1 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:27,680 Applause 2 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:36,600 Hello. Welcome to qi, where tonight, we're seriously sexed-up. 3 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:39,560 Stark naked underneath their clothes are: 4 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,200 The sultry suzi ruffell... 5 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:43,520 Cheering and applause 6 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,960 ..the sensual Sara pascoe... 7 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,520 Cheering and applause 8 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:49,920 ..the stimulating ahir shah... 9 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,720 Cheering and applause 10 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,400 ..and old sexy pants himself, Alan Davies. 11 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,640 Applause, wolf-whistle from audience 12 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,240 my face! 13 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,520 Let's hear you giving me the come-on. Suzi goes... 14 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,680 Music: Let's get it on by Marvin gaye 15 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,520 ♪ I've been really tryin', baby. ♪ 16 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,000 Oh, right. 17 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,160 Sara goes... 18 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,640 ♪ I believe in miracles. ♪ 19 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,960 ♪ Where're you from? 20 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:21,160 ♪ You sexy thing sexy thing, you. ♪ 21 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:23,000 Ahir goes... 22 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,160 ♪ sexbomb, sexbomb uh-huh 23 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,400 you're my sexbomb sexbomb 24 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:30,600 ♪ you can give it to me when I need to come along. ♪ 25 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,080 He's still got it, hasn't he? He really has. 26 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,640 And Alan goes... 27 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:40,200 ♪ all by myself... ♪ 28 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:41,840 laughter 29 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,000 aww! 30 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:44,640 ♪ Don't wanna be 31 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:48,640 ♪ all by myself... ♪ 32 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:49,760 I tell you, after... 33 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:51,480 ♪ any more. ♪ Yes, all right! 34 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,600 Laughter 35 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,320 just rubbing it in. After several months of lockdown 36 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,120 in a family of five with a dog... Yeah. 37 00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,840 ..That's just a fantasy! 38 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:06,320 Who struggles to speak to people of the opposite sex? 39 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,760 Sara: Oh, is it the qi elves? 40 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,240 Laughter 41 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,280 oh, "who doesn't?" Would be my answer. 42 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,160 Yeah, well, there is that. Let me rephrase it. 43 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:19,960 Who seems to speak a different language to the opposite sex? 44 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:24,280 Mane khabar nathi, uh... 45 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,160 That's fantastic. And I'll speak Danish! Yeah! 46 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,880 But actually, interestingly, that is a sort of clue. 47 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,160 So you say something to me. Uh-huh. 48 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,400 Sandi speaks Danish 49 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:34,920 ok. That is a clue. 50 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,280 I think that a war has just broken out between India and Denmark, 51 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,080 and neither of us... 52 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,840 No, finally, a peace accord. 53 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:44,640 After many years, 54 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,800 the upset over butter has been solved. 55 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,480 It's called ghee! 56 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,560 Oh, sorry! Oh, we've started it again. 57 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,560 So the ubang people of Nigeria, 58 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:58,920 they have separate language variations for men and women. 59 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,680 So it's a farming community, a population of about 11,000 people, 60 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,440 in what's called the cross river area of Nigeria. 61 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,800 And they have a wonderful creation myth which states 62 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,200 that there were two people, first two people on earth, 63 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,200 a bit like Adam and Eve, ubang and iwame, 64 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,600 and god gave them a language each. 65 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,800 And the intention was to give all tribes on earth two languages, 66 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,800 one for each sex, and then god ran out of languages. 67 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:21,280 You know how that happens? 68 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:25,480 Or it's possible that he made one more language than he made tribes 69 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,560 and thought, "I cannot make another tribe." Oh! 70 00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:30,360 Do they say that it makes things easier? 71 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:31,800 Do they prefer it that way? 72 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,320 They don't find it confusing at all. 73 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,616 And if you have a look at some of the words, for example, 74 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:37,280 some of them are completely different 75 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,800 and some of them are rather similar. 76 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:41,120 For example, let's have a look at the word for clothing. 77 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,720 The women's word, ariga, and the men's word, nki, 78 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,840 are very, very different. But then, if you look at the word for book, 79 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,960 koshang and oshang, they're rather similar. Yeah. 80 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,080 Apparently the women's version is easier to pick up. 81 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,000 They do less puns, which I like. Yeah, ok. Very good. 82 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,520 But all children grow up speaking the female language 83 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:00,920 and the boys transition to the male language about the age of ten. 84 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,120 What, so on your tenth birthday, 85 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,640 your dad takes you to one side and says... "Now, my boy." 86 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,440 .. "A yam's actually an itong." Yes, yes... 87 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:12,200 No, from about the age of three or four, 88 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,240 they begin to be teased for using women's words. 89 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,680 But by ten, you would not dream, if you were a boy, 90 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:18,240 of using any of the women's words. 91 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,040 And they don't have any gendered pronouns. 92 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:23,000 Their word means both his and hers, and they don't assign gender 93 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:25,040 to words, you know, like the French will do. 94 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,480 Actually, about a third of the world's population 95 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:28,960 speak a gendered language, 96 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,240 where inanimate objects are male or female or... 97 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,760 I really love that. Do you? Yeah. I think it influences 98 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,080 how people think about the thing they're talking about. 99 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:39,960 And it makes you think of them as, like, nice gentlemen and ladies. 100 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,720 Like, "oh, mrs teapot." Yes! 101 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,680 "Oh, mr coat-stand." 102 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,120 In German, bridge is "brucke" and it's feminine, 103 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,640 so they tend to describe Bridges with feminine stereotypes 104 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,440 like elegant or beautiful and fragile. 105 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,520 In Spanish, it's puente, which is masculine, 106 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,960 so Spanish speakers will use words like long and strong and dangerous, 107 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,760 that kind of thing, and it really has an impact on how people think. 108 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:03,280 Yeah. The women's bridge in London is the Waterloo bridge, 109 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,520 which was completed by women in the second world war, 110 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:06,920 and that's the strongest bridge. 111 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,280 Which is terribly pleasing. Very pleasing. 112 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,240 So English is a germanic language, used to be grammatically gendered, 113 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:13,800 but it sort of faded over the years. 114 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,360 We still have metaphorical genders, so ships are sometimes known as she. 115 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,880 And people refer to their cars, often, as women. Yeah, yeah. 116 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,600 Or their guitars. I'm thinking of the same kind of guys here. Yeah. 117 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:24,960 Laughter 118 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,600 a survey of people that own, 119 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,520 you know one of those robotic vacuum cleaners? Suzi: I've got one! 120 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,736 Is it a boy or a girl? He's called Victor the vacuum... 121 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,960 He! Two thirds assigned it a gender and three quarters called him "he". 122 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,960 Ahir: Do you think it's the legacy of the Henry? 123 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,840 I think it's cos he wanders around aimlessly, 124 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,000 consuming everything he sets his eye on. 125 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:50,360 And he sometimes gets stuck in the corner. So, yeah. Yeah. 126 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:54,360 What's the sexiest thing you can do with a sausage-making machine? 127 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:55,480 Oh. 128 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,080 Suzi's buzzer plays 129 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:01,000 is it doing like what they did in ghost, around it? 130 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:02,880 Is that the sexiest thing you can do? 131 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,520 So one of you's doing it and then there's someone behind you, 132 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:06,920 sort of doing it... 133 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,200 And what's really nice is if you do something sexy 134 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,680 and then breakfast is ready. Exactly! 135 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,040 The casing is the important bit. Not a condom? 136 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,280 Yes, darling, a condom is exactly... With a sausage machine? Right, yeah. 137 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,880 So the us condom industry began in 1883. 138 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,080 There was a German Jewish immigrant called Julius schmid, and he was... 139 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,640 I mean, it's a terrible story. He was virtually penniless. 140 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,760 He was hobbling around on crutches. It's quite dickensian in a way. 141 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:30,960 And he was working in a sausage-making factory, 142 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,720 and he started selling the animal intestines as condoms. 143 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,120 I mean, who thought that's the next progress? 144 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,440 Wow. I want a Hamilton about that guy. 145 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,080 Laughter 146 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:46,200 a great set with all the intestines... yes! 147 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,360 Anyway, he was arrested in 1890 148 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,840 because peddling in contraceptives was illegal. 149 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:52,840 But couldn't he just be like, "this, officer? 150 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,560 "This isn't a contraceptive!" 151 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,360 Yes, it's a delicious snack! Yeah. 152 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:00,120 This is in america? In america in the 1890s. Brilliant. 153 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:04,000 He changed the name of his products to "French goods and medicines". 154 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,120 French? Cos the French are sexy! 155 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,920 And then by 1918, condoms become legal 156 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,120 and by then, he was already king of the condom. 157 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,240 The sheaths in the 18th century were made of... 158 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,880 This is horrible, just warning, this is quite unpleasant. 159 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,600 They were made of sheep's guts, so they needed to be... yes. 160 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,920 Is that... who wants that coming at them? Nobody. 161 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,281 So a sheep's guts, soaked for a couple of hours before use 162 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,840 then tied on with a ribbon, 163 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:27,360 and then washed, dried and used again. 164 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:28,920 Yeah. I know you think it's gross, 165 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,480 but that is a lot better than a kid you don't want. 166 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:32,680 Laughter 167 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,000 it's eco-friendly, as well, I suppose. Yeah. 168 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:39,760 So I thought I'd have a look and I thought, 169 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,880 I wonder what other things you can use a condom for? 170 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,920 And I love the Internet cos there was a list. 171 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,440 Anybody have any thoughts of what you might use a condom for, 172 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,520 other than the purpose for which it was designed? 173 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,320 Well, keeping things dry, like, for example, your phone. Yeah. 174 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,000 Or your watch. I'm always dropping mine in the loo. Yeah. 175 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,080 But you would look weird, getting that out of your pocket. Yes! 176 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,760 "Ah! Missed it!" 177 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,000 Ahir: Or, like, you thought your phone was vibrating, 178 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:03,440 but it was actually just ribbed. 179 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,000 Very good for opening a tricky jar. 180 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,560 Oh! Oh! 181 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:11,760 That is a good tip. Yeah. 182 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,520 Suzi: My nan always had trouble with jars. 183 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,960 It's also very good for retrieving things from the toilet. 184 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,256 If you drop your phone and you haven't got it in a condom, 185 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,600 you could use the condom to put your hand down the toilet. 186 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,240 Yes, cos people don't like to put their hand in the loo, do they? 187 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:26,840 Here's my two favourites. Sneaking booze in anywhere. 188 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:30,440 A good condom will hold up to six pints of alcohol. 189 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,600 They're going to find that if they search you, though. 190 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,840 And this one, which is my favourite, came off an American website - 191 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:40,000 you can cook a delicious meatloaf. 192 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:41,600 Yeah. In a condom? Yeah. 193 00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:44,360 You put the meat in the condom and tie it and boil it, 194 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,680 and it apparently, like, boil-in-the-bag things... wow. Yes. 195 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,680 Boil-in-the-bag. Yes, you could. I know. See? 196 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,240 Are there things that people use when they don't have a condom? 197 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:53,680 There was a rumour at my school 198 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,120 that you could use a crisp packet. 199 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,880 Yeah. Or a tesco's carrier bag. Yeah. 200 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,040 So clingfilm, sandwich bags, crisp packets. 201 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,360 I don't know if you'd turn them inside out, or the salt, 202 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,600 who gets the salty side. They groan 203 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:08,040 speaking of clingfilm, who suffers from the shrink wrap effect? 204 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:09,920 Erm... oh. 205 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,640 ♪ Sexbomb. ♪ 206 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:15,240 It's the hip-hop remake of honey, I shrunk the kids. 207 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,240 I love that! Shrink rap. Yes. 208 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,400 I'm going to give you a point, but it's wrong. 209 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,200 You don't care, do you? No! 210 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:24,000 A point's a point. Let's take it! Yeah. 211 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:27,160 So in 1995, the reichstag building, which is in Berlin, of course, 212 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,440 was wrapped in 100,000 square metres of silver fabric, 213 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,600 two weeks by two artists called 214 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,720 christo javacheff and Jeanne-Claude denat De guillebon, 215 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,040 the married couple who worked under the name of christo. 216 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,200 The building was not in use at the time. 217 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,560 Couple of people just in there... Yeah. "Help!" 218 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,240 What was the artists' reason? 219 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,760 They described it as "autobiographical", apparently. 220 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:51,400 There is another thing in terms of the shrink wrap effect, 221 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,040 which I do think is very interesting. 222 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,080 Palaeontologists have really struggled to tell 223 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:57,040 the sex of a dinosaur by its fossils, ok, 224 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,360 because pretty much all the tissue has decayed 225 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:00,840 over the millennia and so on. 226 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:04,440 And when artists specialising in prehistoric animals have drawn them, 227 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:08,200 they've rather assumed that the skin is tight on the carcass, ok? 228 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,240 So it gives them this sort of slightly skeletal, 229 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:11,360 slightly menacing look. 230 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,201 If you think about, there seem to be no fat dinosaurs, do there? Yeah. 231 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,200 And lots of dinosaurs had feathers, some might have had bulging muscles. 232 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,160 So you get this effect, and there's a wonderful book 233 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,680 called all yesterdays, and it has a look at 234 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,680 what we might think modern-day animals would look like if 235 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:30,120 we only had the skeletons and we did the sort of shrink wrap effect. 236 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,840 So have a look at this one. Would anybody know what that might be? 237 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,120 A hippo. It is a hippo. Yeah. Absolutely. Oh, my god. 238 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,280 It's fascinating, isn't it? Yeah. And it's about how 239 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:39,960 we cannot possibly know what things might have looked like. Yeah. 240 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,280 Except that does look like a hippo! 241 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,520 But you think about hippos, they're sort of enormous, aren't they? 242 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:48,760 I love hippos. 243 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,280 There's one in the zoo in Spain, where we go on holiday, 244 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,560 and it's 3,000 kilograms. 245 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:54,640 I can hardly believe it! 246 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,680 Oh, on holiday, I can totally believe it. 247 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,000 Laughter 248 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,120 just a little bit more tapas, you know what it's like. 249 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:06,400 And have a look at these, see what you think these are. 250 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,400 Oh, flamingos... 251 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:09,960 Ostriches? Swans. 252 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,320 Swans! 253 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:14,480 Actually, I think that is what a swan's soul looks like. Yeah. 254 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:19,920 My dog fights a lot with swans and they always win, 255 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,040 cos that is what's underneath those beautiful wings. Bit scary. Yeah. 256 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,080 Those arms are amazing! 257 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:29,120 I saw a completely black swan the other day. It was beautiful. 258 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,320 I'd never seen one before. I think they're quite... 259 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,320 Well, I think they're quite rare, I don't know. 260 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,600 Quite rare here. I sent photos to all my friends, 261 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:37,320 so I hope they were rare. 262 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,120 "Sandi's seen a swan." 263 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,040 "Did it fly off with her?" "No." 264 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:52,360 Now, how did Elon Musk sex up the space suit? 265 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,080 ♪ You sexy thing. ♪ 266 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,560 When you're that rich, everything's sexy. 267 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,520 Is this about actually sexing them so that women 268 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,520 had the right space equipment? 269 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:04,040 Well, that certainly has been a problem throughout 270 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,400 the whole of space exploration, because space suits on the whole, 271 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:10,440 particularly the ones that you use to go outside of the spacecraft, 272 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,160 they only made them in medium and large. 273 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:13,760 They did not make any in small 274 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,800 and therefore no woman was able to walk outside the spacecraft. 275 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:21,840 No small woman. Now I'm just imaging sandi in a massive space suit. 276 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:25,120 "I'd love to be able to see something." 277 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,480 I believe the moon's out there. 278 00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:30,400 "Come on, please, are there any swans?" 279 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,120 You could do a puppet show 280 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,760 inside the helmet. Yeah. 281 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,560 Punch voice: "Hello, boys and girls!" 282 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,080 "Argh, argh!" 283 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,520 When NASA sent the very first female astronaut into space, 284 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,360 Sally ride, so it was 1983, first of all the engineers 285 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,720 thought she'd need a make-up kit and were worried about 286 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,480 putting that together. And then she was preparing for 287 00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:54,320 her inaugural flight that was going to last seven days and they said, 288 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,480 "um, we've got you 100 tampons, 289 00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:59,080 "would that be the right number?" 290 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:02,000 Even though we speak the same language, sometimes 291 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,320 we can't communicate, can we? On the subject of bodily functions 292 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:09,720 in space suits, I know that the first American man in space 293 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,600 was a guy called Alan Shepard, and he was only supposed to be 294 00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,760 going up for a very short amount of time, 295 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:19,040 so there was no way for him to urinate in his spacesuit 296 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:22,440 and the launch ended up being delayed for five hours, 297 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:25,520 so the first American man in space went up there in 298 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,400 a suit full of his own piss. 299 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,680 Oh! Yeah. 300 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:32,800 Anyway, back to Elon Musk, ok. 301 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,040 The question was about him sexing up the spacesuit. 302 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,480 Is it something to do with the avengers? 303 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:39,640 Yes. What do you think it's to do with the avengers? 304 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:44,160 So, it's something to do with making astronauts look like superheroes. 305 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:47,720 Look sexy. Yeah. Mm. So, he got someone sexy... yeah. 306 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:48,800 ..To design it. 307 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,600 You're absolutely right. It was a Hollywood costume designer, 308 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:54,640 a guy called Jose Fernandez, who did work for franchises 309 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,480 like the avengers, gremlins, Batman. 310 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:57,880 And when he was asked to do it, 311 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:01,160 he thought SpaceX, which is the Elon Musk aerospace company, 312 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,600 was a film. So he went, "yeah, yeah, sure." 313 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:07,920 And the goal was to make the space suit look more like a tuxedo. 314 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,200 Er, because... 315 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,560 Who looked at Neil Armstrong 316 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:15,600 and thought he was insufficiently formal? 317 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,680 "A wing collar, really?!" 318 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:22,320 And Fernandez used to design daft punk's costumes. 319 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:26,080 And he used the designs for that to help him design the helmets. 320 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:29,720 So is that it? Yeah. Oh! But these are for walking about 321 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,440 inside the spaceship, these are not for going out into space. 322 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,800 To be fair, the astronauts do now look harder, better, 323 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:36,680 faster and stronger. 324 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,360 The earliest suit, it was actually designed 325 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,160 for sea floor scavenging, was the diving barrel, 326 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,280 invented in 1715 by John lethbridge. 327 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,960 This is an extraordinary thing. 328 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:52,120 It pretty much is just a barrel laid on its... 329 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,280 Got to just get in that! Yeah. Just get in! 330 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,120 And it's got a section cut out for the person's hands 331 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,440 to reach through, and you breathe 332 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,800 because, of course, there's a big bubble of air trapped 333 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:05,200 inside the thing, and he was able to reach depths of 22 metres 334 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,480 for up to half an hour, and by the end of his life 335 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,160 he'd recovered so many valuables from shipwrecks, 336 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,840 today it'd be about £20 million's worth by going down... 337 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,680 And what about that is not sexy? 338 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,320 I know, yeah. The thing about the designer John lethbridge is 339 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,080 he's reported to have had 17 children. I think he's just trying 340 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:23,920 to get away. You could understand that, couldn't you? Anyway, that's 341 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,600 the original, look at the original drawings for the thing. 342 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,760 That is amazing. Why would your mother-in-law 343 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,440 give you one of these? 344 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:33,800 Oh, because she's finally ready for the home. 345 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,000 This is the last straw. 346 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,640 Happy Christmas, Sara. All right, Mary. 347 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,320 Is it because she knows I'm in training for 348 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,600 world's greatest potato peeler? 349 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,720 Why do you say that? 350 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,640 Cos it looks like a really difficult-to-peel potato! 351 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,240 Ok. So, I will not be able to say this correctly, 352 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,000 and my apologies to anybody Peruvian - 353 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,440 pusi qachun waqachi. 354 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:01,640 It translates, the name of this potato, to 355 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,840 "make your daughter-in-law cry". 356 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:06,760 That is so mean. 357 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,520 Yeah. So, we're talking about the cusco region of 358 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,320 the Peruvian highlands, and a future mother-in-law gives 359 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,320 the bride-to-be these potatoes, 360 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,520 and if she can successfully peel them... 361 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,560 Yes, quite right. 362 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:20,800 Applause 363 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,160 that is clever. 364 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,080 ..Then she will make a good wife. 365 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,280 I mean, how annoying is that, right? 366 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,960 But you'd be a lovely wife. 367 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,760 But there's about 4,500 varieties of potato, 368 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,160 of which 2,500 are in Peru. 369 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,760 And 25% of Peru's agricultural gdp comes from potatoes. 370 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,560 I mean, it's a big industry. Those have got "skin-on fries" 371 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,040 written all over them. Yeah! 372 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:45,480 There's a restaurant in Lima called central, 373 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,320 and they have 50 different ways to prepare spuds. 374 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:51,800 My favourite is the Danish preparation called 50-50. 375 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,400 Do you know what that is? No. 376 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:58,360 Yeah, 50% butter, 50% potato, mashed together. 377 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,800 Anyway, they have two expressions 378 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,800 in their inca language, hok wayk'oy - I apologise - 379 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,320 "one cooking" and hok yanoy chika, "one cooking so much", 380 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,800 and they're basically units of time of day. 381 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,120 A bit like we'd use an hour, I guess, 382 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,360 but they would time things by potato boiling. 383 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:15,680 Oh! I think it's rather nice. 384 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:19,400 Some very old recipe books have spells in them 385 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,360 and they think it's the same thing, that by the time you've said 386 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:25,080 the whole spell, the ingredients are ready. 387 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,200 That's a wonderful way of doing it, isn't it? Yeah. 388 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:30,280 And particularly for oral societies. Yeah. 13th-century Peruvians 389 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:33,360 and Bolivians were naturally freeze-drying potatoes. 390 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,880 So, what they would do is they would leave the spuds outside 391 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,280 exposed to warm and then to freezing temperatures, 392 00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:40,120 and then stamp out the water in between. 393 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,600 It's basically instant mashed potato that can be stored 394 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,080 for years without going off. 395 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,320 Presumably discovered by accident, I would imagine. 396 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,240 Yeah, someone definitely woke up and went, 397 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,640 "ah, you know what? I've left the potatoes out." 398 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,960 Yeah. "Just make it work, just make it work." "It'll be fine!" 399 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,160 Does anybody remember smash? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 400 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,600 It goes black when it rots. What, smash does? 401 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:02,000 Yeah. I was a very dirty girl at university, and also poor, 402 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,640 and that's how I know that. 403 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,600 Not all science experiments come from wisdom. No. 404 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:12,640 It's still extremely popular, sells over 100 million a year. 405 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,680 What is it? Smash. Oh, my gosh. Have you not had it? 406 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,960 You know like coffee, freeze-dried coffee? Yeah. 407 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,880 So you put it in a jar and then hot water. 408 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,640 It's like that but it comes up a bit like mashed potato. 409 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,640 There was a time, I think, when they thought that 410 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,800 anything that was real could be improved upon, 411 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,480 so fake everything was the order of the day, 412 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:31,920 and that was one of the things. 413 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,640 There was granulated tea for a while. Yeah. What?! 414 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,840 People were like, oh, teabags take too long. Yeah. 415 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,040 Yes, this was the '80s. 416 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,840 "These teabags take too long, I've got cocaine to do 417 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,280 "and industry to privatise!" 418 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:46,960 It was heady times. 419 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,920 But look what we achieved. 420 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,840 I know, right? 421 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,280 Who couldn't perform without an audience? 422 00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:57,000 I mean, I would say me, but Edinburgh 2012 would, er... 423 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:03,920 You know? Me, my mum, my auntie and the critic from the Sunday times. 424 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:07,000 I once did a show with Helen lederer and Tony slattery 425 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,640 and there was one person in the audience 426 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,400 and we had a long debate as to whether or not to do it or not. 427 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,760 Did you? We did. It was my mother-in-law 428 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,160 and she'd come specially. Afterwards she was like, 429 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,000 "you went through with the performance, very impressed by that. 430 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,240 "Now if you can peel this..." 431 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,840 I was booked for a fundraiser once for firemen 432 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,880 and it was in a field near the fire station. 433 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,040 And no-one was in the tent, 434 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:32,000 so they made me start without anyone in the tent, 435 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,640 cos they said that when people hear that there's something 436 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,760 happening, they'll come and look in. Oh, my... 437 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,320 And because it was a fundraiser, I did do it, 438 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,320 but all that happened is that people would periodically just look inside 439 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,480 the tent and go, "oh, god!" 440 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:47,800 But no-one goes, "oh, brilliant, I'll go and listen 441 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:50,200 "to that mad woman talking to herself." 442 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,480 "Oh, brilliant, part way through an anecdote, count me in!" Yeah! 443 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,800 What was the place, darling, we went to a festival 444 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:57,680 and there was a completely empty field? 445 00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,976 And I went to the toilet and when I came back it was full. 446 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,480 Latitude. Latitude festival. There was nobody there 447 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,200 and I just thought, well, nobody's coming. I went to the toilet, 448 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,960 came back, 5,000 people had turned up. Alan had texted everyone - 449 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,080 "toksvig's about, and she's had two ciders." 450 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,520 "She's in the loo, come out now!" 451 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,400 "She's got that swan anecdote." 452 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,000 So, who couldn't perform without an audience? 453 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,960 It's not a comedian. 454 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,120 So, we're talking about sex. 455 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,600 Oh, sexual performance. So, people who like being watched, 456 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:30,200 like, as a thing. Like camming or something. 457 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:32,960 Like what? Camming. When you... 458 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,640 This is my version of smash. 459 00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,320 Gather round children, let me tell you. 460 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,040 So you get hot water... 461 00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:43,800 And so some people make their living from having 462 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:47,320 a webcam at home and people give them money, 463 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,160 and they do those things in their room. 464 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,720 And some of it can be quite mundane, like folding or ironing. 465 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,760 It's mostly not. 466 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:55,960 But it can be absolutely anything, and you spend time 467 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,880 with people just through your webcam all day. 468 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,760 Where do you find this? Just... There's a thing called the Internet, 469 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,120 actually. It's really taken off, sandi. 470 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:06,200 So, I said to my son the other day, I said, "darling, people keep saying 471 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,400 "there's porn on the Internet, but I can't find it." 472 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,320 He said, "mum, just type in the word 'porn'." And I said, "oh, I don't 473 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,560 "think I could be that bold." He said, "maybe it's not for you." 474 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:21,440 Sandi, what were you putting in before to not be able to find it? 475 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,440 Well, I don't know, I just thought it just popped up all by itself. 476 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,520 It only pops up if you've already been on it. Oh. 477 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,920 It doesn't just seek out... 478 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,240 Yoo-hoo! 479 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,040 My mother is a retired primary school teacher 480 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:41,920 and when they brought interactive whiteboards into the class, 481 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,560 she was trying to teach the children about the victorians, 482 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:48,120 and so went on Google images and typed in "prince Albert," 483 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,600 and out of this interactive whiteboard... 484 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,880 Even I know what that is! 485 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,040 It's like, "close, close! How do you make it close?!" 486 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,880 Yeah, and then pop-ups. 487 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,880 Prince Albert is the closest we've got 488 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,160 to somebody who couldn't perform without an audience. 489 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:07,440 So, is it like a thing where, for royalty, you had to prove 490 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,320 that you've consummated the marriage? You had to be watched. 491 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,000 Yeah. It's the weirdest thing. So, Henry vi was king of england, 492 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,760 1422 to 1461, and his wife Margaret of anjou, 493 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,320 they took more than eight years to produce an heir. 494 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,800 And there were all sorts of rumours that he was impotent 495 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,120 or that she kept refusing. A lot of sheep going missing? 496 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:27,880 Yeah. Yeah, I think that condom on his desk looks uncomfortable, 497 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,520 but, er... 498 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:32,720 They've discovered new evidence to suggest that courtiers had 499 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:36,240 to accompany them to bed to make sure that they did the deed. 500 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,400 But there also could've been a lot of confusion, 501 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,560 because historically, and sometimes even now, 502 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,560 when people don't explain to children properly what sex is 503 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,040 and why it is, people got married as virgins 504 00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:48,720 and had no idea what they were supposed to be doing. Mm. 505 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:52,120 Anyway, the Chamberlain of Henry vi used to stay in the room 506 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,880 while they were in bed together. On his phone. 507 00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:00,360 They did finally have a baby, Edward, 508 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,760 but it was thought to either be a bastard or a changeling. 509 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,800 People used to believe that it was a fairy or 510 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,040 a devil child swapped in. 511 00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:08,480 And then Henry had a complete nervous breakdown. 512 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:11,480 She's very interesting, actually. She's left to rule the kingdom alone 513 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,120 for the next couple of decades and it's, in fact, her political 514 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:15,880 decisions that lead to the war of roses. 515 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,360 She's well worth reading about. 516 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:19,840 They were married, actually, for a year before they met. 517 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,280 Did you know that? No. No! 518 00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:24,440 Yeah. So, the Duke of Suffolk, who was Henry's adviser, 519 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:25,840 went over to France, 1444, 520 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:27,520 and married Margaret in his place, 521 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,000 which used to be called a proxy wedding. 522 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,480 That's the most Indian shit I've ever heard in my life. 523 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,280 Well, tell me, what do you think about this? 524 00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:37,000 Because it wasn't just weddings that were conducted in absentia. 525 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,080 Mary tudor, who was the sister of Henry viii, 526 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,200 her marriage to Louis xii was consummated by proxy. 527 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,320 Do you know about this? Consummated? Consummated by proxy?! Yes. 528 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,520 Consummated by proxy. So, the Duke of longueville, 529 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,000 who was, at the time, a French hostage in england, 530 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,760 he acted as a stand-in for Louis for the consummation, right? 531 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:53,400 So, there's a whole lot of spectators 532 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,120 and Mary gets her clothes off and she climbs into bed. 533 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,120 And then the Duke takes off his stockings, 534 00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,920 doublet and hose from one leg, 535 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,880 puts his naked leg in under the bed clothes 536 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,920 and touches her with it, and everybody applauds 537 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,400 and that counts as having consummated the marriage. Wow. 538 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,840 I don't understand straight people at all. 539 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:15,720 Why would you stop halfway through sleeping with someone? 540 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,920 The interval. Laughter 541 00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:21,040 it's weirdly correct. 542 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:24,800 Ah! Ah, yes, please! 543 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,320 The safety curtain comes down. Yeah! 544 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,440 And then a little old lady comes out to sell ice cream! 545 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,320 I like that, that you thought that. 546 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,320 But why might you have an interval? Why might there be a...? 547 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,160 I mean, for snacks? Snacks? Yes. 548 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:43,920 So, the tyranny of the eight hours of sleep, which we have now, is 549 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,440 a relatively modern concept. In the medieval period, 550 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,440 people had two-phase sleeping patterns. 551 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,440 So they'd wake up around two, three o'clock in the morning 552 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,320 and they would use that midway break for praying, for eating, for sex, 553 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,240 for studying, for writing poetry or whatever. That was the part of your 554 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,360 day where you actually got to do anything that was just for pleasure. Yeah. 555 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,920 Because you worked so hard and you had to work with daylight. 556 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,760 My dad sort of does that. He gets... He'll go to bed quite early 557 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,320 and then wakes up about three, 558 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,280 then quite often takes my mum a cup of tea, and I said to her, 559 00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:13,680 "doesn't it really annoy you that you're being woken up?" 560 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,000 And she went, "no, I always like a tea." 561 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:17,680 All laugh 562 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:20,960 but it was called split sleeping 563 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,640 and it was very common, sort of, 17th to the 19th century, 564 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:25,240 and then it kind of faded away. 565 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,160 But there's a new thing that has sometimes been suggested, 566 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,680 polyphasic sleeping. There was an architect 567 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,840 and inventor called buckminster Fuller, 568 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:35,520 and he managed to reduce his sleep in total - 569 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:37,800 there he is - to two hours in every 24. 570 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,800 It's really bad for you. It's very bad for you. 571 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,280 He did this by having a half-hour nap whenever he got tired, 572 00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:44,240 so every six hours he'd have a half-hour nap. 573 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,520 Yeah, and he absolutely talked gibberish and had mice 574 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,000 and cats in his peripheral vision, but other than that, 575 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,840 he was doing really well. So, buckminster Fuller believed that... 576 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,240 So, particularly in the 1940s, that if people slept less, 577 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,640 it would shorten the war, because thinkers would be able 578 00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:59,440 to spend more time thinking and so on. He thought it would shorten 579 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:02,320 the war? Because clever people would be able to come up with 580 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:05,960 a better plan. He had a system, which he called dymaxion, 581 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,000 which is a sort of portmanteau word - 582 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:09,800 dynamic, maximum and tension - 583 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,520 and some of the stuff is brilliant, darling. If you don't know him, 584 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,080 there's a design he did for a car, which I still, if this car 585 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:16,800 was available, I would absolutely buy it. 586 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,520 I don't think it ever got made. There. Is that it? 587 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,120 Yeah. The dymaxion car. 588 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,680 You would look adorable in that car, sandi. 589 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,280 Isn't it great? Yeah. I think it's fantastic. 590 00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:30,160 It's still better, I think, to have the wheels at the corners. 591 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:33,160 The idea was to maximise efficiency. He gave up after two years, 592 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:37,560 because nobody else was awake when he wanted to talk to them. 593 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,440 Doesn't your brain clean itself when you're asleep? 594 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,440 That is exactly the problem, darling, 595 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,400 and it interrupts your circadian rhythms, your body clock, 596 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,080 and it can really affect your health. 597 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,040 You become psychotic really quickly. Yeah. 598 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:51,520 And the thing with modern people, especially with stress, 599 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:53,320 is that people feeling tired all the time, 600 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,120 it's like, you're not crazy, you are, your body isn't actually 601 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,520 getting rest when you need it. 602 00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:00,080 Well, Salvador dali was always worried that he was too tired in 603 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,400 the afternoons and he didn't like wasting time napping, 604 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,720 so he used to do this thing. He used to sit in an armchair with his arms 605 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:09,120 hanging over the side like that and he had a heavy metal key in his hand 606 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,440 and an upturned plate on the floor. He could go like that 607 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,080 and then go like that until he nodded off 608 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,160 and dropped the thing and it landed on the plate. 609 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:16,320 And he said it was enough, 610 00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,280 that jolt, to give him a bit more energy. Hm. 611 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:22,480 Is that how the clock ended up being bent? That's exactly how, yeah. 612 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,840 But micro sleeps, that's exactly what they say, 613 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,640 is that even if you can't have a nap, just that exact little 614 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,120 thing that he's describing, that little doze. 615 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:31,640 The thing that I like is 616 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:36,120 the idea that that jolt dates back to sleeping in trees. 617 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,400 So you'd wake up with a start to grab the branch. 618 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:40,960 So you don't fall out. You don't fall out of the tree. Yeah. 619 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,240 My kids, when we went to latitude, 620 00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:47,240 we all stayed in the caravan, and they all fell out of their bunk beds 621 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,600 within 20 minutes of one another. Did they? 622 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:51,560 And two of them were low down, 623 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:55,400 but my daughter was up high, and we watched her fall out. 624 00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:59,640 And it took ages. Laughter 625 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,400 anyone know who that is on the right? Is that descartes? 626 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:03,960 It is descartes, absolutely right. 627 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:07,120 Oh, you're a clever pants, aren't you? 628 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:10,240 You just knew all of the facts about sleep! 629 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,280 But they were boring. That was very impressive. 630 00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:16,680 You're both really showing up my four gcses here. 631 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,560 Anyway, descartes, the philosopher Rene descartes. 632 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:21,160 He would always sleep until midday, 633 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:25,160 and it's something we think now called delay sleep phase type. 634 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,280 It's a sleep disorder that throws off your circadian rhythm. 635 00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:30,400 Lots of people experience it temporarily, 636 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,800 so students pulling an all-nighter, for example. 637 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,560 But one in 500 people have it as a permanent condition and they just 638 00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,920 don't seem to be in the right frame with everybody else. 639 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,240 But if... isn't that sort of all relative, right? 640 00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,600 Like, it's not the right frame for everybody else, 641 00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,080 but it is the right frame for him. So, I don't know, 642 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:46,880 why does it need to be a medical condition? 643 00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:48,840 Why can't he just be like, "I love sleeping in"? 644 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:51,800 Yeah. No, I think it's absolutely fine, unless you're meeting somebody 645 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,120 for breakfast or something, you're right. It's got to be 646 00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:57,440 the thing that works for you. "I sleep, therefore I am." 647 00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:01,400 As they say in advertising, sex sells, right? 648 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,560 Yes! Klaxon 649 00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:06,680 no! 650 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:08,840 Darn. No! 651 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:11,880 "No!" is correct. So there was a study in 2020, 652 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:16,440 they asked 200 Italian men and women to watch ads 653 00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:18,840 and see if sex really does sell. 654 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,960 And apart from a very, very small group of men who were identified in 655 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:26,520 further analysis as having "higher hostile sexism", the participants... 656 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,560 They sound fun. Yes! Whoo! 657 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:31,280 They should do like a really quick test, where you can just, like, 658 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,000 dip something in their drink... Yeah. 659 00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,520 People don't respond better to sexualised ads. 660 00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:38,120 Yeah, because the theory has always been, not that you would 661 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,080 automatically buy a product, but you're more likely to notice the ad 662 00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,880 and spend more time with your eyes looking at it, and then the ad can 663 00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:46,800 then do its secret work while you're looking. Except that the truth is, 664 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:49,040 people forget to notice what the ad is for. Sure. 665 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:52,400 And just go, "oh, sex!" Yes, exactly. "I remember sex!" Yes. 666 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:55,160 Usually a pair of women's legs would go across 667 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,880 the screen, do you remember those days? In nearly every ad, 668 00:29:57,960 --> 00:29:59,960 a little woman walked and then you'd go... yeah. 669 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:01,520 And then it'd just go, "smash." 670 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:05,520 Women on the whole reacted more 671 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:07,440 negatively and they didn't care for it. Yeah. 672 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:09,640 It made them less likely to want to buy the product, 673 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:11,680 but the men were unaffected either way, 674 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:14,360 it didn't impact on their buying intentions whatsoever. 675 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,160 But the brain instinctively is distracted by the sexualisation 676 00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,360 and doesn't pay attention to the product. 677 00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:22,560 Anybody remember cadbury's flake adverts were rather risque? 678 00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:26,120 In the bath? Yeah. I did... at my first-ever stand-up comedy set, 679 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,760 one of my hilarious routines... 680 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,320 ..Was I had a flake and I took it out of the wrapper 681 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:36,440 and I put it in a condom. Right. 682 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,320 And at the time, if you remember, in the '80s, 683 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,040 there were a lot of ads about condoms, 684 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:43,280 because people were extremely terrified of aids, rightly. 685 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,160 And so I put the flake in the condom, 686 00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:48,240 wrapped it back up and then peeled the flake 687 00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:49,960 and it had a condom on, that was funny. 688 00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,160 That got a laugh. But then - 689 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:55,240 this is where I had a lot to learn - I ate it. 690 00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,360 Oh! You ate the condom? 691 00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:59,040 I tried to and I couldn't swallow it, 692 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,040 I chewed it for a bit. 693 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:05,040 And then the laughter kind of went a bit, "ooh." Yeah. 694 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:06,600 Did you find that on the Internet 695 00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:09,680 when you searched other things you can do with a condom, sandi? 696 00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:13,040 They stopped doing it after about 2010. It was polarising opinion. 697 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,040 Yeah, chocolate adverts who... 698 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:17,920 ..When they're advertising to women to eat chocolate 699 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,120 for pleasure, shouldn't use models. 700 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:22,400 They should be realistic. I think that's the thing, 701 00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,440 because you never think, "oh, that looks nice, 702 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:26,200 "I'll do that when I'm in the bath." Yeah. 703 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:28,680 I want someone crying, eating a Mars bar, and me going, 704 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:30,440 "I could get onboard with that." Yeah. 705 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:34,040 "I'm so lonely. Ow, ow, ow! But now it's all right." That kind of thing. 706 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:36,720 I don't know if you remember, there was a woman called Janis Levy, 707 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:40,160 she was a former flake girl, and she hit the news again in 2008, 708 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,960 because it was reported that she'd died. And they published her 709 00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:45,280 obituary and nobody was more surprised than she was, 710 00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:46,680 because she was perfectly fine 711 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:48,800 and she'd been confused with another flake girl, 712 00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:50,400 Marilyn crossley, who'd passed away. 713 00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:52,520 But it's like, it's like when a person of colour, 714 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:55,640 they get... Whoever's putting the, you know, the assembly together 715 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:58,040 of the article, uses the wrong photograph of someone. 716 00:31:58,120 --> 00:31:59,720 I've been Paul chowdhry twice. 717 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:01,760 Yeah, I mean, but, like, so literally... 718 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,880 I've been Jen brister once. 719 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:07,960 But it's so crazy, but because it's different jobs, 720 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,200 that person goes, "here's my article about ahir shah," 721 00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:13,480 and someone else goes, "brown man. Got it." 722 00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:17,640 It's very nice that you think that they're googling "brown man". 723 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:20,800 I would have gone for a shorter and more aggressive word. 724 00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:25,080 Do you remember Abercrombie & Fitch used to have a topless man 725 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:27,960 outside their shops to try and help them sell? 726 00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:30,040 And the people inside were dancing. Yeah. 727 00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:31,320 Sandi, did you ever go inside? 728 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,720 They were dancing but they weren't allowed to speak to you. 729 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:35,000 So, if you went over and said, 730 00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:38,320 "oh, do you have this in, like, a proper size for an adult?" 731 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,560 And they'd be like, "hey, I'm not here to chat." 732 00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:43,200 Anyway, they're starting 733 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,880 to phase out these sexualised adverts. Good. 734 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:48,920 Like the quote from the Austrian economist, Joseph schumpeter, who 735 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,480 said that a picture of the prettiest girl in the world will, 736 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:53,960 in the long run, prove powerless to sell a bad cigarette. 737 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,520 That's very good. I think that's impressive. I like that. 738 00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,640 But they've historically sexed things up anyway. 739 00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:01,520 So there's a thing in their company history that their famous brand 740 00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:04,280 Hollister was named after its founder, John m Hollister, 741 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,560 and he was an adventurer who settled in California 742 00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:08,560 and he created the label in 1922, 743 00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:10,760 and that's what's on the logos, the date and so on. 744 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:12,960 The whole company started in 2000. 745 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:16,240 There's no such person. You know the moleskine notebooks, 746 00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,200 they're sold as the notebooks of, I don't know, 747 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,560 Hemingway, Picasso and chatwin and so on? Yes. 748 00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:21,920 They were founded in 1997. 749 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,480 What?! Ok, now I am angry. 750 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:26,360 I don't give a shit about Hollister, but I've got a lot of moleskines. 751 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:29,040 Ok, haagen-dazs, the name haagen-dazs doesn't mean anything. 752 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,720 Apparently it was supposed to sound Danish to imply, 753 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:35,200 I don't know, sort of high-quality craftsmanship, but that umlaut... 754 00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:37,640 It's a made-up word? ..We don't have a letter like that 755 00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:39,336 a with an umlaut on top, we don't have it. 756 00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:41,760 But it was created by new yorkers living in Minneapolis. 757 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:43,960 What's so special about your bottom? 758 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:45,320 I think I might know this. 759 00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,240 Oh! 760 00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:50,280 Are they unique? Like a fingerprint. Yeah, in what way? Ooh! 761 00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:52,080 It's why people sit on photocopiers, 762 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,280 because it's like a fingerprint. 763 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,560 It is, exactly. You're giving away too much personal data if you sit on 764 00:33:57,640 --> 00:33:59,880 a photocopier. Yeah, yeah. That is absolutely correct. 765 00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:02,400 I need to make some phone calls, can we pause the...? 766 00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,800 So, scientists at Stanford university have developed 767 00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:06,400 a smart toilet, 768 00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:09,040 which is able to work out who's sitting on it by taking 769 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:10,640 a scan of your bottom. 770 00:34:10,720 --> 00:34:11,960 Oh, whoa! 771 00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:15,800 And apparently your anal print is unique. 772 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,360 So it's got a little camera inside and what it does is, 773 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,640 it scans the anal lining, also known as the anoderm. 774 00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:25,240 Ok, sandi, you've told me how, now tell me why. 775 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:27,720 Because if you'd know who's going in the toilet, 776 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,520 what you can do is you can analyse the excretion, 777 00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:32,800 so, for the quality, the timing, the speed and so on, 778 00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:34,760 and it is a very, very good way of developing 779 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:36,800 an individual health profile for each user. 780 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:40,440 Will it also, like, tell them off if he's on there for too long? 781 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,600 Yeah. Will it just be like an alarm, like, "that's 45 minutes"? 782 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:47,200 What happens if you hit the lens? Yeah. 783 00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:49,120 I stayed with my father-in-law 784 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:51,400 a couple of years ago and I went into the toilet 785 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,560 and it was all dark, and as I approached the bowl, 786 00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:55,960 it lit up and he has disco lights in 787 00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,240 the toilet that change. 788 00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:01,880 And I had to buy one, I've now got one that hooks into the toilet. 789 00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:05,960 And that's why there's always 5,000 people every time you go to the loo. 790 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:08,800 This toilet is still in the experimental stages 791 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,960 and the first thing is that people would have to be comfortable with 792 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:15,080 having a scan of their arse every time they excused themselves. Yeah. 793 00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:17,720 It would have to be really sold as, like, why this is beneficial. 794 00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:19,360 Well, the advanced institute 795 00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:21,640 of industrial technology in Tokyo are developing 796 00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:23,760 a car seat that recognises the bum print, 797 00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:25,640 if you like, of the driver in the seat 798 00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:29,200 and it won't let the car start if you are somebody who doesn't match 799 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:30,880 the bum of the person who owns it. 800 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:33,200 What if you put on a lot of weight? 801 00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,840 Then you'd have to walk everywhere, you'd lose the weight, 802 00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:37,920 back into your car. Back into the car! 803 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:39,440 But the car that I drive, 804 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,520 it knows whether it's me or my wife driving. 805 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:42,680 But I think it's to do with 806 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,800 the phone connecting up in some way. Ok. 807 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,640 Yeah. Or that she can see over the steering wheel. 808 00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:49,480 Laughter 809 00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:51,360 and with that, it's time for the pain in 810 00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,320 the bottom that we call general ignorance. 811 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:54,680 Fingers on buzzers, please. 812 00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:56,320 What shouldn't athletes do 813 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:58,240 the night before a big sporting event? 814 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,080 Intro to 'let's get it on' have sex. 815 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:02,840 Klaxon 816 00:36:05,720 --> 00:36:08,400 no, there's no evidence that having sex affects your performance, 817 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:11,280 and, in fact, if anything it probably makes you more relaxed. 818 00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:13,480 Lots of comics have that as well, before a big gig, 819 00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:15,040 because it's relaxing. 820 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:16,760 Are you shagging pre-gigs? 821 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,640 No, not immediately before, 822 00:36:18,720 --> 00:36:21,560 like, "ladies and gentlemen, please welcome..." Laughter 823 00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:25,760 no, but like, say, the afternoon of, or, you know... 824 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,920 The late Paul hunter, the professional snooker player, 825 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:33,360 was very much down in the interval of the final of 826 00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:36,480 a major tournament, and afterwards said that, 827 00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:39,960 "oh, yeah, did plan b during the interval," 828 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:42,320 because he came back from really far behind and won. 829 00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:45,920 And him and his fiancee later revealed that b stood for bonk. 830 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,840 And they just shagged in the interval, and he was like, 831 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:50,840 "right. Ready to go and play some snooker!" 832 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,320 What's interesting - they've done lots of studies on this - 833 00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:55,680 they've done almost all the studies on male athletes. 834 00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:57,560 The key thing is that you're well rested. 835 00:36:57,640 --> 00:36:58,720 Drinking, not a good idea, 836 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,000 taking drugs, staying up late - none of those things. 837 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:02,400 And the wonderful old manager, 838 00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:04,640 Casey stengel, of the New York Yankees, 839 00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:06,800 he says, "it's not the sex that wrecks these guys, 840 00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:08,600 "it's staying up all night looking for it." 841 00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,280 Yeah, I think that's where it came from, is that was, especially 842 00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:14,560 with teams of men, when they were told, "oh, it's bad luck to do it beforehand," 843 00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:15,840 that is what they meant is, 844 00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:18,360 don't go out, stay in your hotel room, be rested for tomorrow. 845 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:21,360 Oh. Yeah. I mean, apparently the olympic village is, like, you know. 846 00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,680 Yeah, loads of stds, they have to have special doctors. 847 00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:25,840 2016, the Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, 848 00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:28,200 they gave away 450,000 free condoms. 849 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,480 Yeah, just... were they the old-fashioned ones? 850 00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:33,320 Yeah, it was a little cage. There was some connection made, 851 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:37,200 wasn't there, between a build-up of testosterone 852 00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:39,640 and a kind of release of aggression in competitors? 853 00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:42,440 That's what I heard about boxers. Yeah. Yes. 854 00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:44,920 Foreplay only improves match play. 855 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,680 When were the first same-sex unions in england? 856 00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:50,080 ♪ Sexbomb... ♪ 857 00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:54,640 er, it's going to be something a bit like 1167 or something. 858 00:37:54,720 --> 00:37:57,560 Not quite as early as that. 859 00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,080 1168! 860 00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:01,280 Laughter 861 00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:03,120 so, it's the golden age of piracy. Oh. 862 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:05,360 It was a practice called matelotage, 863 00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:07,760 and it was a union between two male pirates 864 00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:10,040 and they would share their wealth. 865 00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:11,880 They often exchanged rings, gold rings, 866 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:13,240 to symbolise their union, 867 00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:15,560 they would put a clause to pass all their belongings on, 868 00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,520 their inheritance, if the person died. 869 00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:19,480 You get it about the 17th century. 870 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,200 And on paper it looks like it's about economics, 871 00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:24,360 but there is a book, can I just say, 872 00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:28,560 by historian b r burg, called sodomy and the pirate tradition, 873 00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:31,880 and he said it's a relationship with clearly homosexual characteristics, 874 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,840 and that's despite the fact that the death penalty was in place at the 875 00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:37,120 time for homosexuality. There's a famous case of this, 876 00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:38,840 John Swann and Robert culliford, 877 00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:41,080 who'd sailed under captain kidd, 878 00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,920 and, I mean, they sailed for ages before settling down - 879 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:47,120 I think it's quite sweet - in neighbouring homes in Madagascar. 880 00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:48,600 Since the days of piracy, 881 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,960 same-sex couples have been saying, "aye, aye do." 882 00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:53,560 Who introduced britons to 883 00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:56,680 the idea of clean-shaven nether regions? 884 00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:58,920 Oh. Is it Brazil? 885 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:00,720 Klaxon 886 00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,920 can I just say, I shared that picture in confidence? 887 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,000 Laughter 888 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,360 that big toe looks like a sort of model for 889 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:16,000 a sourdough pizza or something, it's very unpleasant. I'm right here! 890 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:19,600 Sorry! We've mentioned before, darling, that we know that 891 00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:23,320 the Brazilian wax was actually invented in New York in the 1990s. 892 00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:26,400 Oh, curses! Oh! Was it something that happened, like, 893 00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:27,960 because people wanted 894 00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:29,920 to prevent, like, lice and stuff like that? 895 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:31,400 Ok, so it's really interesting, 896 00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:34,000 because it's such a long time ago. When Julius Caesar - 897 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,560 this is how far back we're going - invaded britain - 898 00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,000 so we're talking about 55, 54 bc - he described 899 00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,720 the inhabitants as completely clean-shaven from head 900 00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:43,000 to toe, save for the head, 901 00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,440 so they kept their hair long and the upper lip and so on. 902 00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,040 And there is a Welsh clergyman 903 00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:48,880 and historian called Gerald of wales, 904 00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:51,040 and in 1188 he confirmed, 905 00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,840 "britons were shaving their bodies and even their heads, 906 00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,640 "to allow them to run more freely through forest groves." 907 00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:59,720 Yeah, my pubes really slow me down. Yeah. 908 00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,560 Because they catch. It's one of my big regrets, actually. 909 00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,160 You could have been zola budd. I know. Yeah. 910 00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:08,000 Could be like velcro on nettles. Yeah. 911 00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:11,240 He said that the Welsh were "most particular about shaving 912 00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:13,840 "the lower parts of the body." What did they shave with? 913 00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:16,400 Because it's difficult enough nowadays with fancy things. 914 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,200 Well, if you have a look at the stuff that's been discovered from 915 00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:21,600 the ancient Egyptians, I mean, there are proper gold 916 00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:23,880 and copper razors that have been found in their tombs. 917 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:27,160 Yeah, but they still look like you're going to have a lot of rash and cuts. 918 00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:29,800 Well, around 2018, there was an extraordinary step forward, 919 00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:32,200 which you just think, "really? 2018?" 920 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,280 The razor company Billie made news by becoming 921 00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:36,800 the first women's hair removal ad 922 00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:39,360 to show actual body hair being removed. 923 00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:42,440 And if you think about it, every advert, pretty much... hm. 924 00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:44,040 Yeah, is a shaved leg being shaved. 925 00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:46,360 ..Is an already shaved leg having another shave. 926 00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:48,840 Yeah. And then it makes you feel like a real freak, like, 927 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:51,240 "oh, I actually want it for hair." Hmm. 928 00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:56,160 Why should you be careful about hair removal if you're a cyclist? 929 00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:58,880 Oh, because you're supposed to think that you are supposed 930 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:00,880 to do hair removal to be more aerodynamic, 931 00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:03,040 that's quite popular, isn't it, with cyclists? 932 00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:06,240 Hm. Or swimmers. Is it now considered doping? 933 00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:09,080 No, you actually need it, it protects against friction, 934 00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:11,520 and it also helps to remove sweat from the rider's skin. 935 00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,160 Oh. But swimmers remove their hair, don't they? 936 00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:16,840 And their coats. Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. 937 00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:20,280 Yeah. And boots, yeah. 938 00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:23,600 Phelps still wearing his coat and boots. "Take your coat off!" 939 00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:25,720 "Duffle, get the duffle!" "Take your coat off!" 940 00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:27,360 "Yeah. Leave the hat, leave the hat." 941 00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:29,640 "Just leave it there, it doesn't matter where." 942 00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:36,000 Brazilians should really be called the Welsh wax. 943 00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:39,080 How often do men think about sex? 944 00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,680 Ok, I'm going to say... ♪ you sexy thing... ♪ 945 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:44,920 ..six times a day. That's my estimate. 946 00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:48,320 No? Suzi: I'm going to say every three seconds. Wow! 947 00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:50,200 Ahir: I'm going to say somewhere between 948 00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:52,240 six times a day and every three seconds. 949 00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:55,040 Three seconds is so fast that you couldn't even have finished about 950 00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:57,880 the time you were just thinking about it before you started again. 951 00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,680 I mean, you'd never get any sleep, I think is the thing. Yeah. 952 00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:04,560 No, and there is no time then to think about football. 953 00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,320 But presumably there isn't that much difference between 954 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,120 women and men with this. Well, there is a slight difference. 955 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,320 So, the Ohio state university did a study on this, 956 00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:14,160 the researchers in 2012, they gave out, 957 00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:16,600 you know those sort of clickers, there's like a golf tally. 958 00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:19,480 Like, "you can come in, you can come in, you can come in, we're full." 959 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:21,880 Yeah, exactly, one of those. They had three things on it 960 00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:23,920 and you had to click one for sex and one for food 961 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,800 and one for sleep, so there were three different sort of buttons 962 00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:29,320 on it. On average, men thought about sex 19 times a day, 963 00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:31,880 only once more than they thought about food. On the whole, 964 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:33,920 women thought about sex ten times a day, 965 00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,720 but food 15 times. But the interesting thing, 966 00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:38,280 the best predictor of who logged 967 00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:40,760 the most frequent thoughts about sex were people who were 968 00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:42,760 the most comfortable with their sexuality. 969 00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:44,880 So, the more comfortable they were about sex, 970 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,240 the more they thought about it. Like all of these people, 971 00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:50,360 terribly anxious about it, I think, terribly anxious about themselves. 972 00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:52,360 Ah, the bookish little teenagers. 973 00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:54,600 They did a different study in Germany, participants, 974 00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:56,560 male and female, were texted seven times a day 975 00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:59,280 asking what they'd been thinking about recently. In the daytime, 976 00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:01,800 people thought about coffee, checking emails, watching TV 977 00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:04,400 much more than they thought about sex. And sex only became 978 00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:07,240 a dominant thought somewhere around midnight. But even then... 979 00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:09,200 Who's still awake? Yeah. I know, right? 980 00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:11,760 I'm in the first phase of my sleep at that point. 981 00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:13,160 And even then, it came second to 982 00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:15,640 the thought that, "I wish I was asleep," so, you know. Oh. 983 00:43:15,720 --> 00:43:18,240 If you claim you think about sex every three seconds, 984 00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,800 you're statistically an outlier, possibly an outright liar. 985 00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:24,160 Now that we've put that to bed, it's time for the scores. 986 00:43:24,240 --> 00:43:26,600 In last place, locked out of the bedroom with minus 16, 987 00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:28,200 oh, it's Alan. 988 00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:31,240 Applause locked out of the bedroom?! 989 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,800 In third place, with minus six, it's suzi. 990 00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,080 Applause 991 00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:39,880 in sloppy second, but with a positive seven, ahir. 992 00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:41,920 Applause 993 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,840 and the winner with a full eight points, it's Sara. 994 00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,200 Applause 995 00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:54,360 my thanks to ahir, Sara, suzi and Alan. 996 00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:55,600 And I leave you with this 997 00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:57,880 sex-related sign-off from Tracey ullman. 998 00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:01,320 "As I get older, I just prefer to knit." Goodnight.