1 00:00:23,566 --> 00:00:26,566 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:38,406 Hello, and welcome to QI, 3 00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:43,126 for a show all about animals beginning with T. 4 00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,126 Let's meet our beastly panel. 5 00:00:45,126 --> 00:00:47,565 An absolute terrier, Jason Manford. 6 00:00:47,565 --> 00:00:49,045 Hello! 7 00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:54,205 Turtley awesome, it's Desiree Burch. 8 00:00:58,005 --> 00:01:00,725 T'mightest of 'em all, it's Hannah Waddingham. 9 00:01:06,005 --> 00:01:07,965 And a pterodactyl who needs a P, 10 00:01:07,965 --> 00:01:09,125 it's Alan Davies. 11 00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:19,164 And their buzzers are all T animal noises. 12 00:01:19,164 --> 00:01:20,644 We've got a toad for Jason. 13 00:01:20,644 --> 00:01:22,564 TOAD RIBBITS 14 00:01:22,564 --> 00:01:23,844 Hannah's got a turkey. 15 00:01:23,844 --> 00:01:26,044 TURKEY GOBBLES 16 00:01:27,804 --> 00:01:29,204 Desiree's a tiger. 17 00:01:29,204 --> 00:01:31,244 TIGER ROARS 18 00:01:31,244 --> 00:01:32,884 And Alan's got a tit. 19 00:01:35,044 --> 00:01:36,644 BUZZER: Hello, I'm Piers Morgan. 20 00:01:36,644 --> 00:01:38,604 APPLAUSE 21 00:01:42,924 --> 00:01:44,764 Right, question number one. 22 00:01:44,764 --> 00:01:47,363 How would you cheat in a turtle race? 23 00:01:47,363 --> 00:01:48,683 Oh, easy. 24 00:01:48,683 --> 00:01:50,523 Wheelies on the bottom. 25 00:01:50,523 --> 00:01:52,483 OK, that is exactly right. 26 00:01:52,483 --> 00:01:54,563 CHEERING 27 00:01:57,763 --> 00:01:59,563 What?! 28 00:02:03,243 --> 00:02:09,083 1974, Britain hosted the world turtle racing championships, OK? 29 00:02:09,083 --> 00:02:11,243 It was a surprisingly big deal. 30 00:02:11,243 --> 00:02:15,403 The chairman of the New World International Turtle Track Commission 31 00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:17,043 was a man called Cutler Jissom. 32 00:02:17,043 --> 00:02:19,162 LAUGHTER 33 00:02:19,162 --> 00:02:21,522 He didn't pronounce it that, though, did he? 34 00:02:21,522 --> 00:02:23,202 It's JAYssom. 35 00:02:23,202 --> 00:02:25,482 JIssom. JIssom. Actually. 36 00:02:25,482 --> 00:02:27,442 Anyway, he said of the event, 37 00:02:27,442 --> 00:02:30,802 "Turtle racing stood on the verge of becoming a mass sport." 38 00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:32,562 OK, so there were over 200 competitors 39 00:02:32,562 --> 00:02:34,042 from nine different countries, 40 00:02:34,042 --> 00:02:35,642 and the occasion was slightly sullied 41 00:02:35,642 --> 00:02:38,522 when the winning turtle turned out to have been 42 00:02:38,522 --> 00:02:41,922 placed on a toy car and mechanically propelled. 43 00:02:41,922 --> 00:02:44,642 LAUGHTER 44 00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:46,562 Yes! Wow. 45 00:02:46,562 --> 00:02:48,881 The other way you could cheat in a turtle race 46 00:02:48,881 --> 00:02:51,721 is if you dust your turtle with the insecticide DDT... 47 00:02:51,721 --> 00:02:52,961 Oh, no! Mm. 48 00:02:52,961 --> 00:02:55,921 ..it sends the turtle's ticks into an absolute biting frenzy, 49 00:02:55,921 --> 00:02:58,641 they bite like crazy and the turtle goes, "Ah!" 50 00:02:58,641 --> 00:03:00,881 God. That's my impression of a turtle racing. 51 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,761 Very good. Very accurate. 52 00:03:02,761 --> 00:03:05,441 I was thinking a piece of lettuce on a massive long arm. 53 00:03:05,441 --> 00:03:07,481 OK, I'm going to give you a point for that 54 00:03:07,481 --> 00:03:09,881 because that is how a lot of turtle racing was done. 55 00:03:09,881 --> 00:03:12,641 They used to have a stick with a cabbage, you're absolutely right. 56 00:03:12,641 --> 00:03:14,961 Usually the turtles were riderless, 57 00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:17,081 sometimes they had riders. What? 58 00:03:17,081 --> 00:03:19,120 Oh, my God, those poor little things. 59 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,880 The things we did before Netflix. 60 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,480 But there's a very famous photograph of Walter Rothschild. 61 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,560 There's the stick with the cabbage on it. 62 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:31,680 I was thinking of attaching it to his head. 63 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:34,680 OK. But instead put a whole man on top of him 64 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,240 and then make him go, that's safe. It's not just any man. 65 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:38,680 Walter Rothschild was heir to one 66 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:40,680 of the greatest banking fortunes in history, 67 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,680 and he had the largest private zoological collection, 68 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,840 and this was his Galapagos tortoise named Rotumah, 69 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:49,079 and when he acquired him in 1897, 70 00:03:49,079 --> 00:03:52,239 he was reputed to be the oldest and largest tortoise in the world, 71 00:03:52,239 --> 00:03:53,479 thought to be 150 years old, 72 00:03:53,479 --> 00:03:55,679 and he used to like to ride him around like this. 73 00:03:55,679 --> 00:03:59,639 Rotumah was described as "a most erotic and savage individual". 74 00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:04,319 He died after two years in England over sexual over-excitation. 75 00:04:04,319 --> 00:04:05,959 Oh, God! 76 00:04:05,959 --> 00:04:08,199 Anyway, I had a thought, Jason. Oh, yeah? 77 00:04:08,199 --> 00:04:10,719 Which is, could you recreate the picture for us? 78 00:04:10,719 --> 00:04:13,479 LAUGHTER 79 00:04:13,479 --> 00:04:16,119 Because you, Jason, are both erotic and savage. 80 00:04:16,119 --> 00:04:19,238 Well, I am, to be fair. I've got about two years left in me. 81 00:04:20,238 --> 00:04:22,238 OK, let's have a look. We've got a stick. 82 00:04:22,238 --> 00:04:24,438 Right, OK. I've got the hat. 83 00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,518 Is this your finest moment? 84 00:04:26,518 --> 00:04:28,038 This is the moment my dad means 85 00:04:28,038 --> 00:04:29,718 when he says I've not got a proper job. 86 00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,598 Oh, here we go, I've got the, er... 87 00:04:33,598 --> 00:04:35,958 ..and I'm just going to climb on here... 88 00:04:35,958 --> 00:04:37,718 Oh, yeah. Oh, look! 89 00:04:38,758 --> 00:04:41,078 History, ladies and gentlemen, history! 90 00:04:41,078 --> 00:04:43,398 APPLAUSE 91 00:04:51,397 --> 00:04:54,077 That actually does look quite fun. 92 00:04:54,077 --> 00:04:55,757 Yeah. Do you want to have a go? 93 00:04:55,757 --> 00:04:57,037 No, I don't. 94 00:04:58,597 --> 00:05:01,477 I've actually got a pet tortoise. He's not that size, obviously, 95 00:05:01,477 --> 00:05:03,037 he's this big, he's called Flash. 96 00:05:03,037 --> 00:05:05,597 When we got it, my mum said, "They live a long time, you know." 97 00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:09,477 I said, "I know. When I got it, the pet shop owner said 'You've got to include it in your will.'" 98 00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:11,997 My mum said, "You're pulling my leg". I said, "I'm not." 99 00:05:11,997 --> 00:05:13,877 She said, "What are you going to leave it?" 100 00:05:23,116 --> 00:05:25,756 I quite like the idea of bringing back turtle racing. 101 00:05:25,756 --> 00:05:29,236 Al Capone, he used to have a lot of speakeasys in the 1930s, 102 00:05:29,236 --> 00:05:32,396 he brought 5,000 turtles that he was going to do turtle racing 103 00:05:32,396 --> 00:05:35,276 in the speakeasy, and it didn't work out for him, 104 00:05:35,276 --> 00:05:37,556 so he released them all into the street at the same time. 105 00:05:37,556 --> 00:05:39,516 Can you imagine waking up nearby and going, 106 00:05:39,516 --> 00:05:42,116 "I didn't even have a drink. What the hell is happening?" 107 00:05:42,116 --> 00:05:44,836 Just more interesting times, weren't they? 108 00:05:44,836 --> 00:05:48,996 The Kentucky Derby has been delayed twice. Once in 1945 by...? 109 00:05:48,996 --> 00:05:51,555 War. War, and once in 2020? 110 00:05:51,555 --> 00:05:53,675 Pandemic. Pandemic, and each... 111 00:05:53,675 --> 00:05:56,155 Doesn't stop the horses running, though, does it? 112 00:05:56,155 --> 00:05:58,555 "Are the horses ill? No. Get them out, then." 113 00:06:00,435 --> 00:06:03,875 Each time, the Kentucky Derby has been substituted 114 00:06:03,875 --> 00:06:05,995 by the Kentucky Turtle Derby, 115 00:06:05,995 --> 00:06:09,195 known as "the eight slowest minutes in sport." 116 00:06:10,395 --> 00:06:12,235 Not the same track, then? 117 00:06:12,235 --> 00:06:14,915 LAUGHTER 118 00:06:14,915 --> 00:06:19,195 Sun goes down, they all have a kip. Comes up again, off. 119 00:06:20,275 --> 00:06:22,714 Difference between a tortoise and a turtle? 120 00:06:22,714 --> 00:06:25,634 Is it not like one goes in the water and one doesn't? 121 00:06:25,634 --> 00:06:27,034 Tortoises are a kind of turtle 122 00:06:27,034 --> 00:06:29,074 distinguished by living on land, so that's fair. 123 00:06:29,074 --> 00:06:30,394 Ah, that's what I meant. 124 00:06:30,394 --> 00:06:33,394 Tortoises would drown, wouldn't they, if you put them in the bath? 125 00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:34,434 Yes. 126 00:06:34,434 --> 00:06:35,834 I knew that's what'd happened. 127 00:06:35,834 --> 00:06:37,834 LAUGHTER 128 00:06:39,874 --> 00:06:41,794 "It's drowned!" "It's asleep." 129 00:06:41,794 --> 00:06:43,914 "It's drowned! It's in the bottom of the bath!" 130 00:06:46,594 --> 00:06:48,434 And tortoises are mostly vegetarian. 131 00:06:48,434 --> 00:06:52,593 Can I just ask a question? Why in the turtle racing 132 00:06:52,593 --> 00:06:55,993 does there need to be a person on top of the turtle? 133 00:06:55,993 --> 00:06:57,993 Cos humans are arseholes, essentially, 134 00:06:57,993 --> 00:06:59,673 and they want to dominate the animal. 135 00:06:59,673 --> 00:07:01,273 Yes! 136 00:07:06,673 --> 00:07:09,713 When you go to the car show and there's the car and someone says, 137 00:07:09,713 --> 00:07:13,433 "You know what we need to do? We need to put a girl on top of it." 138 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,593 "Ah, now it looks like a good car." 139 00:07:16,953 --> 00:07:19,913 This turtle needs a girl on the top. 140 00:07:19,913 --> 00:07:21,433 JASON: MiSHELL. 141 00:07:21,433 --> 00:07:22,592 Wahey! 142 00:07:22,592 --> 00:07:23,832 APPLAUSE 143 00:07:23,832 --> 00:07:26,792 And SHELLey! Michelle and Shelley, yes! 144 00:07:26,792 --> 00:07:30,312 Which brings me to the fact that if you stick your turtle on a toy car, 145 00:07:30,312 --> 00:07:32,232 it'll help you accSHELLerate. 146 00:07:32,232 --> 00:07:34,872 CHEERS, GROANS, AND APPLAUSE 147 00:07:39,552 --> 00:07:44,352 Now, what's the trademark trick of a horny toad? 148 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,792 Do you want toad sex jokes? Is that what we're after? 149 00:07:48,792 --> 00:07:52,151 You know the difference between a horny toad and a regular toad, 150 00:07:52,151 --> 00:07:53,671 don't you? No. 151 00:07:53,671 --> 00:07:55,551 A regular told says "ribbit", 152 00:07:55,551 --> 00:07:57,191 a horny toad says "RUB it". 153 00:08:02,631 --> 00:08:05,711 I'm not thinking about sex, I'm thinking about auto-haemorrhaging. 154 00:08:05,711 --> 00:08:07,671 It's slightly complicated. Come on. 155 00:08:07,671 --> 00:08:10,631 It's called a horny toad, or a horny frog, 156 00:08:10,631 --> 00:08:12,031 but it's actually a lizard, 157 00:08:12,031 --> 00:08:14,791 and it has this way of defending itself against predators. 158 00:08:14,791 --> 00:08:19,471 It can squirt blood from its eyes, five feet, OK, 159 00:08:19,471 --> 00:08:22,990 and it contains an absolutely foul-tasting chemical. 160 00:08:22,990 --> 00:08:25,470 So this toad was rescued by a perfectly nice man 161 00:08:25,470 --> 00:08:26,830 who took this photograph. 162 00:08:26,830 --> 00:08:28,870 He was rescuing it from traffic 163 00:08:28,870 --> 00:08:31,550 and it then did the blood-squirty thing. 164 00:08:31,550 --> 00:08:33,990 Wait till you see this... Oh, good God. 165 00:08:33,990 --> 00:08:35,470 Yeah, it's going to repel a dog. 166 00:08:35,470 --> 00:08:37,150 Just check it out. 167 00:08:46,070 --> 00:08:49,150 It's not really repelling anything. If anything, the dog's just going, 168 00:08:49,150 --> 00:08:50,350 "Oh, you dirty bastard!" 169 00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:55,389 You find these creatures in the desert, North and Central America. 170 00:08:55,389 --> 00:08:57,149 But they're becoming endangered 171 00:08:57,149 --> 00:08:59,709 because there's just not enough for them to eat. 172 00:08:59,709 --> 00:09:02,549 They eat huge quantities of ants. 173 00:09:02,549 --> 00:09:05,629 So, for example, a Texas horned toad, 174 00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:08,509 which isn't a toad, it's a lizard, but that's what they're called, 175 00:09:08,509 --> 00:09:10,589 needs 70-100 ants a day. 176 00:09:10,589 --> 00:09:13,149 There's one there. This is getting more rank by the minute. 177 00:09:13,149 --> 00:09:16,789 Trust me, wait till we get on to some of the other toads. 178 00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:19,669 My lord. They can't get enough ants any more, and that is because 179 00:09:19,669 --> 00:09:22,509 they imported South American fire ants accidentally, 180 00:09:22,509 --> 00:09:25,308 on pot plants, and they basically got rid of all the native ants. 181 00:09:25,308 --> 00:09:27,348 And so the poor creatures can't get enough to eat, 182 00:09:27,348 --> 00:09:29,228 and you now have to have a special permit 183 00:09:29,228 --> 00:09:31,588 if you want to keep one of these creatures as a pet. 184 00:09:31,588 --> 00:09:33,508 They used to be really popular as pets. 185 00:09:33,508 --> 00:09:35,988 And the other thing they do, apart from the blood thing, 186 00:09:35,988 --> 00:09:38,708 some of them can blow their bodies up twice the size. 187 00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:39,908 Now, why would you do that? 188 00:09:39,908 --> 00:09:42,548 I've been doing that, sustained over the last two years. 189 00:09:43,828 --> 00:09:45,948 Is it so a snake can't eat it? It is. 190 00:09:45,948 --> 00:09:47,988 I don't know how I found that out. 191 00:09:50,388 --> 00:09:52,668 Other animals that defend themselves by hurling body 192 00:09:52,668 --> 00:09:55,307 parts at attackers include... Let's have a quick look. 193 00:09:55,307 --> 00:09:57,827 Hurling body parts. So, the turkey vulture. 194 00:09:57,827 --> 00:10:00,547 What do you reckon they do to deter intruders? 195 00:10:00,547 --> 00:10:02,427 That's the one on the left. 196 00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:06,147 What about, they've got such a big wingspan, just pow! Round the face? 197 00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,827 Yeah, that would do it. 198 00:10:07,827 --> 00:10:10,747 Or do they pretend they've got a dog? 199 00:10:10,747 --> 00:10:13,547 Just before the open the door they say, "Down, boy! Down, boy! 200 00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:17,827 "Back off! There's someone at the door." 201 00:10:17,827 --> 00:10:20,267 No, they projectile vomit. 202 00:10:20,267 --> 00:10:24,187 They can projectile vomit up to ten feet towards an attacker. 203 00:10:24,187 --> 00:10:26,586 Oh, my lord. That's worse than the blood. Isn't it? 204 00:10:26,586 --> 00:10:28,386 And I would not want to date one of these. 205 00:10:28,386 --> 00:10:31,306 They also defecate on their own feet to cool off. 206 00:10:31,306 --> 00:10:33,786 Excellent. Wow. 207 00:10:33,786 --> 00:10:36,226 We should try it. Who knows? I haven't tried it. 208 00:10:36,226 --> 00:10:39,266 It might be excellent. It's good for athlete's foot as well. 209 00:10:40,946 --> 00:10:44,586 Athletes don't shit on their own feet, do they? Yeah. 210 00:10:44,586 --> 00:10:47,706 I want to know which turkey vulture did it first. Oh, yeah. 211 00:10:47,706 --> 00:10:49,146 One did it first and then they go, 212 00:10:49,146 --> 00:10:51,506 "What? you've shit on your feet there!" Yeah. Yeah. 213 00:10:51,506 --> 00:10:55,305 "It's roasting. It's roasting in here." "Yeah, it feels lovely." 214 00:10:55,305 --> 00:10:57,265 The Eurasian Roller bird - 215 00:10:57,265 --> 00:10:59,625 Their babies throw up all over themselves, 216 00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:01,745 so that they're less appealing as a snack. 217 00:11:03,665 --> 00:11:05,985 And even the parents find the smell off-putting. 218 00:11:05,985 --> 00:11:07,625 Are we not sort of assuming that? 219 00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:10,265 There seems a lot of assumption there that the bird has got 220 00:11:10,265 --> 00:11:12,985 enough about it to go, "I don't want to get eaten, so I'll vomit." 221 00:11:12,985 --> 00:11:15,105 Is it not just like a baby vomiting on itself and then 222 00:11:15,105 --> 00:11:17,705 we've just gone, "That's because he doesn't want to get eaten?" 223 00:11:17,705 --> 00:11:19,625 No, it's because it is a baby. It's brand-new. 224 00:11:19,625 --> 00:11:22,465 If David Attenborough says so, then that's always good for me. 225 00:11:22,465 --> 00:11:24,625 Yeah, I think if Dave says... 226 00:11:24,625 --> 00:11:28,064 I withdraw. The prosecution rests. 227 00:11:29,504 --> 00:11:32,584 The last one on the right, Does anyone know what that is? 228 00:11:32,584 --> 00:11:34,384 That's a wig! Well, yes. 229 00:11:35,544 --> 00:11:38,144 It's been blown into a tree, off a celebrity's head. 230 00:11:38,144 --> 00:11:39,584 Who is the celebrity? 231 00:11:39,584 --> 00:11:42,904 It does look a bit like it's the top of Donald Trump's head, 232 00:11:42,904 --> 00:11:45,504 but it's called a Puss Moth. 233 00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:47,944 Of course it is. Yeah. 234 00:11:47,944 --> 00:11:50,104 And they are common throughout the British Isles, 235 00:11:50,104 --> 00:11:54,064 and what they do is they shoot formic acid vapour at predators. 236 00:11:54,064 --> 00:11:56,103 They've got two horns at the end of their tails. 237 00:11:56,103 --> 00:11:57,943 They have them when they're caterpillars, 238 00:11:57,943 --> 00:11:59,463 they have them when they're moths. 239 00:11:59,463 --> 00:12:01,303 And it's the same venom that bees use, 240 00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:03,423 it's the same venom that lots of ants use. 241 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:06,023 So Formica, the Latin for ant... Table tops! 242 00:12:06,023 --> 00:12:08,263 Yeah, but here is a funny thing, Alan. 243 00:12:08,263 --> 00:12:13,543 So, "mica" is the Latin for "ant", right? Yes. But the table tops... 244 00:12:13,543 --> 00:12:15,823 This is one of these weird things that I know about 245 00:12:15,823 --> 00:12:18,183 the British language. There used to be an insulation... 246 00:12:18,183 --> 00:12:20,943 I mean, it still exists, but it was very expensive, called Mica. 247 00:12:20,943 --> 00:12:24,583 And the person who wanted to replace it with something cheaper made 248 00:12:24,583 --> 00:12:27,822 something called "for-Mica" so that it has nothing to do with ants. 249 00:12:27,822 --> 00:12:30,022 It was to replace Mica. 250 00:12:30,022 --> 00:12:32,422 So we have these two words. Instead of? Instead of. 251 00:12:32,422 --> 00:12:33,822 Yeah, exactly, instead of. 252 00:12:33,822 --> 00:12:35,662 I love things like that, Sandi Toksvig! 253 00:12:35,662 --> 00:12:37,022 Yes, it's so weird, isn't it? 254 00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:39,542 Now for a question about real toads. 255 00:12:39,542 --> 00:12:42,942 OK, can I give a phobia alert here? And to everybody in the audience, 256 00:12:42,942 --> 00:12:47,862 if you are a trypophobe and fear clusters of small holes, 257 00:12:47,862 --> 00:12:51,182 OK, and it is a thing, I need you to look away now. 258 00:12:51,182 --> 00:12:54,022 So you've all heard of toad in the hole, 259 00:12:54,022 --> 00:12:57,781 but how do you explain the holes in this toad? 260 00:12:59,781 --> 00:13:02,341 Is that someone's shoe that went on it? 261 00:13:02,341 --> 00:13:04,501 BLOWS RASPBERRY 262 00:13:04,501 --> 00:13:08,261 Looks like it's outside a Wetherspoons on a Friday night. 263 00:13:08,261 --> 00:13:11,821 There's a lot of... A lot of stilettos have walked over that. 264 00:13:11,821 --> 00:13:13,941 They look more like seeds, 265 00:13:13,941 --> 00:13:16,061 like I would say that's an everything toad, 266 00:13:16,061 --> 00:13:17,421 instead of just the sesame seed 267 00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:20,461 or the cinnamon raisin, it's got all the things on. It's a multi. 268 00:13:20,461 --> 00:13:22,661 Yeah, turn it over, schmear cream cheese. 269 00:13:22,661 --> 00:13:25,501 Is that splatted? It is always like that, this particular toad. 270 00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:27,740 I'll tell you that Desiree's onto the right track. 271 00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:30,260 It is a kind of seed, 272 00:13:30,260 --> 00:13:32,300 as it were. Is it a sexy seed? 273 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:34,940 Oh! Well, it depends... 274 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,500 It is when you say it! 275 00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:43,580 It depends, I mean, it comes from sex... 276 00:13:43,580 --> 00:13:46,220 Is that the little tadpoles? Is that how they carry the babies? 277 00:13:46,220 --> 00:13:49,180 That is how they carry their babies. All of the babies. 278 00:13:49,180 --> 00:13:50,300 Ugh. I know. 279 00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,740 That toad is immediately losing 280 00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:53,820 all of its baby weight, the minute they're gone. 281 00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:56,660 It's like, "Yeah, look at all my holes now." 282 00:13:58,299 --> 00:14:00,539 The new mother doesn't just lose her baby weight, 283 00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:02,859 she loses all her skin and gets a brand-new skin, 284 00:14:02,859 --> 00:14:05,339 which I think... Oh, excellent! How cool is that? 285 00:14:05,339 --> 00:14:07,819 So the way they have sex, I don't know why nobody's ever 286 00:14:07,819 --> 00:14:09,979 made a porn film of this, cos it's fascinating. 287 00:14:11,179 --> 00:14:13,899 Mating can last up to 30 hours, 288 00:14:13,899 --> 00:14:15,979 and bear in mind, they don't have access to films... 289 00:14:15,979 --> 00:14:18,379 LAUGHTER 290 00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:20,579 It's just elbow grease and determination. 291 00:14:20,579 --> 00:14:23,019 So the male grabs the female from behind... 292 00:14:23,019 --> 00:14:24,459 Yeah, he does. Yeah. 293 00:14:27,459 --> 00:14:29,058 Inside voice. 294 00:14:31,378 --> 00:14:34,658 So what happens is the male grabs the female from behind, 295 00:14:34,658 --> 00:14:36,938 they do loop-the-loops underwater 296 00:14:36,938 --> 00:14:41,058 while he massages her abdomen to squeeze the eggs out. 297 00:14:41,058 --> 00:14:43,658 Eventually she lays about 50 to 100 eggs, 298 00:14:43,658 --> 00:14:45,698 which he catches on his belly, 299 00:14:45,698 --> 00:14:50,898 he fertilises them and then he sticks them onto her back, OK? 300 00:14:50,898 --> 00:14:53,298 And what hour are we at when the sticking comes? 301 00:14:53,298 --> 00:14:55,578 Are they doing loop-the-loop for five, six hours? 302 00:14:55,578 --> 00:14:57,498 She's like that, she's like, "Seriously, 303 00:14:57,498 --> 00:15:00,137 "I don't even know your name any more." 304 00:15:01,857 --> 00:15:03,297 She's coming down there like, 305 00:15:03,297 --> 00:15:05,417 "No, Mark, I can feel you're putting them on wrong. 306 00:15:05,417 --> 00:15:07,857 "There's too many on this side. Over here." 307 00:15:07,857 --> 00:15:10,057 "I wanted the horny toad!" 308 00:15:11,417 --> 00:15:13,817 Another skin grows around it for about three to four months 309 00:15:13,817 --> 00:15:16,177 and then... Oh, crikey. Just be ready for this, OK, 310 00:15:16,177 --> 00:15:19,457 before they emerge as complete toadlets. 311 00:15:19,457 --> 00:15:21,777 So, basically, they squeeze themselves 312 00:15:21,777 --> 00:15:24,857 through tiny holes in her back skin. 313 00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,217 So one comes out for every hole? It's not just like... Yes. 314 00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:28,617 Yeah. Oh, my God. 315 00:15:28,617 --> 00:15:30,896 LAUGHTER 316 00:15:32,936 --> 00:15:34,816 Oh, Desiree's going to be sick. 317 00:15:36,016 --> 00:15:37,536 Oh, that's gross. 318 00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:41,256 Do you know that when toads are sick, OK, which they are sometimes, 319 00:15:41,256 --> 00:15:44,496 it's called gastric aversion. If they eat something toxic, 320 00:15:44,496 --> 00:15:46,776 they expel their entire stomach from their mouth, 321 00:15:46,776 --> 00:15:50,776 inside out, rub it clean with their hands, 322 00:15:50,776 --> 00:15:52,416 and pop it back in again. 323 00:15:54,616 --> 00:15:56,616 You wonder how any of them get laid. 324 00:15:58,536 --> 00:16:02,055 Let's take a look at the toadlets coming out of the skin. 325 00:16:02,055 --> 00:16:03,735 JASON: No, I don't want to. 326 00:16:03,735 --> 00:16:05,295 Yeah, you do. Is this an actual...? 327 00:16:05,295 --> 00:16:08,335 HANNAH GAGS 328 00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:09,695 Incredible. 329 00:16:09,695 --> 00:16:11,255 Oh, my God. 330 00:16:11,255 --> 00:16:13,775 We could have put some lovely music on. 331 00:16:13,775 --> 00:16:16,295 I think they're all going, "Kill people!" 332 00:16:18,575 --> 00:16:20,815 "Kill people." "Brains!" 333 00:16:20,815 --> 00:16:22,335 "Must kill people." 334 00:16:22,335 --> 00:16:25,335 And then they get out and go, "People are enormous!" 335 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:28,015 "Oh, shit!" 336 00:16:28,015 --> 00:16:30,814 "Form coalition to kill people!" 337 00:16:30,814 --> 00:16:33,534 Would you like to know a surprising trick 338 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:38,294 to get endangered Puerto Rican crested toads to produce semen? 339 00:16:38,294 --> 00:16:40,334 Oh, yes. I would. 340 00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:41,774 Always. Yeah. 341 00:16:41,774 --> 00:16:43,654 It's what we need in our lives. 342 00:16:43,654 --> 00:16:46,694 OK. So they needed to try and see if they could save the population. 343 00:16:46,694 --> 00:16:49,454 Now, these particular toads, they release sperm in their urine 344 00:16:49,454 --> 00:16:51,454 and they usually pee when they're picked up 345 00:16:51,454 --> 00:16:53,254 but there were ones that didn't do that, 346 00:16:53,254 --> 00:16:55,734 and they are endangered and we need to do something about it. 347 00:16:55,734 --> 00:16:57,054 The scientists discovered 348 00:16:57,054 --> 00:16:59,774 if you hold one of these little frogs in your hand 349 00:16:59,774 --> 00:17:02,253 and you look at them and you bark like a dog, 350 00:17:02,253 --> 00:17:03,853 they pee straight away. 351 00:17:05,213 --> 00:17:08,133 Out of fear? I was going to say, cos they're terrified? 352 00:17:08,133 --> 00:17:11,093 I don't know how... Perhaps they're just kinky frogs. 353 00:17:11,093 --> 00:17:13,093 The project was completely successful. 354 00:17:13,093 --> 00:17:15,373 300 toads were hatched from the frozen sperm. 355 00:17:15,373 --> 00:17:17,573 The first one was called Olaf, anybody, why? 356 00:17:17,573 --> 00:17:19,573 Frozen. Frozen... 357 00:17:19,573 --> 00:17:22,493 ..from the movie Frozen. That's so cute. 358 00:17:22,493 --> 00:17:24,213 And look, there's the... Oh, my gosh! 359 00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:29,333 Woof! You didn't think you'd get an "Aw" over tiny frogs. Woof! 360 00:17:31,012 --> 00:17:32,132 There you are. 361 00:17:34,332 --> 00:17:36,492 Put that in the freezer. 362 00:17:36,492 --> 00:17:38,012 Let me get this straight, so they... 363 00:17:38,012 --> 00:17:41,092 ..woof, they go, "Ah!"... Yes. ..piss themselves... Yes. 364 00:17:41,092 --> 00:17:43,772 ..and then... Collect the sperm. ..spunky monkey? And make... 365 00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,572 Chunky Monkey is an ice cream. 366 00:17:47,572 --> 00:17:50,132 Spunky monkey is something else. Is it? Yes! 367 00:17:51,412 --> 00:17:53,292 But the thing about the dog barking, 368 00:17:53,292 --> 00:17:55,572 so I was once in a place called Calaveras County in... 369 00:17:55,572 --> 00:17:57,812 ALAN BARKS 370 00:17:57,812 --> 00:17:59,812 I can do about four breeds. Sorry. 371 00:18:01,091 --> 00:18:03,091 I was once in Calaveras County in California... 372 00:18:03,091 --> 00:18:05,371 JASON: Come here, boy! 373 00:18:05,371 --> 00:18:07,971 ..and they have an annual frog-jumping competition, 374 00:18:07,971 --> 00:18:09,171 and I went along and said, 375 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:11,331 "I don't have a frog but can I still take part?" 376 00:18:11,331 --> 00:18:13,251 Is that you in your costume? That is me. 377 00:18:14,451 --> 00:18:16,971 And it's bullfrogs, and they just lend you a bullfrog. 378 00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:18,531 Love a bullfrog. 379 00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,011 You put your hand in a bucket, 380 00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:22,211 you pull it out and hold it under the forearms, 381 00:18:22,211 --> 00:18:24,651 and they stretch out like this, about eight inches or so. 382 00:18:24,651 --> 00:18:27,811 This is the mascot of Calaveras County, called Ribbit. 383 00:18:27,811 --> 00:18:29,931 And that particular frog is fantastic. 384 00:18:29,931 --> 00:18:33,530 Anyway, what you do is you have three goes to stand behind your frog 385 00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:36,850 and make it leap, and whoever gets it to leap the furthest, 386 00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:38,970 and you do it by barking like a dog. 387 00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:41,930 The world record is held by Rosie the Ribiter. 388 00:18:41,930 --> 00:18:43,330 Yeah! 389 00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:46,210 But they do jump like bastards, don't they? Yes, they're amazing. 390 00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:48,410 My frog did not move, not an inch. 391 00:18:48,410 --> 00:18:49,850 Did you bark like a very small dog? 392 00:18:49,850 --> 00:18:52,250 I don't know what I did wrong. I think I was too Pekingese. 393 00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:57,130 I needed to go a bit more Alsatian, I think was the problem. 394 00:18:57,130 --> 00:19:01,850 What's the most unusual thing you would find inside a tiger shark? 395 00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:03,169 Oh! 396 00:19:03,169 --> 00:19:04,529 TIGER ROARS 397 00:19:04,529 --> 00:19:06,129 Um, a grizzly bear. 398 00:19:06,129 --> 00:19:09,609 Well, I... That's one we hadn't thought of, so... 399 00:19:10,969 --> 00:19:14,769 In Jaws, when they open the shark up in Jaws, 400 00:19:14,769 --> 00:19:17,529 it had all sorts in it. Yes. Like a bike. 401 00:19:17,529 --> 00:19:19,409 Yes, and a number plate and... Yeah. 402 00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,449 OK, and that is... ..Nicholas Parsons and... 403 00:19:21,449 --> 00:19:23,209 LAUGHTER 404 00:19:23,209 --> 00:19:25,449 I mean, really, they will just swallow anything. 405 00:19:25,449 --> 00:19:27,289 Is this going to be sad, where it's like, 406 00:19:27,289 --> 00:19:28,889 oh, they swallowed all of our trash? 407 00:19:28,889 --> 00:19:30,329 No, so, you're all right in a way, 408 00:19:30,329 --> 00:19:32,528 because they're called the trash cans of the sea. Oh! 409 00:19:32,528 --> 00:19:35,448 And when you look inside a tiger shark, you find incredible things. 410 00:19:35,448 --> 00:19:37,968 There's a fantastic display, here it is, 411 00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:40,128 at the California Academy of Sciences. 412 00:19:40,128 --> 00:19:42,848 A Barbie doll, licence plate, 413 00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,408 they have found whole turtles in there... 414 00:19:45,408 --> 00:19:48,248 A shoe! ..a tin of spam. 415 00:19:48,248 --> 00:19:50,728 There is even footage, and this is my favourite, 416 00:19:50,728 --> 00:19:54,088 of a tiger shark swallowing a video camera 417 00:19:54,088 --> 00:19:57,248 which continues to record... Oh! Nice! Fabulous. Nice. 418 00:19:57,248 --> 00:19:59,208 ..inside the shark. So here is the shark 419 00:19:59,208 --> 00:20:01,368 actually ingesting video camera. Oh, my God. 420 00:20:02,488 --> 00:20:03,687 JASON: Wow. Oh, my gosh. 421 00:20:04,807 --> 00:20:07,407 "Well, that looks tasty." "I'll have that!" Jesus. 422 00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,007 Oh! 423 00:20:09,007 --> 00:20:10,967 DESIREE: Now that shark is an influencer. 424 00:20:10,967 --> 00:20:12,407 LAUGHTER 425 00:20:12,407 --> 00:20:14,287 With three million followers! 426 00:20:14,287 --> 00:20:17,127 So what did they do then? Did they Wi-Fi it and download it? 427 00:20:17,127 --> 00:20:18,607 How did they get the footage? 428 00:20:18,607 --> 00:20:20,607 Did someone have to reach in and get the...? 429 00:20:20,607 --> 00:20:21,887 "I just need the card!" 430 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,807 "I'm just going to get the card out of it!" 431 00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:26,007 "Don't be ridiculous, it'll bite your arm off!" 432 00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:27,687 "I'm going to get the card if it kills me." 433 00:20:27,687 --> 00:20:29,687 "It might!" "Going to be on QI!" 434 00:20:31,767 --> 00:20:34,446 "Just tempting it. I've got a lettuce in my other hand." 435 00:20:36,606 --> 00:20:39,366 I wish you would do the next Blue Planet. 436 00:20:39,366 --> 00:20:42,366 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 437 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:43,886 In the Gulf of Mexico, 438 00:20:43,886 --> 00:20:47,886 the different species of shark take shifts to eat. 439 00:20:47,886 --> 00:20:49,646 Beg your pardon? They take shifts... 440 00:20:49,646 --> 00:20:51,126 LAUGHTER 441 00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:53,206 Shifts. They take shifts to eat, 442 00:20:53,206 --> 00:20:55,286 so that they kind of don't get in each other's way. 443 00:20:55,286 --> 00:20:58,486 So who do you think gets the best shift in the Gulf, 444 00:20:58,486 --> 00:20:59,886 of all the sharks? 445 00:20:59,886 --> 00:21:01,806 JASON: The great white shark, is that...? 446 00:21:01,806 --> 00:21:03,765 No, it's a tiger shark. Oh, it is the tiger shark. 447 00:21:03,765 --> 00:21:06,245 Because if you don't let him have what he wants, 448 00:21:06,245 --> 00:21:09,045 he'll... He'll eat you. ..eat you. Absolutely. 449 00:21:09,045 --> 00:21:12,325 I was going to say, are there ever sharks in sharks? Yes. Yeah. 450 00:21:12,325 --> 00:21:14,965 There are sharks inside sharks, so... Like Russian dolls. 451 00:21:14,965 --> 00:21:18,085 Like a babushka. It's a way of claiming territories. 452 00:21:18,085 --> 00:21:20,485 One of the really sad things is that there are more and more 453 00:21:20,485 --> 00:21:22,925 unusual things in the sea now for tiger sharks to eat 454 00:21:22,925 --> 00:21:24,605 which really shouldn't be there. 455 00:21:24,605 --> 00:21:27,485 There are eight million new pieces of plastic in the ocean 456 00:21:27,485 --> 00:21:30,525 every single day. And... 457 00:21:30,525 --> 00:21:32,925 Looks like he's going shopping! Well... 458 00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:35,444 Well, with all the plastic, you know Ellen MacArthur, 459 00:21:35,444 --> 00:21:37,924 the sailor and environmentalist? She has predicted 460 00:21:37,924 --> 00:21:40,844 that there could be more plastic than fish in the sea by 2050. 461 00:21:40,844 --> 00:21:44,084 The great white shark also has a reputation as a tremendous glutton, 462 00:21:44,084 --> 00:21:46,044 and there was a naturalist in the 16th century 463 00:21:46,044 --> 00:21:50,124 called Guillaume Rondelet, and he claimed that a great white 464 00:21:50,124 --> 00:21:52,724 had once been opened up and found to have swallowed 465 00:21:52,724 --> 00:21:55,444 an entire knight, complete in his suit of armour. 466 00:21:55,444 --> 00:21:58,444 Don't you want it to be true? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Wow. 467 00:21:58,444 --> 00:22:00,684 I read a story about, that in Australia now, 468 00:22:00,684 --> 00:22:02,924 there's sharks that actually can use their fins 469 00:22:02,924 --> 00:22:05,083 to walk on the bottom of the sea, 470 00:22:05,083 --> 00:22:09,083 so they can actually move and actually walk on the land. 471 00:22:09,083 --> 00:22:11,723 Imagine, you're like getting chased by one and then you think, 472 00:22:11,723 --> 00:22:14,883 "Oh, nice one, I'm on the beach," and then it gets out after you! 473 00:22:14,883 --> 00:22:17,243 Was it an Australian that told you that? 474 00:22:18,323 --> 00:22:21,443 You know what they're like. Yeah, yeah. When I think about it... 475 00:22:21,443 --> 00:22:22,963 My wife and I went to Australia 476 00:22:22,963 --> 00:22:25,483 and we want to see some emus in a wildlife park 477 00:22:25,483 --> 00:22:28,683 and they said, "Now, look," excuse the accent, Aussies... 478 00:22:28,683 --> 00:22:31,323 AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: "If they come at you, they can be aggressive. 479 00:22:31,323 --> 00:22:32,563 "Put your arm up." 480 00:22:34,083 --> 00:22:36,442 LAUGHTER 481 00:22:36,442 --> 00:22:39,362 "Put your arm up. Act like an emu, they'll back right off." 482 00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:46,362 And they... Obviously, that's bollocks. 483 00:22:46,362 --> 00:22:49,842 But they find it hilarious, when tourists get nervous 484 00:22:49,842 --> 00:22:51,442 and they start going like that! 485 00:22:53,362 --> 00:22:55,162 "Help, help!" 486 00:22:56,842 --> 00:23:02,322 What is the most terrifying noise that you can't hear? 487 00:23:02,322 --> 00:23:04,362 TURKEY GOBBLES 488 00:23:04,362 --> 00:23:08,201 Your breasticles just gently drooping over time. 489 00:23:12,321 --> 00:23:14,601 SHE CREAKS 490 00:23:15,841 --> 00:23:18,441 You wake up and you're like, "When did that happen?!" 491 00:23:20,641 --> 00:23:23,041 A scary noise I heard recently 492 00:23:23,041 --> 00:23:25,561 was rhubarb growing. What?! 493 00:23:25,561 --> 00:23:28,641 Yeah, rhubarb grows and it makes, like, a noise. 494 00:23:28,641 --> 00:23:32,201 What, like a squeaking? Like a... HE CREAKS 495 00:23:32,201 --> 00:23:34,201 Are you sure that wasn't her breasts? 496 00:23:35,401 --> 00:23:36,840 Was that just me? 497 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:39,360 Are you just being nice? 498 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:41,880 "Hannah, Hannah! 499 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,320 "I can hear the rhubarb growing!" 500 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,280 So when a tiger roars or growls, 501 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,280 let's have a sound of a tiger... TIGER ROARS 502 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,840 ..it also emits sounds at a frequency 503 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:58,080 lower than the human ear can detect. Is there a thing called infrasound? 504 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,000 It is infrasound, absolutely right. You get an extra point. 505 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,840 Lower? Lower, yes. So we can hear from 20... 506 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,640 Not... 507 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:06,559 Wow, how high can you go? That was... 508 00:24:06,559 --> 00:24:08,279 Probably that. 509 00:24:09,839 --> 00:24:11,719 We can hear from 20 Hz to 20,000 Hz 510 00:24:11,719 --> 00:24:14,359 and anything below this range is infrasound, 511 00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:17,159 and tigers can generate a sound of 18 Hz, 512 00:24:17,159 --> 00:24:20,479 so we can't hear it but we can feel it, OK? 513 00:24:20,479 --> 00:24:23,879 So the sound is just below our hearing range but it still affects us, 514 00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:27,199 it particularly affects those areas that are responsible for emotion, 515 00:24:27,199 --> 00:24:30,399 and unconscious bodily functions like... 516 00:24:30,399 --> 00:24:32,439 Silent but deadly farts. 517 00:24:33,799 --> 00:24:35,839 Heart rate... "Just done one at 15 Hz." 518 00:24:40,478 --> 00:24:42,958 But it affects the things that you can't really control, 519 00:24:42,958 --> 00:24:45,358 so your heart rate and urination. 520 00:24:45,358 --> 00:24:48,078 I just listened to this podcast, 521 00:24:48,078 --> 00:24:49,998 Uncanny on BBC Sounds, 522 00:24:49,998 --> 00:24:51,678 and there was an episode of that 523 00:24:51,678 --> 00:24:54,398 where they're talking about this Room 611 in Belfast, 524 00:24:54,398 --> 00:24:56,838 where people are terrified, it was just a scary room 525 00:24:56,838 --> 00:24:59,278 where there was ghosts and paranormal activity, 526 00:24:59,278 --> 00:25:03,718 but what the scientists said is the lift emits this infrasound 527 00:25:03,718 --> 00:25:06,598 at such a low frequency, you can't actually hear it 528 00:25:06,598 --> 00:25:09,077 but it just makes you... It's like the sound of fear, 529 00:25:09,077 --> 00:25:11,197 like, it's fearful. That's why you feel weird. 530 00:25:11,197 --> 00:25:13,997 So, you know, sick building syndrome, you hear about that, 531 00:25:13,997 --> 00:25:16,517 and again, some people think now that that may be infrasound, 532 00:25:16,517 --> 00:25:17,997 so it's like the ventilation system 533 00:25:17,997 --> 00:25:19,837 is emitting a sound that you can't quite hear 534 00:25:19,837 --> 00:25:21,277 but you can absolutely feel it 535 00:25:21,277 --> 00:25:23,717 and it can induce a sense of dread, a sense of nausea. 536 00:25:23,717 --> 00:25:25,677 Cars generate infrasound. 537 00:25:25,677 --> 00:25:28,157 But it's key to communication between rhinos, 538 00:25:28,157 --> 00:25:30,557 and between elephants, and your favourite, the whales, 539 00:25:30,557 --> 00:25:33,277 because, of course, this kind of sound can travel so much further, 540 00:25:33,277 --> 00:25:34,677 that's the whole point of it. 541 00:25:34,677 --> 00:25:37,117 Elephants can detect vibrations through their feet 542 00:25:37,117 --> 00:25:39,796 and they have been shown to start walking 543 00:25:39,796 --> 00:25:42,596 towards the infrasound of a thunderstorm 544 00:25:42,596 --> 00:25:45,676 that is 150 miles away because they want to get to the water. 545 00:25:45,676 --> 00:25:47,436 Wow. That's amazing. 546 00:25:47,436 --> 00:25:49,436 Incredible. I know, it is beautiful. 547 00:25:49,436 --> 00:25:51,156 And also infrasonic growls, 548 00:25:51,156 --> 00:25:52,756 not just made by animals, 549 00:25:52,756 --> 00:25:55,396 there is a human who can make this noise, too. 550 00:25:55,396 --> 00:25:58,196 OK, there's a guy called... Brian Blessed. 551 00:25:58,196 --> 00:26:00,836 LAUGHTER 552 00:26:00,836 --> 00:26:04,596 There's a guy called Tim Storms, he's an American voiceover artist, 553 00:26:04,596 --> 00:26:06,556 and he has a vocal range of ten octaves. 554 00:26:06,556 --> 00:26:08,915 He holds the world... Wow. No! 555 00:26:08,915 --> 00:26:12,515 ..world record for the lowest musical note ever sung. 556 00:26:12,515 --> 00:26:15,795 So in 2012, he sang a G eight octaves lower 557 00:26:15,795 --> 00:26:18,675 than the lowest G on a piano, OK? 558 00:26:18,675 --> 00:26:20,635 Wow. This is him speaking. 559 00:26:20,635 --> 00:26:24,635 LOW VOICE: This is the voice of Tim Storms. 560 00:26:24,635 --> 00:26:27,835 Nice to meet you. 561 00:26:27,835 --> 00:26:29,955 OK, so this is a little treat. 562 00:26:29,955 --> 00:26:32,115 ALAN BLOWS RASPBERRY 563 00:26:36,075 --> 00:26:38,395 Just did one at about 30 Hz. Uh-huh. 564 00:26:38,395 --> 00:26:41,634 OK. You are definitely going to do something involuntary 565 00:26:41,634 --> 00:26:45,194 because he does a lot of movie trailers, Alan... 566 00:26:45,194 --> 00:26:47,314 Does he? ..and he has done the honour 567 00:26:47,314 --> 00:26:49,994 of recording a trailer for us. 568 00:26:49,994 --> 00:26:52,634 You watch this if you dare. 569 00:26:55,034 --> 00:26:56,554 DRAMATIC MUSIC 570 00:26:56,554 --> 00:27:02,154 In a world where everything you think you know is wrong... 571 00:27:03,754 --> 00:27:06,754 ..one man stands alone 572 00:27:06,754 --> 00:27:10,153 against the forces of ignorance. 573 00:27:12,193 --> 00:27:14,873 Alan Davies 574 00:27:14,873 --> 00:27:18,433 is Alan Davies 575 00:27:18,433 --> 00:27:21,033 in QI. 576 00:27:22,273 --> 00:27:26,433 The answer is never "blue whale". 577 00:27:27,473 --> 00:27:28,713 APPLAUSE 578 00:27:28,713 --> 00:27:30,273 Rated R. Terms and conditions apply. 579 00:27:30,273 --> 00:27:32,953 QI is not responsible for lost points. Watch at your own risk. 580 00:27:32,953 --> 00:27:35,393 That was great. That's pretty cool! 581 00:27:35,393 --> 00:27:36,793 DESIREE: That's pretty amazing. 582 00:27:36,793 --> 00:27:39,073 That's very cool! 583 00:27:41,152 --> 00:27:42,952 Has that made you feel a bit funny? 584 00:27:42,952 --> 00:27:44,152 Yeah. 585 00:27:44,152 --> 00:27:47,512 Aw, thank you very much to Tim. Amazing. 586 00:27:47,512 --> 00:27:50,312 How do you think a tadpole tastes? 587 00:27:50,312 --> 00:27:51,712 With its little tongue. 588 00:27:51,712 --> 00:27:53,072 KLAXON 589 00:27:53,072 --> 00:27:55,232 Oh! Hey! 590 00:27:55,232 --> 00:27:56,952 APPLAUSE 591 00:27:59,752 --> 00:28:00,792 Yes! 592 00:28:02,152 --> 00:28:04,112 A little bit froggy, a little bit rubbery? 593 00:28:04,112 --> 00:28:06,392 I like frogs' legs. Anybody like frogs' legs? Hell, no. 594 00:28:06,392 --> 00:28:09,312 Don't they taste like chicken? Don't they say frogs taste like chicken? 595 00:28:09,312 --> 00:28:10,951 KLAXON 596 00:28:10,951 --> 00:28:12,391 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 597 00:28:23,831 --> 00:28:26,231 I think you should keep the hat. Looks good on you. 598 00:28:26,231 --> 00:28:30,591 1971, the scientists at the University of Notre Dame, 599 00:28:30,591 --> 00:28:36,071 they published a study into the palatability of live tadpoles. 600 00:28:36,071 --> 00:28:39,191 Now, they managed to get a group of students to eat tadpoles 601 00:28:39,191 --> 00:28:42,630 by bribing them with beer. Who thought that would work? 602 00:28:42,630 --> 00:28:45,390 Um, like, anyone who's ever met a college girl. 603 00:28:45,390 --> 00:28:48,590 I bet they taste better than all the swimmers I've had in my mouth. Hey! 604 00:28:48,590 --> 00:28:50,310 LAUGHTER 605 00:28:50,310 --> 00:28:52,030 I'll tell you that much. 606 00:28:52,030 --> 00:28:53,590 APPLAUSE 607 00:28:57,990 --> 00:29:00,950 So, the volunteers, there were 11 volunteers, 608 00:29:00,950 --> 00:29:02,430 were given specific instructions 609 00:29:02,430 --> 00:29:04,710 about how long to hold the tadpoles in their mouth 610 00:29:04,710 --> 00:29:07,030 and how to chew. They were told not to swallow. 611 00:29:07,030 --> 00:29:09,190 They were told to spit them out, OK, afterwards. 612 00:29:09,190 --> 00:29:13,269 Anyway, you'll be wanting to know the result. Of course. 613 00:29:13,269 --> 00:29:17,269 Cane toad tadpoles are the worst tasting. 614 00:29:17,269 --> 00:29:18,949 Now, why might you try and discover 615 00:29:18,949 --> 00:29:21,109 which of the tadpoles are the worst tasting? 616 00:29:21,109 --> 00:29:22,949 JASON: Er, Ant and Dec told you. 617 00:29:24,869 --> 00:29:29,549 Well, it turns out that our sense of taste is surprisingly similar 618 00:29:29,549 --> 00:29:32,829 to spiders and to frogs and to lizards and birds and so on, 619 00:29:32,829 --> 00:29:34,709 so if it tastes disgusting to us, 620 00:29:34,709 --> 00:29:37,629 it probably tastes disgusting to a tadpole predator. 621 00:29:37,629 --> 00:29:40,349 And what they discovered was that cane toad tadpoles 622 00:29:40,349 --> 00:29:44,148 are the worst tasting but they are also the most vulnerable. 623 00:29:44,148 --> 00:29:46,708 Mm. Cos they appear in highly visible swarms, 624 00:29:46,708 --> 00:29:48,668 they practically swim into nets. 625 00:29:48,668 --> 00:29:50,068 The tastiest tadpoles 626 00:29:50,068 --> 00:29:53,308 were the well camouflaged and hard to catch tree frog tadpoles. 627 00:29:53,308 --> 00:29:56,228 No need to develop an unpleasant taste. No need, yes. No need at all. 628 00:29:56,228 --> 00:29:58,108 Absolutely. No-one can see them anyway. 629 00:29:58,108 --> 00:30:00,228 So there are 11 students who took part in this test 630 00:30:00,228 --> 00:30:03,188 but only, in the end, there were nine... Survived! Two... 631 00:30:03,188 --> 00:30:05,468 LAUGHTER 632 00:30:05,468 --> 00:30:06,948 Nine survived! 633 00:30:06,948 --> 00:30:08,428 No, two were such heavy smokers 634 00:30:08,428 --> 00:30:11,588 they couldn't taste it anything at all, so they... 635 00:30:11,588 --> 00:30:14,267 That'll do it. And it matters whether they taste good or not 636 00:30:14,267 --> 00:30:16,667 because apparently, cane toad tadpoles 637 00:30:16,667 --> 00:30:18,947 do taste good to other cane toad tadpoles, 638 00:30:18,947 --> 00:30:21,467 so there's an awful lot of cannibalism. 639 00:30:21,467 --> 00:30:24,307 And this is not, I have to tell you, a cane toad tadpole. 640 00:30:24,307 --> 00:30:26,587 It's a spadefoot toad tadpole. 641 00:30:26,587 --> 00:30:29,347 Apparently getting a picture of a cane toad tadpole 642 00:30:29,347 --> 00:30:32,587 eating another one is not as easy as you might think. 643 00:30:32,587 --> 00:30:34,947 LAUGHTER 644 00:30:34,947 --> 00:30:38,547 The male Darwin frog puts his offspring in his mouth, 645 00:30:38,547 --> 00:30:41,227 but not to eat them. That's how he keeps them safe. 646 00:30:41,227 --> 00:30:43,586 It's a parenting technique. That's so cute! 647 00:30:43,586 --> 00:30:47,186 I mean, unless he gets the hiccups and he's like, "Oh... Just... 648 00:30:47,186 --> 00:30:49,306 "Tell her there were only five in there!" 649 00:30:49,306 --> 00:30:51,946 Every now and then... "Oh, no." "Oh, no." 650 00:30:51,946 --> 00:30:54,066 I've lost Jeff! Yeah! 651 00:30:55,946 --> 00:31:00,266 Now, what does a really big tadpole turn into? 652 00:31:00,266 --> 00:31:03,026 JASON: Female. DESIREE: A really big bully. 653 00:31:03,026 --> 00:31:05,386 No, so the thing is, it may just stay as a tadpole. 654 00:31:05,386 --> 00:31:07,906 So some of them don't turn into frogs or toads or whatever, 655 00:31:07,906 --> 00:31:09,906 they just stay as tadpoles forever. 656 00:31:09,906 --> 00:31:12,106 JASON: Really? They get really big. 657 00:31:12,106 --> 00:31:14,105 Wow! Oh, my God. 658 00:31:14,105 --> 00:31:18,345 So this one is Goliath, ten inches, discovered in 2018. 659 00:31:18,345 --> 00:31:21,905 It never, ever metamorphosed into a frog. 660 00:31:21,905 --> 00:31:24,265 Can I just say, the person who gave us this picture 661 00:31:24,265 --> 00:31:25,985 was at pains for us to understand 662 00:31:25,985 --> 00:31:29,425 that this tadpole was not harmed during the measuring 663 00:31:29,425 --> 00:31:32,625 and went on to live a very happy life in an aquarium, 664 00:31:32,625 --> 00:31:34,385 eating algae for the next two years 665 00:31:34,385 --> 00:31:37,065 before passing away from natural circumstances, OK? 666 00:31:37,065 --> 00:31:39,545 With its nose stuck against a pencil. Yes. 667 00:31:40,825 --> 00:31:42,385 Now, moving on. 668 00:31:42,385 --> 00:31:45,184 A tapir walks into a pub. 669 00:31:45,184 --> 00:31:47,744 What does the barman ask him? 670 00:31:47,744 --> 00:31:49,544 "Why the long face?" 671 00:31:49,544 --> 00:31:52,464 KLAXON 672 00:31:52,464 --> 00:31:57,064 I mean, it was there, it was there. 673 00:31:57,064 --> 00:31:59,904 I actually get a sense of achievement when that happens! 674 00:31:59,904 --> 00:32:01,424 Yeah. Yeah. 675 00:32:01,424 --> 00:32:05,024 So, tapirs, found mostly in South and Central America. In pubs. 676 00:32:05,024 --> 00:32:06,984 Yeah, in pubs, yeah. 677 00:32:06,984 --> 00:32:09,584 They look sort of like a cross between a pig and an anteater 678 00:32:09,584 --> 00:32:12,544 but they're more closely related to the horse and to the rhino. 679 00:32:12,544 --> 00:32:14,183 Oh! Are they? 680 00:32:14,183 --> 00:32:16,703 The question that the... I can't even do this. 681 00:32:16,703 --> 00:32:20,583 The question the barman would ask is, "Why the long penis?" 682 00:32:20,583 --> 00:32:22,423 Yeah. 683 00:32:22,423 --> 00:32:24,263 "Cos I got it like that!" 684 00:32:25,383 --> 00:32:27,663 Oh, you are not wrong, Desiree. 685 00:32:28,663 --> 00:32:32,263 It is 60% of the length of their bodies. 686 00:32:32,263 --> 00:32:34,503 That's so stupid! Wow. Why?! 687 00:32:34,503 --> 00:32:36,863 Just be ready for these pictures, OK? 688 00:32:38,423 --> 00:32:39,903 Are they going to be blurred...? 689 00:32:39,903 --> 00:32:41,703 Jeez! Oh, my God! Ah! 690 00:32:42,823 --> 00:32:45,662 What's the thing on the end?! Yeah, well... 691 00:32:46,662 --> 00:32:49,462 It's so long, it needs to walk on its own. It's disguised as a leg. 692 00:32:50,582 --> 00:32:51,902 JASON: Jesus! Is it, like...? 693 00:32:51,902 --> 00:32:54,262 Yeah, I'm going to explain that. 694 00:32:54,262 --> 00:32:56,862 It's an umbrella feature, kind of. 695 00:32:56,862 --> 00:32:58,862 Oh. So the guy who took this photograph 696 00:32:58,862 --> 00:33:01,062 is a man on Twitter called Will Spencer. 697 00:33:01,062 --> 00:33:03,782 I'm just quoting... He'll be over the moon to be named. 698 00:33:04,822 --> 00:33:06,742 Well, I just want to quote this, it says, 699 00:33:06,742 --> 00:33:10,262 "The highlight of my life was watching a tapir dragging his penis 700 00:33:10,262 --> 00:33:12,302 "along the ground like a third leg." 701 00:33:12,302 --> 00:33:15,381 I just think, is that seriously the highlight? 702 00:33:16,541 --> 00:33:18,541 Surely he means a fifth leg. 703 00:33:19,861 --> 00:33:22,221 Basically, it's not really convenient 704 00:33:22,221 --> 00:33:24,821 to have such a long schlong because... 705 00:33:24,821 --> 00:33:26,541 A long schlong. 706 00:33:26,541 --> 00:33:30,461 You don't want it because there's a lot of swings and misses, right? 707 00:33:30,461 --> 00:33:32,421 There's a lot of... 708 00:33:32,421 --> 00:33:34,781 And then sometimes, apparently, they stand on them... 709 00:33:34,781 --> 00:33:36,781 JASON GROANS 710 00:33:36,781 --> 00:33:38,741 ..while they're mating and they scream in pain. 711 00:33:38,741 --> 00:33:40,581 There was a story... No, they tread on it. 712 00:33:40,581 --> 00:33:42,661 They don't actually stand on it. 713 00:33:42,661 --> 00:33:45,100 "O-o-o-o-o-o-oh! 714 00:33:48,540 --> 00:33:51,180 "Look at the tapir, spinning on his cock! 715 00:33:52,340 --> 00:33:54,140 "Spin him, spin him, spin him!" 716 00:33:56,380 --> 00:33:57,780 He goes all the way down 717 00:33:57,780 --> 00:34:00,100 into the ground and then he can't get out again. 718 00:34:00,100 --> 00:34:01,980 "Unscrew me, unscrew me." 719 00:34:03,140 --> 00:34:05,100 "You're not coming to this bar again!" 720 00:34:06,340 --> 00:34:10,100 There was a tapir in a zoo in San Francisco who stood on his penis 721 00:34:10,100 --> 00:34:12,500 and he bruised it so badly that it... 722 00:34:12,500 --> 00:34:14,300 Aw! OK, this is so horrible... 723 00:34:15,340 --> 00:34:17,379 ..it fell off and he then ate it. 724 00:34:17,379 --> 00:34:19,659 LAUGHTER 725 00:34:19,659 --> 00:34:23,099 Anyway, they need this very long device because, apparently, 726 00:34:23,099 --> 00:34:25,939 the female has a particularly extensive genital tract. 727 00:34:25,939 --> 00:34:28,779 So this brings me to the umbrella thing, 728 00:34:28,779 --> 00:34:32,299 and just again, going to be a close-up picture, OK? 729 00:34:32,299 --> 00:34:33,739 Oh, God. Yeah. 730 00:34:33,739 --> 00:34:38,659 So these long flaps hang over the end of the penis and they rise... 731 00:34:38,659 --> 00:34:41,019 LAUGHTER 732 00:34:44,499 --> 00:34:46,858 Listen, if you had an extensive genital tract, 733 00:34:46,858 --> 00:34:48,578 you wouldn't be freaked out. 734 00:34:49,658 --> 00:34:51,938 Well, so it rises up horizontally during mating, 735 00:34:51,938 --> 00:34:55,818 so it creates a watertight seal so that they can mate underwater 736 00:34:55,818 --> 00:34:58,058 without... How am I going to put this? 737 00:34:58,058 --> 00:35:01,018 ..the relevant fluids being washed away. 738 00:35:01,018 --> 00:35:02,458 The guys. 739 00:35:02,458 --> 00:35:06,218 They also must have to have really amazing lower abdominal muscles, 740 00:35:06,218 --> 00:35:09,178 cos it would be totally new meaning to not being able to get it up, 741 00:35:09,178 --> 00:35:10,458 like, it's so heavy. Yeah. 742 00:35:10,458 --> 00:35:12,578 If you're in the water, it's just floating... 743 00:35:12,578 --> 00:35:14,218 LAUGHTER 744 00:35:14,218 --> 00:35:16,417 Sounds like this comes from experience! 745 00:35:17,857 --> 00:35:20,177 I mean, if yours fell off, you might eat it. 746 00:35:20,177 --> 00:35:21,377 What? 747 00:35:24,017 --> 00:35:25,657 I'd have to find it first. 748 00:35:25,657 --> 00:35:27,897 LAUGHTER 749 00:35:29,857 --> 00:35:32,057 APPLAUSE 750 00:35:33,777 --> 00:35:36,737 Anyway, let's come on... 751 00:35:36,737 --> 00:35:38,777 Calling it a bloody umbrella a minute ago, 752 00:35:38,777 --> 00:35:40,537 you've ruined Singin' In The Rain for me. 753 00:35:43,937 --> 00:35:45,977 APPLAUSE 754 00:35:45,977 --> 00:35:47,616 They are extraordinary, the males, 755 00:35:47,616 --> 00:35:49,896 they can spray their urine up to five metres. 756 00:35:49,896 --> 00:35:51,856 God, what is wrong with...? I'm not surprised! 757 00:35:51,856 --> 00:35:53,656 It's like a bloody hose! 758 00:35:53,656 --> 00:35:55,416 It is mad, isn't it, when you think...? 759 00:35:55,416 --> 00:35:58,496 Like, these are the sort of things that make me realise 760 00:35:58,496 --> 00:36:01,176 that there probably isn't a great creator of all animals 761 00:36:01,176 --> 00:36:04,336 and all things because... Unless he was just pissed! 762 00:36:04,336 --> 00:36:06,496 Having a laugh. 763 00:36:06,496 --> 00:36:08,936 "Right, this one, massive cock. 764 00:36:08,936 --> 00:36:10,456 "Sprays pee... 765 00:36:10,456 --> 00:36:13,736 "Come over here, stop getting blood out of that lizard's eyes!" 766 00:36:13,736 --> 00:36:17,056 "This is what we're doing. We're concentrating on this one today." 767 00:36:17,056 --> 00:36:19,695 "God, God, God! He won't be able to keep that up! 768 00:36:19,695 --> 00:36:21,335 "What about his abdominal muscles?" 769 00:36:21,335 --> 00:36:23,175 "He does it underwater!" 770 00:36:24,255 --> 00:36:25,615 "What's water?" 771 00:36:25,615 --> 00:36:28,015 "I've just thought of it, I've just thought of it!" 772 00:36:34,015 --> 00:36:36,535 That's the stuff that's missing from that book. Yep. 773 00:36:36,535 --> 00:36:38,135 LAUGHTER 774 00:36:38,135 --> 00:36:40,335 Look at the babies, though, just look at the babies. 775 00:36:40,335 --> 00:36:43,215 The babies are very cute, they have speckled and striped... Look! 776 00:36:43,215 --> 00:36:46,095 Aw! And the smiley face! That's cute. Yeah. 777 00:36:46,095 --> 00:36:47,615 Cock's already bigger than mine. 778 00:36:47,615 --> 00:36:49,454 LAUGHTER 779 00:36:53,974 --> 00:36:57,174 And with those titillating T animal titbits, 780 00:36:57,174 --> 00:36:59,334 it's time for General Ignorance. 781 00:36:59,334 --> 00:37:02,974 Can you show me how a gorilla beats its chest? 782 00:37:05,214 --> 00:37:07,294 KLAXON 783 00:37:09,774 --> 00:37:11,214 No, not that. 784 00:37:11,214 --> 00:37:13,534 Widespread belief that it does that. How do they do it? 785 00:37:13,534 --> 00:37:15,094 They don't do it with their fists. 786 00:37:15,094 --> 00:37:17,494 With the flats of their hands? Yes, why? Why? 787 00:37:17,494 --> 00:37:19,533 More reverberation. Yeah. 788 00:37:19,533 --> 00:37:21,333 If the palms are open, it is louder, 789 00:37:21,333 --> 00:37:24,173 it also minimises the risk of bruising your chest because 790 00:37:24,173 --> 00:37:26,853 you're just not... Spread it out. ..hitting yourself so hard. 791 00:37:26,853 --> 00:37:28,453 That does actually hurt. 792 00:37:30,493 --> 00:37:32,213 Maybe it's cos they're sinking. 793 00:37:32,213 --> 00:37:34,733 Maybe it's... 794 00:37:34,733 --> 00:37:37,173 "I thought I heard something." 795 00:37:37,173 --> 00:37:39,213 I thought it was rhubarb. 796 00:37:41,053 --> 00:37:43,813 Gorillas use chest-beating to advertise their size, 797 00:37:43,813 --> 00:37:45,733 so large gorillas produce sounds 798 00:37:45,733 --> 00:37:48,213 with a lower frequency than small gorillas 799 00:37:48,213 --> 00:37:51,092 because they've got larger air cavities, a bit like a drum. 800 00:37:51,092 --> 00:37:53,172 A larger drum will make a deeper noise. 801 00:37:53,172 --> 00:37:56,332 And the wonderful thing is that gorillas can't fake the noise. 802 00:37:56,332 --> 00:37:59,452 It's called "honest signal of competitive ability". 803 00:37:59,452 --> 00:38:02,212 So it is a genuine thing, if you beat your chest, 804 00:38:02,212 --> 00:38:03,772 that is how big you are. 805 00:38:03,772 --> 00:38:05,972 I didn't know they wore gloves. Weird. 806 00:38:05,972 --> 00:38:08,212 LAUGHTER 807 00:38:08,212 --> 00:38:12,172 Gorillas beat their chests with their palms, not their fists. 808 00:38:12,172 --> 00:38:17,732 Buzz in when you know which sort of bird this song is about. 809 00:38:17,732 --> 00:38:19,571 # Tweedily-deedily-dee 810 00:38:19,571 --> 00:38:21,251 # Tweedily-deedily-dee. # 811 00:38:21,251 --> 00:38:23,171 Oh. I mean, a robin? Rockin' Robin? 812 00:38:23,171 --> 00:38:25,531 Yes, of course. Rockin' Robin. KLAXON 813 00:38:25,531 --> 00:38:27,531 Rockin' Robin. Yeah, it is. Yeah. 814 00:38:27,531 --> 00:38:29,531 No. So, OK. 815 00:38:29,531 --> 00:38:31,691 Rockin' Robin is about the American robin. 816 00:38:31,691 --> 00:38:34,171 Here is the flaw in the name of the song. 817 00:38:34,171 --> 00:38:36,051 It was named after our robin, 818 00:38:36,051 --> 00:38:39,251 because both birds have that red and orange breast, 819 00:38:39,251 --> 00:38:43,651 but the American robin is actually a thrush. 820 00:38:43,651 --> 00:38:45,291 Oh! Isn't that typical? 821 00:38:45,291 --> 00:38:47,771 You think it's one thing and it turns out to be thrush. 822 00:38:47,771 --> 00:38:49,450 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 823 00:38:57,210 --> 00:38:59,330 The two aren't even in the same family. 824 00:38:59,330 --> 00:39:02,530 But the song itself was written by an American song-writer, Leon Rene. 825 00:39:02,530 --> 00:39:04,410 It was released in 1958. 826 00:39:04,410 --> 00:39:06,330 Anybody know where the name 827 00:39:06,330 --> 00:39:08,650 the fungal disease thrush comes from? 828 00:39:08,650 --> 00:39:11,450 Does anybody know why we call it thrush? 829 00:39:11,450 --> 00:39:13,330 Universal silence! Yeah. 830 00:39:13,330 --> 00:39:16,010 No-one wants to be the thrush expert in the room! 831 00:39:16,010 --> 00:39:18,170 OK. 832 00:39:18,170 --> 00:39:20,249 So this is one of my favourite facts. 833 00:39:20,249 --> 00:39:24,289 The person who first isolated the fungus which causes thrush 834 00:39:24,289 --> 00:39:27,729 was called Charles-Philippe Robin. 835 00:39:27,729 --> 00:39:28,889 LAUGHTER 836 00:39:28,889 --> 00:39:30,569 No! Yes. What?! 837 00:39:30,569 --> 00:39:32,209 Isn't that great? 838 00:39:32,209 --> 00:39:34,249 Charlie Robin's fungus isolator. Yes. 839 00:39:34,249 --> 00:39:36,969 Wow. "Whack it in there, I'll soon separate that." 840 00:39:36,969 --> 00:39:38,969 ALAN IMITATES WHIRRING 841 00:39:38,969 --> 00:39:40,649 # Rockin' thrush. # Yeah. 842 00:39:40,649 --> 00:39:43,129 It doesn't really have the same... No. No. 843 00:39:43,129 --> 00:39:45,729 Now, what do storks do with babies? 844 00:39:46,969 --> 00:39:49,209 TOAD RIBBITS They deliver them! They deliver 'em! 845 00:39:49,209 --> 00:39:52,168 KLAXON 846 00:39:52,168 --> 00:39:53,488 Oh! 847 00:39:53,488 --> 00:39:55,128 I can't help myself. 848 00:39:57,528 --> 00:40:00,728 I can't help it, can't help it. It's like a disease! 849 00:40:01,848 --> 00:40:04,408 I must say, Jason, it's lovely having you here. 850 00:40:07,248 --> 00:40:10,248 There's a legend, of course, that they bring people new babies 851 00:40:10,248 --> 00:40:12,408 that suggests that they are very caring birds. 852 00:40:12,408 --> 00:40:14,608 And the amazing thing about this legend, this myth, 853 00:40:14,608 --> 00:40:16,168 is that it's absolutely global. 854 00:40:16,168 --> 00:40:18,368 It appears in folklore in Europe, in the Americas, 855 00:40:18,368 --> 00:40:19,928 in North Africa, in the Middle East, 856 00:40:19,928 --> 00:40:24,527 so despite this, unfortunately, they often kill their own babies. 857 00:40:24,527 --> 00:40:28,887 So you often get, in bird species, you get babies tussling in the nest, 858 00:40:28,887 --> 00:40:31,327 and one falling out and so on, and the strongest survive. 859 00:40:31,327 --> 00:40:34,567 So stork offspring never, ever fight each other, 860 00:40:34,567 --> 00:40:38,367 and the family feeds all the birds exactly the same, 861 00:40:38,367 --> 00:40:41,087 but eventually there's going to be too many, right, 862 00:40:41,087 --> 00:40:42,407 and they're all strong. 863 00:40:42,407 --> 00:40:45,367 And so one of the parents, usually the dad, 864 00:40:45,367 --> 00:40:47,607 just breaks the neck of one 865 00:40:47,607 --> 00:40:50,007 and then will often eat the one they've broken the neck of. 866 00:40:50,007 --> 00:40:52,206 I think people need to start rephrasing it 867 00:40:52,206 --> 00:40:54,166 when they say they're animal lovers. Yeah. 868 00:40:54,166 --> 00:40:56,126 You know, there's some right pricks in there. 869 00:40:56,126 --> 00:40:57,486 Do you know what I mean? 870 00:40:57,486 --> 00:40:59,846 I mean, certainly some big ones. And some big ones, yeah. 871 00:40:59,846 --> 00:41:02,286 LAUGHTER 872 00:41:02,286 --> 00:41:05,486 APPLAUSE 873 00:41:06,726 --> 00:41:11,086 Right. What animal guts are made into violin strings? 874 00:41:11,086 --> 00:41:13,006 Oh! Oh, ball sacks. 875 00:41:13,006 --> 00:41:14,886 That's not my answer! I'll take this. 876 00:41:16,046 --> 00:41:17,526 Not cats! 877 00:41:17,526 --> 00:41:18,846 It's cows. 878 00:41:18,846 --> 00:41:21,206 It... Yes! Oh, is it? Really? 879 00:41:21,206 --> 00:41:23,165 Cows. Ta da! 880 00:41:23,165 --> 00:41:24,725 APPLAUSE 881 00:41:26,445 --> 00:41:29,765 So catgut is a cord made from the intestines of animals, 882 00:41:29,765 --> 00:41:32,125 but it is made primarily from sheeps and cows 883 00:41:32,125 --> 00:41:33,805 and has nothing to do with cats. 884 00:41:33,805 --> 00:41:35,805 There's no evidence, in fact, that cats 885 00:41:35,805 --> 00:41:37,485 were ever used for this purpose. 886 00:41:37,485 --> 00:41:40,325 So, a herbivore's intestines 887 00:41:40,325 --> 00:41:42,845 are much longer than those of a carnivore. 888 00:41:42,845 --> 00:41:48,045 So a cow's intestines is 30 times longer than a cat's intestines, 889 00:41:48,045 --> 00:41:51,885 and it could make a catgut string of 160 feet, 890 00:41:51,885 --> 00:41:54,524 which you could then use for strings for musical instruments, 891 00:41:54,524 --> 00:41:56,164 you could use it for tennis racquets, 892 00:41:56,164 --> 00:41:57,684 you could use it for archery bows. 893 00:41:57,684 --> 00:41:59,964 And nobody really knows why it's called catgut. 894 00:41:59,964 --> 00:42:02,044 Maybe it's an abbreviation of cattle. Hmm. 895 00:42:02,044 --> 00:42:03,764 Or it has evolved from kitgut. 896 00:42:03,764 --> 00:42:06,044 So kit is an old word for fiddle. 897 00:42:06,044 --> 00:42:09,764 And certainly, it has been called that right back to the 16th century. 898 00:42:09,764 --> 00:42:11,484 Shakespeare called it catling. 899 00:42:11,484 --> 00:42:14,924 There's a wonderful line in Much Ado 900 00:42:14,924 --> 00:42:18,164 in which he says, "Is it not strange that sheep's guts 901 00:42:18,164 --> 00:42:21,164 "should hale souls out of men's bodies?" 902 00:42:21,164 --> 00:42:22,643 It's beautiful, isn't it? Oh, yes. 903 00:42:22,643 --> 00:42:24,843 Isn't that lovely? Yeah, it's really nice. Yeah. 904 00:42:24,843 --> 00:42:27,043 So much nicer than talking about penises. 905 00:42:27,043 --> 00:42:28,483 Well, hmm. 906 00:42:30,243 --> 00:42:33,043 Yeah, Hannah and I are friends. We don't always agree. Um... 907 00:42:35,363 --> 00:42:39,803 Right, let's see which of our panellists will be gutted tonight 908 00:42:39,803 --> 00:42:42,123 as we look at the scores. 909 00:42:42,123 --> 00:42:43,923 In first place, 910 00:42:43,923 --> 00:42:46,963 trotting into the lead with five points, 911 00:42:46,963 --> 00:42:49,243 this week's winner is Hannah. 912 00:42:49,243 --> 00:42:51,083 Yay! 913 00:42:53,842 --> 00:42:55,922 In second place, with minus five, 914 00:42:55,922 --> 00:42:57,802 it's Desiree! 915 00:43:01,562 --> 00:43:04,522 In third place, with minus 12, 916 00:43:04,522 --> 00:43:07,322 it's Alan! 917 00:43:07,322 --> 00:43:08,842 Thank you very much. 918 00:43:12,082 --> 00:43:14,482 And last place... I rode a tortoise for you. 919 00:43:14,482 --> 00:43:17,802 Yeah. Despite your fine riding, 920 00:43:17,802 --> 00:43:20,722 with minus 47, and the tail... 921 00:43:20,722 --> 00:43:22,562 ..and your tail between your legs - 922 00:43:22,562 --> 00:43:25,121 at least, I think that's what it is... 923 00:43:25,121 --> 00:43:27,081 ..it's Jason! Yes! 924 00:43:28,801 --> 00:43:31,681 CHEERING 925 00:43:37,001 --> 00:43:39,721 My thanks to Hannah, Jason, Desiree, Alan. 926 00:43:39,721 --> 00:43:43,481 And I leave you with this from the novelist Anita Brookner. 927 00:43:43,481 --> 00:43:48,361 "It is my contention that Aesop was writing for the tortoise market. 928 00:43:48,361 --> 00:43:51,681 "Hares have no time to read, they're too busy winning the game." 929 00:43:51,681 --> 00:43:53,241 Good night. 930 00:43:53,241 --> 00:43:56,240 APPLAUSE