1 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:27,920 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:36,360 Hello, and welcome to QI. 3 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:39,280 Tonight, we're in topsy-turvy turmoil as we tackle thrills and spills. 4 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:42,240 And here to spill the beans are the thrilling Nish Kumar... 5 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,960 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 6 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,160 ..the titillating Suzi Ruffell... 7 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:50,640 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 8 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,640 ..the tantalising Mark Steel... 9 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,840 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 10 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,800 ..and, tickle my fancy, it's Alan Davies. 11 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:03,880 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 12 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:08,080 Right, please keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle 13 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,480 at all times, as Nish goes... 14 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:13,600 SYNTH VOICE: # Down and up and down and up and down and up and down... # 15 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,200 LAUGHTER 16 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,640 ..Suzi goes... 17 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,080 STEADY POP BEAT PLAYS 18 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,280 # Up and down Up and down 19 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,720 # Up and down Up and down... # 20 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:24,760 LAUGHTER 21 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,440 # I said upside down You're turning me 22 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,280 # You're giving love instinctively... # 23 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,080 LAUGHTER 24 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:34,040 # You're making me dizzy... # 25 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,720 RETCHING, SPLATTERING 26 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,120 LAUGHTER 27 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,080 APPLAUSE 28 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:44,960 Right, then. Question one. 29 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,920 LAUGHTER 30 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:50,840 Which is the most thrilling part of a theme park? 31 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,240 Well, when you don't die, isn't it? 32 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,640 Yeah. I never die, as I only ever do the thing 33 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,880 with the hook and get the duck with the number on it. 34 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,240 Is that because you're not tall enough for the rides? 35 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,200 Yes. 36 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,160 Is it the expectation? What, the queue to get in? 37 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,800 Er, no. The snaking queue. 38 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:14,360 "Oh, I love it when the queue does a weird bend! Oooh!" 39 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:18,080 I can't imagine why people are thrilled at all. 40 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,880 The thrill for me would just be driving past it. 41 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,120 We're talking about roller-coasters, 42 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:27,960 and your thrill level over the course of a roller-coaster 43 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,160 reaches its peak moment 44 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,640 when you're first strapped into the seat. 45 00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:35,000 Oh. Really? So, really, you could just get out then. 46 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,240 Yes, that's the moment. It's all over at that point. 47 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,680 It's the thrill of anticipation. 48 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,720 It's that moment when you think... SANDI GASPS 49 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,120 Have you been on The Big One, Sandi? I beg your pardon? 50 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,600 There's a massive one in Blackpool. 51 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,000 About 20 years ago, I was filming something in Manchester, 52 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,680 and I tried to get some people to come from the local crew, 53 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,400 and none of them would come. And that should have told me something. 54 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:58,320 It's absolutely terrifying. And you think you're going to die. 55 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,800 You're absolutely certain you're going to die. 56 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,440 It feels like, well, one day there'll be the final ride. 57 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:04,800 Yeah. Why not this one? 58 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,920 You go over it, and the kid next to me, 59 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:09,520 who's been on it loads of times, 60 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,080 when we went down about the fifth bend, he said 61 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:15,320 he'd tell me when to smile, and he went, "Now!" 62 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,680 And we went like that and then the thing went flash! 63 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,320 And I've got a key ring of me... 64 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,920 I've never seen him since, of course. 65 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:29,080 Me and this lad who was about 14, going, "Ah!" 66 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,440 NISH: You have given someone an anecdote for their entire lives 67 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:34,280 that they've been dining out on since that, 68 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,600 because there's a 14-year-old boy who presumably now 69 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,360 is, like, in his, like, late 20s, early 30s, who's like, 70 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:42,640 "I've got a key ring with me and Jonathan Creek." 71 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,840 Either that or he's watching this now, going, 72 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,400 "That's the bloke from the roller-coaster!" 73 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,560 No, "That's the bloke from my key ring!" 74 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,880 "That's weird. What's he doing on there?!" 75 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,680 When my daughter was about eight, 76 00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,960 I thought, "I must go on something with her," 77 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,600 and I went on the teacups, 78 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:06,640 and as it started, she grabbed my arm and said, "Don't worry, Dad, 79 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,400 "I can see you're scared." 80 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,640 And she was right! She was absolutely right. 81 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,280 There's one I went on in America where you hang upside-down, 82 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,000 and you walk underneath it, 83 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,920 and when it goes past, there's a terrific noise, 84 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,640 and people scream, and you look up, and there's a net, 85 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,160 and there's all hats and sunglasses and wallets. 86 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,760 So they turn upside-down, and everyone loses all their stuff. 87 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:30,480 But apparently, screaming is part of it, 88 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,440 and even if you don't feel like screaming, 89 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,000 if you start screaming - as it were, if you fake it - 90 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,640 then eventually it will become real. 91 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,560 It's true of so many things. 92 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,440 LAUGHTER 93 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:43,920 But there's a guy called Professor Brendan Walker 94 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:47,360 at Middlesex University, he's the world's only thrill engineer, 95 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,480 and he has done studies about what people's responses are 96 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:53,080 to these huge vertical drops. So he measures them, 97 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,240 and the level of excitement when you're on the ride 98 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:58,080 is only ever about 80% of the peak that you hit 99 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,520 when you put the seat belt on. Two things he was looking for, 100 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,960 he was looking for level of arousal and level of pleasure. 101 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,240 And apparently - and I think we all know this - 102 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:06,360 not always the same thing. 103 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,600 So they... I'm like that in a baker's. 104 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:12,520 So true, isn't it? 105 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:13,800 You just think, "Ooh!" 106 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,840 You never like a nice slice more than when you first see it. Yeah. 107 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:20,880 I met a guy who was the Mayor of Stockport, 108 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,600 and he was addicted to roller-coasters. 109 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,160 There's a group of people who are like that, 110 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,440 and they let them on early in the morning, 111 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,280 and they'll go round maybe 15 times in a row. 112 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,080 Wow. Just going round and round and round. 113 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,280 They call them coasterheads. Really? Is that a thing? 114 00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:36,680 So if you're into roller-coasters, you're a coasterhead. 115 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:37,720 Coasterhead? Yeah. 116 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:38,960 They just can't stop, 117 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,600 and they have to wean themselves off it maybe on a trampoline 118 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,320 or something. One of those little trains that go round. 119 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:45,600 I think I'm a coasterhead, 120 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,600 but I like those little drink mats in pubs. 121 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:52,000 There's one at Alton Towers, isn't there, 122 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,520 where you go along in a kind of wide sort of car 123 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,040 and then it stops, and you think, "Oh..." 124 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,440 There's no track in front of you, 125 00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,920 and then it tips you forward, 126 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:02,240 and then it hangs you over a hole. Oblivion. 127 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:04,680 Oblivion. Hangs you over a hole. Yeah. 128 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,000 And if you sit in the cafe, which is nearby, 129 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,920 and you can see the thing go and tip, and then you hear... 130 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,080 ALAN SCREAMS 131 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,960 So you're having your lunch, and about every three minutes... 132 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,080 ALAN SCREAMS 133 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:21,040 Well, this guy who is the thrill engineer, 134 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,280 he worked out that the calorific value expended 135 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,000 on a roller-coaster ride due to, you know, 136 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,680 you've got an increased heart rate and you're sweating and so on, 137 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,680 is equivalent to a single chip-shop chip. 138 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,480 Oh. I was hoping you were going to say, like, 139 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,560 a spin class. Yeah... I could've been like, 140 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,160 "Let's cut the record. Let's get to Alton Towers." 141 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:39,840 Let's go straight to EuroDisney. 142 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,640 I remember taking my children to Disney, 143 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,960 and my four-year-old met Pluto. 144 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,760 Now, Pluto is played by a 6ft tall man, OK? 145 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,120 And there's a mesh... What?! Well... He's not...? 146 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,320 Oh. Huh?! It's not a talking dog? 147 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,720 Well, there's a mesh where you can see his face. 148 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,560 He's 6ft tall, and he comes over and he talks to my daughter. 149 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:00,800 She pats him like that. 150 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,560 And then she said as he left, she said, "That's not a real dog." 151 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,600 And I said, "How could you tell?" 152 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,360 She said, "His nose wasn't wet." 153 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,280 LAUGHTER 154 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,000 APPLAUSE 155 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:18,360 When I was at school, and Mr Blobby was at his heyday... 156 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,880 Ah. Those were the days, eh? 157 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,080 ..one of my friends had a little brother, 158 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,440 and for his birthday, his dad dressed up as Mr Blobby, 159 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:28,200 had the mesh thing, but it was in his mouth, 160 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,000 and the little boy lost his shit, and was like... 161 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,040 SUZI GASPS 162 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,240 A quick supplementary question - 163 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:42,680 why might it be good to go on a ride with a lot of jerks? 164 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,600 Ooh. Is it because a bit of the point, a bit of the seat, 165 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,880 goes up your butt, and that feels nice? 166 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,720 I'm going to go with that's a personal fantasy, Nish. 167 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,560 There are roller-coaster architects, 168 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,240 and speed is not necessarily the thing. 169 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,880 Acceleration is more important, but it's the changes of speed. 170 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,920 Cos it makes your heart go... Yeah, absolutely. 171 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,560 So if it accelerates and then suddenly accelerates a bit more, 172 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,760 that's called a jerk, and that apparently is the thing 173 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,760 that makes you even more kind of...upset. 174 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,960 I was on a ghost train once and it went wrong, it actually broke down, 175 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,560 almost as if it was run by Southern Rail, and... 176 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,720 Yeah, "There will be a skeleton replacement service..." 177 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,440 And... 178 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,000 And the bloke did come through, "Yeah, sorry, er..." 179 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,200 HE SNIFFS 180 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,800 "Er, yeah, you'll all have to get out." 181 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,840 And we had to just walk through and push the doors open and then, 182 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,960 "Woo-hoo-hoo!" and all, just walking through. 183 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:43,320 It's not quite the same, is it? It wasn't quite the same, no. 184 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:46,680 I was once on a ghost walk thing with my dad, 185 00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:50,760 and there were all these pictures of, like, famous serial killers 186 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:52,960 around this, like, haunted house. 187 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:56,080 And then we got to the one with the guy in the Scream mask, 188 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,920 and he flinched, and it wasn't a picture. 189 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,720 And then the guy climbed out of the picture frame, 190 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,200 and my dad ran, 191 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:08,000 kicked open the emergency exit... 192 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,360 Just like... 193 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,760 Doosh! Like that. 194 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,680 And we found him in the gift shop. 195 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,120 Did he not even take you with him? 196 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:18,480 No! Gone? Just gone? 197 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:21,040 He was like, "I'm going to start a new life." 198 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,960 You're always safe in a gift shop. They never go in the gift shop. 199 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,840 The best bit of a roller-coaster is the beginning, 200 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,400 and it's all downhill from there. 201 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,160 AUDIENCE GROANS 202 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,680 LAUGHTER 203 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,920 Describe a really dangerous trumpet, please. 204 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,120 STEADY POP BEAT PLAYS 205 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,440 # Up and down... # 206 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:41,840 Nish's bum-bum. 207 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,480 I had eggs this morning. 208 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,280 Is that good or bad? I can't decide. 209 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:52,320 No, just everything gives me gas. Really? Yeah. 210 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:55,040 There was a guy at my primary school 211 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:58,920 who did one outside in the playground at school, and 212 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:03,280 we all had to go to the other bit of the, the adjoining playground. 213 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:06,160 And that's genius. He was ten at the time. 214 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:08,800 And was this admired, or disapproved of? 215 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:11,560 Well, I think both, really. 216 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,200 An extraordinary achievement. 217 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,160 I can't believe I'm about to tell this story. 218 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,160 ANTICIPATORY LAUGHTER 219 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,680 I'm going to settle back. 220 00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:24,200 Once, when I was at home with my parents, 221 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,120 we were all sat in the kitchen, 222 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,720 and I had to break wind, 223 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:31,440 and I did it, and it was silent, and I was like, "Fantastic." 224 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,600 And then my dad got the Yellow Pages out, 225 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,000 and I was like, "Why are you getting the Yellow Pages out?" 226 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,480 He was like, "I think we need a plumber, the pipe's burst." 227 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,920 LAUGHTER 228 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,800 APPLAUSE 229 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,960 There is, erm... 230 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,200 There is a measure of the strength of a pollution source. 231 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,040 It's called an olf, O-L-F. 232 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:55,280 So your friend there could have measured his olf. 233 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,400 Is it olfactorial...? 234 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,360 It's from olfactus, meaning smell. Yes! 235 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,000 Yes! Yes! I'm going to give you a point for that. Yes! 236 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,880 APPLAUSE 237 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,720 Can I just say? We are so far from the question. 238 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,720 Is it going to be an instrument trumpet, 239 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,640 or is it going to be a trumpet flower 240 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,720 or a trumpet frog or something? Yes. It's a flower. 241 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,360 Absolutely right. Oh... A lethal one? 242 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:20,240 A lethal flower. Yeah, if you eat any of it, you're a goner. 243 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:21,480 Do you know about this? 244 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,640 I've heard of them. They're quite pretty to look at. 245 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,560 Very pretty. It's called the Angel's Trumpet. 246 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,920 It's a flower that's native to Central and South America. 247 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,360 Oh, look at it. It's stunning. Isn't it pretty? It's deadly. 248 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,000 I mean, it's a beautiful... Go out the fire exit, Suze! 249 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,680 Go to the gift shop! Run! Run for your life! 250 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:38,840 Imagine him at Kew Gardens. 251 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,800 There is a place in Alnwick in Northumberland... 252 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,360 Yep. The Poison Garden in Alnwick. 253 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,600 The Poison Garden! Oh, it's a magnificent place. 254 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:50,480 And there's this marvellously sort of officious woman 255 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,320 who takes you around. And she's one of these sort of guides - 256 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,360 "Right. Now, assemble here. Whatever you do, 257 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,320 "don't do anything unless I tell you to do it, 258 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,600 "because if you touch something and it's poisonous, 259 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,640 "then you'll end up dead and it will jolly well be your own fault, OK?" 260 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,480 I would recommend it, definitely. The Poison Garden. 261 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:07,960 Well, so, the owner of the Poison Garden in Alnwick Castle 262 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:11,520 has described this particular flower as "an amazing aphrodisiac, 263 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,960 "before it kills you." Wow! 264 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,680 And there were Victorian women who would keep Angel's Trumpets, 265 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:19,120 and they would tip a little bit of the pollen into their tea, 266 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,480 it would induce a sort of LSD kind of trip, 267 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,720 even though it was rather risky. And those who did take it, 268 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,960 who died, before they died, 269 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:30,040 they possibly succumbed first of all to sexual excitement, 270 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,360 then restlessness, then overtalkative, 271 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:35,080 then aggressive behaviour, convulsive sobbing, psychosis, 272 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:36,720 intense dream experiences. 273 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:38,080 Like Glastonbury, isn't it? 274 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,480 There's a story about a young man who amputated his own tongue 275 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,240 and penis after drinking just one cup of tea 276 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,120 infused with Angel's Trumpet. What? Oh... 277 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,280 Did the tongue, and not content with that... 278 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,000 I know! Went for something bigger - 279 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,280 or presumably bigger. I wouldn't know. 280 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,440 And if the plants don't get you at Alnwick, then some of the bugs might 281 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,080 as well. So blister beetles, for example. 282 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,480 There's a little blister beetle. 283 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,080 You can find them around the shore in Essex and Devon and so on. 284 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,080 And they have a defensive secretion, 285 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,520 and that was used as an aphrodisiac since ancient times, 286 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,120 but also toxic in tiny concentrations. 287 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,440 It's actually known as Spanish Fly. 288 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:22,760 It probably gets its reputation for being an aphrodisiac 289 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,040 because it irritates your urethra when you pee, 290 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,920 and that draws blood into the area and causes an erection 291 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:29,720 just before you go. 292 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,480 So you would literally die hard? 293 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,440 LAUGHTER 294 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,200 APPLAUSE 295 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:41,040 Oh! That was a whole other script. 296 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:46,280 What toxic thrill can you get from toads? 297 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,920 Oh... Oh, yes, Suzi? 298 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,680 Is it going to be licking them? 299 00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:53,840 Yes! There are lickers of the Colorado River Toad, 300 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,800 and they do it to go on a psychedelic trip, basically. 301 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,440 People who've taken it talk about a total fusion with God, 302 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,680 which gives you some idea how off their heads they are. What?! 303 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:04,720 No-one wants that. 304 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,640 It does feel a little bit like someone was licking a toad one day, 305 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,880 and they were like, "No, no, it's not weird! 306 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:14,400 "I'm fused with God!" 307 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,240 Or we're all going to get to heaven, if it exists, and God's going to go, 308 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,800 "Why didn't you lick the toads?" "What's wrong with you?" 309 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,640 Lick the toads! "That's what I put them there for! Millions of them." 310 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,800 "They're everywhere, you idiot!" 311 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,560 All you have to do, in order to get high, first find a toad... Sure. 312 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,680 ..and then you lick the toad's back, although, can I say? 313 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:34,960 Purists recommend that you milk the toad's glands... What?! 314 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,320 ..dry the venom, and then smoke it. 315 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,480 How do you milk a frog, then? Go like that. 316 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,360 Apparently, the best way to stimulate it to produce this stuff 317 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:51,640 is to stroke it under the chin. "Come on! Come on. 318 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:52,920 "There we go." 319 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,040 What would be the vegan attitude towards this? 320 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,560 You're allowed to get off with animals. That's fine. 321 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,920 Encouraged. If anything. 322 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,880 Now, why is it a good idea 323 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,000 to make a pensioner walk the tightrope? 324 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,440 To cut state spending. 325 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,080 APPLAUSE 326 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,160 New scheme based on the Squid Game. 327 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:21,480 And, you know, they've had it easy, haven't they, for too long? 328 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:25,440 But genuinely, it is a medical thing. 329 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:27,640 And why might it be good for pensioners? 330 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,360 NISH: Helping their balance? 331 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:34,400 So it's a really good way to detect early muscle degradation. 332 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,480 Is the way that you detect it them falling to their death? 333 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:38,640 Yeah, I think. 334 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:41,840 "Come on, Grandma!" 335 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,560 Yeah, "Oh... Yeah. Muscle degradation." Yeah. 336 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,640 God, that's the 15th today! 337 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:50,320 If you think about tightrope walking, so it involves 338 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,680 much more muscle control, coordination, and strength 339 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:54,000 than walking on solid ground, 340 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:57,040 so it can reveal potential issues that ordinary walking can't. 341 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,880 Now, clearly, what you do is you don't do it very high up. 342 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:03,720 But by doing this, geriatric health care professionals 343 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,440 can check and see whether they're unsteady in any way. 344 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,720 In fact, they use a thing called a force plate. 345 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,240 It has the same sort of effect as walking on a tightrope. 346 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,920 But one of the best things you can do to ward off dementia, 347 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,240 not the top thing, but one of the things you can do 348 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,480 is to work on your balance. And so it's recommended that 349 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,720 while you're brushing your teeth, you stand on one leg, 350 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:23,360 and it just keeps reminding you to keep your balance at all times. 351 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,760 Does it work with other circus things, like lion taming? 352 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,280 Yeah, lion taming... 353 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,160 Lion taming, juggling... 354 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,880 There was a brilliant guy called Charles Blondin 355 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:35,040 who was one of the greatest tightrope walkers of all time, 356 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:38,880 and he was an amazing daredevil funambulist, 357 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,640 which is a wonderful word, 358 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,480 which is the correct word for a tightrope walker. Funambulist? 359 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,720 Yeah, it's fun, and then you need an ambulance. 360 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,280 LAUGHTER 361 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,720 It doesn't mean that at all. 362 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:50,680 "Funis" is rope and "ambulary" means to walk. 363 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,800 But he crossed the Niagara Falls on a tightrope about 300 times, 364 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,040 and each time, he had a different gimmick, 365 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:57,880 so he would go out there and cook an omelette, 366 00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:00,560 and then he sat there drinking champagne and eating his omelette. 367 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,240 That's his poor manager that he's carrying. 368 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,680 "You're going to earn this commission." 369 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,680 He would somersault, he would blindfold himself going across. 370 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,920 I mean, he was just astonishing. 371 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,840 But here is a sort of strange thing. 372 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:18,280 So there is a village called Tsovkra in Dagestan, 373 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:21,560 and every able-bodied person in this village 374 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,280 can walk the tightrope. 375 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,800 So that is curious, isn't it? What? Yeah, every single one. 376 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,680 It's about a 100-year-old tradition, 377 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,880 and nobody's really sure how it started. 378 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:33,920 It's rumoured that it was a short cut so that villagers could 379 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,680 go and court potential lovers on the other side of a ravine. 380 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,800 Always a motivation. 381 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,040 Yes, that'll do it. Yeah. 382 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:40,960 "We're going to the other side of the ravine." 383 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,120 "How are we getting there?" 384 00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:43,160 Yeah. 385 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,000 "Don't worry. I've got a real horn on, 386 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,560 "so I won't need the big stick." 387 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,200 Every single one of the village's children 388 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,840 study tightrope walking at school. 389 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,120 It's a whole village that can tightrope walk. What?! 390 00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:54,560 Is it anything to do with altitude? 391 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,400 No, it's just literally trying to get about. 392 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,640 I think cos they're on top of a hill, they think, 393 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,760 "How're we going to get down from here? Oh, I know." 394 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,600 Haven't they heard about roly-polys? 395 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,920 There's another village in Turkmenistan 396 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,000 where they all do roly-polys. 397 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,960 Grade 3... They go to the next village... Yep? 398 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,280 ..and there's a bridge. 399 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:11,640 They're all like, "Oh..." 400 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,560 "What do you call that?" "It's a bridge!" 401 00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:20,640 "Bloody hell. That's a brilliant idea." 402 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,200 Right, moving on, 403 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:27,240 how can Santa Claus help you get rid of your partner? 404 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,720 So we're talking about the 17th, 18th century. 405 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:34,160 Is this when they really thought that someone was actually coming? 406 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:35,760 What?! 407 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,080 First Pluto, now this? 408 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,160 I'm having the worst day! 409 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:45,280 There was a product on the market in the 17th and 18th century 410 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,760 called Manna de San Nicola, and apparently, 411 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:52,200 it was a healing oil from the sweat of St Nick's bones. 412 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:56,080 In fact, what it was was a very slow-acting poison. 413 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,440 Oh, my God. 414 00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:01,320 Aqua Tofana, and they think, it was one woman, a Sicilian woman, 415 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:05,640 called Thofania di Adamo, who died 1633, and she sold it 416 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:09,640 rather discretely to women who wanted to get rid of their husbands. 417 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:13,520 Glad it's discretely, not yelling it in the marketplace. 418 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:17,160 "Poison oil! Get your poison oil! 419 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,040 "Your husband looks like a real piece of work!" 420 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,840 "Kill your husband! Kill your husband! Roll up, roll up! 421 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,600 "But discretely! Discretely!" 422 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,560 She lived in Naples, and apparently, 423 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:33,200 it was observed that many young married women became widows 424 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:37,520 and many of the husbands were known to be disagreeable to their wives, 425 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,840 and they issued a warning telling people how to spot the symptoms. 426 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:44,360 This is a cartoon from 1814, and the original caption of it was, 427 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:48,240 "When the old fool has drunk his wine and gone to rest, I will be thine." 428 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,120 So it's a radical feminist Christmas present. 429 00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:52,920 It is, absolutely, yeah. 430 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:56,080 But apparently if you used this Aqua Tofana and there was a postmortem, 431 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,720 it was absolutely undetectable. 432 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,480 The theory is that Thofania was actually caught, 433 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,080 but then her daughter went on to become the poisoner 434 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:04,880 and moved operations to Rome. 435 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,560 It's nice to have a family trade. I know, right? 436 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:11,120 But eventually, there was a sting operation, and a Roman noblewoman 437 00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:13,920 befriended the gang and said she wanted some poison, 438 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:17,760 and then they arrested her. Mozart is rumoured to have died from poisoning 439 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,080 by Aqua Tofana. Really? 440 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,480 Well, I mean, we don't know. 441 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:24,600 There was a lot of arsenic on the manuscript of The Magic Flute, 442 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,400 which was the opera he was working on towards the end of his life, 443 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,680 and arsenic is a key ingredient of Aqua Tofana. 444 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,320 So did...? Was his wife called Constanze? Yeah. 445 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,160 Were there a lot of receipts for this stuff in her drawer? 446 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:38,280 Yes. "Two bottles of Aqua Tofana." 447 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:42,400 Right, you've all got beside you a loo-roll holder like this. 448 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,280 I want you to put it on your right-hand side, 449 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,080 imagine you're sitting on the lavatory, 450 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:49,280 and I want you to tell me which way do you correctly hang the loo roll? 451 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:53,240 Do you hang it this way - very controversial - 452 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,200 or do you hang it...? So imagine the wall is here, OK? 453 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,840 Oh... Do you hang it? NISH: You've got to hang it this way. 454 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,000 Why? Why have you got to hang it that way? 455 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:04,280 Just because, like, otherwise you're a godless prick. 456 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,720 APPLAUSE 457 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,400 That'd be a fantastic religion, Nish. 458 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,440 The only commandment, 459 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:20,280 "Thou shalt hang the toilet paper down from the left-hand side." 460 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:25,440 So the toilet-roll holder was invented by an American engineer 461 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,760 called Seth Wheeler in 1891. 462 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:31,080 And you can see from his patent that he has made a decision, 463 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,280 and it goes this way. 464 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,960 The truth is, there are advantages to both ways of doing it. 465 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,240 So if the loose end hangs in the front, it's easier to grab. 466 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:42,720 But if you hang it the other way around, there is less chance of, 467 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:45,360 I don't know, a child or a cat 468 00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:48,240 or indeed yourself accidentally unravelling the roll. 469 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,400 I always used to think it should be at the back, 470 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,720 and then in recent years, I've changed. I've gone front. 471 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,440 You've gone to the front? Yeah. Well, what you could've done 472 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,520 is you could've installed something called a Tilt-A-Roll. Oh, yeah? 473 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,320 A Tilt-A-Roll was invented in 1999, and the holder swivels, 474 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,160 and you can orientate the paper as you please. 475 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:05,520 Wow. 476 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,320 I have, er, I have a toilet-roll butler. 477 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:10,640 Just... 478 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,880 Just stands there, and let him just hand me, you know... 479 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,040 Give you a little sheet. "From your expression, sir, 480 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,360 "I would say that's four sheets that you'll be wanting." 481 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,240 I've got a doubler with a magazine rack underneath. 482 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,600 Wow. That's horrible. That's Jonathan Creek money. 483 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,240 SUZI: Yeah! 484 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:30,040 '90s, innit? Cha-ching! 485 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,720 Perforated toilet roll was invented as early as 1871, 486 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:39,200 but splinter-free toilet paper wasn't available until 1935. 487 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,440 Ooh! 488 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,040 Before there was toilet paper, certainly in the United States, 489 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,240 before it became very popular, people used corn cobs, 490 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:46,760 people used sheep's wool. 491 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:50,800 Newspapers and catalogues. Very popular was the Farmers' Almanac. 492 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,880 In the early 1900s, there's the guy who edited it - 493 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:55,720 can you imagine? - for 59 years. 494 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,760 It was published with a hole so that people could put a string on it 495 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,320 and use it as toilet paper when they'd finished reading it. 496 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,760 What?! Yeah, when they'd finished. 497 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,600 Where does toilet paper come from? 498 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,880 Definitely not India, I can tell you that for free, 499 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:10,240 because we like the milk bottle. 500 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,960 Yeah, you wash rather than... Yeah, yeah, yeah. 501 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,920 Well, 70% of the world's population do not use toilet paper, 502 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,800 and are absolutely horrified by the fact that we use toilet paper. 503 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:23,080 There are lots of forms online where people not from the west say, 504 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,600 "Is it true that Americans and Brits don't wash their arses with water 505 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,320 "after pooing?" And just think it's disgusting. 506 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:30,440 People actually think... 507 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,400 I've got a bidet in my house, and people say that you're posh. 508 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,680 Like it's some sort of... Washing your arse is posh? 509 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,400 ..act of social climbing. 510 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,440 Sometimes paper just won't do it. No! 511 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,520 Won't shift it. 512 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,320 Here he is. Jonathan Crack. 513 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,320 APPLAUSE 514 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:54,960 You need some hot soapy water. 515 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,640 Have you tried those Japanese toilets that wash your arse for you? 516 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:01,000 Oh, my... Oh! That is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me 517 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:05,320 in my entire... I saw God the first time I used a Japanese toilet. 518 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,120 It's... Oh, it's... 519 00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:10,200 Oh, God. Just thinking about it now is giving me a semi. 520 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,800 Is it powerful? It's basically calling a drone strike 521 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:14,240 on your own hole. 522 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,800 So is it like a jet wash at the garage? 523 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,200 Yeah. Yeah. 524 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,880 And you know how much fun they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they are. 525 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,280 Has it got five sort of...? 526 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,640 Has it got a cycle of all the foamy stuff...? 527 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:26,920 You can do the heat. 528 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,280 I'll do the Platinum Supreme. 529 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,200 I want my hubcaps buffed. 530 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,680 SUZI: Wax on, wax off. That's what happens. 531 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,200 But I still don't understand, what does it do? 532 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,120 It washes your arse. Like, there's a jet of water that comes out, 533 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:42,080 and you can aim it and control the temperature 534 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:43,440 and control the force of it. 535 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,000 And honestly, I... 536 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,000 You could eat dinner off my arsehole. 537 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,840 But before they had toilet paper, they used sticks, 538 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,840 and in fact, archaeologists have discovered 2,000-year-old poo sticks 539 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,640 in the latrine pit of an old rest stop on the Silk Road. 540 00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,760 The archaeologists have got that wrong, I'll wager. Do you think? 541 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,960 What they've found is a shithole with some sticks in. 542 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,040 But we know it was sticks, because they're wrapped with cloth, 543 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,560 and they've got the eggs of... 544 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,040 Oh, yes, a shit stick, that's different. Yes. 545 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,360 LAUGHTER 546 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:13,760 APPLAUSE 547 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:18,000 I've heard about them! With the cloth on the top. 548 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:21,080 Yes. Sort of like candyfloss type shape? Yeah. 549 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,200 Like a toilet brush? For your arse? 550 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,600 You'd wrap cloth around it, and the reason we know this is the case 551 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,880 is they've got eggs of parasites that lived over 1,000 miles away, 552 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,520 which means that disease was travelled along the Silk Road 553 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,080 through people's poo, basically. 554 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:38,800 Anyway, what can you do with 20 tonnes of unwanted hair trimmings? 555 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,600 Make an awful sandwich. 556 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:41,840 Make wigs? 557 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,440 Well, so these are trimmings. This is just the bits on the floor 558 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:46,960 that normally don't get used in hair salons, for example. 559 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,280 Push it all together, make a little pet? 560 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:55,240 You glue it all onto a remote-control car. 561 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:58,160 Why? To then drive it round, 562 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,840 and people think it's a very, very fast hairy creature. 563 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,240 You two need to spend time together. 564 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,000 It's an astonishing story, really. 565 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,400 It's used to clean up oil spills. 566 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,200 What? Yeah. 567 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,120 So the idea came from a hairstylist in Alabama, 568 00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:16,360 a guy called Phil McCrory, and he was watching the news - 569 00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:19,520 I don't know if you can remember the 1989 Exxon Valdez spill - 570 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,480 and he saw how difficult it was for volunteers to clean 571 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,080 the fur of otters that were matted with oil. 572 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,720 And he's watching this and he thought, 573 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,280 "If animal fur can trap the oil, 574 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,200 "then I wonder if human hair could do the same." 575 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,600 So what he did is he conducted an experiment. 576 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,680 He poured oil, motor oil, into his son's paddling pool 577 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:41,520 and then he stuffed his salon's hair trimmings into his wife's stockings. 578 00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:45,000 And those things that he made, these kind of hair booms, 579 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:49,120 it's still made the same way today with nylon tights and cable ties. 580 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:51,720 There they are. It's a fantastic way to clean up oil spills. 581 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,800 It's also a great way to recycle all the hair cuttings. 582 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:56,680 And in fact, until 2021, 583 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,240 when 550 salons in the UK and Ireland 584 00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:02,280 signed up to donate spare hair to oil spills, 585 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,520 99% of the cuttings went into landfill, 586 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:06,880 but now the leftover hair is used to clean up oil. 587 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,080 Do you not think that's so clever? Incredible. Yeah. 588 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,000 It's just brilliant. Now, hair... LONE CLAP 589 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,200 Someone wants to applaud. 590 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:13,600 Is it a hairdresser? 591 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,320 APPLAUSE 592 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,160 So here's a supplementary question. 593 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:23,480 Hair is so good at taking up the oil because it's very... 594 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:24,840 NISH: Hairy. 595 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:28,880 Oh, no, it's not absorbent, is it? 596 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,920 That's... Did you say absorbent? 597 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,120 No. Ooh! AUDIENCE: Ooh! 598 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,120 OK, it's not ab-sorbent, it's ad-sorbent. 599 00:27:36,120 --> 00:27:37,280 Oh, I'm adsorbent. 600 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,960 What it means, rather than sucking the oil in, it sits on top... 601 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,160 What's the word again? Adsorbent. 602 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,240 Oh, I said that. It's just my accent. 603 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:51,440 It sits on top of the hair and covers the entire surface area, 604 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,280 rather than being sucked into the hair, so it doesn't absorb it. 605 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:57,040 And there's now a charity called Matter Of Trust, 606 00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:00,160 and they co-ordinate donations of hair and wool 607 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,320 and so on from salons and pet groomers and farmers, 608 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:04,520 and they specifically ask only for head hair. 609 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:07,160 Going to put that out there. 610 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:10,120 That's a real shame, cos I'll be honest with you... 611 00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:12,800 ..the hair and face is just the beginning. 612 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:14,120 Oh, really? 613 00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:17,080 I could clean up a few oil spills, if you know what I mean. 614 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:20,840 Could we keep it on Nish's body and just sort of...? 615 00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,560 Grab his feet. I'm here, everyone! Relax! 616 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:25,200 Send some hairy people in - 617 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,280 "Swim! Swim! 618 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:29,280 "Until you can swim no more." 619 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,600 This is the sweetest thing. 620 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:36,160 There's a place called Phillip Island near Melbourne in Australia... 621 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:39,280 Where the penguins go. Yes. I've been to see them. Have you? 622 00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,920 Have you seen them wearing woolly jumpers? No, I haven't. 623 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,440 Yes, I've seen those pictures. Oh, how cute is this? 624 00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:47,120 LAUGHTER 625 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:50,640 They put woolly jumpers on penguins that are affected by oil spills. 626 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,760 The jumpers stop the penguins from preening 627 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:54,920 and getting the oil in their stomachs. 628 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,760 And the wool, as we know, helps absorb the oil from the feathers, 629 00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:01,520 and also the oil clumps the penguins' feathers together 630 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:04,640 so they can't keep warm, so they have to have a jumper! 631 00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,040 And they also look cute. And they also look cute. Yeah. 632 00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:09,640 In 2014, the charity organising this put a call out 633 00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,920 for penguin-sized jumpers to be donated, and they got so many, 634 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:15,680 they had to say, "Please could you stop sending them to us?" 635 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:19,640 So now they put the surplus jumpers on the toy penguins in the gift shop. 636 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:23,200 Oh, yeah, where no serial killer will go. 637 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:27,480 No. Anyway, please don't send jumpers. Just adopt a penguin. 638 00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,840 Who wouldn't want to adopt a penguin? So cute! 639 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:35,280 Right, you have glasses of water next to you. 640 00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:37,840 I want you to pop your finger in your glass of water 641 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:40,240 and tell me if it feels wet to you. 642 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:42,000 Uh-oh. Is this going to make me wee? 643 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:44,800 What do you reckon, Mark? Feel wet? 644 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:46,360 Yeah, it feels wet. Did you say yes? 645 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:48,720 Yeah. What?! 646 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:52,960 Here's the thing. 647 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:56,280 Human beings can't technically feel wet at all. 648 00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:58,920 Oh... So if you think you are detecting wetness on your skin, 649 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:01,840 what you're actually feeling is a change in temperature and texture. 650 00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:04,160 Other animals, like spiders and insects and so on, 651 00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,320 they have hygro receptors, so sensors in the skin 652 00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:10,120 that tells you if something is wet or not, and we don't have that. 653 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:13,240 If you're blindfolded and you fall in a swimming pool... Yep? 654 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:14,560 ..you'd think... 655 00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,920 You'd just think, "Oh, I've landed in a skip full of rubble." 656 00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:23,640 "Oh, my God, it's colder than I expected, 657 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:25,360 "and therefore it's wet." 658 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:26,920 It's a perceptual illusion. 659 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,480 You're exactly right. It's a change of temperature and touch, 660 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:30,800 and we have receptors for that. 661 00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:33,880 We just don't have receptors for saying, "Oh, my goodness, it's wet." 662 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,160 So you know that thing if you try, I don't know, 663 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:38,000 to take laundry in on a chilly evening, 664 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,080 and the T-shirt is still damp? 665 00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:41,640 Mm-hm? Yeah. Or is it just cold? 666 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,360 Yes. That's a good point. What about when you wee yourself? 667 00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,120 I mean, that... That feels wet. 668 00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:49,240 That does feel wet. No, it feels... 669 00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:52,200 It feels warm. 670 00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,400 Some skin receptors are also triggered by menthol, 671 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:55,480 so the chemical in mint, 672 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:57,680 and that's why that gives us an illusion of coldness. 673 00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:00,280 So drinking cold water after brushing your teeth, for example, 674 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:03,080 with minty toothpaste. Yeah, that shower gel with the tea tree in it. 675 00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:04,120 Ooh, yeah! Ooh. 676 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:06,000 That's like a party for the body, isn't it? 677 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,920 It really is, but sometimes you use a little too much, don't you? 678 00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:12,320 Don't put that in your bidet. 679 00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:15,040 Woo! 680 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:18,240 Oh, yeah. You could really ruin someone's Japanese toilet. 681 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:22,640 Unscrew the top. Little bit of that in there. 682 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:24,400 ALAN SCREAMS 683 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:25,480 Nish would love it. 684 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:26,640 I'd love it. Yeah. 685 00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,040 MARK: Would that touch God? 686 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:35,080 You can't feel Wet Wet Wet in your fingers and your toes. 687 00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:36,560 AUDIENCE GROANS 688 00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:38,880 But you can feel if Love Is All Around. 689 00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:42,880 How can you make a trapeze more terrifying? 690 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,120 Put loads of those trumpet flowers underneath it. 691 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:48,720 That would do it, wouldn't it? Or a Japanese toilet? 692 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:49,960 Yes. Underneath. 693 00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:52,000 So this is turn of the 20th century. 694 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:53,960 We're talking about a particular stunt. 695 00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:58,800 So you might choose to strap your trapeze to a hot-air balloon. 696 00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:00,160 What? Yeah. 697 00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,000 So at the turn of the 20th century, there were stunt performers... 698 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:04,920 Oh, I actually feel quite ill. 699 00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,920 ..and they combined ballooning, trapezing, and parachuting 700 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,080 into a single act. 701 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:14,200 They did acrobatics on a trapeze attached to a parachute 702 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,880 hanging from a hot-air balloon, thousands of feet in the air. 703 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:18,840 Then they'd cut loose from the balloon, 704 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,520 still on the trapeze, with the parachute attached, 705 00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:25,200 and then hopefully it would open as you came back down to Earth. 706 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:28,200 Hopefully! Yeah. Well... Was there a sort of little point 707 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,400 where, as you were falling, it went "Psh!" 708 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,080 and if you were really clever, you did it at the right time, 709 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:34,360 you ended up on a key ring? 710 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,440 I have to tell you about this particular stunt. 711 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:40,920 Fatalities were common. 712 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:45,400 Not a phrase you want to hear, is it? 713 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,320 It's the same as being a stand-up comic. 714 00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:50,520 But I tell you this to introduce you to a marvellous entertainer 715 00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,920 who was called Dolly Shepherd. She was an amazing woman. 716 00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,400 She was carrying out a double jump in 1908 717 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:59,160 when her partner Louie May's parachute failed, 718 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,480 and she was hanging from a trapeze at 11,000 feet, 719 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,320 and she swung over to her friend's trapeze, 720 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:07,080 who was - she was hanging from the same balloon - and grabbed it, 721 00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:09,240 and she got Louie to wrap her legs around her, 722 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,160 and they both descended on Dolly's parachute. 723 00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:13,400 And the heavy landing paralysed Dolly, 724 00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:15,120 and they said she would never walk again. 725 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:16,960 Four months later, she was back skydiving. 726 00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:20,400 I think it's outrageous that WE'RE called entertainers, 727 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,800 and that's what they did. 728 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,800 Look at her, that's her in 1911. Very high, 11,000 feet. What a legend. 729 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:30,160 And what I love about her, her daredevil career started, 730 00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,200 she overheard somebody complaining that he'd lost his target for his 731 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:37,120 "shoot an egg off a girl's head whilst blindfolded" act. 732 00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:40,160 She was 16 years old, she volunteered to be a replacement. 733 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,000 And that person that she overheard was Samuel Cody. Oh! 734 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:46,000 And the woman who'd pulled out was his wife, 735 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:49,040 because he'd grazed her head with a bullet on his last attempt. 736 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,040 I just think she's so worth knowing about. 737 00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:54,640 During one jump, she nearly landed on an express train, 738 00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:57,040 but the driver, with some forethought, 739 00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:01,000 puffed the steam on his engine and blew her into a ditch. 740 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:02,200 Just...puff! 741 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,000 LAUGHTER 742 00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:07,840 Was she a cartoon? 743 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,400 Yes, she does sound like the Road Runner. 744 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:13,120 Yeah, yeah. There was another one where she used to 745 00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:16,320 run off the edge of a cliff and dangle her... 746 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:19,360 ..and then an anchor would fall on her head. Fantastic act. 747 00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,720 But she had lots and lots of near-death experiences. 748 00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:23,040 She was a remarkable woman. 749 00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:26,120 And she lived to the age of 96, died in 1983, 750 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,080 and flew with the famous Red Devils Parachute Troop 751 00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:30,800 to celebrate her 90th birthday. 752 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,400 Oh, wow! I just love that. I know. It's just so wonderful. 753 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:36,080 We should pay tribute to her. Right, after that thrilling ride, 754 00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:38,280 we're crashing back down to terra firma with a round 755 00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,480 of General Ignorance. Fingers on buzzers, please. 756 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,600 What substance that you often find in a bar 757 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:46,600 should you use to sterilise an open wound? 758 00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,440 SYNTH VOICE: # Down and up and down. # 759 00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:49,520 Nish? 760 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:50,560 Vodka? 761 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:53,160 KLAXON 762 00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:54,760 Knew it. 763 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,160 Soap. 764 00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:58,000 Yes! 765 00:34:58,000 --> 00:34:59,560 Sorry. No! 766 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:04,880 I got excited. What were you going to say? 767 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:06,160 I was going to say salt. 768 00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:09,840 Salt?! Oh, my God, how painful would that be?! 769 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:13,640 Do you work for the Spanish Inquisition? 770 00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:18,240 Alan is exactly right. It is soap, you just use soap and water. 771 00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:20,760 I feel quite clever. No, that's really good. 772 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:24,040 The thing is, alcohol would sting like hell is the first thing. Right. 773 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:26,760 It also causes tissue damage and dries out the area, 774 00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:28,400 which can slow the healing process. 775 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,880 So you do use things like rubbing alcohol and hydrogen peroxide 776 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,480 in medical settings, but it's always on unbroken skin. 777 00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:38,600 Do not, do not do this on broken skin, it will hurt like hell, 778 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:40,200 and won't help it to heal. 779 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:44,520 If you clean a wound, then alcohol should never be part of the solution. 780 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:46,360 Or salt. 781 00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:48,480 LAUGHTER 782 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,520 I didn't think we had to add that, but really, don't use salt. 783 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,240 LAUGHTER 784 00:35:53,240 --> 00:35:57,520 What do the Germans call those big mugs of beer that they drink from? 785 00:35:57,520 --> 00:35:59,600 SYNTH VOICE: # Down and up and down. # 786 00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:01,040 Is it a Stein? 787 00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:02,960 KLAXON 788 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,240 I love you, Nish, but I don't think you're going to win. 789 00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:15,360 Remember when I said "olfactorial" earlier? Felt so good? 790 00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:18,000 That seems a long time ago now. 791 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:21,240 I love German pubs. There's something amazing about the way 792 00:36:21,240 --> 00:36:24,400 they get round to you and give you another beer without you having to 793 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:26,120 get up and go and ask for it. 794 00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,480 This last one I went in, it was in Cologne, 795 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:32,000 and they had a leather strap with lots of cups in, 796 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,600 and a big jug. Yeah. 797 00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,640 Just when you thought you were going to run out, someone would appear 798 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,640 with a jug and the strap, and trays full of pints, 799 00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:42,160 in and out of the crowd. It's unbelievable. 800 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:43,880 And you don't have to go up to the bar. 801 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:45,960 You don't have to go up to the bar, you never run out. 802 00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:48,280 But if you asked a German shopkeeper for a Stein, 803 00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:49,600 they wouldn't really know. 804 00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:51,600 It's what the English call the German beer mugs. 805 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:53,320 It is not what the Germans call it. Oh. Oh. 806 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,120 They call it Humpen or Krug. 807 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:56,920 Easy for you to say. 808 00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:57,960 Yeah. 809 00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:59,720 So Stein means stone, basically, 810 00:36:59,720 --> 00:37:01,920 and it's the ceramicware that the stuff is made of. Ah! 811 00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:03,400 But it's not what they call it. 812 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,280 But a Humpen or a Krug is made from all sorts of materials. 813 00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:08,360 But it has a handle and sometimes a lid. 814 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,480 Fella in the pub I was in didn't look like that, I must say. 815 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:17,840 Going to give an extra ten points if anybody can tell me the world's 816 00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:21,480 biggest producer of beer Steins, as we would call them, 817 00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:23,280 in the world. 818 00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:24,680 China. 819 00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,200 KLAXON 820 00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:30,920 Britain. Britain? 821 00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:33,200 KLAXON 822 00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:34,840 Is it...? 823 00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:37,120 Ugh... Is it Germany? 824 00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:40,080 KLAXON 825 00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:42,040 # Upside down... # Go on, Mark. 826 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:43,920 Canada! 827 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:47,240 Oh, they're typing it in now! 828 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,760 No, weirdly, the answer's Brazil. 829 00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:53,760 I've no idea why! 830 00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:57,240 You don't have to be Ein-Stein to know Germans 831 00:37:57,240 --> 00:37:59,960 don't call a beer mug... 832 00:37:59,960 --> 00:38:02,480 Don't listen to them, Sandi! I thought it was very good. 833 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,840 I... You lot, next time, Pointless. 834 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:06,320 That's where you... 835 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,200 If you're not appreciating this... 836 00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:13,000 APPLAUSE 837 00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:16,240 You don't have to be Einstein to know Germans 838 00:38:16,240 --> 00:38:19,000 don't call a beer mug ein Stein. 839 00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:22,000 20 points if you can tell me the country 840 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,160 where snowboarding was invented. 841 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,680 Oh, well, it's going to be some wacky shit 842 00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:29,600 because that's... This show just loves a, 843 00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:31,200 "Ooh, here's the obvious answer." 844 00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,240 IMITATES KLAXON 845 00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:37,240 So I'll say Egypt. 846 00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:43,160 APPLAUSE 847 00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:45,280 Yeah. Down the Pyramids. 848 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:48,520 No, it's a particular village in Turkey. 849 00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:50,040 It is... What? Turkey? 850 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:53,560 Yeah. Mesekoy, it's called, and it's in the Kachar mountains, OK? 851 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:55,440 There it is on the map. 852 00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:57,600 So this village used to be called Petran, 853 00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:00,480 and the story goes that there was a boy who was given the job 854 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,520 of cleaning his father's prayer mat, 855 00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,360 and he realised that if you placed the mat on a snowy slope, 856 00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:08,600 he could glide, and a hobby took off in this particular village. 857 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:11,480 What? The problem was he crashed into a bloke on a tightrope. 858 00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:15,680 But the Petran board has got a string on the front 859 00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:17,200 to help with steering and balance, 860 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,600 and they mould the wood using the steam from a kettle, 861 00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:21,480 and then they put cow fat on the bottom, 862 00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:23,000 and apparently it's fantastic. 863 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:24,840 The only thing is it's sort of dying out 864 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,280 because the kids of the village now don't think it's cool. 865 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,120 Wow. They're not really doing it any more. 866 00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:30,960 Can I just ask a question? Yes, darling. 867 00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,760 Is everyone else seeing that there's a town... Called Batman, yes. 868 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,160 ..that's called Batman? Just bottom right of the map. 869 00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:39,000 Can you just point it out, Nish, on the map? Just show us it. 870 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,680 There, if anybody can't see it, there it is. Batman. It's good. 871 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:43,880 LAUGHTER 872 00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:47,120 You should totally do the weather reports. I love that. 873 00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:51,080 As you can see, there will be snowstorms over this village, 874 00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:55,000 and in Batman, there will be lovely weather. 875 00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:56,680 OK, brilliant. 876 00:39:56,680 --> 00:39:59,760 APPLAUSE 877 00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:05,200 It's SNOW joke... 878 00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:08,240 AUDIENCE GROANS, LAUGHTER 879 00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:14,000 Snowboarding was originally a Turkish delight. 880 00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:15,120 Er... 881 00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:17,240 AUDIENCE GROANS 882 00:40:17,240 --> 00:40:19,720 No, no, you're trying to build up your part now. 883 00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:26,040 OK. When did almond milk become so bloody popular? 884 00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:28,080 When we found their nipples. 885 00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:33,040 APPLAUSE 886 00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:40,320 Oh, it's either going to be 2015 or the year 2000 BC. 887 00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:43,080 Which are we going to go for? 888 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:45,000 Is it a recent thing or is it an old thing? 889 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:46,280 Really old. It is really old. 890 00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:47,880 It's going to be really old. Well old. 891 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:50,400 We have been replacing dairy with almond milk 892 00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,040 since at least the 12th century. What?! I was going to say that. 893 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:54,640 12th century, would've been my guess. 894 00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:57,480 At least the 12th century. Yeah... 895 00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:00,480 Some poor sod, when it first happened. 896 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,480 "Cup of tea, please," in 1183. Yeah. 897 00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:05,480 "What sort of milk do you want?" 898 00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:06,920 "Oh, I don't know." 899 00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:10,800 "Well, do you want coconut milk? Sheep milk? Ewe milk? Iguana milk? 900 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,560 "Llama milk? Milk expressed by Sandra, 901 00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:15,960 "who sits in the back office squirting it...?" 902 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:17,600 LAUGHTER 903 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:25,640 You have full fat in the morning, semi-skimmed in the afternoon. 904 00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:29,160 "Milk! Milk!" 905 00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:31,480 "But it's the 12th century now. We've got this." 906 00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:33,880 Well, here's the thing. There are food historians who say 907 00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:35,720 it was the single most important ingredient 908 00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:37,040 in medieval European cookery. 909 00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:39,600 So one of the reasons for it is that cow's milk, 910 00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,200 often very unappetising. 911 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,320 You have to imagine, it's pre-pasteurisation days 912 00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:45,760 and apparently you could pull strings of bacteria 913 00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:47,600 and clumps of earth from your glass, 914 00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:50,560 and you couldn't eat animal products on various fast days. 915 00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,360 So almond milk, absolutely perfect. 916 00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,960 And almonds, of course, the world's oldest domesticated tree. 917 00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:58,840 We think human beings started cultivating them to eat 918 00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:01,440 somewhere around 9000 BC. I mean, it's amazing. 919 00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,520 That's what I thought, 9000 BC. Yep. 920 00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:05,880 I should have asked you first. 921 00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:10,040 Can I just say? If you see almonds in the wild, do not eat them, OK? 922 00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:11,520 They're bitter and toxic. 923 00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:14,160 There's enough cyanide in them to kill a child. 924 00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:16,200 I mean, don't do that either. Don't, don't... 925 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:21,280 There's cyanide in apple pips. 926 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:25,080 Yeah. The Poison Garden woman, this was part of her... 927 00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:28,440 Part of her thing. She said, "Look at that, look at that, apples. 928 00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:30,960 "They look innocent enough, don't they? But just a few pips, 929 00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:32,920 "and that could absolutely wipe someone out. 930 00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:35,400 "How many pips do you think you would need to give somebody 931 00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:36,720 "enough cyanide to kill them?" 932 00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:40,120 And a woman put up her hand and went, "I reckon it's 50." 933 00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:42,200 And she said, "You know, you're absolutely right. 934 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,000 "How did you know that?" And she said, 935 00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,520 "Well, I tried 49 on me husband, and it didn't quite work." 936 00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:50,400 APPLAUSE 937 00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:57,360 All of which ancient nuttiness brings us to the real kernel 938 00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:01,000 of the show. It's time to reveal the scores. Ooh! 939 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,080 Thrashing the competition 940 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,520 with -2... 941 00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:07,000 ..today's winner is Mark! 942 00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,800 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Winner?! 943 00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:14,680 Thriving in second place with -5, 944 00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:16,160 Suzi! 945 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,440 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 946 00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:23,040 In third place with -15 - and this has surprised me - 947 00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:24,320 it's Nish! 948 00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,720 Yes! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 949 00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:31,440 Which means in last place, 950 00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:34,000 crying over spilled almond milk, 951 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:35,800 with -17, it's Alan! 952 00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:39,000 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 953 00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:46,720 And it's thanks to Nish, Mark, Suzi, and Alan, 954 00:43:46,720 --> 00:43:49,360 and I leave you with this from Irish thriller writer 955 00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,600 and former Marine Victor O'Reilly. 956 00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:53,720 "If at first you don't succeed, 957 00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:56,880 "well, so much for skydiving." Goodnight. 958 00:43:56,880 --> 00:44:01,200 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE