1 00:00:35,043 --> 00:00:36,803 Good evening! 2 00:00:36,803 --> 00:00:40,963 And welcome to the QI gallery for a perusal of pictures, 3 00:00:40,963 --> 00:00:42,763 paintings and portraits. 4 00:00:42,763 --> 00:00:44,163 So who have we got on tonight? 5 00:00:44,163 --> 00:00:47,603 Well, I've got four clues right here. 6 00:00:47,603 --> 00:00:49,763 What a colourful bunch they are. 7 00:00:49,763 --> 00:00:52,443 An absolute scream, Joe Lycett! 8 00:00:55,963 --> 00:01:00,042 With an enigmatic smile, Noel Fielding! 9 00:01:03,602 --> 00:01:06,762 Look at them Van Gogh, Hannah Gadsby! 10 00:01:10,162 --> 00:01:13,122 And the apple of my eye... 11 00:01:13,122 --> 00:01:16,322 ..nose, mouth, in fact, my entire face, Alan Davies! 12 00:01:21,842 --> 00:01:24,482 Let's have a quick picture of their buzzers. 13 00:01:24,482 --> 00:01:25,922 Joe goes... 14 00:01:29,962 --> 00:01:34,642 ♪ If a picture paints a thousand words 15 00:01:34,642 --> 00:01:38,282 ♪ Then why can't I paint you? ♪ 16 00:01:38,282 --> 00:01:41,082 And Noel goes... 17 00:01:41,082 --> 00:01:46,002 ♪ I had a picture of you in my mind... ♪ 18 00:01:46,002 --> 00:01:47,562 And Hannah goes... 19 00:01:47,562 --> 00:01:51,642 ♪ You don't have to paint me a picture... ♪ 20 00:01:54,722 --> 00:01:56,242 And Alan goes... 21 00:01:57,282 --> 00:01:59,842 We apologise for the loss of picture. 22 00:01:59,842 --> 00:02:02,362 We're doing everything we can to get it back. 23 00:02:02,362 --> 00:02:05,522 In the meantime, the programme will continue in sound only. 24 00:02:07,362 --> 00:02:09,442 Now, does anybody want to get changed before we... 25 00:02:09,442 --> 00:02:10,482 No! 26 00:02:12,362 --> 00:02:14,962 I'm more than happy like this for the show. 27 00:02:14,962 --> 00:02:18,002 I'm just half expecting to lift this and I'm on 8 Out Of 10 Cats. 28 00:02:19,402 --> 00:02:21,722 There are some pictures you may want to look at. 29 00:02:21,722 --> 00:02:23,522 Oh, right, OK. 30 00:02:23,522 --> 00:02:25,762 Ta-da! I think, Noel, you look fine. 31 00:02:25,762 --> 00:02:28,362 I've got to go to a Spanish funeral in a minute, so... 32 00:02:30,722 --> 00:02:32,762 OK, are we all set to go? 33 00:02:32,762 --> 00:02:34,442 You look really nice, darling. 34 00:02:34,442 --> 00:02:35,562 Scrubbed up. 35 00:02:35,562 --> 00:02:37,402 Yeah, like an undertaker, but cheerful. 36 00:02:39,042 --> 00:02:40,682 He looks a bit like Donald Trump. 37 00:02:43,842 --> 00:02:45,242 Here we go. 38 00:02:45,242 --> 00:02:48,282 What mistake did Picasso make when he painted this? 39 00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:52,681 He put lots of glue on the frame. 40 00:02:52,681 --> 00:02:54,361 Yeah, they can't get their hands off. 41 00:02:54,361 --> 00:02:56,041 Can't get their hands off. 42 00:02:56,041 --> 00:02:58,201 "Oh, no!" 43 00:02:58,201 --> 00:03:00,561 "Picasso's done the gluey frame thing again." 44 00:03:02,001 --> 00:03:04,481 He left two snooker referees holding it. 45 00:03:06,761 --> 00:03:08,361 Does anybody know what the picture is? 46 00:03:08,361 --> 00:03:10,121 It's Marie-Therese Walter. 47 00:03:10,121 --> 00:03:12,281 Yes. She was underage, but not, I don't know... 48 00:03:12,281 --> 00:03:13,641 She was, she was 17. 49 00:03:13,641 --> 00:03:15,401 She was underage for what? 50 00:03:15,401 --> 00:03:17,201 For doing what he was doing with her. 51 00:03:17,201 --> 00:03:18,241 Yeah. 52 00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:19,561 He was 45 when they met. 53 00:03:19,561 --> 00:03:21,281 She's Picasso's mistress. 54 00:03:21,281 --> 00:03:23,001 But when he painted this, 55 00:03:23,001 --> 00:03:26,361 who didn't know that she existed in his life? 56 00:03:26,361 --> 00:03:27,521 Oh, his wife? 57 00:03:27,521 --> 00:03:30,801 Yeah, so the mistake was, even with the picture looking like that, 58 00:03:30,801 --> 00:03:35,201 his wife, Olga Khokhlova, recognised that it was somebody else. 59 00:03:35,201 --> 00:03:38,121 Is that a mistake?! An affair - "Oh, my mistake." 60 00:03:38,121 --> 00:03:40,521 No, the mistake was making a painting of your mistress 61 00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,481 before she knows there's somebody there, 62 00:03:42,481 --> 00:03:44,601 that would be the mistake, so... Right. 63 00:03:44,601 --> 00:03:46,441 It's like going, "Oh, I'm going out to dinner" 64 00:03:46,441 --> 00:03:48,281 "with my mistress... Oh, did I not say?" 65 00:03:48,281 --> 00:03:50,521 So that's Marie-Therese Walter on the left there, 66 00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:54,321 and that is his wife, Olga Khokhlova, and he was married at the time... 67 00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:56,161 He picked her up, didn't he? Yeah. 68 00:03:56,161 --> 00:03:58,881 He was like, "Come here, I'm, like, Pablo Picasso." 69 00:03:58,881 --> 00:04:01,161 I don't know, she's not a horse. 70 00:04:01,161 --> 00:04:03,321 Was she a horse? 71 00:04:03,321 --> 00:04:04,881 I don't know. 72 00:04:04,881 --> 00:04:06,801 Basically, he wasn't a nice guy. 73 00:04:06,801 --> 00:04:09,121 Oh, no, he was a prickbiscuit. Yes. 74 00:04:10,161 --> 00:04:11,601 That's a horse, Prickbiscuit. 75 00:04:11,601 --> 00:04:12,641 Yeah. 76 00:04:13,801 --> 00:04:15,961 I'd bet on that. 2-1, Prickbiscuit. 77 00:04:17,321 --> 00:04:19,561 Of the seven most important women in his life, 78 00:04:19,561 --> 00:04:21,201 two killed themselves and two went mad. 79 00:04:21,201 --> 00:04:23,881 It's not a good track record, frankly. No. 80 00:04:23,881 --> 00:04:26,161 We've got a picture of Le Reve, which is The Dream, 81 00:04:26,161 --> 00:04:27,801 which also has Marie-Therese. 82 00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,881 It's also got his cock on her face. Yes! 83 00:04:29,881 --> 00:04:33,601 If you look at the one on the right, that's his penis on top of her head. 84 00:04:33,601 --> 00:04:35,441 Isn't that part of her head? No. 85 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,161 Well, it was when he put it there. 86 00:04:37,161 --> 00:04:38,201 Yeah. 87 00:04:39,241 --> 00:04:40,681 Oh, no, I see, yes. 88 00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,361 Look. Yeah. 89 00:04:42,361 --> 00:04:43,401 That. 90 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,400 I mean, do you think, did he say, "Yeah, yeah, that's my penis"? 91 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:51,800 Or did he just accidentally... 92 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,600 Basically, it's an erotic thing, it's that she's dreaming about sex 93 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,200 as well as enjoying it. 94 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,640 That's terrible nap technique. 95 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:01,080 Like, if you're going to do... She'll get so stiff in the neck. 96 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,120 That's true. So stiff, did you say? 97 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:04,320 Stiff in the neck, yeah. 98 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:08,240 It looks like she's on a plane, doesn't it? A very small seat, 99 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,400 and he's the row behind, putting his cock on her head! 100 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,560 This is the kind of art criticism you rarely see. 101 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,840 "This is called Lady Abused In Economy." 102 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:29,040 So, there's a celebrated occasion when Picasso threw a party 103 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,400 for Henri Rousseau, and he wanted to pretend 104 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:34,520 to celebrate his genius, but actually, he intended to mock him, 105 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:37,280 but it backfired, because actually, it was a raving success 106 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,600 and it catapulted Rousseau into the spotlight. 107 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,960 But that party was an example of a Degas, 108 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,720 that's what it was known as in those days, 109 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,680 and it was a cruel joke, because Degas himself, you know, 110 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,440 all those lovely pictures of girls... 111 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,360 He was upfront, wasn't he? He was not nice. 112 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,080 He was anti-Semitic, he was a misogynist, 113 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:54,440 he referred to the ballet dancers as his "monkey girls", 114 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,760 he was not nice. And it just seems exceptional to us, 115 00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,640 but at that time in the same neighbourhood, 116 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,960 you've got Renoir, and Manet, and Toulouse-Lautrec, and Degas, 117 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,720 and they all go to this party... It was the same barber! Mmm? 118 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,200 And the same... Yes, the same... 119 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:13,160 In photography... Yeah? ..when was the first person 120 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:18,040 to say, "Say cheese"? Because it changed everything. 121 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,160 There seems to be no-one... 122 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:23,120 It used to be, "Quick, get your hat and your beard!" 123 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,000 "Everyone you know has died!" 124 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,000 "Don't say that - tell them to say 'cheese' or something cheery," 125 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,880 "and get a smile out of them." 126 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,040 Isn't French for cheese "fromage"? 127 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,400 Fromage, so that... So you'd be like, "Froma-a-age..." 128 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,440 So, maybe they WERE saying cheese...? 129 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:40,839 "Froma-a-age." 130 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:43,639 Or if it was a short cheese, like, Brie... 131 00:06:43,639 --> 00:06:47,159 You might say, "Brie." "Camembert." 132 00:06:47,159 --> 00:06:49,719 "Camem..." "Babybel!" 133 00:06:54,359 --> 00:06:56,159 The thing about Rousseau though, 134 00:06:56,159 --> 00:06:58,479 Rousseau was very nice, wasn't he, he was naive, 135 00:06:58,479 --> 00:07:01,239 he was a postman, he carried on working in the post office, 136 00:07:01,239 --> 00:07:03,799 and he was a Sunday painter, they called him, because he used 137 00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:06,679 to just paint at weekends, he was a family man, and he was quite naive. 138 00:07:06,679 --> 00:07:08,479 But his stuff is actually beautiful. 139 00:07:08,479 --> 00:07:11,199 And it never occurred to him that they might be taking the mickey. 140 00:07:11,199 --> 00:07:12,879 That's so sad. It never occurred to him. 141 00:07:12,879 --> 00:07:14,319 But in fact, it worked out... 142 00:07:14,319 --> 00:07:17,399 And he painted those beautiful jungle scenes, which are exquisite. 143 00:07:17,399 --> 00:07:19,119 I think he's astonishing. Now, then. 144 00:07:19,119 --> 00:07:23,079 Name a self-insertion artist. 145 00:07:23,079 --> 00:07:24,439 Somebody who does a port... 146 00:07:24,439 --> 00:07:26,999 Something about themselves, a self-portrait. 147 00:07:26,999 --> 00:07:28,719 OK, in what way? 148 00:07:28,719 --> 00:07:31,999 Someone who puts themselves into, like, the background of a painting. 149 00:07:31,999 --> 00:07:34,959 Yes, and there are loads and loads of examples of it. Yeah, yeah. 150 00:07:34,959 --> 00:07:37,159 And it mostly is in Renaissance art. 151 00:07:37,159 --> 00:07:39,159 You get a great big picture and they think, 152 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,559 "I'm going to put myself in it." 153 00:07:40,559 --> 00:07:43,039 So, if you look at the one on the left there, 154 00:07:43,039 --> 00:07:45,479 that is Botticelli's Adoration Of The Magi, 155 00:07:45,479 --> 00:07:48,319 and the camp guy in the bottom right, 156 00:07:48,319 --> 00:07:50,199 that is supposed to be Botticelli, 157 00:07:50,199 --> 00:07:52,919 the one who's looking out, going, "My picture, I did this." 158 00:07:52,919 --> 00:07:56,199 That's the baby Jesus and he's, like, not even looking. 159 00:07:56,199 --> 00:07:58,359 He's just, like, "G'day." 160 00:07:58,359 --> 00:07:59,759 Yeah. 161 00:07:59,759 --> 00:08:01,679 He's like, "See that Jesus? I did that." 162 00:08:01,679 --> 00:08:03,839 Yeah. But he looks shifty, doesn't he? Yeah. 163 00:08:03,839 --> 00:08:06,559 Don't you think that's deliberate, he's trying to make himself 164 00:08:06,559 --> 00:08:08,519 detached or something from proceedings? 165 00:08:08,519 --> 00:08:10,079 Cos his costume's not right either. 166 00:08:10,079 --> 00:08:11,919 He hasn't coloured himself in properly. 167 00:08:11,919 --> 00:08:13,319 No, he does look like he's got... 168 00:08:13,319 --> 00:08:15,319 It's either that or he's about to flash. 169 00:08:17,719 --> 00:08:19,839 He does look so pleased with himself, doesn't he? 170 00:08:19,839 --> 00:08:23,879 Let's have a look at an another one, this is Rembrandt's The Night Watch. 171 00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:26,959 And it's quite hard to see, but in the detail, 172 00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:29,319 so if we can just see the one on the right, 173 00:08:29,319 --> 00:08:32,239 if you see the little guy looking over the shoulder of the soldier, 174 00:08:32,239 --> 00:08:35,238 you can just see one eye and a flat cap. That's Rembrandt? 175 00:08:35,238 --> 00:08:37,558 It's like Liza Minnelli at the Oscars. 176 00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:41,758 He called it The Night Watch cos it got so grubby. 177 00:08:41,758 --> 00:08:43,078 But the actual title is 178 00:08:43,078 --> 00:08:48,038 the Militia Company Of District II under The Command of Captain Frans Banninck Cocq, 179 00:08:48,038 --> 00:08:50,678 which is actually not as good as The Night Watch, I think. Mm. 180 00:08:50,678 --> 00:08:54,718 That was what QI was originally called as well. Yes. 181 00:08:54,718 --> 00:08:57,478 I know this one, it's in the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam 182 00:08:57,478 --> 00:08:59,158 and it's really quite big. 183 00:08:59,158 --> 00:09:02,878 And they couldn't get it all in, so they cut quite a big bit off. 184 00:09:02,878 --> 00:09:03,958 Oh! 185 00:09:03,958 --> 00:09:05,798 Like, about 2 million quid's worth. 186 00:09:06,998 --> 00:09:08,478 They cut it off the side of it. 187 00:09:08,478 --> 00:09:11,518 Imagine cutting it and then getting dragged in by your boss and going, 188 00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:13,478 "Have you heard of folding?" 189 00:09:16,118 --> 00:09:18,638 "Something called folding?" 190 00:09:18,638 --> 00:09:20,798 "It's not going to go, it's not going to go." 191 00:09:20,798 --> 00:09:23,358 "Cut it, cut it, we've got to be out of here by four." 192 00:09:26,038 --> 00:09:28,718 The other one that is extremely famous is 193 00:09:28,718 --> 00:09:31,278 the Arnofini Portrait by Jan van Eyck, 194 00:09:31,278 --> 00:09:34,998 possibly, we're not entirely sure, that he is reflected in the mirror. 195 00:09:34,998 --> 00:09:37,798 The way that it's got the fish-eye effect of the mirror 196 00:09:37,798 --> 00:09:40,238 is amazing, actually, isn't it? Yeah, it's astonishing. 197 00:09:40,238 --> 00:09:42,478 Do you know the story of the ancient Greek sculptor, 198 00:09:42,478 --> 00:09:46,038 Fah... I don't know how to say it, I've only ever read it, so... 199 00:09:46,038 --> 00:09:48,958 Don't worry. Fah-fah-lides. Yeah. And, er... 200 00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:54,198 He apparently did, I think it was third or fourth century BC, 201 00:09:54,198 --> 00:09:58,278 a sculpture of Athena, she had, what, a shield, 202 00:09:58,278 --> 00:09:59,998 The Battle of the Amazons, 203 00:09:59,998 --> 00:10:02,078 and put his own likeness on the shield. 204 00:10:02,078 --> 00:10:04,438 Oh, OK. Which was desecration, and he got jailed for it. 205 00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,438 For a self-insertion. 206 00:10:06,438 --> 00:10:09,758 Here's the weird thing, is that self-insertion... 207 00:10:09,758 --> 00:10:11,598 I have to say this very carefully. 208 00:10:12,878 --> 00:10:16,078 Self-insertion appears to be something only boys do. 209 00:10:18,758 --> 00:10:21,398 Why might it be that women artists tend not to do... 210 00:10:21,398 --> 00:10:23,318 You know I'm a boy, right? 211 00:10:26,158 --> 00:10:28,797 I always look at you and see the cusp. 212 00:10:34,997 --> 00:10:38,957 Why is that? It's strange. Why might that be? Why is it a boy thing? 213 00:10:38,957 --> 00:10:42,197 Is it... I mean, a lot of the times, only the boys painted. 214 00:10:42,197 --> 00:10:44,797 It's the boys only did big group compositions. 215 00:10:44,797 --> 00:10:46,837 Fundamentally, when women were allowed to paint, 216 00:10:46,837 --> 00:10:48,837 they painted in smaller rooms in little salons. 217 00:10:48,837 --> 00:10:50,557 Or self-portraits. Or self-portraits. 218 00:10:50,557 --> 00:10:53,557 It's hard to insert into a self-portrait. Yeah. 219 00:10:53,557 --> 00:10:55,837 There's not a lot of room for it, yeah. 220 00:10:55,837 --> 00:10:58,677 Have a guess, if you looked at the work featured in major 221 00:10:58,677 --> 00:11:01,877 permanent collections around the world, how much work is by women? 222 00:11:01,877 --> 00:11:05,077 4%? It's five. It's 5% in total. Yeah. 223 00:11:05,077 --> 00:11:07,517 They did a survey in 2011 of the National Gallery, 224 00:11:07,517 --> 00:11:11,917 2,300 works, and a review revealed there were 11 women artists. 225 00:11:11,917 --> 00:11:14,277 Well, you can assume that's women's fault. 226 00:11:14,277 --> 00:11:16,277 We should just get... We should insert ourselves. 227 00:11:16,277 --> 00:11:18,957 Or maybe just do better painting, maybe! 228 00:11:23,077 --> 00:11:24,357 I don't know... 229 00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:28,677 You ARE Donald Trump! 230 00:11:37,277 --> 00:11:39,997 I'm curious to know how it feels to be on your last show. 231 00:11:41,717 --> 00:11:44,717 This is a very famous poster from 1989 - 232 00:11:44,717 --> 00:11:47,357 "Less than 5% of the artists in the Modern Art Sections are women," 233 00:11:47,357 --> 00:11:48,997 "but 85% of the nudes are female." 234 00:11:48,997 --> 00:11:52,037 So, the best way to get yourself into a permanent collection, 235 00:11:52,037 --> 00:11:54,117 if you're a woman, is to take your clothes off. 236 00:11:54,117 --> 00:11:56,837 And it took a gorilla to point that out. Yes! 237 00:11:58,077 --> 00:11:59,517 Of course, it isn't just in art. 238 00:11:59,517 --> 00:12:02,277 So, Alfred Hitchcock, another boy, self-inserted himself 239 00:12:02,277 --> 00:12:04,557 into all his movies. I love this one. 240 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:08,277 This is from the movie Lifeboat, and he's in the advertisement, 241 00:12:08,277 --> 00:12:11,237 there he is. And you get it in literature as well, you get Dante 242 00:12:11,237 --> 00:12:12,557 in The Divine Comedy, 243 00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:14,757 you get Chaucer in The Canterbury Tales. 244 00:12:14,757 --> 00:12:17,597 It's not uncommon for people to put themselves into their own books. 245 00:12:17,597 --> 00:12:20,957 It is most common in what's called fan fiction 246 00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:23,836 where you get something called a Mary Sue character. 247 00:12:23,836 --> 00:12:25,916 This is where an author makes a character based 248 00:12:25,916 --> 00:12:29,116 on themselves really heroic. 249 00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:31,436 So this is by a woman called Paula Smith. 250 00:12:31,436 --> 00:12:33,556 In 1973... I mean, it's not good. 251 00:12:33,556 --> 00:12:35,716 No wonder we've only got 5%. Yes. 252 00:12:41,556 --> 00:12:43,636 She did that on an Etch A Sketch. 253 00:12:45,236 --> 00:12:48,116 She's a fan of Star Trek, so she wrote a parody story called 254 00:12:48,116 --> 00:12:51,116 A Trekkie's Tale and there's a character in it called Mary Sue. 255 00:12:51,116 --> 00:12:53,716 And those, in fan fiction, are these kind of characters 256 00:12:53,716 --> 00:12:56,236 where you've self-inserted. But here's the thing about it. 257 00:12:56,236 --> 00:12:59,236 The character usually helps to save the day, 258 00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:01,316 and then, having done so, is rewarded 259 00:13:01,316 --> 00:13:04,196 by some kind of sexual encounter with one of the main characters. 260 00:13:04,196 --> 00:13:05,596 Of course. 261 00:13:05,596 --> 00:13:08,836 I have written 25 books and so far, had no sex in any of them, 262 00:13:08,836 --> 00:13:11,036 and I... I'm going to sort that out. 263 00:13:12,436 --> 00:13:14,316 You need to self-insert, Sandi. 264 00:13:23,116 --> 00:13:25,356 Many of the greats practised self-insertion, 265 00:13:25,356 --> 00:13:28,556 although personally I regard it as self-indulgent and narcissistic. 266 00:13:40,596 --> 00:13:43,796 Oh, my God, I'm so stupid that when that came up, 267 00:13:43,796 --> 00:13:45,196 I looked over there. 268 00:13:47,236 --> 00:13:50,116 I'm still looking over there! 269 00:13:50,116 --> 00:13:51,916 That was weird, man. 270 00:13:54,236 --> 00:13:57,436 OK, who is wearing the pants in this picture? 271 00:13:58,996 --> 00:14:01,436 Well, that's Abraham Lincoln, is it not? 272 00:14:06,036 --> 00:14:08,236 Why is he not wearing the pants in this picture? 273 00:14:08,236 --> 00:14:11,556 Oh, it's not him. Like, it's a Photoshop of him... 274 00:14:11,556 --> 00:14:14,636 No, a Paintingshop... A Paintingshop! 275 00:14:14,636 --> 00:14:16,435 OK, this is a very, very famous portrait 276 00:14:16,435 --> 00:14:19,515 of the President, Abraham Lincoln, but in 1957, 277 00:14:19,515 --> 00:14:21,955 there was a photojournalist called Stefan Lorant, 278 00:14:21,955 --> 00:14:24,715 and he was getting together pictures of Abraham Lincoln for a book 279 00:14:24,715 --> 00:14:29,075 rather cunningly titled Lincoln: A Picture Story Of His Life, 280 00:14:29,075 --> 00:14:31,755 when he noticed that Lincoln had a mole, 281 00:14:31,755 --> 00:14:34,595 and in this picture, it was on the wrong side of his face. 282 00:14:34,595 --> 00:14:37,955 And he knew that because Lincoln's head appears on the $5 bill - 283 00:14:37,955 --> 00:14:41,115 there it is - and the head had been reversed. 284 00:14:41,115 --> 00:14:43,795 And this is a very early forerunner of Photoshop. 285 00:14:43,795 --> 00:14:46,955 Interestingly, the body is that of a Southern politician 286 00:14:46,955 --> 00:14:48,675 called John Calhoun, 287 00:14:48,675 --> 00:14:51,275 and he was vehemently pro-slavery! 288 00:14:51,275 --> 00:14:54,635 So, the body of somebody who's very pro-slavery 289 00:14:54,635 --> 00:14:57,755 is being used for the portrait of a man who in the end 290 00:14:57,755 --> 00:15:01,035 managed to abolish slavery... It was the Russians! What? 291 00:15:01,035 --> 00:15:03,475 The Russians must have done this. 292 00:15:03,475 --> 00:15:05,235 Yes, I think you're right, 293 00:15:05,235 --> 00:15:07,955 and we'd know that from reading Lincoln's tweets. Yes. 294 00:15:15,355 --> 00:15:16,835 So, it's a composite picture, 295 00:15:16,835 --> 00:15:18,875 it was done by an artist called Thomas Hicks, 296 00:15:18,875 --> 00:15:20,195 and he is not wearing the pants 297 00:15:20,195 --> 00:15:22,195 because it's nothing to do with his body. 298 00:15:22,195 --> 00:15:24,435 But manipulating images is one of the oldest things. 299 00:15:24,435 --> 00:15:27,715 So, in 1939, there's a photograph of King George VI 300 00:15:27,715 --> 00:15:30,635 with the Canadian Prime Minister and the Queen Mother, 301 00:15:30,635 --> 00:15:33,035 and the Canadian Prime Minister wanted to use it for an 302 00:15:33,035 --> 00:15:36,475 election poster, and he thought he'd look stronger and more the man 303 00:15:36,475 --> 00:15:39,995 in charge if the King wasn't in the picture, so he was just removed. 304 00:15:41,715 --> 00:15:45,115 Looks like a really easy game of spot the difference. 305 00:15:46,915 --> 00:15:50,395 And another wonderful one, 1942, a picture of Mussolini on a horse, 306 00:15:50,395 --> 00:15:53,155 and he thought he didn't look butch enough because there was a guy 307 00:15:53,155 --> 00:15:56,635 holding the horse, so the handler is, I don't know, gone, 308 00:15:56,635 --> 00:15:58,315 just disappeared entirely, 309 00:15:58,315 --> 00:16:00,395 so that Mussolini looked a bit more butch. 310 00:16:00,395 --> 00:16:03,155 So, this is the opposite of self-inserting? Yeah. 311 00:16:03,155 --> 00:16:05,435 And in some cases, actual elimination - 312 00:16:05,435 --> 00:16:07,715 there's a very famous photo of Stalin 313 00:16:07,715 --> 00:16:11,554 with his secret police official Nikolai Yezhov, and... 314 00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:15,514 Not so secret! Well, he fell out of favour. He was executed... 315 00:16:15,514 --> 00:16:17,394 Oh, then he fell in the river. Sorry. 316 00:16:19,114 --> 00:16:21,954 But he was gone, he was gone from the picture and gone from... 317 00:16:21,954 --> 00:16:24,074 It's a shame he didn't just put someone else in. 318 00:16:24,074 --> 00:16:27,194 What, like Mickey Mouse or something? Yeah. 319 00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:31,794 Now, Alan, have a look at this. What's missing from this picture? 320 00:16:31,794 --> 00:16:34,674 Something interesting? I can tell you it's something enormous. 321 00:16:34,674 --> 00:16:35,954 Is it a blue whale? 322 00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,514 Yes. Is it? 323 00:16:46,634 --> 00:16:49,474 There it is! It is a whale, indeed. That's better! 324 00:16:49,474 --> 00:16:53,754 This is a painting called View of Scheveningen Sands 325 00:16:53,754 --> 00:16:55,874 by Hendrick van Anthonissen. 326 00:16:55,874 --> 00:16:59,234 And in 2014, the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge 327 00:16:59,234 --> 00:17:02,754 was cleaning it, and they suddenly went, 328 00:17:02,754 --> 00:17:05,034 "My Lord, there's a whale!" 329 00:17:05,034 --> 00:17:06,634 The whale had been painted over, 330 00:17:06,634 --> 00:17:09,834 probably in the 18th, 19th century, because they wanted to make 331 00:17:09,834 --> 00:17:12,314 the painting more saleable, and people would go, 332 00:17:12,314 --> 00:17:14,074 "I don't want a dead whale!" 333 00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:17,754 Maybe that was painted by a woman and that's her self-insertion! 334 00:17:20,434 --> 00:17:22,074 With low self-esteem, you know. 335 00:17:23,914 --> 00:17:26,634 I'd like to imagine that that painting was painted 336 00:17:26,634 --> 00:17:30,394 by a whale that was using self-insertion! 337 00:17:32,514 --> 00:17:33,754 So it's like... 338 00:17:33,754 --> 00:17:35,354 Is someone standing on that whale? 339 00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:37,714 Yes. In fact, curiously... 340 00:17:37,714 --> 00:17:39,554 A whale jockey? 341 00:17:39,554 --> 00:17:41,754 Whales that were beached at that time, 342 00:17:41,754 --> 00:17:45,474 all kinds of use could be made of the blubber and the oil and so on, 343 00:17:45,474 --> 00:17:46,754 it was a valuable resource, 344 00:17:46,754 --> 00:17:49,914 so that person would have been thinking, "Ooh, hello," you know... 345 00:17:49,914 --> 00:17:51,674 Unless that was one of his shoes. 346 00:17:54,514 --> 00:17:56,874 Do you know, when I get ready for this show, 347 00:17:56,874 --> 00:17:59,554 I think I've thought of everything, and the... 348 00:18:00,874 --> 00:18:03,754 ..possibility of a small man with a very large shoe had not... 349 00:18:04,993 --> 00:18:07,073 There might be another whale behind that whale, 350 00:18:07,073 --> 00:18:08,753 he might have a pair of whale shoes. 351 00:18:11,753 --> 00:18:14,833 "I was putting the slippers on, there was a whale there," 352 00:18:14,833 --> 00:18:17,713 "I inserted my foot in the blowhole." 353 00:18:17,713 --> 00:18:21,353 It's an easy mistake to make! 354 00:18:23,433 --> 00:18:26,513 OK. Close your eyes, please, all four of you. 355 00:18:26,513 --> 00:18:29,993 What is the pinkest thing that you can picture? 356 00:18:29,993 --> 00:18:31,913 Oh! 357 00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:37,273 The pink elephants on parade in that Disney film. Oh, in Fantasia. 358 00:18:37,273 --> 00:18:39,353 Yeah. I love that, that's very good. 359 00:18:39,353 --> 00:18:41,193 Joe? My own soul. 360 00:18:46,033 --> 00:18:48,393 Alan, the pinkest thing you can think of? 361 00:18:48,393 --> 00:18:50,753 Er, I'm not giving you my first two answers. 362 00:18:57,793 --> 00:18:59,233 I'm going to say pig. 363 00:18:59,233 --> 00:19:01,353 A pig, oh, yes, that's nice, that's nice. 364 00:19:01,353 --> 00:19:03,513 Hannah, what's the pinkest thing you could picture? 365 00:19:03,513 --> 00:19:06,393 When you go into a kids' store, the girls' side. 366 00:19:06,393 --> 00:19:09,033 The girls' comic shelf. Yeah, it's so horrible. Isn't it? 367 00:19:09,033 --> 00:19:11,473 All my daughters went through a disgusting pink phase, 368 00:19:11,473 --> 00:19:14,153 that they fortunately have now come out of. 369 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,513 Actually, it took 30 years. Um... 370 00:19:16,513 --> 00:19:18,713 So there's a colour called the pinkest pink, 371 00:19:18,713 --> 00:19:21,873 and I will show it to you. 372 00:19:21,873 --> 00:19:23,233 That is the pinkest pink. 373 00:19:23,233 --> 00:19:25,753 That is the world's biggest Hubba Bubba. 374 00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:31,953 Er, it is a colour produced by an artist called Stuart Semple 375 00:19:31,953 --> 00:19:34,713 and he has banned another artist from using it, 376 00:19:34,713 --> 00:19:37,753 he's banned Anish Kapoor. So, Anish Kapoor, you might remember, 377 00:19:37,753 --> 00:19:40,673 made the Orbit tower for the 2012 Olympics. Yes. Yeah. 378 00:19:40,673 --> 00:19:43,353 Stuart Semple is an artist and he produced the pinkest pink 379 00:19:43,353 --> 00:19:47,793 in response to the fact that Anish Kapoor had a paint called 380 00:19:47,793 --> 00:19:52,833 the blackest black, or Vantablack, and he has got exclusive use of it. 381 00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:56,313 And Stuart feels that no artist should have exclusive use 382 00:19:56,313 --> 00:19:58,513 of a particular colour. It is an amazing black. 383 00:19:58,513 --> 00:20:02,712 What it does is it absorbs 99.96% of all light that hits it, 384 00:20:02,712 --> 00:20:05,512 so it makes things look like a sort of hole. Like a black hole. 385 00:20:05,512 --> 00:20:07,832 Yeah, it was designed for the military, and Anish Kapoor 386 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,672 managed to get exclusive rights to it. 387 00:20:09,672 --> 00:20:11,872 Stuart Semple thought this was outrageous, 388 00:20:11,872 --> 00:20:14,552 so he sells this paint, the pinkest paint, 389 00:20:14,552 --> 00:20:17,352 but you have to sign a piece of paper when you buy it 390 00:20:17,352 --> 00:20:20,432 testifying that you are not Anish Kapoor. 391 00:20:22,352 --> 00:20:24,272 It says here, "You are not Anish Kapoor," 392 00:20:24,272 --> 00:20:26,792 "you are in no way affiliated to Anish Kapoor," 393 00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:29,912 "you are not purchasing this item on behalf of Anish Kapoor" 394 00:20:29,912 --> 00:20:32,352 "or an associate of Anish Kapoor." 395 00:20:32,352 --> 00:20:34,272 That's brilliant. It is amazing. 396 00:20:34,272 --> 00:20:38,192 Anish Kapoor did get hold of some and he painted his middle finger 397 00:20:38,192 --> 00:20:41,432 with this pinkest pink and posted it on Instagram. 398 00:20:41,432 --> 00:20:43,992 I thought you were going to say he self-inserted it! 399 00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:48,952 Imagine if he self-inserted and it came out that pink colour. 400 00:20:51,232 --> 00:20:55,032 Why does he feel he needs to have exclusive rights over a colour? 401 00:20:55,032 --> 00:20:58,032 Well, that is the point that Stuart Semple is so angry about. 402 00:20:58,032 --> 00:21:00,992 And he sells these on his website in a four-pack set. 403 00:21:00,992 --> 00:21:04,992 There's yellowest yellow, greenest green and loveliest blue. 404 00:21:04,992 --> 00:21:08,672 But all of them, you have to sign a thing saying you're not Anish Kapoor. 405 00:21:08,672 --> 00:21:11,952 This pink is now in the Forbes pigment collection 406 00:21:11,952 --> 00:21:13,912 in Cambridge, Massachusetts. 407 00:21:13,912 --> 00:21:16,072 It's a library of 2,500 rare pigments. 408 00:21:16,072 --> 00:21:17,912 There's some fantastic colours in there. 409 00:21:17,912 --> 00:21:22,192 Royal purple, which is made entirely out of sea snails... Wow! 410 00:21:22,192 --> 00:21:24,392 ..from the coast of ancient Phoenicia. 411 00:21:24,392 --> 00:21:29,952 Mummy brown, which was made from actual ground-up Egyptian mummies - 412 00:21:29,952 --> 00:21:32,992 why do we not have it now? Run out of mummies? Yes! 413 00:21:34,112 --> 00:21:36,952 It's not that difficult to make a mummy - you just need bandages. 414 00:21:36,952 --> 00:21:40,232 Yeah, but you need a dead person from several thousand years ago. 415 00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:42,552 In cartoons, when they unravel them, 416 00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:44,792 there's usually no-one under there. That's right. 417 00:21:44,792 --> 00:21:46,352 In Scooby-Doo and stuff. 418 00:21:46,352 --> 00:21:48,392 You know, they'd get the bandage caught, 419 00:21:48,392 --> 00:21:51,112 then they run off, there's usually no-one... Anyway. 420 00:21:51,112 --> 00:21:53,071 But they all been made into paint. 421 00:21:55,751 --> 00:21:58,551 Er, who is the next Rembrandt? 422 00:21:58,551 --> 00:22:01,831 Who was the last one? Has there been one since him? 423 00:22:01,831 --> 00:22:04,231 It's a sort of a philosophical question, isn't it? 424 00:22:04,231 --> 00:22:07,271 What do we think about this picture here? Is this a Rembrandt? 425 00:22:07,271 --> 00:22:11,351 Who knows? After the Lincoln experiment, I don't want to say. 426 00:22:11,351 --> 00:22:13,751 Yeah, could be somebody else's body. 427 00:22:13,751 --> 00:22:15,351 That is definitely Rembrandt. 428 00:22:15,351 --> 00:22:16,751 No. 429 00:22:20,511 --> 00:22:22,311 It didn't go off. It didn't go off! 430 00:22:22,311 --> 00:22:23,991 Well, it is and it isn't. 431 00:22:23,991 --> 00:22:25,631 It looks like Rembrandt... 432 00:22:25,631 --> 00:22:28,351 It looks like Rembrandt. It's a classic Rembrandt portrait. 433 00:22:28,351 --> 00:22:31,271 Caucasian man in his 30s, black clothes, wide-brimmed hat... 434 00:22:31,271 --> 00:22:33,631 No arms. ..collar, no arms! 435 00:22:33,631 --> 00:22:36,071 Moustache, goatee, slightly in profile to the right, 436 00:22:36,071 --> 00:22:40,591 it's a classic portrait. But what it is, it's a 2016 project called 437 00:22:40,591 --> 00:22:41,751 The Next Rembrandt. 438 00:22:41,751 --> 00:22:44,351 Oh, is it, erm, a computer? 439 00:22:44,351 --> 00:22:45,911 Yeah. It's done by a computer. 440 00:22:45,911 --> 00:22:51,391 Well, artists and data crunchers analysed 346 Rembrandt paintings 441 00:22:51,391 --> 00:22:54,631 and they created a new one in his style, not just the look of it, 442 00:22:54,631 --> 00:22:56,351 but in terms of the colour schemes, 443 00:22:56,351 --> 00:22:59,151 in terms of the facial structure, and the brush strokes. 444 00:22:59,151 --> 00:23:03,111 So it's been 3D printed but with 13 layers of paint, 445 00:23:03,111 --> 00:23:06,591 so that even the height and depth of the brush strokes 446 00:23:06,591 --> 00:23:09,311 is the way in which Rembrandt would have painted, 447 00:23:09,311 --> 00:23:11,671 but it's been done by a computer. 448 00:23:11,671 --> 00:23:14,871 So, tell me, why do we need this? 449 00:23:18,431 --> 00:23:21,071 Well, you know, why do the scientists do anything? 450 00:23:21,071 --> 00:23:23,031 Just to see what they can do, don't they? Yeah. 451 00:23:23,031 --> 00:23:25,551 What I love about science and one of the things we discover 452 00:23:25,551 --> 00:23:27,751 all the time on this show is that a thing that you think, 453 00:23:27,751 --> 00:23:29,151 "What is the point of doing that?" 454 00:23:29,151 --> 00:23:31,471 You find that there is some scientific purpose behind it. 455 00:23:31,471 --> 00:23:33,791 When you analyse something, how did you paint something, 456 00:23:33,791 --> 00:23:35,591 maybe you learn how to preserve a painting, 457 00:23:35,591 --> 00:23:38,591 maybe you learn something about... I hope they learnt something but... 458 00:23:38,591 --> 00:23:41,071 Sure. I would imagine... Just another straight white man 459 00:23:41,071 --> 00:23:43,391 in a painting. It's just like, pfft. 460 00:23:43,391 --> 00:23:46,950 They could have inserted someone else in there. 461 00:23:46,950 --> 00:23:51,030 Yeah, the computer inserts itself. Yeah. 462 00:23:51,030 --> 00:23:52,230 Just a laptop. 463 00:23:54,710 --> 00:23:58,030 So, who was the first person to fraudulently produce Rembrandts? 464 00:23:58,030 --> 00:24:01,030 Rembrandt himself. Yes, absolutely right. 465 00:24:01,030 --> 00:24:03,710 Extra point for Alan! 466 00:24:09,030 --> 00:24:13,030 So, there used to be more than 650 official Rembrandts. 467 00:24:13,030 --> 00:24:16,030 That's gone down by about 50% or 60%. 468 00:24:16,030 --> 00:24:18,390 They can now identify the genuine Rembrandts, 469 00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:22,670 and, most likely, a lot of them were him signing them. 470 00:24:22,670 --> 00:24:25,710 So, in those days, students would come and study with a master. 471 00:24:25,710 --> 00:24:28,670 He had about 25 students at any one time working, 472 00:24:28,670 --> 00:24:30,390 and he was teaching them. 473 00:24:30,390 --> 00:24:32,950 Copying was a perfectly legitimate way of teaching. 474 00:24:32,950 --> 00:24:34,950 Do they still do that in art school nowadays? 475 00:24:34,950 --> 00:24:37,430 Yeah, you have to... I had to copy a Monet and it was terrible. 476 00:24:37,430 --> 00:24:39,190 I wrote Monet's signature 477 00:24:39,190 --> 00:24:41,990 and my art teacher crossed it out and wrote, "Bob Smith". 478 00:24:43,510 --> 00:24:47,350 Because he taught the artists and he taught them often through copying, 479 00:24:47,350 --> 00:24:50,030 which is sort of thought to be legitimate, 480 00:24:50,030 --> 00:24:52,630 and Rembrandt was constantly in debt, 481 00:24:52,630 --> 00:24:55,470 so was always looking for a way to make some money. 482 00:24:55,470 --> 00:24:58,270 He should have just painted banknotes, surely. 483 00:24:58,270 --> 00:25:01,870 Famously, if they're doing a big canvas, they'd have teams of people 484 00:25:01,870 --> 00:25:04,150 working on them, wouldn't they? "You do the trees," 485 00:25:04,150 --> 00:25:07,390 "do the mountain in the background, I'll come in and do the baby Jesus." 486 00:25:07,390 --> 00:25:09,230 Yeah, exactly right, and so... 487 00:25:09,230 --> 00:25:11,190 They'd have lots of canvases going on at once. 488 00:25:11,190 --> 00:25:14,030 They wouldn't think of it as cheating or as anything other than... 489 00:25:14,030 --> 00:25:16,830 No, because the head painter, the main one, gets all the credit. 490 00:25:16,830 --> 00:25:18,750 Raphael had a whole school of young kids. 491 00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:20,350 But that was a Renaissance thing. 492 00:25:20,350 --> 00:25:22,750 There wasn't an artist who did it, it was a team that did it. 493 00:25:22,750 --> 00:25:24,950 I think Michelangelo worked alone, 494 00:25:24,950 --> 00:25:26,870 but apparently he stank. 495 00:25:26,870 --> 00:25:29,590 And he was quite anti-social, so, obviously... Didn't have a team. 496 00:25:29,590 --> 00:25:33,350 He had one assistant called Greg, who had a bad sense of smell. 497 00:25:35,510 --> 00:25:40,230 Clothes pegs. He was mainly at Pret, getting him salads and stuff. 498 00:25:42,109 --> 00:25:44,309 Imagine there was some big Michelangelo painting - 499 00:25:44,309 --> 00:25:47,509 "You see the one at the back with the clothes peg on his nose?" 500 00:25:47,509 --> 00:25:50,149 "That's Greg." 501 00:25:50,149 --> 00:25:53,189 Michelangelo did a self-insertion. 502 00:25:53,189 --> 00:25:55,749 Did you know about that one, on the Sistine Chapel? Which one? 503 00:25:55,749 --> 00:25:59,349 The Last Judgment, he painted himself as a flayed skin. 504 00:25:59,349 --> 00:26:01,749 I went to see the Sistine Chapel. 505 00:26:01,749 --> 00:26:04,709 And all I remember is, there's somebody in the middle of the room, 506 00:26:04,709 --> 00:26:06,669 there's about 200 people all going like this, 507 00:26:06,669 --> 00:26:08,869 and there's somebody going, "No pictures!" 508 00:26:08,869 --> 00:26:12,789 "No pictures! No pictures!" 509 00:26:14,109 --> 00:26:17,309 Of course, people immediately go, "Wow!" 510 00:26:17,309 --> 00:26:20,309 Why don't they let them take pictures of it? I don't know. 511 00:26:20,309 --> 00:26:22,629 I was talking to Ronnie Barker's daughter, Charlie, 512 00:26:22,629 --> 00:26:23,869 and she said the first time... 513 00:26:23,869 --> 00:26:25,469 "No pictures!" Oh, God! 514 00:26:27,749 --> 00:26:29,349 She was always saying it. 515 00:26:31,829 --> 00:26:34,469 The first time she realised her dad was famous, 516 00:26:34,469 --> 00:26:37,429 she was a little girl, and they went to see the Mona Lisa, 517 00:26:37,429 --> 00:26:40,029 and they walked into the room, and she's standing there looking 518 00:26:40,029 --> 00:26:42,469 at the Mona Lisa, and the room filled with British tourists, 519 00:26:42,469 --> 00:26:44,909 and they were all looking at her dad, and nobody was looking 520 00:26:44,909 --> 00:26:48,229 at the Mona Lisa. She said, that was the moment she thought, "Oh, OK." 521 00:26:48,229 --> 00:26:50,589 And then they all went home and went, "I saw Ronnie Barker." 522 00:26:50,589 --> 00:26:52,469 "Was he smiling? Wasn't he?" 523 00:26:53,949 --> 00:26:56,309 "Why has he got no eyebrows?" 524 00:26:56,309 --> 00:26:59,229 When I was a kid, I had a dog called Ronnie Barker. 525 00:27:01,549 --> 00:27:03,509 You could leave that there if you want. 526 00:27:05,709 --> 00:27:07,189 My dad named him and I was like, 527 00:27:07,189 --> 00:27:10,149 "Oh, it's funny. Barker, it's a pun." But I didn't know... 528 00:27:10,149 --> 00:27:11,429 It was named after Ronnie. 529 00:27:11,429 --> 00:27:15,709 No, I didn't know Ronnie Barker was a famous situation. And... 530 00:27:15,709 --> 00:27:18,669 So I thought, "Oh, I think we just named our dog" 531 00:27:18,669 --> 00:27:20,309 "after Ricky Barker's dad." 532 00:27:20,309 --> 00:27:23,109 And Ricky's just a guy I went to school with. And... 533 00:27:25,109 --> 00:27:27,509 I even told Ricky and he was like, "Oh, did you?" 534 00:27:27,509 --> 00:27:30,829 Did Ricky not know his dad wasn't called Ronnie? Yes, he did. 535 00:27:30,829 --> 00:27:33,109 His name's Michael, and I kind of... 536 00:27:34,669 --> 00:27:38,668 And it wasn't until I was... Years later, I was watching Open All Hours. 537 00:27:38,668 --> 00:27:41,628 And he's like, "Why don't you j-j-jiggle it." 538 00:27:41,628 --> 00:27:43,268 And I realised, like, "Oh, my God!" 539 00:27:43,268 --> 00:27:45,308 Poor dog. It's not Ricky Barker's dad. 540 00:27:46,468 --> 00:27:48,708 Oh, I've just got that - because of the bark. 541 00:27:55,828 --> 00:27:57,548 It's like having a troubled child. 542 00:27:57,548 --> 00:27:59,388 Now... 543 00:27:59,388 --> 00:28:02,668 Joe, we have set up a Rembrandt painting to the side 544 00:28:02,668 --> 00:28:04,628 of the studio, with an alarm system. 545 00:28:04,628 --> 00:28:07,348 So, there you are, there's our alarm system, OK. 546 00:28:07,348 --> 00:28:10,748 And what I'd like you to do is to see if you can steal it 547 00:28:10,748 --> 00:28:14,188 without waking the guard. 548 00:28:14,188 --> 00:28:15,348 Good luck. 549 00:28:15,348 --> 00:28:16,388 Why me? 550 00:28:18,668 --> 00:28:20,388 - Joe. - Yes? - Good luck. 551 00:28:20,388 --> 00:28:22,548 Yes. We're all counting on you. 552 00:28:23,708 --> 00:28:25,188 I'm doing yoga, so that might help. 553 00:28:27,468 --> 00:28:29,308 He's very like Tom Cruise, isn't he? 554 00:28:33,228 --> 00:28:35,108 Doing well, Joe. 555 00:28:35,108 --> 00:28:36,948 They're definitely lasers. 556 00:28:40,908 --> 00:28:44,548 That is not gaffer tape. Don't listen to them, Joe. 557 00:28:44,548 --> 00:28:45,708 Keep moving. 558 00:28:48,828 --> 00:28:49,908 Oh. Oi! 559 00:28:51,628 --> 00:28:53,388 What the bloody hell's happened there? 560 00:28:54,508 --> 00:28:55,828 Oh, sorry, mate. 561 00:28:57,308 --> 00:28:58,668 Not to worry. 562 00:28:58,668 --> 00:29:00,148 You get back to bed. 563 00:29:08,468 --> 00:29:11,228 So here is a wonderful thing - that galleries in the United States 564 00:29:11,228 --> 00:29:13,508 have discovered that one of the cheapest alternatives 565 00:29:13,508 --> 00:29:18,108 to hi-tech systems is just to put marbles at the back of the frame. 566 00:29:18,108 --> 00:29:20,948 And ribbons for lasers. Yeah, obviously ribbons for lasers. 567 00:29:20,948 --> 00:29:24,268 And that way, if you take the painting off, they fall down, 568 00:29:24,268 --> 00:29:26,908 and immediately you know that the painting is being stolen. 569 00:29:26,908 --> 00:29:30,587 Why don't they just get guards who have had enough sleep? 570 00:29:30,587 --> 00:29:34,827 Well, most real-life art theft is not like the movies. 571 00:29:34,827 --> 00:29:36,307 It's not meticulously planned, 572 00:29:36,307 --> 00:29:38,427 and it's often prompted by a lack of security. 573 00:29:38,427 --> 00:29:40,667 And that seems to be a really cheap alternative. 574 00:29:40,667 --> 00:29:43,187 You just put the marbles at the back, you move the painting, 575 00:29:43,187 --> 00:29:44,827 the marbles fall down, everybody hears 576 00:29:44,827 --> 00:29:47,547 that you're trying to nick the painting. Sounds very Scooby-Doo. 577 00:29:47,547 --> 00:29:48,627 It does sound like it. 578 00:29:48,627 --> 00:29:51,027 And I have to say, we don't know which galleries are doing it, 579 00:29:51,027 --> 00:29:52,827 because, you know, that would give it away. 580 00:29:52,827 --> 00:29:54,867 I know how we could find out. 581 00:29:54,867 --> 00:29:57,627 A tough decision - you've got a painting but then you think, 582 00:29:57,627 --> 00:29:58,987 "Oh, but I do like marbles." 583 00:30:06,467 --> 00:30:09,627 That is true. But most art thieves don't have a specific target, 584 00:30:09,627 --> 00:30:11,867 and people don't know what to do with them, 585 00:30:11,867 --> 00:30:14,027 they don't know how to put it on the black market, 586 00:30:14,027 --> 00:30:16,387 so only about 15% of stolen art is recovered, 587 00:30:16,387 --> 00:30:18,667 and it's mainly because it sort of disappears. 588 00:30:18,667 --> 00:30:21,227 Now, then. Name something less interesting 589 00:30:21,227 --> 00:30:22,947 than watching paint dry. 590 00:30:22,947 --> 00:30:24,587 Watching dried paint? 591 00:30:26,027 --> 00:30:28,267 So it's already dried? Yes, that's a good point. 592 00:30:28,267 --> 00:30:31,747 I mean, is it actually interesting? Is something going on in your head? 593 00:30:31,747 --> 00:30:33,267 It's scientifically interesting. 594 00:30:33,267 --> 00:30:35,987 This is another one of those things where science does something 595 00:30:35,987 --> 00:30:37,667 that you think, "Why are you doing that?" 596 00:30:37,667 --> 00:30:39,707 and it turns out actually to be quite useful. 597 00:30:39,707 --> 00:30:42,107 These are researchers at the University of Surrey, 598 00:30:42,107 --> 00:30:44,547 and what they discovered is that as paint dries, 599 00:30:44,547 --> 00:30:49,307 small particles, it's like they team up and they push away larger ones, 600 00:30:49,307 --> 00:30:50,947 and here is the practical application, 601 00:30:50,947 --> 00:30:52,987 which, from Australia, you'll appreciate. 602 00:30:52,987 --> 00:30:54,787 When you are developing sun cream, 603 00:30:54,787 --> 00:30:57,787 if you can get the active ingredient pushed to the bottom, 604 00:30:57,787 --> 00:30:59,467 the bit that sticks to the skin, 605 00:30:59,467 --> 00:31:01,667 and the sun-blocking particles pushed to the top, 606 00:31:01,667 --> 00:31:03,267 that makes for better sun cream, 607 00:31:03,267 --> 00:31:05,707 and they did that by analysing how paint dries. 608 00:31:05,707 --> 00:31:08,227 Yeah, they should try clothes and a hat. 609 00:31:09,467 --> 00:31:12,627 Yeah, that would be a more sensible way. 610 00:31:12,627 --> 00:31:15,827 Then a roof, and just wait until the... Until night? 611 00:31:15,827 --> 00:31:17,467 ..later in the day. 612 00:31:19,547 --> 00:31:23,027 A film-maker called Charlie Lyne - 613 00:31:23,027 --> 00:31:26,506 in 2016, he crowd-funded a film called Paint Drying, 614 00:31:26,506 --> 00:31:30,986 and it consists entirely of white paint drying on a brick wall, 615 00:31:30,986 --> 00:31:34,426 for over ten hours. 616 00:31:34,426 --> 00:31:37,266 So, it is the law in this country, you cannot show a film unless 617 00:31:37,266 --> 00:31:41,106 the British Board of Film Classification has had a look at it. 618 00:31:41,106 --> 00:31:45,386 It costs £7.09 per minute 619 00:31:45,386 --> 00:31:48,026 to get them to classify your film, 620 00:31:48,026 --> 00:31:51,626 so he crowd-funded it and he made a film that was as long 621 00:31:51,626 --> 00:31:53,906 as the money he had available. 622 00:31:55,986 --> 00:31:59,586 He managed to raise £5,963, 623 00:31:59,586 --> 00:32:03,706 and he made a film about this brick wall with paint drying, 624 00:32:03,706 --> 00:32:06,386 that is 607 minutes long, 625 00:32:06,386 --> 00:32:10,266 which the British Board of Film Classification had to watch... 626 00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:21,106 Anyway, if you'd like to see it, it's a U classification. 627 00:32:21,106 --> 00:32:22,546 Just in case... 628 00:32:22,546 --> 00:32:26,226 He should have just flashed up some porn in the last second. 629 00:32:26,226 --> 00:32:29,266 Or a murder, like, just blood at the very end. 630 00:32:29,266 --> 00:32:33,186 But it is an offence for cinemas to show films with an age restriction 631 00:32:33,186 --> 00:32:36,666 to children... "We'd like to see the paint-drying film, please!" 632 00:32:37,906 --> 00:32:41,906 OK, who takes 160 billion pictures a year? 633 00:32:41,906 --> 00:32:43,466 Kim Kardashian. 634 00:32:50,986 --> 00:32:52,706 That's the absolute worst thing 635 00:32:52,706 --> 00:32:55,266 that's ever happened to me in my life. 636 00:32:55,266 --> 00:32:57,386 NASA? No, not NASA. 637 00:32:57,386 --> 00:33:00,786 We are in the United States. Traffic cameras. 638 00:33:00,786 --> 00:33:02,826 It's the US Postal Service. Is it? 639 00:33:02,826 --> 00:33:08,546 They photograph every single piece of mail that goes through their system. 640 00:33:08,546 --> 00:33:12,146 They are probably the most prolific photographers in the world. 641 00:33:12,146 --> 00:33:14,746 160 billion pictures a year. 642 00:33:14,746 --> 00:33:18,225 That is an astonishing thought, isn't it? 160 billion. 643 00:33:18,225 --> 00:33:22,465 Hang on, have you counted how many Kim Kardashian's taken? No. 644 00:33:22,465 --> 00:33:24,545 Do they keep the pictures, or do they delete them? 645 00:33:24,545 --> 00:33:26,705 Well, they delete them once they're delivered. 646 00:33:26,705 --> 00:33:28,665 Hang on, why do they take pictures of them? 647 00:33:28,665 --> 00:33:31,705 It's part of the tracking process. She's very forgetful. 648 00:33:31,705 --> 00:33:34,545 Yes, 160 billion! Do they have to go like... 649 00:33:36,985 --> 00:33:39,345 There is another public body that collect pictures, 650 00:33:39,345 --> 00:33:40,705 for a different reason. 651 00:33:40,705 --> 00:33:43,185 In Mexico, you can pay your taxes with paintings 652 00:33:43,185 --> 00:33:45,145 rather than with money. 653 00:33:45,145 --> 00:33:47,505 It's called Pago en Especie. 654 00:33:47,505 --> 00:33:49,305 It was introduced in 1957. 655 00:33:49,305 --> 00:33:52,905 What it means is the government has an incredible art collection 656 00:33:52,905 --> 00:33:55,585 of 7,000 paintings, sculptures, graphics, 657 00:33:55,585 --> 00:33:57,745 all donated by the country's most famous artists 658 00:33:57,745 --> 00:33:59,945 so they didn't have to pay their taxes. 659 00:33:59,945 --> 00:34:02,505 You can't just say, "I'm going to give you this painting," 660 00:34:02,505 --> 00:34:04,265 like that drawing that's really rubbish, 661 00:34:04,265 --> 00:34:06,825 there's a jury that decides... How much do I owe? I'll just... 662 00:34:06,825 --> 00:34:08,825 Hang on... 663 00:34:10,385 --> 00:34:12,985 Now, it's time for the never-ending struggle up the stairs 664 00:34:12,985 --> 00:34:16,185 that is General Ignorance. Fingers on buzzers, please. 665 00:34:16,185 --> 00:34:19,825 What is the safest way to go up and down in a building? 666 00:34:19,825 --> 00:34:21,505 Fly. 667 00:34:21,505 --> 00:34:23,505 Yes! I hadn't even thought of that. 668 00:34:23,505 --> 00:34:26,465 Flying up and down a building - it's rarely done, I think. 669 00:34:26,465 --> 00:34:29,025 I'm part crow, I can do that. 670 00:34:30,345 --> 00:34:32,025 ♪ If a picture... ♪ 671 00:34:32,025 --> 00:34:35,105 Like, on a fireman's pole thing? 672 00:34:35,105 --> 00:34:36,745 Going up? 673 00:34:38,225 --> 00:34:40,945 It's... It's safe, cos you'll never do it. 674 00:34:42,105 --> 00:34:43,265 In a lift. 675 00:34:43,265 --> 00:34:44,985 In a lift is exactly right. 676 00:34:44,985 --> 00:34:47,025 Well done, Alan, exactly right. 677 00:34:47,025 --> 00:34:50,065 More people fall down the stairs than die in lifts. 678 00:34:50,065 --> 00:34:53,105 Loads more. So, in the United States, for example, annually, 679 00:34:53,105 --> 00:34:55,385 about 20 people killed in a lift or an escalator. 680 00:34:55,385 --> 00:34:59,225 About 12,000 on stairs. 681 00:34:59,225 --> 00:35:02,105 You never hear of someone dying climbing up a pole. 682 00:35:04,025 --> 00:35:06,785 The pole fatality statistics have not been correctly collated, 683 00:35:06,785 --> 00:35:09,345 if I may be completely frank with you. 684 00:35:09,345 --> 00:35:13,784 Here is the really interesting thing for me about escalator accidents. 685 00:35:13,784 --> 00:35:18,384 Those involving women, OK, occur between noon and 6pm. 686 00:35:18,384 --> 00:35:21,944 Those involving men happen mainly on Saturdays 687 00:35:21,944 --> 00:35:24,504 between 6pm and midnight. 688 00:35:24,504 --> 00:35:27,864 Anybody? The women are wearing high heels and the men are drunk? 689 00:35:27,864 --> 00:35:30,264 No, the women start drinking much earlier. Oh. 690 00:35:32,064 --> 00:35:35,264 When escalators first arrived, people were terrified of them, 691 00:35:35,264 --> 00:35:37,664 so the very first escalator that we had... I still am! 692 00:35:37,664 --> 00:35:39,184 Are you still frightened of them? 693 00:35:39,184 --> 00:35:41,584 Why do the handrails never go the same speed as the... 694 00:35:45,864 --> 00:35:47,784 Why can't they get that right?! 695 00:35:47,784 --> 00:35:49,984 So, the very first escalator in England 696 00:35:49,984 --> 00:35:53,824 was in Harrods department store in 1898, 697 00:35:53,824 --> 00:35:56,464 and when it opened, they thought that people would be terrified, 698 00:35:56,464 --> 00:35:58,384 so there were members of staff at the top, 699 00:35:58,384 --> 00:36:00,784 waiting with brandy and smelling salts, 700 00:36:00,784 --> 00:36:04,904 to revive women, and what they discovered is that women liked it 701 00:36:04,904 --> 00:36:07,744 so much, they kept going down and coming back up again. 702 00:36:07,744 --> 00:36:10,184 Getting another brandy. Yes! 703 00:36:10,184 --> 00:36:11,504 Anyway. 704 00:36:11,504 --> 00:36:16,344 What is the best investment you could have made ten years ago? 705 00:36:16,344 --> 00:36:17,744 Kim Kardashian. 706 00:36:17,744 --> 00:36:21,064 No, they didn't do the... 707 00:36:21,064 --> 00:36:23,464 That's because it was a silly answer, Joe. 708 00:36:23,464 --> 00:36:25,864 Things you might have invested in? 709 00:36:25,864 --> 00:36:28,184 Really would have been great returns ten years later. 710 00:36:28,184 --> 00:36:29,784 The dark web. 711 00:36:29,784 --> 00:36:32,144 That's where you buy drugs, is it? I have no idea. 712 00:36:34,864 --> 00:36:37,464 The Dark Web's a pub in Camden. 713 00:36:39,664 --> 00:36:42,904 Is it something to do with pictures and art? 714 00:36:42,904 --> 00:36:45,904 It is, darling, it is absolutely... How did you figure that out? 715 00:36:45,904 --> 00:36:49,504 I've been here for years. It's gradually sinking in. 716 00:36:51,064 --> 00:36:52,544 Is it a particular picture? 717 00:36:52,544 --> 00:36:55,104 No, it's sort of strange. 718 00:36:55,104 --> 00:36:57,144 There's an Italian artist called Piero Manzoni, 719 00:36:57,144 --> 00:37:00,944 and in 1961, he put some of his poo... 720 00:37:00,944 --> 00:37:03,704 In a can...in a can, there it is. 721 00:37:03,704 --> 00:37:06,543 90 tin cans filled with 30g - 722 00:37:06,543 --> 00:37:10,863 1.1oz - if you want to do this at home - of faeces. 723 00:37:10,863 --> 00:37:13,303 There's three languages on there, but basically it says, 724 00:37:13,303 --> 00:37:15,823 "Artist's shit. Contents - 30g net." 725 00:37:15,823 --> 00:37:19,103 "Freshly preserved, produced and tinned in May 1961." 726 00:37:19,103 --> 00:37:23,183 So, in 2007, the Tate Art Gallery bought one of these tins 727 00:37:23,183 --> 00:37:24,983 for 30,000. 728 00:37:24,983 --> 00:37:27,903 Today, can each can is worth around 300,000. 729 00:37:27,903 --> 00:37:32,023 Is it called daddy's brown? Is there a sell-by date on these? 730 00:37:32,023 --> 00:37:34,503 Well, here's the thing, nobody's actually sure 731 00:37:34,503 --> 00:37:36,903 if it has poo in it or not. Oh. Because you can't open it. 732 00:37:36,903 --> 00:37:39,783 If you open it, you'll ruin the value of the thing. 733 00:37:39,783 --> 00:37:41,863 And your day. Hm? 734 00:37:43,623 --> 00:37:46,703 He could probably just put another poo in and seal it up again. 735 00:37:48,183 --> 00:37:51,303 I just love the idea of you going, "Oh, I meant to do the beans." 736 00:37:54,703 --> 00:37:55,983 Manzoni's dead, 737 00:37:55,983 --> 00:37:58,863 so we couldn't get any more poo from him, he passed away. 738 00:37:58,863 --> 00:38:02,183 Does your poo have DNA in it? No! Yes, you could tell if it was... 739 00:38:02,183 --> 00:38:04,423 They never have it on crime shows, do they? 740 00:38:04,423 --> 00:38:06,903 "We've found some poo at the scene..." 741 00:38:06,903 --> 00:38:10,183 But quite often, people do poo at the scene, don't they? 742 00:38:10,183 --> 00:38:12,463 I mean... 743 00:38:12,463 --> 00:38:14,943 Not in a can! They don't use the poo to catch them. 744 00:38:14,943 --> 00:38:18,863 No. Because I suppose that would be a less appealing episode. 745 00:38:18,863 --> 00:38:22,743 David Tennant scraping up some poo and going, "We've got him!" 746 00:38:22,743 --> 00:38:24,543 Don't bring it near me! 747 00:38:26,623 --> 00:38:29,223 This guy here, Agostino Bonalumi, he worked with Manzoni, 748 00:38:29,223 --> 00:38:32,823 and he says that the tins are full of plaster and not faeces at all. 749 00:38:32,823 --> 00:38:34,863 He never shit in the can. 750 00:38:34,863 --> 00:38:37,303 No, he don't shit in the can. It didn't happen. 751 00:38:37,303 --> 00:38:39,303 He just write "shit" on a can, 752 00:38:39,303 --> 00:38:41,503 and everyone think he shit in it. What, are you crazy? 753 00:38:41,503 --> 00:38:43,783 He don't shit in the can. 754 00:38:43,783 --> 00:38:46,103 It's a joke! 755 00:38:46,103 --> 00:38:49,103 That's my general southern European accent. 756 00:38:49,103 --> 00:38:52,623 Thank you, I like it. It covers all of the Mediterranean, that accent. 757 00:38:53,623 --> 00:38:57,303 Right, what does the brown note make you do? 758 00:38:57,303 --> 00:38:58,583 Poo? 759 00:39:02,622 --> 00:39:05,462 It's a myth. It's a myth popularised by South Park 760 00:39:05,462 --> 00:39:08,862 that there's a very low sound which might make humans evacuate. 761 00:39:08,862 --> 00:39:11,822 "Screw you guys, I'm going home." 762 00:39:14,022 --> 00:39:17,662 "Oh, no, it's the brown note! Argh!" 763 00:39:17,662 --> 00:39:19,862 Pffft... But there's no such thing. 764 00:39:24,502 --> 00:39:27,822 They'll use that. Trey Parker, he'd use that. 765 00:39:27,822 --> 00:39:30,582 You can have that, Trey. 766 00:39:30,582 --> 00:39:32,622 But there's no such thing. Doesn't exist. 767 00:39:32,622 --> 00:39:35,302 I mean, there's lots of different sounds that are associated 768 00:39:35,302 --> 00:39:37,542 with colours, so, white noise, for example. 769 00:39:37,542 --> 00:39:40,062 It has all the frequencies of human hearing at the same level, 770 00:39:40,062 --> 00:39:41,422 and it's used to soothe babies. 771 00:39:41,422 --> 00:39:43,542 Can I just say, if you're a young mother, 772 00:39:43,542 --> 00:39:47,022 a gin and tonic and the Hoover on, you can't hear the baby. 773 00:39:47,022 --> 00:39:49,942 I never said you can't hear the baby, 774 00:39:49,942 --> 00:39:54,422 - I said you help the baby to sleep! - Oh, sorry! Thank God they all grew up. 775 00:39:54,422 --> 00:39:58,502 I always wanted a poo when I was in the library when I was a kid. 776 00:39:58,502 --> 00:40:00,102 Anyone else get that? Nope. No. 777 00:40:01,422 --> 00:40:02,742 Totally on your own. 778 00:40:02,742 --> 00:40:05,662 Joe, back me up now. 779 00:40:07,022 --> 00:40:08,982 You're on your own, kid. 780 00:40:08,982 --> 00:40:11,342 I can remember sitting at a dinner party once, 781 00:40:11,342 --> 00:40:13,542 and a perfectly nice gentleman said, 782 00:40:13,542 --> 00:40:15,182 "Do you remember when you were little," 783 00:40:15,182 --> 00:40:16,862 "you used to play at being florists?" 784 00:40:16,862 --> 00:40:19,262 And we all went, "No, really, that's not..." 785 00:40:19,262 --> 00:40:21,742 You see, I would have backed that guy up. 786 00:40:23,022 --> 00:40:25,342 Brownian noise, anybody know what that is? 787 00:40:25,342 --> 00:40:26,622 Another noise. 788 00:40:26,622 --> 00:40:28,382 Not to do with Gordon Brown? 789 00:40:28,382 --> 00:40:30,982 To do with Robert Brown. So, the discoverer of Brownian motion. 790 00:40:30,982 --> 00:40:33,862 Brownian motion is the random way in which the particles in a fluid 791 00:40:33,862 --> 00:40:36,942 move about... He's doing a movement. 792 00:40:36,942 --> 00:40:38,222 He does look like it. 793 00:40:38,222 --> 00:40:41,542 What is extraordinary is that you can record it. 794 00:40:41,542 --> 00:40:42,862 Have a listen to this. 795 00:40:45,382 --> 00:40:48,062 It sounds like water falling, and that is the random way 796 00:40:48,062 --> 00:40:50,062 that particles in a fluid move around, 797 00:40:50,062 --> 00:40:52,822 and that is the noise they make, it's known as Brownian noise. 798 00:40:52,822 --> 00:40:54,621 Ah! I've just shit myself. 799 00:40:59,901 --> 00:41:03,381 There's another myth that standing too close to the subwoofer 800 00:41:03,381 --> 00:41:06,581 at a concert could make your lung collapse. 801 00:41:06,581 --> 00:41:09,261 But it's not true. So don't worry about it. 802 00:41:09,261 --> 00:41:12,341 I cannot believe I've self-inserted into that picture. 803 00:41:21,781 --> 00:41:24,781 If you look closely, I'm pooing into a can. 804 00:41:28,261 --> 00:41:30,301 It's worth a fortune now. 805 00:41:30,301 --> 00:41:32,181 What colour are these railings? 806 00:41:33,541 --> 00:41:35,141 Black. Black? 807 00:41:40,061 --> 00:41:41,301 They're not black. 808 00:41:41,301 --> 00:41:43,701 Most railings in London are... Green. 809 00:41:43,701 --> 00:41:45,501 They're green. You're absolutely right. 810 00:41:45,501 --> 00:41:48,221 It's called invisible green. I mean, it's not actually invisible, 811 00:41:48,221 --> 00:41:49,261 it's a dull, dark green. 812 00:41:49,261 --> 00:41:51,101 It's supposed to blend in with vegetation, 813 00:41:51,101 --> 00:41:53,101 but there's no such thing as invisible green, 814 00:41:53,101 --> 00:41:55,861 nor is there such a thing as reddish green. 815 00:41:55,861 --> 00:41:58,341 It's actually a place in Stockport, Reddish Green. 816 00:41:58,341 --> 00:42:00,821 That is true. But it's what's called an impossible colour. 817 00:42:00,821 --> 00:42:03,021 So you can't have yellowish blue either, 818 00:42:03,021 --> 00:42:06,181 because the frequencies of the two colours cancel each other out. Yeah. 819 00:42:06,181 --> 00:42:08,501 Have a quick look at these railings in South London. 820 00:42:08,501 --> 00:42:10,421 They have a hidden secret. 821 00:42:10,421 --> 00:42:12,581 Indeed, there is a society to protect them. 822 00:42:12,581 --> 00:42:15,381 What is the hidden secret about these particular railings? 823 00:42:15,381 --> 00:42:18,181 You'd find them... It's also a game of Connect Four? 824 00:42:18,181 --> 00:42:20,021 Er, no, I like that. 825 00:42:20,021 --> 00:42:22,541 So, you find them in areas like Peckham and Camberwell, 826 00:42:22,541 --> 00:42:24,621 south-east London. There's a weird shape in them. 827 00:42:24,621 --> 00:42:27,221 Yes, so what is that? Is that to put something in? No. 828 00:42:27,221 --> 00:42:28,941 If you flipped them over, 829 00:42:28,941 --> 00:42:32,701 they are all stretchers left over from the Second World War. 830 00:42:32,701 --> 00:42:35,381 Everybody was terrified in the Second World War of gas attacks, 831 00:42:35,381 --> 00:42:37,861 and they thought that steel could easily be disinfected. 832 00:42:37,861 --> 00:42:40,941 And these structures were made for air raid protection officers. 833 00:42:40,941 --> 00:42:44,661 And they had lots and lots of them left over, and lots of the railings 834 00:42:44,661 --> 00:42:47,661 had been taken for the war effort and, in order to save money, 835 00:42:47,661 --> 00:42:50,140 they took the stretchers they had left over from the war, 836 00:42:50,140 --> 00:42:51,700 and they used them as railings. 837 00:42:51,700 --> 00:42:53,580 So cool. I love that. 838 00:42:53,580 --> 00:42:57,100 Which brings us to the colourful matter of the scores, 839 00:42:57,100 --> 00:42:59,460 which are frankly a load of Pollocks! 840 00:42:59,460 --> 00:43:04,380 Now, in first place, the next Rembrandt, with eight points, 841 00:43:04,380 --> 00:43:05,580 it's Hannah. 842 00:43:05,580 --> 00:43:08,340 What does this mean? 843 00:43:08,340 --> 00:43:10,220 You won! Oh, right! 844 00:43:10,220 --> 00:43:13,180 In second place, struggling to stay inside the lines, 845 00:43:13,180 --> 00:43:14,980 with seven points, it's Noel! 846 00:43:16,820 --> 00:43:18,500 We smashed it. 847 00:43:18,500 --> 00:43:21,540 In third place, a botched Spanish fresco, 848 00:43:21,540 --> 00:43:23,340 with -6, it's Joe! 849 00:43:26,860 --> 00:43:30,020 And in fourth place, he may not know much about art, 850 00:43:30,020 --> 00:43:31,260 but he knows what he likes, 851 00:43:31,260 --> 00:43:33,020 with -27, it's Alan. 852 00:43:33,020 --> 00:43:35,340 Thank you very much. 853 00:43:41,140 --> 00:43:43,980 Thanks to our guests, Hannah, Noel, Joe and Alan. 854 00:43:43,980 --> 00:43:47,060 Time is running out and the clock's gone all weird and soggy, 855 00:43:47,060 --> 00:43:49,660 but I'll "Dali" yet awhile with this final thought 856 00:43:49,660 --> 00:43:51,100 from Salvador himself. 857 00:43:51,100 --> 00:43:54,180 "The reason some portraits don't look true to life" 858 00:43:54,180 --> 00:43:57,980 "is that some people make no effort to resemble their pictures." 859 00:43:57,980 --> 00:43:59,540 Thank you, goodnight.