1 00:00:33,175 --> 00:00:36,656 Good evening and welcome to QI. 2 00:00:38,256 --> 00:00:41,255 Tonight, we are quintessentially Q, 3 00:00:41,255 --> 00:00:43,296 and taking their cues from me 4 00:00:43,296 --> 00:00:45,256 are the quirky Holly Walsh... 5 00:00:45,256 --> 00:00:49,097 APPLAUSE 6 00:00:49,097 --> 00:00:51,817 ..the quizzical Cariad Lloyd... 7 00:00:51,817 --> 00:00:55,138 APPLAUSE 8 00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:57,537 ..the quixotic Josh Widdicombe... 9 00:00:57,537 --> 00:00:58,858 APPLAUSE 10 00:00:58,858 --> 00:01:01,898 Don't know what it means. Don't know what it means. 11 00:01:01,898 --> 00:01:04,699 ..and, for the quadrillionth time, it's Alan Davies! 12 00:01:04,699 --> 00:01:06,779 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 13 00:01:09,939 --> 00:01:13,099 And their buzzers are quintessentially QI. 14 00:01:13,099 --> 00:01:14,299 Holly goes... 15 00:01:14,299 --> 00:01:16,180 QI THEME'S FIRST THREE NOTES 16 00:01:16,180 --> 00:01:17,460 Cariad goes... 17 00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:18,860 SECOND THREE NOTES 18 00:01:18,860 --> 00:01:20,140 Josh goes... 19 00:01:20,140 --> 00:01:21,461 NEXT THREE NOTES 20 00:01:21,461 --> 00:01:22,861 And Alan goes... 21 00:01:22,861 --> 00:01:24,941 HOOTER, FORFEIT KLAXON 22 00:01:24,941 --> 00:01:28,461 ANNOUNCER: Tottenham Hotspur 6, Arsenal 0. 23 00:01:28,461 --> 00:01:30,461 # Fruity, fruity, fruity! # 24 00:01:33,262 --> 00:01:35,102 It was a... It was a mishmash... 25 00:01:35,102 --> 00:01:37,022 It was. Yeah. ..just for you. 26 00:01:37,022 --> 00:01:38,102 Right, here we go. 27 00:01:38,102 --> 00:01:41,382 This is a portrait from the "Ching" dynasty. 28 00:01:41,382 --> 00:01:43,902 First of all, how would you spell "Ching"? Anybody? 29 00:01:43,902 --> 00:01:46,743 With a Q. Yes, Q-I-N-G. 30 00:01:46,743 --> 00:01:49,223 So why is this woman so made-up? 31 00:01:49,223 --> 00:01:52,224 Did she walk too slowly through the make-up department 32 00:01:52,224 --> 00:01:53,784 at Army & Navy in Guildford? 33 00:01:53,784 --> 00:01:57,144 Oh, that is the most terrifying thing, isn't it? Yeah. 34 00:01:57,144 --> 00:02:00,304 My mum paid for me to go for a makeover in one of those. 35 00:02:00,304 --> 00:02:02,865 Did she? Yes. Er, recently? 36 00:02:02,865 --> 00:02:05,185 No, when I was about 17. Right. 37 00:02:05,185 --> 00:02:08,506 I honestly looked like a woman in her late 80s. 38 00:02:10,745 --> 00:02:13,186 I actually looked like Mary Berry. 39 00:02:13,186 --> 00:02:14,426 That was what happened. 40 00:02:16,586 --> 00:02:18,787 This is a portrait of Prince Xun. 41 00:02:18,787 --> 00:02:21,627 He was the uncle of the then emperor, 42 00:02:21,627 --> 00:02:23,507 so we're talking mid-18th century, 43 00:02:23,507 --> 00:02:26,947 and his wife, who was called Lady Jinse. 44 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:28,907 He's about 60 and she's 14. 45 00:02:28,907 --> 00:02:29,948 ALL: Wow! 46 00:02:29,948 --> 00:02:31,748 Yeah, it's one of those, you know, 47 00:02:31,748 --> 00:02:35,229 spring and autumn... Oh. ..kind of a...thing. 48 00:02:35,229 --> 00:02:38,829 But it's very typical of court paintings of the Qing Dynasty 49 00:02:38,829 --> 00:02:41,389 because it was traditional for the wives and, indeed, 50 00:02:41,389 --> 00:02:44,229 the concubines of the Emperor and his family to be hidden 51 00:02:44,229 --> 00:02:45,509 from public view. 52 00:02:45,509 --> 00:02:48,430 So this posed a problem if you wanted to do a painting... Yeah. 53 00:02:48,430 --> 00:02:50,350 ..because you weren't allowed to actually see 54 00:02:50,350 --> 00:02:51,870 what the woman looked like. 55 00:02:51,870 --> 00:02:56,190 They had to decide to paint the concubines to look like bits... 56 00:02:56,190 --> 00:02:57,671 From sketchbooks, basically. 57 00:02:57,671 --> 00:02:59,551 We have no idea what she actually looked like. 58 00:02:59,551 --> 00:03:01,591 This is entirely a made-up portrait. 59 00:03:01,591 --> 00:03:04,192 Is that why... Yes? ..her face is kind of neutral... Yes. 60 00:03:04,192 --> 00:03:06,872 ..compared to, like, his detailed face? I know. 61 00:03:06,872 --> 00:03:09,393 Hers looks like... You know when you buy a kid a colouring book 62 00:03:09,393 --> 00:03:11,832 and it's like, "You could add whatever face you want"? Yeah. 63 00:03:11,832 --> 00:03:13,552 Like, that's the basic start of a painting. 64 00:03:13,552 --> 00:03:16,113 It looks like they've started on him, they've really nailed it, 65 00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:19,673 then they realise they've got five minutes to do her face. Yeah. 66 00:03:19,673 --> 00:03:22,354 She looks like an emoji, doesn't she? Yeah, yeah. 67 00:03:22,354 --> 00:03:24,713 But the whole concubine thing, I mean, it was considered 68 00:03:24,713 --> 00:03:26,874 absolutely crucial to Qing Dynasty court life. 69 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,194 So the idea was you wanted to make sure that the emperor 70 00:03:29,194 --> 00:03:31,074 had, you know, multiple offspring, 71 00:03:31,074 --> 00:03:33,315 so you wanted to make sure he had a very healthy sex life. 72 00:03:33,315 --> 00:03:36,035 In fact, in the 1670s, they started a government branch 73 00:03:36,035 --> 00:03:38,756 called The Office Of Respectful Service. 74 00:03:38,756 --> 00:03:41,715 So there's, like, a guy outside the bedroom, seeing how many times 75 00:03:41,715 --> 00:03:43,956 a woman has been in and out that week. Wow. Wow. 76 00:03:43,956 --> 00:03:46,396 And it mattered because if you went in and out that week, say, 77 00:03:46,396 --> 00:03:48,076 three times into the Emperor's chambers 78 00:03:48,076 --> 00:03:50,997 then you would go up in the... Yeah. ..in the concubine standings. 79 00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:53,517 Sounds quite exhausting for the Emperor. For him. 80 00:03:54,797 --> 00:03:56,997 Do you think when they go in, he's just saying, 81 00:03:56,997 --> 00:03:58,917 "We could just watch TV and have a chat"? 82 00:03:58,917 --> 00:04:00,758 "Let's have a cup of tea and a pillow fight." 83 00:04:01,878 --> 00:04:05,078 There are some fantastic empresses, so these are the chief consorts. 84 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,999 There's one in particular called Empress Cixi. 85 00:04:07,999 --> 00:04:10,158 So she started as a 16-year-old, 86 00:04:10,158 --> 00:04:13,279 you know how you do, a bit of work experience, low grade... 87 00:04:13,279 --> 00:04:17,200 ..you know, concubine. Hand jobs. Yeah. Getting up. 88 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,960 Well, she started out in the lowliest position 89 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:23,201 and then she got herself, over 40 years, to the highest position. 90 00:04:23,201 --> 00:04:25,040 She killed quite a few people on the way... 91 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:26,480 She killed people?! What? She did. 92 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,761 With her hat? Well... 93 00:04:30,761 --> 00:04:32,841 It does look like a mortar board, doesn't it? Yeah. 94 00:04:32,841 --> 00:04:35,482 It looks like a mortar board with a toilet flush on the side. Yeah. 95 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:40,082 The night before she died, and she knew that she was dying, 96 00:04:40,082 --> 00:04:42,002 she's thought to have poisoned her own nephew 97 00:04:42,002 --> 00:04:44,362 so that he couldn't take power. Wow! I know. 98 00:04:44,362 --> 00:04:45,723 She's really a vicious thing. 99 00:04:45,723 --> 00:04:47,563 Wow, let's hope the Queen's listening. 100 00:04:51,364 --> 00:04:53,524 What an end to The Crown that would be! 101 00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:58,004 She presides over a period of technological 102 00:04:58,004 --> 00:05:00,164 progress in China that is unparalleled, 103 00:05:00,164 --> 00:05:03,925 because it's the beginning of trains and cars, which was a real issue 104 00:05:03,925 --> 00:05:06,245 for them, because she couldn't really travel in a car, 105 00:05:06,245 --> 00:05:09,285 because all protocol dictated that whenever she was travelling, 106 00:05:09,285 --> 00:05:12,845 everybody needed to be at a lower level than her. 107 00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:14,966 Sunroof. Yeah. 108 00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:18,166 That would have been the thing. Holding her hat on like this. 109 00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:21,007 They couldn't have a chauffeur, because the chauffeur couldn't sit 110 00:05:21,007 --> 00:05:22,647 below her, so that was a serious issue. 111 00:05:22,647 --> 00:05:25,447 And then the British decided to give her a steam train in 1865. 112 00:05:25,447 --> 00:05:27,247 It only had 500 metres of track. 113 00:05:28,447 --> 00:05:30,247 But it was considered too shocking, 114 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,928 and it disturbed the feng shui of the areas. 115 00:05:32,928 --> 00:05:35,888 The first successful train they had came later from Germany, 116 00:05:35,888 --> 00:05:38,528 about 20 years later, and it had three kilometres of track, 117 00:05:38,528 --> 00:05:40,768 and she used to take it every day to go to lunch. 118 00:05:40,768 --> 00:05:42,769 But she didn't like the sound of the engine, 119 00:05:42,769 --> 00:05:46,449 so the carriages were pulled by eunuchs tied to long yellow silks. 120 00:05:48,210 --> 00:05:51,610 Why doesn't British Rail pick that up?! I don't know! 121 00:05:51,610 --> 00:05:53,410 That'd be amazing, wouldn't it, 122 00:05:53,410 --> 00:05:55,610 instead of a rail replacement bus service? 123 00:05:57,370 --> 00:05:59,531 Ladies and gentlemen, many apologies. 124 00:05:59,531 --> 00:06:02,251 The eunuchs have not turned up today. 125 00:06:02,251 --> 00:06:06,292 We've got the wrong yellow silks, I'm afraid, ladies and gentlemen. 126 00:06:06,292 --> 00:06:09,171 Never mind about that, we've got the wrong eunuchs today, I'm afraid. 127 00:06:09,171 --> 00:06:11,572 One of them's got a penis. We've sent him home. 128 00:06:13,772 --> 00:06:17,493 Right, moving on. What do bacteria talk about? 129 00:06:18,453 --> 00:06:19,613 Is it Love Island? 130 00:06:21,413 --> 00:06:23,973 Other bacteria who aren't in the room. 131 00:06:23,973 --> 00:06:26,733 I love it when by complete chance you're correct. 132 00:06:28,774 --> 00:06:31,574 So they are communicating about where the other bacteria are. 133 00:06:31,574 --> 00:06:33,695 It's something called quorum sensing. 134 00:06:33,695 --> 00:06:37,735 They actually emit and detect each other's chemical signals, 135 00:06:37,735 --> 00:06:40,335 and what they basically do is they take a head count 136 00:06:40,335 --> 00:06:43,135 to see how many bacteria there are. 137 00:06:43,135 --> 00:06:45,496 And they base their activity on how many bacteria 138 00:06:45,496 --> 00:06:46,896 they have detected around them. 139 00:06:46,896 --> 00:06:49,176 Like a fight, like there's ten of us and four of them. 140 00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,897 It's like the army gathering and going, 141 00:06:50,897 --> 00:06:53,696 "Right, we're ready to go over the top now because we've got enough." 142 00:06:53,696 --> 00:06:55,897 Lots of bacteria that cause human diseases, 143 00:06:55,897 --> 00:06:58,337 so cholera, pneumonia, staph infections and so on, 144 00:06:58,337 --> 00:07:00,337 they use quorum sensing. 145 00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:04,658 So they wait harmlessly inside us until they agree that there's enough 146 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:07,099 and then they go. It's a bit like social media, right? 147 00:07:07,099 --> 00:07:09,978 So one person tweets but then it is repeated and repeated and repeated 148 00:07:09,978 --> 00:07:11,378 until it goes viral 149 00:07:11,378 --> 00:07:14,339 and you have enough to make it a story for a lazy journalist. 150 00:07:16,339 --> 00:07:18,740 It was very first observed in the 1970s. 151 00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:21,780 There are some bacteria called Vibrio fischeri 152 00:07:21,780 --> 00:07:25,700 and they live in the bodies of the Hawaiian bobtail squid. 153 00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:27,300 Isn't that beautiful? Wow. 154 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:30,261 So the squid gives them accommodation and sugar 155 00:07:30,261 --> 00:07:32,861 and amino acid for food, and in return, 156 00:07:32,861 --> 00:07:35,302 the bacteria gives the squid the most 157 00:07:35,302 --> 00:07:37,701 ingenious defence mechanism, 158 00:07:37,701 --> 00:07:40,221 by glowing, all of them, all at once 159 00:07:40,221 --> 00:07:42,982 and generating bioluminescence. 160 00:07:42,982 --> 00:07:45,942 So the squid is able to control this light, 161 00:07:45,942 --> 00:07:48,423 which is created by all these bacteria living there, 162 00:07:48,423 --> 00:07:52,103 and basically any potential predator that is looking up at the squid 163 00:07:52,103 --> 00:07:53,623 will think it's looking at the moon, 164 00:07:53,623 --> 00:07:55,663 because the squid can point this light downwards. 165 00:07:55,663 --> 00:07:56,823 What? Isn't it clever? 166 00:07:56,823 --> 00:08:00,024 I know, so it's working with bacteria in order to do this trick. 167 00:08:00,024 --> 00:08:01,944 It's called counter-illumination, 168 00:08:01,944 --> 00:08:05,225 and the squid can even use its ink to dim the lights. 169 00:08:05,225 --> 00:08:08,064 And it's useless for the bacteria to glow 170 00:08:08,064 --> 00:08:09,665 unless there's enough of them. 171 00:08:09,665 --> 00:08:11,985 That seems like a really fair payment. Yeah. 172 00:08:11,985 --> 00:08:15,066 You get that incredible party trick just from getting some bac... 173 00:08:15,066 --> 00:08:18,506 Like, if I got that every time I'd had thrush, I would... 174 00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:22,746 I am so in love with the idea of getting thrush 175 00:08:22,746 --> 00:08:24,626 and suddenly being bioluminescent. Yeah! 176 00:08:26,307 --> 00:08:29,547 It would definitely be literally the silver lining. Yes. 177 00:08:29,547 --> 00:08:31,507 APPLAUSE 178 00:08:34,988 --> 00:08:37,668 It'd be also a conversation starter cos I'd walk in and I'd go, 179 00:08:37,668 --> 00:08:39,028 "Holly, you look great. 180 00:08:39,028 --> 00:08:41,308 "Got through the thrush?" 181 00:08:41,308 --> 00:08:43,789 She looks like the moon but she's so itchy. 182 00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:46,349 Oh, wow! 183 00:08:46,349 --> 00:08:49,950 What I love is that it has another way of concealing itself 184 00:08:49,950 --> 00:08:53,389 if it doesn't have enough to create the light. Have a look at this. 185 00:08:53,389 --> 00:08:56,390 It is able to bury itself in the sand. 186 00:08:56,390 --> 00:09:00,151 What?! So, this is the other way of doing it. Look, look! 187 00:09:00,151 --> 00:09:03,351 Oh, wow! It's just the eye. And then covering the eye. 188 00:09:04,831 --> 00:09:08,231 That's amazing. Isn't that beautiful? And he buries himself, 189 00:09:08,231 --> 00:09:11,912 and then does he just wait for the bacteria to multiply? 190 00:09:11,912 --> 00:09:15,352 Yeah, Holly is, frankly, doing better in the pants department. 191 00:09:15,352 --> 00:09:17,713 Would you bury yourself in sand? 192 00:09:17,713 --> 00:09:20,153 Well, that's how I got thrush in the first place. 193 00:09:21,593 --> 00:09:23,193 Grit...! 194 00:09:24,473 --> 00:09:29,434 A roller-coaster might make you queasy, but what can it cure? 195 00:09:29,434 --> 00:09:30,594 Yes? 196 00:09:30,594 --> 00:09:31,714 Thrush. 197 00:09:33,754 --> 00:09:36,155 Actually, thrush, with that thing between your legs, 198 00:09:36,155 --> 00:09:38,234 that's going to make it worse. 199 00:09:38,234 --> 00:09:40,835 HOLLY: God, I went and did Go Ape yesterday. 200 00:09:40,835 --> 00:09:43,195 It was quite something in terms of the harness. 201 00:09:43,195 --> 00:09:44,595 It's not comfortable. 202 00:09:44,595 --> 00:09:46,436 Been used by a lot of other people. 203 00:09:50,996 --> 00:09:53,636 Are you suggesting it has chafed many thighs? 204 00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:56,997 I'm suggesting that the harnesses can communicate with one another. 205 00:09:59,877 --> 00:10:01,477 So, what happens on a roller-coaster? 206 00:10:01,477 --> 00:10:04,358 Hiccups? Will it cure hiccups? I would imagine it might cure hiccups. 207 00:10:04,358 --> 00:10:06,797 I got stuck on a roller-coaster at Alton Towers. 208 00:10:06,797 --> 00:10:08,318 Oh, see? My idea of hell. 209 00:10:08,318 --> 00:10:11,238 Yeah, I got stuck in the Black Hole. What?! 210 00:10:12,558 --> 00:10:16,199 This is the kind of audience I want with my anecdotes. 211 00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,759 What is the Black Hole? 212 00:10:17,759 --> 00:10:20,800 So it's a roller-coaster in the dark. No! Nightmare. 213 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:24,599 If I'd have been there, you would have felt a hell of a lot happier. 214 00:10:24,599 --> 00:10:26,320 Lighting it up. 215 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:30,320 And it's one of those roller-coasters 216 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,201 where you're straddling someone. 217 00:10:32,201 --> 00:10:33,521 Sorry, what?! 218 00:10:35,361 --> 00:10:38,401 So you get on and you're both in, like, a cart, 219 00:10:38,401 --> 00:10:40,921 and one of you has to sit with your legs out 220 00:10:40,921 --> 00:10:43,002 and then the other kind of sits like... Oh, OK. 221 00:10:43,002 --> 00:10:44,762 And you were the one with the legs out? 222 00:10:44,762 --> 00:10:46,162 I was the one with the legs out. 223 00:10:46,162 --> 00:10:48,443 You were with a stranger? Yes! Oh! 224 00:10:48,443 --> 00:10:50,163 Why? Where were your friends? 225 00:10:50,163 --> 00:10:53,563 I was in a three, and those two paired up. HOLLY: Oh, awkward. 226 00:10:53,563 --> 00:10:56,523 And I wasn't going to, like, miss out on the Black Hole, 227 00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,843 and then we just ran out of momentum. 228 00:10:58,843 --> 00:11:01,884 I mean, the cart, not, like, the conversation. 229 00:11:01,884 --> 00:11:04,524 And we were there for about five minutes, just sat there. 230 00:11:04,524 --> 00:11:06,844 At one point, you could hear the other carts coming down. 231 00:11:06,844 --> 00:11:09,404 It was absolutely terrifying. 232 00:11:09,404 --> 00:11:11,525 And then they got us off in the end and they went, 233 00:11:11,525 --> 00:11:15,245 "You can have free tickets to go again." We were like, "No!" 234 00:11:15,245 --> 00:11:20,246 Just the guy had a soaking-wet back from where you pissed yourself. 235 00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:22,726 So it is the back that we are thinking about, OK? 236 00:11:22,726 --> 00:11:25,486 Sciatica. Well, no, something much more painful. 237 00:11:25,486 --> 00:11:28,127 Possibly even more painful than childbirth. 238 00:11:28,127 --> 00:11:30,367 It's considered to be one of the most painful things 239 00:11:30,367 --> 00:11:32,407 you can have in the world. Oh, kidney infection. 240 00:11:32,407 --> 00:11:35,887 It's kidney stones. Kidney stones. More painful than childbirth. 241 00:11:35,887 --> 00:11:38,207 I have had them. Unbearably painful. 242 00:11:38,207 --> 00:11:42,848 So in 2018, an Ig Nobel Prize was awarded to two urologists 243 00:11:42,848 --> 00:11:45,369 who discovered a really quick way to quash kidney stones. 244 00:11:45,369 --> 00:11:48,129 So they had several patients who said they'd passed kidney stones 245 00:11:48,129 --> 00:11:49,769 when they were on a roller-coaster, 246 00:11:49,769 --> 00:11:51,649 so they made a silicon cast of a kidney. 247 00:11:51,649 --> 00:11:53,089 They filled it with actual urine, 248 00:11:53,089 --> 00:11:55,930 they added three artificial kidney stones 249 00:11:55,930 --> 00:11:59,610 and they took it on Disney World's Big Thunder Mountain. 250 00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:02,731 And apparently most effective is riding at the back of the coaster - 251 00:12:02,731 --> 00:12:05,291 passage rate of 64%. Wow! 252 00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,931 Compared to 17% if you sit at the front. 253 00:12:07,931 --> 00:12:09,411 So much better to sit at the back. 254 00:12:09,411 --> 00:12:12,091 Is there somewhere, like, just pictures of two people 255 00:12:12,091 --> 00:12:15,412 then a picture of a kidney on a roller-coaster? 256 00:12:15,412 --> 00:12:18,332 Anyway, the roller-coaster study - not the first time that frightening 257 00:12:18,332 --> 00:12:20,892 rides have been used in medicine. So, this is bizarre. 258 00:12:20,892 --> 00:12:24,693 In the 1920s, doctors prescribed scary plane flights 259 00:12:24,693 --> 00:12:27,533 to cure deafness. What?! What?! 260 00:12:27,533 --> 00:12:30,214 There was a theory that some deafness had psychological origins 261 00:12:30,214 --> 00:12:32,934 and you could overcome this by being terrified! 262 00:12:32,934 --> 00:12:36,254 He thought he was just going out for a bike ride. 263 00:12:36,254 --> 00:12:39,774 Well, what they were told as they got onto the flight was that it 264 00:12:39,774 --> 00:12:42,575 was the altitude that was going to cure them. 265 00:12:42,575 --> 00:12:45,215 They were not expecting any acrobatics. 266 00:12:45,215 --> 00:12:47,456 So you can imagine when they did a loop-the-loop that, 267 00:12:47,456 --> 00:12:50,415 if it was psychological, the deafness definitely went - 268 00:12:50,415 --> 00:12:52,856 everybody could hear them screaming at that point. 269 00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:56,856 Awww! Yeah. Even the great aviator Charles Lindbergh advertised deaf 270 00:12:56,856 --> 00:13:00,297 flights on his business card. It was considered quite a thing. 271 00:13:00,297 --> 00:13:03,658 Did it...? There's no evidence that it worked at all. None. 272 00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:08,257 Now, what can you tell me about Philip the Missionary's position? 273 00:13:10,458 --> 00:13:13,338 I once sat behind him on a roller-coaster. 274 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:19,779 Who's Philip the Missionary? Also known as Philip the Evangelist? 275 00:13:19,779 --> 00:13:22,779 Anybody had a religious upbringing at all? 276 00:13:22,779 --> 00:13:25,539 I can sing Lord Of The Dance, if that's what you mean. 277 00:13:25,539 --> 00:13:27,140 That's so tempting! Go on. 278 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,140 No! I... Why did I say that? You brought it up. 279 00:13:31,981 --> 00:13:34,061 # Dance then, wherever you may be 280 00:13:34,061 --> 00:13:36,140 BOTH: # I am the Lord of the Dance, said he 281 00:13:36,140 --> 00:13:38,501 # And I'll lead you all, wherever you may be 282 00:13:38,501 --> 00:13:40,901 # And I'll lead you all in the dance, said he. # 283 00:13:40,901 --> 00:13:43,181 So in a word, no idea who he is. 284 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,222 Is he in the Bible, then? 285 00:13:46,222 --> 00:13:48,662 Which bit of the Bible? He'll be in the New Testament, surely. 286 00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:51,822 It's in the New Testament, you're absolutely right. It's in Acts. 287 00:13:51,822 --> 00:13:55,223 He's an evangelist, so he tours the Middle East performing miracles. 288 00:13:55,223 --> 00:13:57,703 You couldn't get tickets, though, could you? It's hard. 289 00:13:57,703 --> 00:13:59,023 So his... 290 00:13:59,023 --> 00:14:01,824 So weird when all your hair is on the bottom of your head. 291 00:14:04,663 --> 00:14:07,384 It does look like you could flip his head, just flip it over like that. 292 00:14:07,384 --> 00:14:09,304 And then your mouth would be at the top, though, 293 00:14:09,304 --> 00:14:12,705 that would be weird, and your eyes would be under your mouth. Yeah. 294 00:14:12,705 --> 00:14:15,345 And every time you ate, you'd get food in your eyes. 295 00:14:15,345 --> 00:14:18,066 But at least your hair would be in the right place. 296 00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:21,105 But then when it rains, all the water would go down your nose. 297 00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:29,147 It'd be so beautiful. It'd be like the, erm... Those... 298 00:14:30,507 --> 00:14:32,467 ..fountains in... 299 00:14:32,467 --> 00:14:36,227 What are those fountains called, the fountains called in Las Vegas? 300 00:14:36,227 --> 00:14:37,347 AUDIENCE MEMBER: Bellagio! 301 00:14:37,347 --> 00:14:40,428 Bellagio. My God, I cried when I saw those. 302 00:14:40,428 --> 00:14:43,268 Are those the ones where they fire out and land in a hole? 303 00:14:43,268 --> 00:14:45,348 No. 304 00:14:45,348 --> 00:14:47,269 They're my favourite fountain. 305 00:14:47,269 --> 00:14:49,988 Honest to God, it's like being in an old people's home. 306 00:14:51,228 --> 00:14:54,109 He toured the Middle East, did he? He toured the Middle East! 307 00:14:54,109 --> 00:14:56,709 Right. Josh wants to sing Lord Of The Dance again! 308 00:14:58,550 --> 00:15:00,630 I saw a fountain once! Did you? 309 00:15:02,270 --> 00:15:03,831 OK. So he toured the Middle East. 310 00:15:03,831 --> 00:15:06,230 Tell us about the dark room again! 311 00:15:07,830 --> 00:15:09,951 Er... ALAN LAUGHING 312 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:14,112 When we going on the roller-coaster? 313 00:15:14,112 --> 00:15:16,592 You said we was going on a roller-coaster! 314 00:15:16,592 --> 00:15:17,912 I never pissed meself. 315 00:15:20,192 --> 00:15:21,952 I've got thrush! 316 00:15:23,992 --> 00:15:26,953 Who pulled the train? What kind of person pulled the train? 317 00:15:26,953 --> 00:15:28,873 Eunuchs! Eunuchs! 318 00:15:28,873 --> 00:15:31,834 So this is him baptising a eunuch. 319 00:15:31,834 --> 00:15:34,553 Here's what happens. When the eunuch lifts his head... 320 00:15:34,553 --> 00:15:36,754 Oh, I didn't know what you were going to say. 321 00:15:36,754 --> 00:15:38,674 I really didn't! 322 00:15:38,674 --> 00:15:41,434 So what happens is the eunuch lifts his head up, he's been baptised 323 00:15:41,434 --> 00:15:42,795 and Philip has disappeared. 324 00:15:42,795 --> 00:15:47,675 So the eunuch never saw him again, but went away on his way rejoicing. 325 00:15:47,675 --> 00:15:51,915 Meanwhile, Philip found himself further north at the town of Azotus, 326 00:15:51,915 --> 00:15:56,516 so it seems to provide the Bible's only example of teleportation, 327 00:15:56,516 --> 00:15:58,676 because there's a moment he's there 328 00:15:58,676 --> 00:16:02,117 and the next minute, he's in a completely different town. 329 00:16:02,117 --> 00:16:04,836 So here's the question - Philip aside... Yes. 330 00:16:04,836 --> 00:16:07,917 ..do you think that humans will ever teleport? 331 00:16:07,917 --> 00:16:09,197 Mm... JOSH: No. Yeah. Yeah. 332 00:16:09,197 --> 00:16:11,158 Yes. OK, Holly, why? 333 00:16:11,158 --> 00:16:13,638 If you think about it, ten years ago, we didn't have Uber 334 00:16:13,638 --> 00:16:14,798 and now we've got Uber. 335 00:16:17,319 --> 00:16:19,598 And that's as good as teleporting. Yeah, just the same. 336 00:16:19,598 --> 00:16:21,999 There's been times when I don't remember how I got home 337 00:16:21,999 --> 00:16:24,599 and then I've looked at my e-mails and I've realised 338 00:16:24,599 --> 00:16:26,879 I've got an Uber receipt, and I thought that's as good as... 339 00:16:26,879 --> 00:16:29,000 Teleporting. ..teleporting. 340 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,040 Well, here is the extraordinary thing. It's that we have already done 341 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:35,080 it, although not to ourselves. We are heading into quantum physics, but 342 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,000 fear not, it is not difficult at all. 343 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,961 So, quantum physics, essentially the study of extremely small 344 00:16:39,961 --> 00:16:43,121 particles, so atoms, electrons, photons, which are...? 345 00:16:43,121 --> 00:16:45,242 Molecules? ..light particles. Light particles. 346 00:16:45,242 --> 00:16:50,201 So, in 2017, China teleported information from a photon 347 00:16:50,201 --> 00:16:54,402 into outer space using a process called quantum entanglement. 348 00:16:54,402 --> 00:16:57,483 So, now, let me explain this to you. 349 00:16:57,483 --> 00:16:59,843 I want you to imagine this is 350 00:16:59,843 --> 00:17:02,244 a single energised photon. 351 00:17:02,244 --> 00:17:04,923 What you can do with a photon is you can fire 352 00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:07,844 it from a laser into a crystal, 353 00:17:07,844 --> 00:17:13,885 and you can effectively turn it into two not-quite-so-charged photons. 354 00:17:13,885 --> 00:17:16,525 So, you have to imagine now that this is two photons, 355 00:17:16,525 --> 00:17:21,685 but they are effectively still the same banana, the same photon, 356 00:17:21,685 --> 00:17:24,446 it's just that we have separated them. 357 00:17:24,446 --> 00:17:27,966 Now, I'm going to take this bit of it and I'm going to chuck it to you, 358 00:17:27,966 --> 00:17:30,967 Cariad. Oh, God! So, I need you to imagine that you are in a spacecraft, 359 00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:33,846 you are 500 kilometres away from the Earth on a Chinese spacecraft. 360 00:17:33,846 --> 00:17:35,607 Are you ready? Yep. 361 00:17:35,607 --> 00:17:38,327 There we go. Fantastic. OK. I tell you what, at least 362 00:17:38,327 --> 00:17:40,367 you didn't make a meal of it. 363 00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:46,048 So, what I'm going to do is I'm just going to write something on this. 364 00:17:46,048 --> 00:17:50,568 And this is the astonishing thing. It is 500 kilometres away. 365 00:17:50,568 --> 00:17:52,288 I have written "Alan". 366 00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:56,209 If you then show yours, imagining that it is now 500 kilometres away, 367 00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:58,370 it, too, says "Alan" on it. 368 00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:02,170 Whatever you did to the photon that is left on Earth, exactly 369 00:18:02,170 --> 00:18:06,930 the same thing will happen to the photon that has gone out into space. 370 00:18:06,930 --> 00:18:11,451 And we don't know why. We shouldn't feel bad that we don't know why. 371 00:18:11,451 --> 00:18:14,451 Einstein did not understand it at all. It freaked him out. 372 00:18:14,451 --> 00:18:17,332 He called it Spooky Action At A Distance. 373 00:18:17,332 --> 00:18:20,091 HOLLY: No, I get it. So, here is the weirder thing. 374 00:18:20,091 --> 00:18:22,892 We could pair this bit of banana, if you like, with an orange. 375 00:18:22,892 --> 00:18:24,972 Wait. Pear, orange or banana? 376 00:18:26,653 --> 00:18:30,173 If I then did something to the orange, it, too, 377 00:18:30,173 --> 00:18:32,414 would appear on that bit of banana. 378 00:18:32,414 --> 00:18:34,693 I'm trying to use fruit as an example, but, basically, 379 00:18:34,693 --> 00:18:39,094 I could pair another photon, a third one, to this one on Earth, 380 00:18:39,094 --> 00:18:44,015 but it is still having the same existence. I feel really weird! 381 00:18:44,015 --> 00:18:47,095 So, basically, when you teleport, you're going to make a version 382 00:18:47,095 --> 00:18:50,655 of yourself elsewhere and then you can do whatever you like to it. 383 00:18:55,296 --> 00:18:58,656 In a way, you're right, Alan. The trouble is that we just don't know 384 00:18:58,656 --> 00:19:01,697 enough about it. I do know, though. I know what it is. OK. 385 00:19:01,697 --> 00:19:03,496 Two words for you. Yes. 386 00:19:03,496 --> 00:19:05,576 Fax machine. 387 00:19:09,297 --> 00:19:11,177 APPLAUSE 388 00:19:13,978 --> 00:19:16,538 What I like is how you've kept so up-to-date. 389 00:19:18,418 --> 00:19:21,378 I did a documentary about quantum physics for Horizon. Did you? 390 00:19:21,378 --> 00:19:23,179 I can highly recommend it. 391 00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:32,419 And... Go on. ..once all the experts had left the room, 392 00:19:32,419 --> 00:19:36,900 oh, my God! I can't really retain it or use the knowledge. 393 00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:39,300 They showed me a laser beam split in two in the 394 00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:43,141 National Physics Laboratory, and they told me that it was impossible, 395 00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:44,741 and then they did it. 396 00:19:46,502 --> 00:19:48,421 Were you at a magic show? 397 00:19:50,941 --> 00:19:54,382 Then they chopped Debbie McGee in two! 398 00:19:54,382 --> 00:19:58,663 Hopefully, it's on YouTube and you can watch it. I will check it out. 399 00:19:58,663 --> 00:20:02,342 Anybody know why teleporting took place in Star Trek? 400 00:20:02,342 --> 00:20:05,343 What was the reason for it? Oh, was it like a budgetary 401 00:20:05,343 --> 00:20:08,263 thing for the show? Yes. They didn't want to have to show the transition? 402 00:20:08,263 --> 00:20:10,824 It was too expensive to show the Enterprise always landing 403 00:20:10,824 --> 00:20:13,424 and taking off on different planets, so Gene Roddenberry, 404 00:20:13,424 --> 00:20:15,825 who was the creator of Star Trek, that was his workaround. 405 00:20:15,825 --> 00:20:17,424 They couldn't afford for the... 406 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:18,984 ALAN IMITATES STAR TREK THEME 407 00:20:20,425 --> 00:20:22,025 I'm just doing a background. Carry on. 408 00:20:22,025 --> 00:20:24,025 I thought you were making sex noises. 409 00:20:25,145 --> 00:20:28,106 Wow, Holly, it really has been a while, hasn't it? 410 00:20:29,986 --> 00:20:33,786 When you're having sex... You're in the dark room... 411 00:20:33,786 --> 00:20:35,786 IMITATES STAR TREK THEME 412 00:20:37,707 --> 00:20:39,747 ..coming from another car elsewhere. 413 00:20:39,747 --> 00:20:42,508 IMITATES THEME LOUDER 414 00:20:43,708 --> 00:20:48,027 No, that other car is singing Lord Of The Dance very quietly. 415 00:20:48,027 --> 00:20:51,548 I'm trying to explain quantum... You're doing very well. 416 00:20:51,548 --> 00:20:53,468 When's lunchtime? 417 00:20:54,709 --> 00:20:57,829 Watch the Horizon documentary. Move on. All right. 418 00:20:59,670 --> 00:21:02,069 If any topics come up with shows that I've done, 419 00:21:02,069 --> 00:21:05,190 can I plug them, as well? Yes. 420 00:21:05,190 --> 00:21:08,230 It is seriously like an old people's home now, isn't it? 421 00:21:08,230 --> 00:21:11,751 I used to be on the television, you know. Yes, years ago. 422 00:21:11,751 --> 00:21:13,671 I've got thrush. 423 00:21:16,231 --> 00:21:22,272 Right. Moving on, where would you go for a six-week quickie? 424 00:21:22,272 --> 00:21:24,352 Josh? Alton Towers. 425 00:21:26,272 --> 00:21:30,393 So, what kind of quickie things are there that you might do in six weeks? 426 00:21:30,393 --> 00:21:32,152 A quickie in six weeks...? 427 00:21:32,152 --> 00:21:35,313 Divorce. A quickie divorce. Oh! Yeah. Six weeks?! 428 00:21:35,313 --> 00:21:38,073 From the turn of the 20th century, people travelled from all over 429 00:21:38,073 --> 00:21:41,034 America to Nevada. It was the place to go for a quickie divorce. 430 00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:43,754 So, they reduced the residency requirement for seeking 431 00:21:43,754 --> 00:21:45,635 divorce from six months to six weeks. 432 00:21:45,635 --> 00:21:47,554 And also, they made it fantastically easy. 433 00:21:47,554 --> 00:21:49,674 There were nine grounds why you could get a divorce, 434 00:21:49,674 --> 00:21:51,555 and they applied them unbelievably broadly. 435 00:21:51,555 --> 00:21:54,835 There was a man who got a divorce on the grounds of extreme cruelty, 436 00:21:54,835 --> 00:21:56,876 and it was because his wife had too many cats. 437 00:21:56,876 --> 00:22:00,036 I mean, it really was... She had too many cats? Yes. 438 00:22:00,036 --> 00:22:03,636 Did they name how many? They didn't say how many. For me, one. Two! 439 00:22:05,876 --> 00:22:08,997 "There's one there, I go upstairs, there's another one!" 440 00:22:08,997 --> 00:22:12,237 And this carried on right up until the 1970s. In fact, 441 00:22:12,237 --> 00:22:15,638 they think it's how the state survived the Great Depression, 442 00:22:15,638 --> 00:22:19,198 because no other state allowed such lax grounds for divorce. 443 00:22:19,198 --> 00:22:21,918 And there were divorce hotels, where you could go, 444 00:22:21,918 --> 00:22:24,599 and the couple could do the six weeks of residency. 445 00:22:24,599 --> 00:22:28,639 They especially targeted women, and "dude ranches" were developed, 446 00:22:28,639 --> 00:22:31,319 where women would go for six weeks, sunbathing, riding horses, 447 00:22:31,319 --> 00:22:35,559 drinking cocktails, fraternising with the famously attractive male staff. 448 00:22:35,559 --> 00:22:37,440 It was marketed as "Reno-vation", 449 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:41,401 because it was in the town of Reno, one of the most popular places. 450 00:22:41,401 --> 00:22:43,641 And women would often arrive with a male "cousin", 451 00:22:43,641 --> 00:22:46,000 who they married as soon as the divorce went through. 452 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,401 And they held an annual wedding derby to see who had officiated 453 00:22:49,401 --> 00:22:53,642 at the most marriages in a year, and in 1947, Judge William McKnight won. 454 00:22:53,642 --> 00:22:58,763 He had officiated at 5,888 weddings, pretty much 16 a day. 455 00:22:58,763 --> 00:23:01,962 Whoa! Just going through. 456 00:23:01,962 --> 00:23:06,963 And now for a classic snack to go with a classical question, 457 00:23:06,963 --> 00:23:08,603 so... 458 00:23:08,603 --> 00:23:13,404 Anybody want some snacks here? I'm looking forward to these. Yeah! 459 00:23:13,404 --> 00:23:16,484 How can you squeeze the maximum number of Quavers 460 00:23:16,484 --> 00:23:18,884 into the smallest possible space? 461 00:23:20,444 --> 00:23:22,125 Yes, Josh. 462 00:23:22,125 --> 00:23:24,045 Oh, no, Josh! 463 00:23:27,766 --> 00:23:29,806 APPLAUSE 464 00:23:29,806 --> 00:23:31,845 Want to share yours now, Sandi? 465 00:23:34,806 --> 00:23:36,086 Oh, my. 466 00:23:38,887 --> 00:23:40,847 Unbelievably delicious, aren't they? 467 00:23:40,847 --> 00:23:42,287 Bad luck. 468 00:23:44,048 --> 00:23:47,327 I like Twiglets. I met a man in Sainsbury's dressed as a Twiglet. 469 00:23:47,327 --> 00:23:48,367 Erm... 470 00:23:49,848 --> 00:23:51,248 You were dressed as a Twiglet? 471 00:23:51,248 --> 00:23:53,728 No! No, I didn't even know it was a job you could do. 472 00:23:53,728 --> 00:23:55,569 I would have definitely done it. 473 00:23:55,569 --> 00:23:58,369 Anyway, quaver, where do we get the word from, do you think? 474 00:23:58,369 --> 00:23:59,569 The actual word "quaver". 475 00:23:59,569 --> 00:24:01,689 Is it French? No, we're going to go Middle English. 476 00:24:01,689 --> 00:24:03,969 What do you think it meant? Middle English, did you say? 477 00:24:03,969 --> 00:24:06,329 Middle English. What, so Quavers have been around 478 00:24:06,329 --> 00:24:08,810 since medieval times? No, the word. 479 00:24:08,810 --> 00:24:11,530 I think this batch has been around since medieval times. 480 00:24:11,530 --> 00:24:14,891 Does it mean to quiver? It does mean to shake. It's the letter S. 481 00:24:14,891 --> 00:24:17,210 Look at that. Isn't that weird? Ooh, look! 482 00:24:17,210 --> 00:24:18,811 You are so easily pleased. 483 00:24:20,411 --> 00:24:23,892 That is how I imagine the scene from Alan's documentary. 484 00:24:26,652 --> 00:24:29,373 So it began as a meaning of shaken. 485 00:24:29,373 --> 00:24:31,732 Then it became singing in a sort of tremulous voice. 486 00:24:31,732 --> 00:24:33,812 Do you remember when women in church always...? 487 00:24:33,812 --> 00:24:36,053 SHE VOCALISES 488 00:24:36,053 --> 00:24:39,773 # Da-a-a-nce, then, wherever you may be 489 00:24:39,773 --> 00:24:42,934 # I am the Lord of the Dance, said he. # 490 00:24:42,934 --> 00:24:45,413 Yep. It's like Josh was in the room. 491 00:24:48,414 --> 00:24:50,614 And then it became the name of a musical note. 492 00:24:50,614 --> 00:24:52,415 Anybody know how long a quaver...? 493 00:24:52,415 --> 00:24:54,175 A quaver is half a minim. 494 00:24:54,175 --> 00:24:58,056 It's an eighth. There are semiquavers, which are one 16th, 495 00:24:58,056 --> 00:25:02,095 followed by a demisemiquaver, which would be... Half of a... ..a 32nd. 496 00:25:02,095 --> 00:25:04,456 A hemidemisemiquaver, which is... 497 00:25:04,456 --> 00:25:08,016 64th. ..a 64th, and a quasihemidemisemiquaver, 498 00:25:08,016 --> 00:25:10,057 which is a... A Danish wizard. 499 00:25:13,097 --> 00:25:15,817 APPLAUSE 500 00:25:15,817 --> 00:25:17,857 We almost went for the same Quaver. 501 00:25:17,857 --> 00:25:19,497 What did you say, Josh? 502 00:25:19,497 --> 00:25:21,258 128th? 128th. 128th. 503 00:25:21,258 --> 00:25:22,898 So these notes are quite rare. 504 00:25:22,898 --> 00:25:24,258 Why is it so rare? 505 00:25:24,258 --> 00:25:26,139 So it's rare because it's so fast. 506 00:25:26,139 --> 00:25:28,339 So if you took a work in 4/4 time, 507 00:25:28,339 --> 00:25:32,379 so with a tempo of 100 beats per minute, a quasihemidemisemiquaver 508 00:25:32,379 --> 00:25:35,539 would last for just 0.02 seconds, 509 00:25:35,539 --> 00:25:38,540 so that is too short for the human ear to distinguish. Oh, yeah, yeah. 510 00:25:38,540 --> 00:25:42,180 But in fact, Beethoven and Mozart used them to describe brief rapid 511 00:25:42,180 --> 00:25:44,101 sections in particular movements. 512 00:25:44,101 --> 00:25:46,300 The shortest note in any published work 513 00:25:46,300 --> 00:25:50,381 is a 1,024th note, which should be called a 514 00:25:50,381 --> 00:25:53,781 quasihemidemisemihemidemisemiquaver. 515 00:25:53,781 --> 00:25:55,342 That's his brother! Yep. 516 00:25:55,342 --> 00:25:58,182 And it appears in Anthony Philip Heinrich's 517 00:25:58,182 --> 00:25:59,902 Toccata Grande Cromatica, 518 00:25:59,902 --> 00:26:02,902 which was written around 1820... CARIAD LAUGHS 519 00:26:02,902 --> 00:26:05,583 Look at that guy! Somebody's pleased with himself, aren't they? 520 00:26:07,023 --> 00:26:10,383 "I've used a semidemiquaverquaver..." 521 00:26:10,383 --> 00:26:13,144 Those glasses look no use to anybody, do they? They're too small. 522 00:26:13,144 --> 00:26:14,583 They're smug glasses. 523 00:26:14,583 --> 00:26:17,304 They're intended to make you feel stupid. 524 00:26:17,304 --> 00:26:20,824 So this is one of the rare uses of this 1,024th note, 525 00:26:20,824 --> 00:26:23,945 but in the very first manuscript, an extra bar was added to the note, 526 00:26:23,945 --> 00:26:28,626 which meant it was actually miswritten as a 2,048th note, 527 00:26:28,626 --> 00:26:32,825 which would be a demisemihemidemi- semihemidemisemiquaver. 528 00:26:32,825 --> 00:26:34,626 Oh, my God. There it is. Look at that. 529 00:26:34,626 --> 00:26:38,466 That is... I mean, how fast would that...? Madness. Bonkers. 530 00:26:38,466 --> 00:26:39,627 So could we hear...? 531 00:26:39,627 --> 00:26:42,467 Like, what's the shortest note that we could hear? 532 00:26:42,467 --> 00:26:45,747 There is a thing called extremepianochannel on YouTube. 533 00:26:45,747 --> 00:26:47,507 Whoa! 534 00:26:47,507 --> 00:26:50,467 Do you know what else is on a YouTube channel? 535 00:26:52,548 --> 00:26:54,708 You've all got some instruments beside you. 536 00:26:54,708 --> 00:26:57,389 Why don't you bring out your instruments? 537 00:26:57,389 --> 00:26:58,749 TRIANGLE CHIMES 538 00:26:58,749 --> 00:27:00,388 What I want you to do - 539 00:27:00,388 --> 00:27:01,748 you've got five seconds - 540 00:27:01,748 --> 00:27:05,189 I want you to play the same note as many times as you can 541 00:27:05,189 --> 00:27:08,590 and count how many times... Counting and playing? 542 00:27:08,590 --> 00:27:11,510 Did you used to do that game at school where you'd try 543 00:27:11,510 --> 00:27:14,310 to start and stop a stopwatch as quickly as possible? Oh, yeah. 544 00:27:14,310 --> 00:27:16,630 I loved that game and I was so good. 545 00:27:18,470 --> 00:27:21,191 OK, ready? Five seconds, going now. 546 00:27:26,192 --> 00:27:27,472 Up! 547 00:27:27,472 --> 00:27:29,671 OK? Holly. How many? TRIANGLE STILL RINGING 548 00:27:29,671 --> 00:27:31,912 Alan! Alan! 549 00:27:31,912 --> 00:27:34,312 Alan, the bus is here! 550 00:27:34,312 --> 00:27:36,033 How many, Holly? 551 00:27:36,033 --> 00:27:37,713 I lost count about... 552 00:27:37,713 --> 00:27:39,073 ..erm, 12. 553 00:27:39,073 --> 00:27:41,594 After about 12. Alan? You've no bloody idea. 554 00:27:41,594 --> 00:27:43,593 Cariad? 555 00:27:43,593 --> 00:27:44,633 34. 34? 556 00:27:44,633 --> 00:27:46,833 Honestly? Yeah. 557 00:27:46,833 --> 00:27:48,354 37. 558 00:27:48,354 --> 00:27:49,874 Oh! Josh wins that one. 559 00:27:49,874 --> 00:27:51,194 That's very impressive. 560 00:27:51,194 --> 00:27:53,995 But, I mean, it's a hollow victory if you have to give your own score 561 00:27:53,995 --> 00:27:56,195 when you know what the other scores are. 562 00:27:56,195 --> 00:28:00,315 The most piano key presses in one minute is 824... What?! 563 00:28:00,315 --> 00:28:04,516 ..which is 68 and a half every five seconds. 564 00:28:04,516 --> 00:28:07,156 It's a Portuguese-American pianist, he's astonishing, 565 00:28:07,156 --> 00:28:11,197 called Antonio Domingos, and you can see his work on extremepiano. 566 00:28:11,197 --> 00:28:13,436 Does he just do all the same notes again and again 567 00:28:13,436 --> 00:28:15,476 or is it like a tune? No, it was just one note 568 00:28:15,476 --> 00:28:16,877 but he played it with two fingers. 569 00:28:16,877 --> 00:28:19,037 Most claps in a minute, how many claps do you think? 570 00:28:19,037 --> 00:28:21,358 Well, flamenco people can go very, very fast. About 400. 571 00:28:21,358 --> 00:28:22,638 No, 300. 572 00:28:22,638 --> 00:28:24,398 About 300, anybody else? 573 00:28:24,398 --> 00:28:25,438 200. 574 00:28:25,438 --> 00:28:27,239 1,080. Wow! 575 00:28:27,239 --> 00:28:28,598 By a nine-year-old. 576 00:28:28,598 --> 00:28:30,438 What?! A nine-year-old? 577 00:28:30,438 --> 00:28:31,958 He's called Seven Wade. 578 00:28:31,958 --> 00:28:35,399 180 every ten seconds. What, just for fun? 579 00:28:35,399 --> 00:28:38,480 He's not even doing flamenco? He had his toe in a plug socket. 580 00:28:43,079 --> 00:28:46,840 I'd absolutely love him in my audience on tour. 581 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,881 Right, Quavers away, instruments away. 582 00:28:49,881 --> 00:28:54,041 For what sort of business would you want to use a queer plunger? 583 00:28:59,961 --> 00:29:02,682 I once had a nightmare with a plunger. 584 00:29:05,642 --> 00:29:07,483 So we had a New Year's Eve party 585 00:29:07,483 --> 00:29:10,043 and then the next day our toilet was blocked, 586 00:29:10,043 --> 00:29:12,043 and I thought, "Oh, I'll nail this." 587 00:29:12,043 --> 00:29:13,483 I'd never used a plunger before. 588 00:29:13,483 --> 00:29:14,963 They're difficult to use. 589 00:29:14,963 --> 00:29:17,283 Yeah, I thought I'd just whack it down there, 590 00:29:17,283 --> 00:29:20,604 whacked it down and it suctioned just onto the bottom of the toilet, 591 00:29:20,604 --> 00:29:23,484 brought it up, all I had was the piece of stick. 592 00:29:27,085 --> 00:29:29,124 And now I didn't just have to unblock the toilet, 593 00:29:29,124 --> 00:29:32,045 I had to get my hand in there to get the... Oh! 594 00:29:33,245 --> 00:29:36,406 OK, so queer plunger - what might you plunge into? 595 00:29:36,406 --> 00:29:39,766 The ocean. So, water, you might plunge into water. 596 00:29:39,766 --> 00:29:43,086 It was a term given to con men who took advantage of the rules 597 00:29:43,086 --> 00:29:48,367 of the Society for the Recovery of Persons Apparently Drowned. 598 00:29:48,367 --> 00:29:49,647 So, it was set up in 1774. 599 00:29:49,647 --> 00:29:52,568 So, two London doctors, they were worried that too many victims 600 00:29:52,568 --> 00:29:55,968 were being wrongly pronounced dead and sometimes buried alive, 601 00:29:55,968 --> 00:29:58,688 and so they developed new techniques of resuscitation. 602 00:29:58,688 --> 00:30:01,648 They offered a reward of four guineas, which is over £500 today, 603 00:30:01,648 --> 00:30:04,289 a lot of money, to anybody who successfully brought 604 00:30:04,289 --> 00:30:06,249 a drowned man back to life. 605 00:30:06,249 --> 00:30:09,810 Well, swindlers paired up with each other so one would throw themselves 606 00:30:09,810 --> 00:30:11,530 into the river and pretend to drown 607 00:30:11,530 --> 00:30:14,970 and the other would jump in and rescue him from the brink of death 608 00:30:14,970 --> 00:30:17,130 and the two of them would then share the four guineas, 609 00:30:17,130 --> 00:30:20,251 and they became known as queer plungers. 610 00:30:20,251 --> 00:30:23,051 How many of you around the table know about WC Fields? 611 00:30:23,051 --> 00:30:25,731 The cricketer. No. That's WG Grace. 612 00:30:25,731 --> 00:30:28,931 He was an amazing early 20th-century actor and comedian. 613 00:30:28,931 --> 00:30:32,052 One of his very first jobs was to drown several times a day. 614 00:30:32,052 --> 00:30:35,372 So he worked at Atlantic City and he would pretend to swim out 615 00:30:35,372 --> 00:30:36,772 and then he would pretend to drown 616 00:30:36,772 --> 00:30:38,373 and somebody would come and rescue him 617 00:30:38,373 --> 00:30:39,773 and a great crowd would gather, 618 00:30:39,773 --> 00:30:41,773 and they'd all applaud because he'd been saved 619 00:30:41,773 --> 00:30:43,013 and they were all so thrilled 620 00:30:43,013 --> 00:30:44,733 and then they would buy beer and hot dogs, 621 00:30:44,733 --> 00:30:47,253 and it was the beer and hot-dog guys who paid WC Fields 622 00:30:47,253 --> 00:30:49,214 to drown several times a day. No! 623 00:30:49,214 --> 00:30:51,294 The Netherlands was the first country to have 624 00:30:51,294 --> 00:30:53,934 a society for resuscitation. Why the Netherlands? 625 00:30:53,934 --> 00:30:56,135 People falling in canals. Lots of water, yes. 626 00:30:56,135 --> 00:30:58,374 Sometimes it's just a really simple answer, isn't it? 627 00:30:58,374 --> 00:30:59,734 Do they have fjords as well? 628 00:30:59,734 --> 00:31:03,615 No, they don't have fjords there. God's sake! No. 629 00:31:03,615 --> 00:31:07,416 The Netherlands is famously flat and fjords are famously steep. 630 00:31:07,416 --> 00:31:09,216 Right. So, no. 631 00:31:09,216 --> 00:31:11,337 Do you know what? I'm just glad I didn't say it 632 00:31:11,337 --> 00:31:12,576 on national television. 633 00:31:12,576 --> 00:31:14,616 No, that's a good thing. 634 00:31:14,616 --> 00:31:16,576 So the very first society, 1767, 635 00:31:16,576 --> 00:31:19,097 the Netherlands Society for Resuscitation, 636 00:31:19,097 --> 00:31:22,778 and they had incredibly strict rules about what you should do 637 00:31:22,778 --> 00:31:24,818 in order to bring a drowning person back to life. 638 00:31:24,818 --> 00:31:27,257 So first of all, you've got to take them inside and you've got 639 00:31:27,257 --> 00:31:29,858 to take their wet clothes off and then you've got to rub them 640 00:31:29,858 --> 00:31:31,658 with woollen materials to warm them up. 641 00:31:31,658 --> 00:31:34,739 And maybe, if you really feel it's necessary, 642 00:31:34,739 --> 00:31:37,539 give them tobacco smoke up the rectum. 643 00:31:39,339 --> 00:31:41,100 They used to do that in London as well. 644 00:31:41,100 --> 00:31:43,459 Do you know how I know that? Yes. We had it on this show. 645 00:31:43,459 --> 00:31:45,260 They did indeed. 646 00:31:45,260 --> 00:31:48,660 It was considered an effective means of resuscitation. 647 00:31:48,660 --> 00:31:51,461 My sister fell in a canal. Did she? 648 00:31:51,461 --> 00:31:53,181 One of the best days of my life. 649 00:31:55,341 --> 00:31:59,181 So we went on a canal holiday in Birmingham and... 650 00:31:59,181 --> 00:32:00,581 ONE PERSON LAUGHS 651 00:32:01,901 --> 00:32:03,582 Does that go through fjords? 652 00:32:05,062 --> 00:32:07,342 It's got more miles of canal than Venice, Birmingham. 653 00:32:07,342 --> 00:32:11,662 I do know this. Doesn't make it a better holiday. No. 654 00:32:11,662 --> 00:32:14,463 And my sister fell in and there was panic 655 00:32:14,463 --> 00:32:16,863 and my dad was shouting, "Get the camera!" 656 00:32:19,464 --> 00:32:22,464 And then she found her feet cos it was only about that, 657 00:32:22,464 --> 00:32:24,264 and my brother threw the plastic Polo 658 00:32:24,264 --> 00:32:26,305 and it hit her on the head and knocked her out. 659 00:32:27,864 --> 00:32:30,785 I thought you were going to say your brother threw her the camera. 660 00:32:31,825 --> 00:32:33,585 So there are other things you had to do, 661 00:32:33,585 --> 00:32:35,985 you had to do bleeding of the arms and neck, 662 00:32:35,985 --> 00:32:39,026 you had to pour liquor down the throat and then place the person 663 00:32:39,026 --> 00:32:43,266 in a preheated bed with a naked person next to them. 664 00:32:43,266 --> 00:32:44,706 Yeah, well, that makes sense. 665 00:32:44,706 --> 00:32:46,106 To provide natural heat. Yes, yes, 666 00:32:46,106 --> 00:32:48,507 because that's what happens when you're a keen bivouacker 667 00:32:48,507 --> 00:32:51,147 like I was as a teenager. You, erm... 668 00:32:51,147 --> 00:32:52,627 No wonder you've got thrush. 669 00:32:54,508 --> 00:32:57,307 You learn that if somebody gets quite severe hypothermia 670 00:32:57,307 --> 00:33:00,428 that you should both strip off, get inside a plastic bag together 671 00:33:00,428 --> 00:33:01,748 and just keep each other warm. 672 00:33:01,748 --> 00:33:03,468 OK, who told you this? 673 00:33:05,229 --> 00:33:07,429 Was it someone holding a massive bin liner? 674 00:33:09,869 --> 00:33:12,389 "Come on, Holly! Come on, in you come!" 675 00:33:12,389 --> 00:33:16,310 "We've got to stay warm, Holly! Akela said!" 676 00:33:16,310 --> 00:33:18,790 Is this why you were at Go Ape yesterday? 677 00:33:21,551 --> 00:33:25,071 Now we come to the quintessentially QI brand of torment 678 00:33:25,071 --> 00:33:27,751 that is General Ignorance. Fingers on buzzers, please. 679 00:33:27,751 --> 00:33:30,911 What's the tallest building in Europe? 680 00:33:30,911 --> 00:33:32,111 The Shard. 681 00:33:32,111 --> 00:33:33,872 KLAXON 682 00:33:36,192 --> 00:33:38,272 It isn't the Shard. 683 00:33:38,272 --> 00:33:39,873 Well, it is the Shard, so... 684 00:33:42,672 --> 00:33:45,753 I'm in charge. It's not the Shard. 685 00:33:46,753 --> 00:33:50,514 I will give you that the Shard is the tallest building in the EU 686 00:33:50,514 --> 00:33:52,954 at the time of recording. 687 00:33:52,954 --> 00:33:55,475 Possibly not at the time of broadcast. 688 00:33:55,475 --> 00:33:57,914 The top four are all in Russia. 689 00:33:57,914 --> 00:34:01,635 Oh. The Lakhta Center in St Petersburg tops the list 690 00:34:01,635 --> 00:34:03,915 at 463 metres. 691 00:34:03,915 --> 00:34:05,555 Look at that. Isn't it astonishing? 692 00:34:05,555 --> 00:34:07,076 Tallest building in the world? 693 00:34:07,076 --> 00:34:09,236 Anybody know? I think I went up it in Dubai. 694 00:34:09,236 --> 00:34:13,076 It is in Dubai, you're absolutely right. It's called the Burj Khalifa. 695 00:34:13,076 --> 00:34:15,636 This is astonishing. It is nearly a kilometre high 696 00:34:15,636 --> 00:34:17,916 and it means that at the top of it, 697 00:34:17,916 --> 00:34:23,597 the sun sets more than three minutes later than at ground level. 698 00:34:23,597 --> 00:34:25,677 That is how high the building is. 699 00:34:25,677 --> 00:34:28,117 And during Ramadan, there are clerics who have pointed out 700 00:34:28,117 --> 00:34:30,718 that Muslims who live and work there, they have to stop fasting 701 00:34:30,718 --> 00:34:34,038 at different times depending on what floor they're on. 702 00:34:34,038 --> 00:34:37,959 So one Dubai cleric reckons that people living above the 80th floor 703 00:34:37,959 --> 00:34:39,839 should fast for an extra two minutes 704 00:34:39,839 --> 00:34:41,719 and those on the 150th floor and above 705 00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:43,799 should fast for an extra three minutes. 706 00:34:43,799 --> 00:34:46,279 I was doing a gig in Dubai with Jack Dee. 707 00:34:46,279 --> 00:34:48,000 We went up to the top of that. 708 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:49,960 You've never seen someone... 709 00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:51,480 ..less excited. 710 00:34:53,881 --> 00:34:56,440 Europe's four tallest buildings are all in Russia 711 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,161 with the Shard coming in a paltry fifth. 712 00:34:59,161 --> 00:35:01,841 What shouldn't you do to a sleepwalker? 713 00:35:01,841 --> 00:35:02,921 Kill them. 714 00:35:04,122 --> 00:35:06,602 Absolutely fair. Shouldn't do that. That's one thing. 715 00:35:06,602 --> 00:35:09,363 Oh... Go on, say it. Go on. Yeah, it's wake them, up, isn't it? 716 00:35:09,363 --> 00:35:11,002 KLAXON 717 00:35:11,002 --> 00:35:13,722 All that good work undone! 718 00:35:13,722 --> 00:35:15,843 You were winning up until then. 719 00:35:15,843 --> 00:35:17,803 Now you're stuffed. 720 00:35:17,803 --> 00:35:19,243 Contrary to popular myth, there is 721 00:35:19,243 --> 00:35:21,164 nothing wrong with waking a sleepwalker. 722 00:35:21,164 --> 00:35:23,884 I mean, they might be slightly disorientated at first, but it's 723 00:35:23,884 --> 00:35:28,324 much safer than leaving them to walk around the corridors unconscious! 724 00:35:28,324 --> 00:35:30,764 It's just not as funny. 725 00:35:30,764 --> 00:35:32,925 Depends how you wake them up, doesn't it? Yeah. 726 00:35:32,925 --> 00:35:35,245 Boo! If you wake them by picking them up and putting them 727 00:35:35,245 --> 00:35:37,285 in the middle of the road... 728 00:35:41,805 --> 00:35:44,446 Here's the thing. Injuries are not uncommon... 729 00:35:44,446 --> 00:35:45,886 ALAN STILL LAUGHING 730 00:35:45,886 --> 00:35:48,126 Injuries are not uncommon amongst sleepwalkers, 731 00:35:48,126 --> 00:35:50,567 because they walk into things, and it's better to save them, 732 00:35:50,567 --> 00:35:53,287 although - here is the thing - the most recent studies show 733 00:35:53,287 --> 00:35:56,007 that you don't feel any pain when you are sleepwalking. 734 00:35:56,007 --> 00:35:58,527 You're so relaxed. You're just very chilled. 735 00:35:58,527 --> 00:36:01,448 Of the 47 sleepwalkers in this study who reported suffering 736 00:36:01,448 --> 00:36:04,408 an injury while they were asleep, only ten actually woke up. 737 00:36:05,729 --> 00:36:08,809 There is a thing where people actually act out their dreams. Yeah! 738 00:36:08,809 --> 00:36:11,569 So, sleepwalking tends to happen at the deepest stage of sleep. 739 00:36:11,569 --> 00:36:15,329 There's another disorder called REM behaviour disorder, or RBD. 740 00:36:15,329 --> 00:36:18,250 So, what they do, people often crawl or run in their sleep. 741 00:36:18,250 --> 00:36:20,610 My grandad used to cycle! 742 00:36:20,610 --> 00:36:23,331 He used to kick the covers off, and his legs would be going like that, 743 00:36:23,331 --> 00:36:26,210 and my granny would be like, "Stop it, Bill, stop it!" 744 00:36:26,210 --> 00:36:28,691 He actually won a stage of the Tour de France. 745 00:36:29,811 --> 00:36:31,891 I had a dream the other day that I was in New York, 746 00:36:31,891 --> 00:36:34,332 and my husband said I was lying in bed doing this. 747 00:36:36,452 --> 00:36:40,212 What was that, darling? I think it's just me walking down a sidewalk. 748 00:36:43,772 --> 00:36:45,453 I love it that when you go to New York, 749 00:36:45,453 --> 00:36:47,893 you get a kind of American-Italian attitude. 750 00:36:49,093 --> 00:36:51,494 Did you think you were in Saturday Night Fever? 751 00:36:53,534 --> 00:36:57,574 If you see someone sleepwalking, wake them up before they hurt themselves. 752 00:36:57,574 --> 00:37:00,814 What age did women tend to get married in the olden days, 753 00:37:00,814 --> 00:37:03,735 say 300, 400 years ago? 754 00:37:03,735 --> 00:37:06,375 So that's like, what, 1700? 755 00:37:06,375 --> 00:37:07,655 Wow. 756 00:37:09,735 --> 00:37:11,815 Maths AND geography! 757 00:37:14,456 --> 00:37:17,536 An irresistible package! I know! 758 00:37:17,536 --> 00:37:20,217 So, what do you reckon? How old do you think women were when they got 759 00:37:20,217 --> 00:37:24,136 married? Is the picture a clue? No, it's just a really cute picture. Oh. 760 00:37:24,136 --> 00:37:28,897 Is it older or younger? It's either going to be 14 or 28. 761 00:37:28,897 --> 00:37:31,778 KLAXON What do you want to guess? 762 00:37:33,018 --> 00:37:36,579 I'm going to go 28. You're going to go for 28! 763 00:37:36,579 --> 00:37:39,578 Is it older than we think? Is it sort of like 25? 764 00:37:39,578 --> 00:37:42,099 It is older than we think. So, we're talking about the 1700s. 765 00:37:42,099 --> 00:37:45,939 21. I was right! Thank you! Can I get a point for that? 766 00:37:45,939 --> 00:37:48,900 You're lucky still to be having a chair, frankly. 767 00:37:50,660 --> 00:37:55,660 The average age for women was 25 to 26 to get married, and men were 30. 768 00:37:55,660 --> 00:37:59,021 And then that was actually older than in the 1970s. 769 00:37:59,021 --> 00:38:02,581 All those men coming out of that tent on the right with the hats. 770 00:38:02,581 --> 00:38:06,542 # Tiny people marrying Ding-ding ding-ding-ding! # 771 00:38:06,542 --> 00:38:09,381 I didn't know you sang the Bee Gees! 772 00:38:09,381 --> 00:38:12,382 It's a show called Tiny People Marrying that I did. 773 00:38:13,862 --> 00:38:16,343 I've got it on YouTube. I'll find it for you. 774 00:38:17,543 --> 00:38:20,663 That's interesting... Thank you. ..because in Pride And Prejudice, 775 00:38:20,663 --> 00:38:22,824 what's the name of the vicar? 776 00:38:22,824 --> 00:38:25,543 Mr Collins! Mr Collins. Mm. So, Mr Collins is always played 777 00:38:25,543 --> 00:38:28,864 as, like, this 45-year-old man, but he was actually about 28. 778 00:38:28,864 --> 00:38:30,904 In the actual book? In the actual book, yeah. 779 00:38:30,904 --> 00:38:33,305 But we have warped this sense that they were all much older. 780 00:38:33,305 --> 00:38:35,865 I think we get a lot of it from royal marriages. So, this picture 781 00:38:35,865 --> 00:38:39,305 is Richard II and Anne of Bohemia. So, they were 15 and 16 respectively. 782 00:38:39,305 --> 00:38:42,145 For the average person, they were much older. Even in medieval times, 783 00:38:42,145 --> 00:38:44,346 women didn't marry till their early to mid-twenties. 784 00:38:44,346 --> 00:38:47,146 But also with the royal marriages, they would be "married", 785 00:38:47,146 --> 00:38:49,947 but then they would be... Well, sometimes they got married at birth. 786 00:38:49,947 --> 00:38:51,467 Exactly. Then they weren't, like, 787 00:38:51,467 --> 00:38:55,026 putting a flat together with some toasters and a kettle. 788 00:38:55,026 --> 00:38:58,267 Today, the average age for women in the UK to get married...? 789 00:38:58,267 --> 00:38:59,427 62. 790 00:39:00,947 --> 00:39:02,948 30? 29. 791 00:39:02,948 --> 00:39:05,748 It's 31, and men are 33. 792 00:39:05,748 --> 00:39:08,948 But apparently, the best age to pair off is 26. That's interesting. 793 00:39:08,948 --> 00:39:11,188 There's a Princeton professor called Tom Griffiths, 794 00:39:11,188 --> 00:39:15,589 and he has proposed that this is the best age because you are 37% 795 00:39:15,589 --> 00:39:18,830 through completing a task within a set timeframe, 796 00:39:18,830 --> 00:39:22,670 and at this point you have reached the perfect point in which to decide. 797 00:39:22,670 --> 00:39:25,390 It's probably the worst marriage proposal. It is, yeah. 798 00:39:25,390 --> 00:39:27,430 What they're suggesting is that if you choose too 799 00:39:27,430 --> 00:39:29,791 early you're going to miss out on better options later on. 800 00:39:29,791 --> 00:39:32,911 If you choose too late, better options will already be off the 801 00:39:32,911 --> 00:39:36,592 table. There's similar maths choosing the best toilet at a music festival. 802 00:39:36,592 --> 00:39:39,831 To maximise the chances of getting a clean one, apparently the same maths 803 00:39:39,831 --> 00:39:42,552 works. Because you don't want to waste time looking at them all, 804 00:39:42,552 --> 00:39:45,752 if there's a row of 100, you should check the first 37 805 00:39:45,752 --> 00:39:48,393 and decide which is the cleanest of those, 806 00:39:48,393 --> 00:39:52,434 and as soon as you find a cleaner one than that, use that one. 807 00:39:52,434 --> 00:39:56,073 So you still have to look at 38, 39, 40 toilets. 808 00:39:56,073 --> 00:39:58,594 I've got a system with festival toilets. Have you? 809 00:39:58,594 --> 00:40:02,914 So, you stand and you wait and you look at... As people come out, 810 00:40:02,914 --> 00:40:05,475 if they can look you in the eye, that toilet's fine. 811 00:40:09,034 --> 00:40:12,075 But if they look at you and they come out with a kind of fear, 812 00:40:12,075 --> 00:40:15,196 don't go in that toilet! I'm the same with planes. 813 00:40:15,196 --> 00:40:19,236 When you see the pilot coming, if they can look you in the eye... 814 00:40:21,277 --> 00:40:23,716 Choosing a partner is a lot like choosing a Portaloo. 815 00:40:23,716 --> 00:40:26,517 You might end up wishing you'd just done it in the woods. 816 00:40:29,277 --> 00:40:30,797 Right, final question. 817 00:40:30,797 --> 00:40:34,278 What activity causes carpal tunnel syndrome? 818 00:40:35,438 --> 00:40:36,958 Masturbation. 819 00:40:36,958 --> 00:40:38,758 KLAXON 820 00:40:41,678 --> 00:40:43,919 APPLAUSE 821 00:40:45,199 --> 00:40:47,439 I hope it's not masturbation, because my grandma had it 822 00:40:47,439 --> 00:40:48,839 and she didn't seem the sort. 823 00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:52,120 It's an RSI thing, right? 824 00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,399 Isn't it quite common with typing and that sort...? 825 00:40:54,399 --> 00:40:56,000 KLAXON 826 00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:00,601 Who knows what carpal tunnel is? 827 00:41:00,601 --> 00:41:03,921 It's where the tendons get inflamed in your wrist? 828 00:41:03,921 --> 00:41:06,842 Yes, so it's the canal that connects the arm and the hand. 829 00:41:06,842 --> 00:41:09,401 It's in the wrist, and various tendons pass through it. 830 00:41:09,401 --> 00:41:12,162 And what happens is when one of these swells up, it compresses 831 00:41:12,162 --> 00:41:14,082 on the nerves that are inside this channel 832 00:41:14,082 --> 00:41:16,962 and leads to pain, numbness and tingling. It's really painful. 833 00:41:16,962 --> 00:41:18,363 It's unbelievably painful. 834 00:41:18,363 --> 00:41:21,643 You won't get it pretty much from typing or from playing video games 835 00:41:21,643 --> 00:41:24,683 or any of those things. Those cause problems like tendonitis. 836 00:41:24,683 --> 00:41:28,123 Yeah. It's idiopathic, so idiopathic means we don't know. 837 00:41:28,123 --> 00:41:30,644 It is an unknown cause, the swelling. 838 00:41:30,644 --> 00:41:32,604 And yet I'm still wrong twice. 839 00:41:38,524 --> 00:41:41,205 And that's been our pleasure. 840 00:41:41,205 --> 00:41:44,245 But the chances of getting it are increased with obesity, pregnancy, 841 00:41:44,245 --> 00:41:46,406 smoking, arthritis, diabetes, any of those things. 842 00:41:46,406 --> 00:41:49,446 The only work-related activity that we absolutely know 843 00:41:49,446 --> 00:41:52,366 it is related to is the long-term and repeated use 844 00:41:52,366 --> 00:41:53,886 of vibrating hand tools. 845 00:41:56,166 --> 00:41:57,607 So in a way... 846 00:41:57,607 --> 00:42:00,407 ..Alan was right. KLAXON 847 00:42:03,488 --> 00:42:06,928 In 2018, Kim Kardashian, she revealed that the doctor 848 00:42:06,928 --> 00:42:09,368 had warned her to stop taking selfies 849 00:42:09,368 --> 00:42:12,768 because she had injured her wrist from doing so many. What? 850 00:42:12,768 --> 00:42:14,449 So when she was filming an advert, 851 00:42:14,449 --> 00:42:16,449 she recruited one of her production assistants 852 00:42:16,449 --> 00:42:18,729 to take her selfies for her. 853 00:42:18,729 --> 00:42:21,849 Now, this is a marvellous concept, to have somebody... 854 00:42:21,849 --> 00:42:25,129 You're so rich that you have your own selfie taker. 855 00:42:25,129 --> 00:42:27,690 So I have decided we needed a selfie elf, 856 00:42:27,690 --> 00:42:30,891 so, Anna, if you're going to come on, please, and be our selfie elf. 857 00:42:30,891 --> 00:42:34,131 Thank you very much. APPLAUSE 858 00:42:35,291 --> 00:42:38,531 I've got a stick now. So if you could all come in for the selfie. 859 00:42:38,531 --> 00:42:41,411 I reckon this is going to be more popular 860 00:42:41,411 --> 00:42:43,372 than the Ellen DeGeneres one. 861 00:42:43,372 --> 00:42:46,252 You've got this, but you can't be in it, darling. 862 00:42:46,252 --> 00:42:49,373 No, because you're the selfie elf I'm not having you in it. 863 00:42:49,373 --> 00:42:51,533 AUDIENCE: Aw! No. 864 00:42:51,533 --> 00:42:53,412 So are you in? Are you in? 865 00:42:53,412 --> 00:42:56,213 If you're taking selfies or playing computer games, 866 00:42:56,213 --> 00:42:57,813 you won't get carpal tunnel syndrome, 867 00:42:57,813 --> 00:42:59,494 but you should probably get out more. 868 00:42:59,494 --> 00:43:01,974 Which leads us to the scores. In first place with... 869 00:43:01,974 --> 00:43:04,254 No, it's supposed to be on here. Where is the thing? 870 00:43:04,254 --> 00:43:06,614 Oh, there it is. Oh, no! What?! 871 00:43:16,336 --> 00:43:19,536 In first place, with two points, it's Holly! 872 00:43:19,536 --> 00:43:22,056 APPLAUSE 873 00:43:23,536 --> 00:43:25,816 In second place, with one point, it's Cariad! 874 00:43:25,816 --> 00:43:28,057 APPLAUSE 875 00:43:29,537 --> 00:43:32,417 In third place, with minus five - Josh. 876 00:43:32,417 --> 00:43:33,698 APPLAUSE 877 00:43:35,618 --> 00:43:38,617 And in last place, with minus 27, it's Alan! 878 00:43:38,617 --> 00:43:40,898 APPLAUSE 879 00:43:45,779 --> 00:43:48,139 My thanks to Cariad, Josh, Holly and Alan. 880 00:43:48,139 --> 00:43:50,860 And I leave you with this quintessentially QI quote 881 00:43:50,860 --> 00:43:52,819 from quondam quipper Oscar Levant. 882 00:43:52,819 --> 00:43:56,660 "What the world needs is more geniuses with humility. 883 00:43:56,660 --> 00:43:58,620 "There are so few of us left." 884 00:43:58,620 --> 00:44:02,781 Goodnight.