1 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:37,080 Hello! Welcome to the QI Christmas party. 2 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,440 We're all gathered at the QI Arms 3 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,600 for a good old-fashioned festive shindig. 4 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:46,000 Let's see who's joining me round the old Joanna tonight. 5 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,120 First of all, our mate Josh Widdicombe. 6 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:55,080 The life and soul of the party, Cariad Lloyd. 7 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,880 Cor blimey, he's a laugh, it's Noel Fielding. 8 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:08,080 And our favourite regular, it's Alan Davies. 9 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:15,200 Now let's hear their jingle bells. 10 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,520 Josh goes... 11 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:20,640 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way. ♪ 12 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:21,800 Cariad goes... 13 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:27,560 ♪ Ding dong merrily on high In heaven the bells are ringing. ♪ 14 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:28,800 Noel goes... 15 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,720 ♪ Just hear those sleigh bells jingling... ♪ 16 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:32,640 Nice. ♪ Ring ding-a-ling-a-ling too 17 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,400 ♪ Ding-a-ling-a-ling a ding dong ding. ♪ 18 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:35,960 That's got some funk. 19 00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:37,080 Alan goes... 20 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:41,280 Time, ladies and gents, please! Go on, clear off. 21 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,880 Ain't you got no homes to go to? 22 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:50,560 As it's Christmas, we may have some P series pigs in the show 23 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,320 so, if you spot a question 24 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,200 that is about pigs, do not forget to play your porker. 25 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,720 There he is. OK? 26 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,360 Meanwhile, here is a special Christmas treat. 27 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,960 We've got a piano player in. 28 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:02,280 Play it, Sam! 29 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,800 Oh! Fantastic! 30 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:22,280 - Do we all love that tune? - Yes! 31 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,080 What was it written for? 32 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,440 Christmas! 33 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:31,160 This is why we don't ask the audience questions. 34 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:32,840 It wasn't written for Christmas. 35 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,000 Does anybody know who wrote it? 36 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,040 Elton John. 37 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:40,160 Anybody know the tunesmith? 38 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,880 Mr Tunesmith? 39 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,160 Felix... 40 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:44,800 Felix Tunesmith? Felix Mozart. 41 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:48,520 Mendelssohn. Mendelssohn! Felix Mendelssohn. 42 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,800 It was originally written not at all for Christmas. 43 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,520 Does anybody know what it was written for? 44 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,000 It's not Easter. Birthday, his birthday... 45 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,200 A special occasion. Yes, special occasion. 46 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,600 Wedding, a coronation. 47 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:02,240 It was the 400th anniversary of the invention of the Gutenberg 48 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,520 printing press. 49 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,400 Oh! So the song is called the Gutenberg Cantata. 50 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:07,680 Why didn't you get that? 51 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,160 I don't know what's wrong with you. 52 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:12,160 Do you know what, I'm not at my best because I was out last night getting 53 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,800 hammered because it's the 500th anniversary. 54 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,200 Only three of the printing press manufacturers could read. 55 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,920 I have to say, the man on the left who can't read, 56 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:25,640 he does look like he's trying to pull one of those three, doesn't he? 57 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,520 Anyway, what they're trying to read, which is very long, 58 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,360 is probably the German title for the song, 59 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,880 as the Germans like a snappy title. 60 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:38,360 Festgesang zur Eroffnung der am ersten Tage der vierten 61 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:42,480 Sakularfeier der Erfindung der Buchdruckerkunst. 62 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,240 Ja, ja, ja. Thank you very much. 63 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,920 A festive song for the opening of the first day of the fourth 64 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:56,160 secular celebration of the invention of the art of printing, 65 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:59,240 is the snappy title to Hark The Herald Angels 66 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,760 in the beginning there. 67 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,000 That tune was written to celebrate that? Yes. 68 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,240 But the words were written... 69 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,640 The words are completely separate, so Mendelssohn said 70 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:09,840 he didn't mind what lyrics were put to his rather marvellous tune 71 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,120 as long as they weren't religious. Oh. 72 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,360 Yeah. 73 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,040 Didn't really work out. 74 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:19,360 Eight years after he died, the words were paired with a poem 75 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:23,560 by probably the most famous hymn-writer in the English language. 76 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,560 Oh, yeah. Yeah, the big one. 77 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:26,720 What's his name? 78 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,000 Him. 79 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,400 Sylvia Plath. Cliff Richard. 80 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,280 Charles Wesley. Charles Wesley. The Wesley... Come on! 81 00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:36,640 Yes, the one on the right. He wrote over 6,000 hymns. 82 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,040 It was kind of his... Wow. Wow. 83 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,120 He was your go-to hymn guy, really. 84 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,880 Yeah. Although the current wording is by his co-worker, 85 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,920 George Whitefield, who wrote them in 1753. 86 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:49,920 So that's Felix on the left and Charles on the right. 87 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,440 And who are those eight people in the middle? 88 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,720 And it's six! How bad is the...? 89 00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:00,240 I was counting Cariad and Noel. 90 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:06,040 OK, you are building the world's first ice rink, 91 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,560 so you're going to need a rink and some... 92 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,840 ♪ Ding dong. ♪ 93 00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:14,680 Josh. Well, I've never seen the show before, so this can't go wrong, 94 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:15,840 but ice. 95 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,760 Oh! 96 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:21,880 ♪ Ding dong. ♪ 97 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,720 Yes. Yes! 98 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,320 No! Yes! 99 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,960 Yes! 100 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,520 Play the pig! 101 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,200 Play the pig. 102 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,160 Why do you think you need the pig? 103 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,680 Oh. Ah. 104 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,520 I didn't know I had to show my workings. 105 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,080 Bacon ice. 106 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,760 You don't know the ice is safe to skate on, 107 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,920 so they'd slide a pig out... 108 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,640 ..and see if it will go through. 109 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,840 If it's safe for the pig, it's safe for the kids, right? 110 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:56,640 No. Pigs can ice-skate really well, a few of them. 111 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,840 They go on their back so they screw down into the ice. 112 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:02,240 What did you say, though, Noel? You said... 113 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:03,600 Bacon ice. Yes. 114 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,240 That was quite abstract, I know. 115 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,440 And weirdly is the correct answer. 116 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:08,920 What?! 117 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:10,960 I feel like I'm the nana at the table 118 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,880 and you've just given that to me as some sort of... 119 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,400 Bacon ice, bacon ice, Nana. 120 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,680 Get another Bailey's for Nana. 121 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,280 The very first artificial rinks, 122 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:24,080 they didn't have the technology to freeze large amounts of water. 123 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,240 It hadn't been invented. 124 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,720 So the ice, in inverted commas, 125 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,640 was made of pig fat and salt, 126 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,480 so The Glaciarium, which was the world's first 127 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:36,520 permanent artificial ice rink, it opened in Baker Street Bazaar, 128 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,760 Portman Square, 1844, was one shilling to get in 129 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,240 and one shilling to go on the ice. 130 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,280 Except look at the wonderful kind of notice 131 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:44,520 they've put at the top. They've put, not-ice! 132 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,280 Not-ice! 133 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:49,240 So there was alpine scenery painted on the walls, 134 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:54,120 but you did have to put up with the smell of pig lard, basically. 135 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,680 So, yeah. It would be all right. 136 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,440 It wasn't until 1876 that they developed the technology 137 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,040 to freeze large amounts of water. 138 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,160 It was developed by a man called John Gamgee. 139 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:05,480 He was a vet and an inventor, and he had been trying to find a way 140 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,880 to freeze meat so he could transport it from Australia, 141 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,200 and he suddenly realised that his technology 142 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,640 could be used for recreation. 143 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,200 I bet the pigs sent him some flowers. 144 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,240 Thanks! 145 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:20,040 And he had this wonderful tent off the King's Road. 146 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,480 He had live bands to entertain the skaters. 147 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,960 It only lasted two years, but the technology that he invented 148 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,760 is very similar to the system used in ice rinks today. 149 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:33,600 The only problem was, in the summer, the ice used to evaporate 150 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,960 and people used to skate around in a bit of a fog. 151 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:39,160 They couldn't really see each other. Exciting! 152 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,480 Yeah. Like Stars In Their Eyes. 153 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,360 I love that bit! Tonight, I'm going to be Torvill and Dean. 154 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:48,120 Yes! Tonight, I'm going to be Jack the Ripper. 155 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,600 Anybody a fan of Lord Of The Rings? Yes. 156 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,920 Yes. Yes. So the guy who came up with the technology, 157 00:07:57,920 --> 00:07:59,520 Gamgee... 158 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,560 Samwise Gamgee. Yes, very good. 159 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:02,760 Frodo's best friend. So... 160 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:06,440 Who never let him down, no matter what anyone said. 161 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:10,000 "I'll stay with you, Master Frodo. Give me your hand." 162 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,640 The other one I do... 163 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,000 I don't know if I fancy you more or less now. 164 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,000 I'm going to go with less. 165 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,640 "Havo dad, Legolas." 166 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,480 That's, "Sit down, Legolas." 167 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:25,120 It's definitely less. 168 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,160 Anyway, he is named after... That man! 169 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:33,760 No, not after him, after his brother. 170 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:36,240 His brother was called J Sampson Gamgee... Yeah. 171 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,160 And he's the person that invented that surgical dressing where you get 172 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:42,240 cotton wool between two pieces of absorbent gauze. Oh, yeah. 173 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,080 And so he was known as Sampson Gamgee, 174 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:47,120 and Sam Gamgee, it is most likely that Tolkien got the name from him. 175 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:50,000 Which is my connection between the hobbits and ice-skating 176 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,920 just for you, as a Christmas present. 177 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,320 I love it! Brilliant. 178 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,320 I auditioned for The Hobbit. What?! 179 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:56,520 Did you? 180 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,840 I don't know if I fancy you more or more. 181 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:01,800 You were nearly in The Hobbit? 182 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,960 Yeah, well, I didn't get it. To be what? 183 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,360 The main... The hobbit. 184 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,360 Bilbo, you auditioned to be Bilbo Baggins. 185 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,880 I auditioned to be Bilbo Baggins, and the day before... 186 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,280 I'm going to blow your mind now, but go on, carry on. 187 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:17,440 ..they brought down the maximum height, and my agent phoned me 188 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:18,800 and she said, "How tall are you?" 189 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,400 I said, "I'm five foot six and a half." 190 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,200 "How tall do you want me to be?" That's what you tell them. 191 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,600 Never accept the premise of the question. 192 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,640 Find out what they want before... 193 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,320 ..you say anything. 194 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:34,680 So you didn't go? No! They said, 195 00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:37,520 "We've brought down the maximum height," but I still qualified. 196 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:40,120 I was short enough to be a hobbit. And? 197 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:41,840 I went and... 198 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,400 ..I was dogshit. 199 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,640 I also auditioned for something in that. 200 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:47,720 Did you? 201 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:51,040 They said, "You'll be four hours a day in make-up in New Zealand." 202 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,120 "Is that OK?" And I went, "Yes." 203 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,400 "How tall are you?" 204 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,760 "How tall do you want me to be?" 205 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,080 I went for the part of Frodo. 206 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:07,120 Did you? Yeah, and they went, "You're a bit tall." 207 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,960 "You look more like an elf. Get out." 208 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,800 You're clearly from the Elven realm. 209 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:14,480 Exactly! Yeah. 210 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,160 Apparently. 211 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,280 Rivendell, you look like a Rivendell elf. 212 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,360 A Riverdance elf. Riverdance! 213 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:21,400 Cariad? Yes? 214 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:22,840 Stop now. 215 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:26,040 I really wanted an audition! 216 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,760 You're the right size and everything! I know! 217 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,560 I don't think you'd have been professional on set. 218 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,000 I wouldn't have been. 219 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,760 Yeah, it'd have been like, "Can someone remove this crying woman?" 220 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:44,640 The first ice rink was essentially a giant raw pork scratching. 221 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,760 Which reminds me, anyone for nibbles? 222 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:49,480 Now, you should have some peanuts there. 223 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:53,760 American inventor and botanist George Washington Carver came up with 224 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:58,560 over 300 uses for peanuts. 225 00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:01,960 I will give you an extra point for each one you can think of. 226 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,400 Cleaning? Cleaning is absolutely right, cleaning. 227 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:06,880 Noel? Football for hobbits. 228 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,000 Any other thoughts or things that you could use it for? 229 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,360 ♪ Jingle bells. ♪ 230 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,080 Medicine. Yes. 231 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:17,760 Well, indeed, it is possible that the Aztecs turned roasted peanuts 232 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,680 into a toothache remedy so it has had an astonishing number of 233 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,560 things it can be used for. 234 00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,880 This amazing guy, George Washington Carver, 235 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,800 he published in 1916 a book called 236 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:32,480 How To Grow The Peanut And 105 Ways Of Preparing It For Human Consumption. 237 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:33,880 There was chilli sauce, 238 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:36,360 there was shaving cream, there was glue, there was caramel, 239 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,480 there was coffee, shampoo, axle grease - 240 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:43,840 it is an astonishing catalogue of things that he was able to conceive. 241 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:47,600 But he was born into slavery in Missouri in the 1860s and he 242 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:51,880 is one of the first African-Americans to go to university and to 243 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:56,000 study botany and he is known for promoting alternative crops 244 00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:01,280 to cotton, like peanuts, and he has the credit of saving the entire 245 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,120 economy of the southern United States. Wow. 246 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,280 Yeah, he's amazing. He's an astonishing fellow. 247 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,360 Lots of other uses, can you think of any other? 248 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,560 ♪ Jingle bells. ♪ 249 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:12,320 Yes, Cariad? If you get chewing gum in your hair... Yes. 250 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,560 ..peanut butter gets it out. Oh, wow. Yeah, chewing gum remover. 251 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,880 The range of stuff! 252 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:20,520 Squeaky hinges, it can oil squeaky hinges. Oh, cos the oil, yeah. 253 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,760 It can help get superglue off your hands, 254 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,880 it can be used as shaving cream, leather cleaner, you can also 255 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:29,560 try wiping it onto a scratched DVD and it will just go into the scratch. 256 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:32,400 Would you have to have a smooth peanut butter not a crunchy, though? 257 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:33,600 I think so. 258 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,960 My favourite one is if you've got an ice cream cone. 259 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,160 If you put a tiny bit of peanut butter 260 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:39,960 down to the bottom of the cone, 261 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,040 it will stop the ice cream dripping through 262 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:43,560 the bottom of the cone... Very good. 263 00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,240 ..and you get a delicious treat at the end of the cone. 264 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:47,440 That's brilliant! 265 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,160 Yes, that's very good, isn't it? 266 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,800 The most ingenious use of all, and I love this story, in 2017, 267 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,240 there were 12 inmates in an Alabama prison 268 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,840 and they used peanut butter to escape. 269 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:04,720 So there was a new guard on duty and the prisoners used the peanut butter 270 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:09,320 to alter the number on a door so he thought it was a cell door 271 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,320 and actually it was an exit. 272 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,880 And they asked him to open the door and they legged it, they just ran. 273 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,200 And they just had it written in peanut butter! 274 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,400 Like someone had done a dirty protest! 275 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,960 I have to say 11 of the prisoners were caught within 12 hours 276 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,040 and the final one was caught two days later 277 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,240 But they made a statement about it, the prison, 278 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:31,840 "Prison doors have now been renumbered so that" 279 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,200 "peanut better won't have any effect on them." 280 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,960 "Well, it says exit and it tastes nice too." 281 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,680 "Off you go, boys, see you later!" 282 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:44,040 Here's the thing that I didn't know, 283 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:47,280 is that peanut flowers are extremely beautiful. I didn't know that. 284 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,840 And they only bloom for one day in the year. Wow! 285 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:53,920 Look at that, isn't that a gorgeous thing? Looks like a peanut! 286 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:57,440 It's just a beautiful thing. OK, peanuts away. 287 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:00,240 OK, let's have another festive singsong. 288 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,560 We all know the words. 289 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:10,800 ♪ On the 12th day of Christmas my true love sent to me 290 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,360 ♪ 12 drummers drumming 291 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,000 ♪ 11 pipers piping 292 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,600 ♪ Ten lords a-leaping 293 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,120 ♪ Nine ladies dancing 294 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,640 ♪ Eight maids a-milking 295 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,400 ♪ Seven swans a-swimming 296 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,160 ♪ Six geese a-laying 297 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:26,520 ♪ Five gold rings 298 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,040 ♪ Four calling birds Three French hens... ♪ 299 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,640 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 300 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,720 ♪ And a partridge in a pear tree. ♪ 301 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,600 My kids sing, five golden rings. Do they? 302 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,880 It annoys me, because it's five gold rings. OK. 303 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:45,520 And I can't let it go. I just... They go... 304 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:46,680 ♪ Five... ♪ 305 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,200 Gold! 306 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:51,560 ♪ Always believe in your soul. ♪ 307 00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:00,040 Do you sing four calling birds, though? 308 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,080 Yeah. Yeah, that would be incorrect. 309 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,240 They should shout at you. 310 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:08,040 Is that because you're not supposed to call prostitutes that any more? 311 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,000 No, the original thing is colly birds. 312 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:14,360 It means blackbirds, like collier, like coal. Oh. 313 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,040 It's another word for black, 314 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,440 and their presence predates "calling birds" by about a century. 315 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,160 But I have to say there's been loads of different versions. 316 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,520 Four canary birds, four mockingbirds... 317 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,640 My favourite is a Scottish version 318 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,920 of the song which features three plovers, a parrot and a baboon. 319 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:33,440 Three plumbers... 320 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,880 Plovers. Plumbers? 321 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,680 I was thinking it can't be plumbers! 322 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:41,520 "Three plumbers and a baboon, yeah, put that in." 323 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,880 That's like an awful version of Noah's ark. 324 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:50,480 Now, from calling birds to pouring pints, 325 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,960 how can you enjoy unlimited glasses of beer 326 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:58,360 without getting completely pie-eyed? 327 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,040 Is it one of those fake glasses? No. 328 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,440 Real beer, unlimited glasses. 329 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,280 I have half a Smirnoff Ice and I pass out. 330 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:09,480 I'm out of this equation. Well, here we are. 331 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,440 We can show you how to do it for real. 332 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,960 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome mathematician Katie Steckles. 333 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:22,120 Hi there. Hello. Katie, what's the plan? 334 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,280 Well, to explain this, I'm going to tell you a joke. OK. 335 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:28,880 So the joke goes, infinitely many mathematicians walk into a pub, 336 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:32,120 and the first one orders a pint and the second one orders a half 337 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:35,000 and the next one orders a quarter and the next one orders an eighth 338 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,880 and the next one orders a 16th. 339 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,760 And the person behind the bar says, "I'll stop you there," 340 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,320 and pours two pints and puts them on the bar 341 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,760 and, if you're a mathematician... That's hilarious! 342 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:49,120 Yes, hilarious. Come on, let's all sound like we know, which we do. 343 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,880 OK. 344 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,520 I can show you why this is funny. 345 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,440 I've got here a pint... 346 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,400 OK. Oh! 347 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,240 Do you like a pint, Josh? Easy, Josh, easy. 348 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,280 Oh, man, that looks so good. 349 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:04,480 I've got a half and a quarter and an eighth and a 16th. 350 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,960 I've also got 1 over 32, 1 over 64, 1 over 128, 351 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,400 1 over 256, 352 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:11,480 and I also have this empty pint glass. 353 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:15,520 And the reason why the person behind the bar pours two pints 354 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,640 is because all of these and the infinite chain 355 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:21,680 of following drinks will all fit into that glass, 356 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,440 so, if I pour a half into there... 357 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,160 Right, and then I think, "Well, I'd better slow down a bit more", 358 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,440 "I'll have a half of that." Yeah, so this is a quarter, 359 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,240 and that fills half the remaining space. 360 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:32,680 Can I just ask a quick question? 361 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,880 This other one here, is that going begging? 362 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,240 The space that's left is a quarter, so I can fit this eighth in there 363 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,280 and it fills half the remaining space. 364 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,880 You're having an endless amount of beer, but you're having 365 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,840 half as much each time. Yeah. 366 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,160 And so what have we got down to now? 367 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,840 That's one 64th of a pint. One 64th of a pint. 368 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:53,560 It's not a common drink order. No. 369 00:17:55,640 --> 00:18:00,240 Do you know what? If I was queueing behind you at the bar... 370 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,920 Well, there's an infinite queue of mathematicians. 371 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:06,000 This is the drinks order for the Fellowship Of The Ring, guys. 372 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,200 So you'll never fill the whole glass up? 373 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:11,080 Yeah, it's that common sensation that, no matter how many drinks 374 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:14,000 you have, there's always just a little bit of space left 375 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,760 for a little bit more, and it gets closer and closer to two pints, 376 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:18,320 but it will never go over two pints. 377 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,200 If you had infinitely many drinks, 378 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,840 it would add up to exactly two pints. 379 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,680 That's one of the nice things about infinite series of things, 380 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:28,240 that you can have an infinite number of things that add up to a finite number at the end. 381 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,480 See, I love that, cos the next time I hear that joke, 382 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,160 I will actually understand why it's funny. 383 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,560 We say that the limit of this sequence of numbers is two. 384 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,160 That's why the end of the joke is that the barman says, 385 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,080 "The problem with you mathematicians is you need to know your limits." 386 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,520 There we go! Katie Steckles! 387 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,880 Thank you, Katie Steckles! 388 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:53,040 Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. 389 00:18:54,960 --> 00:19:00,640 So it's a bit like Zeno's paradox from about 450 BC. 390 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,720 The same thing that Katie's talking about now, 391 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,640 that we're talking about in terms of pints, the Greeks were occupied 392 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:09,920 with the same kind of questions 2,500 years ago. 393 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,560 So there's a wonderful story from that time that Achilles 394 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,600 is challenged to a race by a tortoise, right? 395 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:19,360 What, the tortoise said, "I reckon I can beat you in a race?" Yeah. 396 00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:20,600 Go on. 397 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,040 Sorry, Noel, are you saying this is too surreal? 398 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:26,840 You've reached your limit! 399 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,760 A terrapin maybe, but... 400 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,800 In the zoo, they've got long-necked ones. 401 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,680 Long-necked terrapins or baboons? 402 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:39,240 Terrapins. 403 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,920 And I can't really work out why cos they still want to go to 404 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,640 the surface, but they're just that little bit further down there... 405 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:51,600 ..than a normal terrapin. There must be some predator that's beak's 406 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,960 just a little bit too short. 407 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,640 Is it more like a periscope? A terrapin periscope? 408 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,680 Do you think all the other terrapins go, "Wind your neck in"? 409 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,880 Yeah, I think the keepers get the terrapin by the head 410 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:03,920 and then they go... 411 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:10,520 They chuck them in and they write, "Long-necked terrapin." 412 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,960 There you are, one more breed! 413 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,720 So are you happy if it's a tortoise or do you want it to be a terrapin? 414 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,160 I'll go with the tortoise, it's fine. Go with the tortoise. 415 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,080 I just think it's probably factually untrue. 416 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,600 OK, so it's a paradox. Achilles can run ten times as fast as the tortoise 417 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,920 and he challenges him to a race, and Achilles thinks this is hilarious 418 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,360 so he says, "I'll tell you what I will do", 419 00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:32,440 "I'll give you a ten-metre start." 420 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:33,760 So they start off 421 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:38,160 and Achilles has travelled ten metres but in that time, 422 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,080 the tortoise has moved one metre. 423 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,960 So he's still ahead. 424 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:45,160 By the time Achilles has covered that additional one metre 425 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,960 the tortoise has moved ten centimetres 426 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,520 and it's the same ad infinitum. Ahh. 427 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:53,760 So Achilles will never catch the tortoise. 428 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,040 What about the terrapin? 429 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:59,960 He might be in with a chance with the terrapin. 430 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:03,080 We could not find pie in the sky but we can find beer. 431 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,080 Where would we find beer in the sky? 432 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:07,600 In space. 433 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,800 In space, about 10,000 light-years from Earth. 434 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,280 Did someone lob a can up? It's just landed. 435 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,680 It's an incredible thing. 436 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:20,240 There is a giant cloud of alcohol with enough ethyl alcohol 437 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:25,680 for 400 trillion trillion pints of beer. 438 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:32,000 That is enough for every person on Earth to drink 300,000 pints 439 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,320 every day for a billion years. 440 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:47,240 Why are we living here? Because it's spiked with hydrogen cyanide. 441 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:48,440 Classic. I know. 442 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:49,680 Damn those Russians! 443 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:59,320 The intriguing thing is that the cloud contains ethyl formate 444 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,080 so that is... It's the chemical compound 445 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:02,840 that helps give raspberries their taste 446 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:06,120 and it reportedly smells like rum. 447 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:10,520 It seems like the centre of our galaxy may taste and smell 448 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,360 like raspberry-flavoured rum. 449 00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:14,120 Oh, my God. 450 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:18,400 Can I just ask, when you say it reportedly smells like rum... Yeah. 451 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:19,440 ..who reported it? 452 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,360 Well, we know what the chemical is and what the chemical smells like 453 00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:25,080 but nobody's been there. Right. 454 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,240 You could volunteer. "I'm here now." 455 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,400 "What's it smell like? What's it smell like?" 456 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,200 "I mean, it could be blackberries, I think it's raspberries," 457 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:33,880 "Doris disagrees." 458 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,000 "Have you had raspberries for breakfast?" 459 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,560 "Oh, I did, actually, I did, now I think of it." 460 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,600 It's like those people who do those wine things, isn't it? It's like... 461 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:43,240 "I'm getting blackcurrant," 462 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:46,160 "I'm getting running naked through heather..." 463 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:51,640 "Skirting boards, I'm getting skirting boards and linoleum." 464 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:52,800 "You've fallen over." 465 00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:00,880 "Getting the action of someone stretching a turtle's neck..." 466 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:05,760 .."slash skipping rope." 467 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:12,120 Alcohol in the air, 2017 there was a fraternity party, a Tequila Tuesday 468 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,840 at a fraternity house called Sigma Alpha Epsilon 469 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:16,760 in Bethesda in Maryland. 470 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:21,880 They drank so much alcohol that the ambient air in the house 471 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:23,360 failed a breathalyser test. 472 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,800 That is brilliant. 473 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,680 I used to take my kids to this music group, 474 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:33,360 I said, "Where does it take place?" 475 00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:36,200 They said, "It's in the rugby club in the bar." 476 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,280 I went to the bar which is carpeted, 477 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,040 I don't think any bar should be carpeted. 478 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:44,040 Now, that ambient air would have failed a breathalyser test. 479 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,160 And all the toddlers were pissed as farts. 480 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,760 They were singing Show Me The Way To Go Home! 481 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,320 Now, from pints to pies. 482 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:55,480 Here we go. 483 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:56,680 Right, come on! 484 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:57,960 There's sixpence for you. 485 00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,160 Let's have a song. 486 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:08,240 How many blackbirds should be baked in a pie? 487 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:09,280 4 and 20. 488 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:16,480 They used to heat the crust up just enough so that the birds 489 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,880 wouldn't be roasted. And then open it and they'd fly out. 490 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,640 The trick is to put them in the pie after it's been baked. 491 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:26,240 That is the answer. Oh! 492 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,360 Otherwise, you just get the birds like... 493 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:34,000 But these pies did exist. I mean, although they're in a nursery rhyme, 494 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:35,560 they were known as sur... 495 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:36,880 Did you enjoy that? 496 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,560 I loved it. Did you want some beer with it or are you all right? 497 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,640 Yeah, I'll have a couple of swigs of beer. 498 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,800 What's the question again? 499 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:45,840 4 and 20! 500 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,920 That's what it says in the song, Sandi. 501 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,360 Yes, but not baked in the pie - is the mistake. 502 00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:52,280 You're like a toddler at a rugby club. 503 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,680 They were known as surprise pies, and it was a genuine thing. 504 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,000 They used to cook the pastry case and then they would put 505 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,040 live animals in so they could emerge at the table, 506 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,360 and the idea was to startle them, entertain the guests. 507 00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:09,240 Scare the shit out of everybody! 508 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,360 I don't... I'm not buying this. 509 00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:12,400 Because... 510 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:16,480 You get some pies and then you get the pastry, 511 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,880 you can stick it down, right, you can get them in there. 512 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,360 Then you whack it in the oven. 513 00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:22,280 There's been a lot of testing, obviously, 514 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,160 a lot of birds will die in the testing. 515 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:25,960 You don't have to stick it down, though. 516 00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,720 You got 24 blackbirds kicking around, you're just going to put a 517 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,640 lid on and think you're going to get that from the kitchen to the table? 518 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,280 They wouldn't just put birds in. 519 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,240 So there was a chef called Robert May. 520 00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:37,800 He was born in 1588. And he is... 521 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:39,680 Oh, Bobby May, Bobby May, yeah, yeah. 522 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,120 ..famous for his elaborate centrepieces, and he put them 523 00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:45,680 in together, frogs and birds, and the pie would open 524 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,080 and they would fly and jump out. 525 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:48,560 It's like the Sharks and the Jets! 526 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:52,800 It's a nightmare in there! Frogs and flick knives. 527 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,960 So the whole point was the showmanship of it. 528 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:56,000 How do you get... 529 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,200 There's 24 birds and you're holding them in a pie 530 00:25:58,200 --> 00:25:59,440 and you've got to get a... 531 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:01,600 You put a load of food down at the bottom of the tray, 532 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,280 they'll all just be eating and... 533 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:04,560 You've done this before! 534 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,760 ..and then when you take the lid off, you go... 535 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:11,120 The frogs are all in there going, "Cover your legs, cover your legs!" 536 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:13,480 He was a tremendous showman. 537 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,720 He created a whole pastry stag with a pastry arrow in the side and 538 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,840 it was filled with claret so that it bled when the arrow was removed. 539 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,880 I mean, he was clearly kind of like Mr Theatre. 540 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,560 Out of his mind. Yeah. 541 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,680 But there used to be a thing called bride pie, 542 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:27,920 so before wedding cake, 543 00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,480 that was the traditional thing to serve at English weddings, 544 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:33,640 and it was just the best food that you had available to you 545 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,240 and the most elaborate recipe. 546 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:38,720 It's the same guy here, this is Robert May, The Accomplisht Cook. 547 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,840 And, if a woman had a baby, she'd have a groaning pie. 548 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,080 That's what they used to call childbirth. 549 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,160 They used to call it groaning time. 550 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,080 Right, pies away, please. 551 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,840 - Anyone want a pie? - Yes. 552 00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:55,920 Come on, let's give them the pie. Go and give the pies out. Pie, pie! 553 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,880 I thought I'd stopped being a waitress. 554 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:00,040 They're only a pound, they're only a pound. 555 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,920 Mince pie, have a mince pie. 556 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:04,800 Anybody want a pint of beer? 557 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,840 Yeah. Go all the way up the back. 558 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,320 Does anyone want the beer? 559 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:12,040 They haven't given me some. 560 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:13,800 Plate? Anyone want a plate? 561 00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:16,800 Pig, anyone? 562 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,920 What a moment that was! 563 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:32,200 I like that you were looking that way, and it went that way. 564 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:33,320 You didn't get a pie. 565 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,440 You seemed very upset, so I'm giving you some Christmas peanuts. 566 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:37,760 Thank you. 567 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:41,320 Once a barmaid, eventually will end up as a barmaid. 568 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,160 Where were you a barmaid? Oh... 569 00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:44,880 Hobbit Town. 570 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:46,840 The worst pub ever. 571 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:48,560 The police drank in one corner 572 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,680 and the National Front drank in the other. 573 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:52,680 Yeah, that's what I mean. 574 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,640 It's funny, isn't it? And then it's horrible. 575 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:56,360 That's what happened to me at work. 576 00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:59,880 "This is funny, this is like material... Oh, this is horrible." 577 00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:01,960 For about a year, I worked as a journalist, 578 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,600 and we used to drink in a pub that was half journalists 579 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:05,680 and half crooks. 580 00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:08,240 Not easy to tell the difference, to be honest with you. 581 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:11,400 And there was a bloke called Charlie, and Charlie was definitely a crook, 582 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,080 and I said, "Oh, Charlie, how are you?" 583 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:14,760 "Haven't seen you for a couple of weeks." 584 00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:16,840 He said, "No, I've been up the nick." 585 00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:18,640 And I said, "Oh, what was the charge?" 586 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,360 He said, "Murder one." I said... 587 00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:23,200 I said, "All right. Did you do it?" 588 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,960 He said, "No, but I owed them one." Er... 589 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:29,040 And he said, "While I was waiting for the charges" 590 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,640 "to come through, my arsehole was going like that." 591 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,840 I haven't seen him for ages. I don't know why we didn't stay friends. 592 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:43,800 I really hope he turns up on the next series of Bake Off. 593 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,760 "I've changed my ways." "I've turned my life around." 594 00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:50,120 "I'm going to make you an entremet." Now... 595 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,360 "As Paul and Prue came over, me arsehole's going like that." 596 00:28:55,640 --> 00:29:01,200 "I thought, these frogs and blackbirds won't stay in this pie." 597 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:05,080 Every time I feel slightly anxious, I always think of that. 598 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,920 Imagine knowing that there's a man out there and, 599 00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:10,720 every time you feel anxious, you think of his arsehole. 600 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:14,440 Anyway, moving on now. 601 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:16,520 The next question is a bit scary. 602 00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:18,440 Sam, what have you got? 603 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:31,000 ♪ The Little Lord Jesus... ♪ 604 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:36,440 What a lovely nativity, everybody! 605 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,200 It's like Aled Jones had turned up. 606 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:44,920 What's the worst that could happen if people who don't like you 607 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:47,120 invite you to Christmas dinner? 608 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:48,480 Death. Yes. 609 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:54,840 Same with any scenario. What's the worst that could happen? Death. 610 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:56,280 Yeah. So, throughout history, 611 00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:59,200 people have been invited to their enemy's house for Christmas, 612 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,960 "Let's put our bygones be bygones," but it is actually a trap. 613 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:06,400 So in 1317, there was a Swedish king called King Birger. 614 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:07,960 I thought I'd say, for the record, 615 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,640 I had dinner at Sandi's house at Christmas! 616 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,640 My arsehole was going like that! 617 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:22,960 King Birger, 1317, he invited his two brothers, 618 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,400 Duke Eric and Duke Valdemar, to Christmas, 619 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,880 it was a banquet at Nykoping Castle. 620 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,960 That's a lovely place just south of Stockholm. 621 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:33,040 And they were going to smooth over a family rift. 622 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:37,360 They'd led a coup against him, he felt a bit irritated by it. 623 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:42,320 Anyway, during the night, a team of crossbowmen ambushed the brothers 624 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:45,600 and locked them in the castle dungeon, where they starved to death. 625 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,760 So that is the worst thing that could happen. 626 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,840 And Christmas 1175, there was a Norman nobleman 627 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,160 called William de Braose 628 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:58,280 and he invited the Welsh chieftains to Abergavenny Castle in Wales 629 00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,320 to celebrate Christmas and make amends. 630 00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:02,120 And when they arrived at the great hall, 631 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:04,200 the gates were locked and they were all killed. 632 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,800 But nice venue, though. Lovely venue. 633 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:10,880 Although, apparently, according to William Camden, 16th century writer, 634 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:15,240 Abergavenny Castle has been "oftner stain'd with the infamy of treachery" 635 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,920 "than any other castle in Wales." 636 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:19,480 So don't go there for Christmas. 637 00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:22,960 OK, let's try another musical interlude. Sam. 638 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,520 OK, let's try again. We all know the words to this one? 639 00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:37,160 ♪ O Christmas tree O Christmas tree... 640 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,160 I only know it in German. In German, how does it go in German? 641 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,280 ♪ O Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum 642 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,720 ♪ Wie treu sind deine Blatter! ♪ 643 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,560 That was very good. Danke schon. 644 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:54,600 Yeah. 645 00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:58,960 Do you know what that means? Wie treu sind deine Blatter? 646 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,200 I thought it was, how lovely are your leaves? 647 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,840 That's how we caught all the German spies in the war. 648 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:07,440 He'd play the start and they couldn't help themselves. 649 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:11,240 "O Tannenbaum... OK, it's me. I'm a spy." 650 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:13,680 So we sing it in English as, "How lovely are your branches." 651 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,200 No, it's the pine needles, isn't it? 652 00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,520 How faithful are your leaves, is what it actually is. 653 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:19,400 That's why I know what leaves is in German. 654 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:20,800 Why do you know it, then? 655 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:23,320 Because they taught it to us in German at GCSE. 656 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:27,440 And then, for French, we had to learn the birthday song. Oh! 657 00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:29,600 ♪ Quelle est la date de ton anniversaire? 658 00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:31,880 ♪ Quelle est la date de ton anniversaire? 659 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:33,600 ♪ Janvier, Fevrier, Mars 660 00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:35,040 ♪ Janvier, Fevrier, Mars. ♪ 661 00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,200 I can't go beyond that. I only got a D. 662 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:42,560 A Tannenbaum is a fir tree, but we now think 663 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:45,040 that it's a wonderful song about Christmas. 664 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:46,240 It wasn't at all. 665 00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:48,960 So the evergreen branches, they represent constancy 666 00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:51,240 and faithfulness, because they never change, 667 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:53,880 and it's a folk song about a faithless maiden 668 00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:56,360 contrasted with a faithful tree. 669 00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:59,440 They didn't teach us that. They just said it was about a tree. 670 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:03,720 The same tune is used for something else in this country. 671 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:05,880 Scatman John's Scat Attack. 672 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:08,920 Could you sing... 673 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:11,920 It's to do with politics. 674 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:13,240 The Red Flag. 675 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,400 Well done, it's the socialist anthem The Red Flag. Oh, yes, of course! 676 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:17,840 That wasn't what I was thinking, 677 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,320 I was thinking the theme tune to Cash In The Attic. 678 00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:24,480 Christmas is the best time to sing we joyous 679 00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,920 all together, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la. 680 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:28,280 Hit it, Sam! 681 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:37,680 Yes! 682 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:41,160 It's general ignorance time, gentlemen, please. 683 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:44,760 OK, remind me. How long have we got? 684 00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:50,240 What is the legal drinking-up time after last orders in England? 685 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:54,280 So I always think it is - it's around 22 minutes. 686 00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:56,040 22 minutes. 687 00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,240 There isn't one, right? There isn't one at all. 688 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:04,560 There used to be. There used to be a legally set time, so at first it was ten minutes, 689 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,440 then it was 20 minutes, but now it's up to the landlord's discretion. 690 00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:09,920 That is true, I have to say, only in England and Wales. 691 00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,240 In Scotland, there's a 15-minute drinking up period 692 00:34:12,240 --> 00:34:13,640 that is still in place. 693 00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:18,080 So theoretically I could go to a pub and I could order ten pints 694 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:19,760 and if they were fine with that... 695 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:21,320 But it's their discretion, darling. 696 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:23,280 So it is their place, they can chuck you out. 697 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:26,040 Oh, when they start putting the stools on your table... Oh! 698 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:27,920 Yeah. That's what I used to do! 699 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,840 Blazing lights on and no music, and someone saying, "Get out!" 700 00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:33,840 I used to wipe around their pint as well. 701 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,840 Also spray that stuff, cleaner stuff, right by the pint. 702 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,000 In their eyes... 703 00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:42,560 "Can't you see the time?" 704 00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:47,040 Who thought of 24-hour licences? 705 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:48,440 Tony Blair. 706 00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:53,480 It was a joke proposed by the Monster Raving Loony Party 707 00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:55,840 as a way to beat binge drinking. 708 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:57,120 So, to stop binge drinking, 709 00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:59,240 we'll have it that you can drink 24 hours a day, 710 00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:02,880 and it did in fact become law in 2005, and one judge said 711 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:07,000 that alcohol at this availability was going to breed urban savages. 712 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:08,560 And, in fact, that didn't happen. 713 00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:11,240 Both alcohol consumption and alcohol-related crime 714 00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:13,880 has fallen since the act. 715 00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:16,040 There's a brewery called Black Iris Brewery, 716 00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,520 it's in Nottinghamshire, and in 2017 they tried to organise 717 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,400 a piss-up in their brewery, but they failed to get 718 00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,800 the appropriate licence, so... 719 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,920 They held it in a pub down the road instead, 720 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:30,600 and the event was renamed A Piss-Up Near A Brewery. 721 00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:35,680 Let's take a quick peek at the top of the Christmas tree. 722 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:38,600 How many wings does an angel have? 723 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:39,960 ♪ Jingle bells. ♪ 724 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,240 Depends. That's not really an answer. 725 00:35:42,240 --> 00:35:43,320 That's a "I don't know." 726 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,120 Renaissance angels tend to have two. 727 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,360 I said Renaissance angels. 728 00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:51,760 ♪ Ding dong ding. ♪ 729 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:53,520 Uh-huh-huh! 730 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,000 "Well, Sandi, it's like this." 731 00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:06,760 "The angel in my house had four wings." Four. 732 00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:08,480 Well, you could be right, 733 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:11,520 but it rather depends on the kind of angel. 734 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:13,400 That's literally what I said! 735 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,720 I literally said it depends on the kind of angel! 736 00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:18,160 There's two kinds of angels in the Bible with wings, 737 00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:21,200 the seraphim and cherubim, so seraphim have six wings 738 00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:23,160 and the cherubim have four. 739 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,960 There is no angel in the Bible that has two wings. Oh. 740 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:27,880 Oh, sorry, you meant actual angels. 741 00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:30,920 Actual angels. I do apologise. I was talking about representation. 742 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:33,680 This is the woman happy to talk for hours about the home life 743 00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:35,560 of the hobbit. 744 00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:38,640 That's real, Sandi. It's very different. 745 00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,080 It's based on fact. 746 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:42,960 So the seraphim, that's the highest in the angel hierarchy. 747 00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:45,360 That's the sort of fiery, burning ones. 748 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:48,440 They're described as, "Above it stood the seraphims." 749 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,200 "Each one had six wings." 750 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:54,000 "With twain he covered his face and with twain he covered his feet" 751 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,520 "and with twain he did fly." 752 00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:57,920 So he was like, "Woohoo!" 753 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,040 And then also flying. Yeah, yeah. 754 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:01,760 "I'm shy! I'm a shy angel!" 755 00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:04,840 The cherubim have got four wings as well as... 756 00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:08,480 They also have four faces - man, lion, ox and an eagle. 757 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:11,280 The bit I am not sure about, so you get Gabriel, 758 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,560 you get Gabriel in Islam as an angel of revelation, 759 00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,040 but there is a Hadith that he had 600 wings. 760 00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:19,400 I would have thought that would be tricky to operate. 761 00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:20,880 Mmm. 762 00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:22,520 He had a hang-gliding business. 763 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:26,520 I was coming back on the train from Scotland the other day and I 764 00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:28,200 went past the Angel of the North. 765 00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,560 It is an astonishing thing when you see it. Yeah. 766 00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:33,680 It is one of the most visible pieces of art in the world. 767 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:37,040 It is seen by one person every second on average. Oh, my God. 768 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:39,520 And it spins. You can give it a whack and... 769 00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:45,400 It's the largest art statue in the world so that wingspan is 54 metres - 770 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:47,640 it's longer than a Boeing 747. 771 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:51,400 And the reason it can withstand a 100mph winds, 772 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:54,480 it goes as far below the ground as it does at the top. Does it? 773 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:55,640 Like a tree. Yeah. 774 00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:56,960 So it's sort of dug in. 775 00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,440 But it isn't an angel cos it's only got two wings. 776 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:04,600 Yeah, I need to have a word and say, "You just need another 598." 777 00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:08,760 There was a miniature Angel of the North in 2008. 778 00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:10,480 So the designer, Antony Gormley, 779 00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:14,840 had made some miniatures just to check out how it was going to work. 780 00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,560 And that item was the very first item valued at a million pounds 781 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,360 on the Antiques Roadshow. 782 00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,560 It had been standing in the offices of Gateshead Council for 13 years. 783 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,840 Imagine being the person queueing behind them 784 00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:27,640 on the Antiques Roadshow 785 00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:29,640 with your little vase. Yeah. 786 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,000 "I've got these eggcups." 787 00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,680 "They were in my nan's cupboard." Yeah. 788 00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:36,440 "They smell a bit of my nan, actually." 789 00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,840 Right, I'll tell you what I fancy to finish off, 790 00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:44,840 a good old-fashioned game of pool. 791 00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:48,120 What are we going to need to play a good old-fashioned game of pool? 792 00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:49,160 ♪ Ding dong. ♪ 793 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,960 Yes! Chalk, two cues, table, balls... 794 00:38:58,720 --> 00:38:59,920 Yeah, no. 795 00:38:59,920 --> 00:39:01,400 No cues, no table. 796 00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:04,240 So it's the old-fashioned game of pool. 797 00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:05,840 Do you get a pig and some balls 798 00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:08,880 and then you put a little bit of truffle on the ball, 799 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,000 you get drunk and you see what happens? 800 00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,240 I love this idea, but no. 801 00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:17,600 Although you are not far off with the barnyard animals. 802 00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:20,160 So, in the 19th century, a pool room was the place 803 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:23,000 where you bet on horse-racing, and it came from the word "pool", 804 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:26,560 so that's the kitty of money that everybody contributed to, 805 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:30,240 so the winner would take all, and billiard tables were installed 806 00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:32,880 in American pool rooms to keep the punters entertained 807 00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:36,400 between races, and that is where they get the name from. 808 00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:38,880 But the first game was a medieval game, 809 00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:43,960 it was a French game called jeu de la poule, game of the hen. 810 00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:48,000 So players took turns to throw things at a chicken... 811 00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:53,600 ..and the first person to hit the chicken won. 812 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:58,280 So the word "pool" comes from the French word for chicken. 813 00:39:58,280 --> 00:39:59,400 Wow! 814 00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:01,600 So it was the winnings - you'd get the chicken. 815 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:04,200 Can I ask, when you say throw things at the chicken... Yeah. 816 00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,520 ..what do you mean by things? 817 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:09,040 Whatever it was that you wanted to throw to hit the chicken. 818 00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:10,640 An egg. Yeah. 819 00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:12,480 It could be an egg. 820 00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:14,800 An egg would be perfect. So the prize... 821 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:16,320 "Which came first! Whey!" 822 00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:19,520 The prize is the chicken, so I thought we'd give it a try. 823 00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:21,880 Have we got a chicken? Yeah. 824 00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:23,920 We have our own QI chicken. 825 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:25,960 Please bring on the chicken. 826 00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:37,520 OK. So you've all got balls to throw at the chicken. 827 00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:40,240 Off you go. Let's go and hit the chicken. 828 00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:42,960 Hit the chicken, hit the chicken! 829 00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:46,680 Shit! 830 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:47,960 Good shot! 831 00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:49,160 Yes, Noel! Yes! 832 00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:53,080 Noel, you're totally scoring, Noel. 833 00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:54,600 I think Noel's on the most... 834 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,480 Oh, no? 835 00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:59,640 Chicken is down! Chicken is down! 836 00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:03,960 Well done, chicken. 837 00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:11,560 You all right? 838 00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:18,840 He's going to sue, that chicken, cos he fell over the set. 839 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:22,280 I mean, he should sue and we should back him up. Yeah. 840 00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:26,520 If this is Prue Leith in here, I'm going to shit myself. 841 00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:29,120 Your arse is going like that at the moment. 842 00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:31,240 He's not going to sue us, 843 00:41:31,240 --> 00:41:33,720 he does look exhausted, because he's our chief elf, 844 00:41:33,720 --> 00:41:36,720 James Harkin, so thank you very much for being our chicken. 845 00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:46,080 Right, let's see who has won the prize poulet. 846 00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:51,280 Fourth colly bird, with minus 25... 847 00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:52,320 Oh, no. 848 00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:54,040 ..Josh. I knew it. 849 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:59,280 Third French hen, with minus 14, 850 00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,160 it's Alan. 851 00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:03,520 Thank you so much. How did I get minus? 852 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,640 Second turtledove, with minus two, Cariad! 853 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,960 And our partridge in a pear tree, with seven points, 854 00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:16,320 and therefore taking the chicken home... 855 00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:17,960 ..is Noel! 856 00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,920 Come on. Do you want to sit on my knee, or are you all right? 857 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:32,640 Yeah. No? 858 00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:37,240 There was a weird lack of trust there, Noel. 859 00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:43,400 I've never fingered a chicken, I'm sure. 860 00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:46,960 Ever! 861 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:52,720 Let's wind up with a song to celebrate the invention 862 00:42:52,720 --> 00:42:54,440 of the printing press. 863 00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:56,520 Gather round, everybody. Play it, Sam! 864 00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:09,360 ♪ Hark! the herald angels sing 865 00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:13,640 ♪ Glory to the new-born King 866 00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:17,760 ♪ Peace on Earth, and mercy mild 867 00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:22,000 ♪ God and sinners reconciled 868 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:26,160 ♪ Joyful, all ye nations, rise 869 00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:30,280 ♪ Join the triumph of the skies 870 00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:34,400 ♪ With th' angelic host proclaim 871 00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:38,360 ♪ Christ is born in Bethlehem 872 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:42,480 ♪ Hark! The herald angels sing 873 00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:47,880 ♪ Glory to the new-born King. ♪ 874 00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:50,520 Merry Christmas, everybody!