1 00:00:32,028 --> 00:00:34,028 Good evening and welcome to QI, 2 00:00:34,028 --> 00:00:37,068 where tonight we are wading through a quagmire of Q's. 3 00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:40,044 Rather than muddy the waters, let's plunge right in. 4 00:00:40,044 --> 00:00:43,052 Up to her neck in it, it's Sally Phillips. 5 00:00:47,024 --> 00:00:50,016 Getting bogged down, it's Sindhu Vee. 6 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,056 Absolutely swamped, it's Aisling Bea. 7 00:00:59,072 --> 00:01:03,088 And the very emboggyment of QI, it's Alan Davies. 8 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,080 Let's admire their quagmires. 9 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:14,004 Sally goes... 10 00:01:14,004 --> 00:01:15,076 FROG CROAKING 11 00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:17,052 That's nice. Sindhu goes... 12 00:01:17,052 --> 00:01:19,096 BUBBLING 13 00:01:19,096 --> 00:01:23,020 I've had weekends like that, I have to say. 14 00:01:23,020 --> 00:01:24,056 Aisling goes... 15 00:01:24,056 --> 00:01:27,044 SPLASHING 16 00:01:27,044 --> 00:01:31,064 Wow, so many things come to mind that I am not going to say. 17 00:01:31,064 --> 00:01:33,084 There's only one thing, really. 18 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,048 Alan goes... 19 00:01:36,048 --> 00:01:38,068 QUAGMIRE:Giggedy Giggedy! 20 00:01:39,072 --> 00:01:42,012 Quagmire? You don't know Quagmire? No. 21 00:01:42,012 --> 00:01:43,056 It's a character from Family Guy. 22 00:01:43,056 --> 00:01:46,004 Do you not watch Family Guy? No.OK. 23 00:01:46,004 --> 00:01:48,048 Let's get stuck in to some questions. 24 00:01:48,048 --> 00:01:51,068 What's old, cheesy and found in the Bog of Allen? 25 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,060 That's a good picture. 26 00:01:56,060 --> 00:01:58,052 This is kind of blowing my mind. Why? 27 00:01:58,052 --> 00:02:00,064 Because I'm from the Bog of Allen. 28 00:02:00,064 --> 00:02:03,036 And I don't mean where I'm from in Ireland, I mean, like, in Ireland, 29 00:02:03,036 --> 00:02:07,024 where I'm from. Yeah, me English is great! 30 00:02:07,024 --> 00:02:09,076 I'll translate as you go through. 31 00:02:09,076 --> 00:02:12,064 What she's trying to tell you is about her native place. 32 00:02:12,064 --> 00:02:15,080 INCOHERENT SPEECH 33 00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:22,096 We used to take school tours to the Bog of Allen. 34 00:02:22,096 --> 00:02:24,012 To the Bog of Allen? 35 00:02:24,012 --> 00:02:26,036 So it's County Kildare. Kildare. Yeah.OK. 36 00:02:26,036 --> 00:02:29,012 And we didn't realise how special it was, growing up, 37 00:02:29,012 --> 00:02:31,048 but it's #realspecial. 38 00:02:31,048 --> 00:02:32,088 Because? 39 00:02:32,088 --> 00:02:34,088 Just because of its bogginess. 40 00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:38,028 I just realised I didn't take anything in on the day when we went. 41 00:02:38,028 --> 00:02:40,032 OK, that's not really what I'm looking for.OK. 42 00:02:40,032 --> 00:02:42,096 It's one of the unique places where you can find something. 43 00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:44,096 A cheesy thing? A cheesy thing, yes. 44 00:02:44,096 --> 00:02:46,072 A dairy thing?Did you used to throw 45 00:02:46,072 --> 00:02:48,056 cheese wheels into the Bog of Allen? 46 00:02:48,056 --> 00:02:51,012 That's where my Babybels went for my packed lunch! 47 00:02:51,012 --> 00:02:52,040 Yoghurt? 48 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,016 Keep going on the dairy thing. 49 00:02:54,016 --> 00:02:55,068 Butter.Butter. 50 00:02:55,068 --> 00:02:57,052 It's bog butter. What?! Bog butter. 51 00:02:57,052 --> 00:03:00,008 So this is actual butter, buried... 52 00:03:00,008 --> 00:03:02,000 Only one person enjoyed that. 53 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,084 My seven-year-old would be on the floor laughing at that. 54 00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:08,052 "Butter in the bog, ah-ha-ha-ha!" 55 00:03:09,096 --> 00:03:13,008 There is a guy on YouTube who has a whole channel devoted to 56 00:03:13,008 --> 00:03:15,008 flushing different things down the toilet. 57 00:03:15,008 --> 00:03:16,056 Seriously?Yeah. 58 00:03:16,056 --> 00:03:19,004 Like soft cheese, Cheesy Puffs. 59 00:03:19,004 --> 00:03:21,008 Like, a whole beef Wellington. 60 00:03:23,052 --> 00:03:26,012 "And does it flush? Yes, it does." 61 00:03:26,012 --> 00:03:28,048 So, I don't know what I'm more worried about, 62 00:03:28,048 --> 00:03:31,000 that that channel exists or that you're watching it. 63 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,076 You're the only subscriber! 64 00:03:32,076 --> 00:03:34,000 And, Sally, is he single? 65 00:03:35,044 --> 00:03:38,056 "And, reader, I married him!" 66 00:03:38,056 --> 00:03:41,012 I want to know how you crossed the bog as schoolchildren. 67 00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:42,068 Did you go on planks? 68 00:03:42,068 --> 00:03:44,072 Do you know what? There were actually planks, 69 00:03:44,072 --> 00:03:47,016 and I remember one time we also went on a retreat that we had to 70 00:03:47,016 --> 00:03:49,088 cross it in the dead of night. 71 00:03:49,088 --> 00:03:52,060 It was a Catholic retreat now, so I think it was trying to make us 72 00:03:52,060 --> 00:03:55,036 feel a bit like Jesus did or something. 73 00:03:55,036 --> 00:03:58,036 The story of Jesus and the bog is one that's not often told. 74 00:03:58,036 --> 00:04:01,004 I know, but Sandi, you don't just immediately walk on water. 75 00:04:01,004 --> 00:04:03,032 No. You have to build up to it. Absolutely. 76 00:04:05,088 --> 00:04:07,060 Anyway, butter. 77 00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:08,084 Butter. 78 00:04:08,084 --> 00:04:11,084 Butter buried in cloth or sometimes in barrels, and left there, 79 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:14,040 and some of it has been there for as long as 2,000 years, 80 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,000 so clearly been forgotten. 81 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,048 Still edible. 82 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:19,008 Sorry, who ate it? 83 00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:20,040 Allen. 84 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:22,008 Allen, yes. 85 00:04:22,008 --> 00:04:24,080 Because of the cold temperatures, because of the high acidity 86 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:27,048 and the lack of oxygen, it actually decomposes extremely slowly. 87 00:04:27,048 --> 00:04:30,084 And, well, it makes our sell-by dates look rather ridiculous, 88 00:04:30,084 --> 00:04:32,004 frankly. 89 00:04:32,004 --> 00:04:33,052 Now, the question is, 90 00:04:33,052 --> 00:04:35,072 why did people decide to bury their butter in the bog? 91 00:04:35,072 --> 00:04:37,072 To stop the British stealing the butter, maybe. 92 00:04:37,072 --> 00:04:39,052 Theft is a really good reason. 93 00:04:39,052 --> 00:04:41,012 What else? To preserve it.Yeah. 94 00:04:41,012 --> 00:04:43,024 Preserve it, particularly in the summer months. 95 00:04:43,024 --> 00:04:45,076 Putting stuff in mud is a really good preservation thing. 96 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:48,024 When I was young, in the summer, my mother would make yoghurt 97 00:04:48,024 --> 00:04:49,068 and say, "go and put it in the mud." 98 00:04:49,068 --> 00:04:52,032 And then you'd forget. And then she'd say, "bring the yoghurt," 99 00:04:52,032 --> 00:04:55,020 and then you would leave and try and get someone to adopt you because... 100 00:04:55,020 --> 00:04:56,080 You couldn't remember where it was. 101 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,044 You couldn't be, "I lost the yoghurt." Because that would be it. 102 00:04:59,044 --> 00:05:01,064 So you would just leave the house. All summer. 103 00:05:01,064 --> 00:05:04,012 So that's how you've ended up with us? That's how I'm here.OK. 104 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,096 Did you have any bog people come out of the Bog of Allen? 105 00:05:06,096 --> 00:05:08,032 There were. 106 00:05:08,032 --> 00:05:11,008 He went to school with us for seven years. 107 00:05:12,024 --> 00:05:14,052 Denmark has shed-loads of dead people in the bogs. 108 00:05:14,052 --> 00:05:17,068 In fact, one of the best preserved bog bodies was a Dane, 109 00:05:17,068 --> 00:05:19,028 a guy called the Tollund Man.Yes. 110 00:05:19,028 --> 00:05:21,068 And actually, if you have a look, it is, that is... 111 00:05:21,068 --> 00:05:24,000 Ooh, there he is. But isn't that extraordinary? 112 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,052 Quite often corpses like this were found with incredible 113 00:05:26,052 --> 00:05:28,012 signs of violence. 114 00:05:28,012 --> 00:05:29,080 Hanged, beaten, strangled, stabbed. 115 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:32,000 And I don't mean one of those four, I mean all of them. 116 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,088 And then thrown in the bog.Yes. Really, really dead. 117 00:05:34,088 --> 00:05:36,072 That is what you call overkill. 118 00:05:36,072 --> 00:05:38,044 Yeah. Or... 119 00:05:38,044 --> 00:05:40,024 It is actually, that is the technical term, 120 00:05:40,024 --> 00:05:41,056 it's called over-killing.Oh. 121 00:05:41,056 --> 00:05:43,008 But then, Sandi, can I ask, 122 00:05:43,008 --> 00:05:45,052 if we know that people are being tortured and then thrown 123 00:05:45,052 --> 00:05:49,036 into bogs, what kind of school takes children on a bog school trip? 124 00:05:49,036 --> 00:05:51,044 An Irish Catholic school! 125 00:05:53,096 --> 00:05:56,028 May I introduce you to The Nuns? 126 00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:59,000 That's some school. 127 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,024 "It's only an eighth of what Jesus went through 128 00:06:01,024 --> 00:06:03,008 "for all of you little shits! 129 00:06:03,008 --> 00:06:04,048 "Do you understand me?" 130 00:06:07,032 --> 00:06:10,056 "Does anyone have any butter for this roll?" 131 00:06:10,056 --> 00:06:13,084 So you get it, you get it wrapped in cloth, you get it stored in barrels. 132 00:06:13,084 --> 00:06:16,076 And there's a guy called Brian Kaller, we actually spoke to him. 133 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:20,048 He recreated bog butter in an experiment at the Bog of Allen. 134 00:06:20,048 --> 00:06:22,044 He only kept it for 18 months in the bog, 135 00:06:22,044 --> 00:06:24,032 which I think is not really long enough. 136 00:06:24,032 --> 00:06:26,048 It should be 2,000 years at the minimum. 137 00:06:26,048 --> 00:06:30,004 He says it has an earthy flavour, not unlike Parmesan cheese. 138 00:06:30,004 --> 00:06:33,036 And apparently it's very good on popcorn.Oh. 139 00:06:33,036 --> 00:06:36,000 In Wales, they came up with a completely different thing 140 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,060 to do with bogs. Any ideas? I know this.Oh, right? 141 00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:41,024 Because I play a part who's the head of the Welsh Tourist Board 142 00:06:41,024 --> 00:06:42,092 and they do bog snorkelling.Yeah. 143 00:06:42,092 --> 00:06:45,052 It was conceived in the 1970s in a pub, curiously. 144 00:06:46,056 --> 00:06:49,080 Something's got hold of him.Yeah. 145 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,000 A dead body! 146 00:06:52,032 --> 00:06:56,004 He's not alone in that water, is he?No.No. 147 00:06:56,004 --> 00:06:58,088 He does look startled.Yeah. 148 00:06:58,088 --> 00:07:01,020 I don't know where number one and number two are, 149 00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:02,080 but they're under the water. 150 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,068 It's essentially a swimming race. 151 00:07:04,068 --> 00:07:07,012 It takes place in a muddy trench in the Waen Rhydd bog. 152 00:07:07,012 --> 00:07:08,080 And contestants have to swim 110 metres 153 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,016 through the marsh wearing a mask, snorkel and flippers. 154 00:07:11,016 --> 00:07:13,068 They have to, they have to!Yeah. But have a look, because some 155 00:07:13,068 --> 00:07:15,004 of them, I think, haven't really 156 00:07:15,004 --> 00:07:17,068 got the hang of it, you know, your basic snorkelling, I think. 157 00:07:17,068 --> 00:07:19,024 This guy. 158 00:07:27,028 --> 00:07:29,096 This one, a little bit more proficient, 159 00:07:29,096 --> 00:07:32,096 he's actually got the hang of using a snorkel. 160 00:07:32,096 --> 00:07:35,072 About 3% of the world's surface is covered in peat. 161 00:07:35,072 --> 00:07:37,032 It's a fantastic carbon sink. 162 00:07:37,032 --> 00:07:39,096 It stores twice as much carbon as all the forests in the world, so 163 00:07:39,096 --> 00:07:42,076 they might have told you that when you went to visit the Bog of Allen. 164 00:07:42,076 --> 00:07:45,080 I missed out on that bit, but I think there's a famine museum on 165 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:47,060 it, you know, for kids. 166 00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:51,084 And you go round all these places, looking at people being like, 167 00:07:51,084 --> 00:07:53,056 "Urgh!" from the famine. 168 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:56,040 You know, in India we just go out... And find...? 169 00:07:56,040 --> 00:08:00,024 We take our kids and say, "See that? Get good grades in maths. 170 00:08:00,024 --> 00:08:02,016 "See that?" 171 00:08:02,016 --> 00:08:04,040 Very immersive, that. Very immersive. 172 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:07,096 To keep your butter fresh, you might want to think outside the bogs. 173 00:08:07,096 --> 00:08:10,004 GROANING 174 00:08:10,004 --> 00:08:14,020 Here's a tastier question - where does Quorn come from? 175 00:08:15,056 --> 00:08:17,080 SPLASH! Oh, yes? 176 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,016 No, I do know this for a fact. 177 00:08:19,016 --> 00:08:20,068 Mo Farah makes it. 178 00:08:27,004 --> 00:08:29,064 Do you eat it, Alan? Is it part of your...?Yes, I eat loads of it. 179 00:08:29,064 --> 00:08:31,060 Yeah? So do you know where it comes from? 180 00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:33,076 Sainsbury's, I get it from. 181 00:08:35,016 --> 00:08:36,092 Isn't it a fungus or something? 182 00:08:36,092 --> 00:08:38,064 It is, it's a mycoprotein.Yeah. 183 00:08:38,064 --> 00:08:42,028 So it's made entirely from fungi. But why is it called Quorn?Oh. 184 00:08:42,028 --> 00:08:44,020 Branding? 185 00:08:44,020 --> 00:08:47,004 I mean, it's called Quorn because if you said 186 00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:50,012 "here's some myco-fungi," nobody would eat it. 187 00:08:50,012 --> 00:08:51,036 Nobody would eat it. 188 00:08:51,036 --> 00:08:53,064 Well, here's one of the most delicious pieces of irony. 189 00:08:53,064 --> 00:08:56,084 It's named after one of the UK's biggest hunts. 190 00:08:56,084 --> 00:08:58,012 Yeah. 191 00:08:58,012 --> 00:09:00,016 I have to say that very carefully. Yeah. 192 00:09:02,048 --> 00:09:06,056 The hunt used to take place at Quorn Hall, in Leicestershire, 193 00:09:06,056 --> 00:09:09,008 in the village of Quorn. It was the home of Hugo Meynell. 194 00:09:09,008 --> 00:09:11,044 He was an MP and he was an absolutely fanatical huntsman. 195 00:09:11,044 --> 00:09:13,000 But it is a village. 196 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,084 And in 1914, the Quorn Specialist Company of Leicester 197 00:09:15,084 --> 00:09:17,032 registered the word as a trademark. 198 00:09:17,032 --> 00:09:19,060 They did custard powders and sauces and stuffings. 199 00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:21,076 Because it's a vegetarian thing, it's what they... 200 00:09:21,076 --> 00:09:23,008 It is a vegetarian thing. 201 00:09:23,008 --> 00:09:25,028 When you're a vegetarian and you move here and you say, 202 00:09:25,028 --> 00:09:27,088 "I'm vegetarian," they start presenting you with this stuff. 203 00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:30,056 They say, "Here's a Quorn hot dog, and a Quorn hamburger." 204 00:09:30,056 --> 00:09:32,096 And you're like, "I've never eaten a hot dog or a hamburger. 205 00:09:32,096 --> 00:09:35,020 "Can I just have, like, a tomato? That's enough for me. 206 00:09:35,020 --> 00:09:37,068 "And you can spare me." But you must have hell in Denmark, 207 00:09:37,068 --> 00:09:39,096 because the Danes don't understand vegetarianism. 208 00:09:39,096 --> 00:09:42,036 Oh, the first time I went to Denmark, I was going to meet 209 00:09:42,036 --> 00:09:45,028 my future in-laws and my husband was like, "Oh, let's go to McDonald's." 210 00:09:45,028 --> 00:09:47,036 So it was a drive-in, and then he said to the guy, 211 00:09:47,036 --> 00:09:49,020 and at that time I understood no Danish, 212 00:09:49,020 --> 00:09:51,064 so he just leaned over and like, "Hurdy, hurdy hoo." 213 00:09:51,064 --> 00:09:53,016 And I had no idea. 214 00:09:53,016 --> 00:09:56,000 But you do know what I mean, you know what I mean. 215 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,012 But you know what I mean. 216 00:10:00,036 --> 00:10:01,064 That's what I heard. 217 00:10:01,064 --> 00:10:05,020 I have a funny feeling you're not going to win this evening. 218 00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:07,000 That's what I heard. 219 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,028 And I won't say what the lady said back. 220 00:10:09,028 --> 00:10:11,032 She just said something in Danish. 221 00:10:11,032 --> 00:10:13,032 And then she made two Big Macs, 222 00:10:13,032 --> 00:10:15,068 then she put my husband's in the box and then she took mine, 223 00:10:15,068 --> 00:10:19,028 opened it, threw out the patty, put that back on and handed it to us. 224 00:10:19,028 --> 00:10:22,028 And she said, "Yeah, we have vegetarian here." 225 00:10:22,028 --> 00:10:24,028 And my husband was like, "Yeah, I'm sorry, 226 00:10:24,028 --> 00:10:26,036 "they're still catching up with vegetarians." 227 00:10:26,036 --> 00:10:29,040 But in 2004, the Quorn Hunt tried to register their name for... 228 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,060 Well done.Thank you. 229 00:10:31,060 --> 00:10:34,092 You're going to slip up in a minute. I know.I can't wait. 230 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:37,004 I know. 231 00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:41,068 So the hunt from Quorn tried to register their name 232 00:10:41,068 --> 00:10:44,024 for a range of non-foodstuffs, and they couldn't, 233 00:10:44,024 --> 00:10:46,088 because Marlow Foods, who own it, objected and said 234 00:10:46,088 --> 00:10:50,008 they might be adversely affected by being associated with a hunt. 235 00:10:50,008 --> 00:10:51,048 And they won. 236 00:10:51,048 --> 00:10:55,004 So, on the vegetarian food, you each have a vegan sausage roll. 237 00:10:55,004 --> 00:10:57,096 Oh!Ooh!I know, don't get overexcited. 238 00:10:57,096 --> 00:11:00,040 We've gone all out on the budget today. 239 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:03,040 How is that, Aisling? Is it nice? It's very good.Is it really good? 240 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:07,072 OK, so it contains half your recommended daily saturated fat in a 241 00:11:07,072 --> 00:11:10,096 single sausage roll, a third of your recommended salts. 242 00:11:10,096 --> 00:11:14,024 It has more calories than a McDonald's cheeseburger. 243 00:11:14,024 --> 00:11:17,060 And palm oil, the farming of which is responsible for 80% of the 244 00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:21,000 world's deforestation between 1990 and 2008. 245 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,028 How is it still legal?! 246 00:11:23,028 --> 00:11:25,088 No, but it is really good that it doesn't contain meat, 247 00:11:25,088 --> 00:11:29,064 because I don't think people realise how much the emissions of the meat 248 00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:31,088 market are affecting climate change. 249 00:11:31,088 --> 00:11:35,008 According to the UN, it makes up 18% of the world's total, so that's 250 00:11:35,008 --> 00:11:38,004 more than cars and planes and all other forms of transport put 251 00:11:38,004 --> 00:11:40,044 together. So you've got the direct emissions. 252 00:11:40,044 --> 00:11:42,092 You know, your burping and your farting from your cows. 253 00:11:42,092 --> 00:11:45,072 But then there's all the land clearing and all the feed 254 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:48,064 production, food manufacturing, fertiliser production for animal 255 00:11:48,064 --> 00:11:52,000 feed, pumping water for animals to drink, refrigerating the meat. 256 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,084 A third of all fossil fuel produced in the US goes towards 257 00:11:54,084 --> 00:11:57,080 animal agriculture.Yeah, and also, back to soya, a lot of people are 258 00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:00,036 like, "Oh, don't use soya milk, it's bad for the environment." 259 00:12:00,036 --> 00:12:03,020 But most of soya that's grown is for cattle feed, 260 00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:05,048 not for veggie options and... Oh, except that 261 00:12:05,048 --> 00:12:08,076 I started drinking soya milk because everybody said it's really good for 262 00:12:08,076 --> 00:12:11,028 you - I got kidney stones. 263 00:12:11,028 --> 00:12:14,024 You have to have almond milk, but almond milk takes a million gallons 264 00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:16,048 of water to grow one almond or something. 265 00:12:16,048 --> 00:12:19,052 So almond milk is not good for the environment, because I don't want to 266 00:12:19,052 --> 00:12:22,028 shock anyone, but it's a very thirsty nut, the almond. 267 00:12:22,028 --> 00:12:23,092 Oat milk is the best one. 268 00:12:23,092 --> 00:12:26,092 Oat milk is the most sustainable of all the alternative milks. 269 00:12:26,092 --> 00:12:32,024 But, and this is not a joke, it does take ages to milk an oat. 270 00:12:32,024 --> 00:12:36,012 The science of it is really new, so they've actually only developed 271 00:12:36,012 --> 00:12:39,020 the process to make oat milk in the last seven or eight years. 272 00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:42,028 I think in either New Zealand or Norway they can't keep up with the 273 00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,080 demand...Something that starts with N. Yeah, exactly. 274 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,044 Nigeria. 275 00:12:46,044 --> 00:12:50,020 Oat milk comes from Sweden. Exactly, so Sweden is very much 276 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:53,028 the lovechild of New Zealand and Norway. 277 00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:58,000 I'm sure that's how the Swedes see it. 278 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,044 Quorn gets its name from a famous hunt. 279 00:13:10,012 --> 00:13:13,024 Who searches for scollocks around a bunny hole? 280 00:13:13,024 --> 00:13:15,060 See, now you've nearly said bollocks. 281 00:13:16,092 --> 00:13:18,088 Is it Hugh Hefner? 282 00:13:20,028 --> 00:13:22,004 It does sound like it. 283 00:13:22,004 --> 00:13:24,080 We are using historical slang from Cornwall. 284 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:27,036 I can tell you that a hollibubber might search 285 00:13:27,036 --> 00:13:29,084 for scollocks around a bunny hole. 286 00:13:29,084 --> 00:13:32,088 So, Cornwall, what's Cornwall famous for? 287 00:13:32,088 --> 00:13:35,060 Pixies.Pixies, I love that. No. 288 00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:38,004 Crabs?Tin.It is quarrying. 289 00:13:38,004 --> 00:13:40,028 We are in the world of quarrying. Worrying. 290 00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,048 Scollocks are small pieces of stone which you might 291 00:13:42,048 --> 00:13:44,020 find around the edge of a quarry. 292 00:13:44,020 --> 00:13:46,064 The bunny hole is pretty simple, actually, 293 00:13:46,064 --> 00:13:48,096 it's just the entrance to the mine or the quarry. 294 00:13:48,096 --> 00:13:51,064 And the hollibubber is someone who makes a living collecting 295 00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,076 these stones. So, we've got that. 296 00:13:53,076 --> 00:13:56,000 Hollibubbers, scollocks and bunny holes. 297 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,092 Can you work out what any of these pieces of quarrying slang 298 00:13:59,092 --> 00:14:02,000 might be used for in a sentence? 299 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,020 There they are.Oh, ho-ho! 300 00:14:04,020 --> 00:14:07,088 Anybody want to make a sentence out of one of those words? 301 00:14:07,088 --> 00:14:12,032 Dumble-hole is the online porno name that Dumbledore goes by. 302 00:14:14,056 --> 00:14:16,012 Yes. 303 00:14:16,012 --> 00:14:20,000 Leggo's the most fun you can have with plastic. 304 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,036 Leggo of me Knob, you Dumble-hole. 305 00:14:25,048 --> 00:14:28,000 Or I'll Throstle you in the breast. Yeah, there you go. 306 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,072 They're wonderful words. 307 00:14:29,072 --> 00:14:33,044 To Knob is to remove protruding pieces of stone. 308 00:14:33,044 --> 00:14:35,020 No, no, it isn't. 309 00:14:38,092 --> 00:14:41,036 Throstle-breast is any kind of stone which has got 310 00:14:41,036 --> 00:14:43,012 a sort of spotted appearance. 311 00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:45,060 Dumble-hole is sweet, isn't it? It's a derelict quarry. 312 00:14:45,060 --> 00:14:47,056 So one that's no longer in use. 313 00:14:47,056 --> 00:14:50,088 And Leggo is an old word for a fault in a quarry. 314 00:14:50,088 --> 00:14:53,060 Quarry, of course, comes from the Latin meaning to make square. 315 00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:56,092 That is, a place where square blocks of stone were made. 316 00:14:56,092 --> 00:15:00,076 What was the problem with the biggest stone ever quarried? 317 00:15:00,076 --> 00:15:02,044 It was really heavy. 318 00:15:02,044 --> 00:15:04,076 Yes, is the right answer. 319 00:15:04,076 --> 00:15:08,068 It rolled down the hill and landed on Wile E. Coyote. 320 00:15:09,068 --> 00:15:13,000 No, it was too heavy to move, the largest stone ever quarried. 321 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,004 It was found in Lebanon in 2014. 322 00:15:15,004 --> 00:15:18,020 It was named the Stone of the Pregnant Woman. 323 00:15:18,020 --> 00:15:21,036 It weighs 1,650 tonnes, 324 00:15:21,036 --> 00:15:24,044 which is the same as 500 elephants, 325 00:15:24,044 --> 00:15:26,080 or 8.25... 326 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:28,092 Um... Camels. 327 00:15:28,092 --> 00:15:30,004 Brontosauruses. 328 00:15:30,004 --> 00:15:31,028 AUDIENCE:Blue whales! 329 00:15:31,028 --> 00:15:33,012 Blue whales! Blue whales! 330 00:15:39,012 --> 00:15:41,084 I find it very offensive that something that's big and huge and 331 00:15:41,084 --> 00:15:44,032 can't be moved is called Pregnant Woman. 332 00:15:44,032 --> 00:15:48,008 Why can't it just be called Fat Man? 333 00:15:48,008 --> 00:15:51,036 The theory about the Pregnant Woman stone is that women who touched it 334 00:15:51,036 --> 00:15:52,092 were more likely to get pregnant. 335 00:15:52,092 --> 00:15:55,000 There is a Fatman Mountain in Montana. 336 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,076 Then I think that's fine. 337 00:15:56,076 --> 00:15:59,008 But how can they say it's the biggest stone ever? 338 00:15:59,008 --> 00:16:00,076 Surely that would be the Earth. 339 00:16:00,076 --> 00:16:03,020 It's the biggest stone quarried. Or a cliff. Oh, quarried? 340 00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:05,040 Because it had probably been cut 2,000 years ago. 341 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,056 It was intended for a nearby Temple of Jupiter, 342 00:16:07,056 --> 00:16:09,052 but it was so big they never were able to move it. 343 00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:11,072 So you can see, it has actually been cut.Oh, I see. 344 00:16:11,072 --> 00:16:13,064 It's not just a random bit of earth.OK, yeah. 345 00:16:13,064 --> 00:16:16,012 It's... I mean, there is a very large stone that was moved. 346 00:16:16,012 --> 00:16:18,056 The largest one ever moved was called the Thunder Stone. 347 00:16:18,056 --> 00:16:21,020 It was commissioned by Catherine the Great to go under a statue of 348 00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:23,016 Peter the Great called The Bronze Horseman. 349 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:26,040 And legend has it that thunder actually originally split the rock. 350 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,096 It weighed 1,500 tonnes. 351 00:16:28,096 --> 00:16:32,032 I like this. It's about eight times the weight of a bungalow. 352 00:16:34,032 --> 00:16:37,064 It took 400 men nine months to move it 6km. 353 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:40,040 The workers had to - you're going to love it - dig it out of a bog. 354 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,036 And they basically invented the precursor to the ball bearing. 355 00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:46,024 So it was a system of small bronze spheres on which it slid over the 356 00:16:46,024 --> 00:16:48,004 ice to get it to St Petersburg. 357 00:16:48,004 --> 00:16:51,036 And they had to keep dismantling the track behind it and laying it out in 358 00:16:51,036 --> 00:16:54,088 front. It's an astonishing piece of rock. I'm very fond of Catherine 359 00:16:54,088 --> 00:16:57,088 the Great, I think she's rather fine.Yeah, I mean, the only thing I 360 00:16:57,088 --> 00:17:01,048 know about Catherine the Great is that she had sex with a horse. 361 00:17:01,048 --> 00:17:04,008 Oh, my God!I think that's literally the only thing I know, 362 00:17:04,008 --> 00:17:07,088 it's probably not true.No, it's not true at all. It's... 363 00:17:07,088 --> 00:17:10,040 It's a horrible, scurrilous thing people said about her. 364 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,044 But she did get rid of her husband and ruled alone. 365 00:17:12,044 --> 00:17:14,096 She was rather marvellous. I mean, almost certainly had him 366 00:17:14,096 --> 00:17:17,080 assassinated. So I've swallowed the patriarchal gossip.Yeah. 367 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:20,004 They were trying to... OK.Yeah. The horse shagger? 368 00:17:21,064 --> 00:17:24,056 But she didn't have her horse lowered onto her in a stable? 369 00:17:24,056 --> 00:17:29,076 No.Sally, you've really thought about this, haven't you? 370 00:17:29,076 --> 00:17:33,080 "I don't want to be a gossip, right, but I did hear that basically she 371 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:37,008 "got some guy, right, to come... I've only heard, I heard this from 372 00:17:37,008 --> 00:17:40,004 "Deborah, right, so I don't know if it's true or not. They basically 373 00:17:40,004 --> 00:17:42,072 "lowered a horse down onto her because she's really lonely since 374 00:17:42,072 --> 00:17:45,000 "her husband left, so basically that's all I heard, 375 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,092 "but I don't know if it's true or not." 376 00:17:50,068 --> 00:17:53,060 Isn't it extraordinary in history, that is the thing that people will 377 00:17:53,060 --> 00:17:56,052 say about her, and not actually that she was an extraordinary ruler and 378 00:17:56,052 --> 00:17:57,096 she managed to move that big rock? 379 00:17:57,096 --> 00:18:00,016 Right, quarries, we're going back to quarries. 380 00:18:00,016 --> 00:18:02,092 They can be rather dangerous places, especially abandoned ones, 381 00:18:02,092 --> 00:18:04,052 because they look rather inviting. 382 00:18:04,052 --> 00:18:06,048 So there was a quarry, a disused one in Buxton, 383 00:18:06,048 --> 00:18:09,052 and this is not it, actually, but it had bright blue water. 384 00:18:09,052 --> 00:18:11,032 And it attracted lots of swimmers. 385 00:18:11,032 --> 00:18:13,092 But it gets its colour from the caustic alkaline 386 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,032 chemicals in the rock, it gives it a really high PH. 387 00:18:16,032 --> 00:18:18,016 So it's got a PH of 11.3. 388 00:18:18,016 --> 00:18:20,064 So if you imagine bleach has got a PH of 12.3. 389 00:18:20,064 --> 00:18:23,004 Yeah, painful rashes is what you're going to end up with. 390 00:18:23,004 --> 00:18:25,072 And they put signs up, people don't want to read signs, 391 00:18:25,072 --> 00:18:27,080 people kept going, "Yay, blue water!" 392 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:30,068 And in the end, in 2013, the council opted to dye the water black. 393 00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,096 And people went, "Oh, yeah, I'm good. 394 00:18:32,096 --> 00:18:35,012 "I'm not going to go in there." 395 00:18:35,012 --> 00:18:38,096 No matter how attractive they may look, stay away from Dumble-holes. 396 00:18:42,064 --> 00:18:44,092 It's like a lesbian advice night. 397 00:18:52,084 --> 00:18:55,036 We should do a feature, 398 00:18:55,036 --> 00:18:59,068 "Lesbian advice - holes to steer clear of. 399 00:18:59,068 --> 00:19:04,040 "Number one, the Dumble-hole." 400 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:07,092 You could have, like, a prog rock band with, like, a really sexy girl going like... 401 00:19:07,092 --> 00:19:09,088 # Someone's got her hands in the dumble-hole 402 00:19:09,088 --> 00:19:12,056 # Stay away from the dumble-holes! # 403 00:19:12,056 --> 00:19:16,052 I quite like the idea of Alan hosting a lesbian advice! 404 00:19:16,052 --> 00:19:18,084 Yeah, I'll do it. 405 00:19:18,084 --> 00:19:21,016 I'll say, "Other advice is available." 406 00:19:22,032 --> 00:19:23,068 Right, OK. 407 00:19:23,068 --> 00:19:25,004 Here we go. 408 00:19:25,004 --> 00:19:28,044 How can I be certain I'm not drunk right now? 409 00:19:28,044 --> 00:19:30,096 Oh, it's very hard. 410 00:19:30,096 --> 00:19:33,096 You know the whole smelling toast thing, like, how do I know if I'm 411 00:19:33,096 --> 00:19:36,056 having a stroke? Like, one of the things is you smell toast. 412 00:19:36,056 --> 00:19:38,064 So if you work in a breakfast buffet, 413 00:19:38,064 --> 00:19:41,056 it must be very difficult to know if you're having a stroke. 414 00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:45,092 You smell chips or you taste the need for chips or a kebab maybe? 415 00:19:45,092 --> 00:19:49,048 I once... My body became a micro-brewery. 416 00:19:49,048 --> 00:19:52,024 What?Yeah. 417 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:55,088 I felt terrible and a bit woozy all the time. 418 00:19:55,088 --> 00:19:58,072 Was that just like a terrible yeast infection? 419 00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,032 Yes. 420 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,052 In my brain, I had thrush in my brain. 421 00:20:02,052 --> 00:20:04,048 What?!I know that. Which made me drunk. 422 00:20:04,048 --> 00:20:06,040 Yeah, I went to... I had salmonella. 423 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:09,072 Sorry, wait, wait, wait, whoa! I went to... Whoa!Yes? 424 00:20:09,072 --> 00:20:11,040 I went to Mexico with Oxfam 425 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:14,008 and they used me as a kind of test-run for Coldplay. 426 00:20:14,008 --> 00:20:16,080 And so I went round 427 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:20,016 and everywhere I went, people would kill a chicken and cook it in a bin, 428 00:20:20,016 --> 00:20:23,040 rolled in cocoa, and I would eat it politely 429 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,088 and, naturally, I got incredibly ill 430 00:20:25,088 --> 00:20:27,088 and was hospitalised with salmonella. 431 00:20:27,088 --> 00:20:30,088 And for many months after that, I had, like, chronic fatigue syndrome, 432 00:20:30,088 --> 00:20:33,004 and no-one could work out what was wrong. 433 00:20:33,004 --> 00:20:34,068 I was having tests everywhere. 434 00:20:34,068 --> 00:20:37,036 And it turned out that it was yeast in my brain. 435 00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:39,008 Oh, my God!Yes, so... 436 00:20:39,008 --> 00:20:41,052 You could have produced sourdough in your head? 437 00:20:41,052 --> 00:20:43,012 Yeah. 438 00:20:43,012 --> 00:20:45,048 I was making my own alcohol. I was just pissed. 439 00:20:45,048 --> 00:20:48,060 Oh, my God!Wow! All the time. But did you feel pissed? 440 00:20:48,060 --> 00:20:50,028 I suppose I did, in retrospect, 441 00:20:50,028 --> 00:20:51,060 but I didn't think I was, 442 00:20:51,060 --> 00:20:53,012 because I wasn't drinking. 443 00:20:53,012 --> 00:20:56,068 To be honest, Sally, you were great fun at the time. 444 00:20:56,068 --> 00:20:59,048 I was very easy. 445 00:20:59,048 --> 00:21:01,060 Can I just say that none of this is where 446 00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:04,044 I was heading with this question? 447 00:21:04,044 --> 00:21:05,080 Also... 448 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,064 ..the whole question is about quartz.Quartz? 449 00:21:08,064 --> 00:21:10,092 Yeah, about quartz, specifically amethyst. 450 00:21:10,092 --> 00:21:12,088 What was the question again? 451 00:21:14,044 --> 00:21:16,096 How can I be certain I'm not drunk right now? 452 00:21:16,096 --> 00:21:18,044 Oh, right, OK. 453 00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:20,084 And the answer is to do with amethyst. 454 00:21:20,084 --> 00:21:25,016 So it's a violet version of quartz, and Anglican bishops traditionally 455 00:21:25,016 --> 00:21:29,032 wear an amethyst ring to remind themselves that they are not drunk. 456 00:21:29,032 --> 00:21:31,052 Oh, look at this! 457 00:21:31,052 --> 00:21:34,008 Have you got an amethyst on? Yes. Oh, my word. 458 00:21:34,008 --> 00:21:38,000 And I can tell you now that mama's been drinking and it's... 459 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,096 Woo! Yeah, always. 460 00:21:39,096 --> 00:21:42,088 But why do you wear it, darling? Just because you think it's pretty? 461 00:21:42,088 --> 00:21:45,072 No, I basically grew up a Catholic, shunned Catholicism 462 00:21:45,072 --> 00:21:48,016 because I was like, that magic isn't real. 463 00:21:48,016 --> 00:21:51,020 And then immediately replaced it with all sorts of, like, lady magic, 464 00:21:51,020 --> 00:21:54,028 like crystals and psychics and crystal healers and energy healers, 465 00:21:54,028 --> 00:21:57,088 and reading my star signs instead of the news. 466 00:21:57,088 --> 00:22:01,004 The belief that amethyst keeps you sober dates back to antiquity. 467 00:22:01,004 --> 00:22:03,044 It comes from the ancient Greek word, amethustos. 468 00:22:03,044 --> 00:22:05,040 It translates as "not intoxicated". 469 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,060 Oh. And what's interesting to me 470 00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:09,080 is that you have something that is ancient and comes 471 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:12,072 originally from the Greeks and then goes into traditional religion. 472 00:22:12,072 --> 00:22:16,064 So bishops traditionally wear the amethyst ring to remind them that they are not drunk, that they 473 00:22:16,064 --> 00:22:20,068 are filled with the Holy Spirit, is the idea. It later reminded them to not become drunk with power. 474 00:22:20,068 --> 00:22:23,040 I mean, it is an absolutely beautiful thing, an amethyst. 475 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,040 I do believe in the power of colour 476 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:28,064 and holding something external to yourself and energy and power. 477 00:22:28,064 --> 00:22:32,024 Because if you look at what powers a watch, it's just quartz. 478 00:22:32,024 --> 00:22:34,092 So there is a lot of power in stones. 479 00:22:34,092 --> 00:22:37,012 Other advice is available. 480 00:22:42,004 --> 00:22:45,072 A bishop can tell how squiffy he is by taking a look at his ring. 481 00:22:48,036 --> 00:22:50,088 But why would a Scotsman want a glass bottom? 482 00:22:54,020 --> 00:22:57,004 Well, you can see through a glass bottom, can't you?You can. 483 00:22:57,004 --> 00:22:59,044 Why might you want to see through a glass bottom? 484 00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:02,092 We are in a particular kind of drinking done in Scotland. 485 00:23:02,092 --> 00:23:04,020 Whisky drinking? 486 00:23:04,020 --> 00:23:06,052 Yes, what might you drink whisky out of in Scotland? 487 00:23:06,052 --> 00:23:08,000 A glass?A tumbler. 488 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,072 It's a special kind of cup called a quaich.A what? 489 00:23:10,072 --> 00:23:13,004 It's called a quaich. Yes.Oh. 490 00:23:13,004 --> 00:23:15,068 It's a shallow cup, it's used traditionally to drink whisky, 491 00:23:15,068 --> 00:23:17,044 often made with a glass bottom. 492 00:23:17,044 --> 00:23:19,040 That normally has mango chutney in it. 493 00:23:21,052 --> 00:23:24,072 OK, so, there's some thought that Bonnie Prince Charlie 494 00:23:24,072 --> 00:23:28,000 supposedly liked to see through the base of his, of his cup, 495 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,048 just in case his enemies were up to anything. 496 00:23:30,048 --> 00:23:32,036 You can drink and still use your eyes.Yeah. 497 00:23:32,036 --> 00:23:35,000 So we thought it would be great to let everybody have a drink. 498 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:38,096 Have some whisky?Yes, please. Yes, so, I'm very pleased with this. 499 00:23:38,096 --> 00:23:41,008 It is Toksvig's Finest Whisky. 500 00:23:42,060 --> 00:23:44,000 There you go. 501 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,080 This is the most, like, rock and roll QI has ever been. 502 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,028 There it is, there you go. 503 00:23:49,056 --> 00:23:51,004 Skol, skol. 504 00:23:51,004 --> 00:23:52,096 Skol.I can't open mine. Go for it. Slainte. 505 00:23:52,096 --> 00:23:54,044 Slainte.Cheers.Cheers. 506 00:23:54,044 --> 00:23:57,072 Another way that you might do a drink in Scotland...You might do a 507 00:23:57,072 --> 00:24:00,040 drink?Well, have a drink. Have a drink. 508 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,064 SCOTTISH ACCENT:Hey, let's do a drink! 509 00:24:02,064 --> 00:24:05,008 SCOTTISH ACCENT: Take a drink, everybody! 510 00:24:05,008 --> 00:24:08,096 Why might you drink it over water? 511 00:24:08,096 --> 00:24:11,068 Why might you toast over water in Scotland? 512 00:24:11,068 --> 00:24:13,048 Some sort of superstition. 513 00:24:13,048 --> 00:24:16,032 So we're talking 1688 when it begins. 514 00:24:16,032 --> 00:24:19,032 Bonnie Prince Charlie involved? So it's the Stuarts. 515 00:24:19,032 --> 00:24:22,044 Usually is.The Stuarts are exiled to France. 516 00:24:22,044 --> 00:24:25,080 Their supporters in Scotland want the King to return. 517 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,084 He is over the water, and so you toast over the water. 518 00:24:28,084 --> 00:24:30,048 Toast over the water. 519 00:24:30,048 --> 00:24:33,080 And in fact the desire to suppress the spirit of rebellion in the 520 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:37,024 Jacobites was so strong that finger bowls were reportedly burned at 521 00:24:37,024 --> 00:24:42,032 court from 1746 until 1905. 522 00:24:42,032 --> 00:24:44,056 They were still worrying about it! 523 00:24:44,056 --> 00:24:47,084 Oh!Is it good? 524 00:24:47,084 --> 00:24:52,040 Yeah, it goes well with a cold veggie sausage roll. 525 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:55,096 This is the Edinburgh Festival in a nutshell. 526 00:24:55,096 --> 00:24:58,044 We don't know where the quaich comes from. 527 00:24:58,044 --> 00:25:01,012 The National Museum of Scotland recounts it evolved 528 00:25:01,012 --> 00:25:04,020 from scallop shells. Another theory, it evolved from bleeding cups. 529 00:25:04,020 --> 00:25:06,088 As in lady bleeding?!No, no. 530 00:25:06,088 --> 00:25:10,044 No, bleeding somebody if they were unwell. It's OK. 531 00:25:10,044 --> 00:25:13,000 You don't put that between your thighs and try and walk, 532 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:16,028 I don't think. I don't think that's a thing. 533 00:25:16,028 --> 00:25:18,044 Other advice is available. 534 00:25:25,016 --> 00:25:28,004 But still looking at the bottoms of drinking vessels. 535 00:25:28,004 --> 00:25:29,024 The ancient Greek kylix. 536 00:25:29,024 --> 00:25:32,096 So, this is a wonderful thing, it's a shallow drinking cup for wine. 537 00:25:32,096 --> 00:25:36,028 It's similar to one of these cups, but it had obscene pictures 538 00:25:36,028 --> 00:25:39,004 painted on the inside, which were gradually revealed. 539 00:25:39,004 --> 00:25:40,020 Oh! 540 00:25:41,020 --> 00:25:43,052 We've censored this, because, you know. 541 00:25:43,052 --> 00:25:45,080 And they would have things like a couple having sex, 542 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,068 a man wiping his bottom. 543 00:25:47,068 --> 00:25:50,036 Naked people. And then an eye cup. 544 00:25:50,036 --> 00:25:53,056 So it's a wide mug with eyes, and sometimes a nose painted on the 545 00:25:53,056 --> 00:25:56,044 outside, and it looked like you were wearing a mask when you drank it. 546 00:25:56,044 --> 00:25:59,004 So great.And sometimes they painted ships on the inside, 547 00:25:59,004 --> 00:26:01,076 so it looked like the ships were sailing on the wine as you drank it. 548 00:26:01,076 --> 00:26:04,012 I think we should have more fun with cups.Yeah. 549 00:26:04,012 --> 00:26:07,032 How great that you're drinking, you're getting pissed, and at 550 00:26:07,032 --> 00:26:10,024 the bottom of the cup is something that you're probably going to do, 551 00:26:10,024 --> 00:26:13,044 you know, when you've been drinking. Like an instruction manual?Yes. 552 00:26:13,044 --> 00:26:15,080 Like, you know what? This is where this is heading. Ooh. 553 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,092 I feel like that just kind of cuts to the chase. 554 00:26:17,092 --> 00:26:20,040 I would be really annoyed, though, if I got to the end of my cup, 555 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,048 and I was like, "So what now, I have to learn the flute as well?" 556 00:26:27,020 --> 00:26:31,028 OK, so I just want to see what kind of audience we have in tonight. 557 00:26:31,028 --> 00:26:35,008 Who would like us to remove the pixels? Put your hands up. 558 00:26:35,008 --> 00:26:36,080 CHEERING 559 00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,028 "Hey, brilliant." 560 00:26:38,028 --> 00:26:40,068 Who is quite happy with it being censored? 561 00:26:42,052 --> 00:26:44,060 Oh, my. No-one at all. 562 00:26:44,060 --> 00:26:45,068 The best audience. 563 00:26:45,068 --> 00:26:48,016 All right, let's remove the pixels and see what's behind. 564 00:26:48,016 --> 00:26:50,012 It's going to be a flute. Literally nothing. 565 00:26:50,012 --> 00:26:51,088 Aah! 566 00:26:51,088 --> 00:26:54,076 Genuine disappointment. What a tease! 567 00:26:54,076 --> 00:26:57,032 Well, especially for him. 568 00:26:58,036 --> 00:27:00,064 Conflicts in the 18th century would end 569 00:27:00,064 --> 00:27:02,072 with a great Scottish quaich-off. 570 00:27:02,072 --> 00:27:05,044 GROANING Hey!I'm working. 571 00:27:05,044 --> 00:27:07,096 Now, from something squiffy to something quiffy. 572 00:27:07,096 --> 00:27:11,056 Who would wear a hat like this? You each have a hat. 573 00:27:11,056 --> 00:27:13,092 Hilarious.Oh! 574 00:27:13,092 --> 00:27:16,080 Yeah.Oh, this would be in the band we were talking about. 575 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,048 # Be careful of going down the Dumble-holes... # 576 00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:24,048 The hair goes at the front. It suits you, darling.Thank you.Oh, my God. 577 00:27:24,048 --> 00:27:26,056 You look gorgeous. Claudia Winkleman. 578 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,020 APPLAUSE 579 00:27:33,064 --> 00:27:36,096 You look like you've been working on an airline 15 years too long. 580 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,060 So, around the 20th century, 581 00:27:42,060 --> 00:27:46,060 close-cropped hair was absolutely de rigueur and vital for soldiers. 582 00:27:46,060 --> 00:27:49,056 But if you wanted to make a fashion statement, you were allowed 583 00:27:49,056 --> 00:27:53,028 one exception and it was a quiff plastered to the forehead. 584 00:27:53,028 --> 00:27:56,080 Now, if you couldn't grow one, you could have a fake one, 585 00:27:56,080 --> 00:28:00,068 stuck to the inside of your cap. There you go. 586 00:28:00,068 --> 00:28:03,084 It was particularly popular amongst men, apparently, who'd just left... 587 00:28:05,016 --> 00:28:06,096 ..who'd just left military prison. 588 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,060 And you could use grease or soap to turn it into 589 00:28:11,060 --> 00:28:13,020 a little bit of a ringlet. 590 00:28:13,020 --> 00:28:16,000 I'm hyperventilating, I feel all squiffy. 591 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:19,096 Officers frowned on it, they said it was effeminate and un-soldierly. 592 00:28:19,096 --> 00:28:23,024 And in fact in 1904 they were banned from wearing their caps 593 00:28:23,024 --> 00:28:25,096 too far back on their heads in order to display their quiffs. 594 00:28:25,096 --> 00:28:28,076 But it was young men who still wanted to look good. 595 00:28:28,076 --> 00:28:32,000 Maybe it's also cos they wanted to, what the English people say, pull. 596 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,080 Yeah.Pull. 597 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:37,004 Here's another military hairstyle, does anybody know what this is? 598 00:28:37,004 --> 00:28:39,068 A military hairstyle from somewhere that's not the West? 599 00:28:39,068 --> 00:28:44,028 No, it was absolutely a critical part of Royal Navy hairstyles. 600 00:28:44,028 --> 00:28:45,076 They had braids? 601 00:28:45,076 --> 00:28:48,024 Well, I'm going to be honest with you, this one has actually 602 00:28:48,024 --> 00:28:51,032 got braids because it's a prop left over from another show. But... 603 00:28:51,032 --> 00:28:52,096 There you go. I know my hair. 604 00:28:52,096 --> 00:28:55,096 They had a long ponytail at the back, it's called a queue. 605 00:28:55,096 --> 00:28:57,084 It was known as a queue hairstyle. 606 00:28:57,084 --> 00:29:00,072 It was standard in the Royal Navy until the early 19th century. 607 00:29:00,072 --> 00:29:02,052 Today they have to have short back and sides 608 00:29:02,052 --> 00:29:04,040 and properly groomed, all that kind of thing. 609 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,072 They specifically banned designer stubble. 610 00:29:06,072 --> 00:29:09,008 They also banned hipster beards, handlebar moustaches. 611 00:29:09,008 --> 00:29:11,052 I don't think they want you to look like the village people. 612 00:29:11,052 --> 00:29:13,012 What about a Brazilian? 613 00:29:13,012 --> 00:29:16,048 I believe the Brazilian Navy has very different rules. 614 00:29:16,048 --> 00:29:19,016 They just have one strip along the top of their head. 615 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:23,000 I mean, really, what do they think it matters 616 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,084 if the sailors have a goatee? 617 00:29:24,084 --> 00:29:27,060 You're representing your nation, I suppose it's that. 618 00:29:27,060 --> 00:29:30,016 Isn't it funny that at different times throughout history, 619 00:29:30,016 --> 00:29:32,028 certain types of hair or moustaches 620 00:29:32,028 --> 00:29:37,088 might be representative of anarchy or conforming, depending on when? 621 00:29:37,088 --> 00:29:41,004 Like say now, hipster moustaches at a time were just 622 00:29:41,004 --> 00:29:44,040 exactly what everyone, in the war, just general war... 623 00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:45,076 The whisky is kicking in! 624 00:29:45,076 --> 00:29:47,096 I know I've got a point, but I'll be honest, 625 00:29:47,096 --> 00:29:50,032 it's going to come out loose. 626 00:29:50,032 --> 00:29:51,064 Those submarines, though, 627 00:29:51,064 --> 00:29:55,004 they can be in the water for nine months of the year. 628 00:29:55,004 --> 00:29:58,036 They don't see daylight, their friends, or anybody else. 629 00:29:58,036 --> 00:30:00,088 I think if they grow a moustache, that's fair enough. 630 00:30:00,088 --> 00:30:03,004 They don't have facial hair so that masks 631 00:30:03,004 --> 00:30:05,092 and breathing apparatus can fit on submarines.Oh, that's a good idea. 632 00:30:05,092 --> 00:30:07,088 It's a safety thing. I suppose for bacteria 633 00:30:07,088 --> 00:30:10,020 and stuff like that not to get trapped in the beard. 634 00:30:10,020 --> 00:30:13,016 Yeah, and you might end up with brain thrush. 635 00:30:13,016 --> 00:30:14,028 Yes! 636 00:30:14,028 --> 00:30:18,000 Right, hats away, please. Complete this saying. 637 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:25,000 Oh! Klaxons. 638 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:26,068 KLAXON 639 00:30:30,036 --> 00:30:32,084 Very small things. 640 00:30:32,084 --> 00:30:36,040 I'll tell you, because my youngest kid was reading the QI book 641 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:39,036 and she said to me, "Mama, what is seh-men?" 642 00:30:42,052 --> 00:30:44,004 I'm really sorry about that. 643 00:30:44,004 --> 00:30:47,012 Well, and I thought to myself, this is 7.45 in the morning, 644 00:30:47,012 --> 00:30:50,016 and frankly, I don't want to tell you what seh-men is 645 00:30:50,016 --> 00:30:53,072 because it's... I don't want to tell you, I'm sorry. 646 00:30:53,072 --> 00:30:56,060 So I said, because I didn't know what to say, I said, 647 00:30:56,060 --> 00:30:59,024 "What is the context? Read me the sentence." 648 00:31:00,084 --> 00:31:04,052 And the sentence, in your QI book, was about bee semen. 649 00:31:04,052 --> 00:31:07,072 Very small things. And she said, "What is that?" 650 00:31:07,072 --> 00:31:10,020 I said, "Take the book to school, talk to your teacher, 651 00:31:10,020 --> 00:31:12,004 "because she is paid..." 652 00:31:12,004 --> 00:31:15,052 Different pronunciation of Q-I.Qi. It's in China. 653 00:31:15,052 --> 00:31:18,032 It is in China, you're absolutely right. It's the state of Qi. 654 00:31:18,032 --> 00:31:21,040 It's a small kingdom, existed for a really long time in China, actually. 655 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:23,044 The 11th to the third century BC. 656 00:31:23,044 --> 00:31:26,016 And today they're probably best known for the Chinese idiom, 657 00:31:26,016 --> 00:31:28,068 "The people of Qi worry about the sky." 658 00:31:28,068 --> 00:31:32,008 What does that mean? I've no idea, but it's beautiful.It is lovely. 659 00:31:32,008 --> 00:31:34,020 It basically means, don't worry about something 660 00:31:34,020 --> 00:31:35,088 that is extremely unlikely to happen. 661 00:31:35,088 --> 00:31:38,008 So they used to refer to the fact that the people of Qi 662 00:31:38,008 --> 00:31:40,072 often talked anxiously about the sky falling on their heads. 663 00:31:40,072 --> 00:31:42,092 That is something that children have worried about, 664 00:31:42,092 --> 00:31:45,004 there are children's stories... Chicken Licken. 665 00:31:45,004 --> 00:31:47,092 Chicken Licken, known in the United States as Chicken Little, 666 00:31:47,092 --> 00:31:50,012 Henny Penny, it's known as in Denmark. 667 00:31:50,012 --> 00:31:52,016 The Qi people were the first to build a great wall, 668 00:31:52,016 --> 00:31:54,064 to keep out their neighbours who were called the Chu. 669 00:31:54,064 --> 00:31:59,016 And it was constructed, it began in 685 BC. It went for 600km. 670 00:31:59,016 --> 00:32:03,008 The Qi and the Chu sounds a bit Dr Seuss.It does, doesn't it? Yeah. 671 00:32:03,008 --> 00:32:06,044 And the Qi wanted to keep out the Chu! 672 00:32:06,044 --> 00:32:09,044 They were the last major state to fall to the Qin 673 00:32:09,044 --> 00:32:11,084 when China was unified. What is up with this C-H...? 674 00:32:11,084 --> 00:32:13,036 It's just, it's Q-I. 675 00:32:13,036 --> 00:32:16,052 And then it's China. Qi, Qin, China. 676 00:32:16,052 --> 00:32:20,040 Where the word China comes from is from the Qin people.Exactly. 677 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:23,056 But there's an unrelated word, qi, and that refers to the vapour 678 00:32:23,056 --> 00:32:25,084 that comes off cereals as they are cooked. 679 00:32:25,084 --> 00:32:28,016 And it became a sort of word for breath, 680 00:32:28,016 --> 00:32:31,024 it can be translated in English as smell or spirit or atmosphere. 681 00:32:31,024 --> 00:32:33,068 It's the sort of... Chi energy.The chi energy. 682 00:32:33,068 --> 00:32:35,060 It's a central concept in feng shui. 683 00:32:35,060 --> 00:32:37,080 Does anybody believe in feng shui? 684 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:41,040 I believe in the Hindi version which is called Vastu. 685 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,004 It means chuck your shit out. 686 00:32:45,008 --> 00:32:46,064 If that doesn't work, eBay it. 687 00:32:47,084 --> 00:32:50,020 If that doesn't work, Freecycle. 688 00:32:50,020 --> 00:32:53,036 If that doesn't work, leave it in the road, someone will take it. 689 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:59,004 Apparently, one place with particularly good chi, good energy, 690 00:32:59,004 --> 00:33:01,008 is Hong Kong. According to feng shui. 691 00:33:01,008 --> 00:33:03,092 It has this auspicious position between the sea and the mountains. 692 00:33:03,092 --> 00:33:05,072 If you look at some of the architecture, 693 00:33:05,072 --> 00:33:08,096 it's the idea that the whole place allows energy to flow really freely. 694 00:33:08,096 --> 00:33:11,048 And all of the architecture is designed with that in mind 695 00:33:11,048 --> 00:33:14,072 including some buildings which have holes to allow dragons 696 00:33:14,072 --> 00:33:16,092 who want to fly through the city. 697 00:33:16,092 --> 00:33:19,072 Western practises of feng shui in interior design... 698 00:33:19,072 --> 00:33:22,052 I've been practising it, honestly, since I was a kid. 699 00:33:22,052 --> 00:33:25,064 I've always been interested in how space affects your feelings. 700 00:33:25,064 --> 00:33:28,072 So for example, there's a version of something like, 701 00:33:28,072 --> 00:33:32,064 you shouldn't have your bed facing a mirror because the idea that 702 00:33:32,064 --> 00:33:35,020 you might see someone as you wake up might startle you... 703 00:33:35,020 --> 00:33:38,008 You don't want to see up your husband's bum.Exactly. 704 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:44,012 That's what they don't put in the book.Other advice is available. 705 00:33:47,004 --> 00:33:48,096 Now, that brings us to the round 706 00:33:48,096 --> 00:33:51,056 where things are always as clear as mud, General Ignorance. 707 00:33:51,056 --> 00:33:54,032 Fingers on buzzers, please. 708 00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:55,080 Other than a dog, 709 00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,092 what's the one thing you need to play a game of fetch? 710 00:33:58,092 --> 00:34:01,056 Yes?An arm. 711 00:34:01,056 --> 00:34:03,040 LAUGHTER 712 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:04,084 APPLAUSE 713 00:34:04,084 --> 00:34:06,060 Fair enough. 714 00:34:06,060 --> 00:34:09,040 What else do you need? One of those ball launcher things. 715 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,092 Yes, I love those. 716 00:34:11,092 --> 00:34:14,084 What is the thing you don't need? You don't need a stick. 717 00:34:14,084 --> 00:34:17,076 You don't need a stick. In fact, the People's Dispensary of Sick Animals 718 00:34:17,076 --> 00:34:19,092 say it causes horrible injuries to dogs. 719 00:34:19,092 --> 00:34:22,092 They get lodged in the throat, they get cuts.Really?! 720 00:34:22,092 --> 00:34:26,032 They get splinters, it can get down into their digestive system. 721 00:34:26,032 --> 00:34:29,032 What you need is a ball, and I'm going to just show you, 722 00:34:29,032 --> 00:34:32,076 I think probably the finest dog in the world just catching a ball. 723 00:34:32,076 --> 00:34:34,076 Let's have a... This is, er... 724 00:34:34,076 --> 00:34:37,052 Aah.That is my dog Mildred. 725 00:34:37,052 --> 00:34:38,092 Aah! 726 00:34:38,092 --> 00:34:40,012 APPLAUSE 727 00:34:40,012 --> 00:34:41,096 Isn't she gorgeous? 728 00:34:44,068 --> 00:34:46,016 I think she's very clever. 729 00:34:46,016 --> 00:34:48,096 What is the general thing? Do we think dogs are clever or not clever? 730 00:34:48,096 --> 00:34:50,076 Super clever.Super clever. 731 00:34:50,076 --> 00:34:53,000 Doesn't it depend on the dog, like with humans? 732 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,088 No, it depends on whether you like dogs, really.Yes. 733 00:34:55,088 --> 00:34:59,028 Fundamentally. So they've done lots of analysis of all the different 734 00:34:59,028 --> 00:35:01,084 studies of dogs, and they're of average intelligence, frankly, 735 00:35:01,084 --> 00:35:03,092 compared with similar animals like... 736 00:35:03,092 --> 00:35:05,008 LAUGHTER 737 00:35:05,008 --> 00:35:07,008 But people who like dogs will say it's great. 738 00:35:07,008 --> 00:35:10,008 Most authors who want to set out to prove that dogs are really 739 00:35:10,008 --> 00:35:12,060 smart already think so. But then that's the same as humans, 740 00:35:12,060 --> 00:35:15,052 isn't it? There are some real dum-dums out there, guys. 741 00:35:15,052 --> 00:35:16,064 Absolutely. 742 00:35:16,064 --> 00:35:18,084 Many vets say that playing fetch can be dangerous, 743 00:35:18,084 --> 00:35:21,092 though they can expect to get a bit of stick. 744 00:35:21,092 --> 00:35:23,044 LAUGHTER 745 00:35:23,044 --> 00:35:25,064 Right, here's another controversial idea. 746 00:35:25,064 --> 00:35:27,092 What's so wasteful about this fruit? 747 00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:31,016 Yes, darling? 748 00:35:31,016 --> 00:35:33,096 It's all wrapped in things that are bad for the environment. 749 00:35:33,096 --> 00:35:36,040 OK, so, here's the thing, we're not going to klaxon this one, 750 00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,084 but it is an interesting point, rather than a trick question. 751 00:35:38,084 --> 00:35:41,032 So, here's one of the biggest problems in the West is about 752 00:35:41,032 --> 00:35:44,008 throwing away food. According to some environmentalists, 753 00:35:44,008 --> 00:35:47,064 the carbon release associated with food waste is a much greater 754 00:35:47,064 --> 00:35:50,040 problem than any pollution caused by plastic waste. 755 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:53,064 And here's the thing - sometimes wrapped in plastic is a GOOD thing. 756 00:35:53,064 --> 00:35:55,092 It can be a very efficient way to keep food fresh. 757 00:35:55,092 --> 00:35:59,092 So, a shrink-wrapped cucumber will last four times longer 758 00:35:59,092 --> 00:36:01,052 than one that is just loose. 759 00:36:01,052 --> 00:36:04,020 Bananas in a perforated plastic bag will last 760 00:36:04,020 --> 00:36:05,084 twice as long as a loose bunch. 761 00:36:05,084 --> 00:36:08,032 And pears in a plastic bag in a fridge will last 762 00:36:08,032 --> 00:36:11,036 14 days longer than left loose in a fruit bowl. 763 00:36:11,036 --> 00:36:13,044 So, the best idea is not to buy food 764 00:36:13,044 --> 00:36:15,040 that you're going to throw out at all. 765 00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:18,020 Also, edible packaging is the future.Yes.OK. 766 00:36:18,020 --> 00:36:20,012 Now when they deliver the newspaper, 767 00:36:20,012 --> 00:36:22,048 it comes in something made out of potatoes.Does it? 768 00:36:22,048 --> 00:36:25,032 Yeah, and you have to stuff it in your veg recycling. 769 00:36:25,032 --> 00:36:28,020 Oh, I did not know people still had newspapers delivered. There we are. 770 00:36:28,020 --> 00:36:29,076 LAUGHTER 771 00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:34,076 Plastic is undoubtedly bad for the environment, but it can be good 772 00:36:34,076 --> 00:36:36,040 for making your fruit last longer. 773 00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:40,076 Which Chinese dynasty made the most valuable vases? 774 00:36:40,076 --> 00:36:42,096 Ming. 775 00:36:42,096 --> 00:36:44,068 KLAXON 776 00:36:48,012 --> 00:36:49,084 Yes?Quing. 777 00:36:49,084 --> 00:36:51,080 LAUGHTER 778 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:54,028 Well, we will get there eventually. 779 00:36:54,028 --> 00:36:55,060 Queef! 780 00:36:57,068 --> 00:36:59,096 Bling.It rhymes with "bling". Ping. 781 00:36:59,096 --> 00:37:01,004 SHE LAUGHS 782 00:37:01,004 --> 00:37:02,084 Thing.Thing, I like thing. 783 00:37:02,084 --> 00:37:07,092 Most expensive Chinese item ever sold at auction is a Qing vase. 784 00:37:07,092 --> 00:37:11,040 It went for �43 million in 2010. 785 00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:14,016 Here's the thing about it - a brother and sister found it 786 00:37:14,016 --> 00:37:16,024 in their parents' attic in West London. 787 00:37:16,024 --> 00:37:18,016 Nobody knew how it had ended up there. 788 00:37:18,016 --> 00:37:19,092 And if you look at it, it's full of holes. 789 00:37:19,092 --> 00:37:22,072 It's not even a very good vase, is it?! 790 00:37:22,072 --> 00:37:27,088 The most expensive Ming vase sold in 2011 for a mere 17.25 million. 791 00:37:27,088 --> 00:37:30,032 Who's paying this money for a vase? 792 00:37:30,032 --> 00:37:33,032 It's insane.In the end, it's only worth what someone will hand over. 793 00:37:33,032 --> 00:37:35,092 Yeah. So, these are the different ones. 794 00:37:35,092 --> 00:37:37,088 There's a Ding on the left. Are you kidding? 795 00:37:37,088 --> 00:37:39,076 A Ming and a Qing. 796 00:37:39,076 --> 00:37:41,052 These are all different types. 797 00:37:41,052 --> 00:37:43,080 Ding are the cheapest, they're the ones on the left. 798 00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:46,072 There was one bought for 3 at a yard sale in New York, 799 00:37:46,072 --> 00:37:48,048 and it sold for 2.2 million. 800 00:37:48,048 --> 00:37:50,000 SHE GASPS Whoa! 801 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,048 But you can see the decoration is strikingly less intricate 802 00:37:52,048 --> 00:37:54,080 than the Ming and the Qing. And it also has no holes, 803 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,092 so who's going to waste money on that vase, right? 804 00:37:56,092 --> 00:38:00,012 It is always like when one of those goes onto Antiques Roadshow, 805 00:38:00,012 --> 00:38:02,036 I'm always waiting for someone to go... 806 00:38:02,036 --> 00:38:04,020 MULTIPLE BLEEPS 807 00:38:04,020 --> 00:38:05,044 What?! 808 00:38:05,044 --> 00:38:07,088 Like, there's no way I would be like, "Yeah, I bought this 809 00:38:07,088 --> 00:38:10,064 "for three quid in New York and now it's what, 2.2 million?" 810 00:38:10,064 --> 00:38:12,040 BLEEPS 811 00:38:13,064 --> 00:38:15,056 Are you...kidding me?! 812 00:38:15,056 --> 00:38:17,008 Oh, my... 813 00:38:18,088 --> 00:38:21,072 And by that, I mean, "lovely stuff, great." 814 00:38:21,072 --> 00:38:22,088 LAUGHTER 815 00:38:22,088 --> 00:38:24,024 Well, they say that, and they say, 816 00:38:24,024 --> 00:38:26,088 "OK, we're going to have to do the reaction again."Yeah. 817 00:38:26,088 --> 00:38:28,004 LAUGHTER 818 00:38:28,004 --> 00:38:31,032 "So would you mind saying, 'Oh, I wouldn't dream of selling it.' " 819 00:38:31,032 --> 00:38:32,048 LAUGHTER 820 00:38:33,056 --> 00:38:35,052 "It belonged to my grandmother." 821 00:38:37,068 --> 00:38:41,008 So, the high price is put down now to patriotism of the newly 822 00:38:41,008 --> 00:38:43,040 wealthy Chinese collectors, cos a lot of it came to Europe 823 00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:46,036 and now they want to have it back. But the worst story about these 824 00:38:46,036 --> 00:38:49,016 fabulous vases was in 2006, I don't know if you remember, 825 00:38:49,016 --> 00:38:52,008 there were three Qing vases in the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge. 826 00:38:52,008 --> 00:38:54,060 They were on a staircase and a member of the public 827 00:38:54,060 --> 00:38:57,012 was coming down the staircase and stumbled. Oh, stop!Yeah! 828 00:38:57,012 --> 00:38:58,044 Smashed them. 829 00:38:58,044 --> 00:39:00,088 "The visitor tumbled down the right-hand flight of stairs 830 00:39:00,088 --> 00:39:02,096 "then along the windowsill from right to left, 831 00:39:02,096 --> 00:39:05,052 "colliding with each vase in turn. 832 00:39:05,052 --> 00:39:08,096 "The impact reduced them to rubble and scattered them 833 00:39:08,096 --> 00:39:12,060 "across the landing and the stairs." Was it Fiona Bruce?It wasn't. 834 00:39:12,060 --> 00:39:13,092 LAUGHTER 835 00:39:13,092 --> 00:39:15,080 What is amazing about this picture, 836 00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:18,032 this is the vases after they've been restored. 837 00:39:18,032 --> 00:39:20,068 Do you not think that is a remarkable...?They mended them? 838 00:39:20,068 --> 00:39:23,028 Yeah, they mended them. You know, I have to tell my mum that.Yeah. 839 00:39:23,028 --> 00:39:25,096 She was here. This story had come out and I was like, 840 00:39:25,096 --> 00:39:28,060 "Oh, my God, Mummy, that's terrible." And she said, "Who fell down? 841 00:39:28,060 --> 00:39:30,092 "Who fell on the vase? Did they kill him?" 842 00:39:30,092 --> 00:39:32,036 LAUGHTER 843 00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:34,048 So I'm going to tell her. Yeah, it's all fine. 844 00:39:34,048 --> 00:39:36,008 They look so pretty now they're back. 845 00:39:36,008 --> 00:39:38,024 When you're in a shop and you knock something over, 846 00:39:38,024 --> 00:39:40,064 there's a moment where you go, "Arrrgh..." 847 00:39:40,064 --> 00:39:43,004 And you look up at the person in the shop and they're like, 848 00:39:43,004 --> 00:39:44,076 "Ahhhh..." 849 00:39:44,076 --> 00:39:47,004 "Am I going to... 850 00:39:47,004 --> 00:39:48,072 "..have to..." 851 00:39:48,072 --> 00:39:50,052 SQUEAKING:"..pay for it?" 852 00:39:51,056 --> 00:39:53,084 If you knock something over in a shop, 853 00:39:53,084 --> 00:39:56,080 the moment you knock it over, you have to go like this. 854 00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:59,020 "Oh, you little bastard! Where's he gone?!" 855 00:39:59,020 --> 00:40:00,080 LAUGHTER 856 00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:04,004 There's a little kid, a silly little kid just knocked something over! 857 00:40:06,064 --> 00:40:09,024 I'll go outside and look for him. 858 00:40:09,024 --> 00:40:10,068 LAUGHTER 859 00:40:14,016 --> 00:40:15,088 Other advice is available. 860 00:40:15,088 --> 00:40:18,040 LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE 861 00:40:22,016 --> 00:40:25,016 Right, where's the traditional place 862 00:40:25,016 --> 00:40:28,000 for Irishmen to celebrate Paddy's Day? 863 00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:29,036 In a pub? 864 00:40:29,036 --> 00:40:30,048 KLAXON 865 00:40:32,032 --> 00:40:34,096 Well. Why not the pub? In England? 866 00:40:34,096 --> 00:40:36,064 Alan, why not the pub? 867 00:40:37,084 --> 00:40:39,092 Why not the pub? 868 00:40:39,092 --> 00:40:42,044 Cos it's a holy day. Yeah, it's a holy day. 869 00:40:42,044 --> 00:40:44,056 It's St Patrick's Day, March 17th. 870 00:40:44,056 --> 00:40:48,060 All pubs in Ireland used to be closed, 1927 to 1960. 871 00:40:48,060 --> 00:40:52,016 It usually falls on Lent and all alcohol sales, under the same kind 872 00:40:52,016 --> 00:40:56,012 of law, were banned on Good Friday, for even longer, 1927 to 2017. 873 00:40:56,012 --> 00:40:59,032 However, there was one place in Ireland where you could buy 874 00:40:59,032 --> 00:41:04,008 a drink on that day, and it was the Royal Dublin Dog Show. 875 00:41:04,008 --> 00:41:06,072 It was historically a Protestant community event. 876 00:41:06,072 --> 00:41:09,012 But everybody went, 877 00:41:09,012 --> 00:41:11,052 because whether you're a dog-lover or not... 878 00:41:11,052 --> 00:41:13,040 LAUGHTER 879 00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:15,068 Very funny. ..because you could get a drink. 880 00:41:15,068 --> 00:41:17,000 I love that. 881 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,064 DRUNKEN IRISH ACCENT:"I love dogs, I've always loved dogs. 882 00:41:19,064 --> 00:41:21,064 "I love dogs and St Patrick." 883 00:41:21,064 --> 00:41:24,072 The great Irish poet Brendan Behan is supposed to have abducted 884 00:41:24,072 --> 00:41:27,052 a stray poodle in order to get into the members' lounge. 885 00:41:27,052 --> 00:41:30,084 And Patrick Kavanagh, another great Irish poet, 886 00:41:30,084 --> 00:41:32,080 he rented a dog from a woman so that he could go. 887 00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:35,036 But I love that. Do you think, that should still be going on now, 888 00:41:35,036 --> 00:41:37,084 I think, don't you? That people should have to bend the rules, 889 00:41:37,084 --> 00:41:39,068 find a dog to get a drink. It'd be rather fine. 890 00:41:39,068 --> 00:41:42,032 You know there was that time, that awful time in British history 891 00:41:42,032 --> 00:41:45,032 where in a lot of pubs and venues they'd say, "No blacks, no dogs, 892 00:41:45,032 --> 00:41:48,056 no Irish". And I always think, that feels like the stupidest thing 893 00:41:48,056 --> 00:41:52,028 in the world, cos can you imagine a pub with just black people, 894 00:41:52,028 --> 00:41:54,088 just Irish people and just dogs? 895 00:41:54,088 --> 00:41:57,028 Like, that's the most craic I've ever heard in my life. 896 00:41:57,028 --> 00:41:59,064 LAUGHTER Is there still that thing in Dublin 897 00:41:59,064 --> 00:42:01,068 that they have singing and non-singing pubs? 898 00:42:01,068 --> 00:42:04,004 Irish people naturally all think they're great singers, 899 00:42:04,004 --> 00:42:05,092 cos of a natural sadness in our necks. 900 00:42:05,092 --> 00:42:08,076 Like, give me a song, give me any song that I might know the words to 901 00:42:08,076 --> 00:42:11,016 and I'll show you what I mean. Twinkle, Twinkle. 902 00:42:11,016 --> 00:42:15,084 # Twinkle, twinkle little star 903 00:42:15,084 --> 00:42:19,064 # How I wonder what you are. # 904 00:42:19,064 --> 00:42:20,080 LAUGHTER 905 00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:23,084 APPLAUSE 906 00:42:28,088 --> 00:42:31,064 The Danes would just be sitting in the corner crying, going, 907 00:42:31,064 --> 00:42:34,004 DANISH ACCENT: "She's absolutely right." 908 00:42:34,004 --> 00:42:35,064 LAUGHTER 909 00:42:35,064 --> 00:42:38,016 Which brings us to the messy matter of the scores. 910 00:42:38,016 --> 00:42:42,004 In first place, emerging completely unsoiled, oh, 911 00:42:42,004 --> 00:42:44,060 with five points, it's Sally. 912 00:42:44,060 --> 00:42:45,076 APPLAUSE 913 00:42:48,028 --> 00:42:51,060 In second place, with four whole points, Aisling. 914 00:42:51,060 --> 00:42:53,068 APPLAUSE Yay! 915 00:42:54,088 --> 00:42:58,048 In penultimate place, with minus 17, Alan. 916 00:42:58,048 --> 00:42:59,076 APPLAUSE 917 00:43:02,072 --> 00:43:07,016 And in last place, for Pete's sake, with minus 27, Sindhu! 918 00:43:07,016 --> 00:43:08,040 APPLAUSE 919 00:43:14,072 --> 00:43:17,044 Thank you to Sindhu, Aisling, Sally and Alan. 920 00:43:17,044 --> 00:43:19,024 And goodnight. 921 00:43:19,024 --> 00:43:21,020 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING