1 00:00:01,265 --> 00:00:01,266 _ 2 00:00:29,423 --> 00:00:31,063 Thank you very much. 3 00:00:32,423 --> 00:00:33,783 Welcome to QI. 4 00:00:34,983 --> 00:00:38,382 Tonight, we are ensuring our privacy and going for maximum publicity 5 00:00:38,382 --> 00:00:42,222 in our public and private show, so allow me to publicly 6 00:00:42,222 --> 00:00:44,102 unveil our panel. 7 00:00:44,102 --> 00:00:46,862 A "Private Eye", Victoria Coren Mitchell. 8 00:00:51,701 --> 00:00:53,461 A private soldier, Phill Jupitus. 9 00:00:57,661 --> 00:01:00,301 A private property, Bridget Christie. 10 00:01:04,860 --> 00:01:07,500 And, a public convenience, Alan Davies. 11 00:01:13,260 --> 00:01:15,620 Let's give the buzzers their first public outing. 12 00:01:15,620 --> 00:01:16,980 Victoria goes... 13 00:01:19,259 --> 00:01:21,459 This is Victoria. 14 00:01:21,459 --> 00:01:23,379 That's very nice. 15 00:01:23,379 --> 00:01:24,779 Phil goes... 16 00:01:24,779 --> 00:01:28,419 And second, number two, the fine filly Jupitus. 17 00:01:30,339 --> 00:01:31,859 And Bridget goes... 18 00:01:34,018 --> 00:01:38,138 Final call for Bridget Christie, final call for Bridget Christie. 19 00:01:39,698 --> 00:01:41,058 That's terrifying. 20 00:01:41,058 --> 00:01:43,098 And finally, Alan goes... 21 00:01:44,178 --> 00:01:46,697 Unexpected item in the bagging area. 22 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:51,897 Right, for a question about proximity, 23 00:01:51,897 --> 00:01:55,017 so, Alan, I want to ask you... 24 00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:57,857 She's only just got castors. 25 00:01:59,257 --> 00:02:00,856 You're stuck now, aren't you? 26 00:02:00,856 --> 00:02:04,096 Am I close enough to trigger your reaction bubbles? 27 00:02:06,136 --> 00:02:08,216 Without a shadow of a doubt. Yeah. 28 00:02:08,216 --> 00:02:09,856 Is it uncomfortable at all? 29 00:02:09,856 --> 00:02:12,656 No, no, just feeling it now. Yep. 30 00:02:15,095 --> 00:02:17,215 - So why is it uncomfortable? - No, don't go! 31 00:02:20,055 --> 00:02:22,135 We were so close! 32 00:02:22,135 --> 00:02:25,455 Do you know why that might be uncomfortable? 33 00:02:25,455 --> 00:02:27,295 Well, proximity. 34 00:02:27,295 --> 00:02:29,374 Yeah, it is the study of proxemics. 35 00:02:29,374 --> 00:02:31,934 It's the discipline of studying 36 00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:34,134 the space that we keep between ourselves. 37 00:02:34,134 --> 00:02:37,654 So, the founder of it is a US cultural anthropologist called 38 00:02:37,654 --> 00:02:39,054 Edward Twitchell Hall. 39 00:02:39,054 --> 00:02:40,694 Are you all right? 40 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:41,854 And he... 41 00:02:41,854 --> 00:02:44,293 - Are you coming to me? - No, darling, you're OK,- 42 00:02:44,293 --> 00:02:45,613 -because you might get injured. 43 00:02:49,093 --> 00:02:51,653 So there are four main zones, and you can see it up here. 44 00:02:51,653 --> 00:02:53,453 First of all, we have the public space, 45 00:02:53,453 --> 00:02:56,453 that is the distance at which you are comfortable addressing... 46 00:02:56,453 --> 00:02:58,692 - There is zone six as well. - Oh, yes, that's true. 47 00:02:58,692 --> 00:03:01,412 So the distance at which you feel comfortable addressing a crowd. 48 00:03:01,412 --> 00:03:02,732 Then there is social distance, 49 00:03:02,732 --> 00:03:05,932 that's where I would interact with my acquaintances 50 00:03:05,932 --> 00:03:08,132 and then there is personal distance 51 00:03:08,132 --> 00:03:11,771 which is coming up to four feet, that's for friends and family. 52 00:03:11,771 --> 00:03:13,811 Now, I'm going to pick you. 53 00:03:13,811 --> 00:03:16,811 This is intimate distance, OK. 54 00:03:27,170 --> 00:03:30,890 So... I've never met you before, have I? 55 00:03:32,090 --> 00:03:33,610 No, Mum. 56 00:03:40,809 --> 00:03:43,929 Ladies and gentlemen, my son, Theo! 57 00:03:48,569 --> 00:03:51,289 Personal space... I wouldn't have done that to a stranger 58 00:03:51,289 --> 00:03:53,209 because I'm too shy. It would have been awful. 59 00:03:53,209 --> 00:03:56,048 Thank God it actually is your son. Everything was wrong with that. 60 00:03:56,048 --> 00:03:59,408 Mainly the fact that he said, "No, Mum." If that wasn't your son... 61 00:04:01,848 --> 00:04:05,008 It would be a terrible way to find out, wouldn't it? 62 00:04:06,088 --> 00:04:09,127 Wow. So, personal space, it depends slightly on your culture. 63 00:04:09,127 --> 00:04:11,207 So you'd stand closer to a Latin American 64 00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:12,887 than you would to a north European 65 00:04:12,887 --> 00:04:15,807 and closer to a north European than you would to a Japanese person. 66 00:04:15,807 --> 00:04:18,807 There are lots of people who use it as a power tool. 67 00:04:18,807 --> 00:04:19,887 So President Johnson - 68 00:04:19,887 --> 00:04:22,207 he was the president who followed after Kennedy - 69 00:04:22,207 --> 00:04:25,646 he used it all the time to dominate. It was called the Johnson treatment. 70 00:04:25,646 --> 00:04:28,886 Look at him, with that guy. He was 6'3", very heavily built 71 00:04:28,886 --> 00:04:31,046 and he used to push his face right into personal space 72 00:04:31,046 --> 00:04:33,566 and it doesn't feel comfortable even looking at it, does it? 73 00:04:33,566 --> 00:04:36,805 It sets up our fight-and-flight response if somebody's too close. 74 00:04:36,805 --> 00:04:39,165 I am definitely that person. I am the one, at a party, 75 00:04:39,165 --> 00:04:42,245 everyone's moving around the room as I get closer and closer and closer. 76 00:04:42,245 --> 00:04:44,165 My husband, it was five years 77 00:04:44,165 --> 00:04:46,565 before he'd even put a kiss at the end of an e-mail. 78 00:04:48,605 --> 00:04:50,565 I think it's nice to get close. 79 00:04:50,565 --> 00:04:55,484 - Was your family touchy-feely? - Yeah, touchy, feely, shouty, ragey. 80 00:04:57,844 --> 00:05:00,284 There is a sort of nationality thing. 81 00:05:00,284 --> 00:05:03,404 My very British husband, you know he's a bit Scottish, a bit Welsh, 82 00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,643 "What? Kisses on an e-mail? We're not even married!" 83 00:05:05,643 --> 00:05:09,683 Whereas, with my more exotic blood, 84 00:05:09,683 --> 00:05:13,443 let's all sit on each other's laps, let's do it now, Phill! 85 00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:16,523 Yeah, go on, Phill! If you say so. 86 00:05:27,442 --> 00:05:30,442 Right, let's get our privates on parade for a public holiday. 87 00:05:30,442 --> 00:05:34,441 How far back does this parade go? 88 00:05:34,441 --> 00:05:37,881 Is it weirdly new? Six months. 89 00:05:39,201 --> 00:05:40,921 Well, you're not far off. 90 00:05:40,921 --> 00:05:43,201 - Oh, really? - No. It's in Mexico City. 91 00:05:43,201 --> 00:05:45,121 It is a world-famous costume parade 92 00:05:45,121 --> 00:05:48,760 to celebrate a tradition which goes back to 2016. 93 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:51,840 That can't be true. 94 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:54,720 They got the idea from the 2015 James Bond film, Spectre. 95 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,440 And the Mexican City people thought, 96 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,840 what a marvellous idea, let's do one of those. 97 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:02,519 What they used to do in the past was that 98 00:06:02,519 --> 00:06:04,559 they did have the festival, the Day Of The Dead, 99 00:06:04,559 --> 00:06:06,759 but they celebrated with - I think rather jolly - 100 00:06:06,759 --> 00:06:09,479 a family picnic beside their relatives' graves. 101 00:06:09,479 --> 00:06:11,799 Who doesn't want to do that? 102 00:06:11,799 --> 00:06:14,439 Do you want a sandwich, Nan? 103 00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,118 Nan! 104 00:06:19,038 --> 00:06:21,598 Sorry, a tortilla. Sorry. 105 00:06:23,158 --> 00:06:24,758 When is it? 106 00:06:24,758 --> 00:06:27,118 The Day Of The Dead? It takes place October 31, November 1. 107 00:06:27,118 --> 00:06:28,838 So it's Halloween, then. 108 00:06:28,838 --> 00:06:31,197 Yes, the English equivalent would indeed be Halloween. 109 00:06:31,197 --> 00:06:33,277 The festival itself is genuinely old. 110 00:06:33,277 --> 00:06:36,637 You're right about that. It is a pre-Columbian Aztec festival. 111 00:06:36,637 --> 00:06:38,877 The British equivalent is, of course, Halloween, 112 00:06:38,877 --> 00:06:41,477 and lots of people lament the trick-or-treating. 113 00:06:41,477 --> 00:06:44,676 They lament it as an American thing, but it is not American. 114 00:06:44,676 --> 00:06:46,596 Anyone know where it comes from? 115 00:06:46,596 --> 00:06:48,036 Belgium. 116 00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:51,876 Well, it's somewhere that you know rather well. 117 00:06:51,876 --> 00:06:54,716 - Oh, Spain? - Scotland. - It is from Scotland. It is, indeed. 118 00:06:54,716 --> 00:06:58,076 - What? - Yes. It's a centuries-old Scottish custom. 119 00:06:58,076 --> 00:07:00,155 It's "All Tricks". 120 00:07:01,395 --> 00:07:03,595 The Scottish have a thing called guising, 121 00:07:03,595 --> 00:07:06,275 and children used to go door-to-door dressed as ghosts 122 00:07:06,275 --> 00:07:07,875 and say, either "I'll do a trick," 123 00:07:07,875 --> 00:07:09,875 which was a song or a dance 124 00:07:09,875 --> 00:07:12,595 and then you would get a treat for it. 125 00:07:12,595 --> 00:07:15,914 And possibly the very first trick or treat is 3rd century AD - 126 00:07:15,914 --> 00:07:19,394 there was a Greek writer, Athanaeus of Naucratis, 127 00:07:19,394 --> 00:07:21,394 and he wrote a book, the Deipnosophists, 128 00:07:21,394 --> 00:07:24,994 so it basically means "the dinner philosophers". 129 00:07:24,994 --> 00:07:27,633 I've always thought a political party called The Dinner Party 130 00:07:27,633 --> 00:07:29,593 would do rather well, do you not think? 131 00:07:30,753 --> 00:07:31,793 The After Party! 132 00:07:31,793 --> 00:07:34,153 Yes! Do you know what I mean? 133 00:07:34,153 --> 00:07:38,353 Anyway, this book is in fact also known as the world's oldest 134 00:07:38,353 --> 00:07:42,432 cookbook, but in it, Athenaeus talks about the Greek island of Rhodes 135 00:07:42,432 --> 00:07:44,392 and they had a custom in which the children 136 00:07:44,392 --> 00:07:47,232 in the months of September, October, would go door to door, 137 00:07:47,232 --> 00:07:50,112 dressed as swallows, and sing a song, demanding the owners 138 00:07:50,112 --> 00:07:53,712 of the house gave some food, and threatening mischief if they refused 139 00:07:53,712 --> 00:07:57,791 so trick or treat, unbelievably old and actually originally Greek. 140 00:07:57,791 --> 00:07:59,231 Ooh! 141 00:07:59,231 --> 00:08:00,551 You know what they do in America 142 00:08:00,551 --> 00:08:02,231 now, which I think is totally cheating? 143 00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:03,511 They do trunk or treat. Yeah. 144 00:08:03,511 --> 00:08:05,751 They park a load of cars next to each other... 145 00:08:06,871 --> 00:08:09,191 ..and the kids just walk from car to car. 146 00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:12,950 Yes. Apparently it's thought to be safer, and maybe 147 00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:14,430 some of them are too fat to walk. 148 00:08:14,430 --> 00:08:16,510 That one's still got its engine running. 149 00:08:17,750 --> 00:08:19,990 Absolute health hazard. Yep. 150 00:08:19,990 --> 00:08:23,270 Who dresses as Santa for Halloween?! 151 00:08:25,029 --> 00:08:27,109 That kid's been like that for ten months! 152 00:08:28,149 --> 00:08:30,749 Right, let's have a look at some other public holidays. 153 00:08:30,749 --> 00:08:34,149 Which one of these do you fancy celebrating? 154 00:08:34,149 --> 00:08:36,309 Tomb-Sweeping Day. Tomb-sweeping Day, 155 00:08:36,309 --> 00:08:38,828 also known as the Qingming Festival. 156 00:08:38,828 --> 00:08:40,268 It happens in China 157 00:08:40,268 --> 00:08:42,468 and it pretty much does what it says on the tin, really. 158 00:08:42,468 --> 00:08:45,708 You visit family graves and you tidy them. 159 00:08:45,708 --> 00:08:47,348 Are you allowed to hoover? 160 00:08:47,348 --> 00:08:49,988 I don't know if you can hoover, but here's the thing - 161 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,588 you are allowed not to turn up. 162 00:08:51,588 --> 00:08:54,187 There is a service that some cemeteries offer 163 00:08:54,187 --> 00:08:57,947 where staff will do the tomb sweeping on your behalf 164 00:08:57,947 --> 00:09:00,507 and you livestream it via an app. 165 00:09:03,027 --> 00:09:05,347 It originates from a very old festival called 166 00:09:05,347 --> 00:09:07,786 the Hanshi Festival, or the cold food festival, 167 00:09:07,786 --> 00:09:11,186 and it celebrates a man called Jie Zhitui. 168 00:09:11,187 --> 00:09:14,741 And he was a nobleman who lived around 650 BC. 169 00:09:14,742 --> 00:09:16,806 He was very loyal to his master 170 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:20,480 and his master wanted soup, and they didn't have any meat, 171 00:09:20,481 --> 00:09:23,125 so he cut a piece of his own thigh... 172 00:09:23,126 --> 00:09:25,160 - Ooh. - ...and placed it in the soup. 173 00:09:25,161 --> 00:09:26,845 Ahhh. That's nice! 174 00:09:29,225 --> 00:09:32,305 And yet Employee of the Year was actually Dave from Accounts! 175 00:09:34,425 --> 00:09:35,504 So everyone does it? 176 00:09:35,504 --> 00:09:37,544 They go themselves or somebody does it for them? 177 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,024 Yes, it's a bit like now, you know, 178 00:09:39,024 --> 00:09:40,664 you can get nuns in the United States, 179 00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:43,184 you can pay for them to pray for you if you can't be bothered to 180 00:09:43,184 --> 00:09:44,424 do it every day. 181 00:09:44,424 --> 00:09:47,264 This is... I mean, I literally don't even clean the bath! 182 00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:50,943 How many people have you got buried in the bath?! 183 00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:58,343 I've got a nun, takes PayPal. I just have to text her mid-show, 184 00:09:58,343 --> 00:10:01,543 if it's going badly, and she... Prays for a happy ending. 185 00:10:01,543 --> 00:10:03,622 Yeah, people do that now. People... 186 00:10:07,262 --> 00:10:10,502 You can have people to cry at your funeral as well. 187 00:10:10,502 --> 00:10:12,062 Professional mourners, yes. 188 00:10:12,062 --> 00:10:14,462 Yeah, and then after they've done it, they invoice you 189 00:10:14,462 --> 00:10:16,062 and then they go, "Ohh, again!" 190 00:10:17,381 --> 00:10:19,301 Can you get ones that just do a little... 191 00:10:19,301 --> 00:10:21,781 ..or do you get, like, ones that... 192 00:10:23,421 --> 00:10:24,661 A range of criers. 193 00:10:24,661 --> 00:10:26,261 - Can't you pick which one...? - Yeah. 194 00:10:26,261 --> 00:10:28,741 - So you could have a mix... - Yeah, a mixture. 195 00:10:28,741 --> 00:10:31,980 - Not just someone who's just a bit irritable. - Yeah. 196 00:10:31,980 --> 00:10:34,100 "What? "Sorry, I'm a bit upset, OK?!" 197 00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:42,860 Come on, let's have a look at some other festivals. 198 00:10:42,860 --> 00:10:45,340 - Boogie Nights down the bottom there. - The Boogg. 199 00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:47,659 OK. So this is a Swiss festival 200 00:10:47,659 --> 00:10:50,259 and The Boogg is basically a bogeyman, 201 00:10:50,259 --> 00:10:53,659 but it's a bogeyman shaped like a snowman. 202 00:10:53,659 --> 00:10:54,739 And what they do - 203 00:10:54,739 --> 00:10:57,339 this is to celebrate spring's victory over winter, 204 00:10:57,339 --> 00:10:59,339 and he's stuck on top of a bonfire 205 00:10:59,339 --> 00:11:01,738 with his head stuffed full of dynamite. 206 00:11:01,738 --> 00:11:04,778 ♪ We're walking in the air 207 00:11:04,778 --> 00:11:08,258 ♪ We're floating in the... ♪ No! Why are you doing this to me? 208 00:11:08,258 --> 00:11:10,378 Why? What have I done to you? 209 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,538 Apparently you can tell the summer forecast 210 00:11:12,538 --> 00:11:14,337 by how quickly his head explodes. 211 00:11:16,257 --> 00:11:18,337 And eventually, kaboom! Kaboom. 212 00:11:18,337 --> 00:11:19,697 What's his broom for? 213 00:11:19,697 --> 00:11:22,937 It's tidying up his grave later. 214 00:11:22,937 --> 00:11:24,017 Sweeping up. 215 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,417 Anyone want to choose another one? Bridget, choose one. 216 00:11:26,417 --> 00:11:27,737 The Day of the Sea. 217 00:11:27,737 --> 00:11:30,816 This is the only one out of all of them I absolutely want to go to. 218 00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:33,616 It's March the 23rd, the Day of the Sea. 219 00:11:33,616 --> 00:11:35,816 They haven't got any sea in Bolivia. I know. 220 00:11:37,056 --> 00:11:39,536 It is a landlocked country 221 00:11:39,536 --> 00:11:44,575 but they bemoan the day, in 1879, when they had a battle with Chile 222 00:11:44,575 --> 00:11:48,495 and they lost their access to the sea. Ah. 223 00:11:48,495 --> 00:11:50,375 It is a very famous battle, 224 00:11:50,375 --> 00:11:54,135 it was a heroic commander called Eduardo Abaroa 225 00:11:54,135 --> 00:11:56,255 and he was invited to surrender by the Chileans 226 00:11:56,255 --> 00:12:00,614 and he replied, "Me, surrender? Tell your grandmother to surrender." 227 00:12:00,614 --> 00:12:03,014 At which point he was shot dead, and he... 228 00:12:04,374 --> 00:12:06,214 He had the first home hand. 229 00:12:09,694 --> 00:12:12,013 To the sea, to the sea! 230 00:12:12,013 --> 00:12:14,453 They have parades, they have a national beauty contest, 231 00:12:14,453 --> 00:12:16,653 people dress up with boats on their heads, 232 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,973 the Navy, they still have a Navy. What? 233 00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:23,613 The Bolivian Navy turns out in full regalia 234 00:12:23,613 --> 00:12:26,452 and at midday, the whole country falls silent 235 00:12:26,452 --> 00:12:29,572 and they listen for five minutes on loudspeakers 236 00:12:29,572 --> 00:12:31,052 to the sounds of the sea. 237 00:12:34,652 --> 00:12:36,332 Who doesn't want to go? 238 00:12:38,252 --> 00:12:40,211 Bolivia is now half the size it was 239 00:12:40,211 --> 00:12:43,451 when it declared independence but the loss of the sea... 240 00:12:43,451 --> 00:12:45,451 ..is the most painful! 241 00:12:45,451 --> 00:12:47,571 And the Bolivian Navy has several boats 242 00:12:47,571 --> 00:12:48,971 but mostly on Lake Titicaca. 243 00:12:48,971 --> 00:12:52,331 Lake Titicaca is the largest lake in South America, and it's massive - 244 00:12:52,331 --> 00:12:55,050 it's 118 miles long and 50 ft wide. I mean, you're talking... 245 00:12:55,050 --> 00:12:57,050 50 ft wide? That's quite... 246 00:12:57,050 --> 00:12:58,370 I'm sorry, 50 miles! 247 00:13:00,130 --> 00:13:02,450 That's a river, Sandi, that's a river! 248 00:13:04,970 --> 00:13:06,130 Phil, pick a festival. 249 00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:08,809 I'll take Smigus-dyngus, please. 250 00:13:08,809 --> 00:13:11,489 Smigus-dyngus. I knew him. Yeah. It's a Polish holiday. 251 00:13:11,489 --> 00:13:14,369 It means "wet Monday". Er... 252 00:13:14,369 --> 00:13:17,529 which mostly, as I've understood it, consists of boys 253 00:13:17,529 --> 00:13:19,609 throwing water over girls, 254 00:13:19,609 --> 00:13:21,808 and then spanking them with pussy willow. 255 00:13:21,808 --> 00:13:24,368 This is pretty much... 256 00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:26,528 Oh, surprise, surprise 257 00:13:26,528 --> 00:13:29,448 It will not surprise you that the more attractive the girl, 258 00:13:29,448 --> 00:13:32,088 the more frequently she tends to have water thrown over her, 259 00:13:32,088 --> 00:13:34,048 and is spanked more by pussy willow. 260 00:13:34,048 --> 00:13:35,687 Could I have another go, please? 261 00:13:35,687 --> 00:13:37,567 I didn't know I had a pervs' festival! 262 00:13:38,727 --> 00:13:41,527 Where do you think the dyngus capital of the world is? 263 00:13:43,007 --> 00:13:44,847 It's in Buffalo, New York. 264 00:13:44,847 --> 00:13:46,007 Huh? Yeah. Is it? 265 00:13:46,007 --> 00:13:49,247 Yes, it is, er, the most popular place to celebrate this. 266 00:13:49,247 --> 00:13:52,966 They claim that the festival dates back to 966 AD, 267 00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,686 when Prince Mieszko of Poland, "The Father of Poland", 268 00:13:55,686 --> 00:13:58,566 along with his court, were baptised for the very first time. 269 00:13:58,566 --> 00:14:01,966 Ah, they didn't have a public procession in Mexico City 270 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:04,645 until it was suggested by the parade inspector. 271 00:14:04,645 --> 00:14:09,005 Sorry, by the parade... in Spectre, there we are. 272 00:14:09,005 --> 00:14:10,405 Er, now... 273 00:14:12,445 --> 00:14:14,885 Take your time, I'm here all evening. 274 00:14:16,085 --> 00:14:17,925 Right, who fancies a ride 275 00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:22,604 in my Spike Away non-social transient behaviour vest? 276 00:14:22,604 --> 00:14:24,644 Transient behaviour? 277 00:14:24,644 --> 00:14:27,204 A little clue, I found these in lost property - 278 00:14:27,204 --> 00:14:29,604 I don't know if that's of any use to you whatsoever. 279 00:14:29,604 --> 00:14:33,083 Some sort of travelling thing? Yes, travelling, to do with travelling. 280 00:14:33,083 --> 00:14:36,363 Non-social transient behaviour is the way people... 281 00:14:36,363 --> 00:14:39,403 Oh, it's something you wear to make people not stand next to you. Yes! 282 00:14:39,403 --> 00:14:42,123 A spiky thing. It is a spiky thing. 283 00:14:42,123 --> 00:14:45,003 Yeah, my personality does the trick. But... 284 00:14:46,323 --> 00:14:47,842 It's a clothing version. 285 00:14:47,842 --> 00:14:51,042 So, it is the way in which people on public transport try and keep 286 00:14:51,042 --> 00:14:53,362 the seat next to them free. 287 00:14:53,362 --> 00:14:54,882 So they avoid eye contact, 288 00:14:54,882 --> 00:14:57,122 they stretch out, they pretend to be asleep, 289 00:14:57,122 --> 00:14:59,002 they use the hate stare to look crazy. 290 00:15:00,642 --> 00:15:03,001 There was a wonderful eccentric called Gerald Tyrwhitt. 291 00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:05,041 He was Lord Berners. 292 00:15:05,041 --> 00:15:08,121 And what he used to do is, when he was on a railway carriage, 293 00:15:08,121 --> 00:15:11,601 now, he died in 1950, he used to put on a black skull cap, 294 00:15:11,601 --> 00:15:14,401 lean out the window and beckon people to join him. 295 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:20,720 And then, if they dared to, he took out a large rectal thermometer, 296 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,800 and shoved it in his mouth every few minutes 297 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,720 and then gloomily looked at it, and... 298 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,400 But there are other things you can wear. 299 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,959 So there was a designer named Kathleen McDermott. 300 00:15:30,959 --> 00:15:34,439 She created a dress and it senses when people are standing too close 301 00:15:34,439 --> 00:15:35,599 and it inflates. 302 00:15:37,759 --> 00:15:39,439 Oh, that's great. Yeah. 303 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,439 I love this. Like a pufferfish. Yes. 304 00:15:41,439 --> 00:15:43,798 The other thing to have is, a Singaporean design student 305 00:15:43,798 --> 00:15:45,918 called Siew Ming Cheng, made the Spike Away vest. 306 00:15:45,918 --> 00:15:48,478 What it is, it's flexible spikes that you put in the garden 307 00:15:48,478 --> 00:15:50,278 to keep animals away from plants. 308 00:15:50,278 --> 00:15:52,678 We have a couple. So what I'd like is, 309 00:15:52,678 --> 00:15:55,238 Phil and Bridget, if you would put on the Spike Away 310 00:15:55,238 --> 00:15:57,757 and then I've got, for you, Alan... 311 00:16:00,997 --> 00:16:02,677 So it just goes over... 312 00:16:02,677 --> 00:16:05,437 The spikes, they're really hurting me, the spikes. 313 00:16:05,437 --> 00:16:08,717 I think they are supposed to be on the outside, Bridge. 314 00:16:09,957 --> 00:16:12,276 OK, so if you stand here, Alan. Yeah. 315 00:16:12,276 --> 00:16:15,716 And you two. So, imagine you're minding your own business... 316 00:16:15,716 --> 00:16:17,796 In the lift. ..on the Tube 317 00:16:17,796 --> 00:16:20,396 and you two wish that he wasn't there. 318 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:24,036 So, just see if you could use your Spike Away vests to... 319 00:16:24,036 --> 00:16:26,195 Wow, it's... 320 00:16:26,195 --> 00:16:27,595 I'm loving this. 321 00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:29,595 They're not... 322 00:16:29,595 --> 00:16:30,635 Not trying. 323 00:16:30,635 --> 00:16:32,155 And welcome to Niche Porn! 324 00:16:36,515 --> 00:16:39,875 And now the Danish lady will burst the balloons! 325 00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:44,314 Oh, yeah! That's how we like it! Let's... 326 00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:48,394 Oi! 327 00:16:50,234 --> 00:16:51,554 Come here, come here! 328 00:16:54,473 --> 00:16:55,713 Come on! 329 00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:59,313 Oh, you've got me in the shoulder! 330 00:17:00,913 --> 00:17:02,113 Come on! 331 00:17:02,113 --> 00:17:05,513 Watch how he steadies himself - he's asking for it! 332 00:17:14,352 --> 00:17:17,792 That's the most adrenaline I've ever had on this show! 333 00:17:17,792 --> 00:17:21,312 Nobody's afraid of balloons, are they? That would be an awful fear. 334 00:17:21,312 --> 00:17:24,271 Where did you get those tiny scissors from, you lunatic?! 335 00:17:25,951 --> 00:17:27,591 NOW I find out about it, 336 00:17:27,591 --> 00:17:30,271 just one week after I was trapped on the Tube 337 00:17:30,271 --> 00:17:33,151 with that lecherous balloon modeller. 338 00:17:34,111 --> 00:17:36,790 I do find balloon modelling very strange, don't you? 339 00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:39,190 Yeah, I find it quite nerve-racking. Yeah. 340 00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:41,550 Anybody know what the fear of balloons is called? 341 00:17:41,550 --> 00:17:42,590 I do now. 342 00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:45,310 Somebody over there does. 343 00:17:45,310 --> 00:17:46,830 Globophobia. 344 00:17:46,830 --> 00:17:49,030 It is globophobia, yes, or "globe-ophobia", 345 00:17:49,030 --> 00:17:52,109 it seems to be a fear of...globes. 346 00:17:52,109 --> 00:17:54,789 I have got the fear of lots of holes together next to each other. 347 00:17:54,789 --> 00:17:57,949 Have you? Trypophobia, it's called. 348 00:17:57,949 --> 00:18:00,309 Where does this... Like a sieve? No. 349 00:18:00,309 --> 00:18:01,509 It's something like a hive 350 00:18:01,509 --> 00:18:04,509 or a pomegranate when the seeds are out. 351 00:18:04,509 --> 00:18:06,748 I mean, doesn't anyone else... Is that... 352 00:18:06,748 --> 00:18:08,508 No, honestly, it's just you, darling. 353 00:18:09,628 --> 00:18:11,748 Literally, just you. It can't just be me. 354 00:18:11,748 --> 00:18:13,948 - Anybody else? No, nobody. - Yes! 355 00:18:13,948 --> 00:18:17,028 Oh, thank you! It's horrible, isn't it? 356 00:18:17,028 --> 00:18:18,228 It's disgusting! 357 00:18:18,228 --> 00:18:20,987 Does it make you feel like you're going to pass out? 358 00:18:20,987 --> 00:18:22,907 Yeah, me too. Thank you. 359 00:18:22,907 --> 00:18:26,187 Somebody, look, she's... Pincushions must be a nightmare. 360 00:18:30,667 --> 00:18:32,667 Or those little things where you put... 361 00:18:33,706 --> 00:18:37,706 ..a globule. What about one of them dangled before you? 362 00:18:37,706 --> 00:18:39,706 It's not, you can't... I have to see it. 363 00:18:39,706 --> 00:18:41,706 You can't frighten me. Yeah, I can... 364 00:18:44,106 --> 00:18:46,866 I'm going to make some holes here 365 00:18:46,866 --> 00:18:48,825 and see how bad you get. 366 00:18:48,825 --> 00:18:50,265 Oh. 367 00:18:50,265 --> 00:18:52,425 No, it's... No? 368 00:18:56,065 --> 00:18:57,465 Sorry, that is very unfair. 369 00:18:57,465 --> 00:18:59,385 You can't harm me. 370 00:19:00,785 --> 00:19:03,904 You are an insignificant fear... No. 371 00:19:03,904 --> 00:19:06,824 You're not supposed to say that out loud. 372 00:19:07,984 --> 00:19:10,744 That's your own personal mantra. 373 00:19:11,904 --> 00:19:13,304 Moving on. 374 00:19:13,304 --> 00:19:17,143 Anyway, what was I talking about? 375 00:19:17,143 --> 00:19:21,823 Anyway, yes, don't stand so close to me or I'll call the police. 376 00:19:21,823 --> 00:19:24,463 Oh, yeah, you see. Thank you. 377 00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:26,423 To use a slightly creaky pop culture reference 378 00:19:26,423 --> 00:19:28,343 which will hopefully appeal to QI's target... 379 00:19:28,343 --> 00:19:30,502 Pop culture? Pop culture. 380 00:19:35,702 --> 00:19:37,822 It will appeal to QI's target demographic. 381 00:19:37,822 --> 00:19:39,062 Me. 382 00:19:40,662 --> 00:19:44,342 According to the latest research, the average person has five secrets 383 00:19:44,342 --> 00:19:47,861 which they've never told to a living soul, 384 00:19:47,861 --> 00:19:50,461 so I would like tonight to hear one of yours, please. 385 00:19:51,781 --> 00:19:54,461 - You're looking at me. - I was, darling, but I think you've given enough. 386 00:19:58,301 --> 00:19:59,620 I'll give you all five. OK, go. 387 00:19:59,620 --> 00:20:01,060 - Where I keep my keys. - Yes. 388 00:20:01,060 --> 00:20:02,540 And four murders. 389 00:20:06,020 --> 00:20:09,140 I was once walking home across Hampstead Heath 390 00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:12,100 and I got caught short and I had to do a poo under some leaves. 391 00:20:21,739 --> 00:20:23,699 Did you have to do that five times? 392 00:20:26,219 --> 00:20:29,458 Four other secret poos I've done, probably. 393 00:20:29,458 --> 00:20:31,498 Sorry. Let's just retrace our steps. 394 00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:34,298 So, you're crossing Hampstead Heath, trousers down. 395 00:20:34,298 --> 00:20:36,898 No, I didn't have my trousers down until I needed to go. 396 00:20:36,898 --> 00:20:40,818 He doesn't walk around with his trousers down... Do you? 397 00:20:40,818 --> 00:20:45,137 Then, as I went to pull my trousers up... 398 00:20:46,177 --> 00:20:48,177 ..I slipped over in it... 399 00:20:48,177 --> 00:20:51,817 - Excuse me, sorry, have you not been mocking me? - I'm not mocking you, 400 00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:54,017 - I'm being sympathetic. - No, you haven't. 401 00:20:54,017 --> 00:20:56,136 And you've shat in a bush. 402 00:20:58,656 --> 00:21:00,856 - Did you have any paper with you? - No, I used some leaves 403 00:21:00,856 --> 00:21:03,376 and that's what I slipped on. 404 00:21:03,376 --> 00:21:06,616 And my glasses fell off 405 00:21:06,616 --> 00:21:07,696 and I had to go home 406 00:21:07,696 --> 00:21:10,935 and when I got home, I couldn't properly see my house. 407 00:21:10,935 --> 00:21:13,815 I thought, "Where are my... My glasses have fallen off!" 408 00:21:13,815 --> 00:21:16,215 I had to go back and look for them. 409 00:21:16,215 --> 00:21:17,615 How drunk were you? 410 00:21:17,615 --> 00:21:19,615 Oh, I was pretty... A bit steamed. 411 00:21:21,855 --> 00:21:23,774 Columbia Business School, it was a study, 412 00:21:23,774 --> 00:21:25,294 they used 38 categories of secrets. 413 00:21:25,294 --> 00:21:28,094 So there's all the normal ones you might have, you know - 414 00:21:28,094 --> 00:21:30,894 stealing, cheating, fancying somebody you shouldn't fancy. 415 00:21:30,894 --> 00:21:32,614 But they also had some odd choices. 416 00:21:32,614 --> 00:21:34,694 So, a secret opinion, 417 00:21:34,694 --> 00:21:37,614 not liking something that people think that you like, 418 00:21:37,614 --> 00:21:40,373 planning a surprise for somebody, a secret hobby. 419 00:21:40,373 --> 00:21:44,453 They asked 2,000 participants if they had those kind of secrets. 420 00:21:44,453 --> 00:21:47,893 Oh, I didn't really realise those were the parameters, I thought... 421 00:21:47,893 --> 00:21:49,733 Yeah, oh... I thought... 422 00:21:51,253 --> 00:21:53,572 ..terribly humiliating events. 423 00:21:54,692 --> 00:21:57,612 I didn't realise, like, a secret opinion. 424 00:21:57,612 --> 00:22:00,812 No, but I'd like yours as a benchmark, I think it's very... 425 00:22:00,812 --> 00:22:02,852 Oh, you didn't on the bench as well, did you? 426 00:22:09,691 --> 00:22:12,411 There's a link between having secrets and people being clumsy, 427 00:22:12,411 --> 00:22:15,651 people getting depressed, people having anxiety, chronic illnesses, 428 00:22:15,651 --> 00:22:17,211 even the common cold. 429 00:22:17,211 --> 00:22:20,051 But what they reckon is, it's the having the secret that's the burden, 430 00:22:20,051 --> 00:22:22,170 not the keeping of it. It's the worrying that you do 431 00:22:22,170 --> 00:22:25,290 on your own when you've got this secret. 432 00:22:25,290 --> 00:22:27,130 I feel ever more regretful about... 433 00:22:30,050 --> 00:22:33,090 You overshared. I did overshare. 434 00:22:34,170 --> 00:22:35,489 We're playing the game, 435 00:22:35,489 --> 00:22:37,929 and I've absolutely been hung out to dry in my own faeces. 436 00:22:39,489 --> 00:22:43,489 Anyway, my secret is that I am a closet beanbag tosser. 437 00:22:43,489 --> 00:22:46,289 Here we go, Phill and Victoria. 438 00:22:46,289 --> 00:22:50,088 You've called yourself a beanbag tosser? 439 00:22:50,088 --> 00:22:52,568 I... I don't want to just call myself a tosser, darling, 440 00:22:52,568 --> 00:22:55,488 I thought the beanbag thing was better. 441 00:22:55,488 --> 00:22:58,968 These are actually Sandi's pillows from her bed. 442 00:23:04,527 --> 00:23:09,087 OK. There is a basket you can see on the I there. 443 00:23:14,847 --> 00:23:18,406 I've got another one. I've got another one, don't worry. 444 00:23:18,406 --> 00:23:19,966 I'm livid about my secret. 445 00:23:22,526 --> 00:23:25,006 At least he didn't shit in the basket. 446 00:23:25,006 --> 00:23:26,566 No, no, no! 447 00:23:28,046 --> 00:23:29,446 No. 448 00:23:32,685 --> 00:23:33,765 Right. 449 00:23:33,765 --> 00:23:36,565 It is addictive isn't it? Phill, have a go. 450 00:23:36,565 --> 00:23:38,005 OK. Mind, don't hit him. 451 00:23:38,005 --> 00:23:39,885 Alan, can you get... Can you get mine for me? 452 00:23:39,885 --> 00:23:41,605 Stay away from me, you dirty bastard! 453 00:23:43,165 --> 00:23:46,084 You're not allowed to bring it up again. 454 00:23:46,084 --> 00:23:47,644 When someone's revealed something, 455 00:23:47,644 --> 00:23:50,204 you're not allowed to use it against them. 456 00:23:50,204 --> 00:23:52,324 Darling, I don't think the fact you've shat in a bush 457 00:23:52,324 --> 00:23:54,524 is ever going to go away. 458 00:23:56,524 --> 00:23:58,564 Oh. So here is the thing... 459 00:24:08,523 --> 00:24:10,643 It's another study by the University of Amsterdam. 460 00:24:10,643 --> 00:24:12,803 So, people who have secrets find them burdensome... 461 00:24:12,803 --> 00:24:14,082 They're all stoned. 462 00:24:14,082 --> 00:24:16,442 What if we threw beanbags at the palace? 463 00:24:18,682 --> 00:24:21,842 Well, you're physically burdened by it... Oh, he's off again. Erm... 464 00:24:23,122 --> 00:24:25,082 We're going to up the ante. Here we are, look. 465 00:24:25,082 --> 00:24:26,442 We're going to do it again. 466 00:24:28,521 --> 00:24:32,721 I'll face the audience, then I won't know, right, I won't... 467 00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:34,801 OK. It's like William Tell beanbag tossing. 468 00:24:36,961 --> 00:24:38,361 Go on, then. 469 00:24:38,361 --> 00:24:40,361 Ooh, sorry! Ooh! 470 00:24:42,161 --> 00:24:44,920 Stay still, for goodness' sake! 471 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:50,040 Do you know what you look like? 472 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,440 You look like a little elf sitting under a bush thinking, 473 00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:53,840 "I hope nobody shits on me!" 474 00:25:00,679 --> 00:25:04,079 Just going to bring it up on the end of every sentence now, aren't you? 475 00:25:04,079 --> 00:25:05,679 Yes. "Tell me a secret." 476 00:25:05,679 --> 00:25:07,759 "Oh, it's vicious, it's cruel." 477 00:25:07,759 --> 00:25:10,838 So, I am surprised, Alan, that you are telling us all these secrets, 478 00:25:10,838 --> 00:25:14,198 because you were easily the person who threw the beanbags too far. 479 00:25:14,198 --> 00:25:17,318 And people who did this study in the University of Amsterdam, 480 00:25:17,318 --> 00:25:19,838 they find people are physically burdened by having a secret, 481 00:25:19,838 --> 00:25:22,558 and they tend to think physical tasks are too difficult. 482 00:25:22,558 --> 00:25:26,717 Well, I have got much, much darker secrets than that. 483 00:25:26,717 --> 00:25:28,677 If you think your husband's having an affair... 484 00:25:28,677 --> 00:25:29,757 Get him to toss beanbags. 485 00:25:29,757 --> 00:25:32,157 ..see if he can hit a milk bottle with a ping-pong ball? Yes. 486 00:25:32,157 --> 00:25:34,277 That's the sort of thing. Is that a euphemism? 487 00:25:36,197 --> 00:25:38,996 So whoever overshoots has got a guilty conscience, 488 00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:41,596 that's all I'm saying. What does it mean if you got one in? 489 00:25:41,596 --> 00:25:44,276 Are we still talking about the beanbags? 490 00:25:44,276 --> 00:25:46,356 It means you're a very well-balanced individual. 491 00:25:46,356 --> 00:25:49,116 You're a nicely balanced individual. Apart from the holes. 492 00:25:52,196 --> 00:25:56,475 It's no secret everybody has a few things they'd like to keep private. 493 00:25:56,475 --> 00:25:57,875 No shit! 494 00:26:03,795 --> 00:26:07,994 Now, what's so embarrassing about this guy? 495 00:26:07,994 --> 00:26:10,234 He's pooed in that case! 496 00:26:15,594 --> 00:26:18,434 If only I'd had an attache case at the time. 497 00:26:19,594 --> 00:26:21,074 I'm going to guess... Yeah. 498 00:26:21,074 --> 00:26:22,793 ..is he... 499 00:26:22,793 --> 00:26:24,193 I dunno. 500 00:26:26,033 --> 00:26:29,433 El Cobrador del Frac, so El Cobrador is... 501 00:26:29,433 --> 00:26:31,033 Something to do with cobras? 502 00:26:31,033 --> 00:26:32,593 It's a debt collector. Ah. Oh. 503 00:26:32,593 --> 00:26:36,552 So he is a frock-coated debt collector. 504 00:26:36,552 --> 00:26:37,992 And I think we should have this. 505 00:26:37,992 --> 00:26:40,112 This is apparently a common sight in Spain. 506 00:26:40,112 --> 00:26:42,752 If you've got a debt that you can't collect, 507 00:26:42,752 --> 00:26:45,432 you can call in a company that specialises in sending 508 00:26:45,432 --> 00:26:48,592 these distinctively dressed people out to haunt the debtor. 509 00:26:48,592 --> 00:26:51,431 So they never speak to them, they don't approach them, 510 00:26:51,431 --> 00:26:55,951 they just stand hour after hour staring at you. What? 511 00:26:55,951 --> 00:26:58,871 Yep. You could be at work, you could be in a restaurant, 512 00:26:58,871 --> 00:27:01,791 you can be on the street, and the whole world knows that the debtor 513 00:27:01,791 --> 00:27:03,551 is being what used to be called dunned. 514 00:27:03,551 --> 00:27:05,670 You know what? I've got a way round that. 515 00:27:05,670 --> 00:27:08,430 What you do is, when you get up, you go, "Come with me, Jeeves." 516 00:27:09,950 --> 00:27:12,830 Well, so, these are not the only cobradors. 517 00:27:12,830 --> 00:27:15,350 There are ones who are dressed as bull-fighters, as clowns, 518 00:27:15,350 --> 00:27:16,910 monks, bears. What?! 519 00:27:16,910 --> 00:27:19,429 Rewind a minute. Yeah. 520 00:27:19,429 --> 00:27:21,869 A bear will go and stand because you owe someone a few bob? 521 00:27:21,869 --> 00:27:23,629 A bear will just stand and stare at you. 522 00:27:23,629 --> 00:27:26,109 I've never wanted to be in debt in Spain more in my life. 523 00:27:26,109 --> 00:27:30,949 But my favourite, there's one company that employs a bagpiper 524 00:27:30,949 --> 00:27:36,148 to bagpipe incessantly outside your house until you pay up. 525 00:27:36,148 --> 00:27:38,428 I think the Queen must owe a lot of money! 526 00:27:40,148 --> 00:27:42,508 In Britain, the Office of Fair Trading 527 00:27:42,508 --> 00:27:46,707 lists acting in a way likely to be publicly embarrassing to the debtor 528 00:27:46,707 --> 00:27:49,267 as unfair practice, so they wouldn't be allowed here, 529 00:27:49,267 --> 00:27:51,227 but I think it's marvellous thing. 530 00:27:51,227 --> 00:27:53,907 Medieval Europe - public shaming was a very common punishment. 531 00:27:53,907 --> 00:27:55,907 Adulterers, wife beaters, that kind of thing. 532 00:27:55,907 --> 00:27:58,387 But also husbands who were hen-pecked. 533 00:27:58,387 --> 00:28:00,667 This is a picture representing a scene 534 00:28:00,667 --> 00:28:03,586 in 17th century France - a hen-pecked husband 535 00:28:03,586 --> 00:28:05,586 would be made to ride a donkey backwards 536 00:28:05,586 --> 00:28:08,146 through the streets, so a public shaming. 537 00:28:08,146 --> 00:28:10,626 And this is the Flute of Shame. Oh, 'allo! 538 00:28:11,666 --> 00:28:13,626 Do you know who that's for, the Flute of Shame? 539 00:28:13,626 --> 00:28:16,305 Acker Bilk! Acker Bilk! 540 00:28:16,305 --> 00:28:19,345 So you wore it round your neck and your fingers were trapped. 541 00:28:19,345 --> 00:28:20,665 It was for bad musicians. 542 00:28:20,665 --> 00:28:22,745 Yeah. Aww! 543 00:28:22,745 --> 00:28:23,905 Oh, no, oh, come on! 544 00:28:23,905 --> 00:28:26,745 No, no, you can see one in the Amsterdam Museum of Torture. 545 00:28:26,745 --> 00:28:29,304 You can see more than that, love. 546 00:28:29,304 --> 00:28:31,504 They should give one each to One Direction. 547 00:28:38,224 --> 00:28:40,944 But public shaming still exists today, doesn't it? I mean, it's... 548 00:28:40,944 --> 00:28:42,864 It's, well, social media. Social media, yeah. 549 00:28:42,864 --> 00:28:44,863 There is a very good thing which I did like - 550 00:28:44,863 --> 00:28:49,103 in the 1990s, the Mayor of Bogota hired 20 professional mimes 551 00:28:49,103 --> 00:28:52,783 to mimic people who flouted traffic laws. 552 00:28:52,783 --> 00:28:56,063 And it was so successful, they ended up training another 400 mimes. 553 00:28:56,063 --> 00:28:58,502 It turns out people are more afraid of being mocked 554 00:28:58,502 --> 00:29:00,582 than they are of being fined. 555 00:29:00,582 --> 00:29:04,342 When I went to La Paz on my Bolivia trip, they have 556 00:29:04,342 --> 00:29:07,902 people dressed as zebras to help you cross the road. Seriously? 557 00:29:07,902 --> 00:29:09,182 I'm not joking. 558 00:29:09,182 --> 00:29:12,581 And they kind of dance while they're helping you across the road. 559 00:29:12,581 --> 00:29:15,101 They've had such trouble with cars hitting people. Yeah. 560 00:29:15,101 --> 00:29:16,501 What a car will do is it will stop 561 00:29:16,501 --> 00:29:18,701 if it sees three dancing zebras going in front of it. 562 00:29:20,501 --> 00:29:23,821 A fantastic interpretation of a zebra crossing. I love that. 563 00:29:23,821 --> 00:29:26,380 Yeah, actual zebra crossings. OK. 564 00:29:26,380 --> 00:29:29,340 Now, what could be more private than a privy? 565 00:29:29,340 --> 00:29:32,700 But those outdoor lavs can be awfully chilly. 566 00:29:32,700 --> 00:29:35,700 What's the best way to keep them warm? 567 00:29:35,700 --> 00:29:38,660 I mean, to Alan, everything's an outdoor privy. 568 00:29:48,779 --> 00:29:51,459 They could do with a few of those on Hampstead Heath. 569 00:29:54,378 --> 00:29:56,378 That's exactly the hat I was wearing. 570 00:30:00,378 --> 00:30:02,298 Hang on a minute! 571 00:30:05,218 --> 00:30:07,258 What do you reckon? It's old-fashioned, 572 00:30:07,258 --> 00:30:09,417 it's been around since Elizabethan times. 573 00:30:09,417 --> 00:30:10,777 Something to do with compost? 574 00:30:10,777 --> 00:30:13,097 Yes, you're heading in the right sort of direction. 575 00:30:13,097 --> 00:30:15,857 Who might produce a lot of... Well, other than Alan! 576 00:30:15,857 --> 00:30:17,657 Who might produce... 577 00:30:17,657 --> 00:30:19,337 Like cattle, sort of, an animal. 578 00:30:19,337 --> 00:30:22,097 Pigs. Animals, you're absolutely right, it's pigs. 579 00:30:22,097 --> 00:30:24,856 And in lots of places, it was traditional to build a pigsty 580 00:30:24,856 --> 00:30:26,736 and the privy right next to each other. 581 00:30:26,736 --> 00:30:28,536 That allowed heat generated in the former 582 00:30:28,536 --> 00:30:31,296 to improve the comfort of the latter. 583 00:30:31,296 --> 00:30:32,696 It goes back a very long way. 584 00:30:32,696 --> 00:30:35,936 And lots of places, privies emptied directly into the pigsty, 585 00:30:35,936 --> 00:30:39,335 so ultimately your waste becomes sausages. 586 00:30:39,335 --> 00:30:42,055 Do you think that's why pigs have a reputation for being dirty 587 00:30:42,055 --> 00:30:44,655 when they're very clean animals? They're extremely clean, 588 00:30:44,655 --> 00:30:47,015 and it may be that we associate them with our own waste - 589 00:30:47,015 --> 00:30:48,375 that is perfectly possible. 590 00:30:48,375 --> 00:30:52,134 But in Elizabethan times, the floor of your privy became a source of 591 00:30:52,134 --> 00:30:56,534 an incredibly valuable resource. Anybody know what it have been? 592 00:30:56,534 --> 00:30:58,574 Is it a fertiliser? It can be used for fertiliser, 593 00:30:58,574 --> 00:31:00,974 it can also be used for something rather more explosive. 594 00:31:00,974 --> 00:31:03,534 Ammonia? It would be for saltpetre. 595 00:31:03,534 --> 00:31:06,733 Saltpetre. Saltpetre - it was used for gunpowder. 596 00:31:06,733 --> 00:31:09,773 And it was so important that there were saltpetre men 597 00:31:09,773 --> 00:31:12,173 and they were sent out to dig out your privy. 598 00:31:12,173 --> 00:31:13,893 So, basically, it formed 599 00:31:13,893 --> 00:31:16,253 wherever the soil is enriched by urine and dung. 600 00:31:16,253 --> 00:31:18,093 And it's what keeps cigarettes alight. 601 00:31:18,093 --> 00:31:19,932 It is the thing that causes a cigarette 602 00:31:19,932 --> 00:31:22,252 to burn evenly, saltpetre, you're absolutely right. 603 00:31:22,252 --> 00:31:24,732 In several countries in the 17th century, it was illegal 604 00:31:24,732 --> 00:31:28,092 to pave over your barn, because they wanted the saltpetre. 605 00:31:28,092 --> 00:31:30,892 Do you know how they detected it? It was by tasting it. 606 00:31:32,012 --> 00:31:34,491 Yeah, I know. Jolly good job, I think, absolutely. 607 00:31:34,491 --> 00:31:37,051 I've loaded a musket with gunpowder. 608 00:31:37,051 --> 00:31:38,451 How come? 609 00:31:38,451 --> 00:31:40,851 I just... Hasn't everybody? 610 00:31:40,851 --> 00:31:41,891 She had an intruder! 611 00:31:46,651 --> 00:31:48,250 What were you doing, though? 612 00:31:48,250 --> 00:31:51,890 It was the Sealed Knot, the Civil War re-enactment society. 613 00:31:51,890 --> 00:31:54,130 I used to, like... Did you do that? 614 00:31:54,130 --> 00:31:55,690 I used to be in that. 615 00:31:55,690 --> 00:31:57,290 Did you? Yeah. 616 00:31:57,290 --> 00:31:58,370 Did you really? Yes. 617 00:31:58,370 --> 00:31:59,490 That's amazing. 618 00:31:59,490 --> 00:32:00,850 Yeah, not really, well... 619 00:32:01,889 --> 00:32:03,529 I mean, amazing as in weird. 620 00:32:03,529 --> 00:32:05,089 I am genuinely admiring. 621 00:32:05,089 --> 00:32:07,289 This is what we have at the beginning of Only Connect. 622 00:32:07,289 --> 00:32:08,329 "Oh, do you make it up?" 623 00:32:08,329 --> 00:32:10,449 "Oh, the guy likes to go brass rubbing on Sunday." 624 00:32:10,449 --> 00:32:13,449 Well, because it's normal to just sit watching X Factor all the time. 625 00:32:13,449 --> 00:32:16,648 This is an interesting, eclectic person with a range of interests. 626 00:32:16,648 --> 00:32:19,088 Ooh! I only admire you more for these things. 627 00:32:26,088 --> 00:32:28,168 She used to ride motorbikes, didn't you? 628 00:32:28,168 --> 00:32:29,448 I did. Yes. 629 00:32:29,448 --> 00:32:30,487 Yeah. 630 00:32:32,487 --> 00:32:33,887 Anyway, erm... Shooting people. 631 00:32:33,887 --> 00:32:36,447 In the end, that's why she got turfed out the society. 632 00:32:36,447 --> 00:32:38,047 Have you given up guns? 633 00:32:38,047 --> 00:32:41,527 No, I like clay pigeon shooting now, but I don't get... 634 00:32:41,527 --> 00:32:45,806 ..a chance because, you know, just so busy doing these, these sort... 635 00:32:47,006 --> 00:32:52,326 - That's, is that how they could solve the problem in America, more panel games? - Yeah. 636 00:32:52,326 --> 00:32:55,486 What can't long-hairs do in Italy, 637 00:32:55,486 --> 00:32:57,566 Mr Baggy Pants can't do in France, 638 00:32:57,566 --> 00:32:59,645 mermaids can't do in Bromsgrove 639 00:32:59,645 --> 00:33:03,885 and saggers can't do in Switzerland? 640 00:33:03,885 --> 00:33:05,405 It is a sporting thing. 641 00:33:05,405 --> 00:33:06,765 Swim? 642 00:33:06,765 --> 00:33:09,245 Yes. What?! It's swimming. You're absolutely right. 643 00:33:09,245 --> 00:33:12,125 They are banned from swimming in public baths. 644 00:33:12,125 --> 00:33:16,244 Almost all public baths in France, you are only allowed to wear 645 00:33:16,244 --> 00:33:18,124 tight swimming trunks. I know this. 646 00:33:18,124 --> 00:33:20,924 Why? Because we went on holiday in France 647 00:33:20,924 --> 00:33:23,764 and my husband, who always wears knee-length things, 648 00:33:23,764 --> 00:33:29,643 was told by a very aggressive French man to go to the, um, machine - 649 00:33:29,643 --> 00:33:31,643 they have a machine. A little vending machine. 650 00:33:31,643 --> 00:33:36,483 And you get these awful, like, incontinence, small, tight, 651 00:33:36,483 --> 00:33:39,043 like, plastic... We didn't go swimming. 652 00:33:40,523 --> 00:33:43,082 You have to wear budgie smugglers. Yeah. That is the thing. 653 00:33:43,082 --> 00:33:45,722 It's to stop people wearing their clothes from outside 654 00:33:45,722 --> 00:33:46,762 in the pool. 655 00:33:46,762 --> 00:33:48,122 And in Italian pools everybody, 656 00:33:48,122 --> 00:33:49,922 male or female, has to wear a swimming cap. 657 00:33:49,922 --> 00:33:51,522 Even if you're bald as a billiard ball, 658 00:33:51,522 --> 00:33:53,682 you have to wear a swimming cap. 659 00:33:53,682 --> 00:33:56,081 He looks magnificent! 660 00:33:57,281 --> 00:33:58,321 He does, doesn't he? 661 00:33:58,321 --> 00:34:02,161 In Japan, anybody with a tattoo is banned from public baths 662 00:34:02,161 --> 00:34:05,201 because of the association with organised crime. 663 00:34:05,201 --> 00:34:07,561 What? Yeah. And sagging, which is the fashion for wearing 664 00:34:07,561 --> 00:34:10,480 your pants under your trousers with the brand name 665 00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:14,320 of the underpants showing, that is banned in Switzerland. 666 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,240 And, er, mermaids? 667 00:34:16,240 --> 00:34:19,000 Mermaid tails, they are banned for safety reasons from 668 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:20,680 a public pool in Bromsgrove. 669 00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:22,520 This has upset many mermaids. 670 00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:24,799 Erm... They're not real mermaids! 671 00:34:27,559 --> 00:34:31,199 Did you know you can make $10 an hour as a mermaid? 672 00:34:31,199 --> 00:34:32,399 - Yes. - Doing what? 673 00:34:32,399 --> 00:34:35,439 There's a place called Weekiwachee Springs State Park 674 00:34:35,439 --> 00:34:37,878 in Florida, and they have a show, 675 00:34:37,878 --> 00:34:40,878 which I actually saw as a child in the late '60s, 676 00:34:40,878 --> 00:34:42,998 which has 17 mermaids and three princes, 677 00:34:42,998 --> 00:34:45,038 and they were hiring just recently. 678 00:34:45,038 --> 00:34:47,438 $10 an hour for a mermaid. 679 00:34:47,438 --> 00:34:49,238 But it's really, really difficult. 680 00:34:49,238 --> 00:34:52,237 So the spring is so deep that the bottom has never been found. 681 00:34:52,237 --> 00:34:53,757 And the current is so strong, 682 00:34:53,757 --> 00:34:56,677 it would knock a scuba diver's mask off. 683 00:34:56,677 --> 00:34:58,317 Do you fancy being a mermaid? 684 00:34:59,437 --> 00:35:01,557 No. No. 685 00:35:01,557 --> 00:35:02,917 I do like the idea of the place 686 00:35:02,917 --> 00:35:05,077 where all the men have to wear little skimpy pants. 687 00:35:05,077 --> 00:35:07,036 See, I like that. You like that? Oh, yes. 688 00:35:07,036 --> 00:35:08,876 Goran Ivanisevic, when he won Wimbledon, 689 00:35:08,876 --> 00:35:10,156 and he went back home 690 00:35:10,156 --> 00:35:13,196 and sort of ripped his trousers off in celebration, 691 00:35:13,196 --> 00:35:14,356 and had these tiny pants on, 692 00:35:14,356 --> 00:35:16,476 it was said to be disgusting and terrible. 693 00:35:16,476 --> 00:35:17,756 I thought it was amazing! 694 00:35:18,956 --> 00:35:21,675 Absolute peak fitness, there you go. Very happy. 695 00:35:24,515 --> 00:35:27,195 Naturist swimming pools sometimes have a sign that says, 696 00:35:27,195 --> 00:35:29,955 "three-piece swimming suits only". 697 00:35:29,955 --> 00:35:31,835 It's hats, sunglasses and sandals. 698 00:35:31,835 --> 00:35:36,674 I'm wondering, right, if you had to swim at the Olympics, but 699 00:35:36,674 --> 00:35:40,274 without a costume, I wonder how that would affect the times. 700 00:35:41,314 --> 00:35:43,194 I'd be slowed right down. 701 00:35:45,234 --> 00:35:48,713 Now for the round where we publicly mock your private delusions. 702 00:35:48,713 --> 00:35:51,153 General Ignorance. Fingers on buzzers, please. 703 00:35:51,153 --> 00:35:54,513 Which of these can you eat if you are a strict vegan? 704 00:35:55,953 --> 00:35:58,473 Any of them, right? 705 00:36:01,513 --> 00:36:02,912 No, why not? 706 00:36:02,912 --> 00:36:05,152 Is one of them made out of animals? 707 00:36:05,152 --> 00:36:08,192 No. So, almonds, avocados. 708 00:36:08,192 --> 00:36:09,552 All of them, in fact. 709 00:36:09,552 --> 00:36:11,472 It's the same reason as honey. 710 00:36:11,472 --> 00:36:15,272 Oh, bees. They can't exist without bees, and the bees are used in... 711 00:36:15,272 --> 00:36:17,271 Let's call it an unnatural way. 712 00:36:17,271 --> 00:36:19,711 Because they're so difficult to cultivate naturally, 713 00:36:19,711 --> 00:36:21,431 all of these crops rely on bees 714 00:36:21,431 --> 00:36:23,311 which are placed on the back of trucks 715 00:36:23,311 --> 00:36:26,111 and taken very long distances across the country. 716 00:36:26,111 --> 00:36:28,551 It is called migratory beekeeping. Oh, God. 717 00:36:28,551 --> 00:36:30,191 And it's obviously a... 718 00:36:35,990 --> 00:36:37,630 Oh, God. 719 00:36:41,990 --> 00:36:45,190 Can we change the picture, please? We can't look at the holes. 720 00:36:45,190 --> 00:36:48,949 You can't look either, can you? No. 721 00:36:48,949 --> 00:36:51,749 Has it gone yet? No? Yes, gone. It's gone, it's gone. 722 00:36:53,149 --> 00:36:57,269 So, it's migratory beekeeping, and it's an unnatural use of animals, 723 00:36:57,269 --> 00:36:59,748 and there are lots of foods that fall foul of this. 724 00:36:59,748 --> 00:37:03,348 Broccoli is a good example. Cherries, cucumbers, lettuce. 725 00:37:03,348 --> 00:37:06,388 Lots of sort of things that actually are NOT vegan. 726 00:37:06,388 --> 00:37:09,308 Actually, there's some surprising things that are not vegan. 727 00:37:09,308 --> 00:37:11,628 Vaccines produced with gelatine and eggs, wine, 728 00:37:11,628 --> 00:37:14,947 often clarified with isinglass made from fish bladders, 729 00:37:14,947 --> 00:37:17,387 and toothpaste. The texture often comes from glycerine, 730 00:37:17,387 --> 00:37:19,667 which is made with animal fats, so 731 00:37:19,667 --> 00:37:21,867 bad news for millennials, I'm afraid - 732 00:37:21,867 --> 00:37:25,107 avocado toast is usually not strictly vegan. 733 00:37:25,107 --> 00:37:28,106 If you've got 20-20 vision, how good is your eyesight? 734 00:37:28,106 --> 00:37:29,906 Good. Normal. 735 00:37:29,906 --> 00:37:32,386 It is absolutely average. It is not perfect. 736 00:37:32,386 --> 00:37:36,826 So, in the UK, we actually say 6-6 rather than 20-20. 737 00:37:36,826 --> 00:37:38,946 20-20 is the American thing. 738 00:37:38,946 --> 00:37:43,625 So, if you are 20-20 vision, it means you can see at 20 feet 739 00:37:43,625 --> 00:37:46,425 what an average person can see at 20 feet. 740 00:37:46,425 --> 00:37:49,825 If you can't see the top letter, which is at 20-200 - 741 00:37:49,825 --> 00:37:51,265 in other words at 20 feet 742 00:37:51,265 --> 00:37:53,945 what the average person could see at 200 with your glasses on - 743 00:37:53,945 --> 00:37:55,665 then you are legally blind. 744 00:37:55,665 --> 00:37:58,464 Or you're looking the wrong way. 745 00:37:59,864 --> 00:38:02,504 The limit for human beings, given the physical characteristics 746 00:38:02,504 --> 00:38:04,584 of our eyeballs, is thought to be 20-8, 747 00:38:04,584 --> 00:38:06,144 which means you can see at 20 feet 748 00:38:06,144 --> 00:38:08,464 what an average person can see at eight feet. 749 00:38:08,464 --> 00:38:11,583 A kestrel can see in the ultraviolet range 750 00:38:11,583 --> 00:38:16,423 which means that it can see traces of urine 751 00:38:16,423 --> 00:38:18,943 around the holes where tiny mammals go in and out. 752 00:38:18,943 --> 00:38:20,663 Isn't that astonishing? 753 00:38:20,663 --> 00:38:23,863 And then it can hang about till they pop out for a slash! 754 00:38:25,942 --> 00:38:27,942 I was probably lucky not to be swept off by one. 755 00:38:31,502 --> 00:38:33,742 Because they have got them on Hampstead Heath. 756 00:38:33,742 --> 00:38:34,822 They had an eye on you. 757 00:38:35,782 --> 00:38:38,462 So 20 feet is roughly infinity for us, 758 00:38:38,462 --> 00:38:42,541 and any time you focus on something that is nearer than 20 feet, 759 00:38:42,541 --> 00:38:44,381 so, maybe... Argh! 760 00:38:44,381 --> 00:38:46,261 What, are you all right? Oh! 761 00:38:46,261 --> 00:38:48,421 What, you don't like eyes? Big eye. 762 00:38:50,221 --> 00:38:53,180 Oh! Oh, Saruman! Oh! 763 00:38:55,020 --> 00:38:56,580 I feel like I'm holding together 764 00:38:56,580 --> 00:38:58,620 some kind of group therapy this evening. 765 00:38:58,620 --> 00:39:00,820 You absolutely, definitely are. 766 00:39:00,820 --> 00:39:02,260 "I need to poo outside." 767 00:39:02,260 --> 00:39:03,700 "I can't look at holes." 768 00:39:03,700 --> 00:39:05,180 "Argh! Big eyes!" 769 00:39:13,179 --> 00:39:15,579 And the other thing that's a good takeaway from this 770 00:39:15,579 --> 00:39:17,219 is to follow the 20-20 rule. 771 00:39:17,219 --> 00:39:20,059 Every 20 minutes, take a break from whatever close-up work 772 00:39:20,059 --> 00:39:21,259 that you are focused on. 773 00:39:21,259 --> 00:39:24,978 And instead focus on something that is 20 ft away, for 20 seconds. 774 00:39:24,978 --> 00:39:28,338 So you should really have your telly 20 ft away. 775 00:39:28,338 --> 00:39:30,138 Or 21 ft away. 776 00:39:30,138 --> 00:39:32,618 Be annoying for the neighbours, though, wouldn't it? 777 00:39:32,618 --> 00:39:35,538 Well, you should watch theirs and you should watch yours. 778 00:39:37,457 --> 00:39:39,497 Anyway, moving on. 779 00:39:39,497 --> 00:39:42,817 Presumably, these people aren't bored or tired. 780 00:39:42,817 --> 00:39:44,977 So why are they yawning? 781 00:39:44,977 --> 00:39:48,897 Is it something to do with oxygen before... 782 00:39:50,696 --> 00:39:52,896 Didn't even get to the end of the thing. 783 00:39:53,896 --> 00:39:56,536 We used to think that it gave us extra oxygen, 784 00:39:56,536 --> 00:39:58,296 but it absolutely does not do that. 785 00:39:58,296 --> 00:40:01,256 But it may be that it regulates the brain temperature 786 00:40:01,256 --> 00:40:03,496 by cooling the blood on the way to the brain, 787 00:40:03,496 --> 00:40:04,695 and that makes us more alert. 788 00:40:04,695 --> 00:40:07,295 So some people now do it in sport, not because they're stressed, 789 00:40:07,295 --> 00:40:10,735 but because they're trying to get themselves as ready as they can. 790 00:40:10,735 --> 00:40:13,895 I once did a tandem parachute jump. Ah. 791 00:40:13,895 --> 00:40:17,215 That, you go up, there's two pairs, 792 00:40:17,215 --> 00:40:20,734 and then two other people with video cameras on their helmets 793 00:40:20,734 --> 00:40:23,014 to film you as you down, and then... 794 00:40:23,014 --> 00:40:24,574 And they all, they fell asleep. 795 00:40:24,574 --> 00:40:27,094 And there's a lot of yawning and falling asleep 796 00:40:27,094 --> 00:40:28,934 and it was explained to me that 797 00:40:28,934 --> 00:40:34,093 in expectation of an adrenaline rush, the body kind of shuts down 798 00:40:34,093 --> 00:40:36,253 a little bit and closes, and prepares for this. 799 00:40:36,253 --> 00:40:38,493 So that is, there is a thing called nervous inertia, 800 00:40:38,493 --> 00:40:40,573 and that is something, sometimes actors get it. 801 00:40:40,573 --> 00:40:43,493 You'll find an actor's asleep five minutes before their opening night. 802 00:40:43,493 --> 00:40:44,733 But the yawning thing, 803 00:40:44,733 --> 00:40:47,532 what is amazing about it, it does seem to be contagious - 804 00:40:47,532 --> 00:40:50,092 but only some people are susceptible to it. 805 00:40:50,092 --> 00:40:53,332 It rather depends on how much empathy they have. 806 00:40:53,332 --> 00:40:55,652 If you have more empathy, you're more likely, as it were, 807 00:40:55,652 --> 00:40:57,932 to "catch" a yawn, and yawns are not catching at all 808 00:40:57,932 --> 00:40:59,412 in children under the age of four 809 00:40:59,412 --> 00:41:02,291 because, before the age of four, you haven't developed any empathy. 810 00:41:02,291 --> 00:41:06,091 But virtually all vertebrates yawn - so fish, snakes. 811 00:41:06,091 --> 00:41:09,611 But only humans and chimpanzees, dogs, budgies 812 00:41:09,611 --> 00:41:12,851 have a contagion of yawning. Fish are yawning? Yes. 813 00:41:12,851 --> 00:41:16,130 That puts an entirely different perspective on fishing, doesn't it? 814 00:41:16,130 --> 00:41:17,250 There's even, darling - 815 00:41:17,250 --> 00:41:19,650 there's even interspecies contagion of yawning. 816 00:41:19,650 --> 00:41:21,370 So a human and a dog might - 817 00:41:21,370 --> 00:41:23,610 one yawns and it sets the other one off... 818 00:41:23,610 --> 00:41:25,570 Oh, that's me now. That's so sweet. 819 00:41:25,570 --> 00:41:29,169 And you're going to love this. Babies yawn in the womb. 820 00:41:29,169 --> 00:41:32,169 Have a look at this tiny bit of footage. 821 00:41:38,449 --> 00:41:39,889 Let me out! 822 00:41:41,649 --> 00:41:44,728 Yeah, he's yawning, Sandi! He's yawning. He's yawning. 823 00:41:44,728 --> 00:41:47,768 Here's a good word to take away, which I really love - pandiculation. 824 00:41:47,768 --> 00:41:51,448 Pandiculation is yawning and stretching at the same time 825 00:41:51,448 --> 00:41:55,128 and just for any women using Prozac or using antidepressant drugs, 826 00:41:55,128 --> 00:41:58,967 there is a side effect that you can get which is the yawning orgasm, 827 00:41:58,967 --> 00:42:01,567 is that you have an orgasm every time you yawn. 828 00:42:02,687 --> 00:42:04,567 That takes me back to my honeymoon. 829 00:42:13,246 --> 00:42:15,166 And it may be that it's not contagious at all. 830 00:42:15,166 --> 00:42:16,646 I mean, we don't really know. 831 00:42:16,646 --> 00:42:18,366 Let's have a quick look at a yawn-ometer 832 00:42:18,366 --> 00:42:20,526 and see if it sets the audience off. 833 00:42:20,526 --> 00:42:23,646 We have a VT of different people yawning. 834 00:42:23,646 --> 00:42:25,206 Oh, he's off, he's off straight away. 835 00:42:25,206 --> 00:42:28,485 There's people there actually trying to grip their mouths shut. 836 00:42:34,845 --> 00:42:37,365 Does it make you feel like you want to yawn, does it? 837 00:42:37,365 --> 00:42:39,245 Yeah. It is a very strange feeling, isn't it? 838 00:42:39,245 --> 00:42:41,284 And it's possible it's more contagious between 839 00:42:41,284 --> 00:42:44,004 people who know each other, between family and friends. 840 00:42:44,004 --> 00:42:46,404 Either yawning is catching or the audience think 841 00:42:46,404 --> 00:42:49,324 it's time for us to end the show. So, let's have a look at the scores. 842 00:42:49,324 --> 00:42:54,163 Publicly shamed in fourth place with -16, it's Alan. 843 00:42:59,443 --> 00:43:01,883 Privately relieved not to have come last, 844 00:43:01,883 --> 00:43:04,083 in third place with no points at all, it's Bridget. 845 00:43:07,683 --> 00:43:10,082 The public place of good, but not quite good enough, 846 00:43:10,082 --> 00:43:12,442 in second place with 6 points, it's Phill. 847 00:43:16,082 --> 00:43:18,482 And in first place with a public display of modesty, 848 00:43:18,482 --> 00:43:21,322 while in private she's fist-pumping and shouting "yay", 849 00:43:21,322 --> 00:43:23,681 with 9 points, it's Victoria. 850 00:43:32,521 --> 00:43:36,361 I'd like to thank Victoria, Phill, Bridget and Alan 851 00:43:36,361 --> 00:43:39,400 and leave you with the words of Irish playwright Brendan Behan 852 00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:42,480 who, a few weeks before his death in 1964, told an interviewer, 853 00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:45,760 "All publicity is good, except an obituary notice." 854 00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:48,760 To the great British public, with love from QI, goodbye.