1 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:27,240 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:37,680 Good evening and welcome to QI, 3 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:41,480 where tonight we'll be suffering all things odorous and odious - 4 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:44,880 and joining me on our olfactory odyssey 5 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:47,280 are the fragrant Nish Kumar... 6 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,240 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 7 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,360 ..the aromatic Sally Phillips... 8 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 9 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,680 ..the musky Ross Noble... 10 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:05,720 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 11 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:09,000 ..and... SHE SNIFFS 12 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,400 ..the unmistakable essence of Alan Davies. 13 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:15,440 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 14 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:22,480 And their buzzers are particularly odorous. Sally goes... 15 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,440 # You've got to stop 16 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:28,600 # And smell the roses. # 17 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,080 Oh, I love that. Nish goes... 18 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:36,400 # Oh, I think I smell a rat 19 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,760 # Oh, I think I smell a rat. # 20 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,480 Oh, I wanted more of that. Ross goes... 21 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:46,720 # I can smell it, baby 22 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,760 # Can you smell it too? # 23 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,520 Drinks half price. And Alan goes... 24 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,760 FART 25 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,600 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 26 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:07,320 - Now... - Even on a show as high-brow as this... - I know. 27 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:08,880 ..that is still funny. 28 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:12,920 The whole show is about smell, OK, so I've got these - 29 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:16,320 scratch-and-sniff stickers that they often give out in schools 30 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:17,720 for good work. 31 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,160 So I've got strawberry, lemon meringue and grape, 32 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,000 and if you do good work and are particularly clever, 33 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,720 - you could have a scratch-and-sniff sticker, OK? - Ooh! 34 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,200 So which would you want to go for - strawberry, lemon or grape? 35 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:30,400 I've got a cold, I can't smell anything at the moment, 36 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,560 so, really, I'm easy. 37 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:34,480 You're lucky cos you're next to Ross - it's the best thing. 38 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:39,280 How dare you?! These pants were fresh on last week. 39 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,920 I don't think, Sally... Can I just say, no woman should ever say, 40 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:45,160 "I can't smell anything, I'm easy." I don't think that's... 41 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:48,080 Every man's dream is a woman with no sense of smell! 42 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,960 OK, let's start with some smells. 43 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:54,880 What scent should you wear to attract a cougar? 44 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,440 Oooh! 45 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,920 Is it John Cougar Mellencamp? 46 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:00,520 Is that from...? 47 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:03,560 - If you're camping... - Yeah. - ..and you're eating some melon, 48 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:04,880 - and a cougar appears... - Yes. 49 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,520 ..you hear the music of the '80s. 50 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,760 LAUGHTER 51 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,400 I've really missed you, Ross. LAUGHTER 52 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,560 There's a double meaning at work here. 53 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,160 - Ah, you know me well... - You see... - Yes. 54 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:21,440 - ..the...the vampy older lady... - Yes. - Bonjour. - ..the cougar. 55 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:24,400 Hi. An excellent example. 56 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,000 You're calling Sally old? 57 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:31,600 I'm fine with that. Easy, no sense of smell... 58 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,680 It's a hell of a Tinder profile. 59 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,600 Are you swiping left or right at the moment, Nish? 60 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,520 100% left. 61 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,760 I don't even know what I just asked you. Um... 62 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:47,120 Well, in 2003, the Wildlife Conservation Society 63 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:51,920 tested a variety of scents to see which ones big cats find attractive. 64 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,480 - Wow! - Now, why would they do this? 65 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,920 - Was it too busy in the perfume department of Boots? - Yeah. 66 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,360 Cos the thing about those women, you know in the make-up... 67 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,800 - They're terrifying. - ..they've got those faces... - I know. 68 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,760 ..and a wild cat can rip at their face and have no effect. 69 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:10,600 That's how deep the make-up is. 70 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,640 No, what it is, you want to lure the big cats in 71 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,200 towards camera traps for filming. 72 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,560 So they discovered that there's a clear winner - 73 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:21,680 Calvin Klein's Obsession kept big cats interested for 11 minutes. 74 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:23,080 - Wow! - Yeah. 75 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:26,960 By comparison, Nina Ricci's L'air du Temps, ten minutes. 76 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,040 The effects of Revlon's Charlie - 77 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:30,680 15 and a half seconds. 78 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,440 - And some mild blistering. - Yeah! 79 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:40,800 I thought they attracted wild cats with... 80 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,640 piss...of other wild cats. 81 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:45,960 Well, that's a hell of a night out. 82 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:48,920 Grrr! 83 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,520 How did you come to think this? 84 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:54,040 I thought that they made ointments 85 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:57,400 of the urine of other... 86 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,280 ..of male... 87 00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:01,680 Yeah, they do, but it's called Lynx. 88 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,440 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 89 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:13,360 Here's the thing - so, the smell matters with wild animals. 90 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,920 In 2003, the Manitoba government, 91 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,720 they had a terrible issue with polar bears, 92 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,120 and the issue was, there were orphaned polar bears, 93 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,160 but the adult females did not want to adopt them, 94 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,480 cos they could smell them and tell it wasn't their baby, 95 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,200 so, they put them both to sleep 96 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:32,320 and then they rubbed the baby all over with Vicks VapoRub 97 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:35,280 and then they put Vicks VapoRub on the muzzle of the female, 98 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:38,120 and when she woke up, she sniffed the cub that was next to her, 99 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,880 she thought it was her baby and she adopted it, and that was... 100 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,160 - AUDIENCE: - Aww. - I know! 101 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:43,560 And neither of them got a cold. 102 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,360 LAUGHTER 103 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,880 When you said they put them to sleep... 104 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,200 Yeah... No... Oh! LAUGHTER 105 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,120 So, there's a scientist injects this thing, 106 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:58,800 there's a dead polar bear, they just tied it to the leg of the mum, 107 00:05:58,800 --> 00:05:59,840 and she just... 108 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:05,440 "I think we need to do more research on this, lads." 109 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,080 "This mother is not adopting this cub. 110 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:09,600 "Kill them both." 111 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:12,880 "Next." 112 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,520 "What about the Vicks VapoRub?" "Don't be absurd." 113 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:19,920 Right, we're going to play a game now. 114 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,440 - Time to play On The Scent. - Ooh. 115 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:24,520 SAMBA MUSIC 116 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,600 OK, I've got some descriptions of perfumes, 117 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:30,560 and I want you to guess which celebrity they come from, OK? 118 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:34,360 So, "Focused on the topic of decisiveness and persistence, 119 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,600 "its composition is based on sophisticated shades of spices 120 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,880 "which are blended with citruses over a masculine, elegant heart 121 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,800 "and a woody, leathery base." 122 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,120 # Smell the roses... # 123 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,360 Is it David Beckham? 124 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,600 - It is! - What?! - Wow! 125 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,560 - APPLAUSE - Unbelievable. 126 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,480 - Wait a minute... - It was the word "leathery." - Yeah! 127 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,200 - Grape, lemon or strawberry? - I'll have grape, please. - There you go. 128 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,800 - That was amazing. - Thank you. - That's amazing, the way you did it. 129 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,280 Do you smell that and you go... 130 00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,480 - HE SNIFFS - .."Beckham's coming"? 131 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,920 You have to smell it. There's no point just putting it on you. 132 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,440 I can't smell anything - I've told you, I've got a cold. 133 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,200 I never thought I'd say this to a woman, just scratch it and sniff... 134 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,400 Ross can sniff it. 135 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,600 Sorry, do you just want to carry on while we do this?! 136 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,160 He can't smell anything, either! 137 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,760 I have a terrible, terrible... Look at me! 138 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,640 - Terrible sense of smell. - That's why you're at the end. 139 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,120 So, it's called Beyond Forever. 140 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,720 - I love it. - By David Beckham. 141 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,280 OK, here's the next one. Ready? 142 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,520 "The perfect accessory for the confident man 143 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,880 "determined to make his mark with passion, perseverance and drive. 144 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,320 "For those who aspire to create their own empire 145 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,920 "through personal achievement, this dynamic scent is both compelling 146 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,480 "and leaves a lasting impression. 147 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:53,680 "Bold notes..." 148 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,720 - # ..smell it too... # - Ross? 149 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,240 Is it Rory Bremner? 150 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,280 Rory could probably do this person, I would imagine. 151 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:03,760 - Donald Trump. - FART 152 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,800 Yes! Yes! 153 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,600 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 154 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,640 I'm actually... 155 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,000 I'm very, very pleased to actually have a... 156 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,640 - FART - ..a trump sound. 157 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:21,520 And it's called Empire by Donald Trump. 158 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,120 - You wanted lemon meringue, didn't you? - Lemon meringue, yeah. 159 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:25,960 You want them with sunglasses, or without? 160 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,680 - There you go. I gave you sunglasses... - Thank you so much. 161 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:31,640 - ..if that's OK. - I'm going to scratch quite hard. - Right. 162 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,760 Are you getting lemon meringue? 163 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:38,280 LAUGHTER 164 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,800 Quite a lot on my finger. 165 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,320 No, hang on, that's not lemon... 166 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:50,080 Oh, you're doing your own jokes there. "Eurgh!" 167 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:53,040 Right, last one. Uh... Ready? 168 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:57,240 "Bass notes on a leather, peat fire, highland mud, burned rubber 169 00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:58,400 "and white truffle." 170 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,080 - # ..smell a rat... # - Yes, Nish? 171 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,320 Is it Ross?! 172 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,280 They do call me the Highland Truffle. 173 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,560 Because of that dance I invented. 174 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,840 Oh, yeah. Dressed as a pig in a kilt. 175 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:14,840 Have you not got your own perfume in the...? 176 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,240 I've released many scents... 177 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:20,840 ..but...but not one that people would pay for. 178 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,080 I quite like the idea of a perfume called Noble Gas. 179 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,880 I think that's... 180 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,400 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 181 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,000 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 182 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,200 OK... 183 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:37,600 - Although, I have to say... - Yeah. - ..that I think a lady's perfume 184 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,760 that had two-stroke mix... 185 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,960 That... That would just get me... 186 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,880 - Oh, that does smell nice, doesn't it? - Isn't it? 187 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,880 - Just that two... - That what? - Two-stroke mix. Oil and petrol. 188 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,080 - The stuff you put in lawnmowers. - It just... 189 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:51,440 I did once see Ann Summers 190 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,360 were releasing lager-flavoured Booby Drops. 191 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,640 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on! - Are you serious? 192 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,440 Yeah. Make women smell like things that men like, 193 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:01,200 like petrol, and... 194 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,000 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no. - ..and lager. 195 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,520 I don't want just petrol. 196 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,080 It's a... It's a fine two-stroke mix 197 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,280 Because if she dabs a bit of two-stroke on, 198 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:11,160 I think, "Oh, it's beautiful, it's..." 199 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,200 - Do you want notes of two-stroke? - Yeah. 200 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,440 I'm going to carry on with this one. 201 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:20,120 "Heart notes are sharp and tempting with cigar, heather, fir and rubber. 202 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,160 "Top notes complete the fragrance with fresh, spiced notes 203 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:25,760 "of bergamot, black pepper, pine and whisky." 204 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:27,800 # ..smell it too... # 205 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,000 David Dickinson? 206 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,720 It would have to say "creosote" if it was David Dickinson. 207 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,200 - It's a boy... - Is it George Clooney? 208 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,840 No, it's the best name for a perfume ever, I think. 209 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,280 It is Cumming by Alan Cumming. 210 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,760 LAUGHTER 211 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:54,720 Right. Now, what will the Apocalypse smell like? 212 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,560 Ooh... 213 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:59,280 - Well, there's four horses, so there's a start. - Yeah. 214 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:04,160 - A massive barbecue? - A barbecued horse. 215 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,280 Kind of. What other sort of smells might you find? 216 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,600 Well, there's pestilence. That's got to be a bit... 217 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,320 - Pestilence is very bad. - A touch of... - That's going to be odorous. 218 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,000 I can't imagine plague's going to be a barrel of laughs, as well. 219 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,280 No, that's whiffy. 220 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,880 Well, here's the thing - there is a perfume specifically designed 221 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,560 to smell like the Apocalypse. 222 00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,320 - What?! - And I have it here. 223 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:28,520 Two artists, Jon Thomson and Alison Craighead, they went through 224 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:32,280 the Book of Revelation in the 1611 King James Bible 225 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:36,480 and they put together everything that has a recognisable smell. 226 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:41,880 So it's blood, rocks of the mountains, incense, wormwood, 227 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:45,520 rod of iron, creatures of the sea, hail and fire, animal horns... 228 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:47,400 HE COUGHS VIOLENTLY 229 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,800 LAUGHTER 230 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,680 - Augh! - ..flesh...brimstone. 231 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,840 Eurgh, it smells like racism! 232 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:03,280 That's a good name for a perfume - "Racism". 233 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,440 So they passed this list to an Edinburgh-based perfume maker, 234 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,880 Euan McCall, and he turned it into a scent. 235 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:14,520 A reporter for The Guardian newspaper had a sniff 236 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:17,280 and described it as "digestive". 237 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:18,920 What do you think it smells like? 238 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,800 Well, it smells... It smells of the Apocalypse. 239 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,200 It tastes of... 240 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,760 GROANS 241 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:26,600 Weirdly, it tastes of Romford. 242 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,680 I think it smells of Glow by Jennifer Lopez. 243 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,520 How do you have such an encyclopaedic knowledge 244 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:40,520 - of all celebrities' fragrances? - Very impressive! 245 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,840 Is it unpleasant? I haven't actually smelled it. 246 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,560 I can't smell anything. 247 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:47,360 - VOICE STRAINED: - It gets right to the back of your brain. 248 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,640 According to Anna Williams, 249 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,000 who's the associate professor in forensic anthropology 250 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,480 at the University of Huddersfield, 251 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,000 the smell of death is very, very complicated. 252 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,640 There's about 480 individual odours, 253 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:01,000 and, apparently, death, to begin with, rather pleasant - 254 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,080 it smells of sort of freshly-mown grass, 255 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,720 that sort of thing, leaf litter. 256 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,880 A few days later, it smells of paint thinner - 257 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:08,360 so, it's not quite so bad. 258 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,560 - Once decomposition sets in... - Oh... 259 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:12,520 ..we're getting towards rotting cabbage. 260 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:17,240 Then old fish, vomit and eventually sweet burning rubber. 261 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:20,480 That's just taken you through the whole smell, there, of the thing. 262 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,360 That's like me after a big night out. 263 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,440 I went for a walk, once, with Caroline Quentin, 264 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,080 and we found a dead horse... 265 00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:30,920 LAUGHTER 266 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:34,440 ..and it was in a sort of a pit, and it was... 267 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:40,440 Actually, I think it was a donkey - and the stench was unbelievable. 268 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,640 - It is, it's very high, isn't it? - Unbelievable. 269 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,680 Is this a real thing, or is this an episode of Jonathan Creek? 270 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,280 Are you now starting to think that scenes are real? 271 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,560 "And then - and then we were in this windmill, right? 272 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:55,760 "Hang on, no..." 273 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,160 The thing was, obviously we were filming Jonathan Creek, 274 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:00,080 and then we were having a break between scenes 275 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,440 - and we stumbled upon our own mystery. - Yeah! 276 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:06,440 I think that was probably a real life game of Buckaroo gone wrong. 277 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:12,080 - I love Buckaroo! - Not with a real donkey, you don't. - No. 278 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:15,200 I mean, it's all fun and games till you put the chest on its back, 279 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:18,120 and then it snaps the spine, RSPCA are called, 280 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:19,680 you have to drag it into a pit... 281 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,080 It's a nightmare. And then just as you're covering it up, 282 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,640 bloody film crew turn up. 283 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,360 "This looks like real life Buckaroo." 284 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,160 HE HUMS JONATHAN CREEK THEME 285 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,360 Trying to do an impression of myself, then! 286 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,080 It's as bad as all my other impressions. 287 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,080 I can't even do myself! 288 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,600 There are dead things that smell nice. 289 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,720 Dead saints apparently smell beautiful. 290 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:47,480 The odour of sanctity, which is known as osmogenesia, 291 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,560 apparently, saints smell of lilies. 292 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,640 It's one of the ways you know they're saints. 293 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,960 Padre Pio, who was a famous Italian priest... 294 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,320 - Oh! - ..who became a saint... 295 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:58,560 Who looks exactly the same as Obi-Wan Kenobi. 296 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,400 - He does look just like Obi-Wan Kenobi! - He... 297 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,600 Here's a tip for you, right? 298 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:05,200 If you're ever at a holy shrine and there's a Padre Pio there, 299 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,280 he's got the white hair, he's got the white beard, 300 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,080 - he's got the long, brown robes... - Yeah. - ..and he stands like this... 301 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,800 - MIMICS ALEC GUINNESS: - These are not the droids you're looking for. 302 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:17,960 Save a fortune - half the price of a Star Wars figure at Toys R Us, 303 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,080 - give it to your kids. - Yeah. - Save at Christmas. 304 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,880 - You're welcome. - And smells of lilies. 305 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,640 - Yeah. - Anyway, there you are. 306 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:28,840 Now, who won the battle of the smellies? 307 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,640 I know something where you have to make yourself smelly - 308 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,000 Turkish wrestling. 309 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,480 Oh, yes? Is that the point of it? 310 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,280 They make themselves smelly to be appalling to their opponent, 311 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,720 so they don't wash for days and they... 312 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,680 Or maybe it isn't Turkish wrestling! 313 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:46,000 - ROSS: - Are you think...? - You're thinking of fencing, mate. 314 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,440 No, are you thinking of Turkish delight? That's the opposite. 315 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:52,920 Is it big on Sky Sports? 316 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,920 - No. No, it's not. - OK, so we're going to go to the 1950s. 317 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,600 What happened in entertainment in the 1950s? 318 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,080 - Television. - Television happened. 319 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,320 - Smell-O-Vision. - Yeah, the cinemas were worried, 320 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,160 because television was becoming so huge, 321 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,160 and they thought they needed a gimmick, 322 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,720 and so they began to pipe smells into films 323 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,480 and there were two different systems. 324 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:14,880 There was Smell-O-Vision and there was AromaRama, 325 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,280 and they both released films within a couple of weeks of each other, 326 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,600 and it became known as the battle of the smellies. 327 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,960 And neither one of them was hugely successful. 328 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,040 So, Smell-O-Vision was delivered by a device 329 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:26,440 which was called the smell brain 330 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,080 that was kept under the viewer's seat. 331 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,560 But the technology was... Let's call it imperfect. 332 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,960 So, some aromas were delivered with a bit of a delay, 333 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,680 so they didn't match the images, 334 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:35,960 which was quite bad. 335 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,800 Other smells made people nauseous, 336 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,840 and the delivery mechanism apparently hissed really loudly, 337 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:43,360 so that interfered with the viewers' enjoyment of the film. 338 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:44,800 And then there was AromaRama, 339 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,920 and that used the cinema's air conditioning system 340 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,320 to deliver the smells from above, also very unpopular. 341 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,560 There's a review in the New York Times in 1959 342 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,520 that said that "when this viewer emerged from the theatre, 343 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,000 "he happily filled his lungs 344 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,840 "with that lovely fume-laden New York ozone. 345 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,480 "It never has smelled so good." 346 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:04,360 And the American singer-songwriter Melanie, 347 00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:08,760 she released an album in 1972 called Garden In The City, 348 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,520 and it's got, you can see down here, 349 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,160 a scratch and sniff label on the cover, 350 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,640 and the instruction said, 351 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:19,880 "Rub gently to release the magic of Melanie's garden." You could... 352 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:20,920 LAUGHTER 353 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,400 I think we'll move on. 354 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,280 Like all wars, the battle of the smellies 355 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,440 resulted in no winners, and only losers. 356 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:36,320 Why is the second smelliest man in the world so frustrated? 357 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:39,960 Is he frustrated because everyone's like, 358 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,960 "You must be the smelliest person in the world. 359 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,600 - And he's like, "Yeah, you'd think..." - You'd think... 360 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,520 "Do I have a certificate? No." 361 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,160 Is it Boris Johnson? 362 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:55,040 - It's a cattle herder from India called Kailash Singh. - Oh. 363 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,280 He stopped washing in 1974 364 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:00,560 because a priest told him that he would have a son 365 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,880 if he didn't bathe or cut his hair. 366 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,960 So, it's 40 years later, he hasn't had a single bath or a shower. 367 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,200 He's got six-foot-long dreadlocks. 368 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,680 He's father to seven daughters, and, no... 369 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,040 GROANS 370 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:16,880 What, can you believe he's had sex at all? It's...breath-taking. 371 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:18,560 There's the lovely place of Varanasi, 372 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,960 on the banks of the Ganges, there, where he lives. 373 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,720 His family did once try and force him to bathe in the river, 374 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,520 but he fought them off and said he would rather die. 375 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:29,600 - So they killed him. - Yeah. 376 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,440 But he now says he's going to wash in the next life. 377 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:34,760 - Oh... - That's his plan. 378 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,960 But he's only the second smelliest man in the world. 379 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,560 The person currently believed to be the most unwashed man 380 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,800 in the world is Amou Haji. 381 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,040 We don't have a picture of him. 382 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,560 I think it would be too much for the cameraman to get... 383 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,600 No photographer can get near enough. 384 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,000 "Use the zoom!" 385 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,880 "It's too much!" 386 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,120 "The lens is fogging!" 387 00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,560 "Run, run!" 388 00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,600 He hasn't washed for over 60 years. 389 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,760 He lives, not surprisingly, in a remote village. 390 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,440 You'd have to do it like the cheetahs - 391 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:05,600 you'd have to set up a camera 392 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,840 - and then try and attract him towards it. - Yeah, lure him. 393 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,320 Where's his village? 394 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,960 He lives in southern Iran and he lives on roadkill. 395 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:16,120 He gets more and more attractive as you go through. 396 00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:20,680 He particularly likes porcupine and he smokes animal dung in his pipe. 397 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:25,040 And if he needs a haircut, he burns his hair off with fire. 398 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:26,560 Hey, stop looking at me. 399 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,560 We've been talking a lot about smell. 400 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,920 How do you measure the unpleasantness of a smell? 401 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,400 How might you decide? 402 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,800 I mean, I don't know, but I once did a fart that was so bad, my dad... 403 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:42,520 I didn't own up to it, and my dad went and got the Yellow Pages out, 404 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,320 and he was looking for the number of a plumber 405 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,680 because he thought a sewage pipe had leaked. 406 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,280 LAUGHTER 407 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,480 Did you not have a Labrador you could blame? 408 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,680 - Yeah, dogs' farts are bad. - Dogs, they're very bad. 409 00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,120 My dog used to get up... 410 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:02,160 The only time she ever left the room was if she'd farted. 411 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,920 She'd be lying there by the sofa asleep, 412 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,920 and I'd be watching Morse or something... 413 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,040 ..and then she'd just get up and go in the hall. 414 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:14,280 And then immediately, I'd have to pause Morse and get up and go. 415 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,880 We both would have to stand in the hall... 416 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,360 ..for a period of time until it would clear. 417 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,560 There was only the two of us in the flat. 418 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,560 Anyway, here's a thing - 419 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,320 there's a Danish engineer called Professor Povl Ole Fanger, 420 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,640 and he wants to create a new unit of measurement called an olf, OK? 421 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:38,200 So one olf would be the emission of air pollutants 422 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,040 given off by a standard person. 423 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,960 And the idea is that any unpleasant smell could then be expressed 424 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,640 by the number of people it would take 425 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,640 to cause that level of unpleasantness. 426 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:48,760 So you have an average person is an olf, 427 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,560 and then, say that your fart, 428 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,280 you know, well, "Wow, that's like 150 olfs", that it would be. 429 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,640 - Yeah. - That was a lot of olfs. - That's a lot of olfs. 430 00:20:56,640 --> 00:21:01,200 My wife, her horses... Our bedroom has got a window, 431 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:04,440 and the horses are out there, and they fart so loudly 432 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,560 that sometimes I have to turn the telly up. 433 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:12,320 So, on a summer's evening, just lying in bed, there, 434 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,720 put the telly on, and just hear... 435 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,080 - HE MAKES FART NOISE - ..like that. 436 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,240 What, they're eating, or are horses particularly...? 437 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:19,480 They have to or they die. 438 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,160 But are they particularly gassy, horses? 439 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,560 Oh, God, yeah, horses, they're shocking. 440 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,840 I don't know how the Queen stands it in that carriage. 441 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,280 Unbelievable. 442 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,200 Honestly. 443 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,760 - Just buy a car. - Yeah. 444 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,280 That's why the hat's always at a jaunty angle. 445 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:42,880 Anyway, moving on... 446 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:46,120 What do the UK's stink pipes do? 447 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,680 It sounds like a barber shop quartet, doesn't it? 448 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:50,920 The Stink Pipes. 449 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,000 Oh, that's a great title for a band, yeah. 450 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,840 - "And now The Stink Pipes." - It's an actual thing. 451 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,120 Indeed, you may have passed one on the way to the studio. 452 00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,760 I think the nearest one to this studio is at Southwark Bridge. 453 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:04,800 Are they letting out odours from...the sewers? 454 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:06,600 Absolutely right, yes. 455 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,480 - You can have another sticker. - Ooh! - You can have another sticker. 456 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:11,200 Very well done. 457 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,800 There you are. Purple one. 458 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,240 Yes, you're absolutely right. 459 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,680 They're sort of tall, hollow, cast iron pipes. 460 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,040 They stand at quite often six to eight metres tall, 461 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,680 and their purpose is to ventilate the potentially explosive... 462 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,720 - Is it smelling? - Oh, yes, that one has, that smells, 463 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:29,120 - doesn't it, Nish? - Yeah, yeah, that's a very strong smell! 464 00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:31,560 - But do they still work? - Yes, they still absolutely work, 465 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,640 and they follow the routes of the main sewers. 466 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:35,280 Lots of them are still in operation. 467 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,120 How cheap is that flat? 468 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,200 Yeah, that's not nice, is it? 469 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,880 You do have to update sewers 470 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,680 because sewer explosions are not uncommon if they are not 471 00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,120 properly looked after and the gas isn't released and so on. 472 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,680 So the River Fleet at King's Cross exploded in 1846. 473 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,640 It destroyed a Clerkenwell poorhouse, 474 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,240 and it smashed a Thames steam boat against Blackfriars Bridge. 475 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,040 Can we do anything with it yet? 476 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,440 Has some scientist managed to, you know, like create... 477 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,160 - With the sewage? - ..create power or something? 478 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:03,560 Well, the gas, they used to burn 479 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,720 the gas off sometimes at the top of the stink pipes. 480 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,600 In fact, in Sheffield, you can still see that, 481 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:08,920 some of the gas being burnt off. 482 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,280 But whether they could actually power things with sewage, 483 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,960 - that would be fantastic. - I mean, they can use... 484 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:18,600 It's normally animal faeces, but very popular for making houses. 485 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:19,960 Wattle and daub. 486 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,040 - NISH: - Yeah, that's right! - Yes, it's fantastic stuff. 487 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,160 And in the pioneer days, in the United States, 488 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,760 when they were heading west across Nevada and places like that, 489 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,880 there was no...nothing to burn, they used to burn buffalo dung, 490 00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:31,760 so it always used to be known as buffalo chips, 491 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,600 so there are uses and perhaps we're just not being sensible about it. 492 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,400 All I'm saying is that we've got 493 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,680 all this sewage that isn't being used, 494 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,400 we've got a housing crisis... 495 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:44,640 New flats! 496 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,840 Don't you think they are rather beautiful? 497 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,840 This is the thing I love about the Victorians, 498 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,600 they made things to be beautiful, even sort of rubbish things, 499 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:55,280 so the interior of Crossness sewer pump station, 500 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:56,920 which is in Belvedere in Kent... 501 00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:58,480 - There it is, look at that. - Wow! 502 00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,720 ..is known as the Cathedral on the Marsh for its ornate design 503 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,080 and it's just breathtakingly beautiful. 504 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:07,280 Listen, while we're speaking of beauty combined with bowels - 505 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,360 and who hasn't started a conversation like that 506 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,360 on a hot date - I just want to show you something 507 00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,040 which is one of my favourite buildings, 508 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,520 and it is called the Rundetaarn 509 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,280 and it is a 17th-century tower in Copenhagen 510 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,360 and it's breathtakingly beautiful inside, 511 00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,360 it is one of the world's first observatories. 512 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:23,400 There's the inside. Isn't that stunning? 513 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,040 And it was designed so that the king could ride his horse up 514 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,240 so that he didn't have to walk up the stairs, 515 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,080 but what is extraordinary about it, it has a toilet at the top, 516 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:35,000 which consists of a seat and a shaft straight down to the bottom 517 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:38,520 and there was no way of emptying it, so it just filled up. 518 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,720 It's one of the world's largest and earliest septic tanks. 519 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:44,320 Today it's got a glass plate over it so you can't smell anything, 520 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,160 but it was point zero, used by 521 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:49,680 the famous Danish astronomer Thomas Bugge in the 1760s 522 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,560 as the starting point for his calculations 523 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,920 for the measuring of Denmark, so he started the whole of 524 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,520 the measuring and mapping of Denmark from that toilet seat. 525 00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,960 I have a lot of my best ideas while I'm taking a number two. 526 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:04,120 I can only imagine one day I'll be like, "Denmark!" 527 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,360 If you go, it's really beautiful, 528 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:10,320 and at the very top is a kissing bench designed for couples. 529 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,200 How close to the toilet is it? 530 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:18,520 Now, whose social media is little more than an odious pile of crap? 531 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:21,760 Is that a trick question, because isn't it everyone's? 532 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,480 No, it's the white rhino. 533 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,960 They use their poo as a kind of social media. 534 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,320 Look at that, magnificent creature! 535 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:34,360 They did a study by the University of KwaZulu-Natal in South Africa 536 00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:36,760 and they found that they have sort of communal latrines, 537 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,720 places where they all get together and have a defecation 538 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,560 and there are chemical clues 539 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,000 and you can tell the age, the sex, the general health, 540 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,440 the reproductive condition of the other rhinos. 541 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,520 It gives away, basically, their profile, 542 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,040 how they're feeling, what their relationship status... 543 00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:53,840 I don't think there are any videos of cats or anything like that, 544 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,840 but through their dung, they can communicate with other rhinos. 545 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,160 The Canadians used to have a political party, actually, 546 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:00,400 called the Rhinoceros Party 547 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:04,120 and part of their policy proposal was to abolish the environment 548 00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:05,800 because it caused too much trouble. 549 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,360 That's just annoying! 550 00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:12,200 They named the party after Cacareco, 551 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:16,000 a black rhino who was put up as a candidate in 1958 in Sao Paulo, 552 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,080 in the elections in Brazil, and won! 553 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:24,040 She got 100,000 votes before her election was nullified. 554 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:27,200 And there are other animals. In 1954, a goat called Smelly 555 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,120 was voted in as a city councillor in Brazil 556 00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:33,360 and, at the time of recording, there's a cat called Stubbs 557 00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:36,720 who is still the mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska. 558 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:40,280 There he is, been mayor since 1997. 559 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,280 Right, time for a little food. 560 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:48,960 I want you to smell this oil and tell me what has been added to it. 561 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:50,080 There you go. 562 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:51,600 Is it truffle? 563 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:53,920 Well... KLAXON BLARES 564 00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:56,600 Idiot. I'm an idiot. 565 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,160 That's the thing with being 566 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,800 a worldwide international restaurant critic... 567 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:05,040 ..when I get a taste of the truffle, I can't... Yeah. 568 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:06,120 Here is the thing - 569 00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:09,720 almost all truffle oil on the market has never seen a truffle. 570 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,200 It's a mixture of olive oil and chemicals 571 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:13,920 which gives it its truffle aroma. 572 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,520 So what you do is you take methyl mercaptan, 573 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:19,960 which is the main compound in bad breath and smelly feet, 574 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:23,600 and you add it to some formaldehyde. 575 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,120 I love the smell of truffle. 576 00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:26,960 The Epicureans said the scent smelled like 577 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,640 the tussled sheets on a brothel bed. 578 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:33,640 And medieval monks were not allowed to have truffles, because it 579 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,400 was believed that it would make them forget their calling. 580 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:38,920 I don't know... These are unbelievably expensive. 581 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:41,840 We have some actual truffles there. 582 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,080 Is it nice? 583 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:52,080 Is it nice like that? 584 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:53,600 It's totally wasted on me. 585 00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,120 Do not like it, darling? 586 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:57,880 My idea of a really nice taste is a Bourbon. 587 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,240 We're not talking French royalty, are we? 588 00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:09,760 No, we're talking you can get a packet of 100 in Tesco's for 40p. 589 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:12,360 There's some surprising stuff 590 00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:14,400 in the world of food that you wouldn't know. 591 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,520 So you wouldn't know mostly when you buy truffle oil 592 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,440 that it's never been anywhere near a truffle. 593 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:20,800 And also, can I recommend a book to you called 594 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:25,000 Extra Virginity: The Sublime And Scandalous World Of Olive Oil, OK? 595 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,120 And it turns out that there's a huge amount of 596 00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:31,440 fraudulent mislabelling in the olive oil world. 597 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:36,440 Apparently, over 50% of olive oil sold in Italy is adulterated, 598 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,760 and 75-80% in the United States is completely adulterated. 599 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:40,840 You'd think you're getting that... Well, this is... 600 00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,440 They should have, on the extra virgin olive oil, 601 00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:47,120 just have, like, in brackets, "May contain slag." 602 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:48,720 LAUGHTER 603 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,040 APPLAUSE 604 00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,520 Definitely, possibly a double sticker on that one, I think. 605 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,960 - There's a double, so I think that was definitely... - Excellent. 606 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,840 - So the truffle oil that doesn't contain the truffles... - Yes. 607 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:10,480 ..if I was to take a highly trained truffle pig, 608 00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:13,840 would it sniff out the truffle oil, even though it smells a bit... 609 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:17,040 it SMELLS like a truffle, but it doesn't have truffle in? 610 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,360 - Could you check? - Yes. 611 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,880 The exact sensitivity of a truffle pig is not my specialist area. 612 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:29,760 Sally, can I just thank you for coming on and being so...? 613 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:32,840 I mean, once I dressed up as a wolf, right? 614 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:35,760 He's only built his house out of straw - idiot! 615 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:37,200 So... 616 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:40,160 LAUGHTER 617 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:43,480 - So they're not... - Honestly, it feels like charity work sometimes! 618 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:45,560 So, what I'm saying is, 619 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:49,840 if you dipped a non-truffle in the artificial truffle oil 620 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:54,040 and then it would be sold as a truffle and nobody... 621 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,680 We're on to a moneymaking scheme! 622 00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:58,000 And there, I think... 623 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,120 If you dipped a real truffle in some fake truffle smell? 624 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:02,680 That's what you just said, isn't it? 625 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,360 - No, no, no, it's all about fooling pigs. - OK. - So... 626 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,720 - No, you get something that looks like a truffle... - Right, OK. 627 00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:13,960 - Goat shit. - Goat shit, Alan's right. 628 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:19,880 If you tune in and you see Gloria Hunniford on Rip-Off Britain 629 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:21,440 and a picture of me and a pig... 630 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,400 I'll be in the Bahamas! Oh, yeah! I'm on Easy Street! 631 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,880 If I see a picture of you and a pig with Gloria Hunniford, 632 00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:30,320 I won't be the least bit surprised. 633 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:37,800 Now, do you have the ability to sniff out crime? 634 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,640 Depends what kind of crime. 635 00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:44,040 He who smelt it dealt it - that is legally binding. 636 00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:47,640 Today I probably couldn't sniff out a crime, 637 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:49,440 because of the cold, aforementioned. 638 00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,960 But, I mean, I guess you could smell certain types of crime? 639 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:57,200 Well, they did some research in the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, 640 00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:59,120 a Professor Mats Olsson, 641 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:02,720 and people can tell a criminal by smell as well as by sight. 642 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:07,160 So they showed some video clips to people of crimes being committed, 643 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,040 and asked them to smell, at the same time, 644 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:11,440 the body odour of the person who was committing it. 645 00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:15,120 And when there was a line-up, just by the smell of the person, 646 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:18,560 they were able to work out, 70% of the time, which is exactly the same 647 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:22,640 as a visual line-up, they were able to work out which person it was. 648 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:26,040 If the shirt don't whiff, you must...acquit. 649 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:29,440 That is the law. 650 00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:32,240 I cannot wait to see the Swedish version of Sherlock, 651 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:34,240 - cos it's just him going... - HE SNIFFS 652 00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,240 "Smell-a-mentory, my dear Watson." 653 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:37,960 - LAUGHTER AND GROANS - Hey, come on! 654 00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:39,600 - APPLAUSE - Yes! 655 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:46,240 Oh, no. You've blown it. 656 00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:47,960 - Has he got any stickers? - Uh... 657 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,320 - Have you got any stickers, Nish? - No. - He hasn't got any. 658 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,600 - No, cos I was going to ask for them back. - Take one back. 659 00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,040 If the five of us committed a crime 660 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,320 and somebody was allowed to sniff our clothes immediately, 661 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:01,360 then they would be able, by sniffing, 662 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:03,560 to work out again which one of us it was. 663 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:05,720 Is that where the term "smell a rat" comes from? 664 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,360 "I smell a rat!" 665 00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:08,720 - No. - OK. 666 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:14,400 But there are places... So in Alaska, Florida, New York, 667 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:16,360 they use scent line-ups. 668 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:18,880 But to fair, they use dogs, rather than human beings, 669 00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:20,880 because the human can smell with... 670 00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:24,120 We have about five or six million odour-detecting cells. 671 00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:27,120 - A dog, how many do you reckon? - 10 million. 672 00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:29,040 220 million. 673 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:31,120 And actually, even rabbits have more than us - 674 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:32,520 they have 100 million. 675 00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:36,400 What I don't understand about that is why they don't just 676 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,880 continually wince and cry out at the stenches that they encounter. 677 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,800 They must be able to turn it on and off. 678 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:43,200 It's a bit like owls. 679 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,960 An owl, because it's got its concave face and can amplify sound... 680 00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:48,560 I think this was on QI I learned this. 681 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,000 LAUGHTER 682 00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:54,040 ..can hear a vole's heartbeat underground, 683 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:57,160 but how could it not be driven mad by constant noise? 684 00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:00,040 I mean, if a car backfires, it would blow its brains out. 685 00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:04,040 Well, what we're going to do now is we're going to test out 686 00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,360 how a dog does on sniffing things out. 687 00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:10,720 I have here some contraband, which I am going to give to you, Alan. 688 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:11,880 OK. 689 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,200 And what I would like you to do is put it in your pocket... 690 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:16,760 - Put it in my... - ..and go and hide in the audience. 691 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:18,200 Go and hide in Croydon! 692 00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:23,040 So the audience have got special masks to put on. 693 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:25,640 So if they could put...those who've got masks could put them on. 694 00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:28,120 - NISH: - Oh, my God! - It's terrifying. 695 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,880 - Urgh, it's like a sea of... It's awful. - Completely terrifying. 696 00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:36,280 Now this is a very special episode of Jonathan Creek. 697 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:40,960 I never thought I'd be involved in a live game of Where's Wally? 698 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,640 OK. We now welcome, please, to the studio, from the RAF Police, 699 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:50,120 Corporal Sam Robson-Rodriguez and Rex. 700 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,240 APPLAUSE 701 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:03,120 Sam, thank you so much for coming in and supplying us 702 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:04,760 with the dummy contraband. 703 00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:07,240 Tell me about Rex and what his job is. 704 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:09,600 Well, Rex is a five-year-old black Lab. 705 00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:11,200 His main job is to search for drugs 706 00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:14,320 - anywhere we want to put him, basically. - And how's he trained? 707 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,320 How do you make him be able to do that? 708 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,960 Well, we start searching for, like, their toys, and then we just 709 00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:21,920 associate the toys with the drugs, so then they think they're searching 710 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,720 for their toy, whereas in fact, we want them to search for the drugs. 711 00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:26,840 And how many scents can Rex recognise, do you think? 712 00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:28,320 He's trained on all the main scents, 713 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,320 and basically anything that you can make out of that. 714 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,200 - So, he looks keen to get going. - He does. 715 00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:35,440 - Right, Sam, please, over to you, my lovely. - Thank you very much. 716 00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:39,440 Rex. Come here. 717 00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:41,720 I do hope nobody in the audience has got anything... 718 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,920 - Do you know what? I really hope somebody does. - NISH: - Yeah. 719 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:50,080 That would be... Wouldn't that just be the best bit of telly ever? 720 00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,800 If you just... If he dragged someone to the floor and just, 721 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,520 just dragged them out. 722 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:58,000 - A live drug bust on QI. - Brilliant. 723 00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:02,280 He's so far...ignoring everybody. So that's good for that side. 724 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:07,320 How will he...? How will he show if he knows? 725 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:11,400 - They have either a stand indication or a sit indication. - Oh. 726 00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,240 Is he sniffing your crotch, Alan? 727 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,360 - Is it in your left pocket? - Oh, my God! 728 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,600 Let's have a round of applause, please, for Rex and Sam. 729 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:22,280 APPLAUSE 730 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,440 Sam and Rex, very good. Thank you very much. 731 00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:37,480 And thank you to all my Alans. What a very, very spooky sight that was. 732 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,280 - That was very, very spooky. - It was extremely unpleasant. 733 00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:43,560 Right, it's time for the stinking miasma that is General Ignorance. 734 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:44,920 Fingers on buzzers, please. 735 00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:48,360 In which country was the full bikini wax invented? 736 00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:50,400 - # Smell the roses... # - Sally? 737 00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:53,280 I think I'm going to fall into a hole. I'm going to say Brazil. 738 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:54,600 It's not right, is it? 739 00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:56,960 - KLAXON No. - Argh! 740 00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:58,840 - It's not Brazil. - Croydon. 741 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:00,800 It's not Croydon. Any more for any more? 742 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:02,200 Australia? America? 743 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,320 It is America. It is in the United States. 744 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:06,880 So, there's a woman called Jonice Padilha 745 00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:09,480 of J Sisters salon in Manhattan. 746 00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:12,960 They pioneered the Brazilian bikini wax in the early 1990s, 747 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:16,200 and Playboy tried to patent it as an idea. 748 00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,640 And in order to stop them doing that, she said, "Oh, no, no, 749 00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,120 "you can't do that, it's tremendously popular throughout 750 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:24,480 "my entire home country and therefore it is unpatentable." 751 00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,920 And that is... You have to use proper wax there. 752 00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:28,680 Never just think you can use honey. 753 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:32,000 You speak from experience, then? 754 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,360 Oh, it stings in so many different ways. 755 00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:39,080 The salon still exists and it's opposite Trump Tower. 756 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:40,640 So you can actually have a Brazilian 757 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,920 and avoid being grabbed by the pussy at the same time. 758 00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,600 They came up with the process after other salons refused to wax 759 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:49,760 - that area, apparently. - Oh, wow. 760 00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:52,080 Apparently one of the world's most expensive car waxes 761 00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:53,360 is also Brazilian. 762 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:56,080 It is called Carnauba wax, made from a palm tree 763 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:57,920 that only grows in north-east Brazil. 764 00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:59,800 - Handy if you've got a hairy car. - Yeah. 765 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:03,400 You can get a French wax as well, 766 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,120 but it only waxes a strip down the middle of the bonnet. 767 00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:11,080 Why should you be worried about how you store your toothbrush? 768 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,440 Is it to do with things that crawl around at night 769 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,000 and crawl about your brushes? 770 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:18,040 LAUGHTER 771 00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,720 - Do you think there are things crawling about your bathroom? - Yeah. 772 00:37:20,720 --> 00:37:22,600 If you put your toothbrush in the wrong place, 773 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,720 it's more susceptible to interference from...from... 774 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:28,800 ..night-time creatures. 775 00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:30,560 Are you worried about the Wombles? 776 00:37:32,720 --> 00:37:35,880 There is a common belief that if you keep your toothbrush 777 00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:37,360 in the same room as the toilet, 778 00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:39,200 it will get covered in faecal matter. 779 00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:40,680 So, here is the good news... 780 00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,120 Well, to be fair, that is true, 781 00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:44,880 but that's only after my wife and I had a bit of an argument. 782 00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:49,040 She told me two or three days later, so, you know... 783 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,400 It's true. Your whole house has got faecal matter, 784 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,840 but it has no effect on you whatsoever. It's fine. 785 00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,800 According to the American Dental Association, there's "insufficient 786 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,880 "clinical evidence to support that bacterial growth on toothbrushes 787 00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:05,960 "will lead to specific adverse oral or systemic health effects." 788 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:09,800 It's good, it's good to know, now I can use my toothbrush to just 789 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,720 buff me downstairs. Free from worry. 790 00:38:12,720 --> 00:38:15,080 It's good to know you don't have to worry about creatures 791 00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:16,640 crawling around your toothbrush. 792 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:20,920 Really, really small cougars at night. 793 00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:26,960 Can you name an animal well known for playing possum? 794 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,560 - Is this a trick question? - Yes. 795 00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,040 I've been playing this game for 15 years now... 796 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:34,960 - and I smell a rat! - FART 797 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,120 - Ah. - A possum. - Possum. 798 00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,640 KLAXON A possum, yay! 799 00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:44,840 - It isn't. - Feigning death, right, is that what that is? 800 00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:46,320 It is, it's called thanatosis. 801 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,160 But it isn't the possum that does it, 802 00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:51,720 it is the expression that we use - it is the opossum. 803 00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:54,680 - So it's one of those great confusions. - Irish possum. 804 00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,960 IN IRISH ACCENT: It is an O'possum. An O'possum. 805 00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:00,960 The opossum is on the right there, the little white-faced one. 806 00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,640 And the possum is on the left. They're both marsupials. 807 00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:05,720 The possum actually lives in Australia, 808 00:39:05,720 --> 00:39:07,800 the opossum lives in the United States. 809 00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:09,760 And apart from them both being marsupials, 810 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:11,800 there's not really much that they have in common. 811 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,440 The similarity between the name 812 00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:16,000 stems from Captain's Cook's voyage to Australia. 813 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,240 The naturalist Joseph Banks, he mistook the animals 814 00:39:19,240 --> 00:39:21,440 that he saw for American opossums. 815 00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:23,880 We were in Australia when my daughter was very little, and 816 00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,760 we used to go... The only way she'd go to sleep at night is if we 817 00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,680 could go out in the street and find a possum, and then she could rest. 818 00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:31,800 - Aw. - And they used to walk along the telephone wires - 819 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:33,920 that was the best place to find them. 820 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:38,160 We had possums that lived in our roof, and they used to sigh. 821 00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:41,320 So you'd be watching the telly, and you would, you'd hear in the roof, 822 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,080 you'd hear, "Oh..." 823 00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,320 They do it quite a lot, and you'd be sort of like, "They're off again." 824 00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:51,080 And then, "Oh..." There was one day, I was in the house by myself... 825 00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:52,200 What were you watching? 826 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,600 Well, this was the thing - I was watching documentaries, 827 00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:56,560 and there was a "Oh... Oh..." 828 00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:59,120 - Did they want you to change channels? - Yeah. 829 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,560 I put it onto the music channel - not a peep out of them. 830 00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:08,320 There are lots of animals that react to a threat, so the turkey vulture, 831 00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:11,760 they regurgitate their last meal, usually rotting carrion. 832 00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:13,320 Always attractive! 833 00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,480 The king ratsnake, also known as the stinking goddess, 834 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,680 it empties its anal glands when it's attacked. 835 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:23,600 - The stinking goddess! That's a hell of a takeaway! - OK. 836 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,560 "I'm going for it, I'm going to do it. 837 00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:28,760 "I'll have a stinking goddess, bring it on! 838 00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:32,080 "You only have one stag night, right?" 839 00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:39,760 The honey badger, who's got a bit of the Donald Trump look, 840 00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:44,520 I think, about it, can turn its anal pouch inside out. 841 00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,280 It's a most extraordinary thing. 842 00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:49,160 Apparently, it puts off predators 843 00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:51,720 but it has a calming effect on bees. 844 00:40:51,720 --> 00:40:53,640 I mean, that's a good thing. 845 00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,400 Honey forms a major part of their diet, but the bees go, 846 00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,760 "Oh, look an anal pouch turned inside out..." 847 00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:02,640 According to the Guinness Book of Animal Records, 848 00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:06,720 the smelliest animal on Earth is the zorilla, or striped polecat. 849 00:41:06,720 --> 00:41:08,120 You're going to love this. 850 00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:12,200 The emissions from their anal glands not only stink, but can temporarily 851 00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:17,280 blind predators and cause painful burning sensations on the skin. 852 00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:19,400 So that is a seriously stinky creature. 853 00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:22,200 Yeah, and you can't get it out of your jeans. 854 00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,800 The smell or the animal? 855 00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:27,400 "So sorry, officer, er..." 856 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,280 Just have a look at this VT, which I really love. 857 00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:35,520 The karaftohelix snail, it does the complete opposite of playing possum. 858 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:37,640 Have a look. Rather than retreat into its shell, 859 00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:38,960 it goes on the offensive. 860 00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:42,480 It uses its shell - look at that - as a battering ram to hit. 861 00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:44,880 - Oh, that's very cool. - Isn't that wonderful? 862 00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,480 That is very cool, to be able to do that. 863 00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,280 If I could swing my arse like that... 864 00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,360 - You wouldn't be wasting your time sat here, would you? - No. 865 00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,920 If you think you see a possum playing possum, 866 00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:00,320 then they're probably dead. 867 00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:02,040 So, let's check it out. 868 00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:06,880 In first place, coming up smelling of roses with three points, 869 00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:10,080 it's Nish. APPLAUSE 870 00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:11,960 I still haven't got a sticker. 871 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,800 In second place, with minus two, Alan! 872 00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:18,440 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 873 00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:20,920 In third place, with minus three, Ross. 874 00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:22,920 APPLAUSE 875 00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:28,720 In last place, stinking the place up, with minus five, it's Sally! 876 00:42:28,720 --> 00:42:31,880 APPLAUSE 877 00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:38,000 So, we like to give a prize. 878 00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:43,040 Taking home tonight's prize, a truly odious odour - 879 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:47,600 the actual scent of the Apocalypse goes to Sally. There you go. 880 00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:53,840 It only remains for me to thank Sally, Ross, Nish and Alan. 881 00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:56,160 And I leave you with this tall tale from a toilet. 882 00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,640 Tallulah Bankhead was in a cubicle in the ladies'. 883 00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:00,360 "Do you have any toilet paper?" 884 00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:02,360 she asked the occupant of the next stall. 885 00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:03,720 "No," came the reply. 886 00:43:03,720 --> 00:43:05,640 "Then, do you have any Kleenex?" she asked. 887 00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,520 "Sorry, no," the lady said again. 888 00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:10,720 "Then, can you change a ten for two fives?" 889 00:43:10,720 --> 00:43:12,760 Thank you, goodnight!