1 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:39,440 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to QI. 2 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,680 Does anybody know where the word "quiz" comes from? 3 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,120 As we're doing a kind of quiz. 4 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,920 I feel like I do know, but I can't remember. 5 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,200 Do we get a point for that? 6 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,480 Yeah, Alan can have a point for that, I'm fine with that, yeah. 7 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,880 When you say it, I'm going to go... 8 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,400 - Watch, watch. - OK. 9 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,560 We don't really know. 10 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,400 So, it used to mean a sort of eccentric person. 11 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,480 How it has come to mean asking people questions for points, 12 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,880 we don't really know. There's a story that Richard Daly, 13 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,320 who was a theatre proprietor in Dublin, 14 00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,480 in 1791 made a bet that within 48 hours 15 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,880 he could get a word into common parlance, 16 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,760 and he distributed the word "quiz" 17 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:26,720 to be put up on walls all over Dublin, 18 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,080 and it became part of the language. 19 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:31,600 So really when they say - "Police are quizzing the suspect" - 20 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:32,960 that's wrong, isn't it? 21 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,960 No, that's from "inquisitive" and "inquisition". 22 00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,000 - So that's a separate... - Very good. 23 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,120 You've got it, you're in the right chair. 24 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,320 I had a little cold feeling, then! 25 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,440 I think with hook-a-duck they do that. 26 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:03,080 - I think they purposely... - In "hook-a-dook"? 27 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:11,120 - "Hook-a-duck." - "Hook-a-duck." 28 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:16,080 - I knew what you meant. - I'm foreign. 29 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:21,480 Hook-a-duck, oh, in the fair! At the fair? 30 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:24,600 Our vowel sounds are very similar to yours. 31 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,040 I did a gig in Norway, 32 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,720 and they could understand me more than in Cheltenham. 33 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:30,680 Yeah. 34 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,000 - Nowadays you can't fail at hook-a-duck. - Why? 35 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,720 Cos kids will kick off if they don't get something. 36 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:39,120 - So, what do you get? - You don't come away with nothing from anything in the fair any more. 37 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,640 Cos you used to get a fish in a bag, 38 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:43,120 and it would teach you about life and death. 39 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,000 Usually very quickly! 40 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:52,160 Those fish, they're not dead when they're floating on the surface, necessarily. 41 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:53,520 Can you make them better? 42 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,520 Yeah, feed them and put them in a proper tank! 43 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,360 But when they grow, they grow to fill the tank. 44 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,320 You can get one about this big. 45 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:05,240 - Really?! - Oh, yeah. - Goldfish in the wild are about 40-foot-long! 46 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:06,320 Absolutely huge! 47 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,800 I don't think that's true, 48 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,720 they don't just keep filling the space, mate. 49 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,400 No, I don't mean like they become a square fish! 50 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,840 A big rectangular fish, like... 51 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,560 "It's tight in here!" 52 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:24,760 I want to win one of those! 53 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,640 Are you a good sleeper, Noel, do you sleep well? 54 00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:30,200 Yeah, I can sleep a lot, yeah. 55 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,880 Apparently what you should do to find out how much you need to sleep, 56 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,400 is you should spend a week not having an alarm clock at all, 57 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,680 and you should let your body just wake up when it needs to, 58 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,000 and log how many hours, and if you need six hours, 59 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,120 and you need to get up at 7am, 60 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,920 then you know what time you've got to go to bed. 61 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:44,720 Yes, but, Sandi, you'd need a wee at five. 62 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:46,920 - Yes. - No matter what. 63 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,160 Yeah, it's very annoying. 64 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:56,280 It's not like you particularly have that much wee to do. 65 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:58,920 You get there and you think, "Why have you woken me up for that?" 66 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,240 "I would rather have just left that in the bed." 67 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:06,280 "We could have just dealt with that... in the morning!" 68 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,360 I would say sometimes, in-the-middle-of-the-night wee, 69 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:12,000 you can start thinking about something stressful, 70 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,680 or get frightened by noises in the house. 71 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,080 Best just to stay asleep until it gets light. 72 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:23,880 Really the solution is some sort of an apparatus where you can sleep on the loo. 73 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,280 My father was in hospital and he had a catheter fitted for a 74 00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:31,360 couple of weeks, and he said he'd never slept so well 75 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,840 for about 50 years. 76 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,840 It was the best thing that had ever happened to him. 77 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,920 It's like when you go and stay in a hotel and they say 78 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:41,680 - never use the kettle, because people pee in it, apparently. - No! 79 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,800 - What?! - You see, I don't want to know those things! - No! 80 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,960 - What? - I mean, how far away is the bathroom?! 81 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,760 I always think that must be a man who pees in that kettle. 82 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,840 - Pee in a kettle?! - I can say on behalf of men 83 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:59,560 all over the country, we do not piss in kettles! 84 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:07,960 You've got to take the lid off, you've got to unplug it, 85 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,360 it's way too much effort. 86 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:14,720 I'm not making it up, it's a well-known fact. 87 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,040 I wouldn't come on QI and talk bullshit, 88 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,880 I'm straight up with the facts. 89 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,680 When you go to a hotel room, and there's water already in the kettle, 90 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,240 that's a bit suspect. I always get rid of that. 91 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:28,480 To be honest, boiled piss, it might change the flavour of the tea, 92 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:32,880 but it's not a bacterial threat, is it? 93 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:36,200 Another thing, never eat the chocolate on the pillow. 94 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:37,480 Where's that been?! 95 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,520 Anyway, moving on. 96 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:46,560 In 2015, they were very busy, they also discovered that giraffes hum. 97 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,560 - For pleasure? - Well, we don't know. 98 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,960 They recorded giraffes at three different zoos, 99 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,240 and they found they make this really deep sound, 100 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,800 it's just within human hearing range. 101 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,480 They don't know if they're snoring or sleep-talking, or just saying, 102 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,480 "It's all right, I'm still here, don't you worry, 103 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,720 "light will come in the morning." They don't know what it is, but they hum at night. 104 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:07,040 Could they be a three-part harmony, like the Beverley Sisters? 105 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,040 The Three Degrees, or the Beverley Sisters, yeah. 106 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,200 That, to me, looks like the giraffe version of going into the loos with 107 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,560 one of your friends when she's about to vomit... 108 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:17,360 "I'm fine!" 109 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,960 The one on the left's going, "Don't take a picture now!" 110 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:34,920 That one on the left looks so drunk, 111 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,920 it's trying to have sex with that tree. 112 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,880 She's only got one leg, but I'll have a go! 113 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,520 She's still here, she can't be going anywhere! 114 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,400 I spent part of my childhood in East Africa, 115 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,200 and we had some neighbours who had a Mini which they were very pleased 116 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,760 with, and they had brought it all the way from England, this Mini. 117 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,120 And one day they didn't come home, 118 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,200 and everybody was very worried about them. It turned out a giraffe had 119 00:06:55,200 --> 00:07:00,120 taken that rather interesting shape there, and tried to hump their Mini! 120 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,960 And got stuck over the car! 121 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:07,360 They couldn't open the doors, and then the giraffe couldn't get off. 122 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:12,080 I guess they drove it back to England... 123 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,680 "We'll knock him off in the Dartford Tunnel!" 124 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:26,560 Astonishing thing, twice a day the tide in the bay 125 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,520 rises 28-foot-six-inches, to the point that it overtops 126 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,440 the waterfall over which the Saint John River normally flows, 127 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:33,920 and the river flows backwards. 128 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,200 - Wow. - Isn't that amazing? 129 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,240 We've learnt so much, haven't we?! 130 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:44,080 You've got to be careful with this show, what you take away from it. 131 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,080 Because you can hear people in pubs, and they'll say this happened, 132 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,160 and you go, "No." And they'll go, "I saw it on QI." 133 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,080 Like, it's become that. 134 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,520 I was chatting to a friend of mine, 135 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,640 I said I was thinking about going to Venice. 136 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,480 He said, "I don't do Venice, it's full of racists." 137 00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:59,720 "It's a racist town." I said, "How's it a racist town?" 138 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,800 He says, "Yeah." He says, "All the gondoliers, 139 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,160 - "they've got to be black. They have to be black." - What?! 140 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,600 I said, "I don't think that's true." 141 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,360 He said, "No. It's true, I saw it on QI." 142 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,080 He said, "Honestly, I don't know how they've got past the EU with it", 143 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:14,400 "but every single one of them has to be black." 144 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:15,960 I said, "I don't think that's true." 145 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,840 Anyway, about three days later, he rang me up. 146 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:22,640 He went, "I meant gondolas. The actual gondola." 147 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,120 The gondola has to be black. 148 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,160 So here's the thing, we're going to make our own nuisance call this evening. 149 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:36,360 There is a number that anybody can ring in Sweden, 150 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,480 and it's a scheme set up by the country's tourism authority 151 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:42,440 to celebrate 250 years of free speech in Sweden, 152 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:45,920 and it's called Ring A Random Swede, OK? 153 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:48,760 It's a genuine random thing. 154 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,400 We have no idea who we're going to get. 155 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,880 We've already pre-selected a question from a member of the 156 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:58,000 audience, and the question is, why do you eat rotten fish? 157 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,880 Does anybody speak Swedish? 158 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,040 Here's the marvellous thing about Scandinavians, 159 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:06,080 - is that their English is really coming along. - OK. 160 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,960 So, the marvellous, marvellous sound department are going to put a call through now, 161 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:19,360 and obviously we'll have to explain what it is that we're doing to this person. 162 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,680 Hello? 163 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:53,920 Hi, my name is Sandi, I'm ringing from London, who's that? 164 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:59,360 Robin! Hi, you're my random Swede that I'm ringing! 165 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,200 'Yeah.' 166 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,600 Is it your first phone call from an English person? 167 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:09,840 So, this is kind of exciting, Robin, 168 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:14,000 because I'm ringing you from a live television studio in London. 169 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,240 So you're on the BBC right now, is that OK? 170 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,960 OK. So, I'll tell you what, 171 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,720 we'll have a round of applause from our audience, 172 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,120 maybe you can hear that. 173 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,160 So, what do you do, Robin? 174 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,800 Are you actually in the shop? 175 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,240 OK. 176 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,920 So, we have a question from our audience. 177 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:46,240 You may be buying this now, what do I know? 178 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:50,040 "Why do Swedish people eat rotten fish?" is the question we want to ask you. 179 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,040 It was lovely to speak to you, Robin! 180 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,080 You know when people say, 181 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:14,040 like, an old woman died in her flat, and she was eaten by her cats. 182 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,040 - I mean... - What kind of a world do you live in?! 183 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:19,800 People peeing in kettles, and old women... 184 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,120 Three days. 185 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:24,800 - Three days and your cat will eat your face. - Yeah. 186 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,880 Because it will have loosened up enough for it to get purchase. 187 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:31,400 - Yeah. - What sort of show IS this?! 188 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:37,280 They never say that, do they, about aged meat on a menu, 189 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,600 with 20-day aged beef, 190 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,280 they never use the phrase, 191 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,560 "It will have loosened up enough to get purchase". 192 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,560 Say you took an average of every single person here in this room, 193 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:50,360 and we took height, and shoe size, 194 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,360 and collar size, and all those things, 195 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,560 you won't find anybody who's average in all respects. 196 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:56,880 It just doesn't exist. 197 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,760 And it's called the jaggedness principle, and it really matters. 198 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,440 So in the 1940s, the US Air Force, they thought, "I know what we'll do", 199 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,160 "we'll design a cockpit that fits absolutely everybody." 200 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:09,360 The cockpit has yet to be designed that will fit my proportions. 201 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,360 In what way? 202 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,640 - Oh, in a plane? - In a plane. - Oh, I'm sorry. 203 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,640 How embarrassing. I thought you were talking about... 204 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,640 I try so hard with you boys. 205 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,960 So they took the measurements of over 4,000 pilots, 206 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:28,840 and they designed this cockpit seat based on these ten different body 207 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:32,680 measurements, and it didn't fit a single pilot, 208 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,240 because there isn't any such thing as normal, 209 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:38,640 and in the end they had to develop the adjustable seat for aeroplanes, 210 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,440 because of the jaggedness principle. 211 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,640 So, take me and Richard. So, Richard, you come here 212 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:44,680 - just for a minute, darling. - Oh, goodness. 213 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:48,160 - So, if you wanted to do... - Where's the sun? Where's the sun?! 214 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,800 If there was a jacket to be had 215 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,600 for the average quiz show presenter... 216 00:12:56,600 --> 00:13:00,680 Can I just say, I'm very proud of Sandi and her time at the school... 217 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,080 She won the grammar prize, well done. 218 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,200 You do know that people watching won't know who's, 219 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,760 and I don't use the word lightly, abnormally heighted. 220 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:17,320 - It could be that you're 25-foot. - Yes, yes. - We need some proportion. 221 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:21,120 I'm five-foot-nine, to give an indication 222 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,240 I used to work with the brilliant Humphrey Lyttelton, 223 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:27,880 and Humphrey was exactly the same height as me when he was kneeling. 224 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:29,960 - I bet I am. - Shall we try that? OK. 225 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,400 Right, here we go. 226 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,320 - Oh, just about! - Not far off. 227 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:48,080 What's the worst noise in the world? 228 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,920 So, we have some props where you can make some noises. 229 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,840 - Oh, hello. - Let's have a look. 230 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,240 So, let's start with Nish and Alan. 231 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,960 That's very irritating, isn't it? 232 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,240 - Oh, God. - Wow. All right, stop it. 233 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,080 Do you remember what that is, Nish? 234 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,600 - This is a vuvuzela. - It is a vuvuzela, yes. 235 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,480 Which ruined the 2010 World Cup. 236 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,960 It's a hideous noise, isn't it? 237 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,680 Well, luckily I have grade seven in vuvuzela, so we're fine. 238 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,720 Oh, Alan, Alan... 239 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,160 That is awful. 240 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,600 We've got a band going! Don't stop! 241 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,760 I've got a mirror and this cube of white stuff. 242 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,960 Is the most annoying sound in the world me on drugs?! 243 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,040 I think this is polystyrene, and... 244 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,520 Oh! 245 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,920 The Journal of Neuroscience gave the top ten most annoying sounds. 246 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,560 Apparently the most annoying is a knife on a bottle, 247 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,520 but we haven't been able to work out why that is. 248 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,360 This one we can do. This is number two, a fork... 249 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:09,680 Oh, God. 250 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:14,040 ♪ I got the power. ♪ 251 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,800 Oh! Stop, stop, stop! 252 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:21,200 That's very unpleasant, isn't it? 253 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,960 This is the old... 254 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:29,840 What is worse than this is when it just goes, "Doot." 255 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,560 - Yes. - Oh, yes. 256 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,920 And then four minutes later goes, "Doot." 257 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:40,000 And you can't work out which one it is. It's somewhere in the house. 258 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,040 "Doot." 259 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,160 The thing that I love about, like, 260 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,520 any sort of smoke alarm is that we've advanced so far 261 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,600 technologically and yet we still haven't got beyond the only way 262 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,960 to solve a smoke alarm is to have a tea towel and just do this. 263 00:15:55,800 --> 00:16:00,040 Now, what did Highland Warriors wear at the Battle of Bannockburn? 264 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,960 Kilts. 265 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:06,480 - No. Not kilts. - No. 266 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,280 Here's a random Scandinavian fact. 267 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:12,720 - Oh, OK. - The word "kilt" comes from the Danish word kilte, meaning "tuck". 268 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,680 - So it's actually a Danish word. - Oh? - Yes, that's rather fine. 269 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,400 But medieval Scottish warriors did not wear kilts when they went into 270 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,520 battle. What did they wear? Anybody know? 271 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:21,880 - Dungarees. - Pantaloons. 272 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,200 - No, it was a yellow tunic. - A yellow tunic? 273 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,000 A yellow tunic called a leine croich. 274 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,160 The bloke on the left has got one of those umbrella hats from the fair. 275 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,000 Yes. They're rather fine, aren't they? 276 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,320 He's trying to knock it off. 277 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,760 "That's a stupid hat." 278 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:41,840 It's not even raining! 279 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,240 What was weird, they used saffron to make them yellow, 280 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,400 but if they didn't have saffron they used to use... 281 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,280 - Urine. - Yes. 282 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,480 - Horse urine. - Very keen on the yellow then. 283 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,040 Piss-stained tunic. 284 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:55,600 Urine was in all the tweeds as well, cos they used to use it to fix the colour in the tweeds. 285 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:59,160 Yeah, but still, you know, can we not make it green from the grass? 286 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,720 No, keep on pissing on it. 287 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:06,680 That horse has got the hots for the painter. 288 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,840 Yeah, he's looking right at him, isn't he? 289 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,920 "Now you're getting my best side." 290 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:16,280 "Don't paint the twat in the umbrella hat, for God's sake." 291 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:22,800 - My mum would summon me home by whistling. - Seriously? - Yeah. 292 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:26,080 And she taught me how to do it with the two fingers there. 293 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:31,040 - Wow. - Now, I could hear that three miles away. 294 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,600 Me and my brother would be playing with my mates. 295 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,840 We'd be out all day and then at tea-time my mum would go out 296 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,440 the back door and go... 297 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,800 - And then we would... - Wow. That is a seriously good whistle. 298 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:45,360 - We would come back. - One time, do you remember we were in Manchester? 299 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:48,320 - Oh, yeah, yeah. - And I had to get a train? - Yeah. 300 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,960 And the taxi went by and I went, "Taxi!" Like that. 301 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:55,720 - And he ignored me and it went about 50 yards and it did that and it braked. - It went... 302 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,360 Was the taxi driver your mum? 303 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:07,600 Now, can you describe a bearded tit? 304 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:10,080 If anyone says David Baddiel, I'm leaving. 305 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,880 Well, once you get past 30, it does happen. 306 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:22,960 - We don't always talk about it. - No woman should be without tweezers. 307 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:26,280 - No. - Or the skill of platting. 308 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,520 - That's true. Give the children something to hang on to. - Exactly. 309 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:34,720 Like a sports bra, tie them together round the back, bosh. Off. 310 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,240 I sometimes feel when I speak to you, Ross, 311 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,720 that I haven't thought things through. 312 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,880 - All I'm saying is you're welcome. - Thank you. 313 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,840 Now, could you please do an impression 314 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,440 of a trout faking an orgasm? 315 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:55,400 Oh, Deirdre's off. 316 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,600 Looks like a really bad face-lift. 317 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,680 - Well, I'm trying to be a sarcastic trout. - Sarcastic trout? 318 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,560 - The gills, it would be... - A trout faking an orgasm? 319 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,440 - Was that it? - Yeah, I'm done. 320 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:18,040 "Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, the river moved for me as well." 321 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:21,280 Anybody else want to try? You do a fine line in animal impersonations. 322 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:24,360 Well, I'm not sure. I feel like I'd have to move my tail. 323 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,120 I'm sure the tail... 324 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,800 I don't believe anybody is stopping you. 325 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,760 If you have just tuned in... 326 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,760 That was Alan being a trout faking an orgasm. 327 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:53,200 The mouth opened... 328 00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:59,120 My husband makes me sleep facing away from him, 329 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:00,960 cos I breathe too loudly. 330 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,200 That's quite weird, isn't it? 331 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,120 Well, like those two in the picture. 332 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,400 - Oh, yeah. - When I got married, another thing I found out, 333 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:12,240 that wasn't usual to put your underwear and your socks on before 334 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:13,680 you put any of your clothes on. 335 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,880 - Are you supposed to put it on afterwards? - No, no. 336 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:18,520 Did you marry a superhero? 337 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:23,120 - I put my underwear on. - Yeah. - And then I put my socks on. 338 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,720 - And then I put my outerwear on. - And what's wrong with that? 339 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,400 Well, apparently it's weird to put your socks on before 340 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,240 you put your trousers and your top on. 341 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,520 I think your husband is telling you that things he does 342 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,240 are things that everyone does. 343 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,080 It is perfectly reasonable to put your socks on 344 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:40,880 before your trousers or shirt. 345 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:44,600 It is also perfectly reasonable to breathe while you're asleep. 346 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,920 The problem in your house is he keeps pissing in the kettle. 347 00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:58,080 But at least you can stand up, so for women it's really difficult, 348 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,760 because you sort of have to hover, don't you? And I remember one time, 349 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,520 I went to the ladies and the lock didn't quite work. This is a very 350 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,680 tricky moment for a woman, cos you have to sort of hover. 351 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,080 And I, so obsessed with not making a mess on the seat, I thought, 352 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,120 "Oh, sod it, I'll just sit down." And as I sat down, 353 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:15,960 the door burst open and a woman came straight in and she went, 354 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,080 "Oh, I'm so sorry." And then she shut the door again 355 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:21,200 and then she burst it open again and she went, "You're Sandi Toksvig..." 356 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:31,080 But what is Britain's biggest national secret? 357 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,000 If we tell it, it won't be a secret any more. 358 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,440 Ah, well, that is true and that was a thing that worried people 359 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:36,920 for a long, long time. 360 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,280 - So, we're in London. - Right. 361 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,200 Was it the London Tower, something up there? 362 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,680 - It is a tower. Tower is right, Jerry. - Is The Shard a secret? 363 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,040 Is there some enormous building that isn't supposed to...? 364 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:48,800 - Yes, there is an enormous building that was a secret for years and years and years. - The Gherkin. 365 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,120 - BT Tower. - The Post Office Tower. 366 00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,920 - The BT Tower is exactly right. - Oh, the BT Tower. 367 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:56,000 It was built in 1965 and was considered such an important 368 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,200 part of the telecoms infrastructure 369 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,280 that it was classified as an official secret! 370 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,400 - What?! - Cos no-one can see it. 371 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:04,720 - No. I know. - Oh, my God. 372 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,240 It was Britain's tallest building. 373 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,680 It contained a public viewing gallery and a revolving restaurant. 374 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,280 Nevertheless... 375 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,560 I went to that place once for a charity event 376 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:16,600 and Rick Astley was singing. 377 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,200 It was wonderful. 378 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,720 And I went to the loo, which is in the middle, 379 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,960 and when I came out of the loo it had revolved 380 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,320 and I came out right on stage next to him! 381 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,160 He was going, ♪ Never going to give you up... ♪ 382 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,080 But the restaurant was fantastic. 383 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:38,920 Did you ever go to the revolving restaurant? 384 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,680 - No. No, I haven't been. - It was just glorious. 385 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:44,480 And in 2009, BT said they were going to reopen it, and anybody who's ever 386 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:48,080 had a promise from BT will know that that never happened. 387 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:51,320 You get a lot of e-mails saying your order is on its way. 388 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:59,080 A male black widow spider and a female black widow spider 389 00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:01,120 have just finished having sex. 390 00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:03,200 What happens next? 391 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:05,800 Yeah, Ross? 392 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,240 Tiny cigarette. 393 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,200 It wouldn't be a tiny cigarette, would it? 394 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,000 It'd be eight tiny cigarettes. 395 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,280 Shall we do it again? 396 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:31,280 Maybe she could try and kill him in that way rather than by eating him, 397 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,240 which I think is the answer that we were being led towards. 398 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,160 Ah, she eats him. 399 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:46,080 No, she does not if she's a black widow. 400 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:49,680 So there is one species in the widow group in which the female, well, 401 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,480 - let's say, routinely eats the male. - Scottish Widows. 402 00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,520 Yes, but at least she's insured. 403 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:06,120 Right, speaking of ears, I'm going to play you two recordings, OK? 404 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:08,840 One is of hot water being poured into a bowl 405 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,200 and one is of cold water being poured into a bowl. 406 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,240 I want you to tell me which is which, so here's the first one. 407 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:19,520 And here is the second one. 408 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,040 - So... - Sorry, I need a wee. 409 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,280 What do we think the first one is? 410 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,080 - Hot or cold? - Hot. - Hot. - Hot. 411 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,920 - Everybody? Hot? - Yes, I'll go hot. 412 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:37,760 I thought it was the first one. Sounded like emptying a kettle 413 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,920 and the second one sounded like filling a kettle. 414 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:44,440 - Oh. OK. Yeah. - Ooh! 415 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,040 The audience has taken to mocking me. 416 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:52,280 Since Stephen left they've just turned. 417 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,640 There are sitting there going, 418 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:59,640 "No-one's taking the piss out of that idiot, it's up to us." 419 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,240 That woman there. 420 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:03,520 You said one was filled, one was... 421 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,520 I think that woman went, "Oh!" 422 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,640 - "Oh, yeah!" - That was admiration. 423 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:10,040 - Admiration? - Yeah. 424 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:13,480 The sound of admiration? I've never heard that before. 425 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,800 Obviously cos I'm unfamiliar. 426 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:19,160 The second one sounded kind of crisp and cold and I wanted a drink. 427 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,440 OK, let's have one more listen, so here is the first one. 428 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:22,720 Everyone listen. 429 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,080 And the second one. 430 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,080 Can we just bear in mind, this is QI, 431 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:36,520 so I've got a feeling it might be somebody pouring soup onto a horse. 432 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,600 I promise you it's hot and cold water. 433 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:49,600 Hands up who thinks the first one is hot. 434 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,720 And hands up who thinks the first one is cold. 435 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,560 Ooh, that's weird. 436 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,120 OK, so, it is about the right percentage. 437 00:25:58,120 --> 00:26:01,880 96% correctly usually identify the first one as hot. 438 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:05,080 So, yes! 439 00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:08,240 So, they do make different noises, because hot water is, kind of, 440 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,360 slightly less sticky is the thing of it. 441 00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:12,920 Molecules in it have more energy from the heat, 442 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,960 as when hot water hits a hard surface, it breaks up into smaller 443 00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,400 particles and it makes a higher-pitched splashing noise 444 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,200 - than cold water. - Oh, OK. 445 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,320 - So, but now you'll know. - Good. 446 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:23,680 So that's good. 447 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,120 I'll be like, "Ah, that was hot." 448 00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:28,520 - Yes. - The next time you pour boiling water on yourself, you'll be like, 449 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:32,560 "Is it hot? Oh, by the sound of it, yes, I am, I've boiled my hand." 450 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:38,720 OK, how would you consume the original Humpty Dumpty? 451 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:41,360 Is it that he wasn't an egg, he was something else? 452 00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:43,000 Is correct. Yes. 453 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,040 It has always been sort of a nickname, but it wasn't an egg. 454 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,400 In fact, in the early depictions of the rhyme, 455 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,560 he is actually depicted as a child. 456 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,160 There he is, not looking entirely content. 457 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:56,280 Some people think it might have been a story about Richard III depicted 458 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,120 as humpbacked in Tudor histories. 459 00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:01,480 And he was defeated and despite all his kings men and horses 460 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,960 - at the Battle of Bosworth. - Oh, isn't he gorgeous? 461 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,960 So when did it start becoming about an egg? 462 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,440 Because it's an egg, isn't it? 463 00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:10,840 Well, we now think of it as an egg, 464 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:17,360 but the earliest citation in the OED is for a drink made with ale, 465 00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:19,800 boiled with brandy... 466 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:21,120 Yes, please. 467 00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:23,440 - ..and I have some here. - Oh! 468 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,000 And I have five glasses. 469 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,000 Oh, yes. Are you sharing it out or just having a brilliant time? 470 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:29,720 I am sharing it out. 471 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,520 So, here is the thing as well, 472 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:33,680 - the traditional... - Keep pouring! 473 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:38,560 The traditional food that is eaten at a Danish Christmas is something 474 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:42,520 called aebleskiver. They are a little tiny, like a pancake, 475 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,840 thing which you have in jam and these have been made for me 476 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,880 by a brilliant Danish chef Bronte Aurell, from the 477 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,360 Scandinavian Kitchen in London who's here in the audience. 478 00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:54,360 - Where are you, Bronte? Give us a wave. - Hello. 479 00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:57,480 Brilliant. Have a glass, here we are. 480 00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:01,200 So you tip the jam on your head and then rub the pastry in. 481 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,760 - And there we go. - It tastes medicinal. 482 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,600 God, that's horrific. 483 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,720 Not the food. 484 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:13,160 So, Humpty Dumpty was originally a mixture... 485 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,360 - This is lovely. - Look at all me jam! 486 00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:18,960 - I never had a happy childhood. I wasn't happy. - We'll get a taxi. 487 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:22,120 - I didn't like you either! - We'll get a taxi. 488 00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:24,160 Let's all just get a taxi. 489 00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:28,120 We'll sort it out outside. 490 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,320 Humpty Dumpty was originally a drink... 491 00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:40,960 ..of ale and brandy and you consumed it like this, cheers to everybody. 492 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,080 - Cheers. - Cheers. - Skal! - Cheers to the audience.