1 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:09,840 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:29,320 APPLAUSE 3 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,720 CHEERING 4 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:35,040 Hello! Welcome to QI 5 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,600 where, today, I'm sifting through an oubliette 6 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,960 of ologies, ographies and odoxies. 7 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:44,320 I'm joined on this ontological outing today by an ologist. 8 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:48,280 It's Bill Bailey. CHEERING 9 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:53,320 An ographer, it's Phill Jupitus. 10 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,480 CHEERING 11 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,120 An osopher, it's Claudia Winkleman. 12 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:02,400 CHEERING 13 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,720 And oggy, oggy, oggy. 14 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,280 AUDIENCE: Oi, oi, oi! 15 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,200 It's Alan Davies. 16 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,320 CHEERING 17 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,880 And their buzzers are, oh, so logical. 18 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:19,000 Bill goes... 19 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,520 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, it's magic! ♪ 20 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:24,360 PHILL: # You know... # 21 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,200 And Phill goes... 22 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,400 ♪ Oh, Carol. ♪ 23 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,360 You are a mover. 24 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:32,000 And Claudia goes... 25 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,320 ♪ Oh, what a night. ♪ 26 00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:37,160 - This is good. - And Alan goes... 27 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,680 - "Oh, no!" - LAUGHTER 28 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,240 OK. Let us start with this. 29 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:49,920 How might the CIA win the Cold War with this? 30 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,120 OK, so I've got one for each of you. 31 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,560 - You should have one sitting there. - Yes, yes, yes. 32 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,280 It's like the old arcade game. 33 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:59,200 One of you presses the thing to try and fox the other. 34 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,680 That's it, and one of you has to grab. 35 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,280 That's it. Grab the thing. 36 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,760 Oh, Bill, very good. Have you got that? 37 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,680 CLATTERING 38 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,320 That's it. Harder, harder. 39 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:13,680 Oh! 40 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:17,560 - LAUGHTER - Are you regretting giving - us these? I am now. Yes. 41 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,600 It's not like Kazak lottery or something...? 42 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,680 No, it's not a lottery. What other bits of the game 43 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:24,120 might you use if it wasn't the balls for the lottery? 44 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,160 - The grabber. - The grabber, yes. 45 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,320 The CIA. What would they use it for? 46 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,560 - ALAN: Torture. - Grabbing the balls of a spy. 47 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,080 - Oh! - Torture. Torture. 48 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:34,640 No, it's not that at all. 49 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,520 We're going to head to an "O" area. 50 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,800 - We're going to go to oceanography... - Oceanography. 51 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,160 ..OK? And using... 52 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,840 Getting submarines. 53 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,120 Yes. 54 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:44,440 Shut up! Yes! Yes! 55 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,280 Absolutely right. LAUGHTER 56 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,600 Yes. That is absolutely right! 57 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,240 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 58 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:55,200 The CIA used the biggest claw grab ever constructed 59 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:59,720 to get hold of a Soviet strategic ballistic missile submarine 60 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,440 which had sunk in the Pacific. 61 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,920 So, 1968, they began Project Azorian 62 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:07,640 and the aim was to recover the Soviet sub K-129 63 00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:11,120 and they got a ship called the Hughes Glomar Explorer 64 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,720 and, from the outside, it looked just like any other ship - 65 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,200 but, in the middle, 66 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,960 the major portion of the hull could be opened up underwater 67 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,880 to reveal a vast... ALAN CACKLES 68 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:21,960 - Oh, my God. - It really is like a movie. 69 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,960 - Look at that. - Wow! - To reveal a vast internal... 70 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,560 They called it a moon pool. 71 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,520 Does the boat not sink at that point? 72 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:30,000 LAUGHTER 73 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,280 Apparently not. They put down the largest... 74 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:35,280 Exactly like you've got in the game. The largest grabbing claw... 75 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,640 - Like one of these? - Yep. Nicknamed Clementine. 76 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,320 And they put it right over the wreck, 77 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,240 but what always happens in these arcade games 78 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:43,280 - when you grab something? - There's no grip. - Yeah. 79 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,120 Then it's immediately released and you get the bunny you didn't want. 80 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:47,800 Yes. That is exactly what happened. 81 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,320 They got a bunny? Well... 82 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,160 an underwater rabbit. 83 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:52,840 "Oh, thank God! 84 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,440 "I thought no-one was going to come!" 85 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:58,520 I thought you were going to say that nobody on the boat had any change. 86 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:01,040 - They were like... - LAUGHTER 87 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,480 - "Oh!" - No, halfway up, they dropped it. 88 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,280 Two-thirds of it actually broke away, 89 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:07,120 so they did manage to get a third of it, 90 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,400 which, fortunately, had two nuclear torpedoes on it. 91 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,640 Oh! They nearly dropped those, then. 92 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:14,000 That would have been... That would have been bad. Yeah. 93 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,800 - Where was this? - In the North Pacific. 94 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:17,120 Wait a minute, is this true? 95 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,520 Yes, it's absolutely true, happened in 1968. Yes. 96 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,000 This is an amazing show. 97 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,800 LAUGHTER 98 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,840 The thing is, now, this show, in the days we live today, 99 00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:31,160 it's...it's...oh, totally plausible because real life is so mixed up. 100 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:34,800 You're thinking a big claw grabber for a submarine? Yeah. 101 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,680 And then there was another experiment 102 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,160 where they had both nuclear silos 103 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,920 and they kept popping... 104 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,960 They didn't know which missile the silo was going to come out of, 105 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:45,760 so they got a giant hammer and they just tried to... 106 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:49,360 - LAUGHTER - Tried to whack it, 107 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,720 and it was called the Whack-A-Nuke. 108 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,760 LAUGHTER 109 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,400 Talking about amusement arcades, 110 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,600 the claw machines, why is it that we don't win? 111 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,840 - We just drop it halfway. What is the reason? - They don't want you to win. 112 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:03,200 I hate to tell you this - they're rigged. 113 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:04,720 - Rigged? - They're not! 114 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:08,960 - Yeah. - No, it's because the animals all want to stay together. 115 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:13,000 No, the animals cover each other in oil. 116 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:16,040 - LAUGHTER - In March 2017, 117 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:19,160 a three-year-old Irish boy called Jamie Bracken-Murphy, 118 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,080 he SO wanted a furry dinosaur 119 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:24,080 that he climbed up the dispensing shoot and into the machine. 120 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,320 LAUGHTER 121 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,120 IRISH ACCENT: "They got a child." 122 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,080 "There's a child there! There's a child!" 123 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,280 They'll have to grab him out. LAUGHTER 124 00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:35,600 He wouldn't come out without the dinosaurs. 125 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,280 He'd got two furry dinosaurs. 126 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,880 So, in the end, he was rescued by a passing fireman 127 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:42,160 and he was allowed to keep the dinosaurs, 128 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:43,800 but I think... So he should be. 129 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:47,200 I think they should replace the current adoption system with this. 130 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:48,640 LAUGHTER 131 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,080 The toys are always a little bit rubbish, aren't they? 132 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:52,920 - They're always a little bit cheap. - Yeah. 133 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,640 Did you know that there are sort of disposable submarines now? 134 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,680 80% of the cocaine which leaves Colombia 135 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,760 does so in something called a "narco sub" 136 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,840 and it is a cheaply made submarine that's made out of fibreglass. 137 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,440 And what they do is they take the submarine as far as the US coast 138 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,920 where they get rid of the cocaine and just dump the submarine. 139 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,400 Apparently the coast is absolutely littered with... 140 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:11,920 - No! - Yeah. - Did you know this? 141 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,360 - I did know this, yeah. - How do you know this? 142 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,200 - I don't know, I just... - He owns one. 143 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,880 - I've got one. - LAUGHTER 144 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:22,640 Bill uses it to smuggle hummus out of Morocco. 145 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:25,760 I've just... I've got an interest in the... 146 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,920 - in the Mexican drug trade. - Right. 147 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:29,680 LAUGHTER 148 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,360 - When you say an "interest"... - Not financial interest. 149 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:38,480 A lot of cocaine gets put into these pallets and, if the police turn up, 150 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:39,920 they just dump it over the side. 151 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,280 And a massive pallet of cocaine washed up on a beach in North Devon 152 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:46,200 and a local dog walker found it. 153 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:49,560 - Yeah. - And the dog, you know, sniffed at it and went, 154 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,320 "Oh, there's something up here." 155 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,960 Dog wanted a 48-mile walk and then... 156 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,880 LAUGHTER 157 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:03,320 - In terms of... - Cocaine Coast, they call it. - ..extraordinary thefts, 158 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:07,680 one of my absolute favourites is, 2012, a 10-tonne railway bridge 159 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:11,600 - was stolen in broad daylight in the Czech Republic... - What?! - Yes. 160 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,080 The thieves told railway officials that they'd been hired 161 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:17,880 to remove the bridge and 650 feet of railway track 162 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,880 in order to make way for a new cycle path. 163 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:26,080 In 2008, thieves made off with an entire beach in Jamaica. 164 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,160 The whole thing. 400-metre stretch of white sand, 165 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,480 so about 500 truckloads were removed 166 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,600 and nobody noticed until it was too late. 167 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,040 Where were they selling it? 168 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,160 They did forensic tests on beaches all along the seafront 169 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,840 and they discovered some rival hotel developers 170 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,760 had just thought they could do with a beach and they took the beach 171 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,000 and put it in front of their hotel. 172 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,200 I was imagining some lucky toddler with a 600-foot sandpit. 173 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:55,120 But it's surprising, in southern India, beach theft is so commonplace 174 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:58,080 they now have a word for it in the Tamil language - manarkollai. 175 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,320 And that means beach theft. 176 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:05,120 - Is that your beach? No. - It might look similar. 177 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,400 - Right, games away, please. - CLAUDIA: Sorry! 178 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,360 Thank you very much. 179 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,160 So, that was, of course, oceanography, 180 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,000 but I have some more ologies here for you. 181 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,240 What do these mean? 182 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,680 Anyone want to pick one? Enterology. You want to do enterology? 183 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,520 It's the science of going in... Indoors. 184 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,040 LAUGHTER 185 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:27,200 I like that. Enterology, what do we think it is? 186 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,320 Entero? Isn't it something up your guts? 187 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,760 Absolutely right, it's the study of your intestines, 188 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,160 but it's also something else. 189 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:36,480 So, the guts are sort of twisted, so it's to do with twisting. 190 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:37,840 It's an actual... 191 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,640 It's a study of Chubby Checker. 192 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:40,840 Yes. 193 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,040 It is a Vaudeville act usually. 194 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:44,920 - Balloon modelling? - No, I like that, though. 195 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,880 Balloon modelling with your intestines! 196 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,680 - LAUGHTER - Yes, of course! Of course! 197 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:52,840 - Imagine that if you were having your guts operated on. - Like a giraffe. 198 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:57,600 Yes, no. It's making yourself into a balloon animal. 199 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,800 Oh, a contortionist. A contortionist is exactly right. 200 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,360 It is the act of squeezing yourself 201 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,760 into a tiny little space, like a box, that kind of thing. 202 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,200 ALAN: Someone turned it on when they got in it? 203 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,960 OK, this is an American enterologist called Rick Maisel 204 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,840 and he combines enterology with escapology, 205 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,200 so what he does is he climbs into a washing machine 206 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,600 wearing five pairs of handcuffs and two pairs of leg irons. 207 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,320 He gets somebody to switch the machine on 208 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:24,560 and then he escapes while being tumbled in soapy water. 209 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:28,200 - And I hope he cleans the filter out after. - LAUGHTER 210 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,520 So, the two girls in their underwear next to him, 211 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,880 they put their clothes in with him? 212 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:37,000 While he's got a cycle on, he might as well. 213 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,400 Apparently contortionists tend to specialise in different things. 214 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:41,720 So, frontbenders have... 215 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:44,200 LAUGHTER 216 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,360 Settle down, people. 217 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,760 They've got spines which flex forward, 218 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:50,400 so backbenders have the opposite. 219 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,040 Splitters have got flexible hips, 220 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,840 and dislocators can dislocate joints at will. 221 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,720 CLAUDIA SHUDDERS 222 00:09:56,720 --> 00:10:00,200 - I've seen a dislocator. Have you? - Have you? - Don't like it. 223 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,160 - He can get through a tennis racket. - No! 224 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,640 - The head of a racket? - I've seen it. 225 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,760 - Yeah, horrible. - Not a... one of those big ones, either. 226 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:08,200 A normal-sized one. 227 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,480 Table tennis. 228 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,960 LAUGHTER 229 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:15,640 - I like oology, whatever that is. - Oology. What do we reckon? 230 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,680 That is the study of 231 00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:19,960 how much nans think you've grown. 232 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,560 LAUGHTER 233 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,280 APPLAUSE 234 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,320 "Ooh!" 235 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,560 - "Ooh!" - "I say!" 236 00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:35,320 "Come here, I've got a hanky." SANDI MIMICS SPITTING 237 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:39,480 It's watching fireworks. Ooh! 238 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,440 It's something to do with stones. Is it stones? 239 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,760 No, it's something that comes out of birds' bottoms. 240 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,320 - Is it? - It's the study or collection of eggs. 241 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:47,480 ALL: Oh! 242 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,760 Yeah. They come out of the anus, the eggs? Yeah. Oology. 243 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:53,040 Don't they have their own tube, eggs? You know about birds. 244 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,120 I don't do that bit of it. 245 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,640 - LAUGHTER - Disgusting. I'm the beak end, I'm at the beak end. 246 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,520 - PHILL: "I'm the beak end"? - Plumage. 247 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,240 Worst ornithologist ever! 248 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,640 "No, not that nasty business." 249 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,640 Anyway, oology is the study or collection of eggs. 250 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,360 It's, of course, been illegal to possess a wild bird's egg 251 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,960 in the UK since 1954, so it's not a thing, really. 252 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,280 OK, eggs - oology. Anybody? Agnoiology. 253 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,240 - Top right. - Sheep, lambs. 254 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,360 - Sheep and lambs? I like that. - BILL: Study of sheep. - No. 255 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,400 - Study of... - A word that sounds a bit... 256 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,800 - The study of agnosticism. - Yes, same route. - Agnostic? 257 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,960 - From the Greek agnosis. - So, it's the study of... 258 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,200 not really knowing one way or the other. 259 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,400 - Yes, it's the study of things we don't know. - Ah! 260 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,920 That's it. LAUGHTER 261 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:36,120 So, the term was coined by James Fraser, 262 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,720 he was a professor of Moral Philosophy at St Andrews, 263 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,080 1808 to 1864, 264 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,920 and it's the theory of ignorance. 265 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:44,560 Basically, he said there is more ignorance than knowledge. 266 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:47,400 So, he said, "The fact of our extreme ignorance is undeniable. 267 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,320 "It is therefore necessary to examine and fix what ignorance is, 268 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,240 "what we are and can be ignorant of." 269 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,800 - So it's the study of... - I love that. - I like that a lot. - Yes. 270 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,800 Right, any more? Let's see. Let's go back to our list. 271 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,840 - Posology. - Posology. - Posology. 272 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,920 The study of Instagram? 273 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,480 - Posing? - It's medical. 274 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:07,560 So, posos is Greek - how much? 275 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,120 It is the study of medical dosages. 276 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,040 So, how much to give. There you are, 277 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,360 just how many pills, how many teaspoons. 278 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,000 - OK, heterology. - Heterology. 279 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,680 It's one of a pair, which do you think it goes with? 280 00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:20,840 - Autology. - Autology. Absolutely right. 281 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,400 - Heterology and autology. - It's basically men and motors. 282 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,840 LAUGHTER 283 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,040 - They go together. - Yeah. 284 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:31,080 They're a Greek double act, they used to open for Plato. 285 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:34,040 Bill Autology and Jack Heterology. 286 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:37,080 Jack Heterology. And give it up for them. 287 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:40,160 A word is autological if it is self-descriptive. 288 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,560 So, polysyllabic is autological 289 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:44,840 because it is, itself, polysyllabic. 290 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,480 But conversely, heterology is the attribute of a word 291 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,080 not being self-descriptive. 292 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:52,360 So, for example, if you regard "misspelt" with a T 293 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:53,960 as British English 294 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,520 as opposed to the American English "misspelled" - 295 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:57,720 which is spelt with a D - 296 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,720 then "misspelt" with a T would be autological in America, 297 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,280 because it is misspelt, and heterological in the UK... 298 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:07,480 - cos it is...not misspelt. - Right, my head's just exploded. 299 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,000 APPLAUSE 300 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,320 OK, let's try the last one on the list - Piphilology. 301 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:18,000 Piphilology... 302 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:22,000 All the pies that Phill likes. LAUGHTER 303 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,200 So, the important bit is pi. 304 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,520 - What is that in science? Pi? - The number. - The number. 305 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,840 Yes, the number. So, it is the use of mnemonic sentences 306 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,840 to record the digits of pi. 307 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:36,480 So what you do is, you use words with the same number of letters, 308 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,960 so this would be a review, for example, of an episode of QI. 309 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,080 "Now I need a think, 310 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,920 "knowledge of clever ideas was aptly conveyed, 311 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:45,880 "including General Ignorance." If you remember that sentence, 312 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,640 you will remember what the very first bits of pi are. 313 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,640 The easiest one to do for the first nine. 314 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,640 "How I wish I could recollect pi easily today." 315 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,280 Is this a proper thing? 316 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,360 - It is a proper thing. It's how... - So, people go and they could do... 317 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,000 They study... This is what they do. 318 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,240 Well, here is the really worrying thing about it, Claudia. 319 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:07,640 OK, somebody wrote a 10,000-word novel using piphilology. 320 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:08,760 All right? 321 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,560 It's called Not Awake, and I think you aren't by the end. 322 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,040 LAUGHTER 323 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:15,000 It was written by, surprise-surprise, 324 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,000 a software engineer called Michael Keith. 325 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,360 - Really? - Is Michael here? 326 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:21,040 - No, sadly. - I want to mount him. - Do you know what I love? 327 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,840 LAUGHTER 328 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,400 I'm proud of him. 329 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:28,840 So, that's your ologies and here's another - ophthalmology. 330 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,040 What has a U, two Ts and three eyes? 331 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:35,320 And here we are in its habitat. 332 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,760 - This is not Borehamwood, is it? - No, it's not. 333 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,040 What I'd like, just before we continue, 334 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,360 is some sort of deal 335 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,280 that you're not going to make the klaxon noise. 336 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,080 - You don't like that? - I think I'll jump and it will be nerve-racking. 337 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,000 I'll jump and you won't like it. 338 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,240 - None of it's good. - All right, so what I'll do... 339 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,960 LAUGHTER 340 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,560 KLAXON BLARES 341 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,400 LAUGHTER 342 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,560 OK, I am looking for something... 343 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:17,040 with a U, two Ts and three eyes. 344 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,200 BILL: Is it a creature with three eyes? 345 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,760 It is a creature. There it is at the beginning. 346 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,520 - A tuatara. - A tuatara. Yes. Very well done. 347 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,120 APPLAUSE 348 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,000 It does have three eyes. 349 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,440 Do you know anything more about it? Have you seen one or...? 350 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,640 - I have held one, yes. - At gunpoint. 351 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,360 LAUGHTER 352 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,960 It does have a sort of... a third...eye. 353 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,840 Yes, it does, at the very top of its head. 354 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,000 It's what's called a parietal eye, 355 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,960 or possibly a pineal eye. 356 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,800 But it can't actually see particularly well out of it. 357 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,320 Mostly it can distinguish light, darkness. Phill. 358 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,880 There is a red circle around nothing on that lizard. 359 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,720 LAUGHTER 360 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,960 - This is a classic... - That's his eye. - ..QI Trump-like ruse. 361 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,680 - LAUGHTER - It's there. - Where? - You can see it there. 362 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:06,760 - That's a freckle! - No, it's not! - LAUGHTER 363 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,240 Fight, fight, fight! 364 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,640 If that's an eye, is that its old fella? 365 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,280 LAUGHTER 366 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:16,320 It doesn't have six penises, if that's what you're saying. 367 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,160 - LAUGHTER - Do you know what - the weird thing is? What? 368 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,440 That's his arse. 369 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,680 LAUGHTER 370 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:27,040 It's got... It's got eight arses. 371 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,600 Ignore the third eye if he won't go for it. 372 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,880 What it can do with its two eyes that we are going to agree on 373 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,840 is it can use them independently. 374 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,200 The thing I like about them 375 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,480 is they continue to give each other the eye very late in life. 376 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,720 There's a mail tuatara called Henry at the Southland Museum 377 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:46,520 in New Zealand, and there is Henry, and he became a father, possibly, 378 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:49,680 we don't know, for the first time, in 2009 at the age of 111. 379 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,480 - GASPS - Classic six penises. 380 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:57,000 At least his wife said it was his. Yes. 381 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,600 Bill here, as a lizard expert, 382 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,640 is that the standard lizard grip that they're using there, Bill? 383 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,120 - Yeah, there's a slight... - One under, one over. 384 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,760 And if you do that like that, you get... 385 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,600 If you release it, does it fling into the face of logic? 386 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,040 It's going to upset you, Phill, 387 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,040 but most lizards have a third eye to a greater or lesser extent. 388 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,720 Come on, you know that... 389 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,800 As do lampreys, a lot of frogs. 390 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,360 Oh, I see! 391 00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:28,720 - Can you see? - That is an eye. - See? There. 392 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,760 That's it there. There it is. 393 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:34,040 - There is an eye right there. - There's another one there. 394 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,640 PHILL: Look, I've got one! 395 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,560 LAUGHTER 396 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,640 On my arm, there. Unbelievable! 397 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,800 The eyes are really a conduit to the pineal gland 398 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:47,120 All vertebrates, whether they have a third eye or not, have a pineal gland. 399 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,200 - Of course they do. - It's in the centre of our brain. 400 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,040 It controls the production of melatonin, 401 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,160 which helps us work out whether we need to sleep. 402 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,040 Here's a quite interesting fact that I learned about melatonin. 403 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,600 Go on, then. You know mobile phones? Yeah. 404 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,160 If you put one next to your head while you're asleep, 405 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,520 it stops your brain from producing melatonin. 406 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:04,760 So you can't sleep, then? 407 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:08,080 No, what it does, it creates the same fuzziness in your bread... 408 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,960 your head, your bread, your head. 409 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,280 It creates the same fuzziness in your head... 410 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:16,800 - You need a pipe, they'll take you more seriously. - OK. 411 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,800 Melaton... Oh, sorry, yes. 412 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:27,560 When it's dark, the brain registers it being dark. 413 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,880 But when you put a mobile phone next your head, 414 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:33,160 it still thinks it's light. So the brain doesn't have proper sleep. 415 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,040 Define close to your head. If you're sleeping on top of it... 416 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,080 Gaffering it to your face. 417 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,120 This is fascinating. 418 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,880 - No, you're like an old bloke just before closing time. - What? 419 00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:47,680 I don't think it's just before closing time, I think 420 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,480 - it's like an old bloke, middle afternoon, in the pub. - Oh, yes. 421 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:54,080 You know when you go in the pub, there's that bloke there going on about... 422 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,800 - Put your phones down the end of the bar. - It's true. 423 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:01,720 I'll have another pint of best. Oh, has everyone gone? Oh, just me. 424 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:05,320 - How dare you? An old bloke at closing time. - Where's my phone? 425 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:09,120 - Down the end of the bar. - Yeah. I keep it in Swindon. 426 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,360 I keep it up the road. 427 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,760 Those new-fangled things are terrible things. 428 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,440 The government's watching! The government's watching you! 429 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:19,920 - Throw your phone! - You don't need a phone, just shout. - Just shout, yeah. 430 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,680 Who needs phones anyway? Stupid, innit? 431 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:25,840 It's a glimpse of the future. Him just talking to his chameleon. 432 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,680 Well, if you've got one, it doesn't do anything else, does it? 433 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,440 What are you going to do with it? You can't take it for a walk. 434 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:34,200 It's like the first 10 minutes you have with your chameleon. 435 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:37,080 Barry! Barry! Barry! 436 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:39,600 He's just there. Oh, shit, it's there. 437 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:43,720 It went on a two-tone suit once, nearly had a heart attack. 438 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,160 Do you have this on Strictly? All you want to do is talk about 439 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,760 the foxtrot, people are going, "I want to talk about rumba." 440 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,200 No, and I never want to talk about the foxtrot. 441 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:56,280 - I was asked to go on it. - I wish you would. 442 00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,480 You could dance with the pipe, chatting. 443 00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:00,960 I said I wanted to do it in character. 444 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,680 They said, "Who do you want to be?" I said, "Abu Hamza." 445 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:07,200 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 446 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,360 Right, moving on. 447 00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,800 Here's one of my favourite creatures of all time, 448 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,000 the unfortunately named cockeyed squid. 449 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,720 This, I am very, very fond of. 450 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,000 It's got an eye on its cock. 451 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,360 - That's living the dream, that is. - I can't believe that. 452 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:46,480 That's where you want your third eye, no mistake. 453 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,080 So, the cockeyed squid, can you see? It's got a huge eye. 454 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,080 Can you see at the top, the massive eye? 455 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:54,440 One points upwards towards the light and then it's got a smaller one 456 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,920 and that's looking down searching for prey, basically. 457 00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:59,480 So bioluminescent prey, things like shrimp and so on. 458 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,760 And it's the only known bilaterally symmetrical animal 459 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:04,600 with differently shaped eyes. 460 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,680 It sort of swims along at an angle like that 461 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:08,880 so it can look up and down at the same time. 462 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,360 I quite like the idea of it going to the opticians. 463 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,640 "Cover your left one." 464 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,760 "Ohh! Bloody hell! 465 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,160 "Everything. 466 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,480 "Nothing. 467 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:25,240 "No, nothing. I can't even see you." 468 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,360 What kind of glasses would it have, do you think? 469 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:32,920 It would have one monocle and one Hubble space telescope. 470 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,080 Anyway, back to the end of the pier. 471 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,760 Next to you, you have a game. 472 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,880 It's called cover the spot. 473 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,440 So, you've got these discs 474 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,640 and I want you to entirely cover the red, please, 475 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,600 - so we can't see any red at all. - All right. 476 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:53,360 - So you've got five discs, there we go. - OK. 477 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:56,600 And there. Oh, hello. 478 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:02,360 Oh, come on. 479 00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:05,160 - Oh, for God's sake. - No, we have to overlap. 480 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,240 We've done it, look. I can see red in the middle. 481 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,720 There's red in the middle there. 482 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,840 There must be a way, there must be a way. 483 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,240 - Oh! - Oh! 484 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,320 You'd think it would be easy to do. 485 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:19,440 But there is actually only one way of doing it. 486 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,360 Which is that you have to lay the first ones quite carefully 487 00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:27,000 like that and then it overlaps and you entirely cover it like that. 488 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,040 But it's just a trick. A little carnival game. 489 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,200 While we're in this area, I want to ask you 490 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,000 why are manhole covers circular? 491 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,080 This is when the noise is going to happen. 492 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,840 - No, it's OK, cos Phill's ready to catch. - Right. 493 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,960 I like an element of risk. 494 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,600 If it's Len, I'm going to be furious. 495 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:55,720 Don't do it, Claudia. Ahh! 496 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,360 LAUGHTER 497 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,000 Hang on. 498 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,600 Wow! 499 00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:09,280 - You got me in the eye. - Winkleman by name. 500 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:15,600 Wow. Right, manhole covers, why are they circular? 501 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,800 - Because it just makes more sense. - Because it makes more sense. 502 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,120 When humanity evolves to a giant size, we can use them as money. 503 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:27,360 - Claudia is the closest. - Is it easier to get it in the hole? 504 00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:29,280 There must be some reason that makes them 505 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:32,000 easier to operate or something, just something logical? 506 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,040 One of the reasons that's often given is that it's impossible 507 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:36,680 to drop it down into the manhole. 508 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,280 Ohh! Shall I help you out? 509 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:40,800 Oh, no! 510 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:44,680 - It makes it impossible for it to fall through. - Yeah. 511 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:46,320 So, that's not it... 512 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:56,960 - It wasn't so bad. - Are you over it now? - Yeah. - OK, very good. 513 00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,560 It is one of the reasons often given, and was used as a test 514 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:02,400 in Microsoft and Google when they were testing employees, 515 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,640 but there are two problems with that explanation. 516 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:08,680 One is that given a sufficient lip, you can stop any shape falling into the manhole. 517 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:12,800 And in fact, in the UK, most manhole covers are not round. 518 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:16,760 They are in fact a rectangle split into two pieces like that. 519 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,840 They are two triangles, and it is the nature of a triangle 520 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,320 to be inherently stable, so it won't wobble. 521 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,160 If it was made of a single rectangular piece 522 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,600 and a lorry hit it, you could possibly bend it out of shape. 523 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:28,440 But if it's made of two triangles, you won't. 524 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,040 But you were the closest, Claudia. 525 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:33,440 The real reason it seems a lot of manhole covers are round 526 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:36,040 is because they are covering round holes. 527 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,480 LAUGHTER 528 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:39,920 That will do it. 529 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,000 OK, a quick run through some other arcade games. 530 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,240 Here's one of my absolute favourites. Korean arcade game 531 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,280 called bunga bunga, which translates as spank 'em. 532 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:54,840 And what happens is the controller has a probing finger... 533 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:58,000 - What? - ..which they insert into the game's fake bottom. 534 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:03,040 - That is the game. - What? - Yes, this is an arcade game in Korea. - A finger? 535 00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:06,000 - Yeah. - Of course, if that game was in Westminster, 536 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:09,200 it would just be called public school. Yes. 537 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,960 Apparently it's a computer version of a Japanese childhood prank 538 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,880 called kancho, in which what you do is you clasp your hands together 539 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,720 in the shape of an imaginary gun and you attempt to poke 540 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,080 your friend's anus whilst shouting kancho! 541 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:29,200 Which is Japanese for enema. I don't know why that would be funny. 542 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:31,560 The Japanese have some marvellous games. 543 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,480 They have a game 544 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,680 where a player is one half of a comedy duo, 545 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:40,400 so there's a gentleman on the left and a dummy partner and you hit him 546 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,720 on various body parts and you get points for comedy timing. 547 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,720 - No. - Yes, that's the arcade game. I know. 548 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:51,360 Beaten only, I think, by a Soviet arcade game called Repka Silomer. 549 00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:53,560 Literally, the turnip strengthometer. 550 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,920 You have to test your strength by pulling turnips 551 00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:58,560 out of a vegetable patch. 552 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,480 It's a game, it's not an actual turnip. 553 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,480 You start at mouse level, which is pathetic, through cat, dog, 554 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,560 daughter and grandma. 555 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:10,240 I think it's quite telling that the Japanese game, 556 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:14,080 - it's all like technology and electronics. - And anal probing. 557 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:18,680 And fake comedians. And in Russia it's...you pick turnip. 558 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,640 Next week, you play potato invaders. 559 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,760 So, enough children's games. Let's play one for grown-ups. 560 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,840 Oenology. Blindfolds on, please. 561 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,720 Ring-a-ding-ding. Here we go. 562 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:34,280 Everybody got blindfolds on? 563 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:37,040 - Yes. - So, we're going to place something in front of you. 564 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:38,440 It's nothing dangerous at all. 565 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,560 - It's actually rather pleasant. - Is it a kitten? 566 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,480 It is even nicer than a kitten. 567 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:44,520 So, we're just going to put your hands... 568 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,040 - There we go. - Thank you. 569 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,600 Right, so, we're going to do one at a time, please. 570 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:50,520 So, Bill, I would like you to taste 571 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,320 what you have in front of you and tell me what it is. 572 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:55,840 OK. All right, then. OK. 573 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:57,880 What do you think that is? 574 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:00,080 Oh, it's a wine. 575 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,560 Yes, what kind of wine? 576 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,440 - A red or white? - Yes, please. 577 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,120 - Red. - You're going to go red, are you? 578 00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:08,880 KLAXON BLARES 579 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,680 OK, Phill. Phill, have a glass, have a sip. 580 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:14,120 It's right in front of you. 581 00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:15,840 What? I'm looking for the cheese. 582 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:17,840 LAUGHTER 583 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,480 - OK, all right. - What have you got? 584 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:22,960 - Red or white? - That's a red. 585 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,720 Red, OK. And, Claudia? 586 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,080 What do you reckon it is? 587 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,160 We've had white and red, what else could it be? 588 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:29,840 - I've given you a clue. - Rose! - Yes. 589 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,080 Rose? KLAXON BLARES 590 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,760 LAUGHTER 591 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:36,240 OK, Alan. 592 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,280 What do you reckon yours is? 593 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:42,800 Disgusting. 594 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,320 LAUGHTER 595 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:45,880 It's a low budget. 596 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,000 - What do you reckon it is? Don't look, don't look! - Red. 597 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,640 Red, you're going to go with red. KLAXON BLARES 598 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,400 This is to do with our inability, actually, mostly, 599 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:55,880 to taste what it is. 600 00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:57,960 So, Bill, yours is a room-temperature white. 601 00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,640 So, most people would think it was red 602 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,960 - because it is at room temperature. - It's confusing. 603 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:03,880 - Phill, you had a chilled red. - A chilled red. 604 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,360 Sometimes it's difficult to tell and, I have to say, Claudia, 605 00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:09,080 yours is the most complicated because it's a mix of white and red. 606 00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,640 So when you said rose, I actually think you got it the nearest. 607 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:13,320 And, Alan, yours is a white wine 608 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,880 with red food colouring because we thought you might cheat. 609 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:19,640 LAUGHTER 610 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:22,080 APPLAUSE 611 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:26,560 But there was a Californian wine grower called Robert Hodgson 612 00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:29,320 and he was upset by how inconsistently 613 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,160 his wine fared in competitions 614 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:32,720 and he thought that maybe the experts 615 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:34,600 don't really know what they're doing. 616 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,520 So, he did an experiment in which he served the same wines 617 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,640 to the same experts at different times, 618 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,080 and the findings, 619 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:44,440 they were absolutely stunning as far as the wine industry was concerned. 620 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,240 Only 10% of the judges were consistent in any given year 621 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,320 and none of those were consistently consistent. 622 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:51,440 So, if you made a good judgment one year, 623 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,640 maybe you didn't make a good judgment the next year. 624 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,120 And he found that, in California, 625 00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:56,520 all the medals given out for wine 626 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,560 were effectively distributed at random... 627 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,920 - No! - ..because really even the experts weren't sure. 628 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:04,160 It can even be difficult to tell red from white in a blindfold test. 629 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:07,360 But most people can't distinguish, so they did a test in 2011, 630 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,960 a psychologist called Richard Wiseman, he tested 578 people. 631 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:14,520 And most people can't tell, if wines cost between £5 and above £10, 632 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:16,680 they can't really tell the difference. 633 00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:19,920 That doesn't mean that all the experts are...it's all nonsense. 634 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:21,520 Because it is very difficult, 635 00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,320 there are hundreds of different taste receptors involved. 636 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:25,800 But the thing you shouldn't do 637 00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,120 is drink very expensive wine on a plane. 638 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:29,920 Does anyone know why that might be? 639 00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,720 Because it makes you angry? Grumpy? Makes you throw things? 640 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:33,920 Have you had that happen? 641 00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,800 The last time I had wine was at my own wedding. 642 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:37,480 I was so tired, I had to have a nap. 643 00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:39,760 Wine makes me feel... I'd be asleep in about a second. 644 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:43,400 - Is it just not your thing? - Also, it was quite a boring wedding. 645 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:44,920 Oh, OK. 646 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:49,800 My favourite flight beverage is flaming Sambuca during turbulence. 647 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:55,000 People often have - and I do this - I'll have a bloody Mary on a plane. 648 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,520 - Yes, only on a plane. - Yeah. 649 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,360 The savoury taste is said to be enhanced by cabin noise. 650 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,720 They now know that a loud noise like an aeroplane can also 651 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:06,520 affect taste and make some flavours more intense. The savoury taste 652 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:09,840 is improved and so people love to have tomato juice on a flight. 653 00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:12,840 Now, time for a bit of optology. 654 00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:16,400 Look at this picture of a fire engine, tell me what colour it is. 655 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:18,440 ♪ Oh-oh-oh! ♪ 656 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:20,520 - Yes, Bill? - Red! 657 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:24,400 KLAXON BLARES 658 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,280 No. If you hide the rest of the picture 659 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,720 so that only the red bit can be seen, 660 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,440 what you'll see is that the whole... 661 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,360 There's the colour spectrum. In fact, the whole thing 662 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:35,840 is actually grey-green. 663 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,840 - No! - So it's called retinex effect or the land effect. 664 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:40,240 It's named after Edwin Land, 665 00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:42,440 the man who invented Polaroid cameras and such. 666 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:44,920 The colour we see isn't just dependent 667 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,840 on the wavelength of light entering the eye, 668 00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:49,960 it is also to do with all the adjacent areas 669 00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,800 and the brain takes the information and decides what colour it is. 670 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:54,360 Basically, it is an optical illusion 671 00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,680 and the thing we are actually looking at is grey-green. 672 00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:58,760 And there are lots of other optical illusions. 673 00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,280 Have a look at this. I love this. 674 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:02,960 This is the same effect, the one we've just been having a look at. 675 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:04,920 It's called the splitting colour illusion. 676 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:06,600 So, have a look. We've got two identical 677 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:07,920 flickering coloured stripes. 678 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:10,480 These are not going to change throughout the demonstration. 679 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,120 You can see that they are identical. 680 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,640 We're going to bring in colours on both the top and bottom, 681 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:16,400 different colours, and as they go across, 682 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,120 keep your eye on those flickering stripes 683 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:20,360 and you see that they totally change colour. 684 00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:21,560 What?! 685 00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:24,280 So that the colour of something is dependent on its surroundings. 686 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:27,040 - That's what we learned from that. - That is brilliant. - Isn't it? 687 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:28,960 But the fire engine is red. 688 00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,440 A real fire engine is red, your brain knows it's red, 689 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,600 but the one you were looking at was grey-green. 690 00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:35,600 It's an optical illusion. Have a look at this, 691 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,600 it's also an optical illusion. The Fraser spiral illusion. 692 00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,400 First described by James Fraser in 1908. 693 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,200 He was a British psychologist. 694 00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:45,520 So, the overlapping black arcs 695 00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:47,280 appear to form a spiral, 696 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,720 but they are, in fact, a series of concentric circles. 697 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:53,960 So, if we bring in some coloured lines and put them over the top, 698 00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:55,600 you can see these are just circles. 699 00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:58,520 You can see that, actually, what we were looking at was just circles, 700 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,360 but it became... Cor! Our brain made it into a spiral. 701 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:03,000 It's a famous optical illusion. 702 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:04,480 PHILL CACKLES 703 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:06,080 - These are good. - They are good. 704 00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:08,680 Now it's time to go straight over to the wordy shambles 705 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:10,400 that is General Ignorance. 706 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,760 Is this a sardine or a pilchard? 707 00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:16,120 ♪ Oh-oh-oh! ♪ Bill. 708 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:17,320 Pilchard. 709 00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:20,920 KLAXON BLARES 710 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:22,400 Try again. Yes. 711 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:23,560 ♪ Oh, what a night! ♪ 712 00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:24,840 - Sardine. - Sardine. Yes! 713 00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:27,760 KLAXON BLARES 714 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:29,320 ♪ Oh, Carol! ♪ 715 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,200 - Yes? - Dolphin! 716 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,720 LAUGHTER 717 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:36,520 If it were an optical illusion, it would be red. 718 00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,160 It would therefore be a red... 719 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:39,360 Snapper! 720 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:41,080 LAUGHTER 721 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:43,440 Easy, easy, easy. 722 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:47,040 - I want that as a ringtone. - "Snapper!" - "Snapper!" 723 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,600 Or a text. LAUGHTER 724 00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,600 I am aroused. 725 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:53,360 That is fantastic. 726 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,280 - Wow. - We need that as a gif. 727 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,080 - Whoa, Nelly! - Snapper! 728 00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:58,960 Again, again, again, 729 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,360 - but right in my face. - Can we do it one more time? 730 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:04,240 LAUGHTER 731 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:07,080 Right in my face. Come on. 732 00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:08,960 - Ready? - I am ready. 733 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:10,200 Yeah. Go on. 734 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,640 If it was an optical illusion, it was red, it would be a red... 735 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:16,000 - Snapper! - SHE LAUGHS 736 00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:19,000 Sorry. 737 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,400 What I was actually looking for was herring. 738 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,320 It would be a red herring. LAUGHTER 739 00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,520 That makes more sense. 740 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:27,760 - Now you've said it. - Now I've said it. 741 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,360 So, the terms sardine and pilchard 742 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,720 do not relate to specific species. 743 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,200 They are describing ways of packing fish. 744 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,360 So, the UN and the World Health Organization 745 00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:38,040 cites 21 different species 746 00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:39,720 that could be classed as sardines. 747 00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,640 There's a thing called Fish Base, which if you haven't looked it up, 748 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,200 it's a comprehensive database of information about fish. 749 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,560 Seriously, knock yourselves out. 750 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:51,160 So it's not a massive shop on the outskirts of town full of fish? 751 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:55,960 No. They say there are at least six species that are pilchards 752 00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:57,880 and over a dozen that are sardines. 753 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,520 Basically, they are fish from the herring family. 754 00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:03,320 Fish shorter in length than six inches are called sardines 755 00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:05,360 and the larger ones are pilchards. 756 00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:07,360 But we do lots of renaming of fish. 757 00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:10,600 So in Britain there's a thing called the witch flatfish, 758 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,560 very popular on the Continent, not in the UK. 759 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:15,120 It's a bit more popular now, it's called the Torbay sole. 760 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:16,680 So then we think that sounds nice. 761 00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:18,720 I thought that was Bill's favourite disco. 762 00:34:20,240 --> 00:34:25,080 - The Torbay Soul. - Cut the rug down at the Torbay Soul. 763 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,960 - Red snapper is actually rockfish. - Is it? 764 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:30,720 And my most favourite, slimeheads, 765 00:34:30,720 --> 00:34:33,120 understandably sold as orange roughy. 766 00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:36,360 But who doesn't want a fillet of slimehead? 767 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:39,440 And hedgehog, they call it pavement chicken. 768 00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:45,120 The fact is, nobody knows for sure 769 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,120 how to separate the sardines from the pilchards. 770 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:49,800 OK, in theory, 771 00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,880 how fast can this boat sail? 772 00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:54,640 OK. Oh, the jib's broken. 773 00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:56,760 Oh, hang on a minute. Wait, wait, wait. 774 00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,200 - There we are. OK. - Is it dependent on the wind? 775 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:00,680 Yes, one moment, hold that thought. 776 00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:02,240 I'll do it again. OK. 777 00:35:02,240 --> 00:35:04,480 Nobody knows for sure how to separate the sardines 778 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:05,880 from the pilchards. 779 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:07,360 In theory, how fast... 780 00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:09,080 Something about wind! 781 00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:12,360 LAUGHTER 782 00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:16,960 APPLAUSE 783 00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:19,680 Oh, how unusual, a boy who came before I was ready. 784 00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:22,560 LAUGHTER 785 00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:29,240 Come on! 786 00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:31,720 - Sorry! Sorry! - Sorry! - Sorry! 787 00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:33,240 LAUGHTER 788 00:35:33,240 --> 00:35:35,920 - Put your glasses on... - Sorry, it's happened again. Sorry. 789 00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:38,240 I'll see you tomorrow, same time. 790 00:35:38,240 --> 00:35:40,920 LAUGHTER 791 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:46,200 I'm going to do it again. 792 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:47,720 OK, baby! 793 00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:51,120 LAUGHTER 794 00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:54,080 APPLAUSE 795 00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,760 You know what to do. 796 00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:58,880 I'm ready, I'm ready, come on. 797 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,440 All right, then. I'm ready, I'm ready, baby. 798 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,120 - LAUGHTER - Say the words, lady. 799 00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:12,320 Bill, shut the fuck up. 800 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:15,640 LAUGHTER 801 00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,640 CHEERING 802 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,600 Claudia, I'm going to bring out a yacht... 803 00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,200 I'm excited about it. 804 00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:27,440 ..and you're going to say, "Is it something to do with the wind?" 805 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:30,960 I'm going to do it! I'm going to do it. Snapper! 806 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:34,160 - LAUGHTER - Go ahead. - Shush! 807 00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:36,280 Put the wine away. Put your wine away. 808 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:37,960 God, it's just like being at school. 809 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:39,280 LAUGHTER 810 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,200 "Put your wine away!" 811 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:43,680 LAUGHTER 812 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,360 - "Shut up, put your wine away!" - "Shut up, put your wine away!" 813 00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:51,400 - I'll tell you what. - Happiest days of our lives. 814 00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:52,920 Bloody hell. 815 00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:55,400 Bobbington Gurney Primary was rough! 816 00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,680 School of Hard Knocks, I'm telling you. 817 00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:01,800 "Here, Bailey, put your wine away and shut the fuck up!" 818 00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:03,400 LAUGHTER 819 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:05,320 Right, quiet! 820 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,760 LAUGHTER 821 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,040 Dear God, I need a drink! 822 00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:12,920 Right, here we go. 823 00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,720 Nobody knows for sure how to separate the sardines 824 00:37:15,720 --> 00:37:18,080 from the pilchards. In theory... 825 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,000 LAUGHTER 826 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,200 ..how fast can this boat sail? 827 00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:23,680 Claudia, what do you think? 828 00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:25,640 - Is it...? - # Oh, what a night. # 829 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,960 Has it got something to do with wind? 830 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:29,360 Yes! 831 00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:32,120 LAUGHTER AND CHEERING 832 00:37:33,720 --> 00:37:36,160 LAUGHTER 833 00:37:49,720 --> 00:37:52,120 We've got wine over here! 834 00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:55,040 You've been whining for two hours! Come and sit down. 835 00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:59,080 - LAUGHTER Come and sit down. - Come on, and I'll say, "Snapper." 836 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,160 - Yeah, sit. - Sit down. 837 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:04,360 LAUGHTER 838 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:08,560 LAUGHTER 839 00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:10,440 Stupid game anyway. 840 00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:12,080 Snapper! 841 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,320 ♪ Oh, what a night! ♪ 842 00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:16,040 ♪ Oh, oh, oh. ♪ 843 00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:19,000 - Has it got something to do with wind? - No. 844 00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:21,440 - LAUGHTER OK. - Stupid game, anyway. 845 00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:23,200 HE MUMBLES 846 00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:26,400 - It is to do with wind. - Really? - How fast can it sail? 847 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:27,800 Oh! 848 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:30,920 It's difficult because, after a while, 849 00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:33,640 the wind will blow you quite fast, 850 00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:36,800 but then it'll suddenly going into a spiral and take you up into the sky, 851 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,240 so does that count? 852 00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:40,200 How many times have you been sailing? 853 00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,000 LAUGHTER 854 00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,560 So, there must be a maximum speed. 855 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:47,080 - What would you say, maximum... - 13, 14? 856 00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,080 - 15, 15 knots. - Don't have the number. 857 00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:52,040 - Is it faster or slower than the wind? - Slower than the wind. 858 00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,760 Oh... KLAXON BLARES 859 00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:56,760 You fell right into that. 860 00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:58,400 LAUGHTER 861 00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:01,080 OK, so, imagine that the wind is coming from here, 862 00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:03,080 so you're sailing directly downwind, 863 00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:05,400 - it's known as running. - Yes. - So the wind... 864 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:07,840 LAUGHTER 865 00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:09,280 Sorry. 866 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:10,880 - The wind... - Sorry, Miss! 867 00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:12,520 The wind will simply fill the sail 868 00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:14,280 and it won't be able to go as fast as the wind 869 00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,720 because, of course, there's resistance from the water. 870 00:39:16,720 --> 00:39:19,680 However, if you are sailing across the wind, 871 00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:22,280 the wind blows across the sail and this generates lift. 872 00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:24,200 So it's a bit like an aeroplane wing. 873 00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,240 So, it's sucked along as well as pushed along, 874 00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:28,400 and if you add those two forces together, 875 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:29,960 you can sail faster than the wind. 876 00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:33,320 The modern hi-tech racing catamarans have taken this one step further. 877 00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:35,520 They don't even have a floppy sail any more, 878 00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:37,760 they have much more like an aeroplane wing. 879 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,800 So if you look here, the AC72 catamaran, it has a rigid thing, 880 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,400 the same size of wing as the Boeing 747. 881 00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:44,920 So using aeroplane technology 882 00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,760 and the fact they lift out of the water onto hydrofoils. 883 00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:51,520 They have speeds of up to 2.79 times the speed of wind. 884 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:52,960 Unbelievably quick. 885 00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:54,720 ALAN BLOWS RASPBERRY 886 00:39:54,720 --> 00:39:57,920 LAUGHTER 887 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,360 Do you know, people often say to me, 888 00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:06,200 "What did Stephen say to you as he left?" 889 00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:09,520 And the truth is he shook his head and went, "You have no idea." 890 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:12,320 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 891 00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:16,840 Boats sailing across the wind can go much faster than the wind itself... 892 00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,120 Oh, stop going on about the bloody... 893 00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:22,160 LAUGHTER 894 00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:26,640 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 895 00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:28,560 It's so awful. 896 00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:32,720 Oh, thank God you're here. 897 00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:34,200 LAUGHTER 898 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:37,440 A boat sailing across the wind can go much faster than the wind itself. 899 00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:40,280 Indeed there is no theoretical limit to its speed. 900 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:44,040 OK, which of these are there more of? 901 00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:48,680 Trees on earth, stars in the Milky Way or neurons in your brain? 902 00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,360 Yes, Bill? 903 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,080 Neurons in your brain! 904 00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:55,160 - Ah! - KLAXON BLARES 905 00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:56,640 ♪ Oh, Carol... ♪ 906 00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:58,040 Stars! 907 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,040 KLAXON BLARES 908 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:01,840 Your chance to be really clever! 909 00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:03,680 - Wait, wait, wait! - No. Claudia's go! 910 00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:05,160 ♪ Oh, what a night! ♪ 911 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:06,760 - Is it trees? - Yes! 912 00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:10,120 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 913 00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:14,240 In 2015, a paper by Yale researchers 914 00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:18,440 estimate the number of trees on earth is 3.04 trillion. 915 00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:20,360 That is, rather pleasingly, 7.5 times more 916 00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:21,920 than was previously thought. 917 00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:24,000 So, they used a combination of satellite imagery 918 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:25,120 and forest inventories 919 00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,720 and super computer programs, and that's a huge number. 920 00:41:27,720 --> 00:41:29,600 Stars, obviously quite tricky to count. 921 00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:30,680 NASA do their best. 922 00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:33,280 They don't really know the number of stars in the Milky Way, 923 00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:35,320 but probably between 100 and 400 million, 924 00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:37,440 but that would be ten times fewer 925 00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:39,760 than the trees on planet Earth. 926 00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:42,360 So the wind blows across the sail... 927 00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:45,840 LAUGHTER 928 00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:48,800 Brain cells, estimated number of neurons, 929 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,360 and that is your brain cells in the human brain, 930 00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:54,200 it varies between 83 and 200 billion. 931 00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:56,200 If you count the number of synapses, 932 00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,240 so the connections between the brain cells, 933 00:41:58,240 --> 00:42:00,480 you're looking at as many as a thousand trillion 934 00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:01,840 or one quadrillion - 935 00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:04,440 so 300 times as many synapses in your brain 936 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,280 as there are trees on Earth. 937 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:08,720 - Wow. - That's not every brain. 938 00:42:08,720 --> 00:42:12,000 LAUGHTER 939 00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,480 APPLAUSE 940 00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:19,520 And sand, there are apparently 7 quintillion grains of sand 941 00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:21,920 - on Earth. - Oh, shut the front door! 942 00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:24,080 I know, 7,000 times more grains of sand 943 00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:26,080 than there are synapses in your brain. 944 00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,360 Not if the Jamaicans nick it. 945 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:31,640 It's difficult to comprehend. 946 00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:33,720 Trees, stars, neurons, grains of sand. 947 00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:36,400 Let's just say there's a hell of a lot of all of them. 948 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:41,000 And at the end of that onomnasiological obfuscation, 949 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:44,600 we reach the scores and I've never been more pleased in my entire life. 950 00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:47,160 LAUGHTER 951 00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:49,360 APPLAUSE 952 00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:55,400 In last place, with -35, 953 00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:57,000 - it's Bill. - Yes! 954 00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,800 CHEERING 955 00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,320 In third place, with -19, it's Phill. 956 00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:04,040 CHEERING 957 00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,840 Where's my cheese? I want my cheese. 958 00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:09,200 Second place, with a magnificent -16, 959 00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,240 it's Alan! 960 00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:13,200 APPLAUSE 961 00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:17,400 And the winner, with a really breathtaking five full points, 962 00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:19,200 it's Claudia. 963 00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:21,840 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 964 00:43:27,240 --> 00:43:31,320 And this week's objectionable object prize is a cheap knock-off replica 965 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:34,680 Swiss watch from China which is inside your claw grabber game. 966 00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:37,720 If you can grab it, you're welcome to keep it. Good luck with that. 967 00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:42,280 It only remains for me to thank Claudia, Phill, Bill and Alan, 968 00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:43,680 and I leave you with this. 969 00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,800 The great conductor Sir Thomas Beecham 970 00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,480 described a musicologist 971 00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:50,320 as somebody who can read music but can't hear it 972 00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:54,160 and a gentleman as someone who can play the bagpipes, but doesn't. 973 00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:56,520 That's all from QI this time. Thank you very much. 974 00:43:56,520 --> 00:44:00,560 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE