1 00:00:26,713 --> 00:00:29,273 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:33,393 --> 00:00:35,393 Good evening, and welcome to QI 3 00:00:35,393 --> 00:00:38,313 where tonight we are swanning around Sideshows, 4 00:00:38,313 --> 00:00:40,513 Stunts and Scavenger Hunts. 5 00:00:40,513 --> 00:00:41,793 Phew! 6 00:00:41,793 --> 00:00:43,593 Let's meet the fairground attractions. 7 00:00:43,593 --> 00:00:45,633 Roll up, roll up, it's Rosie Jones. 8 00:00:45,633 --> 00:00:47,473 APPLAUSE 9 00:00:49,433 --> 00:00:51,593 The wild man of Croydon, Nish Kumar. 10 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:53,753 APPLAUSE 11 00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:58,393 Behold, the freak of nature that is Gyles Brandreth. 12 00:00:58,393 --> 00:01:00,072 APPLAUSE 13 00:01:01,872 --> 00:01:05,032 And the star of Ferris Wheel's Day Off, Alan Davies. 14 00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:07,032 APPLAUSE 15 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:12,272 Right, let's hear how much fun you're all having. Nish goes... 16 00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:14,792 CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYS 17 00:01:14,792 --> 00:01:16,992 You can't help yourself but start doing that, can you? 18 00:01:16,992 --> 00:01:18,352 No, you've got to bounce to that. 19 00:01:18,352 --> 00:01:19,672 Rosie goes... 20 00:01:19,672 --> 00:01:21,832 CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYS 21 00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,232 Gyles goes... 22 00:01:23,232 --> 00:01:25,272 CIRCUS MUSIC CONTINUES 23 00:01:25,272 --> 00:01:27,072 And Alan goes... 24 00:01:27,072 --> 00:01:28,792 CLOWN HOOTER 25 00:01:32,632 --> 00:01:35,872 How did this woman pick up men? 26 00:01:35,872 --> 00:01:37,272 Oh. Ooh. 27 00:01:37,272 --> 00:01:39,351 Is it going to be with her teeth or something? 28 00:01:39,351 --> 00:01:41,231 Well, you're heading in the right... 29 00:01:41,231 --> 00:01:44,551 Am I? Oh. Heading in the right direction, yes. 30 00:01:44,551 --> 00:01:47,191 This is one of the great acts of all time. 31 00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:48,551 Ah. Gyles? 32 00:01:48,551 --> 00:01:49,991 It's a strong woman of some kind. 33 00:01:49,991 --> 00:01:52,231 Yeah. It's the very first female body-builder. 34 00:01:52,231 --> 00:01:54,751 The first female body-builder. Yes. And doesn't she look, 35 00:01:54,751 --> 00:01:57,111 if I may say so, are we allowed to make personal remarks? 36 00:01:57,111 --> 00:01:59,951 Or will I have to apologise on...? She's dead, so I think it's fine. 37 00:01:59,951 --> 00:02:01,031 Oh, fine. 38 00:02:01,031 --> 00:02:02,711 She was a fine figure of a woman. 39 00:02:02,711 --> 00:02:05,431 She's called Katie Brumbach, aka the Great Sandwina. 40 00:02:05,431 --> 00:02:08,311 And if we pull out on this picture, we can see that she's... 41 00:02:08,311 --> 00:02:12,151 There's rather more to her than we had first anticipated. Oh. 42 00:02:12,151 --> 00:02:15,911 And what I like is, her act involved picking up her 5ft 6in husband 43 00:02:15,911 --> 00:02:18,470 and twirling him over her head. 44 00:02:18,470 --> 00:02:21,110 I think it's a fine way to make a living. 45 00:02:21,110 --> 00:02:25,070 Sorry, I feel like I need to say it... 46 00:02:25,070 --> 00:02:26,590 Yes? 47 00:02:26,590 --> 00:02:28,390 She's fit. 48 00:02:30,430 --> 00:02:35,190 That waist, those arms... 49 00:02:35,190 --> 00:02:40,030 Oh, the things she could do with me. 50 00:02:40,030 --> 00:02:41,430 Ooh! 51 00:02:44,710 --> 00:02:47,230 Well, she's an extraordinary woman, she was born in Vienna, 52 00:02:47,230 --> 00:02:49,990 she was the daughter of a strong man and a strong woman in the circus. 53 00:02:49,990 --> 00:02:52,310 She was the second of 16 children. 54 00:02:52,310 --> 00:02:56,189 Wow. Her father could reportedly lift more than 500lb 55 00:02:56,189 --> 00:02:58,829 with a single finger. What? Wow. 56 00:02:58,829 --> 00:03:01,789 I know, right? She starred in the Barnum and Bailey circus. 57 00:03:01,789 --> 00:03:04,189 And in her spare time she became the Vice President 58 00:03:04,189 --> 00:03:06,429 of the circus's suffrage movement. Oh, wow. 59 00:03:06,429 --> 00:03:08,349 And her husband Max would tell a story, 60 00:03:08,349 --> 00:03:11,469 I suspect it's a tall tale, that he met her when he took on 61 00:03:11,469 --> 00:03:15,029 the challenge of wrestling her with the hopes of winning 100 marks. 62 00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:18,109 And when she threw him to the ground, they immediately 63 00:03:18,109 --> 00:03:19,909 realised that they loved each other. 64 00:03:19,909 --> 00:03:23,149 And that there was a good double act in it, I think. 65 00:03:23,149 --> 00:03:24,949 Have a look at this picture, 66 00:03:24,949 --> 00:03:28,029 we've got her underneath a human bridge. There she is. 67 00:03:28,029 --> 00:03:29,629 Whoa. Oh. No. 68 00:03:29,629 --> 00:03:31,269 Basically, she's a good egg. 69 00:03:31,269 --> 00:03:33,749 Yeah. She was a good egg, she was a feminist, 70 00:03:33,749 --> 00:03:37,348 she was a suffragette and she did good works for the cause 71 00:03:37,348 --> 00:03:38,828 of strong women. 72 00:03:38,828 --> 00:03:41,748 And she was fit. 73 00:03:41,748 --> 00:03:43,308 Exactly. 74 00:03:46,308 --> 00:03:48,828 You know we're all stronger than we realise? 75 00:03:48,828 --> 00:03:51,508 I learnt this when I was a very little boy, 76 00:03:51,508 --> 00:03:54,748 because I was born in Germany after the Second World War, 77 00:03:54,748 --> 00:03:57,508 the late 1940s, not a lot of work for the circuses. 78 00:03:57,508 --> 00:04:00,948 And my parents engaged a couple to look after me, 79 00:04:00,948 --> 00:04:03,548 as a sort of nanny and governess. 80 00:04:03,548 --> 00:04:06,668 And they were strong people from the local circus. 81 00:04:06,668 --> 00:04:09,868 So almost the first things I learnt were to walk the tightrope, 82 00:04:09,868 --> 00:04:13,267 and to stand on my head, and to be a strong baby. 83 00:04:13,267 --> 00:04:15,347 We can all do this experiment now. 84 00:04:15,347 --> 00:04:17,267 Put your hand on your head. OK. 85 00:04:17,267 --> 00:04:19,867 Like this. Oh, wait, I've got to find my head. OK. 86 00:04:19,867 --> 00:04:24,427 Now, with your other hand, attempt to lift your arm off your head. 87 00:04:24,427 --> 00:04:26,387 From underneath, just push with this hand. 88 00:04:26,387 --> 00:04:28,227 Please do this at home if you're watching. 89 00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:29,747 You can't do it, can you? No. 90 00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:31,107 You really cannot do it. 91 00:04:31,107 --> 00:04:34,347 The strongest person in the world, that strong woman, could not 92 00:04:34,347 --> 00:04:36,187 lift my hand from my head. 93 00:04:36,187 --> 00:04:38,667 It's all done with mechanics. 94 00:04:38,667 --> 00:04:40,707 They're not particularly strong at all. 95 00:04:40,707 --> 00:04:43,707 That's the trick I learnt when I was two and I'm pleased 96 00:04:43,707 --> 00:04:46,387 after all these years to be able to share it with you now. 97 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:50,227 Someone told you that when you were two? 98 00:04:50,227 --> 00:04:51,667 Yes. 99 00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:53,906 And you remembered it? 100 00:04:53,906 --> 00:04:56,426 Yes. How?! 101 00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:58,026 I treasured it. Yeah. 102 00:04:58,026 --> 00:04:59,266 I don't... 103 00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,746 Never ask Gyles a follow-up question. 104 00:05:11,866 --> 00:05:15,186 Sandwina herself had two children and, in fact, her first, 105 00:05:15,186 --> 00:05:17,506 Theodore Roosevelt Sandwina, when he was two, 106 00:05:17,506 --> 00:05:19,266 he weighed 3.5 stone - 50lb. 107 00:05:19,266 --> 00:05:22,746 He could pick up a 25lb dumbbell. Wow. 108 00:05:22,746 --> 00:05:24,186 Sandwina actually got her name, 109 00:05:24,186 --> 00:05:26,346 because her real name was Katie Brumbach, she got it 110 00:05:26,346 --> 00:05:28,386 from the very first male professional body-builder. 111 00:05:28,386 --> 00:05:30,666 Oh, Eugen Sandow. Yes, indeed, darling. 112 00:05:30,666 --> 00:05:32,945 Yes. There he is, look at that. 113 00:05:32,945 --> 00:05:36,345 I mean, there's a use of Blu Tack. 114 00:05:36,345 --> 00:05:38,225 Hang on, are we just, like... How did you know that?! 115 00:05:38,225 --> 00:05:41,145 Because he was my great-uncle's godfather. 116 00:05:45,785 --> 00:05:48,625 Not, frankly, that he looked... He didn't come to the christening, 117 00:05:48,625 --> 00:05:51,065 I assure you, dressed like that. 118 00:05:51,065 --> 00:05:53,185 Gyles, I've wanted to ask you this for a long time 119 00:05:53,185 --> 00:05:54,985 and I want you to give me a straight answer. 120 00:05:54,985 --> 00:05:57,265 Are you quite literally Forrest Gump? 121 00:05:59,305 --> 00:06:04,585 No relation of any kind, but Eugen Sandow and my great-great-uncle, 122 00:06:04,585 --> 00:06:07,065 I've got that generation right, they knew one another. 123 00:06:07,065 --> 00:06:09,465 He was incredibly famous. 124 00:06:09,465 --> 00:06:11,864 Even today the Mr Olympia competition, 125 00:06:11,864 --> 00:06:13,864 the trophy is a statue of Sandow. 126 00:06:13,864 --> 00:06:17,344 The legend has it that Eugen Sandow and Katie Brumbach once had 127 00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:21,544 a competition to lift a 300lb weight and she won. 128 00:06:21,544 --> 00:06:22,704 Wow. 129 00:06:22,704 --> 00:06:26,024 And so she referred to herself as the Great Sandwina. 130 00:06:26,024 --> 00:06:29,424 But this guy, he could do a somersault holding 131 00:06:29,424 --> 00:06:31,824 a 24-kilo dumbbell in each hand. 132 00:06:31,824 --> 00:06:34,904 He would sometimes lift a dumbbell that had a huge sphere on each end, 133 00:06:34,904 --> 00:06:36,224 and when he put it down, 134 00:06:36,224 --> 00:06:38,704 a grown man would walk out of each of the spheres. 135 00:06:38,704 --> 00:06:42,024 I mean, he could lift a grand piano with an orchestra of eight on top. 136 00:06:42,024 --> 00:06:45,344 Is he enormous? It's hard to tell there. 137 00:06:45,344 --> 00:06:48,863 I think he wasn't that big. And the leaf isn't that big. OK. 138 00:06:50,703 --> 00:06:52,383 Now, Gyles... Yes? 139 00:06:52,383 --> 00:06:57,983 Tell me, what's the best way to win a nonstop speaking competition? 140 00:06:57,983 --> 00:06:59,743 Oh, look. Oh, look, there you are. 141 00:06:59,743 --> 00:07:02,543 There's a picture of me in younger and happier days. Hm. 142 00:07:02,543 --> 00:07:05,943 Making the longest speech in the history of the world. 143 00:07:05,943 --> 00:07:09,143 I spoke on that occasion only for about three-and-a-half hours. 144 00:07:09,143 --> 00:07:12,623 Oh. I then broke the record again, speaking for seven hours. 145 00:07:12,623 --> 00:07:14,463 Then for eight hours, then for 11 hours, 146 00:07:14,463 --> 00:07:16,543 I shared that record with Nicholas Parsons. 147 00:07:16,543 --> 00:07:19,263 And eventually I retired when I'd spoken nonstop 148 00:07:19,263 --> 00:07:20,863 for 12-and-a-half hours. 149 00:07:20,863 --> 00:07:23,143 Do you actually make notes, or do you just...? No. No. 150 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,903 You had to do it without notes, without repetition 151 00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:27,782 and keeping the audience there, that was the challenge. 152 00:07:27,782 --> 00:07:29,742 And also staying there through the night. Hm. 153 00:07:29,742 --> 00:07:31,582 And I... Could you have a wee, darling? 154 00:07:31,582 --> 00:07:34,302 That's the whole problem. Hm. I knew I'd need to go the loo. 155 00:07:34,302 --> 00:07:36,502 But this was for a charity and they supplied me 156 00:07:36,502 --> 00:07:39,702 with an appliance that you strap around yourself. 157 00:07:39,702 --> 00:07:41,822 It's given to field marshals. 158 00:07:41,822 --> 00:07:43,982 And babies. I know. 159 00:07:43,982 --> 00:07:47,462 It's a full size, for field marshals on cold parade grounds. 160 00:07:47,462 --> 00:07:49,782 Old men. It's a sort of tube thing. 161 00:07:49,782 --> 00:07:51,462 Isn't that uncomfy? 162 00:07:51,462 --> 00:07:54,382 Well, initially, but it's quite exciting, actually, 163 00:07:54,382 --> 00:07:55,942 as the evening wears on. 164 00:07:59,142 --> 00:08:02,262 Do you know, it's very funny, they said, "See if Gyles can be 165 00:08:02,262 --> 00:08:04,342 "persuaded to reminisce," and you were. 166 00:08:09,941 --> 00:08:13,021 Well, nonstop competitive speaking is a sort of lesser-known sibling 167 00:08:13,021 --> 00:08:14,821 of the dance-marathon craze. 168 00:08:14,821 --> 00:08:17,701 There was a thing in 1928 called the Noun and Verb Rodeo 169 00:08:17,701 --> 00:08:19,141 and it took four days. 170 00:08:19,141 --> 00:08:21,621 And you could say whatever you wanted, as long as 171 00:08:21,621 --> 00:08:23,221 you spoke for 22.5 hours a day. 172 00:08:23,221 --> 00:08:24,901 Could you do that, do you think? 173 00:08:24,901 --> 00:08:26,821 Yeah, oh, certainly. 174 00:08:26,821 --> 00:08:28,621 Don't start, I mean... 175 00:08:28,621 --> 00:08:30,581 But wouldn't that be exciting? 176 00:08:30,581 --> 00:08:32,781 We could do it here and break a record 177 00:08:32,781 --> 00:08:34,461 and do something useful for a change. 178 00:08:34,461 --> 00:08:36,101 But repetition was allowed. 179 00:08:36,101 --> 00:08:38,821 There was one woman who repeatedly recited the part of Lady M 180 00:08:38,821 --> 00:08:40,341 until she passed out. 181 00:08:40,341 --> 00:08:43,181 Another competitor used his words to propose to a fellow player 182 00:08:43,181 --> 00:08:46,620 who used her time to explain why she wasn't interested. 183 00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:50,740 And a third said something so offensive they had to have him 184 00:08:50,740 --> 00:08:53,620 arrested for "loose talking". 185 00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:57,020 In fact, as far as I know, the longest speech is a filibuster 186 00:08:57,020 --> 00:08:59,260 in the United States Senate. Yeah. 187 00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:01,980 Which was a man called Storm Thurmond of South Carolina, 188 00:09:01,980 --> 00:09:03,660 US Senator, in 1957. 189 00:09:03,660 --> 00:09:06,060 And he spoke for 24 hours and 18 minutes. 190 00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:08,260 It's a record that still stands. Wow. 191 00:09:08,260 --> 00:09:10,180 But he's not my favourite person, 192 00:09:10,180 --> 00:09:12,500 because he spoke against the Civil Rights Act. Yeah. 193 00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:14,260 What a prick. Yeah. 194 00:09:14,260 --> 00:09:16,100 What... Yeah, yeah. 195 00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:18,140 It's like one of those Olympic records where 196 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,740 the person was on steroids. Yeah. 197 00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:22,660 Like, it definitely should come with a big old asterisk. Yeah. 198 00:09:22,660 --> 00:09:25,859 I mean, don't speak ill of the dead, apart from him. 199 00:09:25,859 --> 00:09:27,499 Yeah. 200 00:09:29,019 --> 00:09:32,019 You know, I'm going to say it 201 00:09:32,019 --> 00:09:34,459 right here, right now, 202 00:09:34,459 --> 00:09:37,619 I think I can beat that, 203 00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:42,939 because all I need to do is say, 204 00:09:42,939 --> 00:09:46,459 like, four sentences. 205 00:09:47,819 --> 00:09:49,419 All right. 206 00:09:51,139 --> 00:09:53,619 Absolutely, that is one of the ways of doing it, 207 00:09:53,619 --> 00:09:55,779 just take it very slowly indeed. 208 00:09:55,779 --> 00:09:59,059 But for me, the challenge, really, was keeping the audience awake, 209 00:09:59,059 --> 00:10:02,299 as you can imagine, because that was the rule, 210 00:10:02,299 --> 00:10:04,578 they had to stay. 211 00:10:04,578 --> 00:10:07,218 Sorry, I'd drifted off, I wasn't listening, but you were...? 212 00:10:12,978 --> 00:10:15,378 So, lots of competitive crazes in the United States. 213 00:10:15,378 --> 00:10:19,258 The late 1930s, swallowing live goldfish was a competitive craze. 214 00:10:19,258 --> 00:10:23,178 Oh. This guy, whose name is Lothrop Withington, 215 00:10:23,178 --> 00:10:26,098 he was a freshman at Harvard, he said he settled his stomach 216 00:10:26,098 --> 00:10:28,258 with some mashed potato before he swallowed. 217 00:10:28,258 --> 00:10:29,618 Yeah, don't do this, OK? 218 00:10:29,618 --> 00:10:31,018 It's not nice. 219 00:10:31,018 --> 00:10:33,938 And also, in this country you'll be, I think, arrested and banned 220 00:10:33,938 --> 00:10:35,138 from keeping animals. 221 00:10:35,138 --> 00:10:37,658 The young man who brought the goldfish looks a bit put out. 222 00:10:37,658 --> 00:10:38,898 He does look a bit put out. 223 00:10:38,898 --> 00:10:40,818 "Well, no-one said anything about this." Yeah. 224 00:10:40,818 --> 00:10:42,497 "They said, 'Have you got a fish?' 225 00:10:42,497 --> 00:10:44,577 "I said, 'Yes, I've got Geoffrey and I'll bring him in.' " 226 00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:47,137 What I love is, this guy looks so sort of trendy and everything, 227 00:10:47,137 --> 00:10:49,337 so I had a look to see what happened to him later in life. 228 00:10:49,337 --> 00:10:51,577 There's a terrible interview when he's an old man, 229 00:10:51,577 --> 00:10:54,097 interviewed about his collection of antique spoon moulds. 230 00:10:54,097 --> 00:10:56,337 And you just think, "Oh, you were so exciting 231 00:10:56,337 --> 00:10:59,377 "in 1939, now look at you." 232 00:10:59,377 --> 00:11:03,137 But it was a craze, and the final record before it was banned 233 00:11:03,137 --> 00:11:06,497 was a student swallowing 210 fish in one sitting. 234 00:11:06,497 --> 00:11:10,257 Another swallowing phenomenon of the era is one of my favourite 235 00:11:10,257 --> 00:11:13,217 Vaudeville acts of all time, the great Hadji Ali, 236 00:11:13,217 --> 00:11:15,137 the Great Regurgitator. 237 00:11:15,137 --> 00:11:18,097 So, this guy, he was billed as the Egyptian Enigma. 238 00:11:18,097 --> 00:11:19,897 And one of the things I like about him is, 239 00:11:19,897 --> 00:11:22,416 he was Judy Garland's favourite Vaudeville act, OK? 240 00:11:22,416 --> 00:11:24,496 So he would swallow... "I love him!" 241 00:11:24,496 --> 00:11:26,816 "I think he's fabulous." 242 00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:30,936 He would swallow increasingly improbable things and then reproduce 243 00:11:30,936 --> 00:11:34,656 them in an order specified by the audience. Oh, brilliant. 244 00:11:34,656 --> 00:11:38,536 So he could swallow 50 hazelnuts and an almond and bring the almond up 245 00:11:38,536 --> 00:11:41,656 at the moment requested by the audience. No! 246 00:11:41,656 --> 00:11:43,936 Yeah. And his greatest... 247 00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:45,896 "What a great show. 248 00:11:45,896 --> 00:11:47,896 "I love nuts." "I love the almond." 249 00:11:49,256 --> 00:11:52,216 Why in all these pictures do there have to be three men in suits 250 00:11:52,216 --> 00:11:54,376 who appear to have nothing to do with it? No, they don't. 251 00:11:54,376 --> 00:11:56,376 To bulk out the crowd. Yeah. 252 00:11:56,376 --> 00:11:58,936 His greatest trick, right, he would swallow some kerosene, 253 00:11:58,936 --> 00:12:01,855 then some water, then he would regurgitate the kerosene, 254 00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:05,615 set it on fire, regurgitate the water from six feet away 255 00:12:05,615 --> 00:12:07,295 and put the fire out. 256 00:12:07,295 --> 00:12:09,975 How do you discover you're good at that?! 257 00:12:09,975 --> 00:12:12,215 This is Le Petomane in reverse, isn't it? 258 00:12:12,215 --> 00:12:14,695 It is, exactly Le Petomane in reverse, yes. Yeah, yeah. 259 00:12:14,695 --> 00:12:16,695 Le Petomane was a similar period, I think. 260 00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:19,135 Yes, I think it's about right. A similar vintage of act. Yeah. 261 00:12:19,135 --> 00:12:21,695 And he was somebody who broke wind, out of his backside - 262 00:12:21,695 --> 00:12:23,775 Le Petomane could blow out candles at a distance. 263 00:12:23,775 --> 00:12:26,455 Well, darling, he could do the whole of the Marseillaise, apparently. 264 00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:28,055 Oh, yes. Yeah. 265 00:12:29,455 --> 00:12:30,895 You can do that. 266 00:12:30,895 --> 00:12:32,455 No, I can't do that. 267 00:12:32,455 --> 00:12:36,215 I can't. Look, all... Look, OK, Rosie and I spent 268 00:12:36,215 --> 00:12:37,775 a lot of 2018 and '19 269 00:12:37,775 --> 00:12:41,214 on tour together and I... All that would happen is, 270 00:12:41,214 --> 00:12:45,134 I'd have a Nando's slightly too close to the show and unfortunately 271 00:12:45,134 --> 00:12:47,854 there wasn't as much privacy in the dressing rooms 272 00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:50,654 of the regional arts centres of the United Kingdom. 273 00:12:50,654 --> 00:12:54,734 And so, just every so often I'd hear Rosie go, "Can you not?" 274 00:12:58,294 --> 00:13:01,014 Why does Nando's make you effervescent? 275 00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,814 Because I have it extra hot and with a Coke. 276 00:13:03,814 --> 00:13:08,054 And the whole thing goes a bit Petomane Kumar. 277 00:13:09,734 --> 00:13:15,014 You cannot imagine the stench. 278 00:13:20,493 --> 00:13:24,373 Oh. Nonstop speaking and goldfish swallowing are both forgotten sports 279 00:13:24,373 --> 00:13:26,213 and possibly should stay that way. 280 00:13:26,213 --> 00:13:28,693 Are some of my other records on your list? 281 00:13:28,693 --> 00:13:31,053 No, darling, what are your other records? Oh, well... 282 00:13:31,053 --> 00:13:33,333 Oh, I can't believe I asked you that. 283 00:13:37,093 --> 00:13:39,093 The longest ever screen kiss? 284 00:13:39,093 --> 00:13:41,213 You?! Me. 285 00:13:41,213 --> 00:13:42,573 Were you alone? 286 00:13:47,613 --> 00:13:50,293 The record was held for many years 287 00:13:50,293 --> 00:13:52,813 by Regis Toomey and Jane Wyman, 288 00:13:52,813 --> 00:13:55,813 the first wife of Ronald Reagan. Yes, indeed. 289 00:13:55,813 --> 00:13:58,572 In a film called, You're In The Army Now in the 1940s. 290 00:13:58,572 --> 00:14:02,092 They had an osculatory marathon that lasted about two-and-a-half minutes. 291 00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:05,452 And I thought it would be rather fun to see if I could beat this 292 00:14:05,452 --> 00:14:08,692 on screen, and be in the Guinness Book Of Records again 293 00:14:08,692 --> 00:14:10,892 for the longest sustained screen kiss. 294 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:14,012 And this was in the 1980s and I was on a programme called 295 00:14:14,012 --> 00:14:16,212 TV-AM with a lovely presenter, Anne Diamond. 296 00:14:16,212 --> 00:14:18,772 And she agreed on Valentine's Day to give it a go. 297 00:14:18,772 --> 00:14:22,652 And so we began kissing, the clock was ticking, 298 00:14:22,652 --> 00:14:25,812 but these were the early days of TV-AM and we had a mission 299 00:14:25,812 --> 00:14:29,052 to explain, and unfortunately, about two minutes into our kiss, 300 00:14:29,052 --> 00:14:31,812 we had to go live to Moscow 301 00:14:31,812 --> 00:14:34,412 for coverage of President Brezhnev's funeral. 302 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,251 You killed Brezhnev? 303 00:14:40,251 --> 00:14:42,091 And it was felt inappropriate. 304 00:14:42,091 --> 00:14:45,131 They wanted to put the picture in the corner of the screen. Yes. 305 00:14:45,131 --> 00:14:47,611 But actually, as Madame Brezhnev was weeping and the body 306 00:14:47,611 --> 00:14:50,131 was being put into the... They felt this was inappropriate. 307 00:14:50,131 --> 00:14:53,571 Anyway, so we did not break the record on that occasion. 308 00:14:53,571 --> 00:14:56,611 But a year later, I thought, "I'm going to do it again." 309 00:14:56,611 --> 00:14:58,211 So here we are on Valentine's Day 310 00:14:58,211 --> 00:15:00,851 and there is the lovely Cheryl Baker from Bucks Fizz. 311 00:15:00,851 --> 00:15:03,611 I remember. Well, she's still lovely, she's still brilliant. 312 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:04,971 Anne said no? 313 00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:07,811 Anne said two minutes was enough. 314 00:15:07,811 --> 00:15:11,331 Anne said, "How's the Russian President, before we start?" 315 00:15:14,171 --> 00:15:17,010 Anyway, the long and the short of it is, I have held the record 316 00:15:17,010 --> 00:15:20,090 for the longest ever screen kiss with Cheryl Baker. 317 00:15:20,090 --> 00:15:21,370 APPLAUSE 318 00:15:21,370 --> 00:15:23,050 Thank you. Thank you. 319 00:15:24,850 --> 00:15:28,010 Have you done screen kisses, Alan? They're so awkward. 320 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:33,890 Yes. I had to do a sex scene in a train toilet with Lesley Sharp. 321 00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:35,490 Brilliant, brilliant actress 322 00:15:35,490 --> 00:15:38,810 and very nice to do a sex scene with. 323 00:15:38,810 --> 00:15:41,730 But it wasn't a real train toilet. It was a studio set, 324 00:15:41,730 --> 00:15:45,450 and to get the idea that the train was moving 325 00:15:45,450 --> 00:15:49,730 they had a light outside the window, and a spark with a board, 326 00:15:49,730 --> 00:15:53,849 just passing it in front of the light, and that's all I remember. 327 00:15:53,849 --> 00:15:58,769 Very heightened passion and just the other side was a man just going... 328 00:16:04,489 --> 00:16:07,329 Now you can't have sex without a man outside your window. 329 00:16:07,329 --> 00:16:10,409 About two years after that I would call him and say, 330 00:16:10,409 --> 00:16:13,169 "I might be in luck tonight, can you be at 330..." 331 00:16:13,169 --> 00:16:15,569 Right, Gyles obviously finds speaking easy 332 00:16:15,569 --> 00:16:17,609 but now onto speakeasies. 333 00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:20,889 Which of you would have made the best bootlegger? 334 00:16:22,089 --> 00:16:25,289 I want to say Rosie Jones. You would be right. 335 00:16:25,289 --> 00:16:27,209 Oh, really? Why might that be? 336 00:16:27,209 --> 00:16:30,409 I think she just gets away with a huge amount because she looks like 337 00:16:30,409 --> 00:16:32,169 butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, 338 00:16:32,169 --> 00:16:34,208 but let me tell you, it would, and it does. 339 00:16:36,768 --> 00:16:39,848 Is it not to do with making illicit alcohol, then? 340 00:16:39,848 --> 00:16:42,448 It's absolutely to do with making illicit alcohol. 341 00:16:42,448 --> 00:16:45,088 But why would a female.... Do better? Yes. 342 00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:49,728 Is that cos I'm a cute little lady? It is. 343 00:16:49,728 --> 00:16:54,768 And I'm like, "Alcohol? No!" 344 00:16:57,328 --> 00:17:01,808 It's the reluctance of officers to search women. Ahhh! 345 00:17:01,808 --> 00:17:03,848 It was thought inappropriate, 346 00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:06,328 even to search cars with women in them, 347 00:17:06,328 --> 00:17:09,728 and lots of women, hard to believe, took advantage of this, 348 00:17:09,728 --> 00:17:13,967 and they reckon female bootleggers outnumbered men by five to one. 349 00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:15,847 Really? Yeah. 350 00:17:15,847 --> 00:17:18,607 In some states it was illegal for women to be strip-searched 351 00:17:18,607 --> 00:17:20,447 so they would provoke officers by saying, 352 00:17:20,447 --> 00:17:22,767 "Oh, it's hidden down the bra," or wherever 353 00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:24,647 and threaten to sue the officers... 354 00:17:24,647 --> 00:17:27,167 I don't know why I suddenly turned into...! 355 00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:31,247 You're like, "Oh, it's that man with the police..." I know. 356 00:17:31,247 --> 00:17:34,647 The sworn enemies were two prohibition agents, 357 00:17:34,647 --> 00:17:38,087 called Isidor "Izzy" Einstein and his partner Moe Smith, 358 00:17:38,087 --> 00:17:39,767 and there they are. 359 00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:42,527 They specialised in costumes, so they would turn up as 360 00:17:42,527 --> 00:17:45,727 German pickle-packers, Hungarian violinists, or whatever. 361 00:17:45,727 --> 00:17:47,967 My favourite is that several times Einstein, 362 00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,846 who is the one on the right, went into a bar and identified himself as 363 00:17:50,846 --> 00:17:53,406 a prohibition agent and the barman and thought it was hilarious 364 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,206 and let him in. 365 00:17:55,206 --> 00:17:58,886 To be fair to those two gents, if they were going to disguise 366 00:17:58,886 --> 00:18:02,326 themselves as anything, it would be "people who are too drunk at a bar". 367 00:18:02,326 --> 00:18:04,646 But wait until you see some of the disguises... 368 00:18:10,166 --> 00:18:14,366 I love the one on the right. GYLES: Oh, yes. 369 00:18:14,366 --> 00:18:18,086 That's very Some Like It Hot. Yep. 370 00:18:18,086 --> 00:18:21,046 Anybody know another country that enforced prohibition? 371 00:18:22,326 --> 00:18:25,606 Iceland - banned all alcohol in 1915. 372 00:18:25,606 --> 00:18:28,126 So for 20 years they didn't have alcohol at all. 373 00:18:28,126 --> 00:18:30,885 In 1935 they legalised everything except strong beer. 374 00:18:30,885 --> 00:18:35,205 And full-strength beer was only legalised in 1989. Really? Yeah. 375 00:18:35,205 --> 00:18:37,125 They come late to a lot of things. 376 00:18:37,125 --> 00:18:39,965 I think I'm right in saying they didn't allow television 377 00:18:39,965 --> 00:18:42,405 on Thursday nights until quite recently. 378 00:18:42,405 --> 00:18:44,525 They wanted people to read books on Thursday nights. 379 00:18:44,525 --> 00:18:46,125 Have a drink and read a book. 380 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,365 One of the things they did do was once a month, 381 00:18:48,365 --> 00:18:51,245 particularly in Reykjavik, they would turn out the streetlights 382 00:18:51,245 --> 00:18:54,045 and somebody would give a lecture on the National Public Radio 383 00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:57,085 about the stars that evening and the lights were turned out so everybody 384 00:18:57,085 --> 00:18:59,725 could see the constellations clearly. Oh, wow. 385 00:18:59,725 --> 00:19:02,365 That's so... I think that is a really lovely thing. That's amazing. 386 00:19:02,365 --> 00:19:06,525 I was a guest of the Prime Minister in Iceland and my wife and I went. 387 00:19:06,525 --> 00:19:09,204 We were staying with the Prime Minister and her wife, 388 00:19:09,204 --> 00:19:11,684 so just the four of us in their equivalent of Chequers. 389 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:14,484 We were shown up to bed by the Prime Minister. 390 00:19:14,484 --> 00:19:17,364 "Here are the spare towels, here is the bathroom. 391 00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:20,204 "If you get up in the night, don't touch the red button." 392 00:19:20,204 --> 00:19:23,604 "Oh, what happens?" She said, "The SAS will come." 393 00:19:29,604 --> 00:19:32,564 What career skills can you pick up at a funfair? 394 00:19:32,564 --> 00:19:35,284 Funfair? So not a circus, more a funfair, 395 00:19:35,284 --> 00:19:38,044 more rides and coconut shies, that sort of thing. 396 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:40,004 Exactly that, my darling. 397 00:19:40,004 --> 00:19:44,284 For your career as...someone who throws things? 398 00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:48,043 I think the fact the woman is riding a machine is a bit of a clue. 399 00:19:48,043 --> 00:19:51,883 It's flying. What? I know, it seems extraordinary. 400 00:19:51,883 --> 00:19:55,003 The first ever plane-themed funfair rides were invented 401 00:19:55,003 --> 00:19:59,963 to train pilots to actually fly a real plane. 402 00:19:59,963 --> 00:20:03,083 There was an American engineer in 1931 called Lee Eyerly 403 00:20:03,083 --> 00:20:06,003 and he invented a device called the Orientator. 404 00:20:06,003 --> 00:20:10,923 It was a small model of a plane and it could tilt and turn and roll 405 00:20:10,923 --> 00:20:12,763 whilst stuck in a Y-shaped... 406 00:20:12,763 --> 00:20:14,683 This is an extraordinary picture, 407 00:20:14,683 --> 00:20:18,723 because this is Amelia Earhart in his training machine. 408 00:20:18,723 --> 00:20:23,163 The Cuban government ordered five of them to train their air force 409 00:20:23,163 --> 00:20:26,682 and it is the only five that he ever sold, Eyerly. Wow. 410 00:20:26,682 --> 00:20:29,882 Nobody else was interested, and then a friend of his convinced him 411 00:20:29,882 --> 00:20:32,842 that actually it would do better if he turned it into a carnival ride. 412 00:20:32,842 --> 00:20:35,922 It was renamed the Acro plane and it sold ten times as many 413 00:20:35,922 --> 00:20:38,882 as when it was a training simulator. 414 00:20:38,882 --> 00:20:44,722 Is it the same for driving a car and dodgems? 415 00:20:44,722 --> 00:20:46,322 Exactly the same, darling, yes. 416 00:20:46,322 --> 00:20:48,162 Just go for it, 417 00:20:48,162 --> 00:20:50,442 hit anybody, I think, is the way forward! 418 00:20:53,082 --> 00:20:56,642 I do have a particular interest in these plane rides because 419 00:20:56,642 --> 00:20:58,962 the machine gun inventor, Sir Hiram Maxim - 420 00:20:58,962 --> 00:21:00,882 that's him with the white beard. 421 00:21:00,882 --> 00:21:03,562 He built a fairground ride with gondoliers which spun. 422 00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:06,481 It sort of flew by virtue of a centrifugal force. 423 00:21:06,481 --> 00:21:10,441 And his captive flying machines are a Blackpool ride, 424 00:21:10,441 --> 00:21:14,201 still operating today - possibly the oldest fairground ride in Europe. 425 00:21:14,201 --> 00:21:17,481 And the guy who built it for him is the guy in the other bowler hat, 426 00:21:17,481 --> 00:21:22,121 Field Trickett, and that is my great-grandfather. Oh, wow! 427 00:21:22,121 --> 00:21:25,321 You're turning into me! I am, darling! 428 00:21:25,321 --> 00:21:28,441 I mean, you and the Prime Minister of Iceland, you and your grandpa. 429 00:21:28,441 --> 00:21:30,161 I know, it's very exciting. 430 00:21:30,161 --> 00:21:31,321 Right. 431 00:21:31,321 --> 00:21:34,681 Which is easier to do, get a sonic boom out of a potato, 432 00:21:34,681 --> 00:21:37,961 unboil an egg or eat your own umbilical cord? 433 00:21:37,961 --> 00:21:39,081 Oh. 434 00:21:39,081 --> 00:21:41,161 Hm. Hm. 435 00:21:41,161 --> 00:21:43,081 Is that what an umbilical cord looks like? 436 00:21:43,081 --> 00:21:44,880 Not the one in the middle. 437 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:50,640 Have you not seen one? No. No. 438 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,720 I was forced to cut the umbilical cord... Yes, yes. Oh, no. 439 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,000 ..of my...well, I say unborn children, recently born. 440 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,440 It's quite tough. 441 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,280 Very sharp little scissors. Yeah. 442 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:00,800 You know our friend Brian Blessed? 443 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,360 Hm. He cut an umbilical cord with his own teeth. 444 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:04,560 Why? 445 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:08,000 Because he was, this is a true story, and were he here, he would 446 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,000 tell it to you more concisely. 447 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,640 He was on a walk 448 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:17,000 and a lady was giving birth, and in some discomfort. 449 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,720 He went to the rescue, with his beard, ready, 450 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,359 and tickled her through the last moments. 451 00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:26,879 And the baby was born and he realised he was alone, 452 00:22:26,879 --> 00:22:31,279 somehow the umbilical cord had to be cut and he bit through the umbilical 453 00:22:31,279 --> 00:22:33,239 cord with his teeth. 454 00:22:33,239 --> 00:22:38,479 And I think he keeps a little bit of it in a sort of jam jar at home. 455 00:22:38,479 --> 00:22:40,119 Please stop! 456 00:22:45,559 --> 00:22:47,199 So we're talking about 457 00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:49,319 the University of Chicago's scavenger hunt. 458 00:22:49,319 --> 00:22:52,559 It is possibly the most challenging scavenger hunt on the entire planet. 459 00:22:52,559 --> 00:22:56,479 The challenges have included building a nuclear reactor 460 00:22:56,479 --> 00:22:59,079 and getting yourself circumcised. 461 00:22:59,079 --> 00:23:00,759 Both have been achieved. 462 00:23:00,759 --> 00:23:03,238 It's the gold standard of scavenger hunts, frankly. 463 00:23:03,238 --> 00:23:04,758 It's fiendishly hard, 464 00:23:04,758 --> 00:23:06,918 first of all because they don't tell you what the list is, 465 00:23:06,918 --> 00:23:08,598 you have to find the list yourself. 466 00:23:08,598 --> 00:23:09,918 And there are about 300 items 467 00:23:09,918 --> 00:23:11,678 to either find or do a quest each year. 468 00:23:11,678 --> 00:23:14,358 So over the years, the challenges have included unboiling an egg. 469 00:23:14,358 --> 00:23:17,158 Now we've done this, Alan, we did unboil an egg on the show. Did we? 470 00:23:17,158 --> 00:23:18,398 How does one do that? 471 00:23:18,398 --> 00:23:21,758 What you do is, you inject urea into the egg. 472 00:23:21,758 --> 00:23:23,238 Piss?! 473 00:23:23,238 --> 00:23:26,198 Yes, darling, I said urea just to be nice, but, yes. 474 00:23:29,438 --> 00:23:32,798 I used another four-letter word that I thought made me look cleverer. 475 00:23:35,198 --> 00:23:37,398 What it does is, it breaks down the bonds of protein 476 00:23:37,398 --> 00:23:38,678 and then you have to spin it. 477 00:23:38,678 --> 00:23:40,877 Do you remember that? No, OK. 478 00:23:40,877 --> 00:23:45,917 Wait, did you two wee on an egg? 479 00:23:45,917 --> 00:23:47,517 We had people for that. 480 00:23:47,517 --> 00:23:48,957 OK. 481 00:23:48,957 --> 00:23:52,317 Because I was going to say 482 00:23:52,317 --> 00:23:56,677 I missed that episode. 483 00:23:56,677 --> 00:23:59,197 Somebody had to get a potato to break the sound barrier, 484 00:23:59,197 --> 00:24:01,597 somebody had to get a live lion, tiger and bear 485 00:24:01,597 --> 00:24:03,197 into the same place on campus. 486 00:24:03,197 --> 00:24:05,357 And one person had to eat their own umbilical cord, 487 00:24:05,357 --> 00:24:08,397 which they did manage, because it turned out their mother 488 00:24:08,397 --> 00:24:12,677 had kept it as a souvenir and he put it in an American cake 489 00:24:12,677 --> 00:24:14,517 called a Twinkie and ate it. 490 00:24:14,517 --> 00:24:15,757 Wow. 491 00:24:15,757 --> 00:24:20,156 Um... Sorry, but why? 492 00:24:24,716 --> 00:24:27,796 You ask that question because you're not a boy at university. 493 00:24:29,436 --> 00:24:31,636 Nobody's found a way to get the potato 494 00:24:31,636 --> 00:24:33,516 to break the sound barrier yet. 495 00:24:33,516 --> 00:24:36,276 Although, do you know how McDonald's make their French fries? 496 00:24:36,276 --> 00:24:37,716 Which I've just discovered. 497 00:24:37,716 --> 00:24:42,436 They fire them at 75mph through a grid of knives that chop them. 498 00:24:42,436 --> 00:24:45,356 What?! Oh! Yes, I know. 499 00:24:45,356 --> 00:24:48,196 That's good, isn't it? Quite exciting. A rather good fact. 500 00:24:48,196 --> 00:24:51,996 Anyway, the building a nuclear reactor, 1999, a pair of physics 501 00:24:51,996 --> 00:24:55,596 students at Chicago earned 500 points by building a working nuclear 502 00:24:55,596 --> 00:24:59,475 reactor in their dorm, using scrap aluminium and carbon sheets, 503 00:24:59,475 --> 00:25:01,875 and it was capable of producing high-grade uranium. 504 00:25:01,875 --> 00:25:04,675 What?! So, we're going to try and get you guys to do something. 505 00:25:04,675 --> 00:25:06,035 You should have two balloons. 506 00:25:06,035 --> 00:25:08,115 This is not exactly a nuclear reactor, but you know, 507 00:25:08,115 --> 00:25:09,755 just to start simple. 508 00:25:09,755 --> 00:25:12,715 I want you to take your two balloons, or tell me how you would, 509 00:25:12,715 --> 00:25:15,515 take your two balloons and turn them into a pair of slippers. 510 00:25:15,515 --> 00:25:18,275 I'm going to go ahead and assume... Yeah? 511 00:25:18,275 --> 00:25:21,155 ..it isn't just a case of wham your feet in? 512 00:25:21,155 --> 00:25:23,835 Putting your foot into the balloon? Yeah, just straight in the balloon. 513 00:25:23,835 --> 00:25:25,875 No. OK. Because it will break. 514 00:25:25,875 --> 00:25:29,595 Do you chop your foot off? 515 00:25:29,595 --> 00:25:32,555 Chop your foot off, chop your foot off! 516 00:25:32,555 --> 00:25:38,274 Chop your foot off and put it in a blender? 517 00:25:43,114 --> 00:25:46,794 And then you pour it into there? 518 00:25:46,794 --> 00:25:48,954 How can I say this? No. 519 00:25:50,834 --> 00:25:53,194 Right. It's never a good sign when she goes quiet for a bit. 520 00:25:53,194 --> 00:25:55,034 Yeah, just having a think there. 521 00:25:55,034 --> 00:25:58,314 I mean, you'd have to be desperate to win, Rosie, for that. 522 00:25:58,314 --> 00:25:59,834 I'll do it! 523 00:26:01,154 --> 00:26:02,594 Let's have a look at how you do it. 524 00:26:02,594 --> 00:26:04,834 OK, this is a very straightforward trick. 525 00:26:04,834 --> 00:26:07,154 So you blow the balloon up and get the friend 526 00:26:07,154 --> 00:26:08,794 to just hold it like that. 527 00:26:08,794 --> 00:26:10,754 And then let the air out. 528 00:26:10,754 --> 00:26:12,514 Oh. 529 00:26:12,514 --> 00:26:14,394 Isn't that clever? That's brilliant. 530 00:26:14,394 --> 00:26:16,953 Yeah. Oh, that's good. What attractive slippers they are, too. 531 00:26:16,953 --> 00:26:18,553 They're perfectly nice, aren't they? 532 00:26:18,553 --> 00:26:21,113 It's a good job I didn't ask you to make a nuclear reactor. 533 00:26:21,113 --> 00:26:23,673 And are you into this sort of thing? I was just... 534 00:26:23,673 --> 00:26:25,153 I love puzzles and games. Love them. 535 00:26:25,153 --> 00:26:28,273 No, no, I was brooding about the circumcision thing. Oh... 536 00:26:28,273 --> 00:26:30,233 I think it was boys only, darling. 537 00:26:36,793 --> 00:26:40,033 Recently, Mothering Sunday, I saw some flowers in the window 538 00:26:40,033 --> 00:26:43,113 of a shop and I went in and I said, "Can I have some flowers?" 539 00:26:43,113 --> 00:26:44,873 And they said, "No. We don't sell flowers." 540 00:26:44,873 --> 00:26:46,633 I said, "There are flowers in the window." 541 00:26:46,633 --> 00:26:49,633 They said, "We are a circumcision clinic. 542 00:26:49,633 --> 00:26:52,513 "What do you expect us to put in the window?" 543 00:26:57,152 --> 00:26:59,712 So the scavenger hunt as a sort of an idea 544 00:26:59,712 --> 00:27:02,112 was the brainchild of a marvellous woman called Elsa Maxwell. 545 00:27:02,112 --> 00:27:04,952 She was one of the great party hostesses of the 20th century. 546 00:27:04,952 --> 00:27:08,152 And there she is in the middle, there she is with Cole Porter. 547 00:27:08,152 --> 00:27:11,712 And she threw the very first one in Paris, in 1927. 548 00:27:11,712 --> 00:27:14,312 And the items included, somebody had to get a black swan 549 00:27:14,312 --> 00:27:15,832 from the Bois de Boulogne park. 550 00:27:15,832 --> 00:27:17,952 Do we get a bonus for knowing who the other fellow is? 551 00:27:17,952 --> 00:27:20,592 Is it your grandad? 552 00:27:26,152 --> 00:27:28,352 No, it's a man called William Lada. 553 00:27:28,352 --> 00:27:30,872 Who? Well, that's all we know about him, apart from 554 00:27:30,872 --> 00:27:32,312 he liked to smoke cigarettes. 555 00:27:32,312 --> 00:27:34,511 So you had to get a black swan from the Bois de Boulogne, 556 00:27:34,511 --> 00:27:37,671 a shoe of the music hall star Mistinguett... 557 00:27:37,671 --> 00:27:40,511 Do you know about Mistinguett? I do know about Mistinguett. 558 00:27:40,511 --> 00:27:43,391 She was a great favourite of Maurice Chevalier. 559 00:27:43,391 --> 00:27:46,991 She was, in her day, the highest paid female entertainer in the world 560 00:27:46,991 --> 00:27:48,831 and hardly anybody knows about her now. Wow. 561 00:27:48,831 --> 00:27:50,551 They had to try and get a shoe of hers, 562 00:27:50,551 --> 00:27:52,511 a red pompom from a sailor's hat, and so on. 563 00:27:52,511 --> 00:27:55,471 And riots, riotous scenes across Paris ensued 564 00:27:55,471 --> 00:27:56,711 because of this thing. 565 00:27:56,711 --> 00:27:59,031 And the police came to interview Elsa Maxwell and said, 566 00:27:59,031 --> 00:28:00,271 "What on earth are you doing?" 567 00:28:00,271 --> 00:28:02,991 And then she named the guests at her party and it included 568 00:28:02,991 --> 00:28:05,551 the Chief of Police's nephew and the Mayor's son. 569 00:28:05,551 --> 00:28:07,111 That was the end of it. 570 00:28:07,111 --> 00:28:10,471 The University of Chicago scavenger hunt stunts are usually 571 00:28:10,471 --> 00:28:12,311 completed by a bunch of... 572 00:28:12,311 --> 00:28:13,990 ..undergraduates. 573 00:28:17,310 --> 00:28:21,630 What looks like a scrotum and loves doing press-ups? 574 00:28:21,630 --> 00:28:23,190 Oh! Nish! 575 00:28:28,910 --> 00:28:31,350 Can I just say, I do not enjoy press-ups, 576 00:28:31,350 --> 00:28:33,950 so I don't know where you've got that from! 577 00:28:33,950 --> 00:28:37,030 Yeah, that's ridiculous! Any other thoughts? 578 00:28:37,030 --> 00:28:39,670 It's going to be something from the animal kingdom, is it? 579 00:28:39,670 --> 00:28:41,350 Something wrinkly and undersea? 580 00:28:41,350 --> 00:28:43,150 Underwater, certainly. 581 00:28:43,150 --> 00:28:46,150 It's the pleasingly named Titicaca water frog. 582 00:28:46,150 --> 00:28:47,830 That's my favourite... Ah! 583 00:28:47,830 --> 00:28:49,630 It's nickname is "the scrotum frog". 584 00:28:49,630 --> 00:28:52,070 There it is. You can see its skin looks much too big. 585 00:28:52,070 --> 00:28:54,829 If you're looking at your scrotum and you're seeing eyes, 586 00:28:54,829 --> 00:28:56,429 go to the doctor. 587 00:28:56,429 --> 00:28:59,269 If you're looking at your scrotum and it's looking back at you... 588 00:28:59,269 --> 00:29:00,869 Yeah, it's looking back at you! 589 00:29:02,389 --> 00:29:05,629 Well, this frog spend its entire life in the water 590 00:29:05,629 --> 00:29:08,829 of Lake Titicaca, which is between Peru and Bolivia, 591 00:29:08,829 --> 00:29:11,789 12,500 ft above sea level, so there we are there. 592 00:29:11,789 --> 00:29:13,069 It never leaves the lake, 593 00:29:13,069 --> 00:29:15,309 so it goes for its whole life under the surface. 594 00:29:15,309 --> 00:29:18,029 Oh, is that why it's all shrivelled up, as it were? It's partly that, 595 00:29:18,029 --> 00:29:21,589 but there's relatively little oxygen in the lake. 596 00:29:21,589 --> 00:29:25,709 So the frog's huge skin surface allows it to absorb as much 597 00:29:25,709 --> 00:29:28,949 oxygen as possible through the skin. 598 00:29:28,949 --> 00:29:31,388 If it ever needs extra oxygen, it has two options. 599 00:29:31,388 --> 00:29:34,588 It can surface briefly to breathe through its tiny lungs, 600 00:29:34,588 --> 00:29:38,548 or it can do press-ups at the bottom of the lake. 601 00:29:38,548 --> 00:29:39,748 What? 602 00:29:39,748 --> 00:29:41,388 To disturb the water around it 603 00:29:41,388 --> 00:29:45,028 and so there's more oxygen which can reach the skin. 604 00:29:45,028 --> 00:29:47,988 How cute is that? It just thinks, "Oh, I'm a bit out of breath." 605 00:29:47,988 --> 00:29:49,428 SHE PANTS 606 00:29:49,428 --> 00:29:52,708 The frogs came to fame in 1968 when Jacques Cousteau visited 607 00:29:52,708 --> 00:29:54,388 and he estimated at the time 608 00:29:54,388 --> 00:29:57,668 that there was about a billion frogs in the lake. 609 00:29:57,668 --> 00:29:59,708 In one lake?! What?! 610 00:29:59,708 --> 00:30:02,708 Well, you're talking about two million acres of lake, 611 00:30:02,708 --> 00:30:04,228 so it's a lot of lake. 612 00:30:04,228 --> 00:30:09,188 Now there is possibly as few as 50,000 left. No? Aw... 613 00:30:09,188 --> 00:30:10,227 Yeah. It's such a shame. 614 00:30:10,227 --> 00:30:12,947 Pollution, humans hunting them for food, 615 00:30:12,947 --> 00:30:15,667 invasive trout eating their tadpoles and so on. 616 00:30:15,667 --> 00:30:17,867 And they're trying to work out how to save them. 617 00:30:17,867 --> 00:30:21,027 People eat these, do they? Are they a delicacy? Apparently so. 618 00:30:21,027 --> 00:30:24,027 Denver Zoo just hatched their first-ever scrotum frogs in 2017. 619 00:30:24,027 --> 00:30:25,187 Oh, wow. 620 00:30:25,187 --> 00:30:29,907 Do you remember the poet WH Auden had a face lined, absolutely covered 621 00:30:29,907 --> 00:30:31,827 with lines, like a crisscross? 622 00:30:31,827 --> 00:30:33,707 Noel Coward said, "Picture his face. 623 00:30:33,707 --> 00:30:35,467 "Now imagine his scrotum." 624 00:30:39,187 --> 00:30:42,707 I have a sort of scrotum aversion, I must say. 625 00:30:42,707 --> 00:30:45,387 Well, finally we've found something we have in common. 626 00:30:49,346 --> 00:30:52,986 Well...you remember... 627 00:30:54,106 --> 00:30:57,106 ..our mutual friend Maureen Lipman's wonderful line. 628 00:30:57,106 --> 00:30:59,186 "What's the worst thing about oral sex? 629 00:30:59,186 --> 00:31:01,026 "The view!" 630 00:31:04,666 --> 00:31:05,746 Now, um... 631 00:31:08,546 --> 00:31:10,586 Here's a bit of a spectacle - how do you think 632 00:31:10,586 --> 00:31:14,226 a fight between a submarine and a stallion would go? 633 00:31:14,226 --> 00:31:15,706 A stallion's a horse. 634 00:31:15,706 --> 00:31:20,386 Yes. A submarine is a submersible ship. Nothing gets past you. 635 00:31:20,386 --> 00:31:22,666 They rarely meet. 636 00:31:22,666 --> 00:31:26,986 So, there are a couple of instances where they have met. 637 00:31:26,986 --> 00:31:29,665 So, 1915, there was a British submarine which fought 638 00:31:29,665 --> 00:31:31,985 and lost a battle with Turkish cavalry. 639 00:31:31,985 --> 00:31:33,265 What?! Yeah. 640 00:31:33,265 --> 00:31:35,705 So, British captain, Lieutenant-Commander 641 00:31:35,705 --> 00:31:37,265 Martin Dunbar-Nasmith... 642 00:31:37,265 --> 00:31:39,945 Oh! Not your godfather?! 643 00:31:39,945 --> 00:31:41,825 But Dunbar-Nasmith, did you say? 644 00:31:41,825 --> 00:31:44,425 Now, you're going to think I'm inventing this... 645 00:31:44,425 --> 00:31:48,385 I'm afraid that submarine might have sailed, Gyles. 646 00:31:48,385 --> 00:31:52,985 This man was born on 1st April 1883. 647 00:31:52,985 --> 00:31:55,785 He won the Victoria Cross. Yes. 648 00:31:55,785 --> 00:31:57,905 And I know about him 649 00:31:57,905 --> 00:32:02,985 because I live in the house in which this man was born. 650 00:32:02,985 --> 00:32:04,785 What?! 651 00:32:04,785 --> 00:32:07,384 How?! How?! 652 00:32:07,384 --> 00:32:10,584 It's true. It's absolutely true. 653 00:32:10,584 --> 00:32:12,344 How? 654 00:32:12,344 --> 00:32:14,584 And anyway, he was a great man. 655 00:32:14,584 --> 00:32:17,944 And he had many adventures in submarines. Yeah. He was heroic. 656 00:32:17,944 --> 00:32:20,904 He was extraordinary, but on one occasion, in 1915, 657 00:32:20,904 --> 00:32:23,504 he was attacking shipping outside Constantinople Harbour, 658 00:32:23,504 --> 00:32:26,864 and the Turkish cavalry unit appeared on a cliff nearby. 659 00:32:26,864 --> 00:32:29,944 They spotted the sub and started attacking and started firing. 660 00:32:29,944 --> 00:32:31,784 And the submarine had to retreat. 661 00:32:31,784 --> 00:32:34,184 So he was beaten back by the Turkish cavalry. 662 00:32:34,184 --> 00:32:36,984 But horsemen aside, he was an exceptional captain. 663 00:32:36,984 --> 00:32:39,784 At one point the crew - and this is such a good idea - 664 00:32:39,784 --> 00:32:42,864 captured a Turkish sailing vessel, a dhow, and they tied it 665 00:32:42,864 --> 00:32:45,704 to the sub's conning tower to act as camouflage. 666 00:32:45,704 --> 00:32:48,183 And so when they were approaching enemy vessels, 667 00:32:48,183 --> 00:32:51,623 people thought it was just a Turkish dhow approaching. 668 00:32:51,623 --> 00:32:54,423 And then they worked out that when they weren't attacking people, 669 00:32:54,423 --> 00:32:56,743 they could use the captured boat which was attached to 670 00:32:56,743 --> 00:32:58,783 the conning tower to go up and stretch their legs. 671 00:32:58,783 --> 00:33:00,943 But he also had, apart from resourcefulness, 672 00:33:00,943 --> 00:33:03,383 Nasmith had a tremendous reputation for gallantry. 673 00:33:03,383 --> 00:33:06,383 So he always used to present boxes of chocolates to any women 674 00:33:06,383 --> 00:33:09,743 travelling as passengers on Turkish ships that they'd captured. 675 00:33:09,743 --> 00:33:11,983 He just thought that was polite to do that. 676 00:33:11,983 --> 00:33:13,903 I feel like we've really breezed past the fact 677 00:33:13,903 --> 00:33:16,623 that this whole show has turned into like a posh white version 678 00:33:16,623 --> 00:33:18,623 of Slumdog Millionaire. 679 00:33:24,063 --> 00:33:27,422 There's the film they should have made. 680 00:33:27,422 --> 00:33:30,062 Yeah, a film called Posh White Millionaire. 681 00:33:32,942 --> 00:33:34,942 It must have been extraordinary on the submarines, 682 00:33:34,942 --> 00:33:36,862 though, cos navigation was incredibly basic. 683 00:33:36,862 --> 00:33:38,862 So it was too risky to surface with the periscope 684 00:33:38,862 --> 00:33:40,862 most of the time, so the crew found their way 685 00:33:40,862 --> 00:33:42,942 by bumping along the bottom of the sea 686 00:33:42,942 --> 00:33:45,662 and trying to match the bumps with the contours on the map. 687 00:33:45,662 --> 00:33:47,262 And ammunition was so limited, 688 00:33:47,262 --> 00:33:50,502 if you fired a torpedo and it missed its target and it floated 689 00:33:50,502 --> 00:33:54,942 in the water, somebody would swim out and get it and bring it back. 690 00:33:56,222 --> 00:33:58,822 They baked bread daily in an electric oven, 691 00:33:58,822 --> 00:34:02,222 but they did not have enough electricity to both power the oven 692 00:34:02,222 --> 00:34:06,941 and to run at full speed, so you had to choose between bread or speed. 693 00:34:06,941 --> 00:34:08,621 Oh, bread! 694 00:34:08,621 --> 00:34:10,021 I know. 695 00:34:11,101 --> 00:34:14,301 Horses were actually transported on submarines in the same year. 696 00:34:14,301 --> 00:34:16,301 Do you know about that? Oh, I bet they loved that. 697 00:34:16,301 --> 00:34:18,421 They were taken from Britain to the Battle of Gallipoli 698 00:34:18,421 --> 00:34:21,301 in the Dardanelles. Ten horses at a time in a submarine. Wow. 699 00:34:21,301 --> 00:34:23,821 It was 16 days to get there, they stopped 700 00:34:23,821 --> 00:34:26,781 for a couple of hours in Malta so the horses could stretch their legs. 701 00:34:26,781 --> 00:34:28,781 Wow! Yeah. 702 00:34:28,781 --> 00:34:30,661 That's not the only time the Navy 703 00:34:30,661 --> 00:34:32,581 and the cavalry have fought each other. 704 00:34:32,581 --> 00:34:35,501 So, the Battle of Texel took place just off Texel Island, 705 00:34:35,501 --> 00:34:36,701 which is north of Amsterdam. 706 00:34:36,701 --> 00:34:40,261 1795, French and Dutch were at war and it was winter, 707 00:34:40,261 --> 00:34:42,940 and when the Dutch invasion fleets - about 14 ships - 708 00:34:42,940 --> 00:34:45,940 when they dropped anchor on a strait just off this 709 00:34:45,940 --> 00:34:48,900 port of Den Helder, the water froze and trapped them in place. 710 00:34:48,900 --> 00:34:52,420 And the French cavalry got wind of this and they approached overnight, 711 00:34:52,420 --> 00:34:55,260 and they put cloth on the horses' hooves so that no noise was made 712 00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:56,700 as they approached over the ice, 713 00:34:56,700 --> 00:34:59,020 and the Dutch woke up to find themselves surrounded 714 00:34:59,020 --> 00:35:00,500 on the frozen ice by the cavalry. 715 00:35:00,500 --> 00:35:02,140 Wow. And they surrendered immediately. 716 00:35:02,140 --> 00:35:04,300 What do you think would happen if two submarines 717 00:35:04,300 --> 00:35:06,180 battled each other underwater? 718 00:35:06,180 --> 00:35:09,780 Is it like battleships? 719 00:35:11,900 --> 00:35:14,540 What, you think they're both out there, "D3." 720 00:35:14,540 --> 00:35:16,420 Oh, damn it! 721 00:35:17,820 --> 00:35:19,420 You win! 722 00:35:21,140 --> 00:35:24,019 The real problem is, until recently, it was very hard to tell how 723 00:35:24,019 --> 00:35:26,899 deep the other sub is submerged because they're... Oh, really? 724 00:35:26,899 --> 00:35:29,019 They don't know where it is? No, exactly. 725 00:35:29,019 --> 00:35:30,939 But it has happened - 1945, 726 00:35:30,939 --> 00:35:35,579 the British sub HMS Venturer met the U-864 off a Norwegian island 727 00:35:35,579 --> 00:35:38,619 and they fired six torpedoes pretty much at random, 728 00:35:38,619 --> 00:35:42,179 and unfortunately the German sub dived to get out the way 729 00:35:42,179 --> 00:35:44,219 and accidentally went into one of the torpedoes. 730 00:35:44,219 --> 00:35:46,419 Although, can I just say, the Germans had the right idea. 731 00:35:46,419 --> 00:35:48,739 Not all their U-boats were engaged in deadly activities. 732 00:35:48,739 --> 00:35:51,179 They had the submarine U-1231 733 00:35:51,179 --> 00:35:54,259 and it was a North Atlantic travelling off-licence. 734 00:35:54,259 --> 00:35:57,979 It used to go around and... The party boat! Yes! 735 00:35:57,979 --> 00:36:00,059 It delivered booze to the other U-boats. 736 00:36:01,178 --> 00:36:04,058 Right, it's time to enter the horrible hall of mirrors 737 00:36:04,058 --> 00:36:05,538 that is General Ignorance. 738 00:36:05,538 --> 00:36:07,778 Fingers on buzzers, please. 739 00:36:07,778 --> 00:36:09,898 Which country are ponchos from? 740 00:36:09,898 --> 00:36:11,378 Mexico. 741 00:36:11,378 --> 00:36:14,898 KLAXON 742 00:36:16,098 --> 00:36:18,778 Shall we go through other countries? Let's do lots of countries. 743 00:36:18,778 --> 00:36:20,578 Central and South America? Bolivia? 744 00:36:20,578 --> 00:36:22,378 Bolivia, no. Portugal? No. 745 00:36:22,378 --> 00:36:24,058 Peru. England. 746 00:36:24,058 --> 00:36:26,058 England, I want it to be England. Ah, of course. 747 00:36:26,058 --> 00:36:28,498 I want it to be England. Is it Denmark? 748 00:36:28,498 --> 00:36:30,458 No. Give us a clue. What did you say? 749 00:36:30,458 --> 00:36:34,298 Peru. Is correct. Yes! 750 00:36:37,178 --> 00:36:39,377 Oh, my God! 751 00:36:40,577 --> 00:36:46,577 This is the greatest moment of my life! 752 00:36:51,337 --> 00:36:52,377 Yes! 753 00:36:52,377 --> 00:36:54,097 You knew that, right? It wasn't a guess? 754 00:36:54,097 --> 00:36:55,617 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 755 00:36:55,617 --> 00:36:57,417 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 756 00:36:59,097 --> 00:37:02,057 She's got a few follow-up questions about how you knew it. 757 00:37:02,057 --> 00:37:03,777 No, no, no. 758 00:37:03,777 --> 00:37:06,897 It's not all about me. 759 00:37:11,177 --> 00:37:14,217 Lots of claims about who invented the poncho. 760 00:37:14,217 --> 00:37:17,137 In the West we most associate it with Mexico today, but the first 761 00:37:17,137 --> 00:37:19,576 came from Peru's Paracas Peninsula. 762 00:37:19,576 --> 00:37:21,616 You knew all this. Yeah. 763 00:37:21,616 --> 00:37:26,136 Yeah. I mean, I'm really bored now. 764 00:37:26,136 --> 00:37:28,856 Blah, blah, blah. 765 00:37:31,296 --> 00:37:34,216 So the oldest recorded poncho is about 2,500 years old. 766 00:37:34,216 --> 00:37:37,336 Initially for nobility and embroidered with a shamanic... 767 00:37:37,336 --> 00:37:39,976 If they're recorded, I mean, in what...? 768 00:37:39,976 --> 00:37:42,776 Well, it's very difficult to find fabric in archaeology. 769 00:37:42,776 --> 00:37:45,656 There's a problem with women's craft generally in history that 770 00:37:45,656 --> 00:37:47,816 a lot of those things just perish and disappear. 771 00:37:47,816 --> 00:37:50,256 The ones that we know about, the oldest recorded ponchos, 772 00:37:50,256 --> 00:37:53,896 they come from preserved "mummy bundles" of Paracas. Oh, really? 773 00:37:53,896 --> 00:37:56,376 And the bundle would be multiple layers of highly embroidered 774 00:37:56,376 --> 00:37:57,495 fabric and textiles. 775 00:37:57,495 --> 00:37:59,495 I mean, it could be as much five-foot high 776 00:37:59,495 --> 00:38:00,735 and seven-foot across. 777 00:38:00,735 --> 00:38:04,055 Frustratingly, I've just remembered a story from my travels. 778 00:38:04,055 --> 00:38:06,095 No-one cares. 779 00:38:09,215 --> 00:38:10,775 I care, Nish. 780 00:38:10,775 --> 00:38:13,415 This is why your chat show is never going to take off. 781 00:38:15,295 --> 00:38:17,255 Most famous poncho in the world? 782 00:38:18,415 --> 00:38:21,095 Clint Eastwood. Of course! Of course. 783 00:38:21,095 --> 00:38:23,255 For his Spaghetti Western trilogy. 784 00:38:23,255 --> 00:38:24,455 He still has it. 785 00:38:24,455 --> 00:38:27,335 He's had it for 55 years and never washed it. 786 00:38:27,335 --> 00:38:29,375 That's... And what about the poncho? 787 00:38:31,375 --> 00:38:33,735 Hey! He's about 100 years old, I think. 788 00:38:33,735 --> 00:38:36,294 He's still working, though, isn't he? Still carrying on, yes, I know. 789 00:38:36,294 --> 00:38:38,654 Just like Alan. Right, uh... 790 00:38:42,454 --> 00:38:45,334 Now, what's the highest British mountain? 791 00:38:45,334 --> 00:38:47,814 This is not going to be the one we think it is. 792 00:38:47,814 --> 00:38:49,774 What do you think it is? I think it's Ben Nevis. 793 00:38:49,774 --> 00:38:51,054 Then it's not going to be that. 794 00:38:51,054 --> 00:38:52,654 KLAXON 795 00:38:54,334 --> 00:38:55,694 Is it Richard Osman? 796 00:38:57,414 --> 00:39:00,094 It's Richard Osman standing on Ben Nevis. 797 00:39:00,094 --> 00:39:02,494 What country did you speak of? 798 00:39:02,494 --> 00:39:05,734 So, I said British mountain, but I did not say inside Britain. 799 00:39:05,734 --> 00:39:07,974 No. Hmm. 800 00:39:07,974 --> 00:39:10,054 In a territory, a territory? Ah, very good. 801 00:39:10,054 --> 00:39:12,614 Yes, British overseas territory? So... 802 00:39:12,614 --> 00:39:15,653 The British overseas territory of South Georgia has Mount Paget, 803 00:39:15,653 --> 00:39:18,973 which is 2,935 metres above sea level, 804 00:39:18,973 --> 00:39:20,893 so twice the height of Ben Nevis. 805 00:39:20,893 --> 00:39:22,973 The British Antarctic Territory contains 806 00:39:22,973 --> 00:39:26,373 Mount Hope, 3,239 metres. 807 00:39:26,373 --> 00:39:29,013 Bit of a vexed question as to whether or not it's British, 808 00:39:29,013 --> 00:39:31,173 because there's only four other countries which 809 00:39:31,173 --> 00:39:32,733 recognise it as such. 810 00:39:32,733 --> 00:39:36,773 It's certainly the highest mountain that Britain claims to own. Sure. 811 00:39:36,773 --> 00:39:39,893 Mount Hope got a boost in 2017 - they remeasured it. 812 00:39:39,893 --> 00:39:41,493 You know how children keep growing? 813 00:39:41,493 --> 00:39:45,253 Yeah, Mount Hope, they found that it was 377 metres taller 814 00:39:45,253 --> 00:39:46,533 than they thought. 815 00:39:46,533 --> 00:39:47,733 Wow, that's quite a lot. 816 00:39:47,733 --> 00:39:51,333 Did they stand them up against the fridge in the kitchen? Yes. 817 00:39:51,333 --> 00:39:53,733 No, to be fair, 1936, when they first measured it, 818 00:39:53,733 --> 00:39:55,572 they used dog sleds and simple tools. 819 00:39:55,572 --> 00:39:58,372 In 2017, they used satellites, so...I think it's fair, 820 00:39:58,372 --> 00:39:59,652 it's fair enough. 821 00:39:59,652 --> 00:40:03,092 Even excluding the mountains in the British Antarctic Territory, 822 00:40:03,092 --> 00:40:05,492 there are so many higher peaks in South Georgia and Saint Helena 823 00:40:05,492 --> 00:40:08,172 that Ben Nevis doesn't even make the top ten British mountains. 824 00:40:08,172 --> 00:40:09,732 Whoa. Sucks to be you, Ben Nevis. 825 00:40:09,732 --> 00:40:11,732 But here's a thing, Ben Nevis, right, 826 00:40:11,732 --> 00:40:14,692 so there's some volunteers, 2006, they're picking litter off 827 00:40:14,692 --> 00:40:17,212 the slopes of Ben Nevis, and they suddenly came 828 00:40:17,212 --> 00:40:20,612 across a church organ, OK? 829 00:40:20,612 --> 00:40:22,492 Yeah, quite near the summit. 830 00:40:22,492 --> 00:40:24,212 It was entirely by itself. 831 00:40:24,212 --> 00:40:25,652 This is obviously... 832 00:40:25,652 --> 00:40:27,052 Obviously... 833 00:40:27,052 --> 00:40:29,852 I love the fact that we're so gullible. 834 00:40:29,852 --> 00:40:31,852 We were like, "Whoa!" 835 00:40:31,852 --> 00:40:35,011 Whoa! Whoa, that's massive! 836 00:40:35,011 --> 00:40:37,371 That's so massive! 837 00:40:37,371 --> 00:40:40,251 So, there was a local Highland Games athlete called 838 00:40:40,251 --> 00:40:42,651 Kenny Campbell and he said he carried it up the mountain 839 00:40:42,651 --> 00:40:44,931 for charity in 1971. 840 00:40:44,931 --> 00:40:46,331 It took him four days. 841 00:40:46,331 --> 00:40:48,411 When he got there he played Scotland The Brave, 842 00:40:48,411 --> 00:40:50,731 and then he couldn't be arsed to bring it back down again. 843 00:40:50,731 --> 00:40:52,171 Well, I don't blame him. 844 00:40:52,171 --> 00:40:54,131 Someone else can go and get it. 845 00:40:54,131 --> 00:40:55,771 "I'm not bringing that down again!" 846 00:40:55,771 --> 00:40:58,891 Now, where's the biggest fire in the solar system? 847 00:40:58,891 --> 00:41:00,131 ALAN'S BUZZER 848 00:41:00,131 --> 00:41:01,971 Yes, darling? Is it the sun? 849 00:41:01,971 --> 00:41:04,611 KLAXON 850 00:41:04,611 --> 00:41:06,491 Oh! 851 00:41:06,491 --> 00:41:07,891 The sun isn't on fire. 852 00:41:07,891 --> 00:41:09,931 It's not on fire. Is it not? No. 853 00:41:09,931 --> 00:41:11,451 The sun's not on fire? 854 00:41:11,451 --> 00:41:15,170 So what it does, every second, it uses up 700 million tonnes 855 00:41:15,170 --> 00:41:19,210 of the hydrogen inside it in a reaction which produces energy 856 00:41:19,210 --> 00:41:21,810 and light, but it's a nuclear reaction, not a chemical one, 857 00:41:21,810 --> 00:41:23,250 which is what fire is. 858 00:41:23,250 --> 00:41:24,970 And that applies to all the other stars 859 00:41:24,970 --> 00:41:26,290 that we can see, too. 860 00:41:26,290 --> 00:41:28,330 That's a lot of hydrogen. It's a lot of hydrogen. 861 00:41:28,330 --> 00:41:30,050 I'm worried about the amount of hydrogen. 862 00:41:30,050 --> 00:41:32,170 It used to be that oxygen levels were higher on Earth 863 00:41:32,170 --> 00:41:34,250 than the 21% that they are today, 864 00:41:34,250 --> 00:41:36,090 and it's a good thing that it's not higher, 865 00:41:36,090 --> 00:41:39,050 because if it was 25%, for example, then even 866 00:41:39,050 --> 00:41:41,010 wet plants could burn. 867 00:41:41,010 --> 00:41:46,010 And so in the Late Palaeozoic era, the levels were 30% to 35% 868 00:41:46,010 --> 00:41:48,530 and there were frequent catastrophic fires. 869 00:41:48,530 --> 00:41:50,570 So you don't want too much of it. 870 00:41:50,570 --> 00:41:52,969 But the reason that there seems to be, as far as we know, 871 00:41:52,969 --> 00:41:56,089 no fire in the solar system anywhere other than Earth, is that fire 872 00:41:56,089 --> 00:41:57,369 requires three things. 873 00:41:57,369 --> 00:42:01,169 It requires oxygen, it requires heat and it requires something to burn. 874 00:42:01,169 --> 00:42:04,369 And there just isn't enough oxygen elsewhere. 875 00:42:04,369 --> 00:42:06,929 The only reason there's a meaningful amount of oxygen on Earth 876 00:42:06,929 --> 00:42:08,169 is photosynthesis, right. 877 00:42:08,169 --> 00:42:09,769 So there's no oxygen without life. 878 00:42:09,769 --> 00:42:12,129 So if there's no life elsewhere in the universe, 879 00:42:12,129 --> 00:42:14,249 there simply can't be any fire either. 880 00:42:14,249 --> 00:42:15,809 You seem to know a lot, Sandi. 881 00:42:15,809 --> 00:42:17,929 Can you tell us, when is the world going to end? 882 00:42:17,929 --> 00:42:19,689 Tuesday. 883 00:42:19,689 --> 00:42:22,009 No, but I mean, is there going to be a cataclysm? 884 00:42:22,009 --> 00:42:24,329 Possibly, darling, but in a million years and, I mean, 885 00:42:24,329 --> 00:42:26,569 you'll still be working, but I... 886 00:42:29,049 --> 00:42:31,008 Blah, blah, blah. 887 00:42:32,328 --> 00:42:33,808 Which brings us to the scores. 888 00:42:33,808 --> 00:42:38,808 Scavenging for scraps in last place, with minus 16, it's Nish. 889 00:42:38,808 --> 00:42:40,248 Boom! Oh. 890 00:42:40,248 --> 00:42:41,488 APPLAUSE 891 00:42:41,488 --> 00:42:43,488 Minus 16. 892 00:42:43,488 --> 00:42:45,928 In third place, with minus 8, it's Gyles. 893 00:42:45,928 --> 00:42:47,168 Hey. 894 00:42:47,168 --> 00:42:50,208 APPLAUSE 895 00:42:50,208 --> 00:42:52,008 In second place, with minus 5, Alan. 896 00:42:52,008 --> 00:42:54,048 APPLAUSE 897 00:42:55,928 --> 00:42:58,648 And in first place... Hey! 898 00:42:58,648 --> 00:43:01,128 ..with a positive 6 points, it's Rosie! 899 00:43:01,128 --> 00:43:03,128 Yes! 900 00:43:03,128 --> 00:43:05,288 APPLAUSE 901 00:43:10,087 --> 00:43:12,407 My thanks to Rosie, Nish, Gyles and Alan, 902 00:43:12,407 --> 00:43:15,567 and I leave you with this schooldays sign-off from Eric Morecambe. 903 00:43:15,567 --> 00:43:18,047 "When I was eight, I ran away with a circus. 904 00:43:18,047 --> 00:43:20,127 "When I was nine, they made me bring it back." 905 00:43:20,127 --> 00:43:21,647 Goodnight. 906 00:43:21,647 --> 00:43:23,727 APPLAUSE