1 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:26,360 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,560 Good evening! 3 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,520 And welcome to QI. 4 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:41,160 Tonight, we are completely all over the place, a feast of O's, 5 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,320 with scrambled ovi. 6 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,800 Your ovations, please, for the overlooked Bill Bailey... 7 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:50,040 CHEERING 8 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,200 ..the overexcited Jan Ravens... 9 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,080 CHEERING 10 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,520 ..the overwhelming Grayson Perry... 11 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,160 CHEERING 12 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,480 ..and all over the shop, Alan Davies. 13 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,840 CHEERING 14 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,800 Let's get their buzzers over with. Bill goes... 15 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:21,200 MUSIC: Over and Over by Hot Chip 16 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:22,920 Jan goes... 17 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:26,600 MUSIC: It's Over by Electric Light Orchestra 18 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,840 Well, I like that one. That one's good. Grayson goes... 19 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,480 MUSIC: It's Over by Roy Orbison 20 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:41,600 I didn't know how to tell you, Grayson. 21 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:42,720 - I just... - Yeah. 22 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,680 And Alan goes... 23 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,400 They think it's all over. 24 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,200 It is now! 25 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,880 CHEERING 26 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:55,360 It's finally one you like. 27 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:56,720 Ah, I love that! 28 00:01:56,720 --> 00:02:00,640 So my first question is about ova, spelled O-V-A. 29 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:04,680 You can't learn to ski jump without breaking legs, 30 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,960 and you can't make an omelette without... 31 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,040 - BOTH: - Breaking eggs. 32 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:13,960 KLAXON Yay! And we're off and running. 33 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:16,520 But you're going to show us how you can. 34 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,920 You can make an omelette without breaking eggs. 35 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:21,720 In Japan, it's called a golden egg, as we shall demonstrate. 36 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,600 What you need to do is... 37 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,400 - Get a chicken. - An egg. 38 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:26,880 It's in a pair of tights. 39 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,320 It's in a stocking, so I'm going to pass this to you. 40 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:33,440 And what you need to do is you need to basically to break the membrane 41 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,960 that is round the egg yolk. That is called the vitelline membrane. 42 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,880 It's protein fibres. And what you do is, you spin it like this, 43 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,440 and you're trying to shake the egg and, actually, 44 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,920 it's one of the good things, when you let go, it does that. 45 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,240 I've got a very expensive suit on at this point. 46 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,080 - Ah, OK. Just spin it gently, would be the thing, yeah. - Yeah. 47 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,440 I don't think we've ever had anybody 48 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,760 who's worn expensive clothing on this show before. 49 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:02,520 Woohoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 50 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,240 Just a really cheap children's toy, isn't it? 51 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:06,640 - Have you broken yours? - Yeah. 52 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,960 You spin it and you mix up the egg inside the shell... 53 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,000 - Right. - It's actually quite tough to do. 54 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,800 - AS SCOTTY FROM STAR TREK: - I cannae make it go any further, Jim! 55 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,720 And then you boil it, and it will, when you remove the shell, 56 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,920 it will reveal that it is an omelette. 57 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:26,320 It sort of looks like an old bollock, doesn't it? 58 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,960 I mean, some people would say it's more of a scrambled egg 59 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,280 than an omelette. But Escoffier's definition - 60 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,280 "In a few words, what is an omelette? 61 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,320 "It's really a special type of scrambled egg enclosed in a coating 62 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,320 "or envelope of coagulated egg, and nothing else." 63 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,240 So our version ought to qualify. 64 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:43,240 That's what a man looks like... 65 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:44,840 - It's a bloke, innit? - In tights. 66 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:47,680 Actually, we could ask Grayson. 67 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,680 This is what a man looks like in tights? 68 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,320 Grayson, I'm so sorry. 69 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,800 - I'll tell you, if my skirt was any shorter... - Yes. 70 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,240 Let's have a look at the below-the-desk cam. 71 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,440 Oh, look. 72 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,280 - Did you know, that is also possible to un-boil an egg? - Oh, that's... 73 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,240 No, I did not know that! 74 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:13,360 So essentially what you do, and I don't recommend you try this, 75 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:16,960 you inject wee really, it's urea, urine, 76 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:20,200 into the solid white mass and it will turn it back into liquid. 77 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,720 So would it then be a raw egg in terms of like the thing that 78 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:25,360 a pregnant women wouldn't be allowed to eat, kind of thing? 79 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,720 Oh, if it's been boiled and then injected with wee and then... 80 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,240 LAUGHTER 81 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,920 I think, you know, pregnant or not you wouldn't want to go near it. 82 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,480 You're on your own there. 83 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,640 You also need to stir it at high velocity to cause 84 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,280 the pieces of protein to unknot themselves. 85 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:39,840 I mean, it is quite a complex process 86 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,600 so because we haven't got time to do it, 87 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,520 here is one that we unboiled earlier. 88 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:47,840 - Oh, urine! - There we go. - Ah. 89 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:50,640 Actually, can I be completely honest? We cut out the middleman 90 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:53,360 on that one. We just didn't boil it in the first place. 91 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,320 Saving money for the licence fee payer. 92 00:04:57,320 --> 00:04:59,120 I have now managed to get egg... 93 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,800 - And I have got way more eggs to deal with. - There's a towel there. 94 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,400 - Oh! Grayson! - Thank you, darling. 95 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,040 - What? - LAUGHTER 96 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,840 - Who saw my eggs? - It is all matching! 97 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:12,080 You have no idea how many eggs I'm going to bring forth. 98 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:16,200 Are you making a cake? Have you got confused about what show you're on? 99 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,680 - When you break an egg at normal atmospheric pressure... - Yes. 100 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,080 - And I did there. - As we all do. 101 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:22,600 The membranes inside the shell, they'll break at the same time 102 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,880 so they release the contents in a familiar way. 103 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:28,160 - Now, you are a diver, Bill, are you not? - Yes, I am. Scuba-diver, yes. 104 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,640 Yes. If you break an egg underwater, what is going to happen? 105 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:33,680 Because the pressure is... 106 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,920 - Ooh! - Where are you going to put your cooker? - Yeah. 107 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,280 LAUGHTER 108 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:42,240 - Imagine you just wanted to break it and not cook it. - Fish would come. 109 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,400 - Yeah, the fish... - Fish would come immediately. 110 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,680 Have a look. Have a look because we have some video of this. 111 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,600 - The external pressure... - Right. 112 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:53,200 - ..is actually sufficient to hold the whole package together. - Right. 113 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:57,520 And what you'll see is that the contents will remain egg shaped. 114 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:00,400 - Oh, that is beautiful! - Cor, look at that! - Is that extraordinary? 115 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,040 That's amazing. 116 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:03,600 I've never done that underwater 117 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:07,200 - but now I know, that's one more thing I know not to do. - Yeah. 118 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:12,480 This guy is going to burst this egg. Watch this, watch this. 119 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:16,120 - Wow! - It's worth doing that, is it not? - It's on my bucket list now. 120 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:18,800 Who knew there were so many time wasting activities to do with eggs? 121 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,880 - OK. I have a question for you all. - OK. - Here is a bottle... 122 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,280 - Right. - ..with an egg in it. How did it get in the bottle? 123 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:27,440 It's one of those tricks you read about in old encyclopaedias, 124 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:30,080 - isn't it? - Yes. - Yes. - And what do you think it is? 125 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,480 So you can't plunge that in a pan of boiling water 126 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,560 and then somehow extricate the shell. 127 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,280 So if I have another bottle, you can see that the egg... 128 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:38,840 Oh, I know how you do it. 129 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:41,960 You take all the air out of the bottle and it sucks the egg in. 130 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,640 So the way you do that is you're going to light... 131 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,560 Let me show you. 132 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:49,040 - She's good, isn't she? - Oh, good. 133 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,440 Can you light that, darling? 134 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,000 I've got such sticky fingers with bloody egg white. 135 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,480 - Do you want me to play some music or something? - Yeah, if you could. 136 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,920 HE HUMS 137 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,600 # Brazil... # 138 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,080 Oh, well, it's doing it. 139 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,560 It's like trying to get into your jeans, isn't it? 140 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:14,920 AUDIENCE: Hey! 141 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,360 CHEERING 142 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:18,960 That's amazing! 143 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,240 That is what happens when you get 144 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,040 Eric Pickles and you try and get him out of an aeroplane. 145 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,400 We've overbooked the flight, you're going to have to... 146 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,000 Actually, no, you can stay. 147 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,240 You go up to 30,000 feet and open the door. 148 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,560 I've got one more trick. So this is a little bit hit and miss. 149 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:40,680 - Go on. - But I will do my best. When it works, it's absolutely fantastic. 150 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,120 What is this? 151 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,800 - Oh. I have to be more confident... - Can you hit it the other way? 152 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,360 I've got to... No. 153 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,400 - No. - Go on. - Does it work? 154 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,000 AUDIENCE: Yay! 155 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,280 CHEERING 156 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,960 OK. Moving from eggs to bacon. 157 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:03,080 What did pigs finally manage to do in the 1930s? 158 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,200 - Uh... - Fly. 159 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,120 KLAXON 160 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,520 - No. - No? 161 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,560 Become self-aware. 162 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:15,960 - JAN: - Uncurl their tails. 163 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,280 Become a metaphor for socialism. 164 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,880 - Yeah. - According to the OED, pigs 165 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:25,200 oinked for the first time in 1933. 166 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,960 Before that, they just grunted. 167 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,120 Well, a few... Yeah, exactly. JAN GRUNTS 168 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,160 A few went... You do all kinds of impressions. 169 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:32,760 I do. I do animals, everything, yeah. 170 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:35,040 But it doesn't actually sound like "oink", that, does it? 171 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,120 No, there's... There are other things. 172 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,040 "Rout", they went, apparently, in 1650. 173 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,200 One went "wick" in the 18th century. 174 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,720 But the practice of oinking is an American practice. 175 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:46,360 The Washington Post, 6th June 1933, 176 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,120 mentions a small white pig oinking 177 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,800 its disapproval of the effete city folks. 178 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,280 So they didn't oink until the Washington Post decided that 179 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,160 was the thing that they had to do. Oink. 180 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,440 - Right. - In Denmark, they say "oof-oof". 181 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,320 French swine go "groin-groin," apparently. 182 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:04,400 - That's more like it. - I wonder if that affects how we view the animal, 183 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,120 because "oof-oof" sounds quite positive, 184 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:09,040 even though, you know, in Denmark, they probably kill more pigs 185 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,600 per capita than in any other country in the world. 186 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,840 And we have no problem with that. 187 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,200 They take real pleasure in it, Grayson, 188 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,680 - that's the tragedy about it. - I've got nothing against that. 189 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:21,200 You know, I think in many ways we should have videos 190 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:24,000 of animals being killed in all restaurants that serve meat. 191 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,520 Yes, constantly on a loop. 192 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,200 Have you seen that film by Simon Amstel called Carnage? 193 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,600 It's a vegan propaganda film but it's very funny, 194 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,480 where they anthropomorphise the animals so that they speak. 195 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,840 And the voice that they chose was Joanna Lumley. 196 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,040 LAUGHTER 197 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,760 - AS JOANNA LUMLEY: - Please, don't, it would be so lovely... 198 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:43,960 Perfectly sweet, what a perfectly sweet little calf. 199 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,000 Please don't take it away. You know? It's lovely. 200 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,360 Oh, look, this is fascinating, 201 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:48,920 I'm longing to have a little calf with me. 202 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,120 You know, it is just so sweet these little pigs with 203 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,920 - the Joanna Lumley voice. - BILL: - You wouldn't eat them, would you? 204 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,880 But if it was Ray Winstone and it was going, "Come on, have a go!" 205 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,320 Yeah, yeah. 206 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,400 That is what I was kind of try to say really. 207 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,680 If the pig is saying something like... 208 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:04,160 GRUNTS AGRESSIVELY 209 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,840 ..you're more likely to give it the chop, 210 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,960 - but if it's going, "Ooh, ooh." - That's true. 211 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:13,040 - Do any of them say, "Pooh, I just wanted to be sure of you." - Yes. 212 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,920 Aw! 213 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,760 Now eat a bacon sandwich. 214 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,760 LAUGHTER 215 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,640 I'd still have no problem. 216 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:25,600 Yeah, yeah, still fine. The minute I smell that bacon, I'm on it. 217 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,200 The very first pig to fly in fact 218 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,680 came 24 years before the onset of oinking. 219 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:32,680 4th of November 1909, 220 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:36,800 an English aviation pioneer called JTC Moore-Brabazon, 221 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,680 he thought for a laugh he would 222 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,320 attach a wastepaper basket to a biplane, 223 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:44,600 and he took it on a 3.5-mile flight over the Kent countryside. 224 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,720 And he had to wait 100 years for YouTube to be invented. 225 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:51,120 Yes, I know. He went on to be the Minister of Transport, 226 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,200 but he clearly liked a bit of a flight. 227 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,760 "When pigs fly" is known as an adynaton. 228 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,400 It's a figure of speech in the form of hyperbole, 229 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,880 and they have wonderful examples in other countries. 230 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:03,680 The middle one is France - "when hens grow teeth." 231 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:05,920 - Yes. - The one on the right is Hebrew - 232 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,880 "when hair grows on the palm of my hand." 233 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,720 My favourite is the Russian one - 234 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,400 "when the crawfish whistles on the mountain." 235 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:18,160 And we say "when the Lib Dems reform." 236 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:27,600 Now, what makes the FBI say OMG? 237 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,960 - AS HILLARY CLINTON: - Hillary Clinton's e-mails, perhaps? 238 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,640 Is it Hillary? 239 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,920 Pointing and waving. 240 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:38,000 Everywhere she goes. Oh, my God. 241 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,000 - She does do that! Waving and pointing. It's... - Yeah. 242 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:49,960 You never see who she is pointing... 243 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,520 It'd be quite good to have cutaways of people just going, "What?" 244 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,760 - So, come on. FBI. - OMG. 245 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:09,040 Well, it's not going to be, "Oh, my God," is it? 246 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,400 So it's got to be something else. 247 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:11,920 It's to do with outlaws. 248 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:13,400 - Outlaw, ooh. - Outlaw? 249 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,240 Moving gradually. 250 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:19,880 Moving fast, it would be, in fact. It's outlaw motorcycle gangs. 251 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:22,040 - Oh! - They're known as OMGs to law enforcement. 252 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,440 - We got a OMG! - Hell's Angels. - Hell's Angels indeed. 253 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,120 - Oh, fab. - And do you know the term one-percenter? Do you know...? 254 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,760 They're the people with all the money. 255 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,600 Yeah, so the Occupy movement and so on, 256 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,720 they talk about the top 1% who control the wealth. 257 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,120 Because, you know, I've had motorcycles all my life, 258 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,520 and that used to be a badge I quite 259 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:39,560 often saw on those collections on denim waistcoats that people had... 260 00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:42,160 Yeah, so what it was was that full badge members 261 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,800 wear the 1% to show their outsider status because there was 262 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,080 a claim by the American Motorcycle Association 263 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:50,560 that 99% of their members were God-fearing and family orientated. 264 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,960 And so the 1% wanted to make damn sure that everybody knew 265 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,440 that they were the bad guys and they were not God-fearing. 266 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,160 It's very hard nowadays cos they look like hipsters, don't they? 267 00:12:58,160 --> 00:12:59,880 Basically. Beards, tattoos... 268 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:03,040 - It doesn't look quite so scary, does it? - No, not nowadays. 269 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,240 OK, while we're on the subject of Hell's Angels, 270 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:06,800 we're now going to play... 271 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,920 - What a game! - Can you pick that board up there, darling? 272 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,680 - Certainly. - So what I want you to do... 273 00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:15,520 We have written on it for you, Alan, 274 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,040 - "Hells Angels." - "Hells Angels." 275 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,320 I want you to put the apostrophe in the correct place. 276 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:23,200 OK. Is it going to be angels belonging to Hell? 277 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,240 - That's it, isn't it? No? - KLAXON 278 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,000 - No. - Oh, you flippin'... 279 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,600 It was bound to happen, wasn't it? 280 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,160 - I hadn't even done it. - I know. 281 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,960 You were so keen. 282 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,320 After the S, up there, then? 283 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:35,760 Try that. Yeah, go on. 284 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,400 Go, go for it. 285 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,560 KLAXON 286 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:49,760 - No, it's a trick. There isn't one. - There isn't one? 287 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,160 - There isn't one. They don't want one. - Oh, they don't want one! 288 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,160 No, and who's going to argue with them, frankly? 289 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,800 - I've gone off them. - Until recently, 290 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,320 they had a note in the FAQs of their official website. 291 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:01,120 "Should the Hells in Hells Angels have an apostrophe 292 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:06,040 "and be Hell's Angels? That would be true if there were only one hell, 293 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,240 "but life and history has taught us 294 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,320 "that there are many versions and forms of hell." 295 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,920 Then people still carried on criticising them and saying it 296 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,000 should be Hells' - with an apostrophe after the S. 297 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,360 And so it's since been amended, and it now says, 298 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,680 "Missing apostrophe in Hells Angels - yes, 299 00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:21,920 "we know that there is an apostrophe missing, but it is you who miss it. 300 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,040 "We don't." 301 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,000 You know, that's the kind of 302 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,080 punctuation-based rebellion that we need! 303 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,880 Every time I put on my leather jacket, I think, 304 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,680 "Yeah, to hell with punctuation!" 305 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:37,400 Sticking it to the man, one apostrophe at a time. 306 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:41,440 Yeah! Us and the market stall traders. 307 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,520 - Setting a poor grammatical example, that's the way we roll. - Yeah. 308 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,920 Hell's Angels, founded in 1948, 309 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,840 some of the gangs that amalgamated together, 310 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:52,000 one of them was called the Pissed Off Bastards of Bloomington. 311 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,200 Maybe too difficult to get on a jacket. 312 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,520 - That's a lot of studs. - I think that's really good. 313 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,440 Anybody know where the name Hell's Angels comes from? 314 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,000 - The origin? - Is it Paradise Lost or something? 315 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,520 It's a film, actually, by Howard Hughes. 316 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:09,840 - Apostrophe, apostrophe! - Apostrophe! - Apostrophe! 317 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,840 So the American air squadrons in World War II, 318 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,120 which is probably where the motorcycle gangs got it from, 319 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:17,120 - but the pilots got it from the Howard Hughes film. - Oh, right. 320 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,600 - Jean Harlow. - Jean Harlow, I know. 321 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,040 Harlow new town was named after her. 322 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,840 - Is that true? - No. No, it's not, it can't be. 323 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,960 Bluff! Oh, that's a different show. 324 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:32,280 - It's like Essex was named after Joey Essex. - Yes. 325 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,320 - I met him once! - Do you know what he said? 326 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,240 He was going round the Houses Of Parliament and he said, 327 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,880 "Does the King live here?" That's what he said. 328 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,120 "Does the King live here?" 329 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:44,160 "No, no, no, the royalty don't live there, and anyway there's a Queen." 330 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,360 And he goes, "Oh, I don't know anything about history." 331 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,880 LAUGHTER 332 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,520 - No, no, or the present. Clearly! - Anything at all. 333 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:55,800 Hell's Angels are fierce in the defence of their trademark. 334 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,280 They've sued Disney and Toys R Us and so on. 335 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:01,320 You can't wear... Back patches in general are frowned upon. 336 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:02,680 If you're a motorcycle dude, 337 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,640 if you're wearing a back patch and it's not an official registered one, 338 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,720 - you can get into trouble. - Can you? - Yeah. 339 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:11,840 When I was young, the Coggeshall Bastards were the local one. 340 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,960 And they were so tough that they 341 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,120 eschewed the leather jacket because they thought that was a bit effete. 342 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:21,360 - Oh. - So they wore pac-a-macs and Wellingtons on their bikes. 343 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,960 That was the myth, they were so hard they didn't... 344 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,240 - Their skin didn't need leather protection. - Nah. 345 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:31,040 I love the idea of the sound of a pac-a-mac rustling in the wind. 346 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,000 You can get good slogans. 347 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,840 I was at the motorcycle show once and there was a T-shirt and it said 348 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,560 on the back, "If you can read this, the bitch fell off." 349 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,760 I'm starting a motorcycle gang called The Fourth Wave Feminists. 350 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,240 Yeah! That's the way to go! 351 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,960 Anyway, moving on. 352 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,040 Can you name a female outlaw? 353 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,040 Well, not Jesse James. 354 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,040 - No. - Bonnie out of Bonnie and Clyde. 355 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:00,800 KLAXON 356 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,360 Strictly streaking, there is no such thing 357 00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:07,360 as a female outlaw in British law. 358 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,160 Outlawry is when an individual 359 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,840 was placed outside the protection of the law, 360 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,800 and females denied protection of the law were called something else. 361 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,960 They were called waived women. 362 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,720 Isn't that awful? 363 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,960 So their right to any protection was said to be waived, 364 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,840 so left out or not regarded. 365 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:26,000 Can you name a male outlaw of the Wild West? 366 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,800 - Of the Wild West? Oof. - Yeah. 367 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,520 Billy the whatsit. 368 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,360 - Billy the whatsit? - Billy the Kid? 369 00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:33,520 KLAXON 370 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,720 - The Sundance Kid? - Yeah, what's her name? 371 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,480 KLAXON 372 00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:46,240 - Butch Cassidy. - KLAXON 373 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,920 We can go on and on. Uh, so, again, 374 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,840 there were no outlaws as such in the old West. Male or female. 375 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:54,000 - Oh, you amaze me. - So in the original meaning, 376 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,840 you didn't have to commit a crime in order to be an outlaw. 377 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,200 ALAN HUMS DRAMATICALLY 378 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,280 Yeah, that's a fantastic film, isn't it? 379 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,880 So these were... So none of them were outlaws. 380 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,560 In order to be an outlaw, you had to be set outside... 381 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,480 ALAN HUMS 382 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,960 Are you trying to hum the theme tune to The Magnificent Seven? 383 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,600 - Yeah. - Yes. - That's not the theme tune to The Magnificent Seven. 384 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,520 # Dun-da-dun-da-dun! Da-da-da-da-da-da! # 385 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,120 - No, that's Bonanza. - Oh, that's Bonanza! 386 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,200 - Oh, I liked Bonanza. - I thought Bonanza was... 387 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,320 # Da, da-da-la, da-da-la, Bonanza! # 388 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,080 Yeah, yeah, I think that was right. I think we need... 389 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,080 I demand that... 390 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:35,240 - That's the Muppets! - Someone Google it. 391 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,600 Does anybody know the bloody theme tune? 392 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:41,640 BILL HUMS: The Magnificent Seven Theme 393 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:45,680 BOTH HUM 394 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:46,920 Come on, everyone! 395 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,360 Everybody, join in! 396 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,840 AUDIENCE HUMS 397 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:08,000 - CHEERING - It's not that. It's not that! 398 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:11,720 High Chaparral! 399 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:15,640 You all join in with High Chaparral, what's wrong with you? 400 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,240 I'm going to Google it. 401 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:23,320 - Seriously? - It'll take a while. My phone takes 15 minutes to turn on. 402 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:25,760 Oh, I know the feeling. Erm... 403 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,160 APPLAUSE 404 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:34,320 So, an outlaw is mearly somebody who's been put outside the law, 405 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:35,840 so denied its protection. 406 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:39,080 So, Robin Hood of legend became a robber 407 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,720 because he had been declared an outlaw by the King. 408 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:44,440 He wasn't an outlaw because he was a robber. 409 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,600 So that meant that he could have been subjected to mob justice 410 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,520 and nobody would have cared. So in that sense Jesse James 411 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,200 and all those other outlaws of the Wild West aren't outlaws at all, 412 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,680 because if you see a wanted dead or alive poster 413 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:57,760 that suggests people are still interested. 414 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:01,560 - Do you like that, Grayson? - I've always wanted to be an outlaw. 415 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,000 - Have you? - No. 416 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,920 I think that people who sort of put great store in 417 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,480 the rebellious pose are misguided. 418 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:09,880 I think the counterculture 419 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:13,160 is basically the R&D Department for capitalism. 420 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,400 Yes. Discuss. 421 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:23,000 In England, an outlaw was said to have caput lupinum, 422 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,320 so a wolf's head because he might be put to death by any man, 423 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:30,760 as a wolf, that hateful beast, might. History's most famous outlaw? 424 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,000 Probably Napoleon. 425 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,720 Outlawed in March, 1815, by the Congress of Vienna, 426 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,480 when he had escaped exile and was marching on Paris. 427 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:40,240 In the weeks before Waterloo, he became an outlaw. 428 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,760 And we still talk about outlaws. 429 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:46,640 Every time the Queen's Speech happens the House of Commons then 430 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:50,280 returns to its own chamber to debate not the content of the speech 431 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:53,320 but the Outlawries Bill, and it's still the thing they talk about 432 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,080 even though it is not really a proper bill 433 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,200 and it is just to say we can talk about what we like, 434 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,280 we don't have to pay any attention to the Queen. 435 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,640 - AS THE QUEEN: - What? You mean you don't pay any attention 436 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,680 - to what I am saying? - No. - How perfectly ghastly. 437 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,520 I've been doing it all these bloody years, 438 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:09,680 putting this very heavy crown on, nobody's bloody listing. 439 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,520 - Does this happen? Is this still law? - It is still the law. 440 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,840 The idea was that they wanted to stop what they called 441 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,680 clandestinely outlawries, which is declaring somebody an outlaw 442 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,920 without giving them a chance 443 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,920 to say, "Hang on a minute, that's not quite right." 444 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,720 So back over to O-V-A, ova now. 445 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,320 What is the secret ingredient 446 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,400 of virgin boy eggs? 447 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,280 Oh.... 448 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:35,040 - Yeah, it's... Oh, I promise you, it's... - Acne. 449 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,960 Like, taking it out with a syringe and sticking it in the egg? 450 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,080 Boy eggs. A pustule. 451 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,120 Done like a Walnut Whip. 452 00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:43,560 GROANING 453 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,360 You see, I thought what I've got on the card is disgusting, 454 00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:49,160 but it's possible you've topped it. I think that... 455 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:52,400 I think you can reverse acne by injecting wee into it. 456 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,760 - Well, stay with the wee. - Oh, all right. 457 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,840 Stay with the wee. It's a Chinese dish called tongzidan. 458 00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:02,480 - What? - And it is literally virgin boy eggs. 459 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:07,720 They prepared by boiling hens' eggs in the urine of young boys. 460 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,240 - Ugh! - Now, come on, 461 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,040 it's a springtime delicacy 462 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,360 in the city of Dongyang in Zhejiang province. 463 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:14,920 - You're making this up now. - No, no. 464 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,760 So they soak them in the urine and then they bring them to the boil, 465 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:20,680 and then they're simmered for a day with fresh urine, a few herbs, 466 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:24,120 and at the end of the process, they apparently look like that. 467 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:26,520 The urine is from boys under the age of ten, 468 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:30,480 and what they do is they collect it in a bucket in primary schools. 469 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,960 And each of the eggs are sold at... 470 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,160 It's about 20p apiece. 471 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,720 According to one Dongyang resident, they taste a bit like urine, 472 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:39,960 but not too much. 473 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:48,680 - It's like goats' milk tastes a bit of wee, doesn't it? - Do you think? 474 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,840 - Well, it has that sort of... - It will from now on. - Yes. 475 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,920 Well, if you wanted to wash your virgin boy eggs down, 476 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,360 the best thing to do is baby mice wine. 477 00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:00,920 This is available in the Canton region of China. 478 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,880 I'm afraid it does contain baby mice. 479 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:06,000 Travellers who have tried it say tastes a bit like petrol. 480 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,440 What could be nicer? 481 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,480 There are people who do drink their own urine for medical benefit, 482 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:13,880 - don't they? - There are, yes. 483 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:15,840 That is a horrible picture. 484 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,160 Apparently it tastes slightly sweet, bit salty. A bit like a margarita, 485 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:22,600 - I imagine. - Yes. - And... 486 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,680 Does he normally have it in one of those glasses? 487 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:26,920 With salt round the rim. 488 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:30,600 Oh, no! Oh, no, no, no. 489 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,920 You're saying salt round the rim, and then... 490 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,560 - Tastes a bit like urine, not too much. - Not too much. 491 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:42,240 There was a Mexican boxing champion called Juan Manuel Marquez, 492 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:46,400 and he rather famously showcased the practice of drinking his own urine 493 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,920 ahead of a fight in 2009, with Floyd Mayweather Jr. 494 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,800 But he lost. 495 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:55,680 Not a disgrace. Everyone loses to Floyd Mayweather Jr. 496 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,120 I don't think it would do you any harm 497 00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,920 because, fundamentally, the toxins leave your body through the faeces, 498 00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:02,280 - so... - Can only do you harm if it's off. 499 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:06,240 - Yes. - You've got to have it fresh and warm. 500 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:07,720 But if you drank some, and then you 501 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:09,440 urinated it out and then drink that, 502 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,560 and then urinated that out and kept on going... 503 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,520 - Yeah, you probably... - ..how many sort of goes before you... 504 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:16,680 Before it's completely nothing at all? 505 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:19,360 Before it's just a cube coming out, I guess. 506 00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,240 Urine stock cube to use in your... 507 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:27,600 You go to the Chinese supermarket for a small boys' wee cube. 508 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,240 "You got any, uh..." 509 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:30,920 "I haven't got a bucket of boys' wee..." 510 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,000 "I haven't got time to go to the primary school. 511 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,440 "Can you give me some urine stock cubes?" 512 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,240 I spent time with the Mundari people of South Sudan, 513 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,040 and they used the urine of their 514 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,520 incredibly prized cattle to dye their 515 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:46,240 naturally black hair orange, so during the morning ablutions - 516 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,280 that's what's happening there - the men lower their heads into 517 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,680 the urine stream of a tethered cow, and they use the ash - 518 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,400 you can see his body is white there - 519 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,720 from burned cow dung smeared all over the face and body, 520 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,920 but it acts as a natural antiseptic and it stops mosquitoes. 521 00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,240 - It's a mosquito repellent. - If he stays there too long, 522 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:00,600 he'll get a pat on the head. 523 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,400 GROANING, SOME APPLAUSE 524 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,600 Wow. Oh, now, now, the audience are rebelling again. 525 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,440 Some are going, "No, that was good." 526 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:16,280 - "No, no." "Yeah!" "No." - Don't encourage him. Don't encourage him. 527 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,760 The secret ingredient of virgin boy eggs comes from virgin boys. 528 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:26,560 For whom was it all over because of its ova? 529 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,960 Was it Edwina Currie? 530 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,080 Oh. Did she not have some egg... 531 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,880 - AS CURRIE: - She had an egg-based scandal, didn't she, Edwina? 532 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:35,480 Yes, she's actually morphed into 533 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,960 Hyacinth Bouquet as I sit here, but... 534 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,320 She is from the same neck of the woods. 535 00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:45,320 - Didn't she have an affair with John Major? - She did, yes. 536 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,920 They said you could tell by the CURRIE stains on his underpants. 537 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,560 GROANING Hey! 538 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,320 Oh, now, you miss the pat on the head joke now! 539 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,520 Sorry, I just got a call here. 540 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,560 1982 want their jokes back. 541 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:07,280 OK, for whom was it all over because of its ova? 542 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,440 We are in a Bill Bailey area of information. 543 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,000 A bird. It'll be a bird, Bill. 544 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,320 - A bird? - Yes. - Was it stealing eggs, was it? 545 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,080 Well, yes, I suppose, there's a bit of stealing involved. 546 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:17,480 Let me show you. 547 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,040 - So I've got... - Oh, my Lord! 548 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:20,880 ..some eggs here. 549 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,160 - Oh. - So this one is an ostrich egg. 550 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:25,400 - Isn't that amazing? - Yes. 551 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:30,120 - Wow. - This is roughly the size of the egg that I am talking about. 552 00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:31,560 Now, you can't have a real one 553 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,520 because they're worth an absolute fortune. 554 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:35,800 - So this is... - Is this a prehistoric egg of some kind? 555 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,600 It is the elephant bird. 556 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,600 - The elephant bird. - The elephant bird. 557 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:40,960 And this is a Heston Blumenthal 558 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:42,960 chocolate egg that is roughly the same... 559 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,880 - Wow. - I know. And it's got something in it. 560 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,840 I don't know if we should open it and have a look. 561 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:48,560 Does anybody want to...? 562 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,600 - Oh, please, go on. - So what happened is, humans stole the eggs for food, 563 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:53,080 - Bill. - Yes. 564 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:56,240 Whoa! 565 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,040 - Wow. - Do you know about the elephant bird? 566 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:00,800 They were around until the 17th century. 567 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,080 They were flightless, they were about 10ft tall. 568 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:04,960 - Oh, right. - They weighed about half a ton, 569 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:06,920 and they lived on the island of Madagascar. 570 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,400 They had a ferocious kick, so you wouldn't have been able to 571 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,840 get near them, human beings. I mean, imagine such a big bird. 572 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,720 But the eggs of the elephant bird were 100 times the size of a 573 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,320 chicken's egg, so it could have fed a family for several days. 574 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,360 So you couldn't attack the bird to eat it, 575 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:21,440 but you could probably get hold of the eggs, 576 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,640 and so many eggs were taken that eventually the bird became entirely 577 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,520 extinct. And we still find fragments of the shell of the elephant bird 578 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,640 near where we know human beings lit fires. 579 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,280 David Attenborough, didn't he reassemble one? 580 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,160 From pieces he found on the beach? 581 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,480 Yes, he did, because they're incredibly valuable. 582 00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:39,160 The last one that was sold at Christie's, which was in 2013, 583 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,280 sold for £66,000. 584 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,680 And also, when they are found now, the Malagasy government claims them, 585 00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:47,400 and so any ones in private ownership or in museums or whatever are 586 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,960 incredibly rare. So that's why we've got the chocolate one. 587 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:53,040 - Yes. - What a shame it died out, isn't it? - Yeah. 588 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:55,360 Easter eggs, anybody know who thought of Easter eggs? 589 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:57,480 How long have we been colouring Easter eggs for? 590 00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:59,880 - What, chocolate ones or real eggs? - Well, either. 591 00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:03,600 It's a really old form of art, people deciding to colour eggs. 592 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:07,640 We have accounts from Edward I, so the accounts from 1307. 593 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:11,520 There's an entry for 18p for 450 eggs to be boiled and dyed 594 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,520 or covered in gold leaf and distributed the Royal household, 595 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,000 so a really long time back. 596 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,880 The chocolate ones are a German invention, 597 00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:19,360 they start in the 19th century. 598 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:22,240 There was a bit of a hoo-ha about them this Easter, wasn't there? 599 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:25,560 - Didn't Theresa May get involved in it? - Oh... - The National Trust. 600 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,120 - It was the National Trust. - They started saying... 601 00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:31,080 - They left the word Easter off Easter eggs. - Yes. 602 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,920 And she got very... You know, because she's the vicar's daughter. 603 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,520 Yes, and a National Trust member. 604 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:38,360 You know she goes on all of those walking holidays, you know, 605 00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:40,120 and I'm going to get up for a minute. 606 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,120 She has got a very funny walk, Theresa May 607 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:45,600 cos she kind of walks like she's carrying a drip trolley. 608 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:52,240 That's why she goes on those holidays 609 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,880 cos she has to take those sticks with her. 610 00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:56,440 She wields those sticks 611 00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:59,840 and it's like she has been sent into a minefield to clear it. 612 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,360 You understand how all this is going to play on Dave in ten years' time? 613 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,360 - BILL IN RUSSIAN ACCENT: - When we are ruled by Russia. 614 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:15,640 Hello. Welcome to QI. 615 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,160 APPLAUSE 616 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:26,680 Here is egg. Ha-ha-ha. 617 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,160 Some facts about urine... 618 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:38,880 The elephant bird went extinct 619 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,560 because humans went to work on its eggs. 620 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,800 There's been a report of a cyber attack at a power plant. 621 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:48,760 - Who's the most likely to be behind it? - This Russian. 622 00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:50,960 KLAXON 623 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,040 Yes, it was me. 624 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:00,360 Hands up, it was me. 625 00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:04,000 It is most likely to be squirrels. 626 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,800 - Oh, yes. - Oh, I was going to say that. - Yes. 627 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:11,240 So there is a security researcher called Chris "Space Rogue" Thomas... 628 00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:13,880 Go, Chris, with the name. 629 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:16,320 ..and he's set up a spreadsheet of this measure of every time 630 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:19,160 there has been a cyber attack on a power station anywhere in the world. 631 00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:21,600 There's been more than 1,000 since he started. 632 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:26,200 The vast majority are false alarms but there have been 876 successful 633 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:30,080 attacks against the infrastructure of a power station by squirrels. 634 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:33,520 Russia has been blamed in recent years for two attacks 635 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:36,120 on the Ukraine, and everybody's assumed that Russian hackers 636 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:38,360 were behind these attacks but they have in fact been 637 00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:40,840 successfully attacked more frequently by frogs. 638 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,480 So that is an example of Occam's Razor. 639 00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,160 - Does anyone know what Occam's Razor is? - Yes. 640 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:50,360 Occam is kind of the more likely explanation is probably 641 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:53,200 the one that it is, rather than looking for some conspiracy theory. 642 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:55,800 - Exactly that. Don't overcomplicate. - Don't overthink it. 643 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:58,040 Don't overthink it, so Occam is one of the major thinkers 644 00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,040 actually of medieval thought. 645 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,800 14th-century philosopher friar, William of Occam in Surrey. 646 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,680 But the principle itself goes back much further to Aristotle and so on. 647 00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:07,120 - It is. - It is known as... 648 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,920 - It is a lovely present for the man who has everything. - Yes. 649 00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,160 - Got you an Occam's Razor. - A full range of men's toiletries. 650 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:14,960 Occam's... 651 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:19,280 - Occam's aftershave balm. - Occam's beard oil. 652 00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:23,560 Yes, I never go anywhere without my Occam's beard oil. 653 00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:25,680 So lateral thinking puzzles. OK, so here's one. 654 00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:28,560 A man goes to a restaurant and orders albatross soup, 655 00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:31,440 takes one mouthful and then rushes out and kills himself? 656 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,560 You get in lateral thinking puzzles a lot of people 657 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,600 who kill themselves. So what has happened here? 658 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:40,280 I know this one. He's lost at sea and he's with his other sailors. 659 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:42,160 - Yeah. - They're saying to him, 660 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,680 "Oh, we have got some food, it's albatross." 661 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,360 So he eats and he thinks, mmm, you know. 662 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,240 And the first thing he does when he gets to land, he says, 663 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,120 can I have albatross soup? 664 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:55,120 And he eats and it doesn't taste like what he had on the boat 665 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:58,320 and that's when he knew he was eating human flesh. 666 00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:00,160 Dun-dun-duuun! 667 00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:02,640 So that is the really complicated answer. 668 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,720 Much more likely... 669 00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:06,400 A man is on his way to kill himself 670 00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,480 and he happens past a restaurant which is serving albatross soup 671 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:12,320 and he thinks, "I might as well try it," he does like it because, 672 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:13,760 you know, it's albatross soup, 673 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,720 he has one mouthful and goes and kills himself. 674 00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:20,720 - Yeah, that's not funny though. - Is not that likely though, is it? 675 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:23,360 This Occam's Razor is a real party killer, isn't it? 676 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,160 Bit of a killjoy, isn't it? 677 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,360 "Is it a magical thing, Occam?" "No." 678 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:35,280 - "Was a Russian conspiracy theory?" "No." - "It was a squirrel." - Squirrel. 679 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:37,080 "Good night, sleep tight." 680 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:40,520 "Oh, Uncle Occam, you're such a boring story teller." 681 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,360 - But clean-shaven. - Very clean-shaven. 682 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:46,520 According to Occam's Razor the simplest explanation 683 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,760 is likely to be the most likely. 684 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:50,480 Now, here's a simple question. 685 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,800 Who spends all day fossicking in the mullock? 686 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:57,720 - Yes, Alan? - I do. - You do? 687 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,520 I feel like I'm doing that right now, after I've eaten that egg. 688 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:03,160 It sounds like you are sort of looking in the washing basket for a 689 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:06,080 clean pair of pants, the cleanest pair of pants, doesn't it? 690 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:08,600 Well, you are looking... You are looking through dirt. 691 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:10,080 Is it between tides? 692 00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:11,680 - Scavenging and... - Scavenging. 693 00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,400 - Beachcombing. - Beachcombing, yes. 694 00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:15,920 So "fossick" is possibly from the Cornish meaning "to search out", 695 00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:19,080 and "mullock" is Middle English for "dust" or "rubbish". 696 00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,080 It's the business of grubbing around, 697 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:22,800 that's the fossicking, in the spoil, 698 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:27,200 the mullock, of numerous mounds left by opal miners around Coober Pedy. 699 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,480 - Coober Pedy! - They call it "noodling." 700 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:32,160 It's a small town in the vast desert outback of South Australia. 701 00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:35,080 - Yes. - Have you been there? - I've been there. - And they have underground 702 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:37,920 - hotels... - Did you fossick? - I did fossick briefly, yes, 703 00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:38,960 in the minibar. 704 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,600 What is this, the "what" capital of the world? 705 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:47,840 - The opal capital of the world. - The opal capital of the world. 706 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:49,920 Provides about three-quarters of the world's opals. 707 00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:53,560 Better known as Vauxhall, in this country. 708 00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:57,160 It gets so hot in the summer, they have to live underground. 709 00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:00,040 And I met a bloke there who went there when he was 20, 710 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:02,880 and he was digging around... Just... You can... 711 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:05,040 - Noodling. - Noodling away. Noodling away. 712 00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:09,280 And the bloke next to him found a 7 million opal. 713 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,520 And that's it, he never left! 714 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,680 And he was still there, after all this time. 715 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:15,560 Well, you can buy a permit for less than £40. 716 00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,960 - Yeah. You could. - So it is possible you could make your fortune. 717 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,040 You talked about those underground places - 718 00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:22,200 cos it's all sandstone, they built these astonishing... 719 00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:25,000 - I stayed there! - Did you? - Yeah. - Astonishing buildings. 720 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,120 Serbian Orthodox underground church! 721 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:28,880 It is. Half the town's residents... 722 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,560 There's 3,500 people live there. Half of them live underground. 723 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:33,480 And, in fact, the name Coober Pedy is 724 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,000 an Anglicised version of the aboriginal "kupa piti", 725 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:37,720 which means "white man in a hole." 726 00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:44,360 Do you play golf at all, Bill? 727 00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:47,200 - I do, yes. - Cos one of the top ten extraordinary golf courses in the 728 00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,120 - world... - I didn't play there, but it looked extraordinary. 729 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:51,880 It's a unique golf course. 730 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:53,280 There is no grass. 731 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,680 - That's right. - So you get given a little tiny turf of grass, 732 00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:58,080 - anybody who plays golf. - It's just all bunker! 733 00:34:58,080 --> 00:34:59,600 It's all crushed rock. 734 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:01,920 And the greens are made of sand mixed with sump oil, 735 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:03,640 so that the sand doesn't blow away. 736 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,680 And to avoid the daytime sun, which can be incredibly hot, 737 00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:09,280 they often play at night, and they use these... 738 00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:13,120 - These eggs! - Yes. ..these glow-in-the-dark balls... 739 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:16,280 Can we just turn the lights out and see if these will actually function? 740 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,320 I'm going to see if I can... 741 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,640 So there's a glow in the dark... 742 00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:22,720 Sandi's shirt, as well! 743 00:35:22,720 --> 00:35:25,560 - Wow. - Did you know it's the only golf course in the world that has 744 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,720 reciprocal rights with the Royal And Ancient? 745 00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:28,920 - So the home of golf. - Of course! 746 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,280 What happened was they wrote to the Royal And Ancient 747 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:32,720 and they thought they'd try their luck. 748 00:35:32,720 --> 00:35:34,920 "Would you mind giving us reciprocal playing rights?" 749 00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:38,040 And they wrote back and said, "Would you mind giving us an opal mine?" 750 00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:41,600 So they gave them a little tiny square of land, which might possibly 751 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,400 have opals in it and so they did give them reciprocal rights, 752 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:47,560 but what they gave them was they can have two rounds of golf a day 753 00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,040 for up to eight people, only in January. 754 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,800 In Scotland. Yes. 755 00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:55,360 It's an extraordinary place. 756 00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,480 People do... I mean, there's mining, that's it. 757 00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,400 - It's all there is. - But look at that... 758 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,440 It's funny in Australia, though, cos it's all kind of "no worries", 759 00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,280 you know, and, "Yeah, great, no worries." 760 00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:06,560 And you kind of think, "Oh, that's great, they're such a 761 00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:08,080 "happy-go-lucky, lovely people." 762 00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,920 And by about a week in you're thinking, 763 00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:12,400 "Can we actually worry about something now?!" 764 00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,240 There's all that good weather. 765 00:36:14,240 --> 00:36:16,520 I was out in Sydney and I was listening to the radio 766 00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:19,360 and they said, "Now, the weather. There's no weather today." 767 00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,360 No, it's all just great. No worries. 768 00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,960 There's a great expression they have there which is "too easy." 769 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,760 You ask them, "Can I get a beer, mate?" "Too easy." You know. 770 00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,640 It's a lovely thing. It's like, "Too easy, mate. Don't worry." 771 00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,120 And it gets annoying after a while. 772 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:35,760 I was in the hotel, and this bloke phoned me up and said, "Mr Bailey, 773 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:37,560 "there's a package for you." I went, "OK." 774 00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,280 He goes, "Do you want me to bring it up?" 775 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,760 I went, "OK," and then he went, "Too easy." 776 00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:44,080 "All right, then. Well, fly it up, then!" 777 00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:48,560 "Make it more difficult!" 778 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:50,960 I expect there's Australians at this very minute 779 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,240 on a panel show going, "They always ask, 'How are you?' 780 00:36:53,240 --> 00:36:56,120 - "but they don't want to find out!" - That's true. 781 00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:57,560 And if you're in LA, 782 00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:02,040 you go down to breakfast, and the waiter says to you, "Hey, there, 783 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:04,200 "how's your day been so far?!" 784 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:06,320 You think, "I'm just coming down to breakfast. 785 00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:07,960 - "Nothing much has happened so far." - Nothing. 786 00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,560 "I've drunk me own urine, and now I want some eggs. 787 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,640 "Can you boil them in a bucket of boys' piss?" 788 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,760 - I once had a waitress in Los Angeles... - Did you, now?! 789 00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:22,840 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 790 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,080 I didn't mean for that to get out. OK... 791 00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:37,960 Now it's time to go straight over to General Ignorance, 792 00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:39,840 fingers poised over buzzers, please. 793 00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:42,600 What happens if you put a frog in cold water 794 00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:44,960 and then heat it up to boiling point? 795 00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:46,680 MUSIC: Over and Over by Hot Chip 796 00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:48,240 Yes, Bill? 797 00:37:48,240 --> 00:37:49,720 It turns... 798 00:37:49,720 --> 00:37:50,960 ..inside out. 799 00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:53,680 No... 800 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:55,520 MUSIC: It's Over by Roy Orbison 801 00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,720 - It gets a little bit warm and it jumps out. - It does jump out. 802 00:37:58,720 --> 00:38:01,800 The myth is that the frog will stay in the hot water. 803 00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:03,960 It's often used as a sort of political parable - 804 00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:06,560 Al Gore used it in The Inconvenient Truth, about climate change. 805 00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:09,040 The idea that because it happens so slowly, you don't notice, 806 00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:10,640 and then eventually you're going to die. 807 00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:13,840 - But frogs are not that stupid. - No. - They're just not that stupid. 808 00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:15,640 But, if you put it the other way round, 809 00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:19,240 so if you put a reptile in a warm tank and you gradually reduced the 810 00:38:19,240 --> 00:38:22,280 temperature, it might very well allow itself to freeze to death. 811 00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:25,440 Cos it's cold-blooded, it would respond to the dropping temperature 812 00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:27,520 by shutting down its systems, basically. 813 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:29,800 It would go to sleep, and then it would freeze in its... 814 00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,520 - He's a jolly chap on the left there. - He's fab, isn't he? 815 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:35,360 Hey! Ba-da-bing-ba-da-boo! 816 00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:41,320 You could get a dead frog to jump out of a hot pan, 817 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:44,600 that is perfectly possible. Because frogs are cold-blooded, so... 818 00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:48,040 - If you injected it with urine. - No, the thing is they are cold-blooded 819 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:50,920 and so rigor mortis doesn't set in as quickly as like a chicken. 820 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,880 So what happens is, when they are being cooked, the fresh frogs' 821 00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:57,440 legs twitch and also if you have fresh frogs' legs on a plate, 822 00:38:57,440 --> 00:39:00,400 just the legs, not the rest of the frog, and you put salt on them 823 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,920 they will dance and twitch, they will jump about... I know! 824 00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:06,560 Isn't that unpleasant? It's a chemical reaction in the muscles. 825 00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:09,800 If a frog can't stand the heat, it gets out of the saucepan. 826 00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:13,040 OK, you see a baby bird that's fallen out of its nest, 827 00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,000 what is the one thing you should never do? 828 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:17,840 Put it back in the nest? 829 00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:19,440 KLAXON 830 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,400 - Bill? - It depends. 831 00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,400 It depends, if it's, you know, fledged, then... 832 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:32,000 - Which means it's got... - It has got the feathers. - Yes. 833 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:35,320 Then it means it has fallen out and the parents won't be far away. 834 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:38,720 If it's un-feathered then you should put it back because birds 835 00:39:38,720 --> 00:39:41,920 are not so clever that they will notice a human having touched it. 836 00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,360 If it's got feathers it's probably left 837 00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:46,360 the nest on purpose and it won't thank you 838 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,760 if you try to put it back, or it's been rejected 839 00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:51,560 by the parents, and again they won't thank you if you put it back. 840 00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:53,400 Within five minutes, it will be eaten by a crow 841 00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:54,800 so don't worry about it. 842 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,360 But if you find a sea turtle washed up on the beach, 843 00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:00,360 do not put it back into the water, 844 00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:02,880 because the ones that are stranded in our part of the world 845 00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:05,080 almost certainly are suffering from hypothermia 846 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,040 - and if you put it back in the water it will freeze. - Freeze. - Yeah. 847 00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,520 But the opposite is if you find a desert tortoise, 848 00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:12,360 don't pick it up at all, because the way 849 00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:14,520 they defend themselves is by emptying their bladder 850 00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:16,360 and that will lead to death by dehydration, 851 00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:18,360 so it will piss all over you and then it'll die. 852 00:40:21,240 --> 00:40:24,000 - Just like any bloke on a Saturday night. - Yes. 853 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:27,600 We got that fact from the Arizona Sonora Desert Museum, 854 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:29,320 it's listed under "Fun Facts." 855 00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,160 And lastly, it ain't over until... 856 00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:37,120 The fat lady sings. 857 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,160 KLAXON 858 00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:42,640 - Yup. - Why do we say that? 859 00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,040 Opera, is it, and the fat lady comes on and sings, 860 00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:47,320 and then when she's done that, it's over? 861 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,840 - Is it that? - The usual explanation is that it is Brunnhilde in Wagner's 862 00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:52,480 - Ring Cycle. - The Ring Cycle. 863 00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:54,240 - Look at those bosoms! - Yeah. 864 00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:56,400 Requires a substantial soprano. 865 00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,800 Madonna's gone to seed, hasn't she?! 866 00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:00,760 # Like a virgin... 867 00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:06,440 # Touched for the very first time... # 868 00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:11,080 OK, that's it, get out! 869 00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:12,640 She sings one of the longest 870 00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:15,120 operatic arias in history at the end, 871 00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:18,840 but her aria is not quite the final sung part of the opera. 872 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,280 The last words go to the villain of the piece, Hagen. 873 00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:25,840 He's an evil, scheming, Burgundian warrior who sings Zuruck Vom Ring, 874 00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:27,240 "get away from the ring", 875 00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:29,720 as he's dragged by the Rhinemaidens to the river. 876 00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,960 MUSIC: The Ring Cycle by Richard Wagner 877 00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:37,320 # Zuruck vom Ring... # 878 00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,360 I bet the queue at the loo is already forming, 879 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:44,920 as those bars are playing! 880 00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:47,600 Do you know that wonderful story about the end of Puccini's Tosca? 881 00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:50,600 There's a marvellous moment when the soprano's supposed to leap to her 882 00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:53,920 death off the walls, and Eva Turner, who was a famous British soprano, 883 00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:56,000 was doing this at the Lyric Opera in Chicago, 884 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:59,080 and she complained that the mattress she was supposed to fall on was not 885 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:00,600 really springing enough, so they 886 00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,600 replaced it with a trampoline, and... 887 00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:06,360 ..she reappeared three times! 888 00:42:10,720 --> 00:42:13,400 There's an American saying, "It ain't over till it's over," 889 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:15,560 which is a sort of variant on the fat lady singing, 890 00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:17,680 and it's usually attributed to Yogi Berra, 891 00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:19,920 who was the much-loved catcher of the New York Yankees, 892 00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:22,400 but he was celebrated for his wonderful turns of phrase. 893 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:26,360 He said things like, "It's deja vu all over again," which I like. 894 00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:28,720 "The future ain't what it used to be." 895 00:42:28,720 --> 00:42:31,160 And the most famous thing he's supposed to have said is, 896 00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:32,880 "It ain't over till it's over." 897 00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,760 But now it really is all over, barring the scores. 898 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,760 Now, here's the thing, OK? Because Jan and I have been friends for 899 00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:42,440 a really long time, and I know that Jan can do an impersonation of me... 900 00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:46,240 I've got a blonde wig... 901 00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:50,280 ..and I'm going to give you my glasses... 902 00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:52,440 - OK. - Can I be you, and you be me? 903 00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:54,440 - OK. - OK, marvellous. 904 00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:55,880 This is a marvellous thing. 905 00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:57,200 - OK. - OK. 906 00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:59,560 So I'm going to shift myself over, next to Grayson... 907 00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:00,960 - OK. Right, so... - Yeah. 908 00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,640 - AS SANDI: - Curiously, all you have to do with Sandi is remember the tune 909 00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:04,960 goes up and down a lot, and, er... 910 00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:08,960 So that brings us to the scores. 911 00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:11,560 All over the place, it's Alan with minus 77 points. 912 00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:14,240 Slightly overwhelmed, Bill with minus 7 points. 913 00:43:14,240 --> 00:43:16,720 Over a barrel, Grayson, with plus 3 points, 914 00:43:16,720 --> 00:43:18,680 but, OMG, this week's winner... 915 00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:20,720 SHE LAUGHS 916 00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:23,400 Well, it's JANDI, with five points! 917 00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:26,800 CHEERING 918 00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:34,360 So it's thanks from Grayson, Jandi, Bill, Alan and me, 919 00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:36,880 and I leave you with this piece of advice from WC Fields - 920 00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:39,640 "Start every day off with a smile, and get it over with." 921 00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:41,040 Good night.