1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:07,160 This programme contains some strong language. 2 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:38,080 Hello and welcome to a Piecemeal episode of QI, 3 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,960 featuring pieces, PCs, and PC gone mad. 4 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:47,680 Joining me in the safe space are the achingly inoffensive Jimmy Carr... 5 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,560 ..committed to impartiality, Sally Phillips... 6 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,360 ..very much on message, Gyles Brandreth... 7 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,560 ..and prepared in an area where 8 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,760 nobody touches their nuts, Alan Davies. 9 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,760 And we've toned down their buzzers this week to avoid giving offence. 10 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:21,800 Sally goes... 11 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,520 Oh. Which is nice. Gyles goes... 12 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,080 Jimmy goes... 13 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,640 And Alan's is very PC indeed... 14 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,160 Step away from the car, please, sir! 15 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:39,080 Tonight, I'll be giving extra points for politeness, 16 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:42,960 and the really super thing about it is that if any of you gets a bonus 17 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:46,320 point, then everyone else gets one as well. 18 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:47,680 So we're all winners. 19 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:48,720 Hoorah! 20 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,959 First off, we are going to have our collars felt by PC Plod. 21 00:01:53,959 --> 00:01:58,319 How can you tell if a PC is cut out for the job? 22 00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:01,079 - Is it about... - Yes? 23 00:02:02,199 --> 00:02:04,759 Making dummy policemen... 24 00:02:04,759 --> 00:02:08,319 - Yes! - ...and then deterring criminals by placing them strategically. 25 00:02:08,319 --> 00:02:11,759 This is exactly right! So you get points. Everybody gets points! 26 00:02:14,679 --> 00:02:16,159 I'm slightly miffed that I finally 27 00:02:16,159 --> 00:02:18,359 get points, and everyone else gets points as well. 28 00:02:18,359 --> 00:02:19,919 I know. Life's a bugger. 29 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:24,199 Um, so various police forces have experimented with stationing 30 00:02:24,199 --> 00:02:28,359 cardboard cut-out police officers at potential crime scenes instead of 31 00:02:28,359 --> 00:02:30,679 actual officers, and they have experienced, 32 00:02:30,679 --> 00:02:32,279 honestly, startling results. 33 00:02:32,279 --> 00:02:35,839 In 2013, the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority Police, 34 00:02:35,839 --> 00:02:39,119 they put two cut-outs in bike rack cages at a place called 35 00:02:39,119 --> 00:02:40,239 Alewife Station. 36 00:02:40,239 --> 00:02:43,519 And theft rates instantly fell by two-thirds. 37 00:02:43,519 --> 00:02:45,599 So let me give you a sense of what that is like. 38 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,759 I have here... Ahh! Yes, I know. 39 00:02:47,759 --> 00:02:51,479 They've made him deliberately tall. 40 00:02:54,039 --> 00:02:56,999 No, no, he's regular height. 41 00:02:56,999 --> 00:02:58,919 No, he isn't! No, he isn't! 42 00:02:58,919 --> 00:02:59,999 No, he's enormous! 43 00:03:01,879 --> 00:03:03,879 He's standing on tiptoes. 44 00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:06,239 Look at how big his head! His head's that wide! 45 00:03:06,239 --> 00:03:07,599 Let us all get up! Come on! 46 00:03:07,599 --> 00:03:10,079 Let's all get a photo! Come and have a picture with the police. 47 00:03:10,079 --> 00:03:12,719 Come, Sally, come and smile with the policeman. 48 00:03:12,719 --> 00:03:14,839 Oh, this is a photo you'll never see again. 49 00:03:14,839 --> 00:03:17,519 Hold on just a moment. Hang on a second. 50 00:03:17,519 --> 00:03:20,239 This opportunity doesn't come that often. 51 00:03:20,239 --> 00:03:23,479 Are you ready? Grandpa's got his camera out. 52 00:03:23,479 --> 00:03:26,159 Darling, darling, darling! That's the audience! I'm so sorry. 53 00:03:31,039 --> 00:03:32,279 Bless him. 54 00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:36,079 It's amazing. I've got so many photographs of my right ear. 55 00:03:36,079 --> 00:03:37,679 You wouldn't believe it. 56 00:03:37,679 --> 00:03:39,439 Oh, I absolutely would believe it. 57 00:03:39,439 --> 00:03:43,199 You know they're filming this, Gyles? You do it. 58 00:03:43,199 --> 00:03:44,839 I'll do it. There we go! There we go! 59 00:03:44,839 --> 00:03:47,439 Smiling, everybody. You haven't got the policeman in it, now? 60 00:03:47,439 --> 00:03:49,159 I don't give a fuck about the policeman. 61 00:03:56,039 --> 00:03:58,159 May I share something with you? 62 00:03:58,159 --> 00:04:00,239 What I know about you, Gyles, 63 00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:02,599 is there's no stopping you once you've decided. 64 00:04:02,599 --> 00:04:04,039 Well, all I will tell you is this. 65 00:04:04,039 --> 00:04:05,399 The uniform isn't necessary. 66 00:04:05,399 --> 00:04:09,799 I only know this because I happen to have made a One Show film about this 67 00:04:09,799 --> 00:04:11,119 very subject. Oh, right? 68 00:04:11,119 --> 00:04:15,279 And it turns out that it's entirely the eyes looking at you that make 69 00:04:15,279 --> 00:04:18,919 the difference. It turns out that it is the head and the eyes, in 70 00:04:18,919 --> 00:04:23,359 particular, that looking at people makes them stop doing whatever they 71 00:04:23,359 --> 00:04:24,559 were thinking of doing. 72 00:04:24,559 --> 00:04:26,519 Actually, we could have a cut-out Jimmy Carr 73 00:04:26,519 --> 00:04:28,639 and it would be just as effective. 74 00:04:29,999 --> 00:04:32,639 That wasn't meant to be nasty. It's all right. 75 00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:34,879 But you can...you can buy those. 76 00:04:34,879 --> 00:04:36,799 You can. Well, weirdly, I got given one. 77 00:04:36,799 --> 00:04:39,559 Yeah, they're 14 quid, aren't they? Yeah. 78 00:04:39,559 --> 00:04:42,479 Why? Why are they 14 quid? 79 00:04:42,479 --> 00:04:45,519 You can get you cheaper. I mean, that's a ridiculous... 80 00:04:46,479 --> 00:04:47,919 I might get a cut-out Sandi. 81 00:04:47,919 --> 00:04:50,799 I did search you and you can only get your head, Sandi. 82 00:04:51,879 --> 00:04:54,279 I want to be one of those little draught excluders. 83 00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:55,959 I want to be one of those. 84 00:04:55,959 --> 00:04:57,999 The good news is, you pretty much are. 85 00:05:00,719 --> 00:05:02,439 Wow. 86 00:05:02,439 --> 00:05:04,959 That whole thing about everybody getting points, 87 00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:07,039 not looking so good now, is it? 88 00:05:07,039 --> 00:05:08,839 Thames Valley Police, 89 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:13,359 they rotate two life-size cut-outs between the shops in Oxford, 90 00:05:13,359 --> 00:05:15,679 Windsor, Maidenhead and Ascot, apparently, 91 00:05:15,679 --> 00:05:17,279 and that deters shoplifters. 92 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:20,159 I think I can tell they're not real policeman. 93 00:05:20,159 --> 00:05:21,759 Cos it's the way they're floating. 94 00:05:22,719 --> 00:05:25,599 I have to say, the Police Federation are not too thrilled with this. 95 00:05:25,599 --> 00:05:28,879 They reckon that it's an attempt to avoid paying salary and pension 96 00:05:28,879 --> 00:05:31,039 costs, and of course it is, absolutely it is that. 97 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:34,119 It's also a bit embarrassing for them that they're just as effective 98 00:05:34,119 --> 00:05:36,479 as a real policeman! Well, if you want to do embarrassing, 99 00:05:36,479 --> 00:05:39,079 I think this is even more embarrassing, several forces have 100 00:05:39,079 --> 00:05:41,598 admitted suffering theft of their cardboard policemen. 101 00:05:45,318 --> 00:05:48,038 Three gone missing from filling stations in Derbyshire, 102 00:05:48,038 --> 00:05:49,398 two were stolen in Cleveland, 103 00:05:49,398 --> 00:05:52,958 and Humberside lost one from the Tesco supermarket in Grimsby. 104 00:05:52,958 --> 00:05:55,998 I noticed that they're all men policemen. 105 00:05:55,998 --> 00:05:59,878 Think how more effective it would be if they had women police persons in 106 00:05:59,878 --> 00:06:01,798 uniform looking at you, beadily. 107 00:06:01,798 --> 00:06:04,718 Like, really, when you're as frightened of your mother as I am... 108 00:06:04,718 --> 00:06:05,758 Yes. That would've... 109 00:06:07,318 --> 00:06:10,118 Or just your mother in a uniform? 110 00:06:10,118 --> 00:06:13,718 I saw those pictures before my father burned them. 111 00:06:18,918 --> 00:06:21,078 Gyles, just to come back to your point about the eyes, 112 00:06:21,078 --> 00:06:22,638 you are absolutely right about it. 113 00:06:22,638 --> 00:06:26,638 They did some experiments at the University of Newcastle in the psychology department, 114 00:06:26,638 --> 00:06:29,478 and what they did was they put an honesty box in the coffee room, 115 00:06:29,478 --> 00:06:31,918 so if you went and had a hot drink, you had to pay for it. 116 00:06:31,918 --> 00:06:36,558 And they put some eyes, just a photograph of some eyes, 117 00:06:36,558 --> 00:06:38,078 next to the thing, 118 00:06:38,078 --> 00:06:41,278 and then, as a control, they swapped it over for a picture with some 119 00:06:41,278 --> 00:06:44,158 flowers and what they discovered, with the eyes, 120 00:06:44,158 --> 00:06:49,798 is that people paid 2.76 times more for their drinks 121 00:06:49,798 --> 00:06:51,998 as when the flowers were there. 122 00:06:51,998 --> 00:06:53,558 And one of the researchers said, 123 00:06:53,558 --> 00:06:56,478 "Frankly, we were staggered by the size of the effect," 124 00:06:56,478 --> 00:06:59,438 and it was just enough that the eyes were looking at you. 125 00:06:59,438 --> 00:07:01,078 Wow. I know, it's weird, right? 126 00:07:01,078 --> 00:07:03,038 And it doesn't just work on humans. 127 00:07:03,038 --> 00:07:06,678 So at the University of New South Wales, they tried painting eyes 128 00:07:06,678 --> 00:07:09,518 on the back of cattle, OK? On the rear end. 129 00:07:11,278 --> 00:07:12,998 It seems ridiculous, 130 00:07:12,998 --> 00:07:14,878 so, lions, obviously, ambush hunters, 131 00:07:14,878 --> 00:07:17,278 and they sneak up on prey from behind 132 00:07:17,278 --> 00:07:20,238 but they tend to stop if they are being spotted. 133 00:07:20,238 --> 00:07:24,878 So they painted eyes on the bottom of a third of a head of 62 cattle 134 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:28,518 and then they counted the returning cows after a ten-week period, 135 00:07:28,518 --> 00:07:31,678 and no painted cows were killed by lions, 136 00:07:31,678 --> 00:07:34,878 but three who didn't have eyes on the bottom were killed. 137 00:07:34,878 --> 00:07:37,878 So should we be doing this with our own pets at home? 138 00:07:37,878 --> 00:07:39,478 What, painting eyes on them? 139 00:07:39,478 --> 00:07:42,638 The part of London where I live now, we have a lot of foxes. 140 00:07:42,638 --> 00:07:44,718 Oh, right. And some of them are a bit predatory 141 00:07:44,718 --> 00:07:46,798 and our cats are feeling a bit vulnerable. 142 00:07:46,798 --> 00:07:50,398 So maybe what we need to do is shave the cats' bottoms, 143 00:07:50,398 --> 00:07:52,638 and then paint eyes on them. 144 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:55,678 This feels like an alibi you're going to use... 145 00:07:57,598 --> 00:08:00,758 Now, here's a piece of politics for you to be correct about. 146 00:08:00,758 --> 00:08:04,038 Who wears the trousers in a pantisocracy? 147 00:08:04,038 --> 00:08:07,278 Oh, it's one of those kinky parties, where people turn up in either 148 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,118 panties or socks, you take your choice. 149 00:08:11,078 --> 00:08:15,438 It has got the word all in it, so panto for all, and then we have... 150 00:08:15,438 --> 00:08:16,598 Socracy. Socracy. 151 00:08:16,598 --> 00:08:19,038 So from isocratia, so equality of power, 152 00:08:19,038 --> 00:08:22,358 so basically it is government for and by... Everybody. 153 00:08:22,358 --> 00:08:23,598 ..all, yeah. So it was... 154 00:08:23,598 --> 00:08:26,238 Yes, Gyles? You rarely ask permission to speak. 155 00:08:26,238 --> 00:08:29,438 Well, I know there are bonus points for courtesy. 156 00:08:29,438 --> 00:08:31,998 Oh, yes, very good. What were you going to say, my darling? 157 00:08:31,998 --> 00:08:35,238 I was going to say that I've actually lived in a pantisocracy. 158 00:08:35,238 --> 00:08:36,998 Have you? And it's hell. 159 00:08:38,798 --> 00:08:43,278 When I was about 17, a master from our school... 160 00:08:43,278 --> 00:08:44,318 Where's this going? 161 00:08:47,078 --> 00:08:49,718 He was subsequently arrested, but that is a different story. 162 00:08:53,518 --> 00:08:56,438 I was at a co-educational boarding school in Hampshire, 163 00:08:56,438 --> 00:09:01,198 and this master invited some of us to go on holiday to Devon, 164 00:09:01,198 --> 00:09:04,838 and he said we are going to be pantisocrats, 165 00:09:04,838 --> 00:09:09,718 and the idea was we went to a village where Coleridge, the poet, 166 00:09:09,718 --> 00:09:14,318 had been on holiday, and he told us that Coleridge and a friend of his, 167 00:09:14,318 --> 00:09:16,598 I think, Southey... Robert Southey... 168 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:20,478 They had invented this idea of a society where everybody was equal. 169 00:09:20,478 --> 00:09:22,558 Yeah. And on this holiday, 170 00:09:22,558 --> 00:09:27,917 all eight of us and this one teacher lived this life of being equals, 171 00:09:27,917 --> 00:09:30,237 and we all had to be different Romantic poets. 172 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:34,837 I ended up as Byron. It was a ghastly, ghastly experience... 173 00:09:35,997 --> 00:09:38,597 ..and it put me off equality forever. 174 00:09:41,117 --> 00:09:43,077 We went to Faliraki, it was awesome. 175 00:09:46,957 --> 00:09:49,717 But you're right, it is an idealised, egalitarian government, 176 00:09:49,717 --> 00:09:52,797 and it was a sort of pipe dream of Samuel Taylor Coleridge and Robert 177 00:09:52,797 --> 00:09:55,717 Southey. 1794, they were 21-year-old students, 178 00:09:55,717 --> 00:09:59,277 and they were going to go to the banks of the Susquehanna River in 179 00:09:59,277 --> 00:10:00,797 the United States, Pennsylvania. 180 00:10:00,797 --> 00:10:03,677 They were going to start a sort of hippie colony, and difficulties 181 00:10:03,677 --> 00:10:07,797 arose, because Southey clearly assumed that servants would do the 182 00:10:07,797 --> 00:10:10,957 actual work, and women... By servants, you mean women? 183 00:10:10,957 --> 00:10:12,037 I do mean women. Yes. 184 00:10:12,037 --> 00:10:14,157 Women would do all the child-rearing and so on, 185 00:10:14,157 --> 00:10:16,997 and the plan was scaled back, they weren't going to go to America, 186 00:10:16,997 --> 00:10:18,357 they were going to go to Wales, 187 00:10:18,357 --> 00:10:21,677 and then eventually it was abandoned altogether, 188 00:10:21,677 --> 00:10:23,717 and I feel rather sorry for Southey, 189 00:10:23,717 --> 00:10:26,437 because can anybody bring to mind a single piece of writing by 190 00:10:26,437 --> 00:10:29,077 Robert Sutthey? In fact, I think it's pronounced South-ey. 191 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:32,437 Right, I was going to mention that, yep. 192 00:10:33,637 --> 00:10:36,877 Does anybody remember a single story written, or poem written, by him, 193 00:10:36,877 --> 00:10:39,797 at all? The Hungry Caterpillar? 194 00:10:39,797 --> 00:10:43,357 You're not far off, so he wrote The Tale of the Three Bears... 195 00:10:43,357 --> 00:10:45,677 Oh, yes! Which is the original story of Goldilocks. 196 00:10:45,677 --> 00:10:46,957 Yes! Really? Yes. 197 00:10:46,957 --> 00:10:50,357 And this led to what we all had to do on this holiday. 198 00:10:50,357 --> 00:10:51,397 OK. 199 00:10:52,717 --> 00:10:55,277 The idea was we were all asked to be different poets, 200 00:10:55,277 --> 00:10:57,877 and the fellow who choose to be Southey told us the story of the 201 00:10:57,877 --> 00:11:02,237 Three Bears. I had chosen to be Byron, not Lord Byron, 202 00:11:02,237 --> 00:11:04,357 but his cousin, HJ Byron, 203 00:11:04,357 --> 00:11:07,717 Henry James Byron, the man, as you know, Sandi, 204 00:11:07,717 --> 00:11:10,557 who invented Widow Twankey for the pantomime Aladdin, 205 00:11:10,557 --> 00:11:13,037 and also created the character of Buttons. 206 00:11:13,037 --> 00:11:14,237 OK, you live and learn. 207 00:11:15,237 --> 00:11:18,997 And three weeks of this, somewhere in Devon, all pretending to be 208 00:11:18,997 --> 00:11:22,237 characters, it was hell, it was sheer hell. 209 00:11:22,237 --> 00:11:25,677 Three weeks! Yeah, he, the master, of course, was on Coleridge, 210 00:11:25,677 --> 00:11:28,077 and took it seriously, which meant taking opium. 211 00:11:28,077 --> 00:11:29,397 He was a druggie! 212 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:33,797 And did you... Did you at any stage in the three weeks stop talking? 213 00:11:36,837 --> 00:11:38,397 Oh! 214 00:11:43,717 --> 00:11:46,837 I, for one, would have liked to have seen you give your Twankey. 215 00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:49,517 But to live, to method act the 216 00:11:49,517 --> 00:11:52,037 creator of Widow Twankey for three weeks?! 217 00:11:52,037 --> 00:11:55,437 But, also, isn't it appalling that this great man, HJ Byron, 218 00:11:55,437 --> 00:11:58,917 is virtually unknown? He was the first cousin of Lord Byron. 219 00:11:58,917 --> 00:12:02,077 No-one is reading Byron any more, Byron Schmyron, 220 00:12:02,077 --> 00:12:05,637 but every Christmas we go, we cheer at Buttons, Widow Twankey, 221 00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:07,997 we love her, nobody even knows that this man exists. 222 00:12:07,997 --> 00:12:09,877 How did he write just those characters? 223 00:12:09,877 --> 00:12:12,037 He wrote the whole show, but I'm cutting to the chase, 224 00:12:12,037 --> 00:12:14,557 because I don't want to take up too much of your time. No. 225 00:12:14,557 --> 00:12:16,037 Good. 226 00:12:23,757 --> 00:12:27,117 I desperately want to know whether you chose HJ Byron, 227 00:12:27,117 --> 00:12:28,717 or whether he was imposed upon you? 228 00:12:28,717 --> 00:12:30,637 One tiny second, Gyles... 229 00:12:30,637 --> 00:12:34,237 Do not ask him any supplementary questions. 230 00:12:35,237 --> 00:12:39,197 What were you thinking? What is wrong with you? 231 00:12:39,197 --> 00:12:41,237 What is wrong with you? 232 00:12:41,237 --> 00:12:45,557 I so recognise... Sally! I so recognise the way your mind works, 233 00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,637 because that's exactly what I would have done, 234 00:12:47,637 --> 00:12:50,197 just like the time I went to audition for Jonathan Creek, 235 00:12:50,197 --> 00:12:51,717 and just as I was going in the door, 236 00:12:51,717 --> 00:12:54,757 I thought, "Oh, hang on, it would be brilliant if she was Spanish!" 237 00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,757 Did you get the part? No, no, obviously not. 238 00:12:59,757 --> 00:13:02,237 Obviously not, the character wasn't Spanish. 239 00:13:02,237 --> 00:13:04,117 Excellent. 240 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,677 Here's a word cloud with other political systems starting with P. 241 00:13:07,677 --> 00:13:09,837 See if you can work out what any of them are. 242 00:13:09,837 --> 00:13:11,317 Is that Panicky? 243 00:13:11,317 --> 00:13:13,157 Panarchy. Pan-ar-kee. 244 00:13:13,157 --> 00:13:16,956 Or Southey or South-ee, I don't really mind how you want to say it. 245 00:13:16,956 --> 00:13:19,796 I imagine that the system in America currently, is it? 246 00:13:21,636 --> 00:13:22,876 Is it to do with anarchy? 247 00:13:22,876 --> 00:13:25,476 It is by a writer called Paul Emile de Puydt, 248 00:13:25,476 --> 00:13:30,236 in 1860. He was Belgian and the idea was individual fills in a form 249 00:13:30,236 --> 00:13:34,116 and says what kind of government they would like to be ruled by. 250 00:13:34,116 --> 00:13:36,556 So you could opt for monarchy, you could opt for democracy, 251 00:13:36,556 --> 00:13:38,996 and once you are registered, you are subject to that regime. 252 00:13:38,996 --> 00:13:42,356 So you get to choose which kind of government you would like to have. 253 00:13:42,356 --> 00:13:46,316 We would choose to be run by Peter Pan, wouldn't we, in a panarchy? 254 00:13:46,316 --> 00:13:48,116 I'll be Tinker Bell to your Wendy. 255 00:13:50,756 --> 00:13:53,716 Now, I think they're flirting, but I couldn't swear to it. 256 00:13:55,516 --> 00:13:56,916 Can you feel any frisson? 257 00:13:56,916 --> 00:13:59,516 It's not getting that far, to be honest, but, 258 00:13:59,516 --> 00:14:02,276 I mean, you know, give him time. 259 00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:03,676 I'm very aroused. 260 00:14:05,596 --> 00:14:07,236 So no change there, then. 261 00:14:09,356 --> 00:14:10,516 Let's do another one. 262 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,836 Pornocracy, OK. 263 00:14:12,836 --> 00:14:15,316 Have you considered doing this a bit more Spanish? 264 00:14:16,796 --> 00:14:19,556 Pornocracy. It is, I think, what is happening 265 00:14:19,556 --> 00:14:22,916 when, somebody, they have paid to adult film actress 266 00:14:22,916 --> 00:14:27,836 a lot of money, to say that they did not have a sex. 267 00:14:27,836 --> 00:14:31,436 So it was a period of history that was known as the pornocracy. 268 00:14:31,436 --> 00:14:33,276 The Government of Harlots. 269 00:14:33,276 --> 00:14:37,356 The Government of Harlots, yes. So it was 904 to 964, 270 00:14:37,356 --> 00:14:39,916 so there were 12 Popes and they were mostly controlled 271 00:14:39,916 --> 00:14:42,556 by a mother and daughter team, as it were, 272 00:14:42,556 --> 00:14:44,916 from the Theophylacti family, 273 00:14:44,916 --> 00:14:46,556 Theodora and Marozia. 274 00:14:46,556 --> 00:14:47,956 It is known as the Rule of Harlots. 275 00:14:47,956 --> 00:14:49,876 Of course, it wasn't called that at the time. 276 00:14:49,876 --> 00:14:53,556 It is a coinage from the 19th century by German theologians. 277 00:14:53,556 --> 00:14:56,236 Basically, they're saying if women are in charge, 278 00:14:56,236 --> 00:14:57,836 then they must be harlots. 279 00:14:57,836 --> 00:15:01,436 So, what else have we got up there but we haven't looked at? 280 00:15:01,436 --> 00:15:02,996 Plutocracy. What do you reckon? 281 00:15:02,996 --> 00:15:05,956 It's nothing to do with that wonderful character Pluto 282 00:15:05,956 --> 00:15:07,796 from the cinema, is it? 283 00:15:14,796 --> 00:15:17,876 Plutocracy is for people who are superior. 284 00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,276 Wealthy people. Wealthy people. 285 00:15:19,276 --> 00:15:21,676 That doesn't make them superior, it just makes them rich. 286 00:15:21,676 --> 00:15:22,796 It's rule by the rich. 287 00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:25,196 So the Roman Empire in its heyday, the Venetian Republic, 288 00:15:25,196 --> 00:15:27,516 but, today, it is often used as a pejorative. 289 00:15:27,516 --> 00:15:30,276 So you might say, for example, you might criticise 290 00:15:30,276 --> 00:15:33,396 the modern United States, where the legislative process 291 00:15:33,396 --> 00:15:36,716 has arguably been captured by well-funded interest groups. 292 00:15:36,716 --> 00:15:38,316 So does pluto mean rich, then? 293 00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:40,516 Plutos means wealth. It means wealth. 294 00:15:40,516 --> 00:15:43,196 And so cratos, rule. 295 00:15:43,196 --> 00:15:46,676 So we have one more, I think, that we've got there. 296 00:15:46,676 --> 00:15:48,156 Particracy. 297 00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:50,996 Parties? Ruled by parties? Rule by party. 298 00:15:50,996 --> 00:15:53,876 Decisions taken at parties in the kitchen about two o'clock. 299 00:15:53,876 --> 00:15:55,556 I love that. 300 00:15:59,796 --> 00:16:02,236 It's where effective power is exercised by a party, 301 00:16:02,236 --> 00:16:04,756 rather than by individual politicians or voters. 302 00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:06,996 A good example? China. China's a very good example. 303 00:16:06,996 --> 00:16:10,796 The Communist Party has pretty much of formal monopoly of power. 304 00:16:10,796 --> 00:16:14,596 So, formally, the Chinese state does not have an army. 305 00:16:14,596 --> 00:16:16,316 The People's Liberation Army 306 00:16:16,316 --> 00:16:18,916 is actually the military wing of the Communist Party, 307 00:16:18,916 --> 00:16:21,516 which is an extraordinary thing, that the Ministry of Defence 308 00:16:21,516 --> 00:16:23,716 has no authority over the Army. 309 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:28,156 Right, name a Greek word with a silent P. 310 00:16:29,276 --> 00:16:30,316 Enis. 311 00:16:39,036 --> 00:16:41,316 Do you mean, as in, pterodactyl? 312 00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:46,116 But why are you being klaxoned, why are you being klaxoned? 313 00:16:46,116 --> 00:16:47,516 Is that not Greek in origin? 314 00:16:47,516 --> 00:16:49,436 I don't know... It is Greek in origin. 315 00:16:49,436 --> 00:16:51,716 So it has a silent P because we don't pronounce the P. 316 00:16:51,716 --> 00:16:54,436 Well, I'm just trying to think of 317 00:16:54,436 --> 00:16:58,716 the other words, like psalm and philosophy and... 318 00:16:59,836 --> 00:17:01,395 ..Philip. 319 00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:02,435 Philip? 320 00:17:06,515 --> 00:17:09,075 So, the fact is that English speakers dispense with them, 321 00:17:09,075 --> 00:17:12,995 but the Greeks do not, there are no silent Ps in Greek. 322 00:17:12,995 --> 00:17:14,875 All right, so how would they say pterodactyl? 323 00:17:14,875 --> 00:17:16,555 Pa-tero-dac-til. 324 00:17:21,595 --> 00:17:24,795 So the Greek person that grew up in Russia, presumably? 325 00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:27,795 What about philosophy? 326 00:17:27,795 --> 00:17:31,195 Well, philosophy doesn't work anyway, because that makes a "fuh". 327 00:17:31,195 --> 00:17:33,635 So without the P, it is "hilosophy". You meant psychology. 328 00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:36,155 Or psychiatry. If we have a look at the Greek alphabet. 329 00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:38,875 So, for example, the letter 330 00:17:38,875 --> 00:17:43,955 P-s-i, all right, they have a single letter, and we pronounce it "sigh", 331 00:17:43,955 --> 00:17:45,955 but, in Greek, that sound is more 332 00:17:45,955 --> 00:17:48,315 like the "ps" that we have in "lapse". 333 00:17:48,315 --> 00:17:52,195 It's a "pss" sound. We say "sigh" and they would say "pss." 334 00:17:52,195 --> 00:17:53,635 I'll give an extra point, 335 00:17:53,635 --> 00:17:56,515 what's wrong with that list as I look at it, in fact? 336 00:17:56,515 --> 00:17:58,035 There's no omega, is there? 337 00:17:58,035 --> 00:18:00,035 Some of them are in the wrong order. 338 00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:03,635 This alphabet explains why the Greek economy is in the state it's in. 339 00:18:06,155 --> 00:18:07,875 What about ptarmigan, you know the bird? 340 00:18:07,875 --> 00:18:10,835 Why do we think it's spelled in that way? I think I've forgotten how to 341 00:18:10,835 --> 00:18:12,635 read, because none of this is making any... 342 00:18:12,635 --> 00:18:14,395 Do you know what a ptarmigan is? 343 00:18:14,395 --> 00:18:17,155 A ptarmigan? It's like a little grouse, isn't it? 344 00:18:17,155 --> 00:18:20,075 No, it's cheese, you grate it on your pasta. 345 00:18:21,395 --> 00:18:24,155 Ptarmigan is in fact a Gaelic word, tamarchan, 346 00:18:24,155 --> 00:18:27,475 and what happened was there was a man called Sir Robert Sibbald, 347 00:18:27,475 --> 00:18:32,115 and he wrongly assumed that it had been a Greek word of origin, 348 00:18:32,115 --> 00:18:33,915 and so he put a P in front of it. 349 00:18:33,915 --> 00:18:35,955 Now, there is no need for the P to be there at all. 350 00:18:35,955 --> 00:18:37,395 It's not Greek in any way, 351 00:18:37,395 --> 00:18:39,515 it is simply a Scottish word that he misunderstood. 352 00:18:39,515 --> 00:18:41,995 Do you know, that's not quite interesting, it's riveting. 353 00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:45,515 It is good, isn't it? So, Sir Robert Sibbald, I really like this, Alan, 354 00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:48,595 this got me very excited, he was the very first person to 355 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,075 describe what creature, scientifically? 356 00:18:52,115 --> 00:18:53,555 Step away from the car! 357 00:18:53,555 --> 00:18:55,715 Is it the blue whale? It is the blue whale, yes. 358 00:18:59,475 --> 00:19:00,715 Yes! 359 00:19:02,635 --> 00:19:06,355 One of them got stranded in the Firth of Forth in 1692, 360 00:19:06,355 --> 00:19:09,275 and it was known for a very long time as Sibbald's rorqual. 361 00:19:09,275 --> 00:19:12,315 So he got the Ptarmigan wrong but he did get the blue whale right, 362 00:19:12,315 --> 00:19:14,395 so I think that's pretty good. 363 00:19:14,395 --> 00:19:18,995 The silent Ps were all pronounced until the preposterous English 364 00:19:18,995 --> 00:19:22,955 purged them. Now, here's one thing the PC brigade haven't got their 365 00:19:22,955 --> 00:19:27,035 teeth into yet - pie-eating competitions. 366 00:19:27,035 --> 00:19:31,155 Or have they? Let's hear your proposals for making pie-eating 367 00:19:31,155 --> 00:19:35,115 competitions a bit more PC. 368 00:19:35,115 --> 00:19:38,275 I went to an extraordinary pie-eating event. 369 00:19:38,275 --> 00:19:39,315 Oh, yes? 370 00:19:40,835 --> 00:19:43,155 True story, 45 years ago... 371 00:19:44,915 --> 00:19:47,195 For three weeks, he lived in a pornocracy. 372 00:19:48,315 --> 00:19:50,235 This was after that. Oh, right. 373 00:19:50,235 --> 00:19:53,795 I was just down from university, and I was invited by a man called 374 00:19:53,795 --> 00:19:56,315 the Earl of Longford, Lord Longford, you may 375 00:19:56,315 --> 00:19:59,075 remember him... I do remember him. He was a social reformer, prison 376 00:19:59,075 --> 00:20:02,035 reformer. Yeah, prison reformer. He was a good man, and, 45 years ago, 377 00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:04,915 he launched a crusade against the scourge of pornography in our 378 00:20:04,915 --> 00:20:08,675 society, and he formed a committee, called the Pornography Committee. 379 00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:11,515 I genuinely became the youngest member of this committee. 380 00:20:11,515 --> 00:20:14,795 Yeah, no, I, seriously, I still have the raincoat I bought at the time. 381 00:20:14,795 --> 00:20:18,315 It wasn't just me and Lord Longford on this committee, 382 00:20:18,315 --> 00:20:20,995 there was a bishop, an Archbishop, a rabbi... 383 00:20:20,995 --> 00:20:23,555 I think I know this, you walked into a pub... 384 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:29,195 No, we did better than that, we went into a club in Copenhagen. 385 00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:33,595 We went, the bishop, the Archbishop, the rabbi, myself, we all went, on 386 00:20:33,595 --> 00:20:37,395 an aeroplane, and we came to this club where they were offering 387 00:20:37,395 --> 00:20:39,755 us a special pie. 388 00:20:39,755 --> 00:20:43,355 True story. And we sat around the edge of this pie, 389 00:20:43,355 --> 00:20:46,555 and when the crust was removed, you wouldn't believe it. 390 00:20:48,554 --> 00:20:50,994 There they were, naked people. 391 00:20:50,994 --> 00:20:53,314 Are we all allowed to tell our sex dreams? 392 00:20:57,754 --> 00:20:59,834 This is fact. 393 00:20:59,834 --> 00:21:01,754 I've still got the photographs! 394 00:21:04,874 --> 00:21:07,754 The point is... And there was an enormous pie... Is there a point? 395 00:21:07,754 --> 00:21:09,154 No, not much of a point... No. 396 00:21:11,954 --> 00:21:14,554 So you were very successful, this pornography...? 397 00:21:14,554 --> 00:21:17,114 No. What is interesting is, at the time, Lord Longford 398 00:21:17,114 --> 00:21:19,034 was much mocked for this whole thing, 399 00:21:19,034 --> 00:21:21,234 and, now, actually, everybody would agree with him, 400 00:21:21,234 --> 00:21:23,234 that it was all about the exploitation of women, 401 00:21:23,234 --> 00:21:25,674 and his view was let's go and see what is happening 402 00:21:25,674 --> 00:21:27,034 and report on what is happening. 403 00:21:27,034 --> 00:21:30,634 Well, I've actually done a significant amount of research in this area. 404 00:21:31,634 --> 00:21:34,034 I mean, I don't look at pornography any more. 405 00:21:34,034 --> 00:21:36,194 Not for moral reasons, I've just finished it. 406 00:21:40,034 --> 00:21:44,074 We are going to talk about the World Pie Eating Championship. 407 00:21:44,074 --> 00:21:47,994 It's held in Harry's Bar in Wigan. It's been held since 1992, 408 00:21:47,994 --> 00:21:51,034 and they used to challenge competitors to eat as many pies as 409 00:21:51,034 --> 00:21:54,154 they could in three minutes. And then, in 2006, 410 00:21:54,154 --> 00:21:56,874 they thought we need to reflect modern, healthy eating, 411 00:21:56,874 --> 00:21:59,954 so they eat just one pie, as quickly as they can, 412 00:21:59,954 --> 00:22:03,154 and a vegetarian category introduced, following what was 413 00:22:03,154 --> 00:22:06,754 described as relentless pressure from the Vegetarian Society. 414 00:22:06,754 --> 00:22:08,834 Oh, please! 415 00:22:08,834 --> 00:22:11,834 Oh, please, please... 416 00:22:13,434 --> 00:22:15,314 Oh, please! 417 00:22:15,314 --> 00:22:17,914 Vegetarians, too weak to be too demanding. 418 00:22:19,634 --> 00:22:21,434 Oh, let them have a cheese and onion one. 419 00:22:21,434 --> 00:22:23,154 So the organiser, Tony Callaghan, he said, 420 00:22:23,154 --> 00:22:24,594 "I realise it may be controversial," 421 00:22:24,594 --> 00:22:27,834 "but this is the way forward for pie eating at this level." 422 00:22:27,834 --> 00:22:30,514 Dave Smyth, who was the winner of the first contest in 1992, 423 00:22:30,514 --> 00:22:32,114 he didn't think it was a good idea. 424 00:22:32,114 --> 00:22:33,834 He said, "They've taken things too far." 425 00:22:33,834 --> 00:22:35,714 "Pies are supposed to be meat and potato," 426 00:22:35,714 --> 00:22:37,994 "and anything else just isn't normal." 427 00:22:39,234 --> 00:22:43,074 What I like is the organiser thinks that reduced pie consumption may be 428 00:22:43,074 --> 00:22:44,594 responsible for the recession. 429 00:22:44,594 --> 00:22:47,074 "If everyone eats two pies rather than one," he said, 430 00:22:47,074 --> 00:22:50,674 "it follows logically that the pie sector of the economy could double" 431 00:22:50,674 --> 00:22:51,754 "in size." 432 00:22:53,394 --> 00:22:55,114 I mean, it's flawless logic. I know. 433 00:22:55,114 --> 00:22:57,674 And it's not a competition without its difficulties. 434 00:22:57,674 --> 00:22:59,194 So in 2007, there were 20 pies 435 00:22:59,194 --> 00:23:01,394 prepared for the next day's competition, 436 00:23:01,394 --> 00:23:03,034 and they were eaten in a single 437 00:23:03,034 --> 00:23:05,314 sitting, by a rescue dog, called Charlie. 438 00:23:06,994 --> 00:23:08,794 Well, he's the winner, then. I know. 439 00:23:08,794 --> 00:23:11,834 His owner had been distracted - apparently there was a pigeon up a 440 00:23:11,834 --> 00:23:14,394 chimney and so... This is such a northern story! 441 00:23:14,394 --> 00:23:17,274 It's good, isn't it? So Charlie's owner, Dave Williams, 442 00:23:17,274 --> 00:23:18,834 entered Charlie in the competition, 443 00:23:18,834 --> 00:23:21,034 because he thought Charlie is an absolute natural. 444 00:23:21,034 --> 00:23:22,994 Charlie would have been stuffed, wouldn't he? 445 00:23:22,994 --> 00:23:24,674 Well, that was the problem! 446 00:23:24,674 --> 00:23:29,114 He was entered, but he was full from the previous day, and he 447 00:23:29,114 --> 00:23:30,794 only ate half his pie. 448 00:23:32,434 --> 00:23:36,714 The current record, 22.53 seconds, held by Martin Claire 449 00:23:36,714 --> 00:23:40,114 and that has been confirmed to us directly by the organiser. 450 00:23:40,114 --> 00:23:43,034 His advantage is he has a removable front tooth. 451 00:23:43,034 --> 00:23:46,194 I thought we would have our own pie-eating contest. 452 00:23:46,194 --> 00:23:49,514 Shall I give you a few tips before we do anything? 453 00:23:49,514 --> 00:23:52,434 So the first thing is, if it's a no-hands event, 454 00:23:52,434 --> 00:23:55,994 apparently, you should secure your plate to the table using Velcro. 455 00:23:55,994 --> 00:23:58,714 One of the ways you can prepare for the competition, chew gum, 456 00:23:58,714 --> 00:24:00,914 get your jaw all sort of nice and relaxed. 457 00:24:00,914 --> 00:24:04,794 Cheating would be adding a slug of cough mixture to the gravy. 458 00:24:04,794 --> 00:24:08,194 Apparently, it could knock two seconds off your time. 459 00:24:09,274 --> 00:24:12,074 Remember to breathe. Apparently, people forget to breathe 460 00:24:12,074 --> 00:24:13,354 while they are eating the pie. 461 00:24:13,354 --> 00:24:15,034 That's good advice for everyone, isn't it? 462 00:24:15,034 --> 00:24:17,434 Are these our pies? Yes. Alan, there's your pie. 463 00:24:19,674 --> 00:24:22,434 We have strict Pro-am distinction, 464 00:24:22,434 --> 00:24:24,634 so I need to ask you officially, 465 00:24:24,634 --> 00:24:29,554 has anybody ever earned money from a previous pie-eating competition? 466 00:24:31,034 --> 00:24:32,634 I did a voice-over for Quorn. 467 00:24:40,033 --> 00:24:42,793 Are you ready? I got a stopwatch, hang on. 468 00:24:42,793 --> 00:24:44,233 OK. My pie's enormous. 469 00:24:44,233 --> 00:24:45,633 Oh, oh, oh! 470 00:24:45,633 --> 00:24:47,593 Is that some cough syrup, is it? Oh. 471 00:24:47,593 --> 00:24:50,353 A little bit of cough syrup? I wondered why you asked for a bottle. 472 00:24:50,353 --> 00:24:52,113 It's not that, you know what she's going to do? 473 00:24:52,113 --> 00:24:54,673 She's going to take a bit of pie and then spew it out into there. 474 00:24:54,673 --> 00:24:56,553 I know, I've seen her do this before. 475 00:24:58,353 --> 00:24:59,593 How did it get so serious? 476 00:24:59,593 --> 00:25:03,273 OK, are we ready? You want us to consume the whole pie? 477 00:25:03,273 --> 00:25:05,353 Yes. Is this...? It's a pie-eating 478 00:25:05,353 --> 00:25:07,753 competition, so you have to eat the pie. 479 00:25:09,553 --> 00:25:10,793 OK. On your marks... 480 00:25:10,793 --> 00:25:11,913 OK. Get set... 481 00:25:11,913 --> 00:25:12,953 Right... Go! 482 00:25:14,593 --> 00:25:16,673 Oh, Jimmy! 483 00:25:18,673 --> 00:25:20,273 And the winner is Jimmy! 484 00:25:27,633 --> 00:25:29,033 Aw! 485 00:25:29,033 --> 00:25:31,113 I have eaten a pie that contained a human... 486 00:25:40,873 --> 00:25:44,553 Was it in Copenhagen, 45 years ago? 487 00:25:44,553 --> 00:25:45,593 It wasn't... 488 00:25:49,753 --> 00:25:52,913 It was just before last Christmas in India. 489 00:25:52,913 --> 00:25:55,513 I was researching a book that I'd been writing, 490 00:25:55,513 --> 00:25:58,793 called, "Have You Eaten Grandma?" 491 00:25:59,993 --> 00:26:01,313 A book about punctuation, 492 00:26:01,313 --> 00:26:05,593 as you can imagine, and I discovered that there is a tribe... 493 00:26:05,593 --> 00:26:07,713 - Yes. - ...in India... - Yes. 494 00:26:07,713 --> 00:26:11,113 ..that likes to eat its grandparents, 495 00:26:11,113 --> 00:26:14,393 and the United Nations has banned cannibalism, 496 00:26:14,393 --> 00:26:16,073 it's not allowed any more in the world, 497 00:26:16,073 --> 00:26:20,513 with the exemption of this tribe in a part of India. 498 00:26:20,513 --> 00:26:25,273 And these people believe that they should consume their grandparents, 499 00:26:25,273 --> 00:26:28,233 literally, in order that the spirit of their grandparents should come to 500 00:26:28,233 --> 00:26:31,393 them. When the person dies, the grandparent dies, 501 00:26:31,393 --> 00:26:33,753 what they do is they feed it to fish, 502 00:26:33,753 --> 00:26:37,473 and then when it's been eaten by the fish, they put the fish in the pie, 503 00:26:37,473 --> 00:26:40,153 and then you eat your grandparents in the pie. 504 00:26:40,153 --> 00:26:43,033 So I have eaten human fish pie. 505 00:26:46,153 --> 00:26:49,153 Well, if only there were points for that. I know! 506 00:26:49,153 --> 00:26:52,953 My favourite bit is, "I've still got the raincoat I bought at the time." 507 00:26:52,953 --> 00:26:56,153 That's going to make me laugh for years! 508 00:26:56,153 --> 00:27:00,073 But, in truth, my wife has sewn up the pockets. 509 00:27:05,153 --> 00:27:08,273 Right, next in our piecemeal project, 510 00:27:08,273 --> 00:27:10,753 four pieces of pie, pizza pie. 511 00:27:10,753 --> 00:27:13,593 What's the pizza-litically correct 512 00:27:13,593 --> 00:27:16,553 procedure for eating a piece of pizza? 513 00:27:17,793 --> 00:27:18,833 What is... Yes? 514 00:27:20,993 --> 00:27:22,033 Many years ago... 515 00:27:23,873 --> 00:27:27,233 Many years ago... Yes? I was a friend of, and knew, Fanny Cradock. 516 00:27:27,233 --> 00:27:28,313 Oh, dear Fanny. 517 00:27:28,313 --> 00:27:31,393 The younger people won't know who she was, she was a television chef, 518 00:27:31,393 --> 00:27:34,353 a sort of interesting cross between Mary Berry and Jeremy Clarkson. 519 00:27:37,153 --> 00:27:41,833 A wonderful woman, and she taught me and my wife how to make pizza, 520 00:27:41,833 --> 00:27:44,633 proper Neapolitan pizza, and she explained to us, 521 00:27:44,633 --> 00:27:47,793 A, that you cut it up, but then you don't use knife and fork to eat it, 522 00:27:47,793 --> 00:27:49,353 you have to eat it by hand. 523 00:27:49,353 --> 00:27:52,353 Yes. And you have to feed one another. 524 00:27:52,353 --> 00:27:54,633 Yeah. The fact is, you can eat pizza any way you please, 525 00:27:54,633 --> 00:27:56,313 but there are certain thoughts, 526 00:27:56,313 --> 00:27:58,273 there's some advice about how to do it and... 527 00:27:58,273 --> 00:27:59,793 It's a fold, isn't it? It's a fold. 528 00:27:59,793 --> 00:28:01,553 So the grease doesn't go everywhere. 529 00:28:01,553 --> 00:28:04,393 Yeah. So what you end up with is a sort of triangular package, 530 00:28:04,393 --> 00:28:06,553 with all the toppings inside, they don't slip off... 531 00:28:06,553 --> 00:28:08,433 That looks exactly like Fanny's... 532 00:28:19,033 --> 00:28:22,352 Yes? No, I think that's, that's the proper way to eat pizza. 533 00:28:22,352 --> 00:28:24,912 It is. Well, I don't think so, I think that's a greedy way to eat 534 00:28:24,912 --> 00:28:27,312 pizza, that's like bunging as much in at a time as you can, 535 00:28:27,312 --> 00:28:30,312 whereas in Italy you tend to put a, 536 00:28:30,312 --> 00:28:32,712 you tend to put a finger in and just sort of bend it. 537 00:28:35,312 --> 00:28:37,592 That wasn't me! We're talking about eating pizza! 538 00:28:37,592 --> 00:28:40,952 That wasn't me! Put a pizza in and then bend it, yeah? 539 00:28:40,952 --> 00:28:43,392 That is your minds, that was not my mind! 540 00:28:43,392 --> 00:28:45,432 Can I just say that my mother watches this... 541 00:28:46,952 --> 00:28:48,152 Not for much longer. 542 00:28:48,152 --> 00:28:50,632 No. You don't fold it, because then you don't get... 543 00:28:50,632 --> 00:28:52,592 Where do you put a finger in, though, Sally? 544 00:28:52,592 --> 00:28:55,232 Where do you put your finger? Well, you... How do you do it? 545 00:28:55,232 --> 00:28:56,752 I'm just trying to think... 546 00:28:56,752 --> 00:29:00,312 You can't put the finger in! You kind of, you...you make it so 547 00:29:00,312 --> 00:29:03,232 it's like a bent, like a scoop thing, and, so you... 548 00:29:03,232 --> 00:29:05,512 It's basically so that you can hold the end up. 549 00:29:07,872 --> 00:29:11,992 Like a scoop, so you've got to keep it up, but then pop your finger in? 550 00:29:11,992 --> 00:29:17,312 If you hold the triangle flat, the end will go floppy... 551 00:29:17,312 --> 00:29:18,832 You're supposed to do it like that? 552 00:29:18,832 --> 00:29:21,192 Yeah. Can I just say, is anyone else with me? 553 00:29:21,192 --> 00:29:23,672 I've never really had a problem eating a bit of pizza. 554 00:29:23,672 --> 00:29:25,272 I tend to pick it up and bite some off. 555 00:29:25,272 --> 00:29:27,312 Yes, and just get on with it. 556 00:29:27,312 --> 00:29:29,992 What about pizza toppings? Because that is a very emotive... 557 00:29:29,992 --> 00:29:31,592 Yes, my darling? 558 00:29:31,592 --> 00:29:32,872 I once met... 559 00:29:34,152 --> 00:29:37,432 ..Princess Margherita of Italy, 560 00:29:37,432 --> 00:29:41,792 who was the great-granddaughter of Queen Margherita of Italy, 561 00:29:41,792 --> 00:29:43,272 who, in the 1890s, 562 00:29:43,272 --> 00:29:47,072 had the pizza topping known as the Margherita named after her. 563 00:29:47,072 --> 00:29:51,672 And the colours of it were of the new Italian flag. 564 00:29:51,672 --> 00:29:54,152 That is entirely correct. The tomato, the red, and all that. 565 00:29:54,152 --> 00:29:56,512 And the basil. I've got a quite interesting pizza fact. 566 00:29:56,512 --> 00:29:59,552 The guy that invented the Hawaiian pizza was a Canadian man. 567 00:29:59,552 --> 00:30:01,992 A Canadian, yes. From the 1850s. 568 00:30:01,992 --> 00:30:04,472 I don't know what everybody thinks about pineapple on pizza. 569 00:30:04,472 --> 00:30:05,992 I'm not a fan myself. 570 00:30:05,992 --> 00:30:08,192 I'm a huge fan. You like it? Yeah. 571 00:30:08,192 --> 00:30:11,272 Well, the President of Iceland, in 2017, 572 00:30:11,272 --> 00:30:12,712 Gudhni Thorlacius Johannesson, 573 00:30:12,712 --> 00:30:15,872 he joked during a school visit that he thought pineapple should 574 00:30:15,872 --> 00:30:17,432 be banned as a pizza topping. 575 00:30:17,432 --> 00:30:20,912 This set off an international firestorm on Twitter. 576 00:30:20,912 --> 00:30:24,232 And he issued a clarification, saying he liked pineapple, 577 00:30:24,232 --> 00:30:26,872 just not on pizza, and he was glad, in principle, 578 00:30:26,872 --> 00:30:29,232 you know, that he didn't have the power to ban it 579 00:30:29,232 --> 00:30:32,272 and, personally, he recommended seafood pizza toppings. 580 00:30:32,272 --> 00:30:35,552 This caused another firestorm. Oh, dear. 581 00:30:35,552 --> 00:30:39,232 In terms of value for money, which pizza should you order? 582 00:30:39,232 --> 00:30:41,312 So imagine you've got a small, a medium, a large. 583 00:30:41,312 --> 00:30:44,192 If you want value for money, which one should you order? 584 00:30:44,192 --> 00:30:45,952 Ooh, probably the small. 585 00:30:45,952 --> 00:30:48,712 You think it's the small one. Why? Why do you think that? 586 00:30:48,712 --> 00:30:50,872 Because it's an optical illusion. 587 00:30:50,872 --> 00:30:54,032 So here is one of those rare moments when things that you learn at 588 00:30:54,032 --> 00:30:57,032 school, maths, actually is fantastically useful. 589 00:30:57,032 --> 00:31:01,752 So you can use Pi to calculate the area of a pizza. 590 00:31:01,752 --> 00:31:05,312 Pi r squared. Pi r squared. absolutely right. 591 00:31:05,312 --> 00:31:07,592 So imagine a Domino's Pepperoni Passion, OK? 592 00:31:07,592 --> 00:31:09,872 The large one is 13.5 inches. 593 00:31:09,872 --> 00:31:13,032 It costs £18. Good grief. 594 00:31:13,032 --> 00:31:15,792 That is 12.58p per square inch. 595 00:31:15,792 --> 00:31:20,992 The medium one is 15.4p per square inch. 596 00:31:20,992 --> 00:31:24,832 And the small one is 19.75p per square inch. 597 00:31:24,832 --> 00:31:30,552 The small one is 57% more expensive per square inch 598 00:31:30,552 --> 00:31:32,392 than the large one. 599 00:31:32,392 --> 00:31:35,952 I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack because I feel like I'm back in a maths GCSE. 600 00:31:35,952 --> 00:31:38,552 All you need to know is that you might as well order the large one, 601 00:31:38,552 --> 00:31:40,032 its way cheaper. 602 00:31:40,032 --> 00:31:42,912 First ever Bitcoin transaction, this is astonishing, 603 00:31:42,912 --> 00:31:45,312 it was for a pizza purchase, so it was in 2010, 604 00:31:45,312 --> 00:31:47,592 and there was a Florida computer enthusiast, 605 00:31:47,592 --> 00:31:49,832 he was called Laszlo Hanyecz, 606 00:31:49,832 --> 00:31:51,432 and he offered 10,000 Bitcoins 607 00:31:51,432 --> 00:31:54,312 to anybody who would bring him a couple of pizzas. 608 00:31:54,312 --> 00:31:57,712 So somebody paid 25 to have them delivered, 609 00:31:57,712 --> 00:31:58,992 got the 10,000 Bitcoins. 610 00:31:58,992 --> 00:32:02,632 What is that worth...? They were worth 30 at the time. 611 00:32:02,632 --> 00:32:07,991 As of December 2017, they would have been worth 100 million. 612 00:32:07,991 --> 00:32:09,231 Whoa. 613 00:32:09,231 --> 00:32:11,111 That's more money than I make in a year. 614 00:32:12,991 --> 00:32:17,951 Now, we have a treat for you, we are going to do a pizza tossing lesson. 615 00:32:17,951 --> 00:32:19,671 Please welcome Paolo, the group 616 00:32:19,671 --> 00:32:22,071 training development chef from Strada. 617 00:32:22,071 --> 00:32:23,311 Yay! 618 00:32:27,431 --> 00:32:29,471 Hello, Paolo. Hello, there. 619 00:32:29,471 --> 00:32:32,271 OK, so, you've all got some pizza dough. 620 00:32:32,271 --> 00:32:35,031 Pizza dough. So what is the pizza dough made of, Paolo? 621 00:32:35,031 --> 00:32:36,591 OK, the base is water. Yeah. 622 00:32:36,591 --> 00:32:38,751 ..and flour. Just plain white flour? 623 00:32:38,751 --> 00:32:41,751 Yes. And when you open them, you open them with semolina and flour. 624 00:32:41,751 --> 00:32:43,391 OK so this has got semolina in here? 625 00:32:43,391 --> 00:32:45,271 And flour, yeah. Oh, right, so... 626 00:32:45,271 --> 00:32:47,071 50-50. Put your finger in, Sal. 627 00:32:52,031 --> 00:32:55,791 Right, Paolo is going to do the demonstration. 628 00:32:55,791 --> 00:32:58,071 OK, the key point in your pizza, now... Yeah? 629 00:32:58,071 --> 00:32:59,791 ..is the way we open the pizza, 630 00:32:59,791 --> 00:33:01,951 and not overdoing your edges of the pizza. 631 00:33:02,951 --> 00:33:04,551 Always try to work it from the middle. 632 00:33:04,551 --> 00:33:06,791 From the middle, OK. Why do you do that, what is it...? 633 00:33:06,791 --> 00:33:09,831 Because, if you work your edge, you really kill your pizza, 634 00:33:09,831 --> 00:33:11,511 is how we say, we kill the pizza. 635 00:33:11,511 --> 00:33:12,871 Don't work the edge, you'll kill 636 00:33:12,871 --> 00:33:15,831 your pizza, Gyles. Don't kill your pizza, Gyles! That's the reason 637 00:33:15,831 --> 00:33:18,631 we're using the hands. OK. And we're not using the roll. No, OK. 638 00:33:18,631 --> 00:33:22,231 Oh! Do you throw it in the air at all? And you throw? You toss and you 639 00:33:22,231 --> 00:33:24,991 catch? Yeah. Yeah. Oh! What a shame. Hey! 640 00:33:24,991 --> 00:33:27,351 Oh, hang on... And now, when you open, with your hands, 641 00:33:27,351 --> 00:33:29,031 you always from the middle, you know? 642 00:33:29,031 --> 00:33:30,631 OK. And stretch from the middle? 643 00:33:30,631 --> 00:33:32,871 Moving it out, stretch from the middle? Oh no! 644 00:33:34,591 --> 00:33:36,351 Is it necessary to throw it in the air? 645 00:33:36,351 --> 00:33:37,711 Not really, no. Not really. 646 00:33:37,711 --> 00:33:42,071 And you can make... Look, look! Here's Casper the naughty ghost! 647 00:33:46,671 --> 00:33:49,631 What's the throwing in the air one? 648 00:33:49,631 --> 00:33:51,991 I see people in there, and they throw them up in the air. 649 00:33:51,991 --> 00:33:54,031 It seems more fun. He says it's not necessary. 650 00:33:54,031 --> 00:33:56,431 I know it's not necessary, but a bit of fun? 651 00:33:56,431 --> 00:33:58,631 Yeah. This is a pair of old knickers! 652 00:33:59,951 --> 00:34:02,471 That's fantastic. Paolo, thank you so very much indeed. 653 00:34:02,471 --> 00:34:03,751 You're welcome. Thank you. 654 00:34:08,711 --> 00:34:12,991 Right, moving on, who has overdone it with the pie? 655 00:34:12,991 --> 00:34:15,751 That's not very PC, that question. 656 00:34:15,751 --> 00:34:19,711 Is it the people at Miami Airport? 657 00:34:19,711 --> 00:34:22,951 Because if you go to Miami Airport, they're all trundling around, 658 00:34:22,951 --> 00:34:25,431 these hugely gross people, who... 659 00:34:25,431 --> 00:34:27,271 They're called Americans. 660 00:34:34,511 --> 00:34:37,071 It's about maths. It's about maths. It is about maths, yes. 661 00:34:37,071 --> 00:34:40,111 So the number pi begins, anybody, what does it begin with? 662 00:34:40,111 --> 00:34:44,351 3.142726... 663 00:34:44,351 --> 00:34:45,831 Just saying random numbers now. 664 00:34:47,191 --> 00:34:50,631 3.141592... 665 00:34:50,631 --> 00:34:52,471 And then on and on and on. Has it got an end? 666 00:34:52,471 --> 00:34:53,751 I don't think it's got an end. 667 00:34:53,751 --> 00:34:55,831 No, it's very much like one of Gyles's stories. 668 00:35:03,311 --> 00:35:05,991 It goes on forever and it's irrational. 669 00:35:07,351 --> 00:35:09,231 At the end of 2016, 670 00:35:09,231 --> 00:35:12,991 pi had been calculated to over 22 trillion decimal places, 671 00:35:12,991 --> 00:35:14,471 which is way more than we need. 672 00:35:14,471 --> 00:35:17,631 So, for example, we need 15 decimal places, 673 00:35:17,631 --> 00:35:20,671 that would be enough to calculate how to point a laser 674 00:35:20,671 --> 00:35:23,151 which would hit the Voyager spacecraft, 675 00:35:23,151 --> 00:35:25,631 which is about 12.5 billion miles away, 676 00:35:25,631 --> 00:35:29,431 to an accuracy within 1.5 inches. 677 00:35:29,431 --> 00:35:32,831 We would only take 40 decimal places to calculate the circumference 678 00:35:32,831 --> 00:35:36,991 of the entire observable universe 679 00:35:36,991 --> 00:35:40,711 to a margin of error of the width of one hydrogen atom. 680 00:35:40,711 --> 00:35:43,591 So it is astonishing that people want to keep trying to see 681 00:35:43,591 --> 00:35:45,191 how far they can go. 682 00:35:45,191 --> 00:35:47,951 There are some sad stories about it as well, because in 1873, 683 00:35:47,951 --> 00:35:50,391 there was a British mathematician called William Shanks, 684 00:35:50,391 --> 00:35:53,191 and he published a ground-breaking calculation of pi 685 00:35:53,191 --> 00:35:55,510 to 707 places. 686 00:35:55,510 --> 00:36:00,030 It had taken him 15 years to do by hand. 687 00:36:00,030 --> 00:36:01,430 And, mercifully, 688 00:36:01,430 --> 00:36:05,230 he had been long dead when somebody noticed he'd made an error... 689 00:36:05,230 --> 00:36:09,350 I know. ..on the 527th digit. 690 00:36:09,350 --> 00:36:11,990 And that meant that all the subsequent digits were, 691 00:36:11,990 --> 00:36:13,190 in fact, wrong. 692 00:36:13,190 --> 00:36:16,230 You hope that there isn't a heaven. I know, it's sad. 693 00:36:16,230 --> 00:36:18,710 What do you remember about pi from school? 694 00:36:18,710 --> 00:36:21,390 I remember that the person who came up with the word pi, 695 00:36:21,390 --> 00:36:24,190 the Greek letter pi, for this phenomenon 696 00:36:24,190 --> 00:36:28,270 was a Welsh person. I know this because he's a kinsman of mine. 697 00:36:28,270 --> 00:36:31,190 The dates, when he did this, was 1707. 698 00:36:31,190 --> 00:36:33,030 He was known as William Jones. 699 00:36:33,030 --> 00:36:36,790 I am Anglo-Welsh, myself, come from a long Anglo-Welsh heritage. 700 00:36:38,270 --> 00:36:40,270 Let's go back through the whole thing, yeah. 701 00:36:41,790 --> 00:36:45,590 This man, William Jones, known as Jones the Pi, 702 00:36:45,590 --> 00:36:47,510 he... 703 00:36:48,950 --> 00:36:52,030 I like everything about your story, except it was 1706. 704 00:36:52,030 --> 00:36:55,070 He's got it to within a decimal point. 705 00:36:55,070 --> 00:36:57,430 But you are right, attention to detail is everything. 706 00:36:57,430 --> 00:36:59,390 So what is the thing that we remember about pi? 707 00:36:59,390 --> 00:37:01,670 There's a mathematical thing everybody got taught at school. 708 00:37:01,670 --> 00:37:02,710 2 pi r. 709 00:37:02,710 --> 00:37:05,670 2 pi r. And that is the way in which we work out the 710 00:37:05,670 --> 00:37:07,110 circumference of something. 711 00:37:07,110 --> 00:37:09,990 So I want you to imagine that we have taken a piece of string 712 00:37:09,990 --> 00:37:12,470 and we have tied it around the Earth's equator. 713 00:37:12,470 --> 00:37:16,070 So that's about 40,000km, right? 714 00:37:16,070 --> 00:37:18,870 And somebody comes along and goes, oh, I changed my mind, actually, 715 00:37:18,870 --> 00:37:22,190 what I'd really like is I would like you to lengthen the piece of string 716 00:37:22,190 --> 00:37:26,670 so that we can raise it just under 16 centimetres above the ground, 717 00:37:26,670 --> 00:37:28,470 all the way around the Earth, OK? 718 00:37:28,470 --> 00:37:31,630 So how much longer would the piece of string need to be to raise it 719 00:37:31,630 --> 00:37:35,670 just under 16 centimetres above the ground all the way around the Earth? 720 00:37:35,670 --> 00:37:40,190 A surprisingly large amount, and/or not as much as you'd think. 721 00:37:40,190 --> 00:37:41,510 OK. 722 00:37:41,510 --> 00:37:45,390 It is the radius plus 16 centimetres times pi, isn't it? 723 00:37:45,390 --> 00:37:46,430 Which is? 724 00:37:46,430 --> 00:37:48,270 40,000. Another 40,000. 725 00:37:48,270 --> 00:37:49,990 Another 40,000? Another 40,000. 726 00:37:49,990 --> 00:37:51,350 An extra metre. 727 00:37:51,350 --> 00:37:55,830 Alan is absolutely right, it is just one metre of string. 728 00:37:55,830 --> 00:37:57,550 Very well done. 729 00:38:02,630 --> 00:38:04,750 So, explain that to us. 730 00:38:04,750 --> 00:38:06,910 OK, so let's imagine that this is the Earth. 731 00:38:06,910 --> 00:38:09,670 And, actually, this would work with any size sphere. 732 00:38:09,670 --> 00:38:10,750 So what do we know? 733 00:38:10,750 --> 00:38:14,230 We know that pi times the diameter 734 00:38:14,230 --> 00:38:16,110 will give us the whole circumference, OK? 735 00:38:16,110 --> 00:38:19,150 All we did was increase the diameter 736 00:38:19,150 --> 00:38:22,750 by just under 16 centimetres on each side. 737 00:38:22,750 --> 00:38:26,390 So that's 32 centimetres, we times it by pi, 738 00:38:26,390 --> 00:38:31,870 by 3.14, it will give us just one metre more of string needed. 739 00:38:31,870 --> 00:38:34,270 If we only need a metre more, we should do it. Yes. 740 00:38:36,390 --> 00:38:38,790 And now for the section of this PC 741 00:38:38,790 --> 00:38:41,790 show, which is full of "EC-PC" questions, 742 00:38:41,790 --> 00:38:43,470 it's general ignorance! 743 00:38:43,470 --> 00:38:47,150 But first, Gyles, you're a bit of a maverick, if I may say so. 744 00:38:47,150 --> 00:38:50,910 Do you even know what it means to toe the line? 745 00:38:52,390 --> 00:38:53,870 Well, I do. OK. 746 00:38:53,870 --> 00:38:57,510 Well, I always thought toeing the line went back to my time in the 747 00:38:57,510 --> 00:38:58,950 House of Commons... 748 00:39:04,150 --> 00:39:05,310 You've set me up! 749 00:39:05,310 --> 00:39:07,950 I did, and it's taken three hours. 750 00:39:07,950 --> 00:39:12,670 You have previously asserted that the expression came from the House 751 00:39:12,670 --> 00:39:15,230 of Commons, but we absolutely know that that is not true. 752 00:39:15,230 --> 00:39:17,750 I don't know why you think you absolutely know everything, 753 00:39:17,750 --> 00:39:19,190 because you don't necessarily. 754 00:39:19,190 --> 00:39:21,550 There are the two lines... Yes. On the floor of the House of 755 00:39:21,550 --> 00:39:23,910 Commons, you have to keep your toes behind those lines... 756 00:39:23,910 --> 00:39:25,390 But why were they that distance? 757 00:39:25,390 --> 00:39:26,750 Because it's the length of two 758 00:39:26,750 --> 00:39:28,870 outstretched swords, so they don't allow... 759 00:39:28,870 --> 00:39:30,950 The difficulty, darling, with this 760 00:39:30,950 --> 00:39:33,470 story is that that chamber dates from 1950. 761 00:39:33,470 --> 00:39:34,510 It... 762 00:39:35,670 --> 00:39:38,550 Built on the model of the original chamber, which was built on... 763 00:39:38,550 --> 00:39:40,869 All the paintings of the older versions of the chamber, 764 00:39:40,869 --> 00:39:42,709 where you might actually have had a sword, 765 00:39:42,709 --> 00:39:46,149 show no lines on the floor whatsoever. 766 00:39:46,149 --> 00:39:48,949 The lines were invisible, as in the silent P. 767 00:39:56,029 --> 00:39:58,829 The fact is we don't know, really, the true origin of the phrase. 768 00:39:58,829 --> 00:40:02,189 The most likely is referring to getting your toes on a line to get a 769 00:40:02,189 --> 00:40:05,949 group of people organised, so to start a race or a parade or 770 00:40:05,949 --> 00:40:08,549 something, and another possible source is prizefighting. 771 00:40:08,549 --> 00:40:10,629 So there was always a thing called the scratch, 772 00:40:10,629 --> 00:40:12,869 and it was a line marked in the middle of the ring, 773 00:40:12,869 --> 00:40:15,829 and the two contestants had to stand on the line in order to start the 774 00:40:15,829 --> 00:40:18,229 fight. It's where we get the expression "up to scratch". 775 00:40:18,229 --> 00:40:20,629 But the truth is we absolutely don't know, and I'm sorry, 776 00:40:20,629 --> 00:40:22,349 we did set you up there, Gyles, yeah. 777 00:40:22,349 --> 00:40:26,509 It's OK. Toeing the line has nothing to do with the House of Commons. 778 00:40:26,509 --> 00:40:29,749 If you get this next one wrong, you deserve to be hung, 779 00:40:29,749 --> 00:40:31,389 drawn and quartered. 780 00:40:31,389 --> 00:40:37,269 We all know about being hung and quartered, what does drawn mean? 781 00:40:37,269 --> 00:40:38,989 It means being disembowelled. 782 00:40:43,349 --> 00:40:44,709 You've been set up, this time. 783 00:40:44,709 --> 00:40:46,069 Did they do a little sketch? 784 00:40:47,869 --> 00:40:52,749 Oh, were you hanged and then drawn through the streets in some way? 785 00:40:52,749 --> 00:40:54,709 It is to do with being drawn through the streets, 786 00:40:54,709 --> 00:40:56,789 but it's being dragged to the place of execution, 787 00:40:56,789 --> 00:41:00,789 so in fact we have the phrase round the wrong way, it ought to be drawn, 788 00:41:00,789 --> 00:41:04,069 hanged and quartered, that is the order of it. 789 00:41:04,069 --> 00:41:06,269 Just to be clear, Alan, people were disembowelled, 790 00:41:06,269 --> 00:41:08,829 I'm not saying that they weren't, as part of the execution, 791 00:41:08,829 --> 00:41:11,189 but that would be in addition to the drawing. 792 00:41:11,189 --> 00:41:13,229 So the OED entry for draw has this, 793 00:41:13,229 --> 00:41:17,429 to drag a criminal at a horse's tail or on a hurdle or the like to the 794 00:41:17,429 --> 00:41:21,029 place of execution, formerly a legal punishment of high treason. 795 00:41:21,029 --> 00:41:23,269 They used to behead them, as well. 796 00:41:23,269 --> 00:41:26,109 You could be hung, drawn, quartered and then beheaded, as well. 797 00:41:26,109 --> 00:41:28,269 Well, that would be for quite a serious offence. 798 00:41:28,269 --> 00:41:29,949 Yes, that would be quite a lot. 799 00:41:29,949 --> 00:41:32,709 And then your testes would be made into a desk toy. 800 00:41:38,509 --> 00:41:39,549 I want one of those. 801 00:41:41,389 --> 00:41:44,349 Finally, here's really a deep question for you: 802 00:41:44,349 --> 00:41:47,309 Captain Nemo's submarine was called Nautilus. 803 00:41:47,309 --> 00:41:50,309 How many leagues under the sea did she dive? 804 00:41:51,469 --> 00:41:55,469 Yes, Jimmy? 20,000 Leagues. 20,000. Definitely did! Definitely did? 805 00:41:57,149 --> 00:41:59,589 Definitely did, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. 806 00:41:59,589 --> 00:42:01,029 Have you read it, or seen the film? 807 00:42:01,029 --> 00:42:02,069 I've seen the poster. 808 00:42:04,269 --> 00:42:05,869 Yeah, no, so here is the thing, 809 00:42:05,869 --> 00:42:09,589 the 20,000 leagues refers to the distance that they travelled, 810 00:42:09,589 --> 00:42:10,869 and not the depth. 811 00:42:10,869 --> 00:42:14,549 Oh... So, imagine, a metric league, 4km, 812 00:42:14,549 --> 00:42:17,429 so 20,000 leagues is 80,000km. 813 00:42:17,429 --> 00:42:22,589 The diameter of the Earth is 12,742km, 814 00:42:22,589 --> 00:42:25,629 so 20,000 leagues would be six times the diameter of the Earth. 815 00:42:25,629 --> 00:42:28,069 Well, they went too far, and they had to come back. 816 00:42:28,069 --> 00:42:29,469 Yeah. The greatest depth that is 817 00:42:29,469 --> 00:42:31,189 mentioned in the book is four leagues, 818 00:42:31,189 --> 00:42:35,749 that's 16km, but the deepest part of the ocean is only 11km. 819 00:42:35,749 --> 00:42:40,069 It's known as the hadal zone and more people have been to the moon 820 00:42:40,069 --> 00:42:42,469 than have been to the hadal zone. 821 00:42:42,469 --> 00:42:44,909 The underwater pressure at that depth, 822 00:42:44,909 --> 00:42:46,989 it's about eight tonnes per square inch. 823 00:42:46,989 --> 00:42:48,629 So how many people have been down there? 824 00:42:48,629 --> 00:42:52,189 Three. And when they come up, they're like Lego mini figures. 825 00:42:52,189 --> 00:42:56,429 It's what happened to me! I used to play basketball for a living. 826 00:43:02,029 --> 00:43:05,869 Which brings me to tonight's league table of scores, but of course, 827 00:43:05,869 --> 00:43:09,269 in this PC world, it's not about winners and losers, 828 00:43:09,269 --> 00:43:11,549 it's about everybody being equally fabulous, 829 00:43:11,549 --> 00:43:16,429 so the prize for the most positive attitude goes to Gyles. 830 00:43:21,749 --> 00:43:23,789 Tidiest desk, Jimmy. 831 00:43:28,348 --> 00:43:31,428 Terrific. Neatest colouring in, Sally. 832 00:43:36,148 --> 00:43:38,988 And waggiest tail, Alan Davies. 833 00:43:46,548 --> 00:43:50,588 So, here's to a peaceful night from Sally, Jimmy, Gyles, Alan and me, 834 00:43:50,588 --> 00:43:55,268 and I leave you with this question - would a simple, politically-correct 835 00:43:55,268 --> 00:44:00,428 policeman's computer be an easy-peasy PC PC's PC? 836 00:44:00,428 --> 00:44:01,668 Thank you, good night!