839 00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:53,400 He came 78th out of 80 at school. 840 00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:55,680 - He used to wander off... - Who else was at school? 841 00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:57,640 Einstein was there... 842 00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:00,760 The bloke on the right thinks it's a lightsaber. 843 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:04,120 "Bloody hell, Newton, I think you're on to something." 844 00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:07,840 He made a very strange list of his sins when he was 19, Newton. 845 00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:10,880 It included making pies on Sunday night, 846 00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:14,440 using Wilfred's towel to spare my own, 847 00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:17,480 threatening my father and mother Smith to burn them 848 00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:18,960 and the house over them. 849 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:22,400 Wishing death and hoping it to some. 850 00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:24,680 There's a fantastic... 851 00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:26,880 They've tried to make big Newton's cradles. 852 00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:29,640 Here's one made with 15-pound bowling balls. 853 00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:32,600 Oh, that child's for the chop. 854 00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:37,920 You'll get £250 for that on You've Been Framed in a minute. 855 00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:40,640 The child that must be punished there. 856 00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:42,760 The guy with a beard, is that a baby dangling from him? 857 00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:45,400 Or is that the whole baby with a beard on it? 858 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,040 The biggest Newton's cradle ever built 859 00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:59,840 was for the US television show Myth Busters, 860 00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:03,440 they used five one-tonne steel and concrete wrecking balls 861 00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,120 hung from a steel truss. 862 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,080 It was incredibly difficult to make and it didn't work. 863 00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:12,080 So, I'm going to put that away. 864 00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:13,920 Pop that down. 865 00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:16,600 Now, fingers on buzzers, name the part of Canada 866 00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:19,640 that Britain and America's most popular dog comes from. 867 00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:23,080 Labrador. 868 00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:25,040 KLAXON BLARES 869 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,040 Are you saying it's pronounced in a different way or there's a different dog? 870 00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:30,640 No, they don't come from Labrador is the thing of it. 871 00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:34,200 So, it is the province of Newfoundland and Labrador. 872 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:37,200 - NOOf'nd-lund. - Noof'nd-LAND! 873 00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,320 They are the most popular dogs in the UK and the US, the Labrador retrievers. 874 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:44,440 They have held the top spot for 25 years running and are exhausted. 875 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:51,680 But they come from Newfoundland and not from Labrador. 876 00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:54,600 But what happened was, when they arrived in the UK, 877 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:58,760 there was already a dog called a Newfoundland. 878 00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:00,680 Also known as a St John's water dog. 879 00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:02,880 So, they needed to find another name. 880 00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:06,240 So... They are so gorgeous! 881 00:41:06,240 --> 00:41:08,560 And they've got a thing... They don't stop eating, 882 00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,760 they've got a genetic mutation. 883 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:12,280 I had a Labrador and he was a nightmare. 884 00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:13,480 An absolute nightmare. 885 00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:16,160 - Good for training... - It turns out...they can't help it. 886 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,520 I hope they find that in humans soon. 887 00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:23,360 Maybe you're part Labrador. 888 00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:27,320 - Maybe I'm all Labrador. - All Labrador, baby. 889 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,840 Do you shake yourself like that after a bath? 890 00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:35,400 - I don't have baths. - Oh, sorry. 891 00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:37,240 So, Labradors aren't from Labrador. 892 00:41:37,240 --> 00:41:39,440 - Was it...? Is it close to...? - It is absolutely close to. 893 00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:43,760 So, the province of Newfoundland and Labrador comprises the large island 894 00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:46,400 of Newfoundland and the mainland of Labrador. 895 00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:47,800 And Labrador is extraordinary. 896 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,200 It's three times as large as the island, 897 00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:52,040 but only 10% of the population live there. 898 00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:56,360 It is rather bleak. And that brings us to the scores. 899 00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:57,920 Well, this is fantastic. 900 00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:01,640 In first place, with a magnificent -5, 901 00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:03,440 it's Jimmy! 902 00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:05,840 - APPLAUSE - Can't believe my luck. 903 00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:11,640 In second place with -16, it's Clive! 904 00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:13,720 - APPLAUSE - Think I got some points from you. 905 00:42:13,720 --> 00:42:16,880 And in third place with -19, 906 00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:18,400 Jo! 907 00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:21,960 APPLAUSE 908 00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:28,640 Which means a triumphant -25, in final place, it's Alan. 909 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:30,600 APPLAUSE 910 00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:38,680 So, it's thanks to Clive, Jimmy, Jo and Alan. 911 00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,880 I leave you with this, Parkham WI. 912 00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:43,600 The speaker at the April meeting 913 00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:47,000 was Captain Colin Darch, who talked about piracy. 914 00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:50,360 Embarrassingly, the WI all dressed as pirates for the evening, 915 00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:53,560 not realising that Captain Darch was going to be talking about 916 00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:57,480 his experience of being held hostage by Somali pirates, 917 00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:59,760 rather than piracy in general. LAUGHTER 918 00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:01,600 Good night.