1 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,520 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,640 Hello, and welcome to QI. 3 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:37,200 Tonight, we'll be looking at 4 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,960 a bit of this, a bit of that, and maybe even a bit of t'other. 5 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:45,200 Let's meet our tribe of troubadours. The mellow Jo Brand. 6 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,320 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 7 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,920 The melodious Sally Phillips. 8 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 9 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,120 The mellifluous Guz Khan. 10 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,960 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 11 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,720 And, ding dong, it's Alan Davies. 12 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:05,080 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 13 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,920 And this is all about that. 14 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,360 Sally goes... 15 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:14,000 # That's life That's life... # Oh, I like that. 16 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,880 # That's what all the people say. # 17 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,320 Jo goes... 18 00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:21,640 # That's the way, ah-ah ah-ah I like it. # 19 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:26,160 Guz goes... 20 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:30,880 # When the moon hits your eye Like a big pizza pie 21 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:33,800 # That's amore. # 22 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:34,920 And Alan goes... 23 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:38,280 # That's not my name That's not my name 24 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:41,760 # That's not my name That's not my...name. # 25 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,320 Right, question number one. Complete the following - 26 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:47,600 Sigmund Freud, Catherine the Great and Che Guevara 27 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,680 walk into a karaoke bar... 28 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,560 # That's amore! # 29 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:01,480 Catherine the Great 30 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:05,040 told Che to drop kick Sigmund in the chest. 31 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,120 Oh! Because he was running round 32 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,720 saying everybody wanted to tickle their mum. 33 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:15,760 Is the karaoke significant? Yes. It's all about singing. 34 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,840 Freud hated music. OK, so now you're heading in the right direction. 35 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,720 Why do you say he hated music? 36 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,400 Because he hated music. 37 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,520 What it was was that he claimed that he was tone-deaf, so he wanted 38 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,560 to sing, but he was almost totally out of tune. 39 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,760 He just thought that he was completely tone-deaf. 40 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,120 But the two people who do seem to have been tone-deaf are 41 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:36,600 Catherine the Great and Che. 42 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,000 They do seem to have been properly tone-deaf. Oh, really? 43 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,360 She was a tremendous patron of the arts in Russia. 44 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,120 She wrote her own libretti for operas and so on, 45 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,720 but she couldn't personally perceive the music. 46 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:49,800 And Che, he wrote that he would ask a friend to nudge him 47 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,000 whenever a tango was played so that he could dance. 48 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,920 A friend nudged him one time, he got up, danced a very slow, passionate 49 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:57,120 tango, and it was, in fact, they were playing a quick 50 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,360 Peruvian folk dance, so... 51 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,960 Che Guevara was really into rugby. Did you know that? 52 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:06,240 He published his own rugby magazine called Tackle. 53 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:09,320 And he said... And he said, "I love it so much 54 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,960 "that I don't care if I die playing rugby." Yes, he said even if it kills me, 55 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,480 I'm happy... You'd think if he were born English, he wouldn't 56 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,160 have been bothered with all these revolutions? He'd have just played for the Lions? 57 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:22,480 Yeah. There's a technical word for tone deafness. It's amusia 58 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,000 and congenital amusia - 59 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,000 so proper, untreatable tone deafness - 60 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,680 is about 1.5% of the population. 61 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:31,000 There's a colloquial term for tone deafness, as well, 62 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,160 which is East 17. 63 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:44,240 I was on the Big Breakfast once - a long time ago in the '90s - 64 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:47,720 and East 17 were on guesting and someone came in with headphones 65 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,120 and a clipboard. It's live, you know. 66 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:53,440 "Would the boys sing a Big Breakfast jingle?" 67 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,200 And the manager said, "Boys don't sing." 68 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,400 There's a lot of facts in this show. 69 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,840 I'm... I'm trying to process all this stuff. 70 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,720 There's facts firing off left and right. 71 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,400 I feel bad now. Do you want me to do less? 72 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,040 I want you to be happy. No, I'm happy. OK. 73 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,000 Che Guevara, rugby. 74 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:19,080 The thing is, you just tell me things you know that I don't know. 75 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,720 That's how it works. We just knock it backwards and forwards. 76 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,240 Is that what he is? Yeah. Tell me something I don't know. Go on. 77 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:28,200 I once accidentally kicked a turtle off a roof in Morocco. 78 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:38,640 There you go. I mean, there's a lot to unpack there, really. 79 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,720 You rarely see a turtle on a roof. I know! 80 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,800 What were you and the turtle doing on the roof? 81 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,680 I didn't know he was there. No. Fair. 82 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:51,760 And I had very slippy, local, like, Moroccan slippers on. 83 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:56,720 Yeah? And somebody pinged me a size five football 84 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,400 and, as I volleyed that... Yeah. 85 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,680 ..the turtle's come out from behind that plant pot... 86 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,360 ..and the ball and the turtle have gone off the roof. 87 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:08,920 It was an accident. Pure accident, swear down. Yeah, what are the chances? Innit? OK. 88 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:13,040 What happened then? You just went, "Oh, shit. Oh, well." 89 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:16,680 Did you go down to see if it was all right? Somebody did go and check if it was all right. And? 90 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,600 It weren't all right. 91 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:24,040 Most people who say that they are tone-deaf, it's just that they lost 92 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:25,720 confidence as a child. 93 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:29,680 But there is a thing called congenital amusia, and that's 94 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,880 because you have a loss of connectivity between your left 95 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,880 and your right auditory cortex and they jumble the sounds. 96 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,920 But, as I say, it is very rare. 97 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:41,480 The thing that's not so rare is perfect pitch. 98 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,320 Probably one in 20 music students have it. 99 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:47,880 Here's the thing - if we all sang a song of which there's one famous 100 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:51,320 recording - like, Hey Jude would be a good example of a song - 101 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,000 about one in five of us in this room 102 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,480 will probably hit the first note exactly. 103 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:58,200 And that's called remembered pitch. Many of us have that - 104 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,280 certainly a large proportion of the population. 105 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,760 If you don't have it, it is perfectly possible to learn it. 106 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,080 What we're going to do 107 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:07,800 is we're going to see if there are any amusics on the panel, OK? 108 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,280 I'm going to get a note played and we're going to see 109 00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:12,160 how sharp or flat you are. 110 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,640 We're going to start with Sally, OK? We're going to play you a G 111 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,760 and then I'd like you to try and sing it. OK, so here's the G. 112 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:22,720 NOTE PLAYS 113 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:28,680 # Aaaaaaah! 114 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,760 SINGS HIGHER: # Aaaaaaah. # 115 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:35,080 Wow, you went to an E. I don't know what happened there. 116 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:37,720 All right, Guz, let's try you. You're going to hear a D, 117 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,520 then I want you to sing it, OK? 118 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,560 NOTE PLAYS 119 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:42,800 Er... 120 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,760 Doing! 121 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:51,440 APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH 122 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,120 Alan, you're going to do an A. 123 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,680 NOTE PLAYS 124 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,560 # Bong! # 125 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,640 Oh! Oh, that was pretty good. 126 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,320 Jo, a B. 127 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,560 NOTE PLAYS 128 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,160 # Aaaaaaaaah! 129 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,280 Ah. Ah. 130 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:22,120 Let's try the audience, OK? You're going... Oh, not this lot! 131 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:25,880 You're all going to do an E. 132 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,560 This is what it sounds like. 133 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:34,960 AUDIENCE: # Aaaaaaaah! 134 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:40,880 AUDIENCE CONTINUE 135 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,600 I mean... Three of them have died. SALLY: Wow! 136 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,760 JO: One thing I've been trying to do my whole life... 137 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,960 You know that song by Minnie Riperton - Loving You? 138 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,880 # Loving you... # Then it goes... 139 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,200 # La la la la la La la la la la 140 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,720 # La la la la la la la la la la la 141 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,600 # Doo-n-doo-n-doo-doo.... 142 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,800 # AAAAH! # 143 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,440 I've always wanted to be able to do that. 144 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,440 You all did very well, so I have got you some chewing gum. 145 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:21,400 And while you are chewing on that, here is another question. 146 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:25,840 How can I get Kylie Minogue's I Can't Get You Out Of My Head 147 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,880 out of my head? 148 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:32,880 Play another song. Is a very good answer, indeed. 149 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,160 Absolutely right. 150 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,560 So when you can't get a song out of your head, it's called 151 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:44,920 an earworm, also known as stuck song syndrome. 152 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,720 And it tends to appear when you've allowed your mind to wander. 153 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,960 But it can also happen when you're very stressed or overloaded with work. 154 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,680 But there are the following treatments. 155 00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:55,760 The one you suggested - substitute a different earworm is one way 156 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,160 of doing it. Distract yourself with a puzzle. 157 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:01,120 Do you do puzzles at all, Guz? I do. Yeah. 158 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,520 Are you good at it? 159 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:11,160 They... When things get bad, when you've got technology, let it assist you. 160 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:14,560 Yes. There's a thing called wordlecheater.co.uk. 161 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,880 I did not know that. I'm really annoyed. 162 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,880 So the other thing is to chew gum. Chew gum for three minutes 163 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,800 and it sometimes does the trick. 164 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:26,920 # Can't get you out of my head. # It's not working. 165 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:28,720 It's not working? 166 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:32,240 I don't know what would happen if the thing you've got in your head is Lonnie Donegan's 167 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:35,800 Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour On The Bedpost Overnight? 168 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,280 How long do you think people have been chewing gum? 169 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,400 Thousands of years. Yeah. 170 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,400 Thousands and thousands. I'd say... 171 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,480 Go. Well, there's no written history, of course, 172 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:50,480 but oral traditions would suggest... This is what you do, Guz. 173 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:52,520 Are you impressed? See what I'm doing? Smashing. 174 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:53,800 Yes, smashing. 175 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:57,480 4,600 years, I think, was the earliest, um... 176 00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,040 It's the Neolithic period. It's about 10,000 years. 177 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:01,160 So close! 178 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:04,360 I've forgot about the Neolithic... You were! 179 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,880 Were they chewing gum before they're brushing their teeth? 180 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,560 What came first? Yes is the answer to that. 181 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:10,680 The ancient Greeks did it. 182 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:12,720 They chewed something called mastic tree resin. 183 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:16,080 The Mayans chewed tree resin, as well, and Native Americans chewed 184 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,040 spruce tree sap. 185 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,240 It may be that it's just a way of freshening the mouth, 186 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,160 or it just is a nice kind of repetitive thing. 187 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,520 This is such a good show. Thank you. 188 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,800 Like BBC Bitesize, but real life. 189 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:41,200 It's shown that chewing gum has a better effect on performance 190 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:45,400 than caffeine, and nobody knows why. There is some kind of connection 191 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,360 between chewing gum... Stick it under the desk, 192 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,880 it'll still be there next year. Do not do that. 193 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,760 We don't know why there's this connection between chewing gum 194 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,080 and cognitive performance. It can't be the sugar, 195 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,840 because sugar-free gum has exactly the same effect. 196 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:04,760 There is a thing called mastication-induced arousal. 197 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,360 Wow. Mm-hm. 198 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,760 How do you achieve that? 199 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:20,480 How you achieve it is you have, like, a really massive sausage roll. 200 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:28,000 I mean how are you masticating, when are you masticating? 201 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:32,720 Is it what you're masticating? Is it who you're masticating with?! 202 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,080 I thought it made you go blind. 203 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:40,960 So the best way to avoid getting earworm is to only listen to music 204 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,000 that you don't like. That's it. 205 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,480 It's the ones that you like - they get stuck in your head. 206 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,480 Also listen to the song all the way through. 207 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,040 Then you won't get an earworm. 208 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:51,720 And there are no songs that are more earwormy than others. 209 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,720 I don't think Kylie's more earwormy. 210 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,280 You're looking at me like I've strayed too far into 211 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,920 the fact area. 212 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:00,600 So much going on. 213 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,840 You've got mastication arousal. 214 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:13,240 Does your ponytail stick up straight? 215 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,920 Pete Baynham's mum - the comedy writer who wrote Borat - 216 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:21,680 his mum had Dad's Army theme tune playing in her ears 217 00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:24,040 solidly for 20 years. 218 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,640 Is she just on BBC Two the whole time? 219 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,320 # If you think we're on the run. # 220 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:37,320 Don't! Now you've got to do it all the way through or we'll all have it. 221 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,160 ALAN SINGS 222 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:40,640 to my beloved audience. 223 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,720 OTHERS JOIN IN: # We are the boys 224 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,400 # That will make you think again! 225 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,840 AUDIENCE JOINS IN: # Who do you think you re kidding 226 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:51,600 # Mr Hitler If you think old England's done? 227 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,600 # Mr Brown went off to town... # 228 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:58,680 APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SINGING 229 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,600 Right. What item beginning with T 230 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:09,560 do people use for fun today but was once a serious punishment? 231 00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:11,240 # That's life. # 232 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:12,760 Tom Cruise. 233 00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:20,600 You know, there was a whole thing on the internet of people morphing 234 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,280 Tom Cruise's face into mine. And I don't... I don't know... 235 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,520 # That's life. # Torture chambers. 236 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,480 So, kind of. So it begins with T. 237 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,960 Today, people use it for fun. Thumb screw. 238 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,640 No, no. I mean, generally... People in this audience would... 239 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,640 Many, many would use it for a bit of fun. Toilet. 240 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,800 # That's life. # Trampoline. 241 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:47,680 Trampoline? You're just saying words beginning with T. We are! 242 00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,080 # That's amore. # 243 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:53,040 I'm going to kill these buzzers in a minute. Stop it. 244 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,200 Testicles. 245 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,480 Oh, I know! Yes? 246 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,160 Tottenham Hotspur. 247 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,480 Treadmills. Treadmills - yes! 248 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,360 What?! What? 249 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,280 I feel like there's a lot of people and you see them sometimes in town 250 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,920 centres, sometimes there'll be a window on the first floor 251 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,360 and they're all at the glass, looking like they're trying to cycle 252 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,240 out of the window and land in the street. 253 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,440 What are they doing? They're pounding and running 254 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,800 towards the window, but never get there. I don't know what 255 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,680 they're seeing, where they're trying to get to. I wish, one day, 256 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,920 the window would just open up and they'd all fly out. 257 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:39,560 Maybe take off, maybe just fly around the town 258 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,200 and, eventually, like a balloon - 259 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,440 when you release a balloon and it goes... 260 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,400 And all of that energy! They're all doing that and it's just going it's 261 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,960 going nowhere. They're not even powering the lights. 262 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:53,080 They should be... They could be going into the National Grid. 263 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:56,360 Yes. Yes. 264 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:05,000 You're right, Alan. There was a prison in Brazil, in 2012, 265 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:08,160 and they gave the inmates the chance to reduce their jail sentences 266 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,440 by generating electricity pedalling exercise bikes. 267 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,800 Inspired. Yeah, absolutely. Isn't that fantastic? 268 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,760 It was one day off for every three eight-hour shifts that they did. 269 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:19,480 I can't remember where I was, but, somewhere in the world, you could 270 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,480 charge your phone with an exercise bike. 271 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,840 And, oh, my word, I got, like, 1%. 272 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:30,440 Today, the treadmill is a popular tool of voluntary exercise. 273 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:32,840 But, in the 19th century, it was a punishment device. 274 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,560 So it was introduced in England in 1818 by the engineer 275 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:39,000 Sir William Cubitt and he devised a tread wheel with a handrail 276 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,000 that acted like a sort of endless staircase. 277 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:44,240 He put one into Brixton prison and it ground grain 278 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:48,280 for a nearby mill, then they went on to do some that pumped water. 279 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,040 Up to 40 prisoners at a time. 280 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:53,760 And, by 1865, every male prisoner over the age of 16 serving 281 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,680 a sentence for hard labour was forced to walk the treadmill. 282 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:59,360 But it became a punishment rather than something practical. 283 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,520 Are you an exerciser? Is your thing? 284 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,400 Absolutely not. No. Good man. 285 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:04,840 Er, extra point. 286 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,080 There we go! 287 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,320 There we go. That's what it looked like - a sort of continuous... 288 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:18,680 Oh. That's exactly what people now pay £250 a month... 289 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,320 Yeah. 290 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,720 There was a satirist called William Hone and he recorded 291 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,000 the amount of vertical feet claimed by prisoners 292 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,520 at various British jails. 293 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,160 And at Warwick, in the peak of summer, prisoners were forced 294 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,840 to climb 17,000 feet in ten hours. 295 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,680 That's about the height of Mount Kenya, which is the second 296 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,640 highest mountain in Africa. 297 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,480 I mean... This is quite sad, you know. People were injured 298 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,160 falling off them. And if you fell off it, then you were flogged. 299 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,720 You couldn't win either way - you could be injured falling off 300 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,920 and then flogged for being injured and falling. Mad. 301 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,520 They should bring that in at Virgin Active. 302 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:04,680 1889, the Broadway stage play of Ben-Hur included a chariot race 303 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:08,880 with real horses on stage running on treadmills. 304 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,480 I mean, that's the film. That is not from the stage play, 305 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,360 but a panorama would move as the horses galloped 306 00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:16,360 and then they were blowing machines down below 307 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:20,200 the stage, forcing powder up so it looked like it was dust. 308 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,440 And the very same year - it was obviously very popular - 309 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:25,640 the Union Square Theatre staged a play, also in New York, called 310 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:29,200 the County Fair, and they used a similar sort of effect - a horse 311 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,760 that was pipped to the post in a race 312 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:32,680 and the race took place live on stage. 313 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:35,000 These are some of the drawings of how they managed it. 314 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,280 It's amazing, isn't it? Wow, yeah. Look at that. 315 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,480 The treadmills are fantastic. 316 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:44,000 Now, what's the perfect underwear for the underworld? 317 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,400 # That's the way. # 318 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,520 This just gives me a chance to say 319 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:54,720 my top-ten most-hated word ever. OK. 320 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,160 Is it panties? 321 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,920 Why do you not like the word panties? 322 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,480 It's something that gynaecologists say 323 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,520 and you know you should call the police. 324 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,200 "Would you just like to slip your panties off?" 325 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:15,280 "No! I'd like to slip off my bloody great navy school knick-knocks, 326 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,080 "if you don't mind." So you're right about panties. 327 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,440 Whose panties might it be that we are talking about? 328 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:24,840 We are heading back in time. We're heading back to Egypt. 329 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:27,960 Is it Tutankhamun? Yes, absolutely right. Bloody hell! 330 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,800 Tutankhamun. So he was buried with hundreds of objects 331 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,560 to use in the afterlife. 332 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:38,200 The clothing included 12 tunics, 28 gloves, four socks with separate 333 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:42,400 toe sections - so he could still wear sandals in the afterlife - 334 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,800 and 145 pairs of panties 335 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,760 all neatly folded. 336 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,320 Which is the good thing. The less good thing - 337 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,720 they have discovered that they were all used and probably... AUDIENCE: Oh! 338 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,600 Hmm, right? Dirty panties. 339 00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:00,760 They were dirty. He didn't do his laundry before he went off. 340 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,560 We've made a sort of mock up, Sally, next to you. 341 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,760 A pair of dirty pants? 342 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,360 They're a mock up. 343 00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:12,240 So this is what it would have looked like. 344 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,920 It was a triangular thing. 345 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,120 So what you do is you put it around your waist 346 00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:18,640 from behind and tie those two quarters round. 347 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,080 I've got a label here - 348 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,040 "property of Tutankhamun". 349 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,680 So, from behind, put it round you 350 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,200 and tie it. 351 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,440 At the front. At the front. 352 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,960 Like that. Yes. Then bring the other bit up between your legs, 353 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,800 like that. It's a nappy, basically. 354 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:35,440 Basically, nappies. Yes. 355 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,760 That is your basic Egyptian panties right there. 356 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,960 Wow. Tutankhamun was rolled into heaven with skid marks. 357 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,800 That's not a.... 358 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,240 APPLAUSE 359 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,200 Maybe they put a washing machine... 360 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,720 Maybe there was a top loader in the corner. 361 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:59,400 I thought loin cloths weren't... Can you give us a twirl with those on? 362 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,160 A twirl? Yeah, sure. 363 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,360 Yeah. Let's just see how they... 364 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:04,680 Yeah. Oh, yeah. 365 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:05,720 AUDIENCE: Ooh! 366 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,720 It's as though the boy king was in the room. 367 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,560 Absolutely fantastic. So they haven't washed them or cleaned them. 368 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,000 Why not? Can't be bothered. Yeah. 369 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,840 Lazy. They're untouched because they want to keep their options open. 370 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,960 There may be new investigative techniques in the future, and so... 371 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,400 Undoubtedly there will be. 372 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,000 Maybe there were loads of dirty pants because he was a teenager. 373 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,680 Well, this is it. 374 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:35,120 It was a replica of his bedroom. Yeah. 375 00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:37,360 That's about right. Look at it. 376 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,240 The pants were discovered in the early 1990s in a box covered 377 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,720 by a copy of the Egyptian Gazette, 378 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,000 dated just six weeks after the discovery of the tomb. 379 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,440 People just thought, "Oh, pants." 380 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,880 Stick a newspaper on top of it and not bother. 381 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,200 But here's the thing that makes me so excited. 382 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,800 This is going to blow your mind, Guz. Are you ready? Yeah, go on. 383 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,800 He was buried with a dagger. 384 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,520 In 2016, researchers from the Polytechnic University 385 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,960 of Milan found that the blade's composition of iron, nickel 386 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:06,520 and cobalt strongly suggests an extraterrestrial origin. 387 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:09,720 # That's amore. # 388 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:10,920 Mad. 389 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,720 Mad! 390 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:18,200 So the metal is identical to that found in a meteorite 391 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:23,120 in the city of Marsa Matruh, 150 miles west of Alexandria. 392 00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:25,880 Isn't that amazing? Do you know what makes me think, as well? Hmm? 393 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,960 If that is genuine, ET was on a mad one, wasn't he? 394 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,920 Yeah. 395 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,840 Going crazy. Going crazy. 396 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,440 And I talked about his socks that he had the divided toes 397 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,040 that he could wear his socks with sandals. It's not a good look. 398 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,360 Aliens have weird feet. Everyone knows. 399 00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:45,720 The soles of Tutankhamun's sandals 400 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,400 were decorated with traditional images of African and Asian enemies 401 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,720 so that he could symbolically trample upon them as he walked. 402 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:56,040 They really thought of everything. Oh, they covered everything. 403 00:21:56,040 --> 00:22:00,360 Tutankhamun was buried with 145 pairs of used underpants. 404 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:03,800 I mean, I'm going to say there's a joke in there about men 405 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,760 needing their mummy to do their laundry, but let's move on. 406 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,360 Why does David Mitchell stand in the midday sun every day 407 00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:18,720 and yell the news to anybody who will listen? 408 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,280 THE David Mitchell? Ah! 409 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:23,960 Is there a THE David Mitchell? 410 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,760 You'd think so for the amount of times he's on telly. 411 00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,600 I know why I think it is. Go on, then. 412 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,800 Is he a town crier? You are absolutely right. 413 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,040 There's only one place in Britain where there is still the tradition 414 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:47,400 of regular midday town crier proclamations. 415 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,760 And there's two official town criers - David Mitchell 416 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,080 and his wife, Julie. 417 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,280 And David Mitchell is in the audience. 418 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:54,840 Where are you, David? 419 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,280 Good evening, my lady. 420 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,240 How would you start a town cry? 421 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:11,000 Always with the three oyez. OK, can you do that for us? 422 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,760 Oyez! Oyez! 423 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,000 Oy... 424 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,080 ..ez! 425 00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:27,200 So it just means "hear ye", doesn't it, or "hearken"? 426 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,240 Do you give out news - is that the main object? 427 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:31,520 Not like national news. 428 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,400 We never announce the result of battles or kings dying 429 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,880 or anything like that. It was very local things. 430 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:38,840 Mainly lost things. 431 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:42,000 Like, for example, if parents had lost a child, or a farmer's 432 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,440 livestock had strayed, then we would announce that kind of thing. 433 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,000 If I lost Alan, could I call you? 434 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:52,440 The strap you use to put the bell in, has that got a particular name? 435 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:56,240 It shares its name with Lord Blackadder's servant. 436 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,200 This is, in fact, a baldric. 437 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,920 PANEL: Ah! 438 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,520 And your wife is also a town crier? She is. 439 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:07,080 Do the two of you shout at each other at breakfast? I just... 440 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:08,880 SHOUTS: Pass the marmalade! 441 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:12,480 SHOUTS: We're out of marmalade! We're out of marmalade! 442 00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:14,520 Thank you for letting me know! 443 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,680 I hope you have children - 444 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:22,720 the last two town criers in all of England. 445 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,320 We're by no means the last. There are probably 240. 446 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:30,840 But Chester is the only place in the world that chooses its town 447 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,080 criers on the basis of their photogenic good looks. 448 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:35,840 Wow. 449 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:46,040 Well, we're delighted you are here. Thank you so much, David Mitchell. 450 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,720 You need one of those in Cov, Guz. We need one of them. 451 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,280 You could be that. I could be... I could be that. 452 00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,560 But, to be honest with you, the way that David described what he does, 453 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,920 by spilling all the local goss, that would make him a snitch. 454 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,920 In Cov, he's getting shot, so I wouldn't bother, mate, to be honest with you. 455 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,840 There used to be royal heralds and they informed townspeople 456 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,800 of new proclamations - so terms of truces and new taxes, 457 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,440 that kind of thing. Then there were non-royal criers 458 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,640 and they were the ones who used to talk about 459 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:23,480 there's a child missing or a horse missing, or whatever it is. 460 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,840 One of the major duties of the town criers of the German town 461 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,760 of Goslar was to ensure the purity of the local beer 462 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:35,480 by reminding locals not to urinate or defecate in the local river 463 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:39,560 the day before the water was going to be drawn for the beer. 464 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,920 So David had a bell there, as a notification instrument. 465 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,800 In fact, they appear in the Bayeux Tapestry. 466 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,760 You can see the guy is carrying the bells there, 467 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:50,960 announcing Edward the Confessor's funeral. 468 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,520 If you ever get a chance to go to the wonderful town of Ribe 469 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:56,040 in Denmark, in the summer, they still have night watchmen 470 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:59,240 who sing to you that bedtime is approaching. Aw. 471 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:02,800 It's really nice. A good time to go drinking. 472 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:06,120 What did the anti-toast movement object to? 473 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,960 # That's the way. # 474 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:11,040 Is it gluten? 475 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:14,320 Anti-toast movement? Yeah. 476 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:18,280 They were an early far-right-wing group who didn't like the fact 477 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,880 that when you went through the process of making toast, it went 478 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,200 from white bread to brown bread. 479 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:34,360 Is it to do with the International Toastmasters Alliance? 480 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:38,320 There is an organisation of Toast... International... Toastmasters. Yes. 481 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:42,080 They have small groups of about 20, and then they share tips 482 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:43,920 for being more mesmerising. 483 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,960 So they developed a really strange way of giving speeches 484 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:50,800 to get attention. I'm mesmerised by that bit of toast. 485 00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:54,280 Wouldn't it be brilliant if you could actually have a bit 486 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,960 of toast that big for your breakfast? 487 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:01,880 You could sleep on it and then eat it in the morning. 488 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:05,200 So an anti-toast movement is against alcohol. 489 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,040 It's basically against toasting. 490 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:10,360 Louis XIV banned anybody from toasting at his court - 491 00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:12,880 so raising your glass and cheering somebody else. 492 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,960 Possibly, there was heavy drinking going on publicly - that was the reason. 493 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,880 In 1628, there was a Puritan pamphleteer called William Prynne 494 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,720 and he wrote an entire anti-toast tract - 495 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:27,520 said that toasting originated with the devil himself. 496 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,280 That's him there in the pillory. He was imprisoned. 497 00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:33,760 He had his ears chopped off, but went on to become an MP. 498 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,800 And you just think, yep, couldn't hear - 499 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:37,680 perfect person to represent... 500 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,240 The word toast comes literally from toast. 501 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,040 So, in the 17th century, it was a practice of wishing somebody 502 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:53,040 health by offering them a drink with spiced toast bread inside it, 503 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:56,120 and it would flavour the drink. In the Merry Wives of Windsor, Falstaff 504 00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:59,120 says... He calls for a quart of spiced wine and says, 505 00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:00,440 "Put a toast in it." 506 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,800 And toast was often moistened with wine. 507 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,160 Even if you were making something as simple as cheese on toast, 508 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:07,800 you might moisten it with a bit of wine. That defeats the object - 509 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:09,480 making your toast soggy? 510 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,600 Or just flavourful, if you didn't have any butter. 511 00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:14,480 There were no fridges, so it might be a nice way of making it 512 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:17,080 flavoursome. Toast water was a Victorian health drink made 513 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,000 by pouring boiling water onto toast, 514 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,880 letting it cool and then straining it and drinking it. Ugh! 515 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:25,120 Anybody ever seen a toastmaster's glass? 516 00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:29,240 So the toastmaster... Oh! That's a euphemism, isn't it? 517 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:33,160 Eh? Yes, I've seen a toastmaster's glass. 518 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:36,800 I've seen a toastmaster's arse. 519 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,760 OK. Does that count? Well, let's take a look at the glass. 520 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:42,720 So what's different about it? 521 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:47,160 Got a massive diamond in it. What it is, it's mostly solid glass. 522 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:51,080 So it holds a quarter as much alcohol as a normal glass of the same size. 523 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:55,560 That way, the toastmaster can keep toasting without falling over. 524 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:58,040 Showing his arse to people. 525 00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:01,040 There's a thing you would really like, Jo. Is it about health? 526 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:03,880 Yeah. No. Because you love toast, right? 527 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:06,520 I love... Yeah. At the University of Pennsylvania, 528 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,960 they have an American football team called the Quakers. 529 00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,520 Between the third and fourth quarters of each match, the band 530 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,000 plays a song called The Highball. 531 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,520 They sing, "Tell the story of glory of Pennsylvania. 532 00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:21,840 "Drink a highball and be jolly, here's a toast to dear old Penn." 533 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,320 And then they used to all drink at the last line. 534 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,280 But alcohol was banned from the stadium in the 1970s. 535 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:32,200 So, on the last line, they started throwing a slice of toast, instead. 536 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:36,320 And up to 30,000 pieces of toast are flung. 537 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:43,240 That's like a holiday for me. 538 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,560 30,000 pieces in a season. Lots of people show up 539 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:48,360 just to throw the toast and then leave - 540 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,320 not interested in the football at all. 541 00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:53,840 They've got a special sweeping machine to scoop it all up. 542 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,360 Then the students all donate to food banks to atone 543 00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,080 for the wasted bread. Shall we go to that? 544 00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,600 Yeah, let's. OK. You and me, we'll be there. 545 00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:05,600 Describe the most thrilling way to come down from the top 546 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:07,920 of the Eiffel Tower. 547 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,560 # That's the way. # 548 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:12,400 Tossing yourself off? 549 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:21,280 Have you been up the Eiffel Tower? I have. Yeah. 550 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:23,640 Did you enjoy it? There's a lot of queuing. 551 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,000 I hated it. The lift's terrifying. 552 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,640 I walked up and fainted at the top, so... 553 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,960 How long did that take? I started on the Tuesday. 554 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:40,520 So not that, not that. Thrilling way to come down from the Eiffel Tower. 555 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,760 Any thoughts? What would be a cool way? 556 00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:45,120 Some kind of massive slide? Yes. 557 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,920 On a magical unicorn made of Camembert. 558 00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:53,200 Bare-back riding with Robert Pattinson. 559 00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,160 So this is fantastic. 560 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:02,280 There was a French engineer, 1891, called Charles Carron, 561 00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:07,160 and he proposed a giant bullet that people would sit 562 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:11,160 inside as it fell down from the Eiffel Tower 563 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:15,200 into an enormous pool of water at the base. 564 00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:18,200 OK? The fall - about 1,000 feet - 565 00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:21,360 and it would allow 15 brave riders 566 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:26,160 to reach speeds up to 180mph, 567 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:30,720 whilst not restrained by a seat belt or anything else 568 00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:33,440 in any way. I just wonder if any of the panel can think 569 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:36,200 of a practical problem that might arise with 570 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,440 this particular idea. I'd say certain death. Certain death. 571 00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:44,400 Well, the main thing was that they needed something for them 572 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:45,680 to land it, right? 573 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,080 So he proposed a dive pool 574 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:50,640 190ft deep, 575 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:54,120 shaped like a giant champagne flute. Once they're in the bottom 576 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:57,400 of the pool... Yeah? ..how are they getting out then? 577 00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,920 That's the other thing. 578 00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:02,080 Well spotted. 579 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:05,240 The bullet is 11 tons. Ooh! Yeah. 580 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:10,440 And he did say, probably, we'd have to get them out quite quickly - 581 00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:12,800 before they asphyxiated or drowned - 582 00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:16,400 presuming, I think, that they hadn't died from the impact. 583 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,960 AS ENGINEER: "They're tied with a tiny dog." 584 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:22,320 ALAN MIMICS BARKING 585 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:27,320 The Boston Globe suggested that those who survive 586 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,680 will be decorated with the Medal of Legion, or something 587 00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:32,240 like that, to commemorate their bravery - the others will be 588 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,800 decently buried by the state. 589 00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:38,000 Anyway, never built, weirdly. No? 590 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:42,320 Health and safety has ruined everything. Yeah. 591 00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,520 I like the fact that it's got quite an elegant lamp above them. 592 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:49,640 Yeah. As if they might... In the final seconds, 593 00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:52,880 they might be reading a bit of Zola. 594 00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,520 I'm just thinking, like, look at this guy - free thinker. 595 00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,240 Like, imagine if he was around designing, like, 596 00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:01,080 lollipop ladies' lollipops. 597 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,440 If that's where his mind is with this... 598 00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:09,160 ..something as mundane as a lollipop lady should have, like, straps 599 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:12,600 and go, like, brrrr, if the kids were coming out. 600 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,400 Get back, you little prick! Zap! Like that. 601 00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,280 This is the kind of guy we need in today's society, innit? 602 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:21,320 It certainly is. My brother had a friend who, 603 00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:23,240 when they went to something like, 604 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,240 you know, a scary theme park, 605 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:28,920 he would take a massive kind of rusty bolt with him 606 00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:30,920 and he would wait till the ride started 607 00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:34,160 and he went, "I've just found that under my seat." 608 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,280 "Aagh!" 609 00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:45,640 OK. What sort of things do Australian talking ducks say? 610 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,120 Ah, look! 611 00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:54,160 And then something else. They always start with "ah, look". 612 00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:56,520 "There's an egg." Look at that. 613 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:58,520 "Ah, look, I've laid one!" 614 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,600 Struth! I seem to have a testicle under my beak. 615 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,800 What have I swallowed here, Sheila? Look at that! 616 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:17,160 So it's a particularly curious duck from Australia 617 00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:19,240 called a musk duck. 618 00:34:19,240 --> 00:34:23,200 And it's part of a rare group of vocal language learners. 619 00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:27,280 That includes humans, some bats, elephants who can reproduce sounds 620 00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:32,080 that are around them. There's a duck in the Tidbinbilla Nature Reserve 621 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:34,960 in Canberra, Australia. The duck was obviously called Ripper. 622 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:37,640 Ripper? Ripper. WITH AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: Yeah. 1987. 623 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,440 It was recorded making a noise. 624 00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:42,720 It sounded like a human being saying, "You bloody fool!" 625 00:34:47,720 --> 00:34:49,520 Now, this is what I've been told. 626 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,120 We've got a recording. 627 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,600 You tell me if that's what it sounds like. 628 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:56,240 Have a listen to this. 629 00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,040 GENTLE COOING: You bloody fooool. 630 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:05,240 Apparently, there's a musk duck 631 00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:07,120 in Pensthorpe Natural Park in the UK. 632 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:08,720 It sounds like a snorting pony. 633 00:35:08,720 --> 00:35:12,160 There's one at Slimbridge Wildfowl Trust that coughs like his keeper 634 00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:13,760 and squeaks like a turnstile. 635 00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:17,080 There used to be a sensational German vaudeville act called 636 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:18,720 Don the Talking Dog. 637 00:35:18,720 --> 00:35:22,160 And, in 1912, he went to America. He arrived 638 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:25,240 and everybody was very excited to meet Don the Talking Dog. 639 00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:29,000 But he was too seasick to converse with anybody. Aw! 640 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,920 In the event, he only spoke German, apparently. 641 00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:37,160 He could say yes, no, quiet, cake, have, hunger, and his owner's name. 642 00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:39,920 He was very like Alan. And, um... 643 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:41,640 Could he say "sausages"? 644 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,160 Well, OK. 645 00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:48,760 Most famous talking dog in Britain was called...? 646 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:52,360 I was thinking of Esther Rantzen. Yes! It was the dog called Prince. 647 00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:56,120 1979, Prince and his owner, Paul Allen, appeared 648 00:35:56,120 --> 00:36:00,040 on the Esther Rantzen That's Life to demonstrate his vocabulary. 649 00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:04,760 His vocabulary included Elvis, Esther and, most famously, sausages. 650 00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:07,240 I know Esther and she says there was a time in the '70s when she 651 00:36:07,240 --> 00:36:10,480 couldn't walk down the street without people yelling, "Sausages!" 652 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,080 Shall we have a look? Oh, yeah. 653 00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:18,040 Now for our latest talented pet. 654 00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:19,760 This one is quite unbelievable, 655 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,120 but, we promise you, it really is true. 656 00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:25,080 We didn't believe it ourselves when we heard that Paul Allen, 657 00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:27,840 who lives in Leeds, has a talking dog. 658 00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,800 George, next door, gives him sausages. He comes out every 659 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,400 Thursday with a plate of sausages 660 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,400 and puts them on't back door step 661 00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,440 and Prince goes and has a good tuck-in. 662 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,240 Tell us what you have on a Thursday, Prince. 663 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:41,880 What does George give you, Prince? 664 00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,120 Saus... A what? Sausage. 665 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:47,000 LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT PRINCE 666 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:51,240 So brilliant. 667 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,760 That would get you on the telly in the '70s. I know! 668 00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,520 Right, time to talk turkey in the round we call General Ignorance. 669 00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:04,040 Fingers on buzzers, please. 670 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:07,440 What kind of nail is most likely to give you tetanus? 671 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:09,000 # That's life. # 672 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:11,280 Yes? Jimmy Nail. 673 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,080 A rusty nail. 674 00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:25,000 KLAXON BLARES CHEERING 675 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,560 It's a bacterial infection. It is. 676 00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:33,280 Bacterial infection is nothing to do with rust. No. 677 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:36,360 Is it one smeared with human saliva? 678 00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:39,360 Well, it's most commonly found in human and animal faeces. 679 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:41,200 Oh, super! Yeah. 680 00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:45,280 But it's also in soil and dust. It tends to hide in the soil. 681 00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:47,760 So a sprig of holly would be a greater threat to you 682 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:49,600 than a rusty nail. All these years! 683 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,040 Why did everyone say, "Oh, don't stand on a rusty..." 684 00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:54,400 Someone would have to shit on the nail first? 685 00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:58,680 Or wiped it with Tutankhamun's nappies. 686 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,240 You get lockjaw. You do. It's very, very unpleasant. 687 00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:04,240 Then you can't say what's happened to you. 688 00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:06,240 "But, what's wrong with you?" 689 00:38:06,240 --> 00:38:08,640 MUFFLED SPEECH 690 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,440 "Ask the dog!" 691 00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:16,840 AS DOG: I shat on a nail. 692 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,160 Rusty nails don't inherently cause tetanus, 693 00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:28,880 but best just to avoid them, in case. 694 00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:33,000 What do you call the spot where an earthquake starts? 695 00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:34,960 Is it the epicentre? 696 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,560 KLAXON BLARES 697 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:40,960 Yay! 698 00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,960 So the epicentre is the point on the Earth's surface 699 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,960 above the location where an earthquake starts. 700 00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:50,240 The place where it actually starts is the focus or hypocentre. 701 00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:52,680 The hypocentre? Hypocentre. 702 00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:55,400 We've got one of those at Brent Cross. 703 00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:00,640 Next to the blue car park. 704 00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:03,960 So, quakes start along fault lines. 705 00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,800 So it's where two tectonic plates rub against each other. 706 00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:09,640 They cannot physically occur on the surface of the Earth. 707 00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,880 So most earthquakes start very, very deep within the Earth's crust. 708 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,760 Earthquakes are proper scary. I experienced one for the first time 709 00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:20,040 in my life in LA and, apparently, they're quite common there. 710 00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:23,880 But I didn't know that. So I was... You don't know, do you? 711 00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:27,200 I'm from Coventry - you don't have flipping earthquakes there. 712 00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:30,120 I was in my hotel room in only my pants. 713 00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:32,400 Then, sort of when the building starts shaking... 714 00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:35,360 Yeah. ..I shit myself. 715 00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,080 And I ran in the hallway. 716 00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:40,040 All my tits are out flying everywhere. 717 00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:44,240 And I was so scared that I had the strength to kick 718 00:39:44,240 --> 00:39:46,480 in the door opposite. 719 00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,600 And there was just one - bless him - little Chinese dude sitting 720 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:53,400 on his chair. And I've kicked his door in, tits flailing everywhere. 721 00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,520 He's screaming. I'm screaming. 722 00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:00,160 It was scary, man. That's the end of the story. Yeah. 723 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:11,720 I was once in a hotel in Madrid lying in bed, 724 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:15,240 and there was a bit of activity on the balcony. 725 00:40:15,240 --> 00:40:18,040 And then the balcony door opened. 726 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:21,280 And a little Japanese man came through... 727 00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:26,720 ..did a courtesy bow and just went out into the corridor. 728 00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:33,360 Next day, 729 00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:37,040 a younger Japanese man knocked on the door and, behind him, 730 00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:42,120 I could see the same little man. And he goes, "So sorry, so sorry." 731 00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:47,920 And he handed me a very tightly folded up 100 US dollar bill. 732 00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:49,800 I said, "You didn't have to give me this. 733 00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:52,600 "Just tell me what on earth happened." 734 00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,960 Then he was in the next room. We were on the seventh floor 735 00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:58,080 and he got locked out on his own balcony 736 00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:00,880 and he climbed across the gap 737 00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:03,120 onto my balcony 738 00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:04,720 and came in. 739 00:41:04,720 --> 00:41:06,080 I kept the money. 740 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,680 The spot where an earthquake starts is called the hypocentre. 741 00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:20,600 How do you walk like a Neanderthal? 742 00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:22,640 Ah, now... Yes? 743 00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:25,640 I think they're quite upright. OK. Why do you think that? 744 00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:29,000 Because they're very similar to humans. They bred together. 745 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:31,160 You are absolutely right. 746 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:33,600 Oh, a point! Absolutely right. Yep. Yeah. 747 00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:42,600 The walk is just the same as ours. The reason we think they have 748 00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,680 this sort of stooped, knuckle-dragging thing - 749 00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,240 in 1909, there was a French palaeontologist called 750 00:41:47,240 --> 00:41:51,200 Marcellin Boule and he reassembled the very first Neanderthal skeleton 751 00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:54,320 and he found it was stooped over - a sort of permanent slouch. 752 00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,320 He decided he'd found the missing link between the primates 753 00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,400 on all fours and modern humans walking upright. 754 00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:01,320 In fact, what he had discovered was an old man 755 00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:03,560 suffering from arthritis. Oh, really? 756 00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:08,040 Neanderthals were fine, upstanding folk, 757 00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:11,240 or so it turns out. Which brings us to the scores. 758 00:42:11,240 --> 00:42:14,000 But why should I proclaim the scores when I've got David Mitchell 759 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:16,560 here to do it? David, please tell us the results. 760 00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,760 Oy...ez! 761 00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:24,320 In fifth place with -20 points 762 00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:26,000 is Alan. 763 00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,240 Oh, Alan! 764 00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:34,240 In fourth place with seven points - 765 00:42:34,240 --> 00:42:37,760 Guz. 766 00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:42,720 In third place with 11 points 767 00:42:42,720 --> 00:42:44,680 is Sally. 768 00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:51,000 In second place with 14 points - 769 00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:52,640 Jo. 770 00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,320 But tonight's winner, 771 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:03,760 boosted by the incomparable Chester town crier - 772 00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:05,800 with 15 points is 773 00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:07,920 the audience! 774 00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:23,440 Thank you, David, and thank you, Guz, Sally, Jo and Alan. 775 00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:26,160 I leave you with this - the American actress Tallulah Bankhead 776 00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:29,360 was once at a party in New York when a man rushed over and said, 777 00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:32,280 "My God, Tallulah, I haven't seen you in 30 years." 778 00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:34,320 And she looked him up and down and said icily, 779 00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:37,800 "I thought I told you to wait in the car." Goodnight.