2 00:00:00,140 --> 00:00:33,859 Well, an unusual episode of QI. First of all, it's a little bit quiet in here and that's 3 00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:37,299 because there is no audience. There is no audience because we are shooting this in 4 00:00:37,299 --> 00:00:41,380 March 2020 during the coronavirus outbreak. We don't know how that's all going to turn 5 00:00:41,380 --> 00:00:45,579 out. So for safety's sake, we don't have 600 people in here. And I can't give a 6 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:50,619 hug as I usually do to the entire crew. Joining me tonight in a show, well, it's 7 00:00:50,619 --> 00:00:58,659 all about rubbish. Ah, kicking up a sting, Johnny Vegas. Down in the dump, it's Bridget 8 00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:07,310 Christie. There's something fishy about Holly Walsh. Just going to put it out there. 9 00:01:07,310 --> 00:01:10,510 And we're not sure what it is, but we found it down the back of the fridge. 10 00:01:10,510 --> 00:01:17,920 It's Alan Davis. And their buzzers actually serve a purpose, OK? They're 11 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:23,079 literally repulsive. They are used to repel something. And I want you to tell 12 00:01:23,079 --> 00:01:27,760 me what they repel. So let's start with Johnny. 13 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:36,640 What do you reckon? What does it sound like? An angry boar driven away. Yes, it's 14 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:40,159 OK. But it's got snorting. It's got snorting. Is that another animal? Is there 15 00:01:40,159 --> 00:01:43,439 more than one animal? There is more than one animal. So you get a deer 16 00:01:43,439 --> 00:01:47,640 snorting, OK, followed by a dog barking. And it is something that the 17 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:51,400 Japan Railway Technical Research Institute came up with. They were 18 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:55,680 trying to prevent collisions with deer. So they do the deer snorting to 19 00:01:55,719 --> 00:01:59,920 attract the attention of the deer and then the dog barking to make them go 20 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,920 away. It was to stop them getting hit by a truck. While they're going along, 21 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:06,959 they're doing that. Yeah. The bullet train's at 200 miles an hour. 22 00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:13,840 There's a deer going, what the hell was that? It's optimistic. I mean, 23 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:18,080 a cyclist, maybe. Yeah. But who came up with that? Who went into work 24 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:21,479 and went, I've had a hell of an idea. Yeah. Just going to put it out 25 00:02:21,479 --> 00:02:24,000 there. I think it's somebody who's done a bit too much sarky, don't 26 00:02:24,159 --> 00:02:28,400 you? Yeah. Are you allowed to drink and drive trains? No. What's the 27 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,719 deal with that? No. Oh, right, it was the person who invented it? 28 00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:34,319 Yeah. Did you think just because it's on a track, it's OK to carry 29 00:02:34,319 --> 00:02:37,800 on having alcohol? Yeah, I was wondering. It's really not. OK, 30 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,080 fine. Yeah. You could have told me this two years ago. Anyway. 31 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,879 You're not allowed to fly planes either. Johnny, what about... 32 00:02:43,879 --> 00:02:46,280 No, but with the crisis right now, I'm having a go. 33 00:02:49,479 --> 00:02:52,840 I want to drive a train. OK, I want to drive one of those big 34 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,800 articulated lorries. You know the ones where you have to get a 35 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,319 ladder? Have you ever been to Diggerland? No. It's incredible. 36 00:02:58,319 --> 00:03:01,599 So basically, it's an entire theme park... Yeah. ..based around... 37 00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:04,560 It's all diggers. ..JCB diggers and whatnot. OK. They let 38 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,639 two-year-olds drive them, and I'm not even joking. I had to go 39 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,400 to court a long time ago for speeding in my car, and while I 40 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:13,199 was in the court, there were two other people up before me, and 41 00:03:13,199 --> 00:03:16,680 they said, you are charged with taking a bus. And I thought 42 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,919 they'd bunk the fare, but what they'd done was they'd taken a 43 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:24,840 bus. And then they talked in a very serious, courtly way about 44 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,680 the route they took through the town and the carnage they wrought, 45 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,560 and they really had to try and stand there and keep a straight 46 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,479 face, and obviously the best night of their lives was being 47 00:03:34,479 --> 00:03:37,960 recounted. We got drunk, me and my friend, and climbed under a 48 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:41,520 covered carousel and slept on the top deck of obviously a 49 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:46,479 miniature bus. How did you get in it? The tiny little opening? 50 00:03:46,479 --> 00:03:49,400 I didn't go up the stairs. It was so small, I just climbed 51 00:03:49,439 --> 00:03:54,169 up the stairs and I was like, I've done it like Godzilla. Were 52 00:03:54,169 --> 00:03:56,530 you woken by them testing it in the morning? The guy was 53 00:03:56,530 --> 00:03:59,490 telling us how much trouble we was in, and you're going, for 54 00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:06,610 what? Sleeping on a tiny bus. And somehow wishing we were 55 00:04:06,610 --> 00:04:12,409 bigger. Did you get in trouble? No, we just walked up and 56 00:04:12,409 --> 00:04:16,209 left him. I love that, you have also taken a bus. Well, why 57 00:04:16,250 --> 00:04:22,209 don't you pull the tiny police car off and follow us? The best 58 00:04:22,209 --> 00:04:30,920 chaser ever. Go round and round. Fly away in the little 59 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:34,319 helicopter. I love a merry-go-round, I'd like to sleep on 60 00:04:34,319 --> 00:04:37,680 a merry-go-round. It's great. I've never been more at 61 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,600 peace. People sleep on roller coasters when they're 62 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,839 breaking records. Do they? I've heard of that, they go, 63 00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:46,240 how many days can you last on a roller coaster? And you're 64 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:50,160 allowed off five minutes every hour to have a... No, you 65 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,959 should have to do all your ablutions off the side of it, 66 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,000 that should be part of it. Well, that's a health safety 67 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,399 issue for miles around. No, girls are not going to stick 68 00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:01,120 their bottoms out over the edge of a roller coaster. Well, 69 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,800 we've all done a motorway moonie. We haven't all done a 70 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:08,040 motorway moonie, Holly Walsh. Have you done a motorway 71 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:14,399 moonie? No. Please say no. You're backing me up here. It 72 00:05:14,399 --> 00:05:18,800 was in France, it wasn't here. Oh, that doesn't count. An 73 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:23,040 auto-route bootie. I thought no-one will know it's me. No, I 74 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:26,160 was on my own, I wouldn't take my trousers off in front 75 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,720 of... You were on your own? Were you driving? How does that 76 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:35,040 work? I'm a very talented driver. I was being taught how 77 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:38,399 to drive a tractor once by a farmer. Right. And I hadn't 78 00:05:38,399 --> 00:05:41,519 realised that the farmer had jumped off. How could you not 79 00:05:41,519 --> 00:05:43,800 notice? There's not doors or anything. He was stood on the 80 00:05:43,959 --> 00:05:46,560 outside and we were talking and I thought, oh, he's been quiet 81 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:50,959 for a while. He'd fallen to his death. We had gone quite a 82 00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:54,600 long way and he hadn't yet taught me how to stop it. Oh, 83 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:59,160 my God, what happened? I had to crash into a barn. You began 84 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,399 this story by saying, I have many skills, and then the 85 00:06:01,399 --> 00:06:04,160 first thing you say is you drove a tractor into a barn. 86 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,839 Johnny, can you play us the buzzer again so we can hear 87 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:08,920 it now that we know what it is? I'm not getting the dog 88 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:15,199 woof. Oh, there it is. Yeah. I think of all the things on it, 89 00:06:15,199 --> 00:06:17,360 the dog woof was the clearest, if I'm honest. Does it sound like 90 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:22,040 there's a car driving away in the middle of it? Yeah. That's 91 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,879 a deer reversing. It's a deer doing an impression of a 92 00:06:24,879 --> 00:06:28,439 reversing car. No, it's her farmer jumping off. Right, 93 00:06:28,439 --> 00:06:30,399 let's move on. Bridget, let's have a listen to yours. 94 00:06:34,399 --> 00:06:37,720 That's a swarm. It's a swarm of bees. Why should we have 95 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:41,800 a sound? What would it repel buzzing bees? Wasps. Gang 96 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:45,199 warfare. You think, oh, like shark to the jet in West Side 97 00:06:45,199 --> 00:06:49,040 Story, just like that. I do think it might be not a human. 98 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:52,519 Yes, it's something huge. Elephants. Elephants is exactly 99 00:06:52,519 --> 00:06:56,519 right. It's elephants, yeah. Elephants are terrified of bees. 100 00:06:56,519 --> 00:07:01,399 You get a point. Let me up this moment. Do the bees go up 101 00:07:01,399 --> 00:07:04,279 the trunks? Yes, that's a problem. They can't penetrate 102 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:09,439 the thick hides, but they can go... Up the nose, up the 103 00:07:09,439 --> 00:07:13,279 arse. Up the arse? I would imagine. But elephants don't 104 00:07:13,279 --> 00:07:16,319 have huge arse holes, do they? Let's not focus on the 105 00:07:16,319 --> 00:07:25,160 arse holes. Can't they blow them out? So in Kenya and in 106 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,720 Tanzania, some farmers have a problem with elephants 107 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,160 trampling on the agriculture. They enclose the land with 108 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,600 beehive fences, so they've got hives doshed all the way 109 00:07:32,639 --> 00:07:34,759 along them. And the elephants try to enter the fields, it 110 00:07:34,759 --> 00:07:38,120 bumps into a wire, it disturbs the bees and they swarm. And 111 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:42,240 elephants are so bee-averse that they make a specific 112 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,839 rumbling sound to warn each other that bees are in the 113 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:48,160 area. Wow. Yeah. Have you ever seen the bees in that 114 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:51,160 documentary that got a taste for beer and broke into the 115 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:54,759 brewery? Yes. I saw a deer that ate some fermented apples 116 00:07:54,759 --> 00:07:57,560 and fell into a tree. Oh, the monkeys want to eat the 117 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:01,519 fermented fruit and they just go... And you shouldn't find 118 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,879 that funny, should you? Honestly, a Labrador and a bowl 119 00:08:03,879 --> 00:08:09,120 of champagne is hilarious. If flies or anything ever fly into 120 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:15,639 my alcoholic drink, I always sober them up. You drop them in 121 00:08:15,639 --> 00:08:22,420 a coffee. I don't know why everyone's laughing. A humane 122 00:08:22,420 --> 00:08:25,899 thing to do. What do you do? I always get them a series 123 00:08:25,899 --> 00:08:30,899 of bitumen to see. A barocca. Dry them out and give them a 124 00:08:30,939 --> 00:08:42,450 back story. Holly, let's have a listen to your one. It's your 125 00:08:42,450 --> 00:08:45,769 best single, I think. Thank you. What would... I mean, it 126 00:08:45,769 --> 00:08:47,809 repels me. Stan at the Comedy Store, he used to be the 127 00:08:47,809 --> 00:08:50,169 stage manager there, he would play Ace of Spades by 128 00:08:50,169 --> 00:08:53,490 Motorhead at the end of the late show at 2am. To just get 129 00:08:53,490 --> 00:08:55,690 rid of everyone? Get rid of everyone. Yeah. Just sort them 130 00:08:55,690 --> 00:08:58,090 out. It worked. That would send me out. Didn't they play 131 00:08:58,090 --> 00:09:01,490 heavy metal outside General Noriega's house when they 132 00:09:01,490 --> 00:09:04,169 were trying to force him to come out? Yes, they did. But 133 00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,090 that would certainly send me out, but it's something even 134 00:09:06,090 --> 00:09:10,850 smaller than me. It's cricket. Oh. So there was a tiny 135 00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:13,570 community in Nevada, and the crickets used to invade this 136 00:09:13,570 --> 00:09:16,889 community place called Tuscarora every year, destroying the 137 00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,210 crops and swarming houses and clogging out the roads and 138 00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,850 so on. So in 2006, they discovered if they played 139 00:09:21,850 --> 00:09:24,490 Led Zeppelin and the Rolling Stones at full volume, it 140 00:09:24,490 --> 00:09:27,370 stopped the insects in their tracks. Have they thought of 141 00:09:27,370 --> 00:09:29,529 growing sweet corn instead? Do you think the crickets 142 00:09:29,529 --> 00:09:35,850 wouldn't like that? Good point. Bridget knows some farmers or 143 00:09:35,850 --> 00:09:38,889 knew some farmers until they died. You knew a farmer? The one 144 00:09:38,889 --> 00:09:41,769 who fell off the tractor. Was he OK, by the way? Oh, he was 145 00:09:41,769 --> 00:09:45,210 just, like, waving from two fields away. Did you hurt 146 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,570 yourself when you went into the barn, or did you come out 147 00:09:47,570 --> 00:09:49,409 the other side with a cow on the run? It was the worst three 148 00:09:49,409 --> 00:09:52,610 days of my life. The worst three days? You were driving 149 00:09:52,610 --> 00:09:56,570 it round for three days? Three days you couldn't find the 150 00:09:56,570 --> 00:10:00,090 brakes! Go round and round that fathered town. No, I thought 151 00:10:00,090 --> 00:10:02,330 there was more to life than working in an office, so I 152 00:10:02,330 --> 00:10:06,970 thought, oh, I'll be a farmer. Just drive for three days? No, 153 00:10:06,970 --> 00:10:09,769 that was the job on the second day, but I'd already had to 154 00:10:09,769 --> 00:10:13,929 milk cows with my hand and... Did you do the third day for 155 00:10:13,929 --> 00:10:16,570 being a farmer? I said, I'm not cut out for this, I'm 156 00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:19,690 really sorry. Say one that made you milk a cow. They 157 00:10:19,690 --> 00:10:23,049 thought you had to drive but not stop a tractor. What was 158 00:10:23,049 --> 00:10:25,529 the third one? They were like, there's a haystack, 159 00:10:25,570 --> 00:10:28,809 somewhere in it's a needle. I've just remembered the 160 00:10:28,809 --> 00:10:32,490 worst thing. There's more? Yeah, when I was milking the 161 00:10:32,490 --> 00:10:35,769 cows, they know from your touch if you're new. You're in 162 00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:38,169 like a swimming pool that doesn't have water in it, they 163 00:10:38,169 --> 00:10:41,529 don't make you swim and milk them at the same time. It's 164 00:10:41,529 --> 00:10:44,330 just so you're on the level with their feet and you're 165 00:10:44,330 --> 00:10:48,250 here going, oh, come on. And the cow's tail went up and 166 00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:51,769 it pooed all over me because it was new. Why were you 167 00:10:51,769 --> 00:10:55,690 behind it? No, I was underneath it. No, but listen, 168 00:10:55,690 --> 00:10:57,929 that's not the worst bit. That's still not the worst bit. 169 00:10:57,929 --> 00:11:00,490 The worst bit is that the farmer made me stand in the 170 00:11:00,490 --> 00:11:04,809 courtyard while he hosed me down with a hose. That's 171 00:11:04,809 --> 00:11:08,090 abuse. That's what I thought. Oh, I'm sure it's all 172 00:11:08,090 --> 00:11:12,409 off now. Alan. Yeah. What is your buzzer? 173 00:11:22,340 --> 00:11:24,419 When you're in bed and you can hear a mosquito in the 174 00:11:24,419 --> 00:11:27,620 room. That is exactly it. It is a mosquito alarm. Does that 175 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:30,340 warn you that there's a mosquito nearby? Actually, we 176 00:11:30,340 --> 00:11:33,059 did it so that you can hear it here in the studio. But 177 00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:36,500 when it is at the correct level, it can only be heard by 178 00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:39,700 young people. Can we play that? Only be heard by young 179 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,700 people. I've seen this in one of those silent shows at 180 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:45,299 Edinburgh and they go higher frequencies and they say sit 181 00:11:45,299 --> 00:11:49,700 down if you can't hear it. So gradually we also sit down 182 00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:51,379 and then there's a few children left and then they 183 00:11:51,379 --> 00:11:54,340 say, right, sit down and then the last one they do and 184 00:11:54,340 --> 00:11:57,620 they're not playing anything. The bit of the ear that 185 00:11:57,620 --> 00:12:00,580 detects higher frequencies. So the bone in the inner ear is 186 00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:03,220 susceptible to wear and tear and it gets worse as you get 187 00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:05,539 older. So this noise can really only be heard by very 188 00:12:05,539 --> 00:12:08,580 very young people. Now we did it so you could hear it but 189 00:12:08,580 --> 00:12:14,409 have a listen to what it ought to sound like. Anybody? 190 00:12:14,409 --> 00:12:18,250 Yes, I can hear it. It's playing now. Can anybody hear 191 00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:21,529 it? Okay, over in the corner we have young Anna. Can 192 00:12:21,529 --> 00:12:25,129 you hear it? I can hear it, yes. Wow, we hate you. How 193 00:12:25,129 --> 00:12:28,730 old are you Anna? 23. Don't play it backwards because it 194 00:12:28,730 --> 00:12:30,889 just says killing your parents. It's going on a loop at 195 00:12:30,889 --> 00:12:33,289 the moment and can you hear that? Yeah, I can absolutely 196 00:12:33,289 --> 00:12:36,330 hear that. Wow, it is the weirdest thing. It was invented 197 00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:38,889 by a guy called Howard Stapleton in 2005. He used 198 00:12:38,889 --> 00:12:42,570 his children as test subjects. Does this stop like youths 199 00:12:42,570 --> 00:12:44,570 hanging out outside Burger King? Yeah, so Burger King, 200 00:12:44,570 --> 00:12:47,690 7-Eleven, Transport for London have used it. They 201 00:12:47,690 --> 00:12:50,169 also find now that classical music or folk music is 202 00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:51,690 another thing that makes young people. Well, I think 203 00:12:51,690 --> 00:12:54,330 folk music probably keeps most people away doesn't it? I 204 00:12:54,330 --> 00:12:57,450 love folk music. We've changed your buzzer to something a 205 00:12:57,450 --> 00:13:01,769 bit better. Let's see if it makes Anna go away. Oh yeah, 206 00:13:01,769 --> 00:13:06,409 she's yeah, she's off. She's leaving. It was not a cool 207 00:13:06,409 --> 00:13:08,649 thing. At Brixton station, they were playing classical 208 00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:11,129 music, but it was to like stop people from getting 209 00:13:11,129 --> 00:13:13,929 violent and aggressive, I guess. Where? Brixton. I got 210 00:13:13,929 --> 00:13:16,649 my teeth knocked out outside Brixton Tube station. What? 211 00:13:16,649 --> 00:13:21,210 It was an angry farmer who'd been searching for you. I 212 00:13:21,450 --> 00:13:24,809 came out of the tube and a man said, oh, give us all your 213 00:13:24,809 --> 00:13:28,169 money and I said, oh, I haven't gotten it and then. He punched 214 00:13:28,169 --> 00:13:31,049 you. Yes. I'm glad I've known you in the better years 215 00:13:31,049 --> 00:13:33,129 because, you know, before, it's not gone well for you. 216 00:13:33,129 --> 00:13:36,009 Your agricultural years, your Brixton years. How old were 217 00:13:36,009 --> 00:13:38,009 you when things started to go right? And how long do you 218 00:13:38,009 --> 00:13:40,409 think that will last? 219 00:13:42,970 --> 00:13:45,610 From repelling sounds to repulsive tastes, what's 220 00:13:45,610 --> 00:13:51,289 brown and sicky? Oh, the taste of vomit. Well, it is 221 00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:55,210 something that has a chemical in it that is also in vomit. 222 00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:58,009 It's American chocolate. It is American chocolate. You're 223 00:13:58,009 --> 00:14:00,570 absolutely right. So if you buy American chocolate, it 224 00:14:00,570 --> 00:14:03,850 tastes, I don't know, more tangy and bitter than European 225 00:14:03,850 --> 00:14:08,009 chocolate. Do you know why? Yes, milk. They use UHT, 226 00:14:08,009 --> 00:14:10,490 don't they, or dried milk or something. The chocolate 227 00:14:10,490 --> 00:14:12,409 factories in the United States are further from the 228 00:14:12,409 --> 00:14:14,730 dairy farms than in the UK, obviously, so you've got to 229 00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:17,210 remove the milk for a bit longer. And so they have a 230 00:14:17,210 --> 00:14:20,250 chemical process which extends the shelf life. And it 231 00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:24,250 produces something called butyric acid. And that is the 232 00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:27,610 same stuff that you get in Parmesan cheese. Yes. And in 233 00:14:27,610 --> 00:14:30,330 vomit. So even chocolate brands that don't use that 234 00:14:30,330 --> 00:14:33,049 process sometimes add that acid anyway, just to mimic 235 00:14:33,049 --> 00:14:34,570 the taste because the Americans have got used to 236 00:14:34,570 --> 00:14:36,490 it. So if you think actually it tastes a bit 237 00:14:36,490 --> 00:14:39,690 sicky, it's because it's the same acid as in sick. But 238 00:14:39,690 --> 00:14:41,690 the American chocolate has a lot more sugar in it and it 239 00:14:41,690 --> 00:14:45,210 has fewer cocoa solids. 20% in the UK, 10% in American 240 00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:46,570 chocolate. That's the fact coming to the surface. You know 241 00:14:46,570 --> 00:14:48,730 when you get chocolate and it goes white if you leave it 242 00:14:48,730 --> 00:14:50,409 too long? When you find it in the back of a drawer. 243 00:14:50,409 --> 00:14:54,970 Yeah. It's the fat comes out of it, it rises out of it. 244 00:14:54,970 --> 00:14:57,850 I was doing a play once in the West End, and this is 245 00:14:57,850 --> 00:15:02,330 in 2003, I think, and an elderly lady came to see it, 246 00:15:02,330 --> 00:15:05,690 I think, four times. And on the fourth time she gave me 247 00:15:05,690 --> 00:15:09,210 a Kit Kat. I said, oh, that's very kind. And the 248 00:15:09,210 --> 00:15:12,809 next day, I ate the Kit Kat and it tasted exactly like 249 00:15:12,809 --> 00:15:16,970 an old lady's cupboard. It's not a euphemism. 250 00:15:17,690 --> 00:15:21,529 And I looked on the cell by day and it was 1998. It was a 251 00:15:21,529 --> 00:15:24,570 five-year-old Kit Kat. I mean, it may have been more. 252 00:15:24,570 --> 00:15:26,889 I don't know how long they last. She bought it five years 253 00:15:26,889 --> 00:15:29,049 ago and thought, I'm saving this. She found it in a 254 00:15:29,049 --> 00:15:31,049 cupboard and thought, I'll give that to that bloke who's 255 00:15:31,049 --> 00:15:33,129 boring me shitless every night at that play. 256 00:15:33,129 --> 00:15:35,210 She saw it and it caught her eye. She thought, I know 257 00:15:35,210 --> 00:15:38,490 who'll like that. Alan, I have to build up his trust over 258 00:15:38,490 --> 00:15:40,730 a number of years and then I'll be able to give it to him and 259 00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:42,730 he'll definitely eat it because he'll trust me. But the 260 00:15:42,730 --> 00:15:45,210 odour of the old lady's cupboard was unmistakable. 261 00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:48,409 I think we're being very mean. OK. You'll be an old 262 00:15:48,409 --> 00:15:53,529 lady-ish soon. We'll all be saying that you smell like 263 00:15:53,529 --> 00:15:56,330 that, but they don't at the moment. You smell of 264 00:15:56,330 --> 00:16:01,129 old lady's cupboard. I've never been less insulted 265 00:16:01,129 --> 00:16:04,809 in my life. Hershey's have a history of making 266 00:16:04,809 --> 00:16:07,210 chocolate with a bitter taste. In the 1930s, they 267 00:16:07,289 --> 00:16:09,529 developed a special bar. It was for the American 268 00:16:09,529 --> 00:16:11,690 military and they wanted it to be deliberately 269 00:16:11,690 --> 00:16:13,769 unappealing. Why do you think they might do that? 270 00:16:13,769 --> 00:16:17,129 Wartime brides. They made shit chocolate and stockings 271 00:16:17,129 --> 00:16:21,049 with holes in them. In order to lure the British brides? 272 00:16:21,049 --> 00:16:24,169 No, to keep them away from American soldiers. 273 00:16:24,169 --> 00:16:26,730 OK. Why would they make deliberately unpleasant 274 00:16:26,730 --> 00:16:29,529 chocolate? Have bromide in it. No, it's meant as an 275 00:16:29,529 --> 00:16:32,250 emergency ration, so you don't want the soldiers going, 276 00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:35,610 oh, lovely chocolate and eating it. I was in CCF at 277 00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:39,049 school and we had a combined cadet forces. I was in that as 278 00:16:39,049 --> 00:16:44,409 well. Which were you? Army. I was RAF. Did you say that like it 279 00:16:44,409 --> 00:16:49,690 was better? That's what they were like. They had this thing 280 00:16:49,690 --> 00:16:52,169 called 24-hour ration kit which we had to have. We did 281 00:16:52,169 --> 00:16:56,490 do like an overnight, you know... Manoeuvre. Yeah, in like 282 00:16:56,490 --> 00:17:03,370 Iraq or something. We did RAF Odeon. Did you? Yeah. You 283 00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:06,890 did it in the cinema? No, Odeon. Oh, sorry, I thought you said 284 00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:13,369 Odeon. I did too. A whole different thing. 285 00:17:15,609 --> 00:17:17,690 And we had those things and they were supposed to sort of 286 00:17:17,690 --> 00:17:20,089 have enough calories in it to last you 24 hours and they 287 00:17:20,089 --> 00:17:22,650 packed into a tiny thing and they did exactly that. It meant 288 00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:24,009 you didn't want to eat the chocolate first. No, you 289 00:17:24,009 --> 00:17:25,609 didn't want to eat it. It's called a derash and it was 290 00:17:25,609 --> 00:17:27,930 also known as a Logan bar. It was named after the colonel 291 00:17:27,930 --> 00:17:30,569 who first ordered their manufacturer. So it was about 292 00:17:30,569 --> 00:17:34,329 high energy content, could withstand high temperatures, but 293 00:17:34,329 --> 00:17:37,609 frankly, barely any better than a boiled potato. Oh, a boiled 294 00:17:37,609 --> 00:17:41,529 potato. A cold boiled potato. Any temperature. Yeah. No, not 295 00:17:41,529 --> 00:17:43,690 one that would burn your mouth. But there it is, look, 296 00:17:43,690 --> 00:17:48,089 and in the... In the Second World War, they upgraded it 297 00:17:48,089 --> 00:17:51,849 to be poison gas proof and so they packaged every single 298 00:17:51,849 --> 00:17:54,089 bar in sort of thick heat-sealed cellophane. Then 299 00:17:54,089 --> 00:17:56,490 they inserted it into a cardboard carton that was glued 300 00:17:56,490 --> 00:17:58,890 shut. They covered it in a wax carton that was then 301 00:17:58,890 --> 00:18:01,769 placed in a master carton and all of this was put in a wooden 302 00:18:01,769 --> 00:18:05,450 case and nailed shut and kept with steel strips around it and 303 00:18:05,450 --> 00:18:08,089 it was often thrown away unopened because the soldiers 304 00:18:08,089 --> 00:18:10,970 hated it so much. They used to call it Hitler's secret 305 00:18:10,970 --> 00:18:14,650 weapon because it made them ill. There's definitely been 306 00:18:14,650 --> 00:18:16,890 nights I would just have eaten it. It wrought havoc with 307 00:18:16,890 --> 00:18:18,970 their teeth and intestines. I know, but even then there's 308 00:18:18,970 --> 00:18:21,130 been nights where I've just been craving chocolate so 309 00:18:21,130 --> 00:18:23,289 badly. I'd have just eaten it. Just gone for it anyway. 310 00:18:23,289 --> 00:18:25,769 Yeah. American chocolate tastes like sick, but don't 311 00:18:25,769 --> 00:18:29,609 worry, it's supposed to. From rubbish tastes to tasty rubbish. 312 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,009 Why did the Romans put their dinner on the floor? 313 00:18:32,009 --> 00:18:34,250 Is it because they were thinking, what would archaeologists 314 00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:37,130 like to dig up in the future? Did they stamp it in because 315 00:18:37,130 --> 00:18:40,650 they wanted really cheap tiling? Well, they did kind of 316 00:18:40,650 --> 00:18:43,609 stamp it in. What they did was they decorated dining room 317 00:18:43,609 --> 00:18:47,130 floors with a mosaic of fake litter. It's kind of an 318 00:18:47,130 --> 00:18:49,609 early humble brag, if you like. It's called 319 00:18:49,609 --> 00:18:54,009 acerotis oikros or unswept room. Basically, the ancient 320 00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:57,369 Greeks did it first and it's discarded leftovers of opulent 321 00:18:57,369 --> 00:19:00,890 feasts so that it looks as though you are incredibly 322 00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,130 wealthy. So you'd have grapes and chicken legs and seafood 323 00:19:03,130 --> 00:19:06,170 shells and stray nuts and olive pits and all that kind of 324 00:19:06,170 --> 00:19:09,130 things. That's so weird. So that's basically like their 325 00:19:09,130 --> 00:19:12,730 equivalent of like topstiles flooring was just 326 00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:14,890 putting loads of rubbish on the floor. Well, if you were 327 00:19:14,890 --> 00:19:17,529 rich, so you're saying I'm so rich I could have thrown 328 00:19:17,529 --> 00:19:20,009 all of this stuff on the floor. It's like the 329 00:19:20,009 --> 00:19:22,650 equivalent of getting gold teeth for no reason. I've got a 330 00:19:22,650 --> 00:19:26,410 gold tooth. Do you want to see it? Yeah. Oh, that's very 331 00:19:26,410 --> 00:19:28,250 impressive. If you had it back there wouldn't you have a 332 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:33,369 little window put in there? So everyone could see it. 333 00:19:33,369 --> 00:19:36,569 When you walk past gas converters there's your jaw drawn to it. 334 00:19:36,569 --> 00:19:40,569 Let's go back to Raymond Ravish. I did see a lad in gas 335 00:19:40,569 --> 00:19:43,769 converters once. He couldn't have been 15 and he 336 00:19:43,769 --> 00:19:46,490 had a sewing machine and they were, what's your reason for 337 00:19:46,490 --> 00:19:50,410 selling it? And he went, unwanted gift. 338 00:19:52,250 --> 00:19:55,049 Right, we're going to go to Rome. So we've already covered the fact 339 00:19:55,049 --> 00:19:58,089 that Rome's built not on seven hills but on eight. We did 340 00:19:58,089 --> 00:20:01,609 that in a previous series. But that's not counting Monte 341 00:20:01,609 --> 00:20:05,049 Testacchio which is a fantastic. So look at this 342 00:20:05,049 --> 00:20:09,369 hill. This hill is 150 foot height in the centre of Rome. 343 00:20:09,369 --> 00:20:12,809 It is actually an ancient rubbish dump. It's made from an 344 00:20:12,809 --> 00:20:19,049 estimated 25 million shards of amphorae. So all the stuff that 345 00:20:19,049 --> 00:20:22,650 they kept oil and wine in. Why do you think they dumped it? 346 00:20:22,650 --> 00:20:25,930 Why would you not use it over and over again? Plague? 347 00:20:25,930 --> 00:20:28,890 No, it would get spoiled if you used it too often is the 348 00:20:28,890 --> 00:20:31,130 problem. And so they had to get rid of them. They 349 00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:35,369 accumulated over three centuries. Well earthen was porous. 350 00:20:35,369 --> 00:20:38,410 Yes, so it can't last forever and it smells. They just used 351 00:20:38,410 --> 00:20:41,450 one time and then got rid of. That was the Roman 352 00:20:41,450 --> 00:20:45,369 equivalent of Starbucks car park. Yeah. When they're empty 353 00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:48,329 they weigh about 30 kilograms. When they're full they weigh 354 00:20:48,329 --> 00:20:50,970 more than 100 kilograms. So somewhat heavier than the 355 00:20:50,970 --> 00:20:54,329 average British adult male. They didn't actually dump them in 356 00:20:54,329 --> 00:20:56,170 the sense that they didn't just chuck them there. There were 357 00:20:56,170 --> 00:20:58,730 people in charge. They were carefully smashed and stacked 358 00:20:58,730 --> 00:21:01,049 and some of them were left holes. They were like pillars 359 00:21:01,049 --> 00:21:03,130 because they didn't want to have landslides. And then they 360 00:21:03,130 --> 00:21:06,250 would sprinkle lime on top of them because the rancid oil 361 00:21:06,250 --> 00:21:08,650 had a terrible smell. And it's an astonishing hill. There's 362 00:21:08,650 --> 00:21:10,809 even a restaurant dug into the side of it. There are caves dug 363 00:21:10,809 --> 00:21:14,730 into the side of it. But it's 25 million shards. Years ago I 364 00:21:14,730 --> 00:21:18,809 did a film with Roger Law, you know, that created Spitting 365 00:21:18,809 --> 00:21:25,450 Image. And in one scene I had to smash £25,000 worth of 366 00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:28,410 ceramics donated by contemporary ceramicists. So they were 367 00:21:28,410 --> 00:21:31,369 genuine. They're not props? No, no, no. They were all 368 00:21:31,369 --> 00:21:34,730 donated pieces. But there was a couple there. And I'd love 369 00:21:34,730 --> 00:21:38,089 to see what they've done with them. Somebody somewhere 370 00:21:38,089 --> 00:21:40,569 will have the most amazing mosaic. Oh, wouldn't it be 371 00:21:40,569 --> 00:21:43,450 fantastic? Of contemporary ceramics. Oh, wow. Yeah. Because 372 00:21:43,450 --> 00:21:45,930 it would be like the park, like Gaudi Park in Barcelona, 373 00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,529 which is all made of bits and pieces. Have you ever 374 00:21:47,529 --> 00:21:50,250 listened to The Butterfly Effect by Jim Watson? And he 375 00:21:50,250 --> 00:21:54,410 talks about people with really specific fetishes. So like 376 00:21:54,410 --> 00:21:59,529 one of them was that they sent their stamp collection to 377 00:21:59,529 --> 00:22:04,250 two porn stars and they just had to burn it on camera. It 378 00:22:04,250 --> 00:22:07,130 was like a 40-year collection of stamps. And that's all 379 00:22:07,130 --> 00:22:09,369 he wanted. But that was his fetish. And I was just 380 00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:12,250 thinking, I think that's my fetish, watching you smash up 381 00:22:12,250 --> 00:22:15,210 some vases. How does anybody discover that that's their 382 00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:18,569 particular fetish? Yeah, weird, isn't it? There's everything 383 00:22:18,569 --> 00:22:22,089 online. I was looking something up about something 384 00:22:22,089 --> 00:22:28,329 and... Yeah. Traxar and barn. Yeah. I think it was cheese 385 00:22:28,329 --> 00:22:30,970 and teeth or something. No, I came back from Thailand 386 00:22:30,970 --> 00:22:32,890 where I had discovered a vegetable that I liked very 387 00:22:32,890 --> 00:22:34,730 much called Morning Glory. And I thought, I wonder where 388 00:22:34,730 --> 00:22:40,009 you buy that in London? Well, turns out all over. My ex used 389 00:22:40,009 --> 00:22:44,250 to... Well, he asked me to go cross-eyed just before he 390 00:22:44,250 --> 00:22:52,809 ejaculated. Do you know... What, for a target? In the world of 391 00:22:52,809 --> 00:22:55,450 too much information, Bridget, that's right up there on my 392 00:22:55,450 --> 00:22:58,890 list. Were you on the phone at the time? I didn't see him 393 00:22:58,890 --> 00:23:01,450 after that. Well, not if your eyes are like that. I 394 00:23:01,690 --> 00:23:06,329 didn't see anything. He just wanted to pretend he had a twin. 395 00:23:06,329 --> 00:23:09,529 How did he get that fetish? I don't know. He just went, oh, 396 00:23:09,529 --> 00:23:14,329 go cross-eyed, William, love. Oh, can you imagine him falling 397 00:23:14,329 --> 00:23:19,450 in love online and meeting a cyclops? He'd be gutted. 398 00:23:19,450 --> 00:23:23,849 We're talking rubbish and a similar discovery was made in 399 00:23:23,849 --> 00:23:26,250 1897 by these two rather marvellous Victorian 400 00:23:26,250 --> 00:23:29,450 archaeologists, Bernard Grenfell and Arthur Hunt. I 401 00:23:29,450 --> 00:23:31,130 mean, how can't they look? They're rather marvellous, 402 00:23:31,130 --> 00:23:34,009 aren't they? David Beckham on the right. Not remotely cross-eyed. 403 00:23:34,009 --> 00:23:38,089 They do nothing. They're great. They dug into a sand dune 404 00:23:38,089 --> 00:23:41,049 about 120 miles south of modern Cairo and they found this 405 00:23:41,049 --> 00:23:44,890 astonishing rubbish dump, more than half a million fragments 406 00:23:44,890 --> 00:23:48,890 of papyrus generated by an ancient city called Oxyrenchus 407 00:23:48,890 --> 00:23:51,849 and it's an incredible collection. The manuscripts date 408 00:23:51,849 --> 00:23:55,210 from roughly the third century BC through to the Muslim conquest 409 00:23:55,210 --> 00:23:59,049 of Egypt in 640 AD. All the fragments were taken to the 410 00:23:59,049 --> 00:24:02,490 Ashmolean in Oxford. I mean, obviously that's the right 411 00:24:02,490 --> 00:24:05,690 place for them. Clearly there. Culturally appropriate. But 412 00:24:05,690 --> 00:24:08,170 for more than 100 years they were trying to analyse them 413 00:24:08,170 --> 00:24:12,089 and they managed to transcribe just 5,000 and then in 2014 414 00:24:12,089 --> 00:24:14,970 the whole collection was made digital and algorithms were 415 00:24:14,970 --> 00:24:17,769 used to cross-reference and so on and since then more than 416 00:24:17,769 --> 00:24:21,369 200,000 fragments have been translated. What date were they? 417 00:24:21,369 --> 00:24:25,690 From the third century BC right through to 640 AD. So it was 418 00:24:25,690 --> 00:24:28,009 like a library of ancient manuscripts. Well, it's 419 00:24:28,009 --> 00:24:30,569 everything. There's a third century doctor's report but 420 00:24:30,569 --> 00:24:32,970 there's also literature. They discovered an extract from 421 00:24:32,970 --> 00:24:35,769 Andromeda, The Lost Tragedy by Euripides. I mean, it's 422 00:24:35,769 --> 00:24:39,690 it is the most fabulous and astonishing collection but 423 00:24:39,690 --> 00:24:41,849 effectively it was a rubbish dump and it had all been 424 00:24:41,849 --> 00:24:44,890 thrown away. It does look like an audit and a third 425 00:24:44,890 --> 00:24:48,809 century attempt at shredding. Yeah, it's yes, we're like 426 00:24:48,809 --> 00:24:51,769 just we've done this. Let's get rid of it. Yeah. What's the 427 00:24:51,769 --> 00:24:55,130 little square they've drawn? The three squares. I don't 428 00:24:55,289 --> 00:24:58,170 know whether that's marginalia from the time or 429 00:24:58,170 --> 00:25:00,730 it's a kitchen they're looking into building a side return. 430 00:25:00,730 --> 00:25:03,130 Oh, yes, I can see that. Yeah, I love it. I think it's 431 00:25:03,130 --> 00:25:05,849 so fascinating what else they can discover in there 432 00:25:05,849 --> 00:25:08,170 because not even half of it has been analyzed yet. I 433 00:25:08,170 --> 00:25:11,529 think it's amazing. Now for a question on recycling 434 00:25:11,529 --> 00:25:14,250 material. Alan, what's the point of all this blue whale 435 00:25:14,250 --> 00:25:19,130 shit? What they you can use it. It is vital to the 436 00:25:19,130 --> 00:25:22,329 planet. Is it? Well, it's unbelievably important for 437 00:25:22,329 --> 00:25:25,289 the entire ocean so they don't defecate at depth 438 00:25:25,289 --> 00:25:27,130 because you wouldn't really, would you? Hang on, wouldn't 439 00:25:27,130 --> 00:25:30,329 you? Get to the surface and do it. They do the long 440 00:25:30,329 --> 00:25:33,210 really long stringy ones like a goldfish. 40 miles. Well, 441 00:25:33,210 --> 00:25:35,450 this is this is actually whale poo right here. This is 442 00:25:35,450 --> 00:25:38,009 what it looks like. Who has taken that photograph? I do 443 00:25:38,009 --> 00:25:41,529 not. Well, the whale I presume and then Instagram. Just 444 00:25:41,529 --> 00:25:43,930 out of shit. 445 00:25:44,890 --> 00:25:47,450 Well, people do do that, don't they? Really? A friend of 446 00:25:47,450 --> 00:25:50,890 mine told me Bridget does it. If you were a dietitian 447 00:25:51,210 --> 00:25:55,769 you'd want a more solid stool. If I do two days on cider, 448 00:25:55,769 --> 00:25:59,930 that's what I do. If I stick to me five a day. What cider? It's 449 00:25:59,930 --> 00:26:03,930 a bit more compacted, isn't it? Yes. You take from that 450 00:26:03,930 --> 00:26:07,289 sentence, what cider? 451 00:26:08,569 --> 00:26:12,809 I once went to a swimming pool in Bracknell. 452 00:26:12,809 --> 00:26:15,049 It was basically like with all the flumes and stuff like 453 00:26:15,049 --> 00:26:18,890 that and me and my brother were in the tidal wave 454 00:26:18,890 --> 00:26:22,410 going round and round and round and a turn followed us the 455 00:26:22,410 --> 00:26:26,730 whole way and they couldn't get us out to get the turd out so 456 00:26:26,730 --> 00:26:28,809 they turned it off and we just kept going. So you were chased 457 00:26:28,809 --> 00:26:31,450 by a turn? Yeah, but because we were going round we were 458 00:26:31,450 --> 00:26:33,690 quite small so we were in the current and the poo was 459 00:26:33,690 --> 00:26:35,849 coming so when even when they turned it off you had to 460 00:26:35,849 --> 00:26:38,089 wait for the current to die down and me and my brother 461 00:26:38,089 --> 00:26:41,609 kept having to basically slow down and down and down then 462 00:26:41,609 --> 00:26:43,690 they emptied the pool everyone had to get out. Where 463 00:26:43,690 --> 00:26:46,329 was the person who had done the poo? Were they at the 464 00:26:49,849 --> 00:26:52,730 well? Wales need to conserve oxygen so they shut down lots of 465 00:26:52,730 --> 00:26:55,609 processes when they are down at depth and that includes 466 00:26:55,609 --> 00:26:58,250 digestion and when they get to the surface they release what 467 00:26:58,250 --> 00:27:01,210 can only be described as a fecal plume of a buoyant 468 00:27:01,210 --> 00:27:04,730 excrement but it is incredibly nutrient rich. It's absolutely 469 00:27:04,730 --> 00:27:07,769 full of iron. It's a concentration 10 million times 470 00:27:07,769 --> 00:27:10,490 higher than the surrounding water and this acts as 471 00:27:10,490 --> 00:27:14,170 fertilizer of phytoplankton which photosynthesizes and in 472 00:27:14,170 --> 00:27:18,089 doing so it absorbs enormous amounts of CO2 and it 473 00:27:18,089 --> 00:27:22,170 produces between half and 90 percent of the earth's 474 00:27:22,170 --> 00:27:25,289 oxygen so most of the oxygen that we are breathing 475 00:27:25,289 --> 00:27:29,210 is made by plankton and the plankton need 476 00:27:29,210 --> 00:27:32,730 whale poo. Have we got enough blue whales? We don't have enough blue whales 477 00:27:32,730 --> 00:27:35,769 the IMF has actually put a figure on them and one of the reasons 478 00:27:35,769 --> 00:27:39,529 it's not just the poo that they accumulate carbon in their bodies 479 00:27:39,529 --> 00:27:42,329 and when they die they sink down to the bottom of the ocean and they 480 00:27:42,329 --> 00:27:46,809 take up to 33 tons of stored carbon with 481 00:27:46,809 --> 00:27:49,289 them so that's the equivalent of 600 trees 482 00:27:49,289 --> 00:27:52,329 photosynthesizing for an entire decade and that's locked up in the corpse on 483 00:27:52,329 --> 00:27:55,450 the ocean bed for hundreds of years so the IMF did 484 00:27:55,450 --> 00:27:58,650 this thing they had a look at how much are they worth to us 485 00:27:58,650 --> 00:28:02,410 and each whale is worth about two million American dollars so the 486 00:28:02,410 --> 00:28:07,049 current stock of whales is valued at a trillion US dollars but it's 487 00:28:07,049 --> 00:28:09,609 so interesting how it works within the ecosystem 488 00:28:09,609 --> 00:28:12,809 for each bowel movement they excrete about 200 489 00:28:13,289 --> 00:28:17,609 they should really put it in a little bag it is enough to fill two bathtubs i 490 00:28:17,609 --> 00:28:21,130 don't know it'd be quite a big bag also as they sink to the bottom they 491 00:28:21,130 --> 00:28:25,609 feed almost everything that's in the ocean is there not an argument then 492 00:28:25,609 --> 00:28:29,529 to like dispose of um human bodies that like that 493 00:28:29,529 --> 00:28:32,569 what just chuck them in the sea take everyone who's died out to mariana 494 00:28:32,569 --> 00:28:35,690 trench and just sink them let them be eaten by all the you know 495 00:28:35,690 --> 00:28:38,490 whatever's right and then all the co2 we just 496 00:28:38,490 --> 00:28:41,369 do all that yeah i don't know how we would sell this in the funeral parlor 497 00:28:41,369 --> 00:28:43,690 on the corner of the high street as a as a plan 498 00:28:43,690 --> 00:28:47,690 oh i'm up for it okay uh now for a different kind of repulsion 499 00:28:47,690 --> 00:28:51,930 i want you to point please i'm going to throw this to you too 500 00:28:51,930 --> 00:28:55,369 uh please can you point to the earth's magnetic north pole 501 00:28:55,369 --> 00:29:00,650 on this globe tread carefully 502 00:29:00,650 --> 00:29:03,609 it's not going to be the bit where you blow it up so the magnetic north 503 00:29:03,609 --> 00:29:06,089 pole look we're going to get wrong for 504 00:29:06,650 --> 00:29:11,369 trick sounds like a trick i'll tell you what i'm going to spin it you close 505 00:29:11,369 --> 00:29:13,690 your eyes put your finger on it okay 506 00:29:13,690 --> 00:29:19,339 you ready like okay up there 507 00:29:19,339 --> 00:29:25,900 right oh i'm not pointing now now yeah still not right nowhere still not 508 00:29:25,900 --> 00:29:29,180 right so let's have it back uh how about you 509 00:29:29,180 --> 00:29:33,579 guys well now look has it because i know it can 510 00:29:33,579 --> 00:29:37,180 yeah has it flipped no it's not on the bottom 511 00:29:37,180 --> 00:29:40,220 well it might be but it hasn't flipped it hasn't 512 00:29:40,220 --> 00:29:44,059 because magnetic north yeah can sometimes flip and be south for a 513 00:29:44,059 --> 00:29:47,420 while what we do know is that uh it drifts 514 00:29:47,420 --> 00:29:50,539 the magnetic pole it drifts well then her feeling up the thing was 515 00:29:50,539 --> 00:29:53,420 the right well unless she's completely in the wrong part of the 516 00:29:53,420 --> 00:29:55,259 globe you are right about drifting and 517 00:29:55,259 --> 00:29:58,859 flipping but we are not talking about that i think it's slightly 518 00:29:58,859 --> 00:30:05,819 off north the top of the globe as it were no is the answer slightly off 519 00:30:05,819 --> 00:30:09,579 the bottom can we have it back so it has flipped uh no it's that we 520 00:30:09,579 --> 00:30:12,140 refer to it as the wrong thing so if you think about it the earth is 521 00:30:12,140 --> 00:30:15,980 basically one big magnet and that is why 522 00:30:15,980 --> 00:30:20,220 compasses work so a compass is another 523 00:30:20,220 --> 00:30:23,660 magnet and the earth and the compasses are attracted 524 00:30:23,660 --> 00:30:26,859 to each other okay let us imagine that you have got two 525 00:30:26,859 --> 00:30:33,259 magnets uh i've got the marked here so i've got two magnets marked north 526 00:30:33,259 --> 00:30:37,420 and south okay if i take the north bit of this 527 00:30:37,420 --> 00:30:40,779 magnet which bit of the magnet i'm just worried because your kitchen 528 00:30:40,779 --> 00:30:43,660 cupboards are all flopping over now which bit of the magnet is it going to 529 00:30:43,660 --> 00:30:47,339 be attracted to the opposite it's going to be south it's 530 00:30:47,339 --> 00:30:50,700 going to be like that so that the north is attracted to the 531 00:30:50,700 --> 00:30:52,779 south right uh it's the opposite ends of the 532 00:30:52,779 --> 00:30:56,779 magnet which attract each other so if you've got the north end 533 00:30:56,859 --> 00:31:02,220 of a compass which is a magnet which end of another magnet will it 534 00:31:02,220 --> 00:31:05,420 point to oh it's got to the rubbish tip 535 00:31:05,420 --> 00:31:08,220 we'll find that in a million years yeah just through the world in the 536 00:31:08,220 --> 00:31:13,579 okay so just to finish 537 00:31:13,579 --> 00:31:17,579 compasses are magnets their north end points to the Arctic so therefore 538 00:31:17,579 --> 00:31:21,259 even though we call that end the north pole it must be 539 00:31:21,259 --> 00:31:25,420 the magnetic south pole oh i get it yeah uh the very first person to 540 00:31:25,500 --> 00:31:28,779 realize that the earth had a magnetic field was Elizabeth the first physician 541 00:31:28,779 --> 00:31:32,220 a guy called William Gilbert he was a 16th century 542 00:31:32,220 --> 00:31:35,579 scientist and at the time people believed that magnets had souls 543 00:31:35,579 --> 00:31:40,140 he called it an astral magnetic mind uh for him it explained why the 544 00:31:40,140 --> 00:31:43,019 earth rotated so the earth got too hot when she was in the sun 545 00:31:43,019 --> 00:31:46,140 and then she needed to cool down and so she rotated but it's to do 546 00:31:46,140 --> 00:31:49,180 a bit like a sunbathe turning over when they're too hot 547 00:31:49,180 --> 00:31:53,420 or a don of kebab or a don of kebab exactly exactly that 548 00:31:53,500 --> 00:31:57,099 when we talk about explorers like Scott and Amazon going to the poles they of 549 00:31:57,099 --> 00:31:58,859 course depended on the earth's magnetic 550 00:31:58,859 --> 00:32:01,819 field in order to navigate Amazon delivers all the way to the 551 00:32:01,819 --> 00:32:05,740 north pole Amundsen oh Amundsen but yes they would 552 00:32:05,740 --> 00:32:09,579 rolled Amundsen the Norwegian uh well he rather famously beat Scott to the 553 00:32:09,579 --> 00:32:12,220 south pole oh right yes i didn't but he was supposed to be going to the 554 00:32:12,220 --> 00:32:16,220 north pole at the time right it was in 1909 and news 555 00:32:16,220 --> 00:32:18,859 reached him that the American Robert Peary had reached the north 556 00:32:18,859 --> 00:32:21,660 pole and all of his funding and his the 557 00:32:21,660 --> 00:32:24,220 loan of his ship was all tied to him going to the north pole but he didn't 558 00:32:24,220 --> 00:32:26,940 want to be second so while he was at sea he turned the 559 00:32:26,940 --> 00:32:30,220 ship around and sailed south and he what i like is he didn't tell the crew 560 00:32:30,220 --> 00:32:34,140 his plan for over a month and nobody seemed to notice that they 561 00:32:34,140 --> 00:32:37,099 were heading in the wrong direction and when they started getting 562 00:32:37,099 --> 00:32:39,180 suspicious he said he was just taking a detour 563 00:32:39,180 --> 00:32:42,779 on the way to the north pole but he did become the very first person 564 00:32:42,779 --> 00:32:46,619 to get uh to the south pole uh right a question on a different 565 00:32:46,619 --> 00:32:49,180 sort of attraction the romantic kind what 566 00:32:49,180 --> 00:32:56,380 Danish trick gets English pulses racing this is a long time ago 567 00:32:56,380 --> 00:33:00,220 so who were the Danes that first came to the UK 568 00:33:00,220 --> 00:33:04,619 invaded Vikings okay so we're talking 11th century 569 00:33:04,619 --> 00:33:09,500 and they seduced English women using the power of cleanliness 570 00:33:09,500 --> 00:33:14,700 no yes they washed they washed the great washed met the great unwashed 571 00:33:14,700 --> 00:33:17,980 yeah so when they came and you know they invaded and established the 572 00:33:18,940 --> 00:33:22,460 they tended to come without women they married English women and this upset 573 00:33:22,460 --> 00:33:26,059 the locals very much but according to a monk called John 574 00:33:26,059 --> 00:33:30,380 of Wallingford the Danes cheated by washing this is a new idea 575 00:33:30,380 --> 00:33:33,259 the Danes made themselves too acceptable to English women by their 576 00:33:33,259 --> 00:33:35,339 elegant manners and their care of their person 577 00:33:35,339 --> 00:33:38,779 they combed their hair daily and took a bath every Saturday and even 578 00:33:38,779 --> 00:33:42,859 changed their clothes frequently by which means they undermined the 579 00:33:42,859 --> 00:33:45,900 chastity of the wives which is a totally 580 00:33:45,900 --> 00:33:49,259 different story to all the rape and pillage thing yes yeah no 581 00:33:49,259 --> 00:33:52,940 uh so so there is a theory that all of that was written down by 582 00:33:52,940 --> 00:33:55,819 Englishmen who'd had their wives taken that it was rape and pillage 583 00:33:55,819 --> 00:33:59,740 and there is another theory that in fact they turned up unbelievably good 584 00:33:59,740 --> 00:34:01,900 looking they just rode across the North Sea 585 00:34:01,900 --> 00:34:05,819 had a bath and went on the pool yeah i i that guy 586 00:34:05,819 --> 00:34:09,099 i mean he could pull me he's looking at his 587 00:34:09,099 --> 00:34:12,139 i'd service a man you know have you gone what's that stuff you use it's 588 00:34:12,139 --> 00:34:15,579 a little that was a very little gesture 589 00:34:15,579 --> 00:34:19,420 i would service the man you would almost imperceptibly service the man 590 00:34:19,420 --> 00:34:22,940 just a little bit under the arms please come on Jeff 591 00:34:22,940 --> 00:34:26,780 sure ensure a life um but they did they did wash 592 00:34:26,780 --> 00:34:30,539 and it was a sort of secret weapon so there are some experts who suggest 593 00:34:30,539 --> 00:34:31,980 that we're not much better than the vikings 594 00:34:31,980 --> 00:34:35,820 uh really uh in our washing habits they did a study in 2018 it was the 595 00:34:35,820 --> 00:34:38,619 U.S. Center for Hygiene and Health in Boston and they claim that 596 00:34:38,619 --> 00:34:41,179 modern day bath tubs i don't know whether you guys are 597 00:34:41,179 --> 00:34:44,860 are bathers or showers um a hundred times as much bacteria in a 598 00:34:44,860 --> 00:34:47,900 normal bath as in a rubbish bin apparently they recommend if you are 599 00:34:47,900 --> 00:34:50,300 going to take a bath do it in a rubbish bin well 600 00:34:50,300 --> 00:34:54,219 that or shower before and after i've had a water meter fitted so i just 601 00:34:54,219 --> 00:34:58,059 swim it canal what did you just say he's had a water 602 00:34:58,059 --> 00:35:01,340 meter fitted so now he just swims in the canal 603 00:35:01,340 --> 00:35:08,139 i'm sorry i'm from gilford so why might why might a bath be good for 604 00:35:08,139 --> 00:35:13,500 you even if it's full of bacteria i think it uh you get lighter in it 605 00:35:13,500 --> 00:35:17,260 and it takes stress off your joints and it's almost like being in space but 606 00:35:17,260 --> 00:35:19,900 for the shorter period it improves your circulation and it lowers 607 00:35:19,900 --> 00:35:22,300 your blood pressure which is what you were trying to say isn't it johnny 608 00:35:22,300 --> 00:35:26,300 no i was trying to say it's like being in space but thank you sandy 609 00:35:26,300 --> 00:35:29,099 well this is good news for anybody who doesn't like exercise they've done 610 00:35:29,099 --> 00:35:33,099 studies and people with depression it lifts your mood a bath more than 611 00:35:33,099 --> 00:35:36,699 physical exercise as long as you don't put a toaster in there too 612 00:35:36,699 --> 00:35:42,780 yeah don't do that now can you get these cans that you have beside you 613 00:35:42,780 --> 00:35:46,539 ready for recycling please get them ready to put them in the recycling what 614 00:35:46,539 --> 00:35:54,099 would you do i would normally crush mine okay 615 00:35:54,099 --> 00:35:58,019 we were told years ago by eddie is hard to crush them there were specific 616 00:35:58,019 --> 00:36:01,699 machines to crush yeah so since then there are newer 617 00:36:01,699 --> 00:36:04,179 machines which have become more automated 618 00:36:04,179 --> 00:36:07,219 um so they use the size and the shape of the object in order to 619 00:36:07,219 --> 00:36:11,460 identify them so if you crush the can it might not realize what it is 620 00:36:11,460 --> 00:36:13,539 and it might put it in the non-recycling 621 00:36:13,860 --> 00:36:17,539 i don't think a lot of people know that we're like an information service 622 00:36:17,539 --> 00:36:22,739 it really annoys me when recycling thing says not currently recyclable 623 00:36:22,739 --> 00:36:27,300 as though it's like we wish it was but the science hasn't kept up too 624 00:36:27,300 --> 00:36:29,860 much for it's not our fault but also the thing is 625 00:36:29,860 --> 00:36:33,619 all of the recycling facilities vary throughout the country 626 00:36:33,619 --> 00:36:36,820 so you do actually have to check with your borough the one where we 627 00:36:36,820 --> 00:36:40,260 are currently recording had we crushed them we couldn't recycle them 628 00:36:40,260 --> 00:36:43,780 it just really depends on what the item is so for example 629 00:36:43,780 --> 00:36:50,980 uh i have here paper uh this receipt for the cans that we got so which bin 630 00:36:50,980 --> 00:36:57,059 should these go in i mean i recycle cardboard shiny paper doesn't go in 631 00:36:57,059 --> 00:37:01,219 and magazines that doesn't go in why paper because it's it's got a 632 00:37:01,219 --> 00:37:04,980 the coating yeah about half of all receipts are non-recyclable 633 00:37:04,980 --> 00:37:07,860 that's bonkers like that's a responsibility but people don't know 634 00:37:07,860 --> 00:37:12,019 this though as well yeah but i think this should be like these are the 25 635 00:37:12,019 --> 00:37:14,980 things we recycle and these are the things we don't recycle it's this and 636 00:37:14,980 --> 00:37:18,420 if things like half one thing and half the other and i don't know i'm just 637 00:37:18,420 --> 00:37:22,980 i it's not that i want to give up but i just feel like they're making 638 00:37:22,980 --> 00:37:26,260 it very difficult it is very complicated these are printed on thermal paper 639 00:37:26,260 --> 00:37:28,659 it's the stuff you used to get in the early fax machines so it's coated 640 00:37:28,659 --> 00:37:32,099 in a kind of chemical and they cannot be recycled because you will 641 00:37:32,099 --> 00:37:35,619 release the chemical into the atmosphere uh it's actually a sort of 642 00:37:35,619 --> 00:37:39,619 weird stuff so it works by um the printing on it turns black when 643 00:37:39,619 --> 00:37:42,980 it's exposed to heat that's the way it works so it only heats up the parts 644 00:37:42,980 --> 00:37:46,420 that are written on if you take 645 00:37:52,860 --> 00:37:56,539 sandek sandek you haven't asked if it's going anywhere nice on its 646 00:37:56,539 --> 00:37:59,900 holidays no that's i should do sorry there you can see that it goes 647 00:37:59,900 --> 00:38:02,780 completely black if you it's the chemicals that are are 648 00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:06,059 doing that so don't recycle those but if you are struggling with your 649 00:38:06,059 --> 00:38:09,500 recycling you're not sure put it in your neighbors and let them 650 00:38:09,500 --> 00:38:13,099 solve it out uh time for a last rummage around the 651 00:38:13,099 --> 00:38:15,659 bottom of the bag for the sniff of bin juice that we call 652 00:38:15,659 --> 00:38:18,539 general ignorance fingers on buzzers please 653 00:38:18,539 --> 00:38:23,179 uh name the last commercial flight to fly faster than the speed of sound 654 00:38:23,179 --> 00:38:25,900 is it concord 655 00:38:30,150 --> 00:38:33,429 so officially concord is the only supersonic commercial service that ever 656 00:38:33,429 --> 00:38:36,070 existed but several flights have since then 657 00:38:36,070 --> 00:38:39,510 flown faster than the speed of sound on average a flight from new york to 658 00:38:39,510 --> 00:38:41,829 london takes six hours it's three and a half thousand 659 00:38:41,829 --> 00:38:45,989 nautical miles um but you get this jet stream that pushes you 660 00:38:45,989 --> 00:38:51,110 along so under normal conditions the speed of sand is 760 miles per hour 661 00:38:51,110 --> 00:38:55,510 but it doesn't cause a sonic boom because couldn't afford it 662 00:38:55,510 --> 00:38:59,030 no relative to the air that you are moving in you are traveling under the 663 00:38:59,030 --> 00:39:01,670 speed of sound but if you are in a plane that's 664 00:39:01,670 --> 00:39:05,190 being pushed by the jet stream you are traveling according to your 665 00:39:05,190 --> 00:39:08,949 speed across the ground faster than the speed of sound it's 666 00:39:08,949 --> 00:39:13,429 rather like a man on a train running so the man on the train uh appears 667 00:39:13,429 --> 00:39:15,670 to the rest of us to maybe be doing 100 miles an hour 668 00:39:15,670 --> 00:39:18,949 but in fact he's just running at a perfectly normal speed alan you've 669 00:39:18,949 --> 00:39:22,070 been on the concord haven't you i have been on the concord yeah 670 00:39:22,070 --> 00:39:27,909 you look a bit like a concord in profile what what was it like 671 00:39:27,909 --> 00:39:31,590 that's a compliment unbelievable what it's a compliment yeah 672 00:39:31,590 --> 00:39:35,349 i didn't say you look like a virgin pendolino you look like a great 673 00:39:35,349 --> 00:39:39,989 piece of engineering from the despicable me film 674 00:39:39,989 --> 00:39:44,550 uh new york to london the fastest ba concord flight in 1996 two hours 52 675 00:39:44,550 --> 00:39:49,190 minutes and 59 seconds it hit a top speed of 1350 676 00:39:49,190 --> 00:39:52,949 i used to fly over i used to play cricket in wandsworth 677 00:39:52,949 --> 00:39:57,269 and they flew over wandsworth common and it was loud 678 00:39:57,269 --> 00:40:01,590 but they weren't allowed to really turn the engines on till they'd cleared 679 00:40:02,550 --> 00:40:06,789 why do you think it's spelled uh with an e which is the french version 680 00:40:06,789 --> 00:40:09,989 is it because it was a medieval plane what like 681 00:40:09,989 --> 00:40:15,110 oldie england oldie england no oldie plane the oldie concordie 682 00:40:15,110 --> 00:40:18,869 the argument about whether to spell concord with an e caused an absolute 683 00:40:18,869 --> 00:40:21,989 nationalist uproar in britain uh which rather 684 00:40:21,989 --> 00:40:26,469 pre-echoed the brexit convulsions i'm surprised i know that people 685 00:40:26,469 --> 00:40:30,550 thought concord mean in english it's an you know it's peace it's a 686 00:40:30,550 --> 00:40:35,190 sort of concord i thought that was a i thought that was a french word anyway 687 00:40:35,190 --> 00:40:38,869 concord is a french word it's spelt it without an e in english but it's the 688 00:40:38,869 --> 00:40:42,469 way in which we spell it caused trouble uh the taury government in 1962 when 689 00:40:42,469 --> 00:40:44,389 they made the first agreement said we'll spell it 690 00:40:44,389 --> 00:40:49,110 concord without an e and then tony ben came in 1967 into government 691 00:40:49,110 --> 00:40:52,309 and he said oh who cares we'll spell it with an e but it caused an 692 00:40:52,309 --> 00:40:55,750 absolute uproar uh right look around you and point to a 693 00:40:55,750 --> 00:40:59,989 symbol you can see on the set that tells you you can recycle 694 00:41:00,070 --> 00:41:05,590 something alan pick one uh the one right in the middle of the 695 00:41:11,670 --> 00:41:15,030 so that's a very common symbol uh the interlocking two green arrows it 696 00:41:15,030 --> 00:41:19,510 doesn't mean packaging can be recycled or even uh it has ever been part of 697 00:41:19,510 --> 00:41:23,750 the recycling process it means the manufacturer has made a financial 698 00:41:23,750 --> 00:41:27,670 contribution to recovery and recycling of packaging in europe 699 00:41:27,750 --> 00:41:31,750 but every time i see that i chuck it in the recycling yeah it doesn't mean 700 00:41:31,750 --> 00:41:34,949 that what about that one yes the white arrow pointing to its tail it's 701 00:41:34,949 --> 00:41:39,030 that means um the product is widely recycled by 75 percent 702 00:41:39,030 --> 00:41:42,630 or more of local authorities what about that one and the three 703 00:41:42,630 --> 00:41:46,949 folded arrows uh the product is theoretically recyclable 704 00:41:46,949 --> 00:41:50,869 but there's no guarantee that your borough will take it 705 00:41:50,869 --> 00:41:53,829 definitely you can't assume that it can go in the recycling 706 00:41:53,829 --> 00:41:58,389 i mean it is really complicated it should it should just say this is 707 00:41:58,389 --> 00:42:02,710 recite put this in the recycling bin don't yeah don't exactly uh we produce 708 00:42:02,710 --> 00:42:07,110 in the uk over 44 000 metric tons of non-recycled waste 709 00:42:07,110 --> 00:42:10,469 every single day and if you look at the rubbish that's on the set 710 00:42:10,469 --> 00:42:14,630 around here this is the uk average for the amount produced by one 711 00:42:14,630 --> 00:42:18,710 person per year at home so it's about 35 bin bags 712 00:42:18,710 --> 00:42:23,110 worth uh 222 kilograms i mean this is obviously just household waste this 713 00:42:23,110 --> 00:42:25,909 doesn't count as commercial or industrial waste that we 714 00:42:25,909 --> 00:42:29,110 uh produce as a by-product of the things that we and the things that we 715 00:42:29,110 --> 00:42:34,230 buy um this is my favorite rubbish list uh 2016 uh the waste clearance 716 00:42:34,230 --> 00:42:37,269 company enviro waste compiled a list of the most 717 00:42:37,269 --> 00:42:42,949 unusual things it had discovered in waste in london a dead stuffed 718 00:42:42,949 --> 00:42:46,710 cat dressed in a baby's onesie 719 00:42:47,190 --> 00:42:52,230 a nude painting of albert einstein a shoe box filled with dozens of mouse 720 00:42:52,230 --> 00:42:57,510 skeletons a sealed box full of maggots a bone of st clement of rome the fourth 721 00:42:57,510 --> 00:42:59,989 pope a super soaker full of urine and a 722 00:42:59,989 --> 00:43:03,190 victorian dildo which brings us to the dirty matter of 723 00:43:03,190 --> 00:43:07,590 the scores where there's a definite whiff of corruption uh in first place 724 00:43:07,590 --> 00:43:12,469 with seven points it's holly 725 00:43:12,469 --> 00:43:15,670 congratulations in second place with four 726 00:43:15,670 --> 00:43:24,059 johnny and with minus four in third place bridget 727 00:43:24,940 --> 00:43:30,780 alan fourth place minus 26 well done 728 00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:41,000 thanks to bridget and johnny holly and alan and i leave you with this rubbish 729 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:45,639 remark from film actor richard burton if you're going to make rubbish be the 730 00:43:45,639 --> 00:43:54,760 best rubbish in it good night 731 00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:58,360 the show you've just seen was one of two episodes of qi which were recorded 732 00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:01,400 without an audience because of social distancing rules 733 00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:04,599 if you enjoyed the novelty i've got some good news for you there's another 734 00:44:04,599 --> 00:44:07,800 one next week if not don't worry week after that 735 00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:11,079 we're back to normal either way we'll see you next time 736 00:44:11,079 --> 00:44:14,199 stay safe