1 00:00:28,860 --> 00:00:35,300 What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? 2 00:00:35,300 --> 00:00:38,500 What's up? What's up? 3 00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:42,380 What's up? What's up? It's the office Christmas party at QI. 4 00:00:42,380 --> 00:00:46,620 And we're ready to get down with a G for groovy show. 5 00:00:46,620 --> 00:00:48,620 So, let's hang loose. 6 00:00:48,620 --> 00:00:51,820 Boogie-woogie and put a donk on some awesome anecdotes 7 00:00:51,820 --> 00:00:56,060 and funky facts with tonight's guests. The well wicked Lee Mack! 8 00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:02,500 The well safe Bill Bailey! 9 00:01:06,020 --> 00:01:08,580 The well cool David Tennant! 10 00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:15,660 And the well I never, it's Alan Davies. 11 00:01:22,060 --> 00:01:25,420 We were slightly afraid that you may not have heard enough 12 00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:28,540 Christmas songs in the shops this week. So, Lee goes... 13 00:01:28,540 --> 00:01:35,260 # It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. # Ah. 14 00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:40,220 Bill goes... # So here it is merry Christmas.# 15 00:01:40,220 --> 00:01:41,620 David goes... 16 00:01:41,620 --> 00:01:46,660 # Last Christmas I gave you my heart. # 17 00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:47,900 And Alan goes... 18 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,220 JEWISH TRADITIONAL MUSIC 19 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:57,020 Excellent. Later on we're going to put the photocopying machine 20 00:01:57,020 --> 00:02:00,340 to some really imaginative use, but first a bit of bad news. 21 00:02:00,340 --> 00:02:04,060 As it's panto season, we had hoped to bring you Buttercup, the QI cow. 22 00:02:04,060 --> 00:02:05,940 But I'm afraid she's gone missing. 23 00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:08,340 If you see her, you will let me know. 24 00:02:08,340 --> 00:02:09,740 Won't you, boys and girls? 25 00:02:09,740 --> 00:02:11,900 AUDIENCE: She's behind you! 26 00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:13,700 Is she? 27 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,820 AUDIENCE: No, the other side! 28 00:02:16,820 --> 00:02:21,340 Ah! Oh, boys and girls, I wish you'd warned me earlier. 29 00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:23,660 Hello, Buttercup. Great to see you. 30 00:02:23,660 --> 00:02:25,700 What I'd like you to do 31 00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:28,420 is to do a demonstration for the boys and girls. 32 00:02:28,420 --> 00:02:30,060 Would you go round the front? 33 00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:31,980 Now, what Buttercup is going to do. 34 00:02:31,980 --> 00:02:34,020 AUDIENCE LAUGH 35 00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:36,300 Buttercup does impressions, all right? 36 00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:39,300 And Buttercup is going to do an impression. 37 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:43,300 And you have to try and guess, what of? Off you go, Buttercup, darling. 38 00:02:49,580 --> 00:02:51,780 # It's beginning to look a lot like... # 39 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:54,340 Is it two out of work actors? 40 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:57,020 Oh! Oh... 41 00:02:57,020 --> 00:03:00,180 Oh, they're stamping their tiny heels. 42 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,740 There we go and... Is it the way of walking? 43 00:03:02,740 --> 00:03:05,220 Ah, brilliant! Alan, yes. 44 00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:08,100 Is it the legs not being in opposition or something? 45 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:12,500 Yes, cos cows don't walk like that. So, she's doing an impression of... 46 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,580 A freak. 47 00:03:14,580 --> 00:03:17,180 A cow with an inner ear problem. Yeah. 48 00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:21,260 Or of an animal that does walk in that way. Left right, left right. 49 00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:22,860 Oh. A weasel. 50 00:03:22,860 --> 00:03:27,020 Lovely idea, but not a weasel. There are a couple actually. Rhino? 51 00:03:27,020 --> 00:03:31,620 A tapir? The other one in... You're in Africa. You're on safari. 52 00:03:31,620 --> 00:03:36,060 Dormouse. Giraffe. Dormouse(!) Giraffe is the right idea. 53 00:03:36,060 --> 00:03:39,300 Buttercup... Yes, Buttercup's very proud of herself. 54 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,900 That was a very fine... 55 00:03:40,900 --> 00:03:43,300 It was a very fine imitation of a giraffe. 56 00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:47,380 Because giraffes and camels in fact, do that left-right walk. 57 00:03:47,380 --> 00:03:49,940 But cows, like horses... 58 00:03:49,940 --> 00:03:52,740 Would you like to do how you normally walk, Buttercup? 59 00:03:54,460 --> 00:03:57,540 You see. DAVID: Seems slightly drunk. 60 00:04:00,060 --> 00:04:02,140 Is that a cow creeping up on someone? 61 00:04:04,740 --> 00:04:08,860 Now, ladies and gentlemen, a big thank you to Buttercup! 62 00:04:08,860 --> 00:04:11,660 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 63 00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:16,740 CRASH! 64 00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:18,780 BUTTERCUP MOOS 65 00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:21,380 Never ever in the history of show business 66 00:04:21,380 --> 00:04:24,220 has "don't milk it love", been more appropriate. 67 00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:27,300 But you're right. You've got to have points, Alan. 68 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:30,140 The question was about the gait of four-legged animals. 69 00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:33,020 Do you know when it was decided, for example... 70 00:04:33,020 --> 00:04:36,140 There's how a giraffe actually walks, that's how... 71 00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:37,740 But who was it... Do you know? 72 00:04:37,740 --> 00:04:42,660 Christmas bonuses available, if you can tell me who the man was 73 00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:46,020 who was responsible for basically demonstrating to the world, 74 00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:49,140 how horses, for example, ran, progressed? 75 00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:51,660 Is it to do with cinema, moving images? Yes. 76 00:04:51,660 --> 00:04:53,260 A French cinematographer? 77 00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:57,660 He was not French. No. His name was Eadweard Muybridge. 78 00:04:57,660 --> 00:05:02,180 Oh(!) Hey. No! He's very well known. I bet people in the audience... 79 00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:05,140 You knew didn't you? AUDIENCE: Yes. 80 00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:09,620 Yes. And these are some of his, some of his pictures. Lying toads. 81 00:05:09,620 --> 00:05:13,300 His book was Animal Locomotion. And he demonstrates the difference 82 00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:16,260 between walking, galloping and trotting in horses. 83 00:05:16,260 --> 00:05:19,460 He not only did horses, he's best known for how horses galloped, 84 00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:23,780 he also did humans. And he was no stranger to controversy. 85 00:05:23,780 --> 00:05:27,580 He murdered his love rival in cold blood. What? Yup. 86 00:05:27,580 --> 00:05:30,060 Did he take photos of that, as well? He might have done 87 00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:36,060 because he was the first person in American legal forensic history, 88 00:05:36,060 --> 00:05:38,340 as a murderer, to claim what excuse? 89 00:05:38,340 --> 00:05:39,980 Insanity. Yes! 90 00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:45,180 Points for David Tennant. Absolutely. Come on! Well done. 91 00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:50,220 Anyway, the point is our lovely Buttercup, the QI cow, 92 00:05:50,220 --> 00:05:52,900 was giving us her giraffe impression. 93 00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:58,180 And speaking of giraffes, what use is a giraffe bicycle? 94 00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:02,220 # It's beginning to look... # Lee. 95 00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:04,780 Sorry, I was thinking of the hedgehog skateboard. 96 00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:08,340 Different, different thing that, isn't it? Any thoughts? 97 00:06:08,340 --> 00:06:11,540 I'd like to point out that on the day I went giraffe riding, 98 00:06:11,540 --> 00:06:14,780 we didn't actually put pram wheels on the giraffes. No. Fair point. 99 00:06:14,780 --> 00:06:17,860 That has been added in. You don't want letters. Yeah. 100 00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:20,540 A giraffe that's been fashioned into a bicycle, 101 00:06:20,540 --> 00:06:23,700 as opposed to a bicycle for a giraffe? A bicycle with a long neck. 102 00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:26,220 We've been seasonally silly. Alan is right. 103 00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:29,780 It is, in fact, a big bicycle. It was called a giraffe bicycle. 104 00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:32,620 It had a little badge on it saying The Giraffe Bicycle. 105 00:06:32,620 --> 00:06:34,660 And it had a specific function. 106 00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:38,020 But you may know that all bicycles at the beginning were very big. 107 00:06:38,020 --> 00:06:39,860 There is The Giraffe Bicycle. 108 00:06:39,860 --> 00:06:42,980 That looks lethal. What happens when you get to the lights? 109 00:06:42,980 --> 00:06:45,140 Oh, there weren't traffic lights then. 110 00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:48,060 Delivering papers to giant mailboxes. 111 00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:54,220 You're thinking and that's good. OK, thank you. For lighting lamps. 112 00:06:54,220 --> 00:06:56,620 Yes, David Tennant. One point. Thank you. 113 00:06:58,340 --> 00:07:01,460 It's all the time travel he does. He knows something about every era. 114 00:07:01,460 --> 00:07:02,660 Yeah. 115 00:07:02,660 --> 00:07:05,500 (He's acting.) So... 116 00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:09,980 What? What do you mean? Don't listen to him. I'm sorry. 117 00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:13,260 Don't tell me... Don't listen to the bad man. 118 00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:16,900 It's all real, isn't it? It's a documentary. Exactly. 119 00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:18,020 LAUGHTER 120 00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:21,620 Cybermen are real. Saw one in the corridor upstairs looking for you. 121 00:07:23,460 --> 00:07:27,860 Mr Tennant! Like that. Can I just ask a question about that? Yeah. 122 00:07:27,860 --> 00:07:30,860 If they are for lighting lamps, you'd have to do it on the move. 123 00:07:30,860 --> 00:07:33,500 You must go, whoa! Otherwise you'll fall over. 124 00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:37,460 You get to the lamp. You lean against the lamp. You've got a torch 125 00:07:37,460 --> 00:07:41,180 and you raise your lit torch to... these are gas lamps. And you hold... 126 00:07:41,180 --> 00:07:43,820 Yup. And then when you get home or back to the depot, 127 00:07:43,820 --> 00:07:45,460 your assistant dismounts you. 128 00:07:45,460 --> 00:07:47,900 < What if you're leaning on... Now, don't... 129 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,620 AUDIENCE LAUGHS 130 00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:51,860 We've got a very Christmassy audience. 131 00:07:51,860 --> 00:07:53,580 If you were leaning on the lamp 132 00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:57,340 and a buck-toothed man with a ukulele arrived, would there be anything...? 133 00:07:57,340 --> 00:08:00,620 Just lean down and set light to him. 134 00:08:00,620 --> 00:08:03,060 # Oh, Mr Woo... # Ow! 135 00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:05,140 Burning, ah! 136 00:08:05,140 --> 00:08:07,420 But you could use the post to swing around 137 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,860 and you could do like a figure of eight between them all. 138 00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:13,780 That would be brilliant, you've got a TV show. Giraffe biking on ice. 139 00:08:13,780 --> 00:08:17,180 Celebrity... Celebrity giraffe biking on ice. 140 00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:19,900 So, the thing is, early bicycles were all very tall. 141 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,700 What was the first...you know, the classic sort? 142 00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:26,540 Penny Farthing. Penny Farthing, known as an ordinary bicycle. 143 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:29,340 This looks lethal. It does, doesn't it? 144 00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:32,740 Amazingly the first bicycle which is the kind we would know, 145 00:08:32,740 --> 00:08:37,420 i.e. with a chain that drove the back wheel from pedals, 146 00:08:37,420 --> 00:08:39,340 was known as a Dwarf Safety. 147 00:08:39,340 --> 00:08:41,260 And that was considered a really tiny bike. 148 00:08:41,260 --> 00:08:44,580 It just shows that most bicycles, for a long time, were like this. 149 00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:47,700 How do they get on those things? I guess a leany thing and a... 150 00:08:47,700 --> 00:08:53,020 Like horses. I know they used to... Get out of a first floor window... 151 00:08:53,020 --> 00:08:54,620 get down on to it. 152 00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:57,660 There were novelty big bicycles and the Clark Brothers 153 00:08:57,660 --> 00:09:00,060 built flood bikes to go above flood waters. 154 00:09:00,060 --> 00:09:03,540 So you could get around... That's what I thought that other one was. 155 00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:06,900 That would have been a good guess. Higher than the Penny Farthing? 156 00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:11,300 I guess it was, yes. How flooded did it used to get? 157 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:14,540 Then of course there was the cross-channel bike. 158 00:09:14,540 --> 00:09:19,180 Which was over a mile up into the sky. 159 00:09:19,180 --> 00:09:21,780 But there are people on tall bikes to this day. 160 00:09:21,780 --> 00:09:27,500 Who re-enact, sort of, tourneys, like jousting. With lances on bikes. 161 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:31,180 That really does look dangerous. Yeah, highly. We used do at school. 162 00:09:31,180 --> 00:09:34,060 We used to do Quad Hockey, like a polo only on bikes. 163 00:09:34,060 --> 00:09:36,100 You use a hockey stick and a ball. 164 00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:38,540 And then you just go round on a... On quad bikes? 165 00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:40,180 No, not on quad bikes. 166 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,740 In a quadrangle. In a quadrangle. Yeah. 167 00:09:42,740 --> 00:09:44,860 You played hockey in a quadrangle? Yeah. 168 00:09:44,860 --> 00:09:48,500 You had a very different sort of schooling, I can tell right away. 169 00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,740 Why? How is that different? 170 00:09:50,740 --> 00:09:53,220 Well, at my school we use to set fire to cars. 171 00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:55,860 In an octangle. 172 00:09:56,780 --> 00:10:00,420 We just played Quidditch. Well, there you are. 173 00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:03,100 It was all right, I suppose...flying. 174 00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:06,380 Giraffe bicycles were a boon to the weary lamp lighter. 175 00:10:06,380 --> 00:10:11,100 How do you react, team, to queue bargers? 176 00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:13,860 Oh, very unfavourably. 177 00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:16,260 Very unfavourably. Oh, yah. 178 00:10:16,260 --> 00:10:20,540 Yes, it goes against the very bedrock of Western society. 179 00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:25,180 Also, the late mergers. You know, in lanes entering the motorway. 180 00:10:25,180 --> 00:10:26,940 And there's a coned off lane. 181 00:10:26,940 --> 00:10:29,820 And you think, "I'd better conscientiously merge now." 182 00:10:29,820 --> 00:10:32,860 And some people go right the way down the end of the thing. 183 00:10:33,860 --> 00:10:35,540 You! You do that! 184 00:10:37,180 --> 00:10:39,260 Curse you, later merger Davies. 185 00:10:39,260 --> 00:10:42,700 To be fair though, Alan was a part-time ambulance driver. 186 00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:44,220 Do you know in America, 187 00:10:44,220 --> 00:10:47,860 in some states they have when two lanes have to merge like that, 188 00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:49,260 they go, "Like a zip!". 189 00:10:49,260 --> 00:10:51,300 Cos that's one, one, one, one. 190 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,700 It's rather brilliant that, isn't it? Yes. 191 00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:55,860 I hate the late mergers in the bar queue. 192 00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:58,100 Six deep at a bar, they get on the edges. 193 00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:01,740 I hate when you're at the bar and someone taps the bloke next to you. 194 00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:04,860 And says, "Get us a couple of pints will you, mate?" 195 00:11:04,860 --> 00:11:07,780 Or when you're at the bar and someone leans forward 196 00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:11,100 and they get served first just cos they're on television. 197 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:13,260 Yeah, I hate th... 198 00:11:14,660 --> 00:11:16,220 Mr Fry! Go away, scum. 199 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,700 Make way, make way. Enough! 200 00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:24,420 Lord Fry. Just come for a port. 201 00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:28,620 Here, here. On his bicycle with his hockey stick. Make way. 202 00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:33,100 Make way, I say. Over here, Mr Fry. 203 00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:36,060 Clear the table. Get up, get out! 204 00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:44,140 Can anyone here sing the Lord's Prayer in Latin? No? 205 00:11:44,140 --> 00:11:46,060 Well, out, all of you! 206 00:11:46,060 --> 00:11:47,580 Throw that man on the fire. 207 00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:52,060 Pater noster, qui es in caelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum.... 208 00:11:52,060 --> 00:11:54,740 It happens I do know it. You see. I don't know why. 209 00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:57,220 But queue jumping, queue jumping. 210 00:11:57,220 --> 00:12:00,620 It is despicable and you would think most people react very badly. 211 00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:03,820 If someone were to walk in and just barge in front of a queue. 212 00:12:03,820 --> 00:12:06,140 But do you know the name... 213 00:12:06,140 --> 00:12:09,380 You're probably familiar with the experiments done 214 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:12,660 by a behavioural psychologist in which members of the public 215 00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:15,820 were given white coats and asked to inflict pain. 216 00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:18,460 Stanley Milgram is the one best known for it. 217 00:12:18,460 --> 00:12:20,620 They asked people to do things that were 218 00:12:20,620 --> 00:12:23,020 against what they considered to be right. 219 00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:25,220 And yet because they were told to do it... 220 00:12:25,220 --> 00:12:28,500 And the person doing it had apparent authority. 221 00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:31,460 But the less well known experiments were in queues 222 00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:32,900 or lines as he would say. 223 00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:37,380 129 times he tried in betting shops, railway stations, elsewhere. 224 00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:40,580 Betting shops, you'd think where people would not 225 00:12:40,580 --> 00:12:42,700 be afraid to show their opinion. 226 00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:45,580 And what the experimenters had to do was enter the queue 227 00:12:45,580 --> 00:12:48,220 between the third and fourth person in line. 228 00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:51,980 Say in a neutral tone, "Excuse me I'd like to get in here." 229 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:55,740 Step into the queue, face forward, and only leave when admonished 230 00:12:55,740 --> 00:12:58,260 or after one minute, whichever was sooner. 231 00:12:58,260 --> 00:13:00,180 And on only 10% of occasions, 232 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:03,500 was the queue jumper forced to leave the line, 233 00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:07,900 because they were admonished. And in only 50% did anyone so much as tut. 234 00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:09,860 It's extraordinary. Where was this? 235 00:13:09,860 --> 00:13:12,900 This was in America. In America. Not in Tunbridge. No. 236 00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:17,380 Not in Tunbridge. No. Not in Peckham. No. 237 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,140 Very, very high tut ratio. 238 00:13:19,140 --> 00:13:22,820 I'll tell you what annoyed me. If it's five items or fewer, 239 00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:25,420 then it's five items or fewer. 240 00:13:25,420 --> 00:13:28,300 Don't come in with six and stand in front. 241 00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:30,940 LEE: But that's confusing... Do you look in their basket? 242 00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:33,820 You bet I do. And then say absolutely nothing about it. 243 00:13:33,820 --> 00:13:36,820 Yes. But what if it's three for two? 244 00:13:36,820 --> 00:13:39,060 I'll give you one of those items off. 245 00:13:39,060 --> 00:13:40,620 < So, you'll give me two? 246 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:43,540 I'll give you two of those three. > 247 00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:46,740 But if there's not a special offer on... And I'm checking. 248 00:13:46,740 --> 00:13:50,540 You're Scottish, I know you're checking for those offers. Oh. 249 00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:54,820 That was low. Go on, take him. That was low. 250 00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:56,300 Get your sonic thing out. 251 00:13:57,820 --> 00:13:59,820 In the First World War... 252 00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:03,900 Is that it? A biro from WH Smith?! It's not working. > 253 00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:05,940 It's not working? Help! 254 00:14:05,940 --> 00:14:11,140 In the First World War, they toured a tank... Boom! ..around Britain. 255 00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:13,980 Boom! LEE: You've knocked all his hair off, look! 256 00:14:13,980 --> 00:14:15,300 < Don't wave it around! 257 00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:19,580 < Easy with that! Whoa! 258 00:14:19,580 --> 00:14:23,020 In the First World War, they toured a tank around Britain. 259 00:14:23,020 --> 00:14:26,660 And it went to all the major city centres in the country. 260 00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:29,580 And people were encouraged, to raise money for the war, 261 00:14:29,580 --> 00:14:32,140 to chuck any spare change they had into the tank. 262 00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:36,620 Where did they get most money? Glasgow! Ah, bless. 263 00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:39,460 Yeah, because they thought it was a big fruit machine. 264 00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:40,780 Oh! 265 00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:43,500 He's bad. 266 00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:47,860 IN A SCOTTISH ACCENT: "Look, I've won a soldier, Mummy! I've won a soldier! 267 00:14:47,860 --> 00:14:51,260 "Oh, he's gone again." One armed bandit, yeah. 268 00:14:52,340 --> 00:14:58,420 "I cannae do this. I cannae..." "You'll win a prize." "I can do it!" 269 00:14:58,420 --> 00:15:02,020 There's a wee chain around it. Oh, dear, oh, dear. 270 00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:04,460 Do you like my Scottish accent? There we are. 271 00:15:04,460 --> 00:15:06,940 That was a SCOTTISH accent?! < Yes, it was. 272 00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,300 I see. 273 00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:11,500 So, we're more tolerant of queue jumpers than they deserve. 274 00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:14,660 Now, until 2008 it was legal 275 00:15:14,660 --> 00:15:18,660 to smoke what I'm talking about in Dutch coffee shops. 276 00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:22,620 But now they've changed the law. What is it? Yes. 277 00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:25,380 Tobacco. He's clever. He's right. 278 00:15:25,380 --> 00:15:28,860 We thought you might say cannabis, but you're too smart for us. 279 00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:31,500 No, they don't mind you smoking that. 280 00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:32,780 They encourage it. 281 00:15:32,780 --> 00:15:35,580 I went to Amsterdam when I was 19 years old. 282 00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:38,700 And I don't do drugs. And I'd never done drugs. 283 00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:41,820 And I sat in this cafe and everyone was smoking. 284 00:15:41,820 --> 00:15:45,180 And, genuinely, I said, "No, I'm not going to touch that. 285 00:15:45,180 --> 00:15:47,100 "I'll just have a piece of cake." 286 00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:50,100 Aw! Someone said, "You know what was in that, don't you?" 287 00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,220 It's a hash brownie. 288 00:15:51,220 --> 00:15:55,060 But I thought that was the same way as you have brandy and trifle. 289 00:15:55,060 --> 00:15:58,500 It's not going to get you drunk, it's just a little jokey thing. 290 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:02,300 So, I had one. I said, "It's had no effect. I'll have another one." 291 00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:05,140 So, I ate another one. And then, two o'clock in the morning, 292 00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:07,340 I accused the taxi driver of trying to kill me. 293 00:16:08,420 --> 00:16:11,260 The point is it leads to rather bizarre situations. 294 00:16:11,260 --> 00:16:15,700 If you mixed your cannabis with tobacco in a coffee shop, 295 00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:17,100 you would be fined. 296 00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:21,300 So, you can only have pure. It's only mixed or... 297 00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:23,540 Not, not since July 2008. No. 298 00:16:23,540 --> 00:16:27,420 Now you have to smoke pure cannabis. In grass or hashish form, I suppose. 299 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,980 So, you can't get passive smoking from pure... 300 00:16:29,980 --> 00:16:33,660 It's fantastically carcinogenic, more carcinogenic than tobacco. 301 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:38,180 Is it? Yeah. Oh, dear. It's seven times more or something. Really? 302 00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:42,220 # So here it is Merry... # Three joints, that's 20 fags. 303 00:16:42,220 --> 00:16:45,140 Oh, my goodness! But in the street if you were to smoke, 304 00:16:45,140 --> 00:16:47,260 you could smoke tobacco in the street. 305 00:16:47,260 --> 00:16:50,860 But if you were to mix it with cannabis, you'd be breaking the law. 306 00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:53,260 You don't know whether to go indoors or out. 307 00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:55,860 DAVID: Magic mushrooms. Ah, magic mushrooms. 308 00:16:55,860 --> 00:16:59,180 Or a version of magic mushrooms, as you're talking about drugs. 309 00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:01,660 The fly agaric... Oh, yes. ..which is that sort of... 310 00:17:01,660 --> 00:17:04,420 Like the mushroom you get in a fairy tale. 311 00:17:04,420 --> 00:17:08,100 Like a big cheese toasty. It's red with white spots on it. 312 00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:11,740 The fly agaric in Siberia was eaten by the reindeer. 313 00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:15,540 And so the reindeer would eat this fly agaric and they'd bounce around. 314 00:17:15,540 --> 00:17:19,380 Off their face. That is where the legend of flying reindeer came from. 315 00:17:19,380 --> 00:17:22,460 Oh! For your Christmas edition. That's a Christmassy story. 316 00:17:22,460 --> 00:17:26,220 Thank you, David. Ah, the drug addled reindeer. 317 00:17:26,220 --> 00:17:31,700 Old Siberia. And then, because it's highly toxic to humans... 318 00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:37,780 They would collect the urine, drink it and get a secondary... Buzz. 319 00:17:37,780 --> 00:17:41,300 And then you could drink the wee of the man that drunk it. 320 00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:44,060 Just a mild sort of... 321 00:17:44,060 --> 00:17:45,420 Lovely buzz. 322 00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:46,820 Just sort of nice feeling. 323 00:17:46,820 --> 00:17:49,980 Eventually it would come down to a little cube, wouldn't it? 324 00:17:49,980 --> 00:17:51,140 Pop it in your drink. 325 00:17:51,140 --> 00:17:53,540 And it would be like a little sort of Pro Plus. 326 00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:57,460 Fabulous. We're actually going to move on to various narcotics 327 00:17:57,460 --> 00:18:01,580 in a moment. But I'm just going to finish off this smoking business. 328 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:03,580 Are we? Hooray! 329 00:18:03,580 --> 00:18:07,780 Tell me when smoking bans were first introduced into Europe. 330 00:18:07,780 --> 00:18:09,660 # It's beginning to look... # 331 00:18:09,660 --> 00:18:12,460 Yes. Three years ago? Four years ago? 332 00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:14,780 No, it's earlier. Five years? 333 00:18:14,780 --> 00:18:17,940 Earlier. You're thinking... I'm not an idiot! 10 years ago. 334 00:18:17,940 --> 00:18:20,100 What the hell, 15 years ago! 335 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:23,420 Try 79 years ago, almost. 76, I think. I've got an idea. 336 00:18:23,420 --> 00:18:26,140 79 years ago. Ha! 337 00:18:26,140 --> 00:18:29,620 Almost 79 years ago, yeah. You're the one that said it! 338 00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:33,340 "Try 79 years ago." "79 years ago?" "No, almost 79 years ago." 339 00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:35,300 It's my first time, cut me some slack. 340 00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:37,620 But you'll find I corrected myself. 341 00:18:37,620 --> 00:18:40,500 And said, no make it 76 years ago, but that's all right. 342 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:43,260 JEWISH TRADITIONAL MUSIC If only I could rewind. 343 00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:45,860 76 years ago. Well done, Alan. Very good. 344 00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:50,260 I hate this game. He's experienced. 345 00:18:50,260 --> 00:18:53,980 It was the Nazis. It was the Nazis. The Nazis banned smoking?! 346 00:18:53,980 --> 00:18:55,940 Yeah, they had very strong anti... 347 00:18:55,940 --> 00:18:58,940 The more I hear about them, the less I like. 348 00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:04,820 Well, that's the final straw. Up until this point I'd be prepared... 349 00:19:04,820 --> 00:19:08,180 Oh, I can rationalise everything else. But that! 350 00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:11,420 Bans on smoking in public places, smoking advertising, 351 00:19:11,420 --> 00:19:13,860 restrictions on tobacco rations for women 352 00:19:13,860 --> 00:19:16,300 and linking tobacco use with lung cancer. 353 00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:19,620 Hitler called tobacco, the wrath of the Red Indian man 354 00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:23,060 against the white man for having been given hard liquor. 355 00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:25,740 He suggested that Nazism might never have worked 356 00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:27,820 if he hadn't given up. It's true, 357 00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:30,100 cos if you do that and you've got a fag in your hand, 358 00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:31,860 it's got less impact, hasn't it? 359 00:19:32,820 --> 00:19:34,300 Put your fag in your mouth... 360 00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:38,780 Maybe that's how that started. He didn't like smoke. 361 00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:41,580 The first smoking ban we could find is 1640. 362 00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:45,660 Tsar Michael of Russia declared smoking a deadly sin. 363 00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:48,780 Smokers were flogged, had their lips slit. 364 00:19:48,780 --> 00:19:50,660 GROANING 365 00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:54,340 That's strong, whoa! Your lips slit. Like when you lick an envelope 366 00:19:54,340 --> 00:19:55,700 and you get a paper cut... 367 00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:57,900 Eurgh, that's horrible. 368 00:19:57,900 --> 00:20:02,180 Oh, what about in Jackass when they did paper cuts between the toes. Oh! 369 00:20:02,180 --> 00:20:06,180 I was kneeling on my seat in the cinema facing the other way 370 00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:08,740 going, "Tell me when it's stopped!" 371 00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:10,380 I couldn't look at it. 372 00:20:10,380 --> 00:20:12,820 Did you go to see Jackass at the cinema? Yeah. 373 00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:14,820 I don't mind watching it late at night 374 00:20:14,820 --> 00:20:16,260 when I've come from the pub. 375 00:20:16,260 --> 00:20:18,420 But I wouldn't go to... There was a movie. 376 00:20:18,420 --> 00:20:21,780 Jackass the movie is the funniest film ever made. 377 00:20:21,780 --> 00:20:27,780 I preferred Jackass the novel. Jackass the ballet, indeed. 378 00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:31,700 Oh, very amusing, yah! 379 00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:34,580 Bam's going to do that in a trolley, I believe. Oh... 380 00:20:35,820 --> 00:20:39,260 But it was James I of England and VI of Scotland 381 00:20:39,260 --> 00:20:43,220 who was the first real anti-smoking tyrant. 382 00:20:43,220 --> 00:20:46,220 He wrote a pamphlet called the Counterblaste To Tobacco. 383 00:20:46,220 --> 00:20:49,940 In which he damned it and damned it and double damned it. Really? Why? 384 00:20:49,940 --> 00:20:52,700 For being injurious to the lungs and everything. 385 00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:54,620 He spotted it wasn't a good thing. 386 00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:58,340 I don't want to pick you up, but you can't damn it and damn it and double 387 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:01,700 damn it, can you? You can damn it and damn it and triple damn it. 388 00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:04,300 Yeah, that was his mistake, obviously. 389 00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:08,020 Chairman of the Pedantic Society. I'm vice chairman, actually. 390 00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:09,580 Yes... 391 00:21:10,620 --> 00:21:12,260 Very good. 392 00:21:12,260 --> 00:21:14,420 God bless you, you knew that. 393 00:21:14,420 --> 00:21:17,980 The smoking ban in the Netherlands means you can smoke cannabis, 394 00:21:17,980 --> 00:21:19,740 but not tobacco in a coffee shop. 395 00:21:19,740 --> 00:21:22,220 And tobacco but not cannabis on the streets. 396 00:21:22,220 --> 00:21:24,820 So, you can't smoke tobacco in Dutch coffee shops 397 00:21:24,820 --> 00:21:26,660 or libraries come to that matter. 398 00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:32,260 But do you get a kick out of book sniffing? Book sniffing? 399 00:21:32,260 --> 00:21:35,740 Yeah. Why would you sniff a book? Is it a form of glue sniffing, 400 00:21:35,740 --> 00:21:38,220 to get the adhesive? It's not the adhesive. 401 00:21:38,220 --> 00:21:42,860 When a book ages enough, what would form around it? Mildew. 402 00:21:42,860 --> 00:21:46,420 Mildew and mould and general fungal matter. 403 00:21:46,420 --> 00:21:49,140 < Are mushrooms growing on books? Yeah, well, fungus. 404 00:21:49,140 --> 00:21:53,140 And one of the fungi that grows is an hallucinogenic fungus. 405 00:21:53,140 --> 00:21:56,340 And it seems it maybe has been responsible for affecting 406 00:21:56,340 --> 00:21:58,740 quite a lot of scholars and antiquarians. 407 00:21:58,740 --> 00:22:03,020 One of the leading mycologists of Europe actually said, 408 00:22:03,020 --> 00:22:06,140 "The source of inspiration for many great literary figures may have been 409 00:22:06,140 --> 00:22:09,260 "nothing more than a sniff of the bouquet of mouldy books." 410 00:22:09,260 --> 00:22:11,340 < Who's buying books that look like that? 411 00:22:11,340 --> 00:22:14,380 Well, they'd be in libraries. All books are rotting. 412 00:22:14,380 --> 00:22:17,780 They rot faster and faster. There's a problem, because 413 00:22:17,780 --> 00:22:21,940 the paper breaks down into an acid which makes them rot even faster. 414 00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:24,340 So, we'd have to get quite close to it? 415 00:22:24,340 --> 00:22:26,820 And you have to do it for quite a long time. Yeah. 416 00:22:26,820 --> 00:22:29,220 It's a rather unusual way of reading... 417 00:22:31,820 --> 00:22:34,940 It seems extraordinary. LEE: I can't help doing that... 418 00:22:34,940 --> 00:22:38,380 If I go to the dentist and there's a magazine from three years ago, 419 00:22:38,380 --> 00:22:39,940 and I'm having a look through 420 00:22:39,940 --> 00:22:43,700 and they've got those aftershave things... Those scratch and sniff. 421 00:22:43,700 --> 00:22:44,940 I always have a little. 422 00:22:44,940 --> 00:22:48,020 And if it smells after three years, it must be a good one. 423 00:22:48,020 --> 00:22:50,940 I always have a problem that aftershave stops smelling 424 00:22:50,940 --> 00:22:54,300 after three hours. If it's survived three years, I'll buy it. 425 00:22:54,300 --> 00:22:57,060 Yeah. You can't buy class, can you? 426 00:22:57,060 --> 00:22:59,740 Well, the fact is it would take a long time 427 00:22:59,740 --> 00:23:01,820 to get truly high on one of them. 428 00:23:01,820 --> 00:23:05,620 But it is a real fungus and is truly hallucinogenic. 429 00:23:05,620 --> 00:23:09,140 What is the proper name for 'shrooms, 430 00:23:09,140 --> 00:23:11,460 the magic mushrooms, the hallucinogenic ones? 431 00:23:11,460 --> 00:23:14,820 You've mentioned fly agaric, which is like that one really. 432 00:23:14,820 --> 00:23:19,540 But the magic mushroom... psilocybin. Silent P...psilocybin. 433 00:23:19,540 --> 00:23:21,860 Interesting experiments have been done. 434 00:23:21,860 --> 00:23:25,500 Encouraging some to believe that religious experiences, all told, 435 00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:28,700 are based on some sort of hallucinogenic experience. 436 00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:30,900 It's an interesting thought. 437 00:23:30,900 --> 00:23:32,540 Isn't there some sort of theory 438 00:23:32,540 --> 00:23:35,020 in America that there's a religiosity... 439 00:23:35,020 --> 00:23:39,380 There's a kind of a God spot in the brain. Yes, some have come up... 440 00:23:39,380 --> 00:23:43,500 There's some part of the brain which induces some sort of spiritual... 441 00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:45,740 Which may be accessed by magic mushrooms. 442 00:23:45,740 --> 00:23:48,860 Do you know who rediscovered the magic mushroom? 443 00:23:48,860 --> 00:23:51,940 Albert Hoffman, his name was. Albert Hoffman, yes. 444 00:23:51,940 --> 00:23:54,940 And he was the first person... To formalise acid? 445 00:23:54,940 --> 00:23:58,740 Acid... LSD. LSD, yes. LSD. That was his even more famous thing. 446 00:23:58,740 --> 00:24:01,820 And do you know where he got LSD from, as it were? 447 00:24:01,820 --> 00:24:04,820 It was a by-product of something, wasn't it? It was... 448 00:24:04,820 --> 00:24:07,660 Marmite. Yeah, yeah. 449 00:24:07,660 --> 00:24:11,100 Oddly... Oddly not that far off. Vegemite. Well, no. 450 00:24:11,100 --> 00:24:12,940 I mean a little further than that. 451 00:24:12,940 --> 00:24:16,140 But a kind of bread. Bread would have a mould which would cause... 452 00:24:16,140 --> 00:24:20,420 The yeast... the yeast of a bap. It was called ergot. 453 00:24:20,420 --> 00:24:25,020 Ergot, yes. You've heard of that? Yes, it grows on wheat. Yeah, 454 00:24:25,020 --> 00:24:28,460 and rye. Rye in particular. And ergot has lysergic acid in it. 455 00:24:28,460 --> 00:24:30,500 It was while looking at this, 456 00:24:30,500 --> 00:24:33,900 that Hoffman absorbed some though his skin without knowing it 457 00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:36,740 and had these extraordinary hallucinations. So... 458 00:24:36,740 --> 00:24:39,780 three days later he took what he thought was a tiny dose 459 00:24:39,780 --> 00:24:43,980 having basically synthesised the lysergic acid, diethylamide. 460 00:24:43,980 --> 00:24:46,340 And it proved to be 1,000 times more potent. 461 00:24:46,340 --> 00:24:49,740 And he had a terrible trip. And he wrote, "A demon had invaded me. 462 00:24:49,740 --> 00:24:52,340 "It had taken possession of my body, mind and soul. 463 00:24:52,340 --> 00:24:54,620 "I screamed trying to free myself from him. 464 00:24:54,620 --> 00:24:56,780 "Sank down again, helpless on the sofa. 465 00:24:56,780 --> 00:25:00,100 "The substance I'd wanted to experiment upon had vanquished me. 466 00:25:00,100 --> 00:25:03,180 "I was seized by the dreadful fear of going insane." 467 00:25:03,180 --> 00:25:06,020 Wasn't it the fact that he actually... 468 00:25:06,020 --> 00:25:09,020 he was funded by the CIA. Because the CIA got wind of it. 469 00:25:09,020 --> 00:25:11,060 And they thought it was some sort of drug 470 00:25:11,060 --> 00:25:14,660 that could enhance performance... Truth drug, I think. Or truth drug. 471 00:25:14,660 --> 00:25:18,220 It was known as Project MK Ultra. That's it, yeah. 472 00:25:18,220 --> 00:25:22,140 And basically they were responsible for the psychedelic movement. 473 00:25:22,140 --> 00:25:26,420 So, the CIA basically eventually led to Jimi Hendrix. 474 00:25:26,420 --> 00:25:29,380 Yes, essentially. Yeah. Thank God for the CIA. Indeed. 475 00:25:29,380 --> 00:25:31,780 Without them we wouldn't have had Purple Haze. 476 00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:34,620 Anyway, old books give off a mixture of inert gases 477 00:25:34,620 --> 00:25:36,660 and hallucinogenic fungus spores. 478 00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:39,180 A combination much beloved of book sniffers. 479 00:25:39,180 --> 00:25:44,620 Now, who is the coolest, grooviest hippest cat on the show tonight? 480 00:25:44,620 --> 00:25:47,980 David Tennant, I'd have thought. Yeah. DAVID: I'm going for Bill. 481 00:25:47,980 --> 00:25:50,980 Could be. What do we know about these words? 482 00:25:50,980 --> 00:25:53,980 They're jazz words. Ah, many of them are jazz words. 483 00:25:53,980 --> 00:25:55,180 And how old are they? 484 00:25:55,180 --> 00:25:58,980 Since the '20s, '30s, '40s? 485 00:25:58,980 --> 00:26:02,260 Early... no, no. Earlier, Stone Age. 486 00:26:02,260 --> 00:26:05,260 Let's take the word cool. 487 00:26:05,260 --> 00:26:08,100 When did it first mean like fashionable, do you think? 488 00:26:08,100 --> 00:26:10,340 '60s Beatnik poet era. 489 00:26:10,340 --> 00:26:15,540 Hitler. Hitler. Oddly enough it was the year Hitler came to power, 1933. 490 00:26:15,540 --> 00:26:18,060 But I don't think that's quite relevant. 491 00:26:18,060 --> 00:26:21,140 MOCK GERMAN ACCENT: These new uniforms are cool. 1933. 492 00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:29,300 # So, this is Christmas. # 493 00:26:29,300 --> 00:26:31,620 I joined the Nazi party. They're cool, daddy-oh. 494 00:26:31,620 --> 00:26:36,300 Bizarrely it was 1933. And besides, I have no choice. 495 00:26:39,620 --> 00:26:42,380 I burned down the Reichstag. Cool. 496 00:26:45,540 --> 00:26:46,900 Jazz Nazis. 497 00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:49,460 HUMS A JAZZY PHRASE 498 00:26:49,460 --> 00:26:51,500 It was the West Coast School... 499 00:26:54,420 --> 00:26:57,420 < But jazz Nazis would use both arms. 500 00:26:58,220 --> 00:27:02,180 It was the West Coast School Of Relaxed Jazz led by Miles Davis. 501 00:27:02,180 --> 00:27:05,500 And his album, The Birth Of The Cool, is 1957. 502 00:27:05,500 --> 00:27:07,660 Which was the year I was born. 503 00:27:07,660 --> 00:27:10,620 How extraordinary. So, maybe I am cool. 504 00:27:11,620 --> 00:27:14,980 Groovy. I'd love if you said all that that as a chat-up line. 505 00:27:14,980 --> 00:27:18,260 "Do you know who the coolest person in the room is tonight? 506 00:27:18,260 --> 00:27:20,460 "Let me explain. 507 00:27:20,460 --> 00:27:25,100 "In 1933..." Cut to two hours later. 508 00:27:25,100 --> 00:27:27,580 "And that, madam, is why I am cool." 509 00:27:27,580 --> 00:27:30,620 Where's she gone? "Can I get you another vermouth?" 510 00:27:30,620 --> 00:27:33,020 Don't go. 511 00:27:33,020 --> 00:27:36,340 What about groovy? When did groovy first arrive? 512 00:27:36,340 --> 00:27:37,900 Groovy? Ploughing. 513 00:27:37,900 --> 00:27:40,500 Ploughing in the 17th Century. 514 00:27:40,500 --> 00:27:42,860 It's got to be from records, hasn't it? 515 00:27:42,860 --> 00:27:45,580 You're right. Black jazzers in the 1930s. 516 00:27:45,580 --> 00:27:48,660 In the groove, because the needle was in the groove of the record. 517 00:27:48,660 --> 00:27:52,820 Exactly, there we are. What about hip or hep? When did that come? 518 00:27:52,820 --> 00:27:55,460 A hip cat, a hep cat? Hip or hep? Both words are used. 519 00:27:55,460 --> 00:27:58,060 < I've never heard hep. Have you not heard hep? 520 00:27:58,060 --> 00:28:02,620 As in hep hop? You see, I've read On The Road. 521 00:28:02,620 --> 00:28:04,860 My mother's just had a hep operation. 522 00:28:05,780 --> 00:28:06,980 Or a hop operation. 523 00:28:06,980 --> 00:28:09,660 Where you just cut your left... 524 00:28:09,660 --> 00:28:12,980 It first came in, in black American slang in 1904 - hip. 525 00:28:12,980 --> 00:28:16,100 Was it a bit more sexual? > They so often are, I'm afraid. 526 00:28:16,100 --> 00:28:20,060 There is a theory that in the groove is also a sexual reference 527 00:28:20,060 --> 00:28:23,380 to the little shape of the lady piece. Oh, hello. 528 00:28:23,380 --> 00:28:26,740 And I want you to do that in your chat-up line, as well. 529 00:28:28,180 --> 00:28:32,260 Come back, I have something else to tell you, madam. 530 00:28:32,260 --> 00:28:35,780 What about cat, meaning fellow or chap? 531 00:28:35,780 --> 00:28:37,940 Well, that's got to come from Top Cat... 532 00:28:37,940 --> 00:28:39,980 < He was the coolest cat in town. He WAS the coolest cat. He was. 533 00:28:39,980 --> 00:28:43,420 He always got one over on Officer Dibble. 534 00:28:43,420 --> 00:28:45,700 It's from the musical Cats. 535 00:28:45,700 --> 00:28:47,300 < That's not cool! 536 00:28:48,340 --> 00:28:52,340 Give me the year when cat, meaning fellow, was first spotted. 1920. 537 00:28:52,340 --> 00:28:56,740 Exactly right! To the year. Brilliant. That was a guess! 538 00:28:56,740 --> 00:28:58,420 All right. 539 00:28:58,420 --> 00:28:59,780 Good. 540 00:28:59,780 --> 00:29:02,180 More points. Get ready with the year to shout. 541 00:29:02,180 --> 00:29:03,380 Chick for meaning a girl? 542 00:29:03,380 --> 00:29:06,820 Chick? Yeah? Spanish, chica. 543 00:29:06,820 --> 00:29:08,100 Chiquita. Chiquita! 544 00:29:08,100 --> 00:29:11,460 A cigarette? A cigarette. 545 00:29:11,460 --> 00:29:13,940 Oh, that's it. That's it. Shakespeare. 546 00:29:13,940 --> 00:29:17,500 He said, "All my little chicks." In one fell swoop. You're right. 547 00:29:17,500 --> 00:29:19,940 In Mac as you... don't say Beth. 548 00:29:19,940 --> 00:29:23,020 What about dude? 549 00:29:23,020 --> 00:29:24,860 Dude meaning a person. The Amish. 550 00:29:24,860 --> 00:29:26,700 When? 551 00:29:26,700 --> 00:29:29,460 When, not who. 1702. 552 00:29:30,580 --> 00:29:33,900 Why, let us build a barn, dude. 553 00:29:36,940 --> 00:29:39,180 Any other thoughts? LEE: Neanderthal. 554 00:29:39,180 --> 00:29:43,260 1883. 1883? Dude? Foxy? 555 00:29:43,260 --> 00:29:44,700 Pardon? I beg your pardon? 556 00:29:44,700 --> 00:29:46,420 Foxy. 557 00:29:46,420 --> 00:29:50,180 1895. Wicked meaning good, meaning splendid. 558 00:29:50,180 --> 00:29:52,820 2001. The Salem Witch Trails. 559 00:29:52,820 --> 00:29:54,740 Your favourite year, 1920. 560 00:29:54,740 --> 00:29:57,100 1920? F Scott Fitzgerald uses it. What, meaning...? 561 00:29:57,100 --> 00:29:58,460 I know, these are surprises. 562 00:29:58,460 --> 00:30:00,780 You don't mean in the "burn her, she's a witch sense"? 563 00:30:00,780 --> 00:30:04,500 Course not. That's much older. They weren't doing that in the 1920s?! 564 00:30:04,500 --> 00:30:07,300 No, wicked in the sense of good, cool wicked. 565 00:30:07,300 --> 00:30:10,300 Be awful if you said that in the 14th century, "I'm wicked." 566 00:30:10,300 --> 00:30:12,900 And they set fire to you. Yeah, kill you. 567 00:30:12,900 --> 00:30:16,220 Much of the youth slang we associate with the '60s and '70s 568 00:30:16,220 --> 00:30:17,740 is jazz speak from the '30s 569 00:30:17,740 --> 00:30:21,380 or even earlier. Now, polygamy. Polygamy would be fairly groovy. 570 00:30:21,380 --> 00:30:25,300 If you were Mormons, how many wives would you have? 571 00:30:25,300 --> 00:30:26,820 # So here it is merry... # 572 00:30:26,820 --> 00:30:30,740 Up to nine. Up to nine? Yes. 573 00:30:30,740 --> 00:30:34,060 ALARM BLARES 574 00:30:34,060 --> 00:30:38,620 That counts as "many" I'm afraid, Bill. I'm sorry. What? Up to nine? 575 00:30:38,620 --> 00:30:41,300 Nine counts as many! 576 00:30:41,300 --> 00:30:43,300 It's several after nine, yeah. 577 00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:46,260 If a policeman stops you and says, "Have you been drinking?" 578 00:30:46,260 --> 00:30:48,220 You can't go, "I've only had up to nine." 579 00:30:48,220 --> 00:30:49,740 "You've had many, haven't you?" 580 00:30:49,740 --> 00:30:52,940 "Not many. I had between one and nine, officer." 581 00:30:52,940 --> 00:30:55,300 "What do you mean I can't drive a tractor 582 00:30:55,300 --> 00:30:58,180 "through the shopping centre? I haven't had many." 583 00:30:58,180 --> 00:31:01,340 "I was just after some shoes." 584 00:31:01,340 --> 00:31:03,100 But as you probably know... 585 00:31:03,100 --> 00:31:06,100 obviously Mormons are associated with plural marriages. 586 00:31:06,100 --> 00:31:10,220 Joseph Smith, the founder, had a divine revelation, apparently. 587 00:31:10,220 --> 00:31:13,660 Telling him that he could have as many wives as he liked. 588 00:31:13,660 --> 00:31:19,420 But they were stopped. The American government said, 589 00:31:19,420 --> 00:31:22,860 "You can believe what you like, but you can't do what you like. 590 00:31:22,860 --> 00:31:24,900 "You can believe you can have many wives, 591 00:31:24,900 --> 00:31:28,540 "but you can't have it in practice. You can have it as a belief." 592 00:31:28,540 --> 00:31:31,820 Does this mean it happens but there's just no legal...? 593 00:31:31,820 --> 00:31:34,540 No, it means it doesn't happen cos they go to prison. 594 00:31:34,540 --> 00:31:38,220 But people live together in groups of up to nine without actually... 595 00:31:38,220 --> 00:31:41,060 Yeah, they do. This is the weird thing about polygamy. 596 00:31:41,060 --> 00:31:44,740 We treat it as if it's incest. But actually, the weird thing is, 597 00:31:44,740 --> 00:31:51,740 if you deceive someone by having a mistress and a whole family... Yes. 598 00:31:51,740 --> 00:31:54,620 ..it's not against the law. But if you said to two women, 599 00:31:54,620 --> 00:31:57,660 "I love you both. How would it be if I married both of you?" 600 00:31:57,660 --> 00:32:01,140 And they said, "OK," that would be breaking the law. Yes. 601 00:32:01,140 --> 00:32:02,180 It's kind of odd. 602 00:32:02,180 --> 00:32:03,860 Or if a woman said that to two men. 603 00:32:03,860 --> 00:32:07,300 It's a tricky time to bring it up at Christmas though, isn't it? 604 00:32:07,300 --> 00:32:10,540 Well, I just don't see why it should be quite so illegal. 605 00:32:10,540 --> 00:32:12,180 If people willingly enter it. 606 00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:14,300 If it's a deception it should be wrong. 607 00:32:14,300 --> 00:32:17,460 Should it be capped at a certain number? Up to nine. 608 00:32:17,460 --> 00:32:19,020 Up to nine. 609 00:32:19,020 --> 00:32:22,460 Ten. Ten? I'm not a slag. No. 610 00:32:24,060 --> 00:32:29,380 You can't actually do it, then? They don't condone polygamy at all? 611 00:32:29,380 --> 00:32:32,060 No, it's against the law. The head of the Mormon Church, 612 00:32:32,060 --> 00:32:34,100 just as it was being announced as illegal, 613 00:32:34,100 --> 00:32:36,580 had a convenient divine revelation 614 00:32:36,580 --> 00:32:39,740 telling him that the practice should stop. 615 00:32:39,740 --> 00:32:42,700 So God just came in at the last minute. That's good. 616 00:32:42,700 --> 00:32:44,500 Isn't that handy? That is handy. 617 00:32:44,500 --> 00:32:47,660 There are of course the lovely Osmonds. Aren't they lovely? 618 00:32:47,660 --> 00:32:49,860 Were they all married to each other? 619 00:32:49,860 --> 00:32:52,940 No, they're Mormons. Oh, right. They're members 620 00:32:52,940 --> 00:32:57,100 of The Church Of Latter-day Saints, I think they're from. What teeth! 621 00:32:57,100 --> 00:32:59,420 They were rubbish, weren't they? Were they? 622 00:32:59,420 --> 00:33:02,860 Apart from Jimmy - he was The Long Haired Lover From Liverpool. 623 00:33:02,860 --> 00:33:05,620 Yeah. Of course, there was big Graham Osmond. 624 00:33:05,620 --> 00:33:07,900 The one they kept in the attic. 625 00:33:10,780 --> 00:33:13,500 Who had terrible teeth. 626 00:33:13,500 --> 00:33:16,460 He had one massive... Yellow teeth. ..and a claw. 627 00:33:16,460 --> 00:33:18,220 He wrote all the songs... 628 00:33:19,420 --> 00:33:23,100 ..by groaning them. He groaned them into a tin can 629 00:33:23,100 --> 00:33:25,260 that was connected by a piece of string. 630 00:33:25,260 --> 00:33:29,060 HOWLS: Crazy. Horses. 631 00:33:29,060 --> 00:33:32,620 MUMBLES AND GROANS: Wild horses. 632 00:33:32,620 --> 00:33:36,260 HOWLS: Crazy. Horses. 633 00:33:36,260 --> 00:33:39,900 ALAN MOANS 634 00:33:39,900 --> 00:33:43,220 You're very bad and you know it. 635 00:33:43,220 --> 00:33:45,580 BILL GROANS What was that? 636 00:33:45,580 --> 00:33:46,860 What was that, Graham? 637 00:33:47,860 --> 00:33:51,100 LEE: Bring me another wife! 638 00:33:51,100 --> 00:33:53,860 Now, calm yourselves down. 639 00:33:53,860 --> 00:33:59,180 LEE: I'm allowed up to nine, Bill Bailey said! I've only got eight! 640 00:34:01,300 --> 00:34:03,340 < I'm allowed to have many! 641 00:34:03,340 --> 00:34:07,500 Now, behave. Pull yourselves together at once. 642 00:34:09,780 --> 00:34:15,420 The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-day Saints... 643 00:34:15,420 --> 00:34:17,660 < What a great idea! 644 00:34:18,820 --> 00:34:23,660 That's a great idea for Doctor Who isn't it? He goes into the attic. 645 00:34:23,660 --> 00:34:27,300 And finds the elderly, secret brother of The Osmonds. 646 00:34:27,300 --> 00:34:31,900 Aaaah! And that's how they kill off David Tennant. Imagine that! 647 00:34:31,900 --> 00:34:34,020 Raaawrr! 648 00:34:35,300 --> 00:34:38,420 Played by Bill Bailey. 649 00:34:45,620 --> 00:34:48,860 You're sick puppies. I'm very ashamed of you. 650 00:34:48,860 --> 00:34:51,780 The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-day Saints, 651 00:34:51,780 --> 00:34:55,540 the Mormons to you and me, has forbidden polygamy for 120 years. 652 00:34:55,540 --> 00:34:58,460 Which brings us to what we call General Ignorance. 653 00:34:58,460 --> 00:35:02,980 So, if my Fab Four are ready, put your fingers on your buzzers. 654 00:35:02,980 --> 00:35:06,740 What are these gentlemen spelling out in semaphore? 655 00:35:06,740 --> 00:35:07,980 # Last Christmas... # 656 00:35:07,980 --> 00:35:12,060 Help. Oh, you'd think, wouldn't you? 657 00:35:12,060 --> 00:35:13,820 ALARM BLARES 658 00:35:15,100 --> 00:35:17,980 Paul McCartney died and there's a replacement? 659 00:35:17,980 --> 00:35:21,500 You're not quite there, but... I am a walrus. No. 660 00:35:21,500 --> 00:35:23,980 # It's beginning to look... # 661 00:35:23,980 --> 00:35:28,500 "We" is George, John is "all", Paul is "live" 662 00:35:28,500 --> 00:35:30,500 and Ringo is "yellow submarine". 663 00:35:30,500 --> 00:35:33,460 But not in one? Not in, no. No. Right, OK. 664 00:35:33,460 --> 00:35:36,580 That's the elderly brother of The Beatles that's not allowed 665 00:35:36,580 --> 00:35:38,300 to be seen. Oh, don't start. 666 00:35:38,300 --> 00:35:40,900 MOANS: I'm in a yellow submarine! 667 00:35:42,340 --> 00:35:45,420 DAVID: Daydream Believer. That was the Monkees. 668 00:35:45,420 --> 00:35:49,180 MOANS: Help! I'm in a submarine. 669 00:35:49,180 --> 00:35:52,260 BILL MUMBLES 670 00:35:52,260 --> 00:35:55,340 Oh, I'll write that down. 671 00:35:55,340 --> 00:35:56,860 Ah, that's very good. 672 00:35:56,860 --> 00:36:01,340 As it happened, the photographer who was commissioned to do the cover 673 00:36:01,340 --> 00:36:04,220 of Help did ask them to do it. But for some reason nobody 674 00:36:04,220 --> 00:36:06,660 liked the outcome graphically. 675 00:36:06,660 --> 00:36:08,380 Instead they positioned their arms 676 00:36:08,380 --> 00:36:13,140 in a pleasing arrangement. Which ended up spelling N, U, J, V. 677 00:36:13,140 --> 00:36:18,020 Like so. Which... It probably meant something to them. 678 00:36:18,020 --> 00:36:21,860 Ah, well no. It gave rise to the first, as David intimated, 679 00:36:21,860 --> 00:36:25,100 the first of the great Beatles conspiracy theories. 680 00:36:25,100 --> 00:36:29,300 This was New Unknown John Vocalist, people said. 681 00:36:29,300 --> 00:36:30,980 For crying out loud. Isn't it tragic? 682 00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:33,660 Claiming that John had died. Why do fans ruin the bands? 683 00:36:33,660 --> 00:36:36,180 He'd died and been replaced. So, John had died. 684 00:36:36,180 --> 00:36:38,820 And they said, "We need a way of telling the thing." 685 00:36:38,820 --> 00:36:41,740 So, let's get John back out. Stuff him. 686 00:36:41,740 --> 00:36:43,940 Yes, I know. Surely a conspiracy theory... 687 00:36:43,940 --> 00:36:46,220 John's in it, he's not dead. 688 00:36:46,220 --> 00:36:48,740 But actually help would have looked like... 689 00:36:48,740 --> 00:36:50,780 which seems acceptable to me. 690 00:36:50,780 --> 00:36:54,820 There you are. And so it wasn't Help. It was N, U, J, V. 691 00:36:54,820 --> 00:36:59,260 So, what are the other famous, if they are, or infamous Beatles...? 692 00:36:59,260 --> 00:37:00,940 Barefoot on the Abbey Road cover. 693 00:37:00,940 --> 00:37:03,980 Barefoot on the Abbey Road cover is the classic. 694 00:37:03,980 --> 00:37:06,020 And what did that indicate? Dead. 695 00:37:06,020 --> 00:37:10,740 Well, supposedly John is said to be dressed as a preacher. 696 00:37:10,740 --> 00:37:14,460 Ringo as an undertaker, George as a grave digger... 697 00:37:14,460 --> 00:37:16,060 Why a grave digger in denim? 698 00:37:16,060 --> 00:37:18,620 ..and Paul with a suit, but no shoes is a corpse. 699 00:37:18,620 --> 00:37:22,340 You might also notice that he's carrying a cigarette. 700 00:37:22,340 --> 00:37:24,540 But if you were to buy a modern copy of it, 701 00:37:24,540 --> 00:37:26,620 you would find that had disappeared. 702 00:37:26,620 --> 00:37:28,220 LEE: Where's it gone? 703 00:37:28,220 --> 00:37:30,980 There. Look, it's gone. Wow. Disappeared. 704 00:37:30,980 --> 00:37:33,380 Was there, it's gone. Anyway, Robert Freeman 705 00:37:33,380 --> 00:37:36,340 wanted to arrange The Beatles to spell out Help. 706 00:37:36,340 --> 00:37:39,660 Didn't like the way it looked. So, they went with N, U, J, V. 707 00:37:39,660 --> 00:37:41,140 What does Puff The Magic Dragon 708 00:37:41,140 --> 00:37:44,220 have in common with Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds? 709 00:37:44,220 --> 00:37:45,940 # It suddenly looks a lot... # 710 00:37:45,940 --> 00:37:48,020 Lee? Are they both about drugs? 711 00:37:48,020 --> 00:37:51,100 ALARM BLARES 712 00:37:51,100 --> 00:37:52,740 No, they're not. 713 00:37:52,740 --> 00:37:55,580 A lot of people think they are but neither is. 714 00:37:55,580 --> 00:37:58,060 Do you know Puff The Magic Dragon? Do you know the song? 715 00:37:58,060 --> 00:38:02,300 # Puff The Magic Dragon lived by the sea 716 00:38:02,300 --> 00:38:04,220 # And he frolicked in the... 717 00:38:04,220 --> 00:38:07,900 # ..in the land of... MUMBLES SONG 718 00:38:07,900 --> 00:38:09,380 # Puff the Magic Dragon... # 719 00:38:09,380 --> 00:38:11,540 THEY AIMLESSLY MUMBLE SONG 720 00:38:11,540 --> 00:38:14,500 Very good. That's excellent. Is that right? Yup. That's the song. Yeah. 721 00:38:14,500 --> 00:38:16,260 It's based on an Ogden Nash rhyme 722 00:38:16,260 --> 00:38:18,020 called The Really-O Truly-O Dragon. 723 00:38:18,020 --> 00:38:20,740 A Cornell student, Leonard Lipton, gave it to his friend, 724 00:38:20,740 --> 00:38:24,780 Peter Yarrow who wrote the song. And Peter Yarrow tells us, specifically, 725 00:38:24,780 --> 00:38:27,940 "Even if I'd had the intention of writing a song about drugs, 726 00:38:27,940 --> 00:38:31,220 "which I may have had at a later time, I was 20 years old in 1959. 727 00:38:31,220 --> 00:38:34,780 "I was so square, as was everyone else, drugs had not emerged. 728 00:38:34,780 --> 00:38:38,020 "Puff was a good dragon, would never have had drugs around him. 729 00:38:38,020 --> 00:38:41,540 "And now you've heard that from the mouth of the dragon's daddy. 730 00:38:41,540 --> 00:38:42,780 "It is not about drugs." 731 00:38:42,780 --> 00:38:45,820 He thinks he's a dragon's daddy?! Yeah. 732 00:38:45,820 --> 00:38:47,300 He's not. Well, there is that. 733 00:38:47,300 --> 00:38:49,780 It was going well until the very end. 734 00:38:49,780 --> 00:38:52,300 Do you know the official story of Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds? 735 00:38:52,300 --> 00:38:56,580 Yeah. Didn't Julian come home from playgroup with a picture? 736 00:38:56,580 --> 00:39:00,340 They said, "What's this? " He said, "Lucy in the sky with diamonds." 737 00:39:00,340 --> 00:39:03,260 Brilliant. Absolutely right. < He'd written the whole song(?) 738 00:39:04,540 --> 00:39:07,580 Bloke upstairs going, it's my song! 739 00:39:07,580 --> 00:39:10,300 You've stolen my painting. Get me a pen. 740 00:39:10,300 --> 00:39:12,700 Oh, Christ. No, he'd done... 741 00:39:12,700 --> 00:39:14,700 He'd done a... 742 00:39:14,700 --> 00:39:16,940 Little Julian... 743 00:39:16,940 --> 00:39:20,900 I've got Lucy up here. Oh, God! Little Julian 744 00:39:20,900 --> 00:39:23,140 had painted a girl surrounded by stars. 745 00:39:23,140 --> 00:39:25,500 and it was his friend Lucy in playgroup. 746 00:39:25,500 --> 00:39:27,580 And John said, "What's that then?" And he said, 747 00:39:27,580 --> 00:39:31,220 "Lucy in the sky with diamonds." The older brother spoke like that. 748 00:39:31,220 --> 00:39:32,700 And, um... Julian, what's that? 749 00:39:32,700 --> 00:39:35,580 According to an interview with Lennon, and the other Beatles, 750 00:39:35,580 --> 00:39:38,460 they didn't notice that the initials spelled out... LSD. 751 00:39:38,460 --> 00:39:40,780 ..until after the record was released. Good. 752 00:39:40,780 --> 00:39:45,060 Now, finally, something seasonal at last. A man goes to the doctor, 753 00:39:45,060 --> 00:39:50,140 right? "Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop singing Auld Lang Syne." 754 00:39:50,140 --> 00:39:54,340 So, the Doctor says, "I'll have to send you to the BURNS unit." 755 00:39:54,340 --> 00:39:56,300 Ah. Now, what's wrong with that joke? 756 00:39:56,300 --> 00:40:00,140 < Is it absolutely terrible? 757 00:40:00,140 --> 00:40:03,020 ALARM BLARES 758 00:40:06,420 --> 00:40:07,700 You see. 759 00:40:10,700 --> 00:40:12,020 Any other thoughts? 760 00:40:12,020 --> 00:40:13,500 Well, of course it's not 761 00:40:13,500 --> 00:40:15,780 because Burns' Night is not on New Year's Eve. 762 00:40:15,780 --> 00:40:17,980 It's on... What is it? 25th January. 763 00:40:17,980 --> 00:40:20,460 25th, yes. Yes. So, of course you wouldn't be singing 764 00:40:20,460 --> 00:40:24,340 Auld Lang Syne on Burns' Night. You'd sing it on New Year's Eve. 765 00:40:24,340 --> 00:40:27,140 That's true. You'd be waiting three weeks. 766 00:40:27,140 --> 00:40:31,460 But most people think that Auld Lang Syne was written by Rabbie Burns. 767 00:40:33,300 --> 00:40:36,980 Auld Lang wasn't even written by Burns. 768 00:40:36,980 --> 00:40:39,060 Yay! That's right. 769 00:40:40,100 --> 00:40:43,900 Although a lot of members of the Burns' Society believe he wrote it. 770 00:40:43,900 --> 00:40:47,340 And say that it's nonsense he didn't. He himself said he didn't. 771 00:40:47,340 --> 00:40:50,780 He said it was a traditional song that he wrote down. Really? Yeah. 772 00:40:50,780 --> 00:40:53,380 Auld Lang Syne first comes up in 1724 we see it. 773 00:40:53,380 --> 00:40:56,020 And that was 35 years before Burns was born. 774 00:40:56,020 --> 00:40:59,180 It's a very popular song though in all kinds of places. 775 00:40:59,180 --> 00:41:01,500 Especially in the Far East. 776 00:41:01,500 --> 00:41:03,300 In Japan... Yes, yes. 777 00:41:03,300 --> 00:41:04,340 ..it's played daily 778 00:41:04,340 --> 00:41:07,020 to mark closing time in most large department stores. 779 00:41:07,020 --> 00:41:10,300 So how did Burns sign himself? What was his name? 780 00:41:10,300 --> 00:41:12,980 What did he call himself? Rabbie. 781 00:41:12,980 --> 00:41:16,460 Not Rabbie funnily enough. Robin. Robin he did, yes. Robin 782 00:41:16,460 --> 00:41:19,780 and Rab and Robert. But never Robbie or Rabbie oddly enough. 783 00:41:19,780 --> 00:41:21,980 Even though everyone calls him Rabbie 784 00:41:21,980 --> 00:41:24,300 or Robbie Burns. There you go. 785 00:41:24,300 --> 00:41:26,380 What does it mean, auld lang syne? 786 00:41:26,380 --> 00:41:28,700 Old, old...remembrance? 787 00:41:30,220 --> 00:41:31,620 Yeah. Kind of old long since. 788 00:41:31,620 --> 00:41:33,820 It means in the old days, long time ago. 789 00:41:33,820 --> 00:41:37,100 And how do the words go? Anyone who can give me the lyrics gets points? 790 00:41:37,100 --> 00:41:39,580 # Should auld acquaintance be forgot 791 00:41:39,580 --> 00:41:41,740 ALL: # And never brought to mind 792 00:41:41,740 --> 00:41:43,780 # Should auld acquaintance be forgot 793 00:41:43,780 --> 00:41:45,900 # For the sake of auld lang syne 794 00:41:45,900 --> 00:41:48,660 # For auld lang syne 795 00:41:48,660 --> 00:41:50,940 # Auld lang syne 796 00:41:50,940 --> 00:41:53,620 DAVID ALONE: # We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet 797 00:41:53,620 --> 00:41:58,300 # For the sake of auld lang syne. # Oh, yes. Full points. Well done. 798 00:41:58,300 --> 00:41:59,900 There we go. 799 00:42:02,860 --> 00:42:05,180 But all that sex, drugs and rock'n'roll brings us 800 00:42:05,180 --> 00:42:06,700 to the end of the QI office party. 801 00:42:06,700 --> 00:42:09,060 Before we tell the boss what we really think of him, 802 00:42:09,060 --> 00:42:12,220 let's see if everyone has scored. And what they have scored. 803 00:42:12,220 --> 00:42:14,140 Well, bless my blimey. 804 00:42:14,140 --> 00:42:17,580 With -29 points, 805 00:42:17,580 --> 00:42:22,340 I'm afraid our last place loser tonight is Lee Mack! 806 00:42:22,340 --> 00:42:25,460 CHEERING AND WHOOPING (Is that good?) 807 00:42:28,580 --> 00:42:32,020 In third place with -6 it's Bill Bailey. 808 00:42:32,020 --> 00:42:34,220 CHEERING AND WHOOPING 809 00:42:34,220 --> 00:42:36,700 Oh, this is getting tense. 810 00:42:37,820 --> 00:42:41,340 First appearance, second place, -4, David Tennant. 811 00:42:41,340 --> 00:42:44,580 CHEERING AND WHOOPING 812 00:42:46,380 --> 00:42:47,420 Which can only mean 813 00:42:47,420 --> 00:42:49,980 it's not only Christmas, it's a blue moon! 814 00:42:49,980 --> 00:42:52,100 With +5, Alan Davies is the winner. 815 00:42:52,100 --> 00:42:55,020 +5? Thank you. 816 00:42:55,020 --> 00:42:59,060 CHEERING 817 00:43:01,780 --> 00:43:06,380 So, we are bidding a cool yule and a gear New Year to you all 818 00:43:06,380 --> 00:43:08,380 From David, Bill, Lee, Alan and me. 819 00:43:08,380 --> 00:43:11,380 And tonight for some reason I thought I'd leave you 820 00:43:11,380 --> 00:43:13,900 with a joke about doctors and time travel. 821 00:43:13,900 --> 00:43:16,940 "Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing into the future." 822 00:43:16,940 --> 00:43:18,540 "And when did this start?" 823 00:43:18,540 --> 00:43:20,300 "Next Tuesday afternoon." 824 00:43:20,300 --> 00:43:22,340 Good night and happy Christmas. 825 00:43:22,340 --> 00:43:26,380 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE