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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Hello, and welcome to Ql
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where, tonight, we're discussing
rays, radio and radiation.
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Joining me are a panel
positively glowing with talent
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from across the comedy spectrum.
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An alpha male,
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it's Josh Widdicombe!
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Hard to beta, it's Shazia Mirza.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Gamma for a laugh,
it's Joe Lycett.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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And give us a microwave,
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Alan Davies.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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And let's hear their buzzers.
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J°$h goes:
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WOMAN'S VOICE:
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Shazia goes:
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MAN'S VOICE:
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Wow. Joe goes:
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ROBOTIC VOICE:
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LAUGHTER
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And, of any kind of radioactivity,
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the most dreaded sound imaginable,
Alan:
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ARCHERS THEME PLAYS
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LAUGHTER
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APPLAUSE
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Now, before we start, I happen
to know that one of you
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encountered a lot of radioactive
material when you were a child.
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Do you know who it was?
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Warning!
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Yes, Josh.
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It was you.
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You are positively...
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Positively glowing.
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Er, why is that?
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LAUGHTER
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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LAUGHTER
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Do you really believe that?
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It sounds like some
toy your children...
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Mucking about.
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No, but you're right.
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Especially the middle of Dartmoor
is the worst place in the country
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for radon.
ls that why he's so small?
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LAUGHTER
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No, because you know that radiation
causes mutations.
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Yes, the largest source of radiation
the UK public gets
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comes in the form of gases,
radon and thoron,
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and being in the middle
of Dartmoor,
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that's absolutely the worst place.
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Now, you two are
the Birmingham team.
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You both grew up in Birmingham.
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It's actually an island of low
radiation, it's very low risk.
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A bit like Essex.
Should we be proud of that?
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Yes.
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I love Birmingham.
I think Birmingham's fab.
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Yeah, I do as well.
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I love the canal. I think
the canal's fantastic.
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In Birmingham?
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God, he is mutating.
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LAUGHTER
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You live in the most beautiful
county in England
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and you go to Birmingham
on your holidays!
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LAUGHTER
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That's true. It has.
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LAUGHTER
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It wasn't canal-ly
enough for our tastes.
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People have stopped going to Venice.
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They go to Birmingham now.
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Pop round if you're ever there.
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I had my kitchen extension
opened by the Lord Mayor.
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Oh, you did, didn't you?
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That's a euphemism. It's not!
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I emailed her, and I said, "Will
you open my kitchen extension?"
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To give you an idea of how
big it is, this is bigger.
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She said no because she said
she doesn't do private events,
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so I made it a public event and
sold tickets to the public,
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and she came and opened it.
She cut a ribbon.
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There's a plaque on the wall.
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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
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I love that! I know!
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Josh, do you know why residents
in Devon and Cornwall
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are exposed to quite
as much radiation as they are?
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It's the ground rock.
It's largely granite.
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So, the granite contains
small amounts of uranium -
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that decays, and that produces
radon, and you can be exposed
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to as much as seven millisieverts
of radiation per year.
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So, that's the same
as having a CT scan.
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It's the same as taking
85 transatlantic flights.
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It is weirdly the same as eating
70 kilos of what, do you think?
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LAUGHTER
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It's Brazil nuts.
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Oh, I eat so many Brazil nuts.
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They contain quite a lot of radium
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because they have very deep
roots which can get
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right down to the soil
that's high in radium.
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What's an unsafe amount
of Brazil nuts?
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I mean, I, I think
anything under 70 kilos,
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you're probably going to be OK.
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So now, all new houses in high radon
areas have to have an airtight
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membrane, which stops the gas from
kind of seeping into the buildings.
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I always wear one of those.
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Yes. What?
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Airtight membrane, yeah.
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It's a wonder you've got as many
children as you have.
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So, Austria has one nuclear plant,
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which was built in 1978.
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What do you think they did with it?
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It looks like a Premier Inn to me.
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LAUGHTER
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It's got the potential
to be a Premier Inn!
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Yes.
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If you get a room with a window,
you pay a bit more.
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They have a referendum
when it was finished,
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and the country voted to
not open it.
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So they didn't. Really?
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Yes, they never switched it on and
it became a research centre instead.
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Imagine if we had done that
with the Shard. Yes.
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Not going to work. We basically did
that with the Millennium Dome. Yeah!
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How would you sell a house
right next to a nuclear power plant?
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How do you sell it? Yeah, how
would you sell it? Rightmove?
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LAUGHTER
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Yes, go to the estate agent's.
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Well, when you take photographs...
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Yeah? ..face the other way.
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Yeah. OK.
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And then try and distract people.
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You are exactly right.
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Have a look at this. This is 2009.
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This was a charming three-bedroom
Kent cottage that was for sale.
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The estate agent
failed to mention the view
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if you stood behind the house.
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Let's just have a look
at the view from...
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There we are.
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LAUGHTER
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Wow!
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That is the biggest
Premier Inn I've ever seen!
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It's 100 yards from
Dungeness nuclear power station,
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one of the largest nuclear
power stations in Europe,
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and they didn't mention it.
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When they were asked about it,
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they said, "The thing is,
anywhere on Dungeness
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"is close to the power station."
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LAUGHTER
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LAUGHTER
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It's a bit hot!
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But Alan gets an extra point for
saying you would face the pictures
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away from the nuclear power station.
Absolutely right.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Which ray changed the world
of fashion for ever?
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Oh! Why Billy Ray Cyrus?
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OK.
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Can I just say how cute that ray
is? Isn't that the sweetest thing?
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I'm not sure if it's cute or deadly.
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Might be both.
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Yeah, it might be both.
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Is this what we're going
to evolve into?
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Is this like something from
a Doctor Who episode?
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This is where we'll be
in a billion years.
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Well, obviously...
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LAUGHTER
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Obviously Josh will mutate first.
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LAUGHTER
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Lovely, it's lovely colours.
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It is beautiful.
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Some of the very first beneficiaries
of X-ray technology
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were fashionable women.
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So, if you have to imagine,
the mid-19th century
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it was very, very fashionable...
Oh, that sort of a ray.
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Oh... We'd have been
here all night. X-rays.
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I've come here to help.
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LAUGHTER
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So, mid-19th century, women
wore heavily boned corsetry,
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so sometimes more
than 100 whalebones.
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It was incredibly popular, but
it obviously restricted movement,
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breath and so on.
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Not for whales.
They were feeling great.
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Yeah, they were...
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LAUGHTER
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Oh, I feel so much freer. Freedom!
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I can't sit up at dinner,
but I don't care.
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Anyway, there was lots
of concern for many years,
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but people couldn't prove it
until X-rays came along.
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So, there was a French doctor
called Ludovic O'Followell.
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Anyway, 1908, he took some
photographs and he wrote
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a book called Le Corset,
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and it showed women's ribs being
displaced by Victorian corsets.
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And partly thanks to him,
fashions changed,
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and you get the Edwardian basques
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with more straight lacing,
and they end higher up.
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And that really helped women because
it was... it was killing them.
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It saved lives.
It did save lives. Absolutely.
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Anybody know who discovered X-rays?
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Oh, is that it was that German man.
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It was.
And his middle name's Conrad.
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Is that right?
Yes, it was a German man.
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Yes, indeed.
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His name was Wilhelm.
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See? Yeah, very complicated.
Not easy to remember.
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No. Wilhelm Roentgen.
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LAUGHTER
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She doesn't like that at all.
That date was going so well.
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LAUGHTER
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"And later on, I shall be
introducing this into our play."
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Well, you see, it is interesting,
because his wife needed to be there
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because the very first X-ray
that he took was of her hand.
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Is that his wife? Yes. What?!
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Well, I think it's a poor depiction,
if I'm frank with you. Oh, I see.
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In 1895, he discovered
the X-ray almost,
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it's one of those things
that was almost sort of by accident.
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He took an X-ray of his wife's hand
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and you can see the
dark shadow on it.
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And that is caused
by her wedding ring.
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Oh, I thought it was a drone.
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LAUGHTER
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It's an Oreo drone in 1895.
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LAUGHTER
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Why is it so irritating when your
children take apart an Oreo
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or a Bourbon?
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Why do I find myself saying,
"Don't pick it apart.
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"Just eat it as it is"?
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Every time, I can't...
It's the noise.
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I know!
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LAUGHTER
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I don't doubt that, but, but why?
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Of all the many messes
that they make...
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They're children, they're curious.
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No, I don't wish to turn
this into therapy,
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but I'm going to suggest it's
not about the biscuits.
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LAUGHTER
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They go like that...
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LAUGHTER
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Just eat it!
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All right!
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Eat your Oreo. It's good for you.
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I've never let them have a Hobnob
because of the potential mess.
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LAUGHTER
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JOSH LAUGHS
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Anyway, I need you to imagine that
nobody had ever seen an... An Oreo.
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Oh, an X-ray.
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LAUGHTER
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Nobody had ever seen
an X-ray before.
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This was the very first time
that anybody had seen the bones
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inside the human body.
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And his wife, Mrs Roentgen,
looked at it and said,
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"l have seen my death."
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I mean, it was really
shocking to people.
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He did get the first-ever
Nobel Prize in physics,
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six years later, for it.
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And there was a kind of mania.
It was known as a Roentgen mania.
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In fact, his name is still
used in Denmark for X-rays.
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There were 50 books published
on X-rays in a single year,
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there were theatre plays
with X-ray-themed plays.
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00:11:23,310 --> 00:11:28,460
Newspapers advertised special
X-ray-proof underwear for women.
258
00:11:28,490 --> 00:11:30,100
Yeah. Yeah.
259
00:11:30,130 --> 00:11:32,740
Thomas Edison demonstrated
something called a fluoroscope.
260
00:11:32,770 --> 00:11:36,460
You could put your body parts
in and see your bones on the screen.
261
00:11:36,490 --> 00:11:38,100
Is it very dangerous, though?
262
00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:39,670
Yes, darling,
it is really dangerous.
263
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,350
Incredibly dangerous. When did
they find out it was dangerous?
264
00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:44,510
The next year.
LAUGHTER
265
00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:54,510
23 cases of severe X-ray injury
reported in scientific journals.
266
00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:57,820
And despite that, they used X-rays
to cure things for decades.
267
00:11:57,850 --> 00:12:01,310
And doctors would prescribe sort
of an X-ray seance for cancer
268
00:12:01,340 --> 00:12:04,180
and tuberculosis, acne, ringworm.
269
00:12:04,210 --> 00:12:05,740
I mean, all sorts of things.
270
00:12:05,770 --> 00:12:08,510
They said it could remove unwanted
body hair -
271
00:12:08,540 --> 00:12:11,790
it did but it also left patients
ulcerated, bedridden and...
272
00:12:11,820 --> 00:12:14,260
Dead. Some dead, yes.
273
00:12:14,290 --> 00:12:15,950
Yeah, but so smooth.
274
00:12:24,290 --> 00:12:25,950
There were all sorts of claims.
275
00:12:25,980 --> 00:12:28,620
There was a claim by a scientist who
said he could make a dog salivate
276
00:12:28,650 --> 00:12:31,230
by projecting an image of a bone
into its brain.
277
00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:34,150
I mean, it was...
That sounds like absolute nonsense!
278
00:12:34,180 --> 00:12:36,460
I know, but you want it to be true,
don't you?
279
00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:40,310
X-rays even used to be used to
measure shoe sizes.
280
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,820
This was a common
thing in a shoe shop
281
00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:46,450
from the 1930s to the 1970s -
it was called a pedoscope.
282
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,010
LAUGHTER
283
00:12:50,740 --> 00:12:52,590
I don't know why, but I want one!
284
00:12:55,460 --> 00:12:58,380
The advantage was you...
I don't know why it's an advantage,
285
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:00,820
you could have your feet measured
with your shoes still on.
286
00:13:00,850 --> 00:13:03,070
I mean, it's not that difficult
to take them off!
287
00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:05,460
Disadvantage, you could only have
12 shoe fittings a year.
288
00:13:05,490 --> 00:13:06,900
Is that all? Yeah.
289
00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:08,540
Why did they stop using them?
290
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,430
Because people died out?
291
00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:12,430
It was the health of the
shop workers.
292
00:13:12,460 --> 00:13:15,340
When I was a kid, there used to be
a machine you'd go in and it'd go...
293
00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:17,800
Oh, yeah! Did you have that? Yeah!
294
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:21,080
Yeah!
295
00:13:21,110 --> 00:13:23,240
That was so exciting.
296
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,190
That was kind of exciting.
I loved that.
297
00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:28,800
But once again, to repeat,
I grew up in the middle of nowhere.
298
00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:30,780
LAUGHTER
299
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,220
And you had feet that glowed.
300
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:37,610
Now, speaking of scans, we going to
see how good you are at radiology.
301
00:13:37,630 --> 00:13:42,060
Can you see anything abnormal
in this scan?
302
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:45,760
Oh, like...
Can anyone else see a face?
303
00:13:45,780 --> 00:13:49,430
No, I can see like a figure
in the top right...
304
00:13:49,450 --> 00:13:51,350
Oh, yeah, there's a monkey!
305
00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:52,710
There's a gorilla.
306
00:13:52,730 --> 00:13:55,710
I'd just like to withdraw my comment
that I could see a face.
307
00:13:57,340 --> 00:13:59,790
These were researchers
at Harvard Medical School,
308
00:13:59,810 --> 00:14:02,510
and they deliberately inserted
an image of a gorilla
309
00:14:02,530 --> 00:14:05,120
into people's scans, to see
if trained radiologists
310
00:14:05,140 --> 00:14:06,680
would notice it,
311
00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:10,230
and 83% missed it. What?!
312
00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:14,350
People who have been on Ql before,
313
00:14:14,370 --> 00:14:18,070
Alan, why might they use
a gorilla for this particular thing?
314
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,280
It's an homage. It's...
315
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:21,430
Yes». Josh?
316
00:14:21,450 --> 00:14:24,120
So, there's a thing where
they are bouncing basketballs
317
00:14:24,140 --> 00:14:26,790
to each other, and a gorilla
walks past, waves and walks on
318
00:14:26,810 --> 00:14:29,510
and never sees it because they are
counting the basketballs. Yes.
319
00:14:29,530 --> 00:14:31,400
It's a famous
invisible gorilla study.
320
00:14:31,420 --> 00:14:34,280
It was done by two psychologists
from the University of Illinois.
321
00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:36,320
People are asked to
watch a basketball
322
00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:39,320
and while they're counting how many
times the ball is being moved,
323
00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:42,760
a gorilla runs through the middle,
324
00:14:42,780 --> 00:14:45,560
and most people missed the gorilla,
they just didn't see it.
325
00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:48,040
This is a phenomenon
known as inattentional bias.
326
00:14:48,060 --> 00:14:49,840
We miss big, obvious things
327
00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:52,870
because we're looking really
hard for something specific.
328
00:14:52,890 --> 00:14:55,000
So a radiologist, who
would know how to read that,
329
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:57,040
is clearly looking for
some kind of illness,
330
00:14:57,060 --> 00:14:59,070
and not looking for an ape,
not expecting one,
331
00:14:59,090 --> 00:15:00,710
and so they don't see it.
332
00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:04,870
With my toddler, she will watch
Sarah and Duck, or something,
333
00:15:04,890 --> 00:15:08,640
Sarah and duck is great.
It is so good.
334
00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:10,710
It's about Sarah and a duck.
335
00:15:10,730 --> 00:15:13,710
Her friend, Duck. I'd say it's
the best TV show of any genre
336
00:15:13,730 --> 00:15:16,760
on at the moment, and I
mean that. OK! It's so good.
337
00:15:16,780 --> 00:15:18,950
Anyway, she'll be
watching Sarah and Duck,
338
00:15:18,970 --> 00:15:20,870
and I'll say something,
and she'll...
339
00:15:20,890 --> 00:15:23,230
I think she's ignoring me... N0.
340
00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:24,430
Is that just attentional...
341
00:15:24,450 --> 00:15:26,000
She's doing that though, isn't she?
342
00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:27,790
LAUGHTER
343
00:15:31,340 --> 00:15:32,920
Does the theme tune not go,
344
00:15:32,940 --> 00:15:34,430
# Sarah and Duck
345
00:15:34,450 --> 00:15:35,560
# Do-do-do
346
00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:37,350
# Sarah and Duck. #
347
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:41,000
I'm going to suggest that the two
of you are not getting enough sleep.
348
00:15:42,730 --> 00:15:45,200
There's no doubt about that.
She's not being rude,
349
00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:47,760
she's just focused.
Yes, it's hard to say with kids.
350
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,200
It could be a bit of both.
351
00:15:55,890 --> 00:15:57,710
LAUGHTER
352
00:15:57,730 --> 00:15:59,710
How do you think we've got kids?!
353
00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:07,480
Why might a pigeon have spotted
the gorilla?
354
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:20,510
Um... Yeah?
355
00:16:20,530 --> 00:16:22,480
Because it wouldn't be
looking for the scan...
356
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:24,120
Well, here's an extraordinary thing.
357
00:16:24,140 --> 00:16:26,320
There was an experiment
by the University of Iowa,
358
00:16:26,340 --> 00:16:30,000
and they trained pigeons to spot
diseases in scans,
359
00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:33,560
and it turns out, they have pretty
much the same skill at doing it
360
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:36,920
as humans, so what they did was
they put 16 birds in boxes
361
00:16:36,940 --> 00:16:38,960
and they were trained to peck,
362
00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:41,510
so a blue rectangle they had to peck
if they saw healthy tissue,
363
00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:44,400
and a yellow one for
malignant tissue,
364
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,320
and they got a reward
if they got it right.
365
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:49,870
And when they were trained,
they were correctly able
366
00:16:49,890 --> 00:16:52,680
to distinguish between normal
and cancerous slides
367
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:54,590
pretty much the same
extent as human beings.
368
00:16:54,610 --> 00:16:57,680
Yes.
369
00:16:57,700 --> 00:17:02,510
Imagine waiting for your results
and a pigeon walks in. Yeah.
370
00:17:03,810 --> 00:17:06,590
"We're not 100% sure,
so we brought in Polly."
371
00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:10,640
We brought in Sarah and Duck.
372
00:17:10,660 --> 00:17:14,400
Do you know what's amazing? The
pigeons got it right 84% of the time
373
00:17:14,420 --> 00:17:16,320
on images which they had been
trained on,
374
00:17:16,340 --> 00:17:19,400
and 72% of the time on images
which they had never seen before.
375
00:17:19,420 --> 00:17:22,280
It's roughly the same
as human observers,
376
00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:24,070
and they did this,
despite the fact that
377
00:17:24,090 --> 00:17:27,430
a pigeon has a brain no larger,
frankly, than a hazelnut,
378
00:17:27,450 --> 00:17:30,960
and then, if you took the responses
of four birds and you combine them,
379
00:17:30,980 --> 00:17:33,040
it's something called
flock sourcing,
380
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:35,680
they have a 99% accuracy.
381
00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:38,320
If you have a pigeon doctor,
382
00:17:38,340 --> 00:17:41,560
you might want to ask them to
look at an eggs-ray.
383
00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:43,870
GROANING
384
00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:45,480
Stay with me, people!
385
00:17:47,090 --> 00:17:51,040
What's the defining
characteristic of Nazi toothpaste?
386
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,760
No.
LAUGHTER
387
00:18:03,780 --> 00:18:06,960
No, I've never had haemorrhoid
cream. That must be awful.
388
00:18:06,980 --> 00:18:11,840
In America, they have haemorrhoid
aisles in the chemists.
389
00:18:11,860 --> 00:18:14,350
I was in a chemist in New York,
and there was a whole aisle
390
00:18:14,370 --> 00:18:16,350
dedicated entirely
to haemorrhoid cream.
391
00:18:16,370 --> 00:18:17,790
I know!
392
00:18:17,810 --> 00:18:20,280
Have you been in the pile aisle?
I've not discussed this on TV.
393
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:21,710
No, do it.
394
00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:23,870
So, I had suspected haemorrhoids.
395
00:18:23,890 --> 00:18:27,590
Congratulations. So, I phoned up
the doctor... And he went, "What?!"
396
00:18:27,610 --> 00:18:29,350
...and I was like,
"Can I get an appointment?
397
00:18:29,370 --> 00:18:30,790
"L think I've got haemorrhoids."
398
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,430
They were like, "Oh, we've got to do
an over-the-phone consultation.
399
00:18:33,450 --> 00:18:36,000
"The doctor'll phone you back." And
she phoned back and she was like,
400
00:18:36,020 --> 00:18:38,480
"Could you describe your symptoms?"
I've never really had, like,
401
00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:41,120
an embarrassing illness
down there before.
402
00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:44,070
So, I described
my symptoms downstairs
403
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,350
and it was... I was quite
embarrassed by it.
404
00:18:46,370 --> 00:18:48,430
As you can see, I'm stumbling here.
405
00:18:53,060 --> 00:18:55,350
And then I got to the end
and she went, "Um...
406
00:18:55,370 --> 00:18:57,840
"..are you the comedian
Josh Widdicombe?"
407
00:18:57,860 --> 00:18:59,590
LAUGHTER
408
00:18:59,610 --> 00:19:04,150
Oh! I had somebody ask me that
WHILE I was having a colonoscopy.
409
00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:08,280
JOE: What, they asked you
if you were josh Widdicombe? Yes!
410
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:10,480
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
411
00:19:13,580 --> 00:19:15,790
They wanted to know if I was
Josh Widdicombe,
412
00:19:15,810 --> 00:19:18,040
and it turned out there'd been a
misunderstanding with a phone call.
413
00:19:20,890 --> 00:19:23,150
I like that idea, they're
in your colon, they're going,
414
00:19:23,170 --> 00:19:25,120
"That looks like josh Widdicombe!"
415
00:19:25,140 --> 00:19:26,950
"l'd recognise that anywhere!"
416
00:19:26,970 --> 00:19:29,280
Can I just say to everybody
as a health warning,
417
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:31,000
you do not need a colonoscopy
418
00:19:31,020 --> 00:19:33,480
if all you've had is beetroot.
I'm just going to put it out there.
419
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:35,870
LAUGHTER
420
00:19:35,890 --> 00:19:39,840
So, I had basically the same...
..sort of the same thing.
421
00:19:39,860 --> 00:19:43,430
I had a... What, is this like
a haemorrhoid helpline? Yes!
422
00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:46,710
Have your fibre,
that's all I can say.
423
00:19:46,730 --> 00:19:50,150
I went to the GP -
I had a haemorrhoid -
424
00:19:50,170 --> 00:19:54,000
and I sat down next to this
quite elderly lady,
425
00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:56,680
and she went, "You're
that comedian, aren't you?"
426
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:59,640
She says, "l keep thinking I see
famous people around here.
427
00:19:59,660 --> 00:20:01,590
"L thought I saw the Pope in B&Q."
428
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:06,350
And then we were we were chatting
a bit and she sort of said,
429
00:20:06,370 --> 00:20:08,920
"What are you in for?" And I tried
to sort of find a euphemism.
430
00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:11,150
So, I said it... And it was
around Christmas.
431
00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:14,680
I said, "l'm growing
a little cranberry,"
432
00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:16,120
is what I said.
433
00:20:16,140 --> 00:20:18,350
And she was like, "Oh..."
434
00:20:18,370 --> 00:20:20,230
And she went, "How festive."
435
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:29,680
Right. The question was,
what's the...
436
00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:33,120
...what's the defining
characteristic of Nazi toothpaste?
437
00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:36,320
How did we get on to arseholes
with that?! No idea.
438
00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:38,150
It was your fault.
439
00:20:41,060 --> 00:20:43,150
I haven't had them.
JOSH: She just had beetroot!
440
00:20:43,170 --> 00:20:45,200
I just had beetroot.
441
00:20:45,220 --> 00:20:48,430
So, what happened - in 1944, there
was a German chemist
442
00:20:48,450 --> 00:20:51,070
in occupied Paris, and he'd
been tracking down stocks
443
00:20:51,090 --> 00:20:54,590
of uranium and thorium
and sending it back to Germany.
444
00:20:54,610 --> 00:20:57,560
And there was enormous fear
that the Nazis were about to develop
445
00:20:57,580 --> 00:20:59,200
their own nuclear weapons.
446
00:20:59,220 --> 00:21:02,590
And so a team of spies, who were
collectively known as Alsos,
447
00:21:02,610 --> 00:21:05,680
were tasked with discovering
what the Nazi's nuclear plans were.
448
00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:10,120
And they worked out eventually that
all of this radioactive material
449
00:21:10,140 --> 00:21:13,590
was being stockpiled by a company
in Germany hoping to gain
450
00:21:13,610 --> 00:21:17,680
a post-war monopoly
on radioactive toothpaste.
451
00:21:17,700 --> 00:21:20,510
That was the plan. There was
a very popular product called
452
00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:22,840
Doramad Radioactive Toothpaste.
453
00:21:22,860 --> 00:21:25,200
It was advertised as making
your teeth shine
454
00:21:25,220 --> 00:21:29,220
with radioactive brilliance,
which it absolutely would do.
455
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:33,340
But they wouldn't stay
in your mouth for very long.
456
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,890
So, there was a huge boost
in things
457
00:21:35,910 --> 00:21:38,060
that were thought to be radioactive.
458
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:43,220
After radium was isolated by,
famous woman chemist?
459
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,860
Marie Curie, extra point.
ls that Marie Curie on the right?
460
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,610
That is... Yes.
She's the one without the beard.
461
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:52,890
That's her husband
in the middle there,
462
00:21:52,910 --> 00:21:54,810
and a professor colleague of theirs.
463
00:21:54,830 --> 00:21:57,890
It was Marie Curie who coined
the term "radioactive",
464
00:21:57,910 --> 00:22:00,890
and there was a huge boom
in products which contained radium.
465
00:22:00,910 --> 00:22:02,780
There was something called
the Revigator.
466
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,300
It was a water jug
lined with uranium ore,
467
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:08,700
and it steadily gave off radon gas
as the uranium decayed.
468
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,500
It claimed to "bring back
that lost element
469
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:15,580
"of original freshness -
radioactivity."
470
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,660
There were lots of things
for sexually weak men.
471
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,530
Keep talking. Mm.
472
00:22:20,550 --> 00:22:22,940
Your ears have pricked up.
473
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,340
Something called
Magic Radium Massage.
474
00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:27,940
It was to be rubbed into
the sex part...
475
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:31,810
"..for firmness and strength and
a pink, healthful appearance."
476
00:22:31,830 --> 00:22:34,220
JOE: I'm sorry, where do we
get this? Sorry.
477
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,020
Well, the thing about it is,
it would seem to work.
478
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,890
So, if your body is exposed to
radiation, it begins to fight it,
479
00:22:40,910 --> 00:22:43,090
and it gives you a sort of
short-term high
480
00:22:43,110 --> 00:22:45,890
as the blood flows around your body.
481
00:22:45,910 --> 00:22:49,090
So, for a brief moment, it probably
would seem rather marvellous.
482
00:22:49,110 --> 00:22:52,940
The long-term effects,
obviously devastating.
483
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,940
There was something let's have
a look at one of these strange
484
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,500
jockstraps that a gentleman
could have a look at.
485
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,660
So, "new energy for weak,
sagging men".
486
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:05,450
Er...
487
00:23:05,470 --> 00:23:08,300
Marie Curie, I think she's amazing.
488
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:11,450
She was Polish
and she worked in Paris
489
00:23:11,470 --> 00:23:14,420
because her native University in
Krakow would not allow her to study
490
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:15,780
because she was a woman,
491
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,780
And in 1903, she and her husband,
Pierre, in the middle there,
492
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,220
were invited to the
Royal Institution in London
493
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,090
to give a lecture on radioactivity,
and she was not allowed to give it,
494
00:23:24,110 --> 00:23:26,420
even though she's the one who
made the discovery.
495
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,420
Her papers from the 1890s
are still considered
496
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:31,140
too dangerous to handle,
they are all in a lead box,
497
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,270
and you have to wear special
protective clothing to look at them.
498
00:23:34,290 --> 00:23:37,810
And, even her home recipe book
is in a lead box.
499
00:23:37,830 --> 00:23:40,090
It must be annoying
if you just want a recipe for soup.
500
00:23:41,830 --> 00:23:44,170
Now to a new kind of radio activity.
501
00:23:44,190 --> 00:23:47,340
What did the man who invented
radio really want to hear?
502
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,610
AUDIENCE OOH
503
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:57,450
Me too, darling!
504
00:23:57,470 --> 00:23:59,450
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
505
00:24:04,470 --> 00:24:05,660
Anybody know who that is?
506
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:06,860
Marconi?
507
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,940
It is Guglielmo Marconi,
the inventor of radio.
508
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,420
Well, certainly one of the great
pioneers of radio.
509
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:16,220
He formulated a theory
that sound never died,
510
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:18,300
it just got weaker and weaker.
511
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,140
And towards the end of his life,
one of the things he wanted
512
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,450
to discover was the right
apparatus to be able to detect
513
00:24:24,470 --> 00:24:25,980
all sounds ever made.
514
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,530
He hoped one day to invent some kind
of apparatus sensitive enough
515
00:24:29,550 --> 00:24:32,300
to hear Jesus delivering
his Sermon on the Mount.
516
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,610
That's Jesus there, in case
there's any doubt.
517
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:38,810
"It was THIS big." Yeah.
518
00:24:38,830 --> 00:24:41,090
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
519
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:47,220
So, would he be right?
ls it possible to detect sound
520
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,140
from the past?
JOE: N0. N0. Why not?
521
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:53,890
To where? Where's it gone?
522
00:24:55,270 --> 00:24:58,090
OK. What did you do
before you were a comedian?
523
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,020
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
524
00:25:14,630 --> 00:25:17,660
So, here's the thing about sound
waves - they're gradually absorbed
525
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,660
by air molecules till
they're no longer audible,
526
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,450
they're just absorbed. But he is
astonishing, Marconi.
527
00:25:23,470 --> 00:25:26,220
He got his first wireless
patent when he was just 22.
528
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,420
He had no formal education
in science. I love this -
529
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:33,580
he was aided by a series
of tutors and man servants.
530
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,970
I know. I suspect his valet
came up with it.
531
00:25:36,990 --> 00:25:39,500
In fact, his very first
transatlantic message
532
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,370
depended on a device
called a coherer.
533
00:25:42,390 --> 00:25:44,890
It seems to have been based
on an unpatented design
534
00:25:44,910 --> 00:25:48,340
by an Indian physicist called
Jagadish Chandra Bose,
535
00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:50,370
who had been
demonstrating wireless -
536
00:25:50,390 --> 00:25:53,890
there he is - wireless telegraphy
two years before Marconi managed it.
537
00:25:53,910 --> 00:25:56,660
But he's from Bengal and he wasn't
allowed to work in a lab
538
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:58,170
on the grounds of his race,
539
00:25:58,190 --> 00:26:00,530
so he had to build a makeshift
lab at home.
540
00:26:00,550 --> 00:26:03,090
So, did Marconi steal his idea
by listening into the past
541
00:26:03,110 --> 00:26:04,370
when he first said it?
542
00:26:05,550 --> 00:26:08,450
What I love is the detail that
you've grasped in this entire...
543
00:26:08,470 --> 00:26:10,250
LAUGHTER
544
00:26:10,270 --> 00:26:13,300
They were both at
the Sermon on the Mount, and...
545
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,220
The very first
transatlantic transmission,
546
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:17,730
so it was from Cornwall to...
547
00:26:17,750 --> 00:26:19,530
Can you remember
if it was "New-fin-land"?
548
00:26:19,550 --> 00:26:22,140
We did this. New-fin-land
or New-FOUND-land. New-fin-land.
549
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:23,980
It is New-fin-land,
isn't it? Newfoundland.
550
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,860
The very first
transatlantic transmission,
551
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,420
Cornwall to Newfoundland. People
thought it was impossible.
552
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:32,450
It's Corn-WAH L. Hmm?
LAUGHTER
553
00:26:32,470 --> 00:26:33,860
"WahL"
554
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:36,890
Corn-wahl to New-fin-land.
555
00:26:36,910 --> 00:26:39,170
I absolutely hate Cornwall.
556
00:26:39,190 --> 00:26:40,700
I can't believe it's come up.
557
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:44,810
I can't believe they were
involved in the future of radio.
558
00:26:44,830 --> 00:26:46,890
One of the nice things about touring
559
00:26:46,910 --> 00:26:49,580
is that you find out which bits
of the country hate one another,
560
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,250
and Devon and Cornwall, holy shit!
561
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,300
Do you know what
the main dispute is?
562
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,140
Is it cream on the scone? Yeah.
563
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,220
It's whether you go cream
on top and jam below,
564
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:02,020
or the other way round.
But, I'm from Devon,
565
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,780
and I actually think the Cornish way
is better. Oh, my God!
566
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,530
CROWD GASP
You'll never go home again!
567
00:27:07,550 --> 00:27:08,890
Controversial.
568
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,450
Let's do a quick vote. Who thinks
the cream should go on first
569
00:27:12,470 --> 00:27:14,530
on a scone? Hands up! Idiots.
570
00:27:15,830 --> 00:27:19,020
Who thinks the jam should
go on first? Oh, overwhelming!
571
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,170
So that's the Cornish way?
572
00:27:21,190 --> 00:27:22,940
My kids just take
the whole thing apart.
573
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,860
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
574
00:27:30,190 --> 00:27:34,450
Anyway, we were discussing the first
the first transatlantic transmission
575
00:27:34,470 --> 00:27:36,090
of radio. Sorry!
576
00:27:36,110 --> 00:27:38,700
Why did people think it
was impossible to go...?
577
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:40,780
Curvature of the Earth?
Curvature of the Earth.
578
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,530
Absolutely, because radio waves
travel in a straight line
579
00:27:43,550 --> 00:27:44,780
and the Earth is curved.
580
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:50,450
Wow. What a science teacher
you must have been.
581
00:27:50,470 --> 00:27:53,340
What they didn't know, of course,
was that there's a reflecting layer
582
00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:56,730
in the atmosphere, the ionosphere,
which the radio waves bounce,
583
00:27:56,750 --> 00:27:58,250
they bounce off. That's amazing!
584
00:27:58,270 --> 00:28:01,940
Also, if you said something loud
enough, wouldn't the Earth turn
585
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,090
and then people would all hear
it eventually?
586
00:28:05,110 --> 00:28:08,060
LAUGHTER
587
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,730
Yes. That's right, because
sound travels forward.
588
00:28:11,750 --> 00:28:13,730
LAUGHTER
589
00:28:13,750 --> 00:28:15,500
It's a good question.
590
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:18,060
I remember being in a revolving
restaurant with my cousin...
591
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:21,420
You just said it's a good question
to your own question! Yeah!
592
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:23,780
And I'll tell you why.
JOSH LAUGHS
593
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:27,220
I was in a revolving restaurant
in Sydney with my cousin,
594
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:31,420
and she put her handbag down, and it
didn't turn up again for 40 minutes.
595
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,450
You're right.
Sound is just like that.
596
00:28:36,470 --> 00:28:39,060
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
597
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:47,780
Darling, the atmosphere
turns with the Earth.
598
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:48,890
Oh, it does.
599
00:28:48,910 --> 00:28:51,660
Yeah, it's not like the Earth's
going and the atmosphere's saying,
600
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:53,810
I'll stop here till you come back.
601
00:28:53,830 --> 00:28:55,580
Sorry, carry on!
602
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,500
The thing that will please
you, darling, is that Marconi
603
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,700
didn't know why it was working, so
you are not alone in your ignorance!
604
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:03,530
LAUGHTER
605
00:29:03,550 --> 00:29:06,610
He won the Nobel Prize in 1909,
and in his acceptance speech
606
00:29:06,630 --> 00:29:09,660
he freely admitted that with many
of his inventions, he had no idea
607
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:11,890
exactly how it was working.
And I love that.
608
00:29:11,910 --> 00:29:14,610
So, there's lots of good things
about him. Less good -
609
00:29:14,630 --> 00:29:16,970
he fell in with Italy's fascists.
610
00:29:16,990 --> 00:29:19,980
When he died, the largest wreath
was from Hitler.
611
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,220
So, there are bits about him
that I think are less good.
612
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:25,580
But over a half a million people
lined the streets
613
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:28,020
for his funeral procession, and to
commemorate his death
614
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:30,890
radio stations in Italy, and indeed
in the UK and the United States
615
00:29:30,910 --> 00:29:32,780
and Canada, all went silent
for a minute.
616
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,610
Is that a way to discredit
someone after they've died?
617
00:29:35,630 --> 00:29:38,860
To get someone really objectionable
to send a massive wreath?
618
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:40,940
Oh, that's a good...
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you,
619
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:42,860
the atmosphere was moving. What?
620
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,700
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
621
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,990
Come back in a year
and it'll still be here.
622
00:29:55,010 --> 00:29:57,470
LAUGHTER
Right, moving on...
623
00:29:57,490 --> 00:30:00,110
Where does this man
keep his radio transmitter?
624
00:30:00,130 --> 00:30:01,630
ALAN CHUCKLES
625
00:30:03,180 --> 00:30:04,270
Well...
626
00:30:04,290 --> 00:30:06,390
That...
627
00:30:06,410 --> 00:30:07,600
Weirdly...
628
00:30:08,850 --> 00:30:11,160
...that is part of the answer.
629
00:30:11,180 --> 00:30:12,680
ALL:
630
00:30:12,700 --> 00:30:15,640
All of us that have penises...
631
00:30:15,660 --> 00:30:18,910
...keep our radio transmitters
in them? Careful... You could.
632
00:30:18,930 --> 00:30:21,270
What?!
633
00:30:21,290 --> 00:30:24,110
OK...
634
00:30:26,340 --> 00:30:28,440
Who were you shagging?!
LAUGHTER
635
00:30:29,700 --> 00:30:34,160
So, during the Cold War,
the CIA developed a radio...
636
00:30:34,180 --> 00:30:35,990
...obviously just for the boys.
637
00:30:36,010 --> 00:30:39,110
It was a secret radio
hidden in a fake scrotum.
638
00:30:39,130 --> 00:30:40,320
ALAN GASPS
639
00:30:40,340 --> 00:30:41,910
I know, it's a...
640
00:30:41,930 --> 00:30:43,750
AUDIENCE GASPING DROWNS SPEECH
641
00:30:43,770 --> 00:30:46,910
All right, that is
an overreaction to this story...
642
00:30:48,820 --> 00:30:51,110
Do you know what's offensive
about that? I had to pose
643
00:30:51,130 --> 00:30:54,390
for eight hours for that...
LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
644
00:30:54,410 --> 00:30:57,190
And they airbrushed you out.
Yeah, airbrushed me out...!
645
00:30:57,210 --> 00:30:58,910
They said it'd be tastefully done.
646
00:30:58,930 --> 00:31:01,910
Looks as though you're not the only
comedian with a detachable scrotum!
647
00:31:01,930 --> 00:31:04,520
That's why you got the job...!
It was the pilots who might...
648
00:31:04,540 --> 00:31:07,150
Pilots who might be captured
and searched, for example.
649
00:31:07,170 --> 00:31:09,480
Obviously, our Action
Man could not, uh...
650
00:31:09,500 --> 00:31:11,790
I don't know, couldn't pull
this off, I was going to say,
651
00:31:11,810 --> 00:31:13,960
but I don't know what the...
LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
652
00:31:13,980 --> 00:31:17,400
Anyway, I am told spies
could slip it over an existing...
653
00:31:17,420 --> 00:31:20,230
Oh, right, so it would go...
..scrotum. ..over the normal...
654
00:31:20,250 --> 00:31:21,950
Yes. And then... I don't think you
655
00:31:21,970 --> 00:31:24,040
could slip anything
over your scrotum...
656
00:31:24,060 --> 00:31:26,920
Well, apparently, you had to put
it on one testicle at a time.
657
00:31:26,940 --> 00:31:28,760
I'm just telling you...!
ALAN WINCES
658
00:31:30,370 --> 00:31:32,040
What, and then staple it?!
659
00:31:32,060 --> 00:31:33,560
LAUGHTER
660
00:31:33,580 --> 00:31:35,760
I think it would just... Suction?!
661
00:31:37,170 --> 00:31:38,870
Those nuts look like a swimming hat!
662
00:31:38,890 --> 00:31:39,920
LAUGHTER
663
00:31:41,060 --> 00:31:43,680
I think it... Yeah, I think...
What... I think you pop...
664
00:31:45,340 --> 00:31:48,120
If it's suction, it's not the
getting it on I'm worried about,
665
00:31:48,140 --> 00:31:49,840
it's the getting it off! Yeah...
666
00:31:51,450 --> 00:31:53,870
I... I've run out of information.
667
00:31:53,890 --> 00:31:55,640
LAUGHTER
668
00:31:55,660 --> 00:31:57,680
What I can tell you is that,
tragically,
669
00:31:57,700 --> 00:31:59,150
although built and tested,
670
00:31:59,170 --> 00:32:01,790
it was never, ever used in the
field.
671
00:32:01,810 --> 00:32:04,120
Well, did it overheat?
That's all I'm worried about.
672
00:32:04,140 --> 00:32:06,430
I mean, it looks like a
kitchen timer.
673
00:32:06,450 --> 00:32:08,760
Like it would eventually go...
HE MIMICS BUZZING
674
00:32:08,780 --> 00:32:11,480
It would be awful if you hadn't
turned it off and you suddenly heard
675
00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:13,510
the Archers theme tune come on!
676
00:32:14,700 --> 00:32:16,320
SHE HUMS THEME TUNE, GRUNTS
677
00:32:17,450 --> 00:32:19,640
You can see this particular
scrotum...
678
00:32:19,660 --> 00:32:21,790
SHAZIA GIGGLES
..should you wish,
679
00:32:21,810 --> 00:32:24,640
in Washington DC's
International Spy Museum.
680
00:32:24,660 --> 00:32:26,920
There is also, and I don't know
what I think about this,
681
00:32:26,940 --> 00:32:30,430
there is a tool kit with ten
different drill bits and saws
682
00:32:30,450 --> 00:32:33,840
and knives and so on, and those all
fit in that canister which can go
683
00:32:33,860 --> 00:32:35,350
up a spy's bottom.
684
00:32:35,370 --> 00:32:36,480
LAUGHTER
685
00:32:36,500 --> 00:32:39,870
What I don't understand is how
meticulous a spy would you be
686
00:32:39,890 --> 00:32:42,640
because the second one from the
right looks like a letter opener.
687
00:32:42,660 --> 00:32:45,070
I mean...
LAUGHTER
688
00:32:46,340 --> 00:32:48,950
Well, at least three of them look
like they do the same job.
689
00:32:48,970 --> 00:32:50,320
Don't you think? Yeah...
690
00:32:51,420 --> 00:32:54,230
Now, how many radiators are there
in this picture?
691
00:32:54,250 --> 00:32:57,000
Bear in mind it's Ql.
692
00:32:57,020 --> 00:32:58,920
Say two, josh. Say two.
693
00:32:58,940 --> 00:33:01,480
Two. Two is right.
You get an extra point. Yes!
694
00:33:03,860 --> 00:33:06,400
All on my own! All on my own!
695
00:33:11,530 --> 00:33:12,840
No!
696
00:33:12,860 --> 00:33:15,430
BUZZER SOUNDS
697
00:33:15,450 --> 00:33:18,920
We tried to save you, Joe!
698
00:33:18,940 --> 00:33:20,950
You can see that one coming,
Joe. Surely?
699
00:33:26,450 --> 00:33:28,280
OK. They are misnamed radiators
700
00:33:28,300 --> 00:33:31,120
because most of the heat
comes from convection.
701
00:33:31,140 --> 00:33:34,510
So convection is when you warm up
the air, which then rises,
702
00:33:34,530 --> 00:33:35,950
it pulls the cold air down,
703
00:33:35,970 --> 00:33:38,430
which then heats up before the cycle
starts all over again.
704
00:33:38,450 --> 00:33:40,070
That is what happens in a radiator.
705
00:33:40,090 --> 00:33:42,790
Only a fifth...
706
00:33:42,810 --> 00:33:44,560
I'm saying they're misnamed.
707
00:33:44,580 --> 00:33:47,760
Only a fifth of the heat actually
comes from radiating,
708
00:33:47,780 --> 00:33:51,430
which is the transfer of heat
from electromagnetic waves.
709
00:33:51,450 --> 00:33:54,070
They should really.
710
00:33:54,090 --> 00:33:57,790
So when I got some radiators
put into my house...
711
00:33:57,810 --> 00:33:59,480
Yes, they were mis-sold to you.
712
00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:01,560
...l could have, at the end,
gone to the builder,
713
00:34:01,580 --> 00:34:03,920
"A little quibble
over the bill here." Yes!
714
00:34:13,860 --> 00:34:17,790
So, humans would be described
as radiators
715
00:34:17,810 --> 00:34:20,790
because 60% of our body heat
leaves us through radiation.
716
00:34:20,810 --> 00:34:24,870
So the heat is transferred to
blood vessels at the body's surface.
717
00:34:24,890 --> 00:34:26,920
Has she got hot boobs or cold boobs?
718
00:34:28,420 --> 00:34:30,320
I'd say those tits are hot. I'd say.
719
00:34:35,500 --> 00:34:38,230
She's covering her modesty, as if...
He's not!
720
00:34:38,250 --> 00:34:41,510
No! He is very happy with himself,
isn't he?!
721
00:34:42,700 --> 00:34:44,790
Anyway,
so we radiate heat all the time,
722
00:34:44,810 --> 00:34:47,040
so we are a form of radiator.
723
00:34:47,060 --> 00:34:49,430
Toucans radiate even more,
and they are astonishing.
724
00:34:49,450 --> 00:34:51,150
So they use those big bills,
725
00:34:51,170 --> 00:34:53,760
which you would think was just
to attract mates,
726
00:34:53,780 --> 00:34:55,920
or to identify
toucans of the same species...
727
00:34:55,940 --> 00:34:59,120
I tell you what, Sandi, my radiators
have led to quite big bills.
728
00:34:59,140 --> 00:35:02,040
GROANING AND APPLAUSE
729
00:35:03,250 --> 00:35:05,590
I like that. I like that.
730
00:35:09,020 --> 00:35:11,430
Double meaning. Double meaning
of bills, you see?
731
00:35:13,140 --> 00:35:15,920
That really should have got
a "ohhh".
732
00:35:15,940 --> 00:35:18,400
Have you ever had "two cans"
of beer?
733
00:35:18,420 --> 00:35:20,680
GROANS AND LAUGHTER
734
00:35:20,700 --> 00:35:21,870
Er...
735
00:35:24,890 --> 00:35:26,790
S0 fickle!
736
00:35:26,810 --> 00:35:30,230
Toucans use their bills as radiators
to warm themselves up,
737
00:35:30,250 --> 00:35:32,070
and cool themselves down.
738
00:35:32,090 --> 00:35:35,040
In hot weather,
the bird sends blood to its beak
739
00:35:35,060 --> 00:35:37,680
to cool down,
and then in cold weather,
740
00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:40,320
the toucan constricts the blood
vessels to avoid losing heat.
741
00:35:40,340 --> 00:35:44,320
It can change temperature
by ten degrees Centigrade
742
00:35:44,340 --> 00:35:46,000
in just a few minutes. Wow.
743
00:35:46,020 --> 00:35:49,350
Now it's time for the X-rated round
that we call General Ignorance.
744
00:35:49,370 --> 00:35:51,480
Fingers on buzzers, please.
745
00:35:51,500 --> 00:35:55,510
What's the busiest man-made
waterway in the world?
746
00:35:55,530 --> 00:35:57,040
Yes». Joe?
747
00:35:57,060 --> 00:35:58,400
Birmingham Canal.
748
00:35:58,420 --> 00:36:00,510
KLAXON BLARES
PANELLISTS GROAN
749
00:36:00,530 --> 00:36:02,320
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
750
00:36:06,140 --> 00:36:08,920
SANDI CHUCKLES
I'm so livid.
751
00:36:10,890 --> 00:36:14,640
I'm guessing it's not going to be
one of the really famous ones...
752
00:36:14,660 --> 00:36:16,510
Which ones? ..like Suez...
753
00:36:16,530 --> 00:36:18,510
Suez... ..or Panama... Panama...
754
00:36:18,530 --> 00:36:21,040
Not those. No. No?
755
00:36:21,060 --> 00:36:23,920
God, see what I did there? Saved us!
Very good.
756
00:36:23,940 --> 00:36:26,560
Eh? It's not those... It's only
taken you 16 series to learn!
757
00:36:26,580 --> 00:36:29,040
LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
758
00:36:29,060 --> 00:36:31,710
ls it in the UK? Give us a clue,
give us a clue.
759
00:36:31,730 --> 00:36:33,680
Uh, it's German.
BOTH:
760
00:36:33,700 --> 00:36:35,120
Er, das Canal?
761
00:36:35,140 --> 00:36:37,070
LAUGHTER
762
00:36:39,060 --> 00:36:41,760
The Kiel Canal. So it cuts across
the north German...
763
00:36:41,780 --> 00:36:44,280
Oh! I was going to say that!
The Kiel...
764
00:36:44,300 --> 00:36:47,510
...it cuts across the north German
state of Schleswig-Holstein,
765
00:36:47,530 --> 00:36:50,480
part of which, can I just say,
actually should belong to Denmark.
766
00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:52,430
Just going to put it out there!
LAUGHTER
767
00:36:52,450 --> 00:36:56,840
Anyway... So, in 2018, more than
42,500 ships passed through
768
00:36:56,860 --> 00:36:59,280
the Kiel Canal, as well as about,
I don't know,
769
00:36:59,300 --> 00:37:02,400
20,000 yachts and private
motor boats and so on.
770
00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:05,710
It was originally conceived as a
way, inexplicably, for German ships
771
00:37:05,730 --> 00:37:08,710
to avoid Denmark. I mean... Oh...
AUDIENCE AWWS
772
00:37:08,730 --> 00:37:11,590
The Kiel Canal
is the best way of avoiding Denmark.
773
00:37:11,610 --> 00:37:14,350
Not that you would want to...
AUDIENCE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
774
00:37:15,660 --> 00:37:19,320
Imagine you're on the Panama Canal
and you're heading east,
775
00:37:19,340 --> 00:37:22,950
which body of water will
you end up in?
776
00:37:22,970 --> 00:37:25,320
Is it the Caribbean?
777
00:37:25,340 --> 00:37:26,920
KLAXON
778
00:37:29,060 --> 00:37:32,400
So, you're heading east.
Just think it through. Yeah.
779
00:37:32,420 --> 00:37:34,710
The Atlantic Ocean is...
East towards Essex.
780
00:37:34,730 --> 00:37:36,870
...is on the east
side of the United States.
781
00:37:36,890 --> 00:37:39,320
The Pacific Ocean is... On the west.
782
00:37:39,340 --> 00:37:42,070
The Pacific is on the west. Yes,
so the Atlantic is on the east,
783
00:37:42,090 --> 00:37:43,320
the Pacific is on the west,
784
00:37:43,340 --> 00:37:45,120
you're going to go through the
Panama Canal...
785
00:37:45,140 --> 00:37:49,000
The Panama Canal goes quite
northy-southy, doesn't it? Yes...
786
00:37:49,020 --> 00:37:50,590
OK. Just trying to think.
787
00:37:50,610 --> 00:37:53,480
But when you come out of that end,
you'll be in the Caribbean.
788
00:37:53,500 --> 00:37:56,950
If you're heading east...
Don't you dare do it twice.
789
00:37:56,970 --> 00:37:59,890
"You'll end
up in the Atlantic Ocean. OK, so...
790
00:37:59,910 --> 00:38:01,120
He said Atlantic!
791
00:38:01,140 --> 00:38:02,760
KLAXON
792
00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:05,200
You thought you'd get away
with that!
793
00:38:05,220 --> 00:38:08,150
You were telling on me! Well, I was!
794
00:38:08,170 --> 00:38:10,560
I was telling on you because you
said it and it didn't go off,
795
00:38:10,580 --> 00:38:13,070
and that sort of thing
really gets my goat.
796
00:38:13,090 --> 00:38:14,760
LAUGHTER
797
00:38:14,780 --> 00:38:16,590
It's not my fault!
798
00:38:16,610 --> 00:38:18,760
OK, so let us go through this.
799
00:38:18,780 --> 00:38:22,000
OK, so the Atlantic is on the east
and the Pacific is on the west,
800
00:38:22,020 --> 00:38:24,710
the Panama Canal is down there.
It runs north-south, see?
801
00:38:24,730 --> 00:38:27,920
Yeah, but because of the way
the Panama Canal curves,
802
00:38:27,940 --> 00:38:31,280
if you head from the Atlantic to the
Pacific, you will actually end up
803
00:38:31,300 --> 00:38:32,920
further east than you started. Oh.
804
00:38:35,270 --> 00:38:38,220
So you go south-east to
get to the Pacific,
805
00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:41,060
and you go north-west to
get to the Atlantic.
806
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:44,340
I can't believe I've been done with
a trick question on Ql.
807
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:46,610
I love canals.
808
00:38:46,630 --> 00:38:49,250
I think they're just extraordinary.
809
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:53,450
I like the peacefulness of it,
810
00:38:53,470 --> 00:38:55,810
the slowness of it, I like that
you can get off for a walk
811
00:38:55,830 --> 00:38:57,890
and somebody else
is steering the boat,
812
00:38:57,910 --> 00:38:59,890
and you can still get back on again.
813
00:38:59,910 --> 00:39:02,780
You could storm off in a huff...
I know.
814
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:04,890
...and still return to the holiday.
815
00:39:04,910 --> 00:39:06,940
I interviewed a guy once
who wanted to do
816
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:08,890
the whole canal system of Britain,
817
00:39:08,910 --> 00:39:11,060
and he had been away
sailing for three weeks,
818
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:12,340
and there was an emergency at home,
819
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:14,780
and he got a taxi
and he was home in an hour.
820
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,170
LAUGHTER
821
00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:22,730
The smallest toll ever paid
on the Panama Canal was 36 cents.
822
00:39:22,750 --> 00:39:25,970
It was paid by adventurer Richard
Halliburton to swim along it.
823
00:39:25,990 --> 00:39:27,660
Where did he keep the money?
824
00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:32,580
LAUGHTER
825
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:36,660
Now, if you are pregnant, what is
the best way of inducing labour?
826
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:38,090
Oh, I know this one...
827
00:39:38,110 --> 00:39:40,170
Vote.
KLAXON BLARES
828
00:39:40,190 --> 00:39:41,780
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
829
00:39:49,350 --> 00:39:51,660
What, the curry thing?
Curry doesn't work. Hm...
830
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:54,580
Yeah. Beckoning with
an Oreo at the opening.
831
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:56,370
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
832
00:40:02,720 --> 00:40:05,370
Wow. Weirdly, all the
studies we looked at,
833
00:40:05,390 --> 00:40:08,090
that wasn't one that came out.
No? I don't know why.
834
00:40:08,110 --> 00:40:09,730
SING-SONGY: Come on! Come on...
835
00:40:09,750 --> 00:40:12,420
There's lots of myths about how
to get labour started
836
00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:15,500
in pregnant women. Most common ways,
there's walking, sex,
837
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,020
ingesting spicy food
and nipple stimulation.
838
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:20,140
So, sex does not work.
839
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,090
This is not a general statement.
It's...
840
00:40:22,110 --> 00:40:23,660
LAUGHTER
841
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:26,420
They did a study of about
1,500 women.
842
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:28,140
It doesn't work,
it makes no difference.
843
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:31,700
There are no studies which deduce
that spicy food or even walking
844
00:40:31,720 --> 00:40:34,060
definitely would work. I love the
fact there's studies,
845
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:36,220
like they've been giving pregnant
women curries,
846
00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:39,020
hotter and hotter curries.
Nothing. Um...
847
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:41,500
So... So... Take it up to a phall!
848
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:43,060
LAUGHTER
849
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:45,090
Women... Is it coming? No.
850
00:40:45,110 --> 00:40:47,450
Women who say it does work,
it may be something we call
851
00:40:47,470 --> 00:40:50,530
confirmation bias, so, you know
it's supposed to help to have curry
852
00:40:50,550 --> 00:40:52,450
and therefore, you say
that was a factor,
853
00:40:52,470 --> 00:40:54,090
but it's very unlikely to be true.
854
00:40:54,110 --> 00:40:55,700
Castor oil, raspberry leaf tea...
855
00:40:55,720 --> 00:40:58,730
There's all sorts of things...
856
00:40:58,750 --> 00:41:01,780
LAUGHTER
857
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:02,970
Was it Mrs McIntyre?
858
00:41:04,190 --> 00:41:06,250
Was she watching him do
stand-up?
859
00:41:06,270 --> 00:41:08,940
Just watching him from his garden.
860
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:10,970
The one thing that does seem
to work?
861
00:41:10,990 --> 00:41:12,940
Nipple stimulation.
JOE GASPS
862
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:14,810
Ooh...
JOSH CHUCKLES
863
00:41:14,830 --> 00:41:17,020
LAUGHTER
864
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:18,890
Oh, it's coming!
865
00:41:18,910 --> 00:41:22,370
So, here's the weird thing -
this is from the study, OK?
866
00:41:22,390 --> 00:41:25,730
Women whose nipples
have been stimulated, so...
867
00:41:25,750 --> 00:41:29,300
...rolled between the fingers
for one to three hours a day...
868
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:30,970
AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND GROANS
869
00:41:30,990 --> 00:41:33,140
This scientist needs locking up! Oh!
870
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:34,890
LAUGHTER
871
00:41:36,550 --> 00:41:39,940
...and it has to be one nipple at
a time, are 33% more likely
872
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,090
to go into labour within 72 hours
873
00:41:42,110 --> 00:41:44,220
or kill you, I think.
874
00:41:44,240 --> 00:41:45,610
LAUGHTER
875
00:41:50,910 --> 00:41:53,250
Oh! I've got...
I've got Chris Moyles!
876
00:41:53,270 --> 00:41:54,890
LAUGHTER
877
00:41:56,750 --> 00:42:00,060
According to the largest study on
the subject, this stimulation also
878
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:03,170
reduces the risk of heavy
bleeding after delivery by 84%.
879
00:42:03,190 --> 00:42:05,170
So this is the thing. Top tip!
880
00:42:05,190 --> 00:42:07,170
Top tip - nipple stimulation.
881
00:42:07,190 --> 00:42:08,610
Can I just say -
882
00:42:08,630 --> 00:42:11,300
always ask your doctor
before spending three hours
883
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:12,940
rubbing your nipples.
LAUGHTER
884
00:42:14,350 --> 00:42:16,610
I always do and he hates
answering the calls!
885
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:26,610
I'm going to say that every time
I ring the surgery now!
886
00:42:26,630 --> 00:42:29,170
"Hello, it's Josh Widdicombe
here..."
887
00:42:29,190 --> 00:42:31,170
So, the entire audience, OK?
888
00:42:31,190 --> 00:42:34,250
Let's all pretend we're ringing the
doctor. Ready? One, two, three...
889
00:42:34,270 --> 00:42:36,890
ALL: Hello, it's josh Widdicombe
here...
890
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:40,140
My medical history's
going to be a mess!
891
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:42,020
LAUGHTER
892
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,140
"lt says he has a problem
with his vagina!"
893
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:48,860
That's nothing, his scrotum
fell off last time he was here...
894
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:50,780
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
895
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:56,420
Right, it's time for the scores.
896
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:58,970
Glowing with health
in first place...
897
00:42:58,990 --> 00:43:01,810
Oh, my goodness.
With minus one, it's josh!
898
00:43:01,830 --> 00:43:03,330
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
899
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:09,940
In second place with minus eight,
it's Shazia!
900
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:11,500
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
901
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:16,140
And in third place with minus 17 -
Joe!
902
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:17,370
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
903
00:43:17,390 --> 00:43:19,300
I'm happy with that.
Yeah, happy with that.
904
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:21,810
And, having an absolute meltdown -
905
00:43:21,830 --> 00:43:24,810
in last place with minus 25,
it's Alan!
906
00:43:24,830 --> 00:43:27,220
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
HE MOUTHS
907
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:37,020
And it's thanks to Shazia and Joe,
Josh and Alan. That's it from us.
908
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:41,090
I'll leave you with the rallying cry
of the protesters from the campaign
909
00:43:41,110 --> 00:43:44,330
to save Radio 4 long wave in 1993.
910
00:43:44,350 --> 00:43:47,250
As they marched, they shouted,
"What do we want?" "Long wave!"
911
00:43:47,270 --> 00:43:48,890
"When do we want it?" "Now!"
912
00:43:48,910 --> 00:43:50,250
"And what do we say?"
913
00:43:50,270 --> 00:43:52,140
"Please, thank you and goodnight."
914
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:54,780
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE