1 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:34,480 Hello! Good evening, good evening, good evening. 2 00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:41,720 And welcome to QI, where tonight we are victims of fashion and prey to every passing fad. 3 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:47,520 Sashaying up the catwalk this evening are the daringly see-through Clive Anderson! 4 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,560 APPLAUSE 5 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:57,120 - The beautifully cut Rich Hall! - APPLAUSE 6 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:04,440 - The topless and strapless Reginald D Hunter! - APPLAUSE 7 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:12,320 And an old pair of corduroys we found in the potting shed - Alan Davies! 8 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,840 APPLAUSE 9 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:24,680 Of course, fashion is - ha-ha! - something that goes in one year and out the other. Ha! 10 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:33,000 Our buzzers tonight are about as fashionable as a sabre-toothed tiger wearing flares. Clive goes... 11 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:38,840 # But I'm always true to you, darling, in my fashion... # 12 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,840 Rich goes... 13 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:46,280 # Cos he's a dedicated follower of fashion. # 14 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:53,720 - Reg goes... - # I'm too sexy for my shirt Too sexy for my shirt... # 15 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,200 I can't complain! 16 00:01:56,200 --> 00:02:02,240 - And Alan goes... - # He looks a proper nana in his great big hobnail boots 17 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:07,320 # He's got such a job to pull them up That he calls 'em daisy roots! # 18 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:13,960 Your challenge tonight, gentlemen, is to start a trend, as it's fashion week on QI. 19 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:20,840 After six years' struggle, this show has never managed to instigate any kind of a catchphrase. 20 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:25,520 We think it's time we changed that, so you have in front of you 21 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:32,160 a list of 19th-century catchphrases, as it is QI. You can use one of those, if you like. 22 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:38,440 - They are genuine 19th-century catchphrases. - Has your mother sold- her mangle? Say that again. 23 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:42,880 - LAUGHTER - Has your mother sold her mangle? 24 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:48,160 - That was a genuine catchphrase. - CLIVE: Who are you? - Ah! 25 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:53,200 - That's your catchphrase. - It is. - This was one of the biggest. 26 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:58,400 I thought it would be a nice easy catchphrase. "Who are you?" 27 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,720 Has your mother sold her mangle? 28 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:08,200 It was used on all circumstances. If you caught someone picking your pocket, you'd go, "Who are you?" 29 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:28,240 Let's turn to our American friends. Are catchphrases a big thing there? 30 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:34,880 My grandfather used to say, "You're dumber than a bag of wet mice." LAUGHTER 31 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:40,520 - Very good. - It was funny the first time I heard it, but not my whole life. 32 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,840 LAUGHTER 33 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:48,480 I don't see anything on the list, but I have one. Do what you do best. 34 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:55,480 I was back home recently and I visited my cousin. He's got 4 or 5 kids, that we know of. 35 00:04:55,480 --> 00:05:03,120 And we were watching TV and a woman was talking about the right to have children without a man, 36 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:07,160 they don't need men around. Just sire a child and leave. 37 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:12,600 - I looked at him and said, "Get to DC and do what you do best." - LAUGHTER 38 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:18,160 Excellent. So we've got, "Do what you do best", "Dumber than a bag of wet mice"... 39 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:24,360 - Has your mother sold her mangle? I'm losing enthusiasm for it. - And...? 40 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:30,400 - Who are you? - If you can work these intelligently, charmingly and brilliantly into the show, 41 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:35,280 - I will be awarding bonuses. - You're asking for it. - Let's start. 42 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:39,160 What was the most disastrous haircut ever? 43 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:46,000 - Some examples for you there. - LAUGHTER 44 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:51,000 I've got two answers. One is my last haircut. No? 45 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:58,120 - Or Samson's haircut. - That's a very good answer, actually. - That's me! - Yes! 46 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:03,960 - You've just noticed. - You must remember posing for these. 47 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:09,640 I remember the one in the middle. The other two I have no memory of. 48 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:18,080 I know for a fact that in 1928 the New England Tool and Dye Manufacturing Company 49 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:23,120 was looking for a new screw that wouldn't slip out of the notch 50 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:30,560 and a man named Phillips worked for them, who had one of the most disastrous haircuts ever. 51 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:34,600 It was parted in four sections. LAUGHTER 52 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:38,120 That would be a disaster that went good. 53 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:43,120 There are many candidates, but do you know anything about Louis VII? 54 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,400 There he is on the left. 13th century. 55 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:52,240 - His queen became queen of a more famous king to us. - Aquitaine. 56 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:57,880 She was Eleanor of Aquitaine. The point is that Louis VII was very religious 57 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:02,800 and the monks got to him and he cut that hair off 58 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:08,840 and she was furious at him. So cross that eventually she divorced him. There were other things, too, 59 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:12,520 - but the hair is mentioned... - He also cut his cock off. 60 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,200 LAUGHTER 61 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:18,760 Maybe! His mother may have... 62 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,440 Has your mother sold her mangle? 63 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:26,480 - Maybe it happened! - "I divorce you!" - But the consequences were enormous. 64 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:33,320 She was incredibly rich, she took her kingdoms with her, married Henry II and they began the 100 Years War. 65 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:38,800 - So it's the haircut that began a 100 Years War. - That's just in polite company. 66 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:42,840 You say, "I didn't like what he did with his hair so I left." 67 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:48,960 You can't say, "The king keeps farting in bed." "I just don't like his haircut!" 68 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:53,000 What is interesting about this poor king is 69 00:07:53,000 --> 00:08:00,120 he definitely wouldn't have had sexual relations with Eleanor's mother because he was very abstinent 70 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:08,280 and he became ill. The courtiers suggested it was because he hadn't had sex. He had the queen sent for 71 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:14,800 and they said, "No, she's too far away. If you don't have sex immediately, you will die." 72 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:22,160 Genuinely being told he had to have sex or die, he said he would rather die chaste. 73 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:27,200 That leads you to believe he had a bad sexual experience as a child. 74 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:34,280 - Yes... - Most men would rather not face death than have sex. 75 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:38,320 So something happened when he was a kid, maybe a teenager, 76 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:42,440 maybe his wee-wee got caught in the zipper 77 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:46,960 - or the mangle or... - Hey! - Yes, the mangle. 78 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:52,320 Or he said, "I'm not ready for this. Just let me lick your elbow." 79 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:56,760 And the woman said, "Do what you do best." And... 80 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,600 - APPLAUSE - Very good. 81 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:04,440 The Simpsons make a reference to the 100 Years War. 82 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:08,600 - Do you know what they call it? - No. - Operation Speedy Resolution. 83 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:16,160 Anyway, we've all had bad hair days, but that one takes some beating. 84 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:20,200 Louis VII's haircut seems to have been a bit of a faux pas. 85 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:35,440 Many faux pas are just Freudian slits...slips! 86 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:43,160 But what outrageous item of clothing got the Duke of Wellington thrown out of the club? 87 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:51,160 - Yes? - I'm going to suggest he wore his Wellington boots... HOOTER 88 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:55,480 I was about to say how fantastic a career he had. 89 00:12:55,480 --> 00:13:01,200 Not only was he a great general, winning one of the most important battle of all time, 90 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:05,400 plus he was Prime Minister and he had Wellington boots named after him. 91 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:11,240 - # I'm too sexy for my shirt... # - I think I know- exactly what happened. 92 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:15,880 He showed up at this situation that was supposed to be all formal, 93 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:21,920 but he came in and he said, "Look at this wonderful dish I made with beef." It was inappropriate 94 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:26,800 to introduce your cooking at a social occasion like that. 95 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:32,840 His wife tried to say, "Don't do it. Invite some people back. We can eat, have a smoke 96 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:36,880 "and it'll all be good." But he was like, "No, this is good food!" 97 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:43,720 And people were like, "We're just drinking here. He's a general. He should know better." 98 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:50,800 - This is what I believe happened. - You reminded us of another thing. Not just the boots and the battle, 99 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,680 - but the beef in pastry. - Putting pastry pointlessly around beef. 100 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:59,000 Actually, this happens to be just about my favourite club. 101 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:03,880 If I could get in a time machine and go anywhere, this is a place I'd go. 102 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:08,040 Almack's. It was THE club that determined if you were in society, 103 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:12,480 run by these fierce women. It didn't matter who you were. 104 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:20,120 - If you didn't get a voucher from them, you couldn't enter. - Something Wellington turned up in? 105 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:24,280 What must a properly-attired gentleman in the evening wear? 106 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:29,240 - A hat! - What would he have down here? - Hot pants. 107 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:33,440 - Close! In as much as... - Britches! - Knee britches. 108 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:38,400 - Knee britches. And Wellington wore... - Trousers! - Trousers. 109 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:42,000 - A ra-ra skirt. - He wore trousers. 110 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:47,160 So he said, "I won the Peninsula War! I can come in any trousers I like!" 111 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:53,120 - Or did they make him roll them up? - That's my catchphrase -- I can come in any trousers I like! 112 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:56,520 APPLAUSE 113 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:01,120 Sorry. I do apologise. 114 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:05,640 I sure enjoyed that long, winding story so we could get to that. 115 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:13,080 - The trouser was considered shocking and not to be worn in smart society. - Breeches of etiquette. 116 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,040 Exactly! 117 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:22,200 - That's good. - I bet when they told him he looked at them and went, "Pants to you!" 118 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:27,000 The Duke of Wellington was thrown out of a club for wearing trousers. 119 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:32,320 What's the best way of dealing with a wartime shortage of trousering? 120 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,320 Wow. 121 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:39,960 - That's just a serving suggestion. - They'd run out of trousers? 122 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:47,200 - In the war there was a shortage of material. How did they deal with it? - Put them in trenches! 123 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:50,720 LAUGHTER 124 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,800 - Try to use less cloth in each trouser. - Yes. - One-legged trousers. 125 00:15:54,800 --> 00:16:01,840 - In Scotland you'd wear kilts. - Or take them off dead guys -- I mean the enemy. 126 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:07,480 - No, the first thing was they banned... - Pleats? - Turn ups. 127 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:10,400 Turn ups?! That saves about an inch! 128 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,920 Out of a million, that's a lot. 129 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:21,320 If a tailor sold someone extra long trousers, longer than they needed, knowingly really, 130 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:28,120 - the tailor would go to prison. - What about older gentlemen who pull their trousers right up here? 131 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:34,200 - Yes, they do! - Up to the nipples. Now first of all, what's going on there? 132 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:38,880 Why don't they stop somewhere on the way? 133 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:43,120 No pleasure in life left except to give themselves a wedgie. 134 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:48,160 Why don't they pull the trousers right up to under their eyes? 135 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:55,560 - Then they would save on shirtings. - And they could have a really long fly, like that. 136 00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:01,920 You must have an enormous fly, about two feet long. 137 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:07,920 - By the time you've undone it, you've forgotten why. - You get there... Oh! 138 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,120 "Nurse! 139 00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:15,800 Also, boys under 12 couldn't have long trousers. It had to be shorts. 140 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:20,720 - Women couldn't wear stockings, so what did they do? - Draw a seam. 141 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:26,440 - On the back of their leg. - They felt bare legs- made them look available. - What?! 142 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:31,360 I don't know if boys in the shorts thought the same. 143 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:36,720 They stained their legs to make them look tanned, with gravy browning, 144 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:42,760 then they'd draw a line down the back to look like a seam on nylons. It seems crazy, but... 145 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:47,840 Why didn't soldiers draw pictures of trousers on them? 146 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,560 - Exactly! - APPLAUSE 147 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:56,000 - I'm in pinstripes. - All kinds of things. 148 00:17:56,000 --> 00:18:01,640 Anyway, during World War Two it became acceptable for women to wear trousers, 149 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:05,880 but boys wore shorts. 150 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:35,680 All very good form, no doubt, 151 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:40,520 but here is the most interesting form I have played with. 152 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:45,120 This item here is a very extraordinary item. 153 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:49,080 It's the only mono-monostatic item in the world. 154 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:56,040 It's self righting. Whichever way you put it, it will always right itself, like this. 155 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:59,960 - What about Weebles? - Yeah, it's like a Weeble. 156 00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:05,520 There's a glass one here, to show that it's not weighted in any way. 157 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,600 More extraordinary than it looks. 158 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:13,040 When you get the hang of it, it always ends up like this. 159 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:18,080 Be careful with it. It's so, well... 160 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:22,200 We're very honoured because we actually... 161 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:28,880 We actually have... Have you dropped it?! You haven't. 162 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,520 Have you put it under your hat? 163 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,600 - Lift your hat. - You're cunning! 164 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,640 I thought it was that Kingdom there for a minute. 165 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,280 You were way ahead of me. 166 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:42,800 Oy! 167 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:52,560 We have Gabor Domokos, the inventor, here with us. Gabor? 168 00:23:52,560 --> 00:24:00,720 Good evening. Good to see you. He's from Hungary. He and his colleague, Peter Varkonyi, invented this. 169 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,880 Can you explain what it is? 170 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:08,960 - Well, this is like a Weeble without the weight. - It IS like a Weeble! 171 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:12,560 - You get a point. - It's just the shape. - Yeah. 172 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:18,560 But you have to get it right. The tolerance of the shape is about 1/100th of a millimetre. 173 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:24,120 If these edges here were 1/100th of a millimetre out, it wouldn't right itself? 174 00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:29,040 - It wouldn't. - You could keep it in one position? - Correct. 175 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:33,880 RICH: Gabor, have you thought of making salt and pepper shakers? 176 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:41,360 - That's a brilliant idea, Gabor. - Then you might make some money off of it. - Yeah! Dragons' Den! 177 00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:44,680 - Come on! - APPLAUSE 178 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:53,320 - Actually, you are mathematicians, yeah? - Engineers. - Engineers. 179 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,960 And how did you come to build it? 180 00:24:55,960 --> 00:25:02,400 - What gave you the idea? - First it was a question for a mathematician. We thought about it. 181 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:08,440 Then we thought we should build it. But after we built it we realised it's already there. 182 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:15,520 - In what way is it already there? - Well, some turtles seem to have similar shapes. 183 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:19,920 - So evolution got there first. - A couple of million years earlier. 184 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:26,160 RICH: So do you feel like you've wasted your life? 185 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,880 You so have not! 186 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:37,040 Gabor, thank you for coming all the way to explain it. 187 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:48,120 - It's called...a Gomboc. Or a "Goom-book". - Does it have practical applications? 188 00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:55,600 - I don't think it does. That's what's so beautiful. - Isn't the Rubik's Cube- Hungarian? Yes. - And the Biro. 189 00:25:55,600 --> 00:26:00,040 - Laszlo Biro. - Absolutely. My grandfather was a Hungarian Jew. 190 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:06,280 He said, "A Hungarian is the only man who could follow you into a revolving door and come out first." 191 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:10,920 So it's the Gomboc. The world's first mono-monostatic shape. 192 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:16,560 It isn't weighted in any way, but it will always turn itself up the right way. 193 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:21,360 - I'm not a great follower of fashion... - Oh, Stephen! 194 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:27,400 Something of an old fossil, as it happens, but... what would you say if I told you 195 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:31,320 that this was the first fossil ever identified? 196 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,720 LAUGHTER 197 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:39,080 Ah, well. Is it? I'd say, "Is it?" 198 00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:44,760 Thank you for not saying, "Bollocks!" 199 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:49,160 It does look like a handsome pair of human plums, but it isn't. 200 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:53,800 Robert Plot, first keeper of the Ashmolean Museum in Oxford, 201 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:59,520 he recognised it to be a thigh bone, but it's huge. You can't quite tell its scale. 202 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:03,800 He assumed it was the thigh bone of a Roman elephant or giant humans. 203 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:09,360 But he also recognised its shape and called it scrotum humanum 204 00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:13,200 because that's what it looks like, to be honest. 205 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:17,120 But it turned out to be a megalosaur. There's a real one. 206 00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:20,000 Shame they're not still about. 207 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:24,040 - It is, isn't it? - Up and down the M1. - LAUGHTER 208 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:29,520 It's very hard to get a grip on how old life on Earth is, 209 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:34,640 but if life on Earth began on January 1st and we are now the end of the year, 210 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:39,200 - when did the dinosaurs appear? - Hang on... - Tuesday. 211 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:44,040 - No! - Dinosaurs were 200 million years ago. 212 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:49,400 - About...mid-November. - Not bad. A little later - December 5th. 213 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:55,560 - That's not bad. - So do we come at five to midnight on December 31st or something? 214 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,200 A few minutes before midnight. 215 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:04,240 - They became extinct on December 24th, Christmas Eve. - Aww! - December 5th to 24th. 216 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:10,280 - If they became extinct on December 24th... - Yeah.- ..the human race has about six days 217 00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:14,800 - before the clocks go back or something? - Here's a year. 218 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:20,720 And that year represents the totality of time of life on Earth. That's the beginning. 219 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:24,920 - And this is now. - Assuming that time is linear. 220 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:29,000 - LAUGHTER - Thank you! 221 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:36,080 So...let's suppose that it's a long pair of trousers, time. 222 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:44,480 - Man appeared at the top of the fly... - Open your trousers and a dinosaur comes out. 223 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:50,520 That's sort of what happens, isn't it? Oddly enough, saurus was Ancient Greek slang for penis. 224 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:57,280 Saurus means lizard. Your lizard. Your knob. Just thought you'd like to know. 225 00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:02,600 - Why thesaurus, then? Is that Latin? - That's a different word. 226 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:07,440 It means a treasure house, a repository. In this case of words. 227 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:11,880 You might refer to your backside as a thesaurus. 228 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:16,520 I'd like to think my bottom is a treasure house, yes. Thank you. 229 00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:18,240 Right. Em... 230 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:26,880 - "My bottom is a treasure house," is a really good catchphrase. - LAUGHTER 231 00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:35,240 I'll be billed as Stephen "My bottom is a treasure house" Fry. I think I can go with that. 232 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:51,760 And so we arrive, fashionable late, at the bring a bottle staircase party of General Ignorance. 233 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:56,200 Fingers on buzzers, please. What rhymes with month? 234 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:36,400 - Dunth. - This word is probably not known to you. It's Sikhism... - Sikhism does not rhyme with month! 235 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:44,040 I'm taking you into the world of Sikhism. What the Koran is to the Islamic faith, this is to the Sikhs. 236 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:49,520 - It's their text, and it's called the Granth. - Oh! - There, you see? 237 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:56,440 - I did every bloody letter except Gunth! - We should know that. It's not that obscure. - No. 238 00:35:56,440 --> 00:36:03,120 - So loads of Sikhs watching this programme will be screaming... - "Gunth! Gunth! You idiots!" 239 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:11,080 - No, it's Granth. - Granth. - There are words that supposedly don't have rhymes, like month. 240 00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:15,920 There you are. The holy text of Sikhism is the Guru Granth Sahib. 241 00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:20,560 Which city has the most Michelin stars? 242 00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,800 - Paris. - HOOTER 243 00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:29,840 - Oh, sorry! - That doesn't count cos I said Paris before I hit the bell. 244 00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,040 I get a free guess. 245 00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:38,800 - Hey, I'm black. - Oh! Don't you try that! 246 00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:44,720 - I know for a fact it ain't London. - New York? 247 00:36:44,720 --> 00:36:48,000 HOOTER Wait a minute... 248 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:53,840 - Canada? - London? - Who said London? Alan said that?- HOOTER 249 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,520 - I didn't say London! You did! - Sorry. - Rich said London. 250 00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:02,560 - I didn't say anything. - And frankly you should be glad. 251 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:09,520 - You said London. - I would NEVER say London. I said definitely not London. 252 00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:12,880 No, I did. I did! 253 00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:16,920 I will believe you. I will believe you. 254 00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:24,120 Let me tell you why I said that. I'm not just trying to offend London. The UK in general. 255 00:37:25,240 --> 00:37:33,320 But I feel that any country that can produce Marmite started late in trying to make food taste good. 256 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:37,680 - Um... - This from a country that has spray-on cheese. 257 00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:41,520 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 258 00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:51,600 - You're right. It isn't Britain. - Man, you can't cut me off! Give me a chance to insult you back. 259 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:57,280 Marmite tastes like there's a naked man with hairy legs in your kitchen, 260 00:37:57,280 --> 00:38:03,720 and every now and again you take a plate with toast and walk under his butt and go, "OK, Fred! 261 00:38:03,720 --> 00:38:06,360 "Do what you do best!" 262 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,640 Very good. 263 00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:20,880 - The place that has the most Michelin stars... - Germany! Holland!- ..is Tokyo. Tokyo is the answer. 264 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:25,080 - I should have thought of that. - It went straight to number one. 265 00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:30,600 It was only put in in 2007 and leapt ahead with 150 stars, 266 00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:34,600 which is two more than London and Paris combined. 267 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:42,320 If you put spray-on cheese on top of Marmite, you still got something that tastes BLEEP. 268 00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:49,800 All I want to say. Take your favourite food and put Marmite on it, it's BLEEP. 269 00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:21,640 Moving on swiftly, Tokyo has twice as many as Paris and three times as many as New York. 270 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:25,760 - What colour is a nicotine stain? - Yellowy-brown... 271 00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:28,360 HOOTER 272 00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:32,040 - Yellowy-brown, eh? - Not yellow. - HOOTER 273 00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:41,320 You're going to tell us that the stain comes from the tar. Nicotine is green or something. 274 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:47,360 - Nicotine has no... - Stain at all. - Colourless. - It just kills you quietly on its own. 275 00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:52,520 Colourless, odourless, invisible, untraceable. A brilliant poison. 276 00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:58,920 - Do you know why it's called nicotine? - "Nick O'Tine. One puff- and your mine!" I remember that! 277 00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:04,960 - He was the Irish cigarette devil. - Why is it called nicotine?- It's a French word. 278 00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:12,040 - Nicot was the Walter Raleigh of France. - Ah, Nicot. - N-I-C-O-T. - I sure didn't know that. 279 00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,440 Now you do. 280 00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:19,840 Which dictator definitely only had one ball? 281 00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:23,520 I'm not going to give my points away on that. 282 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:29,960 I know that was made up about the one we mustn't say. We want another dictator. 283 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,600 - It wasn't Adolf Hitler. - Pol Pot. 284 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,720 HOOTER 285 00:40:34,720 --> 00:40:39,280 - Stalin. haven't you got Stalin? - Oh, yeah. 286 00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:41,720 HOOTER 287 00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:47,040 - Ceausescu? Chairman Mao? - Chairman Mao is the right answer. 288 00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:51,720 - He'd only got one ball? - Yeah. - He was proud of it. 289 00:40:51,720 --> 00:40:59,240 - Monorchism it's called. One orchid. - Only one flower display. - Orchid has the same root as testicle. 290 00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:04,120 - Whose testimony...? - Another word. His doctor. Dr Li Zhisui. 291 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:10,160 In his memoirs, he describes how Mao had an undescended testicle and was infertile. 292 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:14,800 He had venereal disease from the '50s and, in the '60s, herpes. 293 00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:20,880 He never brushed his teeth. He rinsed his mouth with tea. So his teeth were green. 294 00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:26,960 - He also slept on a wooden bed and used a bed pan. - That's just convenient. 295 00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:32,960 Hitler's reputation for being uniglobular is, em... 296 00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:35,600 It has no justification at all. 297 00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:42,400 And that, ladies and gentlemen, brings us to the scores. 298 00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:48,400 First, after a fashion, with a plus score... four points, Rich Hall! 299 00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:50,840 APPLAUSE 300 00:41:56,240 --> 00:42:01,680 In second place, with minus five, only slightly passe - Clive Anderson! 301 00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:04,720 APPLAUSE 302 00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:12,120 And doing what he did well with minus six, Reg D Hunter, ladies and gentlemen. 303 00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:14,360 APPLAUSE 304 00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:24,000 And positively paleontological in his outmodedness, it is tonight's living fossil, 305 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:27,240 on minus 35, Alan Davies! 306 00:42:27,240 --> 00:42:29,440 - APPLAUSE - Thank you. 307 00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:41,440 And so it's good night from Rich, Reg, Clive, Alan and me. We leave with this thought from Oscar Wilde. 308 00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:47,480 "Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months." 309 00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:52,600 My name is Stephen "My bottom is a treasure house" Fry. Good night. 310 00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:06,080 Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd - 2009 311 00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:09,680 Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk