1 00:00:32,679 --> 00:00:34,640 Hello, and welcome to QI, 2 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,799 where tonight, I am pleased to say, 3 00:00:36,799 --> 00:00:40,240 we will be enjoying multiple organisms. 4 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,439 Let's meet our life forms. 5 00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:44,759 The wise Nish Kumar. 6 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:51,399 The noble Cariad Lloyd. 7 00:00:54,719 --> 00:00:57,560 The amusing Holly Walsh. 8 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,799 And the single-celled Alan Davies! 9 00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:10,879 Right, let's hear your multiple organisms. 10 00:01:10,879 --> 00:01:12,239 Cariad goes... 11 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,599 Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh! 12 00:01:14,599 --> 00:01:17,519 That's me, that's me. 13 00:01:17,519 --> 00:01:19,039 Holly goes... 14 00:01:19,039 --> 00:01:21,960 Arrgh! Arrgh! Arrgh! 15 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:23,439 Nish goes... 16 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:30,079 It's a really disturbing programme! 17 00:01:30,079 --> 00:01:32,000 And Alan goes... 18 00:01:37,879 --> 00:01:39,840 I do, actually! 19 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:47,000 What animal gets the lion's share of online viewing? 20 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,039 I don't know, but that horse looks like Donald Trump. 21 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,599 We had a cat that used to watch the telly. 22 00:01:56,599 --> 00:01:58,840 He watched the telly, he'd watch two things. 23 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:02,480 He'd watch football because he'd watch the ball, 24 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:04,719 so if it went out the picture, 25 00:02:04,719 --> 00:02:07,280 he'd look round the side of the telly. 26 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:11,240 And the other thing he watched was a documentary about urban foxes, 27 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:15,039 and he watched the whole programme with his paws up on the back of 28 00:02:15,039 --> 00:02:17,120 the chair, looking at it like this. 29 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,520 And about six months later they repeated it, 30 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,079 and he watched it all again. 31 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:26,240 And any time a fox went out of the side, he went like that. 32 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,439 Probably birds as well, birds probably watch a lot of TV, 33 00:02:29,439 --> 00:02:31,159 because they're in the room, aren't they? 34 00:02:31,159 --> 00:02:32,520 A cat can leave. A cat can be like, 35 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,520 "I don't want to watch a documentary." 36 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,280 Bird's in the room, he's got to watch it. 37 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,599 What about people who hang their budgie by the window 38 00:02:38,599 --> 00:02:40,560 so it can see the other birds outside? Yeah! 39 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,759 Is that not the definition of evil? 40 00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:47,920 Anyway, none of this is what I wanted to talk about! 41 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:49,360 Is it lions? 42 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:50,400 Yes. 43 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,439 No! 44 00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:53,800 It's surprising. 45 00:02:55,199 --> 00:02:56,680 Blue whale. 46 00:03:04,199 --> 00:03:07,879 No. Surprisingly, there are more dog videos on YouTube 47 00:03:07,879 --> 00:03:11,039 than there are cat videos. People always talk about cat videos. 48 00:03:11,039 --> 00:03:14,159 65.9 million dog videos, 49 00:03:14,159 --> 00:03:16,719 versus 65.3 million cats. 50 00:03:16,719 --> 00:03:18,360 The dogs just got the edge there. 51 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,920 - Why do we think that might be? Dogs are better than cats. - Ooh! 52 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:25,599 Oh, that's the most controversial thing ever said in this studio! 53 00:03:25,599 --> 00:03:27,680 Wow! Yeah. I'm with you, Cariad. 54 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:28,879 Thank you. 55 00:03:28,879 --> 00:03:30,479 That's the Brexit of the pet world. 56 00:03:30,479 --> 00:03:32,960 Yeah. In England, people would care more about that 57 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,319 than they did about Brexit, 58 00:03:34,319 --> 00:03:36,360 if you start slagging off dogs or cats. 59 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,719 Let's try it. People who like cats, say "cats". 60 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,120 Cats! 61 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,639 - People who like dogs, say "dogs". - Dogs! 62 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:45,240 People who like Brexit, say "Brexit"! 63 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,000 People who like people, say "people"! 64 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,319 Nothing. 65 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,120 So there are more dog videos... Because dogs are better. 66 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,240 No, more people have pet dogs. Is that true? 67 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,840 Because they're better. More pet dogs than pet cats. 68 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,080 Why are dogs better than cats? I am a dog person, right, 69 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,000 and I have a dog and the dog is at home 70 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,759 and the dog goes out into my garden. 71 00:04:06,759 --> 00:04:11,039 All my neighbours have cats and they also come and live in my garden. 72 00:04:11,039 --> 00:04:12,439 That is why dogs are better. 73 00:04:12,439 --> 00:04:14,159 They stick to the one garden. 74 00:04:14,159 --> 00:04:15,280 I've got a theory, 75 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,399 I think technically more people have got dogs, 76 00:04:17,399 --> 00:04:20,199 but actually more people think they have cats. 77 00:04:20,199 --> 00:04:23,600 Cos cats live in three or four houses. 78 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,759 I have to say that Google tells a different story than YouTube. 79 00:04:26,759 --> 00:04:28,800 There are 2.2 billion pages about cats, 80 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,480 compared to 1.8 billion about dogs. 81 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,439 Yeah, people going, "Why are cats shit?" 82 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:35,639 "Why did I get a cat?" "I can't get rid of this cat." 83 00:04:35,639 --> 00:04:38,759 Did a cat slap you when you were a baby?! 84 00:04:38,759 --> 00:04:40,439 No, do you know what, 85 00:04:40,439 --> 00:04:42,639 the reason I don't like cats is I am allergic to them, 86 00:04:42,639 --> 00:04:45,079 and I want to stroke them and I can't, 87 00:04:45,079 --> 00:04:46,879 so what I've done is develop a hatred. 88 00:04:46,879 --> 00:04:49,480 Right, right. It worked the same way for men when I was younger. 89 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,079 This is how Brexit... 90 00:04:51,079 --> 00:04:53,879 So why animal videos, why do we watch a lot of animal videos, 91 00:04:53,879 --> 00:04:55,600 what's the reason for it? 92 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,319 Because everything's so depressing, so you're like, 93 00:04:58,319 --> 00:05:01,560 you can't cope, so you think, "Cat... Cat dying." 94 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:02,959 No, I'm joking! 95 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:05,560 I am joking. 96 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:09,800 I see Brexit is happening, fetch me a feline snuff video. 97 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,480 I actually do like them, I do, 98 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,759 it's just I have to hate them because they will kill me, 99 00:05:15,759 --> 00:05:16,800 so it's mutual. 100 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,040 Yeah, but you don't have a fatal cat allergy. 101 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,680 It's very irritating. 102 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,079 So why animal videos? 103 00:05:24,079 --> 00:05:25,879 Is it because we're, like, 104 00:05:25,879 --> 00:05:28,360 programmed as people to love looking at animals? 105 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,319 Well, no, the concept is that we just watch something that's a bit of fun, 106 00:05:31,319 --> 00:05:35,120 and it makes you feel fewer negative emotions. Anxiety, you know, guilt, that kind of thing. 107 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:36,600 I was working with an editor once, 108 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,199 and he was telling me that they did this experiment where, like, 109 00:05:39,199 --> 00:05:41,720 they wanted to see where people's eyes went on, say, movies. 110 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,759 You know, like, so what people are looking at. 111 00:05:43,759 --> 00:05:47,079 And they had, like, a shot with a topless woman, and obviously, like, 112 00:05:47,079 --> 00:05:49,240 most people watched the topless woman, 113 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:52,120 and then the only thing that distracted them was when a dog walked in, 114 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,159 and then they all just looked at the dog! 115 00:05:54,159 --> 00:05:58,920 In the, like, Top Trumps of distraction, it goes tits, dog. 116 00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:02,600 And a topless dog is, like... 117 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:05,800 It's my dream, a topless dog! 118 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,399 Yeah. That's my website. 119 00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:10,319 That's what I'm after. 120 00:06:10,319 --> 00:06:13,000 Well, there are more dog videos online than cat videos, 121 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,000 and even fewer otter videos. 122 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,920 So who wants to see a juggling otter? 123 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,759 Yes, yes! Yes! 124 00:06:18,759 --> 00:06:20,959 Let's have a look. Oh, my God! 125 00:06:23,439 --> 00:06:26,879 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I know! 126 00:06:26,879 --> 00:06:29,560 That definitely trumps tits and dog. 127 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,120 There we go, back with that one. 128 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,040 Ah! 129 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:36,159 Totally nailing all the moves there. 130 00:06:36,159 --> 00:06:39,199 Has anyone checked he's not trapped under there? 131 00:06:41,639 --> 00:06:45,199 He's like, "Help! Let me out!" 132 00:06:47,759 --> 00:06:50,240 "Do something!" 133 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,759 Stop it, you're messing my mascara! 134 00:06:55,759 --> 00:06:57,840 That's a juggling otter. 135 00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:01,319 But not everybody loves otters, all right, like we do. 136 00:07:01,319 --> 00:07:06,040 So tell me, what do otter hounds hunt? 137 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:07,759 Yes, Nish. 138 00:07:07,759 --> 00:07:09,680 I mean, I know what's about to happen. 139 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:10,720 Yes. 140 00:07:11,839 --> 00:07:13,199 Otters? 141 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:25,519 OK, it is illegal to hunt otters, so when otter hunting was banned, 142 00:07:25,519 --> 00:07:27,199 they retrained them to hunt mink, 143 00:07:27,199 --> 00:07:30,000 so what do otter hounds hunt? 144 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,600 Small boys in caps? 145 00:07:33,959 --> 00:07:35,279 Mink. 146 00:07:35,279 --> 00:07:36,480 Mink! 147 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:41,639 It's illegal to hunt mink. It's illegal to hunt mink. 148 00:07:41,639 --> 00:07:42,959 But do they hunt mink? 149 00:07:42,959 --> 00:07:44,680 Do they, you know, hunt mink? 150 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,199 Is that, like, a euphemism? Yeah, that's like... 151 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,319 That's a backhander, guys. 152 00:07:51,319 --> 00:07:53,040 Is it? Oh, backhander. 153 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,319 Oh, it's a backhander? I thought it was a back entrance. 154 00:07:55,319 --> 00:07:58,199 I thought that was, like... a backhander was, like, 155 00:07:58,199 --> 00:08:00,279 "I'll take some money if you don't mention it." 156 00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:05,519 Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, "I'll get the mink for you." Oh, I thought it was "I've just farted"! 157 00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:08,040 I thought it was, like, a lesbian euphemism. 158 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:15,120 My whole life in a club, I've never gone... 159 00:08:16,639 --> 00:08:19,279 All right, we've got a backhander in tonight! 160 00:08:19,279 --> 00:08:21,920 Anybody up for some mink hunting?! 161 00:08:23,199 --> 00:08:27,439 Otter hunting was a very, very popular blood sport throughout the Middle Ages and so on... 162 00:08:27,439 --> 00:08:29,319 That's horrible! There was a 163 00:08:29,319 --> 00:08:34,360 King's Otterer. He had an estate called Otterer's Fee in Aylesbury. 164 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:37,519 And then it largely died out, because the otter was largely dying out, 165 00:08:37,519 --> 00:08:41,159 and so there was a little bit of a revival in the 20th century until 1978, 166 00:08:41,159 --> 00:08:44,399 and then the otter became a protected species, and then they tried mink, 167 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,200 and now it's rats. In fact, 168 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,519 only rats and rabbits are exempt from the ban on hunting mammals 169 00:08:49,519 --> 00:08:51,519 with dogs. What about squirrels? 170 00:08:51,519 --> 00:08:53,840 It's rats and rabbits, that's your limit. 171 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,919 Yeah, but could you squeeze in a squirrel? 172 00:08:55,919 --> 00:08:58,960 When you use the expression "squeeze in a squirrel", what do you mean? 173 00:09:00,279 --> 00:09:04,120 It's another lesbian euphemism, in the clubs. One of the most prized 174 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,799 things for hunters was the otter's baculum. 175 00:09:06,799 --> 00:09:09,600 Anybody know what the otter's baculum is? Something nasty? 176 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,759 Oh, is it the penis bone? 177 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,960 It is the penis bone, yes. See, something nasty. 178 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,240 Absolutely right. There is one right there... 179 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,080 It's the length of the otter?! 180 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,879 Oh, my God, I'm going to get an erection! 181 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,279 Ooh! 182 00:09:30,639 --> 00:09:33,039 Get it off me! 183 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:37,200 The rest of that video is the otter struggling under the rocks, 184 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,039 and he goes, "Hold on a second..." Phodum! 185 00:09:40,039 --> 00:09:44,240 Just throwing up a pebble, and then whacking it with its cock! 186 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,879 If you've just tuned in, 187 00:09:45,879 --> 00:09:49,320 that's Alan Davies pretending to be an otter with a troublesome erection. 188 00:09:50,759 --> 00:09:54,120 So... Otter's baculum was much prized. 189 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:57,159 You've got one?! Well, what I've got, these are earrings, 190 00:09:57,159 --> 00:09:59,360 and this is actually made from a mink's... 191 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,679 Obviously two, there's not one, he doesn't have two. 192 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:03,320 They're made from mink baculum. 193 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,120 There's some mink out in the world going, 194 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,799 "I hope you're enjoying that earring!" 195 00:10:07,799 --> 00:10:10,480 "I hope it's made you happy, that earring." 196 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,080 I don't understand how this works. 197 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,039 So they constantly have a hard-on? 198 00:10:14,039 --> 00:10:16,840 Well, no, what it is... Humans don't have a baculum, I'm told. 199 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,759 Yes, I'd like to beg to differ there. 200 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,919 Do you know why humans don't have it? 201 00:10:24,919 --> 00:10:26,960 What's the reason given? Underpants. 202 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,120 Do you want to see them? Thank you. 203 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:30,639 Not compatible with underpants. 204 00:10:30,639 --> 00:10:33,679 So the mythological reason is that Eve was taken, 205 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:36,360 not from a rib of Adam, but from his baculum. 206 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,039 But the real reason is that the baculum is needed for what's... 207 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,440 How can I put this politely? Prolonged intromission, 208 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,840 is what you need it for. So do you think Sting's got a baculum? 209 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,879 This thing's the exact same shape as my nose! 210 00:10:55,720 --> 00:11:00,000 There's a good idea for a show - Nish Kumar - Mink Pleasurer. 211 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,039 I'll watch it. 212 00:11:03,039 --> 00:11:04,799 I love otters, I think they're amazing. 213 00:11:04,799 --> 00:11:09,279 The sea otter is extraordinary, it has the densest fur of any mammal. 214 00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:13,600 Oh, my God. They have more hairs per square centimetre 215 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,919 than are on an entire human head, 216 00:11:15,919 --> 00:11:18,080 so the Chinese used to call it "soft gold." 217 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:21,240 They're fantastically easy to hunt, actually, because they float 218 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:25,799 in rafts of up to 2,000 individuals holding hands. 219 00:11:25,799 --> 00:11:29,120 And what the mothers do, because the baby can float but can't swim, 220 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,639 they wrap the baby in kelp, almost like a little papoose, 221 00:11:31,639 --> 00:11:33,759 and they put it to one side to make sure that it's OK. 222 00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:36,799 And they make something called otter rubs, which is a slide. 223 00:11:36,799 --> 00:11:40,360 I think we've got some video I can show you of them playing in the snow 224 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,559 and they actually slide down. Look at them. 225 00:11:42,559 --> 00:11:44,399 Oh, my God! And they're just playing. 226 00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:48,039 That's all they're doing sliding down, 227 00:11:48,039 --> 00:11:50,600 apparently just for a laugh. 228 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,480 This is the remake of Cool Runnings. 229 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:59,080 Otter hounds are now employed as rat catchers. 230 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:04,840 But speaking of occupations, what's the best job for a beetle? 231 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,759 Drummer, because you'll still be alive. 232 00:12:08,679 --> 00:12:10,159 That's very good. 233 00:12:14,279 --> 00:12:16,799 I am going to give you an extra point. 234 00:12:16,799 --> 00:12:19,840 Thanks. Even though it's horribly wrong. 235 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,039 Is it careers advice advisor? 236 00:12:22,039 --> 00:12:23,320 Did you have one of those? 237 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,960 Yeah, they told me to be a horticulturalist. 238 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,320 Did they?! You had a nice careers advisor. 239 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,799 Mine's was like, "Sainsbury's is that way, good luck." 240 00:12:30,799 --> 00:12:33,440 Mine told me prison. 241 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:36,320 Working or serving? 242 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,080 My daughter's a really brilliant photographer 243 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:42,000 and she was told baggage handler at Gatwick. It was really specific. 244 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:47,879 So, beetles are employed, where might they be employed? 245 00:12:47,879 --> 00:12:49,919 Dung moving. It must be dung moving. 246 00:12:49,919 --> 00:12:53,600 It isn't, it is a form of job that only a beetle can do. 247 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,360 Is it baggage handling at Gatwick? 248 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,039 What can they do? 249 00:12:57,039 --> 00:13:00,600 They can get under things, they can go through little holes. 250 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,440 Eating, scavengers. 251 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,639 Oh, is it anything to do with nuclear power stations? 252 00:13:04,639 --> 00:13:06,320 No, not at all! 253 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:07,559 They work in museums. 254 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:10,320 So, skeletons contain a lot of delicate structures, 255 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,639 and the best way to prep them for a museum display 256 00:13:13,639 --> 00:13:17,360 without damaging them is the dermestid beetle. 257 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:21,000 Oh, God! And it lives by stripping the flesh off rotten corpses. 258 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,879 It's used by museums all over the world for that purpose. 259 00:13:23,879 --> 00:13:26,600 But before that, how do you think museums did it before 260 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,679 they worked out that... Did they use those little tiny fishes 261 00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:32,799 that people have... To make their feet feel better? 262 00:13:32,799 --> 00:13:35,320 Yeah, no, they just used to boil the skeletons 263 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,120 and scrape the meat off by hand. 264 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,240 The good news about this horrible job is that they only work 265 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,919 on six-month contracts, so... 266 00:13:41,919 --> 00:13:44,960 Which is the life expectancy of a dermestid beetle. 267 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,639 Right, they die on the job. They die on the job. 268 00:13:47,639 --> 00:13:49,200 But speaking of skeletons, 269 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:53,559 it's time for a round of that evergreen parlour game favourite. 270 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:01,000 OK, let's have a look at our skeletons, 271 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,240 and who's going to start with number one? 272 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,000 And be specific, please. 273 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,840 Its teeth haven't come through. 274 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,960 You're absolutely right, it's a child, 275 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,720 because you can actually see the adult teeth waiting to... 276 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,559 Oh, no, it's not that kid, is it?! 277 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:17,799 No, it's not. It's not that child, is it? It's not that child, OK?! 278 00:14:17,799 --> 00:14:21,399 It's another child that we don't care about! 279 00:14:21,399 --> 00:14:24,480 That poor kid is a model, 280 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:27,000 and then his parents might be just flicking through the TV, 281 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,240 and they're like, "Argh!" 282 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:32,480 This looks like you've spun the world's worst fruit machine! 283 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,720 Yeah, you can see the teeth waiting to come through there, 284 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,759 so the process of the old teeth being pushed out is called exfoliation. 285 00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:47,480 We moved house recently, 286 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:52,159 and behind the U-bend under the sink we found this tobacco tin full of 287 00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,759 children's teeth. Oh, my God! 288 00:14:53,759 --> 00:14:56,559 Yeah, yeah. Is that where the tooth fairy puts them? 289 00:14:56,559 --> 00:14:58,879 And I didn't know what we should do with them, 290 00:14:58,879 --> 00:15:02,639 and I felt really bad because they were obviously the people who lived in the house before us, 291 00:15:02,639 --> 00:15:06,759 and it's like a family heirloom, so I asked our neighbour if they had a forwarding address for them, 292 00:15:06,759 --> 00:15:09,080 and they were like, "Yeah, sure". And I... 293 00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:15,360 I took them to the Post Office and I said, "I need to send this." 294 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:19,039 They were like, "What's in the tin?" I was like, "It's children's teeth." 295 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:25,480 Anyway, I sent it to them, and I felt really good about myself, 296 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,840 and then I was talking to my other neighbour, and she said, 297 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,559 "That's so weird because they didn't have children." 298 00:15:33,879 --> 00:15:35,120 Oh, my God! 299 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:40,399 So I just sent a complete stranger a tin of children's teeth! 300 00:15:40,399 --> 00:15:42,480 Right, moving on. 301 00:15:43,879 --> 00:15:46,519 Let's go back to our QI ossuary. 302 00:15:46,519 --> 00:15:48,120 Number two, anybody? 303 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,639 Is it a vulture? No, it's not. 304 00:15:49,639 --> 00:15:51,480 It is a bird. Is it an ostrich? 305 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,879 You'd think that because of the long neck. Yes. 306 00:15:53,879 --> 00:15:55,080 This one is extraordinary, 307 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,399 because it doesn't look as though it has a long neck. 308 00:15:57,399 --> 00:16:01,159 But it has 14 vertebrae, so twice as many as a giraffe, and it is...? 309 00:16:01,159 --> 00:16:03,559 A chicken. Turkey. It's an owl. 310 00:16:03,559 --> 00:16:06,519 So we never think that, because the owl has got so many feathers, 311 00:16:06,519 --> 00:16:08,679 but it is how they're able to rotate their heads 312 00:16:08,679 --> 00:16:09,919 through nearly 360 degrees. 313 00:16:09,919 --> 00:16:12,080 That's amazing! So they only appear short-necked 314 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,159 because of the feathers. 315 00:16:13,159 --> 00:16:16,039 Also, if you have a look at their eye sockets, they're tubular, 316 00:16:16,039 --> 00:16:18,000 and that's cos the eyes are so enormous 317 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,559 and the tubular is the only way to fit such a large eye into the skull. 318 00:16:21,559 --> 00:16:25,879 That is an astonishing shot, isn't it? It's an awesome tattoo as well. 319 00:16:25,879 --> 00:16:27,720 Let's have a look at number three. 320 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,240 Is that a bat? It is a bat. 321 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,399 Here's something I did not know before, 322 00:16:31,399 --> 00:16:34,320 is that bats' knees face backwards. 323 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:38,000 Oh, yeah. But despite this, some of them are still very good walkers. 324 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,559 They recently discovered that vampire bats can chase their prey on foot, 325 00:16:41,559 --> 00:16:44,080 and we've got some video of a bat walking, 326 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,360 which is not something that you see very often. 327 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:48,240 Oh, my God. Whoa. Yeah, really whoa. 328 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:54,159 It's just, like, terrifying that not only can they fly at you in pitch-black, they can also run! 329 00:16:54,159 --> 00:16:56,200 It's like the worst nightmare. 330 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,200 Yeah. Most nocturnal animals are ugly, 331 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,960 and that's why they come out at night. 332 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,119 That's a really offensive thing to say. 333 00:17:05,319 --> 00:17:08,960 OK. Careful, Alan, you're going to get some children's teeth in the post! 334 00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:13,440 Number four, let's have a quick look. 335 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:14,880 The horns are the giveaway. 336 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,319 Is it a goat? Goat. 337 00:17:16,319 --> 00:17:18,000 No, smaller. Smaller than a goat. 338 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,759 Reindeer. 339 00:17:19,759 --> 00:17:22,039 Yes, those famous small reindeer! 340 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,559 Muntjac. No, it's called a dik-dik. 341 00:17:26,559 --> 00:17:28,599 Oh, yeah. A "dick pic"? 342 00:17:28,599 --> 00:17:29,799 A dik-dik. 343 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,200 No, not a dick pic! 344 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,440 I'd rather get one of those than a dick pic, to be honest. 345 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,160 Do you know why they're called dik-dik? 346 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:40,759 Cos they've got two dicks. So good they named it twice. 347 00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:44,319 Because they've got two what, darling? Oh... 348 00:17:44,319 --> 00:17:46,519 No, it's just I thought... 349 00:17:46,519 --> 00:17:49,079 Sorry, the rest of the class want to hear it now. 350 00:17:50,599 --> 00:17:53,079 I was just saying... 351 00:17:53,079 --> 00:17:56,279 It seemed very important that you wanted to interrupt Sandi. 352 00:17:56,279 --> 00:18:01,039 I was just... I was just saying that maybe they have two dicks. 353 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,599 Yeah, no. 354 00:18:07,039 --> 00:18:09,200 It's the sound they make. It's a sort of warning cry. 355 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,519 Dick! Dick! Yeah. 356 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,200 Dick! Dick! 357 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,880 The thing I like about them, they are incredibly efficient with water. 358 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,640 They have the driest poo 359 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,480 and the most concentrated urine of any ungulate. 360 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:29,680 All right. Well, clearly you've never spent a night in Wetherspoon's. 361 00:18:30,839 --> 00:18:34,559 And an extra point for that, because that's true too, so... 362 00:18:34,559 --> 00:18:37,680 Your eyes bigger than your nose, that's quite a thing, isn't it? 363 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:40,000 I think they're beautiful. They're tiny little things. 364 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,680 They live in pairs rather than herds. Can you buy them? 365 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,720 Like, can you have them as pets? No. You cannot buy one. Well, I... 366 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,839 Don't google dik-dik.com! 367 00:18:50,799 --> 00:18:54,079 Let's look at the next one. Number five. 368 00:18:54,079 --> 00:18:57,160 Is it a gorilla? It's really surprising. 369 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,680 It is not a gorilla. 370 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,480 What's the thing that always gets you, the klaxon, darling? 371 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,359 A blue whale. 372 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,440 It is a whale's fin. 373 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,759 No way! What?! It looks remarkably like the human hand. 374 00:19:08,759 --> 00:19:12,759 That is amazing. It even has thumb bones, and it's because, of course, 375 00:19:12,759 --> 00:19:14,920 it's a mammal, and all mammals evolved from an animal 376 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,440 with the basic skeletal structure 377 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,640 that includes five protrusions on each hand. 378 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,960 So it's basically got mittens on. Yeah. 379 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,960 It's just a dolphin with oven gloves. Yes. 380 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,720 Looking for an oven. 381 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,759 Let's have a look at the final one. 382 00:19:30,759 --> 00:19:33,400 Is that a camel? It is a camel. 383 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:37,079 It has a straight spine, because the hump is, of course, all fat. 384 00:19:37,079 --> 00:19:38,599 How can you tell it wasn't a horse? 385 00:19:38,599 --> 00:19:41,759 It didn't look like a horse, so... There's no saddle on it. 386 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,160 A camel's got no hoof. Camel toe. 387 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,279 You can use it for anything, anything. 388 00:19:57,279 --> 00:20:00,920 Anything that's slightly... Ooh! I'll sort you out. 389 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:02,200 As the old saying goes, 390 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:06,400 you can't always tell an organism from its osseous tissue. 391 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,960 How is that an old saying?! 392 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:14,359 In what circumstances does an ant equal a cow? 393 00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:16,759 Is it something to do with their bone structure or...? 394 00:20:16,759 --> 00:20:19,480 No, it's to do with counting how many species there are in the world. 395 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,160 How many species do you think there are in the world of everything, 396 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,720 all kinds of animals, how many? 397 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,119 204. 398 00:20:26,599 --> 00:20:28,000 A billion. 399 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,079 A billion and one! Ha! 400 00:20:31,079 --> 00:20:33,000 Weirdly, you're closer, Nish. 401 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:40,000 So, we think we know about 8.7 million species. 402 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,119 Well, what they did, 403 00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:43,440 they looked at more than 1,000 different environments 404 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,799 where things live, so you might take a patch of the ocean, 405 00:20:45,799 --> 00:20:47,880 you might take a cow's rumen, 406 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,039 you might take an acre of meadow was one 407 00:20:50,039 --> 00:20:53,920 and they counted all of the total number of species in those areas 408 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,680 and then they put those into an equation - 409 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,319 these are the scaling laws - and they were able to estimate 410 00:20:59,319 --> 00:21:01,519 the total number of organisms in the world. 411 00:21:01,519 --> 00:21:04,640 So that's all the microbes, that's absolutely everything. 412 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:08,000 So the ant and the cow are exactly equal in this instance. 413 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:12,160 And they concluded that there are something like 1 trillion species 414 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,400 of organism currently living on the planet 415 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,920 and that means we have only discovered one thousandth 416 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:22,240 of 1% of the species currently living on Earth. 417 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,359 Well, that's enough, though, isn't it? Yeah. 418 00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:26,960 Don't you think that astonishing? 419 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,559 But that's how little we know about what's actually... 420 00:21:29,559 --> 00:21:30,680 But where do they all live? 421 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,039 Like, in that bit under the sea that no-one ever goes to? 422 00:21:33,039 --> 00:21:35,119 Behind your u-bend in a tin. 423 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,519 It's also estimated that 99% of all species 424 00:21:40,519 --> 00:21:43,160 that have ever existed on Earth are no longer with us. 425 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,759 They are extinct. 426 00:21:44,759 --> 00:21:49,839 Which ferocious beast is the world's most successful hunter? 427 00:21:52,319 --> 00:21:55,400 Wait, hold on. What is happening? 428 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,279 Is that Philip Green? 429 00:21:59,519 --> 00:22:01,759 It looks like you've gone to a fancy dress party 430 00:22:01,759 --> 00:22:03,720 dressed as Captain Mainwaring! 431 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,680 It's terrifying. So, most ferocious... Starts with an O. 432 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,400 What ferocious species is the world's most successful hunter? 433 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:11,880 Hunter... Starts with an O. 434 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,000 Because hippos are really dangerous, aren't they? 435 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,440 It starts with an H. 436 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,440 Oh, yeah. Orangutans. 437 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,319 Otters. 438 00:22:29,079 --> 00:22:32,519 Er... Ostrich. No, it's... 439 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,440 The audience have offered up octopus. 440 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,920 Octopus is not it, either. 441 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,759 Not as easy as it looks, is it?! 442 00:22:44,759 --> 00:22:48,359 It is the creature that belongs to the order Odonata, 443 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:49,920 so it is dragonflies. 444 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,000 Dragonflies are... What, they're killer? 445 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,359 ..the most successful hunters. 446 00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:56,440 They are thought to have the highest hunting success rate 447 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,240 of any hunting creature on Earth. 448 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:02,039 It's between 90 and 95% success rate. Wow. 449 00:23:02,039 --> 00:23:05,319 So, if you compare that to other animals - lions, for example, 450 00:23:05,319 --> 00:23:07,880 lions will kill at a rate of about 25%. 451 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,839 Bengal tigers about 5%. 452 00:23:09,839 --> 00:23:12,720 No comfort when one's coming after you, I think. 453 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:16,000 And the great white shark has a hit rate of about 50%. 454 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,200 And here is the unbelievable thing, 455 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:21,000 they don't track their prey, they intercept it. 456 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:25,000 They calculate where the prey is going to be in the future. 457 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,359 So instead of chasing it, like a lion might, 458 00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:29,880 they fly to where it's going to be and catch it there. 459 00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:32,119 So let's have a quick look. So there it is, 460 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,400 it just seems to be minding its own business, 461 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,160 and off it goes to catch its prey. 462 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,119 Whoa! Oh! Now, let's have another look, 463 00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:42,319 because let's be really clear about where the prey was coming from. 464 00:23:42,319 --> 00:23:44,759 So have a look up in the red box, 465 00:23:44,759 --> 00:23:48,960 and you'll see the prey is coming in, and he's not flying towards it, 466 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:52,160 he's flying away from it and over to the right, and catches it. 467 00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:53,880 And it's the same thing that humans use 468 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,240 to predict the future when they're catching a ball, 469 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,880 but we don't really know how they're able to do it. 470 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,640 But they have this incredible 360 degree vision 471 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,240 so they can see all around. 472 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,160 They have no blindspot whatsoever 473 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:08,119 and they're able to pick out a single insect in a swarm 474 00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:10,240 and hunt it and still avoid the other neighbours. 475 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,480 It is almost like ESP that they're doing, this... 476 00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:14,839 How can we get them to control the world? 477 00:24:14,839 --> 00:24:16,799 Well... It seems like they should be in charge. 478 00:24:16,799 --> 00:24:19,079 Well, the other thing is that I've got one here 479 00:24:19,079 --> 00:24:21,480 and they have four wings and the four wings operate 480 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:23,119 independently of each other. What?! 481 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:25,200 So they can fly backwards, they can fly forwards, 482 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,119 they can fly sideways, they can fly upside down 483 00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:29,160 and they've been shown that they can still hunt 484 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,039 even when they're missing an entire wing. If we could work out... 485 00:24:32,039 --> 00:24:34,319 All of that and you still have to eat flies. Yes. 486 00:24:36,079 --> 00:24:38,519 Anyway, there is a downside to being a dragonfly, I think, 487 00:24:38,519 --> 00:24:40,119 because the mating is very, very odd. 488 00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:41,880 So the male has... is a dik-dik. Oh. 489 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:43,759 What does that mean, the male is a dik-dik? 490 00:24:43,759 --> 00:24:46,079 Double dick. It's got two dicks! Yes! Two dicks! 491 00:24:51,039 --> 00:24:54,920 Well done, Nish. So the male has got two sets of sexual organs, 492 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:56,720 so before inseminating the female, 493 00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,000 he sort of has to inseminate himself. 494 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:03,440 He transfers sperm... Yeah, yeah... I do that as well. 495 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,480 Transfers sperm from his testes to his sperm pouch, 496 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:07,640 and then to his penis, 497 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,119 and he's still not ready to inseminate, because he then... 498 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,440 He's got a, sort of, shovel-shaped penis, 499 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,079 and he uses it to scrape out any sperm 500 00:25:15,079 --> 00:25:17,000 from other males, before he then... 501 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,880 Yes. Who is clapping that?! 502 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:22,000 What the...? 503 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,359 One bloke! There's a theory that that is why the male penis 504 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:27,599 is shaped that way, to remove any sperm, 505 00:25:27,599 --> 00:25:29,160 because they are assuming that woman 506 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,519 probably has had sex with someone else. So it's a scraper? 507 00:25:31,519 --> 00:25:33,799 Yeah, it's a scraper. Very useful in the winter, 508 00:25:33,799 --> 00:25:35,440 if your car's frosted over! 509 00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,279 That's what it's for! 510 00:25:40,279 --> 00:25:41,960 I could do a wing mirror! 511 00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:57,440 On what other show do you see dragonfly porn? It's rather fun. 512 00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:00,519 So, 300 million years ago, 513 00:26:00,519 --> 00:26:02,799 the dragonfly first appears on the Earth. 514 00:26:02,799 --> 00:26:04,519 So, to put that into context... Really? 515 00:26:04,519 --> 00:26:07,279 ..humans appear 200,000 years ago, so... They're amazing. 516 00:26:07,279 --> 00:26:09,519 300 million years? So, before dinosaurs. 517 00:26:09,519 --> 00:26:12,119 I mean, this is them obviously having a laugh with dinosaurs, 518 00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:14,599 but they actually were on the planet. 519 00:26:14,599 --> 00:26:17,200 So the Carboniferous period. I mean, they liked the dinosaurs. 520 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:18,279 They hung out with them, 521 00:26:18,279 --> 00:26:21,759 but when the end came, they just moved on, you know. Yeah. 522 00:26:21,759 --> 00:26:24,920 Now, what is a zookeeper's worst nightmare? 523 00:26:26,279 --> 00:26:28,079 Yes? Planet Of The Apes. 524 00:26:30,279 --> 00:26:32,599 I'm going to give you a point for that, very good. Yes! 525 00:26:32,599 --> 00:26:34,880 Is it an out of the blue redundancy? 526 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,400 No. You've mentioned it already. 527 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,319 Orangutan? Orangutans is the absolute answer. 528 00:26:43,319 --> 00:26:47,119 Why? Are they always filing, sort of, sexual harassment cases? 529 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:50,119 They are so adept at escape. 530 00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:52,680 Oh, really? They work cooperatively, they learn very easily, 531 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,720 they're very patient, they're very determined. 532 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,759 They work out your routines. They do. They absolutely do. 533 00:26:57,759 --> 00:27:01,400 "It takes him 32 minutes to go and feed the zebras." 534 00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:06,880 "That is our window, my friend." 535 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,720 But you're right, Alan! 536 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:12,519 They check out the zookeeper's routine and see if there's a flaw. 537 00:27:12,519 --> 00:27:15,480 And then when he goes, they all put their caps on. 538 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:16,720 Put the shirt, 539 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,440 three of them stand on top of each other as they're walking out. 540 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,920 But if you accidentally left a tool in an orang-utan's cage, 541 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:23,400 they won't pick it up straight away. 542 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:24,960 They'll wait till nobody's watching 543 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,880 and then they'll secrete it about their person 544 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,480 and wait to use it for future use. They are unbelievably clever. 545 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:33,279 There was a wonderful orangutan called Ken Allen, and in the... 546 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,079 In the 1980s, he was in San Diego Zoo, 547 00:27:37,079 --> 00:27:41,279 he was known as the Hairy Houdini, and he used to get out all the time, 548 00:27:41,279 --> 00:27:43,960 and then he'd stroll around having a look at the other animals. 549 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,440 And he had a fan club called the Orang Gang, 550 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,920 and they had T-shirts and bumper stickers... 551 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:50,720 He printed them all. 552 00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:54,519 He'd just nip out and get good deals on bumper stickers then come back. 553 00:27:54,519 --> 00:27:56,599 They couldn't work out how he was getting out, 554 00:27:56,599 --> 00:27:59,599 so they started to send in plainclothes zookeepers, 555 00:27:59,599 --> 00:28:01,920 sort of wearing touristy gear and sunglasses 556 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,720 and trying to look casual, but Ken always spotted them. 557 00:28:06,759 --> 00:28:10,640 There were nine major break-outs by Ken and his fellow prisoners, 558 00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:12,559 and according to one local paper, 559 00:28:12,559 --> 00:28:16,279 "crowds cheering the apes on as keepers ran after them." 560 00:28:17,759 --> 00:28:20,319 There's a goat that does that at London zoo. Is there? 561 00:28:20,319 --> 00:28:22,119 They have this kind of double gate thing. 562 00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:24,759 It's quite tricky to get out of, but this goat just goes 563 00:28:24,759 --> 00:28:27,880 and stands by it as if it's allowed out. 564 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:31,000 So people let it out. 565 00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:37,799 It has an air of authority about it. 566 00:28:37,799 --> 00:28:40,160 It's all about confidence. It's one of the bigger goats. 567 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,519 Goes and stands by the gate and looks at you. Like, hello? 568 00:28:42,519 --> 00:28:44,079 And they go, "Oh, sorry..." 569 00:28:44,079 --> 00:28:47,000 I think that's the most British thing I've ever heard in my life. 570 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:48,880 It's like, "Oh, if it's queueing properly", 571 00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:50,400 "it must be allowed out." 572 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:53,079 It's like people in high-vis jackets. 573 00:28:53,079 --> 00:28:54,759 If you put someone in a high-vis jackets, 574 00:28:54,759 --> 00:28:56,559 they'll just start doing what people say. 575 00:28:56,559 --> 00:28:58,680 Do not give that goat a high-vis jacket! 576 00:28:59,960 --> 00:29:04,039 Quick question - what might an orangutan see in Nicole Kidman? 577 00:29:05,079 --> 00:29:06,200 Botox. 578 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:12,319 It's an orangutan called Hsing Hsing in Perth Zoo in Australia. 579 00:29:12,319 --> 00:29:15,039 Is he thinking, "I've seen her in Moulin Rouge!" 580 00:29:16,799 --> 00:29:19,839 He is attracted to... The redheads. ..a lovely redhead orangutan 581 00:29:19,839 --> 00:29:22,480 and he saw a photograph of Nicole Kidman in a magazine. 582 00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:25,160 He ripped it out and thought, "That'll do. I'll, you know..." 583 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:26,960 I've been doing that for years. 584 00:29:33,839 --> 00:29:35,519 Can't get enough of the Kidman! 585 00:29:36,759 --> 00:29:38,880 Right, moving on. 586 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,759 Where's this guy going with that ox, 587 00:29:41,759 --> 00:29:45,799 and what's he going to do when he gets there? 588 00:29:45,799 --> 00:29:47,799 Is it like an early boom box? 589 00:29:50,799 --> 00:29:53,599 I can tell you, as you can see because he's able to lift it, 590 00:29:53,599 --> 00:29:56,279 that the cow has been hollowed out, and why might...? 591 00:29:56,279 --> 00:29:59,079 Is it before the invention of birthday cakes, 592 00:29:59,079 --> 00:30:01,839 people used to get strippers to jump out of cows? 593 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:05,279 Yes, it's that. 594 00:30:05,279 --> 00:30:07,160 Not at a Hindu wedding! 595 00:30:09,319 --> 00:30:12,279 I hate to say this, but if someone's inviting a stripper to a wedding, 596 00:30:12,279 --> 00:30:14,000 that wouldn't... 597 00:30:15,559 --> 00:30:18,359 Is it to scare off another animal? It's quite the reverse. It's to... 598 00:30:18,359 --> 00:30:21,079 To encourage? It's to be able to hide. This is Richard Kearton. 599 00:30:21,079 --> 00:30:23,839 He's one of the world's first wildlife photographers. 600 00:30:23,839 --> 00:30:25,279 So before the telephoto lens, 601 00:30:25,279 --> 00:30:28,599 in order to get a close-up, you literally had to get close up. 602 00:30:28,599 --> 00:30:30,279 So if you wanted to take, for example, 603 00:30:30,279 --> 00:30:32,519 a photograph of a birds' nest with eggs in it, 604 00:30:32,519 --> 00:30:35,240 this is Richard and his brother Cherry Kearton. Cherry? 605 00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:38,160 Cherry, I know. They went, "Richard, let's have something different -". 606 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:41,400 "Cherry!" Richard and Cherry, pioneers of wildlife photography, 607 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:43,279 they bought an ox from a butcher. 608 00:30:43,279 --> 00:30:45,720 They got a taxidermist to hollow it out, 609 00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:48,559 and they hid themselves in the ox 610 00:30:48,559 --> 00:30:50,480 with a lens sticking through a hole. 611 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:54,039 One day, apparently, Richard fainted inside the ox, 612 00:30:54,039 --> 00:30:56,200 and it fell over, and his brother... 613 00:31:00,799 --> 00:31:02,880 That's brilliant! So good! 614 00:31:04,079 --> 00:31:05,559 Cherry turned up an hour later 615 00:31:05,559 --> 00:31:08,119 and took the photo before he got his brother out! 616 00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,839 They more or less invented professional nature photography. 617 00:31:12,839 --> 00:31:15,880 Their subjects ranged from anything from flowers in the Yorkshire Dales 618 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:17,240 to lion hunts in Africa. 619 00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:18,440 And before them, 620 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:20,640 most nature photographs were stuffed animals 621 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,599 placed in natural surroundings. 622 00:31:22,599 --> 00:31:24,759 But you can see, they abseiled down cliffs, 623 00:31:24,759 --> 00:31:27,839 they had those astonishing fragile box cameras slung to their backs. 624 00:31:27,839 --> 00:31:30,960 He's hot. Like, I'm not going to... Do you think? Yeah. 625 00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,119 Cherry Kearton became the Attenborough of his age, 626 00:31:33,119 --> 00:31:35,160 he moved into wildlife documentaries. 627 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,640 Here from inside the ox. Yes. 628 00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:41,799 Photographers at the time were very interested 629 00:31:41,799 --> 00:31:44,039 in what they called instantaneous photography. 630 00:31:44,039 --> 00:31:46,319 They wanted to capture moments that had never been seen 631 00:31:46,319 --> 00:31:50,119 by the human eye alone, so they got a mule that was apparently old 632 00:31:50,119 --> 00:31:52,000 and awaiting euthanasia anyway 633 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,400 and they wanted to photograph it while it was exploding. 634 00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:57,400 Oh, no! This is a true story. 635 00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:00,119 The United States School of Submarine Engineers 636 00:32:00,119 --> 00:32:02,079 strapped 6oz of dynamite to its forehead... 637 00:32:02,079 --> 00:32:03,640 God, leave men alone long enough, 638 00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:06,160 they'll just blow something up, won't they? 639 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:07,839 They put the shutter of the camera 640 00:32:07,839 --> 00:32:10,119 and the fuse for the dynamite on the same circuit. 641 00:32:10,119 --> 00:32:13,039 It went off simultaneously. It was written up in Scientific American. 642 00:32:13,039 --> 00:32:14,200 What possible thing...? 643 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,799 What, after it blew up, they were like, "Well, turns out" 644 00:32:16,799 --> 00:32:20,640 "if you strap dynamite to a mule's head, it's really blows up." Yes. 645 00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:22,759 Great science, everybody! 646 00:32:22,759 --> 00:32:24,359 It was the pilot of Jackass. 647 00:32:26,279 --> 00:32:28,279 To get the best photos of wildlife, 648 00:32:28,279 --> 00:32:31,319 the Kearton brothers had to think inside the ox. 649 00:32:31,319 --> 00:32:33,799 Oh! 650 00:32:33,799 --> 00:32:36,720 Terribly pleased with that. That was good. 651 00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:39,039 I'm going to give myself a point. 652 00:32:39,039 --> 00:32:42,400 What use is an ostrich in a car factory? 653 00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:45,119 Are they indestructible? So... 654 00:32:45,119 --> 00:32:48,000 You can use them as, like, a crash test dummy. 655 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:53,000 No. No, it's not that. So I'm going to give these out. 656 00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:56,599 Oh, dusters. There you go, these are ostrich feathers, 657 00:32:56,599 --> 00:32:59,720 so what might you use them for? 658 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,200 Get yourself one of them, love. 659 00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:05,599 What might you use it for in a car factory? 660 00:33:05,599 --> 00:33:07,720 Are the BBC just trying to cut back on cleaning, 661 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,960 and just having us just dust down the set? 662 00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:11,440 Well, cleaning is the thing, Nish. 663 00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:13,880 It is in those hi-tech, very robotic factories 664 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:15,079 where they make cars, 665 00:33:15,079 --> 00:33:18,200 ostrich feathers are still the best thing to dust the cars. 666 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:20,920 This is the softest I've ever... Yes, well, there's the point. 667 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:24,000 So they have these sort of giant rollers, a bit like a car wash, 668 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:25,559 made of ostrich feathers. 669 00:33:25,559 --> 00:33:27,319 Female feathers apparently work best. 670 00:33:27,319 --> 00:33:30,400 Of course. Cleaning, innit? Bound to be... 671 00:33:31,839 --> 00:33:33,559 I knew you were going to say that! 672 00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:38,240 This from the man who said he could scrape the ice off a wing mirror 673 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:39,640 with his cock! 674 00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:45,799 We're doing that experiment in the next series. I offered to try! 675 00:33:45,799 --> 00:33:47,440 So female feathers are the best. 676 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:49,920 There are lots of grades, whose names are fantastic. 677 00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:51,160 Whites are the best. 678 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:54,079 Come on, Sandi, I'm sat right here! Jesus! 679 00:33:54,079 --> 00:33:56,440 Just nick that out and make that a ring tone. 680 00:33:57,720 --> 00:33:59,119 "Whites are the best." 681 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:05,240 There's whites, feminas, spads, blues, blacks, drabs and floss. 682 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:06,880 All wonderful names, aren't they? 683 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,440 Farming, which began in South Africa in 1838, 684 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:12,840 allowed the feathers to be taken annually without killing the bird 685 00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:14,960 and they became very important for... 686 00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,119 What's the biggest product they were famous for? 687 00:34:17,119 --> 00:34:21,079 Eggs. No, hats. Hats, ostrich feathers in hats. Yeah. 688 00:34:21,079 --> 00:34:24,599 So meat was almost a by-product. And they were traded in the City. 689 00:34:24,599 --> 00:34:27,480 A pound of ostrich feathers during World War I were worth 690 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,519 not much less than a pound of diamonds. 691 00:34:29,519 --> 00:34:32,400 1990s, there was a boom in Britain for farming them for their meat, 692 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,159 and a really strange thing happened. 693 00:34:34,159 --> 00:34:36,880 They kept seeing the birds doing these courtship displays, 694 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,920 which they're famous for, but they weren't laying many eggs. 695 00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:42,679 So they were doing this courtship ritual. 696 00:34:42,679 --> 00:34:46,679 Cariad, you've just made several ostriches very horny. 697 00:34:46,679 --> 00:34:50,320 What they discovered, Nish, was that be in captivity confused them 698 00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:54,960 and they were trying to seduce the farmers and not other birds. 699 00:34:57,119 --> 00:34:58,880 And it turns out it didn't matter 700 00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:01,119 the sex of the farmer or the sex of the bird, 701 00:35:01,119 --> 00:35:04,559 they were not fussed, whoever was in charge, I'm for you. 702 00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:09,639 This is a funny thing that happened to someone I know. 703 00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:13,639 Not me. 704 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:18,840 A friend of mine was in Australia and there's lots of wildlife parks 705 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:22,199 where you can mingle with the kangaroos and the emus. 706 00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:27,199 And they said, "If an emu should come towards you," 707 00:35:27,199 --> 00:35:30,719 "you have the become an emu as well and then they'll back off." 708 00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:33,519 "So you put your arm up and then do that." 709 00:35:33,519 --> 00:35:37,320 They were messing about. And they were absolutely messing about. 710 00:35:40,119 --> 00:35:43,119 And this girl became of interest to an emu 711 00:35:43,119 --> 00:35:45,199 and she started going like this. 712 00:35:45,199 --> 00:35:48,719 "It's still coming for me! What are you doing?" 713 00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:53,400 And no-one could do anything for her cos they were crying with laughter. 714 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,360 And if anything it made her more attractive 715 00:35:56,360 --> 00:36:00,400 and more interesting to the emu, saying, "What is that?" 716 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,800 So what happened at the end of this terrible story? 717 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:08,719 She's married to an emu. She's been living in the zoo ever since. 718 00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:11,440 The orangutan is going to bust her out in a bit. 719 00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,400 You can't beat a good old ostrich feather duster, 720 00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:16,079 if you want a nice clean car. 721 00:36:16,079 --> 00:36:18,679 Now, my little organisms, fingers on buzzers, please, 722 00:36:18,679 --> 00:36:21,840 as we enter the phylum of General Ignorance. 723 00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,559 Cats versus birds - who's winning? 724 00:36:25,599 --> 00:36:28,480 Birds. Oh, why do you say that? 725 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:30,639 Cos there are bought more birds than cats. 726 00:36:30,639 --> 00:36:32,039 In a way, that's correct, 727 00:36:32,039 --> 00:36:35,239 but would you not think that cats were attacking birds in the garden? 728 00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:38,079 Are some birds attacking cats, is that what you're saying? 729 00:36:38,079 --> 00:36:41,280 No, it's that there's no scientific evidence that predation by cats 730 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,800 is having any impact on the bird population of the UK. 731 00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:47,559 If birds are being preyed upon, do they lay more eggs and breed more? 732 00:36:47,559 --> 00:36:50,719 It's just the ones being caught by cats would probably die anyway. 733 00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:52,440 They're underweight or sickly. 734 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,840 They're not catching the good, strong ones. 735 00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:57,559 So it's not really having a big effect on the bird population. 736 00:36:57,559 --> 00:36:58,880 But they kill millions. 737 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,719 They kill 55 million birds, 738 00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:04,639 but it isn't causing the population of the birds to decrease. 739 00:37:04,639 --> 00:37:07,760 In fact, blue tits, which are recorded as the number two thing 740 00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:10,159 that they catch, they've increased their population 741 00:37:10,159 --> 00:37:12,039 by more than a quarter in the last century. 742 00:37:12,039 --> 00:37:13,920 So it doesn't seem to have any great effect. 743 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:16,000 "You tried to defeat us, but we got stronger!" 744 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,480 The only time cats seem to be a major threat is when there's 745 00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:20,960 a new housing development near a vulnerable population. 746 00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:22,679 They hate new architecture. 747 00:37:22,679 --> 00:37:25,639 They get so and the about it. Drives them mad. 748 00:37:25,639 --> 00:37:29,400 How did all that oestrogen get into our water? 749 00:37:30,679 --> 00:37:31,920 Yes, darling? 750 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:33,639 Um... 751 00:37:33,639 --> 00:37:38,760 What happened was, I put my hand down on the table, 752 00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:41,119 but I forgot that it was on the buzzer. 753 00:37:41,119 --> 00:37:43,440 Yeah. So I pressed the buzzer. 754 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:48,519 So, I guess what I'm saying is they have two dicks. 755 00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:53,320 Is it cos loads of women take the pill, and then they piss it out, 756 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:54,920 and it goes back in? 757 00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:58,480 You did two in one go there, you did pill and urine. 758 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,480 No is the answer. Is that not true? 759 00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,000 Cos a lot of people claim that. People do think that. 760 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:14,039 Is it cos Mother Nature's a woman? 761 00:38:14,039 --> 00:38:17,760 No, well, we reckon that the pill is responsible 762 00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,800 for about 1% only of the oestrogen found in the water supply, 763 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:22,800 according to an American study. 764 00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:25,280 90% of the oestrogen entering into the water 765 00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,440 is the run-off from livestock manure. 766 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,800 The important thing, although oestrogen is the primary 767 00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,519 female sex hormone, of course men have it as well. 768 00:38:32,519 --> 00:38:34,000 Same as women have testosterone. 769 00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:36,679 And in men didn't have oestrogen, what would happen to them? 770 00:38:36,679 --> 00:38:39,480 It's the light, it's the light. Everyone is looking at that picture. 771 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:43,000 It's the light. It's not what do you think. 772 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:44,400 It's just the light. 773 00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:48,679 Yeah, it's just glinting off that freshly ostrich-buffed car. Yeah. 774 00:38:48,679 --> 00:38:51,760 Why would you have swimming trunks made out of silk? 775 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,280 I think those two women are going, 776 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:56,639 "If you could just leave us two alone." 777 00:38:56,639 --> 00:38:58,440 So, men have to have oestrogen. 778 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:01,440 If they don't have oestrogen, what happens to them? 779 00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:05,440 They become ladies. Well, they get a male menopause is the thing. 780 00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:08,000 They start putting on weight and have a diminished libido. 781 00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,320 It's like babies when you're breast-feeding them. 782 00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,000 In the beginning, little baby girls can have periods 783 00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,920 in the first month because they've taken your oestrogen. 784 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:17,880 I did not know that. Yeah, it's true. 785 00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:21,400 Is that the first time you've ever had that experience? What? 786 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:22,800 Not knowing something. 787 00:39:31,639 --> 00:39:33,480 During World War II, 788 00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:36,960 how did the Allies hope to use oestrogen against the Nazis? 789 00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:40,840 This is a great story, I love this story. 790 00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:44,079 Is it cos it's really hard to say in a German accent? 791 00:39:44,079 --> 00:39:46,440 It's the OSS, the Office of Strategic Services, 792 00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:48,679 the predecessor to the CIA. And they had a plan. 793 00:39:48,679 --> 00:39:50,880 What were they going to do with oestrogen? 794 00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:53,079 Were they going to put oestrogen in their water 795 00:39:53,079 --> 00:39:55,480 cos they thought it would stop them having babies? 796 00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:57,840 It was one Nazi in particular. Hitler. Hitler. 797 00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,119 He's the one you've got to watch. 798 00:40:00,119 --> 00:40:02,679 He's the one. I'm going to call it. 799 00:40:02,679 --> 00:40:04,679 He's the one you want to keep your eye on. 800 00:40:04,679 --> 00:40:08,000 They came to the conclusion that on the male/female spectrum, 801 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,079 Hitler was somewhere in the middle. 802 00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:14,360 And they thought, if they could just tip him over the edge, 803 00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:16,760 the Germans would stop following him. 804 00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:20,000 So they were going to get the Fuhrer's gardeners to inject 805 00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,159 the vegetables with oestrogen. 806 00:40:22,159 --> 00:40:23,800 He had food tasters for poison, 807 00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:26,679 but obviously oestrogen is totally tasteless and odourless 808 00:40:26,679 --> 00:40:28,639 and nobody knows if it was tried and failed 809 00:40:28,639 --> 00:40:30,320 or what happened to this plot. 810 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:32,840 Or maybe it was just vetoed because it was ridiculous. 811 00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:35,280 He just got really weepy one mealtime. 812 00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:37,920 "It's mine, and you cooked it for me" 813 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,079 "and I really appreciate it so much." 814 00:40:40,079 --> 00:40:44,159 "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Just ignore them, ignore them." 815 00:40:44,159 --> 00:40:47,880 That's what it was like. Poor Hitler. That's what they... 816 00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:55,840 Poor Hitler. That's the trailer for this episode. 817 00:40:57,559 --> 00:41:00,480 I love the fact that anything he's doing, you're like, yeah, 818 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,679 I bet you do that you, you prick. 819 00:41:02,679 --> 00:41:05,679 Yeah, I bet you'd like to have a picnic on a blanket, 820 00:41:05,679 --> 00:41:07,400 you piece of shit. 821 00:41:10,039 --> 00:41:11,320 Anyway... 822 00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:14,800 I'm trying to work out, it looks like he's carving an onion. 823 00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:16,480 No, I think he's peeling an apple. 824 00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:19,400 Yeah, peeling an apple, like an idiot. 825 00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,519 Most of the oestrogen in our water comes from manure 826 00:41:23,519 --> 00:41:25,400 and not women's urine. 827 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:28,280 Why do cows lie down? 828 00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:30,760 Is it cos they're tired? 829 00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,880 Yes, because they can't be arsed to stand any longer. 830 00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:35,400 It's fair play. 831 00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:38,320 So, some people think that they lie down because it's going to rain. 832 00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:41,840 The fact is, cows get up and down 14 or so times a day, 833 00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,960 and at some point it may rain, because... 834 00:41:47,199 --> 00:41:49,639 They're a herd animal, so one of them will lie down, 835 00:41:49,639 --> 00:41:52,440 the others will think, "That is a marvellous idea." 836 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,519 "Totally going to do that." 837 00:41:54,519 --> 00:41:58,079 Sometimes they do it cos they're cold, and it keeps their stomachs warm. 838 00:41:58,079 --> 00:42:00,079 They don't want a dry patch, then? No. 839 00:42:00,079 --> 00:42:03,559 I thought that's why they do it. They're not that forward-thinking. 840 00:42:03,559 --> 00:42:05,239 Dogs know it's going to rain, don't they? 841 00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:07,360 They can feel something in the air that we can't, 842 00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,840 and then they'll start going under the bed. 843 00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:13,400 "The dog's gone under the bed, go and get the washing in." 844 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,679 I don't think they're that forward-thinking, if I'm honest with you. 845 00:42:16,679 --> 00:42:19,039 No? I think you're under-estimating the cow. 846 00:42:19,039 --> 00:42:22,719 I think what we're saying is no cow is a reliable weather forecaster. 847 00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:26,400 If you see cows lying down, it means one thing. 848 00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:28,960 Cows enjoy lying down. 849 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:30,639 And so the scores. 850 00:42:30,639 --> 00:42:34,599 At the bottom of the taxonomic table tonight with a fabulous -35, 851 00:42:34,599 --> 00:42:35,840 it's Alan! 852 00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:44,840 Just emerging from the primordial soup with -22, it's Holly! 853 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:54,440 Slowly developing the ability to walk on land, with -6, Nish! 854 00:42:55,679 --> 00:42:58,199 Two dicks, two dicks! 855 00:42:58,199 --> 00:43:01,039 And swinging through the trees like a good 'un, 856 00:43:01,039 --> 00:43:03,079 it's our winner with -5, Cariad! 857 00:43:12,199 --> 00:43:15,559 And tonight's Objectionable Object prize 858 00:43:15,559 --> 00:43:19,719 is this lovely pair of mink penis bone earrings! 859 00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:21,840 There we are, congratulations! 860 00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:24,719 Thank you. Thank you so much. 861 00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:33,119 Anyone? Thank you to Holly, Nish, Cariad and Alan. 862 00:43:33,119 --> 00:43:36,519 And we leave you with the words of the epigramist Logan Pearsall Smith, 863 00:43:36,519 --> 00:43:38,239 who wrote in one of his books, 864 00:43:38,239 --> 00:43:41,480 "These pieces of moral prose have been written, dear reader," 865 00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:43,760 "by a large carnivorous mammal," 866 00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:46,480 "belonging to that sub-order of the animal kingdom" 867 00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:48,440 "which includes also the orangutan," 868 00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:52,079 "the tusked gorilla, the baboon with his bright blue and scarlet bottom," 869 00:43:52,079 --> 00:43:54,039 "and the gentle chimpanzee." 870 00:43:54,039 --> 00:43:57,400 From all the animals at QI, scarlet-bottomed and otherwise, 871 00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:59,039 until next time, goodbye.