1 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,400 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,439 Good evening and welcome to QI, 3 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:40,319 where tonight we are queuing up to explore all things quirky. 4 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:44,079 Joining me are the quick-witted Jason Manford... 5 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,080 APPLAUSE Hello. 6 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:50,759 ..the quotable Sarah Millican... 7 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,520 APPLAUSE 8 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,439 ..the quizzical Loyiso Gola... 9 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,120 APPLAUSE 10 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:04,239 ..and the total quirk-a-holic Alan Davies. 11 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,080 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 12 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,439 Let's hear their buzzers. Jason goes... 13 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:16,639 JEW'S HARP AND SLEIGH BELLS 14 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,999 Quite quirky, I like that. Sarah goes... 15 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,119 DRAMATIC JAZZ PLAYS 16 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:22,600 Ooh, jazz. 17 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,359 Wow. It's a migraine, that is. 18 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:27,799 Yeah. LAUGHTER 19 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,759 It's jazz musicians in search of a tune. 20 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:30,839 LAUGHTER 21 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,199 Loyiso goes... 22 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:35,440 POUNDING MUSIC PLAYS 23 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,959 Does anybody else feel like they're on the wrong medication today? 24 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:43,999 LAUGHTER And Alan goes... 25 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,079 BUZZER 26 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,439 LAUGHTER 27 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,120 APPLAUSE 28 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:54,359 This first question is on the QT. 29 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:59,439 What's the furthest anyone's ever gone for a brew? 30 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,479 Was it before or after refrigerators? 31 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:03,919 Oh, definitely before. 32 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,359 Does that really help? Does that narrow it down? 33 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,760 LAUGHTER No. No. I mean... 34 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:13,239 ..in terms of history, darling. 35 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,240 I think there's a lot more before fridge. 36 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:19,719 The BF, before fridge. Before fridge. 37 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,959 Changed the world. Never mind about fridges. 38 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,439 Furthest for a cup of tea? Did they have one on the moon? 39 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,839 Did they have one in the Apollo lander? Not the moon. 40 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,399 Not quite as far as the moon, but high. 41 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,599 Tea is so important, isn't it? 42 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,199 It's in all different parts of life, you know, 43 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,639 somebody's having a baby, "I'll put the kettle on." 44 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:39,079 Your grandad's dying, "I'll make a brew." 45 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,079 You know what I mean? Like, it's just everything. 46 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,119 Yeah, but it isn't just important to the British, 47 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,239 it's important in other parts of the world. 48 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:48,239 Where does it...? The Chinese? Is it on a plane? 49 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,799 Is there like a... OK, you can get tea on a plane, 50 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,440 but it wasn't... 51 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,960 Is there like a Boil High Club? 52 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,200 APPLAUSE 53 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:03,479 Jason said China. 54 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,439 China. Someone went to China... 55 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,759 Yes... to get some tea. 56 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,559 OK, so, as far as we know, this is one of the highest tea shops 57 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:12,959 in the world. 58 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:17,079 There is a Buddhist and Daoist temple at the very top of Mount Hua, 59 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:21,679 in the Qinling mountains, and the climb is treacherous 60 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:25,159 to get up there. Well, you'd need a brew. 61 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,239 The one on the right is optional, but it involves crossing a section 62 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:30,399 where you have to balance on these wooden planks. 63 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:31,919 Is that how you get down? A slide. 64 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,999 It's a 7,000-foot drop, darling, on the other side. Oh, wow. 65 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,719 Yeah. You can hire a safety harness if you want for $5, 66 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,879 but its use is not enforced. Right. 67 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:44,359 The tea is made from rainwater and mountain springs and snow melt 68 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:47,039 that they gather. It's said to be absolutely delicious. 69 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,920 Surprised there's not a Costa up there. 70 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,479 "Let's open up across the road!" 71 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,599 It's one of China's five great mountains. 72 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,679 It's got five peaks that form the shape of a lotus flower, 73 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,759 and each peak has a temple on it. 74 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,919 It's beautiful, isn't it? Wow. It's amazing. 75 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,519 Yeah, it's astonishing. But is it better than rooibos? 76 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,799 Oh, the South African tea, isn't it, rooibos? Mm-hm. 77 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,239 I'm so glad that you said that. 78 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,079 I didn't know how to pronounce that. Rooibos? 79 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,880 I've been calling it roobiboos for years. 80 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:16,119 It's true! 81 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:18,639 APPLAUSE 82 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,400 I was 33, still ordering "shit-ache" mushrooms. 83 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:27,959 The magic of tea - so, in the Second World War, the UK bought up 84 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:31,439 the surplus tea from every country, apart from Japan. 85 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:34,399 Apparently, they were terrified it would be bad for morale 86 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:35,879 if we ran out of tea. 87 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:39,919 So, their top purchases, in terms of weight were bullets, then tea, 88 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,680 then artillery shells, bombs and explosives. 89 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,319 Who drank the very first cup of tea, what do you reckon? 90 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,639 Oh, a very long time ago. Probably in China. 91 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,440 Do you think before fridges? 92 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,319 Many, many years BF. 93 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:57,759 Yes! 4,000 BF! Yes. 94 00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,599 You're absolutely right, it's China. 95 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,239 Well, it's a Chinese legend, who knows? 96 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:05,879 There was a Chinese emperor in 2737 BC, called Shennong, 97 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,839 and he was sitting under a tree, 98 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,159 and his servant was boiling some water 99 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:13,679 and some leaves, apparently, from the tree, blew into the water 100 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,239 and he thought, "I'll have that." 101 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,639 "I'm not reboiling the kettle now!" No, cos it's boiled now. 102 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:18,879 It took ages to boil that up. 103 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,279 And now the leaf's got in... "And I was watching it." 104 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,159 "Shall I fish it out or leave it...? 105 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,359 "I'll leave it in." I'll leave it in. Bit stronger. Ooh! 106 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,439 So, actually, if you go right back there, it is tea first. 107 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:31,879 Milk... Milk second. Milk never. 108 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,159 Tea first. Milk?! Yeah. 109 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:36,199 "Are you putting milk in that? It's already got leaves in it!" Ugh! 110 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,959 So how did they find out that you could have milk in a tea? 111 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,640 Was he drinking tea and a cow just went past him like that? 112 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,040 Squirted a bit in... 113 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,359 DROWNED BY APPLAUSE 114 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:50,639 Eureka! 115 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,840 It's a milkmaid having a cup of tea... 116 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:58,520 Ooh! 117 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,679 Don't want to get the teat in, though, do you? 118 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:03,359 AUDIENCE GROANS 119 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,639 Oh, listen to them all, the empathy with the udder, there. 120 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,440 Oh! Can you imagine your own udders going in? 121 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:13,120 I think it's fair to say you probably can't. 122 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,799 He had tea, then he had a pedicure. 123 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,039 Yes. He certainly looks like he could use one. Very bad hammertoes. 124 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,479 Is that his arm? 125 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:23,919 No, that's the scenery. 126 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,319 Now I can see that. Yeah. 127 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,759 He's got two mountains on his head, Sandi. 128 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,599 Who is this weirdo? 129 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:33,759 As long as he's got a little tea shop on one of them, though. 130 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,759 The story that I don't understand 131 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,359 is the Buddhist tradition of how tea was first discovered. 132 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,559 So, apparently, according to Buddhists, 133 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,199 it grew from Buddha's eyelids. 134 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,439 Buddha wanted to meditate for nine years and he kept falling asleep. 135 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,079 Right, it was nine years, long time. Yeah. That's good meditation. 136 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:49,999 That's really good. And so in frustration, 137 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,319 he ripped off his eyelids and he threw them to the ground, 138 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,759 and that's how the first tea plant grew. 139 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,079 Ripped off his eyelids? Yeah. That's extreme. 140 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:58,439 Just open your eyes! Yeah. 141 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,519 And now there's just people whispering on YouTube 142 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,279 so you don't have to rip anything off. 143 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,279 That's the new relaxation technique, isn't it? 144 00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,319 They whisper? Oh, that's... What is that called? 145 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,599 It's got a fancy name. Someone in here will know. 146 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,040 AUDIENCE: ASMR! There you go. 147 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,959 They sort of whisper... they... Some of them fold towels and... 148 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,319 Yeah, or pretend they're cutting your hair, or something. 149 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:17,799 Have you seen this? LOYISO: No. No. 150 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,359 And that's because you've got better things to do, frankly. 151 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,199 You know, the mad thing is, it doesn't matter how many shows 152 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,839 you've done, they'll have more views than all of us put together. 153 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,479 It's unbelievable. 154 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,880 I'll start whispering meself. I can fold a towel! 155 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,959 Your next DVD should be whispered. 156 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,800 ALAN WHISPERS 157 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,239 ALAN WHISPERS 158 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:42,759 Hold on, hold on. 159 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,839 Am I the only person who noticed that you said DVD? 160 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,399 I did say DVD, yeah. 161 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,719 Who uses DVDs? 162 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,399 Whoa! What? LAUGHTER 163 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,839 Me! APPLAUSE 164 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:55,319 Unbelievable! 165 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,159 Everybody just glanced over that 166 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:58,959 like that wasn't a crazy thing to say. 167 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:01,599 I still use... I still use... DVDs?! 168 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:04,359 I'm still on VHS. LAUGHTER 169 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,959 I played a cassette only yesterday, and do you know what happened? 170 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,439 It got stuck. 171 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,559 Do you remember when cassettes used to stretch 172 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:14,399 if you played them for too long? You'd get a little pen, 173 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:15,639 little pencil inside. 174 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:17,639 Oh, good times! 175 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,799 Or they'd get stuck... If you're driving and you pop one out 176 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,960 while you're driving, then the whole, the tape... 177 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,839 "It's my best tape! 178 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,439 "Don't pull it, don't pull it, don't pull it...! 179 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,719 "Pull over, it's the M4! Get out! Get out!" 180 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,999 "Get it out with a pencil. Get it out! 181 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,359 "Now wind it on. Wind it on. 182 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:40,600 "Come on, you're four years old, you can do this!" 183 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:47,119 So, not DVDs? Would you just watch it on the... 184 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,319 I'm just saying, in the last two years, 185 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,759 I don't remember inserting a DVD anywhere. 186 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,519 So it's like... LAUGHTER 187 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,159 It's a crazy... It's a crazy thing to say! 188 00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:01,240 I'm just hoping there were a limited range of options of where... 189 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,800 Yeah, some DVDs I can't get out! 190 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,240 One of Sarah's. 191 00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:14,559 There's no sexual innuendo here, just to stop. 192 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:17,559 Don't know why you're bothering, then. 193 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:21,600 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 194 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:29,359 Mount Hua gives a whole new meaning to high tea. 195 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:32,799 What's even quainter than a model village? 196 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,440 A giant boy. 197 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,519 I used to go and see these things as a family. 198 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,679 It's still a thing. My father would get his cine camera out 199 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:45,879 and then he would just film the model village. 200 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,839 He wouldn't film his children. 201 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,599 He filmed the model village, 202 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,880 in which nothing happens, nothing moves. 203 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:59,159 Was it on Super 8 as well, so it sort of went like that? Oh, yeah! 204 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,679 Don't mention Super 8 in front of him! 205 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:03,439 Then he'd set up a projector and screen in the living room, 206 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,439 put all the lights out, pull the curtains, 207 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,160 put it on and we'd all sit there. "Here's the holiday." 208 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,999 "He's only... He's just filmed the village, 209 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,599 "he's just filmed the model village. 210 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,520 "We were in Lyme Regis for a fortnight and this is it." 211 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:21,959 Do you know about model villages, darling? Is that a thing? 212 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,359 I've never been to one, but, full disclosure... Yeah. 213 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,039 ..English is one of the languages I speak. 214 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:30,079 So, it's not the first... I speak it well. Yes. 215 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:33,160 No, you and me, both coming along. LAUGHTER 216 00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:36,799 What's your first language? Xhosa's my first language. 217 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,359 OK. So, like, when you say words like quaint, 218 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,879 I might have my own definition of the word quaint 219 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:45,239 which doesn't necessarily match yours. OK. So... 220 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,559 LAUGHTER 221 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:51,839 Are you saying that quaint is kind of old but cute? Yes, like me. 222 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,440 Like... 223 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,639 I've had five DVDs out, so my career, to you, 224 00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,080 might be old and cute. 225 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:04,199 So, our suggestion for the world's quaintest thing is the model village 226 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:07,279 within a model village within a model village, 227 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:11,679 which is within the actual village of Bourton-on-the-Water. Wow. 228 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:13,639 So, if you look at those things in the background, 229 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,199 those are part of the model village, 230 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,839 then you can see there's another model village and then, 231 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:21,639 right there in the corner, is an even smaller model village. 232 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,879 It's like a village wormhole. 233 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,319 It just kind of keeps going and going. 234 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,279 It's like a man just doesn't want to go home, 235 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,399 that's what it feels like. He's developed a hobby 236 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,879 that is ridiculous because he hates his life. 237 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:34,959 It was built in the 1930s, it took forever. 238 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,319 It's actually Grade II listed, the entire model village. 239 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,719 And you could buy the whole thing, with a life-size pub, 240 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,599 in 2018 for under £600,000, if you wanted. 241 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:46,639 I know, you're suddenly thinking, "Ooh, model village AND a pub." 242 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,759 But this is not the oldest model village example in the world. 243 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,599 It's beaten by Bekonscot Model Village, 244 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,999 which is 90 years old this year, 2019. 245 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,639 Wow. It still has 15,000 visitors a month and it's got 246 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,519 the cutest miniature shops. 247 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:03,919 So, look at this. The greengrocer's is called Chris P Lettis. 248 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,999 AUDIENCE SIGHS Aw! 249 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:09,479 I know! Sweet shop, Ivor Cavity's. LAUGHTER 250 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:13,319 My current favourite, the chemist, Hakes & Paynes. 251 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:16,319 These are things you do when you have met all your basic needs 252 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:17,959 as a human being. Yes, this is... 253 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:21,079 I don't think people in Uganda are worried about this stuff. 254 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,040 LAUGHTER 255 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,919 APPLAUSE Yeah. 256 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,359 Fair comment. Fair comment. Fair enough. 257 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,999 There's another model village called Babbacombe Model Village. 258 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,519 Have a look at this. This is a part of the model village 259 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,239 that they've just put in last year. 260 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,879 Oh, brilliant! Aw! 261 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:42,519 So, this is... That's meant to be me, darling, on the right there. 262 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:45,360 Tall, isn't it? Well... 263 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,119 They very sweetly lent me me. 264 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,239 Oh, wow! 265 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,599 Out of interest, many of you who've known me a long time, 266 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,319 what's wrong with the model of me? I've never seen you in a skirt. 267 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,159 There's certainly a set of cankles on there. 268 00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:00,279 Never seen me in a skirt, ever! No! I don't own a skirt. 269 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,079 I appear to have ballet pumps on. I just... 270 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,279 That's just not what a lesbian on television looks like! 271 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,960 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 272 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,439 That's like Britain squared. 273 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,439 Like, unbelievably British! Extraordinary, isn't it? 274 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,279 Anyway, my tits came out well. So... 275 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,720 LAUGHTER 276 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:25,359 Now, who has type Q blood? 277 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,999 SARAH: The Queen. No? Er... 278 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,839 KLAXON BLARES 279 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,800 APPLAUSE 280 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,679 Is it a trick? It is a trick. Is it an animal? 281 00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,079 It is an animal, yes. 282 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:42,039 Can you undo that bloody ringer, then? That... No. No. 283 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:44,560 KLAXON BLARES That's going to haunt... 284 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:51,799 It's an animal. 285 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:55,479 It is an animal, darling. Er, dog, rhino, er... giraffe. 286 00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:58,199 Dog, rhino?! Dog. Rhino. 287 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,439 So, it's horses. Oh! 288 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,919 Close there. Not really. No, we weren't. 289 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,039 Dog, rhino, giraffe - no. No. 290 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,839 If you put all them together, that's an horse. 291 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,919 LAUGHTER 292 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,759 So, humans have two types of antigens, 293 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,399 so that's the protein that can cause an allergic reaction. 294 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,159 You can either have one or both or neither, 295 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:19,839 so you could have A blood, B blood, 296 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,679 AB or type O. I don't know anything about blood. 297 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:24,719 Horses have seven different antigens, 298 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,919 so they have seven different blood groups. 299 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,239 Type A and type Q are the most common. 300 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,959 I don't know why they haven't done them alphabetically. 301 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,319 Why not A to G? I don't know. 302 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,679 Then there's C, D, J, P and U. I've no idea what that's about. 303 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,399 Well, maybe that's the horse alphabet. 304 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,839 Maybe that's how they do... 305 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:43,799 So, where do we get horse blood from? 306 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,720 The inside of a horse. 307 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,679 No alarm for that?! 308 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,919 LAUGHTER 309 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,559 I was going to say that, then I thought, "That's a bloody alarm. 310 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,599 "I'm not going to say it." And he said it, no alarm. 311 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,439 No alarm, because he was right. 312 00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:01,080 Oh. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 313 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:04,320 Shit! 314 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,639 So, you can't store it in a blood bank. 315 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:12,039 So the Royal Veterinary College at the University of London, they keep 316 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,999 four horses on site and their entire job is just to donate blood. 317 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,919 Do they get a cup of tea and a biscuit? They do. 318 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,599 They're currently called Miller, Darcy, Freddy and Sonny. 319 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,799 I remember when my daughter was born and we donated to... 320 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,639 You donated her? We donated her. 321 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,119 I've got five kids, I was like, "Someone else have this one." 322 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:32,320 "You can have that one, for blood." LAUGHTER 323 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,919 But you can donate the umbilical cord. 324 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:39,479 Yes. Anthony Nolan, I think the charity's called. 325 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,519 And they're like vampires. They're literally at the door, waiting. 326 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,239 "Have they had it yet? Have they had it yet? Have they had it yet?" 327 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,159 We're like, "We're busy having a baby, mate." 328 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,759 I mean, I wasn't busy, obviously. 329 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,840 I was playing Football Manager, but... 330 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:55,719 It was worth doing. 331 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,759 The weirdest thing, in terms of donating blood, 332 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:00,599 is the horseshoe crab, which is an extraordinary thing. 333 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,679 It's massively important in the medical industry. There they are. 334 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,799 The fourth oldest creature on Earth, the horseshoe crab. 335 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,479 It has something really specific, 336 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,359 a compound in the blood that's unbelievably important, 337 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:14,719 called Limulus amebocyte lysate, 338 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,439 and it's used by the medical and pharmaceutical industries 339 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:21,719 to ensure that their products are free of bacterial contamination. 340 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,679 Look at them, they're extracting blood there 341 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:24,879 from the horseshoe crabs. 342 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,239 And it costs upwards of $25,000 per quart, because it is so important. 343 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,239 So, horseshoe crabs have no immune system, 344 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,919 so because they cannot develop antibodies to fight infection, 345 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:38,599 they contain a number of compounds that will activate bacteria 346 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,319 and fungi and viruses and so on... 347 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:41,999 They look like they're at Yo Sushi. 348 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,479 LAUGHTER 349 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,680 Which is ironic, being a crab. 350 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:51,559 Are they alive? They are alive, and then they are returned to... 351 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,239 Oh, are they? OK. That's good. 352 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,399 Or are you saying, like my mum always said, 353 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:56,840 "The dog went to a farm"? 354 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:02,719 "Oh, then they're returned to the sea?" "Yeah, oh, good, good." 355 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,960 They just float away... 356 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,439 Just a little plaster, just here. 357 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,239 What about dog and cat blood? 358 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,199 I mean, it's really important that we have it. 359 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,719 The Royal Veterinary College runs donation sessions, 360 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,959 and you can go along. And people do it, apparently, 361 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,079 because maybe they didn't give blood themselves 362 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,439 or they feel good about it. 363 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,279 What about if you wanted to operate on a bird? 364 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:24,719 If I wanted to operate on a bird? 365 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,319 Well, I don't think you should do it. 366 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,999 If one wanted to operate on a bird, where would you get bird blood? 367 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,599 Just, like, the windows of skyscrapers? 368 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:35,839 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 369 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,839 All round the bottom a wind farm. 370 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,359 GROANING 371 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:45,600 That's the same noise as when the cow got its udder in the tea! 372 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:51,519 Er, all bird blood is entirely interchangeable. 373 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,600 They could do it in flight. 374 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,999 Just a tube. Yeah, re-fuelling. 375 00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,999 So, a robin could donate to an ostrich. 376 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,119 What's the problem with that, though? 377 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,680 It would take 45 robins. 378 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,359 It would take 6,000. Oh, right, there you go! 379 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,040 Is robin a bird? 380 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,199 OK! Um... 381 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,800 No, he's a sidekick, he's kind of a ward... 382 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:20,759 ..to a crime-fighting billionaire. 383 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,280 This all got started on tits. 384 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,359 Hey, hey, hey, I don't like this, 385 00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:31,479 you guys are having too much fun without me. 386 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:34,559 So, a robin is a bird? Yeah. 387 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,599 I'm not into birds, but when you say robin, my brain just goes, 388 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,639 "There's a human being who donates blood..." 389 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,639 To ostriches. To ostriches, yeah. 390 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:43,919 As long as we've cleared up the confusion. 391 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,159 I'm here for you, it's OK. It's all good. Thank you. 392 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,599 There was an Australian gentleman called James Harrison, 393 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,439 he used to be known as the Man With the Golden Arm, and he saved 394 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:57,719 2.4 million babies by giving blood nearly every week for 60 years. 395 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,920 It's your shirt. He's got your shirt. Oh, yes! 396 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,240 APPLAUSE 397 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,360 That's you in about ten years. 398 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:11,800 Ten?! 399 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,039 Did you always go to the same place to give blood or did you travel... 400 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:22,519 You know the biscuits are different where you go. You know that? 401 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,839 In Scotland, you get a Tunnock's tea cake. Shut up! Do you?! Yeah. 402 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:29,239 It's just an amazing biscuit, just to let you know. 403 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:31,839 If you want to know anything about British biscuits, 404 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,319 that's the woman for you. OK. 405 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,159 So, yeah, I was always surprised - 406 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,919 the adverts were always, "Would you like to save a life?" 407 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,599 And I'm always like, "Nnyyah." 408 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,199 I think they should just say, "Do you like biscuits? 409 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,800 "Do you fancy a sit-down? Do you like tea?" I'm in. 410 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:48,760 I agree. 411 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:54,399 He was an amazing guy. So, his blood contained disease-fighting 412 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,639 antibodies which fight Rhesus disease. 413 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,759 That's when the blood of pregnant women attacks their unborn babies. 414 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,479 He was awarded the Order of Australia, 415 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,719 which is the country's highest honour, in 1999, 416 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,159 and he made over a thousand separate blood donations 417 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,759 and saved 2.4 million babies. Wow. I know! Legend. 418 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:09,919 SARAH: That's amazing. 419 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,039 Makes the rest of us look, you know, like we've done nothing. 420 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,319 I did it once and I was like, "Not again!" Why? 421 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,279 Because it's needles. I'm just scared of needles. 422 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,199 I just wait for one of me piles to pop and then I give that. 423 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:22,840 ALL GROAN 424 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,839 I just like the noises. I like the noises! 425 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,080 LAUGHTER 426 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,039 Horses have type Q blood but there's NEIGH chance 427 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,999 they can share it with you. 428 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,239 GROANING Come on. Oh, yes! 429 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:40,279 It's like a panto. 430 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,400 I like it. 431 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:44,759 Oh, yes, it is! 432 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,280 AUDIENCE: Oh, no, it isn't! 433 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,800 I'll just explain what's happening. 434 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,360 He doesn't know what the hell's going on. 435 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,280 AUDIENCE MEMBER: It's behind you! 436 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,999 Have you been to a pantomime? 437 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,440 Oh, yeah, those things are horrendous. Yeah. 438 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,920 I don't want to see '70s British people do weird things. 439 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,200 Well, that's pretty much it in a nutshell, so... 440 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:23,439 Speaking of queues, what's the worst thing about being held in a queue? 441 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,039 Can I put something out that happened to me 442 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,519 that's related to queues that I think I... 443 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,479 I feel like I was a bad person for doing this, 444 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:31,679 but I shouldn't feel that. 445 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:35,360 What I love is that you ask my permission. Alan never bloody asks! 446 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,279 I'm in a new country, you guys are kicking people out. 447 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,279 I don't know anything... 448 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,800 APPLAUSE 449 00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,719 So, I was in Australia last year 450 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,959 and a friend of mine suggested we go have some dim sum. 451 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,239 So we get to the dim sum place and there's a queue 452 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,639 and then someone who's pregnant comes 453 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:12,319 and then they all let her go to the front of the line. 454 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:16,479 I'm like, "No, you don't go in front. It's for dim sum!" 455 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,559 I mean, am I a bad person for not letting a pregnant woman 456 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,480 to the front of the line for dim sum? Yes. Yeah. 457 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,320 For dim sum?! 458 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,159 OK, everybody vote. Let's vote. 459 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,679 Is that a bad thing? Yes, yes? Hands up! Yes. 460 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,359 MAINLY YES, SOME SAY NO 461 00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:33,799 FOR DIM SUM? 462 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,759 And if you think it's not a bad thing? 463 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,479 Who says it's not a bad thing? 464 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:38,719 MURMURS 465 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,199 Oh... It's about 52-48! 466 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,160 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 467 00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:48,879 I mean, even in this queue here, 468 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,720 that guy at the end clearly needs a poo. He's bought the... 469 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:55,759 He's bought the roll. 470 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:59,640 He's bent double, and he's still queuing! 471 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,079 "Come on! Please can I go to the front? 472 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,519 "Please can I go to the front?!" 473 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,159 Are you equating a woman who's pregnant 474 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:09,800 with a man who needs a shit? 475 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:12,320 It's the closest we've got! 476 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:16,919 Let's talk about a different kind of queue, 477 00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:18,759 so when you are on the phone. Oh, yeah. 478 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,919 What's the worst thing about that, do you reckon? 479 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,919 It's when the computer doesn't get your accent. I get that a lot. 480 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,479 I used to ring the Odeon film line. 481 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,759 Oh, yeah. I used to work for them. Be careful. 482 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:29,719 The Odeon film line, to find out... 483 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:32,079 This is going back, innit? That's the job I had. 484 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,959 ..to find out the times of the films. 485 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,599 This is even before DVDs! 486 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:37,519 Yes, before DVDs. 487 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,559 So, "Which Odeon cinema are you interested in?" Yeah. 488 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,119 And I would say. "Holloway." Yeah. 489 00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:45,480 And it would say, "Did you say Manchester?" Every time! 490 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,799 No similarity between the two words! 491 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,840 There's almost no letters that are the same. 492 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:55,800 Actually, that was just one of us. 493 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,360 "Bolton!" "Did you say Baghdad?" 494 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:10,719 I can't stand the music. 495 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:13,359 I can't stand when they play music to you when you're on the phone. 496 00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:15,599 When I was a kid, they used to play Kenny G all the time. 497 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,800 I literally thought Kenny G was on the other side, helping me just... 498 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,919 So the thing I like about playing music on the telephone is 499 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,839 the idea of it was discovered entirely by accident. 500 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,439 So, we're talking about the early 1960s 501 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,399 and there's a guy called Alfred Levy, 502 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,479 and he discovered the whole thing by accident. 503 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,879 His factory's phone lines developed a fault 504 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:38,199 and there was a loose wire touching a metal girder on the building 505 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,639 and it had turned it into a giant receiver 506 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,839 and audio being broadcast from a radio station next door 507 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,319 was transmitted through the wire 508 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:48,399 and could be heard on the calls which had been put on hold. 509 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,439 And he took a patent out for the Telephone Hold Programme System 510 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,159 and it solved the problem of dead air. 511 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:54,999 That's the bit people don't really like. 512 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,239 It's the bit where they don't really hear anything. 513 00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,279 Apparently, the worst hold music ever - there was a company in 2001 514 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,559 called Avaya and they did a study in the UK. 515 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:05,159 They found a clothing firm specialising in larger sizes 516 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,560 was playing Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen. 517 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,879 There was a mail order company 518 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,159 playing Hanging On The Telephone by Blondie. 519 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:17,959 And a hospital played Chopin's Funeral March. 520 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:18,999 ALL GASP 521 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,639 Oh-h! I know. 522 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,279 Do they have the thing in Britain where they call you 523 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,079 and they try to sell you stuff? Yeah. 524 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,479 Oh, really? Oh, yeah. 525 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,119 They call you and they say, 526 00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:34,039 "We're ringing you about the accident that wasn't your fault." 527 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:37,479 And I say to them, "How did you hear about that?" 528 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:38,920 Just stood in his own piss. 529 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:45,040 "It lit... It literally just happened now. 530 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,680 "This is so weird. 531 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,480 "Are you watching me? Are you watching me?" 532 00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,039 The other thing to do is... When they say, 533 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,079 "The accident that wasn't your fault," 534 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,839 is to start weeping and say, "It was me and I knew you'd find out! 535 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:05,919 "I feel terrible!" 536 00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:09,159 I find the weirdest ones, even from you own bank, when they ring you 537 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,319 and they go, "I just need to identify you." 538 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,240 And you go, "You rang me! 539 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:16,960 "Who are you, Barbara?" 540 00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:21,919 I had an agreement with my bank to only contact me by e-mail 541 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,399 because it was easier when I was on the road and stuff 542 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:25,919 and they rang me once to see 543 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,400 if I still didn't want to be contacted on the phone. 544 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:36,199 What is this not? 545 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:37,279 A quipu. 546 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:41,640 Yes, I think they've slightly spoiled my display by naming it. 547 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:53,119 For people who turn out the props - a tiny little detail. 548 00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:55,479 If I'd been filled in... 549 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:57,079 On your way out, 550 00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:59,800 just be careful if you see a little elf with all its stuff. 551 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,080 P45 in his hand... 552 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,279 HIGH-PITCHED: I thought I was being helpful. 553 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:11,519 Quipu - anybody know where quipu comes from? 554 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:13,159 African? It is not. Asian? 555 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:16,239 Are you going to go all the way round the world? 556 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:17,240 I'll just wait. 557 00:27:17,241 --> 00:27:19,039 Is it European? 558 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,239 I'm going to say Machu Picchu to you. Oh, Peru. 559 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:26,079 It is from the Inca people. This is one we've made ourselves. 560 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:27,559 You put it around your neck? 561 00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:30,039 Well, here's the thing. We don't really know what it's for, 562 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:33,719 but it is currently being deciphered and it is possible 563 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:37,079 that we're about make like a Rosetta Stone kind of breakthrough. 564 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:38,959 So the Incas, they had biggest empires 565 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,559 in the Americas in the 15th century, astonishing, 566 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,999 and they had a really wide communication system, 567 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,439 but it was long thought that they never learned to write, 568 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,119 which seems astonishing cos when you're having something that 569 00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:52,159 complicated to organise, you'd think you would need to write things down. 570 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:53,560 Is that one of them? 571 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:57,280 Cos I've got a theory about the writing. 572 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:03,719 So there was a poet, a Spanish poet, 573 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,319 Garcilaso de la Vega in 1609, 574 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,399 and he wrote about the Incas having an admirable method 575 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,759 of counting everything in the Incas' kingdom, 576 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,519 including all taxes and tributes, both paid and due, 577 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:17,319 which they did with knots in strings of different colours. 578 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:20,919 So, initially thought to be just numerical information, 579 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:24,279 but the new research suggests it may actually be a form of writing 580 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,439 and it may contain stories and songs and records. 581 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:29,359 Cos they all have different lengths, 582 00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:31,279 they all have different knots in them, 583 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,799 they have different colours and we just don't really know. 584 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:36,839 Now, the Spanish recognised the importance of these quipus, 585 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,159 because they declared them Satanic messages 586 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:42,359 and unfortunately they destroyed every example that they could find. 587 00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:44,439 But there is a professor of anthropology 588 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:46,479 at St Andrews University, Sabine Hyland, 589 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:48,039 and she's been studying them. 590 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,639 She says they come in 14 colours, allow for 95 unique patterns, 591 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:53,719 which is within the range of a writing system, 592 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:55,999 and some quipus have as many as 1,500 strings. 593 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,159 Be great if you could learn it - you could pull out your earphones and 594 00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:00,600 be like, "It says banana!" 595 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,079 There's a Harvard University anthropologist and he discovered 596 00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:09,559 a Spanish census document from the '60s and '70s, 597 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:12,599 and it coincided with six quipus that he had in his database. 598 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,439 And he found that the Spanish document referred to 132 people 599 00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,839 and there are 132 cords in the quipu. 600 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,919 So it is possible if we can make the two things work together. 601 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,399 Now, what is this woman queen of? 602 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:29,240 She's called Frances Lockett of Hyde. Hyde, in Manchester? 603 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:31,919 What, does that upset you? 604 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:34,519 No, I just didn't know there was any royalty from Manchester. 605 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:35,719 Textiles, textile mills. 606 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,799 I've been to Manchester. There's loads of queens, darling. 607 00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:40,600 APPLAUSE 608 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:47,159 And it's all the better for it. I know. Absolutely. 609 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:48,559 Quite right. What do we reckon? 610 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,079 She's rather a fine-looking woman, Frances Lockett. 611 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,799 Doesn't look like a very authentic crown. 612 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,399 Well, it's a really sweet thing. 613 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,359 And I don't know if we shouldn't bring it back. 614 00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:58,879 So, from the 1920s to the 1980s, 615 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,759 there was a tradition of crowning queens of industry. 616 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,959 So, women chosen to represent British industries. 617 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,399 And some of them had crown jewels. 618 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,039 So, Frances was Cotton Queen 619 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,879 and she was an actual weaver, so she had to know all about it. 620 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,159 And the idea grew out of the May Queen traditions. 621 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,359 Promoting British industry, obviously, 622 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,039 but it was also hoping that the practice 623 00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:20,399 would give the workers something to celebrate. 624 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:21,839 So, this is an industry day. 625 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,080 Out to Paris for the day. Out to Paris, yes. 626 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:26,719 Great, isn't it? 627 00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:29,159 So, the first railway queens were crowned in the 1920s 628 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,799 and then the idea, it spread to other ones. 629 00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,279 And they weren't really beauty contests. So, Frances Lockett, 630 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:37,239 when she became Cotton Queen, she had to answer technical questions. 631 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:39,559 She was a weaver and she did really know about it. 632 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:41,759 And then they had to go and open events and spread the word 633 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:43,159 about the industry and so on. 634 00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:45,439 And American companies got involved as well. 635 00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:49,079 The Zion Meat Company named Geene Courtney their Sausage Queen 636 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:52,440 during National Hot Dog Week in 1955. 637 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:57,240 Things have picked up! 638 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:01,279 So, we've made crowns for you 639 00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:03,479 because I think you all deserve them. 640 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:06,159 If you want to pop them on? Now, Sarah... Yes. 641 00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:08,599 You're from South Shields. Yes. Is that right? 642 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,159 So glassware would seem entirely appropriate. OK. 643 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:14,640 Well, people have been glassed there, so that's true enough. 644 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,519 Jason, cotton, obviously. Cotton from Manchester. 645 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,000 Yeah, cos we're just massive on growing cress in a dark room. 646 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,479 Alan's got veggie sausages, which we thought was appropriate. 647 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:31,199 And, Loyiso, do you know why you've got a centrifuge on your head? 648 00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:34,559 This is what we wear at a football game in South Africa. Oh! 649 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,999 It's a centrifuge, which is a scientific thing and - 650 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:38,439 this is terribly pleasing - 651 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:41,719 1.6% of all exports from South Africa are centrifuges. 652 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:43,919 So we just thought we'd make a hat for you. 653 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,120 I don't even know what a centrifuge is! 654 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:48,960 It's that! It's that. 655 00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:52,239 This is mine. Are you going to help me? 656 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:53,759 Yeah, I need to come and help you. 657 00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:55,559 So I... You may or may not know this, 658 00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:57,759 but I'm slightly passionate about model railways. 659 00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:00,279 In fact, I'm currently building one in my office at home. 660 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:03,439 Are you going to build a little mini one inside it? Yes. 661 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:05,919 So, darling, I think you have to hold it very flat. 662 00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:08,479 See if it will work, but I was very pleased with the hat. 663 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:10,879 Hold on. Hang on, train, calm down. 664 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:14,000 We'll just see if it... So hold the hat flat. 665 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:16,760 Whoa! 666 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,039 Well, thank you very much. 667 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,439 In South Africa, we wear this to a football game. 668 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:28,959 It's like a helmet and we paint it and we call it a makarapa. 669 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:32,360 A makarapa. A makarapa. ♪ Hey, makarapa! ♪ 670 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:38,559 Yeah, I thought that's what it was. 671 00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,600 These are real. Can I have one? 672 00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:44,159 They're all veggie, darling, so, yes, you can help yourself. 673 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:45,240 Eat your hat. 674 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:50,160 Are you a veggie, darling? No? No, but you're allowed to have 'em. 675 00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,199 There was a Railway Queen called Janet Taylor. 676 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,679 She once gave eight speeches over a single weekend. 677 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:04,079 The most extraordinary one, a woman called Audrey Mossom. 678 00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:05,399 She was a Railway Queen. 679 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:08,399 She was sent to Russia in 1936 on a controversial peace trip 680 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,639 to meet Joseph Stalin. 681 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:12,559 Anyway, she was the second celebrity 682 00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,719 to switch on the Blackpool illuminations. Aw! 683 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:16,759 I know! Crikey. I would love to do that. 684 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:20,399 When I went, it was whatshisname who sang I Am The One And Only - 685 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:23,119 Chesney Hawkes! He turned on the Blackpool lights 686 00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,959 and then he did One And Only and then he finished it 687 00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:27,719 and he went, "Thank you, Blackpool!" 688 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,279 And we said, "Thank you!" because we're polite, 689 00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:31,679 and he said "Merry Christmas!" 690 00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:33,599 We said, "Merry Christmas, Chesney!" 691 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:35,559 He said, "Do you want another song?" 692 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,800 And 5,000 people went, "Have you got another one?" 693 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:44,759 Right, hats away, please. 694 00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:47,359 Thank you very much. 695 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:49,479 Here's a question about quids. 696 00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:52,319 Why are goods more likely to be priced at 99p 697 00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:54,719 rather than rounded up to a quid? 698 00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:58,519 Cos it looks less? It is one of the reasons. It's not the main reason. 699 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,039 When I had a job, er... 700 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,879 ..with, um... LOYISO: How many jobs did you have, man? 701 00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,160 I'm still getting away with this one! 702 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:10,519 Says who? Yeah, well... 703 00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:12,400 APPLAUSE 704 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:17,199 I used to work for a lovely... 705 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:19,319 dear old man, who's no longer with us, Mr Patel... 706 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,759 This is like Graham Norton with the red chair, isn't it? 707 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:23,960 Yes. Sorry, sorry. 708 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:32,799 I used to work for a lovely old man called Mr Patel, 709 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,559 back when I was 16, and he had a corner shop 710 00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:39,359 and everything was priced £4.23, £5.67, £8.54, 711 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,479 and I always thought it was odd. 712 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,279 And one day, I said, "Why is it priced like this?" 713 00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:47,759 And he said, "Because it means that you have to go into the till 714 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,399 "to get change." So, basically, he didn't trust me. 715 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,799 It basically meant, if it's a round number, 716 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,639 someone can just give you a tenner and you could pocket that. 717 00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,079 That is exactly the reason, darling. Good on Mr Patel! Yes! 718 00:34:58,080 --> 00:34:59,720 APPLAUSE 719 00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:05,479 Even now, with credit cards and...? Well, I mean it used to be... 720 00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,639 Not so much now, with all that contactless and so on, 721 00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,879 but in the 1870s, there was an American man called James Ritty 722 00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:12,479 and he ran a saloon in Dayton, Ohio. 723 00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:15,319 And he noticed that some of the staff were actually pocketing money 724 00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:17,079 rather than putting it in the till. 725 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,439 And then, in 1878, he was travelling to Europe 726 00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:21,639 and he noticed that the ship had a mechanism 727 00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,839 which counted the number of rotations made by the propellers. 728 00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:26,879 And he came home - his brother was a mechanic - 729 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:28,559 and they built a counting machine 730 00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,879 that could track the number of transactions 731 00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:33,639 and so be aware if there were any inconsistencies. 732 00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:37,319 And they called this new machine Ritty's Incorruptible Cashier 733 00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:39,559 and they sold it to what eventually became 734 00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:41,239 the National Cash Register Company. 735 00:35:41,240 --> 00:35:43,359 And they added a cash drawer and a bell 736 00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,279 and every transaction had to be rung through. 737 00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,079 And if you were charging 0.99, 738 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,719 it meant you had to go and get a penny change. 739 00:35:50,720 --> 00:35:53,199 I can't believe I got that right. Yeah. 740 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:56,000 I feel like I'm the lad on Slumdog Millionaire and I'm like... 741 00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,479 Also, that picture, is that me in ten years? 742 00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:03,080 APPLAUSE 743 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,639 But you were right as well, Sarah, 744 00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:13,479 because the fact is 9.99 does look less than £10 745 00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:15,079 and that does play a part in it. 746 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:16,679 Because you read from the left. 747 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:19,799 You read from the left, and 99p seems like a bargain. 748 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,759 There was a wonderful story in the Evening Standard in 2014. 749 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:25,639 They reported on a 99p shop in Barking in Essex, 750 00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:27,919 where everything was sold at 99p. 751 00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:30,439 They were trying to undercut the local pound shops. 752 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,559 Genius! I know. 753 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:36,999 It gets better, though. Sam's 99p was then itself undercut 754 00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:40,640 when 97p Knockout opened next door. 755 00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:45,559 And worse, promoted themselves with a sale 756 00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:47,480 where everything was 95p or less. 757 00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,999 Which brings us to the stranded bag of Quavers 758 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:55,039 on the end of a metal spiral that we call General Ignorance. 759 00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:56,719 Fingers on buzzers, please! 760 00:36:56,720 --> 00:36:58,559 It's a lightning round after all. 761 00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:02,639 What does the scar on Harry Potter's head look like? 762 00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:04,039 JEW'S HARP AND SLEIGH BELLS 763 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:06,039 Jason? Lightning. 764 00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:07,040 KLAXON BLARES 765 00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:13,439 Lightning isn't a zigzag. 766 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,959 Yeah, it doesn't look like a classical lightning bolt at all. 767 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:17,439 It happens so quickly, in fact, 768 00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:19,639 lightning, that our brains can't actually take it in. 769 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,559 Even great artists have struggled to depict it accurately. 770 00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,159 There was a 19th-century photographer from Philadelphia 771 00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:26,839 called William Nicholson Jennings 772 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:28,799 and he realised that lightning didn't look 773 00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:30,479 the way we have depicted it in paintings 774 00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,279 and he took the world's first-ever photograph of lightning 775 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:34,519 on 2nd September 1882 776 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,679 and it did look nothing like the lightning in paintings. 777 00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:41,439 And photographs of real lightning shows as many as 51 forks. 778 00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:43,879 On average, paintings only show just over two forks 779 00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:45,719 and Harry's scar has just got one. 780 00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:47,719 All we can say is that his scar looks like 781 00:37:47,720 --> 00:37:50,759 the International Organisation for Standardisation, ISO, 782 00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:54,000 the symbol for risk of electric shock. 783 00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:58,479 Anybody know what ISO stands for? 784 00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,720 You just said it, didn't you? Yes. 785 00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:08,159 International Standards Organisation. 786 00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:09,240 KLAXON BLARES 787 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:13,920 17 years I've been playing this game. 788 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:18,639 It's not an acronym. It's a reference to the Greek word "isos" - 789 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:22,159 equal - chosen because the acronym would be different in every language 790 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:26,319 so it would be IOS in English, but it would be OIN in French 791 00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:28,679 and the whole point of the organisation 792 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,639 is to keep things standardised. 793 00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:32,399 I feel like we've glazed over a bit 794 00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:36,239 when you've said that you speak how many languages? 795 00:38:36,240 --> 00:38:37,439 I speak about five. 796 00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:40,399 Five is about as many as we speak collectively, I think. 797 00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:43,080 No, it's four more than me. 798 00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:45,440 Five more than me. 799 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:49,319 What did you grow up speaking? 800 00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:50,679 I grew up speaking Xhosa. 801 00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:52,039 Does it have clicking in it? 802 00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:53,719 Yeah, like if you greet me in Xhosa, 803 00:38:53,720 --> 00:38:55,559 like, one of my responses could be... 804 00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:57,400 HE SPEAKS XHOSA 805 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:02,360 CONSONANTS FEATURE PERCUSSIVE CLICKS 806 00:39:06,720 --> 00:39:08,479 How beautiful is that?! 807 00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:09,560 APPLAUSE 808 00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:13,799 No, you should find out what he said. 809 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,959 It's a bit weird, like, cos it's my language so when you clap, 810 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:18,919 it's like... I know, it's odd, isn't it? 811 00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:20,760 Very good, very good! 812 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:26,039 What would happen if you drank your pint through a straw? 813 00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:29,080 You get punched in the face by the rest of the people in the pub. 814 00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:33,119 DRAMATIC JAZZ PLAYS Sarah? 815 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:34,959 RELUCTANTLY: You get drunk quicker. 816 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:35,960 KLAXON BLARES 817 00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:40,199 I like the way they've shown us how to say it properly. 818 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:41,439 Yes! 819 00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:43,279 "You'd get drunk more quickly." 820 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:44,359 Yes! 821 00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:46,239 KLAXON BLARES 822 00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:47,920 APPLAUSE 823 00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:58,319 But people do think that, Sarah. It is a thing, isn't it? 824 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:02,079 Probably, it's just that anybody drinking alcohol through a straw 825 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,799 is already in the mood to drink quite a lot of alcohol. 826 00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,679 People used to think you create a vacuum inside the straw 827 00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,519 that causes the alcohol to evaporate. Another explanation, 828 00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:13,159 it could be that because you're too busy sucking the drink 829 00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:14,999 the lack of oxygen can make you feel giddy. 830 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,399 Could it also be because you're getting it all in your mouth? 831 00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:19,240 Yeah, all of it. 832 00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:27,119 But neither of those explanations really works. 833 00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,639 How drunk you feel is entirely down 834 00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:32,079 to how much alcohol is in your system. 835 00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,159 It doesn't actually matter how it gets there. 836 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:38,959 Now, what are the best pants to wear if you want to have a baby? 837 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:40,360 I'm looking at you, Jason. 838 00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:43,640 Two people went, "None!" 839 00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,959 Both women. 840 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:52,399 I'm talking about boys. 841 00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:55,399 Oh, well, I guess he'll want like baggier, sort of boxers... 842 00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:57,639 Sperm-growing pants. ..rather than tight... 843 00:40:57,640 --> 00:40:59,680 KLAXON BLARES 844 00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:03,719 Now say, "Tight ones." Say, "Tight ones." Tight ones? 845 00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:05,760 KLAXON BLARES 846 00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:13,119 I think it would just be Jason's pants 847 00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:15,039 because he keeps having babies. That's true. 848 00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:17,159 It's long been thought that tight underpants 849 00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:18,359 might be bad for fertility. 850 00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:20,639 So the idea was that if you warm up a man's testicles, 851 00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:22,319 the sperm might be of lower quality. 852 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:25,039 But the difference in temperature, about one degree centigrade, 853 00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:26,359 not enough to damage sperm. 854 00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,679 Can I ask how you do damage sperm? 855 00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:30,080 Have you got...? 856 00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:34,600 Did you have any...? A really small hammer. 857 00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:44,040 What are you asking me for?! 858 00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:48,199 Lots of myths about conception, 859 00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:51,279 so a man's sperm has always been thought of as being in some kind 860 00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:52,719 of Olympic race to the egg, 861 00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:54,919 you know, where the strongest swimmer wins. 862 00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:57,759 Actually, as long as the sperm is not damaged or deformed, 863 00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:02,079 which of the 250 million sperm reaches the egg is a total lottery. 864 00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,919 It's not to do with which one is the strongest swimmer. Oh, right. 865 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:07,319 And it's not necessarily better for conception 866 00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:08,959 that men have a high sperm count. 867 00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,839 Men with very high sperm counts can struggle to conceive 868 00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:14,079 as more than one sperm can fertilise the egg. 869 00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:15,880 Oh, so you get a bit of a bottleneck? 870 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:20,720 Whereas if you... 871 00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:25,720 ..if you just fire out one good sperm... 872 00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:28,240 ..Go on, John! 873 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,520 Is that your love talk? "Go on, John!" 874 00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:39,239 And that's the end of our walk on the quirky side. 875 00:42:39,240 --> 00:42:42,039 This week's winner, with minus 8, it's Loyiso! 876 00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:43,880 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 877 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:49,039 In second place, with minus 18, it's Sarah! 878 00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:50,560 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 879 00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,680 In third place... You threw me under the bus, you did! 880 00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:00,360 I had that Mr Patel thing, I was pissing it! 881 00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:06,199 In third place, with minus 20, it's Alan! 882 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:08,040 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 883 00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,159 Unbelievable. 884 00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:14,000 Which means... 885 00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:21,240 ..in last place... 886 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:24,639 ..with minus 26, it's Jason! 887 00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:26,600 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 888 00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:37,919 So, it's thanks to Loyiso, Sarah, Jason and Alan. 889 00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:40,199 Finally, I leave you with this quirky quote 890 00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,639 from American comedian Mitch Hedberg. 891 00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:44,799 "I want to hang a map of the world in my house. 892 00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:46,119 "Then I'm going to put pins 893 00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:48,079 "into all the locations that I've travelled to. 894 00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,279 "But first, I'm going to have to travel to 895 00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:53,880 "the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down."