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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hey! Hello!

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Hello, hello, hello, hello,
hello, hello, hello, hello,
hello, hello!

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And welcome to QI, the show-off show
that sits at the front of the class,

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shouting, "Me, sir!
Me, me, me, sir, me!"

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while other quiz shows
are snogging behind the bike sheds.

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Tonight, we're celebrating genius

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with four of the most brilliant
minds in the country,

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the Einstein
or entertainment, David Mitchell!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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The Da Vinci of drollery,
Dara O Brien!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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The Galileo of gags, Graham Norton!

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CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

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And the Morecambe of wise,
Alan Davies!

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CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

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But before our SWAT team of swots

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done their white coats
and clever clogs,

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we should hear their buzzers,
and Dara goes...

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BELL

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University College Dublin, O Brien!

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David goes...

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BELL

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Peterhouse, Cambridge, Mitchell!

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Graham goes...

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BELL

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University College, Cork, Norton!

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And Alan goes...

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PING!

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Can I have a P, please, Bob?

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LAUGHTER

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Oh, that's...

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APPLAUSE

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That's completely unfair
because Alan is a graduate
of the University of Kent,

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and he holds an honorary doctorate,
so, Alan, could you press
your buzzer again?

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BELL

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The doctor'll see you now!

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LAUGHTER

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Now, a very difficult
first question, so I'm going
to give you a bit of help.

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What I'd like you to do, you should
have a bit of tissue somewhere near.
ALAN: I can't see anything! No!

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Have you got tissues anywhere? Yeah.

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I want you to stick a piece of
tissue up your left nostril as if
you had a nosebleed or something.

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It's weird, OK.
Left nostril, very good.

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You've all passed that test.
Well, two of you have.

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I'm going for real penetration.

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I can feel that up there.

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If it came out your ear,
that would be a worry. All right,
now say something intelligent.

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LAUGHTER

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Er...

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A squared equals
B squared plus C squared.

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That's very good! If...

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Pythagoras's theorem, you know.

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Yeah, excellent!

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Well, no, what this is about,

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do you breathe through
your left nostril,
your right nostril or both?

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My arse. Oi!

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I've always suspected one works
better than the other, but I've
never kept a note of which it is.

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Well, some people do keep notes
of how people breathe.

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Does it not alternate? You're right,
Dara O Brien, it does alternate.

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It has a periodicity of four hours.

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You swap from being mostly left
to mostly right,
and what's completely weird

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is that you answer questions on
different types of subject better

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according to which side
you're breathing through.

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Am I going to asphyxiate
at about half past 12?

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You might, that's a good point!
You can breathe through
your mouth if you want to.

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Should we be keeping notes
of when our...you know,

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of what shift work
our nostrils are on?

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Oh, the left will be in charge
from one till four, that's when I
should be doing maths-based things,

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like my tax return.

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If I'm going to write a poem,
I'll wait till the more creative
right nostril comes on at about 4pm.

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Breathing through the right nostril,
you should be better at visual and
spatial tasks. GRAHAM: So, now?

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Yes, you should be good
at visual and spatial things.

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If you block the right one, you
should be better at verbal things.

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I know it sounds mad,
but you've probably

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heard of the study in '89 called
Unilateral Nostril Breathing...

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Oh, that old thing!

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..by Block, Arnott,
Quigley and Lynch.

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So why don't all sports people
constantly block their left nostrils?

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Well, you've probably seen
what a lot of sports people do.

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They put a piece of Elastoplast,
plaster, the anti-snoring thing,

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and they do that so they're
both open at the same time
so they get maximum, I guess.

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And often they snort drugs as well.

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They don't! When we watch a sports
person with one of those things on,

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they're not only at their best
at sport, they're also at their
most verbally dextrous? Indeed!

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And visually and spatially because
both are wide open. Otherwise
they can't even go, "Mine!"

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No, what have you got? What have
you found? I think I lost the end.

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Ohhh!

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Oh, dear.
It'll reappear, won't it?

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Somewhere, yeah, eventually.

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You'll cry it out at some point.

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Are these going on eBay?

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They could do - do you want
to sign it? All right, yeah.

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I think I've already left my mark.

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Blocking the right nostril makes
you more emotionally negative,

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according to another study,
a higher score on the Spielberger
State Anxiety Inventory.

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So if you wish to feel slightly
more cheerful, don't block the
right nostril. So that's why now...

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Now you're quite happy. You're
quite bouncy and happy, aren't you?

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Oh, now... There, you see,
you've blocked the right nostril.

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It's terribly sad.

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LAUGHTER

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Keep them in, I'm going to
ask you a question that will
test your visual-spatial.

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Left?
In the left, keep them left, OK.

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It seems the quickest way to
improve verbal reasoning is to
shove a tissue up your left nostril.

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Let's see how they've worked.
Consider...

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an N-dimensional hypercube
and connect each pair of vertices

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to obtain a complete graph of
two to the power N vertices.

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Colour each of the edges
of this graph using only
the colours red and black.

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What is the smallest number,
the smallest value of N

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for which every possible
such colouring must necessarily
contain a single coloured

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complete sub-graph with four
vertices which lie in a plane?

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Six!

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That is exactly what people
used to think.

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE
That's amazing.

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That's absolutely extraordinary.
Further up there, further!

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Yeah, until 2003, most graph
theorists thought the correct
answer was probably six.

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I can only apologise. But...

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Come in here with your
old graph-theory knowledge,
how dare you!

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It's so difficult, when you've
got a busy showbiz lifestyle,
to keep up with the graph theory?

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It's probably only eight
or nine hours a day
you're devoting to it now.

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Well, I have to say,
I've got Graham's number. Six?

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Have you got Graham's number?
Er, no. Ah!

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We don't have that sort
of relationship. You've not
got that sort of relationship!

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There is such a thing, which is
relevant to this, Graham's number.

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But it's bigger than six.
< Of course it is. It is so...

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It is really big. Try and think
of a really, really big number. 17.

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Do you know what?
It's even bigger than that!

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This number, all right...

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Now get hold of this idea -
this number is so big that all
the material in the universe, right,

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couldn't make enough ink
to write it out.

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It's called Graham's number,
named after Ronald Graham,

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and weirdly enough, scientists
know that it ends in a seven,
which is really strange.

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Why would it end in a seven?!
Turn it into an eight
and then it's a bigger number!

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I didn't say it was the biggest
number ever, it's just this is
Graham's number, which is huge.

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You could have Norton's number.
Yeah, Graham Norton,
I made it an eight at the end.

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You can remove your tissues,
incidentally, now. I think I'll
miss it now. Oh, will you? OK.

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I'm worried about what
might come out when I pull it.

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This problem, this graph problem,
it seems - imagine the cube with
lots of different dimensions

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where each corner is connected with
red or black lines to every other,

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what is the fewest number of
dimensions so that you end up with

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00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:17,800
at least one single coloured square
with the same colour diagonals?

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Until 2003, they thought it was
six. Now it's been shown that there
must be at least 11. It may be 12,

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but it's somewhere between
11 and Graham's number,
that enormous number.

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There's quite a lot of room
for error, isn't there? That's
not really an answer, is it?

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The greatest mathematical minds
in the world just don't know
what the answer is.

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I don't understand the question.
Neither do I. They don't either,
to be honest,

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and they're really hoping
nobody checks.

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What they do know is
it ends in a seven.

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00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,840
Why are exams so much easier
for youngsters these days?

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BELL
Dublin, O Brien! Yes, Dara.

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00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,200
Thank you very much.

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00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:20,800
Firstly, are they actually easier
these days, or are they simply
marked more generously?

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00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:24,640
It is just one of these things,
this may be a national thing you do,

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00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:29,640
but you've a tendency to presume
that you have a very stupid
generation of kids in this country.

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Then you set them a series of exams,
they all get As, and you go, "Proof!"

156
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That proves they're stupid, yes!
It is a horrendous Catch 22
if you're a 17-year-old.

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00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,800
My problem with exams, though,
is that more and more people get As,

158
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:46,600
so whether that's because they're
getting more intelligent or
the exam's getting easier, or both,

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it still is defying the point
of the exam.

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The point in exams is to
tell people apart, not just to go,
"You're all great academically!

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"Everyone can be professor
of Latin!

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"Share the professor of Latin's
salary between you!

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00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:05,280
"And starve!" You're right,
it should be done by a percentile.
Which is how it used to be done.

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00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:09,560
And that's the point of our IQ test,
and what's interesting
about the IQ test

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00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:14,080
is that each year
it gets better by 0.3%,

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00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:18,080
so 3% every ten years, children get
smarter, so they have to normalise.

167
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:22,600
So if you go back to your
great-great-grandparents,

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00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:26,840
they would be, under the Mental
Health Act of 1983, retarded.

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00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,480
Well... Because they would have
an IQ of 70.

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00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:34,160
My great-grandfather signed
his marriage certificate
with a cross so...

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00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:38,000
Was his name Xavier?
I don't think it was!

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00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,840
Well, perhaps he should have
used a pen.

173
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:35,840
The only thing that you might say
is quite interesting about this,
it's called the Flynn effect,

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00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:39,840
the fact that people are
getting the better at it.
Under American law,

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00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:44,240
if you have an IQ of 70 or less,
you cannot be executed
for a capital crime.

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00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:49,360
You're considered retarded,
and therefore Flynn has
often had to go...

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00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:52,920
People might have an IQ of 72,
which means they're going to die,

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00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:57,080
and he will say, "Yeah, but this
was taken when he was a child,

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00:14:57,080 --> 00:15:03,120
"and revising upwards the 100 norm,
he's actually 68 or something,
so he is technically retarded,"

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00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,000
and he can save lives by doing that.

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00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,360
Quite easy to throw an IQ test,
I'd have thought.

182
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:11,680
Yeah, but they're taken as children.
They're not smart enough
to throw an IQ test!

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00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:17,960
That is really planning a murder,
if you're seven, going,
"I'll put a circle here...

184
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,720
"In 15 years, you're dead!"

185
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,960
It's kind of the reverse of
the sort of eugenicist argument that

186
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:32,240
the Americans are using, where
they're letting the stupid live.

187
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:37,520
But anyway, young people find IQ
tests easier than their parents

188
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,160
because apparently
they're exposed to more
problem solving in their life.

189
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:45,720
Maybe geniuses are born,
not made, and if so,
how would you create a genius?

190
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:49,280
Is there a way of ensuring
a genius?

191
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,400
Breeding two geniuses together...

192
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,400
Well... ..and then giving them
a high-fibre diet,

193
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,880
exposed to lots of vitamin D
from the sun...

194
00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:01,480
You mention eugenicists earlier.
Tell me what eugenics is, then.

195
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,640
Yeah, tell us about
your theory of eugenics!

196
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:11,040
I'm not sure, is it sort of generally
trying to breed people to be brighter
and stronger and better at things,

197
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:15,920
and stopping people from breeding
if you think they might have
stupid or feeble...?

198
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,160
People farming! Nazism.

199
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:19,800
People husbandry, isn't it?

200
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:24,320
As Alan said, Nazism, of course,
is a thing that...

201
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:29,840
There were people, quite
respectable antecedents and liberal
points of view before Nazism

202
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,960
who believed that eugenics
may be a good idea.

203
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,600
Lots of them, yeah.
Bernard Shaw and many others.

204
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:40,720
I did a game show in America
a while ago, and there was
a contestant on it, this woman,

205
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:44,560
and her sort of interesting fact,
her fun fact about herself

206
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,880
was that her father had been
a serial killer, right?

207
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:53,240
LAUGHTER
And her other fun fact was
she hadn't told her husband

208
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:57,520
that her father was a serial killer
until after they were married!

209
00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:01,160
So it's a light-hearted thing,
but I'm trying to say to her,

210
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:05,280
"Do you think maybe your husband
would have been concerned
about having children

211
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:09,920
"given that there's a serial
killer in you somewhere?"

212
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:16,520
And she went, "No, no, no,
he's been through similar things -
his father committed suicide."

213
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:21,000
And you just thought, "You've a
serial killer and a suicidal man,

214
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,720
"and you thought that was
a good gene pool to be
splashing around in!"

215
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:29,760
You would give birth to a child
who kills himself lots of times.

216
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,880
A serial suicide, it's terrifying!

217
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:35,160
When you say
after she'd married him, how long...

218
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,280
Was it before the speeches?

219
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,040
LAUGHTER

220
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:44,920
"Dad's about to say a few words,
this might be worth catching."

221
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:50,160
This may explain
why he went with orange.

222
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:55,560
The only one with plastic cutlery
at the wedding reception.

223
00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:01,360
"Why are they wheeling your dad
around with a cage over his face?"

224
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:07,120
I suppose what you'd do, then,
you'd have a "Come as a serial
killer" themed wedding.

225
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:15,840
Can we just go back to the past? And
on the subject of creating geniuses,
who was one of the great geniuses?

226
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,400
Well, Da Vinci.

227
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,840
Da Vinci is exactly
the man I was after.

228
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:24,160
He was known to be a genius
in his own time. I mean, they knew
how astoundingly great he was.

229
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:28,600
His brother, Bartolomeo, actually...

230
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:28,600
Was an idiot.

231
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,960
That's awful!

232
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:36,000
Bartolomeo married, and he decided
he wanted their child to be like

233
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,080
his brother, Leonardo, and
oddly enough, it sort of worked.

234
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:40,680
There's Leonardo dying.

235
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:44,600
It shows he was kind of worshipped,
they realised how great he was.

236
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:46,720
What's Rodney Bewes
doing in the background?

237
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,040
Yeah, it's defo Rodney Bewes!

238
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,720
He does look like Rodney Bewes.

239
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:57,000
Rodney Bewes
is the Highlander, is he?

240
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,160
What a weird, unsettling thing
to discover that would be,

241
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:05,280
in the context of the credit crunch
and everything, suddenly to discover
that Rodney Bewes was immortal.

242
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:10,480
I mean, can you imagine on the news,
"And today it emerged that

243
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:14,440
"actor Rodney Bewes
has been alive for as long as time"?

244
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:18,240
Given the things we've been talking
about where I'm pretending to know

245
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:22,640
what you're talking about,
I actually really don't know
who Rodney Bewes is. Oh!

246
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,440
Do you remember The Likely Lads?

247
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,280
We didn't get that in Ireland,
did we? No, we didn't.

248
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:32,200
James Bolam... I know
who he is! And Rodney Bewes.
They played a couple...

249
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,400
That's basically him there.
Oh, right! >

250
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:39,120
The chance of me meeting him
in the future are very high.

251
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:47,000
I have to say, the whole point about
QI, right, is that the rest of the
world talks about cultural things,

252
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:52,960
reality TV and pop stars and Rodney
Bewes, and we talk about Leonardo.

253
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,960
And what you've done by coming on...
No, you actually!

254
00:19:55,960 --> 00:20:01,160
We started talking about Leonardo,
and we've arrived at Rodney Bewes!
That's the wrong direction!

255
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,680
I didn't even know who he was!

256
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,960
Don't blame me!

257
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,520
You're so right!

258
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:12,840
I'm sorry!
I was very unfair on you, Graham.

259
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:16,000
I was wafting in the rarefied air
of Leonardo.

260
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:22,120
The stink bomb of Rodney Bewes
was exploded over there.

261
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:26,640
To me, Rodney Bewes looks older
there than Rodney Bewes
in our present time so I think

262
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:30,320
Rodney Bewes must, in the future,
travel back in time

263
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:35,880
to check Leonardo da Vinci's pulse
to make absolutely sure he's dead,

264
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,680
using the futuristic technology
of pulse checking.

265
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:42,200
The others are all going, "What's
this weirdo Rodney Bewes doing?"

266
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:46,240
The one on the right
has his head in his hands,
"It's so embarrassing."

267
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,080
Why's he holding his hand?

268
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,600
Yes, Leonardo was such a genius
he predicted the Likely Lads.

269
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,120
LAUGHTER

270
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:58,080
He wanted James Bolam
and Rodney Bewes has turned up.

271
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:01,840
That's why he's going,
"Oh, no, it's Bewes."

272
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:06,280
The one on the right has
definitely got his hand on
his head for that reason.

273
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,560
We ordered John Cleese
and Connie Booth.

274
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:14,040
The one on the left is gesturing
towards Rodney Bewes as if to say,
"Leonardo, who's this dick?"

275
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,960
LAUGHTER

276
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,680
"Seriously? Rodney Bewes?" >

277
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:23,760
"You brought Rodney Bewes
here as a doctor?!"

278
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,880
That's Matthew Kelly anyway,
that one.

279
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,000
Oh no! No, don't make it
Matthew Kelly.

280
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:36,240
Oh, Lord. I've now got a horrible
feeling that the Brian Blessed
on the end has had his head sawn off.

281
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:40,080
He's had his brain taken out.

282
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:45,920
AS BRIAN BLESSED:
That is no longer Brian Blessed!
He's turned into somebody else!

283
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:48,640
APPLAUSE

284
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,880
I wanted...

285
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:54,040
I wanted to discuss the fact that,
unbeknownst to him,

286
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:57,680
when Leonardo died,
he had a nephew called Pierino,

287
00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:00,880
who was brought up to be a genius
and actually kind of was.

288
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,960
He was sent to Florence
and demonstrated great talent,

289
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:08,880
but sadly he died aged only 22,
leaving 20 works behind him. Pushed
out of a window by Michelangelo.

290
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:12,240
Or possibly by Mozart.

291
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,720
Working in tandem.

292
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,640
Yes...

293
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:23,520
Having stolen Rodney Bewes'
time-travelling technology.
Exactly, it all makes sense. Yes.

294
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,360
Sort of, yeah.

295
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,960
Which was the first animal
to be cloned?

296
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,400
Well it can't be...

297
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:41,040
It's not Dolly the sheep then.

298
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:46,360
No, you're right. You have all been
so good at avoiding the honey traps.

299
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,240
No, but I thought it was
Dolly the sheep, but it's not.

300
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:53,840
Not the first animal, no.
We have to go back to
the 1880s for the first cloning.

301
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:55,680
Yes, it was a sea creature actually.

302
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:58,920
An octopus or something?
No, it was a sea urchin.

303
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:03,800
There's one. This was a German
called Dreisch who did it in 1885.

304
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:08,440
But in 1902, another German,
Hans Spemann, cloned a salamander.

305
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:12,920
He used a rudimentary noose to
to separate the cells of an embryo,

306
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:16,320
and the noose was made of
the hair of a human baby.

307
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:20,960
He used it as a lasso just to
separate. Isn't that marvellous?

308
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:25,000
That's fiddly work.
It is very fiddly work.

309
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:28,280
There must have been lots of times
where he used to go...
SHOUTS

310
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:35,760
"Could I please have
another baby's hair?"

311
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:39,160
Go back to the baby. "Argh!"

312
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,080
"One Guinea, madam."

313
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,800
All the people trying to keep him
calm. "Would you like another...

314
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:48,440
"NO, I DON'T WANT ANOTHER COFFEE!"

315
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:53,920
They'll go,
"Do you want me to have a go?"

316
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:59,560
But Dolly, Dolly was in 1996,
Dolly the sheep was the one you
cleverly avoided. But why Dolly?

317
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:07,080
Why poor Dolly, do you know? It was
named after Dolly Parton because the
cell came from the mammary glands.

318
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:08,760
Correctly correctington.

319
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:10,680
Well done, sir. Excellent.

320
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:12,640
APPLAUSE

321
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:25,360
Do you think there was a point
where they go, "We can just get
another sheep and say there it is.

322
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:27,680
"It's genetically
identical that one, yes.

323
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:31,880
"Those two sheep look similar,
well, that's because they're
genetically identical."

324
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:35,480
Oddly enough, things can
be genetically identical
and rather surprising,

325
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:39,400
because the first cat to be cloned
was called Rainbow

326
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:43,200
and her clone was
known as CC. There.

327
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:46,840
They just didn't put the effort in,
did they?

328
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:50,560
They went to all the pet shops
for that little faker.

329
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:57,720
They could at least have sent
the guy who they sent to get
the kitten with a photo.

330
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,880
Not just, "Get any cat."

331
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:03,320
The little kitten is called CC.

332
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,200
Points if you can guess what
that stands for. Cat clone?

333
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:09,160
Wittier, or sort of wittier.

334
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:10,440
Say?
AUDIENCE: Copycat.

335
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:13,200
Points to the audience.
Copycat, you see?

336
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:14,920
Very good.

337
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:19,720
The operation was known as
Operation Copycat, it was part of
a larger project to clone a dog.

338
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,040
LAUGHTER

339
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:25,600
It was called Missy, Missyplicity
named after a dog named Missy.

340
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:30,240
The world's first cloned dog
from Korea was called Snuppy.

341
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,040
Then they ate it.

342
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:33,400
LAUGHTER

343
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:41,800
Anyway, the point is the first
animal to be cloned was the
sea urchin way back in 1885.

344
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:45,120
Since then, many other animals
have been given the treatment,

345
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:48,400
including the first cloned cats
which look nothing like each other.

346
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:52,520
No, it doesn't take a genius
to know that it's time to look
for some general ignorance.

347
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,120
Fingers on buzzers, if you would.
How old are you?

348
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:58,520
LAUGHTER

349
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,880
BELL
Norton.

350
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,520
How old do I look?

351
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:05,920
BELL

352
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,840
How old do I feel?

353
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:11,680
It just shows you the effect
of this game, though.

354
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,440
You ask a question, and all four
of us think that's something

355
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:18,920
I definitely know the answer to,
but I've been made so uncertain that

356
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:22,680
I'm not even willing to give
my own age, name or address.

357
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:25,920
How can this possibly be a trap?
I am 37.

358
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,800
BELL
37. There we go, no points for that.

359
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,360
ALARM BLARES

360
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:34,920
But that's not wrong!

361
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:38,360
DAVID: Don't accept it, you are!

362
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:40,360
GRAHAM: We should all do it.

363
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,480
BELL
34.

364
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:44,840
34, eh? 34.
ALARM BLARES

365
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:48,360
You don't want to do this.

366
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,240
BELL
Graham Norton, 46.

367
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:53,160
ALARM BLARES

368
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,000
ALAN: I'm not doing it.

369
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:57,520
LAUGHTER

370
00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:02,800
Obviously, as the baby
that was called Graham,

371
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,600
or Dara or David or Alan,

372
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:09,120
arrived on the planet the number
of years ago that you said,

373
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,200
but that's not how old you are
whenever I touch you.

374
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,840
If I touch your arm, how old is
that arm? Is it as old as that?

375
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:17,320
About six weeks old,
something like that?

376
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:20,240
DAVID: Is it five years
we replace our entire selves?

377
00:34:20,240 --> 00:34:23,400
There are different bits
of one, that's right.

378
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:27,040
DARA: Your cells regenerate. Your
red blood cells last only 120 days.

379
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:30,240
A liver has a turnaround time
of 300 to 500 days, 1.5 years.

380
00:34:30,240 --> 00:34:31,880
GRAHAM: Hurry up!

381
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:35,000
LAUGHTER

382
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:38,120
Give it a chance to recover.

383
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:42,680
The entire human skeleton is
replaced every 10 years or so,
so all of your bones.

384
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:44,800
Really? That's good, isn't it?

385
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:46,360
Yeah, it is!

386
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:49,360
They're replaced in an aged way,
rather annoyingly,

387
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:53,040
rather than a brand new one.
So they're replaced
with second-hand ones?

388
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:54,880
Not exactly used, no.

389
00:34:54,880 --> 00:35:00,120
I'm thinking of trading in my
eight year-old Mazda for an
eight and a bit year-old Mazda.

390
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:04,480
I'm afraid that's how it goes, yes.
It's all rather unfortunate.

391
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:07,960
An adult's body may turnout
somewhere between seven and
ten years old

392
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,480
in terms of its cells,
though some cells are much younger.

393
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:16,640
And 98% of the 7 billion billion
billion atoms in the human body
are replaced yearly.

394
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:20,000
I think some of my socks
are older than I am.

395
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,000
That's a marvellous thought.

396
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:26,480
I feel I should defer to them.

397
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:31,800
Yes, you've been around longer than
me. Most of the cells in your body
aren't your own, they're not human.

398
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:34,600
This is bacteria?

399
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:38,680
Yes, they're bacteria. In fact,
more than 500 different species,

400
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:42,560
more than ten times the number of
human cells. Isn't that interesting?

401
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:46,200
On average, all the cells in
your body are around ten years old.

402
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:50,440
How did the Church of England
originally react
to Darwin's theory of evolution?

403
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:53,720
They weren't happy about it.
They weren't happy about it!

404
00:35:53,720 --> 00:35:56,440
BELL
They didn't get it, I don't think.

405
00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:58,000
Nobody really got it for a while.

406
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:03,960
He delivered it to a meeting of the
Royal Society, I think it was, and
people just kind of went, "Oh, OK."

407
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:06,880
That's true of his original paper,
but when he published

408
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:09,400
The Origin Of Species,
it was a massive bestseller.

409
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:14,520
It fact it sold out even before
it was printed, and he was
a gigantic figure of his time.

410
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:19,240
He was one of only five people
not royal to be given
a burial at Westminster Abbey.

411
00:36:19,240 --> 00:36:21,240
They absolutely
understood his greatness.

412
00:36:21,240 --> 00:36:25,080
The surprising thing is
the Church of England were not
that worried at all.

413
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:28,680
But for many years most churchmen
had encouraged people to believe

414
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:31,600
that a lot of the Bible
was metaphorical,

415
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,600
not literally true,
but if there's anything

416
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:38,680
shocking about it to them, it's that
it shows nature doesn't care. Yes.

417
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:44,520
The idea of a linear evolution
they thought was fine, that might
have been part of God's plan,

418
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:49,520
but the true understanding
of evolution also shows that nature
is completely horrific.

419
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:54,320
That was the major part
the Victorians hated because they
loved the countryside and birdsong.

420
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:57,440
This is Alexander's
All Things Bright And Beautiful.

421
00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:01,240
And instead they're locked in
a vicious struggle for survival
where all...

422
00:37:01,240 --> 00:37:07,400
All animals are hungry and afraid
and they die before they get old
and it's a miserable, hard life.

423
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:10,200
Unless they live in zoos,
where they're quite stress-free.

424
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,120
It is, it's a life they wouldn't
expect in the wild.

425
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:16,440
The Origin Of Species was widely
respected by mainstream churchmen

426
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:18,040
at the time
of its publication.

427
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:21,800
Finally, how many brains did
the man with two brains have?

428
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:25,080
Two. Yes.

429
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:27,080
LAUGHTER

430
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:28,560
That's brilliant!

431
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:30,160
APPLAUSE

432
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,840
It's so cruel!

433
00:37:34,720 --> 00:37:37,280
He's wise enough to spot
a double bluff.

434
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,480
This is a technique of the bully.

435
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:46,360
You hit us and then you go, "What,
did you think I was going to hit you?

436
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:50,360
"I wasn't going to hit you. I've
just lifted my hand to stroke you."

437
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:53,360
HE WHIMPERS

438
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:59,440
You're so right,
that's exactly what we do.

439
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:03,280
The fact is that Dr Michael
Gerschwin has proved that
we all have two brains.

440
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:10,000
Your gut has an enteric nervous
system and it's the only part
of the body that can operate

441
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:15,400
perfectly if all connections are cut
from the upper brain, from the real
brain, the thing we call the brain.

442
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:19,920
It doesn't have the intelligence
and consciousness of the brain,
but it operates separately.

443
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:21,760
In that sense we do have two brains.

444
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:25,040
How bright would our stomachs be
in the animal kingdom?

445
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:26,760
Would they be cleverer
than an octopus?

446
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:32,360
I doubt it, I think they're
just good at one thing and
that's preparing poo for exit.

447
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:35,800
Basically, it's not even
the stomach, it's the gut.

448
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:39,160
It's the greater and lesser
intestine, the colon.

449
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:44,640
Like all of us, The Man With Two
Brains actually did have two brains,
according to the latest thinking.

450
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,320
The gut does act as a separate
brain, so pens down, stop writing.

451
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:50,640
That's it for our exam today,
geniuses. Time to mark your papers.

452
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:52,760
Well, my goodness, my gracious,

453
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:56,120
the newcomer with minus 19,
Graham Norton.

454
00:38:56,120 --> 00:38:57,760
APPLAUSE

455
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:06,520
In third place, with minus eight,
David Mitchell.

456
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:07,840
APPLAUSE

457
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:16,240
In second place with a
very respectable minus seven,
Dara O Brien.

458
00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:17,600
APPLAUSE

459
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:24,560
Which can only mean, with today's
geniuses of geniuses of genius

460
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:26,960
is Alan Davies with four points!

461
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

462
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:38,640
So that's all from QI. My thanks
go to Graham, Dara, David and Alan.

463
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:41,600
I leave you with our genius
Leonardo da Vinci's favourite joke.

464
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:45,560
It was asked of a painter,
why, since he made such
beautiful figures,

465
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:50,400
which were of dead things,
why his children were so ugly,
to which the painter replied

466
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:54,280
that he made his pictures by day,
but his children by night.