1 00:00:33,452 --> 00:00:36,092 Good evening and welcome to QI, where tonight we've gone rogue, 2 00:00:36,092 --> 00:00:38,133 and we'll be ripping up the rule book 3 00:00:38,133 --> 00:00:41,533 in the company of this rowdy, rough-hewn rabble. 4 00:00:41,533 --> 00:00:44,293 A right ruffian, Jack Carroll! 5 00:00:46,533 --> 00:00:49,654 Russkaya rabotnitsa, Olga Koch! 6 00:00:52,694 --> 00:00:55,174 Reckless reprobate, Bill Bailey! 7 00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:00,735 And a ruddy rapscallion, Alan Davies! 8 00:01:05,415 --> 00:01:09,135 Their ringtones relate to some right rascals of rare renown. 9 00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:10,496 Olga's got a Russian. 10 00:01:10,496 --> 00:01:13,256 # Ra-Ra-Rasputin, lover of the Russian queen... # 11 00:01:13,256 --> 00:01:15,016 There we go! 12 00:01:15,016 --> 00:01:16,576 Jack's got a robber. 13 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:21,097 # They say the great train robbery, he was the mastermind... # 14 00:01:21,097 --> 00:01:23,617 I'm enjoying these ones. Bill's got a Robert. 15 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:28,537 # Robert De Niro's waiting, talking Italian... # 16 00:01:28,537 --> 00:01:30,057 And Alan goes... 17 00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,658 # Rosie and Jim, Rosie and Jim 18 00:01:32,658 --> 00:01:35,858 # Chugging along on the old Ragdoll... # 19 00:01:35,858 --> 00:01:38,858 I mean, that's just creepy, isn't it? OK. 20 00:01:38,858 --> 00:01:42,779 Right, here are some words from the reign of Elizabeth I. 21 00:01:42,779 --> 00:01:45,339 What do you think that they mean? 22 00:01:46,619 --> 00:01:48,179 Well, number two's Bill. 23 00:01:50,619 --> 00:01:53,220 A baretop trickster? How dare you? 24 00:01:53,220 --> 00:01:55,940 Hedge Priest sounds like a '70s rock band, doesn't it? 25 00:01:55,940 --> 00:01:59,100 I like the idea of a hedge priest. Yeah. Just jumps out. 26 00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:01,660 "Want a bit of absolution? Bit of absolution? 27 00:02:01,660 --> 00:02:05,941 "You want a bit of absolution? And cider. Cider, absolution..." 28 00:02:05,941 --> 00:02:08,501 Really? Weirdly, I know. 29 00:02:05,941 --> 00:02:08,501 You're not far off, actually. 30 00:02:08,501 --> 00:02:10,061 It's quite close to the truth. 31 00:02:10,061 --> 00:02:13,461 Any idea, Olga, all those words? Oh, I've seen all of them on Grindr. 32 00:02:13,461 --> 00:02:15,462 Really? 33 00:02:15,462 --> 00:02:19,062 Which one is Grindr, darling? The gay one. Oh, right. 34 00:02:19,062 --> 00:02:21,382 Yeah. 35 00:02:19,062 --> 00:02:21,382 I don't know, it's a dating app? 36 00:02:21,382 --> 00:02:24,742 I mean, "dating". Dating's a loose term. Oh, really? 37 00:02:24,742 --> 00:02:27,303 Yes, I don't think dating. Oh, really? 38 00:02:27,303 --> 00:02:29,343 I don't think it's like, "Would you like to go 39 00:02:29,343 --> 00:02:31,903 "take a turn around the park?" Yes, yes, it's... No... 40 00:02:31,903 --> 00:02:34,983 Are you saying they are kind of wrong 'uns? Yes. 41 00:02:34,983 --> 00:02:38,304 It's a collective of Tudor rogues... 42 00:02:34,983 --> 00:02:38,304 Are they rascals? 43 00:02:38,304 --> 00:02:39,824 Ah! ..is the thing. 44 00:02:39,824 --> 00:02:42,464 So they were recorded by a marvellous man called Robert Greene. 45 00:02:42,464 --> 00:02:44,904 He wrote a book called A Notable Discovery Of Cozenage. 46 00:02:44,904 --> 00:02:47,585 Oh! Yes, and it kicked off an absolute craze 47 00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:51,625 of people having guides to beggars and other sort of vagabonds. 48 00:02:51,625 --> 00:02:53,625 It became known as rogue literature. 49 00:02:53,625 --> 00:02:55,705 We don't really know why it was called "cozenage", 50 00:02:55,705 --> 00:02:58,706 but "cozen" seemed to be a word for a wrong' un. A rascal? 51 00:02:58,706 --> 00:03:01,706 So somebody trying to illicit money from you under false pretences. 52 00:03:01,706 --> 00:03:03,506 It's a con man, basically. A con man. Yeah. 53 00:03:03,506 --> 00:03:05,586 So let's go back to the list and have a quick look. 54 00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,506 Now, you mentioned hedge priest. 55 00:03:07,506 --> 00:03:10,027 So medieval priests were paid by tithes, 56 00:03:10,027 --> 00:03:12,627 but supposing you couldn't afford to pay the priest... Yes. 57 00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:14,747 ..this would be an itinerant preacher 58 00:03:14,747 --> 00:03:17,227 who was willing to do the ceremonies that you might want, 59 00:03:17,227 --> 00:03:19,828 was willing to marry you, was willing to bury you. 60 00:03:19,828 --> 00:03:22,108 What I like is that they re-interpreted the vow, 61 00:03:22,108 --> 00:03:23,708 "Till death us do part", 62 00:03:23,708 --> 00:03:25,788 and a couple could separate if they just stood 63 00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:29,588 over a dead animal in the road. 64 00:03:29,588 --> 00:03:32,709 "Step lightly over this badger and all will be well." 65 00:03:32,709 --> 00:03:33,989 Yeah, exactly that. Oh. 66 00:03:33,989 --> 00:03:36,469 I think, if I was a trickster, though, 67 00:03:36,469 --> 00:03:39,549 I'd pick a more subtle name than counterfeit crank. 68 00:03:39,549 --> 00:03:43,190 What do you think a counterfeit crank might do? 69 00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:46,190 Oof... Well, a crank starts the engine, doesn't it? 70 00:03:46,190 --> 00:03:49,110 Although they didn't have engines. Yeah, they didn't have engines... 71 00:03:50,950 --> 00:03:53,351 Not crank. No. 72 00:03:50,950 --> 00:03:53,351 Yeah, no engines, so, no, not that. 73 00:03:53,351 --> 00:03:54,911 Well, crank like cranky, 74 00:03:54,911 --> 00:03:57,311 so he's, like, doing crimes, but he's not happy about it. 75 00:03:57,311 --> 00:04:00,911 Well, he certainly is not happy in his look, because... 76 00:04:00,911 --> 00:04:02,992 Yeah, so commonly... 77 00:04:00,911 --> 00:04:02,992 A little bit crazy? 78 00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:05,032 A crazy counterfeiter? A pretend crank? 79 00:04:05,032 --> 00:04:07,272 It's a pretend crank, so it's somebody who pretends 80 00:04:07,272 --> 00:04:09,552 that they've got something wrong with them. Oh, right. 81 00:04:09,552 --> 00:04:11,992 There was a particular one called a clapperdudgeon, 82 00:04:11,992 --> 00:04:13,833 and they used to - this is very unpleasant - 83 00:04:13,833 --> 00:04:15,353 create superficial wounds 84 00:04:15,353 --> 00:04:17,473 by rubbing a mix of lime and soda and iron rust, 85 00:04:17,473 --> 00:04:19,313 and it caused sort of blisters and sores, 86 00:04:19,313 --> 00:04:20,873 and then you would trick people. 87 00:04:20,873 --> 00:04:23,073 The other way of tricking them, of course, 88 00:04:23,073 --> 00:04:26,914 was to cut the festering arm or leg off a corpse. 89 00:04:26,914 --> 00:04:29,154 You know, perhaps from a handy gibbet. 90 00:04:29,154 --> 00:04:31,514 Yes. And then pretend it was yours. 91 00:04:31,514 --> 00:04:33,914 What, just sort of have it stuck to your arm? 92 00:04:33,914 --> 00:04:36,595 You could lie on the ground with a blanket and stick the nasty... 93 00:04:36,595 --> 00:04:39,075 And to what end, Sandi, would you do this? 94 00:04:39,075 --> 00:04:41,555 To get people to give you money, feel sorry for you. Get money. 95 00:04:41,555 --> 00:04:44,235 "I'm dying one limb at a time." Yeah. Yeah. 96 00:04:44,235 --> 00:04:46,196 And you'd have to remember to not just 97 00:04:46,196 --> 00:04:47,836 pick it up with your good hand as well, 98 00:04:47,836 --> 00:04:51,116 like, "Oh, thanks very much... Oh! Blown it!" 99 00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:53,436 "Can you put it right into the hand?" 100 00:04:54,996 --> 00:04:57,037 What else? Come on, Jack, you pick one. 101 00:04:57,037 --> 00:04:59,117 Well, nips and foists sound like 102 00:04:59,117 --> 00:05:02,797 something a plumber would overcharge you to fix. Yeah. Yes. 103 00:05:02,797 --> 00:05:05,557 "Oh, that's your nips and foists, right there." 104 00:05:05,557 --> 00:05:08,798 "Ooh, that's going to set you back a bit. All right, nip." 105 00:05:08,798 --> 00:05:10,758 £40 a nip, isn't it, really? Yeah. 106 00:05:10,758 --> 00:05:12,918 Nips and foists - names for pickpockets. 107 00:05:12,918 --> 00:05:17,918 So, a nip used a knife to cut open a purse and catch the contents. 108 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:20,039 And a foist dips their hand into the... 109 00:05:20,039 --> 00:05:22,359 Surely that's a cutpurse. Is another name for it. 110 00:05:22,359 --> 00:05:24,799 In fact, there's a very famous play called Moll Cutpurse. 111 00:05:24,799 --> 00:05:26,839 Olga, you pick one. What have we got left? 112 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:29,240 Crossbiter. Do you want to have that one? A crossbiter. 113 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,640 I mean, who would, like, eat like a vampire? 114 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,920 It's a vampire? Perhaps somebody pretending to be a vampire? Yeah. 115 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,640 They hate...Jesus? 116 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,641 So they're like, "Oh, let's get rid of this." 117 00:05:39,641 --> 00:05:41,521 It was a common con. 118 00:05:41,521 --> 00:05:44,161 People who pretended to be vampires and hate Jesus, it was a... 119 00:05:44,161 --> 00:05:46,081 Yeah. 120 00:05:46,081 --> 00:05:48,321 No. So, it's a rogue, obviously... Yes. 121 00:05:48,321 --> 00:05:51,482 ..who poses as a prostitute's drunken husband. 122 00:05:51,482 --> 00:05:53,922 So... Oh, that old one! Yeah, that one. 123 00:05:53,922 --> 00:05:55,922 Bursts into the room, "What are you doing?" 124 00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,482 "Oh, no, it's the prostitute's husband!" 125 00:05:58,482 --> 00:06:00,802 The sex worker's husband, Sandi. Sorry. 126 00:06:00,802 --> 00:06:03,963 Yeah, we're Tudor times, darling. Prostitute is absolutely fine. 127 00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:07,083 And the last one is baretop trickster. 128 00:06:07,083 --> 00:06:09,043 Baretop trickster. 129 00:06:09,043 --> 00:06:10,483 Someone without a hat? 130 00:06:10,483 --> 00:06:12,404 Someone who does sort of... 131 00:06:12,404 --> 00:06:14,604 Yeah, again, like a... Nipple act? 132 00:06:14,604 --> 00:06:16,604 What are you doing? Nipple... I mean a... 133 00:06:16,604 --> 00:06:18,924 Somebody with their top off... Yes? 134 00:06:18,924 --> 00:06:20,404 ..doing tricks. 135 00:06:22,084 --> 00:06:24,765 With their... Like juggling? Juggling. 136 00:06:26,405 --> 00:06:27,685 Whoo! Whoo! Hey! 137 00:06:27,685 --> 00:06:29,605 Yeah! Uh... No. 138 00:06:29,605 --> 00:06:30,885 Oh, it's like, "Look here!" 139 00:06:30,885 --> 00:06:33,325 and then his partner goes and does some bad stuff. 140 00:06:33,325 --> 00:06:34,926 Yes, is exactly right! Yeah! 141 00:06:34,926 --> 00:06:38,326 Yes! 142 00:06:39,286 --> 00:06:40,726 What?! 143 00:06:40,726 --> 00:06:43,686 Yes, so a woman would flash her... Tits. ..bare top 144 00:06:43,686 --> 00:06:45,967 and then possibly lure a man into a house 145 00:06:45,967 --> 00:06:48,887 and then a gang of men would do robbing, robbing of him. 146 00:06:48,887 --> 00:06:49,927 Really? Yes! 147 00:06:49,927 --> 00:06:53,647 But how long is that going to bamboozle a man, though? 148 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,248 I mean... I mean, how much... 149 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,608 How much bamboozlement is there in, "Wahey"? 150 00:06:57,608 --> 00:06:59,968 I mean, hour, an hour? Just... 151 00:06:59,968 --> 00:07:02,728 "Yeah, keep going, that's great." 152 00:07:02,728 --> 00:07:04,608 Or just a couple of... I mean, ten seconds? 153 00:07:04,608 --> 00:07:06,849 I think you'd be surprised... Really? 154 00:07:06,849 --> 00:07:08,889 ..how easy some men are, darling. 155 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:13,329 What do you mean? Moving on! 156 00:07:13,329 --> 00:07:14,729 There's quite a lot of these. 157 00:07:14,729 --> 00:07:17,370 Dummerers were beggars - this is bizarre - 158 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:20,330 who pretended to have had their tongues cut out 159 00:07:20,330 --> 00:07:24,290 while they were abroad because they had been disrespectful of Muhammad. 160 00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:27,971 I do not know how they explained this to people. 161 00:07:27,971 --> 00:07:29,211 Laminated cards. 162 00:07:29,211 --> 00:07:30,971 Just have a laminated card to say, 163 00:07:30,971 --> 00:07:33,931 "Tongue cut out because I was disrespectful of Muhammad. 164 00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:35,131 "Very hungry." 165 00:07:35,131 --> 00:07:37,531 Tom o' Bedlam was somebody who would pose as a madman, 166 00:07:37,531 --> 00:07:40,612 wandered about, shrieking, "Poor Tom, mad Tom!" 167 00:07:40,612 --> 00:07:46,372 I've seen a modern version of this in Hammersmith, in west London, 168 00:07:46,372 --> 00:07:49,733 where somebody was pretending to play a keyboard. 169 00:07:49,733 --> 00:07:54,813 He had an electronic keyboard on a stand in the shopping centre, 170 00:07:54,813 --> 00:07:58,733 and he was playing the demo button on the keyboard. 171 00:08:00,134 --> 00:08:02,454 So, the keyboard was effectively playing itself, 172 00:08:02,454 --> 00:08:05,054 he pressed the demo button and was giving it all... 173 00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:11,335 And he was just doing this on the keys, like this. 174 00:08:11,335 --> 00:08:14,295 And me, being an eagle-eyed musician - 175 00:08:14,295 --> 00:08:18,495 other shoppers, not bothered - I went up to him and I said, "Oi... 176 00:08:20,175 --> 00:08:22,496 I said, "You're not playing that, are you?" 177 00:08:22,496 --> 00:08:25,496 And he said, with the most extreme venom - I'm going to 178 00:08:25,496 --> 00:08:27,736 have to swear here - he just went, "Fuck off." 179 00:08:30,016 --> 00:08:31,936 "Leave me alone! 180 00:08:31,936 --> 00:08:34,177 "I've got a good gig going here, clear off!" 181 00:08:35,697 --> 00:08:38,097 My mum and dad said I should never have bought my grandad 182 00:08:38,097 --> 00:08:40,577 that keyboard for Christmas. 183 00:08:40,577 --> 00:08:42,817 Cony catcher is another one that I like, which is 184 00:08:42,817 --> 00:08:45,458 a general name for a swindler. So, it was common for criminals to 185 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,498 call their marks rabbits, that was the thing, 186 00:08:47,498 --> 00:08:50,018 and cony is an old word for a bunny. 187 00:08:50,018 --> 00:08:51,738 So, things like loaded dice and so on. 188 00:08:51,738 --> 00:08:54,459 This is a really simple trick, one of the things you would do 189 00:08:54,459 --> 00:08:56,939 as a cony catcher is you would approach someone from behind, 190 00:08:56,939 --> 00:08:59,419 put your hands over their eyes and say, "Hey, guess who?" 191 00:08:59,419 --> 00:09:02,299 And then go, "Oh, I'm so sorry, it was a complete misunderstanding, 192 00:09:02,299 --> 00:09:03,819 "I though you were a friend of mine." 193 00:09:03,819 --> 00:09:06,180 And then, while all that, "I'm so sorry," and patting them 194 00:09:06,180 --> 00:09:08,940 down and being apologetic, you'd nick their purse. 195 00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:10,900 I feel like I'm giving out top tips now. 196 00:09:12,860 --> 00:09:14,380 Hundreds of years too late. 197 00:09:15,981 --> 00:09:18,141 In a way, this first book I was telling you about, 198 00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,821 written by Robert Greene, he is considered to be England's 199 00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,461 earliest professional author. 200 00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:24,341 This is actually a picture of him. 201 00:09:24,341 --> 00:09:25,981 Sorry, what? Yes. 202 00:09:27,422 --> 00:09:30,462 the sack for inspiration? 203 00:09:27,422 --> 00:09:30,462 To be fair, darling... Did he get in 204 00:09:31,662 --> 00:09:33,222 "I'm going in the sack, love! 205 00:09:33,222 --> 00:09:34,942 "Do my best writing in the sack." 206 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:37,063 He's wearing a burial shroud. 207 00:09:37,063 --> 00:09:38,743 "I'm going in the burial shroud, love." 208 00:09:38,743 --> 00:09:42,303 You said that like that made sense! "The burial shroud helps me think!" 209 00:09:42,303 --> 00:09:44,383 He was the country's foremost romance author, 210 00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:46,703 apart from writing all about rogues. 211 00:09:46,703 --> 00:09:47,824 He wrote a book called 212 00:09:47,824 --> 00:09:51,184 Mamillia: A Mirror Or Looking Glass For The Ladies Of England. 213 00:09:51,184 --> 00:09:54,024 The sequel has a very good subtitle. 214 00:09:54,024 --> 00:09:57,464 Wherein, With Perpetual Fame, The Constancy Of Gentlewomen Is 215 00:09:57,464 --> 00:10:00,985 Canonised And The Unjust Blasphemies Of Women's Supposed 216 00:10:00,985 --> 00:10:04,065 Fickleness (Breathed Out By Diverse Injurious Persons) 217 00:10:04,065 --> 00:10:06,705 By Manifest Examples, Clearly Infringed. 218 00:10:06,705 --> 00:10:09,826 I mean, it's catchy... Catchy. Yeah. 219 00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:12,026 Richard and Judy's Book Club, you're there. 220 00:10:13,586 --> 00:10:16,226 He was said to have died aged 34 in a manner that I think 221 00:10:16,226 --> 00:10:17,706 I'm probably going to go in. 222 00:10:17,706 --> 00:10:20,387 It was a surfeit of pickle herring and Rhenish wine. 223 00:10:22,387 --> 00:10:23,827 He's probably best-known today 224 00:10:23,827 --> 00:10:26,747 for making the first contemporary reference to Shakespeare. 225 00:10:26,747 --> 00:10:28,347 Any thoughts what that might be? 226 00:10:28,347 --> 00:10:30,627 Overrated? Overrated! 227 00:10:30,627 --> 00:10:31,988 Well, he thought so. 228 00:10:31,988 --> 00:10:34,348 He called the bard an upstart crow. 229 00:10:34,348 --> 00:10:37,748 Oh, I see. That is a phrase that's kind of about at the moment. 230 00:10:37,748 --> 00:10:40,148 Now, a good criminal needs to work on their getaway, 231 00:10:40,148 --> 00:10:44,829 so I want you guys to reinvent...the run. 232 00:10:44,829 --> 00:10:47,349 What ideas could you suggest 233 00:10:47,349 --> 00:10:50,389 to make life easier for runners? 234 00:10:50,389 --> 00:10:52,710 Well, as someone with cerebral palsy... 235 00:10:52,710 --> 00:10:55,310 Yes, darling. ..I have spent a lot of time 236 00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:58,070 thinking about how I would rework my running style, 237 00:10:58,070 --> 00:11:00,870 and I think it goes beyond a simple matter of technique, 238 00:11:00,870 --> 00:11:01,990 to be honest. Does it? 239 00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:05,031 I think there's something deeper, something deeper at work there. 240 00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:07,151 Yeah, yeah! 241 00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:07,151 Yes, something more philosophical. 242 00:11:07,151 --> 00:11:09,071 But has anybody got any thoughts about...? 243 00:11:09,071 --> 00:11:10,631 We know how you run normally. 244 00:11:10,631 --> 00:11:12,991 Can anybody sort of mime how you run normally? 245 00:11:12,991 --> 00:11:14,312 You run... Wow! 246 00:11:15,832 --> 00:11:18,392 It's like you've turned into a cartoon. 247 00:11:18,392 --> 00:11:20,912 What?! Do you run, Olga? Alan, you're doing it all... 248 00:11:20,912 --> 00:11:22,392 I mean, there is no problem 249 00:11:22,392 --> 00:11:25,993 a Russian athlete hasn't tried to solve with steroids, so... 250 00:11:25,993 --> 00:11:28,433 Yeah. 251 00:11:28,433 --> 00:11:31,113 At school, I won the 400m back-running. 252 00:11:31,113 --> 00:11:33,993 I run backwards faster than I can run forwards. 253 00:11:35,033 --> 00:11:38,274 This was an event he staged entirely alone. 254 00:11:38,274 --> 00:11:40,194 All right, yes. 255 00:11:38,274 --> 00:11:40,194 Would you like to show us? 256 00:11:40,194 --> 00:11:41,794 Yes, I will. 257 00:11:40,194 --> 00:11:41,794 Can you do it down there? 258 00:11:41,794 --> 00:11:43,274 Can you do it in the front there? OK. 259 00:11:46,555 --> 00:11:48,235 Hang on. Right. 260 00:11:48,235 --> 00:11:51,555 So this is me running normally forwards in the traditional style. 261 00:11:53,515 --> 00:11:56,235 Bill, that's surprisingly camp. All right? Surprisingly camp. 262 00:11:59,956 --> 00:12:02,276 You see? OK! 263 00:12:02,276 --> 00:12:04,356 So there was a study done at Harvard University, 264 00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:06,916 a man called Andrew Yegian, and what he found was 265 00:12:06,916 --> 00:12:09,637 that walking with completely straight arms 266 00:12:09,637 --> 00:12:13,037 was more efficient than walking...like this. 267 00:12:13,037 --> 00:12:14,917 What, like this? Yes. 268 00:12:19,158 --> 00:12:22,678 It looks like I've got some live animals in my pocket! 269 00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,678 Try running with straight arms. Running with straight arms? 270 00:12:26,678 --> 00:12:28,358 All right, OK. Try that, yeah. 271 00:12:28,358 --> 00:12:30,439 Here we go! Yeah. 272 00:12:32,999 --> 00:12:34,839 I feel I'm... 273 00:12:34,839 --> 00:12:37,079 There's a slight penguin vibe. 274 00:12:37,079 --> 00:12:40,320 Yeah, I'll do the "penguin going round the corner" gag. 275 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,280 OK. You'll love this. 276 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,640 How's that? 277 00:12:51,681 --> 00:12:53,321 That's marvellous. 278 00:12:53,321 --> 00:12:56,321 So, this study, which was in 2019, what he discovered 279 00:12:56,321 --> 00:12:58,601 is that running with straight arms instead of them bent 280 00:12:58,601 --> 00:13:01,201 makes no difference, actually, to the speed or the efficiency. 281 00:13:01,201 --> 00:13:02,682 So they gave everybody oxygen masks 282 00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:05,402 and asked them to walk and run on treadmills, trying these things, 283 00:13:05,402 --> 00:13:07,642 cos obviously, if you use more energy, you're going to 284 00:13:07,642 --> 00:13:08,842 need more oxygen. Yes. 285 00:13:08,842 --> 00:13:11,362 Walking with straight arms, actually more efficient. 286 00:13:11,362 --> 00:13:13,963 Uses 11% less oxygen than walking with bent arms. 287 00:13:13,963 --> 00:13:17,083 And when it came to running, it made no difference, really, 288 00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:19,163 Oh, I see. 289 00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:19,163 in terms of oxygen consumption. 290 00:13:19,163 --> 00:13:23,764 So the truth is, we don't really know why we run with bent arms. 291 00:13:23,764 --> 00:13:26,044 It's just that everybody seems to think 292 00:13:26,044 --> 00:13:28,804 it's harder to run with straight arms. 293 00:13:28,804 --> 00:13:31,204 It's possible it feels like your head is more stable. 294 00:13:31,204 --> 00:13:34,085 Possibly you get less fatigued cos your shoulders are moving? 295 00:13:34,085 --> 00:13:37,125 We don't know, but there was somebody who did invent a brand-new 296 00:13:37,125 --> 00:13:40,205 way of running. He was an Australian farmer called Cliff Young, 297 00:13:40,205 --> 00:13:43,045 he was 61 years old in 1983 and he signed up for 298 00:13:43,045 --> 00:13:46,566 the Sydney to Melbourne Ultramarathon. 299 00:13:46,566 --> 00:13:49,966 It's 875km, it's a really long way. 300 00:13:49,966 --> 00:13:51,566 Lots of elite runners. 301 00:13:51,566 --> 00:13:54,366 And he turned up at the start in overalls 302 00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:57,407 and Wellingtons over his work boots. 303 00:13:57,407 --> 00:13:59,687 And everybody left, they ran off and, obviously, 304 00:13:59,687 --> 00:14:01,727 he was left behind, poor old Cliff Young. 305 00:14:01,727 --> 00:14:04,967 And everyone knew that a race like this was going to take six days, 306 00:14:04,967 --> 00:14:08,088 so the best strategy was to run for 18 hours and sleep for six. 307 00:14:08,088 --> 00:14:10,528 He didn't sleep. 308 00:14:10,528 --> 00:14:14,408 Every day, he got closer to the elite athletes 309 00:14:14,408 --> 00:14:17,489 before he finally overtook them on the last day 310 00:14:17,489 --> 00:14:21,729 and broke the race record of five days, 15 hours and four minutes. 311 00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:26,249 And now, almost nobody sleeps during ultramarathons 312 00:14:26,249 --> 00:14:30,170 and the Young shuffle, as it's known, has been adopted by ultramarathon 313 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:33,970 runners across the world because it expends less energy. 314 00:14:33,970 --> 00:14:36,170 So, he invented a new way of running. 315 00:14:36,170 --> 00:14:38,530 I guess I just wonder, like, can anyone reinvent running? 316 00:14:38,530 --> 00:14:40,651 Can I show up and just drive a car? 317 00:14:40,651 --> 00:14:42,331 Yep. 318 00:14:42,331 --> 00:14:43,971 I think that's... "Watch this." 319 00:14:43,971 --> 00:14:46,091 Yeah. "I'm going to take a bus." 320 00:14:46,091 --> 00:14:47,251 "I've got wheels!" 321 00:14:47,251 --> 00:14:49,211 Yeah. "How are we going to sort this out?" 322 00:14:49,211 --> 00:14:51,892 They are constantly trying to find new ways of running. 323 00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:55,212 So, Alphabet/Google's AI company, DeepMind, 324 00:14:55,212 --> 00:14:57,052 they tried to challenge the computer 325 00:14:57,052 --> 00:14:59,892 to see if it could learn a different way of running. 326 00:14:59,892 --> 00:15:02,693 And they used sort of virtual rewards and punishments 327 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:05,373 to get the computer to see if there was a better way of moving. 328 00:15:05,373 --> 00:15:08,893 I have to say, it's very bizarre, and if this was how you run, 329 00:15:08,893 --> 00:15:11,694 well, I think I would have fallen over immediately, but this was... 330 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:15,294 This is... The computer reckoned... 331 00:15:17,774 --> 00:15:20,134 This is how the computer reckoned... 332 00:15:20,134 --> 00:15:22,375 It just fell over! 333 00:15:20,134 --> 00:15:22,375 I mean, I run like... 334 00:15:22,375 --> 00:15:25,495 In the middle of... He's fallen over again! That is... 335 00:15:25,495 --> 00:15:27,055 Well, the idea... 336 00:15:27,055 --> 00:15:29,575 The idea was that you're training the computer, 337 00:15:29,575 --> 00:15:32,535 and every time it fails, it has to start again. 338 00:15:32,535 --> 00:15:36,696 So, it was a series of trials. But this, I love... I mean... 339 00:15:36,696 --> 00:15:38,856 Maybe you're right, Al. It's that. 340 00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:43,937 Yeah, there's a sort of angry Benny Hill vibe to that. 341 00:15:43,937 --> 00:15:46,977 Yeah. Yes, there was. 342 00:15:46,977 --> 00:15:49,417 I love this new attitude to physical sport. 343 00:15:49,417 --> 00:15:50,897 Swimming, for example, 344 00:15:50,897 --> 00:15:52,617 I very much adopt the style 345 00:15:52,617 --> 00:15:55,658 of the Queen Mary coming into port when I swim. 346 00:15:55,658 --> 00:15:58,898 I'm much more as if someone dropped a toaster in the bath, 347 00:15:58,898 --> 00:16:00,378 I'm very much more sort of... 348 00:16:02,738 --> 00:16:04,578 Anyway, the video looks very odd, 349 00:16:04,578 --> 00:16:06,739 but it is apparently the computer trying to find 350 00:16:06,739 --> 00:16:09,139 How extraordinary. 351 00:16:06,739 --> 00:16:09,139 the most efficient way of moving. 352 00:16:09,139 --> 00:16:11,699 And it's a good technique, because one day it may help us 353 00:16:11,699 --> 00:16:14,859 to teach robots to navigate unfamiliar and difficult terrain. 354 00:16:14,859 --> 00:16:17,020 Couldn't they just watch Usain Bolt and think, 355 00:16:17,020 --> 00:16:18,500 that's probably how you run. 356 00:16:21,420 --> 00:16:24,220 Right, since we're giving everybody the run-around, 357 00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:26,781 here is a question for you. 358 00:16:26,781 --> 00:16:30,221 How did Olga use a pigeon... 359 00:16:30,221 --> 00:16:32,141 ..to wreak her revenge? 360 00:16:32,141 --> 00:16:33,421 Hm? 361 00:16:33,421 --> 00:16:35,341 Do you know this? Me? Yes. 362 00:16:35,341 --> 00:16:37,502 Well, not you, but a namesake. 363 00:16:37,502 --> 00:16:39,702 Oh. I have...an idea. 364 00:16:39,702 --> 00:16:40,862 OK. 365 00:16:40,862 --> 00:16:44,302 The only other Olga I'm competing with on Google search, 366 00:16:44,302 --> 00:16:47,142 which I check every day... 367 00:16:47,142 --> 00:16:50,383 ..is the woman who brought Christianity to Russia. 368 00:16:50,383 --> 00:16:52,503 OK, and what can you tell me about her? 369 00:16:52,503 --> 00:16:54,103 I know how her husband was killed, 370 00:16:54,103 --> 00:16:55,983 and that wasn't pretty. OK, go on, then. 371 00:16:55,983 --> 00:16:58,984 So they took two birch trees and they bent them, 372 00:16:58,984 --> 00:17:01,944 and then they tied his legs to each tree, 373 00:17:01,944 --> 00:17:04,224 AUDIENCE GASPS 374 00:17:01,944 --> 00:17:04,224 and then they let the trees go. 375 00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:06,984 Oh, my God. Yeah. 376 00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:06,984 Yeah, that is correct. I'm so sorry. 377 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,384 He was attached? Yeah. To both...? And then the trees...? 378 00:17:09,384 --> 00:17:11,145 I mean, not for long. No. No. 379 00:17:11,145 --> 00:17:13,065 So he was rent, rent asunder. 380 00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:15,705 Yes, by a neighbouring tribe, the Drevlians, 381 00:17:15,705 --> 00:17:18,705 and she was terribly unhappy, so she decided to get revenge. Terrible. 382 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,786 So this is the Russian saint, Olga. 383 00:17:20,786 --> 00:17:23,546 She came from the city... Is it P-S-K-O-V? 384 00:17:23,546 --> 00:17:25,106 Pskov. Pskov. 385 00:17:25,106 --> 00:17:28,026 That's too many consonants in a row. It is, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. 386 00:17:28,026 --> 00:17:29,906 Anyway, she decided to get her revenge, 387 00:17:29,906 --> 00:17:32,387 so what she did was, she laid siege to the capital 388 00:17:32,387 --> 00:17:35,747 of the Drevlian people, Iskorosten? Iskorosten. 389 00:17:35,747 --> 00:17:37,947 Oh, just go for it. Yeah. 390 00:17:35,747 --> 00:17:37,947 Shall I just say it quickly? 391 00:17:37,947 --> 00:17:40,627 Iskorosten! Uh, which... 392 00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:41,867 Totally nailed it! 393 00:17:41,867 --> 00:17:44,188 Which is now in the Ukraine. 394 00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:46,708 So, what she did, she laid siege to the town, 395 00:17:46,708 --> 00:17:48,548 and she said she would only accept surrender 396 00:17:48,548 --> 00:17:50,868 in the form of a tribute of a pigeon 397 00:17:50,868 --> 00:17:53,229 and some sparrows from every single household. 398 00:17:53,229 --> 00:17:55,309 So everybody thought, "That's not too bad." 399 00:17:55,309 --> 00:17:57,389 So the Drevlians, they all sent these birds out, 400 00:17:57,389 --> 00:18:01,349 and she ordered a piece of sulphur to be tied to each bird's leg 401 00:18:01,349 --> 00:18:02,829 and ignited, 402 00:18:02,829 --> 00:18:05,590 and the birds were released, they all flew home, 403 00:18:05,590 --> 00:18:07,910 and burnt the city to the ground in moments. 404 00:18:07,910 --> 00:18:09,310 Good Lord! 405 00:18:07,910 --> 00:18:09,310 AUDIENCE GASPS 406 00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:12,110 I know. As a bird lover, you're horrified. I am horrified by that. 407 00:18:12,110 --> 00:18:15,111 time. Yeah, yeah. 408 00:18:12,110 --> 00:18:15,111 I know! And fascinated at the same 409 00:18:15,111 --> 00:18:17,671 They obviously weren't brave, modern-day pigeons, 410 00:18:17,671 --> 00:18:20,631 otherwise they'd have gone, "No, I'm not doing that, give me some chips." 411 00:18:20,631 --> 00:18:21,911 Yeah, that's true. Yeah! 412 00:18:21,911 --> 00:18:24,911 I've seen a few London pigeons who would have just run that off. 413 00:18:27,392 --> 00:18:29,872 "Yeah, sulphur? Nah, I'll just run that off." 414 00:18:29,872 --> 00:18:31,792 "That's all right." "Bit of sulphur, innit?" 415 00:18:31,792 --> 00:18:34,392 "I'll just dip it in Trafalgar Square fountain, there we go." 416 00:18:34,392 --> 00:18:35,872 Sssss! 417 00:18:35,872 --> 00:18:38,073 "Right, OK, where's that Nando's?" 418 00:18:39,193 --> 00:18:42,513 There's also another marvellous Russian woman who wreaked revenge 419 00:18:42,513 --> 00:18:45,313 called Mariya Oktyabrskaya. 420 00:18:45,313 --> 00:18:47,394 Oktyabrskaya. Yeah, that. 421 00:18:48,834 --> 00:18:52,434 So, her husband was killed by the Germans near Kyiv in 1941 422 00:18:52,434 --> 00:18:55,074 and she sold all her belongings to buy a tank. 423 00:18:57,194 --> 00:19:00,075 Brilliant. She bought a T-34 medium tank. 424 00:19:00,075 --> 00:19:02,995 I don't know if they come in small and large as well, I'm not... 425 00:19:02,995 --> 00:19:04,635 But it was for sale, though? 426 00:19:04,635 --> 00:19:06,595 Well, apparently she just went and got one, 427 00:19:06,595 --> 00:19:09,356 and she said she was going to give it to the Soviet war effort, 428 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:12,316 on one condition, that she would be the one allowed to operate it 429 00:19:12,316 --> 00:19:14,116 during battle, to avenge her husband. 430 00:19:14,116 --> 00:19:15,996 So, the State Defence Committee agreed 431 00:19:15,996 --> 00:19:18,636 and she had five months of training, and then, in 1943, 432 00:19:18,636 --> 00:19:22,357 she was aged 38, she was fighting in the front line, driving her tank 433 00:19:22,357 --> 00:19:27,917 with the words "fighting girlfriend" written across the thing. 434 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:31,358 She fought in numerous battles, she rose to the rank of sergeant. 435 00:19:31,358 --> 00:19:35,198 Very sadly, she was killed by shell fragments in January of 1944, 436 00:19:35,198 --> 00:19:38,998 but she was posthumously made a hero of the Soviet Union for her bravery. 437 00:19:38,998 --> 00:19:40,238 I love her! 438 00:19:40,238 --> 00:19:43,359 You just think, "What shall I do now? Pigeons are out, I'll buy a tank!" 439 00:19:45,199 --> 00:19:48,159 Pigeons themselves, of course, have the ability to wreak revenge. 440 00:19:48,159 --> 00:19:51,319 They can recognise humans who have wronged them in the past. Mmm! 441 00:19:51,319 --> 00:19:53,200 Yes, this is a worry... 442 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:54,920 Good to know, that is good to know. 443 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,960 So, they did a study at the University of Paris 444 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,440 Ouest Nanterre La Defense, and they got two researchers, similar builds, 445 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,321 similar skin colour, wearing different-coloured lab coats, 446 00:20:04,321 --> 00:20:06,601 and they got them to interact with some pigeons. 447 00:20:06,601 --> 00:20:08,761 One fed them and one chase them away. 448 00:20:08,761 --> 00:20:11,281 And repeatedly, when they returned, the pigeons would 449 00:20:11,281 --> 00:20:14,922 flock around the one who was kinder and avoid the other one. 450 00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:18,562 And even when they swapped lab coats, so they swapped the colours, 451 00:20:18,562 --> 00:20:20,002 they recognised their faces. 452 00:20:20,002 --> 00:20:22,602 They reckon they can recognise faces and gait as well. 453 00:20:22,602 --> 00:20:24,843 Perhaps if you were running with your arms... 454 00:20:26,363 --> 00:20:27,763 "There he is, that's the one!" 455 00:20:27,763 --> 00:20:30,883 One group that pigeons are best to avoid are hairdressers. 456 00:20:30,883 --> 00:20:32,323 This is a bizarre thing. 457 00:20:32,323 --> 00:20:35,084 So, they did another study, the University of Lyon, 458 00:20:35,084 --> 00:20:38,564 pigeons who live near hairdressers have fewer toes. Huh? 459 00:20:38,564 --> 00:20:43,244 I know! It's probably the only thing you'll remember when you go home! 460 00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:46,845 Hold on! Yeah. Why is that? 461 00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:50,285 So pigeons landing on people's heads while they're having their hair cut. 462 00:20:50,285 --> 00:20:53,325 "Something off the pigeon, sir?" "Yes, please, just the toes." 463 00:20:53,325 --> 00:20:55,765 No, it's that they're... 464 00:20:55,765 --> 00:20:58,406 Apparently, they get them entangled in human hair 465 00:20:58,406 --> 00:21:00,366 that has been incorrectly disposed of, 466 00:21:00,366 --> 00:21:02,686 and it causes them to lose toes. Good Lord! 467 00:21:02,686 --> 00:21:04,726 And where was this again that we mustn't go? 468 00:21:04,726 --> 00:21:07,327 Hairdressers. Oh, yes. I think you're fine. I'm fine. Yeah. 469 00:21:10,567 --> 00:21:13,807 Remaining in Russia, what's the most powerful drink in history? 470 00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:15,527 I'm going to go... I'm going to just... 471 00:21:15,527 --> 00:21:17,527 Yes? 472 00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:18,568 Vodka. 473 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,688 Aw! 474 00:21:20,688 --> 00:21:22,728 APPLAUSE 475 00:21:26,208 --> 00:21:28,569 I love vodka, actually. Do you like...? Are you...? Yes. 476 00:21:28,569 --> 00:21:31,409 I like vodka because it says so much about Russian people. 477 00:21:31,409 --> 00:21:34,249 Like, Russian people bit into a raw potato and really were like, 478 00:21:34,249 --> 00:21:37,689 "This is amazing, but can we make it liquid AND ruin our lives?" 479 00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:45,450 Vodka is great because it doesn't really have a great deal of taste. 480 00:21:45,450 --> 00:21:48,650 You can have it with ice. It doesn't freeze, does it? No. 481 00:21:48,650 --> 00:21:51,571 It also makes you look thinner the morning after, apparently, because 482 00:21:51,571 --> 00:21:55,611 it thins your blood and therefore it distributes weight differently. 483 00:21:55,611 --> 00:21:57,891 Sales are going through the roof... 484 00:21:57,891 --> 00:22:00,211 I know... I want one immediately. 485 00:22:00,211 --> 00:22:04,412 "The aim is to totally dehydrate you." 486 00:22:04,412 --> 00:22:09,252 So, the most powerful drink in history is not vodka. It is Pepsi. 487 00:22:09,252 --> 00:22:14,693 So, for a very brief time, in 1990, the sixth-largest military fleet 488 00:22:14,693 --> 00:22:18,373 in the world was owned and commanded by Pepsi. 489 00:22:18,373 --> 00:22:20,573 I know. 490 00:22:18,373 --> 00:22:20,573 AUDIENCE MEMBER GASPS 491 00:22:20,573 --> 00:22:23,974 So, 1972, Pepsi executive... There he is, Donald Kendall. 492 00:22:23,974 --> 00:22:27,254 He successfully negotiated an entire monopoly of cola 493 00:22:27,254 --> 00:22:28,974 in the Soviet Union. 494 00:22:28,974 --> 00:22:31,734 So, Coca-Cola were out and it was only going to be Pepsi. 495 00:22:31,734 --> 00:22:33,895 Is he trying to get that can off his face? 496 00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:35,895 Yes. 497 00:22:35,895 --> 00:22:38,055 ALAN GROANS 498 00:22:35,895 --> 00:22:38,055 Yes. 499 00:22:38,055 --> 00:22:39,375 His eyebrows are going... 500 00:22:41,575 --> 00:22:44,056 So, the rouble wasn't worth very much money 501 00:22:44,056 --> 00:22:46,856 internationally at the time, and anyway the Kremlin forbid 502 00:22:46,856 --> 00:22:49,896 the foreign sale of roubles, so a deal was struck initially 503 00:22:49,896 --> 00:22:55,217 where Pepsi Cola syrup was swapped for mountains of Soviet vodka. 504 00:22:55,217 --> 00:22:56,817 That deal lasted until 1990, 505 00:22:56,817 --> 00:22:59,377 when Pepsi decided that vodka was not enough payment. 506 00:22:59,377 --> 00:23:03,617 So, Russia agreed a $3 billion deal that 507 00:23:03,617 --> 00:23:06,378 everything would be paid in Soviet warships. 508 00:23:06,378 --> 00:23:09,418 The official units in Russia are mountains of vodka and warships. 509 00:23:09,418 --> 00:23:11,458 And warships, yes. That's it. 510 00:23:11,458 --> 00:23:13,938 They got 17 submarines, a frigate, a cruiser 511 00:23:13,938 --> 00:23:17,819 and a destroyer for their drink, and they briefly became 512 00:23:17,819 --> 00:23:21,259 the sixth-most-powerful navy in the entire world. 513 00:23:22,499 --> 00:23:24,219 And then eBayed the lot? Yeah. 514 00:23:24,219 --> 00:23:26,499 They sold it to a Swedish company for scrap. Did they? 515 00:23:26,499 --> 00:23:28,740 For scrap? I love there's a little Swede going, 516 00:23:28,740 --> 00:23:31,060 "Erm, hello, yes? Scrap merchant. How many? 517 00:23:31,060 --> 00:23:32,940 "17 submarines? Just a moment." 518 00:23:32,940 --> 00:23:34,540 Yes. "We can do this." 519 00:23:34,540 --> 00:23:36,580 But apparently it's a thing in Russia. 520 00:23:36,580 --> 00:23:38,981 So, they once offered New Zealand MiG fighter jets 521 00:23:38,981 --> 00:23:42,341 and tanks and a nuclear submarine to wipe out $100 million debt 522 00:23:42,341 --> 00:23:43,701 for dairy imports. 523 00:23:43,701 --> 00:23:45,701 Oh, I'm not surprised at all. You're not? No. 524 00:23:45,701 --> 00:23:47,941 They sold ME off. 525 00:23:47,941 --> 00:23:49,102 And here I am. 526 00:23:49,102 --> 00:23:54,062 I mean, also, Coca-Cola must be shitting themselves, just going... 527 00:23:54,062 --> 00:23:56,262 They've got that silly truck that goes around... 528 00:23:56,262 --> 00:23:58,342 Yeah! 529 00:23:58,342 --> 00:23:59,583 ..with Santa on it. 530 00:23:59,583 --> 00:24:01,143 Yeah. Pepsi have got a nuke. 531 00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:06,783 Do you know what vodka means, literally? It has a literal meaning. 532 00:24:06,783 --> 00:24:08,863 No. Small water? Yes, yeah. 533 00:24:08,863 --> 00:24:10,624 Yeah. Little water. What is water? 534 00:24:10,624 --> 00:24:11,984 "Voda." Voda. 535 00:24:11,984 --> 00:24:14,344 And so vodka is just, like, slightly harder. 536 00:24:14,344 --> 00:24:16,664 Am I right that the Russians sometimes will keep some 537 00:24:16,664 --> 00:24:18,584 in the house, like bathroom vodka, like for 538 00:24:18,584 --> 00:24:19,944 just kind of cleaning and...? 539 00:24:21,745 --> 00:24:23,865 Is that true? I mean, that's what my mum used to say. 540 00:24:23,865 --> 00:24:25,265 "It's for cleaning, Olga." 541 00:24:27,905 --> 00:24:29,305 Wonderful, this picture. 542 00:24:29,305 --> 00:24:32,306 It's like one of my old Christmases when I was a kid. 543 00:24:34,706 --> 00:24:36,586 Some of my West Country relatives. 544 00:24:37,666 --> 00:24:39,266 It is a mildly offensive picture. 545 00:24:39,266 --> 00:24:41,266 "Oh, this is the West's idea of Russia." 546 00:24:41,266 --> 00:24:43,827 I'd say it's offensive, but that's literally my dad. OK. 547 00:24:46,347 --> 00:24:48,547 But I like their attitude, because it wasn't until 548 00:24:48,547 --> 00:24:52,027 January the 1st in 2013 that beer was classified 549 00:24:52,027 --> 00:24:53,508 as an alcoholic beverage. 550 00:24:53,508 --> 00:24:54,788 Really? No, no, no. 551 00:24:54,788 --> 00:24:57,188 Anything under 10% alcohol was characterised... 552 00:24:57,188 --> 00:24:58,668 Was baby formula! 553 00:24:58,668 --> 00:25:00,988 Was a foodstuff. Foodstuff! 554 00:25:00,988 --> 00:25:02,828 The strongest beer ever made, according to 555 00:25:02,828 --> 00:25:05,589 the Guinness World Records, was a beer called The End Of History. 556 00:25:05,589 --> 00:25:07,749 It was made by the Scottish company BrewDog. 557 00:25:07,749 --> 00:25:10,869 It was 55% alcohol. 558 00:25:10,869 --> 00:25:12,589 So, if you think vodka mostly is 40%... 559 00:25:12,589 --> 00:25:13,629 What the hell?! 560 00:25:13,629 --> 00:25:15,750 When you've had a pint of that, this is what you see. 561 00:25:15,750 --> 00:25:17,230 This is what you see! 562 00:25:17,230 --> 00:25:18,710 They sent ten... 563 00:25:18,710 --> 00:25:20,630 This is like some of my lockdown dreams! 564 00:25:22,430 --> 00:25:25,911 They sent ten of their investors a bottle of this particular beer 565 00:25:25,911 --> 00:25:28,511 mounted inside a taxidermy roadkill squirrel. 566 00:25:29,871 --> 00:25:32,511 And someone got divorced over it. I think, yes. 567 00:25:32,511 --> 00:25:34,831 It's not drunk as a beer, though, is it? 568 00:25:34,831 --> 00:25:36,031 It's drunk in a shot glass. 569 00:25:36,031 --> 00:25:39,592 It says it should be drunk in small servings. That is entirely correct. 570 00:25:39,592 --> 00:25:43,272 I bet this is in the inside locker of every RSPCA warden. 571 00:25:47,393 --> 00:25:48,793 "Yeah, that's right, yeah. 572 00:25:48,793 --> 00:25:51,793 "You care for them on the outside. Inside - yeah, go on. 573 00:25:51,793 --> 00:25:54,393 "Turn them into a bottle, that's what I say. 574 00:25:54,393 --> 00:25:55,793 "Bloody vermin! 575 00:25:55,793 --> 00:25:58,194 "You're bloody vermin, that's what you are! 576 00:25:58,194 --> 00:26:01,794 "That's the best you can hope for, you miserable little git." 577 00:26:03,714 --> 00:26:06,034 "Turn them into an optic, that's what I say." 578 00:26:08,594 --> 00:26:10,595 All the taxidermy ideas. 579 00:26:10,595 --> 00:26:13,075 Yeah. All the legs turned into utensils. That's right. 580 00:26:13,075 --> 00:26:16,195 Somebody tried to sell me a theremin made out of a badger, right? 581 00:26:16,195 --> 00:26:19,355 A badger. You know a badger? 582 00:26:16,195 --> 00:26:19,355 Sorry. A what made out of a badger? 583 00:26:19,355 --> 00:26:21,956 I know what a badger is! I didn't know what the first word was. 584 00:26:21,956 --> 00:26:24,636 A theremin. You know it was invented by the Russian radio engineer 585 00:26:24,636 --> 00:26:27,276 Leon Theremin in 1918? What is it? 586 00:26:27,276 --> 00:26:29,556 It's a thing that goes, "Wooo-ooo." 587 00:26:29,556 --> 00:26:31,997 It's like a pole and when you go near it, it senses you 588 00:26:31,997 --> 00:26:33,357 and makes a noise. Yeah. OK. 589 00:26:33,357 --> 00:26:35,837 Bill's got... He can play it. He was trying to invent an alarm, 590 00:26:35,837 --> 00:26:37,357 a motion sensor. 591 00:26:37,357 --> 00:26:39,877 He inadvertently invented an instrument which had, 592 00:26:39,877 --> 00:26:42,718 you know, as you go closer, it goes, "Wooo-ooo." 593 00:26:42,718 --> 00:26:44,958 And then he sort of calibrated it into an instrument. 594 00:26:44,958 --> 00:26:47,398 Leon Theremin. And there's one shaped like a badger? 595 00:26:47,398 --> 00:26:49,678 Well, somebody... People give me these things. 596 00:26:49,678 --> 00:26:51,478 People give me all kinds of strange things. 597 00:26:51,478 --> 00:26:53,319 "We're never going to sell this. 598 00:26:53,319 --> 00:26:54,679 "Hang on." 599 00:26:54,679 --> 00:26:57,839 I've been given strange things, but it usually results in penicillin. 600 00:26:57,839 --> 00:26:59,879 Well... 601 00:26:59,879 --> 00:27:01,159 No, it was a gift. 602 00:27:01,159 --> 00:27:03,280 We know you love the weasel ukulele. 603 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,200 I love the weasel ukulele. That's given me ideas. 604 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,280 No, somebody knitted me a praying mantis once. 605 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:10,800 That was the strangest thing. 606 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:16,561 But, no. The theremin? The theremin was a stuffed badger on a pole, 607 00:27:16,561 --> 00:27:20,521 and you moved your hand closer, it went "Ooo-ooh." 608 00:27:20,521 --> 00:27:23,521 It was one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen. 609 00:27:23,521 --> 00:27:25,202 That just reminded me of it there. 610 00:27:25,202 --> 00:27:27,562 I totally want a beaver that does that. Do you not? 611 00:27:27,562 --> 00:27:29,402 Well, you have... 612 00:27:33,002 --> 00:27:34,402 "Wahey!" 613 00:27:34,402 --> 00:27:36,243 "Whoa!" Calm down, calm down! 614 00:27:37,483 --> 00:27:39,243 Just behave yourself! 615 00:27:41,883 --> 00:27:43,523 "I want a beaver that does that." 616 00:27:43,523 --> 00:27:45,283 "I want a beaver that does that." 617 00:27:45,283 --> 00:27:48,044 "Woo-ooh, oooh." "Woo." "Back off." 618 00:27:48,044 --> 00:27:49,964 "Woo-ooh." "All right." 619 00:27:49,964 --> 00:27:52,484 "I can't help it, you'll have to wear ear plugs!" 620 00:27:52,484 --> 00:27:53,604 "Woo-ooh." 621 00:27:56,484 --> 00:27:59,005 I mean, that sort of sound is directly 622 00:27:59,005 --> 00:28:00,805 out of a Carry On film as well. 623 00:28:00,805 --> 00:28:03,485 That "woo-ooh." That thing. Yeah. 624 00:28:03,485 --> 00:28:05,605 Be careful if you're ever doing a deal in Russia, 625 00:28:05,605 --> 00:28:07,005 as they might add shipping. 626 00:28:08,446 --> 00:28:09,646 Come on! 627 00:28:09,646 --> 00:28:14,606 What one rogue item should you always keep in your wallet? 628 00:28:14,606 --> 00:28:16,686 A condom that isn't expired. 629 00:28:23,807 --> 00:28:26,607 It's not my area, but why do they go off? Eh? 630 00:28:29,608 --> 00:28:32,528 I think they go off due to sort of pity. They just go, 631 00:28:32,528 --> 00:28:34,528 "It's been too long, mate." 632 00:28:39,408 --> 00:28:41,289 No, not a condom in the wallet. 633 00:28:41,289 --> 00:28:45,089 So, there was an experiment done in 2009 by Prof Richard Wiseman 634 00:28:45,089 --> 00:28:46,809 of the University of Hertfordshire, 635 00:28:46,809 --> 00:28:49,849 and his team dropped 240 wallets all around the city of Edinburgh 636 00:28:49,849 --> 00:28:52,610 and each one contained a picture. So, some had a really cute 637 00:28:52,610 --> 00:28:57,290 picture of a baby, some had a puppy, some had a family portrait and some 638 00:28:57,290 --> 00:29:00,490 had a picture of an elderly couple and some had no pictures at all. 639 00:29:00,490 --> 00:29:04,891 88% of the wallets with the baby photo in were returned. 640 00:29:04,891 --> 00:29:06,571 The puppy, 53%, 641 00:29:06,571 --> 00:29:07,731 the family, 48%, 642 00:29:07,731 --> 00:29:09,371 the elderly couple, 28%, 643 00:29:09,371 --> 00:29:11,331 no photo, 15%. 644 00:29:11,331 --> 00:29:13,932 And Prof Wiseman says he always carries a baby photo 645 00:29:13,932 --> 00:29:16,292 now in his wallet. 646 00:29:16,292 --> 00:29:17,972 Of a human baby? Yes. 647 00:29:19,332 --> 00:29:21,372 An alive baby. 648 00:29:21,372 --> 00:29:24,293 That would be a weird one to explain away of it's not his baby, though. 649 00:29:24,293 --> 00:29:26,653 They bring it to your house and they knock on the door 650 00:29:26,653 --> 00:29:29,413 and you answer the door and they say, "Oh, no, that's not yours." 651 00:29:31,333 --> 00:29:34,294 It is extraordinary what people will decide to return or not. 652 00:29:34,294 --> 00:29:37,054 There was a similar experiment led by University of Michigan 653 00:29:37,054 --> 00:29:41,454 Prof Alain Cohn, and they distributed 17,000 allegedly lost wallets 654 00:29:41,454 --> 00:29:45,295 in more than 350 different cities across 40 countries. 655 00:29:45,295 --> 00:29:48,655 Some of them had no money in them at all, others had the local currency 656 00:29:48,655 --> 00:29:53,575 equivalent of $13.45, and they wanted to see who would send the money back. 657 00:29:53,575 --> 00:29:56,416 So, let's have a look, which of these wallets do you think 658 00:29:56,416 --> 00:29:58,056 are most likely to be returned? 659 00:29:58,056 --> 00:30:00,856 Is it the empty wallet, is it the one which has got a little 660 00:30:00,856 --> 00:30:05,096 bit of money in it, or the one that is absolutely jam-packed with money? 661 00:30:05,096 --> 00:30:08,097 I would say the one that's jam-packed with money because people 662 00:30:08,097 --> 00:30:11,977 feel like there might be some legal ramification if they stole that one. 663 00:30:11,977 --> 00:30:13,657 Well, you're absolutely right. 664 00:30:17,338 --> 00:30:20,058 So, the assumption of Cohn and his team was that the one 665 00:30:20,058 --> 00:30:22,738 with lots of money in it, people would be least likely to return, 666 00:30:22,738 --> 00:30:24,738 and in fact, they did a survey of 250 economists 667 00:30:24,738 --> 00:30:26,378 and they all agreed, definitely, 668 00:30:26,378 --> 00:30:28,979 the one with lots of money in it is not going to be the one that 669 00:30:28,979 --> 00:30:33,499 gets returned, which shows you what economists know about money. 670 00:30:33,499 --> 00:30:39,060 So, 72% of the ones filled with cash were returned. 671 00:30:39,060 --> 00:30:41,580 61% gave back the little bit of money 672 00:30:41,580 --> 00:30:44,140 and 46% gave back the empty wallets. 673 00:30:44,140 --> 00:30:47,180 So, I think people are nicer. Generally good. 674 00:30:47,180 --> 00:30:50,341 Do you remember the lost property office? At a railway station? 675 00:30:50,341 --> 00:30:52,141 There used to be an office, and you could go 676 00:30:52,141 --> 00:30:53,781 and see if someone had found your leg. 677 00:30:53,781 --> 00:30:56,261 The numbers are absolutely staggering, 678 00:30:56,261 --> 00:30:58,781 the number of umbrellas on public transport, 679 00:30:58,781 --> 00:31:01,542 and phones and handbags. Thousands. 680 00:31:01,542 --> 00:31:05,622 I reckon a pigeon's gone there to look for one of its legs. 681 00:31:07,262 --> 00:31:10,302 Anyway, no police force in England and Wales handles lost property 682 00:31:10,302 --> 00:31:12,383 any more, it's not a thing. It stopped in 2017. 683 00:31:12,383 --> 00:31:16,263 They'll accept anything with personal data on it, so a phone or... 684 00:31:16,263 --> 00:31:18,423 Anything else, what they do is incinerate it. 685 00:31:18,423 --> 00:31:20,383 They just don't have anything to do with it. 686 00:31:20,383 --> 00:31:22,424 They'll accept money and pornography. 687 00:31:22,424 --> 00:31:24,224 Money, pornography, drugs, anybody? 688 00:31:26,024 --> 00:31:29,104 Passports, anything linked to crime, but nothing else, they won't take 689 00:31:29,104 --> 00:31:31,744 anything else in, you're responsible for it if you find it. 690 00:31:31,744 --> 00:31:34,185 So they won't touch it, even, now, perhaps? 691 00:31:34,185 --> 00:31:37,065 It'll just travel on the trains for eternity, just back and forth. 692 00:31:37,065 --> 00:31:39,545 Just backwards and forwards, umbrellas, yeah. 693 00:31:39,545 --> 00:31:41,785 But the police will not, it's not a thing... 694 00:31:41,785 --> 00:31:43,866 I got off a train once and left me bag on it. 695 00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:50,586 It's not my best anecdote, Sandi, I'll give you that. 696 00:31:53,426 --> 00:31:56,267 It's not bad. I thought it was strong, I thought it was strong. 697 00:31:56,267 --> 00:31:58,627 Left the train, left a bag on a train. 698 00:31:58,627 --> 00:32:01,787 Once, I was in a double act and only one of us got on the train 699 00:32:01,787 --> 00:32:03,027 and did the gig. 700 00:32:03,027 --> 00:32:05,508 So, you know, the rest is history. 701 00:32:05,508 --> 00:32:06,628 I'm just saying... 702 00:32:09,388 --> 00:32:13,628 Who was your double act? Martin, he was a lovely fella. 703 00:32:13,628 --> 00:32:18,349 Is he still doing...? No, not doing the old... Not doing the comedy, no. 704 00:32:18,349 --> 00:32:20,029 And you? 705 00:32:20,029 --> 00:32:21,509 Me? Yeah. 706 00:32:21,509 --> 00:32:24,669 I kept going with it, I tried. Just checking. 707 00:32:24,669 --> 00:32:26,029 Plugged away. For the moment. 708 00:32:26,029 --> 00:32:29,590 First couple of years, he'd look to his left and there was no-one there. 709 00:32:30,750 --> 00:32:33,510 I realised the other night, the last time we gigged together 710 00:32:33,510 --> 00:32:35,470 was in a church, which seems very unlikely. 711 00:32:35,470 --> 00:32:37,231 Oh, gosh, yes! That's right. 712 00:32:37,231 --> 00:32:39,951 Did you do any crossbiting? Yeah, loads of crossbiting. 713 00:32:39,951 --> 00:32:41,791 And I finished off with the baretop. 714 00:32:44,231 --> 00:32:47,671 And then, for the finale, she went "whoo-ooh"! 715 00:32:52,872 --> 00:32:55,472 Oh, what a marvellous evening that was! Happy days! 716 00:32:56,752 --> 00:33:01,633 Now, what kind of creature loves devouring books? 717 00:33:01,633 --> 00:33:03,033 A nerd. 718 00:33:05,913 --> 00:33:07,673 I'm going to give you a point for that, 719 00:33:07,673 --> 00:33:09,113 I think that's entirely true. 720 00:33:09,113 --> 00:33:11,314 A creature, we're looking for animals. 721 00:33:11,314 --> 00:33:13,514 # Robert De Niro... # 722 00:33:13,514 --> 00:33:14,554 A bookworm! 723 00:33:21,435 --> 00:33:22,995 It is incorrect, because...? 724 00:33:22,995 --> 00:33:25,475 Because worms can't read. 725 00:33:25,475 --> 00:33:28,915 Oh. Yeah. What? 726 00:33:25,475 --> 00:33:28,915 No. No, there's no such thing. 727 00:33:28,915 --> 00:33:31,436 Mostly it's beetles, things that eat books. 728 00:33:31,436 --> 00:33:34,196 Beetles are at their hungriest and most destructive at the larval 729 00:33:34,196 --> 00:33:37,436 stage. I have to be honest, they do look a bit like worms at that point. 730 00:33:37,436 --> 00:33:39,156 And, this is what I like, 731 00:33:39,156 --> 00:33:42,597 each species of book-eating beetle has a different appetite. 732 00:33:42,597 --> 00:33:45,157 So, some of them like vellums, others favour paper, 733 00:33:45,157 --> 00:33:48,157 some like the bindings of leather, some of them like glue. 734 00:33:48,157 --> 00:33:51,117 Little bit of romance. Little bit of science fiction, yeah. 735 00:33:51,117 --> 00:33:53,518 Is, like, reading James Joyce or something 736 00:33:53,518 --> 00:33:55,678 a really difficult meal for them? 737 00:33:56,838 --> 00:33:58,998 Or they're really chipper, like, 738 00:33:58,998 --> 00:34:02,358 "I've just had a couple lines of poetry, I'm banging. 739 00:34:02,358 --> 00:34:04,199 "I'm up for a night out." 740 00:34:04,199 --> 00:34:08,759 They have been known to borrow a single hole through a 27-volume work. 741 00:34:08,759 --> 00:34:11,879 Oh, that's annoying, innit? Whole set. All the way through. 742 00:34:11,879 --> 00:34:12,919 Little shit. 743 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,800 So, there are several ways of getting rid of them. 744 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:20,960 One is to snap-freeze the infested books. 745 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:24,120 So, there was an infestation of Italian bookworms 746 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:25,641 at Yale's Beinecke Library, 747 00:34:25,641 --> 00:34:28,921 and what they did was, they froze them to -36 degrees Celsius 748 00:34:28,921 --> 00:34:30,441 for three days. 749 00:34:30,441 --> 00:34:32,921 There's two marvellous libraries in Portugal, 750 00:34:32,921 --> 00:34:36,122 18th-century libraries, and they have a fantastic, I think 751 00:34:36,122 --> 00:34:38,322 rather low-fi bug-prevention system, 752 00:34:38,322 --> 00:34:40,322 they have resident bats. 753 00:34:40,322 --> 00:34:43,122 So, the Biblioteca Joanina at the University of Coimbra, 754 00:34:43,122 --> 00:34:45,362 and the Palace Library in the Palace of Mafra. 755 00:34:45,362 --> 00:34:48,363 This is the Palace Library at the Palace of Mafra, isn't it stunning? 756 00:34:48,363 --> 00:34:51,443 Absolutely stunning, opened in 1755, 757 00:34:51,443 --> 00:34:54,443 and the bats live behind the bookcases, 758 00:34:54,443 --> 00:34:57,203 in these rather ornate breeding rooms, and they set the bats free 759 00:34:57,203 --> 00:35:00,044 every night and they eat all the insects, the biblio-pests. 760 00:35:00,044 --> 00:35:02,124 But do they not shit everywhere? 761 00:35:02,124 --> 00:35:04,964 Well, what they have to do is they have animal skins 762 00:35:04,964 --> 00:35:08,125 all over all of the furniture, and then they have to de-poo 763 00:35:08,125 --> 00:35:11,045 it in the morning to get rid of all the bat poo. 764 00:35:11,045 --> 00:35:13,725 Surely there's more work there than... I mean, really? 765 00:35:13,725 --> 00:35:18,325 These are very, very rare books that cannot be eaten. 766 00:35:18,325 --> 00:35:20,046 Wow, there's a weird sentence. 767 00:35:21,406 --> 00:35:23,846 "This is a very rare book, this cannot be eaten." 768 00:35:25,126 --> 00:35:28,766 Have they thought about getting new copies of all the books? 769 00:35:28,766 --> 00:35:30,407 Can't eat a Kindle, so. 770 00:35:30,407 --> 00:35:31,447 True that. 771 00:35:33,287 --> 00:35:36,367 They could probably do that whole library in one pad. 772 00:35:37,487 --> 00:35:38,767 On a USB stick. 773 00:35:40,007 --> 00:35:42,248 I mean, how beautiful would that be? 774 00:35:42,248 --> 00:35:44,128 Still have the ornate architecture, 775 00:35:44,128 --> 00:35:46,088 just there's one shelf with a USB on it. 776 00:35:48,848 --> 00:35:55,369 Now, what is the most extreme way anyone's ever avoided having sex? 777 00:35:55,369 --> 00:35:58,209 By saying, "Come to this library with a lot of bats in it." 778 00:36:00,009 --> 00:36:02,610 Any kind of self-mutilation involved? 779 00:36:02,610 --> 00:36:04,970 Are you saying that you take one testicle 780 00:36:04,970 --> 00:36:06,450 and strap it to one sapling, 781 00:36:06,450 --> 00:36:10,810 and then you take the other testicle and you strap it to another sapling? 782 00:36:10,810 --> 00:36:13,331 And then... 783 00:36:14,691 --> 00:36:16,451 Boing! 784 00:36:16,451 --> 00:36:19,091 We're talking about creatures, rather than... Oh, creatures. 785 00:36:19,091 --> 00:36:21,611 Animals. OK. Yeah. So, it's something that animals do 786 00:36:21,611 --> 00:36:24,052 to prevent having sex... To avoid, yeah. 787 00:36:24,052 --> 00:36:27,372 ..with other animals. So, we are in the world of dragonflies. 788 00:36:27,372 --> 00:36:30,052 I don't know if any of you have noticed, there has been a huge 789 00:36:30,052 --> 00:36:33,812 influx of dragonflies in the UK this last year. Yes. 790 00:36:33,812 --> 00:36:35,773 Is that a 69? That... 791 00:36:37,773 --> 00:36:40,013 No, not strictly. 792 00:36:40,013 --> 00:36:42,613 It's quite difficult. It's quite a high number. Yeah. 793 00:36:44,453 --> 00:36:47,214 It's quite hard to work out who's doing what to who there. 794 00:36:47,214 --> 00:36:49,494 It's a beautiful heart. Yeah. It's... 795 00:36:49,494 --> 00:36:52,214 One of them's saying, "Get off me, you bastard." Yeah. Yeah. 796 00:36:52,214 --> 00:36:53,814 Well, that is in fact correct, 797 00:36:53,814 --> 00:36:56,615 because that is one of the things that the female dragonfly will do. 798 00:36:56,615 --> 00:36:59,655 So, this is a study by a man called Rassim Khelifa, 799 00:36:59,655 --> 00:37:01,575 a zoologist from the University of Zurich. 800 00:37:01,575 --> 00:37:05,735 So, female dragonflies, the ones that are known as the common hawker, 801 00:37:05,735 --> 00:37:10,296 pretend to be dead while being pursued by a male, 802 00:37:10,296 --> 00:37:12,656 in order to avoid amorous attention. 803 00:37:12,656 --> 00:37:15,456 Well, this is something that I've seen frequently. 804 00:37:18,737 --> 00:37:21,497 It's called thanatosis. It's Greek for "putting to death". 805 00:37:21,497 --> 00:37:23,257 And it is a way of avoiding sex, 806 00:37:23,257 --> 00:37:25,857 To be dead? Yeah. 807 00:37:23,257 --> 00:37:25,857 is to pretend that you are dead. 808 00:37:25,857 --> 00:37:28,458 It might not put everyone off. I knew there was a word for it. 809 00:37:28,458 --> 00:37:29,978 I knew it! 810 00:37:29,978 --> 00:37:32,098 So, what usually happens is, after mating, 811 00:37:32,098 --> 00:37:34,458 most male dragonflies will guard their partner, but 812 00:37:34,458 --> 00:37:37,978 this particular species, which is known as the Aeshna juncea, 813 00:37:37,978 --> 00:37:40,339 they just fly off and they allow the female to be harassed 814 00:37:40,339 --> 00:37:42,979 by other males. But if another male tries to mate with her 815 00:37:42,979 --> 00:37:44,979 at that point, as she's had sex already, 816 00:37:44,979 --> 00:37:47,859 her reproductive tract might be damaged or she could even be drowned 817 00:37:47,859 --> 00:37:50,580 by an aggressive male, cos they spend a lot of time on the water, 818 00:37:50,580 --> 00:37:52,700 and so to avoid this, they go into the undergrowth 819 00:37:52,700 --> 00:37:55,580 and lie motionless on their backs, 820 00:37:55,580 --> 00:37:58,660 and the amorous male gives up and goes away. 821 00:37:58,660 --> 00:38:01,421 Ah! I know. That is an extraordinary picture, isn't it? It is. 822 00:38:01,421 --> 00:38:03,501 It's beautiful, actually. Yeah. It's stunning. 823 00:38:03,501 --> 00:38:05,341 It is astonishing, the whole insect world. 824 00:38:05,341 --> 00:38:07,901 Years ago we talked about a male arachnid who gives a gift to 825 00:38:07,901 --> 00:38:10,661 a female to allow him to mate with her, but the gift is often fake 826 00:38:10,661 --> 00:38:13,382 and she doesn't realise until he's had his way and scarpered. 827 00:38:13,382 --> 00:38:14,942 The baretop prankster spider. 828 00:38:14,942 --> 00:38:16,982 Yes, the baretop trickster. 829 00:38:16,982 --> 00:38:19,982 Well, there is a spider species called the Pisaura mirabilis, 830 00:38:19,982 --> 00:38:22,183 and these males go one even further. 831 00:38:22,183 --> 00:38:25,583 The male initiates sex by presenting the larger female, OK, 832 00:38:25,583 --> 00:38:26,783 with a tasty snack. Yes. 833 00:38:26,783 --> 00:38:29,103 Like, I don't know, a fly maybe would be a tasty snack. 834 00:38:29,103 --> 00:38:31,943 distractedly tucks into it, 835 00:38:29,103 --> 00:38:31,943 Of course. And while she 836 00:38:31,943 --> 00:38:33,144 he begins copulation. 837 00:38:33,144 --> 00:38:36,144 And then if she tries to make off with the gift, he plays dead 838 00:38:36,144 --> 00:38:39,304 and holds on to the present, so that she has to drag him with it. 839 00:38:39,304 --> 00:38:40,904 And... I know! 840 00:38:40,904 --> 00:38:43,224 And then, when she stops, he springs back to life 841 00:38:43,224 --> 00:38:45,705 and has another go at it. 842 00:38:45,705 --> 00:38:49,585 I've seen a version of that on a very late night near a bus stop 843 00:38:49,585 --> 00:38:50,905 with a kebab. 844 00:38:56,626 --> 00:38:58,586 "Come back! I bloody love you!" 845 00:39:00,506 --> 00:39:03,226 Now, we venture into the roguish round that's really good 846 00:39:03,226 --> 00:39:04,626 for nothing - General Ignorance. 847 00:39:04,626 --> 00:39:06,827 Fingers on buzzers, please. 848 00:39:06,827 --> 00:39:09,027 Why is the River Thames brown? 849 00:39:10,107 --> 00:39:11,947 # Robert De Niro... # 850 00:39:11,947 --> 00:39:15,027 Is it because of silt? 851 00:39:15,027 --> 00:39:16,148 Absolutely right. 852 00:39:19,708 --> 00:39:21,588 Yeah. Tidal currents. 853 00:39:21,588 --> 00:39:24,068 So, it's nothing to do with pollution, which you might think. 854 00:39:24,068 --> 00:39:25,148 It's silt and sand. 855 00:39:25,148 --> 00:39:28,469 There was a time when a lot of waste flowed directly into the Thames. 856 00:39:28,469 --> 00:39:31,589 In fact, in 1957 the Natural History Museum declared the Thames was 857 00:39:31,589 --> 00:39:35,189 biologically dead and it had become a sort of foul-smelling drain. 858 00:39:35,189 --> 00:39:38,270 sewage was put in in the 1960s, 859 00:39:35,189 --> 00:39:38,270 Hm. But a new modern system of 860 00:39:38,270 --> 00:39:39,910 and today it's said to be one 861 00:39:39,910 --> 00:39:42,430 of the cleanest rivers in the world. It certainly is. 862 00:39:42,430 --> 00:39:46,830 138 seal pups counted in 2018. 863 00:39:46,830 --> 00:39:49,911 Sharks. You wouldn't want to drink a cup of it, though. You wouldn't. No. 864 00:39:49,911 --> 00:39:52,351 But I had to do some filming and I was standing on the very top 865 00:39:52,351 --> 00:39:54,151 of the O2, which we can see there. 866 00:39:54,151 --> 00:39:57,311 I took a photograph. There was a seal... I mean, it's not 867 00:39:57,311 --> 00:39:59,712 a very good photograph because it was miles and miles away, 868 00:39:59,712 --> 00:40:02,552 but I could see about six seals from where I was at the top of the O2. 869 00:40:02,552 --> 00:40:05,032 There's a colony of seals living at Teddington Lock. 870 00:40:05,032 --> 00:40:06,232 Is there? Yes. 871 00:40:06,232 --> 00:40:10,433 There's porpoise, dolphin and whale, I've seen in the Thames, 872 00:40:10,433 --> 00:40:11,873 when I've been paddle-boarding. 873 00:40:11,873 --> 00:40:14,593 I mean, that's not to say there isn't shed-loads of rubbish 874 00:40:14,593 --> 00:40:16,193 in the Thames. Corpses. Yep. 875 00:40:16,193 --> 00:40:19,353 Well, they reckon about a corpse a week in the Thames. 876 00:40:19,353 --> 00:40:21,434 Oh, I... They were just trying to avoid sex. 877 00:40:21,434 --> 00:40:22,874 I know. Yes. 878 00:40:25,674 --> 00:40:29,034 The Port of London Authority removes about 200 tonnes of rubbish 879 00:40:29,034 --> 00:40:30,714 from the river every year. 880 00:40:30,714 --> 00:40:34,955 In just one day in 2019, the PLA removed 70 tangled trolleys 881 00:40:34,955 --> 00:40:37,555 that were spotted clumped together at low tide. 882 00:40:37,555 --> 00:40:39,715 I mean, look at that. Oof. I know. That's beautiful. 883 00:40:39,715 --> 00:40:42,916 And 60% of the rubbish is single-use plastic. 884 00:40:42,916 --> 00:40:44,076 You know... Yes. 885 00:40:44,076 --> 00:40:47,156 Please, use a re-usable bottle, people. OK. Boo! 886 00:40:47,156 --> 00:40:49,436 The colour of the Thames is mostly down to silt. 887 00:40:49,436 --> 00:40:51,396 There is still some pollution in there, 888 00:40:51,396 --> 00:40:53,277 but mentioning that just muddies the water. 889 00:40:53,277 --> 00:40:55,397 AUDIENCE GROANS 890 00:40:55,397 --> 00:40:57,317 Right. Erm... 891 00:40:57,317 --> 00:41:00,117 Uh, what is this wave called? 892 00:41:01,237 --> 00:41:03,117 Big. Freak. It's a freak wave. 893 00:41:03,117 --> 00:41:05,918 wave. Big wave. Storm wave. 894 00:41:03,117 --> 00:41:05,918 It's not a tidal wave. A massive 895 00:41:05,918 --> 00:41:07,358 Wall of water. Look out. 896 00:41:07,358 --> 00:41:09,918 A "look out". A buttock-clench. A shit... A butt... 897 00:41:09,918 --> 00:41:12,478 A trouser-filler. A surfer-drowner. 898 00:41:12,478 --> 00:41:14,759 A boat-smasher. An absolute bloody shit-stormer. 899 00:41:14,759 --> 00:41:16,559 It begins with R! 900 00:41:16,559 --> 00:41:17,759 Rascally rogue. 901 00:41:17,759 --> 00:41:19,839 A rogue wave. Oh, a rogue wave. Oh! 902 00:41:19,839 --> 00:41:21,599 A rogue wave. Well, why didn't you say? 903 00:41:21,599 --> 00:41:24,519 So, tidal waves occur in shallow water, right? Yes. They're caused by 904 00:41:24,519 --> 00:41:27,600 gravitational interactions between the sun and the moon and the Earth. 905 00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:29,880 Tsunamis are giant waves caused by...? 906 00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,000 Tectonic shifts under the sea. 907 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:35,640 Yeah, undersea earthquakes and volcanic eruptions and so on. 908 00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:37,881 The thing here, this is a rogue wave. 909 00:41:37,881 --> 00:41:40,801 They are sometimes called freak waves. They are mountainous swells. 910 00:41:40,801 --> 00:41:42,721 We just don't know why. Is it one of those? 911 00:41:42,721 --> 00:41:44,001 We don't really know why. 912 00:41:44,001 --> 00:41:47,122 What defines them - they have to be twice the height of more than 913 00:41:47,122 --> 00:41:49,722 a third of the waves in the area. Of Richard Osman. 914 00:41:49,722 --> 00:41:51,282 And they appear really suddenly. 915 00:41:51,282 --> 00:41:53,562 I mean, they are unbelievably dangerous for shipping. 916 00:41:53,562 --> 00:41:56,362 And for centuries people thought it was an exaggeration by sailors, 917 00:41:56,362 --> 00:41:58,043 that no such thing really existed. 918 00:41:58,043 --> 00:42:01,523 Then on New Year's Day in 1995, an enormous wave smashed into 919 00:42:01,523 --> 00:42:04,563 the Draupner oil platform, which is just off the coast of Norway, 920 00:42:04,563 --> 00:42:08,323 and it was recorded at an astonishing 85 feet 921 00:42:08,323 --> 00:42:10,204 from trough to peak. 922 00:42:10,204 --> 00:42:12,244 And it was... The standard assumption was that 923 00:42:12,244 --> 00:42:15,004 these waves maybe happened once every 10,000 years or something. 924 00:42:15,004 --> 00:42:17,004 Did it knock it over? Were they all right? No, no! 925 00:42:17,004 --> 00:42:18,884 Everybody was absolutely fine, yeah. 926 00:42:18,884 --> 00:42:21,645 But they analysed about 30,000 satellite images over a three-week 927 00:42:21,645 --> 00:42:24,445 period in 2003 and they discovered ten waves around the world that 928 00:42:24,445 --> 00:42:27,205 had reached that height, so it is not quite as freaky as you thought. 929 00:42:27,205 --> 00:42:29,445 And nobody knows how they're created. Oh. 930 00:42:29,445 --> 00:42:32,686 According to Peter Challenor of the National Oceanographic Centre 931 00:42:32,686 --> 00:42:35,406 in Southampton, "People have been working actively on this 932 00:42:35,406 --> 00:42:36,806 "for the past 50 years at least. 933 00:42:36,806 --> 00:42:39,406 "We don't even have the start of a theory." Oh. 934 00:42:39,406 --> 00:42:42,207 I'm just imagining a load of scientists on surf boards going, 935 00:42:42,207 --> 00:42:44,887 "Oh, shit!" 936 00:42:44,887 --> 00:42:46,847 "This is one!" 937 00:42:48,047 --> 00:42:49,847 "Definitely one. Argh!" 938 00:42:49,847 --> 00:42:52,248 It reminds me of one of those Japanese prints. You know 939 00:42:52,248 --> 00:42:54,008 Beautiful. 940 00:42:52,248 --> 00:42:54,008 those sort of prints of this? 941 00:42:54,008 --> 00:42:56,648 And that's... My phone case, actually, is that painting, 942 00:42:56,648 --> 00:42:59,168 that Japanese painting of the wave. Is it really? Yeah, yeah. 943 00:42:59,168 --> 00:43:01,368 So, that's consumerism for you. Yeah. 944 00:43:02,569 --> 00:43:04,009 Right there. Yeah. 945 00:43:04,009 --> 00:43:07,809 It turns out rogue waves aren't tall stories, but are storeys tall. 946 00:43:07,809 --> 00:43:09,969 All of which brings us to the final scores. 947 00:43:09,969 --> 00:43:12,649 In fourth place, the villain of tonight's piece, 948 00:43:12,649 --> 00:43:15,050 with -29, is Alan. 949 00:43:18,770 --> 00:43:22,330 In third place, with -8, it's Bill. Yay! 950 00:43:24,251 --> 00:43:26,891 In second place, with -6, it's Olga! 951 00:43:26,891 --> 00:43:29,531 Boom! 952 00:43:29,531 --> 00:43:32,291 But sneaking into first place, an absolutely quizzy rascal, 953 00:43:32,291 --> 00:43:34,211 with four plus points, it's Jack. 954 00:43:35,412 --> 00:43:36,652 Wow! 955 00:43:43,052 --> 00:43:46,693 It only remains for me to thank Olga and Bill, and Jack and Alan. 956 00:43:46,693 --> 00:43:50,453 And I leave you with this impish tip from Steve Martin. 957 00:43:50,453 --> 00:43:53,213 "For sincere advice and the correct time, 958 00:43:53,213 --> 00:43:55,373 "call any number at random at 3am." 959 00:43:55,373 --> 00:43:57,894 Goodnight.