1 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:04,920 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,560 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 3 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:37,120 Good evening! And welcome to QI, 4 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:42,240 where tonight we are celebrating 100 years of the BBC 5 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,560 in an episode that's all about television itself. 6 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:49,960 So for tonight's panel I'm using words the BBC experimented with 7 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:53,040 in 1935, to describe viewers of this brand-new technology. 8 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:56,360 Let's meet a telly observist, Greg James! 9 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:03,760 An opto-viser, Zoe Lyons! 10 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,640 I like it. 11 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,920 A looker-in, Richard Osman! 12 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,160 And... 13 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:18,280 ..a bit of a glancer, it's Alan Davies! 14 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:21,960 Thank you very much. 15 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:27,400 Right, let's hear their TV tunes. Greg goes... 16 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,440 MUSIC: Grandstand THEME 17 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:37,120 Love that. Zoe goes... 18 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,120 MUSIC: Ski Sunday THEME Oh, perfect. That's good, isn't it? 19 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:46,680 I love the hip action there. Very good. 20 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,280 Like a mogul field. Richard goes... 21 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,320 MUSIC: Wimbledon THEME 22 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,440 And Alan goes... 23 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,640 # Tinky-Winky! Tinky-Winky! Dipsy! Dipsy! 24 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:03,720 # Laa-Laa! Laa-Laa! 25 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:06,080 # Po! Po! # 26 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,880 LAUGHTER 27 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,760 That's all we've got time for. 28 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:12,880 I thought I'd get Jonathan Creek! 29 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,400 Oh, would you have liked that? Yeah! 30 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:18,080 I was once doing it to myself in a shop and I had to stop myself. 31 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:21,880 Otherwise people will say, "There he is, doing his own theme tune!" 32 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,160 Right, question number one. 33 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,280 You all spend a lot of time on TV, 34 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,960 but who has spent more time on television 35 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,720 than anyone else in the world? 36 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,760 I feel like Richard's got a good shout. 37 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:36,920 KLAXON 38 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:42,080 It's good to pop your klaxon cherry right there. Yes, it is. 39 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:46,280 Is it the test card girl? She was always on when I was a kid. 40 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,160 You are absolutely right. 41 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,600 Are you serious?! Oh, wow! 42 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:57,200 Yes. Are you serious? Oh, wow. It is the most broadcast face 43 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,600 in the history of television. To be fair, Sandi, 44 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,200 I'm inside that clown costume, so that's me as well. 45 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,800 She's called Carole Hersee. 46 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,880 Do you know why the test card was there - what it was for? 47 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:09,680 Colour balance, isn't it? 48 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,800 Yeah, it's all about making sure your television, or the transmission 49 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,800 was calibrated... With Mr Clown on it! 50 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,120 "Yes, that's calibrated!" Yeah! 51 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,200 It's all the primary colours, that's the thing. OK! 52 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,760 All of the stuff was there for a purpose - the noughts and crosses, 53 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,200 the X there is to mark the centre of the picture... 54 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,560 I never knew that! 55 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,120 Who starts their noughts and crosses without using the centre square?! 56 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:34,760 That's what's always annoyed me about the test card. 57 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,760 It is estimated that Carole has been on the air 58 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:41,440 over 70,000 hours. Wow. That's eight continuous years. 59 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,800 And she is here with Bubbles the clown tonight. There she is! 60 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:48,040 Great work, Carole! 61 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,360 Wow. 62 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,560 So...questions that we have. 63 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:59,000 Where did you get Bubbles the clown from? He was a kit and I made him. 64 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,160 Oh! 65 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,280 Who was rude about the clown? 66 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,920 Somebody was rude... 67 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,200 So your dad, George, he was an engineer at the BBC. 68 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,760 Yes, and he was helping to design test cards. 69 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:14,120 And it was just decided that a child would be better than an adult 70 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,600 because there would be no fashion, no make-up to worry about. 71 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:21,280 Yeah. And it just happened to be that Dad had sent in some pictures 72 00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:23,160 of my sister and I, 73 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,760 and the committee decided, "We might as well stick with his children." 74 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:30,200 You must have the Guinness World Record, surely, for being... No. 75 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,840 No? Because it's not something that's achievable to be beaten. 76 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,960 Oh! That sounds like a challenge. Yes. 77 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,240 I'm honestly trying my best. 78 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,520 I'm free for the next 80,000 days. 79 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,560 But you must have been incredibly famous. 80 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,240 People must have stopped you and gone, 81 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,280 "Where's the clown? Get the clown! Let's play noughts and crosses!" 82 00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,640 No, not really. Oh, OK. 83 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:52,400 OK, well, where's the clown? 84 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,400 Let's play noughts and crosses! 85 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:58,640 But to anyone under 40, they must wonder what that picture is. 86 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:01,840 To us, it's literally like the Mona Lisa. It's so familiar. 87 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:06,240 I'm under 40. I know it. But only from, like, I Love 1977 episodes. 88 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,880 Are these the unused alternatives, the ones that are on the screen? 89 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,160 It was done in two sessions. These were taken in the first session. 90 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,880 Then they decided what they were going to make the picture up as. 91 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,720 And it was decided that the blackboard was a good foil 92 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,040 for finding the centre of the screen. 93 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,720 And did you go on into working in television? 94 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,080 No, I make period costume for the stage. Do you? 95 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,200 How wonderful. Wow. Amazing. I'm intrigued by the committee. 96 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,720 Yes, it's the BBC. There's always a committee. 97 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,640 Thank you so much for coming in! 98 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:37,040 Thanks to Carole Hersee! 99 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:42,720 Well, we're delighted to give her 100 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:44,840 a little bit of screen time on QI tonight 101 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:48,160 because, you know, definitely needs it. Right. 102 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:51,400 How does the BBC send people to sleep? What do you reckon? 103 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,120 The Shipping Forecast. Yes... 104 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:01,440 We did a fact once about - the BBC send out a signal 105 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,880 with the pips that set your Economy 7 heating working. 106 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,800 Is that right? Yes. 107 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,200 There's a frequency with the pips at midnight 108 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,720 and it starts off your Economy 7. 109 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,800 I'm going to put the elves on it and ask them, 110 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,200 and they'll tell me on my magic screen. I love that fact. 111 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,480 Oh, yes, it's called a Radio Teleswitch. 112 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,520 I'm going to give you an extra point for that! 113 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,560 Terrific. Very good. 114 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,000 So, there used to be a thing called The Toddlers' Truce. 115 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:33,480 1946 to 1957, there was no television at all in Britain 116 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,200 from 6pm to 7pm. 117 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,640 OK? And this was so that they could put the children to bed. 118 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,960 It worked really well until ITV started in 1955. 119 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,600 Why would that scupper having this hour break? 120 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:48,040 They could just plough straight through. But why would they want to? 121 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:51,800 To suck up... Get all the viewers. ..the audience. Get the viewers. 122 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,520 It's revenue. Advertising revenue. 123 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:56,400 It's all revenue, this business, Sandi. It's all revenue. Yeah. 124 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,560 They lost an hour of prime-time advertising. 125 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,200 And they filled it with Nationwide. 126 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,760 After 17 months of wrangling, 127 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,480 Parliament finally agreed to abolish it in February 1957. 128 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,600 We just went to bed when the news came on. Three-day week, 129 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,160 something about Belfast. Bedtime. 130 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:18,880 LAUGHTER 131 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,760 When I was a child, my father was a broadcaster in Denmark. 132 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,040 And television would come on at seven. 133 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,280 And then my dad would be sitting there. He read the news. 134 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:31,120 And he often did it with a pipe and he always had a telephone 135 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,280 because they couldn't afford to have filmed inserts. 136 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:36,240 So sometimes the phone would ring and my dad would answer the phone 137 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,560 and that went on for an hour of my dad just reading, 138 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,440 and then at eight o'clock, they would have a half-hour documentary 139 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,680 about the Queen's silver spoon collection, 140 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,320 and then the whole service would close down. My father was two-thirds 141 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:51,000 of all available television in Denmark. Wow. Wow. Wow. 142 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,400 He had a pipe during the news?! Yes! Sometimes a little beer as well. 143 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:58,240 I imagine him putting on different hats and different outfits, 144 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,760 little moustaches. Yeah. Like a big Edinburgh show. 145 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,640 Yeah. Just, "Yay!" 146 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,520 "Meanwhile, in Germany..." 147 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,040 Are you sure he was on TV? 148 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,640 He might have just been behind your television. 149 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:13,120 LAUGHTER 150 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:17,000 Did you know that there is a new online channel called Napflix? 151 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,160 Napflix? Yeah. It's for people to have a sleep. 152 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,360 Yeah, I really like this. 153 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,000 It started in Spain - they're keen on a siesta. 154 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,920 The aim is to be as soporific as possible, 155 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:31,400 but some of the TV programmes they show on it, I think I might watch. 156 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,240 There's a two-part documentary on the history of Scalextric. 157 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:36,120 Oh, yeah! I'd watch that! 158 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,480 I would definitely watch that. Yeah. 159 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,480 There's a film called The New York Subway Journey. 160 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:41,880 Oh, totally. 161 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,880 And there's this - footage of an oscillating fan. 162 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,520 LAUGHTER 163 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,400 So restful, isn't it? 164 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,960 It could send you off, couldn't it? Napflix. It's a marvellous idea. 165 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:56,800 Right, what do you get on the Blue Peter black market? 166 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,320 Oh! Hmm. 167 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,840 Milk bottle tops. Aww. 168 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,280 What do they collect now? There aren't any milk bottle tops. 169 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:05,320 Toenails. 170 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:12,920 The very first Blue Peter badge was awarded on the 17th of June 1963. 171 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,600 It is probably the world's longest-running 172 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,200 family discount scheme. 173 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,760 So you can get into over 200 UK attractions for free 174 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,360 and it makes them quite valuable. For a brief while in 2006, 175 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:26,000 they had to temporarily suspend the whole thing 176 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,720 because an online black market was discovered... 177 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,240 Wow. ..in Blue Peter badges. The Times' leader - 178 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:34,560 there's nothing better than a fierce Times leader - described it as, 179 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:36,440 "a knife to the national psyche". 180 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,480 LAUGHTER 181 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,160 Did you say "badges"? Badges? 182 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,160 Yeah. Wow! I've brought them. 183 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,200 I'll give you £5. 184 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,560 What did you get them for, darling? 185 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:50,360 Well, I got them about two years ago. Oh. 186 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,880 I got them just for going on. 187 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,720 And you get another one when you go on again. 188 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,440 I didn't know they got you into places. I didn't know. 189 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,040 I'd have tried harder as a child. Legoland, Madame Tussauds... 190 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:04,120 They're worth their weight in gold. But now you have to have 191 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,880 an accompanying ID card as well. Do you? 192 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,000 And they are meticulous in tracking every child 193 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,560 who's ever had a Blue Peter badge. 194 00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:13,600 Tracking? Oh, yeah? Yes. That doesn't sound great. 195 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,760 Well, what I mean is that they have a card index. 196 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,920 The original producer of Blue Peter was... She's always known as 197 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,360 the legendary Biddy Baxter. 198 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,160 And when she was a child, she wrote to Enid Blyton twice, 199 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,560 and got exactly the same reply both times. "Eff off!" 200 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,560 She was so angry. 201 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:31,840 She's just casually sitting there... 202 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,520 With a lion cub. ..with a lion cub. I know. But she was so angry 203 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:36,960 about how she was treated by dear Enid as a child, 204 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:40,240 that she made sure every single child got an individual response. 205 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,720 And they still have this attitude of making sure that every child feels 206 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,440 that they are properly cared for. 207 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,000 You broke a world record, did you not, for Blue Peter? 208 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,520 Oh, maybe that was why! 209 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:52,440 LAUGHTER 210 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,720 I think it was a record for party blowers. 211 00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,480 Sorry? The most toots, apparently. 212 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,880 You know, those things... 213 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,840 With an actual... I didn't... 214 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,360 It's Blue Peter, Richard! 215 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:08,720 It's Blue Peter. 216 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,440 It's for kids. Listen, the "blue" means something. 217 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,120 LAUGHTER 218 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,800 It's the flag - you can display it on a ship - 219 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,520 something about being in harbour. 220 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:20,320 The Blue Peter is a blue flag with a white square in the middle, 221 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,480 and it means a ship is about to leave port, so it's called Blue Peter. 222 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,160 Renowned, of course, for the things that they make. 223 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,440 Anybody remember the Thunderbirds Tracy Island model? 224 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,480 Yeah. I love this. 225 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:33,400 That's wonderful. Yoghurt pots, loo rolls and so on. 226 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:37,160 That's one apparently made by Anthea Turner in 1993, and she still has it. 227 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,440 Glued to her shoulder. 228 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:44,000 In the '80s, she had one on each shoulder, though. 229 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,360 Tracy Island is really my only childhood memory. 230 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,720 Did you make one? Absolutely, yeah. 231 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:54,040 Fantastic. The giant cowpat she's used for the centre part. 232 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:57,720 It's papier mache! OK. Then oil and brown paint. 233 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:01,720 And the grass is sawdust with PVA glue. It's green paint. 234 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:06,400 He's a bit touchy on the subject, I think. Clearly touched a nerve. 235 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,960 Definitely. Stand back! 236 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,360 My kids watched the new Thunderbirds 237 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,320 which is all very exciting. 238 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:16,600 And then I showed them some old Thunderbirds episodes and they were 239 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:20,360 astonished at how long it took Thunderbird 2 to launch. 240 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,840 Yeah. It took forever. Yeah. 241 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,640 The swimming pool took ages! "Why is it so slow?!" 242 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:31,920 And it rumbled out, being pulled on a bit of fishing wire by some... 243 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:36,040 The palm trees pulled over by someone else. 244 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,520 Whatever we say about telly, it really used to be so slow. 245 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:41,400 The company I used to run, Endemol, every year, we'd have interns 246 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,240 and we'd send them to the BFI to watch loads of '70s and '80s 247 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,320 entertainment shows in the archive there, 248 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,840 and every single one of them would come back and go, 249 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,160 "That was literally the most boring day ever! 250 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,200 "How did you bear it?" 251 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,560 As a child, I visited the Blue Peter studio. 252 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,360 Remember Petra, Blue Peter's first-ever pet? Oh, man. 253 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,120 Impostor. I'm just going to say the word. 254 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:07,440 Impostor. 1962, on the very last episode - 255 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,640 there's Petra answering the post - before Christmas... 256 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:13,680 That should have been a clue, to be fair. 257 00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:15,320 Petra was a tiny mongrel puppy 258 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,560 and was introduced to the children as the first-ever pet on Blue Peter. 259 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:21,400 Unfortunately, her first appearance was also her last. 260 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,920 She died of a viral disease two days later. 261 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,120 AUDIENCE: "Awww!" 262 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,920 And the producers raced around London trying to find a dog 263 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,120 that looked like the one that had died. No! Yeah. 264 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,720 And they found one in a pet shop in Lewisham. 265 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,240 That's this one. Fake. 266 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:41,320 We had exactly the same thing with Alexander Armstrong. 267 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:44,000 Same thing. 268 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,720 True. 269 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,800 You found him in a pet shop in Lewisham? 270 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,240 Yeah, we were scouring the streets looking. 271 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,440 I thought, "OK. Didn't think to look there." 272 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,040 While we're on the subject of legendary television dogs, 273 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,720 lovely people, please give it up for Basil Brush! 274 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,240 Hello! Hello, hello, hello! 275 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,560 Look at this. 276 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,440 Look at this, eh? 277 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,120 Ooh! 278 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:12,800 Hello! I can't believe I'm on such a clever panel. This is wonderful. 279 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,840 First of all, Sandi... Yes? A point of order, if you don't mind. Yes. 280 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,600 Lumping me into the same category as dogs... 281 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,840 Yes. The last time I looked, I was indeed a fox. 282 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:25,720 I'm so sorry. Now I know this is a very intellectual show, 283 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,800 and you have those elves foraging away behind the scenes, 284 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,840 hunting for facts, so I have in fact, panel, brought along 285 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:34,760 a fun fox factoid... OK. ..for you all. 286 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,600 Right, here we go. Now, did you know 287 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,320 that there is a species of fox 288 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:43,240 that has evolved to have no ears? 289 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,280 Oh, I didn't know that. What are they called? 290 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:48,480 Well, you can call them anything you like. They can't hear you. 291 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,360 Boom! Boom! 292 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,840 APPLAUSE 293 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:59,480 You walked straight into that comedy corridor. Very much. 294 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:02,160 The real reason you're here, isn't it, is you're going to clear up 295 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:04,560 a little bit of general ignorance for us? Yes, I've got a question 296 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:08,160 primed for the panel, so brushes on Basils, please. 297 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,640 Just call me Sandi Foxsvig! 298 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,880 So where do urban foxes get most of their food from? 299 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,520 OK. Panel? 300 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,200 Yes, Greg? My bins. 301 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,840 KLAXON 302 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:25,920 Ugh! 303 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,360 Incorrect and hurtful stereotyping, if you don't mind. 304 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,520 OK. Shame on you, shame on you. 305 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:34,400 What do urban foxes actually like to eat, then? 306 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,560 Well, I'm more urbane, actually, than urban. 307 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,000 But we're not fussy. We'll eat rodents. Eurgh! 308 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,000 Worms, birds, rabbits, even fruit and berries, 309 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,520 if we're feeling vegetarian, like Mr Alan. 310 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,200 Or we'll eat all the meat if we're feeling like you, Miss Sandi. 311 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,680 So I'm quite happy to swing both ways for my stomach 312 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,920 in your back garden. Now, I've got to say... 313 00:15:57,840 --> 00:15:59,560 Thank you for being present 314 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,320 at one of the most surreal moments of my life. 315 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,560 LAUGHTER 316 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,640 I mean, we do rummage in your bins, occasionally. 317 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,440 You can't blame us. No. You do throw away lovely leftovers 318 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,720 and, Sandi... Yes? ..if you don't mind me saying, 319 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,840 that grilled herring the other night was delicious. 320 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,640 So I'm looking forward to finding out what you're making for tea, 321 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,480 when I get home tonight! 322 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,720 So I'm going to make a quick exit to your back garden 323 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,760 down my escalator. 324 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,000 MAKES BUZZING NOISE 325 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,080 The one and only Basil Brush! 326 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 327 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:42,000 Anyway, to quote a phrase first used on Blue Peter, 328 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,520 now for something completely different. 329 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:48,480 Who made a fortune from the invention of television? 330 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,360 Rumbelows? 331 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:54,040 Rumbelows? Was that a television shop? 332 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,840 Oh, wow. We really are going back in time. Yeah, it was. 333 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,440 You used to rent your TV, 334 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,080 and Rumbelows was... And there was Radio Rentals. I remember that. 335 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:03,640 Who can remember renting a television? 336 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,640 I rented a VCR. 337 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,600 Did you. Then it got stolen! 338 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:12,000 It got stolen in instalments, that was the good thing. Yeah! 339 00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:16,240 So, who are we going to give credit to for inventing the television? 340 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,160 Jonathan...Sony? 341 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,920 The audience knows! The audience want us to say that. 342 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,320 Baird. Logie Baird. 343 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:24,360 KLAXON 344 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:25,960 You idiot! 345 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,200 Don't say the obvious one! 346 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,960 Which one of those is John Logie Baird?! 347 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,160 Ah... 348 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,920 That's Logie and that's Baird. 349 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,840 The one in the middle's Marconi. 350 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,920 John Logie Baird is famous for inventing the television, 351 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:44,160 in 1926, but he didn't get any success from it, 352 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:47,240 and the question was, who made a fortune out of the invention of television? 353 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:50,640 In fact, his whole relationship with the medium seemed a bit doomed. 354 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,280 When he was a lad, he was at Glasgow Technical College in 1906, 355 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,200 and he was very bullied because he had bad eyesight 356 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,080 by a boy called John Reith, 357 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:00,800 who would go on to become... Lord Reith! 358 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,400 Lord Reith, the first Director General of the BBC! Wow! I know! 359 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,440 Ohhhh! 360 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:07,800 But he invented all sorts of things. 361 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,960 Anti-rust razors. They were made of glass and they shattered rather easily. 362 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,240 Not what you want in a razor. 363 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,560 My favourite - pneumatic shoes 364 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:19,080 that inflated like balloons, for people with flat feet. 365 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,200 Yes, please. And a home-made recipe, 366 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,280 which I cannot find, for haemorrhoid cream. 367 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:26,040 I tell you what though, at least he made piles from that. 368 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:29,360 GROANS AND SCATTERED LAUGHTER 369 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:32,840 His only big commercial success was socks that you wore under your socks. 370 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,400 OK? Yeah. It's the Baird undersock. 371 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,360 He suffered from very poor circulation, 372 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:39,680 so he would get very cold feet, 373 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,480 and these socks were powdered with borax, an antifungal medicine, 374 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,160 and they kept you warmer and cleaner 375 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,480 and were a surprise hit in World War I for soldiers in the trenches. 376 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:52,200 Wow. The undersock. And that helped fund his research into television, 377 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,280 because he was often impoverished. 378 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,480 The world's first working television set was made from an old hatbox, 379 00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,080 a pair of scissors, some darning needles, 380 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,360 bicycle light lenses, a used tea chest, 381 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:04,000 wax and glue... 382 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,600 I did that during the pandemic. 383 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,200 Did you? Yes. 384 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,120 Bit of grafting, yes. 385 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,920 It's extraordinary to think of television as a mechanical apparatus. 386 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,800 The disc there would have different lenses in it, 387 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:18,120 and it would rotate - each lens scanned a different part of the subject, 388 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,480 and it reflected light to a receiver, what an extraordinary thing. 389 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,800 The key thing about television, if you think hard about how it works, it stops working. 390 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,120 Yeah. I think. Because it's impossible. 391 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:28,840 How on Earth are people watching us at home? 392 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,240 It makes no sense. Especially as none of us are actually here. 393 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:32,920 Yeah. That's weird. 394 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:36,200 Of course, everybody knows he invented television in S... 395 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,320 Scotland? 396 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,240 KLAXON 397 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,960 You lead her to that. That's entrapment. 398 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,880 Sorry. 399 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:50,160 It does begin with S... 400 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,600 Scandinavia? 401 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:56,400 Is the Santa Cruz Valley in Trinidad and Tobago. 402 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,920 Of course! 403 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,040 Oh, that's the tennis racket church. 404 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,560 Isn't it? The famous... 405 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,120 LAUGHTER 406 00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:04,760 A great place to go for a service. 407 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,240 GROANING 408 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:11,160 I mean... How do you think of these? I've been on TV a lot. 409 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,280 Can we get the clown up, please? 410 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,880 In 1919, he moved to Trinidad and Tobago, 411 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,760 because of his poor breathing. 412 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,200 Because of Lord Reith, I'll wager. Well, yes. 413 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,120 He decided, to make money to fund his television experiments, 414 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:27,760 to start a jam factory. 415 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,840 And it failed because it was absolutely besieged by insects. 416 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,800 They stole the sugar and got in the jam, 417 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,640 but it is here that he made his initial television prototypes, 418 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:41,000 and he successfully demonstrated the very first black-and-white television in the world, 419 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,080 in 1926. 420 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:46,720 There he is, demonstrating. The very first colour, 1928. 421 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,200 Infrared television as well. 422 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:51,160 Transatlantic broadcasting, and even 3D television. 423 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,040 The first electronic television, 424 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,000 and the other person who could probably have as strong a claim 425 00:20:56,000 --> 00:21:00,360 as Baird to the invention of television is an American called Philo Farnsworth. 426 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,920 He looks terribly pleased with himself. 427 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,360 Doesn't he? He looks like a successful man. 428 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,040 "Hi, I'm Philo Farnsworth." 429 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:09,520 He just looks American. Yes. I've nailed this shit. 430 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,520 Independently came up with the idea in a chemistry class 431 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,640 when he was just 15 years old. It's extraordinary. 432 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,560 So was better than the mechanical, 433 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,040 the rotating discs, which Baird had invented. 434 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:25,440 There was a patent dispute to say that this man could not possibly 435 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,120 have invented this television, 436 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,960 and his old chemistry teacher found the drawings he had done 437 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,640 when he was 15. No! Wow. And he won the patent. 438 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,840 Along with a cock and balls beside it. Yeah! 439 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,680 "Mr Smith is a twat". Yeah! 440 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,880 LAUGHTER 441 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,520 Who bought nine apartments 442 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,880 just to fill them with their own TV shows? 443 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,800 Nine apartments? Yes. 444 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:52,320 So we're going back to videotape, back to videotape. Ah, OK. 445 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,760 So, a tape collection. 446 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:57,000 Yes, and it's astonishing. 447 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,000 It's a woman you've probably never heard of. 448 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,920 She was called Marion Stokes. And she's a legend in television. 449 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,160 She was born in 1929 in Philadelphia. 450 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:09,160 And, inadvertently, she collected the only comprehensive archive 451 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,600 of American TV news from the late 1970s to 2012. 452 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,240 Have you heard of her? No, it's amazing. It is astonishing. 453 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,800 She began on the 4th November, 1979, the Iran hostage crisis, 454 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,920 and she started recording the news on a VCR. 455 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:25,600 And her son said she hit record and she never stopped. Wow. 456 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:30,160 She's a phenomenal woman. So this is her, co-producing a show 457 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,760 called Input in 1967, about social justice. 458 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:37,080 She was an amazing person and she chronicled Fox, MSNBC, 459 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,320 CNN, C-Span, CNBC, and all of it became 460 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,000 a sort of family obsession. 461 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,760 They'd have to interrupt dinner to change the tapes. 462 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:48,360 She just carried on. She filled 71,000 VHS and Betamax tapes. 463 00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:50,360 Wow. My God. 464 00:22:50,360 --> 00:22:55,320 Every minute of US television news from 1979 to her death in 2012. 465 00:22:55,320 --> 00:23:00,200 She had to buy nine apartments to store them in... "Had to"! 466 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,640 "I better get another apartment." 467 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:05,000 "Marion, will you just stop it?" 468 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,960 LAUGHTER 469 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:10,120 I never learnt how to use my video player, 470 00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:12,720 and to this day I'm really pleased about that. 471 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,800 Cos...useless now, innit? 472 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,640 I was right just to wait. 473 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:21,600 Just go, "Yeah, eventually YouTube will come along 474 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,440 "and all of that knowledge will be absolutely useless." 475 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,080 So, winning. 476 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,560 What I remember about VCRs, I had a dog called Bompy, 477 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,120 and he would just shag anything, 478 00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,600 and I was once at the home of the founder 479 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,440 of the Born Free Foundation 480 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,400 and Bompy shagged the VCR machine. 481 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:41,160 LAUGHTER 482 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,480 He didn't get stuck in the little flap? 483 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:49,480 I don't believe it worked again. Anyway... Cos once they're engaged, 484 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,880 you know, they can't withdraw. 485 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,840 The barbs come out and then you're stuck there. 486 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:58,040 Oh, ow! You have to press Eject. Yes. 487 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,520 LAUGHTER 488 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,920 Sometimes there's a long bit of tape that remains. 489 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:08,160 "Oh, no, the tape's fucked! The tape's fucked! 490 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,800 "Gentle, gentle! Don't pull it, don't pull it!" 491 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,320 I can't believe I'm on a show 492 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:15,440 where Basil Brush has lowered the tone for everybody. 493 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,520 Anyway, she was able to buy all these apartments, Marion Stokes, 494 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,640 because she was an early investor in Apple. 495 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,640 And she made an enormous amount of money. Good noise! 496 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,480 Cos you never had that opportunity, did you? 497 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:29,640 On Twitter once, 498 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:33,480 I questioned how Frasier manages to have that incredible apartment, 499 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,040 and all the stuff that he has, 500 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:38,480 and one of the writers, Joe Heenan, said, we all sort of assumed 501 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,880 that he had invested very early in Apple. 502 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:44,960 In the writers' room, that was our get-out-of-jail for how much money he had. 503 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,000 Because he was just a radio host on local show. 504 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,120 You would think he'd make no money at all. Yes, exactly. Excuse me? 505 00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:52,560 LAUGHTER 506 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,320 So of course, in the predigital age, all television networks 507 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,320 constantly taped over stuff and wiped discs in order to save money. 508 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:04,200 The most significant loss, which is incredible, 509 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:08,760 is the loss of the film of the Apollo 11 moon landing. What? 510 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:10,840 So images beamed back from the moon were high-quality, 511 00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,400 but converting them for TV was complicated, 512 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:16,360 and it degraded them, and that's why we get this rather familiar 513 00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,840 grainy look that we have today. 514 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:22,680 NASA did tape a raw high-quality tape for future use, 515 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,080 and then lost track of the tape. 516 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,480 NASA! 517 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,040 One of the only surviving pieces of evidence 518 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,200 that we actually have is a still photograph 519 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,960 of a screen displaying the much cleaner picture, so there he is. 520 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,760 That is Neil Armstrong stepping out onto the moon. 521 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:42,000 We do have a nice, crisp picture of an astronaut here. 522 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,160 Who do you think this is? 523 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,160 Peake? 524 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,520 It's my dad. 525 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,640 Oh, no! See, I knew he had a costume! 526 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,560 You can't do all that news by yourself without a costume! 527 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:57,000 1969. "Today they landed on the moon..." 528 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,760 Is there a little hole in the thing for a pipe? 529 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:03,840 Yes! Anyway... 530 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:07,240 What do dogs like to watch on TV? 531 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,120 Other dogs, I reckon. 532 00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:11,040 If I'm driving in the car with my dog, 533 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,280 he loves to see other dogs in cars. Yeah. 534 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,840 They do that thing where they have one paw on the window, like... 535 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:17,240 Yeah. 536 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,440 And then he's a Jack Russell and he gets that look in his eye. 537 00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:23,240 "Dog! There's a dog! Dog! 538 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,480 "You want some? You want some? 539 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:28,360 "Yeah, jog on." 540 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,280 Any other thoughts? Basil, have you got any thoughts, darling? 541 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,720 Yes, I'm glad you brought me back up there. 542 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,360 Yes. How about The Great British Bark Off? 543 00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:39,280 KLAXON 544 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:40,960 Oh! 545 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:42,760 Dogglebox? 546 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,280 Yes, yes. 547 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,240 Or Gogglefox! 548 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,320 Even better. Dogglefox, hello. 549 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,560 Any more? Have you any more? You'll like this one. 550 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,520 Have I Got Chews For You. 551 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,880 KLAXON 552 00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:01,800 I'm quite good at this. OK. Any more? The Chase? 553 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:03,800 LAUGHTER 554 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,400 KLAXON 555 00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:11,840 OK, you stay down there now, Basil. 556 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:13,080 Ooh! 557 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,760 That was my spare hand. 558 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,520 Honestly, it's like a sort of bad dream. 559 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:33,960 They don't even have hands! 560 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,040 I know! It's very confusing. 561 00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:41,040 So - what do dogs like to watch on TV? - was the question. 562 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:45,600 Humans need a minimum of 16-20 frames per second 563 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:48,520 in order to perceive what we think of as a continuous film. 564 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:52,920 Dogs need about 70 so, historically, films were presented 565 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:56,200 at 24, 25 frames per second, so to dogs it's like 566 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,720 a sort of series of flickering images, 567 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,960 but in recent years frame rates have increased on TV. 568 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,320 So, for example, sports programmes are up to 60 frames per second, 569 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:09,600 but we think of the original films, which are 25 frames per second, 570 00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:10,840 as much slower, as classier. 571 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,440 We think of Casablanca and all those films as being classier. 572 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:16,120 And recently they've shot big-screen films 573 00:28:16,120 --> 00:28:18,280 like The Hobbit in many more frames 574 00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:20,600 and people have said, "Oh, my God. It looks like a soap opera." 575 00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:22,600 So people just don't think it's classy. 576 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,280 Yep, people complain that the better quality it is, 577 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,440 the less quality. Oh, hello! 578 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:31,160 Oh, I didn't know what that was. It's a remote control. 579 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,360 LAUGHTER 580 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,400 He's going to get that stuck in the VHS player in a minute! 581 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:41,920 Where did soap opera start? 582 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:43,560 Anybody know? America. 583 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:46,560 Yeah, and...? They used to advertise soap in-between segments. 584 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:48,320 Quite right. Daytime radio. 585 00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,360 The idea was to sell soap to housewives listening 586 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:51,760 while they did their housework. 587 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:54,240 Procter & Gamble, in fact, set up their own recording studio 588 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:57,040 and started to produce their own shows. The mother of all soap operas 589 00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,400 is Oxydol's Own Ma Perkins. 590 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:03,400 It was an American radio show sponsored by a laundry soap, 591 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,440 and it starred this woman, Virginia Payne. 592 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,120 So in the story, she ran a lumberyard. 593 00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:12,240 It ran from 1933 to 1960, and she played Ma Perkins 594 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,960 in over 7,000 episodes. 595 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:16,960 Wow! I know. That's amazing. 596 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:18,720 That's three days' work for me! 597 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:20,480 LAUGHTER 598 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:22,920 Why did the BBC hold out against soap operas for a long time? 599 00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:24,920 They did. Cos they're shit! 600 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:27,200 LAUGHTER 601 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,480 APPLAUSE 602 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,640 I mean, I must say 603 00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:35,920 that "returning dramas", as they're called, just wiped out 604 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:40,000 the early-evening sitcom, which is what I grew up with. Yeah. 605 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:43,080 The sitcom that was on pre-watershed, there was always one 606 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:44,840 on about half seven. Yeah. 607 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,320 Are You Being Served or something would come on, 608 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,360 and that was what you used to watch. 609 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:51,720 And now it's just been replaced... 610 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:55,080 Serial dramas. ..by kind of pseudo shit drama. 611 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:56,280 LAUGHTER 612 00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:58,840 I'd love it if your agent gets a call from EastEnders tomorrow. 613 00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:01,640 "Is Alan interested?" "Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think..." 614 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:03,520 "I'll put Mr Davis on the phone." 615 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,480 And this comes on six months later. They're like... 616 00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,160 LAUGHTER 617 00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:09,560 Because they couldn't flog soap? 618 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:11,680 For the BBC, they couldn't sell advertising? Yeah. 619 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:13,160 No. It was they thought it was crass. 620 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:16,360 I'm afraid they had the same opinion that Alan had. They were right. 621 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,800 But in 1941, they launched something called the Front Line Family, 622 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,640 and they did it on the radio in order to try and persuade 623 00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:24,200 the Americans to come into the war. 624 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:28,280 So it was on the BBC North American Service, and the idea was to see 625 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:31,120 an ordinary family in wartime conditions. There's people dealing 626 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,840 with the Blitz, people dealing with rationing, men going off to war 627 00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:35,320 and so on. And the BBC executive 628 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:38,800 wrote, "What we are trying to do is to drag America into the war." 629 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:40,920 And that was the whole point of Front Line. 630 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:42,200 It was a massive success, 631 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:45,000 and let's not forget, of course, The Archers, which has been running 632 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,560 since 1951. Here is an astonishing fact... 633 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:53,280 June Spencer - played the character Peggy in the 1950 pilot - 634 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:58,440 is still doing so 72 years later. She is 102. 635 00:30:58,440 --> 00:30:59,560 And still... Wow! I know! 636 00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:02,120 You'd have thought they'd have finished the pilot by now. 637 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:03,160 I know! 638 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,520 LAUGHTER 639 00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:07,920 I hope, Sandi, she's not under the desk as well. 640 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:09,400 Yeah! 641 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:13,120 Dogs will happily tune in to any TV with a high frame rate. 642 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,600 They'll also watch the National Lottery, 643 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:16,760 but only if it's a rollover. 644 00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,080 AUDIENCE GROANS 645 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:20,840 What morally dubious activity takes place 646 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,440 while people are watching TV? 647 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:27,080 Judging people while pulling the fluff between your toes out. 648 00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:29,560 Is that you watching TV, Zoe? 649 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,040 And then making socks out of the fluff that's come out. 650 00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:33,440 I always feel like 651 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,640 if I'm eating a packet of Wotsits during MasterChef, 652 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:38,520 I think, "Oh, come on." They're making this beautiful stuff, 653 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:40,440 and you're going, "These are delicious!" 654 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,120 I do like those. They're lovely. 655 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,400 Oh, yeah, they're great. Frazzles as well. 656 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,800 Oh, I've not had those. You haven't had Frazzles?! 657 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:49,920 You haven't had Frazzles? No. Greg, should I try them? 658 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,680 They're, like, take a breath! 659 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,480 You can't believe it, can you? She's never had a Frazzle! 660 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:58,480 The things we've been through the last two years and that was... 661 00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:02,280 It's like bacon, but kinder. 662 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,400 I like bacon. A Quaver? 663 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:08,160 Oh, I don't like Quavers. Oh, come on! 664 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:10,040 They're delicious! 665 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:14,760 What's the matter with you?! Who likes Quavers? 666 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,160 AUDIENCE "Yes!" 667 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:18,840 AUDIENCE "Yes!" 668 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,120 Oh. That was more than a third. 669 00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:25,000 That really had the feel of a 52/48, didn't it? Yeah! 670 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:28,240 Who likes Quavers...and Brexit? 671 00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,320 SCATTERED GROANS 672 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:34,920 Quavers for Remainers. 673 00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,600 So, the morally dubious thing. 674 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:43,520 2002, the head of Turner Broadcasting System, a man called Jamie Kellner, 675 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:45,400 he accused television viewers 676 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:49,480 who ignored or fast-forwarded through ad breaks of being immoral. 677 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,480 He said that that's the contract you make with the network. 678 00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:55,800 If you watch a show, then you are also going to watch the commercials 679 00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:58,760 because if you don't, you're actually stealing the programme. 680 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,040 Urgh. Yeah. He did say 681 00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,000 a certain amount of tolerance is allowed for going to the bathroom, 682 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,480 but only if you really need to go. 683 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:11,320 Quick related question - why is Seinfeld so much shorter 684 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,280 than he used to be? 685 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:16,200 Is it something to do with pixelation changes? 686 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:19,920 No, but I like that you even said the word pixelation! Thank you! 687 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,560 No, it's to do with the speed that the programme is played, 688 00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:24,600 so what they worked out is that they could put 689 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:29,240 more commercials in if they played the whole show faster. 690 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,880 So since 2014, repeats have been speeding up by 7.5% 691 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:36,080 in comparison to the original broadcast shows. 692 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,680 That gives them an extra two minutes of ad space. 693 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,840 And now... The commercial half an hour used to be 25 minutes, 694 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:45,240 so there'd be five minutes of ads. Now it's 19 minutes. 695 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,760 It's the same show. They're just playing it way faster. 696 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:50,880 Wow. They should try that with the old Thunderbirds. Yeah. 697 00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:52,080 LAUGHTER 698 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:55,240 BBC's never carried advertising, but it still needed programme breaks 699 00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,320 so they used what were called "interlude films". 700 00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:58,960 Anybody remember The Potter's Wheel? 701 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:00,680 Oh, the Potter's Wheel, yes. 702 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:03,240 They also had that penis that rose right up.... 703 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:08,120 ..to fully erect and then went down again. 704 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:10,960 I think they only played that once. 705 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:15,960 "Wrong tape, Nigel! Wrong tape!" 706 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,240 "You didn't put that out, did you?" 707 00:34:18,240 --> 00:34:20,680 "I don't think anyone noticed." 708 00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:22,680 So what they used to do between shows, 709 00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:24,920 they used to have idents or moving logos. 710 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,240 Remember this one? This was the bat wings one. 711 00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:29,280 Let's have a look. Remember the bat wings? No. 712 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:31,880 They were proper physical objects that moved 713 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,840 and, in fact, this one was so delicate it only lasted 714 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,680 for as long as it was filmed, then it completely collapsed. Wow. 715 00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:40,360 The one I remember is the globe. Remember the globe spinning? Yes. 716 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:43,520 That's my era. That and Jon Pertwee. OK. 717 00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:45,560 HUMS DOCTOR WHO THEME 718 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:47,480 BLOWS RASPBERRY 719 00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:49,240 You couldn't even pause it! 720 00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:51,040 You couldn't even pause it! 721 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:54,360 It just went on. Stop it! Stop it! "We can't stop it!" 722 00:34:55,720 --> 00:34:57,880 Anyway, it's tiny. We have it here. 723 00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:00,480 Right down the front. It's the real thing? It's the real thing. 724 00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:03,280 We've got the clock as well, which is absolutely tiny. 725 00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:05,960 And I don't know if you remember the moving lines, 726 00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:08,320 which was the BBC Two logo for a very long time. 727 00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,960 We've got all three here and they're absolutely tiny. 728 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,320 Those are all the real ones right there. Wow. 729 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,280 To be fair, Sandi, if they'd done the globe actual size... 730 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:17,720 Yeah. 731 00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:22,480 "What a waste of the licence fee! 732 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:24,960 "The BBC have made a planet." 733 00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,520 What size would you have liked it to be? 734 00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:29,520 Well, I don't know. Beach ball? Yeah! 735 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:32,800 Open it up, fill it with Frazzles. Lovely. Done. 736 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,440 LAUGHTER 737 00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,240 Now, do not adjust your set as we transition 738 00:35:38,240 --> 00:35:42,000 from the frothy glitz of prime time to the gritty post-watershed drama 739 00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,160 that is General Ignorance. Fingers on buzzers, please. 740 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:51,240 The first BBC TV broadcast was on November the 2nd 1936. 741 00:35:51,240 --> 00:35:55,320 How long do you think it was till they started showing repeats? 742 00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,680 Mm? I'm going to go...the next day. 743 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:01,960 KLAXON 744 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,760 I'm going to say the same day. 745 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:09,960 You would be right. Yeah. 746 00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:11,120 Immediately afterwards? 747 00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:13,320 The very first broadcast was called Opening Night. 748 00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:14,600 It started at three o'clock. 749 00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:16,640 Speeches from BBC and government officials, 750 00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:19,560 and then a few variety acts, and that was all transmitted live. 751 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:22,240 But there were two competing television systems at the time. 752 00:36:22,240 --> 00:36:24,680 So there was Baird's, John Logie Baird, remember, 753 00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:26,200 and then there was Marconi. 754 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:29,280 So that is John Logie Baird's television there on the left, 755 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:32,000 and that one is a Marconi one, where you had to sort of watch 756 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:33,920 it in a tilted mirror like this. 757 00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:38,720 And there was a coin toss to decide which system would transmit first. 758 00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:43,360 And Baird won - the afternoon variety show was broadcast on his system. 759 00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:47,480 And then after a very brief pause, the entire cast and crew switched 760 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:51,000 over from Studio A to Studio B, and the same programme was repeated 761 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,160 in the evening on Marconi's system, the one on the right. 762 00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:59,280 So the second-ever BBC programme was a rerun of the first! 763 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,160 And the third one ever was a rerun of Top Gear. 764 00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:03,840 LAUGHTER 765 00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,520 The first BBC repeat came long before Dave, and can I just say hello 766 00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:10,760 to all Dave viewers watching tonight, where this episode celebrates 767 00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:12,240 200 years of the BBC! 768 00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:14,760 LAUGHTER 769 00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:16,640 APPLAUSE 770 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,720 What is the world's longest-running TV show? 771 00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,240 Coronation Street must be up there, Sandi. 772 00:37:26,240 --> 00:37:28,520 KLAXON 773 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:32,360 There it is, right up there. 774 00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:35,600 The longest-running sitcom is Last Of The Summer Wine, I think. 775 00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,600 Isn't it? Great show. 776 00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:40,440 Did you like that? Loved that show. I watch it every Sunday. 777 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:43,400 I don't think it's on any more, Greg. Where are you watching that? 778 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,520 I've got nine apartments' worth of VHS tapes. 779 00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:47,360 LAUGHTER 780 00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,920 Is it a British one or where are we going? It is British. 781 00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:52,800 The longest-running show ever in the history of telly 782 00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:53,880 is a British show?! 783 00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:55,880 It's an annual event. Is it the Queen's Speech? 784 00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:57,520 We're heading in the right direction. 785 00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:59,240 It's the Lord Mayor's Show from London. 786 00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:02,320 Ahh! It's so disappointing when you get the answer. 787 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,480 Especially if the answer's that. Yeah! 788 00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:07,640 The parade is over 800 years old. 789 00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:10,000 It originated in the 13th century. 790 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:13,040 And the BBC began televising it in 1937. 791 00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:16,400 Wow. That's just one year after they launched their regular service. 792 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:20,160 And it has broadcast every year since, apart from World War II. 793 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:23,160 So there's been a total of 77 instalments over 85 years. 794 00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:25,480 It makes it the longest-running television programme. 795 00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,120 Do you remember on the horse racing they used to have a Citroen 796 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:30,880 with a camera on the roof, driving alongside? Yes! Yes! 797 00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,200 It's like early GoPro, isn't it? 798 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:36,080 Yeah, really early GoPro! You need a Citroen. 799 00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:39,680 It's driving alongside the horses and the bloke... 800 00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:42,360 There had to be a bloke on the top as well! 801 00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:47,120 An absolute health and safety disaster now! 802 00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:49,240 "It's all right - I'll go on the roof with it!" 803 00:38:49,240 --> 00:38:50,800 Probably started out the window. 804 00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:52,840 "It's terrible out the window! I'm too low! 805 00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:56,000 "We're going to put it on the roof!" "Are you mad?! 806 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,920 "It's not even a proper road - it's a horse track! 807 00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,840 "They go fast, you know, they're doing 40-odd!" "It'll be fine!" 808 00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:05,800 "Holy shit!" 809 00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,320 Just get on the car and go...waaah! 810 00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,480 Why would you not just sit on a horse with a camera? 811 00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:16,120 Oh, yes, that's so easy, Greg, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. 812 00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,920 The cameras are the size of the horse! 813 00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:22,440 Strap it to his head! Strap it to the horse's head...! 814 00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:27,800 They've got to keep up with pure-bred racehorses! 815 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:30,640 This poor bastard carrying a camera and a man! 816 00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,200 I'm just offering solutions! I like that, Greg! 817 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:36,880 The car was a better idea! The car was a good idea. 818 00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:40,880 It was just profoundly unsafe. Insanely, madly unsafe. 819 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:45,080 Inevitably, the driver was pissed. Everyone's always pissed 820 00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:48,320 at any races after lunch! The driver's drunk, 821 00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:51,520 everyone was drunk, Greg, in the '70s! Yeah. 822 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:53,200 All the time! 823 00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:58,480 Another solution - another jockey on the back of the original horse, 824 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,240 who's trained in horses, train them up as a camera operator. 825 00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:03,440 They're filming behind on the other horse. 826 00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:06,000 Good idea, but what if the horse with the camera 827 00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:07,600 gets ahead of himself? Yeah. 828 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:11,440 He sees the finishing line and thinks, "I can have this." 829 00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:15,000 LAUGHTER 830 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,240 is just an empty screen 831 00:40:17,240 --> 00:40:20,080 as he moves away from the horses. 832 00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:22,520 "Jesus Christ, he's good! Look at the speed of him. 833 00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:24,160 "He's filming it and everything!" 834 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:27,000 What you need to understand, Greg, is he's waited 50 years 835 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:28,320 to get this off his chest. 836 00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:30,720 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 837 00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:39,520 The longest-running television show began production 838 00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:43,280 hundreds of years before television was even invented. 839 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,880 What colour is radiation? 840 00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,720 Oh, no... Ooh! Green. 841 00:40:47,720 --> 00:40:50,360 Brown. 842 00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:56,360 It's see-through, isn't it? I thought it was see-through. 843 00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:58,800 It's mostly invisible, colourless. It's not a colour! 844 00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:01,560 You can't ask what colour something is if it's invisible! Well... 845 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:03,800 "What colour is it?" "It's invisible!" 846 00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:05,840 LAUGHTER 847 00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:09,000 We've reached the point in the show 848 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:10,800 where Alan's medication has worn off. 849 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,960 LAUGHTER 850 00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,280 It's just kicking in. 851 00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,160 It is commonly depicted as green in popular culture. 852 00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,400 That is the point. But it is not green. 853 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:28,800 There is something called Cherenkov radiation... Sure. 854 00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,120 ..that is seen in water-cooled nuclear systems, 855 00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:33,640 and that makes the water glow, but it's blue. OK. 856 00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:36,440 And not green. Didn't I say blue in my list? 857 00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:39,600 No. No. Second row, "No, you didn't, mate." 858 00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,760 I don't think... 859 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:44,200 Probably the reason that we think that it glows green 860 00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,480 comes from the use of radium paints in the early 20th century to make 861 00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,000 luminous watch dials. 862 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,760 Did anybody have one of those watches? 863 00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:53,120 Yes! Putting the light out - "Ask me the time! 864 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:54,600 "Ask me the time! Quick! Quick! 865 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,200 "It's gone!" I'll tell you a really terrible story. 866 00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,800 My brother and I spent a lot of our lives growing up in hotels, 867 00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,000 and we'd have a hotel room and we used to play this game 868 00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:04,600 we called the sock game, right? Because it was just the two of us. 869 00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:07,840 Oh, Jesus, Sandi! 870 00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,240 We would turn the lights out, roll up a pair of socks, 871 00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:11,680 and we would throw it at each other. 872 00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,720 And if you hit the other person, you got a point. 873 00:42:13,720 --> 00:42:15,120 And I always, always won. 874 00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:19,040 And on his 50th birthday, I told him it was because I could see 875 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,560 the luminous dial! 876 00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,840 LAUGHTER 877 00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:24,280 Wow. 878 00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,800 Still cross with me after all those years! Rightly so. 879 00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:31,920 Yeah, quite right. 880 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:35,160 And I think on that note, it's high time for the scores. 881 00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:37,240 I don't believe it! 882 00:42:37,240 --> 00:42:40,520 In first place, with minus four, it's Richard! 883 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:42,560 APPLAUSE 884 00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:50,760 AS BRUCE FORSYTH: 885 00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:50,760 to see her nice, it's Zoe! 886 00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:52,920 APPLAUSE 887 00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,920 AS ALAN SUGAR: 888 00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,920 you're fired, Alan. 889 00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:01,960 APPLAUSE 890 00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:08,680 AS ANNE ROBINSON: 891 00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:08,680 you are the weakest link, Greg. 892 00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,720 APPLAUSE 893 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:16,560 But...he foxed it up completely, 894 00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:20,560 in last place with minus 20, it's Basil Brush! Thank you! 895 00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:22,960 APPLAUSE 896 00:43:29,720 --> 00:43:33,200 All that remains is for me to wish the BBC a very happy 100th birthday, 897 00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:37,200 and to thank Greg, Richard, Zoe, Alan and, of course, Basil! 898 00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:38,600 Thank you! 899 00:43:44,240 --> 00:43:46,240 Here you are, sweetie. 900 00:43:46,240 --> 00:43:49,600 And I leave you with the words of David Frost... 901 00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:52,680 "Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained 902 00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:56,280 "in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home." 903 00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:58,320 People like us. Goodnight. 904 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:01,080 Say goodnight, Basil. Goodnight, Basil!