1 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,560 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,560 Hello and welcome to QI. 3 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,480 Tonight's show is an other-worldly odyssey 4 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,680 through the mysterious occult. 5 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:45,520 Please offer up oblations to the Prince of Darkness - Russell Brand. 6 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,080 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 7 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:52,720 The Beast of Revelations, Aisling Bea. 8 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,320 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 9 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,120 The Lord of the Flies, Noel Fielding. 10 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,280 LAUGHTER CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 11 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:05,880 And, hell, yes, it's Alan Davies! 12 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:09,160 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 13 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:10,800 Hey-hey! 14 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,640 That was a terrifying outfit. LAUGHTER 15 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:21,240 I was really hoping there'd be a new car under there, but it's just Alan. 16 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:24,600 And their buzzers are obligingly ominous. Russell goes... 17 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:28,280 WOLF HOWLS 18 00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,920 Aisling goes... 19 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:34,680 EVIL CACKLING 20 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,800 And Noel goes... 21 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,880 EVIL LAUGHTER 22 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,840 And Alan goes... 23 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:45,000 OMINOUS ORGAN MUSIC 24 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,520 FAIRGROUND MUSIC PLAYS ON ORGAN 25 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:59,000 Hey, right. We're going to begin with some mind-reading, 26 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,200 but those of you who are psychic will already know that. 27 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,960 We have asked some members of our front row to write some 28 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:09,400 words on cards and put them in an envelope, which I have not seen. 29 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:13,120 So if the QI minion, this is our magic minion, 30 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:15,160 can please collect them, 31 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:19,360 then we're going to attempt some spooky mind-reading. 32 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:21,000 And what are they? Just facts, or? 33 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,240 It's just a word, a single word, is that right? 34 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:24,840 Each one's written a single word. 35 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,000 So the minion is going to give me the cards. 36 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,600 Do you believe in this kind of thing? 37 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,440 - Do you believe in mind-reading? - Yes. 38 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:33,560 OK. LAUGHTER 39 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,880 So in order for this to work, I need to make my mind a complete blank. 40 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:38,240 Alan, how do I do that? 41 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:39,920 LAUGHTER 42 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,200 Oh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 43 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,120 Now, some of you may know I have an ear piece, 44 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,600 I don't want you to think that in any way that anybody can 45 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,280 communicate with me, so I can't use that. 46 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,400 What's going to happen now is that I am going to place the card 47 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,200 to my head, and I need to concentrate. 48 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:58,000 I'm going to say...potato. Who said potato? 49 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,320 - Anybody say? You did say potato? - Did you? - OK. 50 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,000 Very, very good. Indeed. 51 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,440 OK, let's do the next one. LAUGHTER 52 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:09,280 Let's see. Oh, this one's difficult. 53 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,320 This one is very difficult. 54 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:15,720 I am going to say sin, something to do with sin... 55 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,680 ..synchronicity? 56 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,840 It is, synchronicity is your word? 57 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:21,640 She's a witch, burn her! 58 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,040 Goodness. Oh, indeed, OK. 59 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,560 So, we'll just do one more and see if I can think. 60 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,120 Oh, this one's nice - mushroom. I think it's mushroom. 61 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:34,840 Yes. Absolutely. Well, there we go, that will do. 62 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,920 APPLAUSE 63 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:41,480 - So... - There was a real... 64 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:45,320 - There was a real disparity between what inspired you lot there. - Yeah. 65 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,240 As in, like, you really dug deep around mushroom, didn't you? 66 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:51,080 Yeah. So, anybody know how I did that? 67 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,120 Does anybody have any idea how that happens? 68 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,800 - Because you can read minds? - Yes, that's exactly what happened. 69 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,200 Basically, you can read menus, is what I got from that. 70 00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,440 LAUGHTER 71 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,840 - Yeah, mushrooms and potatoes. - Mushroom, potato. - Yeah. 72 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,280 See, I love those tricks, I think they're fantastic, 73 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:06,800 - I mean, clearly they are a trick. And... - What?! 74 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,920 Of genius, a trick of genius, in some way. 75 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,840 Are you a fan of magic shows, Russell? 76 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,720 I'm astounded that we're all just sat here 77 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,280 while you have unravelled one of the great mysteries of the universe. 78 00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:20,640 Now we're going to have to work out through which necromancy 79 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,760 you have taken over Bake-Off. 80 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,240 LAUGHTER 81 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,960 You've managed to install Noel Fielding, 82 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:31,360 an astonishing piece of casting. What's next? 83 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,160 I'm channelling Mrs Beeton, that's what's happening. 84 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:37,080 - You have powers beyond my comprehension. - I know, I know. 85 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:40,040 So what I'm going to do, I'm going to take a blank card like this 86 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,360 and I'm going to write a word myself on it, 87 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,680 and I'm going to stick it in an envelope. 88 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:48,120 And then we will place that in this big book, 89 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,280 so that it's not possible for me to change it. 90 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,000 Russell can see it from where you are. 91 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,880 I saw your eyes looking. He's cheating. 92 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,800 Yeah, but I would never use that knowledge to trick the QI audience. 93 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,720 OK, let's put it on there, let's put it on there 94 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,080 so that I can't cheat with it, you can all see it, it's in... 95 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,280 There it is, it's in plain sight, OK. 96 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:06,680 So, there used to be a thought that some people could read 97 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:08,880 through something other than their eyes. 98 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:13,000 It's called dermo-optical perception, or cutaneous perception. 99 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,960 And the idea is, so I put it against my head 100 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,760 so that you could read through your fingers 101 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,280 or you could read through your skin. 102 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,240 I've been warned about men where they come at you 103 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:21,640 in that sort of position. 104 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,400 It's like, "I'm going to read you!" 105 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,080 You're like, "Argh!" 106 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,040 Well, in World War I, there's a wonderful story. 107 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,440 There was a lot of paranoia in Europe, as you can imagine, 108 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:32,280 and there was a lady's maid, and she was stopped and strip-searched 109 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:35,560 in Germany, and they found secret writing on her bottom, OK. 110 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,040 And they arrested her, they photographed the writing, 111 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,320 and they sent it to German military intelligence. 112 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:42,600 Her bottom was much discussed and much looked at. 113 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,120 It turned out that the maid, on the train, had been worried 114 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:48,680 that the loo would be dirty, and she'd put newspaper on the seat. 115 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,320 LAUGHTER 116 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:53,440 And the writing was several articles from the Frankfurter Zeitung, 117 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,440 which I like. They were able to read the newspaper off her arse. 118 00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,400 But, in fact, our mind-reading 119 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,240 was done by a completely different trick. 120 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,800 There was a mentalist who used to be known as Alexander - 121 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,320 The Man Who Knows. 122 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,840 - I've got that very poster. - Have you? - Yeah. 123 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:10,560 Do you know who he actually is, Alexander, The Man Who Knows? 124 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,960 - He was called Alexander. - LAUGHTER 125 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,480 And he worked as a psychic. 126 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,720 His real name was Claude Conlin and he was from South Dakota. 127 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,360 I got it in Coney Island. 128 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:22,920 And they still have contortionists 129 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,720 and people who stick nails in themselves. 130 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,280 They're people who do actual extraordinary things. 131 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,040 Get a real job! 132 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,520 There's one lad who can get himself through a tennis racket. 133 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,000 But there's no strings on it. 134 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,600 LAUGHTER 135 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,600 - Be a bit sick. - That would be a trick, wouldn't it? 136 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:38,880 He comes out like human chips! 137 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,520 But to do it, he has to dislocate his shoulder to get through it. 138 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,680 And he's 23, or something. 139 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:48,000 - And I said, "Are you not worried by long-term implications?" - Yeah. 140 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,760 And he said, "Well, I've been told that my shoulders will be ruined 141 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,120 "by the time I'm 40." 142 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,280 I said, "Well, stop doing it, then." And he wouldn't. 143 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,760 But he was quite a guy, Alexander. 144 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:57,840 He married 8 to 14 women, many at the same time. 145 00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:00,480 We don't know exactly how many, maybe 14 women. 146 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,280 - 14 women? - Yeah, it's quite a lot. 147 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,320 That's not that many, is it, Russell? 148 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,280 LAUGHTER 149 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,080 A conservative mind-bender! 150 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:12,720 I can't tell you how we read the mind of our front row, 151 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,920 but I can say that we have a plant in the audience. 152 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,720 - Yeah. - CHUCKLING 153 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:21,520 OK, so I've got an object here for you. 154 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,000 - There's one for you guys to share. - Thank you very much. 155 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,520 And one for you to share. 156 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:29,440 And I want you to tell me how you would use it to burgle a house. 157 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,280 - OK, so... - I... I've an idea. - Yes, go on, then. 158 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:35,440 Well, I think what you'd do is, you would melt the waxen tips. 159 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:37,120 - There are waxen tips. - There are. 160 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,720 You would get the finger prints of the person whose house it 161 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,720 was on their hi-tech James Bond style fingerprint system. 162 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,840 - Yeah. - I don't know how you get in that bit, 163 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,920 cos if you've got that kind of access to the person, 164 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:51,840 simply charm them into allowing you in to rob the safe at your leisure. 165 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,240 And then you put their fingerprints on there, 166 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:58,000 then you put this very discreet garment on your other hand 167 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:01,760 and wander into Canary Wharf, or wherever it is, and say - 168 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:04,200 "I'm just one of the people who happens to live here. 169 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,160 "Don't judge me by that. I move among you. 170 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,200 "I love you. I'm a banker, just like you." 171 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,160 Then you press all the buttons, you're in there, 172 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,600 - and that's how you rob their house. - And that's that sorted. 173 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,240 - Simple business. - Yeah. I don't know why we didn't think of that. 174 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:17,640 LAUGHTER 175 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,520 What we really needed was the pickled hand of a hang... 176 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,640 That one's gone rogue! 177 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:29,440 I think you could only rob a house if Freddy Krueger lived there. 178 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,520 Just put your hand through the letterbox and the dog lets you in. 179 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:33,720 We wanted to set fire to them, 180 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,880 but apparently it's a health and safety nightmare. 181 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,240 There's a fire there, though. 182 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,200 Why is fire allowed there and not near Noel? 183 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,120 - Now I understand. - I think the worry was that... 184 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,400 LAUGHTER 185 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,880 - Who wants me to try? - CHEERING 186 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:48,840 - OK. - Don't put it near your hair product, will you? 187 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,800 - Are you left or right handed? - Well, the glove is left handed. 188 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,560 Yeah, but... 189 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:57,640 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 190 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:04,800 - OK. So hang on, is that it? - There we go. 191 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,480 Light the others. I used to do this with... 192 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,440 - AISLING: - So, in answer to your question, Sandi, 193 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,960 - while they're doing that, I go and burgle the house. - Yes. 194 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,840 Is that what it is? 195 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,560 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 196 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,800 - Hi, nice to meet you. - OTHERS SING: - Happy birthday to you. 197 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,600 A really rubbish kid's thing. 198 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,280 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 199 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:31,880 - Is it the flame that's significant? - Kind of. - Or the rubber? 200 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,520 So, you needed the pickled hand of a hanged man, OK? 201 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,080 - Oh, wow. - You then needed to make 202 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:40,280 a candle from the fat of the condemned man. 203 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:44,760 - Ugh! - And then, in an idea world, you would make the wick out of his hair. 204 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:46,240 It's called a Hand of Glory. 205 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,280 If you were holding the Hand of Glory, 206 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:49,800 and the Hand of Glory had a... 207 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,600 LAUGHTER 208 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:55,000 That's not the Hand of Glory, Sandi. That's the Hand of Glory. 209 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,960 It was a race. 210 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,360 It's sweet when boys are so pleased with themselves. 211 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,360 LAUGHTER 212 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,040 It's a good job this desk is here. 213 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,960 No, you're all right. Um... 214 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,440 So the idea was, if you held one of these 215 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,000 when you went into somebody's house, 216 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:19,360 it would have a stupefying effect upon them, and put them to sleep. 217 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:23,000 Now, the only photograph that we have of a genuine Hand of Glory 218 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,600 is courtesy of the Whitby Museum, 219 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:28,040 and that is probably the only one still in existence, and that was... 220 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,520 It's quite a wild pitch, like, for Dragons' Den, to go, 221 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,760 "I've got this idea, all we need is one hand 222 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:34,760 "of a hanged man, we stick his hair in there, 223 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,400 "make a candle out of his skin, the hair is going to be the wick. 224 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,280 "That's important. When we go into the house, 225 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,080 "it'll automatically send people to sleep 226 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,200 "and that's how we're going to burgle the house." 227 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,800 "I'm in, £250,000. I see nothing wrong with this idea." 228 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,200 - NOEL: - Or just wait till they go on holiday. 229 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,960 LAUGHTER 230 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,440 Well, the Observer, in 1831, 231 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:55,160 reported on the 16th of January, "Burglars entered a house 232 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,040 "in County Meath, armed with a dead man's hand 233 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,560 "with a lighted candle in it, believing in the superstitious 234 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,760 "notion that it would prevent those who may be asleep from awaking." 235 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,160 - Do you think it worked? - No. 236 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:06,080 No, they woke instantly and raised the alarm. 237 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,000 - Screamed their heads off. - Yeah, absolutely. 238 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,480 - He's got a burning hand! - LAUGHTER 239 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,680 Anybody know where the term Hand of Glory comes from? 240 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,920 - Russell! - LAUGHTER 241 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,600 I feel I'm looking the wrong way, really, for this... 242 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,240 I don't know, but I'm going to Google it 243 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,640 and see whose picture comes up. 244 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,920 - It's an old word for the mandrake root, mandragore. - Oh. 245 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,000 Which was supposed to look a bit like human beings. 246 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,080 But the good thing is, if you thought that somebody 247 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,720 was going to come at you with a Hand of Glory, 248 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:36,080 you could protect yourself. This is good. There's an unguent 249 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,320 which you can rub around the threshold 250 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,520 of your house, and it's very simple. You just need a... 251 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,760 - I'm glad you said "of your house," then. - Yes. 252 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,040 LAUGHTER 253 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:47,440 You need gall of black cat, fat of white hen and blood of screech owl. 254 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,760 And if you do those things, then that'll protect you. 255 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,120 What's a screech owl? 256 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,640 One of them. 257 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,680 The Irish were very keen on all these old folklores. 258 00:11:56,680 --> 00:12:00,320 In fact, Irish butter makers would incorporate a dead man's hand 259 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,720 taken fresh from the graveyard in their recipes 260 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,720 and the milk would be stirred around nine times with the hand. 261 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:09,760 Erm, just on behalf of Ireland, that is no longer done. 262 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,680 Please continue to buy Irish butter, where and if you can. 263 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:13,800 LAUGHTER 264 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,360 - Shares in Kerrygold have just gone through the floor. - Yeah. 265 00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,960 My favourite of these is from a book called Folklore Of Herefordshire. 266 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,600 The cure for whooping cough 267 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,000 was to make a child eat a slice of bread and butter 268 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,960 that had sat in the hand of a corpse. 269 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,280 LAUGHTER AND GROANS 270 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,360 "You'll eat it till it's finished, 271 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:31,960 "and then we'll return the corpse." 272 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,640 But I didn't mention, in the recipe for the Hand of Glory, 273 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,640 it needs to be the left hand. Why would that be? 274 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,520 Makes it feel like it's someone else. 275 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,440 LAUGHTER 276 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,680 So you can deny it was you burgling the house. 277 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,400 "It didn't feel like me!" 278 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,160 - NOEL: - Is it something to do with Satan? 279 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:52,880 It's to do with it being sinister. 280 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:55,000 - So, sinister is the Latin word for left. - Oh. 281 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,680 So that's where we get sinister from. 282 00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:59,160 That's another thing, in Ireland they used to beat... 283 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:02,080 My mother was a left hand, with a left... "Was a left hand!" 284 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:03,320 LAUGHTER 285 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:04,920 Here she is! 286 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,680 "Oh, hiya, Mammy." "Hello, Aisling." 287 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:09,320 "I still love you and I never left." 288 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:10,840 "Oh, thanks, Mammy." 289 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,360 LAUGHTER 290 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,200 My mother was left handed, 291 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,040 and in Ireland, they think the devil is in your left hand. 292 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,200 They used to beat it out of kids and force them 293 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,600 to write with their right hand. 294 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,320 The... I don't want to say it, but, like... 295 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:24,760 It was the nuns! 296 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,280 LAUGHTER 297 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,320 But, yeah, they used to beat them across the hands, 298 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:34,320 and most kids were forced, probably, I'd say, until the '70s, 299 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:38,120 - to do everything with their right hand. - Wow. - Yeah. Yeah. 300 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,280 Well, the occult was also used against burglars. 301 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,280 So there used to be quite a lot of book curses, 302 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,200 because books were phenomenally expensive. 303 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:47,120 So in the Middle Ages they wanted to stop people from stealing books. 304 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:50,360 This is a fantastic one from a 15th-century manuscript 305 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,640 owned by Count Jean d'Orleans. 306 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,560 - He's covering a lot of bases, there. - He is really, yeah. 307 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:08,000 - He don't want that book stolen. - No, that's not going to... 308 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,400 - Look after it. - Yeah. 309 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,440 And, in fact, if you go to Edinburgh now, 310 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,280 you can go to the Writers' Museum. 311 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,680 It was built in 1622 by William Gray of Pittendrum. 312 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,280 And he was so worried about burglars, 313 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,640 if you look at the steps, they're all different heights, 314 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:21,760 because he knew that they were different heights, 315 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,240 he would have heard a burglar coming. 316 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:24,720 It's a rather clever idea, isn't it? 317 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,360 Because you'd hear them going, "These steps are ridiculous!" 318 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,200 It's actually called Lady Stair's House. Have you ever been? 319 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,840 I went there, but I found the stairs quite taxing. 320 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,200 So I turned around and went home. 321 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,600 It was midnight, no-one else was there, it was dark. 322 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,600 Now, which horny member of royalty 323 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:45,160 is immune from any form of legal prosecution? 324 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,960 EVIL CACKLING Yes? 325 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,320 Prince Andrew? 326 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,480 KLAXON Oh, no. 327 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,640 - It's going to be something with horns? - Yes. 328 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,520 Is it, like, a royal cow, or something? 329 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:01,840 - No. There should be, I think. - The Royal Cow. 330 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:03,560 - NOEL: - That's a snail, what you're doing. 331 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:06,160 LAUGHTER 332 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:10,240 - Brian from Magic Roundabout. - Magic Roundabout. - Hello. 333 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,960 - Who was it - Florence and Dougal? - Yeah. 334 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,520 And there was the one who's based on Bob Dylan, the rabbit. 335 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:16,400 Dylan. And he was stoned all the time. 336 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,560 Yeah, exactly, it was the '70s. 337 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,320 You were allowed to be stoned in a children's cartoon. 338 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,120 - AISLING: - Helen, did you say? 339 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,720 - AUDIENCE MEMBER: Dylan. - Dylan, yeah. - Dylan. - Dylan, yeah. 340 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,600 Yes, we just said that, thanks. We said that. 341 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,360 That person just woke up. "Dylan, they're talking about Dylan!" 342 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:31,840 LAUGHTER 343 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,720 "They're talking about Magic Roundabout! Dylan!" 344 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,880 The guy's just beginning to get the hang of mind-reading. 345 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,040 - "Mushroom! Mushroom!" - LAUGHTER 346 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,200 "Potato!" 347 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,360 Come on, now - horny member of royalty. 348 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,400 - In the context of the occult... - Yes. 349 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,120 - ..who is a horny royal? - The Devil. 350 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,800 The Devil is exactly right. 351 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,400 The Devil. You can't prosecute the Devil? 352 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,840 No, so, in 1971, there was an American called Gerald Mayo, 353 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,520 attempted to sue the Devil. 354 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:02,360 And there is the case. 355 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,720 "United States ex rel. Gerald Mayo 356 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,040 "vs Satan and His Staff." 357 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:10,240 And it was heard by the US District Court 358 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,160 for the Western District of Pennsylvania. 359 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,320 Mr Mayo alleged, "Satan has on numerous occasions caused 360 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,200 "plaintiff misery and unwarranted threats. 361 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,960 "Against the will of the plaintiff, Satan has placed deliberate 362 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:24,280 "obstacles in his path and has caused the plaintiff's downfall." 363 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,480 The first point that was raised by the judge, 364 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:30,120 a man called Gerald J Weber, was that he wasn't sure that they 365 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:34,320 could prosecute Satan, as Satan was technically a foreign prince 366 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,480 and, if sued, he might be able to claim immunity. 367 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,520 Surely it's a typo, he meant "Stan." 368 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,920 LAUGHTER 369 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,360 And in the end they refused his request, 370 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,080 because nobody could find an address to serve Satan the papers. 371 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,360 You actually have to put it in their hand, don't you? 372 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,800 - Yeah. - Otherwise it doesn't count. 373 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:52,960 - Yeah. - Wow! 374 00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:54,960 There was a guy who filed a suit against God, 375 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,680 seeking a permanent injunction against His harmful activities. 376 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,880 Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers. 377 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,560 Again, the suit dismissed cos God was not properly notified. 378 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,200 Although Chambers said, you know, 379 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,000 "His omniscience would surely mean that He knows already." 380 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,720 In fact, Ernie Chambers brought the case 381 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,640 to show that some court cases are frivolous. 382 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,600 But do you know about the Devil's Advocate? 383 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,560 - Do you know about that? - Avocado? - As in being one? 384 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,920 Well, it's a Roman Catholic thing, the Devil's Advocate. 385 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,600 Yeah, as in to play Devil's Advocate? 386 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,360 Well, that's where the phrase comes from, 387 00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:22,640 but it used to be a proper job. 388 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,080 It was the job of the Devil's Advocate to argue the case 389 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,120 against proposed sainthoods. So his job was to say, 390 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,000 "This person is going to come up to be a saint, 391 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,440 "I don't think it's a good idea." 392 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,040 It was got rid of by Pope John Paul II in 1983, 393 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,360 and the number of saints just shot through the roof. 394 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,840 482 in his 27-year tenure, 395 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,240 compared with 98 for the rest of the 20th century, 396 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,360 and more than all his predecessors combined, 397 00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:44,680 going back to the 16th century. 398 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,600 It's quite cool. It's like a casting, isn't it? 399 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,600 - Just went crazy, making saints. AISLING: - Yeah. 400 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,440 I think I should be a saint. Mm, not sure... 401 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,640 So, when Mother Teresa was nominated for the sainthood, 402 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,040 Christopher Hitchens was asked by the Roman Catholic Church 403 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:56,920 to say why it was a bad idea for her to be. 404 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,120 And he stood up and made a speech and said, basically, 405 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,600 - "She was a wrong 'un." - Wow. 406 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:04,040 - It's like a roast. - Yeah, it is exactly like that! 407 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,480 Anybody know the correct way to greet the Devil? 408 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:11,120 - High-five? - No. - I reckon there's got to be some deference in it, 409 00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:13,800 you go down on one knee, little bit of a hornpipe, 410 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,200 stick an elbow out, two thumbs up, come on, 411 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,760 take us on a wild, giddy journey. 412 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:22,560 OK, yeah. Down on one knee is a good place to start. 413 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,960 - See? - Like, no, not a blowy. - LAUGHTER 414 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,840 It's the kiss of shame, you have to kiss the Devil's... 415 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:33,120 - You kiss his ring? - His arse, you have to kiss his arse. There it is. 416 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:35,240 - The Devil's arse? - What?! - Yeah. - Kiss his bum. 417 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:39,440 The Osculum Infame, the Kiss of Shame. Kissing the Devil's arse. 418 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,160 I like the idea of the Devil presenting his anus to you 419 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,600 and you not going for it, and just leaving, and him being embarrassed. 420 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:49,320 Do you think he lifts his own tail or do you have to lift his tail? 421 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,680 Flick that tail right up, reveal the anus, a little wink. 422 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,040 Give us a kiss. 423 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,840 I'd like it if it was like a Pez dispenser, 424 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,200 so, like, when it lifts up, you get a little Devil sweet. 425 00:18:58,200 --> 00:18:59,600 You're like, yum-yum, thank you. 426 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,400 You've crossed... You've crossed the line, did you hear that noise? 427 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,200 LAUGHTER 428 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,960 - Sweets from the Devil's arse? No. - Not on the BBC. 429 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:12,240 The rest of that chat's fine, but we're drawing the line there. 430 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,560 We like Pez and you've ruined it for us! 431 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,760 - LAUGHTER - Mushroom! 432 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,640 Alan actually knows the parameters. 433 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,040 We think of you as a sort of a shambling, lovable figure, 434 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,520 but you actually are sensing stuff, like a shaman. 435 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,560 - You're reading their minds, Alan. - Yeah. 436 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,440 No, they just made a funny noise. 437 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,680 Now, over to O for Osterreich. 438 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,520 Here are four sculptures. 439 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,040 Which is the constipated one? 440 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,200 LAUGHTER 441 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,800 Hmm... 442 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,480 They look like the four stages of Victor Meldrew. 443 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,280 Are they done by the same person? 444 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,680 They're all done by exactly the same sculptor. 445 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,560 I can tell you what the other ones are called. 446 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,080 There's one called The Yawner. 447 00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,040 There's one called The Strong Odour. 448 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:00,920 And there's one called The Vexed Man. 449 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,520 So let's have a look and see which ones they are. 450 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,000 The Constipated One is number three. 451 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,640 Strong Odour and the Vexed One. 452 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,680 And there's also one called the Incapable Bassoonist. 453 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:11,960 LAUGHTER 454 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,640 These are all by an 18th-century German sculptor 455 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,320 called Franz Messerschmidt. 456 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,000 There are 43 that survive today. 457 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,280 The man suffered from terrible digestive disorders, 458 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,200 and to distract himself during really painful episodes, 459 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,720 he would pinch himself all over. 460 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,440 And he noticed in the mirror the expressions that he would make, 461 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,840 and he decided to record what he referred to as 462 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:34,240 the 64 canonical grimaces of the human face with sculpture. 463 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:38,040 And he spent 11 years making those amazing heads. 464 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,000 But he had hallucinations, and he believed that he saw ghosts, 465 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,080 and he was much troubled, frankly. 466 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:47,480 I feel like that's the order of me waiting on a text back from a guy. 467 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,080 LAUGHTER 468 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:50,400 I love them, 469 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,080 because it's as though you can see inside the pain of somebody. 470 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,120 - I think they... - Did he do any cheerful ones? 471 00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:57,720 - He wasn't given to... - Watching Morecambe and Wise. 472 00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,720 Yeah, he wasn't really given to cheerfulness. 473 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,120 - How big are they? - They're proper busts, you know. - Right. 474 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:05,080 - There's... I mean, the man was a skilled Baroque sculptor. - Right. 475 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,440 And after his death, they were exhibited at the Citizens Hospital in Vienna. 476 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,880 You mentioned necromancy, he was very interested in that, 477 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,600 using magic to communicate with the dead, 478 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,800 it was one of the things that he was very interested in. 479 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,280 - He had a wide range of interests, didn't he, the fella? - Yeah. 480 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,680 He's sculpting faces, trying to depict mental illness, 481 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,480 - and still trying to summons up the dead. - Yeah. He was very busy. 482 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:24,560 - Where'd he find the time? - I know. 483 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:28,120 Now, time for mind-reading number two. 484 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:32,560 OK, so for this, I'm going to ask Aisling, please, to channel 485 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,160 Carol Vorderman for me, if you don't mind. 486 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,640 - Vr-o-o-o-p. - So here is a pen. 487 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,200 So you've got to hold it up so that everybody can see. 488 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,120 - Yes. - So maybe Alan can help you with that. 489 00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,720 Well, I think I'm all right. 490 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,080 No, no, I mean hold it up so that the audience can see 491 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:48,560 what you're writing. 492 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,280 - Oh, I see what you mean. Yes. - LAUGHTER 493 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,600 - AMERICAN ACCENT: - Thank God I got this big strong man with me 494 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,320 to carry this heavy old board. 495 00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:59,440 - Oh! - LAUGHTER 496 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:02,960 There's a gentleman wearing a T-shirt 497 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,720 that says "Love Is" something. 498 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,640 Any random number, please. 499 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:10,400 - Just single-digit number. - Eight. - It wasn't a difficult question. 500 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,000 - LAUGHTER - Eight. - He's gone eight. 501 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,080 - Write that down, please. - OK. 502 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,840 Just to warn you, you're going to write a three-digit number 503 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,880 and there's going to be quite a lot of numbers. 504 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,480 - So, eight. - Oh, dear God. LAUGHTER 505 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,480 Could you just start again? OK. 506 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,520 That was just me having a gentle laugh with you, Sandi. 507 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,920 I love it. There is... Let's go right up the back there, 508 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:39,680 first row at the very back. 509 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,800 - The blue shirt at the end? - Two. - Two, number two. 510 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,560 - OK, two. - OK, there we go. 511 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:49,120 - Squeaky. - Shut up, Debbie McGee! 512 00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:51,680 And let's go over here, lady with a patterned top? 513 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,520 - Seven. - Seven. 827. OK. 514 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:58,000 - Whoa. - So what I want you to do now is reverse the digits underneath. 515 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,320 Oh, yes. Oh... 516 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,520 ..but that's always going to be two in the middle. 517 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:05,960 Yeah, that's fine, keep going. 518 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:07,960 - That's still... - Put it upside down. 519 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,200 It's not really complicated, what I'm asking you to do. 520 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:11,680 - LAUGHTER - Yes, yes, yes. 521 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,080 Could you now subtract the smaller 522 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:15,800 number from the larger? 523 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:18,480 Right, yeah. OK, 524 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,960 so we're going to do this now. 525 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:22,160 SANDI LAUGHS 526 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,840 So we take eight from seven, just not possible, 527 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,680 I think we all know that. 528 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:30,920 OK. Yes, so we're going to do... 529 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,440 - Wow! - I mean, I'm in the arts, you see, so... 530 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,320 - Yeah. - It's just... - Nine, nine, nine! 531 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,320 - Um...um... - Stop saying "no" at me in German 532 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,560 - and tell me what this is. - LAUGHTER 533 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,800 - Nine. - Yeah, and then it's going to be nine again. 534 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,600 - And then this one comes down here... - It's going to be nine again. 535 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:47,880 So it's three from nine, God! 536 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,640 So I need to have three numbers, so put a zero now please. 537 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,120 So you have three numbers. 538 00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:54,720 Now reverse those digits, please. 539 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,320 - Zero... - Always nine. 540 00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,840 And please could you add them together? 541 00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:03,040 - Um... - LAUGHTER 542 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:06,480 - So, 18. - No. So... LAUGHTER 543 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,080 - So nine and zero, start again. - Oh! 544 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:13,800 Nine and zero is nine. Nine and nine is eight, carry one. 545 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,360 - 18. - So the answer is...? - 1,089. 546 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:18,880 OK, so we've come to 1,089. OK, thank you very much. 547 00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,440 AISLING SIGHS Wow, that was painful. 548 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,320 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Really painful. 549 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:29,920 So what was the number that we had? We had 1,089. 550 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:33,640 So, Noel, I'm going to pass you a copy of 1,342 QI Facts 551 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:37,840 To Leave You Flabbergasted. LAUGHTER 552 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:41,080 - Noel? - Yes? - Could you, let's see, 1089, 553 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,200 take the tenth word on page 89 554 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,320 - and tell me what it is. - Yeah. 555 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,040 - What is it? - French. 556 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:52,600 French. Here is the envelope that I did earlier. 557 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:56,360 - And there is the word French. - No! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 558 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:08,000 - Whoa! - Isn't that fab? - That's a very good trick. 559 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:09,480 - I mean, that's nuts. - Yeah. 560 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,800 I feel like you've taken Bake Off, you've taken QI, 561 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,080 - and now, you're going to take Derren Brown shows. - Yeah. 562 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:15,480 - It's over, Brown. - Amazing. 563 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,720 Sandi, you clearly are Satan born again, show me 564 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:22,640 - the correct greeting once more. - LAUGHTER 565 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,080 APPLAUSE 566 00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:28,200 I'm ready. 567 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,040 And the powers it will surely imbue. 568 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,160 Anyway, thank you very much to our audience, 569 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,480 and very well done to Carol, there. Very good. 570 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:38,920 APPLAUSE 571 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,160 - Why was...? - Yeah? 572 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,120 Why was six afraid of seven? 573 00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:46,320 I don't know. 574 00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:47,800 Because seven ATE nine. 575 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:49,280 LAUGHTER 576 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:52,240 And that's brought us right back to the level... 577 00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,480 ..that we're normally used to. 578 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,760 - Does anybody want to know how I did it? - Yes. 579 00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:57,880 Nah, I'm not telling. 580 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:03,520 Can you tell me the final title in Shakespeare's oeuvre? 581 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,120 - Anybody know? - He was very cranial, wasn't he? 582 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:07,880 - Big forehead. - Yes. Receding. 583 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,720 Really, you'd like to hit him with a teaspoon. 584 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:12,520 Dip a soldier in him. 585 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,920 It would come out with sonnets on it. 586 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,560 The sonnets would be in his mind in the form of a fluid 587 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,200 that you could access with soldiers. 588 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:26,120 He is a genius. Make him a saint, or should we? 589 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,320 I'm hungry and Noel's hungry too. 590 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,840 Has anyone got a banana? 591 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:35,640 Someone's usually got a banana. 592 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,160 Has anybody got a banana? 593 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,560 - There, that lady's got one. - Is that mind-reading? 594 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:42,920 - Yes. - There it is. - Oh, yes. 595 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,120 - NOEL: - Don't throw it! - Two people have got bananas! 596 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:46,880 There's two bananas. How many...? 597 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,800 Can we do a whole hand of bananas amongst all the audience? 598 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:52,240 I've never stopped to have a banana during the show. 599 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:53,800 That's never been... 600 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,680 Why has the whole audience got bananas? 601 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:01,200 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 602 00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:05,240 Has anyone got a bit of toast with Marmite on it? 603 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:06,520 LAUGHTER 604 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,120 Never mind that, who's got a Scotch? 605 00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:09,760 Seriously. LAUGHTER 606 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:10,920 Do you feel better now? 607 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,000 Yeah, thank you. It was starting to affect my consciousness. 608 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,520 Well, the good thing is, it didn't show, so... 609 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,120 LAUGHTER 610 00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:20,760 I once spent a whole day in Stratford 611 00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:23,120 trying to ask everybody how Shakespeare died. 612 00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:24,520 And they don't like to tell you. 613 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,320 Does anybody know how Shakespeare died? 614 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,120 - NOEL: - Kissing Satan's arse. 615 00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:29,440 LAUGHTER 616 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,240 Someone cracked his head and put a soldier in it. 617 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:35,680 Well, it gives it away that he was born and died on the same day. 618 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,200 - April 23rd. - April 23rd. He was born and died on the same... 619 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,440 Oh, something happened with his birthday cake. 620 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,680 We think he possibly had too much to drink on his birthday! 621 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,080 # Happy birthday to you! # 622 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,440 LAUGHTER 623 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,720 - Yeah, it killed him. NOEL: - Wow, that's a lot to drink. 624 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,560 I know, but they don't like to say, "Oh, yeah, drunk on his birthday." 625 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,200 They don't want to say, "You know Shakespeare - lightweight!" 626 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:56,720 Yeah, really, yeah. 627 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,760 - Come on. Last work authored by Shakespeare? - Tempest, ain't it? 628 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:03,640 - The Tempest. - Oh. - BELLS RING, KLAXON HOOTS 629 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,280 - No. - You've been in that? 630 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,120 Is it definitely a play, or could it have been a poem? 631 00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:12,560 It's not a play, it is a work authored by Shakespeare. 632 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:14,400 Did he have a diary or something? 633 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,240 I can tell you it was written in 1920. 634 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,520 - OK... - Yeah. And we're doing the occult. 635 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:21,480 - Did someone channel him? - That's exactly right. 636 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:24,360 - That's what they used to do, didn't they? - According to a wonderful book 637 00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:27,200 called Essential Cataloguing: The Basics, it's the guide 638 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,800 followed by the British Library and the US Library of Congress, 639 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,800 books written by authors after their death 640 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:34,320 are still catalogued under their own name. 641 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:36,880 So his last work, published in 1920, 642 00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:39,560 The Book For Him I Name For Jesus' Sake, 643 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,480 by William Shakespeare (spirit)... 644 00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:43,760 LAUGHTER 645 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:46,400 - Wow. - ..is in fact the last listed work by William Shakespeare 646 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:47,720 in the British Library. 647 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:49,880 So, the royalties of that go to his family? 648 00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,800 Sadly not, I think they go to Sarah Taylor Shatford, who wrote it. 649 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,760 - Shatford? - Shatford. LAUGHTER 650 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:57,240 She deserves some cash. 651 00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,880 Mark Twain wrote a book seven years after his death entitled 652 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:03,160 Jap Herron: A Novel Written From The Ouija Board. 653 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:05,800 And noted spiritualist and dead person Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 654 00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:10,160 got in touch in 1983 to write The Great Mystery of Life Beyond Death. 655 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,120 Are these all by a Ouija board, or are some of them 656 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,320 with automatic writing? That was a thing, wasn't it? 657 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,800 Some of them are automatic writing, so they're a kind of a mix. 658 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,200 That is a weird Ouija board scenario, 659 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,840 that's a gingham shirt and they're clearly on public transport. 660 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,120 LAUGHTER 661 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:26,640 First we summons the dead, then a hoedown. 662 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:31,560 And Thomas Edison, too, he tried to invent a spirit telephone. 663 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,400 He revealed it in 1920 and then he denied it in 1926, 664 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:35,800 saying he was playing a joke. 665 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:37,920 But, in fact, after he died, they discovered 666 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,200 The Diary And Sundry Observations Of Thomas Edison, 667 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:42,480 and it does talk about him trying to use a valve 668 00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:45,200 to amplify and capture voices of spirits. It wasn't really a joke. 669 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:46,840 But it's no sillier than anything else. 670 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,320 - Like you were saying, we do want to believe in magic. - Yeah. 671 00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,880 I remember this blind lady who came to Dublin, 672 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,800 and she said that she could talk to the dead. 673 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:56,040 And it's really odd, because you do get swept away by it. 674 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,640 Because she starts feeling people out, and you all get swept up, 675 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:02,080 - thinking it could be... - Yeah. Cos you want to believe it. - You want to believe it. - Sure. 676 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:04,480 Everyone in the room is there because they want to believe. 677 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:06,600 No-one's a true sceptic, I think, if they're in the room. 678 00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,040 There was a very famous Irish medium called Geraldine Cummins, 679 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,960 and my great aunt, Signe Toksvig, edited her book of automatic writing. 680 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:13,680 So there's my Aunt Signe and her husband. 681 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:15,560 And she wrote a book called Swan On A Black Sea, 682 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,000 it's all about automatic writing. 683 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,240 - Anyway, Signe... - Automatic writing, quickly, is...? 684 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,080 - Is when you just sit down with a pen... - And you're channelling a spirit. 685 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:25,200 And you're channelling the spirit, and the spirit is telling you what to write. 686 00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,200 - Oh. - Like when you was doing that maths. - Yeah. 687 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:28,280 LAUGHTER 688 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:29,760 Just like that. 689 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:33,000 Anyway, when Signe died, she left very clear instructions 690 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:36,160 for the family, how we were to contact her after death. 691 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:38,600 So my mother very kindly did exactly what she said, 692 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:40,840 and she went along to meet this particular woman, 693 00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,400 who was apparently very good at getting in touch with the dead. 694 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:46,000 And the woman said... So, this is my father's side of the family, 695 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,600 but it's my mother who's gone, right. 696 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,520 "I'm seeing an old lady and she's sitting, 697 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:51,280 "she's got her cup of tea in one hand 698 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,160 "and a piece of cheese in the other." 699 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:56,080 And my mother went, "Oh, my God, that's MY grandmother." 700 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,280 And the woman went, "Oh, isn't it typical? 701 00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,760 "You finally get through and you get the wrong old woman!" 702 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:02,680 LAUGHTER 703 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:06,080 Look at that jumper. That's automatic knitting, right there. 704 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:07,520 LAUGHTER 705 00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:09,640 William Shakespeare's last work was written 706 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:11,480 through the medium of a medium. 707 00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:15,000 What did the yoghurt say to the CIA interrogator? 708 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:18,600 Probably saying, "This will get rid of your thrush in two days." 709 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:20,160 LAUGHTER 710 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:25,240 So, there was an interrogation specialist for the CIA. 711 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:28,680 He's the man who's claimed to have founded the agency's polygraph programme. 712 00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:30,160 He's called Cleve Backster. 713 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:33,520 And in 1966, on a rather strange whim, 714 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,480 he hooked up a house plant to a lie detector. 715 00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,160 And here he is, doing it. 716 00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:41,320 And he was looking for an anxiety response, so he got a match, 717 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,200 and he didn't actually set fire to the leaf, 718 00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:44,800 he just thought about doing it. 719 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:48,600 And he said the levels on the lie detector suddenly spiked, OK. 720 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:50,520 And he took this as a sign 721 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,000 that plants had what he called primary perception. 722 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,760 In other words, they were sentient, almost as if they had ESP. 723 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,960 This caused a sensation, and he expanded his research further, 724 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,920 and he hooked up the polygraph machine to lettuce, to onions, 725 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,720 to oranges, bananas, chicken, eggs, 726 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:05,840 sperm... 727 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,720 - ..and yoghurt. - Very chatty. - Never shuts up. - Yeah. 728 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,080 It says here, "One sample of yoghurt, for example, 729 00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:13,640 "will react when another is being fed, as if to say, 730 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,040 "'That one's getting food, where's mine?'" 731 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:17,440 LAUGHTER 732 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,600 He was absolutely convinced of this, 733 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:23,280 and his assertions basically hindered science for years. 734 00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:27,440 Now, what's the worst omen you can see on a football pitch? 735 00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:31,120 - An omen? - Yeah. Are footballers superstitious? 736 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:34,000 - Yes! - Is it a young woman with a list of allegations? 737 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,360 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 738 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,880 But is there something about the markings on the field 739 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:47,560 that are significant to occultists? 740 00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,600 It's to do with the many superstitions 741 00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:52,680 that are associated with football. 1990 World Cup... 742 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:56,280 - Right. - ..there was an Argentine goalkeeper called Sergio Goycochea. 743 00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:59,760 Did he have a body part of an animal or something in the goal net? 744 00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:02,560 No, what happened to him was, Argentina's quarterfinal 745 00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:05,800 was against Yugoslavia, and it ended in a draw, which meant? 746 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:08,320 - Penalty shoot-out. - They had to do a penalty shoot-out. 747 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:11,040 He needed to wee, but he wasn't allowed to leave the field. 748 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:12,640 So his team-mates surrounded him 749 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,840 and he had a wee and he then blocked two penalty shots. 750 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,520 So, the coach thought this was a marvellous thing, 751 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:19,800 took it as an omen, 752 00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:23,120 and he went on to urinate on the field again, with his team-mates 753 00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:26,800 around him, before the semifinal penalty shoot-out against Italy. 754 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,280 He blocked two shots and they went on into the finals, 755 00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:31,880 but they lost the finals against West Germany, because...? 756 00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,360 - He didn't urinate. - He didn't wee, because...? 757 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,800 - It didn't go to a shoot-out. - It didn't go to a shoot-out. 758 00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:38,760 But wasn't Germany's winning goal a penalty? 759 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,200 It was a late penalty and it was in the main body of the game, 760 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,800 - so he didn't have time to wee. - Didn't have time for a wee. - No. 761 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:47,520 When they stood around him, did they look in or out, do you know? 762 00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:50,400 Do you know, I always think I've got all the information 763 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:51,760 I need for this show. 764 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:53,640 Do you think he was a bit self-conscious? 765 00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:57,840 - His team-mates around him. - Well, because he might have been wearing somebody else's underpants - 766 00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,120 apparently that's a very common footballer thing, 767 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,800 is that they swap underpants. Some of them wear them inside out. 768 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:04,200 - They do not! - Yeah. 769 00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:06,920 Was it Barry Fry who weed in all four corners of the ground? 770 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,120 - Do you remember that? - Yes, I believe that is a fact, 771 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:11,480 that Barry Fry, whilst manager of Birmingham, 772 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,480 perhaps, weed in every corner of the ground. 773 00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,560 I thought you said Barry Cryer! 774 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,120 No, not Barry Cryer. 775 00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:22,000 He's weed in all four corners of the Just A Minute studio. 776 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:24,200 Yeah, just for that. 777 00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:26,760 And he thought... No, it was a superstitious thing. 778 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:30,440 - NOEL: - During the game? - No, I think he did it in his own time. 779 00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:33,920 Birmingham City Football Club had a belief for a while 780 00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:37,400 that they were cursed by gypsies evacuated from the ground in 1906. 781 00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:39,000 I was just worried about the men 782 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,280 who do the grass for the football pitches, 783 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:43,000 if everyone's weeing on them all the time. 784 00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:46,040 - Yes, it's going to go a horrible colour. - It's going to go a horrible colour. 785 00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:48,840 So, big shout-out to those guys at home listening, we feel your pain. 786 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:50,440 No, no, that's dogs, that do that. 787 00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:53,400 I don't know, I've left some crazy marks on some exes' lawns. 788 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,040 LAUGHTER 789 00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:59,040 Does this photo go back to the times where you had to 790 00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:00,880 blow the ball up before the match? 791 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,880 Now, it's time for the ritual sacrifice of rationality 792 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:07,720 that we call General Ignorance. 793 00:35:07,720 --> 00:35:11,280 Fingers on buzzers, please. Take a look at this. 794 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,440 This is Tommaso, the world's richest cat. 795 00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:16,360 According to legend, how many lives does he have? 796 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:19,120 - Well, now, usually, they have... - Yes? 797 00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:22,120 - ..one less than ten. - Yes? LAUGHTER 798 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:25,320 BELLS RING KLAXON WAILS 799 00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:30,440 That isn't fair! I was being so clever. 800 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:34,400 So, I can tell you that he is Italian, and that has a bearing. 801 00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:37,320 - He's Italian? That cat? - Yes. - Where's his mouth? 802 00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,080 So, why would it matter that he's Italian? 803 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:42,520 Why would that make a difference? 804 00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:45,200 Because he has got so many past-a lives. 805 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,120 COLLECTIVE GROAN 806 00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:51,600 Look, that is actually professional comedy you just witnessed. 807 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,360 LAUGHTER 808 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,760 Are they superstitious, Italians, about cats? 809 00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:58,280 Yeah, but the number of lives that a cat has in superstition 810 00:35:58,280 --> 00:35:59,640 varies from culture to culture. 811 00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:01,640 So the Italians believe it is seven. 812 00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,360 In Turkish and Arabic tradition, it's six. 813 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:05,560 Germany, Greece, Brazil, 814 00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:08,760 a few Spanish-speaking places, it's seven as well. We have nine. 815 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,800 Tommaso is possibly just one of the world's richest cats. 816 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,760 He was a stray adopted by an elderly Italian woman named 817 00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:18,200 Maria Assunta, and when she died in 2011, she bequeathed him 818 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,800 13,000,000 819 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:24,400 to make sure he would be loved and cuddled. 820 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:27,000 I would totally do it, and I don't like cats. I'm... 821 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,120 I'd sit at the bottom of an old man's bed 822 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:32,160 and drink milk naked for 13,000,000. 823 00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,640 - For probably 20 quid. - Just for 20... 824 00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:39,920 Why do so many cultures have an idea that cats always come back? 825 00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:42,240 It's more they're cheating death, isn't that the thing? 826 00:36:42,240 --> 00:36:44,840 - Yeah, they cheat death. - They fall off a roof and they walk away. 827 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,240 Lots of people think that they... 828 00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:48,960 - But, if you put them in a tumble dryer, they will die. - They will. 829 00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:51,680 - LAUGHTER - Eventually. 830 00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:56,240 On the ninth time. "He's still alive! 831 00:36:56,240 --> 00:36:59,800 - "Go again!" - This is the eighth cycle! 832 00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,400 "I can't even touch him, he's so hot! 833 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:06,560 "Arrgh, boof!" 834 00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:08,800 "Meow, bang, meow, bang." 835 00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:12,760 - NOEL: - Can you put my socks in with it? 836 00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:14,640 Cats are sometimes associated with bad luck, 837 00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:17,360 but naval traditional generally believes they protect vessels, 838 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:18,960 and that even extended to airships. 839 00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:22,840 So the America was a dirigible, it was built in 1906, 840 00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:24,880 for a newsman called Walter Wellman. 841 00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:26,680 He was trying to reach the North Pole. 842 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:29,480 And they brought along a cat called Kiddo, and it was a mascot. 843 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,240 And Kiddo hated being on a dirigible, 844 00:37:32,240 --> 00:37:34,920 and he just skittered all over the place. 845 00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:36,240 He loathed it. 846 00:37:36,240 --> 00:37:38,240 What's interesting about the America, 847 00:37:38,240 --> 00:37:42,080 it was the very first airborne vessel to be fitted with a radio. 848 00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:47,320 And the first-ever air-to-ground radio communication from an aircraft was, 849 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:50,400 "Roy, come and get this goddamn cat!" 850 00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:52,680 LAUGHTER 851 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:55,240 And the second one was that bloke in the back going, 852 00:37:55,240 --> 00:37:57,200 "I've lost half my glasses." 853 00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:59,560 LAUGHTER 854 00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:07,400 Now, what should you use to make a traditional jack-o'-lantern? 855 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:08,920 - NOEL: - Pumpkin. 856 00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,840 BELL RINGS KLAXON BLARES 857 00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:14,200 No, it's not a pumpkin. 858 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:15,560 EVIL GIGGLING Yes? 859 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,280 A turnip. 860 00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:19,240 A turnip is exactly right. Yes, very good. 861 00:38:19,240 --> 00:38:21,720 So turnips there on the left, and if you can't get a turnip, 862 00:38:21,720 --> 00:38:24,040 something called a mangelwurzel, which is on the right. 863 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:25,400 And if you go to south Somerset, 864 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,320 the last Thursday of October every year, they have Punkie Night, 865 00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:29,480 which is celebrated, 866 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,800 and the children carry around lanterns called punkies, 867 00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:34,880 and those are hollowed-out mangelwurzels. 868 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,240 Do you know where the tradition of Halloween comes from? 869 00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:40,200 - I'm looking at Aisling. - Best country in the world, Sandi. 870 00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,320 - Denmark. - Oh, no. - No? 871 00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:47,240 Ireland, it came from Ireland, from Samhain, S-A-M-H-A-I-N, 872 00:38:47,240 --> 00:38:51,120 which is Halloween, All Hallows Eve, we celebrate our dead. 873 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,520 How do you say it? Because it looks like sam-hain. 874 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,040 - Yeah, sow-an. - Sow-an. - Samhain. 875 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:58,560 - Just haven't got time to say the whole thing properly. - Yeah. Very busy people. 876 00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:00,760 So it's actually about respecting the dead 877 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,400 and letting them all hang around, 878 00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:04,080 and then, the next day, they get buried, 879 00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:06,600 so the first of November is where... It's All Saints' Day. 880 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:07,760 But it's all over the world. 881 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,000 In England, they used to carve turnips into something 882 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,560 rather similar called Hoberdy's Lantern, and put them on... 883 00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:13,880 LAUGHTER 884 00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:16,480 That looks like someone had an infection after a long weekend. 885 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:18,000 - Yeah. NOEL: - That is... 886 00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,240 - You can see why they moved on to pumpkins. - Yeah. 887 00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:25,880 So, the first jack-o'-lanterns were carved from turnips. 888 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,880 Now, I've got each of you some magic sticks, 889 00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:33,320 but I want you to tell me which of these sticks is a wand. 890 00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:36,800 So I'm going to give this one to Aisling, there we go. 891 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:41,960 I am going to give this one to Noel. 892 00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,680 - There we go. - That's it. 893 00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:45,280 I'm going to give this one to Russell. 894 00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:48,240 Oh, they're getting bigger and bigger. There we go. 895 00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:51,440 And, ah. LAUGHTER 896 00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,120 That's for Alan. 897 00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:55,960 - Aw. - Actually, I've got two for you. 898 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:57,360 You can have that one, as well. 899 00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:00,840 - Anybody know what a wand used to be? - A walking stick? 900 00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:02,720 It's a unit of length. 901 00:40:02,720 --> 00:40:05,160 This was originally equivalent to a modern metre. 902 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:07,960 So, in fact, Aisling has the original wand. 903 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:12,160 Ooph! LAUGHTER 904 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:16,480 Now, they're all old lengths. 905 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,160 So, Noel, you've got something, it's called an "ars." 906 00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,040 LAUGHTER 907 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,080 It's an old Turkish unit meaning forearm. 908 00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:26,240 So, you know in the Bible, it says Noah builds the ark using cubits? 909 00:40:26,240 --> 00:40:29,200 - Yes, by cubits. - That's that measure. That's the one you've got there. 910 00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:32,280 - OK. - And the one you've got, Russell, is Mongolian, it's an "ald", 911 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,560 so it's the width of a man's arms outstretched. 912 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:36,360 It was used in the time of Genghis Khan. 913 00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,640 I don't know if your arms would be the same as that span? 914 00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:40,000 Yeah. So it's roughly about... 915 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:41,880 In his own world, with Genghis and his army, 916 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,680 out there on the plains, fighting on horseback, bows and arrows, 917 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:46,560 up against the Chinese, why the hell not? 918 00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:48,520 What else are you going to do, just sit quietly? 919 00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:51,560 To hell with it, we've got me wand, I'm off out there. 920 00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:52,600 LAUGHTER 921 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:57,520 - Alan, your little one is actually a measure. - Oh. 922 00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,440 It's a pyramid inch, which briefly in the 19th century 923 00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:03,200 they believed was the measure that had been used by the Egyptians 924 00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:05,680 to build their pyramids. And it was a sort of sacred measure. 925 00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:07,880 The theory in fact fell out of popularity in 1880. 926 00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:11,200 The Egyptologist Flinders Petrie re-measured and thought it wasn't quite... 927 00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:13,640 The other one you've got, Alan, is a Scandinavian measure, 928 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,920 and do you know what it's called? It's 60cm long. 929 00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,720 A...er... No. 930 00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:22,280 - It's called an "alen." - Aw. 931 00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:25,480 - Is it? - None of them are in fact magic wands. 932 00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:28,360 Does anybody know what you have to say in order to get a magic wand? 933 00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:29,640 Please. 934 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,600 - GASPING - Ah! Ah! 935 00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:35,640 - She's a witch! Witch! - APPLAUSE 936 00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:40,280 - That was genuinely alarming. - Genuinely. 937 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:43,400 Which brings us to the hellfire and damnation of the scores, 938 00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:47,040 and, oh, my. Last place, with minus 17 - 939 00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:49,760 Noel Fielding. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 940 00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:55,480 In a very creditable third place - 941 00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:57,120 Russell! 942 00:41:57,120 --> 00:41:59,360 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 943 00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,160 In second place, with minus two - 944 00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:06,440 it's Alan! 945 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:10,400 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 946 00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:11,760 And that means... 947 00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,120 SHE GASPS 948 00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:14,680 Oh, my God! 949 00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:17,560 This week, I've won! No, it means... 950 00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:22,240 ..with no points at all, this week's winner is Aisling. 951 00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:25,520 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 952 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:33,920 And that means that Aisling is the winner 953 00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:35,680 of tonight's objectionable object. 954 00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:39,240 This is the skull of one of the QI researchers, as a matter of fact. 955 00:42:39,240 --> 00:42:42,040 So, there you are, Aisling, there is your object to take home. 956 00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:43,880 - Oh, goodness me. - Is it a real skull? 957 00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,880 - Yes, of course, darling, look at the size of it. - Oh. 958 00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:49,720 Just... Your biology as good as your maths. 959 00:42:49,720 --> 00:42:52,960 LAUGHTER 960 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,720 Thank you to Russell, Noel, Aisling and Alan. 961 00:42:55,720 --> 00:42:57,160 And I leave you with this - 962 00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:01,240 the great French zoologist Georges Cuvier was irritatingly logical. 963 00:43:01,240 --> 00:43:02,840 One day, to teach him a lesson, 964 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,240 a colleague broke into his bedroom dressed as a devil with 965 00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:08,000 horns on his head, and shouted, "Mr Cuvier, I'm going to eat you!" 966 00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:09,240 To which he replied, 967 00:43:09,240 --> 00:43:12,640 "All animals with horns and hooves are herbivorous." 968 00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:14,880 And he went back to sleep. LAUGHTER 969 00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:16,400 Thank you and good night. 970 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:17,800 APPLAUSE