2 00:00:00,020 --> 00:00:44,460 Questions from the quixotic quagmire of series Q. After all, it's about quality, not quantity. 3 00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:46,420 How good are you at multitasking? 4 00:00:46,420 --> 00:00:47,420 Excellent. 5 00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:48,420 Excellent. 6 00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:51,560 Here we go. 7 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:52,560 Oh, I see. 8 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:53,560 Yeah. 9 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:54,560 I didn't know it was going to be tested on. 10 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:55,560 You just volunteered yourself. 11 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:56,560 OK. 12 00:00:56,560 --> 00:01:02,880 So I want you to take this stack from here and recreate it exactly the same 13 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:03,880 on this one. 14 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:04,879 And you're going to have to move them one at a time. 15 00:01:04,879 --> 00:01:05,879 Oh, right. 16 00:01:06,719 --> 00:01:08,719 While you're doing it, I want you to recite the alphabet backwards. 17 00:01:08,719 --> 00:01:09,719 Ooh. 18 00:01:09,719 --> 00:01:11,719 Well, I can't do that anyway. 19 00:01:11,719 --> 00:01:14,719 I mean, I don't think I can do it forwards. 20 00:01:14,719 --> 00:01:17,719 A, B... 21 00:01:17,719 --> 00:01:18,719 No, no. 22 00:01:18,719 --> 00:01:19,719 So you don't understand how the game functions. 23 00:01:19,719 --> 00:01:24,719 We're going to find out that Andrew's a toddler. 24 00:01:24,719 --> 00:01:29,719 Just took him off and put him on the counter. 25 00:01:29,719 --> 00:01:32,719 A, B, C... 26 00:01:32,719 --> 00:01:36,150 And put them on the... 27 00:01:36,150 --> 00:01:40,099 Here we go again. 28 00:01:40,099 --> 00:01:42,099 Z, Y... 29 00:01:42,099 --> 00:01:43,099 Keep them on the backwards. 30 00:01:43,099 --> 00:01:44,099 They're backwards. 31 00:01:44,099 --> 00:01:45,099 X. 32 00:01:45,099 --> 00:01:46,099 Move them one at a time. 33 00:01:46,099 --> 00:01:47,099 No, middle one. 34 00:01:47,099 --> 00:01:48,099 What's wrong with this? 35 00:01:48,099 --> 00:01:49,099 Don't help him. 36 00:01:49,099 --> 00:01:50,099 I love this. 37 00:01:50,099 --> 00:01:59,670 Z, Y, X, W, U... 38 00:01:59,670 --> 00:02:08,530 Why did you say that you are good at multitasking? 39 00:02:08,530 --> 00:02:12,800 I'm a man and I like to brag. 40 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,800 I had a moment on a flight last week, actually, 41 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,800 when I was flying from Aberdeen to Shetland. 42 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,800 And I was with my tour manager, who's also a big chap, 43 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,800 and we sit next to each other because we're pals. 44 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,800 And there was hardly anyone else on the flight. 45 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:24,800 It was only a small plane. 46 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,800 And the stewardess came over and she said, 47 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,800 Mr Manford, Mr Isaac, she said, 48 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,800 would you mind separating and sitting 49 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:34,800 on either side of the plane? 50 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,800 Oh, no. 51 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:37,800 Weight distribution. 52 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,800 Weight distribution! 53 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,800 You're as heavy as a wing. 54 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,800 What, are we going to land like this? 55 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,180 That's what you should have done. 56 00:02:48,180 --> 00:02:49,180 We will at the start. 57 00:02:49,180 --> 00:02:50,180 Yeah. 58 00:02:50,180 --> 00:02:55,180 During the flight, we're going to set you a series of challenges. 59 00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:58,180 Zigzagging about the plane. 60 00:02:58,180 --> 00:02:59,180 First time in the history of the world 61 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:03,419 where turbulence is a person. 62 00:03:03,419 --> 00:03:07,419 Doctor, you only have to know how one, like, organism works. 63 00:03:07,419 --> 00:03:09,419 But when you're a vet... Yes. 64 00:03:09,419 --> 00:03:10,419 ..people come in with like, 65 00:03:10,419 --> 00:03:12,419 oh, my sticky insect's got eczema. 66 00:03:12,419 --> 00:03:14,419 And then someone else is like, 67 00:03:14,419 --> 00:03:19,419 this horse is going to explode! 68 00:03:20,419 --> 00:03:23,419 Is it ticking? 69 00:03:23,419 --> 00:03:27,419 That's the ultimate Trojan horse. 70 00:03:27,419 --> 00:03:29,419 I think animals are like cars. 71 00:03:29,419 --> 00:03:31,419 They all work the same way, really. 72 00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:33,419 We've spent a fortune on my cat. 73 00:03:33,419 --> 00:03:36,419 I've spent over £1,000 in the last two years on my cat. 74 00:03:36,419 --> 00:03:37,419 £1,000. 75 00:03:37,419 --> 00:03:39,419 Trying to make it into a dog. 76 00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:48,750 So what's wrong with the bloody thing 77 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,750 apart from it's a cat? 78 00:03:50,750 --> 00:03:55,750 They're hard to come by, cats, aren't they, after all? 79 00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:57,750 You know those bits of elastic 80 00:03:57,750 --> 00:03:59,750 that keep chicken legs together like that? 81 00:03:59,750 --> 00:04:00,750 It swallowed one of those 82 00:04:00,750 --> 00:04:03,750 and it went all through its system, tied up, 83 00:04:03,750 --> 00:04:05,750 like, tied it all up. 84 00:04:05,750 --> 00:04:09,750 Anyway, she died, so that's fine. 85 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:12,750 Oh, my God. 86 00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:23,209 Well, I'm just going to pay a grant. 87 00:04:23,209 --> 00:04:25,209 Up until 1826, the Palace of Westminster 88 00:04:25,209 --> 00:04:29,209 kept all its financial records on something called tally sticks. 89 00:04:29,209 --> 00:04:31,209 So you had a stick and you split it in two 90 00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:33,209 when you issued a debt. 91 00:04:33,209 --> 00:04:35,209 And when the payment was made, 92 00:04:35,209 --> 00:04:37,209 the two sticks were tied back together again. 93 00:04:37,209 --> 00:04:39,209 But eventually, of course, 94 00:04:39,209 --> 00:04:41,209 paper records superseded the need for these. 95 00:04:41,209 --> 00:04:43,209 And now they've got a lot of old wood. 96 00:04:43,209 --> 00:04:45,209 So they decided to get rid of it. 97 00:04:45,209 --> 00:04:47,209 The obvious idea was to burn it. 98 00:04:47,209 --> 00:04:49,209 So on 16 October 1834, 99 00:04:49,209 --> 00:04:51,209 the clerk of the works, 100 00:04:51,209 --> 00:04:54,209 who's in various records called Mr Wibbly or Mr Woobbly, 101 00:04:54,209 --> 00:04:57,209 he ordered two cartloads of these tally sticks to be burned. 102 00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:58,209 Mr Wibbly Wobbly? 103 00:04:58,209 --> 00:05:00,209 Mr Wobbly Wobbly, yes. 104 00:05:00,209 --> 00:05:03,209 Mr Wibbly Wobbly, get rid of the sticks. 105 00:05:03,209 --> 00:05:06,209 Get rid of them, Mr Wibbly Wobbly. 106 00:05:06,209 --> 00:05:10,649 Get rid of the sticks, you waltz! 107 00:05:10,649 --> 00:05:12,649 So Mr Wibbly Wobbly decided to burn 108 00:05:12,649 --> 00:05:14,649 two cartloads of these tally sticks 109 00:05:14,649 --> 00:05:16,649 in the basement staves at the Palace of Westminster. 110 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,649 And the resulting fire burnt down 111 00:05:18,649 --> 00:05:21,649 both the House of Lords and the House of Commons. 112 00:05:21,649 --> 00:05:23,649 What? What an idiot, Mr Wibbly Wobbly. 113 00:05:23,649 --> 00:05:25,649 Didn't feel good about it. 114 00:05:25,649 --> 00:05:26,649 He should have known. Yeah. 115 00:05:26,649 --> 00:05:28,649 What have I done? 116 00:05:28,649 --> 00:05:32,310 Who did you entrust this job to? 117 00:05:32,310 --> 00:05:34,310 Now, don't get angry. 118 00:05:34,310 --> 00:05:38,980 It had better not have been Mr Wibbly Wobbly. 119 00:05:40,980 --> 00:05:42,980 So here's a nice thing, apart from the toad sausages, 120 00:05:42,980 --> 00:05:45,980 one of the ways they're thinking now of saving the quoll 121 00:05:45,980 --> 00:05:47,980 is to turn them into pets. 122 00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:49,980 There are people who say you should have them instead of a cat. 123 00:05:49,980 --> 00:05:51,980 And in fact, they're rather sweet. 124 00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:53,980 They can be trained, they can use a litter tray. 125 00:05:53,980 --> 00:05:55,980 They weigh about the same. 126 00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,980 Yeah, sweet, really sweet. 127 00:05:58,980 --> 00:06:07,279 Ah! 128 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:09,279 Have you got your foot sticking out from under the duvet 129 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:11,279 and that gets hold of you? 130 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:16,620 You have the second biggest bite force quotient. 131 00:06:18,620 --> 00:06:21,620 So how hard they can bite relative to the size of any animal. 132 00:06:21,620 --> 00:06:23,620 Good for children, then. 133 00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:25,620 Second only to the Tasmanian devil. 134 00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:29,620 What's the one on the right doing 135 00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:35,589 to the one on the right? 136 00:06:35,589 --> 00:06:37,589 That's the beginning of improv. 137 00:06:37,589 --> 00:06:39,589 One on the left's not keen on it. 138 00:06:39,589 --> 00:06:42,939 The second left's going, 139 00:06:42,939 --> 00:06:47,240 look at him, look at him! 140 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:51,350 I will torture you! 141 00:06:51,350 --> 00:06:53,350 There used to be a thing called the group of 60 142 00:06:53,350 --> 00:06:55,350 and they were Athenian wits who got together 143 00:06:55,350 --> 00:06:57,350 and exchanged jokes and so one of the ways 144 00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,350 you would tell a joke in Athens, you would say 145 00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:01,350 the 60 said and so on. 146 00:07:01,350 --> 00:07:03,350 But the very first joke book that Europe ever had 147 00:07:03,350 --> 00:07:05,350 was published by, anybody have a guess? 148 00:07:05,350 --> 00:07:07,350 We are talking the mid 1400s. 149 00:07:07,350 --> 00:07:09,350 Lazy Bird. 150 00:07:09,350 --> 00:07:11,350 Well, the Vatican published it. 151 00:07:11,350 --> 00:07:13,350 It was utterly obscene. 152 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,350 They had a sort of joke club called 153 00:07:15,350 --> 00:07:17,350 the Bugeali. 154 00:07:17,350 --> 00:07:19,350 It was literally a fib factory. 155 00:07:19,350 --> 00:07:21,350 There was a papal secretary called Poggio Bracciolini 156 00:07:21,350 --> 00:07:23,350 and he kept a record of all these jokes 157 00:07:23,350 --> 00:07:25,350 and he published it at 273 puns 158 00:07:25,350 --> 00:07:27,350 and jokes. 159 00:07:27,350 --> 00:07:29,350 Mostly the usual stuff, farts, 160 00:07:29,350 --> 00:07:31,350 erections, obesity, drunkenness. 161 00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:33,350 Rubbish at reading, isn't he? 162 00:07:33,350 --> 00:07:42,490 Excuse me, is that Athena? 163 00:07:42,490 --> 00:07:44,490 The frame of my picture has 164 00:07:44,490 --> 00:07:46,490 fallen on my head. 165 00:07:46,490 --> 00:07:48,490 For what sort of business 166 00:07:48,490 --> 00:07:50,490 would you want to use a queer plunger? 167 00:07:52,490 --> 00:07:58,550 I once had a nightmare with a plunger. 168 00:07:58,550 --> 00:08:03,560 So we had a New Year's Eve 169 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,560 party and then the next day our toilet 170 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,560 was blocked and I thought 171 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,560 I'll un-nail this. 172 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,560 I'd never used a plunger before. 173 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,560 Difficult to use. Yeah, I thought I'd just whack it down there. 174 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,560 Wiped it down and it 175 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,560 suctioned just onto the bottom of the toilet. 176 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,560 Brought it up, all that was the piece of stick. 177 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:24,730 Now I didn't 178 00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:26,730 just have to unblock the toilet, I had to get my hand in there. 179 00:08:26,730 --> 00:08:32,120 Can't I hear you 180 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,120 do in space? 181 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:47,190 So you can 182 00:08:47,190 --> 00:08:49,190 hear screaming. 183 00:08:49,190 --> 00:08:51,190 Well, it's a vacuum, right? Sound can't reverberate. 184 00:08:51,190 --> 00:08:53,190 But there are conditions where you could 185 00:08:53,190 --> 00:08:55,190 hear a scream and that is what I'm going to come to. 186 00:08:55,190 --> 00:08:57,190 Oh, she got you there! 187 00:08:57,190 --> 00:08:59,190 No, she has not got me there 188 00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:01,190 because the question I was presented 189 00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:03,190 by my learned friend was 190 00:09:03,190 --> 00:09:05,190 what can we do in space? 191 00:09:05,190 --> 00:09:07,190 And so scream and I said, because space is completely 192 00:09:07,190 --> 00:09:09,190 silent, which he said, and I went, 193 00:09:09,190 --> 00:09:11,190 did I just talk to myself? 194 00:09:11,190 --> 00:09:13,190 No, because I thought I just said that! 195 00:09:13,190 --> 00:09:15,190 What I did not say... Oh, God, I wish 196 00:09:15,190 --> 00:09:17,190 I was in space! 197 00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:25,220 I did not say what you might be 198 00:09:25,220 --> 00:09:27,220 wearing. Oh, well, for the love of 199 00:09:27,220 --> 00:09:31,620 God, Sandy! 200 00:09:31,620 --> 00:09:33,620 This picture was a clue. So, 201 00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:35,620 sound is caused by the vibration of molecules 202 00:09:35,620 --> 00:09:37,620 and if you didn't have a space 203 00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,620 suit on, it would be almost impossible 204 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,620 to hear anything at all. However, 205 00:09:41,620 --> 00:09:43,620 astronauts can talk to each other 206 00:09:43,620 --> 00:09:45,620 by touching helmets. 207 00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:47,620 So... 208 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:59,740 So the sound vibrations, they 209 00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:01,740 travel through the air inside the space suits 210 00:10:01,740 --> 00:10:03,740 and inside the glass, enough for them to be 211 00:10:03,740 --> 00:10:05,740 able to communicate with raised voices. And in fact, 212 00:10:05,740 --> 00:10:07,740 NASA teach this to the astronauts as 213 00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:09,740 a sort of backup in case radio 214 00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:11,740 communication fails. So we're going to try it. 215 00:10:11,740 --> 00:10:13,740 But why you don't get any lesbians in space? 216 00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:15,740 You've both got 217 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,740 helmets. Pop them on. 218 00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:19,740 It smells 219 00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:21,740 really bad. 220 00:10:21,740 --> 00:10:23,740 They're enormous, 221 00:10:23,740 --> 00:10:25,740 much bigger than mine. 222 00:10:25,740 --> 00:10:33,500 It's much bigger, 223 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,500 but mine looks exactly like Susan. Stand up 224 00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:39,259 and touch helmets and see 225 00:10:39,259 --> 00:10:41,259 if it helps you to hear. 226 00:10:41,259 --> 00:10:43,259 Now talk to each other. Hello. 227 00:10:43,259 --> 00:11:10,090 Can you feel the vibrations through the helmets? 228 00:11:10,090 --> 00:11:13,399 But I don't really understand her at the best 229 00:11:13,399 --> 00:11:15,399 of times, so... No. 230 00:11:15,399 --> 00:11:21,529 To meet vomiting 231 00:11:21,529 --> 00:11:25,379 Larry. No. What? 232 00:11:25,379 --> 00:11:27,379 I've just closed my eyes. You continue. 233 00:11:27,379 --> 00:11:29,379 No, no, we're not actually going to show vomit. 234 00:11:29,379 --> 00:11:31,379 We're just going to talk about it a lot. Oh, I thought 235 00:11:31,379 --> 00:11:33,379 somebody called Larry was just going to come 236 00:11:33,379 --> 00:11:35,379 be... 237 00:11:35,379 --> 00:11:37,379 It's going to be a volcano 238 00:11:37,379 --> 00:11:39,379 or some kind of weird... Of course! 239 00:11:39,379 --> 00:11:41,379 ...beetle or something. It's not a volcano. 240 00:11:41,379 --> 00:11:43,379 It is a humanoid simulated 241 00:11:43,379 --> 00:11:45,379 vomiting system 242 00:11:45,379 --> 00:11:47,379 developed by UK's Health and Safety Laboratory 243 00:11:47,379 --> 00:11:49,379 in Derbyshire by researcher Dr Cat 244 00:11:49,379 --> 00:11:51,379 Makison Booth. And there is Cat 245 00:11:51,379 --> 00:11:53,379 and there is vomiting Larry, right? Oh, sorry! 246 00:11:53,379 --> 00:12:01,179 Cat, I believe that Larry 247 00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,179 can vomit on command. He can. 248 00:12:03,179 --> 00:12:05,179 Why would you invent such a thing? 249 00:12:05,179 --> 00:12:07,179 So we're looking at infection 250 00:12:07,179 --> 00:12:09,179 transmission, so we want to identify 251 00:12:09,179 --> 00:12:11,179 how far vomit spreads so that 252 00:12:11,179 --> 00:12:13,179 we can help clear it all back up again 253 00:12:13,179 --> 00:12:15,179 and prevent transmission of fluid. 254 00:12:15,179 --> 00:12:17,179 Presumably, I'm going to guess it's further than 255 00:12:17,179 --> 00:12:19,179 we think the little pool of vomit is. 256 00:12:19,179 --> 00:12:21,179 Yeah, it'd kind of fill with all the droplets and splash 257 00:12:21,179 --> 00:12:23,179 most of this bit 258 00:12:23,179 --> 00:12:25,179 of the studio. No. Wow. 259 00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:27,179 Yeah, but you wouldn't be able to see it, so when you come to clean up 260 00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:29,179 the main bulk, you'd stand in it, spread it 261 00:12:29,179 --> 00:12:31,179 everywhere. So you're just carrying on, even when 262 00:12:31,179 --> 00:12:33,179 you think you've cleaned it all up? Yeah, yeah. 263 00:12:33,179 --> 00:12:35,179 Why is he called Larry? 264 00:12:35,179 --> 00:12:37,179 Because the head of the system is called Airway 265 00:12:37,179 --> 00:12:39,179 Larry. So it's for when medical students are 266 00:12:39,179 --> 00:12:41,179 practising laryngoscopies. Yeah, 267 00:12:41,179 --> 00:12:43,179 obviously. 268 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,179 Do the medical students not provide enough 269 00:12:45,179 --> 00:12:47,179 vomit? I mean... 270 00:12:47,179 --> 00:12:51,740 It's on command, so, you know. 271 00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:53,740 It needs to be one, two, three, go. Yeah. 272 00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,740 OK, so now 273 00:12:55,740 --> 00:12:57,740 we can't have Larry actually vomit, you'll be very 274 00:12:57,740 --> 00:12:59,740 pleased to know. Oh, man. However... 275 00:12:59,740 --> 00:13:01,740 Oh, man. 276 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:03,740 Come on, Lawrence. 277 00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,740 We do have a film of Larry. 278 00:13:05,740 --> 00:13:07,740 We're going to have the film without sound, but 279 00:13:07,740 --> 00:13:09,740 if any of you lovely people would like to 280 00:13:09,740 --> 00:13:11,740 join in and create the sounds 281 00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:13,740 that you imagine Larry might make, then 282 00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:15,740 help yourself. Why, of course. Yeah. 283 00:13:15,740 --> 00:13:17,740 You only had to ask once. 284 00:13:17,740 --> 00:13:19,740 Here we go. 285 00:13:19,740 --> 00:13:42,409 Arse is right. 286 00:13:42,409 --> 00:14:02,009 Quick enough, because you know it's going to... 287 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,009 Another interesting fashion for royals, Louis the 288 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,009 14th, he had a fashion that 289 00:14:06,009 --> 00:14:08,009 courtiers should have one long fingernail. 290 00:14:08,009 --> 00:14:10,009 Why was that? My husband's got one 291 00:14:10,009 --> 00:14:12,009 special toenail for scratching his eczema. 292 00:14:12,009 --> 00:14:26,009 It's awful, isn't it? 293 00:14:26,009 --> 00:14:28,009 So you and I are in danger of oversharing. 294 00:14:30,009 --> 00:14:32,009 And you seem to be fine with that, though. 295 00:14:32,009 --> 00:14:34,009 Yeah, as long as he keeps it to himself, 296 00:14:34,009 --> 00:14:36,009 I'm all right. Right. Yeah, yeah. 297 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:38,009 He hasn't really, has he, now? 298 00:14:38,009 --> 00:14:43,980 No. He told me quite recently, and we've 299 00:14:43,980 --> 00:14:45,980 been together for nearly 15 years. 300 00:14:45,980 --> 00:14:47,980 So there's nothing I can do about it 301 00:14:47,980 --> 00:14:49,980 now, is what I'm seeing. Yeah. 302 00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:51,980 Except maybe pay more attention in the future. 303 00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,980 So the one long fingernail, what do we reckon? 304 00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:57,980 Is that a cane that he's leaning on, 305 00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,980 or is that the fingernail? 306 00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:03,980 He didn't have the fingernail, so it was the courtiers 307 00:15:03,980 --> 00:15:05,980 who had the fingernail. Everyone else had to have the fingernail. 308 00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:07,980 Yes. Is it to do with his anus? 309 00:15:07,980 --> 00:15:11,960 Let me just get that out of my head. 310 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,960 What's in your head? 311 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:29,350 Away from this show. 312 00:15:29,350 --> 00:15:31,350 Punctuating termite 313 00:15:31,350 --> 00:15:33,350 with a fingernail up Louis XIV's 314 00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:36,980 arse, now. 315 00:15:36,980 --> 00:15:40,519 In this... 316 00:15:40,519 --> 00:15:42,519 In this reality, he said, I want 317 00:15:42,519 --> 00:15:44,519 any of you to be ready. Yeah. 318 00:15:44,519 --> 00:15:46,519 There's no telling who I'm going to ask 319 00:15:46,519 --> 00:15:48,519 to stick their fingernail up my 320 00:15:48,519 --> 00:15:50,519 anus. I want you all 321 00:15:50,519 --> 00:15:52,519 to grow it. I don't want it to be a specialism. 322 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,519 I want to say, you, 323 00:15:54,519 --> 00:15:59,940 now. Why do you put a mirror 324 00:15:59,940 --> 00:16:01,940 next to a lift? 325 00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:03,940 Any thoughts about this? We're talking about waiting? 326 00:16:03,940 --> 00:16:05,940 Next to a lift or in a lift? 327 00:16:05,940 --> 00:16:07,940 No, next to it. It's to do with you looking 328 00:16:07,940 --> 00:16:09,940 at yourself. People dislike waiting in line, but 329 00:16:09,940 --> 00:16:11,940 they do like looking at themselves. 330 00:16:11,940 --> 00:16:13,940 People don't complain if the lift takes a long time 331 00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,940 to arrive, if they can constantly see themselves. 332 00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:17,940 I love this picture, though. 333 00:16:17,940 --> 00:16:19,940 So we had an experiment to see if we could recreate 334 00:16:19,940 --> 00:16:21,940 this with all of you. So let's have a look. 335 00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,940 Are we able to do that? 336 00:16:23,940 --> 00:16:25,940 What do you think? I know! 337 00:16:25,940 --> 00:16:27,940 Top of the Pops from the 70s. 338 00:16:27,940 --> 00:16:46,259 Brilliant. 339 00:16:46,259 --> 00:16:50,759 That's really good fun. A swimming thing where we go 340 00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:56,539 like this. 341 00:17:00,169 --> 00:17:02,169 This is beginning to look like a Bollywood 342 00:17:02,169 --> 00:17:07,529 movie. Have you heard 343 00:17:07,529 --> 00:17:09,529 about the carrot swindle? 344 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,529 Do you know about the carrot swindle? 345 00:17:11,529 --> 00:17:13,529 When you go to your 346 00:17:13,529 --> 00:17:15,529 self-serve checkout, everything 347 00:17:15,529 --> 00:17:17,529 you put on for way, you just 348 00:17:17,529 --> 00:17:19,529 press carrots. 349 00:17:19,529 --> 00:17:21,529 Really? Yeah. So you'd be like buying an anvil 350 00:17:21,529 --> 00:17:23,529 and you'd press carrot. 351 00:17:23,529 --> 00:17:25,529 So you put down, what's an expensive 352 00:17:25,529 --> 00:17:27,529 vegetable? Prosecco. 353 00:17:27,529 --> 00:17:35,930 Are you paying everything 354 00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,930 for his carrots? I'm not doing it, Josh. 355 00:17:37,930 --> 00:17:39,930 I'm a very honest customer. Where did you learn 356 00:17:39,930 --> 00:17:41,930 this? From a reindeer. 357 00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:43,930 Because what 358 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,930 they found in supermarkets, 359 00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:47,930 the reason they started to become suspicious, 360 00:17:47,930 --> 00:17:49,930 was because they were 361 00:17:49,930 --> 00:17:51,930 selling millions of tonnes of carrots. 362 00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:53,930 And that thousands and thousands 363 00:17:53,930 --> 00:17:55,930 of bottles of Prosecco were being stolen. 364 00:17:57,930 --> 00:17:59,930 And they started to watch people and sure enough, 365 00:17:59,930 --> 00:18:01,930 people just putting all their washing on the thing, pressing 366 00:18:01,930 --> 00:18:03,930 carrots and putting it in. 367 00:18:03,930 --> 00:18:07,910 Or their washing. 368 00:18:07,910 --> 00:18:09,910 They were putting all their shopping 369 00:18:09,910 --> 00:18:11,910 on the thing, pressing carrots. 370 00:18:11,910 --> 00:18:13,910 They've got six bags, they paid 12 quid. 371 00:18:13,910 --> 00:18:15,910 Theft from self-service 372 00:18:15,910 --> 00:18:17,910 tills has doubled in the last four years. 373 00:18:17,910 --> 00:18:19,910 So you should not put this information up. 374 00:18:19,910 --> 00:18:21,910 I'm doing it for Sainsbury's. 375 00:18:21,910 --> 00:18:23,910 Alan, Alan, when you put your washing on, 376 00:18:23,910 --> 00:18:25,910 what should you press? 377 00:18:27,910 --> 00:18:29,910 So, you've each got a 378 00:18:29,910 --> 00:18:31,910 quilt and a cover. 379 00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:33,910 Right. Oh. 380 00:18:33,910 --> 00:18:35,910 So we're going to have a very quick competition. 381 00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:37,910 Couldn't be easier. To see who can 382 00:18:37,910 --> 00:18:39,910 be quickest. 383 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,910 Hang on, hang on, I haven't done the bow yet. 384 00:18:41,910 --> 00:18:43,910 I haven't got my key. Get your quilt out. 385 00:18:45,910 --> 00:18:47,910 We're going to do it all at the same time. 386 00:18:47,910 --> 00:18:49,910 OK. 387 00:18:49,910 --> 00:18:51,910 Is everybody... I can't find the opening, 388 00:18:51,910 --> 00:18:53,910 Sandy. Can we open it? 389 00:18:53,910 --> 00:18:55,910 Where do we start? I can't find my thing. 390 00:18:55,910 --> 00:18:57,910 OK, ready? One, two, three, go. 391 00:18:57,910 --> 00:18:59,910 I'm not ready, I'm not ready. 392 00:18:59,910 --> 00:19:48,119 I think I'm probably the only one 393 00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:50,119 who's amazed it stayed on. 394 00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:57,180 So when you are on the phone. 395 00:19:57,180 --> 00:19:59,180 Oh, yeah. What's the worst thing 396 00:19:59,180 --> 00:20:01,180 about that, do you reckon? It's when the computer 397 00:20:01,180 --> 00:20:03,180 doesn't get your accent. I get that a lot. 398 00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:05,180 I used to ring the Odeon film line. 399 00:20:05,180 --> 00:20:07,180 I used to work for them. 400 00:20:07,180 --> 00:20:09,180 Be careful. The Odeon film line to find out 401 00:20:09,180 --> 00:20:11,180 this is a going back, isn't it? Yeah, it is. 402 00:20:11,180 --> 00:20:13,180 That's the job I have. To find out the times 403 00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:15,180 of the films. This is even before DVDs. 404 00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:17,180 Yes. 405 00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:19,180 So which Odeon cinema are you 406 00:20:19,180 --> 00:20:21,180 interested in? Yeah. And I would say 407 00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:23,180 Holloway. Yeah. 408 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:25,180 And it would say, did you say Manchester? Every time! 409 00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:28,940 No similarity 410 00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:30,940 between the two words. There's almost no 411 00:20:30,940 --> 00:20:32,940 letters here in this day. 412 00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:34,940 Actually, that was just one of us. 413 00:20:41,059 --> 00:20:43,059 Bolton, did you say Baghdad? 414 00:20:43,059 --> 00:20:49,579 Ancient Greek 415 00:20:49,579 --> 00:20:51,579 Kylex. So this is a wonderful thing. 416 00:20:51,579 --> 00:20:53,579 It's a shallow drinking cup for wine. 417 00:20:53,579 --> 00:20:55,579 It's similar to one of these cups. 418 00:20:55,579 --> 00:20:57,579 But it had obscene pictures painted 419 00:20:57,579 --> 00:20:59,579 on the inside which were gradually 420 00:20:59,579 --> 00:21:01,579 revealed. 421 00:21:01,579 --> 00:21:03,579 We've censored this because 422 00:21:03,579 --> 00:21:05,579 you know, they would have things like a couple 423 00:21:05,579 --> 00:21:07,579 having sex, a man wiping his bottom, 424 00:21:07,579 --> 00:21:09,579 naked people 425 00:21:09,579 --> 00:21:11,579 and then an eye cup. 426 00:21:11,579 --> 00:21:13,579 So it's a wide mug with eyes 427 00:21:13,579 --> 00:21:15,579 and sometimes a nose painted on the outside. It looked like 428 00:21:15,579 --> 00:21:17,579 you were wearing a mask 429 00:21:17,579 --> 00:21:19,579 when you drank it. And sometimes they painted 430 00:21:19,579 --> 00:21:21,579 ships on the inside so it looked like the ships were sailing on the wine 431 00:21:21,579 --> 00:21:23,579 as you drank it. I think we should have more 432 00:21:23,579 --> 00:21:25,579 fun with cups. Yeah. 433 00:21:25,579 --> 00:21:27,579 It's great that you're drinking, you're getting pissed 434 00:21:27,579 --> 00:21:29,579 and at the bottom of the cup is something that you're probably 435 00:21:29,579 --> 00:21:31,579 going to do. 436 00:21:31,579 --> 00:21:33,579 Like an instruction manual? 437 00:21:33,579 --> 00:21:35,579 Yes, like, you know what, this is heading. 438 00:21:35,579 --> 00:21:37,579 I feel like that just kind of cuts 439 00:21:37,579 --> 00:21:39,579 to the chase. I would be really annoyed though if I got to end my 440 00:21:39,579 --> 00:21:41,579 cup and I was like, so what, now I have to learn the flute as well? 441 00:21:48,410 --> 00:21:50,410 Okay, so I just want to see what kind of audience 442 00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:52,410 we have in tonight. 443 00:21:52,410 --> 00:21:54,410 Who would like us to remove the pixels? 444 00:21:54,410 --> 00:21:59,259 Put your hands up. 445 00:21:59,259 --> 00:22:01,259 I'm quite happy with it being censored. 446 00:22:01,259 --> 00:22:06,740 Right, let's remove the pixels 447 00:22:06,740 --> 00:22:08,740 and see what's behind. 448 00:22:08,740 --> 00:22:10,740 It's going to be a flute. Literally nothing. 449 00:22:10,740 --> 00:22:14,630 Anyone disappointment? 450 00:22:14,630 --> 00:22:16,630 What a deal. 451 00:22:16,630 --> 00:22:20,420 Especially for him. 452 00:22:20,420 --> 00:22:22,420 Cueing advice is to really rile people 453 00:22:22,420 --> 00:22:24,420 up by ignoring the instructions at an airport 454 00:22:24,420 --> 00:22:26,420 and standing on the left of an underground 455 00:22:26,420 --> 00:22:28,420 escalator. 456 00:22:28,420 --> 00:22:31,799 Really upset you. 457 00:22:31,799 --> 00:22:33,799 No, no, no. That's the only thing I care about 458 00:22:33,799 --> 00:22:35,799 after Brexit. Yeah. 459 00:22:35,799 --> 00:22:37,799 Well, that's only down here. 460 00:22:37,799 --> 00:22:39,799 That's a problem. That is London. 461 00:22:39,799 --> 00:22:41,799 Only London. It's not even 462 00:22:41,799 --> 00:22:43,799 questioned anywhere else. 463 00:22:43,799 --> 00:22:45,799 Stand wherever you want. You stand wherever you want. 464 00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:47,799 Yeah, it's not a thing. 465 00:22:47,799 --> 00:22:49,799 It's just a thing down here. 466 00:22:49,799 --> 00:22:51,799 Stand on the right. Not 467 00:22:51,799 --> 00:22:53,799 anywhere else. Fucking stand on the right. 468 00:22:53,799 --> 00:23:04,339 Your normal temperature. 469 00:23:04,339 --> 00:23:06,339 Isn't it lower if you're a woman 470 00:23:06,339 --> 00:23:08,339 than a man? Slightly higher for a woman. Slightly 471 00:23:08,339 --> 00:23:10,339 higher. Yeah, it was one or the other, wasn't it? Yes. 472 00:23:10,339 --> 00:23:12,339 Yeah. 473 00:23:14,339 --> 00:23:16,339 Go all the way with that. 474 00:23:16,339 --> 00:23:18,339 Because, you know, there's that stereotype 475 00:23:18,339 --> 00:23:20,339 of like, turn up the heating, but I'm 476 00:23:20,339 --> 00:23:22,339 too hot, babes. 477 00:23:22,339 --> 00:23:24,339 It is an issue that office temperatures are set 478 00:23:24,339 --> 00:23:26,339 to male averages. Yeah. 479 00:23:26,339 --> 00:23:28,339 Do you know a fact about Christine Lagarde 480 00:23:28,339 --> 00:23:30,339 who's a head... I don't know any facts about Christine Lagarde. 481 00:23:30,339 --> 00:23:32,339 Well, you're about to bloody 482 00:23:32,339 --> 00:23:34,339 get one, Sandy. Let's swap chairs. 483 00:23:34,339 --> 00:23:36,339 Um... 484 00:23:38,339 --> 00:23:40,339 Do you want some cards? 485 00:23:40,339 --> 00:23:42,339 Oh, no, that's got all the answers on there. 486 00:23:42,339 --> 00:23:47,640 Of course, the 487 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,640 interesting about Christine Lagarde that she used to do 488 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:51,640 was, um... I'm 489 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:57,700 trying to get through the fact. 490 00:23:57,700 --> 00:24:01,690 What's the most dangerous thing to do in bed? 491 00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:03,690 Tell the truth. 492 00:24:03,690 --> 00:24:13,849 Anybody else? 493 00:24:13,849 --> 00:24:22,339 Reverse cowgirl? 494 00:24:22,339 --> 00:24:24,339 They had that locked and loaded? 495 00:24:24,339 --> 00:24:28,329 You might say that, darling. 496 00:24:28,329 --> 00:24:30,329 Is it a particular favourite? 497 00:24:30,329 --> 00:24:34,500 Yeah, how do you... Am I the only 498 00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:36,500 person who noticed that you said DVD? 499 00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:38,500 I did say DVD, yeah. 500 00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:40,500 Who uses DVDs? Whoa! 501 00:24:46,789 --> 00:24:48,789 I just glanced over that like that wasn't 502 00:24:48,789 --> 00:24:50,789 a crazy thing to say. 503 00:24:50,789 --> 00:24:52,789 DVDs! 504 00:24:52,789 --> 00:24:54,789 I'm still on VHS. 505 00:24:54,789 --> 00:24:56,789 I played the cassette only 506 00:24:56,789 --> 00:24:58,789 yesterday, and you know what happened? It got stuck. 507 00:25:00,789 --> 00:25:02,789 Do you remember when cassettes used to stretch if you played 508 00:25:02,789 --> 00:25:04,789 them for too long? 509 00:25:04,789 --> 00:25:06,789 Did you get a little pencil inside? 510 00:25:06,789 --> 00:25:08,789 Oh, it's good times. 511 00:25:08,789 --> 00:25:10,789 You'd be driving 512 00:25:10,789 --> 00:25:12,789 and you'd pop one out when you're driving 513 00:25:12,789 --> 00:25:14,789 and then the whole of the tape... 514 00:25:14,789 --> 00:25:38,259 Do you remember the planets in order? 515 00:25:38,259 --> 00:25:40,259 Yes. Mercury, 516 00:25:40,259 --> 00:25:42,259 Venus, 517 00:25:42,259 --> 00:25:44,259 Earth, Mars, 518 00:25:44,259 --> 00:25:46,259 Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, 519 00:25:46,259 --> 00:25:48,259 Neptune. Thank you, darling, that's perfect. 520 00:25:48,259 --> 00:25:50,259 That is the order and... 521 00:25:50,259 --> 00:25:52,259 Pluto doesn't count, it's actually a Disney 522 00:25:52,259 --> 00:25:54,259 character. Yes, that's right. 523 00:25:54,259 --> 00:25:56,259 That is the order of the planets and one 524 00:25:56,259 --> 00:25:58,259 is often taught it at school, so 525 00:25:58,259 --> 00:26:00,259 many volcanoes emit 526 00:26:00,259 --> 00:26:02,259 mulberry jam sandwiches under normal pressure 527 00:26:02,259 --> 00:26:04,259 or my very easy method just speeds 528 00:26:04,259 --> 00:26:06,259 up naming planets, so there were... I couldn't get 529 00:26:06,259 --> 00:26:08,259 past vagina, though. 530 00:26:08,259 --> 00:26:10,259 I've got moist vagina expected, 531 00:26:10,259 --> 00:26:12,259 might just steam up nighty. 532 00:26:20,380 --> 00:26:22,380 So weirdly, that's probably the one I'm going to remember. 533 00:26:24,380 --> 00:26:26,380 Anybody else? Alice, 534 00:26:26,380 --> 00:26:28,380 you've got one? Mine's quite depressing. 535 00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:30,380 OK. Mum's vacant expression means 536 00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:32,380 Jane sulks and less noticed. 537 00:26:32,380 --> 00:26:34,380 Wow, 538 00:26:34,380 --> 00:26:36,380 you were a jolly girl at school. 539 00:26:36,380 --> 00:26:38,380 My favourite is Mary's 540 00:26:38,380 --> 00:26:40,380 virgin explanation made Joseph suspect 541 00:26:40,380 --> 00:26:42,380 upstairs neighbour. 542 00:26:42,380 --> 00:26:50,779 Right, Alan and Ashling, 543 00:26:50,779 --> 00:26:52,779 I've got an EastEnders style 544 00:26:52,779 --> 00:26:54,779 script for you. I'm actually 545 00:26:54,779 --> 00:26:56,779 going to take a small part in this myself. 546 00:26:56,779 --> 00:26:58,779 Ooh. I know. 547 00:26:58,779 --> 00:27:00,779 So, you know, big gestures, big pausing. 548 00:27:00,779 --> 00:27:02,779 Here we go. OK. 549 00:27:02,779 --> 00:27:04,779 Oh, Ashling. 550 00:27:04,779 --> 00:27:06,779 I'm having some real barney rubble with me. 551 00:27:06,779 --> 00:27:52,009 Old trouble and strife. 552 00:27:52,009 --> 00:27:56,220 It's you, it's you. 553 00:27:56,220 --> 00:28:14,920 You're not my mum. 554 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:16,920 If you're alright tonight, I'll leave you with a quip from 555 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:18,920 French poet Joseph Roux. 556 00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:20,920 A fine quotation is a diamond 557 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:22,920 on the finger of a man of wit 558 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:24,920 and a pebble in the hand of a fool. 559 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:26,920 Goodnight.