1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:08,280
This programme contains
some strong language

2
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:26,360
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

3
00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:32,519
Hello!

4
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:34,239
Hello and welcome to QI.

5
00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:39,239
Tonight, we take a plunge
into the pastimes of past times.

6
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,359
But let me preface that with
the introduction of our players.

7
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,839
It's the triumphant Joe Lycett!

8
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:48,559
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

9
00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:51,479
It's the victorious Phil Wang!

10
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:54,719
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

11
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,639
It's the indomitable Ellie Taylor!

12
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:01,319
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

13
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:04,519
And it's the taking
part that counts.

14
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,039
Alan Davies!

15
00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:08,200
LAUGHTER, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

16
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,359
Right, panel.
Play me back to the past.

17
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:14,799
Joe goes...

18
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,840
PLAINSONG CHANTING

19
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,519
Oh, that's lovely. Phil goes...

20
00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:27,079
FANFARE

21
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,079
Catchy.
LAUGHTER

22
00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,639
Ellie goes...

23
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,919
GAVOTTE

24
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,799
Oh, a gavotte!

25
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,719
LAUGHTER

26
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,479
Well, it was a short dance,
but I liked it! Alan goes...

27
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:43,440
♪ Crazy horses! ♪

28
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:48,599
OK. How do you beat a bull at poker?

29
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:50,160
Mum?!

30
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,920
She wants to get some tweezers,
I tell you.

31
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:59,560
Do you bring in loads of sexy cows
to try and distract him?

32
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,519
What if the cards were red... Yes.

33
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,119
..on the back, like those. Yes.
And then he'd go like that.

34
00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:06,719
HE GROWLS

35
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,960
LAUGHTER

36
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:13,159
You'd have to deal him
a lot of clubs and spades.

37
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,679
"What's the matter with the bull?"

38
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,439
"He's got all hearts and diamonds..."

39
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,999
"Get the cows in!
Get the sexy cows!"

40
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,839
It's a genuine game, OK?

41
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,519
It takes place in a rodeo.

42
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:27,439
The Angola Prison Rodeo,
which is where?

43
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:28,999
In Angola?

44
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,679
No. Louisiana.

45
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,119
There we are.

46
00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:33,559
It's held one weekend in April,

47
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,639
and it is every single
Sunday in October,

48
00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:39,359
and it raises loads of money, about 450,000
for prisoner education programmes.

49
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,759
They have something
called Convict Poker.

50
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,239
So four inmates play
a game of poker,

51
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,639
seated in the middle of the rodeo.

52
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:50,559
And a bull is released,
for the sole purpose... Oh!

53
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,319
..to unseat the poker players.

54
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:57,079
And the last man remaining
seated is the winner.

55
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,799
Yeah. If you move at all,
you're disqualified.

56
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,239
It's just the most astonishing...
So the poker...

57
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:04,519
They could be playing anything.
I suppose poker, like,

58
00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,759
if it was Monopoly,
the bits would go everywhere.

59
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:08,479
Yes, it would be annoying,
wouldn't it?

60
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,239
Convict KerPlunk
would a be nice one.

61
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,919
Oh, that would be very good!

62
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:14,199
Any thoughts why Louisiana
State Penitentiary

63
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,399
is known as Angola Prison?
Why might it be called that?

64
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,439
It started out
as a fisherman's prison... Right.

65
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:23,279
..for anglers... Anglers, yes.
..who used the wrong bait... Yes.

66
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:27,079
..and went to prison for it.
And then by a process of evolution,

67
00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,839
the word changed to Angola.
I like that. No.

68
00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:33,719
It is the place where most of
the African-Americans came from,

69
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:36,999
from Louisiana, the slaves
came originally from Angola.

70
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:41,239
They have a round after
Convict Poker called Guts And Glory,

71
00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,079
and they tie a poker chip
to a Brahma bull.

72
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:46,679
There it is,
it's got a poker chip on it.

73
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,079
And the object is to get close
enough to the bull

74
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:50,239
to win the poker chip.

75
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:53,199
Again, it's slightly
on the violent side.

76
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,679
Do they have, like, the internet
there, or anything? Like, do...?

77
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,759
Why is this their entertainment?

78
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,319
It is so popular
in the United States.

79
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,039
There are loads of rodeos.

80
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,759
There's even, there's gay rodeo,
there's black rodeo...

81
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,079
Oh, well, now you're talking!

82
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,759
It's not quite as violent...
When I went to gay rodeo,

83
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,319
they did a thing called
goat dressing,

84
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,919
where you have to try and put
a pair of underpants on a goat.

85
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,839
It's not quite as...

86
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,119
We've all been there,
haven't we, Sandi?

87
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,799
ELLIE: Is it in the prison?
Is it, like,

88
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,399
in part of the prison complex...?
Yes.

89
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,799
It's actually part of the prison.

90
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,679
I think it's the only prison in the
world that also has a golf course.

91
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,799
So it's the only place you can go to
a prison and play golf as well.

92
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,560
It sounds like a weird
Center Parcs or something.

93
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,919
It's a classy joint. They have an
execution chamber that can

94
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,080
be used for either sex.

95
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:45,600
What special requirements does each
sex have to be killed?

96
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:49,959
I don't know whether the linen's
nicer for the women, I don't know.

97
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,399
Maybe it's a bit like toilets.
Because if you put two toilets

98
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,399
up, a boys' one and a girls' one,
after a while,

99
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,759
the girls' one is just a bit nicer,
somehow.

100
00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,919
Yes, do you know what the secret is?
Mm?

101
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:01,879
We wee in the actual toilet.

102
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,320
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

103
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,880
I've been doing it wrong
all this time!

104
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,159
PHIL: I've been
to an Indonesian rodeo.

105
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:14,959
Have you? In Sumatra. Right.

106
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,799
It's not so much a rodeo

107
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,639
as some cows in a field, but...

108
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,439
It's a paddy field
flooded with water,

109
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,399
and men compete with each other

110
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,799
to surf off the back
of a brace of buffalo,

111
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,999
without a surfboard,
just their feet.

112
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,319
Just skimming across the water?
Yeah.

113
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,639
So they grab each tail...

114
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,479
And then... Are you making this up?

115
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,359
No! I haven't...
I haven't the imagination.

116
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,359
LAUGHTER

117
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,999
It's two bulls,
you grab a tail each,

118
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,439
and that's your steering wheel.
Right.

119
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,519
And then they go,
"Go on, then, bull,"

120
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,040
and the bulls, the...
"Go on, then, bull"?!

121
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,119
Are they yoked together?
Cos otherwise, if, you know...

122
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:58,959
Yeah, could be awful. Whoa!

123
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,519
They...they are yoked together.

124
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:01,919
But I tell you what, doesn't help.

125
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,199
Cos they just...
they'll go any which way.

126
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:08,159
And the audience watch from
in front of the buffalo. Right.

127
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,159
And you just have to
see if it comes at you,

128
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,719
and if it does,
try and get out of the way!

129
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,399
And the winner is whoever
isn't dead...

130
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,799
LAUGHTER

131
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,479
..at the end.

132
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,719
Wow. What's wrong with just
a quiet game of Catch The Bus?

133
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,879
Catch The Bus?
Catch The Bus...Stop The Bus. Oh.

134
00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,319
I like Catch The Bus.

135
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,999
It's a card game
my nan used to play.

136
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,919
It's called Stop The Bus?
Stop The Bus.

137
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:32,639
I think it's a Birmingham game.
So sweet!

138
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,119
I don't know how you play it,
though. Do you just catch a bus?

139
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:39,279
LAUGHTER

140
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:42,520
"Here we go, Joe,
it's time for Stop The Bus!"

141
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,639
"Put your hand out..."

142
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,120
"Hey!"

143
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,879
Wow, what fun. I know!

144
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,119
I have to say, Convict Poker

145
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:57,719
is not the worst
prisoner sport story from America.

146
00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:58,839
Not even by a long shot.

147
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:01,559
There was a thing called
the Penitentiary Row All Stars,

148
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,119
and they were a baseball team
that was set up in 1911,

149
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:07,839
and it was death row convicts
from Wyoming State Penitentiary.

150
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,839
So they played as a team.
If they won the match,

151
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:14,039
that could mean a little bit
of a reduction in their sentence.

152
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:17,879
And if they lost, it could
bring their execution forward.

153
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:20,999
So this was quite focusing
for the baseball team,

154
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,359
as you can imagine. They played
four matches, they won four.

155
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:27,239
And lots of people bet on them.
132,000 was wagered on them,

156
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,639
including bets made by
three state politicians

157
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:32,399
who were raising funds
for re-election.

158
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,599
But then they decided
that it wasn't a good idea

159
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,319
and the whole thing was closed
down, and unfortunately,

160
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,159
the star player, Joseph Seng,
was executed.

161
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,039
So it's not a good story.

162
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,080
Tell us another bedtime story!

163
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,320
You go catch the bus, darling!

164
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,519
Now, from playing poker
to playing possum.

165
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,680
How can you tell
if your partner is dead?

166
00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,440
It's becoming increasingly
difficult.

167
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:07,279
Is this a real question, Sandi, or
do we need to ring a paramedic?

168
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,239
I promise you, it's a proper
question.

169
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,919
It is not to do with those
extraordinary danceathons

170
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,879
that they used to have, which is
that middle picture there.

171
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:17,639
It's an ancient way of working out
if your partner, your husband,

172
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,119
or your wife, is dead.

173
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,279
Well, are they moving, breathing,
speaking?

174
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,439
Are they nagging you and berating
you for all your behaviour?

175
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,959
These are the things...
Are they finding fault, Sandi?

176
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,519
OK, it's to do with tossing.

177
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,159
You toss them?

178
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,319
You do. You absolutely do.

179
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,559
It is the practice of
people throwing,

180
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:39,319
or tossing people on blankets.

181
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:40,480
So...

182
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,079
This guy in the middle
is called Johann Unzer,

183
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,199
he was a German doctor,
and in the 18th century,

184
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,959
he was visiting Corsica.

185
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,359
And he wrote down about this -
when a married man died,

186
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:53,839
it was common for villagers
to toss the corpse on a blanket

187
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:58,279
for hours on end,
which occasionally had the effect

188
00:08:58,280 --> 00:08:59,920
of bringing him back to life.

189
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,879
If he didn't come back to life,
then the local women would gather

190
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:07,599
and they would beat his widow
as a punishment

191
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,879
for letting him die.

192
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,919
If it turned out he wasn't dead,

193
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,279
then I imagine she dealt with him.

194
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:16,839
It's not uncommon,
it's not just in Corsica.

195
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,119
So you get it in Spain,
it's called pelele,

196
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,919
and Prellen in Germany.

197
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:24,199
It's a bit like giving somebody
the bumps on their birthday.

198
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:27,439
And it was a common thing to toss
people up and down in that way.

199
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,839
Is there any, like, medical
basis for that to work?

200
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,359
Like, jolting the heart?
Well, it could be, but I mean,

201
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:34,759
it has a kind of a superstitious
background to it.

202
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,879
So the idea of tossing things in
the air to ward off evil spirits.

203
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:40,199
And it probably comes
from winnowing.

204
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,559
So you know about separating
the wheat from the chaff?

205
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:46,079
So the simplest way is to toss
it in the air because the chaff

206
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,519
is lighter than the wheat
and the wind will blow it away.

207
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,839
And so there's a sort of
symbolic thing

208
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,759
of doing that with human beings.

209
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,079
"He's dead! He's alive! He's alive!"

210
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:56,439
"Oh, he's dead again."

211
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:58,200
"His neck's broken."

212
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:03,519
"Where's his widow? It's YOUR
fault." Yeah, your fault!

213
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,719
One of the most famous
recipients of a tossing,

214
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,239
Sancho Panza, from which book?

215
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,599
Oh, Don Quixote. Don Quixote!

216
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:15,719
Chapter 17, he and his master
refuse to pay an innkeeper's bill,

217
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,999
and so he's grabbed by a group of
lodgers

218
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,479
and they toss him up and down...

219
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,679
And Queen Elizabeth,
she was tossed, wasn't she?

220
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:23,479
Queen Elizabeth I? II.

221
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,159
II? Yeah.

222
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,200
The day of the coronation!

223
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:32,559
Do tell! Well, they had a rehearsal,

224
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:35,999
and the Archbishop Canterbury
and a few cohorts gave her a toss.

225
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,559
That's the tradition.
People aren't familiar with it

226
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:41,359
because we haven't had a coronation
for ages, but Charles is next.

227
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:42,560
Really?

228
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,799
Is that actually a thing?

229
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,359
Of course not, you fool!

230
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,800
APPLAUSE

231
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,279
I was so, like... No, darling!
"Oh, my God!"

232
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,240
You thought your nan catching a bus
was a game.

233
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:05,239
Bless your heart.

234
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:06,839
But there were strict rules
about it,

235
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,759
but if you really wanted
to punish somebody,

236
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,879
you would laden the whole thing
with logs and tools and...

237
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,119
Oh! I know. And it wasn't
just humans that were tossed.

238
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:19,799
There was actually a game called
Fuchsprellen, or fox tossing,

239
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,879
played by German aristocrats
in the 17th century.

240
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,599
And they had actual courts
for fox tossing.

241
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:31,399
The winner was the team that got
their fox highest in the air.

242
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,839
Oh! And the whole ground there,
it's covered in sawdust

243
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,479
in case they missed,
and that's to protect the fox,

244
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,559
it's to keep it alive for the next
tossing, cos they're valuable.

245
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:43,039
The most famous match was
held in Dresden.

246
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:46,319
There was a man called Augustus II,
"the Strong", he was known as.

247
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,439
In this particular game,

248
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:50,359
647 foxes,

249
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,559
533 hares, 34 badgers

250
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,439
and 21 wild cats were tossed,

251
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:58,839
and the whole game finished off
with a jolly good clubbing...

252
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,519
ELLIE: Oh, God! I know.

253
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,399
..for any animals that
were still alive.

254
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,520
PHIL: And the Tories
want to bring it back.

255
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,119
I like Augustus the Strong.

256
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,399
He liked to toss with
just one finger, like that.

257
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,759
So he had a sling attached
to the blanket...

258
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,560
Sandi, do that again!

259
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,359
He was an extraordinary fellow,
Augustus the Strong.

260
00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:21,719
He liked to break horseshoes
with his bare hands, for fun.

261
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:24,599
You know what's worse than
being tossed? What's that?

262
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,439
Indoor tossing. Oh, yes. Yes.

263
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,079
Pah!

264
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:30,639
Yeah. Especially for women,

265
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:32,440
because there's always
the glass ceiling.

266
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:35,840
Very good!

267
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,399
A good tossing can save a marriage.

268
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,880
Wow.

269
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,639
From upward foxes to downward dogs,

270
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,960
how old are yoga poses?

271
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,079
PHIL: Well, some must
be older than others.

272
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,359
So, like, standing,
that's probably pretty old.

273
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:57,639
Yeah. Is that actually a pose,
though, do you think? Just standing?

274
00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,079
Yeah, I think it's, like,
one of the beginner ones. Right.

275
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,919
Do you do yoga? I have done yoga.
Right.

276
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:06,359
And did you get beyond standing,
or just do standing?

277
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:07,919
I...

278
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,839
I did a bit of sitting. OK.

279
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,359
I did lying down. Advanced.

280
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,759
I felt great after doing it,
absolutely great,

281
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,799
and I've never done it again.
No. OK. Have you done yoga?

282
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,399
I've done that.

283
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,240
And that was the outfit
I was wearing at the time.

284
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,479
So anybody? Any idea how old?
Give it a guess.

285
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,639
Seven million years.

286
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,359
Wow. Is it very modern, then?
Is that...?

287
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,839
It is extremely modern. Most...
ALAN: Invented in the '40s.

288
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:35,839
Yeah, most of the yoga poses
practised today

289
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:39,199
are late-19th and 20th-century
inventions. Like fidget spinners!

290
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,399
Yes, exactly like that! Exactly. Oh!

291
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,839
So ancient yoga is a meditative
and philosophical practice.

292
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:46,799
It's not what we think of it today.

293
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,919
And pretty much, it's almost
what you said, Phil.

294
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,399
They just have one posture,
but it's not standing,

295
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,559
it is just to sit comfortably.
That's it.

296
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:55,359
Oh, my God... I'm doing yoga now!

297
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:58,079
You are totally into the zone.

298
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,359
I always thought I'd be good
at yoga.

299
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,119
It's a win-win.

300
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:05,119
The lotus position
might be an old one,

301
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,999
that may have some provenance,
but the guide to yoga postures,

302
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,279
or the asana, they were created
in the 15th century.

303
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:14,279
But these are not
really recognisable

304
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:17,959
as the ones that we have today.
Most of the 15 poses described

305
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,479
in a thing called the
Hatha Yoga Pradipika,

306
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,799
they're seated or flat on your back.

307
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:25,239
The best bit about this book
is not the yoga poses.

308
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:29,599
It has some instructions,
for example, how to avoid death

309
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:33,039
by redrawing discharged semen
back into your penis.

310
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,399
That is one of the...

311
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:35,759
AUDIENCE GROANS

312
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,839
It's like a boomerang on Instagram!

313
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,600
SHE SLURPS

314
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,720
Oh, you've been on my Instagram!

315
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:48,999
What a Gif. ELLIE: Yeah.

316
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,599
There's another one,

317
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,319
how to lengthen your own tongue
so you can lick your forehead.

318
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,479
Who doesn't want that skill? Wow!

319
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,640
It's... Licking your forehead's not
the first thing that comes to mind.

320
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,040
APPLAUSE

321
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,759
Phil, I'm sorry.

322
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,119
You seem like a nice boy,
and I'm very sorry.

323
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,879
This is exactly
what I came here for! OK.

324
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:17,239
So it wasn't till the 19th century
that we begin

325
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,239
to get any work that resembles
modern yoga.

326
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:23,279
This is an Indian prince called
Krishna Raja Wadiyar III,

327
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,439
and he wrote a guide. And it has

328
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,719
122 poses, but they're mostly
borrowed from gymnastics.

329
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,279
And then you start to get the
westernisation of it.

330
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:33,359
And that's when it begins to evolve.

331
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,159
But it's really a very modern thing.

332
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:38,399
The most difficult yoga pose
that we know of is called

333
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,999
a Yoganidrasana, and it is known....

334
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,519
Oh, God!

335
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,760
Yeah. It's the yoga sleep pose.

336
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,159
I don't even know what's happening.

337
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:52,120
I think he's trying to do
what Alan was suggesting earlier.

338
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,279
I think that all that stands
between that man and happiness

339
00:15:58,280 --> 00:15:59,680
is two vertebrae.

340
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,959
"Will someone help me get
my pants off!"

341
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,799
Yeah, where are his feet, actually?

342
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,479
They're tucked in under his chin.
Some people tuck the feet

343
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,359
behind the head
and use it as a sort of pillow,

344
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,319
that is the other way
I've seen it done.

345
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:14,640
Just use a pillow!

346
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,439
It is very disturbing.

347
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,559
Full body yoga is supposed
to be good for you,

348
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:23,159
it's supposed to lower blood
pressure, treat depression,

349
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,839
musculoskeletal conditions,
like lower back pain.

350
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,119
Although... Look at you!

351
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,719
Doing some there, doing a few
moves there. I like that!

352
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,200
Can you do the sleep pose? Yeah.

353
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,359
But it causes as many injuries
as any other sport.

354
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:41,239
So it's not necessarily... People
are always knackering themselves.

355
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,039
Yes. That's why I think -
just sit still.

356
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,999
Go for a walk! Yeah. I've got
two pieces of practical advice

357
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,519
for people to avoid injuries
from yoga.

358
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,359
This was from a 2013 review
of yoga case studies.

359
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,399
First of all, avoid headstands,

360
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,439
and secondly, don't practise yoga

361
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,800
while under the influence
of psychoactive drugs.

362
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,919
Good to know. Good to know!

363
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,399
I haven't even thought
of that second one.

364
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,519
Yoga, as we know it,
is largely a modern invention,

365
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,600
and anyone who says otherwise
is merely posturing.

366
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,640
When was the first American Civil
War re-enactment performed?

367
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,879
I reckon it was
while it was going on.

368
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,719
You reckon it was while...?
Yeah. You're absolutely right.

369
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:30,519
The next day - they went back
and said, "This is what happened."

370
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,600
Do you know what, I'm going to give you
five extra points for that because...

371
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,759
..that is exactly what happened. So
they were known as practice battles

372
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,079
or sham battles. It was
partly for practice but partly

373
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,999
exactly what you're saying.
It was like a sort of newsreel

374
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,879
of the time. So they could update
people back home

375
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:51,679
as to how the war was looking.

376
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,879
And it began just after the very
first battle of the war.

377
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,599
So, mostly Unionists,
that's the ones from the North.

378
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,599
The Confederates didn't do it
so often,

379
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,279
the ones from the South, because
they didn't have any money for

380
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,799
blank ammunition.
And they solved this in the winter

381
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,519
by having snowball battles with
full, apparently,

382
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,119
military tactics and... Aww.

383
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:11,119
They seem like really nice guys!

384
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:13,759
Nice guys, yeah. And there are lots
of people who do this,

385
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,119
they're called live-action
role-players, or Larpas.

386
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,919
Do you know about this, Phil?
You are nodding. Oh, yeah.

387
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,239
In 2014, there was
a Larpa in Portland called

388
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,159
Conrad Bass, who was arrested

389
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,399
after running into a busy

390
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:29,000
intersection in full armour,
while on acid.

391
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,559
PHIL: At least he wasn't doing yoga.

392
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,640
He unsuccessfully tried to
joust with a car.

393
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:42,759
I saw an English Civil War one,
as a kid.

394
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,239
It was quite entertaining
but then they would get

395
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,679
shot and they would
lie down for about 15 seconds,

396
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,679
and then they'd get up
and join in again.

397
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,039
And that, to me,
that slightly spoiled it. Yeah.

398
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:55,239
They should just lie there. Do you
want them to go method and die?

399
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,760
Yeah. What war had this guy in it?

400
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:03,719
It's like Game Of Thrones got
very low-budget.

401
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:07,120
The interesting fact about all of
them is that they are all virgins.

402
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,519
But it's not a new thing.

403
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,199
The pageantry of staged battles,
it goes back, well,

404
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,239
certainly as far as the ancient
Romans.

405
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,399
They used to stage a thing
called naumachiae.

406
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:20,959
They were sea battles
that were put on

407
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,559
for the public, and they had
a specially constructed theatre

408
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,479
for the audience,
and ships were crewed by

409
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,479
thousands of prisoners of war,

410
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,799
or slaves and condemned men,

411
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,679
and they actually often
used to fight

412
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,559
to the death. That's theatre, innit?

413
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,880
That is proper theatre.
Les Mis is shit!

414
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,319
This is what it's about.

415
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:42,159
So the first one that we know about,
the first naumachiae,

416
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,639
was staged by Julius Caesar,

417
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,319
and he was celebrating
the end of four different wars

418
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,119
that he had been in. And
so a basin was dug near the Tiber,

419
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:52,199
capable of holding full-sized
ships, and more than 2,000

420
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:55,159
combatants and 4,000 rowers,
all of them prisoners of war,

421
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,639
had to fight in it.
I mean, it's astonishing. Wow.

422
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:58,999
I know, it is incredible.

423
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,719
So, and there's always been these

424
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,919
vast battles with lots of people,
so, Alan,

425
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,119
I'm going to ask a specific
question to you -

426
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,000
what was the first "beautiful game"?

427
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:10,439
Well, A Beautiful Game is famously

428
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,279
the title of Pele's autobiography.

429
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:13,679
Right.

430
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,279
So, is that the answer?

431
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,879
No, it's...
Not football? No, it isn't football.

432
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,319
So, in Italy,
there used to be battles involving

433
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,479
the entire city.

434
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:24,999
A thing called a Ponte dei Pugni.

435
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,879
The Battle at the Bridge
of the Fists.

436
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,999
And it was held every
year in the 17th century in Venice.

437
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:34,119
And men of the city would have
a mass fist fight.

438
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:36,319
And you can sort of see
what's going on here.

439
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:37,599
There is two rival factions.

440
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,639
The Castelanni are the ones in red.
They are from the industrial east.

441
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,039
And anybody who's in black,

442
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,599
or in a darker colour,
that's mainly the fishermen

443
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,039
from the west of the city,
that's the Nicolotti.

444
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,119
Really rounded up some very good
paintings for this episode.

445
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,719
Isn't it fantastic?
It's really fantastic.

446
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:56,319
And in 1494, the diarist
Allegro Allegretti

447
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,439
referred to the Sienese pugni as -

448
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,559
"un belissimo gioco".

449
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,399
"A beautiful game".

450
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,959
And that is one of the first
origins of that phrase.

451
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:10,759
They hold one of these in my local
Wetherspoon every Saturday night.

452
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:12,999
It's so popular.
There's a bridge called the

453
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,399
Diedo bridge at San Marziale,
and it opened in 1670,

454
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,999
and it actually included marble
footprints to show

455
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,959
where the fighters should take
their marks, to get themselves ready

456
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,079
for the battle.
It's fantastic, it's astonishing.

457
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,719
For a second, I thought that blue
thing in the middle was a sheet,

458
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:27,439
I thought they were sheet tossing.

459
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,519
A bit of tossing in the middle, as
well? No.

460
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,359
But it is tossing, but into the
canal.

461
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:34,239
And possibly one of the greatest
re-enactments of battles

462
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,119
was the St Louis World's Fair
in 1904.

463
00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:38,839
And they produced what
they said was the greatest and most

464
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:42,319
realistic military spectacle
in the history of the world.

465
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,879
They featured a British Army
encampment,

466
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,959
they had native Zulu
and bushmen and so on.

467
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,759
And then, twice a day,
they would re-enact major battles

468
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,199
from the Boer War.
And they had several generals

469
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,039
and 600 veteran soldiers,
both from each side of the war.

470
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,479
And then at the end of the show,
the Boer general,

471
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,119
Christiaan de Wet,
he would escape on horseback

472
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:03,559
by leaping from a height of 35 feet

473
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,399
into a pool of water.

474
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,199
What is astonishing about it -
those people in that war,

475
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,999
it was a bitterly fought war,
and they hated each other,

476
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,679
they ended up in showbusiness
together.

477
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,519
It's a classic showbiz story,
really.

478
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,239
Now, can you name a European
paradise?

479
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:21,880
Birmingham.

480
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:26,199
To which, I believe, you can
catch a bus!

481
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,639
You can.

482
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,759
Right, what would you say was
a European paradise?

483
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,439
I went to Kavos in 2002.

484
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,319
That was pretty...
That's pretty cool.

485
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,840
Free shots
if you flashed your boobs.

486
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,559
Is there something about the word
"paradise"?

487
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,519
Yeah.
It's actually a mythical land of

488
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:45,199
plenty. It was
know as the Province of Cockaigne.

489
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:47,440
Is that Soho now? Yeah.

490
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,279
The description of it is
fantastic - nobody grows old,

491
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:52,519
houses are made of food.

492
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:54,479
There are ready-roasted pigs

493
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,079
which walk by, so that you can take
a bite out of them.

494
00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:00,760
The sky's made of cheese.
That's just a kebab shop!

495
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,319
Monks can beat their abbots.
There are lots of pictures

496
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:08,999
of nuns flipped over to
show their bottoms.

497
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,959
And you even get paid for sleeping,
yeah. Oh! It does sound good.

498
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:17,359
There actually are two
lines of cocaine on the table. Yeah.

499
00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:19,079
Yes, that's well pointed out.

500
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,559
The Cockaigne Palace was built
in 1747

501
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:23,679
in front of the Palace of Naples.

502
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:26,559
And it was to celebrate
the birth of King Carlos's son,

503
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:30,159
Felipe, and every inch was covered
in food.

504
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,919
And what they did was - they allowed
a crowd of starving commoners

505
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,279
into the grounds

506
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:38,559
to grab as much as they could
while the royalty watched.

507
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,279
But the actual word, "paradise",

508
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:43,239
is actually a Persian
gardening term.

509
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:47,799
Which comes from "pairi", which
means around, and "daeza" - walled.

510
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:49,919
So it was basically just a walled
garden,

511
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,719
which we've sort of adopted
as an idea of

512
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:53,839
the place of paradise.

513
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:57,199
Is this paradise now?
Is that what we're looking at?

514
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,719
Yeah. There's a cow tickling
a cheetah. Is that what happens?

515
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,399
It's a painter's desire to
imagine...

516
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,639
A very lazily planned zoo. Yes.

517
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,559
This is all the animals
waiting for the zoo to be finished.

518
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:13,920
Yeah. "When can we move in?" -
that lion is shouting at tortoises.

519
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:19,719
Shouting? "Move quicker!"

520
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,560
"I'll eat you." "You won't.
I'm a tough nut to crack."

521
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,119
OK. Now for another
question about the passage of time.

522
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:30,599
Which of you thinks this show

523
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,479
is dragging the most.

524
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,159
This particular recording?

525
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,239
This time that we're spending
together.

526
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,359
It's about how we actually
perceive time.

527
00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:40,119
Oh, hang on, where's north?

528
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:42,000
Sorry?

529
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,719
Are you trying to place
Birmingham again?

530
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,919
He needs to know which way
to get the bus.

531
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,999
Why do you want to place north,
darling?

532
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,040
In my head... Oh, good heavens.

533
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:58,119
..wherever north is... Yes.

534
00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:00,719
..then I can work out which way
the Earth is spinning.

535
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,439
Cos time goes faster depending

536
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,439
on, or slower, depending
on your momentum, doesn't it?

537
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:08,879
So, I can't work out whether...
Based on where we are on the...

538
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,159
No, we're all going at the same
speed. None of us are

539
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,439
really moving all that
differently to each other.

540
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,799
Is there a gender thing?
No, it's not a gender thing,

541
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:17,999
but it is to do with
differences between the five of us.

542
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,359
Is it to do with age? It is
absolutely to do with ages, yes.

543
00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:22,399
Time races along when you're older.

544
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,160
It's only just been Christmas!

545
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:27,439
That is exactly right.

546
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,399
Time really does fly
when you are older.

547
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,119
So, the person for whom it is
dragging, is the youngest

548
00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:34,399
amongst us.
Who is the youngest amongst us?

549
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,479
Sandi, it's you, isn't it?
It's probably me.

550
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:39,919
So they did a study,
the US Society for Neuroscience,

551
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,519
so if you look at the group here -

552
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,399
we've got 19-to 24-year-olds in
one group,

553
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,759
and another group
60-to 80-year-olds, and they

554
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,959
asked them to judge how long it
took for three minutes to elapse.

555
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,519
So they just sat them in a room
and they had to guess.

556
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,239
And the younger group's guess was

557
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:54,959
three minutes and three seconds.

558
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,719
And the older group's guess was
three minutes and 40 seconds.

559
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:00,359
So a longer time to
an older person feels

560
00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:02,079
quicker, it is exactly that.

561
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,439
"Good heavens,
is it Christmas again?"

562
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:05,799
Yeah.

563
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:07,919
Is that to do with cos it's
sort of relative

564
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:09,679
to how much you've lived? Yeah.

565
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:11,919
For example, a four-year-old,
her fifth birthday is a

566
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,599
quarter of her life away.
Whereas, to a 50-year-old, one year

567
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,319
is only 2% of their lifetime away.

568
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:17,719
Also, I think, when you are four,

569
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,479
your next birthday is a really very
pressing engagement... Yes.

570
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,159
..that you start to think
about the day after you were four.

571
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:27,119
Whereas, we don't really want to
have any more birthdays, do we?

572
00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:30,319
Oh, no, I'm looking forward to mine,
I'm going to get my bus pass.

573
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,160
CHEERING

574
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,640
Oh, Sandi,
have I got a game for you!

575
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,799
But what you said, Joe,
is also very interesting

576
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,239
cos another strange thing is to
do with physics,

577
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:45,639
about how we perceive time.

578
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,239
So, according to Einstein's
theory of relativity,

579
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,599
the faster you travel,
the slower time passes.

580
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,799
So that's something called
time dilation.

581
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:54,999
There's a really neat thought
experiment

582
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,599
that proves that
if you travel at the speed of light,

583
00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:59,639
time stops.

584
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,759
So you just have to imagine
there's a clock

585
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,479
behind you. And you get on a really
fast bus, let's say it's

586
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:06,839
going to Birmingham.

587
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:10,359
And you get on this really fast bus
and you can see the clock behind you.

588
00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:12,359
But if you are travelling
at the speed of light,

589
00:27:12,360 --> 00:27:15,719
the light that's
coming off the clock can't be faster

590
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,079
than you.
So it stays the same. Yeah.

591
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,919
Ah! That's amazing.
Absolutely right.

592
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:24,079
They did this wonderful study
in 2014 at Leicester University.

593
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,919
How far the twins Luke Skywalker
and Princess Leia -

594
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:30,839
how far their ages would have
drifted apart

595
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,919
in the film Star Wars Episode V,
so that's

596
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:34,239
The Empire Strikes Back.

597
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,679
Cos they travel
separately around the universe

598
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,039
at different speeds for different
distances,

599
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,639
and they are subjected to
different gravitational

600
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:43,479
fields,
and so by the end of the film,

601
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:47,920
Luke is one and three quarter years
younger than his twin sister!

602
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:51,999
I was flicking through
the telly the other day,

603
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,599
and I stumbled across

604
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,319
Jim Davidson

605
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:58,439
being interviewed by Piers Morgan.

606
00:27:58,440 --> 00:27:59,719
Wow.

607
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:03,879
And the time it took me
to change the channel,

608
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,320
felt like the equivalent
of four years.

609
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:15,079
Agghh!

610
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,079
Actually,
on the twins thing, there was

611
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:18,959
a very good story -
in 2007, there were

612
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,199
twins in America, and they were born

613
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,839
during the autumn clocks change.

614
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:25,319
So, Peter was born first on

615
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:26,959
Sunday morning, and his sister,

616
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,839
Alison, arrived 34 minutes later.

617
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:31,239
Are these babies magnetic?

618
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,079
They are.
They appear to have swung around.

619
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:37,039
But because of the daylight savings
time, she was recorded

620
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,239
as having been born 26 minutes
earlier.

621
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,759
Oh... I know.
And their father told reporters,

622
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,199
"We'll let them
work it out between themselves,"

623
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,320
"I don't want to get into
the middle of it."

624
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,639
Now, what can you tell me
about the authors of these poems?

625
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:53,960
Joe, read this one out for me,
darling.

626
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,719
LAUGHTER

627
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,159
OK, that was lovely.

628
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:11,999
Let's do another one.

629
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,480
Alan, you could maybe
read this one for me, darling.

630
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,559
OK. What is wrong
with both those poems?

631
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,160
They're shit. They're... Yes.

632
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:35,639
Is the correct answer!

633
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:38,319
They were both written by...?

634
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:40,319
What do we reckon?

635
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,079
A bad poet. No.

636
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:43,719
They were written by a computer.

637
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:45,719
Oh! They were written
by a computer program.

638
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,119
So there's a man called Jack
Hopkins, who's a researcher

639
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:50,879
at the University of Cambridge,
and he fed huge amounts of poetry

640
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,359
into what's called
a deep learning program

641
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,159
to teach it to produce its own,

642
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:57,559
and that is what the computer
came up with.

643
00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:59,399
But I have to say, in terms
of bad poetry,

644
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:00,799
we don't need any help, do we?

645
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,719
I think human beings
are perfectly capable.

646
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:04,399
Anybody know who's widely considered

647
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,519
the worst poet in the English
language?

648
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,400
PHIL: Ed Sheeran.

649
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:11,919
I rather like Ed Sheeran.

650
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,319
Why does he do that funny thing
with his hair?

651
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:16,039
ELLIE: It's just being ginger.

652
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,479
APPLAUSE

653
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,240
It's a mistake.

654
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:24,159
William McGonagall, probably
considered the worst poet

655
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:27,159
of the English language.
He lived 1825 to 1902.

656
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:28,719
One of my favourites,

657
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,719
his ode to the Tay Bridge
rail disaster of 1875.

658
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:33,479
Terrible disaster.

659
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,119
A bridge collapsed
under a train during a storm,

660
00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:38,560
it killed everybody aboard.
And he wrote...

661
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,599
So... It's just so beautiful!
I know.

662
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:55,199
This was arguably bested,
or possibly worsted, in 1873

663
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:59,479
by a British Museum employee called
Theophile-Jules-Henri Marzials.

664
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:01,319
Here's his poem, A Tragedy.

665
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,559
It's considered one of the
worst poems of all time.

666
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:05,000
These are the final lines.

667
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,920
I've often wondered
what I wanted read at my funeral.

668
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:20,679
Isn't it perfect?

669
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:24,159
So before the show,
I asked everybody to write a poem

670
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:26,359
to see if we could beat
Mr McGonagall,

671
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,279
or indeed, Theophile.

672
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,359
So I've got one. Here we are.

673
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,399
"What would we be without Alan?"

674
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,239
"Totally unbalan-ced."

675
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:35,999
"That's where."

676
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,639
It's a haiku.

677
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:39,959
Do you like it? Yes, very much!

678
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,480
Yeah, it was written by my agent.
I hadn't got time.

679
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:46,159
Do you want to begin?
I've written a haiku, as well.

680
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:47,879
Oh, go for it, darling. Ahem.

681
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:49,399
"First time on QI."

682
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,759
"Must not swear and let Mum down."

683
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:53,680
"Piece of fucking piss."

684
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,640
APPLAUSE

685
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,359
She'll be so proud.

686
00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:04,559
Thank you, Sandi. Joe.

687
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:07,520
Can I have absolute silence?

688
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,399
"I really like to go on QI."

689
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,679
"It is better than if I die."

690
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:16,679
"Sandi Toksvig is so nice,"

691
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,799
"but Alan Davies has got lice."

692
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,160
APPLAUSE

693
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:24,600
I have actually...

694
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:27,880
I have actually been treated
for that.

695
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:31,839
Phil? Oh, I've written a poem

696
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,879
on the theme of pastime,
which is the theme of the episode.

697
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,319
And it's called One T Or Two.

698
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,679
"Does pastime have one T or two?"

699
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,799
"I haven't the foggiest, do you?"

700
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,559
"I suppose it doesn't matter.
We're only here for the patter."

701
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,279
"Does anyone else need a poo?"

702
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:49,359
I sort of panicked at the end,
I think, cos...

703
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:52,640
APPLAUSE

704
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,639
Do you want to hear some
of my tries? Yes, please. OK.

705
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:02,640
"Denmark, what a lark!"

706
00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:06,199
"Everyone agrees."

707
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,400
"Sandi Toksvig's at her tallest
when she's climbing trees."

708
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:13,960
And then I ran out of ideas.

709
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:17,999
People do take their poetry
very seriously.

710
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:20,639
There was a man called Roderick
Maclean, and he once tried to

711
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,799
shoot Queen Victoria because
she didn't like his poetry.

712
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:25,239
He sent her a poem,

713
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,759
and he got a less than
generous reply, he felt,

714
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:32,159
and he fired at her at Windsor
Station on March 2nd, 1882.

715
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:35,519
He missed, and was subdued
by two Eton schoolboys

716
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,880
who hit him with their umbrellas.

717
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:42,759
I think, out of all of those,

718
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:44,879
I'm afraid I'm going to
vote Phil's the best one.

719
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:47,319
I think that was very good.
Thank you.

720
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:49,720
APPLAUSE

721
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:52,959
Now, here's a pet hate of mine.

722
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:56,759
Why did the ancient Chinese
give wine to their dogs?

723
00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:58,999
What do you reckon?

724
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,799
♪ Cos they were legends! ♪

725
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:03,479
Was it to see if it was OK?

726
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:05,839
You know, like, in a restaurant,
they bring you

727
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:08,119
a little bit and they go,
"Go on, then." And you have to go

728
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:10,839
like this. So they put
a glass of wine in front of the dog

729
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,359
and the dog would pick it up and

730
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:14,279
spin it around. I love that.

731
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:16,720
Yeah. "Is that
a Chateauneuf-du-Ruff?!"

732
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,559
So it's miniature Pekingese
that we are talking about.

733
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:24,439
They were also known
as sleeve Pekingese.

734
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:28,479
They used to keep the dogs
up the sleeves,

735
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:30,759
it's partly to keep
their hands warm,

736
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:33,639
but it's also a form, hilarious
form of self-protection.

737
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:36,919
Because if anybody comes near you,
you just go, "Bah!" like that,

738
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,239
with the dogs up your sleeves.

739
00:34:39,240 --> 00:34:41,319
So obviously, if you've got
a sleeve Pekingese,

740
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,159
you want them to be
as small as possible,

741
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:44,879
and one of the things
they thought was,

742
00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:46,799
if you gave rice wine to puppies,

743
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:48,959
it would stunt their growth. Oh!

744
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:50,439
I tried this with my children,

745
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:53,439
and honestly, they're enormous,
so... No idea what happened there!

746
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:56,199
And they used to squeeze them
as newborns

747
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:57,799
to try and keep them small,

748
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,719
and they used to fit them with
a wire mesh waistcoat

749
00:35:00,720 --> 00:35:03,399
to try and... Oh!
I know! It's awful.

750
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:05,839
I have no idea why they
thought giving wine to a dog

751
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:07,159
would keep it small. It...

752
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,239
I have to say,
do not give alcohol to dogs.

753
00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:11,119
Their kidneys are not adapted
to process it.

754
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:13,079
And in fact, the practice
was banned eventually

755
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:14,999
by an Empress Dowager Cixi in...

756
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,239
She died in 1908. She stopped it.

757
00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:19,840
Oh, look at the Ferrero Rocher
that she... Yes...

758
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:25,119
Expecting the ambassador!
Can't give that to a dog, either.

759
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:26,799
That's very naughty.
No, no chocolate.

760
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:28,039
No, do not give chocolate.

761
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:30,599
I'm from Borneo.
There's a tribe in Borneo

762
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,439
that cooks food, meat, by passing it

763
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:36,439
through the digestive system
of a dog -

764
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:40,919
and so you feed the dog like chunks
of meat and squeeze...squeeze it

765
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:43,359
so that it gets cooked by the acid,

766
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,039
but not long enough for it
to get digested,

767
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:49,519
and out the butt comes a lovely
little sort of ceviche.

768
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,879
Like a magician,
like pulling a sleeve.

769
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:55,159
Yeah. How are you doing with that -
that thought?

770
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:56,600
I don't like it.

771
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:01,279
There's a lovely story about how the
Pekingese breed came about.

772
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:04,439
The story is that a lion fell in
love with a butterfly.

773
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:07,079
And they both knew that their
difference in size

774
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:09,559
meant that it was too much for them
to overcome.

775
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:11,759
And together they went to see the
Buddha

776
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:13,359
and he allowed their size to meet

777
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:16,399
in the middle. So the Pekingese is a
love story

778
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:19,359
between a lion and a butterfly. It's
lovely, isn't it? Aww.

779
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:20,840
It's not true, Joe.

780
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:25,119
They are known as temple dogs. The
idea was that they were so small,

781
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:27,559
they could get to all the demons in
the corners of

782
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,799
the temples. But they could be very
vicious.

783
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,159
And they were used to scare away
anybody who was

784
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,399
threatening the courtiers. Once they
got out the pot,

785
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,359
they were livid. Yeah.

786
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:39,239
But they were revered. Commoners
would have to bow to the dogs,

787
00:36:39,240 --> 00:36:41,439
they were really important within
the palace.

788
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:44,079
How old do we think the
Pekingese breed is?

789
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,080
Seven million years.

790
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:48,920
Same as yoga, then.

791
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,759
1,000 years. It is really old.

792
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:55,639
It is one of the oldest dog breeds.
Dog remains have been found

793
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:58,279
that look a bit like them in the
Middle East and in Europe dating

794
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,039
back 12,000 years.

795
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:03,119
They're one of the least genetically
diverged dogs from the wolf.

796
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:04,599
You wouldn't think it, would you?

797
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:06,639
Especially the one
on the top left...

798
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,039
Yes. That has been blow-dried.

799
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:10,919
That's been held under a hand-dryer.

800
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,960
Just up and down in one
of those Dyson ones for ages.

801
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:19,239
The first ones that came
to Britain -

802
00:37:19,240 --> 00:37:21,399
was part of the Second Opium War,

803
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:24,479
so in 1860 they were taken
from the Summer Palace near Peking,

804
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,079
during the plundering
by the Anglo-French forces.

805
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,639
And as the English stormed
the palace, all the dogs

806
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,239
were slaughtered,
but five of them survived and one

807
00:37:32,240 --> 00:37:34,079
of them was given to Queen Victoria.

808
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:35,560
She named him Looty.

809
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:38,999
But keeping dogs in sleeves -

810
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:41,199
no stranger than putting them
in a handbag.

811
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:44,759
So, in New York City,
the subway prohibits dogs

812
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:47,800
unless they're carried.
You sure that's a dog?

813
00:37:50,240 --> 00:37:52,400
If not, it wants shaving.

814
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:57,320
Texting his doctor. Yeah.

815
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:03,560
"I can't even get it
in my trousers now."

816
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:08,479
Now on to the penalty
shoot-out round

817
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:11,199
that we call General Ignorance.
Fingers on buzzers, please.

818
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:14,799
What pastime that begins with P
was illegal in New York

819
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:16,319
for 30 years?

820
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:18,119
Is the picture a clue?

821
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:21,559
Well, we are in New York there,
and we do have the letter P, so...

822
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:23,719
FANFARE Pinball.

823
00:38:23,720 --> 00:38:25,799
Pinball is exactly right. Pinball.

824
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,799
So the very first pinball machine
patented in 1871,

825
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:32,599
the first commercial one is 1931,
and then the early 1940s,

826
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,119
they began to be seen as
a game of chance,

827
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:37,399
and therefore a form of gambling,

828
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:40,159
and so they banned it in 1942.

829
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:42,239
Slight overreaction.

830
00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:44,239
It's Prohibition-style stuff,
darling -

831
00:38:44,240 --> 00:38:46,839
they smashed them up,
they burned machines.

832
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:49,759
So politically incorrect
and ecologically unsound -

833
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,239
they dumped all of them
in the river -

834
00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:54,999
and then eventually it became
like a secret thing,

835
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,439
they were in the back rooms of seedy
establishments.

836
00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,239
The one in the back on the right,
there,

837
00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:02,240
is clearly rubbing the pinball
machine against his genitals.

838
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:07,560
Clearly. Clearly only to you.

839
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:12,400
And it was finally overturned
as late as 1976.

840
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:20,640
Ding-ding!

841
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:24,360
Tilt! Oh, sorry.

842
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:27,879
Pinball jizz-ard.

843
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:29,519
LAUGHTER

844
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:31,159
APPLAUSE

845
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,959
The ban was overturned
because there was an association

846
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:36,279
called the Music And Amusement
Association,

847
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:38,519
they hired a 26-year-old called
Roger Sharpe,

848
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:41,679
and he proved that it was a game
of skill and the ban was overturned.

849
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:45,719
So now you can play pinball. Pinball
prohibition lasted twice as long

850
00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:47,439
as alcohol prohibition.

851
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:50,000
Which country is the home of golf?

852
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,760
GROANING Oh, that's not fair!

853
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,199
I bet it's China.
Everything was invented in China.

854
00:39:58,200 --> 00:39:59,919
You are absolutely right.

855
00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:01,719
Yes, it is indeed.

856
00:40:01,720 --> 00:40:04,000
APPLAUSE

857
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,239
The oldest form of golf
is in China.

858
00:40:08,240 --> 00:40:11,159
It's called Chuiwan -
literally hitting ball -

859
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:14,279
and they were playing this form
of golf about 1,000 years ago,

860
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:18,279
and it's described in something
called the Dongxuan records,

861
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:21,359
written sometime between 1050
and 1100 AD.

862
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:25,359
A Chinese magistrate tells his
daughter to dig goals in the ground

863
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:27,679
so that he might drive a ball
into them

864
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,359
with a purposely crafted stick.

865
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:31,439
What the Scottish did

866
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,679
was they brought all the aspects
of the game together.

867
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:37,639
The first time we hear about golf is
when it's banned in Scotland - 1457.

868
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:41,279
It was thought to be a distraction
from practising battle skills.

869
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:43,239
Also they had the links,
didn't they?

870
00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:46,359
They had the land between farmland
and the sea,

871
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,359
which was unusable sand dune,

872
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:51,559
you couldn't grow anything,
so they played there.

873
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:53,880
Yeah. Have I been playing
golf wrong?!

874
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,560
In the wrong outfit, certainly!

875
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:01,599
What is that happening there?

876
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:03,200
It's a golf re-enactment.

877
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,319
In World War II, they didn't stop
playing golf,

878
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:09,279
despite the fact the Battle of
Britain

879
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:12,119
was going on overhead. They just had
a few specific rules

880
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:13,199
related to wartime.

881
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,319
So here's a local rule for Richmond
Golf Club -

882
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:18,999
"A player whose stroke is affected
by the simultaneous"

883
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,359
"explosion of a bomb, or shell,"

884
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,639
"or by machine-gun fire,"

885
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:27,519
"may play another ball
from the same place."

886
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:28,880
"Penalty - one stroke."

887
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,359
Which country do pinatas come from?

888
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,319
Not Mexico. Not Mexico.

889
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:38,159
Where else might they come from?

890
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,239
Wales. Scotland. China.

891
00:41:40,240 --> 00:41:41,399
China!

892
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:44,559
Thought to have been brought
to Europe from China by Marco Polo.

893
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:48,039
Speaking of Marco Polo, the stories
are absolutely fantastic.

894
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:51,359
One of my favourite stories
is about Kublai Khan's niece,

895
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:53,759
Princess Khutulun,
and she was unmarried

896
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,679
and Kublai Khan wanted her
to get married

897
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:58,279
so she said, "Well, that's fine,
I will marry the first man"

898
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:02,359
"who wrestles me and wins -
and if he wins, I'll marry him,"

899
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,479
"if he loses he has to give me
100 horses,"

900
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:07,239
and Marco Polo writes
that Princess Khutulun

901
00:42:07,240 --> 00:42:09,079
concluded her life unmarried

902
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:10,960
with 10,000 horses!

903
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:14,919
I love that. So there's
a Chinese tradition

904
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:16,879
which Marco Polo wrote about,

905
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:18,079
and basically they made an ox

906
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:20,039
or a sort of cow-shaped
papier mache structure

907
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:22,799
and they covered it in coloured
paper and they filled it with seeds

908
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:24,599
and then they hit it until
they spilled,

909
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:27,359
and supposedly it brought good luck
and brought the harvest.

910
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:30,919
So pinatas are also an ancient
Chinese invention.

911
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:34,200
Where does Chinese checkers
come from?

912
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:40,439
It's not going to be that, is it?

913
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:42,079
PLAINSONG CHANTING

914
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:43,760
Mexico.

915
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:49,799
It's a German invention.

916
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,399
So there was a game called
Stern-Halma,

917
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,519
but the company in the United States
that made it

918
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:59,079
thought it sounded more exotic
to call it Chinese checkers -

919
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:02,559
but it's based on an earlier
American game, also called Halma.

920
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:06,359
Chinese checkers is one of the few
inventions not actually Chinese.

921
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:08,959
All of which brings us to the
puffed-up perorations

922
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:10,239
of the final scores.

923
00:43:10,240 --> 00:43:12,279
In joint first place,
with one point each,

924
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:15,080
it's Ellie and Alan!
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

925
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:20,879
In third place, with minus four,

926
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:23,400
Phil!
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

927
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:29,679
And, winning isn't everything -
our wooden spoon goes to Joe,

928
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:33,040
with minus 18!
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

929
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:41,799
Our thanks to Ellie, Joe,
Phil and Alan. That's all from us,

930
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:44,599
but I leave you with this - in 1980,
American tennis player

931
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,279
Vitas Gerulaitis finally beat
Jimmy Connors

932
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:49,919
after losing their previous
16 encounters.

933
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:53,359
In the post-match interview,
Vitas triumphantly said,

934
00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:57,319
"Nobody beats Vitas Gerulaitis
17 times in a row!"

935
00:43:57,320 --> 00:43:58,799
Thank you, goodnight.

936
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:02,120
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING