1 00:00:23,260 --> 00:00:26,140 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 2 00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,460 Hello and welcome to QI. 3 00:00:33,460 --> 00:00:35,740 Tonight we are on safari, 4 00:00:35,740 --> 00:00:40,020 scouring swamp and savannah alike for species starting with S. 5 00:00:40,020 --> 00:00:41,860 And look what we found already! 6 00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:44,460 A snake in the grass - Josh Widdicombe. 7 00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:45,460 APPLAUSE 8 00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:50,420 The seal of approval - Cally Beaton. 9 00:00:50,420 --> 00:00:51,420 APPLAUSE 10 00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:55,740 The squid pro quo - Jamali Maddix. 11 00:00:55,740 --> 00:00:56,740 APPLAUSE 12 00:00:58,620 --> 00:01:01,980 And he doesn't give a Shih Tzu - Alan Davies. 13 00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:02,980 APPLAUSE 14 00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:07,860 Let's hear their calls of the wild. Josh goes... 15 00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:09,300 SEAL BARKS 16 00:01:10,740 --> 00:01:12,060 Cally goes... 17 00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:13,620 SHEEP BLEATS 18 00:01:13,620 --> 00:01:14,820 Jamali goes... 19 00:01:14,820 --> 00:01:16,420 SEAGULL CRIES 20 00:01:19,660 --> 00:01:21,980 SEAGULL CONTINUES 21 00:01:21,980 --> 00:01:23,300 Wow. 22 00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:24,500 Alan goes... 23 00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:25,620 CRUNCHING 24 00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:27,180 Oh, supposed to be a snail. 25 00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:28,860 LAUGHTER 26 00:01:32,020 --> 00:01:36,500 Right. What's the world's second deadliest hunter? 27 00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:38,580 Good one. 28 00:01:38,580 --> 00:01:41,220 LAUGHING: Honestly sounds like you've got terrible asthma, 29 00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:43,340 which of course you do have. Which I do have. 30 00:01:47,020 --> 00:01:49,860 What was the question? 31 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:53,260 What is the world's second deadliest hunter? 32 00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:55,980 I can tell you what the first is, if that's helpful to you. 33 00:01:55,980 --> 00:01:57,580 Yeah, what is the first, then? 34 00:01:57,580 --> 00:02:00,460 OK, so we did it on the O series - the highest kill rate in nature. 35 00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:03,220 It has a 95% success rate. 36 00:02:03,220 --> 00:02:05,460 Is it an ostrich? No. Ostrich?! 37 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:10,980 Otter. It's otter. 38 00:02:10,980 --> 00:02:14,620 Notoriously dangerous, ostriches. Is it an okapi? No. 39 00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:16,540 Weirdly, it doesn't even begin with O. Octopus. 40 00:02:16,540 --> 00:02:18,420 JAMALI: Hippo? No. Is it a mosquito? 41 00:02:18,420 --> 00:02:21,220 It's a dragonfly. Oh, jeez. It's a dragonfly. 42 00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:22,780 If I went through all animals... 43 00:02:22,780 --> 00:02:25,100 It's good though, to get a list going there. 44 00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:27,780 I like that. Hippo is very dangerous. Very... Yeah, yeah. 45 00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:29,980 Thank you for telling me that - like, I don't feel silly. 46 00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:33,780 Yeah. No, it's a good answer but it's not the right one. 47 00:02:33,780 --> 00:02:36,980 Weird thing about hippos is that they are tremendous killers, 48 00:02:36,980 --> 00:02:38,740 but they're vegetarian. JOSH: Like me. 49 00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:42,700 That is really hiding in plain sight, isn't it? 50 00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:45,660 I'm a killer. I'm a killer. Vegetarian. 51 00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:48,540 Vegetarian, did you know? 52 00:02:48,540 --> 00:02:51,100 I wouldn't be surprised if you turned into a serial killer, 53 00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:53,780 darling. You look so weak from being a vegetarian. 54 00:02:53,780 --> 00:02:56,340 No, it's the asthma that's made me weak. Oh, is that what it is? 55 00:02:56,340 --> 00:02:58,060 They're going in hard on your health. 56 00:02:58,060 --> 00:03:01,220 It'll be awful, won't it, if I don't make it to broadcast? 57 00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:03,620 Yeah. Wow. 58 00:03:03,620 --> 00:03:06,940 Right. Any more? Dragonfly, that's the first one. 59 00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:08,580 Hunters. Bird of prey? 60 00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:10,540 It's the dwarf seahorse. 61 00:03:10,540 --> 00:03:13,260 Of course, a dwarf seahorse. I know! 62 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:15,540 Only about two inches large. 63 00:03:15,540 --> 00:03:19,740 Kill 90% of the time that they try to catch some prey. 64 00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:21,500 Most fish of a similar size, 65 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:24,860 they have about a 30-40% success rate, and there doesn't seem 66 00:03:24,860 --> 00:03:28,300 to be a marine predator with a better success rate. 67 00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:30,340 They hunt something called copepods, 68 00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:32,580 so they're tiny little crustaceans, 69 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:35,540 which are usually excellent at escaping 70 00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:40,860 because they can swim more than 500 body lengths per second, right? 71 00:03:40,860 --> 00:03:46,220 That's the equivalent of me swimming at 2,700 kilometres per hour, 72 00:03:46,220 --> 00:03:47,660 as opposed to what I actually do, 73 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:51,460 which is look like the Queen Mary coming slowly into port. 74 00:03:51,460 --> 00:03:55,420 They also have some of the fastest reactions in nature. 75 00:03:55,420 --> 00:03:59,220 So dwarf seahorses, some of the slowest swimmers in the world, 76 00:03:59,220 --> 00:04:01,140 top speed about five foot an hour. 77 00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:04,020 Is that up or down? In the aquarium they're in a tube, aren't they? 78 00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:06,300 Yeah. But they can do anything - up, down, sideways, whatever. 79 00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:07,700 Can they? They're amazing. 80 00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:11,460 They're just going to have Sandi doing that on a GIF. 81 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,340 Key to their hunting success 82 00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:16,300 is their sort of horsey heads and, what it does, 83 00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:19,140 it allows them to sneak up on their prey. 84 00:04:19,140 --> 00:04:21,860 So copepods know that there's a predator because they sense 85 00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:23,540 the disturbance in the water. 86 00:04:23,540 --> 00:04:27,900 But the seahorse's head perfectly is formed to create no wake 87 00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:30,020 immediately above and in front of the nose. 88 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,020 And they sort of sidle up. They're like ninjas. 89 00:04:32,020 --> 00:04:33,460 They sidle up to the copepod, 90 00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:36,260 and it doesn't even notice, and they can be like a millimetre away, 91 00:04:36,260 --> 00:04:38,900 and then the head snaps up and the same time they suck inwards 92 00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:40,220 and they swallow the creature. 93 00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:42,060 We can show you a video of this. 94 00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:43,460 It looks so casual. 95 00:04:43,460 --> 00:04:44,820 Just casually going along 96 00:04:44,820 --> 00:04:46,900 and there's the... Oh! What? 97 00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:49,380 Yeah. JAMALI: So you say that little thing can't see it? 98 00:04:49,380 --> 00:04:51,380 Cos I think I'd see a seahorse coming. 99 00:04:51,380 --> 00:04:53,780 He's coming up from behind. I think you might... 100 00:04:53,780 --> 00:04:56,700 Yeah, even from behind, I'd be like, "Is that a seahorse?" 101 00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:58,060 Seems unfair. 102 00:04:58,060 --> 00:05:00,300 Seems like someone should be behind in some coconuts going... 103 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,500 HE CLIP-CLOPS 104 00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:05,380 Shut up! I'm hunting the tiny... 105 00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:08,580 This bug. They have terrific eyesight, which also helps them. 106 00:05:08,580 --> 00:05:11,340 I'd like this. Their eyes move independently. 107 00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:13,260 Of each other? Of each other. Oh! Yeah. 108 00:05:13,260 --> 00:05:15,780 So one can look forwards and one can look backwards. 109 00:05:15,780 --> 00:05:17,460 That's like my great auntie Joan. 110 00:05:20,460 --> 00:05:24,540 She was one of the great hunters as well, wasn't she? 111 00:05:24,540 --> 00:05:27,140 The stories in our family! 112 00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:29,860 An adult seahorse needs about 30 to 50 meals a day. 113 00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:31,900 Is it cos it's eating the little things? 114 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:33,740 Yes, cos it's too small, darling, frankly, isn't it? 115 00:05:33,740 --> 00:05:37,060 Why don't they eat something bigger? I don't know what's wrong with them. 116 00:05:37,060 --> 00:05:40,300 Cos I think to be, like, the second most deadliest thing, 117 00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:41,740 it should expand a bit. 118 00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:44,580 Yeah. Cos when you said the second most deadliest thing, 119 00:05:44,580 --> 00:05:45,980 I'm a little bit disappointed. 120 00:05:45,980 --> 00:05:47,420 Are you? JOSH: I agree. 121 00:05:47,420 --> 00:05:50,220 Cos basically what they've done is they've chosen 122 00:05:50,220 --> 00:05:52,700 to keep their stats up. Yeah. 123 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,980 They're like a boxer that won't fight the big boxers, 124 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,140 - aren't they? - Exactly. 125 00:05:56,140 --> 00:05:58,300 They are just going for the little guy, I'm afraid. 126 00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:00,140 But they are extraordinary swimmers. 127 00:06:00,140 --> 00:06:01,820 The trouble is that it takes a lot of effort. 128 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:05,860 They have to beat that dorsal fin 30 to 70 times per second in order 129 00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:07,340 to propel themselves along. 130 00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:08,940 And if they are in a stormy sea or whatever, 131 00:06:08,940 --> 00:06:10,700 they can easily die of exhaustion. 132 00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:13,100 The males have the babies, don't they? They do. 133 00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:15,340 They're unique in that males are the ones that give birth. 134 00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:18,420 But what I like about them, Cally, they are sickeningly romantic. 135 00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:21,780 Are they? Oh, once they've chosen a mate for the breeding season, 136 00:06:21,780 --> 00:06:23,340 they come together each morning 137 00:06:23,340 --> 00:06:25,180 and they perform the courtship dance, 138 00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:27,060 which apparently strengthens their bond. 139 00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:30,220 And then they travel around with their tails entwined. 140 00:06:30,220 --> 00:06:32,140 Little notes of poetry? 141 00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:33,500 Yes. 142 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,420 And then they change colour as they go. 143 00:06:35,420 --> 00:06:37,940 They can mimic their surroundings by changing their colour, 144 00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:40,100 but they also do it as part of the courtship dance. 145 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,620 I think it's lovely. And then, as you said, the male gives birth 146 00:06:42,620 --> 00:06:44,620 to the young, up to 2,000 of them, 147 00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:47,500 and then the offspring... Look at the offspring. 148 00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:50,820 You'd think they'd eat one of those in a heartbeat. 149 00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:52,700 They're left to fend for themselves. 150 00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:55,540 And then within a few hours, they're ready to mate again. 151 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,380 And then they don't visit? 152 00:06:57,380 --> 00:07:00,100 There's no child care. Be great if humans did that, wouldn't it? 153 00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:02,820 You'd be like, "There you go..." 154 00:07:02,820 --> 00:07:05,660 No home schooling of the seahorses. 155 00:07:05,660 --> 00:07:08,500 You said they're very romantic just for the mating season, though. 156 00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:11,260 Cos anyone could be romantic for the mating season, couldn't they? 157 00:07:11,260 --> 00:07:13,380 It's like when you've got to do years of mating. 158 00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:16,220 One might be gripping incredibly hard against the other one's will. 159 00:07:16,220 --> 00:07:17,820 Saying, "You're not going away." 160 00:07:17,820 --> 00:07:21,780 That looks quite passive aggressive, those two. They've had an argument. 161 00:07:21,780 --> 00:07:26,180 The sea's slowest swimmer is also its deadliest predator. 162 00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:30,420 What's all legs are no trousers, or anything else very much? 163 00:07:30,420 --> 00:07:32,060 Oh. 164 00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:33,980 It sounds like my daughter on Instagram. 165 00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:35,700 My teenage daughter. 166 00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:37,220 A lot of legs and no trousers. 167 00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:39,860 They do a lot of that, don't they? Posing. Yeah. 168 00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,460 Jamali's nodding, like... Yeah, no, no, I'm not... 169 00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:45,820 Yeah, no, I've heard. Have you? 170 00:07:45,820 --> 00:07:47,380 Not about my daughter. 171 00:07:47,380 --> 00:07:49,980 I've heard that there are women posing on Instagram. 172 00:07:49,980 --> 00:07:51,300 I've never investigated. 173 00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:55,940 I don't even have Instagram. Whatever. Be quiet. No. 174 00:07:55,940 --> 00:07:58,300 Sea spider. Sea spider. Sea spider. 175 00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:00,740 They are almost all leg there.. 176 00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:03,700 Look at these. They are sometimes known as nobodies. 177 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,140 I mean, they do actually have bodies 178 00:08:05,140 --> 00:08:07,100 and they have a brain and a mouth and so on. 179 00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:10,820 They suck their prey through a proboscis, but the guts 180 00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:13,260 are in the legs, the genitals are in the legs, 181 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:16,940 they breathe through their legs, and the males - 182 00:08:16,940 --> 00:08:19,700 this is again unusual - look after fertilised eggs 183 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,380 by strapping them to their legs. 184 00:08:21,380 --> 00:08:22,700 There they are. Like that. 185 00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:25,540 The main problem is that they have such long legs, 186 00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:27,140 and I sympathise with this. 187 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,340 Yeah. I do. 188 00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:31,940 I've had this happen to me at the seaside. 189 00:08:31,940 --> 00:08:35,540 Sometimes barnacles and algae attach themselves. 190 00:08:35,540 --> 00:08:37,260 That slows you right down. 191 00:08:37,260 --> 00:08:38,620 I've got short legs. 192 00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:43,460 Yeah. I genuinely have never as an adult had a pair of trousers 193 00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:45,100 that I haven't had to take up. 194 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:47,860 Yeah, but what you can do is cut that off and make a jacket. 195 00:08:50,580 --> 00:08:52,460 Let's have a quick look at the way they walk. 196 00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:54,260 The interesting thing is, as they're walking, 197 00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:57,020 their way of breathing, they're absorbing oxygen from sea water, 198 00:08:57,020 --> 00:08:59,300 which is sucked in through holes in the legs. 199 00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:02,020 It is actually quite inefficient, but in, for example, 200 00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:05,260 high oxygen, freezing waters of the Antarctic, works well enough. 201 00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:08,020 There doesn't seem to be much going for them cos you said even their way 202 00:09:08,020 --> 00:09:09,740 of getting the water in is not very effective. 203 00:09:09,740 --> 00:09:12,140 These animals you've shown me, they're both a bit crap, innit? 204 00:09:12,140 --> 00:09:13,620 You wouldn't want to be one of those. 205 00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:16,260 I wouldn't want to be them or even look at them, really. 206 00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:21,940 You know, I prefer a Staff or something. That's just... 207 00:09:21,940 --> 00:09:24,580 My favourite double-S underwater animal - 208 00:09:24,580 --> 00:09:27,700 sea slugs, also known as nudibranchs. 209 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:30,180 Is that them? Yes. I think they're rather marvellous. 210 00:09:30,180 --> 00:09:33,500 There's over 3,000 different species and they have wonderful 211 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:36,580 names like sea clown, shaggy mouse, the wet lemon, 212 00:09:36,580 --> 00:09:40,300 the white spotted sea goddess, the hunchback doris. 213 00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:43,220 The one on the right there is called the blue angel, 214 00:09:43,220 --> 00:09:46,180 and the next one along is the yellow nudibranch. 215 00:09:46,180 --> 00:09:49,260 Then you get costasiella, the green one 216 00:09:49,260 --> 00:09:51,340 and finally the clown nudibranch. 217 00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,580 I think they're rather beautiful, don't you? 218 00:09:53,580 --> 00:09:55,020 And they're the same thing? 219 00:09:55,020 --> 00:09:57,540 There's over 3,000 different species, the same type of animal. 220 00:09:57,540 --> 00:09:58,860 Can they breed with each other? 221 00:09:58,860 --> 00:10:00,780 Can, like, the blue angel mess with the...? No. 222 00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:03,460 You mean like taking a cocker spaniel and a poodle and making...? 223 00:10:03,460 --> 00:10:05,900 Yeah, no, I don't think that would work out at all. 224 00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:08,060 What the blue angel can do, the one on the right, 225 00:10:08,060 --> 00:10:11,580 it can eat the stinging cells from Portuguese man-of-war 226 00:10:11,580 --> 00:10:14,180 and store the venom for its own use. 227 00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:17,100 And just touching one could result in a sting from it. 228 00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:19,260 That's recycling, isn't it? 229 00:10:19,260 --> 00:10:21,980 Check out this next one, the green sea slug. 230 00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:25,980 It is one of the only animals to get its food from photosynthesis, 231 00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:27,580 so exactly like plants, 232 00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:31,380 and it does it by consuming algae and then stealing its chloroplasts, 233 00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:34,380 that's the cell parts that are responsible for photosynthesis, 234 00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,380 and making them work for it instead. 235 00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:41,460 So honestly, it can eat simply by lying out in the sun. 236 00:10:41,460 --> 00:10:43,580 Are you sure it's not just a leaf? 237 00:10:45,660 --> 00:10:47,940 If it looks like a leaf to me and you're telling... 238 00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:49,580 You're just explaining a leaf. 239 00:10:49,580 --> 00:10:51,340 JOSH: This is the initiation on QI. 240 00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:56,620 Things are rarely as they seem. 241 00:10:56,620 --> 00:10:59,260 How big's that then? An inch or two. 242 00:10:59,260 --> 00:11:02,500 Yeah. Alan was like, "Two inches." Like, no. 243 00:11:05,020 --> 00:11:08,420 Describe a new way snakes have found to get about. 244 00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:10,260 SEAL BARKS 245 00:11:10,260 --> 00:11:12,620 Is it one of those motorised scooters? 246 00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:14,940 I think they... Shouldn't be allowed on the pavement, 247 00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:17,900 if you ask me, Sandi. Yes! At the age I've reached, 248 00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:20,900 I go, "Look at that! And if he hit me, he's not insured!" 249 00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:22,660 Too right! 250 00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:25,260 Yes. They are snakes, the people on them. 251 00:11:25,260 --> 00:11:26,700 I'll tell you that for free. 252 00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:29,780 They have no lights. No lights. No lights, no manners. 253 00:11:29,780 --> 00:11:31,660 Have you ever been on one? No, is it...? 254 00:11:31,660 --> 00:11:33,660 - I would love to go on one. - I ride them through 255 00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:36,420 the shopping centre with a gang of other kids. 256 00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:41,940 Stealing fruit. We have a great time. 257 00:11:41,940 --> 00:11:44,740 I want to be friends with you. You make me look more modern. 258 00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:47,140 - Yeah. - Wow. Cheers, mate. 259 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,740 They go... Snakes go quickly 260 00:11:51,740 --> 00:11:53,740 if you if you pee on them. 261 00:11:53,740 --> 00:11:57,220 I mean... You'd have to be confident, wouldn't you? 262 00:11:57,220 --> 00:11:59,940 I'd say same with humans. 263 00:12:01,260 --> 00:12:04,740 I was in Yosemite and I went quietly off the roads to do a pee, 264 00:12:04,740 --> 00:12:07,540 and I went down the slope and then I peed on a snake 265 00:12:07,540 --> 00:12:09,580 and it came haring out. Do they hare? 266 00:12:09,580 --> 00:12:13,100 And then I ran up the slope and I was naked from here to my knees 267 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,220 cos I haven't pulled everything back up 268 00:12:15,220 --> 00:12:18,180 and there was a coach load of Japanese tourists. 269 00:12:18,180 --> 00:12:20,220 But, yeah, it didn't like being peed on. 270 00:12:20,220 --> 00:12:22,620 It almost looked like it went in a straight line. 271 00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:23,980 You know, they normally do that. 272 00:12:23,980 --> 00:12:25,740 Well, they move in lots of different ways. 273 00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:28,180 It seemed like it went off like a rocket. It can do. 274 00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:30,260 It's called rectilinear movement. 275 00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:33,740 It's been ages since I had an erecto-linear movement in Yosemite. 276 00:12:35,180 --> 00:12:38,940 So there was an issue on the island of Guam with snakes, 277 00:12:38,940 --> 00:12:40,860 particularly the brown snake, 278 00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:44,140 and in 2016, the conservationists were having a look to see 279 00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:47,620 how they could prevent them getting to birds' nesting boxes. 280 00:12:47,620 --> 00:12:50,140 So they placed a camera next to a nest of mice at the top 281 00:12:50,140 --> 00:12:52,180 of an eight-inch-wide metal pole 282 00:12:52,180 --> 00:12:55,020 in an enclosure that held 58 snakes. OK? 283 00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:57,620 And when they viewed the footage... 284 00:12:57,620 --> 00:12:59,940 And nobody knew this was a possibility. 285 00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:03,740 ..they saw a snake wind its tail around the pole and hold on 286 00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:06,300 to the other end of the body to form a loop 287 00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:08,580 and then inch its way up the pole. 288 00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:11,100 And it is called lasso locomotion. 289 00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:12,540 Let's take a look. 290 00:13:12,540 --> 00:13:15,780 I have to say there are lots of different techniques for it. 291 00:13:15,780 --> 00:13:17,740 It's like Stringfellows, isn't it? 292 00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:21,980 Takes you back. 293 00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:24,100 Speak for yourself, Sandi! 294 00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:25,900 Well, I...I needed the work. 295 00:13:30,340 --> 00:13:31,620 But look at that. 296 00:13:31,620 --> 00:13:34,540 You must like these. Are these good? They're cool. 297 00:13:34,540 --> 00:13:36,140 I'm just curious. Yeah. 298 00:13:36,140 --> 00:13:38,300 I don't know if it's, like, is that like a new evolution 299 00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:39,900 or is that something they've done forever 300 00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:42,260 and we've just noticed now? It's probably the fact they've 301 00:13:42,260 --> 00:13:44,980 been doing it for a very long time and we've only recently observed it. 302 00:13:44,980 --> 00:13:46,900 They now think this is the fifth way of moving. 303 00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:48,460 So typically there's the slithering, 304 00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:51,140 then there's what's called side winding, then there's concertina 305 00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:52,940 and then rectilinear, and then this one now, 306 00:13:52,940 --> 00:13:54,580 the new lasso locomotion. 307 00:13:54,580 --> 00:13:56,700 You get flying snakes, don't you? 308 00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:58,980 The reason I know this is my son's a zookeeper 309 00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:01,100 and I know about... I know about animals. 310 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:03,220 I've got I've got a bit of news for you, Cally. 311 00:14:03,220 --> 00:14:05,100 Your son is taking the piss out of you. 312 00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:09,140 Look out, Mum! It's a flying snake! 313 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,620 Yeah, they jump and glide through the air. Yeah. Correct. 314 00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:14,060 They just fall out of trees and call it flying. Maybe. 315 00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:16,780 Is there a particular animal that he's interested in? 316 00:14:16,780 --> 00:14:20,300 He's doing research on the slow loris. OK. Which is? 317 00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:21,660 Not quick. 318 00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:26,260 I'm glad you've been paying attention. 319 00:14:26,260 --> 00:14:29,100 It's the only venomous primate. There it is, the slow loris. 320 00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,300 Aw... Oh, it looks so cute, doesn't it? 321 00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:32,900 Sizing you up to kill you. 322 00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:34,380 Just like a dwarf seahorse. 323 00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:35,860 Like Josh. 324 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:40,660 it is like you without your glasses on, isn't it? 325 00:14:40,660 --> 00:14:42,020 That's so sweet. Oh! 326 00:14:42,020 --> 00:14:46,980 I'd say the glasses isn't the only difference, but, yeah. 327 00:14:46,980 --> 00:14:48,260 That is cute, isn't it? 328 00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:50,860 Yeah, it's all right. You're a tough crowd for animals. 329 00:14:50,860 --> 00:14:53,380 I'm joking. I love animals. I like... Yeah, I like snakes. 330 00:14:53,380 --> 00:14:56,380 I remember when I grew up, there was always a guy on the estate 331 00:14:56,380 --> 00:14:59,020 who had snakes and your mum never wanted you to hang out with him. 332 00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:01,900 You sure they were snakes? Cos he was like a weird guy. 333 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:04,620 Well, the brown tree snake is a serious problem in Guam. 334 00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:08,300 They probably arrived on cargo or military ships during World War II 335 00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:10,460 and it has decimated the bird population. 336 00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:12,940 It's wiped out ten native species 337 00:15:12,940 --> 00:15:16,340 and that, in turn, decimated the island's trees 338 00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:19,940 because they relied on the birds to spread the seeds 339 00:15:19,940 --> 00:15:23,900 and new tree growth fell by 90% as the birds died out. 340 00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:27,100 Why don't they bring like a mongoose and let off a bunch of mongoose 341 00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,780 to then deal with the brown snakes? Then you'll have a mongoose problem. 342 00:15:29,780 --> 00:15:31,780 Then you bring something for the mongoose. 343 00:15:31,780 --> 00:15:33,460 It's just the chain of events that never ends. 344 00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:35,660 Then you bring the seahorse in and it takes out the mongoose. 345 00:15:35,660 --> 00:15:38,380 What they do now, when they've got a pole with a nesting box on it, 346 00:15:38,380 --> 00:15:40,020 they put a cone. 347 00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:42,620 They put the narrowest point of the cone facing down. 348 00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:45,700 A sign saying, "No snakes." No snakes, yes. 349 00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:47,980 But if there's a wider part of the cone, like that, 350 00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:50,460 the snake has to let go, it makes it fall off the pole. 351 00:15:50,460 --> 00:15:53,740 The good news is they're not especially good at lasso locomotion. 352 00:15:53,740 --> 00:15:56,340 It often takes them a couple of hours to cover ten feet, 353 00:15:56,340 --> 00:15:58,620 and they're a bit slow, they slip back down again. 354 00:15:58,620 --> 00:15:59,980 Idiots. Yeah. 355 00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:01,620 Oh, I've got another type of movement. 356 00:16:01,620 --> 00:16:02,820 This, you're going to love. 357 00:16:02,820 --> 00:16:05,780 the Chihuahuan hook-nosed snake 358 00:16:05,780 --> 00:16:09,460 farts defensively when it is threatened. 359 00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:13,340 It's technically called cloacal popping, OK? 360 00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,980 So they expel air from their cloaca. 361 00:16:15,980 --> 00:16:19,260 They have one hole for reproduction, for digestion, 362 00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:22,180 so it's all one hole at the bottom, and it makes an audible noise, 363 00:16:22,180 --> 00:16:24,660 and sometimes they do it so aggressively, this farting, 364 00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:26,380 that it lifts them into the air. 365 00:16:26,380 --> 00:16:28,780 Oh, wow! I've dated people like that. 366 00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:31,580 It's awful. That's a power, isn't it? 367 00:16:31,580 --> 00:16:34,700 Isn't that a skill? To be able to lift yourself up with your fart! 368 00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:36,780 See, these are animals I wanted to see. 369 00:16:36,780 --> 00:16:38,460 OK. Is it true that... 370 00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:40,540 Talking of snakes' genitals. 371 00:16:40,540 --> 00:16:44,340 Is it true that a male snake has two penises, or peni? 372 00:16:44,340 --> 00:16:46,020 I just thought I'd throw that out there. 373 00:16:46,020 --> 00:16:47,940 Which would you prefer - two heads or two penises? 374 00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,580 Two penises. OK. 375 00:16:49,580 --> 00:16:52,900 What about you, Jamali? Two penises. Two penises. 376 00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:54,220 Not next to one another. 377 00:16:54,220 --> 00:16:55,580 JOSH: Not next to one another! 378 00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:59,180 I'd have one in the regular place and one on one... On my left hand. 379 00:17:00,380 --> 00:17:02,460 Instead of a finger? Instead of a finger. 380 00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:03,620 I'd always wear a glove. 381 00:17:05,580 --> 00:17:07,740 Why does he wear a glove? He's got a cock hand. 382 00:17:09,540 --> 00:17:10,980 I think I'd have four other fingers, 383 00:17:10,980 --> 00:17:12,900 I don't think I'd just have the cock. No, no. 384 00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:14,860 Just pull the glove off. Yeah. 385 00:17:14,860 --> 00:17:17,140 You would want to look weird, would you? No. 386 00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:21,340 Would it always be like that or would it sometimes be like that? 387 00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:22,980 Sometimes be like that. OK. 388 00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:24,820 Awkward, though, wouldn't it? 389 00:17:24,820 --> 00:17:27,260 When you couldn't stop your finger. 390 00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:28,460 Like an umpire. 391 00:17:30,580 --> 00:17:32,780 I'm sorry I brought it up, Sandi. 392 00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:35,700 Whereas the second head, what is the point of that? 393 00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:38,060 Well, you wouldn't be lonely. Oh, you could talk amongst yourself. 394 00:17:38,060 --> 00:17:40,220 Yeah. Would we have different personalities? 395 00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:42,900 Oh, imagine. One Leave, one Remain. 396 00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:46,460 You's have an anti-vaxxer on your... 397 00:17:46,460 --> 00:17:49,140 "They're trying to trace your every move. 398 00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:52,180 "It's all a hoax." 399 00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:56,020 If you had two penises, if you did... Yes? 400 00:17:56,020 --> 00:17:58,140 ..it would be a pair of hemipenes. 401 00:17:58,140 --> 00:17:59,780 Is there anyone that has more than two? 402 00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:01,060 Phillip Schofield. 403 00:18:02,220 --> 00:18:03,300 HE MOUTHS 404 00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:06,780 Right. Moving on! 405 00:18:06,780 --> 00:18:09,420 What's the damn problem with salmon? 406 00:18:09,420 --> 00:18:12,220 Is it that ageing rockers have...farm them, don't they? 407 00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:15,580 Like Roger Daltrey and The Edge and Jethro Tull does it. 408 00:18:15,580 --> 00:18:17,340 Are they now salmon farmers? 409 00:18:17,340 --> 00:18:19,700 Well, they've got... They're fish farmers. Yeah. Really? 410 00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:21,660 So here's the thing about Atlantic salmon. 411 00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:26,420 They swim 6,000 miles to return to the waters where they were born 412 00:18:26,420 --> 00:18:29,580 in order that they can then spawn the next generation. 413 00:18:29,580 --> 00:18:33,540 And quite often dams block the path and they have found a solution. 414 00:18:33,540 --> 00:18:36,140 It's called the salmon cannon, 415 00:18:36,140 --> 00:18:37,940 and it looks like so much fun, 416 00:18:37,940 --> 00:18:40,180 you'd want to be a salmon. Have a look at this. 417 00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:45,300 But look. There they are. Oh, that is... 418 00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:46,900 No! Isn't that fantastic? 419 00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:48,140 JAMALI: That is fun. 420 00:18:48,140 --> 00:18:49,900 And then out - boom. 421 00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:52,700 I mean... It's like when you get the bowling ball back. 422 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:56,900 I love that. Fish friendly pneumatic tubes 423 00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:59,620 and they use changes in air pressure to move the fish along. 424 00:18:59,620 --> 00:19:02,700 There used to be, before they had the salmon cannon, 425 00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:03,980 there used to be fish ladders. 426 00:19:03,980 --> 00:19:05,820 Anybody ever seen a fish ladder? 427 00:19:05,820 --> 00:19:08,020 So the idea is that the pools are on different levels 428 00:19:08,020 --> 00:19:10,420 so that the salmon can jump from one to another, and it's a bit 429 00:19:10,420 --> 00:19:13,300 like climbing a watery set of steps. 430 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:16,740 I mean, the effectiveness of these ladders is questionable. 431 00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:18,500 Although I have seen the salmon jumping 432 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:19,900 and it is a marvellous thing. 433 00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:22,100 But some species, like the American shad, 434 00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:24,140 only about 3% make it actually across, 435 00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:25,700 so they're not all that successful. 436 00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:27,620 Looks like it took a lot of time to make that fish ladder, 437 00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:28,900 and then it just doesn't work. 438 00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:30,860 Yeah, it's a shame. A little bit like... You know. 439 00:19:30,860 --> 00:19:33,860 Yeah. But I love the idea of it. But salmon are amazing. 440 00:19:33,860 --> 00:19:37,340 They can trace their way hundreds of miles back upriver in order 441 00:19:37,340 --> 00:19:40,540 to find out where it was that they first spawned. 442 00:19:40,540 --> 00:19:43,340 Something else that travels a long way for sex is an eel. 443 00:19:43,340 --> 00:19:45,820 Does anybody know how eels have sex? 444 00:19:45,820 --> 00:19:47,740 Is it one of those things where they do something 445 00:19:47,740 --> 00:19:50,820 and then smear something on something and then put it somewhere? 446 00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,620 Wow. 447 00:19:52,620 --> 00:19:54,700 I mean... JOSH: Do you write Mills & Boon? 448 00:19:56,740 --> 00:19:59,300 The answer is we have no idea. 449 00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:01,700 We have absolutely no idea. 450 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,380 It is one of the great mysteries. They're secretive. 451 00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:07,060 They are incredibly secretive and the mystery of it 452 00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:08,940 is what happens in the Sargasso Sea, 453 00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:10,980 which is a body of water in the Atlantic. 454 00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:14,300 It's believed that this is where both the European and the American 455 00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,220 eels breed because it's the only place you find 456 00:20:16,220 --> 00:20:17,900 young larvae of both species. 457 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:21,700 But nobody has ever found an eel egg there or any adult eels, 458 00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:25,420 and no-one has ever witnessed eel mating. 459 00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:28,900 It is just a mystery, and the other mystery is how the American 460 00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:30,780 and the European larvae, all mixed in together, 461 00:20:30,780 --> 00:20:32,860 know which one should go off to America 462 00:20:32,860 --> 00:20:34,900 and which one should go off to Europe. 463 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:38,660 We just don't know how they find their way thousands of kilometres 464 00:20:38,660 --> 00:20:42,300 back, many decades later, in order to spawn in this one place. 465 00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:44,140 Sigmund Freud was fascinated by this. 466 00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:47,980 He once dissected 400 male eels, looking for testicles. 467 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:51,300 And we now know that they only grow gonads when they need to procreate. 468 00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:54,380 So it's in the last year... After a couple of hundred... 469 00:20:54,380 --> 00:20:57,500 Sigmund, here's another box of eels, but really... 470 00:20:59,180 --> 00:21:03,420 On his deathbed in 1874, the German biologist Max Schulze 471 00:21:03,420 --> 00:21:06,380 said all the important questions have been settled 472 00:21:06,380 --> 00:21:08,460 except the eel problem. 473 00:21:08,460 --> 00:21:12,260 Anyway, what would you use a thunder stone for? 474 00:21:12,260 --> 00:21:15,180 You should have one beside you. This is a thunder stone. 475 00:21:15,180 --> 00:21:17,500 What do you think? It looks a bit fossily, my one. 476 00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,980 It is fossily. It looks like a sourdough bread. 477 00:21:19,980 --> 00:21:22,300 It does look a bit like a sourdough bread. 478 00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:24,780 That's actually how middle class I've become. 479 00:21:24,780 --> 00:21:26,980 Sourdough bread! 480 00:21:26,980 --> 00:21:28,620 What happened to me? 481 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:32,180 Have you seen Jamali on QI going on about sourdough?! 482 00:21:33,700 --> 00:21:35,700 I could never go back to where I came from. 483 00:21:35,700 --> 00:21:39,660 Even the man who keeps snakes near you doesn't want to talk to you. 484 00:21:39,660 --> 00:21:43,740 "Don't go round his house, he's weird." That's the snake guy. 485 00:21:45,140 --> 00:21:46,620 Fossilised sea urchins. 486 00:21:46,620 --> 00:21:49,620 They were thought by Scandinavians to have been forged from thunder 487 00:21:49,620 --> 00:21:51,700 and found when lightning had struck 488 00:21:51,700 --> 00:21:53,900 and, as people believe that lightning 489 00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:56,340 would never strike in the same place twice, 490 00:21:56,340 --> 00:21:58,700 you would keep one in your house to protect yourself. 491 00:21:58,700 --> 00:22:00,780 But it is, in fact, a fossilised sea urchin. 492 00:22:00,780 --> 00:22:02,820 Cool. And also, because it's Scandinavia, 493 00:22:02,820 --> 00:22:05,300 keep the trolls away, stop your horses getting nightmares, 494 00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:07,540 look after your milk if you put one on the shelf in the dairy 495 00:22:07,540 --> 00:22:09,020 to keep the milk fresh and so on. 496 00:22:09,020 --> 00:22:11,140 Cos the horse nightmare, was that a big thing? 497 00:22:11,140 --> 00:22:12,420 The horse is so important to you, 498 00:22:12,420 --> 00:22:14,540 I suppose you just don't want anything to happen to it. 499 00:22:14,540 --> 00:22:18,300 Do you not think? It's a shame that the horse can't hunt 500 00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:21,780 in total silence. Like a seahorse. Like a seahorse. 501 00:22:21,780 --> 00:22:24,020 Yeah. Imagine you've got a cat. 502 00:22:24,020 --> 00:22:27,860 I mean, if they ate cats, and only cats, 503 00:22:27,860 --> 00:22:29,420 and no-one could stop them. 504 00:22:32,580 --> 00:22:34,300 We can all dream, Alan. 505 00:22:34,300 --> 00:22:35,980 You can't hear them... 506 00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:38,620 The word in Norwegian for a sea urchin. 507 00:22:38,620 --> 00:22:39,940 ALAN YOWLS 508 00:22:42,900 --> 00:22:44,500 That was a cat. There's a horse here. 509 00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:46,700 It can't be the horse. 510 00:22:48,380 --> 00:22:51,380 The word for sea urchin in Norwegian is krakeballe. 511 00:22:51,380 --> 00:22:53,380 ALAN SNORTS LIKE A HORSE, BURPS 512 00:22:53,380 --> 00:22:55,980 It literally translates as crow's balls. 513 00:22:55,980 --> 00:22:58,380 Our word comes of the fact that urchin used to be a medieval word 514 00:22:58,380 --> 00:23:00,540 for a hedgehog. That's why we call them sea urchins. 515 00:23:00,540 --> 00:23:03,140 World's longest living animals, as far as we know. 516 00:23:03,140 --> 00:23:05,900 Some of them live to be up to 200. Here's an interesting thing. 517 00:23:05,900 --> 00:23:09,100 They use their spines to walk, as well as to scare off potential 518 00:23:09,100 --> 00:23:13,460 predators, and between the spines they have stalks topped - 519 00:23:13,460 --> 00:23:17,380 this is quite frightening - with jaws that bite. OK? 520 00:23:17,380 --> 00:23:20,180 They're called pedicellariae and they're used to be thought 521 00:23:20,180 --> 00:23:22,260 as parasites cos it looks as though they're entirely 522 00:23:22,260 --> 00:23:23,900 independent of the sea urchin. 523 00:23:23,900 --> 00:23:27,180 And there's one that can send a sort of defensive cloud out 524 00:23:27,180 --> 00:23:30,900 of hundreds of these, like tiny little jaws going like this, OK? 525 00:23:30,900 --> 00:23:33,900 And they have muscles and receptors that respond to stimulus 526 00:23:33,900 --> 00:23:36,300 and they continue to bite and release venom even 527 00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:39,380 when they're no longer attached to the sea urchin's body. 528 00:23:39,380 --> 00:23:40,780 Don't you think that's terrifying? 529 00:23:40,780 --> 00:23:43,420 Like an old man's dentures by the bed. Exactly. Just coming after you. 530 00:23:43,420 --> 00:23:45,220 It's like something out of a movie, isn't it? 531 00:23:45,220 --> 00:23:46,420 Being able to send jaws out. 532 00:23:46,420 --> 00:23:48,220 What would you like - second cock 533 00:23:48,220 --> 00:23:49,420 or venomous fingers? 534 00:23:52,220 --> 00:23:55,420 We've all heard about being as drunk as a skunk. 535 00:23:55,420 --> 00:23:58,260 But what happens when you're as drunk as a sheep? 536 00:23:58,260 --> 00:24:01,460 Once when I was out running on a Cornish clifftop, 537 00:24:01,460 --> 00:24:04,660 there was a sheep and it had capsized and it was on its back. 538 00:24:04,660 --> 00:24:06,380 They can't get up. No, they can't get up. 539 00:24:06,380 --> 00:24:07,700 Did you get it up? 540 00:24:07,700 --> 00:24:10,140 Just went through its pockets. 541 00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:15,340 It's to do with old descriptions of people being drunk. 542 00:24:15,340 --> 00:24:17,420 So there was a satirist called Thomas Nashe and 543 00:24:17,420 --> 00:24:20,340 in 1592 he published a pamphlet called Pierce Penniless 544 00:24:20,340 --> 00:24:24,060 and it had eight different kinds of drunkard. So here they are. 545 00:24:24,060 --> 00:24:26,180 Sheep drunk. What do you reckon? 546 00:24:26,180 --> 00:24:28,980 So sheep, they're quite kind of... Following other people around? 547 00:24:28,980 --> 00:24:30,820 A group of drunks? Quiet. 548 00:24:30,820 --> 00:24:32,180 Yeah, it's incoherent. 549 00:24:32,180 --> 00:24:35,540 It's when you simply can't remember what word it is you want to use. 550 00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:37,860 Yeah. Swine drunk? 551 00:24:37,860 --> 00:24:39,340 That's a nasty drunk. 552 00:24:39,340 --> 00:24:41,060 Yeah, you become belligerent. 553 00:24:41,060 --> 00:24:43,620 Lazy, sort of heavy, lumpish. 554 00:24:43,620 --> 00:24:44,780 Ape drunk? 555 00:24:44,780 --> 00:24:46,500 Climbing a tree, won't come down. 556 00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:49,700 You know those people who leap about and sing and dance. 557 00:24:49,700 --> 00:24:52,140 Oh. There's always a drunk that you can't get out the tree. 558 00:24:52,140 --> 00:24:53,300 Come down! Lion drunk? 559 00:24:53,300 --> 00:24:56,540 You get brave, bold. Aggressive. Aggressive. 560 00:24:57,580 --> 00:24:59,060 JOSH: That's the worst, I think. 561 00:24:59,060 --> 00:25:00,220 Fox drunk. 562 00:25:00,220 --> 00:25:02,300 Sly. Sneaky. Exactly right. Crafty. 563 00:25:02,300 --> 00:25:05,300 Untrustworthy. Goes and eats chickens. Yeah. 564 00:25:05,300 --> 00:25:08,740 Martin drunk is somebody who keeps on drinking. 565 00:25:08,740 --> 00:25:11,060 Named after any particular Martin? 566 00:25:11,060 --> 00:25:15,180 Yeah. He came out with seven animals and he had a mate called Martin. 567 00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:16,180 Won't shut up. 568 00:25:17,620 --> 00:25:19,820 Let's be honest, he didn't care about the animal bit. 569 00:25:19,820 --> 00:25:22,220 The whole thing was so that he could do the Martin. 570 00:25:22,220 --> 00:25:25,740 Yeah. I'll show you, Martin. Won't buy a round - Martin drunk. 571 00:25:25,740 --> 00:25:29,300 Yeah. In 170 years, they'll be on TV taking the piss out of you, Martin. 572 00:25:31,180 --> 00:25:33,980 What about goat drunk? Eat anything. 573 00:25:33,980 --> 00:25:36,060 Some people will eat anything when they're drunk. 574 00:25:36,060 --> 00:25:38,380 And one of those is a goat. It's lechery. 575 00:25:38,380 --> 00:25:39,780 Is it? Goats are lecherous? 576 00:25:39,780 --> 00:25:41,300 Yeah, apparently so. 577 00:25:41,300 --> 00:25:43,740 And what about maudlin drunk? Maudlin. 578 00:25:43,740 --> 00:25:46,580 Yes, literally just maudlin. Yeah, absolutely. 579 00:25:46,580 --> 00:25:50,300 I hit about four of those at different stages of the evening. 580 00:25:50,300 --> 00:25:53,180 I'm ape early doors, I think, 581 00:25:53,180 --> 00:25:55,460 but by the end I'm maudlin. 582 00:25:55,460 --> 00:25:58,700 But I'd like to be clear, I'm never goat. Good. OK. 583 00:25:58,700 --> 00:26:02,700 The English language has at least 3,000 words for being drunk. 584 00:26:02,700 --> 00:26:04,860 They include ramsquaddled, 585 00:26:04,860 --> 00:26:06,340 tight as a tick, 586 00:26:06,340 --> 00:26:08,260 been too free with Sir Richard. 587 00:26:08,260 --> 00:26:09,980 Oh! Yeah. 588 00:26:09,980 --> 00:26:11,940 We don't really know what that is. 589 00:26:11,940 --> 00:26:15,180 It might be alliterative. It might be Richard Rum, for example. 590 00:26:15,180 --> 00:26:16,940 Or possibly it could be a phrase 591 00:26:16,940 --> 00:26:19,220 coined by the great Benjamin Franklin, 592 00:26:19,220 --> 00:26:23,220 a tribute to the Spectator publisher Sir Richard Steele, 593 00:26:23,220 --> 00:26:24,860 who famously liked to drink. 594 00:26:24,860 --> 00:26:27,260 Benjamin Franklin kept a dictionary of words for drunk. 595 00:26:27,260 --> 00:26:28,540 He had over 200 of them. 596 00:26:28,540 --> 00:26:31,380 He published it in the Pennsylvania Gazette in 1737. 597 00:26:31,380 --> 00:26:33,100 As dizzy as goose. 598 00:26:33,100 --> 00:26:35,660 Drunk as a wheelbarrow, I quite like. 599 00:26:35,660 --> 00:26:37,900 Been to France. 600 00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:39,860 Been at war with his brains. 601 00:26:39,860 --> 00:26:41,700 Seen a flock of moons. 602 00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:43,260 I like that one. 603 00:26:43,260 --> 00:26:46,180 Anybody got a favourite word for being one over the...? 604 00:26:46,180 --> 00:26:48,260 One over the eight - there's another one. 605 00:26:48,260 --> 00:26:50,180 Twatted. Twatted! 606 00:26:50,180 --> 00:26:54,340 Charged. Charged, oh, that's quite sweet. 607 00:26:54,340 --> 00:26:55,420 Charged. Charged. 608 00:26:55,420 --> 00:26:57,420 Yeah, it's Jamaican. Charge. Is it? 609 00:26:57,420 --> 00:26:59,140 - Yeah. - Yeah. 610 00:26:59,140 --> 00:27:00,660 I'm just trying what I say. 611 00:27:00,660 --> 00:27:02,500 Wankered. Squiffy. 612 00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:04,420 I've got no time for squiffy. 613 00:27:04,420 --> 00:27:06,140 I think that might be a West Country thing, 614 00:27:06,140 --> 00:27:07,300 bit squiffy on snakebite. 615 00:27:07,300 --> 00:27:09,100 Do you think we got squiffy? Yeah, maybe. 616 00:27:09,100 --> 00:27:10,740 JAMALI: Snakebite, that's a good drink. 617 00:27:10,740 --> 00:27:12,100 What is that? Basically, it's 618 00:27:12,100 --> 00:27:16,380 part cider, part beer and blackcurrant juice, 619 00:27:16,380 --> 00:27:19,300 but it sends you mad. Does it? They won't sell it to you. 620 00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:21,860 So when I go out I ask for it and they go, "We can't mix it," 621 00:27:21,860 --> 00:27:24,260 so I ask for it separately. Then you mix it yourself. 622 00:27:24,260 --> 00:27:26,260 Yeah, but then the person behind the bar goes, 623 00:27:26,260 --> 00:27:28,140 "I know what you're doing with that." 624 00:27:28,140 --> 00:27:31,260 Which of your friends is ordering the straight blackcurrant? 625 00:27:35,740 --> 00:27:37,540 Right, moving on. 626 00:27:37,540 --> 00:27:41,900 Which silent saboteur scuppered the Spanish Armada? 627 00:27:41,900 --> 00:27:43,420 It's an animal beginning with S. 628 00:27:43,420 --> 00:27:46,940 Sheep, sausage dogs, skunk... 629 00:27:46,940 --> 00:27:48,820 A sloth. Slow loris. 630 00:27:48,820 --> 00:27:50,980 Sloths, a slow loris, 631 00:27:50,980 --> 00:27:53,500 snake... Salamander. Snail. 632 00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:55,420 Ships, something to do with ships. 633 00:27:55,420 --> 00:27:57,860 Ship ticks? Ship ticks. Ship ticks. 634 00:27:57,860 --> 00:28:00,140 Like a tick but on a ship - ship tick. 635 00:28:00,140 --> 00:28:02,900 Oh, I like that. Kind of. Yeah. 636 00:28:02,900 --> 00:28:05,820 Kind of in a funny sort of way. 637 00:28:05,820 --> 00:28:07,700 It's ship worm. 638 00:28:07,700 --> 00:28:09,100 That's not a thing. 639 00:28:09,100 --> 00:28:11,220 I'm not going to lie, I was never going to get it. 640 00:28:11,220 --> 00:28:13,420 It's woodworm of the sea. 641 00:28:13,420 --> 00:28:14,700 It's a type of mollusc. 642 00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:16,980 It's kind of clam. It's not actually a worm really at all. 643 00:28:16,980 --> 00:28:20,660 And it loves to eat wooden ships and it was partly responsible for 644 00:28:20,660 --> 00:28:22,940 the defeat of the Spanish Armada. 645 00:28:22,940 --> 00:28:25,140 Here is a picture, and they are amazing. 646 00:28:25,140 --> 00:28:29,180 Basically, there are a pair of very small shells at one end 647 00:28:29,180 --> 00:28:31,620 with which they can drill the passage, OK? 648 00:28:31,620 --> 00:28:35,500 And also, because they open them like this, they can stop the passage 649 00:28:35,500 --> 00:28:37,740 that they're drilling falling in on themselves. 650 00:28:37,740 --> 00:28:40,940 And the reason this is really important is that the great engineer 651 00:28:40,940 --> 00:28:44,700 Brunel looked at shipworms and how they were working, 652 00:28:44,700 --> 00:28:47,100 and that is how he created the tunnelling device 653 00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:50,340 with which he made the very first tunnel under a navigable river 654 00:28:50,340 --> 00:28:52,300 under the Thames. And it was the shipworms 655 00:28:52,300 --> 00:28:53,740 that enabled that to happen. 656 00:28:53,740 --> 00:28:56,540 Do you not think that's amazing? They infested all four ships 657 00:28:56,540 --> 00:28:58,460 on Columbus' fourth voyage, 658 00:28:58,460 --> 00:29:00,580 Drake's Golden Hind, Cook's Endeavour. 659 00:29:00,580 --> 00:29:03,900 They all had holes frankly like sponges because of the shipworms. 660 00:29:03,900 --> 00:29:06,780 But they did help defeat the Spanish Armada because they weakened 661 00:29:06,780 --> 00:29:09,220 the structure of the larger and more powerful Spanish ships 662 00:29:09,220 --> 00:29:11,820 and made them vulnerable to storms and to cannonballs and so on, 663 00:29:11,820 --> 00:29:14,420 and they're possibly more responsible for the Spanish defeat 664 00:29:14,420 --> 00:29:16,660 than either the weather or indeed the English Navy. 665 00:29:16,660 --> 00:29:18,540 Don't you think it's amazing to be an engineer 666 00:29:18,540 --> 00:29:20,780 and have a look at how a creature is working and think... 667 00:29:20,780 --> 00:29:22,100 Very clever chap, Brunel. 668 00:29:22,100 --> 00:29:25,100 I know. Not like Freud and those eels. I know, he had no idea. 669 00:29:25,100 --> 00:29:27,780 Get nowhere. No, Brunel... Could not find a go-mad for love nor money. 670 00:29:27,780 --> 00:29:30,380 Imagine Brunel with Freud. Brunel's like... "What are you doing?" 671 00:29:30,380 --> 00:29:32,260 Brunel's like, "Let me deal with this." 672 00:29:32,260 --> 00:29:34,420 "You're not thinking this at all, are you?" 673 00:29:34,420 --> 00:29:37,660 "You're learning nothing from every dissection. Nothing. 674 00:29:37,660 --> 00:29:39,740 "Stop. Walk away. Have another idea. 675 00:29:39,740 --> 00:29:41,380 "Look at another creature." 676 00:29:42,660 --> 00:29:45,620 But even today, they cause an estimated billion pounds' worth 677 00:29:45,620 --> 00:29:47,100 of damage every year. 678 00:29:47,100 --> 00:29:49,500 I mean, in modern terms, they can be considered 679 00:29:49,500 --> 00:29:52,500 the great recyclers of the sea because they process a resource 680 00:29:52,500 --> 00:29:55,020 that most animals cannot eat, wood. 681 00:29:55,020 --> 00:29:56,740 What do they eat if there's no wood, though? 682 00:29:56,740 --> 00:29:59,100 No, that's it. That's their diet. That's their whole diet. 683 00:29:59,100 --> 00:30:01,860 That's the whole diet. And it was a problem for them when copper bottoms 684 00:30:01,860 --> 00:30:04,300 came into shipping, when they discovered that it was possible 685 00:30:04,300 --> 00:30:06,100 to kind of copper-bottom the whole thing. 686 00:30:06,100 --> 00:30:08,620 I mean, the thing... There's an old copper bottomed boat... 687 00:30:08,620 --> 00:30:10,140 That's my username on Tinder. 688 00:30:10,140 --> 00:30:12,180 What, Old Copper Bottom? Old Copper Bottom. 689 00:30:16,420 --> 00:30:18,900 Shipworms are also eaten by some people in the Philippines. 690 00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:20,900 It's called tamilok. 691 00:30:20,900 --> 00:30:23,140 They marinate it with vinegar or lime juice, 692 00:30:23,140 --> 00:30:25,020 chopped chilli peppers and onions. 693 00:30:25,020 --> 00:30:26,660 I'll stick to that top bit, I reckon. 694 00:30:26,660 --> 00:30:29,100 Do you think? JAMALI: That green stuff? Yeah, the green... 695 00:30:29,100 --> 00:30:32,060 Cos even, like, even what they marinate it with sounds nasty. 696 00:30:32,060 --> 00:30:35,580 Didn't David Attenborough say we all should be or will be eating insects? 697 00:30:35,580 --> 00:30:37,500 Oh, he says a lot of mad shit, though, innit? 698 00:30:37,500 --> 00:30:39,300 He'll say anything. 699 00:30:39,300 --> 00:30:41,860 God, he's always just saying something crazy and we've got to go, 700 00:30:41,860 --> 00:30:44,500 "Oh..!" No, we're not. Are you dissing David Attenborough? 701 00:30:44,500 --> 00:30:47,580 That's a bold move. Listen, I do what I say, what I say. 702 00:30:47,580 --> 00:30:51,900 If, if David Attenborough wants some, he knows where to find me. 703 00:30:51,900 --> 00:30:54,620 Jamali's trying to win his audience back after sourdough-gate. 704 00:30:54,620 --> 00:30:57,380 Yeah, I know. 705 00:30:57,380 --> 00:30:59,500 David Attenborough spends all his time at home now 706 00:30:59,500 --> 00:31:01,820 caring for his snakes. Yeah. 707 00:31:03,540 --> 00:31:06,740 He doesn't want to be disturbed. No. "Leave me alone." 708 00:31:06,740 --> 00:31:11,660 Now, what happens if you feed Alka-Seltzer to a seagull? 709 00:31:11,660 --> 00:31:12,860 Go, Jamali. 710 00:31:12,860 --> 00:31:14,660 Uh, they explode? 711 00:31:14,660 --> 00:31:17,180 Oh, what a shame. 712 00:31:17,180 --> 00:31:18,740 I was hoping that was true. 713 00:31:18,740 --> 00:31:21,380 Does that mean it was right? No. 714 00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:23,140 Why do you think that? 715 00:31:23,140 --> 00:31:26,380 Uh, because I heard it in a...movie. 716 00:31:26,380 --> 00:31:28,300 Yeah, OK. 717 00:31:28,300 --> 00:31:32,500 It's one of the best bits of Independence Day, isn't it? 718 00:31:32,500 --> 00:31:35,180 Yeah, I heard it's something to do with, like, the... 719 00:31:35,180 --> 00:31:37,620 Where it fizzes and the acid in their stomach can't take it 720 00:31:37,620 --> 00:31:41,060 and it explodes. OK, it is not true, thankfully, I'm afraid. 721 00:31:41,060 --> 00:31:44,060 The idea is that the birds don't belch 722 00:31:44,060 --> 00:31:46,300 and therefore the gas will increase in their stomachs 723 00:31:46,300 --> 00:31:47,700 until they can't take it. 724 00:31:47,700 --> 00:31:51,100 But the truth is that birds are experts at regurgitation 725 00:31:51,100 --> 00:31:53,220 so they can easily remove anything in the stomach 726 00:31:53,220 --> 00:31:54,820 that is causing them discomfort. 727 00:31:54,820 --> 00:31:58,020 The stereotypical seagull is a herring gull, and they did 728 00:31:58,020 --> 00:32:00,700 very interesting research into them at Exeter University. 729 00:32:00,700 --> 00:32:04,820 They found they prefer to eat food that has been handled by humans. 730 00:32:04,820 --> 00:32:08,180 They've had two buckets with wrapped flapjacks and one had been handled 731 00:32:08,180 --> 00:32:12,580 for 60 seconds by a person, and 79% of the gulls chose the one 732 00:32:12,580 --> 00:32:14,660 that had been handled by human beings. 733 00:32:14,660 --> 00:32:17,100 Maybe they like it a little bit a bit warmed up, you know. 734 00:32:17,100 --> 00:32:20,060 No, I think they just want to piss us off. 735 00:32:20,060 --> 00:32:22,500 Anybody know how to recognise a black headed gull? 736 00:32:22,500 --> 00:32:24,180 Yeah. Mm-hm. 737 00:32:24,180 --> 00:32:26,380 They haven't got a black head. 738 00:32:26,380 --> 00:32:29,020 Is correct. You get an extra point. 739 00:32:29,020 --> 00:32:31,460 I... That's never happened before! 740 00:32:31,460 --> 00:32:33,860 In the summer, they have a dark brown head 741 00:32:33,860 --> 00:32:35,980 and the rest of the year, it's white. 742 00:32:35,980 --> 00:32:37,660 They don't have a black headed gull at all. 743 00:32:37,660 --> 00:32:40,020 But you can tell by the colour of the head what season it is. 744 00:32:40,020 --> 00:32:43,060 I mean, you can tell as well by the weather, frankly. 745 00:32:43,060 --> 00:32:46,500 The ironic thing is the one on the right looks like a seagull's 746 00:32:46,500 --> 00:32:47,980 crapped on its head. 747 00:32:47,980 --> 00:32:51,340 It does look like... 748 00:32:51,340 --> 00:32:54,260 What shape do bees make honeycombs into? 749 00:32:56,540 --> 00:32:57,540 Hexagon. 750 00:33:02,740 --> 00:33:05,140 It was previously thought that bees built their honeycombs 751 00:33:05,140 --> 00:33:07,300 out of hexagons, and a lot of people thought, 752 00:33:07,300 --> 00:33:09,700 "How have they done that? Have they made a perfect hexagon?" 753 00:33:09,700 --> 00:33:11,620 Well, when you say previously thought, 754 00:33:11,620 --> 00:33:13,780 I mean, what you can do is actually look at it. 755 00:33:13,780 --> 00:33:17,540 There it is. So, what they've actually... 756 00:33:17,540 --> 00:33:20,660 What they've actually done... The famous honeycomb shape. 757 00:33:20,660 --> 00:33:25,380 ..they create circular shaped cells using their own bodies as a mould. 758 00:33:25,380 --> 00:33:30,100 Yes. And then those form a hexagonal shape by themselves, the same way 759 00:33:30,100 --> 00:33:32,740 that bubbles sit together in a bubble bath. Oh. 760 00:33:32,740 --> 00:33:34,460 What kind of bees make milk? 761 00:33:34,460 --> 00:33:37,260 That's the important question. Yeah. The point is, we thought that... 762 00:33:37,260 --> 00:33:38,780 Boobies. 763 00:33:42,580 --> 00:33:46,260 Have you been home educating your kids? How is that going? 764 00:33:46,260 --> 00:33:48,580 This is the tone of voice... They're not going to get... 765 00:33:48,580 --> 00:33:50,540 ..of home schooling in the Davies household. 766 00:33:50,540 --> 00:33:53,580 Yeah. "Just do... Just do it and then bring it to me... 767 00:33:53,580 --> 00:33:56,060 "Try to do it!" 768 00:33:56,060 --> 00:33:58,420 Just... "You haven't tried to do it! 769 00:33:58,420 --> 00:34:00,980 "I can't read that." 770 00:34:00,980 --> 00:34:03,660 So... Well, the point is, Alan, that we thought that bees knew 771 00:34:03,660 --> 00:34:06,540 how to... Never mind, "The point is, Alan," you know they're hexagons 772 00:34:06,540 --> 00:34:10,060 and you've shown some weird bee... 773 00:34:11,140 --> 00:34:12,900 ..not actually in a honeycomb. 774 00:34:12,900 --> 00:34:15,180 "Well, this is a good picture, but it's not a hexagon. 775 00:34:15,180 --> 00:34:16,460 "Find a proper one." 776 00:34:20,020 --> 00:34:22,100 "It's your own time you're wasting." 777 00:34:25,060 --> 00:34:28,140 Bees are one of the few insects that can survive a winter. 778 00:34:28,140 --> 00:34:29,580 How do they do that? 779 00:34:29,580 --> 00:34:30,780 Stay indoors. 780 00:34:30,780 --> 00:34:32,420 Uh, central heating. Kind of. Oh! 781 00:34:32,420 --> 00:34:34,420 They make their own central heating in a way. 782 00:34:34,420 --> 00:34:36,740 JAMALI: Bundle together? Yes, exactly right, my darling. 783 00:34:36,740 --> 00:34:38,580 Yeah? Yes, you get an extra point. 784 00:34:38,580 --> 00:34:40,740 They stay warm by forming a ball of bees. 785 00:34:40,740 --> 00:34:43,300 Oh, my word! It's about the size of a basketball and it's around the 786 00:34:43,300 --> 00:34:45,260 queen in order... It's important to keep her warm, 787 00:34:45,260 --> 00:34:47,700 and it's got two layers. They come in? So the bees on the outside 788 00:34:47,700 --> 00:34:50,060 are packed tightly together and facing inwards, yeah, 789 00:34:50,060 --> 00:34:51,820 and it's like a kind of quilt, so the ones 790 00:34:51,820 --> 00:34:53,660 on the inside can move around freely. 791 00:34:53,660 --> 00:34:56,260 Penguins do that too, right? Yeah. Where they all come together, 792 00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:58,580 and then one goes on the outside, and... That's exactly it. 793 00:34:58,580 --> 00:35:00,500 Alternate. Yeah, it's the same sort of thing. 794 00:35:00,500 --> 00:35:03,140 Now, how can you tell if your dog's happy to see you? 795 00:35:03,140 --> 00:35:05,100 Oh, they're not. 796 00:35:07,420 --> 00:35:09,220 They wag their tail, Sandi! 797 00:35:09,220 --> 00:35:11,460 Oh, dear! 798 00:35:14,220 --> 00:35:16,220 And again... 799 00:35:18,260 --> 00:35:20,060 ..the evidence is widespread. 800 00:35:20,060 --> 00:35:22,780 The tail wagging does not necessarily indicate happiness. 801 00:35:22,780 --> 00:35:24,140 It's a kind of communication. 802 00:35:24,140 --> 00:35:26,620 They are trying to signal submissiveness. 803 00:35:26,620 --> 00:35:29,020 For example, inferior wolves would wag their tails 804 00:35:29,020 --> 00:35:31,540 when approaching superior ones. 805 00:35:31,540 --> 00:35:35,980 But if it was happiness, when the dog was alone, it would wag its tail 806 00:35:35,980 --> 00:35:39,300 if suddenly it saw some food or something and they don't do that. 807 00:35:39,300 --> 00:35:42,260 It is a way of trying to communicate either with another dog 808 00:35:42,260 --> 00:35:45,340 or with the person. It's a bit like fidgeting. 809 00:35:45,340 --> 00:35:47,180 It can be excitement or it can be nerves. 810 00:35:47,180 --> 00:35:49,380 How do we know? How do we know It doesn't... 811 00:35:49,380 --> 00:35:50,860 Wag its tail? ..wag its tail. 812 00:35:50,860 --> 00:35:53,620 I mean, if a dog wags its tail and no-one's there to see it... 813 00:35:53,620 --> 00:35:57,540 Yeah. ..can we really say it hasn't wagged its tail? 814 00:35:58,980 --> 00:36:01,660 There's this new thing called cameras. 815 00:36:01,660 --> 00:36:03,780 How can you make your cat smile at you? 816 00:36:03,780 --> 00:36:06,260 Oh, cats! Don't start with cats. 817 00:36:06,260 --> 00:36:08,700 I used to have two, and one would go to the top of the curtains 818 00:36:08,700 --> 00:36:11,620 and the other one would rip the curtains down, trying to get it. 819 00:36:11,620 --> 00:36:13,340 That sums them up. 820 00:36:13,340 --> 00:36:14,940 Sums them up! 821 00:36:14,940 --> 00:36:17,340 Jamali, have you got cats or dogs? 822 00:36:17,340 --> 00:36:20,500 I had a dog... Well, actually, I only had a dog for like a week once, 823 00:36:20,500 --> 00:36:23,100 because, er... It wasn't your dog? Yeah, kind of. 824 00:36:23,100 --> 00:36:26,300 So I had this bike and then a guy said to me, 825 00:36:26,300 --> 00:36:29,260 "I want to buy the bike." He goes, "I'll trade you." 826 00:36:29,260 --> 00:36:30,460 And I go, "What you got?" 827 00:36:30,460 --> 00:36:33,500 And he goes, "I've got nunchuks," so I've got the nunchuks. 828 00:36:33,500 --> 00:36:35,060 And I said, "You've got to chuck in 20 quid." 829 00:36:35,060 --> 00:36:36,180 He went, "All right, cool." 830 00:36:36,180 --> 00:36:38,220 So I went home and Mum was like, "Where's your bike?" 831 00:36:38,220 --> 00:36:40,220 I was like, "I've only got nunchuks and 20 quid." 832 00:36:40,220 --> 00:36:43,180 And she's like, "Well, no, go back and get your bike." 833 00:36:43,180 --> 00:36:45,580 And I went back and I was like, "I need my bike back," and he goes, 834 00:36:45,580 --> 00:36:47,580 "All right, but I'll give you this dog instead." 835 00:36:47,580 --> 00:36:49,380 And I went, "All right." 836 00:36:49,380 --> 00:36:52,740 So I took the dog back and then someone's knocked at my house 837 00:36:52,740 --> 00:36:54,500 because that guy had stole the dog. 838 00:36:54,500 --> 00:36:57,340 JOSH: Oh, my word. So I had to then give the dog back. 839 00:36:57,340 --> 00:36:59,860 But I got to keep the nunchuks, so it's a happy ending. 840 00:36:59,860 --> 00:37:02,260 Sandi, do you know what a nunchuk is? 841 00:37:02,260 --> 00:37:05,500 What I do know is that Jamali and I have very different lives. 842 00:37:06,780 --> 00:37:08,540 That's the dog I had once. 843 00:37:08,540 --> 00:37:11,060 Wow, OK. 844 00:37:11,060 --> 00:37:13,380 How can you make your cat smile at you? 845 00:37:13,380 --> 00:37:15,660 Can they smile? Can they smile, Josh? 846 00:37:15,660 --> 00:37:18,580 Well, I've got two cats. They have never smiled. 847 00:37:18,580 --> 00:37:21,420 OK? They haven't got, they haven't got animated mouths, have they? 848 00:37:21,420 --> 00:37:24,780 It's something that Cally said early on about snakes. 849 00:37:27,300 --> 00:37:29,660 You rub both their penises and their ears. 850 00:37:32,260 --> 00:37:34,220 You urinate on it. 851 00:37:34,220 --> 00:37:36,020 JAMALI: Huh? Yes. And that cheers it up? 852 00:37:36,020 --> 00:37:39,060 You know what, I'm not going to check that. 853 00:37:39,060 --> 00:37:41,180 When I get home and I say 854 00:37:41,180 --> 00:37:42,940 to my wife, "Here's a trick for you." 855 00:37:42,940 --> 00:37:44,540 Yeah. "Go and get the cat." Yeah. 856 00:37:44,540 --> 00:37:47,540 I thought you was going to say, "Go and get the camera." 857 00:37:47,540 --> 00:37:50,460 They make an expression that looks like a smile, but it's actually 858 00:37:50,460 --> 00:37:53,460 something called a flehmen response. It means to bare the upper teeth. 859 00:37:53,460 --> 00:37:56,620 And it means that they're analysing a smell, so a smell like urine, 860 00:37:56,620 --> 00:37:59,140 and drawing the scent particles into the roof of the mouth. 861 00:37:59,140 --> 00:38:02,020 If you weed on a cat, it would look like it was smiling. 862 00:38:02,020 --> 00:38:04,900 In fact, the best way to make your cat happy is to slowly 863 00:38:04,900 --> 00:38:07,660 blink at it, so... Really? While peeing or just...? 864 00:38:07,660 --> 00:38:09,020 No, don't think you need to be. 865 00:38:09,020 --> 00:38:12,220 They're more likely to approach if you have an outstretched hand, 866 00:38:12,220 --> 00:38:15,180 indicating trust. But if you've been slow blinking at it, 867 00:38:15,180 --> 00:38:17,620 then they think that must be OK. But everyone else in the in your 868 00:38:17,620 --> 00:38:19,460 house is like, "We're going to call a doctor!" 869 00:38:19,460 --> 00:38:23,660 Yeah. "Mum's slow blinking and pissing on the couch again." 870 00:38:23,660 --> 00:38:26,580 You could learn many things from your puppy dogs' tails. 871 00:38:26,580 --> 00:38:29,660 Speaking of which, what are little boys made of? 872 00:38:29,660 --> 00:38:31,660 They were sugar and spice... Smells? 873 00:38:31,660 --> 00:38:33,580 Girls... Girls were... ..sugar and spice 874 00:38:33,580 --> 00:38:35,420 and all things nice. And boys? 875 00:38:35,420 --> 00:38:37,860 JAMALI: Bad shit. Bad shit! That's it. 876 00:38:37,860 --> 00:38:40,860 Cigarette smoke and petrol. I don't know. 877 00:38:40,860 --> 00:38:43,540 JOSH: Cigarette smoke and petrol! 878 00:38:43,540 --> 00:38:46,780 Yeah. Slugs and snails and puppy dogs' tails. 879 00:38:46,780 --> 00:38:48,460 Oh! Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. 880 00:38:48,460 --> 00:38:50,700 But there've been lots of versions of the rhyme. 881 00:38:50,700 --> 00:38:54,180 So from the 1820s, it had snips and snails, 882 00:38:54,180 --> 00:38:55,980 snigs and snails 883 00:38:55,980 --> 00:38:57,980 or snakes and snails. 884 00:38:57,980 --> 00:39:01,860 A snake is a young eel and a snip is a sort of morsel of something. 885 00:39:01,860 --> 00:39:04,460 And then longer versions with old men made of slippers 886 00:39:04,460 --> 00:39:06,300 that flop and a bald-headed top. 887 00:39:06,300 --> 00:39:09,860 Women are reels and jeels and old spinning wheels. 888 00:39:09,860 --> 00:39:12,500 The truth is little boys and little girls are actually made 889 00:39:12,500 --> 00:39:14,900 mostly of water, like almost all other living things. 890 00:39:14,900 --> 00:39:17,900 I want you to put these pictures in order of which contains 891 00:39:17,900 --> 00:39:19,460 the most water. 892 00:39:19,460 --> 00:39:21,260 Cucumber. 893 00:39:21,260 --> 00:39:24,220 Cucumber at number one, are we agreed on that. Yes. Number one. 894 00:39:24,220 --> 00:39:26,700 What about slug? Slug. We're going to go for slug, number two? 895 00:39:26,700 --> 00:39:28,620 Yeah. I'd say a... 896 00:39:28,620 --> 00:39:31,220 ..baby. For number three? 897 00:39:31,220 --> 00:39:35,460 Yeah. OK, then? I've always thought women are more watery than men. 898 00:39:35,460 --> 00:39:37,340 I've said it for years. 899 00:39:37,340 --> 00:39:38,940 You can't say those things any more. 900 00:39:38,940 --> 00:39:41,300 OK, I'll can't say that any more? Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. 901 00:39:41,300 --> 00:39:43,380 Am I going to be cancelled for that, am I? 902 00:39:43,380 --> 00:39:45,180 Is that not a compliment, then? 903 00:39:45,180 --> 00:39:47,300 No! No? No. 904 00:39:47,300 --> 00:39:51,940 D'you know, Cally, you're looking particularly watery today? 905 00:39:51,940 --> 00:39:55,180 Number four? I'm going to say banana. Banana, OK. 906 00:39:55,180 --> 00:39:57,100 Number five, woman. Woman. 907 00:39:57,100 --> 00:39:59,380 Number six, the man. Dry old man. 908 00:39:59,380 --> 00:40:02,420 Let's have a look and see if you got it right. 909 00:40:02,420 --> 00:40:03,940 Oh! Oh, no! 910 00:40:03,940 --> 00:40:06,620 Yeah, so... CALLY: You were reversed. 911 00:40:06,620 --> 00:40:09,180 So a woman is made of 55% water 912 00:40:09,180 --> 00:40:11,300 and an adult male is 60% water. 913 00:40:11,300 --> 00:40:12,860 Oh! Yeah! 914 00:40:14,980 --> 00:40:17,380 Losers! Losers! 915 00:40:17,380 --> 00:40:19,820 Urgh, you're so dehydrated! 916 00:40:19,820 --> 00:40:21,460 Would you like a drink? 917 00:40:23,700 --> 00:40:27,460 We've got water to spare! Yeah! 918 00:40:27,460 --> 00:40:30,420 I like a baby falls between a slug and a banana. 919 00:40:30,420 --> 00:40:33,980 And can I just show you my favourite slug? The slender banana slug. 920 00:40:33,980 --> 00:40:37,180 It's a hermaphrodite, and that means that it can exchange sperm both ways 921 00:40:37,180 --> 00:40:38,460 during mating. After sex, 922 00:40:38,460 --> 00:40:42,300 one slug will sometimes chew its partner's penis off. 923 00:40:42,300 --> 00:40:44,980 Oh! Mm. But then you'll still live? Yes, because the idea is... 924 00:40:44,980 --> 00:40:47,340 It'll just be a female. ..that the slug will not be able 925 00:40:47,340 --> 00:40:50,220 to mate as a male in the future and therefore will allocate 926 00:40:50,220 --> 00:40:52,020 its resources to becoming a mother. 927 00:40:52,020 --> 00:40:55,300 CALLY: That's not a bad idea. I never... 928 00:40:55,300 --> 00:40:58,220 Two kids in, and I didn't think of that. 929 00:40:58,220 --> 00:41:00,980 Go on, then! I enjoyed that. Chew it off. 930 00:41:02,060 --> 00:41:03,820 Yeah, let's go out to high! 931 00:41:03,820 --> 00:41:06,500 Would anybody, If you find a snail in your garden, would you throw 932 00:41:06,500 --> 00:41:09,060 it into the neighbour's garden? Yeah, we had just snail... 933 00:41:09,060 --> 00:41:12,500 So many snails last summer. The gardener turned up, and it's... 934 00:41:12,500 --> 00:41:14,340 CALLY: The gardener? That... 935 00:41:14,340 --> 00:41:16,060 It's a middle class story. 936 00:41:16,060 --> 00:41:18,100 Yeah. No, no, what... A gardener! In an unrelated... 937 00:41:18,100 --> 00:41:21,020 "In all day, spent all day chatting to the cook! 938 00:41:21,020 --> 00:41:22,940 "Doing no work!" 939 00:41:26,300 --> 00:41:28,260 He said he's never seen snails like it. 940 00:41:28,260 --> 00:41:29,860 Anyway, I wish I hadn't brought him up. 941 00:41:29,860 --> 00:41:31,780 He's not even a part of the story. 942 00:41:31,780 --> 00:41:34,340 He is now. Anyway... 943 00:41:34,340 --> 00:41:38,580 I got this organic thing because I felt bad, but it said... 944 00:41:38,580 --> 00:41:40,700 I put it down and it said the snail would... 945 00:41:40,700 --> 00:41:42,820 Don't worry, it's totally fine. 946 00:41:42,820 --> 00:41:46,220 Snails eat it, and then they just burrow underground. Right, and die. 947 00:41:46,220 --> 00:41:49,460 Well, they didn't mention that, but I presume that's what happened. 948 00:41:49,460 --> 00:41:52,340 Yeah. Yeah, it's like a vegetarian's way of getting rid of animals. 949 00:41:52,340 --> 00:41:55,060 Yeah. Why didn't you just put, like, I was going to say soap, 950 00:41:55,060 --> 00:41:56,660 but Himalayan Pink Sea salt? 951 00:41:56,660 --> 00:41:57,820 Yeah, that's... yeah. 952 00:41:57,820 --> 00:42:00,500 That's more what you would... I was going to say normal table salt. 953 00:42:00,500 --> 00:42:02,020 But I know you've got that... 954 00:42:05,260 --> 00:42:07,140 ..that grinder. 955 00:42:08,460 --> 00:42:11,300 "Josh, don't waste the salt!" "I have to, darling!" 956 00:42:11,300 --> 00:42:13,460 He'd have got the cook to do that. 957 00:42:13,460 --> 00:42:16,820 That's right. CALLY: Rather than do it himself. 958 00:42:16,820 --> 00:42:20,100 They did a study of throwing snails, 416 snails, they threw them 959 00:42:20,100 --> 00:42:22,660 over a wall, and then they were marked and then thrown again 960 00:42:22,660 --> 00:42:26,020 if they returned, and one snail came back 17 times. 961 00:42:26,020 --> 00:42:28,460 And that brings our safari to a slimy close. 962 00:42:28,460 --> 00:42:31,220 Let's take a swift look at the scores. 963 00:42:31,220 --> 00:42:34,500 In last place, moving at a snail's pace, with minus 19, 964 00:42:34,500 --> 00:42:36,020 it's Alan. 965 00:42:36,020 --> 00:42:38,460 APPLAUSE 966 00:42:39,900 --> 00:42:42,820 Third, with minus 17, Jamali. 967 00:42:42,820 --> 00:42:44,700 Happy with that. I'm happy with that. 968 00:42:44,700 --> 00:42:46,900 APPLAUSE I should say at this point... Yeah? 969 00:42:46,900 --> 00:42:48,540 ..I've never won. 970 00:42:48,540 --> 00:42:50,260 Me, neither. Ah. 971 00:42:50,260 --> 00:42:52,900 OK. In second... 972 00:42:52,900 --> 00:42:56,900 Just to note, my gardener is a huge fan of the show. 973 00:42:56,900 --> 00:42:59,540 This has never happened before, this sort of tension. 974 00:42:59,540 --> 00:43:03,180 In second place with minus six... 975 00:43:03,180 --> 00:43:05,420 ..it's Cally. 976 00:43:05,420 --> 00:43:08,260 APPLAUSE 977 00:43:08,260 --> 00:43:10,940 In the lead with the lion's share and three whole 978 00:43:10,940 --> 00:43:13,060 points, it's Josh Widdicombe. 979 00:43:13,060 --> 00:43:15,860 APPLAUSE 980 00:43:20,820 --> 00:43:23,060 Thanks to Cally, Jamali, Josh and Alan. 981 00:43:23,060 --> 00:43:26,220 I leave you with this from American columnist Doug Larson. 982 00:43:26,220 --> 00:43:28,380 "Never doubt the courage of the French. 983 00:43:28,380 --> 00:43:31,300 "They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible." 984 00:43:31,300 --> 00:43:32,780 Goodnight. 985 00:43:32,780 --> 00:43:36,100 APPLAUSE